Month: October 2017

I have a complicated relationship with money.

Maybe you’re not surprised by that; I am a millennial, after all. Recently, I wrote about how I used to be good with money—because I didn’t have any to spend. I shared that an increase in income actually revealed I had basically no personal finance skills and that I had a long way to go before I could claim to be “good with money.”

The truth is, making some bad financial decisions and having a decent amount of debt actually forced me to buckle down and start teaching myself a thing or two about saving and spending. It also forced me to address the fact that the way I spend my money is heavily influenced by the people around me and the stuff I see online.

Our generation is actually known for being less motivated by money

The other day, for instance, I finally resold a baby product for half of what I spent after only using it once or twice over the course of a year. It was a bassinet for my newborn, but it was virtually useless. I had only bought it because it looked good in the pictures of so many of the moms I follow on Instagram. I’ve felt ashamed of how easily social media influences how I spend my money, but when I realized this wasn’t just my problem, but a problem unique to my entire generation, I actually felt better.

Knowing that basically everyone my age feels an intense pressure to keep up appearances, both online and in real life, actually gave me a sense power of my choices. I cut back on my spending, I started saving my money and paying off debt, and I started spending less time online.

I also learned a lot about millennial spending and their approach to finances that helped my gain perspective on my own situation and the financial health of the people around me.

Millennials are behind, but it isn’t all their fault.

Before drawing a conclusion about my generation and the state of our finances, I think it is important to be honest about the facts. Many millennials are behind on their financial goals, but it can’t all be blamed on $5 coffees and the iPhone X.

This generation is drowning in student loan debt.

The truth is, our generation is actually known for being less motivated by money and more attracted to jobs that match our personal values, and because of that, we’re not making a whole lot of money.

“While millennials make up the majority of the workforce in North America, they actually earn 20% less than older generations did at the same stage. This is despite better education. This is likely explained by the majority of job-seeking millennials not being motivated by compensation but rather being treated fairly by their employers. They also prefer working for companies that give back to the respective communities and to the world at large,” explains Josh Zimmelman, the President of Westwood Tax & Consulting and respected voice on personal finance.

This generation is also drowning in student loan debt. According to Harvard IOP, 42 percent of millennials have debt from taking out loans to pay for education.

In fact, one recent survey from personal finance website Credible revealed that millennials feel so trapped under the weight of their debt, nearly 50 percent of respondents said they’d be willing to give up their right to vote just to have their student loans forgiven.

Millennials are spending under pressure.

Student loans and low incomes seem to hold a lot of the blame for why millennials are so broke, but there is also some weirdness when it comes to how we spend our money. Like me, many members of this generation feel a weird pressure to keep up the appearance that they aren’t actually broke; social media is one major source of this pressure.

I think that spending money that I don’t have will fix [my life] somehow.

“Social media has created a new set of rules,” says Brett Graff, author of Not Buying It: Stop Overspending and Start Raising Happier, Healthier, More Successful Kids. “It used to be that…the style conscious might consider an outfit for and evening and wonder whether the other dinner guests might have seen it previously. Now, once the outfit is displayed on social media, every single person the trend-setter knows has seen it, meaning it’s dead and new outfits are in order.”

I talked with one millennial, who asked to be kept anonymous, and she admitted she’d made purchases based on what she had seen online on more than one occasion, even when she couldn’t afford it.

“Even though I know that almost everyone only posts the best parts of their lives, I compare ‘the best parts’ of my life and I don’t think they measure up. I think that spending money that I don’t have will fix that somehow,” she tells HealthyWay.

Her admission that her spending is often driven by a quest for fulfillment hit a nerve for me. I often have found myself caught up in comparing my life with what I see online. When I’m feeling my life is a hamster wheel of work, breastfeeding, and diaper changes, it is easy to believe that going out for a fancy dinner, like I saw on a friend’s Instagram the last time I logged on, might bring more excitement to my life. It is easy to get fooled into
thinking that a black romper being promoted by a mommy blogger might make me feel like my own person again, not just someone’s mom.

Psychologists call this the hedonistic treadmill, according to Graff. This cycle of trying to find lasting happiness from things has been scientifically proven to provide no more than a “quick jolt” of happy.

“These [purchases] satisfy what psychologists call ‘extrinsic values,’ meaning satisfaction depends on the approval of other people. To enjoy materialistic goods like new clothes, you need the approval of other people. And working towards those goals make us, as humans, less happy than if we were to work toward intrinsic values, which come within us. Such as learning guitar or how to ski or to meet our own goals and get approval from within.”

According to The Modern Wealth Index, a survey from Koski Research and the Schwab Center for Financial Research that evaluated the wealth-building behaviors of Americans, millennials often know they’re making poor financial choices. When it comes to buying clothes they don’t need, 70 percent fessed up to this habit; 76 percent said they upgrade to the latest technology, like new smartphones. It is easy to wonder if the pressure to keep up appearances are to blame.

It might not be as bad as it seems.

What I found to be most interesting is the evidence that, yes, millennials are struggling financially, but some of that struggle might be sensationalized by mainstream media. For instance, the same Modern Wealth Index that indicated some overspending habits in millennials actually had a lot of positive data about how we are managing our money overall, especially when compared to other generations.

Millennials are just choosing to [splurge] differently than previous generations.

This generation is actually working hard to get on top of their finances, with 34 percent saying they had a written budget—only 21 percent of Generation X said they had a written plan. We’re making progress, too; 39 percent of twenty-somethings and 57 percent of young thirty-somethings saying they were in a better place financially than they were five years ago.

And, although it might be easy to paint a picture of millennials being a materialistic generation, that doesn’t actually seem to be the case. When it comes to spending their money, millennials would actually rather save it for an experience, according to Meredith Hirt, an insights writer at Cassandra, the leading ongoing study of emerging trends, generational insights, and youth behavior.

It might be true that even our experimental spending is influenced by social media, but it’s not accurate to assume it’s all about just accumulating more stuff.

“This doesn’t mean they’re not willing to splurge, they’re just choosing to do so differently than previous generations; they’re not saving up for the flashy sports car, the designer handbag, or the sprawling mansion,” Hirt says. “Instead, they’re spending on festivals, wellness retreats, and food and dining.”

What is the truth about millennials spending?

There seems to be two sides to the coin when it comes to millennials and their money. We’re not exactly thriving: The data does suggests there are more millennial families living in poverty and we know for certain more of us are facing a lot of debt.

But are we really a financially wreckless generation who will do anything “for the ‘gram”? That seems to be an oversimplification. The pressure to spend is certainly there; I’ve experienced it myself and have chatted with friends who admitted to having spent money they didn’t have on something they saw online.

But we’re also not completely unaware nor
are we immobilized in our efforts to change our relationships with money. In fact, the number of millennials with $10,000 or more saved jumped by five percentage points between 2016 and 2017, according to a GoBankingRates survey.

Personally, I think it’s worth noting that we’re the first generation to live our lives online. That’s relevant because there appears to be an adjustment period that comes with that, particularly as advancements in our careers lead to higher purchasing power in a world that’s constantly throwing advertisements and aspirational lifestyles in our faces.

Despite being adults, most millennials are still learning what it means to have to use social media for good and how to draw boundaries between our online and offline lives.

Although I’ve felt frustrated, or even ashamed, of my spending habits in the past and the reputation my generation has when it comes to money, I don’t feel that way anymore. My own personal progress, and the data that suggests my experience is reflective of the rest of the generation, seems to argue that millennials aren’t a financially inept generation destined for financial ruin. We’re a work in progress, and I’m more than okay with that.

Call me old-fashioned, but I always wanted to change my name when I got married. In middle school, I doodled hearts around my first name paired with the various last names of boys I had crushes on. I made my parents drive me to the movie theater in a blizzard the weekend Titanic was released and bawled my eyes out when Rose used Jack’s last name at the end of the film. (Rose may have let you sink to the bottom of the Atlantic, Jack, but I’ll never let go!)

When I was 14, the idea that my husband and I would share a name—and share that name with our future children—was ultra romantic.

When I actually did get married last year, just after my thirtieth birthday, I realized that it was going to be a lot harder for me to change my name than I thought. I’m not talking about the paperwork (although that is reason enough to keep your name if you’re not in the mood for a hassle).

The biggest problem with changing your name is that it can weaken the integrity of your professional network.

Changing my name ended up being a pretty emotional experience for me. I mean, I’ve been known as Katie Raye Phillips for 30 years. I was afraid that if I changed my name, I’d lose that identity. I loved my fiancé very much, but I was nervous about becoming Katie Martin.

I knew Katie Raye Phillips. But Katie Martin? Who was that girl?

The Knot reports that as many as 86 percent of women still change their name after marriage, but the number of women who choose to keep their name is on the rise.

And those women may be onto something.

Here’s why changing your name when you get married can actually be a terrible idea:

What’s in a name?

Quite a bit, especially in the digital age.

Almost everyone these days has an online presence of some kind. If your online identity is tied to your career, a name change can be a major headache.

I’d still have my career in digital marketing to tend to and everyone knows me by my name. To introduce yet another name would only confuse my contacts, and I’d basically have to start from scratch.

WeddingDresses.com editor and community manager Sophie Darling tells HealthyWay, “The biggest problem with changing your name is that it can weaken the integrity of your professional network.”

“I was married last year but I see no benefit to changing my last name. I have built a brand and network using my maiden name, which is VERY memorable: BACON. I have a master’s degree in my own name, and even if I were to have children, unlikely, I still see no benefit to changing my name. I’d still have my career in digital marketing to tend to and everyone knows me by my name. To introduce yet another name would only confuse my contacts, and I’d basically have to start from scratch,” says Cari Bacon, an SEO specialist and founder of Digital Marketing Darlings.

Changing my name professionally meant potentially losing years of personal branding and SEO

Tracy Bagatelle-Black, founder of Bagatelle Black Public Relations, agrees. “My maiden name was Tracy Bagatelle and I married a man with the last name Black. There was no way, especially as an established publicist, that I was going to lose my unique identity so I compromised and went with the name Tracy Bagatelle-Black. …Later, we got divorced but I kept the hyphenated name because that was now my professional brand.”

Jessica Thiele, a marketing manager for tech company Virtual Logistics, also decided not to change her name when she married. “By the time we got married, my husband was 30 and I was 29, and at that point I had already established my professional persona as Jessica Thiele; changing my name now meant more than the symbolic gesture. Aside from the legal hurdles and the fact that the digital economy now means my name is tied to countless accounts, social media properties, and more, it’s now my personal brand. Changing my name professionally meant potentially losing years of personal branding and SEO.”

If you searched online for just my first and last name, several people came up that were not me, including an amateur model and a congressional candidate.

When your name is tied to your personal brand and online presence, it makes sense to forgo a name change, but what if your last name is one of the most common surnames in America?

Brianna Brailey recently married and chose to change her name, which she saw as a professional opportunity, not a setback:

“My maiden name was very common, and my first and last name combination was fairly common as well. If you searched online for just my first and last name, several people came up that were not me, including an amateur model and a congressional candidate. The domain name of my first and last name was already taken, as were several social media handles. As far as I can tell, I’m the only Brianna Brailey on the internet now.”

Some surnames are inherently more catchy than others (usually ones with fewer syllables), and if you’re trying to break out into a market or even rebrand your existing business, a name change can actually be beneficial.

Darling agrees, and tells HealthyWay there could be professional benefits for women who choose to change their names after marriage.

“A name change could be just what you need if you’re trying to market that name and aren’t satisfied with your own. Some surnames are inherently more catchy than others (usually ones with fewer syllables), and if you’re trying to break out into a market or even rebrand your existing business, a name change can actually be beneficial. Since many women today run their own businesses (especially compared to in the past), there is definitely potential value here.”

Brailey, who is just starting out professionally, didn’t receive any negative fallout from her name change professionally. “The majority of my clients for my side business—design and brand consultation—know me personally, so the name change was no issue.”

A rose by any other name…

Starting in the 15th cent
ury, women began to take their husband’s surname to show that they were joined together as one entity. Prior to that, women typically didn’t have a surname because they were considered property.

Yikes.

I don’t want to judge other women who do change their name, but I know it colors my perception that they may be less independent and less feminist.

Given the history of why women change their names after marriage, it’s easy to see why women today might want to keep their own surnames.

Janet Ferone, a former National Organization for Women (NOW) chapter president, felt that changing her name went against her principles:

“While it certainly is more convenient to keep my name … the main reason I didn’t consider changing it is that it is MY name, and as a feminist it makes no sense to change it. Also, as an only child, I wanted to continue the family name. The only consideration to changing it that I would give is if my husband added my last name and I added his, but that seems a bit unwieldy. I don’t want to judge other women who do change their name, but I know it colors my perception that they may be less independent and less feminist.”

…is still a rose, right?

Okay, so that’s not exactly what Shakespeare wrote. But does changing your name after marriage really change your identity, as Ferone suggests?

Darling says that “traditions resonate strongly with many people, and although society is gradually breaking from the more outdated ones, a lot of women still prefer to change their name after marriage.”

Ultimately, tradition is what led me to change my name from Phillips to Martin. I very much wanted to share a last name with my children. However, I’m pretty attached to my middle name. Instead of dropping my middle name and going by my first, maiden, and new last names, I chose to become Katie Raye Martin instead. This way, I kept my personal identity intact, while also taking my husband’s last name.

Are the children her kids? His kids? Is this a second marriage?

Ferone admits there are some reasons why a woman might want to legally change her name after marriage. “The only benefit I see to changing one’s name is having the same last name as my husband and son as a family unit. …I’m used to answering to my husband’s last name at our son’s school and am comfortable with that, as it’s hard for schools to keep track of all the names a family might use.”

Children are what prompted Attorney Jody Leighty (née Anderson) to change her name, despite keeping her married name for professional reasons at first.

“I changed my name once I had children. I felt that it was important for all of us to have the same name. I believed that if my name was different from my husband’s and my children, there would be confusion and questions. Are the children her kids? His kids? Is this a second marriage? So at that time, I changed my name, using my maiden name as my middle name and always using my first, middle and last name on all correspondence, business cards, marketing materials, etc.”

This is a perfect consensus for our relationship and my career.

Leighty acknowledges that her name change hasn’t been easy. “Fifteen years later, some people still get confused, particularly because I never changed my work email address, so it still references my maiden name. And quite frankly a lot of people just still think of me as Jody Anderson, and not Jody Leighty.”

Thiele, too, found a compromise in changing her name.

“My husband and I pivoted our ‘last name’ conversation; I am no longer changing my name, but our children will bear his name. This is a perfect consensus for our relationship and my career.”

If you do want to change your name, here’s how:

Unfortunately, changing your name is more tedious and time consuming than filing TPS reports.

First, you’ll need an official copy of your marriage license, which can be obtained from the clerk’s office of the county in which you were married. (Sidenote: Make sure your witnesses sign both copies of the license, otherwise you could be waiting weeks before a copy of your marriage license can be mailed. Trust me, I know from experience.)

After you get a copy of your marriage license, visit the Social Security Administration online or in person to fill out the necessary paperwork. You’ll also need proof of your U.S. citizenship, like a birth certificate or passport, and a form of identification such as your driver’s license. Once you receive your new social security card (with the same number, just a new name), you can change your driver’s license, which will also require two forms of identification, proof of address, and a certified copy of your marriage license.

Now that all your official identification has been changed, you can change your name on your banking information, credit cards, bills, and magazine subscriptions. Most require you to actually make a phone call to customer service to change the name on your account, but it’s usually a quick and easy process.

If you’re content with that identity or need to retain it for professional reasons, you should keep it.

Or, if you don’t have the time, use a service like MissNowMrs or HitchSwitch, which takes your documents and information to complete the name change process for you, hassle-free.

Whether you decide to change your name is up to you.

As a wedding expert who’s seen dozens of women contemplate a name change, Darling has this advice: “The bottom line is that a name is a big part of your identity, especially today as that name is pushed into the public eye at an earlier age than ever before. If you’re content with that identity or need to retain it for professional reasons, you should keep it. And if you’d like to change things up, you can consider a hyphenated last name or you can take your spouse’s.”