Month: July 2017

A new report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention concludes with a definite recommendation for new moms: Don’t pay a company to dehydrate your placenta, put it into gel caplets, and then consume placenta pills every day until they’re gone.
File that under “sentences we never thought we’d write.”

Maybe you’ve noticed that there’s been an increase in moms who choose to eat their placentas in recent years.

Lots of high-profile celebrities have gotten behind the fad: Gaby Hoffman, Alicia Silverstone, January Jones. Proponents of placenta-munching say that it has all sorts of health benefits, like staving off postpartum depression, boosting milk production, and replacing nutrients lost during childbirth.

However, a 2015 literature review at Northwestern University says that there are no proven health benefits to placentophagy, which is what scientists call eating your own placenta. Even worse, there might be risks associated with the practice.
The latest story from the CDC suggests that there are risks, and they are ones no mother would willingly take. The story begins with a brand new mom who gave birth to a healthy infant. Then she sent the placenta off to a company that cooked, dehydrated, and crushed the placenta. They loaded the powder into gel caps and sent them back to the mom, who started taking two of the pills three times daily.

Then the nightmare really began.

The infant became very sick and had trouble breathing. In the neonatal intensive care unit, doctors discovered that the baby was infected with GBS (aka Group B streptococcus), a serious bacterial infection. They treated the infection and the infant seemed to have made a full recovery, so the child was allowed to return home.
Five days later, the baby became sick again. Again, the child was treated and sent home. However, doctors were becoming increasingly concerned about the origin of this recurring infection. They had apparently tested the woman for GBS before she gave birth and no traces had been found.

When the medical team learned that the woman had been eating her placenta, bit by bit, they thought they found a likely culprit for infection so they tested the material in the placenta pills.

Sure enough, GBS was found.

The report warns that “the placenta encapsulation process does not per se eradicate infectious pathogens; thus, placenta capsule ingestion should be avoided.”
Luckily, the baby in this story recovered. Still, this illustrates a risk that many new parents might not have considered: Eating your placenta might actually put your baby’s health at risk.

Psychologist Cynthia Coyle was involved in the 2015 literature review. She explained her position to Today.
“Our sense is that women choosing placentophagy, who may otherwise be very careful about what they are putting into their bodies during pregnancy and nursing, are willing to ingest something without evidence of its benefits and, more importantly, of its potential risks to themselves and their nursing infants,” she said. “There are no regulations as to how the placenta is stored and prepared, and the dosing is inconsistent. Women really don’t know what they are ingesting.”

It’s not easy to pick one single thing that’s the hardest part about becoming a new parent. (Yes, it is a miracle and all that jazz, but let’s be honest: It’s not all miraculous. Poop is not a miracle. Besides, even if poop is a miracle, it can still be a difficult miracle even in the best of times.)

If we had to, though, we’d pinpoint the moment when your baby falls asleep in your arms, then when you go to lay the baby down in their crib so you can finally take a shower—the little bundle of joy immediately wakes up screaming. What is with that?

It turns out that we aren’t the only ones to wonder why this occurs.

“Every time I put down my sleeping baby, she wakes up,” writes an anonymous parent on the health information site Ask Dr. Sears. “Help!”

While Dr. Sears proceeds to make a few helpful suggestions, he doesn’t really answer the question. “This is a situation that frustrates almost every parent at some time,” he writes instead. “Realize first of all that this is very normal. It is not that you are doing anything wrong, or that something is unusual with your baby. It is very normal for babies to do this.”

Yes, but why? Why is that normal? And how can we change it?

Surely the Baby Center community can help, right? Upon further research, we discovered that user aBabyCentermember asked the very same question in 2002.
“My baby will sleep for up to five hours at a time,” the user wrote. “But only if I’m holding her. As soon as I lay her down she snaps wide-awake. Help!”

The “best answer” suggests that “ultimately our time with our children is so limited and passes so fast, why not enjoy every minute of it?” Essentially, that means: Hold your baby all night long, every night.

That doesn’t seem like the most practical solution in the world, so we kept searching.

Eventually, we found what sounds like the truth. Sleep consultant Christine Stevens of Sleepy Tots Consulting added her two cents on the parenting site Romper.
“Babies usually wake up when they are laid down because of a change of environment,” she said. “They go from being snuggled in a parent’s arms to a cool mattress or surface.”

That makes perfect sense, but we can’t very well heat the mattress up to 98.6 every evening. Instead, experts recommend swaddling your infant. This keeps your baby’s startle reflex in check so they can relax even during times of change.

Even better, try establishing a predictable nightly routine and stick to it.

Slowly get your baby ready for bed over the course of half an hour or so. Dim the lights, read a bedtime story, and get your baby in bed while they’re beginning to feel sleepy but before they actually fall asleep.

That way, when it’s finally your turn to catch a few ZZZs, you won’t have to shock your infant awake with a sudden change of scenery. Instead, you’ll have a calm, quiet household filled with the lovely sounds of silence. A decent night’s sleep is sure to make the time you spend with your little one tomorrow that much sweeter.
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I’ve always felt fortunate to have so much help with my kids from my family members. Until recently, I had only hired a babysitter for one occasion in my five years as a mom. My kids’ grandparents have been on-call babysitters for my part-time work, the occasional date night, and doctor appointments.

But when my work-from-home job as a freelancer became a full-time responsibility, I was faced with the task of finding a sitter who I knew I could trust to take really good care of my kids several hours a week.
It made me anxious, to be perfectly honest. The idea of asking someone I had only just met to spend hours alone with my children felt risky, but it had to be done.

I couldn’t keep trying to balance my work-at-home job and caring for my kids full-time. It took several weeks, but I eventually found a wonderful young woman who is the perfect fit for our family.
My big kids talk about her between her visits and my littlest giggles when she walks in the door. I know that, because my kids love her, we’ve found a great sitter we can trust.

Finding her wasn’t easy, though, and I learned a lot through the process. I originally thought I would have a large number of people to choose from, but it turned out that very few people were looking for babysitting work.
When I did find a few applications I was interested in, I had so many questions to ask and research to do so I could make sure they were as qualified as they said they were.

Needless to say, finding a caregiver you can rely on is a lot of work. If you’re looking for a dependable person to care for your kids, keep reading to find the tips you need to find a babysitter you can trust.

Create a job description.

Caring for children is important work and it’s okay (and even expected!) that you should take the process of hiring as seriously as you would if you were hiring for a position in your own workplace. One of the best ways to avoid the letdown of unmet expectations is making sure you understand exactly what you need from a babysitter.

Before you so much as call your first candidate, take some time to put pen to paper and outline what your family needs from a babysitter. Will they simply be hanging out at home, feeding your kids and putting them to bed? Or will they need to perform extra tasks like driving kids to school, sports practices or rehearsals? Will they be responsible for light housework or taking care of pets? These are all important details to clarify from the start and creating a formal job description is the simplest way to do just that.

Do an intensive job interview.

Hiring a babysitter is often treated with a fair amount of informality. For many parents, a quick visit over the phone is all that takes place in lieu of an interview. But if you truly want to be certain you are hiring the right candidate for the job, you’ll need to devote a little more time to the hiring process.

Plan to meet a few potential babysitters in person before they meet your children.
Begin your interview with the most obvious questions: What kind of experience do they have? Are they CPR certified? What days and time are they available to work? Once you have covered the basics, move on to questions specific to your kids’ needs.

You may even use your interview as a time to pose a few hypothetical situations, asking them how they would respond. How will they intervene when sibling conflicts arise?
Will they feel comfortable staying late if you regularly have to stay over at work?

You want a babysitter who is prepared to handle the real life situations that arise in the life of your family, so don’t be afraid to be honest about what they may experience as your family babysitter.

Do your due diligence.

In any job, a person’s past performance is one of the best indicators of how they will perform in the future. Any babysitter you are considering hiring for the job should be required to submit references for past work. After an interview, follow up by calling the references provided to find out how satisfied they were with the applicant’s performance.

There is a lot of helpful information you may be able to find out from the names your possible babysitter provides. Consider asking questions about their timeliness and dependability to show up at an agreed upon times.
If possible, find out why they are no longer employed by the family. If any red flags arise, don’t ignore them!

If you’re not certain the feedback provided by their references is a deal-breaker, you can always follow up with your applicant to ask questions about what the reference had to say about their performance.

Let your kids weigh in before you make a hire.

It’s a good idea to have any babysitter you are seriously considering hiring over for a visit with the family before you leave them alone with your little ones. Invite them over for coffee or a meal and let them interact with your children while you’re nearby.

Do your best not to intervene unless necessary; your job here is to be a silent observer of their interactions with your kids. Do they seem comfortable around your children? How do your children respond to their presence?
After they leave, give your kids the opportunity to weigh in before you make a hire. Most kids are fairly accepting, so if they do raise a concern, it’s worth looking into before you make a decision.

This initial visit is also a great time to show them around your house and talk about your kids’ routines. This will help anyone you decide to hire feel more comfortable on their first day working with your family.

Pay them what they are worth.

Finding someone who you can trust to care for your children as their own isn’t easy. In most cases, it takes a lot of searching and extensive interviews to find the perfect fit.

Additionally, it is important to keep in mind that what you are willing to pay is directly related to the care your children will receive.
If you aren’t willing to pay the person you hire a fair wage, how can you expect them to treat watching your children like a “real job”? Take them as seriously as you would like them to take their responsibilities.

The going rate for a babysitter varies greatly based on where you are located and how many children you have, but you can expect to pay at least $11 an hour for exceptional care for your kids. If you’re still having trouble deciding on pay, you can use a calculator that adjusts for your family size and location.

Set them up for success.

Once you found someone you feel is a great fit for your family, it’s a good idea to take some time to set them up for a successful on-boarding. Ask them to arrive early so you can spend time talking through the most important information they need to know.

Create an outline of your kids’ routines and plan to go over dietary restrictions and family rules. If you have specific expectations for your sitter, spell them out in great detail to avoid awkward conversations or conflict in the visitor.
This is the right time to make sure they know your policy on posting your kids’ pictures to social media, leaving the house with your kids, or how you feel about them using their phone while your kids are awake. It may feel nitpicky to you, but a good sitter will be glad to have the information.

A good babysitter is like family. By taking the hiring process seriously, doing your research, and helping them make a seamless transition into the role of your family’s go-to caregiver, you just may find someone who you can rely on for years to come.

It can be strange and terrifying to consider how deeply parenting affects children for the rest of their lives. Whether you’re a parent or a (grown) child, one leap down the rabbit hole of psychological exploration can leave you with the sense that there is literally no way to not screw up parenting. And you wouldn’t be wrong!

Thankfully, there is hope. For those of us who have already been effectively mussed by our parents, early friendships, or romantic partners—which, let’s be honest, is probably all of us—we’ve got therapy.

For those of you who are thinking of having your own children, you should know that studies continue to reveal the power that parenting style can have in infant brain development, counteracting negative environmental influences, and children’s capacity for innovation later in life.

Poorer Children Are Less Likely To Receive Parental Support

A supportive parent is an emotionally responsive parent. What does “emotionally responsive” look like? Not unlike a game of tennis, according to childhood development experts. 

The “serve and return” mode of communication between an adult caregiver and an infant is an interaction much like a tennis ball going back and forth, with the baby “serving” a gesture like smiling or babbling, and the adult caregiver “returning” it with affirmative behavior like eye contact or touch.

As part of an ongoing study, Joan Luby, MD, conducted an experiment in St. Louis. A group of children between the ages of 4 and 7 were invited into the lab along with their primary caregivers—usually their mothers—to observe the pair’s dynamic during a stressful situation. The child was put within arm’s length of a brightly wrapped gift and told that they could open it as soon as their caregiver filled out a stack of questionnaires that would take about eight minutes to complete.

Researchers, trained to measure hostility and supportiveness, observed how moms responded to their children’s whines. Some of them reassured them by telling them they knew it was hard to wait or praising them for their patience; some ignored their children, even snapping at or hitting them for being annoying as they filled out the forms.

Luby’s team had uncovered a pattern: the poorer children were more likely to be met with hostility from caregivers.

“Parents can be less emotionally responsive for a whole host of reasons,” Luby said. “They may work two jobs or regularly find themselves trying to scrounge together money for food. Perhaps they live in an unsafe environment. They may be facing many stresses, and some don’t have the capacity to invest in supportive parenting as much as parents who don’t have to live in the midst of those adverse circumstances.”

Toxic Stress Can Damage Children’s Brains

If you remember reading about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs in an intro to psychology class, you can probably guess why a parent living in poverty has fewer emotional resources to offer her child. When your ability to fulfill your most basic needs—like shelter, food, and safety—is under threat, stress levels skyrocket. Your fuse is shorter. Brain chemicals go all out of balance.

To complicate matters, where there is financial insecurity and high stress, there is often addiction and abuse. As Denise Dowd, who mentors victims of poverty and domestic violence in Kansas City, Missouri, told The Atlantic, “The very resources the moms need to handle those stressors—the ability to predict, the ability to remain calm and think through a set of problems—that’s
the prefrontal cortex, and that really takes a hit when you’ve been exposed to abuse and neglect.”

A child inevitably picks up on these cues that the world is unsafe and responds with his own heightened stress responses, which stunts the brain’s development. This is a huge problem when trying to stop the cycle of poverty.

“It has long been known that low socioeconomic status is linked to poorer performance in school, and recent research has linked poverty to smaller brain surface area,” Diana Kwon writes in Scientific American, referencing a study published in 2015 about lower test scores among poorer children. “The current study bridges these converging lines of evidence by revealing that up to 20 percent of the achievement gap between high- and low-income children may be explained by differences in brain development.”

But, Supportive Parenting Can Counteract The Damage Of Toxic Stress

Luby’s experiment—part of a larger study of depression in early childhood—involved some children who were depressed. What they found was that parental supportiveness was more important to brain development than whether or not a child was depressed.

“When Luby and her colleagues conducted an MRI four years later, they found that the non-depressed children whose mothers had not been nurturing had smaller hippocampuses than the kids who were depressed but had levels of high maternal support,” Olga Khazan writes for The Atlantic.

“In other words, it was better for the kids to be depressed with supportive moms, than not depressed with unsupportive ones. Since the hippocampus governs things like memory, cognitive function, and emotion, the smaller hippocampal volume suggested to Luby that the children with the non-supportive moms were doing worse both cognitively and emotionally.”

What experts believe, then, is that a caregiver equipped with better nurturing skills could counteract some of the negative effects poverty has on early brain development. Of course, this leaves us with one question: How do we provide parents who are barely scraping by financially the tools to be better nurturers?

According to Andrew Garner, a pediatrician in Westlake, Ohio, one answer might be in increasing government spending on social services, and improving how social programs are integrated into our healthcare system—areas the U.S. is characteristically lagging behind in.

Supportive Parenting Vs. Overbearing Parenting

It’s worth noting in a discussion about the importance of supportive parenting that there is a big difference between nurturing and helicoptering, which can be its own kind of emotional abuse.

Julie Lythcott-Haims, author of How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success and former dean of Stanford University’s mental health task force, offers an extreme (we hope) example of a (monstrous) father who told his daughter he would divorce her mother if she refused to major in economics. But even overbearing parenting that does not wade into such overtly dysfunctional territory can have lasting effects on children’s minds.

Author and academic Adam Grant, writing for The New York Times last
year, points to studies suggesting that the attempt to jam children into parents’ preconceived notions of who they should be—artistically, academically, or philosophically—limits children’s creative growth, and can, in fact, have the opposite effect of what parents desire for them in terms of professional success.

As Grant points out, few child prodigies go on to be “adult geniuses who change the world.” Of course, individual identity fears and academic complacence stemming from society’s incorrect messaging about what it means to be “smart” likely play a huge role in this, but part of the equation in many cases is whether parents allow joyful curiosity to exist in their children. For many helicoptered kids, the message is that life is primarily about excellence and duty—and this isn’t very good for cultivating intellectual freedom.

“What holds them back is that they don’t learn to be original,” Grant writes. “They strive to earn the approval of their parents and the admiration of their teachers. But as they perform in Carnegie Hall and become chess champions, something unexpected happens: Practice makes perfect, but it doesn’t make new.”