Help nurture your child’s emotional intelligence with these printable color sheets from Generation Mindful. Once personalized, just fold, staple and turn your printables into a calming strategies booklet for each child.
Month: May 2018
Categories
Ladies Who Lift
Get your heart bumping and weights pumping with this mix of BA lady jams and rap.
If you’re like most people, the desire to make healthier eating decisions has probably crossed your mind from time to time. Improving your diet can be a difficult goal, but once you’ve found your groove, you might start to wonder about the next steps you can take to continue creating a healthier kitchen.
What better place to start than by modifying the way you shop for your food and prepare it? We’ve got the tools you need to help make grocery shopping, prepping your food, and cooking a little more eco-friendly.
Shop
How you shop for food can be as important as the food you buy. When picking out fresh fruits and vegetables, reaching for a plastic bag to hold that produce is pretty much second nature. Those who make the effort to shop locally at farmers markets may also find that their haul is pretty difficult to carry around if they’re not prepared. Skip the plastic waste—and make carrying your groceries a little easier—with these sustainable shopping tools.
Reusable Bags
Whether you typically shop at an outdoor market or in your local grocery store, keep those pesky plastic bags where they belong and bring your own reusable bags. This kit is a great starter pack that contains both a tote-style bag and an over-the-shoulder mesh bag.
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Reusable Produce Bags
If you buy fresh produce often, you’ll find that these mesh bags will help you cut down on plastic waste. They’re designed so that they won’t affect the weight of your produce when it comes time to check out, and since they’re see-through you can leave your items in the bag!
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Insulated Shopping Bag
Whether it’s because you don’t live super close to the store or you just have multiple stops to make, there are times when you’ll need to keep your cold items chilled. Prevent your food and your money from going to waste with an insulated bag that’ll keep your items cold during the journey home. They can even be used for hot items, since they come in a set of two.
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Prep
Creating a more sustainable kitchen doesn’t end with the food you purchase. Believe it or not, you can make greener choices even when it comes to the items you use to prep your food, from cutting boards to pans.
Produce Wash
Washing your fresh produce is one of the first things you need to do before eating it, and it’s important to find an option that you’re okay with ultimately putting in your body. This fruit and veggie wash from ECOS will get wax and dirt off your produce—and it’s biodegradable, plant based, and completely natural too. Spray it directly on your produce and wipe away, or add some to a bowl full of water to let your produce soak. For things like potatoes or apples, you can also use this ergonomic scrub brush to really get the grime off.
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Compost Bin
Have a backyard garden? Don’t throw those banana peels and carrot skins away—get a countertop composting bin to help your backyard produce thrive. It’s the perfect size to leave out without taking up too much counter space, and it’s also designed with a charcoal filter to keep odors trapped inside. If composting isn’t your thing, you can always give these biodegradable trash bags a shot to help reduce your plastic waste.
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Cutting Board
Every kitchen needs a cutting board, and most people reach for one that’s—you guessed it—plastic. If you’re looking to upgrade in both appearance and material, opt for this organic bamboo board. It’s more Earth-friendly than plastic, and it’s made from beautiful organic bamboo that’s both strong and durable. You can also try this rice husk cutting board, which is both super durable and biodegradable.
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GreenPan
Teflon pans might work well for making sure your food doesn’t stick while cooking, but there are concerns about its safety. Fortunately, though, there are great non-stick pans coated with toxin-free ceramic that provide all the same benefits of your standard Teflon-coated pans. This is also great news for those who’re trying to cook with less fat, as you won’t have to add as much oil or butter to keep your food moving during cooking.
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Storage
Once you’ve prepped your meals for the upcoming week, the biggest challenge is making sure your food doesn’t go bad before you get to eat it. Create less waste and make sure you’re eating your money’s worth by storing your food properly in one of these reusable, eco-friendly options.
Pyrex Storage Containers
When it comes to storage containers, glass is the way to go. Yes, it’s a little more expensive than the usual plastic containers, but glass can also be more durable and doesn’t run the risk of leaching chemicals into food. This Pyrex set comes in a variety of different shapes and sizes, perfect for packing snacks and meals alike—you can also reheat your food in them without worrying about melting plastic.
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Reusable Sandwich Bags
Most of us throw away plastic sandwich and snack bags without thinking about how much money we’re throwing away along with them. These reusable Stasher bags are made from a more durable silicone material. They’re thick and sturdy and can be used over and over so you’ll save money and produce less plastic waste.
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Eco-Friendly Reusable Food Wrap
Plastic wrap is another kitchen item that we use and discard, roll after roll, without a second thought. Make a more sustainable choice with cloth wraps coated in beeswax. When you use your hands to warm the wraps slightly, the beeswax becomes soft enough to mold around a container or piece of food and then cools to create a water- and air-tight seal. The wraps can be used for up to a year, at which point they can be composted.
You can also try these stretchy silicone lids, which will cover containers up to 10 inches wide, protecting your food without generating waste.
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Putting together a skincare routine seems like it should be a pretty simple task, but when you actually get down to it, it can get kind of overwhelming: Does serum go on before or after moisturizer? What the heck is an essence? And should you exfoliate every day?
Don’t worry, every skincare newbie has been there. While you likely know that cleanser goes before moisturizer, adding in anything new may be a mystery to you. And it’s important to learn the right order for putting on products. Using them out of order can negate the effects of your products, but doing it correctly can help you experience max benefits and avoid potential irritation.
Still not sure where to start or when to use what? Keep reading for all the answers to your skincare routine questions.
Your Morning Skincare Routine: Stick to the basics.
You don’t have to commit to a 10-step Korean skincare routine when you wake up to keep your complexion in tip-top shape, says Steven Wang, MD, board-certified dermatologist and co-founder of Dr. Wang Herbal Skincare. You can start small with your skincare routine, but before you apply makeup, you should definitely hit the basics: cleanse, moisturize, and add sunscreen. Ready? Let’s go.
Step 1: Cleanse.
Start with a clean slate so that the rest of your products are able to do their jobs. Some experts, like Wang and Elle Feldman, esthetician and co-owner of Good Skin Day, suggest using lukewarm water and your hands to apply a very gentle cleanser in the morning, regardless of skin type, since there shouldn’t be too much gunk remaining on your skin if you cleansed the night before.
Board-certified dermatologist Michele Green, MD, says cream cleansers are great for dry and sensitive skin because they feature nourishing ingredients (like oils). Cleansing milks are another good option for dry skin, says Pamela Maes, certified esthetician and spa director at Mirbeau Inn and Spa, because they’re light and gentle.
Refreshing gel cleansers are good options for oily and acne-prone skin as they offer a deeper clean, says Green. You can also look for a cleanser that’s labeled as matte with detoxifying ingredients like charcoal if you’re oily, says Tsippora Shainhouse, MD, board-certified dermatologist and clinical instructor at the University of Southern California.
Finally, consider a cleanser with salicylic acid if you regularly break out, says Wang. This tried-and-true pimple-fighter exfoliates your skin to unclog pores and reduce oil production.
Step 2 (optional): Tone.
“Toner preps your skin for the rest of your skincare products by opening your pores,” says Feldman. Some toners are made with alcohol, which is drying, so invest in one without it. “Look for micellar waters or alcohol-free toners with active ingredients like rosewater, chamomile, or green tea,” says Shainhouse. All three ingredients have soothing properties. “If you are acne prone, you may consider a salicylic acid–based toner,” says Shainhouse.
Apply toner immediately after cleansing when skin is damp to lock in moisture. Feldman says that because toners help balance your skin’s pH levels, protecting it from environmental aggressors, you really only need to use one in the morning.
Step 3 (optional): Apply serum.
“A serum is the power tool in a person’s skincare routine,” says Maes. Serums are lightweight, almost watery products that absorb quickly to offer potent anti-aging benefits. Because serums are so powerful, you want to apply them directly to your skin so that the ingredients will penetrate deeply, says Shainhouse.
When it comes to ingredients, look for Vitamin C, which fights free radical damage and is a dermatologist- and esthetician-approved antioxidant found in serums. Shainhouse also likes green tea and resveratrol, two other antioxidants, while Feldman is a fan of Swiss apple extract, which has been shown to reduce wrinkles.
Step 4: Moisturize.
Cleansers strip your skin of lipids (fatty acids), says Wang, so pat on a moisturizer after washing your face to replenish what you’ve lost. If you have oily or acne-prone skin, grab a lightweight, oil-free, non-comedogenic moisturizer, says Green, since this won’t clog pores. Maes adds that gel formulas are ideal for oily skin because they’re so light.
Maes says that you’ll benefit from a richer, thicker cream if you have dry skin. “Using something that has more hydrating benefits can aid in protecting dry skin,” says Maes. One ingredient to look for: hyaluronic acid, which helps skin retain moisture.
Step 5: Protect.
SPF is a non-negotiable part of your morning skincare routine. Using a dedicated sunscreen (as opposed to the SPF in foundation, for instance) is key for shielding your skin from UV rays, which can lead to burning, wrinkles, and skin cancer. For everyday use, choose an SPF of 15 or 30, and apply about nickel-sized amount all over your face, says Wang. Make sure your sunscreen is broad-spectrum, says Wang, because that means it protects against UVA and UVB rays, both of which are damaging.
Seriously on the go?
“You can combine the last two steps in your morning skincare routine by using a moisturizer that contains sunscreen in it,” says Wang. Don’t forget to throw on a hat for protection, too, he adds. To ensure proper sun protection, sunscreen should be the last step in your morning skincare routine, says Shainhouse.
Your Nighttime Skincare Routine: Maximize your beauty sleep.
You likely have a little bit more time to spend on your skincare routine at night, so this is when you can consider adding in a few extra steps, says Wang.
Step 1: Take it all off.
We’ve all had those nights where we get in late, way too tired to even think about washing our faces. “But you want to cleanse that environment very well,” says Wang, since the mix of makeup, dirt, oils, and pollution that have settled onto your skin during the day can clog pores. Allowing these things to stay on your skin overnight may even lead to oxidative (aka skin-aging) damage, says Shainhouse.
“Traditional cleansers might not be effective at removing foundation,” says Wang, “so a lot of times women have to use wipes [first]—and those can be harsh on the skin.”
Micellar water and cleansing oil are two makeup-removing alternatives that are much gentler on skin—and they work, says Wang.
Step 2: Cleanse again.
If you have the time, experts say there is benefit to a double cleanse in your nighttime skincare routine. If you use a micellar water or cleansing oil to initially remove makeup and other buildup, you then have to rid those ingredients from your skin.
A second cleanse (you can use the cleanser from your morning skincare routine, says Wang) will take everything else off, leaving your complexion ready for the rest of the products in your skincare routine to get to work.
Step 3 (optional): Treat acne or signs of aging.
Post-cleanse, target any pimples you have with a spot treatment. “Products with active ingredients that are meant to improve skin quality or a specific skin condition should be applied directly to the skin,” says Shainhouse. Two proven acne-fighting ingredients are salicylic acid and benzoyl peroxide.
Applying an anti-aging treatment, like a prescription retinoid or OTC retinol, should also be done after cleansing to ensure efficacy, says Shainhouse. (Note that you shouldn’t use acne and anti-aging treatments together since that can aggravate your skin or render the products ineffective.)
“[Retinol] can help encourage new cells to reach the skin surface and encourage the skin to make new collagen,” says Shainhouse. “This can help thicken skin over time and reduce the appearance of fine lines and dark spots.” Just avoid applying it too close to your eyes and mouth to prevent irritation, she says. Since retinol is often drying, start out using it once a week and work your way up to a few times a week once you develop a tolerance, says Feldman.
According to the Food and Drug Administration, topical acne and anti-aging treatments may increase sun sensitivity, so only use these in your nighttime skincare routine (and be diligent about SPF in the morning).
Step 4 (optional): Layer on serum.
While not completely necessary at night, using the antioxidant serum from your morning skincare routine is a nice addition. “It will help undo the oxidative DNA damage from the day,” says Shainhouse. Wang says some people can get away with using serum as their moisturizer, especially if they’re oilier.
Step 5 (optional): Apply eye cream.
Eye cream will protect and nourish the delicate skin around your eyes, says Shainhouse. The best formula for you depends on your skin type, says Feldman. Someone with oily skin might benefit from a lightweight gel eye cream, while someone with dry skin might benefit from an ultra-luxurious balm.
One ingredient worth checking the label for is caffeine, which has antioxidant properties to ward off aging. It also temporarily shrinks under-eye bags. Wang likes hyaluronic acid because it increases skin’s ability to hold onto water. He advises steering clear of eye creams with fragrance, though, because this can cause irritation.
Step 6: Moisturize.
Think about it: Not only can cleansing be drying, but so can acne and wrinkle treatments. Your daytime moisturizer should suffice before bed, says Feldman. However, if treatments or winter weather are drying you out, then use a richer cream pre-bedtime, says Feldman.
Our Senior Lifestyle Editor, Maggie, weighs in on her favorite nighttime skincare products for every skin type.
Go above and beyond with these daily additions to your skincare routine:
So now you have your morning and nighttime skincare routines down pat, but there are a few additional steps you could take any time of day to amp your skincare game up even more.
If you’re interested in essences…
Essences are similar to serums in that they target specific skin issues, but they tend to have lighter consistencies. “In a Korean skincare routine, you’d use an essence after cleansing and toning,” says Maes. “They rehydrate skin and infuse it with antioxidants. Some of the active ingredients may brighten, shrink pores, or have anti-aging benefits.” Use your essence after your toner but before your serum.
If you want to spritz with face mist…
Like toner, a face mist opens pores after cleansing to prep it for serums, treatments, and moisturizers, says Feldman. She likes face mists that are labeled as hydrosols. A hydrosol is the water that is left over when a plant is distilled into an essential oil. “Hydrosols are an amazing way to get vitamins and minerals into your skin,” says Feldman.
If you’d like to try an oil…
Face oils can make a great alternative (or addition to, if used sparingly) moisturizer. Facial oils are particularly useful if you have super-dry skin caused by weather or aging, says Wang. Feldman’s favorite oil is squalane, which comes from olives and is antibacterial, won’t clog pores, and is safe for use on sensitive skin.
Your Weekly Skincare Routine: Pamper yourself (and be gentle!).
The top layer of your skin serves as a barrier, and removing dead skin cells from it via exfoliation will boost your glow. It’s like wiping down the smudges on a mirror so that you can see your reflection better, says Wang. “You want to help those dead skin cells slough off easier so that light reflects and gives you that natural glow,” he says, “but if you do it too frequently, you break down your skin barrier and are left with inflammation.”
Shainhouse agrees: “Exfoliating too frequently and harshly can be irritating and can actually damage the skin.” She advises limiting yourself to twice a week tops.
Apply the same thought process to face masks. “Especially with detoxifying masks, you have to take a step back,” says Wang, “and use them once a week.”
The Right Way to Exfoliate
You can manually exfoliate with a scrub or facial brush or chemically exfoliate with an acid in the form of an at-home peel.
Green doesn’t typically recommend scrubs because they’re often abrasive. And Feldman says, “The problem with scrubs is that people become obsessive and want their skin to feel as dry and squeaky as possible.” If you like the feeling of a scrub, however, Shainhouse suggests using a sugar-based one because the particles dissolve in water and won’t be harsh on your skin.
If you’re going to incorporate a facial brush into your skincare routine, use a brush head designed for sensitive skin in order to avoid irritation, says Shainhouse.
Chemical exfoliation involves the use of acids or enzymes to break down dead skin cells. “Chemical exfoliators can be really safe and beautifully effective products on even sensitive skin,” says Feldman. Glycolic acid and lactic acid are two very effective alpha hydroxy acids that aid in smoothing rough skin and minimizing the appearance of wrinkles. If you have acne, exfoliating up to three times a week with a salicylic acid pad could help keep breakouts in check, says Green.
Use a chemical exfoliator at night after cleansing, says Shainhouse, since acids increase skin’s sun sensitivity. Note that you shouldn’t mix retinol with an acid because doing so could cause further irritation. Plus, retinol and salicylic acid will actually cancel out each other’s effects, says Shainhouse, so don’t use products with these two ingredients in tandem.
The Right Way to Use a Face Mask
If you have sensitive skin, try masking once a week; other skin types may be able to handle masking two or three times a week, says Maes. “Post-exfoliating is a great opportunity to follow up with a mask, Maes says. “You’ll get more benefits because your pores are more open and can better absorb the ingredients.”
Feldman says charcoal masks are fabulous for people with oily skin, congested pores, and acne because they draw out grime stuck in your pores. On the other hand, if you have dry or irritated skin, you could take 100 percent aloe vera, put it all over your face, and leave it on for a few minutes as a face mask to soothe, says Feldman.
Sheet masks are another expert favorite. They’re infused with serums to target specific skin issues, says Maes. Sheet masks deliver a lot of hydration and drive whatever serum it’s packed with into your skin, says Wang. At night, apply one after cleansing, leave it on for the allotted time, then remove the mask and top everything off with moisturizer to seal the serum in, says Maes. Sheet masks are much gentler than wash-off masks, so if you love the feeling of wearing one, it’s hard to go overboard; some Korean beauty bloggers mask every day!
Your Monthly Skincare Routine: Hit your derm’s office (or the spa).
Beyond what you do at home, there are professional treatments you can add to your monthly skincare routine if you have the time and money.
Facials
“Facials are amazing for treating things topically, reversing the effects of aging, and stimulating cell turnover,” says Feldman, who generally recommends getting one from a licensed esthetician every four to eight weeks. Facials feature multiple steps with some combination of cleansing, exfoliating, masking, and hydrating.
If you can’t swing facials once a month or every other month, getting one seasonally or four to five days before a big event is another option. “Brushing your teeth is home care, and then you go to the dentist for a nice deep clean twice a year,” says Maes. “That’s how I like to think of facials. When you want that deep level of [skin] cleaning, a facial is going to provide that for you.”
Chemical Peels
The chemical peels you get at your derm’s office or from an esthetician are a lot more powerful than any exfoliating peel you can do at home, says Green. “You can get a chemical peel once a month or every few months,” says Green. “They help get rid of fine lines and hyperpigmentation.”
Tips to Make Your Skincare Routine More Effective
Besides picking out the right products for your skincare routine and applying them in the right order, there are other tips that’ll make your skincare routine more effective.
Remember your neck.
“Don’t forget to extend moisturization and sun protection all the way to your neck area,” says Wang. Do the same for your hands, too, he says. “The two areas where you can tell someone’s age are the hands and neck,” says Wang.
Add one new product in at a time.
“A really aggressive skincare routine could have a negative impact,” says Maes. “If you start to switch a lot at once, you’ll have a hard time figuring out what works and what doesn’t work.”
Give your skincare routine time to work.
“Don’t get discouraged if you don’t see results in 48 hours,” says Maes. “Most products are tested to work in 60 days. Most of the time you will see positive changes to skin sooner than that, though.” Patience is a virtue—and it will pay off!
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Soon after I got my first period, my mother handed me a box of Tampax and showed me how to use tampons. At the end of our lesson, my mother told me that under no circumstances was I ever to leave a tampon in for more than four hours at a time, or I could risk getting toxic shock syndrome (TSS), which could kill me.
Um, say what now, Mom?!
After my mother’s ominous warning, I was almost too scared to use tampons, so I followed the instructions on the tampon box to the letter. I mean, who wants their tombstone to read, “Here lies Katie Martin. She’d still be alive if she’d only taken her tampon out”?
Still, in the almost 20 years that I’ve been using tampons, I’ve never fully understood what toxic shock syndrome was, nor had I ever heard of anyone actually contracting the illness.
I wondered: Is toxic shock syndrome really that scary?
Here’s what the experts have to say.
What really causes toxic shock syndrome?
“Toxic shock syndrome (TSS) is an extremely rare illness caused by Staphylococcus aureus or group A Streptococcus bacteria,” explains Tami Prince, MD, the leading OB-GYN at the Women’s Health and Wellness Center of Georgia. “These bacteria can produce toxins which enter into the bloodstream and cause sepsis, ultimately leading to death if left untreated.”
According to Prince, tampons aren’t the only way to get toxic shock syndrome. That’s why menstruating women aren’t the only ones at risk for the illness. Men, young children, and post-menopausal women are also at risk for this rare disease.
In fact, toxic shock syndrome caused by Staphylococcus aureus is most often the result of a localized infection, such as one that may occur after surgery or in an open wound. TSS caused by Staphylococcus aureus is much less deadly than cases of toxic shock syndrome caused by group A strep (Streptococcus pyogenes) as the mortality rate of toxic shock syndrome associated with this staph is between 5 and 15 percent.
Group A strep (Streptococcus pyogenes) is a less-common cause of TSS, but toxic shock syndrome caused by strep is much more serious, with mortality rates estimated to be as high as 70 percent.
So why do tampons get blamed for most cases of toxic shock syndrome?
“Toxic shock syndrome can occur in any gender or age group but about half of all cases occur in menstruating woman,” says Prince.
To understand why, you have to know a little bit about the history of the tampon.
“Toxic shock syndrome was first described in 1920s, but became very well known in the 1980s after it was associated with high-absorbency tampons,” Amesh Adalja, MD, a board-certified infectious disease physician at the Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security, tells HealthyWay.
That’s because high-absorbency tampons meant women could go longer without changing them, providing a breeding ground for bacteria to thrive. According to Prince, “Increased blood absorption with prolonged use as well as the polyester foam used to make the tampons increased the risk of contracting this life-threatening illness.”
Luckily, manufacturers no longer make high-absorbency tampons, and now include information about toxic shock syndrome in tampon boxes, which has led to a significant decrease in the number of TSS cases doctors see each year.
How do I know if I have toxic shock syndrome?
Before you chalk your fever up to toxic shock syndrome, know that TSS is actually very rare. Since the 1980s, rates of TSS have steadily declined, now hovering at around 1 per 100,000 people each year, and the mortality rate of TSS is even lower. Still, it’s important to know the symptoms. If left untreated, toxic shock syndrome can cause multi-organ failure that can lead to death.
“The symptoms [of toxic shock syndrome] include but are not limited to high fever, rash that usually appears on soles of feet and palms of hands, diarrhea, vomiting, dizziness, mental confusion, and headaches,” Prince explains.
Sometimes symptoms of toxic shock syndrome aren’t visible. You may have extremely low blood pressure, or reduced kidney function. If you have one or more of the symptoms listed above and you aren’t able to use the restroom even though you’ve been guzzling water, you may be developing toxic shock syndrome.
Symptoms of toxic shock syndrome can progress rapidly, showing up within two to three days after infection. Early care is critical in the treatment of toxic shock syndrome, so if you suspect that you may have contracted TSS, get thee to an emergency room, pronto.
What is the treatment for toxic shock syndrome?
“TSS is treated with antibiotics and removal of the source of infection,” says Adalja. “Sometimes, antibody therapies are also given.”
Sounds simple enough, right?
Not so much. Treating toxic shock syndrome requires more than a two-week course of antibiotics. When you’re diagnosed with toxic shock syndrome, a lot of interventions may happen all at once in order to prevent the infection from spreading while also treating life-threatening symptoms like extremely low blood pressure.
Staph-induced TSS responds well to antibiotic treatment, but toxic shock syndrome caused by strep does not. If antibiotic treatments don’t work, antibody therapy—called intravenous immunoglobulin (IVIG)—may be administered.
Immunoglobulin is a component of plasma and has antibodies that help fight infection. But when you have toxic shock syndrome, the immune system is severely compromised, so your body can’t produce the antibodies needed. Intravenous immunoglobulin gives your immune system the boost it needs to fight infection.
In extreme cases, the infection may spread to organs and limbs. Model Lauren Wasser made headlines in 2012 after having her leg amputated as a complication from toxic shock syndrome; five years later, in 2017, she had her other leg amputated due to ongoing complications.
I don’t want to risk using tampons anymore. What are other options?
Again, if you use tampons correctly, the risk of toxic shock syndrome is incredibly low. Still, if you’d rather not risk it at all, here are a few alternatives to tampons for when you’re on your period.
Menstrual Cup
Women who use a menstrual cup don’t just love menstrual cups; they LOVE menstrual cups. If you’re unfamiliar with a menstrual cup, it’s basically a little silicone cup that you insert just like a tampon. Instead of soaking up menstrual blood though, a menstrual cup catches it. If your flow is super heavy, you may need to empty it more than once a day, but generally, you can stick a menstrual cup in and wear it all day.
Want to try a menstrual cup? The Diva Cup, the OG menstrual cup, guarantees 12 hours of period protection. Other top-rated menstrual cups include lena, Blossom, Dutchess Cup, and Saalt.
Period Panties
I was skeptical of period panties when they first came on the market: Ain’t no way a pair of underwear can tame my extremely heavy flow. But after my son’s birth, I ordered a couple of pairs to help me feel more secure as I experienced postpartum bleeding, and to my surprise, they actually work!
Period panties, like Thinx, are undies that are specially designed with a waterproof barrier to keep leaks at bay. Thinx specifically promises to hold up to two tampons-worth of flow during your period. If you have a heavy flow, you may not want to carry a stash of clean underwear with you (much less your used period panties), but on lighter days, these are the perfect alternative to tampons. And, since there’s nothing to insert, the risk of contracting toxic shock syndrome is virtually zero.
Reusable Pads
So, if reusable pads conjure up images of cloth diapers, you’re not really wrong. The concept is essentially the same, since both disposable diapers and pads need to be ultra absorbent. Cloth pads do take some getting used to. First, you’ll need a dry bag to store used pads in on the go. You’ll also need to bring extra cloth pads with you, can could be bulky. Still, women who use reusable cloth pads report that the pads are softer and more comfortable than regular pads, Plus, you’ll save a ton of money in the long run when you don’t have to stock up on pads or tampons each month.
GladRags makes reusable cloth pads that are so cute you’ll (almost) want to wear them outside your clothes. Or, if you’re crafty, you can try making your own reusable pads.
Free bleed, baby!
Kiran Gandhi made headlines in 2015 when she ran the London Marathon while on her period, with nary a tampon or pad. That’s right, Gandhi let her menstrual blood flow freely while she ran 26.2 miles.
She got a lot of criticism for free bleeding during the race, but Gandhi chose not to use menstrual protection as a way to raise awareness for girls and women who don’t have access to basic period supplies, like pads and tampons.
So, maybe free bleeding isn’t very practical, especially if you have to go, well, anywhere, really. But practical or not, I’d like to be confident enough to tell the world, “I’m on my period, I’m not using tampons because I don’t want to risk toxic shock syndrome, so just deal with it!”
Kale has been around forever, but it’s been particularly trendy for the past couple of years. Many people love kale because it’s tasty, nutritious, and versatile. It’s packed with vitamins and minerals and it’s low in calories, which means it’s a fantastic addition to nearly every diet.
Admittedly, I was a little late to the kale party. I assumed it was exactly like spinach, both in taste and nutritional value, so I didn’t see a need to add another vegetable to my diet. It turns out that kale doesn’t quite taste the same as spinach—in fact, I personally prefer the taste of kale to spinach. More importantly, kale often beats spinach when it comes to nutritional content.
The hype around kale is truly well deserved. If you’re wondering why kale is good for you, read on to learn more about the health benefits of consuming this leafy green.
The Nutritional Benefits of Kale
Kale is often considered a “superfood” because it’s abundant in vitamins and minerals, says Michelle Routhenstein, who is a registered dietitian, nutritionist, and the owner of Entirely Nourished.
In one cup of raw kale, you’ll find vitamins and minerals such as:
- Vitamin K, which is an essential nutrient for blood clotting. One cup of kale contains six times the recommended daily allowance (RDA) of vitamin K.
- Vitamin A, which promotes good vision, healthy skin, and a strong immune system.
- Vitamin C, which is an excellent antioxidant. Again, one cup of raw kale contains more than the RDA, which means kale’s an excellent source of vitamin C.
- Vitamin B6, another essential vitamin. A deficit of vitamin B6 is associated with a weakened immune system, dermatitis, depression, and anemia.
- Manganese, which is involved in bone formation and in how our bodies metabolize lipids, carbohydrates, and amino acids.
- Copper helps the body absorb iron—and along with iron aids the body in forming red blood cells.
Kale also contains a number of antioxidants, including vitamin C and flavonoids like quercetin and kaempferol. Antioxidants are believed to prevent certain diseases associated with aging, including cancer.
Generally, the nutrients found in cruciferous vegetables like kale are associated with cancer prevention, but these studies should be taken with a grain of salt. While research suggest cruciferous vegetables can prevent cancer in certain organs, more studies are needed to figure out why this is so.
Registered dietician and nutritionist Vanessa Rissetto says that kale is also great because it contains a lot of fiber. “One cup of kale has only 36 calories, 5 grams of fiber, and 0 grams of fat,” she says. “It’s great for aiding in digestion and elimination with its high fiber content.” Fiber helps you feel fuller for longer, so it’s an excellent addition to your breakfast if you feel yourself getting hungry before lunch.
Another advantage of eating kale is that it’s a low-FODMAP food, says Routhenstein. People with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) are often advised to eat low-FODMAP foods, which are less likely to aggravate their symptoms. “A 1-cup serving of chopped kale is low in FODMAPs and should be tolerated by most people with IBS,” Routhenstein says. “I would not recommend avoiding kale if you have IBS, unless your body is sensitive to it.”
Should I eat raw kale, or should I cook it?
Kale can be consumed in a cooked form—as kale chips and in frittatas, sautéed meals, and more—or raw in salads and smoothies. But is it better to eat raw kale or cooked kale?
It’s important to note that the above nutritional data is based on raw kale. Cooking kale can change the nutrient makeup, according to Rissetto. “Any time you heat vegetables—for example, if you boil them—you are at risk of losing nutrients,” says Rissetto.
If you have hypothyroidism, you should avoid eating raw kale, Routhenstein says. For everyone else, she suggests eating raw kale in moderation. “Raw kale is a goitrogenic vegetable, which inhibits the uptake of iodine by the thyroid gland. However, studies have shown that you need to eat excessive quantities for this to occur—about 15 cups,” she says.
There is some research that shows that cooking kale negates this effect, though. So for most people it’s fine to indulge in sautéed, roasted, or boiled kale!
Different Kinds of Kale
You’ll find that there are a number of different types of kale out there. Routhenstein says that there are about 10 kale varieties in total, with four that are the most popular and easiest to find: curly kale, Red Russian kale, Redbor kale, and lacinato kale (also known as Tuscan or dinosaur kale).
They all taste slightly different, so if you find yourself disliking one variety, try the others!
“While the textures and taste of the kale may be different, which may affect how you use each variety, the nutritional profile is pretty much the same,” says Routhenstein. “Choose the variety you enjoy most!”
Finding and Storing Kale
You can find kale at many grocery stores and farmers markets—but how can you tell if it’s fresh? Ideally, it should be bright green, says Rissetto. “The best way to tell if your kale is going bad is to look at the leaves,” Rissetto explains. “When kale begins to age, it will lose its bright green color and begin turning a yellowish color.”
Once you find kale, it’s important to store it properly to keep it from wilting too fast. “Refrigerating kale appropriately can slow the breakdown of vitamins that are highly susceptible to heat,” Routhenstein notes. “To store, keep unwashed kale in a storage bag and remove as much of the air as possible.”
Routhenstein advises that you use it within five days of storing it in the refrigerator. “As time progresses the kale becomes more wilted and bitter in flavor,” she says.
Who shouldn’t eat kale?
Kale has some impressive benefits—but is there anyone who shouldn’t eat it?
As mentioned earlier, kale is very high in vitamin K, which is involved in ensuring that your blood clots properly. People who take certain blood thinners are advised to eat a consistent amount of vitamin K, says Routhenstein. “If someone is taking warfarin or Coumadin, they should consume the same amount of kale at the same time each day so their medication can be dosed appropriately,” she explains. “For many, eating the same amount of kale at the same time of day every day may be challenging so they may opt to avoid it altogether.”
If you’re taking a blood-thinning medication, speak to your doctor before indulging in kale.
How to Incorporate Kale in Your Diet
There are a variety of ways to enjoy kale. If you’re not too sure where to start, Rissetto and Routhenstein have shared a few of their favorite kale dishes.
Kale Salad
“I like to make my salads with kale—I soft boil two eggs, add shaved parmesan, ¼ of an avocado, and use lime juice as my dressing,” says Rissetto. “The citrus has a great flavor but it also helps to break the kale down and make it not so tough.”
Routhenstein suggests you massage the destemmed part of the kale with a combination of extra virgin olive oil, lemon juice, and tahini sauce to break up the roughage.
Kale Soup
Do you want a warming, tasty meal that’s also full of vitamins? Try a hearty bowl of kale soup. Routhenstein suggests adding finely chopped kale to soup for a nutritional boost. “It pairs well with root vegetable–based soups,” she says. “Think: autumn squash, sweet potato, and butternut squash.”
Kale Chips
Kale chips are a delicious, easy snack. “My kids love to make kale chips,” says Rissetto. “We spray the kale with olive oil and bake in the oven for 20 minutes.” The chips can be sprinkled with spices for taste.
Kale Smoothies
Although some suggest adding raw kale to smoothies, others might want to avoid raw kale for the reasons mentioned earlier. But it’s totally possible to add cooked kale to your smoothies, says Routhenstein. “Boil a handful of kale for 5 to 7 minutes and toss it into a smoothie for a boost in nutrition,” she says. “It’s surprisingly mild in flavor!”
Beyond that, Routhenstein suggests you add kale to a frittata dish, swap your burger bun for blanched lacinato kale, or sauté your kale with avocado oil and mushrooms. Once you start cooking with kale, you can decide whether you want to experiment with different recipes and flavor combinations.
Kale is a delicious vegetable that’s packed with nutrients, which makes it a fantastic addition to your diet. Don’t be afraid to experiment with new kale-based dishes or to make kale a part of your favorite meals!
After struggling for years to face the woman she saw staring back at her in the mirror, Nadia Murdock decided once and for all that she would change her body (and her mind) for the better. Nadia became her own very first personal training client—and through hard work, the right mindset, and a little help from her loving support system, she was able to unlock the true potential that had been inside of her all along.
Although the road wasn’t always easy, Nadia has since become an author and fitness coach. If you’ve ever struggled with your outward appearance or feeling unsatisfied with your overall health and happiness, Nadia’s personal transformation journey is definitely worth your consideration.
How It Began
Your story is so inspiring. Can you tell me a bit about your personal fitness journey and how it all began?
I was fairly healthy before leaving home for college, largely because I rarely had access to bad foods in our home. It wasn’t until my freshman year of college when I had junk food at my fingertips—not to mention the excessive late nights and college parties—that it really started to add up.
I was unhappy with the college I had chosen, so I would pretty much eat all the time and watch movies. After transferring I would work out here and there but was not active enough to truly see a difference. My eating habits slightly improved but remained unhealthy overall. It wasn’t until my senior year of college (I explain this in detail in my book You Can Have It All) that I got serious about my food choices and exercise and started to train my mind so I could change my body!
When did you realize that you wanted to change your life? Was there a specific moment that lit your fire?
My fourth year of college allowed me to re-evaluate what I was eating and how I needed to clean up my lifestyle. My brother gifted me a gym membership and that was such a pivotal change in my life.
How did you turn these thoughts into actions initially?
I kept my own version of a fitness journal where I recorded motivational quotes, recipes, after photos to remind me of how far I have traveled in my fitness journey … and I really put myself out there taking every group fitness class imaginable.
What was the hardest part of your personal transformation?
Realizing these things take time and there is no quick fix! Because of that experience, it’s the number one lesson I share with my clients and students. Also, learning to stop comparing myself to others. Nothing is wrong with a little healthy competition—actually it’s a great motivator!—however it took some time for me to realize just because I am not size 2 doesn’t mean I am not healthy and fit!
Was there ever a time when you felt like giving up and returning to your old lifestyle?
Definitely! It was a few years after grad school and I landed my first full-time job. Over the years I became very unhappy in that position and as a result my old habits started to creep back in (similar to my college experience). Although I was still going to the gym, my physique reflected otherwise! I still remember looking at a photo thinking something had to change! I landed a gig as a fitness contributor for a blog and that really helped put me back on track. I started trying new classes, meeting new people, and surrounding myself with the right energy.
Barre
Why did you decide to become a fitness coach?
More and more people started asking me for fitness advice both through my column and at the gym. I had dinner with a friend visiting from out of town and explained my working situation and my love for fitness. She encouraged me and convinced me I could live my dream and I needed to pursue my passion in health and wellness. So I looked into certifications and went for it!
How did you initially discover barre?
I was mainly teaching Zumba classes and I was looking for a way to diversify my teachings. I had taken a few barre classes on my own as a student and really loved the variety of the workout. As a fitness writer I had come in contact with several barre professionals and actually pursed my certification through Beyond Barre, who I had interviewed in the past.
I gravitated to the concentration on form and the variety that the certification offered. It was an excellent stepping stone for me to create my own classes. Since then I have received continuing ed certifications with Barre Variations and BarreAmped BOUNCE.
What keeps you coming back to barre?
I was originally drawn to barre as a way to add variety to my teachings. It then became the perfect option for me while I was pregnant with my son. Not only was barre perfect during my pregnancy, but post pregnancy too. Barre can be taught in so many different ways and styles; no workout is the same!
What do you enjoy most about being a fitness coach?
Hearing about everyone’s transformation. Whether it’s how much stronger they feel or how clothes fit them better, knowing that I helped to make a difference in someone’s life means a lot!
What other types of physical exercise do you enjoy outside of barre?
I make it a point to still find time for my own personal workouts outside of barre, which include spin, BODYPUMP weight lifting classes, Zumba, and BODYATTACK, which is like kickboxing.
Motherhood and Words of Wisdom
What is your personal training philosophy?
I really like to keep my relationships personable; it truly resonates with my personality. I also make it a point to customize my programs. There is no cookie cutter approach at Nadia Murdock Fit! My mind and body program digs deep to discover what obstacles and mental roadblocks are preventing each individual from achieving their goals. It worked for me and I created it to help others, hence my tagline: #trainyourmindchangeyourbody.
What words of wisdom or encouragement do you have for other women who are starting their health and wellness journey?
Don’t give up, don’t get discouraged, try to remain positive no matter what! A lot of people may not be supportive during your transformation. Do not allow that energy to derail you from your goals.
How do you balance motherhood with your career, training schedule, client needs, et cetera?
Oh—this is a big one! I am still figuring this out but it definitely takes a team to make it achievable. My husband and mother have been very supportive, and we all work together to make it happen! I think making any kind of time for myself is so vital and makes me a better mom.
What is your advice for fellow mothers who want to change their lives—especially when it comes to their experience of health and wellness—but who may feel discouraged due to time constraints or feelings of guilt about taking time for self-care?
Again, I’m still figuring this out! I think a lot of things as a mom—especially a first-time mom—are ongoing learning experiences. I do feel it’s not only important for moms but great for children to witness self-care! They are truly sponges and if they learn this important lifestyle lesson firsthand, they are more likely to make it part of their own lives.
One of your qualities that I’m always drawn to is your positivity and sincerity. How do you stay so positive and emotionally intelligent?
That is a really sweet thing to say, thank you! I think kindness goes a long way, and I feel good when I can make someone smile or improve their day in some way. I went through a period in my life when I wasn’t always so positive. Looking back on it now, that was a result of unhappiness in either my career or health journey.
Positivity is now a part of me for many reasons—most of all gratitude. When you can be thankful for what you have it’s really easy to be positive. I also think weeding out negative energy is a must in order to be the most positive version of yourself.
I see on your website that you’ve recently launched the NMFit Mind & Body Podcast. Could you give our readers a sense of what they can expect from your podcast?
Yes! The NMFIT Mind & Body podcast launched back in March. My goal was to bring some of my online interviews into an audible version. I focus on different topics with my interviewees, ranging from reiki to female entrepreneurship. I also include my own personal chats because I wanted to offer another opportunity for my audience to get to know me on a personable level. Have a listen! It’s like chatting with your girlfriends—perfect to listen to during your next run or commute to work.
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As a tea lover, I frequent health stores often, looking for new and delicious flavors. Recently, when I bought a box of rose tea, the cashier told me the tea contains adaptogens. Adaptogens? I thought. What are adaptogens?
Being a fairly skeptical person, I suspected it was just another meaningless buzzword that was created to market health foods. But when I began my research, I found out that adaptogens have been used for their anti-stress properties in traditional Ayurvedic medicine for centuries. While more studies on adaptogens are needed, the existing evidence on their chemical properties is very encouraging.
Here’s what you need to know about using adaptogens.
What are adaptogens?
Adaptogens is a term used to refer to plants that have an anti-stress affect on the body. They affect the central nervous system, and can have either a stimulating or a relaxing effect.
“Adaptogens are typically herbs or other plants that help the body handle stress. They act on the body’s production of the stress hormone, cortisol,” explains Sunny Brigham, MS, CNS, a board-certified clinical and integrative nutrition specialist. Brigham uses adaptogens with clients who experience anxiety and stress-related fatigue, as well as stress-induced irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).
While adaptogens are definitely trending at the moment, they’ve been used for a very long time in traditional Ayurvedic medicine. The first modern scientific trials on adaptogens were conducted during World War II in the Soviet Union, where researchers focused on whether adaptogens could help increase the stamina of military personnel. Over the next few decades, adaptogens became widely used by the USSR, where they played a part in the space exploration program, the Olympic games, and the Arctic and Antarctic expeditions.
Since then, adaptogens have become popular in the West, too, especially among natural healthcare practitioners.
What types of adaptogens are there?
There are many different adaptogens out there, and while all of them are associated with soothing stress, they all have their own particular benefits and drawbacks.
Fortunately, most of them are safe—but it’s still important that you speak to a qualified healthcare provider before you take them. Even though adaptogens can be bought without a prescription, they can interfere with the medications you’re currently taking, Brigham points out.
“Adaptogens are fairly safe but some [like rhodiola and ginseng] can be stimulating and should not be taken in the evening.” She goes on to say, “Others can interact with medications, such as ginseng. It’s important that individuals investigate their medication interactions before taking any herbal supplements.”
Here’s a brief guide to different types of adaptogens:
Ashwagandha
Ashwagandha, also known as Withania somnifera, is probably one of the more well-known and well-studied adaptogens. “Ashwagandha is best used for minor nervousness or anxiety related to increased stress. It may also be helpful with increasing concentration levels and boosting the immune system,” Brigham says. “Ashwagandha should not be used in pregnant or lactating women as it can have a mild sedative effect.” A review of human trials shows that ashwagandha is probably effective at regulating stress, but further studies are needed. Studies also suggest that the herb may have anti-inflammatory and antioxidant effects in addition to its anti-stress properties.
Cordyceps Mushrooms
Cordyceps mushrooms are particularly good for boosting the immune system, Brigham explains. “There is insufficient information available to determine if cordyceps are okay to be used in pregnancy. With this information, I probably would not use them in pregnant or lactating women.”
Brigham also says that she wouldn’t use cordyceps on people using blood thinning medication or those with immune disorders. “There is some evidence, in animal studies, that show cordyceps inhibit platelet aggregation, the clumping together of platelets to form blood clots around wounds,” Brigham explains. “If someone is on a blood thinning medication, taking cordyceps could cause further blood thinning and increase the chances of bleeding.”
Eleuthero
Joseph Feuerstein, MD, associate professor of clinical medicine at Columbia University and director of integrative medicine at Stamford Hospital, says eleuthero is good for fatigue related to excess exercise, so he recommends it to his active patients. “Eleuthero seems to be okay in pregnant women but should be used with caution in those with hypertension,” he adds.
Ginseng
“Ginseng can be slightly stimulating to help combat stress-related fatigue,” Brigham says. “It can also be used to help boost the immune system.” Ginseng seems to be safe for pregnant women. Studies have also suggested that ginseng improves male sexual functioning.
Holy Basil
Also known as tulsi, holy basil has a mildly stimulating effect, says Brigham. This means it can be used to help combat stress-related fatigue. There’s a fair amount of scientific evidence to show that tulsi does, indeed, reduce stress. While Brigham says it’s fairly safe to use, it shouldn’t be used if you’re pregnant or lactating.
Passionflower
While many adaptogens are stimulating and shouldn’t be taken in the evening, passionflower has a very calming effect and thus can be taken before sleep, says Brigham. “Passionflower helps the hamster get off the wheel so our brains can relax and we can sleep,” she explains.
Reishi
Much like cordyceps in function, reishi is good for boosting the immune system, Brigham explains. Again, she cautions people against using it if they’re on blood thinning medication.
Rhodiola
Feuerstein says that he uses rhodiola to help with fatigue associated with low mood. Studies have shown that rhodiola might be effective at reducing symptoms of depression and easing mental fatigue, but those trials were small and more evidence is needed. Brigham notes that rhodiola should be avoided by people who have high blood pressure, nervous system disorders, or sleep issues. Brigham also says she wouldn’t give rhodiola to pregnant people.
Schisandra
Schisandra, while an adaptogen, is most commonly used to support the liver and digestive system, as it can reduce diarrhea. However, it can cause digestive issues in some people, Brigham explains. Namely, it can cause acid reflux, heartburn, and stomach pain.
Feuerstein emphasizes that you should consult a medical practitioner before using any adaptogen. “Much of the time, use of adaptogens is based on clinical experience of the practitioner,” he says. “It is important that you use them under the guidance of a medical professional so you get the right dose of the right herb made by a pharmaceutical-grade manufacturer to ensure quality and purity.”
While adaptogens are fairly safe and easy to obtain without a prescription, Brigham also notes that she wouldn’t give them to children. “They are pretty safe and many people use them. Kids are under more stress in school today than we ever were,” she notes. “I’d prefer, though, to teach them stress reduction techniques and proper sleep habits so they don’t need adaptogens.”
Is there a lack of scientific evidence on adaptogens?
While the scientific evidence on adaptogens is very encouraging, it’s also limited. You’ll notice that many of the herbs outlined by Brigham and Feuerstein need to be studied more to confirm their effectiveness.
Feuerstein agrees that there’s not enough evidence out there when it comes to adaptogens. Part of the reason is because studies into medicinal herbs aren’t well funded, he says, which means that the trials which have been done—although promising—are quite small.
“I do believe there is a lack of quality trials in reference to herbs today,” Brigham says. “There’s also a lack of peer-reviewed sources as well.” However, Brigham remains optimistic about the effects of adaptogens given the fact that they’ve been used by humans for centuries, and given her personal and professional experience with adaptogens.
How can I integrate adaptogens into my diet?
Adaptogens often come in form of tinctures, teas, or pills. They could also be eaten: For example, I use passionflower in my smoothies. Brigham says that most people don’t enjoy tinctures because they have an unpleasant taste, so many people opt for teas or pills instead. “Teas are great because you can make a combination of various adaptogens from bulk herbs,” she says. “The same can be said for pills. Most pill-form adaptogens are blends.”
Feuerstein says that he generally uses standardized herbal extracts in pill form to ensure quality. The clinical studies that are available use high doses, and those doses would be too high to add to a food or tea, he explains.
While your healthcare practitioner should be able to recommend a reputable brand, there are some great brands you can look out for, says Brigham. “My favorite sources for quality herbs or adaptogens are Gaia Herbs, Mountain Rose Herbs, Frontier Co-op, Oregon’s Wild Harvest, and Pacific Botanicals. There are ready-made supplements available as well, but the purchaser should ensure the source of the herbs [in them] is from a quality source,” says Brigham.
While there is a need for more scientific evidence, adaptogens might be worth trying if you struggle with stress, anxiety, and fatigue. Consider speaking to an integrative medical specialist if you’d like to use them: They’ll be able to ensure that you’re taking them safely, and they’ll help you choose the best kinds of adaptogens for your specific health concerns.
Mother’s Day. It’s roses and balloons, poems and sweet little notes. It’s kisses and hugs. It’s the beautiful little ceramic box my then-9-year-old son got me in Brooklyn (with the help of my mom, visiting from France) reading, “A mom’s love is the best gift of all.” It’s the beautiful note he wrote, saying “Happy Mother’s Day … but mostly, it’s my birthday!”
Mother’s Day. It’s music and laughter and kindness. It’s signs everywhere: outside, inside, on TV, on the web, on social media, on restaurant boards, on shop windows. It’s that day—one full day—where the bond between your child and you is here, for all to celebrate. For you, for your circle, for society.
Mother’s Day is recognition: You. Are. A. Mother.
Until it stops.
I lost my beautiful 17-year-old son 6 years ago. Since then, Mother’s Day has been blades in my heart and daggers in my soul, to say the least. (And not only on the actual day, but for weeks prior.) It feels like a constant attack: There is no escape, and wherever you try to turn your head, you are faced with another commercial, another social media post that says, well, it is happening. Without your child.
Where are you? Where do you fit? Where do you fit without disrupting people, society, and norms? Without disrupting the order of things? Where do you fit when there will be no balloons, kisses, hugs, or flowers? When there is just you and the constant reminders of the absence?
In 2010, a mother created International Bereaved Mother’s Day. It’s “intended to be a temporary movement [and] … a heart-centered attempt at healing the official Mother’s Day for all mothers.”
CarlyMarie, who started International Bereaved Mother’s Day, says on the website, “I believe that we can do this and that sometime in the near future there will be no need for this day at all because all true mothers will be recognized, loved, supported and celebrated.”
My friend Irene Vouvalides, who is a board member of the support group Helping Parents Heal, gave me good advice when she told me, “We celebrate Mother’s Day as we celebrate the bond created by mother and child. We are mothers, always, regardless of whether our children walk this earth or not.”
My son’s birthday is on May 11, so it usually falls a few days before or after Mother’s Day; sometimes his birthday is on Mother’s Day itself. The first years after his death, this has compounded my pain in ways that I can’t put into words. I was unable to step outside to listen to children’s laughter, to hear the music, the noise, see the full restaurants, the cards and flowers and balloons and kisses.
Irene told me that through the few years since our children died, she is finding that Mother’s Day has become “less tortuous and more peaceful.” Every year now, she buys something for herself in her daughter’s name. This year, I will do the same.
I used to say, “We are still mothers.” This year, I am saying, “I am your mother. Here. Yesterday. Always.”
It’s still a process, but I’m starting to understand and accept that we can still honor Mother’s Day. Even though our children are no longer physically present, our children—my child—are still here.
I love you, Keanu. I blow kisses to the sky today and on this Mother’s Day, and I thank you for being my amazing son, today and always.
The only thing I want for Mother’s Day this year—and every year—is a night alone in a hotel. I want to revel in the absolute silence of a child-free bedroom. I want to order a $36 room service hamburger and not have to share it with someone under the age of 5. I want to go to sleep between sheets that someone else has washed. I want to sleep until I wake up, after which I will enjoy a boiling hot cup of coffee and read The New York Times from cover to cover.
In short, the only thing I want for Mother’s Day is to pretend I’m not a mother.
Before the keyboard critics rush to accuse me of being an unloving, negligent mother, let me state for the record that I love my children—but I don’t love being with them every single second of every single day. Any woman who says that she can’t imagine needing a break from her children probably doesn’t have them.
If you have even an inkling of what the average day is like for a busy mom with one, three, or 15 kids—essentially being a short-order cook and a maid and a worker bee and a chauffeur and all the other stuff you can possibly think of—you’ll understand why the one thing I ask for every Mother’s Day is a night away from my family.
To be perfectly honest, the thing I need a break from the most is the constant touching.
Before I had children, I didn’t understand the term “touched out.” In fact, my high-school self—the one who threw herself at any male human with a pulse—would think it was totally insane that someone wouldn’t want to be touched all the time. Flash forward 20 years or so to a life that’s filled with small humans clinging to my person from 6 a.m. (on a good day) until 8 p.m., and then sometimes a large human trying to touch me in all the wrong places from 8 p.m. on. These days, I can’t even handle wearing synthetic fabrics because they’re too clingy.
It’s not just the touching, though. It’s the talking, too, and the constant interruption that has precluded me from finishing one New York Times article, let alone the whole paper, for going on six years. Sometimes I just want to read about the tragedies happening around the world while drinking a cup of coffee that hasn’t been microwaved five times. And that’s why I always tell my husband to forgo the jewelry, flowers, or other fancy gifts, and just book me into the closest hotel for a glorious 24 hours away from all of my loved ones.
Experience has taught me that I have valid reasons for taking a yearly sabbatical from motherhood, and not a single one of them is because I’m a selfish narcissist, thank you very much.
After just 24 hours alone, I feel recharged.
Having the opportunity to think only about my own needs for one day makes me better able to handle the non-stop demands of my family when I return. My daily meditation practice assists me in staying patient and present most of the time, but sometimes even mindfulness and ohms are powerless to combat the frustration of never being able to pee without an audience.
If you don’t ask for what you want, you’ll get what you don’t want.
Mother’s Day can easily transform from a day that’s about you to a day that’s all about your mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, and stepmother-in-law. My first Mother’s Day, I spent the day attending three separate brunches before the day ended in tears: mine and my son’s. Don’t be a martyr and end up feeling cheated out of your day.
Vacations are good for your health.
Actual scientific research shows that taking a break from your usual routine provides countless benefits, including reducing stress and increasing productivity. Take a break from the full-time job of motherhood, and reap the benefits of your time away.
I know it might not sound festive, especially when you’re caught up in the excitement of new motherhood and think that your baby is the most magical and wonderful thing in the world. But just wait, mama. Wait until you haven’t showered for six days and you can’t remember the last time you ate a meal without simultaneously holding a baby. Sure, your kid may be the “reason for the season,” but I guarantee that you’ll feel a whole lot happier about your choice to breed after a good night’s rest, an overpriced room service meal, and a Netflix binge.