Month: June 2018

These Are The 6 Habits That Are Ruining Your Workouts

Post author By HealthyWay Staff Writer
Post date June 22, 2018

There’s a reason they call it a fitness journey. Once you start the quest by establishing a solid workout routine, you’ll find yourself in new territory with new challenges—call this country Resultselvania. The terrain in Resultselvania can be rocky, the road crowded in by dark and discouraging willows. The good news is there are plenty of friendly locals who can help you pass over the bumps in the road and cross the border into a brighter, more Instagrammable nation.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BfpKcd2D8kd/?taken-by=ericafitlove
Count us among those voices, because if you made it through that extended metaphor, you can get through anything.

The truth is that working out—even working out daily—isn’t always enough to see results at the waistline. The sooner we face that truth, the sooner we can adopt a results-based fitness plan that really works. Start by dropping these habits. Pretty soon, you’ll be skipping down the road to Maintainia, land of health and fitness.

1. Choosing the Wrong Exercises for Your Goals

First things first: All low-risk physical activity is good for you. That’s as true today as it was in 2006, when the medical journal CMAJ concluded, “There is irrefutable evidence of the effectiveness of regular physical activity in the primary and secondary prevention of several chronic diseases … and premature death.” The last thing we’d want to do is discourage healthy habits just because they don’t make us look like [insert fitness model name here]. In short, don’t stop exercising, even if you’re not quite reaching your fitness goals.

Just ask Andrea Levine, an ACE-certified group fitness instructor and Mayo-Clinic-trained wellness coach.
“All movement is beneficial,” Levine tells HealthyWay. “Which exercises are most beneficial, however, depends on a person’s individual goals.”

Movement may be good for your health, but if you have specific goals—weight loss, targeted toning, greater strength, you name it—you need to pick the right movements for the task. Kai Marshall, a certified strength and conditioning specialist who operates Kai Marshall Personal Training in Fort Worth, Texas, gives an example we can all probably identify with: The Gut.
“Many people do ab exercises to help them lose belly fat,” Marshall says. “Well, you can’t spot-reduce fat, so no matter how many crunches you do, they won’t help you lose inches.”

That doesn’t necessarily mean you should lose the crunches though, Marshall explains.
“[Ab exercises] will, however, make your core stronger,” he says. “It’s like taking antibiotics to fight a virus. Sure, it’s medicine, but not [the] right kind.”

You’ll find the right medicine for belly fat not only in the gym, but also (and especially) in the kitchen. But as far as your workouts go, it’s always worth meeting with a personal trainer to discuss your individual fitness goals. A qualified trainer can help you put together a workout routine that works with your body and your lifestyle. The right workout varies as much as our bodies themselves; that is to say, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach for exercise any more than there is for jeans.

2. Looking the Other Way on Calories

It’s obvious that a good exercise routine does not give you a free pass at the buffet. Still, our psychology is such that when we feel good about our workout life, we’re more likely to give ourselves leeway to loosen up the diet—which is not a good way to tighten the belt. To make matters worse, exercising gives some people the munchies. Regardless, diet is inexorably tangled up with exercise. Food is instrumental in reaching any fitness goal you can think of.
[pullquote align=”center”]”Try making one or two changes a week, such as drinking water throughout the day and adding a vegetable to each meal. Small, consistent changes will lead to long-term progress.”
—Alisha Temples, licensed nutritionist[/pullquote]
“This depends on your body type, genetics, and training goal,” Marshall says. “But for the most part, diet is about 80 percent of the [weight-loss] struggle, and working out is the other 20 percent.”

This viewpoint is common, even universal, among fitness professionals. Sean Bykerk, owner of Mississauga, Ontario’s Breakthrough Bootcamp gym, is quick to remind us that you’re probably not going to burn off all the extra calories from a cupcake binge no matter how much time you put in on the stair stepper.

“Nutrition is more important than fitness when it comes to weight loss,” Bykerk tells HealthyWay. “Many have tried and failed to ‘outwork’ a poor diet … It’s far more effective to control the calories you take in rather than eat what you want and burn it off with exercise.”

3. Making Too Many Diet Changes Too Fast

By now, you’re probably aware that the weight-loss battle is won by the fork and not the medicine ball. But when we embark on a whole diet-and-exercise campaign to transform our bodies—or at least tweak them a bit—we often try to accomplish too much too fast.

“One way to self-sabotage a new workout routine is by making too many changes to the diet at the same time,” says Alisha Temples, a licensed nutritionist who works with athletes. “For most, this approach is too drastic and unsustainable.”
Temples recommends introducing diet changes slowly, over a long period of time.
“Try making one or two changes a week, such as drinking water throughout the day and adding a vegetable to each meal,” she tells HealthyWay. “Small, consistent changes will lead to long-term progress.”

4. Sticking to the Same Routine Week After Week

We are creatures of habit. That’s great when those habits are healthy, but it can lead to a fitness plateau all too easily. If you’re not stressing your muscles, you’re not making any progress. And because the body’s whole point in building strength is to adapt to that stress, if you stick to the same routine for too long, you’ll start treading water (maybe literally, if you’re into pool workouts).

“I always tell my clients, ‘The workout never gets easier. [You] just get stronger,'” Marshall says. “You should always be making tiny changes to your workout routine as your body adapts.”
[pullquote align=”center”]”Instead of constantly changing up your workout routine, focus on progressive overload … the gradual increase of stress you place on the body during a workout. You can do this by increasing weight, reps, range of motion, or decreasing rest times.”
—Sean Bykerk, owner of Breakthrough Bootcamp gym[/pullquote]
Take weightlifting, for example.
“If you’re lifting weights, make sure every week you do a little more weight, or more reps, or take less rest,” Marshall says. “Find small ways to make each workout harder than the previous one.”

5. Changing the Routine Too Soon

Yes, you want to keep your exercises challenging by making them progressively more difficult. That doesn’t mean making radical changes to the workout every few days, though, say our experts.

“It is important to stick with a program long enough to reap the benefits,” says Levine. “A program need not be changed until you stop seeing results—specifically with respect to how you feel when completing a workout and the number of reps completed or amount of resistance used.”
The emphasis should be on what fitness professionals call progressive overload, says Bykerk, not on completely new exercises.
“Instead of constantly changing up your workout routine, focus on progressive overload,” Bykerk says. “Progressive overload is the gradual increase of stress you place on the body during a workout. You can do this by increasing weight, reps, range of motion, or decreasing rest times.”

6. Taking Your Stress to the Gym

We’re all about the mind-body connection when we read about exercise reducing stress. Unfortunately, that mind-body connection cuts both ways. According to a 2011 study published in the European Journal of Applied Physiology, mental stress can lead to quicker fatigue and declining strength during workouts.

“When you’re stressed, your muscles are at a higher level of arousal and your heart rate is elevated,” study author Ranjana Mehta, PhD, told Men’s Health in 2012.
When you start your exercise with a boosted heart rate and your muscles tensed to run or fight, you get tired pretty quickly. You’re tempted to give up early. It’s not ideal.

To make matters worse, women report higher levels of stress than men—49 percent of women said they “frequently experience stress,” versus 40 percent of men, according to a 2017 Gallup poll. That means nearly half of the women at the gym could be making greater strides toward their fitness goals than they are currently.
Try beating this workout challenge by exercising in the morning, before the day’s stressors have a chance to dig in deep. Alternatively, you could increase your warm-up time, Mehta said. Low-intensity workouts help curb the body’s stress response, preparing your muscles for a nice, effective [linkbuilder id=”6595″ text=”gym sesh”].

No Pain, No Gain

Luckily for the hopeful, Maintainia-bound travelers of Resultselvania, there’s one key indication that a workout is working, and it is unmistakable: Exercise should hurt.

“Generally speaking, if the workout feels easy, if you do not feel your muscles fatiguing or your breath quickening, then you are likely not working hard enough to build lean muscle mass or increase metabolism, and therefore not working hard enough to see changes in your appearance from the workouts,” says Levine.
Hey, no one said the fitness journey was going to be easy. What we will say, however, is that you can make it anyway. Lose these habits, go see a personal trainer, and get ready to ease on down the road like your name was Diana Ross.

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Mindful Parenting Motherhood

Better Off Apart: Why Staying Together For The Kids Isn't Always The Best Choice

Post author By Mary Sauer
Post date June 22, 2018

Cindy Girard’s parents wanted to do what they felt was best for their kids. In their minds, this meant staying together. Their marriage was already failing when she was born, but they chose to wait to get a divorce.
“My parents didn’t fight,” Girard tells HealthyWay, “but they basically lived separate lives.”
Girard wishes her parents had made a different decision; she doesn’t believe their choice was best for her and her two siblings. When her parents eventually divorced after years of trying to make their difficult marriage work, Girard and her two siblings were 11, 13, and 15, respectively.

“It would have been far easier on the kids had they divorced when we were little, rather than when we were adolescents trying to figure out who we are and what this world is all about,” says Girard, who believes her parents’ divorce was the catalyst for decades of struggles for her and her siblings. She has coped with depression ever since their split, and her brothers have both dealt with their own demons.
Girard’s sentiments about her parents’ delayed divorce aren’t out of the ordinary. Even when parents believe they are making a choice that is in the best interest of their family, it may have unintended effects on the kids.

A 2015 poll by Resolution, a family-law organization, found that the majority of children would prefer their parents didn’t stay together for their sake. And even when kids initially wanted their parents’ marriage to stay intact, many of them eventually came around to the idea that divorce was the better option for the family.
Even with numbers like this, ending a marriage is never an easy decision, and there are many things to consider before making the leap. Here’s how you can know when you should call it quits instead of staying together for the kids.

A Suffering Home Environment

Constant conflict is reasonable grounds for separation, according to Mayra Mendez, PhD, a licensed psychotherapist and program coordinator at Providence Saint John’s Child and Family Development Center.

“When children are exposed to a lot of conflict, disagreement, negative social problem solving, name-calling, bashing … that kind of constant, conflictual turmoil on a day-to-day basis … is very, very negative,” she says.
This constant exposure to extreme conflict, especially at a young age, has a negative effect on the social-emotional competence of a child, Mendez says. Social-emotional competence refers to a child’s ability to identify and express their emotions, regulate their emotions and behavior, relate to others, and engage in healthy relationships.

Long-standing research backs up Mendez’s assertion. The environment in which a child grows up directly impacts their mental and physical health, according to one 2002 profile of at-risk families published in the journal Psychological Bulletin. In homes where conflict and aggressive behavior are the norm, children are less likely to learn healthy responses to stress and how to process their emotions, and may eventually engage in risky behaviors.

“Their primary mode of learning is modeling,” says Mendez. “Modeling by their primary caregivers who they trust—mom and dad. So in those situations when there is all this conflict going on, divorce might not be such a bad idea because they’re not living that battlefield day in and day out.”

Lack of Safety in the Home

The safety of a child, both emotionally and physically, shouldn’t be compromised for the sake of saving a marriage. If one parent is unsafe or prone to abuse or neglect, this is a valid reason for separation or divorce. Sometimes, even when obvious abuse isn’t present, one parent exhibiting hostility toward a child is enough to warrant separation.

“When the couple is experiencing one or the other being a bit more hostile, irritable, more angry, the very first step is to be able to talk about it and have open communication with each other,” says Mendez. “If they’re able to get to a point of actually getting some help, that might be really, really helpful.”
Professional support can create a safe environment. Mediated by someone with an education in this type of conflict, support allows the involved parties to talk through the conflicts within the home.

If parenting or marital support isn’t beneficial, or one party isn’t open to change, separation may be necessary. This is especially true if anger elevates to abuse or neglect of a family member. Mendez believes the next conversation should be concerned with the safety of the home and how exposure to conflict can affect the children.

“What’s in the best interest of the child might be separate homes,” says Mendez, “and then maybe thinking about the custody arrangements, because a parent might not be very comfortable with sending a child home for visitation with somebody who is blowing their stack all the time because that’s not safe for the child.”

Preparing Children for Divorce

“The breakup of the family unit is traumatic—even in the most amicable divorce,” said Fran Walfish, PsyD, author of The Self-Aware Parent, in an interview with Fatherly.
[pullquote align=”center”]”Encourage open, direct expression of these feelings. The more comfortable you become with her verbalizing anger, the more validated and accepted she will feel—flaws and all.”
—Fran Walfish, PsyD[/pullquote]
Parents can expect a range of emotions and behaviors from their children during a separation or divorce, Walfish tells HealthyWay. She cites trouble in school, worries about custody arrangements, anger at the parents, and more.
“You need to give her permission to have powerful emotions about the huge disruption in her life,” says Walfish. “Encourage open, direct expression of these feelings. The more comfortable you become with her verbalizing anger, the more validated and accepted she will feel—flaws and all.”

In addition to open communication about the divorce experience, Walfish offers practical advice for parents guiding their child through this life change.
First, she suggests helping children find someone they feel comfortable talking with. Some kids might worry they can’t be honest with their parents because they might hurt their parents’ feelings. Another family member or even a therapist can provide a safe place for kids to process the experience.

Secondly, Walfish says that a physical outlet for emotions can be helpful. She suggests gymnastics, sports, dance, or taekwondo.
Additionally, it is helpful for parents to remember how difficult a custody arrangement can be on children and to help mitigate the complications.
“Most teens get frazzled when their favorite shirt or jacket is at mom’s house or dad’s, and they are not there to retrieve it. Or perhaps they left their history book or homework assignment at the other parent’s house,” she says. “It is very anxiety-provoking for the teen.”

Walfish recommends that parents navigate these worries, along with worries about differences in rules and [linkbuilder id=”6547″ text=”parenting styles”], by working together. When parents are polarized on how they approach parenting, it can create alarming behavioral responses in kids. Agreeing on a shared strategy can help make this transition less disruptive.

What Kids Can Learn From Divorce

As difficult as divorce might be, not all its consequences are negative. Children can, and do, learn a lot about relationships from a divorce. For Girard, her parents’ divorce was a lesson in how to approach her own separation. First, she learned that staying together when the marriage couldn’t be repaired wasn’t in the best interest of anyone involved. Secondly, she learned how she wanted to approach her divorce for the health of her two boys.
“I refused to badmouth [my ex] to the boys,” she explains. “I helped the kids work through their feelings toward their dad and slowly worked us all toward forgiveness.”

According to Mendez, one of the most valuable lessons children can learn comes from watching parents divorce in a way that exemplifies problem-solving and compromise. It reminds children that it is possible to have differences of opinion without tumultuous conflict.
“They’re modeling for their child that problem-solving can happen in a very peaceful, positive way,” Mendez says. “Children learn that through their parents, so that’s a huge, huge benefit.”
Divorce also teaches an important lesson about relationships; it’s a reminder that some relationships do change, says Mendez. She also stresses the importance of children understanding that things continue to move forward even when they don’t stay the same.

Lastly, divorcing parents can help their children understand that the change in the relationship between two parents doesn’t have to harm the child-parent relationship.
“Give your kids permission to love and respect both parents,” advises Walfish. “If his father says derogatory remarks about you, tell him that divorce is a grown-up matter, and sometimes moms and dads are mad at each other, but it is not the kids’ fault or responsibility to fix.”

It isn’t a happy thing to see your marriage come to an end, but it can be the best choice for everyone involved. In homes where conflict is abundant and previous attempts to repair the marriage simply haven’t worked, separation can bring peace to an otherwise turbulent situation.

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Healthy Her Way Lifestyle

Nutritionist × Functional Medicine Practitioner Jennie Miremadi

Post author By Abby Piper
Post date June 22, 2018

The sheer amount of nutrition “rules” and advice circulating in society right now makes it difficult to determine what is actually healthy. Paleo? Keto? Fro-yo? Who knows. And even if we do know, that doesn’t mean we’ll always make the right choices. Sometimes it takes help from a professional who understands the struggle, like Jennie Miremadi.
Jennie embodies many nutrition goals worth aspiring to. She is a licensed integrative clinical nutritionist, after all. Scrolling through her website and Instagram, you can tell Jennie has found her true calling. Her recipes are the healthy-but-delicious meals we all obsess over and hope to create in our own kitchens. Her cacao almond chia seed smoothie? It legit looks like a chocolate milkshake. And her collard wraps look so good that giving up tortillas doesn’t even seem that upsetting.
But wellness didn’t always come easily to Jennie. In fact, Jennie struggled for years with body images issues that began at the age of 14. She tried all of the fad dieting and restrictive methods that seemed like obvious solutions to her struggles. It took her years (and a lot of work with her body and mind) to figure out that these approaches to food were wrong—very wrong. Eventually, Jennie realized she needed to nourish her body, not deprive it of essential nutrition and care.
Jennie felt so passionately about helping others navigate their own health, nutrition, and wellness journeys that she gave up her career as an intellectual property attorney and went back to school to earn her master’s degree in nutrition and integrative health. Eventually she developed and started teaching a successful seven-factor methodology that focuses on all aspects of wellness: physical, emotional, and spiritual.
What exactly does that mean? Jennie doesn’t just help her clients understand food in terms of what’s healthy and what’s not. Having her own problems with food sensitivity and a background in science, Jennie still helps clients find what foods make them feel their best, but she also recognizes that the relationship we have with food, not just our knowledge about food, matters. From EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) to an anti-inflammatory nutritional approach to helping clients understand how to bring their bodies into balance biochemically to mindful eating (and so much more), Jennie gives her clients the tools they need to create lasting change. She believes that by looking at food together with biochemistry, physiology, spirit, and psyche, we can achieve true wellness.
While we’re whipping up that cacao smoothie, read on to learn more about Jennie and how her methodology takes shape in her personal life.

Photo by @valoriedarling

A Day in the Life

What does your daily routine look like?

Every day is different, but the one constant is my daily gratitude practice where I think about what I’m grateful for.

What are your favorite ways to practice self-care?

Yoga, hiking, gratitude practice, EFT, meditation, visualization, spiritual practice, getting a massage, and going on vacation.

How do you stay inspired?

Connecting with nature always inspires me.

Disclaimer: Just so you know, if you order an item through one of our posts, we may get a small share of the sale.

Loving Lately…

What are the best products you’ve discovered recently?

I recently discovered La Tierra Sagrada’s Dry Shampoo for brunettes and I love it. It’s not only made from completely natural ingredients like cacao, lavender flower, and he shou wu—it’s also brown so it doesn’t make my dark hair turn white, which happens with most other dry shampoos.

What are your favorite apps?

I love the Insight Timer app. It has so many incredible meditations.

What’s your go-to healthy snack?

A handful of nuts—it makes the perfect snack! Nuts are filled with fiber, protein, and healthy fat so they fill me up and keep me satiated—and they’re delicious!

Jennie IRL

What’s your most-used emoji?

It’s a three-way tie between the heart emojis, praying hands emoji, and the avocado emoji!

What superpower would you like to have?

I would love to be able to fly so that I could go anywhere that inspired me anytime.

What’s your coffee order?

A latte from Moon Juice—they make it with their own homemade coconut milk and almond milk and it’s amazing!

What is your bucket list travel destination?

I love hiking and glamping and I’m so enamored with all of the stunning national parks in the U.S. I would love to do a national park hiking tour and stay at all of the Under Canvas glamping locations.

Peruse Jennie’s blog or scroll through her Instagram for a healthy dose of food inspo and advice.

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Mindful Parenting Motherhood

It’s Good Being Bad: Why Cursing And Arguing Aren't Terrible For Your Kids

Post author By Mary Sauer
Post date June 22, 2018

Most parents want their kids to behave, right? More importantly, we want them to grow up to be healthy, well-adjusted, contributing members of society. This, of course, looks different for many parents. Some parents prioritize academics, while others care more about sports. Other parents don’t care how their kids perform in school or sports, as long as they’re kind.

Most parents, however, agree about swearing and arguing. When it comes to raising good kids, these bad habits rarely fit into the equation.
Because of this, many parents spend a lot of time working on teaching their kids to avoid “bad” habits. Most often, we teach them not to swear. We break up sibling arguments before they go too far, never giving our children the chance to resolve the conflict themselves.

As it turns out, not all “bad” habits are truly bad for our kids. There might actually be some benefit to normalizing behaviors typically treated as taboo. Don’t believe us? Check out what the science has to say about giving your children a little more freedom to use their voices.

The Science of Letting it Fly

Let’s take a closer look at the habit of swearing. It might be true that modern parenting culture sees swearing in front of your kids as something to avoid, and a toddler dropping a four-letter word into a conversation is only treated as cute the first time.
Well, the truth is, most parents aren’t actually avoiding this habit of swearing in front of their kids. In fact, 74 percent of moms admit to swearing while their kids are in earshot, according to a survey conducted by, of all groups, Kraft.

Of course, if swearing in front of your kids has become a habit you indulge in occasionally, you can always make some changes. Maybe you could start up a swearing jar, giving up a quarter every time you make a slip. You could also swap out a few choice words for something a little more innocent.
You could also continue to let it fly. That is what Benjamin Bergen, cognitive scientist and author of What the F: What Swearing Reveals About Our Language, Our Brain, and Ourselves, believes.

If research conducted on college students is any indication, there aren’t really any negative effects associated with swearing in front of kids, according to an op-ed Bergen wrote for the LA Times—the only exception being the use of slurs, which have no place in the home (or anywhere). These words, quite obviously, teach children to negatively perceive those being attacked by the slur.

More interesting, perhaps, is the argument that swearing has a benefit. In an interview with National Geographic, Emma Byrne, author of Swearing is Good for You, pointed to a Keele University experiment in which swearing increased pain tolerance and decreased perceived pain.
An important note, though, is that subsequent research found that habitual swearers experience less relief from swearing during pain. Teaching your children when it’s okay to swear is key.

Another behavior commonly curbed by mom and dad is arguing. Parents hate when their kids get into it, especially when it disrupts the peace in the home. Telling kids to “be nice” might not be as beneficial as you’d think.
In an article for the Wall Street Journal, Sara Zaske, author of Achtung Baby: An American Mom on the German Art of Raising Self-Reliant Children, wrote that German parents are more likely to let their kids work things out than to jump in and referee a disagreement. In her experience, that practice is largely beneficial. Instead of trying to solve disagreements, German parents might ask a few leading questions to help a child empathize with the other children involved. Otherwise, kids were left to work things out on their own.

Allowing your children to fight their own battles provides benefits, like learning to stick up for themselves and how to navigate tricky relationships, reported the Chicago Tribune.
“I think [arguing is] normal for anybody at a young age who is not able to really understand their emotions and the perspectives of others yet,” says parenting coach Antonio Harrison, PhD. “When you’re cramped in a space with people, things are bound to boil over at certain points.”

In his home, this perspective typically means the parents step back during the little spats or disagreements. Instead, they draw the line when things turn into a physical fight or when name calling is involved.

The Science of Control

Although the specific research on “bad” habits is certainly interesting, it’s worth noting that there is a bigger picture to consider: How do children respond to control? There is a large body of research devoted to examining [linkbuilder id=”6588″ text=”different styles of parenting”] and how they affect children.
[pullquote align=”center”]“It’s important that parents ask themselves ‘What really matters here?’ and ‘What skills do I want my child to learn right now?’”
—Sharon Saline, PsyD[/pullquote]
Authoritarian parents are strict, have a lot of rules, and tend to harshly enforce those rules. Authoritative parents, on the other hand, have high expectations of their children but are generally less demanding. They are emotionally engaged with their children and try to offer discipline that will encourage growth.

Research largely associates authoritarian parenting with negative outcomes for children, like associating being obedient with being loved and struggling with self-control, according to a resource provided by University of California, Los Angeles. This doesn’t mean authoritative parenting is perfect, but it is more likely to produce well-adjusted children with high levels of self-control.
“Hearing a lot of don’ts can be overwhelming for kids,” says Sharon Saline, PsyD, author of What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew: Working Together to Empower Kids for Success in School and Life. “It’s important that parents ask themselves ‘What really matters here?’ and ‘What skills do I want my child to learn right now?’ This means honestly assessing where your child is currently and remembering that learned behaviors build on each other.”

Harrison believes kids who are completely shielded from adult activities during childhood could enter into adulthood unprepared. In his opinion, it would be more beneficial for parents to be able to model appropriate use of adult language or conflict than for their first exposure to come in a less secure environment.

The Power of Modeling

So when it comes to behavior in childhood, is nothing off limits? That might be taking things a little too far. Instead, taking what we know about swearing, drinking, and conflict into account, along with what we know about healthy parenting styles, it’s worth taking a second look at our parenting choices and making a few adjustments to the way we approach behavior.
[pullquote align=”center”]“All … parents think that it’s about the kid’s behavior when it is really about the parent’s behavior,” he says. “Kids will follow suit with whatever is given to them consistently.”
—Antonio Harrison, PhD[/pullquote]
For Harrison, all of this is part of a bigger lesson about being the type of parents who model healthy behavior. In his mind, it’s not about parents avoiding swears in front of their kids, it’s about the context in which we use the words.
“My family swears in front of our children,” he says. “The key is, we’re not getting belligerent; we’re not swearing like sailors every other word; everything’s in context with whatever we’re doing.”
The important part here is that parents need to be modeling the right choices, according to Harrison. Don’t use hate speech or argue with the intent to hurt. But if you stub your toe and let out a four-letter word, explain that those words aren’t to be used all the time; if you have a disagreement with your partner, settle it empathetically and civilly.

“All … parents think that it’s about the kid’s behavior when it is really about the parent’s behavior,” he says. “Kids will follow suit with whatever is given to them consistently.”
What about when it’s the child doing the swearing? Harrison suggests parents avoid being too reactive. In his own parenting, he tries to take a step back and consider the context before responding in anger. In some cases, he finds he feels his child’s frustration warranted a slip of the tongue.

Harrison offers two pieces of advice to parents who would like a healthier way to respond to misbehavior in the home.

First, he suggests that parents offer plenty of positive feedback to good behavior. Parents should be speaking up as often, if not more often, when their kids are doing right as they do when they’re doing wrong.
“This doesn’t mean a dessert or a cookie,” he says. “Simply saying, ‘Good job. Thank you. I love you.’ is good enough.”

Secondly, he strongly encourages parents to wait before they respond to poor behavior. Take a deep breath or walk away. Do what needs to be done to give you a few seconds to think about what happened before firing off. This doesn’t mean there won’t be discipline to follow, it simply means you have the chance to think it through first.
“When something does happen, give it 10 seconds to think about the context of the situation, what was going on, why that happened. You brought yourself down to where you’re thinking as opposed to just spewing things out of your mouth without thinking.”

Parenting is often not as black and white as it may seem. Whether you’re trying to navigate swearing or arguing in your home, be patient with yourself and your children. With time, you will find the approach that feels the most comfortable for your family and communicates the lessons you most want your children to learn.

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Healthy Pregnancy Motherhood

How To Choose An Obstetrician For The Best Delivery Possible

Post author By Jeanne Sager
Post date June 22, 2018

On paper, the obstetrician was perfect. She took Kate’s insurance. She had graduated from a prestigious medical school. She was well regarded in the medical community.
In fact, the obstetrician seemed so perfect that Kate (who has asked that her last name not be used) was willing to ignore her rushed manner on her first visit. “It was a red flag, but not a deal breaker,” Kate said of the doctor’s flurried manner and lack of conversation with Kate’s husband.
“But then when I miscarried at 13 weeks—a really devastating loss when you’re 40—her manner was so cold and she actually referred to the fetus as ‘shriveled up,’ which just felt unkind,” Kate recalls.
It wasn’t long before Kate and her husband “fired” the obstetrician they had so carefully chosen and decided to entrust their next pregnancy to a physician who was in many ways her total opposite—an older man who was both kind and warm.
For many women who are trying to conceive or are already pregnant, choosing an obstetrician doesn’t require a whole lot of trial and error: They call up their health insurance company or pull up the company’s provider list and they choose a name of a provider who is located somewhere near their home.
But some are lucky to find a provider at all. An estimated 11 percent of women between the ages of 19 and 64 don’t even have health insurance.
But for those who do—and for those who have a choice in the matter—the decision of who should serve as your obstetrician is one that can’t be taken lightly. After all, an obstetrician does a lot, specializing “the care of pregnant patients, labor, and birth,” explains Lisa Valle, DO, an obstetrician and gynecologist from Providence Saint John’s Health Center in Santa Monica, California.
While some moms prefer a midwife to deliver their baby, obstetricians still deliver more than three-quarters of the babies in America. These are the physicians in whose hands we literally place our babies.

Questions to Ask an Obstetrician

Whether we pay them out of our own pockets or our health insurance picks up the tab, obstetricians are like any other physician: They work for us.
Now imagine hiring someone to work for you without asking them a few basic questions before you hand them a keycard and offer them access to your computer system. You wouldn’t do it, would you?
Of course, some women already have a gynecologist, a physician who specializes in the care of a women’s reproductive system, whom they love and trust.
“In the United States, our training for obstetrics and gynecology is combined into one four-year residency,” Valle says. “As a result, many elect to practice both, however, not all gynecologists elect to practice obstetrics.”
If you feel safe and comfortable with your current gyno, ask them if they’re an OB-GYN, meaning they practice obstetrics as well as gynecology. On the other hand, if you’re starting fresh in a new town or just want to see a new provider, setting up an interview to learn if they’re the right fit for your health needs (and those of your baby) is A-OK.
But what should you be asking your future obstetrician? Here are a few questions to help you make heads or tails of this big decision.

Will my obstetrician be there when I deliver?

Sure, you may want this one doctor to be there for every single appointment and there on the day you give birth, but obstetricians are human beings too! Instead of asking if they will be there on the day you deliver, ask what their procedure is for delivery.
Do they recommend that you see a range of physicians in their practice so you know everyone and therefore have a familiar face in the delivery room? Do they guarantee there’s always someone in their practice who will be on call?
Obstetricians want the best for their patients, but they also want patients to know that if they’re not right there the minute they pick up the phone, it’s nothing personal.
“I wish patients knew that it is not possible for one doctor to be available all the time and to handle all issues that come up,” OB-GYN Janelle Cooper, MD, tells HealthyWay. “I wish patients knew that although we are dedicated to our careers we also have lives outside of medicine and we cannot be available 24 hours a day.
“Many pregnant women have a hard time with that when they have only seen you their entire pregnancy but they have to be delivered by one of your partners. Often this is because we have been working all night the day before and went home to rest or are seeing other patients in the office.”

Where does this obstetrician deliver?

Where you plan to give birth will play a big role in who you choose to deliver your child. After all, if you want to give birth at home, you’re probably not going to find an obstetrician who will show up at your door with a doctor’s bag in hand.
These days most home births are attended by midwives, so if you’ve got your heart set on birthing in your bedroom, you may want to find an OB who works with a midwife, or you could go to a midwife directly.
If giving birth at a hospital or birth center is more your speed, you’ll still need to find out where your obstetrician has privileges, a special relationship that allows doctors in private practice to provide care in a hospital.
Keep in mind how far that hospital is from your home and how difficult it might be to get there when you’re ready to give birth. You probably don’t want to choose an obstetrician whose privileges are at a hospital that’s four hours from home!

What’s an obstetrician’s c-section rate?

C-sections happen, and sometimes there’s no avoiding it. But if you have your heart set on natural childbirth, taking a look at an obstetrician’s c-section rate can help determine whether they’ll be likely to support you if you plan to give birth vaginally.
“C-section rate is the number of c-sections a doctor or institution does over a specific time period,” explains Nichole Mahnert, an OB-GYN at Banner – University Medical Center Phoenix in Arizona.
Determining whether your possible doctor has a “low” rate or a “high” one comes down to doing a little compare and contrast. The World Health Organization, for example, recommends a c-section rate of no more than 15 percent of births, while actual rates in the U.S. range from 23 percent to 38 percent, depending on your state.
“Generally we like to see c-sections below 30 percent,” Mahnert says. “Most hospitals should have information available to patients about their [c-section] rate because this is something they should be tracking.”
Keep in mind that there are all sorts of reasons that a doctor might perform a c-section, from fetal distress to an issue with mom’s health to patient preference. And a particular obstetrician’s c-section rate may be affected by their clientele.
Are you talking to an obstetrician who primarily sees high-risk patients, for example? That may jack up their c-section rate, so be prepared to ask follow-up questions on why their rate is what it is.
Mahnert also suggests asking an obstetrician to differentiate between their first-time patient c-section rate and their repeat c-section rate, as it’s more common for a patient to have subsequent c-sections due to medical necessity.

Do you perform VBACs?

While giving birth via a c-section may necessitate another surgical birth down the line, for many folks, it doesn’t. That’s where the VBAC or “vaginal birth after a cesarean” comes in. And an obstetrician’s opinion on VBACs can be the difference between living the dream of trying a vaginal birth or being sent back into the operating room.
“If you have had one to two [c-section deliveries] and want to try for a vaginal delivery this is something very important to discuss with your OB,” Mahnert says. “They can tell you your chance of a successful vaginal delivery based on your characteristics and history. You also want to make sure your OB feels comfortable with the plan.”
Some obstetricians will not offer VBACs at all, but that’s not always within their control. Some hospitals simply won’t support the practice. It’s worthwhile to work this into your questions about where the obstetrician delivers and how they feel about c-sections overall.

What’s your take on the birth plan?

A birth plan is exactly what the name implies: a plan you put together about what you want to happen during delivery. Studies have found that mapping out a birth plan can help make the person giving birth feel more empowered, and a birth plan can ensure that you walk away from birth feeling like it was a positive experience.
But that birth plan is unlikely to be successful if the practitioner who’s helping you bring your child into the world isn’t on board.
“All OBs should discuss your birth plan with you to make sure we are all on the same page and to make sure the items are doable,” Mahnert says. “It is important to have a realistic birth plan and understand that labor and delivery is sometimes out of our control and we need to be flexible. OB doctors want mom and baby to be healthy and happy and have your best interests in mind!”
Many obstetricians have birth plan templates, so don’t be afraid to ask your potential obstetrician if they have one that they recommend. Review it and ask questions.
“Your OB should be willing to talk this over with you and answer your questions or concerns,” Mahnert says.

What are the obstetrician’s fees?

The cost of delivery will likely come down to a mix of your health insurance company (if you have one) and your decisions on where to give birth and who you want at your side. For example, some health insurance companies will cover the costs for pre-approved doctors, which they call “in-network,” whereas you may only see part of the fees of another doctor or “out-of-network” provider covered.
Although you can ask the obstetrician about their fees, most of those questions should be directed to the front office staff, Mahnert says, as they are more familiar with the ins and outs of insurance billing.
You may also want to call your health insurance company directly, as they can outline other delivery-related fees such as the cost of anesthesia or the fee for a private room—bills that don’t come from the obstetrician’s office.
If you don’t have health insurance, be sure to mention that to the billing department. Some doctors offer sliding scale fees for patients who are paying their own way.

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Healthy Relationships Wellbeing

How To Know If You’re In A Toxic Friendship—And What To Do About It

Post author By Nina Bahadur
Post date June 22, 2018

In high school, Michelle (whose name was changed for privacy) was incredibly close to her group of friends. They rented a summer beach house together, went as a group to prom, and counted on each other for emotional support during times of stress.
The friends drifted apart during college, and when Michelle moved away to take a job after graduation, things got worse between them. Michelle’s mom was sick with multiple sclerosis, but her friends didn’t ask how she was doing or offer support. They refused to be flexible with their plans and didn’t keep in touch. Michelle learned they had been talking about her behind her back. And then things came to an ugly head.

“During a visit home, at a bar, one of my so-called friends confronted me, criticizing me for something trivial like failing to wish her happy graduation,” Michelle recalls. “More hurtfully, she criticized my choice to live and work far away from my ill mother. …Such criticism in a public place really stung.”
Michelle realized that someone she had long considered a close friend was, in fact, a toxic presence in her life. She made the difficult choice to cut that person out of her life for the sake of her own mental well-being.
https://twitter.com/TaraWaddell02/status/1007344891075203072
It can be hard to recognize when your friend is exhibiting toxic behaviors, and it can be harder to figure out whether those toxic behaviors are just bad habits or signs that this person may not truly be your friend. You may have a long history of friendship with a person, which can make it difficult to objectively evaluate the relationship. And they likely aren’t terrible all the time—otherwise, you wouldn’t be friends!
But the truth is that successful friendships shouldn’t negatively affect your well-being. Sometimes a friendship doesn’t last, and that can be hard to accept. If you often feel upset or stressed after spending time with a friend, it may be worth evaluating their behavior.
[pullquote align=”center”]“It is very important to define the lines that others may not cross.”
—Fran Walfish, PsyD[/pullquote]
Here are seven toxic friendship behaviors that could be causing issues:

1. They embarrass or belittle you constantly.

“Many of my clients in toxic friendships will describe feeling small and unimportant when they are with their friend,” says Maureen Maher-Bridge, a licensed social worker at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center’s Harding Hospital.

“They will tell me that they frequently feel criticized and demeaned and end up doubting themselves,” she adds. “They feel less confident and often blame themselves for feeling this way. A healthy friendship can offer honest, constructive criticism. A toxic friendship is critical without empathy or an understanding of how their criticism might make the other feel.”

Vartika, who is based in India and works in social media, remembers a friend who did this to her.
“One day we got into a fight over something silly, and I was about to let go,” she says. “But then, she decided to insult me by blaming my mental illness. She said this disease had gotten into my head, making me hallucinate things and go berserk.”

2. They are controlling or possessive of you.

Alaina Leary, an editor from Boston, had a high school friend, Ellie (whose name has been changed), who she describes as “extremely possessive.”
“When I started college,” Leary says, “she became very jealous of a new girl I befriended, Christine (whose name has also been changed). Christine quickly became my best friend and the person I trusted most because she’s a genuinely empathetic and caring person. [She] was really jealous of that and would often bring up how much she hated Christine—for no reason, having never met her—in front of all our old high school friends at sleepovers and parties when we were all back in town from college.”

While a certain level of jealousy is inevitable in friendships, one friend trying to prevent the other from forming other relationships enters the realm of possessiveness and fosters a dangerous codependency.

3. They make your private business public.

That could mean they share your secrets with other people or gossip about you behind your back. It could also mean they confront you in public about private concerns—like Michelle’s so-called friend did.
Michelle said that having her private life discussed in a public place, in front of other people, was particularly hurtful.
https://twitter.com/SamanthaNyobia/status/1009059739253313536
In an article for Psychology Today, counselor Suzanne Degges-White, PhD, wrote that some friends simply don’t understand the potential consequences of letting your secrets spill: “… if you find out that a friend is broadcasting your secrets, take control of where the friendship goes: Edit what you share. Edit the time you spend together. And edit your expectations.”

4. They compete with you over everything.

Maybe for every story you tell, they have a similar story or experience to share. Maybe they simply can’t stand losing to you at board games, beach games, trivia, or other fun activities. Maybe they compete with you professionally, hit on your romantic interests, or run out and buy a new dress every time you do. If you feel like you can’t do anything without your friend turning it into a competition, it’s likely worth discussing with them.

“Generally, people who are competitive about their houses, kids, dinner parties, and so on are either insecure or arrogant and want to prove superiority,” wrote Melanie Greenberg, PhD, in an article for Psychology Today.
“Ellie was very toxic about anything she was jealous about, like her friends’ success in college and their chosen careers,” Leary recalls.

If you feel a little like Leary, Greenberg suggested a few ways to react: “Try to figure out why this person is being competitive and what their needs and goals are. Also, see if there are any common goals that you can use to get them to work with you, rather than against you.”

5. They pressure you into doing things you’d rather not do.

Maybe they talk you into ordering another round of drinks when you’d rather switch to water, spending more money on an activity or meal than your budget allows for, or insisting you stay somewhere when you’re ready to leave. They may also pressure you into making potentially dangerous decisions.
[pullquote align=”center”]“If you’re constantly worried that you might do or say something to set them off, [then the] relationship’s probably not healthy.”
—Emily Mendez[/pullquote]
Emily Mendez, a mental health writer and former private practice psychotherapist, says you should ask yourself: Does your friend make you feel guilty for saying no?
“Maybe they accuse you of not caring just because you say no,” she says. “If you’re constantly worried that you might do or say something to set them off, [then the] relationship’s probably not healthy.”

6. They aren’t respectful of your boundaries.

Maybe she asks questions about things you’ve said you don’t want to discuss (like a fraught family relationship) or continues to do things you have asked her to stop doing (like eating in your car). Once you have clearly communicated your boundaries to someone, there’s no reason for them to repeatedly stomp all over them.

“You can set boundaries and regain control by using gentle language that drives your point home,” said psychologist Fran Walfish, PsyD, in an interview with MadameNoire. “It is very important to define the lines that others may not cross. It is a quiet strength when someone can do this in a benign, clear, and matter-of-fact tone.”

7. The above issues are persistent problems.

“I will ask my clients to consider… whether these problematic behaviors in the friendship are ‘new,’ or if this is a pattern of unhealthy behavior,” says Maher-Bridge. “If the behavior is new, perhaps there is a reason why the friend is behaving in this way. Maybe they are going through a difficult time and are having trouble coping; ask yourself, are there other redeeming qualities about the friendship that I respect and value? Is the friendship one that allows you to talk about your concerns openly and honestly in order to address these issues?“

So is there any way to repair a toxic friendship?

Again, there’s a difference between a friend who is occasionally annoying and a friend who is a toxic presence in your life. In many cases, it’s totally possible to talk to your friend about their behavior and repair the relationship moving forward.
[pullquote align=”center”]”We need to trust our intuitions and not disregard red flags. Weigh: How do I feel after spending time with this person?”
—Jessica Zucker, PhD[/pullquote]
“It depends how severe the situation is, how uncomfortable you feel, and what you think the other person is capable of,” says clinical psychologist Jessica Zucker, PhD. “Ideally, you could attempt to have healthy, clear conversation in a non-threatening, non-defensive, and loving way. Is there any way to talk this through simply? Trying to have a straightforward conversation and seeing if there is room for growth, change, or understanding might be a good first step.”
If you are nervous about talking face-to-face, Zucker suggests writing a letter. “This gives you a chance to have an uninterrupted forum to express yourself and your point of view, with the opportunity to say what you want without getting into a sticky argument.”

An ideal way to approach this is by stating the facts. In an email to HealthyWay, psychologist Holly Richmond, PhD, outlines a potential script: “I feel [emotion] (fill in the blank with sad, mad, frustrated, etc.) when you do/say [bad behavior]. I’m curious if you realize this, and maybe you can help me understand. We’re friends, and I know we don’t want to intentionally hurt each other’s feelings. I want to understand where you’re coming from. Can we talk?”
Zucker says that the next step depends on how your friend reacts. If they are defensive, mean, or angry, that’s not a great sign. Another red flag is when someone can’t or won’t recognize the hurt their behavior has caused you.

If you do decide to move away from the friendship, Zucker recommends taking small steps. Maybe you interact with that person less through texting or calling, or maybe you stop following them on social media if their posts stress you out. After some time apart, you can evaluate how you feel without that person in your life. If you are sure you don’t want to maintain this friendship any longer, you can tell the person why—but you aren’t obligated to.

It’s easy to feel guilty about confronting someone for their behavior or even cutting them out of your life, but sometimes it’s the right choice to make for your own well-being.

It’s important that you have supportive, loving friends in your life—there’s plenty of research showing how friendships can improve your mental and physical health. No one is perfect, and we will all make mistakes. But the people you surround yourself with should be positive forces in your life.
“We need to trust our intuitions and not disregard red flags,” Zucker says. “Weigh: How do I feel after spending time with this person?”

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Mindful Parenting Motherhood

What Americans Can Learn From The Parenting Style Of The Germans

Post author By Mary Sauer
Post date June 22, 2018

I read Sara Zaske’s 2018 book, Achtung Baby: An American Mom on the Art of Raising Self-Reliant Children, at just the right time. My youngest was creeping up on 18 months; I found myself with three talking, walking, and climbing kids under the age of 6.
I was completely exhausted.

I spent much of my days feeling like there would never be enough time to do all of the things required of me as a mom of young kids. The biggest obstacle I was facing, perhaps, was keeping my kids entertained for hours each day while my husband was away at work. Was I a mom or a cruise ship entertainment director? Many days, it was hard to tell.
I read Zaske’s book with skepticism at first. Parenting books are abundant and can be overly prescriptive, in my opinion. I wasn’t really looking for another book providing a long list of things I should be doing. Instead, I found Achtung Baby to be very descriptive, almost like a memoir. Zaske, a Pacific Northwesterner, wrote the book after spending time as a transplant in Berlin.

She found herself a new mom in a world that looked wildly different from her own, and she quickly learned that Germans parent much differently than Americans do. She explained how she had initially expected German parents to be controlling and authoritarian but was surprised to find that wasn’t the case. Instead, she found that Germans prioritize self-reliance, which influences many of the decisions they make about how they parent their children.
[pullquote align=”center”]“They feel capable. They feel trusted. They’re learning responsibility.”
—Sara Zaske, author of Achtung Baby, on the benefits of the German parenting style[/pullquote]
As I read her book, I learned a lot about how I might benefit from adopting the German way of parenting.

What’s so different about German parenting?

In Germany, Zaske observed that the overarching theme guiding parents’ decisions was teaching their children self-reliance. Day in and day out, kids were given the opportunity to learn to figure the world out on their own. They were given space to play and learn without the over-involvement of their parents.
[pullquote align=”center”]“The biggest difference is that parents do not ‘helicopter’ over their children.”
—Christina Robinson Bayse, mom of four, on German parenting[/pullquote]
If you’ve ever been on a playground in America, you know this is contrary to how the average American parent approaches child rearing.
“The most immediate and obvious [difference between German and American parents] is how German parents interacted with their kids on playgrounds—or didn’t interact,” Zaske tells HealthyWay. “They not only stay away from the kids when the kids go off to play, a lot of the time they don’t feel like they need to be in the line of sight.”

In her book, Zaske noted that German toddlers do typically stay in their parents’ eyesight. However, once they reach 3 or 4, they are given more freedom. By the time they are 8 or 9, they’re making the trip to the playground alone, even in a larger city like Berlin. She writes about leaving her 8-year-old with a friend’s family for a playdate. When the time came to pick her up, she found her daughter and her 8-year-old friend alone at the playground with no adults in sight.
Mom of four Christina Robinson Bayse spent three years in Germany as a young mom and had a very similar experience to Zaske’s. She admits to helicopter parenting her children until she saw how Germans were parenting. They simply weren’t as hyper-involved in their kids’ lives.

“The biggest difference is that parents do not ‘helicopter’ over their children,” she recalls. “Children ride public transportation alone at very young ages; they climb the highest trees, and spend hours upon hours exploring alone. If they get injured, no biggie. …They will remember not to do the exact same thing the next time.”
In Bayse’s observation, German parents often sent their kids out in the morning and expected them to stay outside playing all day.
Their prioritizing of self-reliance doesn’t end with play. Children are expected to learn the essential functions of day-to-day life. Zaske says this means many kids are riding the public transit, known as the U-Bahn, to school each day by the time they are 8 or 9.

In schools, kids are given many opportunities to practice self-reliance.
“I was informed that the 3 to 4-year-olds would be using real silverware, porcelain cups, knives, and the kitchen stove to prepare and eat their own lunches,” shares Bayse. “I watched in awe at how competent these wee ones were and how easily they could handle glass, knives, appliances, et cetera.”
While the use of sharp objects and stoves is difficult to endorse—the United States Consumer Product Safety Commision has safety statutes for a reason—the general practice of teaching children to care for themselves is something American parents can implement.

Perhaps the most notable trait of German parents is that they widely accept daycare and preschool as beneficial for children. This is such a part of the culture in Germany that childcare is subsidized throughout the country. Zaske shares that German parents, by and large, see it as a great opportunity for the kids, a chance for independence, making new friends, and exploration.

“When I heard those kinds of arguments, which I never heard in America, I was like, ‘Wow! You’re right. They are getting new experiences and friends, and the kids get a space of their own.’”

A Win-Win Model for Parenting

When children are given opportunities to explore and learn about their world and test out their responsibilities from a young age, they benefit.
“They feel capable. They feel trusted. They’re learning responsibility,” says Zaske. “And it’s really amazing that [American parents have] gone so far that we are inhibiting children’s ability to grow up.”

When children start early with learning the skills they need for the future, according to Zaske, they’re prepared for the future. When it comes to learning accountability with the freedom they’re given, they’re not starting from scratch in middle school or high school.

Zaske’s experience aligns with research about how restrictive parenting affects how children behave. Increased restriction of children actually decreased their ability to self-regulate their behaviors and lowered their achievement in school, according to a 2016 study published in the journal Frontiers.
Kids aren’t the only ones who benefit from the German parenting style. Zaske notes how their acceptance of daycare is beneficial for parents, especially since there is financial assistance provided.

“There is a lot less guilt,” says Zaske. “They accept it as normal, and I didn’t see the kind of anxiety that some of us expats had leaving our kids at kita, which is kind of like daycare or preschool.”
As children grow older, the benefits of this parenting philosophy change says Zaske. Things become much easier for the parent since most children are getting themselves to and from school, making themselves a snack, and hanging out at home or heading to activities while the parents wrap up their work day.

Personally, I noticed that encouraging kids to learn self-care could ultimately lessen my load. Instead of feeling like I was constantly in charge of their entertainment, dressing them, and getting them fed, I could give them the space to figure things out on their own.

German Parenting for All

No matter where you live, it is possible to embrace parenting choices that encourage your kids to figure out the world on their own. Start small, giving your kids age-appropriate tasks and freedom in small increments. As they learn about being responsible for themselves, you can increase their level of independence gradually.
“A lot of people say, ‘Well you can’t do it here,’” says Zaske. “Because Germany has a whole system that we don’t have. There are some things, of course, that we don’t have, like subsidized childcare, maternity leave, and lovely things like that. However, there are a lot of things that American parents can do to parent their kids for more self-reliance.”

Embracing German parenting can influence all parts of your family life. Zaske recommends small measures; try giving kids more responsibility at home with tasks such as requiring them to take care of keeping their laundry clean and put away. It’s also important to avoid loading up your kids’ schedules because an open schedule allows them to manage their free time on their own, and it gives them the chance to learn what kind of activities they enjoy.
Parents who are ready to make bigger steps toward the German model might consider giving their kids the opportunity to walk to places, like school or a nearby park.

“I know there can be some cultural resistance to that, but if you find your child a friend to walk with or a sibling, even the rest of your neighbors will look at that as safer,” she says.
My family is a long way from letting our kids walk to school since our kids are so young, but we are adopting some of the parenting practices outlined in Zaske’s book. My kids are getting more space and time outdoors, usually with me inside or doing yard work instead of standing over them to make sure they don’t get hurt. My two oldest are learning to make their own snacks, clean up after themselves, and take care of their personal hygiene.
These changes take some needless tasks off of my to-do list, of course. More importantly, my children are feeling proud and capable as a result of their new independence.

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Food Philosophies Nosh

Today’s Trendiest Food Philosophies: The Ultimate Guide

Post author By Joni Sweet
Post date June 22, 2018

When it comes to finding the right food philosophy for you, there are countless things to consider. Are you trying to lose weight? Fuel an intense athletic training program? Manage a chronic condition? Save the planet? Or maybe you’re just trying to look and feel your best. (And who isn’t?) What you eat to help achieve those goals is a deeply personal decision that requires careful thought.
As if that weren’t complicated enough, there are also hundreds of trendy food philosophies out there, each of which comes with its own distinctive set of rules, prohibited foods, eating plans, and purported health benefits. There’s just so much information to take in—let alone put into practice. Why isn’t there just an objective, easy-to-follow guide that lays everything out in one place?
Lucky for you, there is—and it’s right here. We worked with registered dietitian Allison Dostal Webster, PhD, associate director of nutrition communications at the International Food Information Council Foundation, to delve into the ins and outs of today’s most popular food philosophies, from paleo and ketogenic diets to flexitarianism and veganism. Here’s what you need to know about nine trendy diet plans.

“Vegetarian, vegan, and plant-based foods aren’t always healthy. On any of these diets, you need to put in the work to eat healthfully and make sure you’re getting enough nutrients. A plate of fries, while plant-based, just won’t cut it,” says Webster.

Choosing a Food Philosophy

“If you are considering going on one of these eating plans for a specific health reason, like weight loss, and if you already have certain risk factors, such as diabetes, involving your healthcare team in your diet will be critical,” explains Webster.
[pullquote align=”center”]“Keep in mind that improving your health is a lifelong endeavor, and you need to make sure your diet and lifestyle changes are sustainable over time.”
—Allison Dostal Webster, PhD[/pullquote]
“But if you are already pretty healthy and interested in seeing if one of these food philosophies might help you lose weight or get healthier, it’s OK to strike out on your own. Just keep in mind that improving your health is a lifelong endeavor, and you need to make sure your diet and lifestyle changes are sustainable over time.”

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Conscious Beauty Lifestyle

How To Determine Your Hair Type And Put Together A Routine That Works

Post author By Christina Heiser
Post date June 21, 2018

You likely have your go-to shampoos, conditioners, and styling products, but are they really the right ones for your hair type? Understanding what type of hair you have will help you put together a routine that can effectively tame frizz and enhance your hair’s natural texture in a really beautiful way, says Danna Rhodes Douglas, owner of The Curly Hair Salon in Florida.
The thing is, the products and styling techniques that work on straight hair may not necessarily be ideal for extremely curly hair. The same goes for haircuts: What looks amazing on your wavy-haired pal may not exactly have the same effect on straight hair or kinky hair. That’s why we chatted with top hairstylists to outline what’s known as the hair typing system.
Hairstylist Andre Walker is responsible for the hair typing system, ranging from type 1 through type 4, which he came up with in the ’90s. Over the years, curly hair communities have made modifications to add in more hair types. In those communities, calling yourself a 2C or 4B can instantly tell other curly girls a lot about you (and your routine).
Wondering how to find out your hair type? The best way to determine your hair type is to wash and condition in the shower, blot your hair with an old t-shirt (this won’t promote frizz the way a towel does), and let your hair air dry so you can see its natural shape, says Fred Connors, owner of FRED.nyc salon.

Type 1 Hair Type

Straight hair, do care. If you have type 1 hair, that means you’ve got that smooth, sleek, straight hair that so many women need a flat iron to achieve.
1A: “This is the straightest of straight hair types,” says Connors. “This hair type is quite uncommon. It’s pin-straight with no bends or waves. It has a great amount of difficulty holding curl.”
1B/1C: “These are more common for straight hair types,” says Connors. “Types 1B and 1C hair tend to curl under toward the base and hold curl.” Type 1C has slightly more curl than type 1B.
Type 1 Celeb Inspiration: Lucy Liu and Gwyneth Paltrow
[related article_ids=20532]

Type 2 Hair Type

Beachy waves FTW. That’s exactly what you have if your hair falls within the type 2 umbrella, no dip in the ocean required.
2A: “Type 2A is wavier than straight hair but not curly,” says Connors. “It’s a very loosely defined wave. There’s no strong S shape.”
2B: Your hair has more defined waves than type 2A, with the distance between waves being shorter than it is for type 2A hair, says Connors.
2C: “Your hair looks curlier than types 2A and 2B, but it’s still a wave,” says Connors. You’ll notice an even shorter distance between waves than types 2A and 2B hair, as well as a more defined S shape.
Type 2 Celeb Inspiration: Jessica Alba and Drew Barrymore

Type 3 Hair Type

Hey there, curly hair! From light curls to tight curls, here’s what you need to know about curl patterns 3A–3C.
3A: Whereas wavy hair produces an S shape, curly hair produces a circle, says Connor. Type 3A hair is the loosest of the type 3 curl types and has the circumference of a piece of sidewalk chalk, says Connors.
3B: Your curls are tighter than type 3A, with about the circumference of a marker, says Connors.
3C: Your tightly-packed curls have the circumference of a pencil, says Connors. Think corkscrew curls!
Type 3 Celeb Inspiration: Julianna Margulies and Alicia Keys

Type 4 Hair Type

Nice to see you, kinky hair. Type 4 hair is usually thin, coarse, and packed with tight kinks. Here’s how to tell which type of kinky hair you have.
4A: “Your kink is really, really tight and in an S pattern,” says Connors.
4B: “Your kink is at a sharper angle than type 4A hair and in a Z pattern,” says Connors.
4C: “Your hair pattern is very irregular,” says Connors. “It’s not crimped or curved.” It’s similar to type 4B, just less defined.
Type 4 Celeb Inspiration: Viola Davis and Janelle Monae

What else affects hair type?

While figuring out where you fall on the 1A–4C spectrum will go a long way toward allowing you to put together the right haircare and styling routine, there are four other factors to consider as well.

Porosity

Do you apply and apply and apply product only for it to seem like it’s just sitting on the surface of your hair? This might have to do with your hair’s porosity. “This is how absorbent your hair is,” says Rhodes Douglas. More specifically, porosity refers to how well your hair holds in moisture, water, and product.
To figure out whether your hair has low or high porosity, take a small section of hair and stretch it out. Slide a finger up and down your hair shaft. If your hair feels rough, that means you have low porosity and your hair doesn’t hold in moisture very well; if your hair feels smooth, that means you have high porosity, says Rhodes Douglas.
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Elasticity

When your hair has good elasticity, that means it’s bouncy and full of life. “When you tug on a strand, you should be able to stretch it out and then it’ll go back,” says Rhodes Douglas. Chemicals, like those in hair dye, can mess with your elasticity and cause your hair to become limp, she adds.
To tell how much elasticity your hair has, try this little experiment: When your hair is wet, take a piece and stretch it out. If it returns to its original length once you release it, that means you have good elasticity.

Density

Your hair density simply means how much hair you have. You can figure out whether you have low or high density hair by measuring the circumference of your ponytail, says Rhodes Douglas. The larger your ponytail circumference, the higher hair density you have. “People think they have a ton of hair, but often they don’t,” says Rhodes Douglas. “When gathered together, do you have a copious amount of hair or is it surprisingly less than you thought?”

Curl Variance

It’s totally possible (and actually really common!) to have more than one type of curl pattern, says Rhodes Douglas. This is known as curl variance. “Often within curly hair types, you see tight curly hair and a more relaxed curl type,” says Connor. “If you have a mixture of manageable and difficult to manage hair types, I would use product for the hair type [that’s most difficult to manage].”

Your Haircare Routine by Hair Type

Once you’ve determined what your hair type is, it’s time to put together a haircare routine that works for you.

Type 1

When you have straight hair, it’s very easy for your hair’s natural oils to make their way down from your roots to your ends, says Connors. That’s a double-edged sword. While these oils give your hair shine, they can also make your hair look greasy and fall flat.
Connors suggests using a detoxifying shampoo to get rid of oils every once in a while. Volumizing products are another good bet for type 1 hair. Celebrity hairstylist Kendall Dorsey (whose clients include Cardi B and Nicki Minaj) says you can maintain your smoothness with a heat protectant and ceramic iron. Dorsey is a fan of a bob haircut on straight hair.

Type 2

“There is a tendency toward frizz with type 2 hair, especially type 2C,” says Connors. That’s why he suggests using products with humectants, which hold in moisture. You have a lot of options with your hair, though, lucky lady! You can enhance your hair with a curling iron or soften your waves with a flat iron, says Connors. (Make sure to use a heat protectant first!)
Choppy bobs at the shoulder or slightly above give type 2 hair a relaxed look, says Connors. A lob (long bob) is another low-maintenance option for type 2 hair. All you have to do is spritz some salt spray into your close-to-one-length haircut, scrunch, and let your hair air dry to define your waves.
Dorsey’s favorite way to care for type 2 hair is by co-washing with conditioner, applying a little bit of a gel serum and oil, and letting hair air dry.

Type 3

It’s official: Curls are in. More and more women are embracing their curls these days rather than straightening them into submission. But the right care and styling routine will make a world of difference.
“3A, 3B, and 3C curl patterns require moisture,” says Dorsey. The reason for that is because oil has a hard time making its way from your scalp to your ends, which can leave your curls dry. “To properly get those curls to shine and glow, I start with a steam treatment of healing natural oils (jojoba, olive, and castor oil) under a steamer for 15 minutes,” says Dorsey.
Then he adds conditioner to wet hair and twists hair to encourage the curl pattern to dry. Connors adds that cream-based products will eliminate frizz, control volume, and add shine. He suggests co-washing with conditioner and massaging the conditioner into your roots.
When you have type 3 hair, it’s best to avoid one-length cuts, Connors suggeests, since these can leave you with seriously poofy hair. “I recommend working with someone who specializes in and has an extensive history of working with curls,” says Connors.

Type 4

Kinky hair is gorgeous and voluminous, but it’s very fragile. “Type 4 hair has the tendency to break the most,” says Connors. “It needs the most moisture.” You can hydrate your hair with coconut oil, coconut butter, or anything that’s a humectant and highly moisturizing. “Type 4 hair needs to be washed the least and can definitely go the longest between shampoos,” says Connors. He adds that because type 4 hair is so fragile, it’s really hard to grow.
Dorsey likes combining a moisturizing product with a serum so that you can easily detangle your hair. “Once detangled, add gel for control and use the shingling method,” says Dorsey. This method involves using a comb to spread product from root to end, stretching and smoothing hair in a downward direction, explains Dorsey. This will allow you to achieve maximum curl definition and length.
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Nosh Nutrition x Advice

These Seemingly Healthy Foods May Be Sabotaging Your Fitness Goals

Post author By Cindy Lamothe
Post date June 21, 2018

It’s noon, your stomach is rumbling, and you’re trying to eat healthy. Scarfing down a bunch of guac for lunch sounds like a healthier choice than, say, scarfing down a bunch of cheese fries. The latter obviously has the bad kind of fat, whereas we all know avocados are notorious for being good (the monounsaturated kind of good), thus helping us fend off high cholesterol and belly fat.

So, this translates to eat as much as you want, right? Ah, if only.
According to Dianah T. Lake, MD, and fitness competitor and board-certified New Jersey emergency medical physician, we often hurt ourselves when indulging in these foods because we tend to overeat them, believing we’re doing something healthy for our bodies. And while many of us will generally steer clear of all those ultra-processed snacks that make up over half the foods in the average American diet, eating clean isn’t a substitute for paying attention to the amount we consume.

It turns out even seemingly harmless (aka frenemy) foods can interfere with our weight and fitness goals. Almonds, avocados, and other high-fat snacks provide many valuable nutrients, but they are also calorically dense, says Laura Arndt, a Washington, D.C. certified personal trainer and CEO of Matriarc, a health and fitness resource for new mothers.
These tempting pitfalls could possibly derail hard-earned fitness goals, but fear not; just as we can retrain our brain to enjoy healthier foods, we can start making better choices about what we’re already snacking on. Here are four frenemy foods to look out for and ways to prevent them from sabotaging your hard work.

1. Frenemy Food: Avocado

Okay, let’s not get too carried away—you can quit hiding the avocado under your desk, we’re not confiscating it. The trouble is, most people tend to eat half an avocado when a serving is actually one-fifth of a medium-sized one, according to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. Consuming more than that increases your calorie and fat intake, which may, in turn, sabotage your overall fitness goals.

Keep an eye on portions.

While healthy fats are good for us, the right quantity matters. “People that do not track the amount or measure [these foods] may find they are consuming more calories than they are burning, causing them to stay at a weight-loss plateau or even gain body fat,” says Arndt.

She recommends creating serving sizes for each day and making sure to stick to the amount you pre-measured: “Make sure you understand what a serving size is for your particular food, and then put it into individual bags or containers you can take on the go.”

2. Frenemy Food: Bananas

Luckily, the sugar content in these luxurious treats is only slightly high—not so high that it will derail your healthy meal plan. However, if you’re on a low-glycemic diet—bananas are one of the higher-ranking fruits on the glycemic index—Lake recommends only eating half a banana to limit the carbs and sugar.

If you’re trying to meet your recommended potassium intake for the day, which is about 4.7 milligrams, kiwifruit will offer you more potassium than a serving of banana. They also boast more vitamin C than an orange and can be a great alternative food, Lake says.

When you eat makes all the difference.

Experts believe consuming a lot of fruit late at night is way too much sugar late in the day, which can cause irregular sleep patterns and may plateau your weight loss. Bananas and other fruit high in carbs are good in a pre- or post-workout smoothie, so long as they are balanced with fat and protein. In other words, make sure to keep all your carb-heavy foods reserved for earlier in the day, rather than later.

3. Frenemy Food: Nuts

Raise your hand if you’ve ever reached into a bag of mixed nuts and didn’t stop reaching until it was empty? Well, with those few handfuls, you easily added an extra 500 to 700 calories to your daily intake.
[pullquote align=”center”]“If you don’t utilize the energy you consume, your body will store it as fat.”
—Jill McKay, certified personal trainer[/pullquote]
Nuts are rich in vitamins and high in protein. But, as Lake notes, they are also fairly caloric. One serving is typically 12 to 15 nuts (not the entire bag—got it).

“The problem is most people easily consume two to four servings of nuts in one sitting, which leads to excess caloric intake,” Lake says.

Sweat it off.

“If you don’t utilize the energy you consume, your body will store it as fat,” says Jill McKay, a certified personal trainer. This is a big no-no for your heart. According to the American Heart Association, we should aim for “40 minutes of aerobic exercise of moderate to vigorous intensity three to four times a week.” Of course, while upping our workout routine doesn’t give us a free pass from much-needed portion control, it can help balance things out.

If you’re looking for a good routine to burn that bag of almonds you just devoured, these inspired moves can help you sweat off the added calories.

4. Frenemy Food: Honey

We saved this one for last since we know those with a sweet tooth might feel personally attacked. Honey is another healthy food that is overly consumed due to its presumed health benefits. However, it’s easy to overdo it with honey; a 64-calorie serving size of honey is only one tablespoon, and being so thick, it can add up quick.

Balance is key.

Lake recommends using honey sparingly to enjoy the health perks while avoiding the extra calories. Despite the higher caloric value, she says she still favors honey over refined sugar for its greater nutritional benefits.

Staying on Track

In addition to the advice above, here are a few more recommendations for staying on track with your weight maintenance goals.

Stick to complex carbs.

In general, Lake advises her patients and fitness clients to stick with foods with complex carbs, which are rich in fiber and starch. Switching to these nutritious foods can further aid weight management efforts and help reduce or avoid blood sugar spikes.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BkTMpLZDN5E/?tagged=complexcarbs
To keep your carb intake complex, Lake recommends sweet potatoes, sprouted grains, low glycemic fruits like berries, apples, and kiwifruit, and dark leafy veggies such as spinach, arugula, and kale.

Since fiber-rich food is slower to digest, you’ll feel full for longer periods of time and have steadier energy throughout the day.

Choose proper proteins.

First, the start of the show: lean proteins. They help build muscle and are packed with nutrients the body needs, and sources include white meat poultry, pork tenderloin, eggs, lean beef, soy, and beans.
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We also shouldn’t forget protein from the sea. Fish, particularly the fatty kinds, contain loads of omega-3 fatty acids. These are great for cleansing the body of free radicals, reducing inflammation, and promoting liver detoxification—all of which improves fat breakdown and metabolism. The American Heart Association recommends eating at least two servings of fatty fish a week.
Just to double down on fish: Past research indicates that the more fish we consume, the more we help decrease the risk of heart problems.

Good plant-based sources of omega-3 fatty acids include flaxseed and flaxseed oil, canola oil, [linkbuilder id=”6637″ text=”soybean oil”], and walnuts. Remember, though, to consume these things in moderation.
If you’re looking for some ideas for incorporating more of these healthy fats into your meal plan, check out these yummy suggestions for cooking salmon (which is also a great source of vitamin B12).

Stay hydrated.

According to one study, nearly 83 percent of adult women aren’t hydrated enough, which can cause countless ills including fuzzy thinking, mood changes, constipation, and kidney stones. Aside from these health hazards, we’re also far more likely to overindulge on snacks when we’re dehydrated.

In fact, if you find yourself feeling more fatigued than usual and having [linkbuilder id=”6558″ text=”sudden hunger”] pangs, it could be your body’s way of interpreting thirst as hunger. It is also more likely that you’ll grab any sugary beverage in sight.

Wondering how you can tell one from the other? Pay special attention to pain in your joints or mysterious headaches that seem to come out of nowhere; this is your body trying to tell you something.
Getting enough water isn’t only helpful in curbing needless snacking: It also helps our bodies regulate blood sugar and oxygen levels. Try drinking a glass of water first before reaching for that bag of nuts. If you’re feeling especially ambitious, take your doctor’s advice and shoot for the lofty 11.5 cups of fluid a day.

For those who aren’t exactly motivated by plain, old-fashioned H2O, try jazzing up your hydration with these (brilliant and practical) infused water recipes.

A Healthy Balance

Simply put, the best thing we can do to keep up with our weight and fitness goals, according to experts, is the most obvious: Learn to balance out our [linkbuilder id=”6557″ text=”food choices”]. This means eating a moderate combo of fruits, carbs, veggies, proteins, and fats. And remember, it’s not about cutting out all our favorite foods—it’s about eating smarter and making better choices. So, while we can’t go all out with the guac anymore (I’m saying this more to myself than anyone else!), a little planning and portion control can do a body good.

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