Breast cancer is one of the worst diseases women can face. More than 250,000 women are diagnosed each year, and more than 40,000 women will die from it. This makes it vital for women to understand the warning signs of breast cancer so they can begin treatment as soon as possible.
Although some women may assume that the first warning sign is a lump in the breast, there are actually several warning signs that may appear before a lump does. Here are four warning signs that women should be aware of that could be signs of breast cancer.
The first sign you may notice is dry or scaly skin. If you’re checking your breasts and you notice a patch of skin that seems dry or rough, that may be a sign of cancer.
This occurs because some types of breast cancer cause blockages in the pores of the skin. This will create a rough patch that feels and looks similar to the skin of an orange. If you happen to notice something like this on your breast, you should talk to your doctor and have it looked at.
Another common symptom of breast cancer is swelling of the breast. That’s because there may be a lump under the skin that isn’t apparent to the touch but is still there.
This swelling would typically be seen in one breast and wouldn’t have another readily apparent explanation. If you notice swelling that changes the size or shape of your breast—in some cases by as much as 6 percent—you should see your doctor.
A change in the nipple is another potential sign of breast cancer. In general, your nipples should remain largely unchanged (except for major events such as childbirth). Cancer could be something that alters your nipple’s shape.
One thing you may notice is called “nipple inversion,” in which the nipple turns inward. This happens because there’s a growth inside the breast that causes the nipple to change its shape. This is a major red flag.
Another problem with the nipple that you may want to look out for is a discharge. Nipple discharge is most often not cancer, but it’s something to keep an eye on if you happen to notice it.
The big warning sign with this discharge is if it’s bloody, happens only on one side, or happens when you touch or squeeze the breast. If those are characteristics of your discharge, you should talk to your doctor about your risk for cancer.
If you are a woman over 50, you are at an increased risk for breast cancer. This is especially true if you have a family history of this disease. It’s important to perform regular checks to search for lumps or any of the above signs of breast cancer.
Considering that this type of cancer affects one in eight women, it’s important to be diligent about recognizing the signs of cancer and working quickly to begin treatment. A lump is certainly a warning sign, but it’s not the only one. If you notice any of the above symptoms, talk to your doctor right away.
Month: June 2017
Salmon is enjoying a long moment.
Maybe enjoying is the wrong term, since these cold water fish probably prefer swimming in the ocean to swimming in butter with a lemon garnish. Salmon is so popular with American seafood consumers that it is second only to shrimp, reports the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA).
But long certainly does describe the interval of salmon’s popularity, which can be traced back to a new awareness of (and obsession with) a nutrient you will surely recognize: omega-3 fatty acids.
Between 2000 and 2010, scientific journals published something like 12,500 studies on the health benefits of omega 3s. According to the literature, omega-3 fatty acids can improve heart health, give our brains a boost, and even prevent schizophrenia. Salmon is packed with this nutrient and a whole lot more.
Besides, it’s delicious. As a result, both salmon farming and commercial harvesting of the wild population have spiked since 2000.
Salmon’s popularity makes the market confusing for the average consumer. Should you buy Pacific or Atlantic salmon? Which is better for you: farm raised or wild Alaskan? Is “color-added” salmon safe?
Here’s your guide to the language surrounding one of our favorite superfoods.
Atlantic vs. Pacific Salmon
As you might have guessed, these labels refer to the oceans where the salmon in question is typically found. Pacific salmon is far more common than its Atlantic counterpart, but fish farming provides a steady supply of Atlantic salmon for the market.
Pacific salmon is usually identified by variety, which include coho (or silver), chum (or keta), king (also called chinook), sockeye, and pink salmon. These varieties are far more likely to be fished than farmed, but ask your fishmonger for more details. Keep reading for more on the “wild-caught” vs. “farm-raised” issue.
Farm-Raised vs. Wild-Caught
Endangered salmon, like the Atlantic variety, are protected from commercial fishing. Farmers around the world have stepped in to meet the demand.
Wild-caught salmon tends to be leaner and healthier than farmed fish. Ask your fishmonger what fishing technique was used to harvest your fillets, though. Troll lines are among the most sustainable fishing techniques because they limit harvest sizes.
Line-fishing also tends to return higher quality meat, since fishermen must personally handle every animal they harvest. Expect to pay a little more for line-fished fillets.
Farm-raised salmon isn’t necessarily worse for the environment (or for your health). Again, it all comes down to process. Ask your fishmonger what type of farm your salmon was raised in.
According to the Monterey Bay Aquarium Seafood Watch, recirculating aquaculture systems in closed tanks are far more sustainable than net pens, which can contaminate the surrounding ocean with chemicals and waste.
As consumers, we’re trained to respond to terms like “fresh” and “organic.” Of course we want our fish to be both of these things. But before you factor these labels into your buying decision, you should know that there are no USDA or other institutional definitions of these terms when it comes to salmon.
Essentially, they’re marketing terms. That doesn’t mean you should avoid fish that carry these labels, it just means that you shouldn’t let them influence your decision.
Flash-Frozen and Sushi-Grade Salmon
These labels essentially mean the same thing. Sushi-grade salmon is flash frozen on the fishing boat. This kills parasites and makes the flesh safe to eat raw. Flash-freezing is an effective means of preserving freshness, so it’s always a good thing to look for at the fish counter.
Color-Added
Wild salmon gets its distinctive red coloring from the sea plants and algae that make up its natural diet. Farmed fish tend to eat commercial fish food, which definitely does not make the flesh red.
Some farms respond by adding a red pigment to the feed, which is transferred to the flesh of the animal. That’s what “color added” means. It’s better than spray paint, at least.
If you take oral birth control, you know the drill.
Even though the last week or so of your pill pack only contains placebos, you still take a pill every day. Otherwise, you risk getting out of the habit—and to be fully effective, hormonal birth control pills should be taken regularly at around the same time each day.
So what would happen if, say, a packaging error switched your placebos from the end of the pack to the beginning?
For one thing, you might end up with a surprise bun in the oven. That’s why so many consumers were freaked out to learn that a pretty commonly used birth control pack was being recalled due to just such a packaging error.
To understand how this could happen, consider the packaging of your pills.
It’s actually a two-piece construction; a plastic blister pack slips inside of a cardboard (or plastic or whatever) container that keeps your consumption organized throughout the month.
In this case, an error at the packaging plant ended up slipping the blister pack into the cardboard sleeve the wrong way. What a difference 180 degrees makes. Affected packages could cause women to take placebo pills during the first week of their cycle instead of the last. This could wipe out the effectiveness of the birth control.
Fortunately a remarkably detail-oriented customer noticed that the sleeve was on upside-down. This mystery benefactor sent a “market complaint” to the manufacturer, who quickly issued a recall. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) reprinted the recall in order to help get the word out.
So if Mibelas 24 Fe chewable tablets from Lupin Pharmaceuticals are your chosen method of birth control, this could affect you.
Check your packaging to see if it’s part of lot L600518, Exp. 05/18. You might have to remove the blister pack from the sleeve to see this information; the packaging mistake actually covers up the lot number and expiration date.
The recalled product will be a blister pack with 28 tablets. The active tablets are white or whitish, with print reading “LU” on one side and “N81” on the other. The remaining four placebo pills will have LU on one side and “M22” on the reverse.
If you have an affected package of this medication, Lupin encourages you to tell your doctor and take the package back to your pharmacy.
In fact, if you have one of these products, there’s a pretty good chance the manufacturer has contacted you already.
“Lupin is notifying its distributors and customers by recall letter and is arranging for return of all recalled products,” says the notice posted on the FDA website. The manufacturer is cooperating with and reporting to the FDA during the entire recall process.
Lupin Pharmaceuticals told Glamour magazine that “there have been no reported cases of any adverse health consequences due to the mix-up.”
If you have any further questions, you can always contact Lupin at 800-399-2561. They staff the lines 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Eastern Time Monday through Friday.
Jasmine “Jazzy” Owens and her husband, Keenan, have been married for six years. They went on vacation last month, and a professional photographer caught a picture of them sharing a candid moment holding hands while walking on the beach in their swimsuits.
This may not sound like that big of a deal, but to Jazzy, it most certainly is.
“Over the years my negative body image has held me back from enjoying life with my husband and kids and I was finally fed up with hiding from the world,” the aspiring model told HuffPost.
“As one of my [Instagram] posts said, I stood in the mirror and truly looked at myself. Before I couldn’t even stand to see myself, so to be able to get naked and stand in front of the mirror and just look at my body was a huge first step for me. Since then, I have made steps such as buying my first two-piece bathing suit, wearing it to the pool and to the beach and learning to stop judging myself.”
Keenan has been extremely supportive and loving, his wife explained in the caption that accompanied the photo, which was “liked” some 80,000 times in the week following its publication.
“Over the years this man has loved every curve, every roll, and every stretch mark on my body. I never understood why!” Jazzy wrote. “How could he love something that isn’t ‘perfect’? How could a man who was ‘born fit’ love someone like me! I don’t have a flat stomach, I jiggle when I walk, hell if I run up the stairs too fast my body claps (lmao)!!”
“But now I see I do have the ‘perfect’ body!! Every roll, every curve and every stretch mark is put on me just perfect to make both of us happy!!! I love my body and I finally see why he does too!!”
The internet saw it too. Less than a month before posting the now viral beach photo, Jazzy celebrated her 100th follower on Instagram. A week after sharing her picture, she found herself approaching 67,000 followers.
It hasn’t all been love and support from the internet, though. Of course, someone had to try and rain on her parade. Jazzy took a screenshot of a comment she received from a cold soul, who accused her of not taking control of her health—calling her page “shameful,” and describing her pictures as “gross.”
“People like this hate on others because they are not happy with themselves!” Jazzy wrote in response to the hurtful comment. “This person does not know me! They don’t know that I am VERY healthy and WILL live for my kids! They don’t know that I eat healthy, hike, go to the gym all the time and can most likely out lift them any day!”
“Just because I’m a big girl doesn’t mean I’m unhealthy and promoting being unhealthy! I’m simply promoting loving yourself the way you are! Never did I say unhealthy is the way to be. So for others that want to downplay me as a person and what I am trying to accomplish, go ahead leave your negative comment! They will only be used as fuel to my fire of promoting happiness!!”
And Keenan will be there to help.
When the haters started hating, Jazzy told HuffPost, Keenan was quick to remind her “that [she] was too beautiful to let the insecure, negative people impact [her] life.”
She went on to describe her husband as being her “number 1 supporter” who encouraged her “to get out there and show the world who [she is].”
Now that’s what true love looks like—romantic love, self-love, and acceptance.
When we were kids, a day at the beach always began with the same humiliating ritual.
Our mom would pour herself a fistful of sticky sunscreen and vigorously slather it all over our bodies. Not even our faces were spared. When the kids were good and gooey, mom repeated the process on herself.
We were all smeared from the same massive bottle, some generic brand with an awful odor.
We get it. Our mom was just trying to protect us from the hazards of sunlight, which are very real. The National Cancer Institute warns that “exposure to UV radiation causes early aging of the skin and skin damage that can lead to skin cancer.” Of course parents want to protect their children.
According to dermatologist Doris “No Relation” Day, who recently spoke to Reader’s Digest, dear old Mom might have been subjecting us to a whole new set of risks when she shared her sunscreen—especially when it came to our baby siblings.
“Babies need to have physical protection such as protective hats and clothing,” Day said. “They have a lower body surface-to-volume ratio, so anything that’s applied topically has a greater chance of penetrating and impacting them systematically.”
That’s why pediatric dermatologist Patricia Treadwell recommends avoiding chemical sunscreens like the ones many adults use.
To clarify, there are two general types of sunscreen on the market these days: chemical and physical.
Chemical sunscreens absorb into your skin like a fine lotion, so they must be applied 20 or 30 minutes before exposure. These substances contain chemicals like avobenzone or oxybenzone, which absorb UV radiation before it can damage the skin.
Physical sunscreens, on the other hand, simply deflect the sun’s rays with zinc oxide or titanium oxide (or both). More properly known as sunblock, these pastes coat the skin with a thick white layer of schumtz. It’s not beautiful, and some people even find it uncomfortable, leading to the popularity of chemical-based sunscreens.
Many doctors say that you should never use chemical sunscreens on your children.
If you prefer these residue-free lotions, that’s probably fine. Just make sure you only use zinc or titanium sunblock on your kids.
“The chemically based screens are absorbed into the skin in order to protect the skin from UV rays,” plastic surgeon Norman Rowe told Reader’s Digest. “These chemicals can be harmful in high doses to infants and children.”
Considering that the higher the sun protection factor (SPF) rating of chemical sunscreen, the higher the dosage, it makes sense that sunblocks are better for growing children.
“Zinc oxide blocks are generally the best, as they are not absorbed by the skin, making it one of the safest sunscreens for kids,” Rowe said.
Day agrees.
Infants shouldn’t be in the sun very much until they’re at least six months old, she said.
“Once they reach about six months it’s considered safe to use a physical protection sunscreen like those containing zinc or titanium, and always choose SPF 30 or higher,” she said.
Come to think of it, our dear old mom was probably using a zinc oxide sunblock on those visits to the beach so long ago. We’re sorry we doubted you, Mom!
You’ve been washing your hair your entire life, so of course you know what you’re doing! You pour shampoo on your head, lather, and rinse; then throw some conditioner in and rinse again. Finish with a firm towel dry and move on with your life.
Hair experts are aware of the typical person’s hair washing routine, and it makes them cringe. What they want you to know is that even though washing your hair isn’t complicated, there’s a method to cleaning your hair the right way that will help you avoid scalp irritation and bad hair days—and might even help you grow your hair faster and longer.
Still think your tress issues have nothing to do with your washing ritual? Read on to find out about the washing mistakes that most of us had no idea we were making.
Washing Hair Every Day
You wash your face every day, so you should do the same with your hair, right? Wrong. When you wash your hair too often you strip away its natural protective oils. When you do this, it signals to your scalp that it should start producing more oil, which is counterproductive. Your hair will then get greasy faster.
The basic rule is simple: Wash your hair when you need to. Don’t wash it because you feel that you must. If you work out really hard and you sweat like crazy, you’re going to need to wash it more often.
On non-sweaty gym days, take a break and skip the shampoo; just condition it. It’s good to note that experts agree that just like washing every day is not great for your hair, going more than five days without giving it a scrub is equally bad.
Keep in mind also that weather can make a difference in how often you need to wash your hair. Frigid, dry winter air can give you a couple of extra days between washings; hot and humid days may call for more frequency.
For days where your hair is feeling extra oily, try using dry shampoo instead of washing your hair. If you don’t have any on hand, you can use baby powder as a substitute.
Scrubbing Your Scalp
Scalp massages are great for increasing circulation, strengthening your hair, and relaxing your scalp. But if they’re done the wrong way, your hair can end up damaged or broken, and your scalp can become oily.
Since wet hair tends to be weaker, it’s important to be gentle. The experts at the salon know what they’re doing, and we at home tend to be not so good. Want to give yourself a great massage?
Professionals recommend that you “stroke your scalp from forehead to nape, on the sides, and along the hairline rather than rubbing aggressively.”
Using Too Many Shampoos
Are you noticing that your hair is changing? Do you think that maybe your hair has gotten “used to” your current shampoo and conditioner? Hair doesn’t acclimate to the formulas in these products. It’s actually easier and better on your hair if you stick to just one.
What you may not realize is that hair texture changes based on the weather, and your hair maybe shifting slightly in response. Instead of haphazardly switching your product, research the one that is best for your hair type during the current season.
Skipping Conditioner
Conditioner sometimes gets a bad rap because many people think that it weighs hair down, making it look limp and lifeless. This only happens if you use the product wrong. Most people mistakenly dump conditioner on their roots and then spread it to the rest of their hair.
Experts claim that conditioner belongs anywhere on your hair except the roots. After you shampoo, your scalp replenishes its natural oils, but the oils usually stop there—leaving your ends dry. Conditioner helps to keep the ends of your mane flexible and moisturized. It also serves to protect your hair from breakage when you’re brushing it.
Professionals recommend that you apply conditioner to the ends of the hair first (where hair splits and breaks the most) and then spread it up to the middle.
Still Using a Shampoo With Sulfates
Oy, those gosh darned sulfates… This nasty ingredient in many shampoos is a surfactant that makes the shampoo foam and lather. Sulfates are not particularly good for your hair because they strip your hair and scalp of its protective oil and leave it dry and vulnerable to damage.
If you’ve got curly or colored hair, you should definitely be using a sulfate-free product. Sulfate-free shampoos are much gentler and keep the cuticle tighter so color doesn’t fade as quickly.
Using a Fancy Shampoo With Silicone
Shampoos that contain silicone will make your hair feel silky and smooth instantly, but unfortunately they end up drying your hair out over time. The problem is that in their pursuit of a smooth texture, they can block hair follicles, which can impede new hair growth or even cause your hair to fall out!
Experts agree that shampoo has just one job: to clean hair. That’s it! You can use silicone-based hair products (like conditioners and pomades), just make sure that your shampoo doesn’t contain it. What should you look out for when choosing a shampoo? Avoid any that contain the ingredient dimethicone.
Washing in Super Hot Water
Hot water may feel good on your skin and for opening up sinuses, but it’s awful for your hair and scalp! It not only dries your hair and skin, it also opens your hair cuticle, which allows keratin proteins, natural moisturizing factors, and color molecules to escape, so hair loses strength and the color fades.
Also, when hair cuticles are opened, hair tends to frizz. Cool water keeps the hair cuticle sealed so hair stays controlled and the color stays put.
If you want to lock in moisture for a smooth style without frizz, try turning the water to lukewarm or cool after you wash to close the cuticle.
Not Soaking Your Hair
If you’re rushing around like crazy, you may be tempted to just quickly dampen your hair and throw some shampoo on. But quickly dunking your head isn’t the same as fully wetting your entire head.
Your hair needs 30 seconds to a minute to rinse out all of the product that has accumulated in your hair and prep for the shampoo. Also, when your hair is half damp the shampoo can’t lather and properly clean your hair—which will eventually lead to nasty buildup.
Additionally, you need to make sure that you’re soaking your hair when rinsing out shampoo and conditioner. If your scalp is feeling a little itchy or your hair is looking a bit limp post-wash, residual product is probably to blame.
Always Applying Shampoo to the Same Spot
Examine your bathing routine. Do you always apply your shampoo to the same spot, every time? Most of us pour it on the crown and work from there. This can irritate your scalp and cause it to become dry and flaky.
Experts recommend alternating applying shampoo to the nape of your neck and then work it in a lather up from there. Also they warn that dousing your head with too much shampoo can make it hard for you to rinse out all of the product. Start with a little at a time, and add more as you need it.
If you think you’ve heard all of the awful wedding dress stories, we’ve got another one for you. Imagine picking out the most beautiful wedding dress. You love it. It’s the one you’ve dreamt about since you were a little girl. You love the sparkles, the way it hugs your hips, the satin finish on the top.
You’re so excited to wear it that you emerge on your wedding day from the bedroom to meet your knight, and your mother takes one look at you and reports dryly, “That dress really does nothing for you.” (True story.)
As we look beyond the nasty, negative, and hurtful aspect of this story, we can’t help but think that perhaps somewhere in matrimonial history the wedding dress (or the bride in said wedding dress) may have morphed into something, shall we say, inorganic—because this story isn’t unique, and it makes us wonder what exactly a dress supposed to do for you anyway.
Oh sure, it has to keep your body covered, lift the ladies up, and give you just the right amount of curve. But when it comes down to it, shouldn’t the job of a dress be to make you, the bride, feel and look beautiful at your wedding? That’s right. It’s should be all about how you feel.
Sometimes, as you’re choosing your dress, it may seem that you are doing it to please others or to live up to some media-fabricated ideal of what a bride should look like. All of this pressure can turn what’s supposed to be a beautifully exciting experience into an ordeal.
So as you prepare to embark on your journey of wedding dress shopping, here is a list of tips that may help you stay positive and as happy as you deserve to be!
Don’t obsess about losing weight for your wedding.
The number one stress that women report having prior to their wedding is losing weight to fit in their wedding dress. Some brides-to-be have even had their dresses purposely made smaller so that they will be forced to lose weight.
Putting this type of pressure on yourself is so unnecessary! In fact, many women have reported post-wedding that they regretted spending so much time obsessing about their weight instead of enjoying the journey. Take their advice and celebrate your body for who you are and what it is. There are so many different dresses available now that there is an option that flatters every body type.
Don’t bring an entourage.
You know what happens when you bring 10 people with you to the fitting session? You get 10 different opinions.
You know what happens when you get 10 different opinions? It ends up not being fun and instead is super stressful. Do yourself (and your mental health) a favor and pick two to three of your closest friends or family members to share the experience with you.
Do your homework beforehand.
The people at the bridal stores who help you with your fitting are talented and helpful, but it’s important to remember that they are salespeople. It’ll be very useful to go into your experience armed with a little knowledge.
Start by setting a dress budget that you can stick with. Search for dresses that you love and that look good on your body type (remember there’s a dress for everyone!) Then share all of this information with your bridal fit specialist—it will help them help you and keep things from potentially getting uncomfortable.
Have an open mind.
So you had the dress of your dreams picked out in a magazine and you try it on and discover that it doesn’t fit you well. Don’t stress! Keep in mind that not every dress will look great on you—and if a particular style doesn’t work, move on. You’ll eventually find the one that you adore!
In the spirit of keeping an open mind, it’s also important to stay flexible as well. Some things will go the way you want them to, other things won’t. Compromise on the things you really don’t care about, and stay firm on the things that you do.
Prior to a potential conflict, ask yourself if it’s worth the fight. If it is, then go for it! If it’s not, forget it and move on.
Get a wedding mentor.
This is invaluable advice: Keep your sanity and find a wedding mentor.
This person is someone who has already gotten married who is willing to offer helpful advice on everything regarding the wedding and (more importantly) lend an unbiased ear when you’re ready to rip your hair out. You would turn to your wedding mentor prior to pre-wedding events (like dress shopping) to warn you of stressful things to avoid and help you with decisions.
Eat something.
This may sound funny, but often the role of proper nourishment is undervalued as a crucial part of staying happy and positive.
In other words…dress shopping can require a lot of energy and take a long time—and no one makes good decisions or has a good time when they’re “hangry.”
In second grade, I liked to wear my grandmother’s old clothes. My sister and I would play dress-up with her glamorous gowns and other outfits and have our pictures taken. I’d wear plum lipstick and stare solemnly in the direction of the disposable camera, which was maybe held by my babysitter, my mom, or my sister.
One day my friend came over, saw a picture of me in a midriff-baring shirt, and said I shouldn’t be showing off my outie belly button. I don’t know if her comment sparked it, but I remember one of the recurring prayers of my girlhood was for a belly button like my sister’s—a dark little tunnel you could poke your finger into.
By age 15, I was smitten with an 18-year-old boy who, as we sat making out in his truck, said to me once, “You’ve got cankles.” I couldn’t have been more than around 110 pounds, the thinnest my post-puberty body would ever be. (I would always try, and fail, to get back to that weight.)
From him, I learned it was gross that I didn’t shave as much of my body hair as I should and that I must’ve been a prude or a lesbian for not “going further” with him. The bulk of our relationship took place over AIM, where I mostly remember him sending me pictures of other girls and calling me an idiot.
I’ve wondered how differently my life would’ve gone if I’d realized sooner that a man’s desire for my body did not mean he cared for it.
At some point, women come to understand that their bodies are public domain. They are something to be apologized for, too much or not enough, and always subject to the opinions of loved ones and strangers. Whether they’re too fat, too skinny, too dark, too pale, too voluptuous, too flat-chested, too pretty, too plain, too made up. Whether they’re not beautiful enough, not thin enough, not curvy enough, not approachable or accessible enough.
Women’s bodies are always wrong, and there is no shortage of people to tell them exactly how.
As we absorb the idea that our worth is inextricable from our physical appearance, we become unconscious disseminators of this message ourselves, doling out what we’ve been fed on for as long as we’ve been aware of our own bodies.
When I was bored in middle school, I used to make over female classmates in my mind, the same way I mentally made myself over. I shared makeover suggestions with my friends because this was a currency I understood. It was the central plot line to so many movies I loved, like Pretty Woman, She’s All That, Never Been Kissed, and She’s Out of Control.
Beautification as spiritual transformation: This was the story of female triumph I knew.
Finally, one friend told me that my “tips” were unwelcome, that they made her feel bad. I was shocked, defensive. I’d seen them as compliments. They were my way of saying, “You have this feature that I really wish I had and if I did have it, this is what I would do with it”—but, centrally, they were unsolicited. It’s this kind of ignorance that can be so damaging, carried out by people who haven’t yet learned better ways to love.
We know now that body shaming is contagious, so how can we do better?
In an article for The New York Times titled “Why I Talk About My Daughter’s Body,” writer Jeanne Sager reflects on her efforts to raise a daughter with a positive body image even as she battles bulimia herself. After her 11-year-old daughter has broken her foot, the focus stays on what Sager has always tried to keep the focus on when it comes to her daughter’s body: function.
“We talk about the muscles that are being pulled taut across the top of her back as she works to push down on her crutches,” she writes. “We talk about the legs that will power her across a soccer field again once her foot has healed.”
The next time you want to talk bad about your body, think instead of what it does for you. Then show it love.
Recently I reached out to my social media network and asked people who’d grown up in female bodies to share their first, or most memorable, instances of being shamed for them. Maybe half an hour later, I already had multiple direct messages. Comment after comment, friends and acquaintances repeated the variety of messages they’d received about their physical appearance.
Here are their stories.
“I had a teacher pull me out of class, expose her stomach and legs and tell me that the way I was dressed was disgusting.”
I was 13, wearing a skort [because] I was self-conscious about being tall. I had a teacher pull me out of class, expose her stomach and legs and tell me that the way I was dressed was disgusting and asked me if it was ok for her to do and told me I was “just looking for male attention” (I was wearing a skort (perfectly “dress code legal,” a t-shirt and a long sleeve jacket) –Megan, 28, Missouri
Body shaming in eating disorder units among patients. “She’s not good enough to be here” there’s some sick stuff that went on –A*, Idaho
I remember a certain idiot I dated in college who told me my [butt] wasn’t big enough, I didn’t wear high enough [heels], I didn’t wear enough makeup, and that I “used to be cute in high school” –Megan, Missouri
I was in eighth grade at lunch and my “friend” called me fat a**. –Name withheld, 31, Tennessee
In Brazil on mission trip. The doctor with us told me I should weigh no more than 120 and did I reaaaaally want to eat that. Yay. I was 16 –Amy, Arkansas
I remember being 9 and this girl making fun of me for having hair on my big toe! –Katie, New York
Not so much body shaming [as] color shaming… From about Kindergarten to 6th grade I would get asked if my mom cheated on my dad or if they just adopted me from Africa because I’m tan… Totally appropriate questions for a small child right? –Kelley, 28, Missouri
“I was mortified. Everyone laughed.”
In third grade, some older kid (at least sixth grade) stood up at the front of the school bus and started making fun of everyone, going down the rows, one at a time. I remember almost crying before he even got to me bc everyone was laughing, and I was painfully shy. He got to me and said, “and you don’t have any boobs.” I was mortified. Everyone laughed. My brother was on the same bus. He stood up and started yelling back at him, calling him a pimple face something or other. Looking back, it’s ridiculous. Of course a third grader not having boobs is perfectly normal, but I will still never forget how it made me feel at the time! And how sweet it was for my brother to stand up for me. –Anna, 28, Arkansas
In fifth grade someone told me the dark circles under my eyes made me look like a “pale holocaust victim”. I’ve worn concealer everyday since. –Sarah Beth, 29; lives in Davis, California, from St. Louis, Missouri
[I was was 13 when] a guy poked my arm pit fat and made fun of me. Been self conscious of it ever since. –Julie, 30, lives in Spain; from Texas
In ninth grade library one of the really cute boys told me I had chicken legs and shouldn’t wear dresses. –Diana, Texas
I was a young girl, around age 8 or 9. My younger brother would always call me fat and “fata**” and then him and the neighborhood kids would gang up on me and call me that. I went through a chubby stage growing up, before I hit puberty. If you’ve seen the show This Is Us that was pretty much my life. My mother was super thin and beautiful and I always felt like the ugly duckling. She’s a very healthy eater too though and always walks and exercises and lives a healthy lifestyle. I know my mom was just looking out for me, but when we would have cookies and milk growing up, she would tell me I could have 2 and my brother (Sean) could have 8 if he wanted to, because everyone has different bodies. Kids don’t realize how much their words hurt sometimes, but I can remember my brother and all of the neighborhood kids calling me “fata**” growing up, [then] guess what happened? When I hit age 13, eating disorder central. Anorexia, bulimia, ipecac, I was obsessed. It’s something I’ve struggled with ever since. I don’t think I ever showed how hurt I was back then, as naturally, I’m a very strong person, but, that stuff sticks with you man. –Caroline, 33, Massachusetts
“I have been told throughout my life that if I am harassed, it is due to my behavior or attire.”
When I was around 11, my grandfather asked if I “really wanted to eat ALL that [because I would] be fat.” Great for the self-esteem.
I went through puberty a bit early in that I needed an underwire bra by sixth grade. I was groped at a school dance by a seventh grader once. Another time, by an eighth grader in front of the school. When I reported the incidents to the male principal, he suggested that I ought to cover up more because my shirts attracted attention. I was a kid!!!
In the 8th grade, I got into an argument with two “friends” who told me that […] because I had large breasts [I] needed to buy different clothes.
I’ve been asked if I had black eyes due to my dark circles (allergies and depression) so I never left the house without full-face makeup. It took motherhood to lift that burden of feeling the need to please others.
I have also been asked if I had ever broken my nose (no) and have been told as recently as LAST MONTH that I needed a nose job. That was from a female who resorted to personal attacks who disagreed with my opinion on pit bulls. And, yes, I am INCREDIBLY self-conscious about my nose. It already bothers me since I get this trait from my biological mother, but when people draw attention to it, I just want to crawl under a rock. I honestly want a rhinoplasty.
I have been told throughout my life that if I am harassed, it is due to my behavior or attire. If I have an appetite, I will be fat (FYI – Fat does NOT mean ugly). And any “flaws” as perceived by others should be covered, concealed or corrected. –Jena, 29, Texas
“My friend’s dad called me ‘Big Bertha NoA**AtAll’ growing up.”
My friend’s dad called me “Big Bertha NoA**AtAll” growing up. Started when I was about 11. –Sarah, 29, lives in Sacramento, California; from rural Arkansas
The first thing that came to mind is an instance that took place in the seventh or eighth grade. A friend and I found out that some other girls in our grade had been calling us “pudgy.” It hurt me, and I’m pretty sure it hurt my friend, but we tried to make light of it by writing “pudgy 4 life” on what, looking back, was the type of stomach most 12-14 year old kids have. –Dana, 29, Central Arkansas
I was in middle school and another girl on my bus called me a “gorilla” and made fun of the hair on my arms and legs so often that I went home one day and locked myself in my parents bathroom and tried to shave my legs which resulted in many nicks and my Dad having to finish shaving my legs while I was crying. Funny now, kind of sad then. –Ashli, 27, Arkansas
Have been told forever I’m “too big”… In elementary school I was told I had a “bubble butt” by another third grader. At the fifth grade health fair when I was over 5′ and weighed 99 pounds, one of the girls asked why I was “so big”? This could go on, but that’s where it starts –Natalie, 28
I remember in seventh grade a popular boy giving me the nickname “Splinter” because he thought my face resembled the rat from teenage mutant ninja turtles. The next year, my boobs doubled in size and instead of him calling me splinter, he dubbed me as a “butter face” (everything is hot but her face). I was self conscious and very critical of my appearance from then on. A**hole. –Lauren, 29, Arkansas
When I was in elementary school (in Georgia at the time), I had bad teeth (antibiotics reaction I think). All the kids referred to me as “butter teeth.” I (and my parents) spent $5000 to get veneers. I still carry floss in my purse because I’m so self conscious about my teeth.
Once, while bartending, I was reaching up to get a beer out of the cooler, and a guy thought it appropriate to yell at me “Damn girl, you have some huge calves!” ….uhhh, thanks? I was really mortified. –Renee, 28, Arkansas
“They thought it was hilarious. I cried. A lot.”
In fourth grade someone drew a “cartoon” of me with an exaggerated gap. I’ve been self conscious about my teeth since then. (I’ve always had a speech impediment that caused my teeth to space out) In college a group of guys changed my profile picture (I had forgot to log out) to a skinny man with a huge gap. They thought it was hilarious. I cried. A lot. –Alyssa, 26, Missouri
I changed to a religious school for the start of second grade. I’m pretty sure it was then that my classmates started calling me “Dumbo”, since my ears stuck out. Luckily I’ve grown into them, but to this day, I still worry about my hair styles and and hats and if they [make] my ears look big or not. –Allison, 32, New Jersey
Middle school being named called for big teeth and “chubby” cheeks, ferret and chipmunk. Still struggle with my teeth to this day.
All my life I’ve been thin with a big appetite. Constantly told to eat a biscuit, put some [meat] on my bones Or any other way you could tell someone to gain weight. Then on the reverse while eating a lot like I did I was told to watch out one day it will all catch up to me and I actually gain weight eating the way I do. –Morgan, 30, Arkansas
“In the fifth grade a boy asked me if I ‘was even really a girl.'”
In the fifth grade a boy asked me if I “was even really a girl” because I was SO flat-chested and all (in retrospect, probably just a few) of the other girls had started showing some signs of development and I very much did not so the next day I stuffed my sports bra with socks(!) to try to look more “girlish” but it was a rather, erm, obvious change overnight, and I just got made fun of even more. (Hindsight, and all that).
I was always really flat and self conscious about it. I even ended up getting breast augmentation surgery when I turned 21. The truth is, if you think cosmetic surgery will make you feel better about yourself—well—it probably will. —Jada*, 29, Little Rock, Arkansas
I was crazy about this guy when I was 15 I think. A friend of mine went to see that guy and told him: ‘Hey Gloria really likes you and would like to date you’. He said: ‘I can’t, she has the body of a 6-year-old girl’ (because I was -and still am- flat) –Gloria, 33, Paris, France
Third grade (8 or 9 years old)- got nicknamed the Big Show after the wrestler. I was already tall and wearing juniors clothing. I don’t recall I was particularly overweight then but definitely didn’t have the body of a normal 8 year old. –Kara, 27, lives in Mississippi; from Arkansas
In fifth grade my nickname was “double d” boys would stuff softballs up [their] shirts and ‘pretend they were me’ (it stuck all throughout middle school, my friends would even introduce me as double d instead of my actual name to new students) –Lauren, 29, Missouri
Right after the birth of my first son (27), I was putting my baby in his car seat after grocery shopping. Three “men” were sitting in a truck right next to me. They kept saying, “Look at that fat ass”. I finished with the car seat, walked up to the truck window and said, “I may have a fat a** but I can lose the weight. You all are f***ing ugly and there is not a damn thing you can do about it.[“] I got in my car and drove away. –Jeni, 56, Missouri
*Names have been shortened or changed. Some quotes have been edited for clarity.
Categories
The Correct Ways To Eat Tricky Foods
The rules around eating have gotten so relaxed that for the most part basically anything can become a finger food. If you’re going to a nice restaurant and want to look impressive, however, then you might want to arm yourself with the knowledge of correct dining etiquette. If nothing else, this is good information to have for your next dinner party.
Spaghetti
If you have seen Lady and the Tramp then you know the right way to eat spaghetti.
Just kidding. We can’t lie, though. That impulse goes through our heads almost every time there’s a plate of pasta in front of us.
But the correct way to eat one of the world’s most beloved pastas is with your fork—and fork alone. In the U.S., we often use the spoon to help us kind of ball up the noodles as we twirl with our fork, but that is not the case in Italy or most other places in Europe.
As writer and food critic Trevor Adams told the Daily Mail, “This is eaten with a fork alone and never cut with a knife. The idea of using a spoon as well comes from the USA but is not practiced in authentic Italian homes or upmarket British ones.”
Banana
Certain countries and cultures use fruit as a palate cleanser in between courses. This isn’t especially common in the U.S., but you will often see melons, bananas, or other fruits served with upscale meals in other countries.
If you ever find yourself at a fancy meal where fruit is served and you don’t want to simply peel the banana like we normally do, then you can learn from this YouTube video. In it, Sara Jane Ho explains part of her $16,000 eating lesson plan designed for China’s 1 percent.
Place the banana on your plate, cut off the ends, then take your knife and drag it lengthwise across the banana to open it. Slice the banana into bite-size pieces with your fork and knife and eat it like a cut-up hot dog.
Asparagus
Asparagus can be eaten in different ways depending on what course it is. If it’s an appetizer and there is a dipping sauce, then go ahead and use your hands and dip.
Always have a napkin nearby so your hands aren’t totally gross, and if you are at a networking event, remember to eat with your left so your right is always clean and ready to shake someone else’s hand.
If asparagus is served with your main meal, then, of course, use your knife and fork and cut into pieces and eat. Do not slurp like it’s spaghetti or try to fit the whole spear in your mouth.
Chopsticks
Think you know the proper way to use chopsticks? Think again.
Caviar
It’s still up for debate whether people actually like these fancy fish eggs or if they just think eating caviar makes them look sophisticated. Either way, if you find yourself with an opportunity to eat caviar, the best way is to use a small utensil and plate (neither of which should ever be metal, because if metal directly touches the roe that taste takes away from the flavor of the caviar).
The best materials to use are ceramic, glass, or even plastic—and if you’re really going upscale, mother of pearl or bone. Take small bites and let the taste linger on your tongue.
You can also put it on bread, crackers, or blini, which are little Russian pancakes. If you want the in-depth presentation, check out the 10 steps on wikiHow.
Ice Cream
If you happen to throw a dinner party and want to bring some old school manners back, then you’ll be serving your ice cream with a spork.
In an article on proper food etiquette, Reader’s Digest has this to say: “The point of entertaining guests was not the food, but the company. It was common, for instance, for a host to serve ice cream with a sort of spork, almost ensuring that guests would eat it in a dignified manner before it melted—which it would quickly do if one was taking small, graceful bites in between exchanges of clever repartee.”
No slurping the melting mint chocolate chip until there is nothing left.
Chicken Wings and Pizza
If you’re at a place that is serving chicken wings and pizza, then you’re probably at a place where it is totally appropriate to use your hands.
We understand that on a first date it might seem weird to eat with your hands, but then again, you can learn a lot about a person this way.
Do not cut your pizza into pieces; we aren’t children anymore. And part of the fun of eating some really good pizza is folding it in half. Haven’t you seen Big Daddy?
Laura Gottman is the founder of the Protocol School of Texas, and even she admits that “people make the mistake of attempting to formalize finger foods by using a knife and fork, but when ordering foods that would typically be eaten with your fingers, feel free to pick them up and readily indulge.”
Just have napkins on hand, and be mindful of the extra sauce. Please don’t dissect the chicken wings, though. Nobody wants to see that.
Sushi
Sushi in the United States is usually eaten with chopsticks, but that’s not the traditional way to eat it. In reality, we should eat sushi (cut hand rolls) as finger foods.
If you don’t believe us, take it from Tokyo sushi chef Naomichi Yasuda, who told the LA Times, “Picking up that salmon roll with your fingers is correct. And don’t dunk sushi in your soy sauce—dip it. Just enough to taste the soy, then eat it. Finally, never eat that pickled ginger together with your sushi. Eat it separately. Think of it as the sherbet of a fancy five-course meal—a palate cleanser.”
There is no mention of the spicy mayo, but we imagine that it’s not polite to order and then dunk your sushi it. If it makes you happy, though, go ahead and break the rules.
Mussels
Mussels are messy. Especially when served in a bowl of delicious garlic broth that’s paired with some crusty bread. The best way to eat mussels is with a tiny fork to scoop out the meat, dunk in the broth, and then eat.
If you’re not given the proper utensils, you can also use an empty shell as tweezers or chopsticks to help free the meat. Feel free to ask for a small bowl of water to dip your fingers in so your napkin doesn’t look like it came from a seafood battlefield.
Lobster
Want to know a crazy fact about lobsters? They are borderline immortal. Some of the oldest lobsters in the world lived for more than 140 years.
Males typically live into their thirties, whereas females age to their mid-fifties. They usually die from disease or fishing but not old age. The bigger the lobster, the older it is.
When it comes to eating lobsters, most connoisseurs assert that younger lobsters are more tender. And if you get the opportunity to eat lobster, you’ll want to follow the directions that Reader’s Digest has laid out for readers:
“First, twist and pull the large front claws off. Then separate the pieces of the front claws at the joints. Use a nutcracker to crack the larger part of the claw and pull the meat out with a lobster fork. Twist the tail and the body in opposite directions, pulling the tail free. Discard the green gunk; that’s tomalley, the lobster’s liver.
“Break off the tail flippers and insert your thumb or finger into the flipper end to push the meat out of the tail. Or use a knife to cut the under-shell. Remove the large vein-looking digestive tract so you can enjoy the lobster tail.”
Our parents never had to deal with this.
You know the story. You hand your kid your Android phone or a Kindle Fire just to keep them quiet while you finish balancing your checkbook. Next thing you know, you get hit with surprise Amazon charges from in-app purchases. So much for a balanced checkbook.
The problem is that many apps labeled “free” are anything but, and some of those apps are games that greatly appeal to children. Although downloading and playing the game won’t cost you anything, kids may be tempted with highly coveted items or enhanced functionality that come only at the cost of real money. And guess whose debit card is associated with that Amazon account?
If these charges seem unfair to you, well, the Federal Trade Commission agrees. As of April 2017, the FTC negotiated a deal with Amazon that will end with the tech giant handing out more than $70 million in unauthorized in-app fees.
If your kid splurged on digital coins or fancy digital outfits between November 2011 and May 2016, you may be eligible for a refund. Here’s what you need to know.
1. Amazon will send emails to customers they believe deserve a refund.
The FTC assures us that Amazon will reach out to affected parents. “All eligible consumers should have received an email from Amazon,” according to an FTC press release dated May 30, 2017.
We all know how things like this work, though. It’s easy to slip through the cracks. If you haven’t received an email offering you your money back, don’t despair. There are a few ways to request a refund for the unbelievable amounts of money your kid was able to spend on Farm Story.
2. You can also request a refund directly from Amazon.
Amazon set up a web page for eligibility claims, and it’s live now. Just visit this page, log in to your account, and follow the prompts.
3. Learn more about requesting refunds in your Amazon Message Center.
Yep, there is such a thing, though most users don’t check it very often. To access your Message Center from a desktop, log in to your Amazon account just like normal. Hover over the “Accounts & Lists” link to open a drop-down menu. Select “Your Account,” the first option in the right-hand column.
Then locate the box labeled “Email alerts, messages, and ads.” Select “Message Center” from that list, and you’re there. Information about requesting a refund for unauthorized in-app purchases should be listed under “Important Messages.”
4. We’re guessing that Amazon would rather you take care of this online, but there is a phone number you can call.
Just give Amazon a ring at 866-216-1072 to discuss your refund (or just to complain about how your kid managed to spend $5,000 without you even being notified).
No matter which path you take toward your refund, don’t wait too long to get started. The deadline for a refund request is May 28, 2018. After that, you’ll be stuck with your kid’s virtual purchases, which, of course, burned real-life money.