Categories
No Gym Required Sweat

Cycling Workouts: Getting Started The Right Way

Ever find yourself in a workout slump? Whether it’s hitting your mat in downward dog, jogging a few miles on the treadmill, or maybe swimming laps in the pool, the exercises that once motivated and energized you can start to feel a little monotonous—and they may even stop yielding results after a while. If you’re in a fitness funk, it might be time to break out of your routine and try something new—like cycling.
Cycling workouts, sometimes also called spinning or biking, are a low-impact aerobic exercise that gets your blood flowing and heart rate elevated. Cycling can help you burn hundreds of calories an hour and can provide your body with mood-boosting endorphins.
Whether you’re pedaling indoors at a boutique spin studio with club-like lighting and inspiring music or you’re just trying to burn a few extra calories on your commute to work, cycling workouts can be a great way to switch up your exercise routine and stay in shape.
If you’ve never tried it before, you might feel intimidated to get started. This kind of exercise requires some preparation, a bit of gear, and knowledge of safety. But mostly, it requires a will to try.
“Anyone can do it, whether you’re an athlete or a first-timer, or even if you’re recovering from an injury,” says Dani Iannone, lead instructor at Prime Cycle, an indoor cycling studio in Hoboken, New Jersey.
Ready to hop on the bike? Here’s what you need to know about getting started with cycling workouts—the right way.

Is cycling right for you?

Walk by one of those cult-followed cycling studios where instructors are elevated to the level of gurus, locker room amenities rival what’s available at most five-star hotels, and people strut in wearing leggings with three-figure price tags, and you might wonder if it’s the right sport for you.
Those trendy studios might have the most visibility, but cycling is actually a down-to-earth, accessible sport that anyone can get into, says Iannone.
“There are so many different styles and ways to ride,” she explains. “You can go for traditional cycling, come to a boutique studio like ours for a rhythm ride, try it at your local YMCA, or even take it up to a competitive level, if you’re an athlete.”
Iannone, who has lower back issues from her years as a dancer, says that even people who have injuries, physical disabilities, or high body mass can find ways of safely hopping on a bike and trying a cycling workout. If you have injuries or a medical condition that has you second-guessing cycling, talk with your doctor to see if it’s a good fit for you.
The price of classes and equipment can also be a deterrent for beginners, but Iannone says there are ways to keep the costs of cycling down.
“If this is something you want to do, you can find a way to make it work within your budget—you just have to reevaluate where your money’s going,” she says. “Change your priorities from going out or making frivolous purchases to investing in your health instead.”
As long as you have the motivation, a positive attitude, and a desire to give it a shot, there’s a cycling workout for you.
“If you can walk through the door, you can take a cycling class,” she says.

Indoor Cycling vs. Outdoor Cycling

People divide cycling into two worlds: indoor and outdoor. Each style has its own distinctive benefits and challenges, but discovering which one you prefer can help maximize your enjoyment of this type of exercise.
“The biggest difference, and it’s a pretty obvious one, is that when you’re cycling indoors, you’re on a bike that doesn’t go anywhere,” chuckles Iannone. “Some studios have tried to recreate the outdoor experience with visuals on big 3D screens and special effects, though.”
Some cyclists find that the experience of watching the world whoosh by when they ride outdoors keeps them more engaged, but others rely on the momentum of their classmates at an indoor cycling class to stay motivated.
The equipment for indoor and outdoor cycling also differs. When riding outside, it’s best to use a traditional road or mountain bike. You also need a helmet and other safety gear, like a bell and reflectors. For indoor cycling, you use a stationary bike with a fan or flywheel that allows you to adjust the resistance level.
Cycling workouts challenge you in different ways, depending on whether you try them at the gym or on the road. Indoor cycling is about listening to the instructor, keeping your heart rate up, and generally pedaling fast. When cycling outdoors, on the other hand, you’ll face terrain challenges (like hills and trails), focus on staying safe in traffic and around road obstacles, and use more muscle strength. You’ll also experience what it’s like riding with and against the wind and navigating different weather conditions.
If you’re a beginner, you might want to try an indoor cycling workout first. That way you can get one-on-one attention from a helpful instructor and learn the general moves and correct posture before you take your cycling workout outside.

Equipment You Need for Cycling

A few pieces of essential gear can help you get started on the right pedal.
First, you’ll need to select the proper clothing. Indoor cycling classes can make you sweaty, so look for moisture-wicking materials that allow for ample range of motion.
“Breathable leggings or shorts, a tank top, and a supportive sports bra are best,” says Iannone. “But it doesn’t have to come from an expensive store. People get into the high-end athletic clothing and they think you have to look a certain way to go to class. You can come in wearing anything that makes you comfortable and keeps you cool.”
The same kind of clothing is generally fine for outdoor cycling, but you’ll need to bundle up a bit more if the weather’s cool. Be sure to wear bright colors when riding outdoors, though, so drivers can easily spot you.
You’ll also need a pair of cycling shoes, which have stiff soles and mechanisms that allow you to clip your foot into the pedal, helping your energy transfer to the bike with efficiency.
“Most studios have cycling shoes available to rent, but if you really get into the sport, it’s worth buying your own pair,” says Iannone.
As for accessories, bring along a small towel, water bottle, and a headband.
Bikes are obviously available for use at studios and gyms. If you want to practice your own cycling workouts at home, you need to invest in a stationary exercise bike or a high-quality road bike to ride outside. Bike stores are the best place to go for personalized recommendations.

Your First Cycling Class

Walking into your first cycling class can feel intimidating. It seems like everyone else is a total pro who knows exactly how to clip in their shoes, grip the handlebars, and start pedaling. How can you make sure your first cycling workout is a success?
“Get there early, introduce yourself to the instructor, and let them know it’s your first time,” says Iannone.
The staff will help you find a space with a clear line of sight to the instructor, get strapped in, and show you the correct way of sitting on the bike.
“Posture is really important. You want to sit slightly lifted, rather than hunched over, with no strain on your back,” explains Iannone. “Your chest is lifted, your core’s engaged, and you have a light touch on the handlebars.”
The University of Pittsburgh Medical Center offers a graphic guide to proper form for cycling workouts.
Cycling can be a (literal) pain in the butt, especially for beginners. That’s why many studios offer bike seat cushions. If you’re struggling with your seat, just ask to borrow one.
You might be surprised at the level of intensity of most cycling classes. It’s a rigorous sport! But cycling workouts are not a competition—go at your own pace, and don’t compare yourself to others in the room.
“Expect to be challenged at your first cycling workout,” says Iannone. “You’re probably going to walk away feeling that it was intense, inspiring, and kind of a ‘wow!’ experience.”

Cycling Interval Workouts: What to Know

Cycling workouts are more varied than just pedaling as fast as you can for as long as you can. Incorporating intervals of high intensity and active rest maximizes the benefits of the exercise.
“Cycling interval workouts are very similar to HIIT (high-intensity interval training),” says Iannone. “This kind of training increases your stamina and endurance, makes you a better athlete, and helps your body become more efficient.”
There are a few things to focus on during cycling intervals. First and foremost, monitor your heart rate. You’ll need to understand your resting heart rate and your maximum heart rate (i.e., how fast your heart beats when you work your hardest).
During your intervals, push yourself to 70 to 80 percent of your max heart rate, says Iannone. Then bring it back down to a more moderate level for about 30 seconds before you pick things back up again.
Second, pay attention to your cadence, which is measured by pedal stroke revolutions per minute (rpm). Most stationary bikes have a gauge that can will measure your cadence.
“Some studios don’t care about numbers, but I think watching your cadence is really important because you want to know the level of your work,” says Iannone.
The resistance level of your bike also plays a role in cycling interval workouts. You’ll move between various levels of resistance, depending on the interval. The higher the resistance, the more strength you’ll need to pedal the bike.
“If you’re pedaling really, really fast, it might be time to turn the resistance up a notch,” says Iannone.
Finally, your instructor may have you change positions on the bike for each interval. These postural adjustments will help you work different muscle groups and improve your balance.
“You won’t just be in the saddle the whole time,” says Iannone. “You might be sitting or standing during intervals. You might also get up and go back down, which is called a jump, and even do presses with your arms on the handlebars.”

Try this cycling interval workout.

Need some inspiration to get started? Iannone created a cycling interval workout based on her classes at Prime Cycle that you can try on your own—complete with a killer playlist! Give it a whirl, and let us know how it goes:
Each section of this workout consists of intervals that are 30, 45, or 60 seconds long, depending on how hard you want to push yourself. Your intervals will consist of building the intensity (typically increasing the cadence by 10 to 20 rpm, but you could also increase the resistance, instead), slowing down for 30 seconds to reduce your heart rate, then speeding back up for your next interval. Repeat this a few times for each song. 

[sol title=”How Deep Is Your Love” subheader=”Calvin Harris and Disciples”]
Seated on the bike, pedal at a base of 110 to 116 rpm. During the intervals, try to push it to 125 to 130 rpm.
[sol title=”Questions” subheader=”Chris Brown”]
Increase your resistance by turning the knob two or three times. You’ll be at an easy-to-moderate climb with a base cadence of 52 rpm. Pick it up to 65 to 70 rpm for each interval.
[sol title=”So Excited” subheader=”Fat Joe”]
Turn your resistance knob two more times to take it up to a heavy climb at a base of 44 rpm. You’ll have a lot of resistance, so instead of increasing your cadence, turn up your resistance a little higher for each interval, then bring it back down in between for rest.
[sol title=”Housework” subheader=”Jax Jones”]
Take off half your resistance and increase your leg speed for a seated flat downhill ride at 120 rpm.
[sol title=”HUMBLE. (remix)” subheader=”Skrillex, Kendrick Lamar”]
Next up is a moderate climb. Turn the resistance knob once or twice and hit at least 64 rpm.
[sol title=”Lose Control” subheader=”Missy Elliot”]
Continue your moderate climb at a slightly higher cadence (68 rpm).
[sol title=”7/11″ subheader=”Beyoncé”]
Pick up your cadence to go at jog pace at 76 rpm.
[sol title=”I’m a Fan” subheader=”Pia Mia”]
Increase your resistance by one turn and pedal at 50 to 52 rpm.
[sol title=”Titanium” subheader=”David Guetta featuring Sia”]
For your final push, drop your resistance slightly and pick up your speed to about 64 rpm.

Categories
Conscious Beauty Lifestyle

These Unknown Factors Are Affecting Your Hair Health

At some point or another, we’ve all been there: staring at ourselves in the mirror, examining the volume and sheen—or lack thereof—of our hair. Maybe you’ve had a terrible hair week, a months-long bender of dry ends and dull strands, or perhaps waning hair health has been a lifelong battle. And it’s not like you haven’t read up on what could possibly be the cause. You’re well-versed in the dangers of chemical processing, heat styling, and running around in the sun or splashing around in chlorine without proper protection and post-care.
Here’s the thing, though. There are a handful of underlying causes affecting your hair health that you might not be aware of, such as hormonal imbalances, genetic predispositions, physiological issues, and even diet. If you’re still trying to pinpoint the reasons why your hair won’t grow, lacks luminosity, or is constantly breaking off, you’re in the right place.
With the help of a dermatologist, hairstylist, and registered dietician, we’re here to help you do a 180 on your string of no-good hair days.

The Top Factors for Hair Health

Though all the factors we’re outlining below won’t apply to everyone, it’s entirely possible that you might be dealing with one or two of them. This is especially true if you’ve been battling unhealthy hair for an extended period of time and can’t pinpoint the issue to some of the more obvious contributors to poor hair health, such as going overboard with heat styling (put the flat iron down, friend) or excessive processing.

1. Your Environment

“Everything you do is either damaging your hair or preventing damage. Sleeping on cotton or silk pillows, the fiber of the brush you use, how often you touch your hair, how much wind exposure it has—on and on and on,” noted Cash Lawless, a celebrity hairstylist for SEVEN haircare.

iStock.com/mladen_zivkovic

Sleeping on silk versus cotton and brushing your hair with high quality bristles will prevent tugging and snagging. Touching your hair often can result in greasiness and limpness. Another environmental factor is your water quality.
[pullquote align=”center”]”Yes, moisture is great for your hair, but when it’s 90 percent humidity, it can be really be your worst enemy.”
—Cash Lawless[/pullquote]
Additionally, soft and hard water are notoriously damaging to hair and require adjustments in your routine. Hard water means your water has high amounts of minerals, which can result in brittleness and lack of shine. If your shower has chalky white residue buildup, you have hard water. Either splurge on a water softener, or stock your shower with color-protecting products and chelating or clarifying shampoos. Soft water may require you to wash your hair more frequently, and you should actively avoid parabens and sulfates.
iStock.com/FredFroese

Lawless said that climate is another major factor to consider.
“This is almost solely due to our greatest hair friend and enemy—water! Yes, moisture is great for your hair, but when it’s 90 percent humidity, it can be really be your worst enemy. The right products are essential to battle humidity,” he said.
Opt for shampoos and conditioners that are smoothing and styling products that are anti-frizz. These create a protective layer of the hair to add a little weight and reduce flyaways.

2. Hormones

There are a handful of hormones that affect your hair health, but one of the most pervasive is cortisol, which is known as the “stress hormone,” notes Jeanine Downie, MD, a dermatologist for Zwivel. High quantities of cortisol in your system are responsible for thinning hair and a reduction in overall growth.

iStock.com/laflor

Downie said that exercising five to seven days per week, sleeping seven or more hours, and avoiding excess alcohol and caffeine can also help keep the stress hormones at bay. Beyond that, reducing your workload and carving out time for yourself can help reduce stress.
“Thyroid conditions, variations in estrogen and progesterone, as well as testosterone, can all impact hair health, as well as loss and growth,” adds Downie. “Peri-menopausal women typically start to notice hair texture changes and potentially eventual loss that we usually check in the office when looking at causes for hair changes. In addition, many postpartum women suffer from hair loss associated with or directly related to breastfeeding hormones; this is a very common complaint for many women after giving birth.”


These are issues that ought to be addressed by a professional on a case-by-case basis. Schedule an appointment with your doctor or a dermatologist.

3. Medical Conditions

There are a handful of medical conditions that affect your hair’s integrity. If you suspect you have one of the below, we highly advise meeting with a doctor to devise a treatment game plan.

iStock.com/Artfully79

“Androgenetic alopecia—commonly known as male or female pattern baldness—is related to a gradual thinning of the hair that leads to eventual loss,” says Downie. “Common treatments include nutraceuticals (my favorite is Nutrafol, although Viviscal has also had numerous clinical studies to support its effectiveness), Rogaine topical, finasteride for certain male patients, and spironolactone for certain, eligible female patients.”
https://twitter.com/nadiner_weiner/status/1000004467834703872
Hirsutism, or excess, unwanted hair growth, is another relatively common disorder that Downie sees. She said it’s most often experienced by postmenopausal women, those with genetic predisposition for hair in unwanted places, or in individuals with polycystic ovarian syndrome.
“We usually check to make sure there is no hormonally-associated condition if this is a new finding for an individual, but most often treat the unwanted hair effectively with laser [linkbuilder id=”6707″ text=”hair removal”],” she said. “Several sessions are required on a monthly basis and depending on the location and the individual, treatments may be required beyond a year. However, permanently getting rid of the unwanted hair is certainly worth the wait, and my patients (and I) can vouch to that!”
https://twitter.com/princessleahh92/status/999270603839459336
Inflammatory conditions that impact the hair growth negatively, said Downie, include seborrheic dermatitis, which is one of the most common causes of adult dandruff, ringworm (clinically known as tinea capitis), psoriasis, contact dermatitis from potentially inflammatory ingredients found in some hair products, and predispositions for inflammation.
“Depending on the cause, treatments range from prescription and over-the-counter shampoos and solutions, anti-fungal topical or oral treatments, as well as prescription oral medications to treat the inflammation, injections of steroids for severe inflammation, and even biologic medications in the case of hard-to-treat psoriasis,” says Downie.

4. Diet

A consistently poor diet will almost certainly affect your overall hair health, noted Brooke Alpert, a registered dietician and author of The Diet Detox. As a general rule, you should eat a variety of fruits and vegetables, lean proteins, healthy fats, and reduce your intake of processed foods. To help narrow your focus to a specific hair health issue, though, we’re addressing three primary categories: protein, iron, and antioxidant-rich foods.
https://twitter.com/MrGOODWRK/status/639457561775763456
“Diets low in protein have been shown to result in hair loss, and protein intake has also been shown to prevent hair thinning. Make sure you’re getting the recommended daily amount, which for most women, that’s at least 46 grams of protein per day,” said Alpert. “My recommendation is to have a good quality protein source at every single meal. Opt for organic or wild sources of eggs, fish, beef, and chicken.”

iStock.com/a_namenko

Regarding iron, Alpert noted that [linkbuilder id=”6215″ text=”iron deficiency”] is one of the world’s most common nutritional deficiencies and that it is a well-known cause of hair loss. Premenopausal women, specifically, are at the highest risk for this anemia, she said, and they should consume iron-rich foods, like beef, liver, lentils, spinach, and black beans to prevent it.


“Antioxidants are compounds that prevent something called oxidative damage in our bodies,” she says. “Oxidative stress has been linked to hair loss, so fill up on these to keep your mane looking shiny and long. Foods high in antioxidants include blueberries, blackberries, dark chocolate, and dark leafy vegetables.”

5. Damaging Styling Habits

We’re all guilty of making hair mistakes, but with knowledge comes power and, in this case, healthier hair! Lawless said that one of the most common no-nos he’s seen is the combination of oil and heat.

iStock.com/CasaraGuru

“This is an especially big mistake made by women with texture who love their moisture,” he said. “Oil is an amazing treatment for the hair, but when you add high levels of heat with the oil still in the hair—like irons or blow dryers—this will make the hair incredibly brittle and susceptible to breakage.”
iStock.com/beboopai

This is also true for leave-in conditioners, so make sure you’re only using a heat-protectant product and not a conditioner or oil before heat-styling your hair. Another big mistake is using sea salt before blow drying, flattening, or curling. Lawless said that sea salt and heat will absolutely fry your hair.
Finally, being overly aggressive with your brush—or creating a lot of tension on wet hair—can damage your locks, too.
iStock.com/ipopba

“If you are putting your hair under tension, like a pony tail, and then letting it dry in that position, you are stretching the hair under that rubber band and allowing it to dry in a brittle state. The next time you brush or pull that rubber band out, the chances of breakage are much higher,” said Lawless. “Also, I see women just beat their hair with their brush. Please use a detangler. Collectively, your hair may be strong, but each strand is weak. Over time a little snap here and little break there adds up.”

The Last Strand

Our best piece of advice is to be proactive about your hair health. If you notice something is really off, schedule an appointment with a doctor or dermatologist to pinpoint the cause and start turning things around.

iStock.com/CasarsaGuru

Also make small changes that have a lot of impact, like switching out your cotton pillowcase for a silk one, abiding by the recommended daily allowances for all of your macronutrients and micronutrients, taking more evening strolls to reduce cortisol levels, and avoiding the common hair mistakes we outlined above. Not only will your mane look better when you do all the above, you’ll feel better.

Categories
Mindful Parenting Motherhood

Daycare By The Dollars: An Objective Look At Childcare Costs

“Childcare costs changed everything,” Lacy Stroessner, mom of three, tells HealthyWay.
Before having children, Stroessner was a teacher. After the birth of her first child, she continued working. It was the arrival of her second child that made it clear her family’s lifestyle wasn’t sustainable. She realized it no longer made sense for her to continue to work.
“Even with a few years of experience and a master’s degree, you can’t exactly afford to live on a teacher’s salary,” she says.

iStock.com/nemke

Adding the expense of childcare for two children pushed their budget beyond its limit. Money wasn’t just tight anymore—they literally would not be able to pay their bills. Her salary was less than what her family would be spending on childcare. Stroessner left her job, started freelancing, and stayed home with her two young daughters. She assumed she’d return to work once they were in school, but now she is learning that, with the cost of after-school care, it still makes the most sense for her to stay home.
If Stroessner’s story sounds familiar, that’s because it is incredibly common. Bring up childcare costs in a room full of parents and you’re sure to be met with groans (and maybe even a few tears). My own childcare story is one of working weekends and overnights to circumvent childcare expenses before eventually transitioning to working from home full-time.
https://twitter.com/HoneysIsh/status/1000050840592412672
Childcare is expensive—at least, that’s the general consensus. When you look at it objectively, gathering the cold, hard numbers and stripping them down to the nuts and bolts of expenses, are the costs unreasonable? What other costs are associated with the economics of childcare? Here’s what we found out.

How much does childcare cost?

The cost of childcare varies greatly depending on where the care is being provided, the age of the child, and who is providing the care. For instance, the average cost of infant care is much higher than care for a toddler or school-age child, according to the Parents and the High Cost of Child Care Report by Child Care Aware. Care in a daycare center has a higher price tag than an in-home daycare center.

iStock.com/Nadezhda1906

The average annual cost of care is $8,634, with infant care costing closer to five figures. This is a number that only takes into consideration care provided by daycare centers or in-home daycare providers. It doesn’t account for private nannies, who come at a much higher cost. The annual average cost of a nanny is $28,905, according to a Cost of Care survey by Care.com.
iStock.com/Peopleimages

There is much variation in the cost of childcare, though, depending on where you live. For instance, in 2016, the average annual cost of care for an infant was $20,125 in a daycare center in Massachusetts. On the opposite end of the spectrum is North Dakota, one of the most affordable places to pay for care, where the average cost of daycare falls between $6,000 and $8,000 each year.

What factors impact childcare?

Because of the high cost of daycare, it might be easy to assume that the daycare industry is a profitable one or that the costs are unreasonable. That actually isn’t the case. Providing daycare is a costly endeavor. Due to the various legal regulations for the size of the building and labor, daycare centers spend a lot of money simply doing the bare minimum needed to provide good care and keep their business running.

iStock.com/Nadezhda1906

First, daycare centers have to deal with rent. From state to state, there are regulations that dictate how much square footage each center has to obtain per child they plan to enroll. And, depending on where the daycare center is located, the cost of rent is higher. It follows a logical trend—in regions with a higher cost of living, rent is higher for daycare centers.
“Rent is a huge cost in areas such as Hoboken, New York City, or the Washington D.C. area,” explains Holly Flanders, founder and CEO of Choice Parenting, an organization that assists parents in the New York area with finding care.
Flanders also points out that although rent is expensive, it is not the biggest cost of running a daycare center. The reality is that it is payroll that accounts for the vast majority of day care expenses.
iStock.com/designer491

It makes sense when you take into consideration that, in order to be licensed in your state, there are specific teacher-to-child ratios that have to be upheld. Although there is some variation from state to state, most states require a 1:3 teacher-to-child ratio for very young infants. As the age of the children in care increases, the ratios become less constraining. This explains why infant care costs parents so much more.
https://twitter.com/Amazingrocio/status/629451750785703936
For this reason, labor expense accounts for as much as 80 percent of most daycare budgets, according to a report by Child Care, Inc. And, as reported by The Atlantic, these caretakers still aren’t walking away with a large check. In fact, many daycare workers are struggling to live on the salary provided by their jobs.
iStock.com/Fullerene

At most daycare centers, tuition cost is in line with their expenses. It may be expensive, but it isn’t unreasonable.
However, that doesn’t mean it’s affordable for the families in need of care. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services has determined that affordable childcare is qualified as any care that makes up 7 percent or less of the family’s total income. For families like Stroessner’s, the actual cost of care would have eaten up the entire income of one of the working parents. It may have been what the care provider needed to charge to make ends meet, but it wasn’t affordable for her family.

Parents and the Cost of Care

There is another cost associated with unaffordable daycare expense—childcare often costs mothers the most. As The Atlantic reports, highly educated moms are jumping from being career women to staying at home for a variety of reasons. One of the most evident is that the cost of childcare is extremely high, meaning it can be unreasonable to pay for it, even on a two-income budget.
[pullquote align=”center”]“As we are calculating expenses, our childcare cost has careened past our mortgage payment.”
—Danielle Butler, mom of two[/pullquote]
Although she enjoys being home with her children, Stroessner still had to let go of a career she loved.
https://twitter.com/jadeleshayy/status/1000066020952899586
For Danielle Butler, a mom of two from Atlanta who is just returning to work, the cost of care of created so much stress she found herself questioning if she should work at all.
“As we are calculating expenses, our childcare cost has careened past our mortgage payment,” she writes in an email to HealthyWay. “Looking into the next school year, we could potentially see our childcare expenses soaring beyond double our mortgage. Even typing it now, it looks outrageous and I’m feeling the knot in my shoulder.”

iStock.com/zenstock

She considered staying home. She even worked from home for a time after her youngest was born, but it simply didn’t work. She speaks of juggling conference calls while trying to keep a baby happy or a toddler out of danger. We connect when we discuss how working-from-home isn’t the “best of both worlds” like it is made out to be. Mothers are stressed with a double workload. It’s nearly impossible to be a good mom and good employee at the same time. It’s too much.
For Butler, the decision to go back to work was about the meeting the needs of both her family and herself, even if it meant stomaching unaffordable care.
iStock.com/monkeybusinessimages

“It allows both mom and dad the opportunity to work full-time to cover other life expenses,” she says. “It also gives parents a reprieve from being stuck in parent mode while simultaneously increasing the children’s social skills.”

Creatively Approaching the Cost of Care

If we’re being perfectly honest, there is no easy solution to childcare cost. Daycare centers need to cover their expenses, and many parents want or need to work. Mothers want to continue to pursue their careers. Household expenses dictate that both parents work, even if it means spending a huge percentage of their income on childcare.

iStock.com/monkeybusinessimages

Flanders suggests that parents concerned with the cost of care might find more affordable options outside of the city.
“There are other daycares that are a little further out of the way,” she says. “They may not come with all of the bells and the whistles, but they are still required to follow state guidelines. They have the same kind of teacher ratios, the same kind of standards and requirements.”
Flanders is quick to point out that it is the teachers, not the “bells and whistles” like organic foods and webcam monitoring, that make a difference to the children. Attentive and caring daycare employees are most beneficial to kids. In her experience, the standard of care is very similar between high-cost and more affordable daycare options.
iStock.com/BraunS

Our family chose unconventional schedules, with me often working nights and weekends to keep childcare expenses minimal. A friend of mine negotiated an arrangement that allows her to work one to two days from home, spending the other three days in the office.
Small families can use nanny sharing, splitting the cost of one nanny across two families. A friend of mine who works from home has used childcare swaps to keep care affordable, helping a friend with her kids occasionally and then that friend returns the favor. It is possible to creatively approach the cost of childcare, although we admit that there is no perfect solution.

Categories
Healthy Her Way Lifestyle

Alison Wu Of Wu Haus

This week’s Healthy Her Way feature is wellness guru and matcha maven Alison Wu.
Stylist and blogger Alison is all about healthy living; she focuses on eating a plant-forward diet that includes fresh, organic, and local (where possible) ingredients, and if you’ve seen the inside of her fridge—a Smeg that’s in the dreamiest kitchen ever—or pantry, you’ve probably felt some serious envy. How can someone eat like that all the time? Well, luckily for readers, Alison also develops recipes on her blog, Wu Haus—and most of them are actually way simpler than they look! Her incredible layered smoothies and colorful bowls are way attainable and have definitely served as inspiration when I am dragging myself to the kitchen to cook dinner.
Alison is open, though, about the times she doesn’t make choices she loves for herself, like when she’s not eating food that’s exactly fit for the ’gram or when she struggles with self-love. In March, she wrote this candid nugget about her Instagram feed: “Everything I share here is an authentic expression of who I am and what I love, but is by no means a full picture of my life. When I’m stressed or overworked, sometimes I skip meals or make poor decisions like eating a piece of toast for dinner like I did on Saturday night. This whole weekend, I was so focused on other things that I let healthy eating fall to the wayside.” Been there, sis.
Feeds full of picture-perfect shots sometimes feel unrelatable, but if you read Alison’s captions or her blog posts, you’ll quickly see that she actually shares a lot about the parts of her life that some people hold closer to the chest: thoughts on marriage and friendships, her wellness journey, selfies with skincare issues, and honest accounts of when she feels she didn’t do her best that day.
As she wrote on that post in March, “I slip up. I make bad decisions. I neglect self care. I let my impulses take control. I am human.” What’s more relatable than that?
HealthyWay

A Day in the Life

What does your daily routine look like?

My husband and I usually end our days around 6:30 p.m. and begin prepping dinner to our favorite playlist of the moment. Eating nutrient-dense, nourishing meals is incredibly important to us. I’m a big proponent for understanding what your body needs and feeding it accordingly. For example, in times of heightened stress or anxiety, we’ll cook warming, grounding foods that balance the chakra—muladhara or root—to bring us back down to earth.
My husband usually helps me cook, and we chat about our days. To begin the unwinding process, I’ll prepare a cup of calming tea using herbs like chamomile, peppermint, lavender, rosemary, lemon balm, and cinnamon, which all have comforting effects on the nervous system. I use tea time to unplug from my phone and computer and focus my attention on the present moment, read an inspirational book, or write in my journal.
Creating a bathtime ritual is one of my favorite ways to practice self-care. I love making over-the-top baths with florals, citrus, and crystals and really taking the time to relax my body and my mind. I’ll skim through a book of poetry or just close my eyes and let my senses take over. I love to prepare a castor oil pack with a stress-relieving essential oil blend and apply it for 20 to 30 minutes while lying in bed reading a book or catching up on the news.
One of my intentions for 2018 was less scrolling, more page turning, so it’s important for me to disconnect from my phone before bed in order to fully relax.

What are your favorite ways to practice self-care?

  • Slowing down and listening to my inner voice
  • 3 liters of water a day
  • 8 hours of sleep a night
  • Quality time with people that bring me joy

How do you stay inspired?

I’m constantly gathering inspiration from my surroundings: nature, shapes, texture, interiors, fashion, fantasy. If I’m going through a period of feeling uninspired (like we all do), I try to be gentle with myself, remind myself that inspiration ebbs and flows. There’s so much in the world to be inspired by. Honestly, sometimes it’s overwhelming! A lot of times I find getting quiet, disconnecting from technology, and immersing myself in nature inspires me the most.
HealthyWay
HealthyWay
Disclaimer: Just so you know, if you order an item through one of our posts, we may get a small share of the sale.

Loving Lately…

What are your favorite apps?

Audible, Instagram, VSCO, NYTimes

Whose Instagram is on your radar?

@cleowade

What are you reading, watching, or listening to?

I’m reading the Steve Jobs’ biography, watching The Handmaid’s Tale, season 2, and listening to Frank Ocean’s Spotify station.
HealthyWay
HealthyWay

Alison IRL

What is your bucket list travel destination?

Well, I just got back from Puglia, Italy, and that’s all I can think about. Next maybe India or Australia.

Would you rather explore space or the ocean? Why?

Space. Seeing all the plastic in the ocean would make me depressed.

What’s your coffee order?

All about the matcha! My favorite is the one I make at home with coconut butter, collagen, adaptogens, cardamom, and ½ a Medjool date.

What piece of advice has impacted you the most?

Our thoughts shape our reality. I always keep that in mind, especially when I’m feeling down and find myself in a cycle of negative thinking.
HealthyWay
HealthyWay
Follow Alison on Instagram and at her blog, Wu Haus.

Categories
Mom x Body Motherhood

How To Practice Prenatal Yoga Safely: Q+A With A Doula And Prenatal Yoga Teacher

Prenatal yoga can feel sooooo good to a mama-to-be—all that stretching and relaxing and preparing for the birth. And it’s also safe, right? Well, yes and no.
Prenatal yoga can be a wonderful way to strengthen your body and work with your mind before giving birth. But there are some poses—or ways of approaching poses—that should be avoided during pregnancy, just to be on the safe side.
I spoke with the wise and wonderful Bec Conant, owner and founder of Om Births in Watertown, Massachusetts. She’s also a birth doula and mom to little Sawyer. Below she answers all your most pressing questions about practicing yoga safely while pregnant.

HealthyWay: What are the basics of practicing prenatal yoga safely?

Conant: The first rule is true for all yoga practice: Don’t do anything that feels like it might injure your body, and don’t ever strain for a pose! If you start with the first yogic principle of ahimsa (not harming), things will fall into place from there. That said, here are some basics that are specific to pregnancy to bear in mind:

  • Avoid anything that squeezes or compresses the belly (ouch!), or anything that demands intense abdominal control. Even in the first trimester it’s smart to be cautious around arm balances and deep twists—everything is shifting inside you and the body is trying to protect this tiny growing being.
  • When you get into your second and third trimesters—as the baby grows—widen the feet in standing postures like uttanasana where the belly would hit the thighs.
  • Always make sure that all your joints are slightly soft. In other words, don’t lock at in the elbows or the knees. The soft joints help keep things supported as the hormones shift to soften connective tissue, especially in the third trimester.
  • Avoid any pranayama (breath practice) where your breath is doing crazy or unusual things. (Think breath of fire or anything that places unusual strain on the nervous system.)

What prenatal yoga poses are definitely safe for me to do?

In the first trimester, everything is okay, with the exception of anything that would put pressure into the abdomen. So a belly bolster is out right away, and deep twists like parivritta parsvakonasana are best to avoid. You can go into the shape (twisting your body), but don’t push yourself further into the twist.
And don’t start learning new things like arm balances and inversions! If you are already practicing these, it’s fine to keep doing them, but this isn’t the moment to finally learn to go upside down!

What prenatal yoga poses should I avoid by trimester and why?

Second Trimester

Avoid anything that compresses the belly, so stay away from poses like paschimottanasana (seated forward bend) with legs together and ardha matseyandrasana (half lord of the fishes pose). Start exercising caution in the deep backbends, like wheel, where the expanding abdominal wall could be affected. In lunges and deep squats, the focus should be on support rather than releasing and opening. You need to do this to support the pelvis, which is preparing to open for the birth.

Third Trimester

Avoid the obvious stuff like lying on your belly and possibly lying on your back if it doesn’t feel comfy (if it makes you feel dizzy, nauseated, or faint). Good postures to practice are those that help open and align the pelvic connective tissues: baddhakonasana, bridge (to stretch the psoas muscle, which runs from the spine to the top of the thigh), gentle spinal twists, as well as postures that help during labor such as all fours (table), table with elbows on the floor, and deep relaxation.
Deep relaxation is key during the third trimester because it helps the body stay free of stress before the birth process.

When should I start practicing prenatal yoga, and when should I stop practicing?

Start as soon as you like! I have students who are only six weeks pregnant in class. End when your water breaks—seriously, you can practice right until the baby is in your arms. Of course one could say that’s when the real yoga begins.

How can I find a prenatal yoga teacher I can trust?

Ask around your area, or start by looking on Yoga Alliance to see who’s in your region with a prenatal designation (RPYT), but also check out various classes. The designation by itself doesn’t guarantee you will feel comfortable with the person, so check it out for yourself. Look for a teacher who doesn’t just teach prenatal yoga, but who has experience in the birth field as a doula or childbirth instructor. They’ll know more than just the postures and will probably be really passionate about the prenatal experience.

Quick Prenatal Yoga True or False with Bec

  • Twists are okay: True. They are better if you just twist to open up. Save room for the baby!
  • Lying on your back in poses is okay until it’s personally uncomfortable (this varies person by person): True.
  • Don’t do core work because it causes diastasis recti: True—and false. Don’t do surface core work, but exercises that work the transverse abdominals, like plank, can be done with caution and might even help maintain a strong center. Pelvic floor work will also contribute to an integrated core.
  • You can go upside down (and it can be great for turning a breech baby!): True, but it’s best to have a spotter or previous knowledge of inversions. (But poses like downward dog and bridge can also help turn a breech baby.)
  • It is bad to put firm direct pressure on the belly: True.
  • It is bad to jump in the first trimester: True.
  • Binding is bad because of the hormone relaxin and softer connective tissue which could cause instability: True. [Many prenatal yoga instructors stress that relaxin can alter ligaments; some studies have shown that higher relaxin levels during pregnancy correlate with pelvic and hip joint instability.]
  • Expelling breath out and holding it is not safe: True.
  • It is recommended to start yoga in the second trimester because the first is always riskier: False. People may feel more comfortable starting prenatal yoga in the second trimester because they will have cleared the challenges of the first trimester, but the risks of miscarriage during the first trimester are not going to be increased by a gentle yoga practice.
Categories
Mindful Parenting Motherhood

How To Travel With Kids And (Mostly) Enjoy It

Let’s be honest. Anyone who calls traveling with kids a “vacation” is delusional. That is called a “trip”—especially when the children are really little. No more lounging for hours with a cocktail by the pool and napping as the sun sets. No more gallivanting around a city, wandering aimlessly through museums, and popping in for a quick cocktail at 4 p.m.
But! Traveling with kids can also be loads of fun. It’s important to have time away from regular life to be together, especially if one or both parents work a lot. Setting aside these days or weeks is vital for the health of the family unit, and shows the kids—and your partner!—that they are a priority. You never know what new parts of your kids or spouse you’ll discover when you’re on a totally new adventure.

When should I travel with my kids?

We went on our first trip with our daughter when she was 6 weeks old, and it was surprisingly easy. She could sleep and eat anywhere and was no trouble to carry around. The hardest time to travel with a kid is between about 9 months and 2 years, when they don’t have their own airplane seat, can’t really watch TV, and just want to move all the time. This is not to say that travel with kids can’t be fun—just that the journey probably won’t be easy.
The best way to stay sane when you travel with small kids is to keep some semblance of a schedule. Do not throw out the nap. Do not stay out all hours of the night, expecting the kid to fall asleep on your lap at a fancy restaurant. These plans will most likely backfire. The kind of trip you have with a toddler will not resemble any other kind of vacation you’ve taken before or will again—so just embrace its limits and go small: a beach, a lake, an all-inclusive. Think of it as a particular kind of family time.
There seems to be a sweet spot starting around age 3 or 4, going up to about age 13. Older kids are a total blast to travel with—they have the energy and stamina to go, go, go. But they can also sit peacefully in a restaurant without throwing food. Some kinds of vacations are better suited to certain ages, but mostly it depends on your own family values.

Finding Childcare

There are lots of options for getting a night out on the town sans kids when you’re away—but remember, it’ll cost you.
A few recs: Some all-inclusive resorts will offer babysitting for a small additional fee, so you can factor that into the cost of your travel. Bonus: You don’t have to go out searching for a reliable sitter! They’re right there! Alternately, if you’re not doing an all-inclusive, you can look on sites like Care.com or UrbanSitter for vetted sitters (rather than a total stranger!), so you can have a little more peace of mind.
If you have very little kids, consider bringing your own sitter along: How much help will you want? What will the childcare options already there cost you? If you think you’ll need more help than one night out with your partner—if you’re going to want another set of hands—this might be the more financially sound option.
Or! My personal fave: Travel with another family. It’s a win-win: The parents have friends to hang out with, and the kids have friends to keep them busy. You can swap out date nights or share the cost of a sitter.

Where should I travel with kids?

Each family has its own particular rhythms and desires. My husband, for instance, loathes the idea of going to the beach for a week, but for others, this is a dream vaca—easy, calming, low key. He also hates going the same place two years in a row. But for a lot of families, going on the same vacation summer after summer (or winter after winter) is comfortable; you know what to expect and can plan accordingly. Sometimes the kids even make lifelong friends.
Here are some time-tested options for families:

The Beach (and/or Any Big Body of Water)

Entertainment for hours for the kids, and parents can sit in the sun,” says Rachel Graves, mom of two boys in Portland, Oregon. “This is especially great if you can get a rental ON the beach, so no packing up the car is required! It’s easy to go back for lunch and naps. Bonus if there’s also a pool!”
Joyce Bernas, who has two young girls in Montreal, agrees: “I won’t go anywhere with kids unless there is a pool or swimmable beach,” she says. “No matter what else is around you, you know you have an activity the kids will love and not get tired of day after day. It’s basically my fail-safe back-up plan. You will also likely find other families to occupy your kids.”
Some faves: Kauai, Hawaii; Wellfleet, Massachusetts; Malibu, California.

A City

This one is not for the faint of heart. But if you love restaurants, museums, walking tours, and shows, this is the best way to go. This is a trip that is more manageable with older kids (think 5 or 6 and up) and/or a singleton. “We went to Seattle last summer,” says Kim Morchower, mom of 4- and 6-year-olds in L.A. “The Airbnb was affordable and nice. There were lots of things to do with kids: lake, hiking, museums, parks. Great town, perfect family trip.” New York City is always a blast, as are European cities—think Paris, Amsterdam, Vienna—which are extremely walkable.
Some faves: New York City, Paris, Amsterdam, Austin, Seattle, Portland, Nashville.

A Cruise

Okay, to some this might sound like a nightmare, but to others it’s bliss: everything all in one place! A pool, views of water for miles, and activities galore. “We took our toddler on a cruise with extended family and loved it!” says Ginette Sze of Montreal. “It’s relatively clean and safe, and there’s so much good food available at all hours, and waves to rock you to sleep, and occasions to dress up fancy for a change. Some cruises have activities and programming for youth.”

Disneyland or Disney World (and Other Theme Parks)

I took my 5-year-old to Disney world in January, and it was amazing,” says Sze, “but it wasn’t a restful vacation by any means. It was magical but also a constant obstacle course of boutiques and crap for sale and the food was ugh. We used FastPass+ to avoid some long waits, but it requires advance planning. The thing that’s the most fun about theme parks that I always recommend is the water parks (which is not included in Disney passes, by the way). They are truly fantastic. I have so many wonderful childhood memories at water parks.”

Camping

Camping is great IF both kids are walking and there are nearby attractions like a lake or river,” says Grave. “But it’s a terrible idea with infants/non-walkers or bad sleepers.” Betsy Uhrman, a mom of two in L.A., adds: “When possible, we prefer group sites with no other sites nearby. Both for privacy and for when small children wake at random hours of the night … I feel less badly (though still feel badly) about disturbing people I know.”
Some faves: Bandido Campground in Santa Clarita, California; Sequoia National Park.

Skiing

“We’ve taken winter snow trips to Lake Tahoe two years in a row and stayed at Granlibakken Ski and Sled Area,” says Jessica Lattiff, mom of two boys. “Kids have a blast, and there’s stuff for grownups to enjoy, too. Really good breakfast included in the room rate, sled rentals and two different hills for kids, a small ski area where they can take beginner lessons, plus a heated pool, hot tub, sauna, and spa services.”
Some faves: Granlibakken Ski Resort.

The All-Inclusive

Who doesn’t want absolutely everything taken care of? No searching for food, activities, sitters—the all-inclusive, although often quite pricey, can be worth it. “Kinderhotels” in Austria are a prime example—they provide all-day childcare (including separate meals!) for guests.   
Some faves: Franklyn D. Resort in Jamaica, Kinderhotel Almhof in Austria.

Luxury

We know, we know. Not with kids! But what if you can? Tots Too offers myriad luxury family vacations all over Europe and beyond.

Choosing Accommodations

Ah, hotels: They used to be so luxurious and lovely. Breakfast in bed. Room service. Someone to make your bed in the morning…
With kids, this scenario is a little different. Usually you only have one room, so if one kid needs to sleep, where will the other kid go (and stay quiet)? Do you want to worry about waking the neighbor at 5 a.m.? And what if you need to put the kid down at 7 p.m. but want to eat, too?
But there are still perks to hotels, usually in the form of a pool and breakfast, and sometimes childcare.
When traveling with kids, Airbnb is usually a great option—but always check the reviews. The last thing you need when traveling with kids is to find yourself in a place that bears no resemblance to the pictures! What a rented apartment (or house) will give you is more flexibility, and it might end up being cheaper. You can cook meals, stock the fridge, and have more space to move about on your own schedule.
Kid & Coe offers amazing homes that are equipped with stuff for kids! You can specify your desires (pool, beach, best for kindergarteners, best for babies) and voila! Everything is already there for you!

Tips for Travel With Kids

Plan, plan, plan.

Gone are the days of booking a flight a week before and winging it. Have at least one plan/destination for each day, keeping naptime and bedtime schedules in mind.

Stay (sort of) on schedule.

This is especially true if you have a napper. Do not expect the kid to nap on cue wherever you are. If you want to avoid daily meltdowns, plan your days as you would at home, with a big activity in the morning, followed by lunch and a nap. If you have a second (or third) kid who doesn’t nap, use that time to rest or have a little one-on-one adventure.

Partner up.

Some of our best family vacations were with other families. It’s a win–win! The kids have friends to play with and so do the parents.

Make sure everyone is getting their needs met—at least a bit.

It’s unlikely that you’ll plan a vacation that is perfect for every single family member at all times, but the best way to make travel with kids work is to make sure that everyone gets to choose at least one or two parts of the trip. Don’t love museums but your husband does? Okay, so go to one, or let him go alone while you take the kids out for ice cream so he can enjoy it in peace.

Divide and conquer.

You do not need to be together all the time. Especially if you have more than one kid, consider doing activities in pairs or even letting each parent have at least one morning or afternoon to him- or herself.

Pack snacks.

A whiny, hungry child is no fun for anyone, ever.

Put away your phone.

Really, stop working.
Traveling with kids can be absolutely magical. Just remember: It’s a trip, not a vacation. It’ll be exhausting and incredible—and, let’s be honest, you’ll probably need an actual vacation soon after. So try to save a little moolah for a weekend away with your honey.
[related article_ids=1005752]

Categories
In the Kitchen Nosh

4 Easy Crock-Pot Recipes That Are Perfect For Any Occasion

Crock-Pots have gotten a bad rap in recent years, thanks in part to some of the seriously retro recipes that used to be par for the course in vintage Crock-Pot cookbooks (think such delicacies as Hot Dog…Perfection!, Stuffed Beef Heart, and Rice ’N Clams).
But slow-cooking expert Stephanie O’Dea thinks this reputation isn’t entirely deserved. The New York Times best-selling author is a massive fan of cooking with Crock-Pots, if you couldn’t tell from the titles of some of her books: 365 Slow Cooker Suppers, Make It Fast, Cook It Slow, and Five Ingredients or Less Slow Cooker Cookbook.
O’Dea explains:  

I think that people think of old school methods when they think of slow cooking, when recipes would call for a can of Campbell’s soup and a packet of dry soup mix. But the new school methods are all about clean healthy food and ingredients. You can make healthy food in the slow cooker and you aren’t losing any ingredients. Everything is contained. For example, you can make a roast chicken in the slow cooker and you don’t even have to add any extra liquid or salt, just your favorite seasonings.

The hands-off nature of slow cooking also appeals to O’Dea. As she notes, “Slow cookers are great because you can taste and stir as you go, thanks to its long cooking time. You can be absent minded with a slow cooker and not worry about leaving it alone. If you’re having a dinner party you can make your meal ahead of time and then enjoy a glass of wine and relax.”
In other words, it’s time to let your Crock-Pot do the work so you can spend more time relaxing and doing the things you love. So let’s get started!

The Difference Between a Crock-Pot and a Slow Cooker

Essentially, both appliances are slow cookers; Crock-Pot is a specific brand of slow cooker. Both appliances have the same function: They use moist heat to cook food (and drinks!) over a prolonged period using different heat settings. Crock-Pots have three settings: low (200° F), high (300° F), and warm (which isn’t a cooking setting, it literally just keeps everything warm), whereas slow cookers can have up to five different heat settings.
[related article_ids=1004299]
Crock-Pots and slow cookers are both made up of a ceramic cooking vessel, a heating element, and a glass lid; Crock-Pots heat from all sides, and slow cookers heat from the bottom element only. The appliances, however, are similar enough that they can be used interchangeably.

General Tips for Cooking With a Crock-Pot

  • Cook onions and garlic in a skillet before adding them to the Crock-Pot with the rest of the ingredients to prevent overwhelming the recipe with an acrid and sulfuric flavor.
  • Sarah Olson, author of The Magical Slow Cooker: Recipes for Busy Moms and the creator of the blog The Magical Slow Cooker, says, “I like to add the dairy products such as cream cheese or heavy cream at the end of the cooking time to prevent curdling.”
  • Don’t overfill your Crock-Pot. Aim for half or two-thirds full at most.
  • When trying out a new Crock-Pot recipe for the first time, have a trial run while you’re in the house. This way you can periodically check that the suggested time and temperature are appropriate for your appliance.

Some Unexpected Crock-Pot Ideas

One of O’Dea’s favorite Crock-Pot dishes is fish in parchment, which she says “cooks up beautifully in the slow cooker!” She is also a big fan of making baked mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes in her trusty Crock-Pot.
Olson loves to make salsa in her slow cooker: “I add Roma tomatoes, onions, jalapeños, and canned tomatoes to my slow cooker. After those veggies are cooked and tender I add them to a blender with cilantro and seasonings. It always surprises people when they try my salsa that it was made in the slow cooker.”

What Not to Cook in a Crock-Pot

Crock-Pots can do a lot. But for reasons of taste, texture, and even safety, there are still several foods that you shouldn’t use.
O’Dea cautions against cooking hard boiled eggs in the Crock-Pot: “Hard boiled eggs do not work. You end up with a stinky mess in the kitchen!”
Olson doesn’t cook kidney beans in the Crock-Pot, as “they have a toxin in them that slow cooking doesn’t remove.”
In general, uncooked ground beef shouldn’t be added directly to a Crock-Pot because it can clump together. However, O’Dea notes that for some recipes (such as meatloaf), this can be a desirable result.
Rice or pasta aren’t ideal for the Crock-Pot, Olson notes: “The slow cooker doesn’t get hot enough to ‘boil’ these ingredients and can leave them chalky and mushy. I often use parboiled rice such as Minute brand rice, which does very well in the slow cooker.”
It’s also important to avoid overcooking meat in the slow cooker. Chicken is especially prone to becoming stringy if cooked for longer than 6 hours. Tougher cuts of meat, such as the pork used to make pulled pork, are fine if cooked for a prolonged period.

What You Should Cook in a Crock-Pot

Slow Cooker Overnight Oats

Steel cut oats have a lot going for them as a breakfast food; with their pleasantly chewy texture, high protein and fiber count, and low glycemic index, they’re a surefire winner in terms of staying satiated and energized until lunch time. The only problem is that steel cut oats take anywhere from 30 to 45 minutes to cook on the stove, an amount of time that isn’t always practical first thing in the morning.
These overnight steel cut oats come together in a matter of minutes, because your slow cooker does the work while you sleep. Waking up to the smell of cinnamon-spiced oats has never been easier; all you need to do is pick out your favorite toppings!
Note: Slow cooker oats are very sticky and have the potential to burn around the edges if cooked too long or at too high a temperature. These problems can be prevented by coating the sides and bottom of the slow cooker with a very liberal application of nonstick cooking spray. If possible, give the oats a trial run on a day that you can keep a careful watch to determine the best total cooking time so that you can accurately calibrate the settings when using the slow cooker overnight.

Yields:

4–6 servings

Ingredients:

  • Nonstick cooking spray
  • 1 cup steel cut oats
  • 3 cups water
  • 1½ cups whole milk (or your favorite dairy-free milk)
  • 1 tsp. cinnamon
  • 1 tsp. pure vanilla extract
  • Pinch of kosher salt
  • 2 Tbsp. ground flaxseed meal (optional)*
  • 2 Tbsp. hemp seeds (optional)*
  • 2 Tbsp. chia seeds (optional)*

*These seeds aren’t necessary, but they add an extra-chewy texture along with fiber, omega-3 fatty acids, and antioxidants.

Topping Inspiration:

Brown sugar, maple syrup, shredded coconut, dried fruit, cooked apple or pear slices, honey, candied ginger, cream, walnuts, almonds, applesauce, and any other favorite oatmeal toppings

Special equipment:

  • Slow cooker
  • Measuring cups and spoons
  • Spatula

Method:

  1. Measure and pour all ingredients directly into the slow cooker.
  2. Mix gently with a spatula until combined.
  3. Place the lid on the slow cooker and set for 7 hours on low or 4 hours on high.

In the morning, add your favorite toppings and enjoy!
This recipe can also be portioned out and stored in the fridge (up to a week) or freezer (up to 3 months). Add a tablespoon or two of milk or cream and defrost in the microwave before serving.

Crock-Pot Vegan Butternut Squash and Barley Risotto

Cooking rice in the Crock-Pot can lead to a mushy mess—the total opposite texture of perfectly cooked risotto. Fortunately, barley can be used in place of the rice and will remain al dente (“to the tooth”) even after being cooked for several hours. The butternut squash begins to break down and gives the faux risotto a velvety texture in place of cream or cheese (in fact, this recipe will please even the most obstinate omnivores).
This vegan risotto is best served fresh from the Crock-Pot. Leftovers can be reheated in the microwave, but they won’t have the same creamy texture as before. Don’t skip stirring in the sherry vinegar at the end; it’s the secret ingredient that makes this recipe pop!

Yields:

4 servings

Ingredients:

  • Nonstick cooking spray
  • 1½ cups pot barley
  • 3 Tbsp. olive oil
  • 4 shallots, minced
  • 3 cloves garlic, minced
  • 3 cups butternut squash, diced (frozen is fine)
  • 1 tsp. dried sage
  • 4–5 sprigs fresh thyme
  • 1 bay leaf
  • 1 tsp. kosher salt
  • 1 tsp. freshly ground black pepper
  • 6 cups vegetable broth
  • 2 tsp. sherry vinegar
  • Fresh parsley, finely chopped (for garnish)

Special equipment:

  • Crock-Pot
  • Sharp chef’s knife
  • Cutting board
  • Skillet
  • Measuring cups and spoons
  • Wooden or silicone long-handled spoon

Method:

  1. Heat the olive oil over medium heat and sauté the shallots until translucent. Stir in the garlic and butternut squash. Continue to cook for 6 to 8 minutes or until softened. Set aside.
  2. Generously spray the sides and bottom of the Crock-Pot with nonstick cooking spray.
  3. Add the pre-cooked shallots, garlic, and butternut squash to the Crock-Pot, then the pot barley, sage, thyme, bay leaf, salt, pepper, and vegetable broth.
  4. Set the Crock-Pot to cook on low heat for 8 hours. If you can, give the risotto a few stirs as it’s cooking to prevent sticking.
  5. Check on the risotto in the last hour; it may not need the full cooking time. Ideally, the vegetable stock will have been absorbed and the barley will be soft but still slightly chewy.
  6. Remove the woody fresh thyme sprigs and bay leaf. Stir in the sherry vinegar and taste, adjusting seasonings as needed.
  7. Serve butternut squash barley risotto while piping hot, garnished with fresh parsley.

Crock-Pot Vegetarian Chili

Fans of vegetarian chili will be overjoyed by how easily this homemade Crock-Pot version comes together. This recipe makes a large amount, making it ideal for leftovers and batch cooking. Serve this chili with traditional toppings, use it to top baked sweet potatoes, or make a healthier version of chili cheese fries using baked potato wedges.
This vegetarian chili can be portioned out and frozen for up to 3 months; just make sure the chili comes to room temperature before transferring to the freezer.

Yields:

8–10 servings

Ingredients:

  • 2 Tbsp. olive oil
  • 1 small cooking onion
  • 4–5 cloves of garlic
  • 2 Tbsp. chili powder
  • ¼ tsp. cinnamon
  • 1 Tbsp. unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 1 Tbsp. dried cumin
  • 1 or 2 jalapeño peppers (remove seeds and white pith for less heat)
  • 1 serrano chili
  • 1 small zucchini sliced into quarter moon–shaped pieces
  • 1 green pepper, diced
  • 1 red pepper, diced
  • 1 medium-sized sweet potato or yam, peeled and diced
  • 1 15-oz can kidney beans*
  • 1 15-oz can pinto beans*
  • 2 28-oz cans diced tomatoes
  • 1½ cups tomato juice
  • Kosher salt, to taste

*Alternatively, you can use 4 cups total of cooked, dried beans.

Optional toppings:

Greek yogurt or sour cream, guacamole, salsa, shredded cheese

Special equipment:

  • Crock-Pot
  • Sharp chef’s knife
  • Cutting board
  • Measuring cups and spoons
  • Skillet
  • Wooden or silicone long-handled spoon

Method:

  1. Heat the olive oil in a skillet over medium heat, adding the onion, garlic, chili powder, cinnamon, unsweetened cocoa powder, and cumin. Sauté for 8 to 10 minutes or until the onion has softened and become translucent. Set aside.
  2. Add all of the remaining ingredients to the Crock-Pot with the exception of the kosher salt. Heat on low for 8 hours or on high for 4 hours until the chili has thickened and all of the ingredients are fully cooked.
  3. Taste the chili to check seasoning, adding kosher salt as needed.
  4. Serve the chili immediately, topping with any or all of the suggestions above. This chili can be stored in the fridge for up to 4 days or frozen for up to 3 months.

Crock-Pot Hot Chocolate

This recipe for Crock-Pot hot chocolate is perfect for cozy days and chilly nights, and it’s simple enough for aspiring young chefs to make with minimal supervision. This hot chocolate might not be considered virtuous (it is, after all, largely made of cream and chocolate chips), but its creamy richness makes it a memorable once-in-a-while treat.
Looking for more hot chocolate variations? White, dark, and mint chocolate chips (or a combination) can be subbed for the milk chocolate chips. If serving this to adults, the addition of Bailey’s or Irish whiskey will make sipping on this hot chocolate a heavenly experience. Don’t skip the pinch of salt when following this recipe as it enhances the sweet chocolate flavors in the hot chocolate.

Yields:

8 servings

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups whipping cream
  • 1 14-oz can sweetened condensed milk
  • 6 cups whole milk
  • 2 cups milk chocolate chips
  • 1 vanilla bean, cut in half lengthwise or 1 Tbsp. pure vanilla extract
  • Pinch of salt

Optional toppings:

Whipped cream, marshmallows, chocolate chips, crushed candy canes

Special equipment:

  • Crock-Pot
  • Measuring cups
  • Can opener
  • Paring knife
  • Small cutting board
  • Ladle
  • Mugs

Method:

  1. Combine all of the ingredients in the Crock-Pot except for the vanilla bean—if using; otherwise add the pure vanilla extract here. Stir well to combine.
  2. Using a paring knife, scrape the little black seeds in the vanilla bean onto a small cutting board and then add them to the Crock-Pot.
  3. Set the Crock-Pot to low and cook for 2 hours, stirring occasionally so that all the ingredients melt together. Once the hot chocolate is ready, change the Crock-Pot setting to warm until it’s ready to be served.
  4. Ladle the hot chocolate into mugs and add any or all of the suggested toppings.

Crock-Pots are here to stay.

Consider your Crock-Pot your new best friend in the kitchen. Once you begin exploring all of the different uses for this simple appliance, you’ll find yourself wondering how you ever managed without one.
With all the extra time you have now that you don’t have to stand by the stove, you can check out O’Dea’s and Olson’s books for Crock-Pot inspiration or peruse any of the dozens of food blogs dedicated entirely to the slow-cooking lifestyle.

Categories
Mom x Body Motherhood

Mom On The Run: These 8 Picks Are Perfect For Moms Getting Fit

We get it: You used to grab your shoes, iPhone, and keys and go. Now you’re exercising with a baby in tow, which can seem slightly more complicated—but it doesn’t have to be! Sometimes you just need to have the right gear on hand to get out the door. From running to biking to going on long hikes, here is the stuff you’ll need to keep up your active lifestyle.

Jogging Stroller

No, you can’t use your Bugaboo or your City Mini. As lovely as those strollers are, you will trip and fall on your face! Jogging strollers are built with more space for your legs so you don’t feel encumbered, and a fixed front wheel that won’t spin around on you as you’re in the middle of your groove.
Splurge: The Thule Urban Glide 2.0 jogging stroller is a compact stroller that will give you an easy jog and your little one a smooth ride.
Save: The Graco Fastaction Fold Jog Stroller gives you all you need: a place to put the baby and enough room to jog at your own pace.

Shop More Strollers:

Baby Carrier

When possible, ditch the stroller entirely and go hands free! With a supportive baby carrier, you can do everything from bouncing your clingy baby around the house to taking a family stroll in the park with the pup in tow.
Splurge: Definitely the most popular of carriers, the Ergo Baby Carrier allows you to carry the baby from birth (with infant insert) to the time he’s a toddler. You can carry on your front or back, which helps when the baby gets to be heavy! The numerous straps support mom’s back and keep the baby cozy and safe.
Save: The Boba Wrap can be tied numerous ways. Though it’s ideal for newborns, some moms like to use this with older children as well. Some find, however, that once their kid gets to a certain weight, this wrap doesn’t provide the back support they need.

Shop More Carriers:

Babe-Carrying Backpack

These packs are for the super-active mom who isn’t going to let having a baby keep her from hiking a mountain.
Splurge: Deuter’s Kid Comfort allows you carry a toddler in style and comfort and is ergonomically designed to support your spine while you do your thing. As a bonus, it’s super supportive for both kid and mom.
Save: The Baby Backpack Cross Country Carrier has a lightweight aluminum frame (because your kid is heavy enough), allowing you to tote your little one all over the zoo, fairground, or campsite. Plus it has a sun visor to boot.

Shop More Backpacks:

A Great Sports Bra

Obviously your boobs aren’t what they once were. In the months after delivery, they’re likely bigger and more cumbersome, which can be an impediment to working out. As the postpartum period wears on, they may start deflating on you, leaving you needing more lift than ever. And there’s nothing worse than feeling like your girls aren’t properly supported when you’re jogging, dancing, lifting weights, or even just walking around Target.
Splurge: The Enell Sport is designed to lock the girls down. This workhorse isn’t as beautiful as less functional bras, but as the product description asserts, it’s “a critical piece of athletic equipment that answers the prayers of well-endowed athletes.”
Save: Glamorise Women’s No-Bounce Bra is built a little more like a traditional bra with a hook in the back, but with mesh, breathable panels to keep you from getting too sweaty. Again, it won’t be stocked by slinky lingerie shops any time soon, but when you’re postpartum and on the move, you need the support.

Shop More Sports Bras:

Categories
In the Kitchen Nosh Nutrition x Advice

Be A Produce Pro: Expert Tips For Storing Your Fruits And Veggies

My first apartment after college was within walking distance of two different farmers markets. I loved browsing the stalls, picking up new produce to try, and stocking my fridge with a rainbow of fruits and veggies. But all too often, I’d buy a piece of fruit only for it to turn into a gloopy, moldy lump seemingly overnight. As it turns out, I wasn’t paying attention to how I prepped and stored my produce.

“To help keep your fruits and vegetables fresh, it’s important that you store them properly,” explains Amy Kubal, a registered dietitian. ”A bowl of fruit on the counter isn’t going to last as long as one in the refrigerator!”
I consulted the experts about the dos and don’ts of produce storage, and here’s what they had to share.

The first step is to shop smart.

Make sure you buy fruits and veggies that are in good shape to begin with—that means no decay, shriveling, insect damage (like raggedy holes on leaves), or bruises. Your produce doesn’t have to be perfect looking—after all, there’s a serious issue with “ugly” produce ending up in landfills—but it shouldn’t be damaged, either.

When possible, buy local and seasonal items from farms, farm stands, farmers markets, and local vendors who sell to supermarkets. Still, even hyper-fresh produce won’t necessarily last very long.
“Storage times range from five days to two weeks or more and will often depend on the quality and freshness of your produce at the time of purchase,” explains Cara Harbstreet, RD, of Street Smart Nutrition. “If you find you’re not able to use your produce before it starts to spoil, you may be over-purchasing. With a little planning, you can avoid food waste while also minimizing trips to the store or market.”

iStock.com/Steve Debenport

Harbstreet says you should realistically think about how often you can grocery shop. Plan your trips, then plan your meals around those trips.
“Use the vegetables and fruits that ‘go bad’ the fastest first, and save the heartier ones for later in the week,” Kubal says.

Once you’re done shopping, there are various ways to prep and store your goodies.

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) says you should store your produce away from any raw meat, poultry, or seafood and wash your hands (with soap!) before you prep it. They also recommend washing everything under running water (without soap, according to Foodsafety.gov), even if you don’t plan to eat the skin or rind. Dry everything with a clean cloth or paper towel.

iStock.com/undrey

For cut-up fruits and veggies, you’ll want some containers like mason jars, glass tupperware, or resealable plastic baggies to keep everything clean and organized. A fruit bowl is also a great idea—having a full one in sight makes it super easy to grab healthy snacks.

Let ‘Em Be

Some fruits and vegetables fare better on the countertop, in your pantry (and, in some cases, in the cellar). Here are some items you don’t need to refrigerate:
– Potatoes and sweet potatoes: “Whether you have white or sweet potatoes, you’re dealing with a starchy vegetable,” Harbstreet explains. “When those starches are exposed to cold, they begin to break down, but instead of converting to sugars—hence, a sweeter flavor when you cook them—they become unpleasantly sweet with other ‘off’ flavors.”

iStock.com/YelenaYemchuk

– Onions and garlic: According to Harbstreet, the starches in onions can break down under cold temps, leading to soft, spoiled onions and a very stinky fridge. “This doesn’t apply to green onions and scallions, though, thanks for their higher water content. Those can withstand refrigeration for up to one week.”
Oh, and potatoes speed the spoilage of onions, says Harbstreet, so make sure you’re keeping them separate.
iStock.com/ClarkandCompany

 Whole melons: Research suggests that it’s best to store them at room temperature to maximize their antioxidant content. To keep the antioxidant levels high, only store melon in the fridge after you’ve sliced it up.


 Winter squash and pumpkins: Rounding out the year, these are best stored at 50-55 degrees Fahrenheit according to research out of Oregon State University. Below 50 degrees, winter squashes and pumpkins deteriorate rapidly. This range is well below room temperature, of course, so storing them in a cellar would be best.

Keep ‘Em Cold

These fruits and veggies should go right in the fridge:
(Note: All numeric claims in this section draw from a document published by the Pacific Northwest Extension (PNW), a joint publication from University of Idaho Extension, Oregon State University Extension Service, and Washington State University Extension.)
– Trim the ends of asparagus stalks, wrap the trimmed ends in a damp paper towel, then put them in a plastic bag in the refrigerator. Or you can stand them upright in a jar of water.

– Broccoli and cauliflower: These two are hardy veggies, and Harbstreet says they can last longer than the usual 3-5 days if stored properly—that’s between 32 and 40 degrees Fahrenheit at 90-95 percent humidity.
– Celery, which lasts 1-2 weeks in the refrigerator, can still go limp very quickly. To preserve whole celery, people swear by wrapping it in foil and keeping it in the fridge.

iStock.com/5PH

– Fresh herbs. Stored at 35-40 degrees Fahrenheit, they can last up to 10 days. “Store herbs like you would flowers, in a glass with water, and refrigerate,” suggests Rachel Meltzer Warren, RDN. If you have any windowsill space at home, it could be worth growing your own herbs indoor and snipping off what you need for individual recipes.
– Lettuce and salad greens. Whether they’re pre-bagged or still on a head of lettuce, toss them in the fridge, the FDA says. And be sure to wash loose salad greens carefully, too. If you want to make salad greens last longer, consider popping them into a container with a paper towel. The towel will absorb any moisture, preventing wilting.
iStock.com/michalpalka

If you buy mushrooms in a plastic-wrapped container, put that right into the fridge without opening it. If you buy them loose, store them in the fridge in a paper bag. Harbstreet says that mushrooms can spoil quickly, so plan to use them within a couple of days of purchase.

The Toss-Ups

Some items can go either way. Other items can go in both, depending on where they are in the ripening process (and when you plan to eat them):
– Avocados. “You’ve likely struggled with finding the perfect ripeness—avocados seem to either be rock hard or so soft they’re hardly edible,” Harbstreet says. “If you find yourself with the former, opt for the countertop, which speeds ripening, and if you have the latter but can’t eat it right away, go with the fridge.”

iStock.com/gradyreese

– Eggplant. Harbstreet prefers to store hers on the counter, but only if there’s not much humidity in the kitchen. “Eggplant is best consumed within 2 to 3 days from purchase, and you may find storing in the fridge helps it reach that second or third day with quality intact.”
– Citrus fruits are a true toss-up, lasting 10 days at room temperature and 1-2 weeks in the refrigerator, per the PNW document. The researchers, for what it’s worth, say it’s best stored at “cool room temperature.”
iStock.com/gradyreese

– Apples. Apples should be ripened at room temperature and then stored in the fridge, per the PNW doc—there, they’ll live on from anywhere 1-4 weeks, according to the PNW document.
– Tomatoes. “Have you ever had the sad, [measly] slices of tomatoes on your sandwich or in a salad? That’s likely due to refrigeration,” Harbstreet says. “The taste and texture of tomatoes is best when they’re allowed to stay at room temperature but out of direct sunlight.”
iStock.com/bymuratdeniz

Like apples, it’s best to ripen these at room temperature and store in the refrigerator, unwashed, after that.

If you often have to throw away spoiled or rotten produce, consider buying some things frozen or canned.

Back in 2007, scientists at UC Davis published a paper comparing the nutrients found in frozen, fresh, and canned produce. As it turns out, frozen produce is equal in nutrition, and sometimes more nutritious, than the fresh stuff. That’s because frozen veggies and fruits were often picked when they are at peak ripeness and then frozen, basically pressing the “pause” button.

iStock.com/VictoriaBee

Another plus? Frozen items are usually cheaper than fresh ones, and they last way longer.
A few ideas of what to store in the freezer (or keep in the can):
– Hyper-seasonal produce like peaches, zucchini, pumpkin, or anything else you might purchase in bulk and not be able to use immediately.
– Ginger root can last for up to 6 months in the freezer, according to Foodsafety.gov, and frozen ginger is easier to grate for recipes than the fresh stuff.
iStock.com/egal

If you cook spinach regularly, buying canned spinach is a great idea. FoodSafety.gov says that spinach, a “low acid” canned good, can last two to five years if safely stored in the pantry.
Even when refrigerated properly, berries only last a couple of days. Buying frozen berries is usually much cheaper than buying them fresh, too. Frozen berries are ideal for smoothies, desserts, and snacking—and Foodsafety.gov says the frozen stuff will safely last up to a whole year.
iStock.com/MarkHatfield

Oh, and don’t wash berries until you’re ready to eat them, advises Warren. “I’ve seen people do that thinking it will make the berries ready for snacking, but instead, the berries are more likely to grow mold and spoil faster.”

Now that you’re armed with all this knowledge, time to stock up on your favorite fruits and veggies.

If you want to try a few new things, visit your local farmers market and chat with vendors there. Browse grocery store circulars for deals and coupons, and look into local farm shares or community-supported agriculture programs.
No one’s perfect, so chances are you’ll still have some produce that goes bad before you can use it.

iStock.com/aluxum

“If you’ve got fruits and veggies that are getting close to having outlived their useful life, slice them up and throw them in the freezer to use in soups, stews and smoothies later,” says Kubal.
If you really struggle with food waste, consider composting your kitchen scraps. Ultimately, don’t beat yourself up if you can’t always eat something before it goes bad. Just do your best—and enjoy whatever fruits and veggies you have access to.

Categories
Healthy Relationships Wellbeing

What Being Emotionally Unavailable Means (And How To Deal)

If you’ve ever found yourself dating a partner who’s emotionally unavailable, you know how confusing and frustrating it can be to take the relationship to a deeper level. It doesn’t matter how much fun you two seem to have together—somehow he or she still struggles to share their true feelings, commit to plans, or develop emotional intimacy with you. What’s going on?
“It’s like a roller coaster. You might think, ‘We’re in love, the sex is amazing,’ but then your partner just pulls back. He or she may desperately want that deeper connection with you, but for whatever reason lacks the tools to interact in that way,” explains Shirani Pathak, a licensed clinical social worker and founder of the Center for Soulful Relationships.
Emotional unavailability is a real thing—not just some vague way to dismiss a relationship that’s not working out. But just because your crush is emotionally distant doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed to fail.
A little understanding of the psychology of attachment (plus some strategic communication techniques) can go a long way toward healthy romance.

What’s the deal with being emotionally unavailable?

So you’ve found yourself with someone who just can’t commit: They ghost in the middle of texting, they pull back every time things seem to be moving in the right direction, and they get evasive when you ask too many personal details about their life. What’s the deal?
They might be emotionally unavailable.
This level of availability (and stagnancy!) directly relates to attachment style. Most of the population has a secure attachment style, which means they don’t fear intimacy and connection, says Pathak. These people tend to form healthy, fulfilling relationships.
The remaining 50 percent of people fall primarily into two other attachment style categories: anxious and avoidant. Clingy people who grip a little too tightly on relationships have an anxious attachment style. On the other end of the spectrum is the avoidant attachment style. This is where you tend to find emotionally unavailable men and women.
“People with avoidant attachment style do not want anything to do with intimacy. They’ll date frequently and have a lot of one-night stands and break a lot of hearts. They just always have that wall up,” says Pathak.
They’re opposites, but people with avoidant attachment styles tend to attract those with the anxious version, adds Pathak. A relationship between these two amplifies the weakness of both styles.
“One’s trying to flee the relationship while the other’s trying hard to hold on to it. It really can trigger each other’s buttons,” she says.

If they’re emotionally unavailable, why do they keep coming back?

The most confusing part of finding yourself with an emotionally unavailable person is that every time you accept that the relationship isn’t working out, he or she somehow comes back into the picture. This time it will work, right? You hope, but often you find yourself back at square one just a couple weeks later.
If they’re not emotionally available, why do they keep coming back?
They’re not doing it to torture you (even though that might be the effect). The fact is that the very things that make a relationship amazing—connecting on a deep level, making plans for the future, integrating your lives in a more holistic way—scare emotionally unavailable people.
“The circuitry in the brain of a person that deals with the avoidant attachment style causes a big red alert when they start to come close to intimacy,” says Pathak. “They pull back but then start to miss their partner, so they might come back again when they start to feel lonely.”
Hence why you might wake up to that 2 a.m. text from that guy with whom you swore it was over, asking if you’re up. Your invitation for him to be a date to your friend’s wedding a couple weeks ago totally freaked him out, but now that the thing that triggered his “fight or flight” response is in the past, he’s ready to give it another try. But is that the right move for you?

What are your options when dating someone who’s emotionally unavailable?

The success of any relationship is dependent on patience and meeting your partner where they are. But is it possible for a relationship to ever grow into a long and fruitful partnership if the person you’re seeing is emotionally unavailable?
“Well, it really depends on where you get your fulfillment from,” explains Pathak. “If you’re in a relationship with an emotionally distant person, you have to realize that you’re trying to get everything from someone who doesn’t have everything to give.”
A strong support network outside of your romantic life is essential if you want to make things work with someone who’s emotionally unavailable. You’ll need to find ways to get more of your needs met outside of the relationship in order to give your partner the comfortable space he or she needs.
“Can you be okay with that? There are many people out there who are fine with that, and they actually like having more time to hang with their friends. But others really want to be with someone who’s more present,” says Pathak.
While attachment styles can change over time, it’s dangerous to build a relationship on the assumption that your partner will evolve past their emotional distance. Don’t try to force it. Instead, create conditions that gently nudge your sweetheart to open up.
“Research shows that it can be helpful to engage in other activities, like hiking, golfing, or ice skating, when you’re trying to access that emotional side. The physical activity helps distract the person from the fact that they typically want to stay away, allowing them to potentially connect,” says Pathak.
It’s not unreasonable for you to expect your partner to be available when you really need them, though. Open and direct communication about what you need—and when—can clue your emotionally distant partner into the fact that they need to step it up at critical moments.
“It can be hard to ask and state your needs. But if you need comfort and an embrace, you need to express that. If your partner is able to do those things and that works for you, great! But if not, it’s time to re-evaluate if this is the right relationship for you,” advises Pathak.
People can eventually overcome emotional unavailability. It’s a matter of whether it’s worth the patience and effort required and if your partner is able to meet your basic needs in the meantime. If you need to step away from the relationship, that’s perfectly understandable—take an honest look at your life and what makes sense for you right now.

What are the red flags that signal someone is emotionally unavailable?

Dating is hard enough as it is. The last thing we need is to end up with people who are emotionally unavailable, over and over again. It might be time for you to throw in the towel on trying to connect with people who can’t be intimate. Watch out for the biggest red flags that someone is emotionally unavailable.
“They tend to play those games, like waiting three days to call someone back or suggesting you’re needy if you call them back right away. Game-playing is indicative of someone who’s emotionally unavailable,” says Pathak.
As you’re getting to know someone you’re dating, pay attention to how they talk about themselves: Does he or she seem to open up? Do they talk about personal details of their lives, their hopes, their dreams? Or do they give cursory answers and move on to less intimate topics? Evasiveness is one of the biggest signs of emotionally unavailable men and women.
Similarly, if they seem cold or uninterested in learning about what makes you tick, they might not be in a place where they can relate to others on an intimate level right now. Qualities that demonstrate that someone you’re dating has big walls up all indicate emotional unavailability—and signs that it might be time to move on ASAP.

Why do you keep dating emotionally unavailable people?

Everyone has that one friend who always seems to find herself with someone who’s emotionally unavailable. Maybe that person is you. Why does this keep happening?
“If you find yourself constantly attracting emotionally unavailable partners, it’s probably because you are emotionally unavailable. We attract what we give out,” says Pathak.
You don’t have to be forever alone, though. Start by learning about attachment styles and how they fit together. Pathak recommends picking up a copy of Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love, by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, which does a deep dive into the psychology of attachment.
“When I started studying adult attachment styles, it was really life changing. It was the missing puzzle piece and all of a sudden, life made more sense,” says Pathak.
A psychologist or a therapist can also help you get to the bottom of why you’ve built walls around your heart and offer personalized strategies to tear them down.
But most of all, the best way to open yourself up to a deeply intimate relationship with someone else is by being really loving, gentle, and kind with yourself, says Pathak.
“That self-compassion piece is one of the most important aspects of dealing with being emotionally unavailable,” she says. “It’s about the fact that you just haven’t cultivated the right skillset yet—it’s not something to beat yourself up over. Have compassion and forgiveness for yourself for choosing relationships that don’t make sense, then go from there.”
[related article_ids=1003374]