Categories
Mom x Body Motherhood

Preeclampsia Warning Signs You Have To Watch Out For

Pregnancy comes with a lot of worrying, much of it unwarranted but natural and—dare I say?—unavoidable. But a few things are actually worth knowing about, if not actively worrying about. One of those things is preeclampsia.
Preeclampsia is a pregnancy complication that causes high blood pressure and protein in the urine, and it needs immediate attention. Why? Left untreated, it can lead to kidney and liver failure, stroke, seizures, and maternal death and/or stillbirth.
It is therefore important to be aware of the symptoms so you can spring into action quickly if you sense that something is off.

What is preeclampsia?

“Honestly, most of us are still trying to figure this out!” says Kerry Price, MD, an OB-GYN at Orange Coast Women’s Medical Group in Orange County, California. “It is the number one thing … that [OB-GYNs] still need a definite cause for, and discovering its cause is one of the most researched topics in our field.”  
Here’s what doctors believe: Preeclampsia is a disorder of the vessels in the placenta that causes increased resistance. This increases pressure gradients, which causes maternal blood pressure to rise and puts greater demands on the vital organs. In short, the problem is in the placenta—which is why delivery is the cure.
[pullquote align=”center”]Never doubt that you know your body best and continue to seek out the best medical attention you can find.[/pullquote]
High blood pressure caused by preeclampsia can come on slowly over time or very suddenly, which is why your OB checks your urine and blood pressure at every single visit and why it’s important for pregnant women to be aware of all the symptoms.
That said: The condition can be treated and managed—how effectively is really a question of how early it is diagnosed and how close the mother is to delivery.

How common is preeclampsia?

Preeclampsia affects between 3 and 10 percent of pregnancies. In fact, it’s one of the most common complications of pregnancy. Price says she’s seeing a rise in cases in the U.S. due to two main factors:

  1. The average age of mothers is on the rise. In other words, more women are having babies at age 35 and older.
  2. More women are overweight and obese—and these are both risk factors for preeclampsia.

Signs and Symptoms of Preeclampsia

You know how your urine is tested at every single doctor’s visit? Preeclampsia is one of the things she’s testing for. (We know it’s annoying, but so, so necessary!)
At your 20-week appointment—and then at every other subsequent visit—your OB will likely go over the signs and symptoms of preeclampsia with you, but it’s good to keep them in mind for yourself, too. Here’s what to look out for:

  • A headache that is not responsive to rest, Tylenol, or fluids
  • Blurred vision
  • Epigastric and right upper quadrant abdominal pain
  • Swelling of the hands and face
  • General malaise
  • Fluid in the lungs
  • Signs of kidney trouble
  • A seizure, which is a very late-onset symptom that would actually mean a woman has moved from preeclampsia to eclampsia

Risk Factors for Preeclampsia

There are a few risk factors associated with preeclampsia:

  • History of preeclampsia in a previous pregnancy
  • Chronic hypertension (or elevated blood pressure)
  • Advanced maternal age (over 35 but especially over 40)
  • Young maternal age (under 25)
  • Obesity
  • Type 2 diabetes
  • Kidney disease/dysfunction
  • Smoking/tobacco use
  • Systemic lupus
  • Connective tissue diseases
  • Multiples (twins or higher)
  • Women who develop gestational hypertension or gestational diabetes during their pregnancies are also at increased risk for developing preeclampsia
  • Women who got pregnant via in vitro fertilization (IVF), donor insemination, or egg donation

One very important point: Women of color—especially African American women—are more likely to develop preeclampsia. According to a recent feature story in The New York Times Magazine, their symptoms are often ignored by medical professionals, causing a range of medical complications, including stillbirth.
Never doubt that you know your body best and continue to seek out the best medical attention you can find.

Diagnosing Preeclampsia

In order to be diagnosed with preeclampsia, a woman needs to show signs of two things:

  1. Elevated blood pressure: This means 140 or higher systolic, and 90 or higher diastolic, so 140/90 or higher. Ideal blood pressure is less than 120/80.
  2. Proteinuria, or protein in the urine

You can have elevated blood pressure and not have preeclampsia, and you can spill protein in your urine and not have it. You need both to be diagnosed.
Price explains that there are varying stages of preeclampsia: mild preeclampsia and preeclampsia with severe features. These are indicative of a more serious disease state. “The gold standard for any evaluation is a 24-hour urine protein collection, which can be done as an outpatient or inpatient depending on the severity of the patient’s condition,” Price explains.
That said, high blood pressure at one appointment does not mean you have preeclampsia! This is why your doctor will probably test your blood pressure again four hours later and monitor you closely for at least 24 hours and for the remainder of the pregnancy.

Treating Preeclampsia

If you are experiencing any of the signs or symptoms above, you should contact your doctor’s office immediately and ask for an evaluation. If your OB’s office is closed, Price advises going to labor and delivery for an evaluation or speaking to your doctor’s on-call physician to see if an evaluation is warranted.  
“A patient should never wait hours or days to contact her physician about this,” Price says, “because if preeclampsia is truly there, time is of the essence.”
Treating preeclampsia depends entirely on the severity of the symptoms and the gestational age of the fetus. Milder cases and those closer to term might not necessitate hospitalization or a super-early delivery. These are most often treated with frequent outpatient visits, blood pressure medication, and non-stress testing with amniotic fluid checks. Bed rest doesn’t help with preeclampsia.
[pullquote align=”center”]“A patient should never wait hours or days to contact her physician about this because if preeclampsia is truly there, time is of the essence.”
—Kerry Price, MD[/pullquote]
More severe cases require IV antihypertensive medications, inpatient hospital admission, and more continuous monitoring of the baby. Your doctor is trying to prevent the condition from causing a stroke, fetal abruption, seizures, or severe bleeding. The baby will undergo more monitoring as well: non-stress tests and frequent ultrasounds.
That said, if you are diagnosed with preeclampsia, you will not deliver your baby any later than 37 weeks—it’s simply not safe for you or the baby. More severe cases require preterm delivery to save both mom and baby from the worse outcomes, which can include brain damage or death.
This is what makes preeclampsia so tricky: The only “cure” is delivering the baby.
An OB’s goal is to keep the mother and baby safe for as long as possible—and not push it a moment longer.

Preventing Preeclampsia

There is no way to definitively prevent preeclampsia, but there are ways of improving your odds of staying healthy throughout your pregnancy. Though you should always consult your own physician, here are Price’s recommendations:

For Women at High Risk

As soon as you find out you’re pregnant, take a daily 81 mg dose of aspirin. This has been shown to significantly reduce the risk of developing preeclampsia.

For Women Planning to Get Pregnant (Who Have Risk Factors)

Work on getting to a healthy weight and have any chronic medical conditions (elevated blood pressure, diabetes, kidney disease, lupus, etc.) under control.

For Women Without Risk Factors

Make sure you exercise regularly, eat a healthy diet, and avoid excess weight gain during pregnancy. Excess weight gain is linked to gestational hypertension and gestational diabetes, both of which are risk factors for preeclampsia.

Can preeclampsia come on suddenly?

“Yes it can, which is very scary and why your OB is constantly on the lookout!” Price says.

Can preeclampsia occur before 20 weeks?

In short, no. The longer answer is a little more complex.
“While there are case reports out there of an earlier diagnosis, there is almost always a very significant underlying medical condition, so it is not a true diagnosis of preeclampsia,” Price explains.
If your blood pressure is high before 20 weeks, it probably indicates chronic hypertension (usually diagnosed if your blood pressure is significantly elevated in the first trimester) or another underlying medical condition

How does preeclampsia affect mom?

If the case is mild and managed well, preeclampsia is mostly just uncomfortable and annoying—there are the symptoms (headaches, etc.) and all the trips to the hospital for frequent checkups.
If the case is severe, you can develop HELLP syndrome, which is dysfunction and/or a shutting down of the kidneys and liver. This can lead to uncontrolled bleeding, stroke, and death.
Preeclampsia can also evolve into eclampsia, which involves seizures. These can cause brain damage because of lack of oxygen and aspiration pneumonia if vomit winds up in the lungs.
Again, this is in very severe and unmonitored cases. The long and short of it is: If you suspect something is wrong, contact your doctor immediately.

Does preeclampsia affect my baby?

Yes. The baby is affected because preeclampsia is a placental issue. “The main fetal effects we see are growth restriction and low amniotic fluid volumes,” Price explains. “This can lead to significant developmental issues, especially if this happens earlier in gestation.”
If preeclampsia develops at term and is diagnosed in a timely manner, the baby is usually unaffected and does very well—which is what makes accurate and timely diagnosis very important. “This is why we dip people’s urine at every visit!” Price says.

Is preeclampsia hereditary?

Nope. So just because your mom or grandmother had it doesn’t mean you will.

Categories
Favorite Finds Motherhood

The Ultimate (And Updated) Newborn Baby Checklist

Here’s a secret most experienced moms will tell you: You really don’t need a lot of gear. We promise!
In the very beginning, you need very few essentials: diapers and wipes, a stroller and/or car seat, a carrier, onesies, and burp clothes. Seriously. The rest is all extra.
But! It’s always good to have extra stuff, and eventually almost all of it becomes necessary.

Baby Checklist Part 1: The Absolute Essentials

Make sure to have these on hand before the baby arrives.

Diapers

Most companies now offer a subscription package so you don’t have to think about it each month. (See Honest here!) Do NOT go crazy on the newborn diapers. She may outgrow them really quickly and then you’ll have way too many teeny tiny diapers on your hands.

Burp Cloths

Any old thing will do, really, so hand-me-downs are great here. But you can also go for gorgeous ones that double as swaddle blankets, like these from aden + anais.

Baby Carrier

A few mom faves: The Baby K’tan, the Ergobaby (with infant insert, which I will say is hot in the summer), or the Moby Wrap. Before you buy anything, borrow from a friend. You might spend a few days in agony, or you might be really happy and comfortable. It’s worth doing some investigating before investing.

Car Seat

It’s best to stay on top of Consumer Reports since the guidelines for car seats change all the time. (In fact, what you use for one kid might not be okay for the next!) But some very reliable seats are the Graco SnugRide Click Connect and the Safety 1st Grow and Go 3-in-1 car seat.
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Stroller

This depends a lot on your particular circumstances. If you’re in a city where you walk far more than you drive, you’ll want something robust, like the Bugaboo, City Mini or UPPAbaby Vista.

Wipes

You do not need them to be warmed (really), but it helps to have a dispenser, so you can pull them out with one hand.

Bottles

Now if you’re planning to breastfeed, you may not need these. But if you’re planning to pump at all (or you’re going with formula), these are a must-have. Most will do—the baby has to like the feel of the nipple—but if you want to go eco-friendly, try a Philips AVENT Glass Bottle (don’t forget the sleeve!) or Lifefactory Glass Bottles. (So many cute colors!)
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[products ids=’1007032,1007037,1007045,1007050′ type=full]

Nice-to-Have Items for Your Baby Checklist

Swaddles

The Woombie or the Miracle Blanket make swaddling really easy. The nurses make it look easy, BUT IT ISN’T. You’ll want some help, trust me.

Snuggle Spots

The Snuggle Me or DockATot are lifesavers. Put the baby down in the coziest little cocoon. Just be sure to keep an eye on her for safety.

NoseFrida

Get all that snot out.

Sleep Sound Machine

This can be a machine you buy for the baby or just an app on your phone that plays all sorts of sounds, from a washing machine to a rainfall. Either way, the white noise will be your new best friend.
[products ids=’1007086,1007089,1007092′ type=full]
[products ids=’1007096,1007100,1007103′ type=full]

Rock ’n Play Sleeper

This cult fave item does double duty! Get the baby to sleep…or entertain her.

Hooded Towels

Keep baby super snug (and his head from getting cold).

Newborn Nightgowns

Wayyyy easier than stuffing their legs in footie pajamas. How adorable are these?

Bottle Drying Rack

Just so the bottles don’t get mixed in with the dishes. Try the Boon Lawn Drying Rack (so cute!) or this adorable one with a drainer.

Bottle Sterilizer

This puppy saved my life! No more boiling water and dipping in nipples. Wash them, put them in, press “start”—and done!

Pacifier

Not all babies are into these (my daughter wouldn’t take one). And they can be controversial (some point out that babies eventually need to be weaned, while others claim it’s not great for their teeth), but in those early months it can be a lifesaver. Try this eco-friendly option.
[products ids=’1007109,1007112,1007120,1007123,1007127,1007130,1007133′ type=full]

Baby Checklist Items for Around the House

Baby Monitor

How big is your house or apartment? Ours was so small there was absolutely zero need for a monitor. (Babies can scream, have you heard?) But if you want to keep an eye on the little one, you have plenty of choices, from low-tech to very high. The latest is an Alexa baby monitor and speaker.

Co-Sleeper

If your little one isn’t content in her crib, try something like the Halo Bassinest to keep her close—without worrying you’ll roll over her.

Bouncer

How much do you want to do? If you’re okay with bouncing the chair yourself, go with the BabyBjörn Bouncer. Unlike so much other baby stuff, it won’t be an eyesore in the middle of the living room. If you want all the bells and whistles, go for the mamaRoo4. You can control it with your phone!

Diaper Pail

Trust me, you’re going to want one of these. And don’t forget the bags. Running out is the worst.
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Changing Station

Set it up so it makes sense for you—everything within reach. You can go really streamlined or really fancy, but the point is that you develop a system that works for you. I loved having the changing table as part of a dresser—major space saver. Whatever you choose, you’ll need a pad too.

A Good Nursing Chair

This can be a glider or just something you’re happy sitting in for hours. I was comfortable on the IKEA Poang. Basically you want to make sure you find something with armrests, because those arms will get realllllllly tired.

Lots and Lots of Pillows

You can get special nursing pillows (more below), but you can also just pile up a bunch of pillows you already have. They really do help with nursing.

Baby Bathtub

It’s not easy bending over the tub. You can set this sucker on the counter or in the bathtub without having to worry about the baby slipping out of your arms.
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Baby Checklist Essentials for You

Lansinoh

Those nips are going to need some love. Keep it near you at all times.

Pads

For your vagina and for your boobs. Your vagina will probably need overnight pads for a long while. If you have leaky boobs, they will love these washable, eco-friendly nursing pads.

Hospital-Grade Breast Pump (or Something Close)

There are so many breast pumps on the market these days. The old reliable is the Medela; the Pump in Style is a good go-to. If you want something more discreet, the new Willow Pump is sort of incredible.

My Brest Friend

If your regular bed pillows aren’t doing the trick, keep this tucked around you to keep you from breaking your back as you nurse.

Yoga Ball

Yoga balls are ideal for bouncing the baby when she won’t. stop. crying. It’ll keep your arms and legs from getting tired, plus it can do double duty when you get back to your flow.

Food Delivery

Anything! Have your friends set up a meal train delivery. Ask your parents or friends to cook ahead of time. Cook and freeze meals before you go into labor. Chances are you won’t have the time, energy, or desire to cook for a while.

Nice Soap and Shampoo

No real reason for this, but you need to feel good, too. Treat yourself, mama—you’ll need it.
[products ids=’1007180,1007182,1007184′ type=full]
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Categories
Life x Culture Lifestyle

10 Ways To Practice Self-Care When You're On A Budget

We know: We’ve all been brainwashed into thinking that self-care involves expensive spas, luxury body scrubs, weekend getaways, and one million dollar face cream from GOOP.
Not so!
Let’s be real: Most of us can’t afford any of these things. That doesn’t mean we don’t deserve a little self-care. And here’s the thing: Self-care can be anything. The point is that it’s something that feeds you that doesn’t involve work.
It’s a time for you to replenish your body, mind, and soul—yes, it might sound lofty, but you don’t need big bucks to do it.
Here are a few of my favorite ways to take care of myself on little cash:

1. Take a bath.

This is my #1 self-care strategy. I do it almost nightly (sorry, California drought). It’s my favorite way to unplug from the day, which means I don’t bring in any devices. (I’m also afraid of dropping an iPad in the water.) Pick up a favorite magazine or dig into a killer novel, pour yourself a glass of rosé, and let Calgon take you away.

2. Make your own yummy vat of chai (iced coffee, iced tea, etc.) that you can dip into for a day or two.

I often use coffee or tea as a self-soother—if I’m out and need a lift, I’ll pop into a café for a treat. But that adds up over time (and all those paper cups are awful for the environment). I’m always delighted when I think ahead and make myself a vat of chai that I can just pour first thing in the morning, either over ice or heated on the stove.

3. Practice yoga/pilates while following an online tutorial.

No money? No problem. Classes are always best (a teacher should be checking your alignment once in a while!), but sometimes you don’t have the cash or time to make a class. Check out an online tutorial instead. You can do it at 5 a.m. or 10 p.m.!

4. Go for a walk-and-talk with a friend.

Make exercise social. Or make exercise less exercise-y. I often meet a friend 30 minutes before preschool pickup and we do a couple of laps around the block, catch up on the day, and get our heart rates up a bit (the walking and talking helps with this!). Best of all: It’s completely free and usually full of laughs.

5. Meditate with an app.

There are loads to choose from, but my favorite is Headspace. There’s a guided meditation for whatever mood you’re in.

6. Go to one exercise class a week. Just one. Schedule your life around it.

I’ve started attending an 8 a.m. Pilates class in my neighborhood on Saturdays. It’s hard for me to get to classes during the week, and with a small kid, it’s tricky to do stuff by myself over the weekend. But slipping out first thing on Saturday for an hour seems doable. Put it in the schedule and alert your partner, family, or babysitter that this time is sacred and non-negotiable.

7. Go for a long walk/hike/run while listening to your favorite podcast.

It’s fine to listen to Forever 35 while doing dishes, but it’s even better to do it while running, hiking, biking, or walking.

8. Don’t text your friends—call them.

This one is especially important if you have moved far from home/college/friends/family. My BFF and I have started just calling each other at random—no more phone dates (those never work)—and hoping the other picks up. If your bestie isn’t free? Just leave a long, rambling message. It’s always a joy to hear her voice (even if it’s just on a machine), and I get a little caught up on her life.

9. Buy some of your favorite color polish and do your own nails.

Manis and pedis get expensive, but there’s no reason you shouldn’t have beautiful nails! Buy your fave colors at the drugstore and go nuts.

10. Enjoy the subscriptions you have.

Netflix, Hulu, Spotify—enjoy! But make sure you are using all the ones you’re paying for. Binge watch away (that’s the self-care part), but make sure you aren’t paying for something you’re not using to stay under budget.

Categories
Life x Culture Lifestyle

Mundane Tasks That Definitely Count As Self-Care

When I was single and in my twenties, I’d have what I affectionately referred to as “life maintenance” days. These were the days I spent catching up on all the things I had neglected to do during the other six days of the week—or, let’s be honest, the other 29 days of the month.
Can you guess what those things were? Laundry, paying bills, making doctor and dentist appointments, grocery shopping, dropping off my favorite shirts at the dry cleaner. If I was feeling really energized (or flush), I’d add in a manicure and pedicure. And when I was feeling extra special: a haircut or wax.
You can moan and groan about the mounds of laundry to be done or the fact that your fridge is totally empty, or you can look at it as a form of (quite necessary) self-care. It’s a way of making the rest of the week a little more carefree.
Think of these relatively mundane tasks as a gift to your future self! How awesome would it be to wake up and find that your favorite jeans aren’t at the bottom of a laundry pile or that you have arugula, goat cheese, and a fresh baguette in the kitchen?
So there are the obvious tasks that need to be done: Laundry. Dry Cleaning. Grocery Shopping. Call the dentist. Call the doctor. Pay the gas and electric bills. One way to confront those and make them feel like the self-care you see on Instagram? Pair them with more fun tasks:

  • After booking the dreaded doctor’s appointment, book a treat for yourself: a massage, acupuncture appointment, or an afternoon at the spa.
  • After doing your laundry, schedule a mani/pedi with a friend.
  • Stop off at your favorite cafe for a latte on the way home from the dry cleaner.
  • After you go to the grocery store, invite some friends over for wine and cheese. Major incentive.
  • While shopping for said groceries, don’t forget to buy yourself some Epsom salts and end the day soaking in the tub.
  • While shopping for said groceries and Epsom salts, call a friend you need to catch up with.
  • Listen to your favorite podcast while folding laundry and putting away dishes.
  • Make yourself your favorite cup of tea or stop by your favorite bakery for a treat before paying bills.

You get the gist—pair something sort of dull and obligatory with something more fun. Or do the obligatory thing and then reward yourself with another, more fun form of self-care!
Have you ever heard the expression “outer order, inner calm”? There is something really powerful about taking care of your space and your to-do list that will free up brain space for the rest of the week. Who wants to spend the week worrying if there’s milk in the fridge or clean bras in your drawer?
Designate a time to do these things and you will feel taken care of. The beauty of it? You’ve done it all for yourself. 

Categories
Healthy Pregnancy Motherhood

What You Need To Know About Pitocin Induction

By the time Emily Theys got to 41 weeks pregnant with her first child, the baby was showing no signs of coming out. Theys was only a couple of centimeters dilated and not fully effaced, and her doctor predicted that her baby was on the bigger side (while Theys has a smaller frame). An induction was ordered. On the morning of the induction, the doctor started the Pitocin drip at 7 a.m.
You may have heard of Pitocin inductions—and horror stories and tales of success alike—but before you agree to a Pitocin induction, it’s important to know what Pitocin is and how it can affect your labor and birth.

What is Pitocin and how does it work?

Pitocin is the synthetic form of oxytocin, the naturally occurring hormone thought to control—at least in part—uterine contractions (in addition to being the “love hormone”!).
Pitocin works by causing the uterine muscles to contract periodically, causing the contractions required for vaginal delivery.
Pitocin is administered through an IV and is increased gradually until the patient is in labor, explains Sara Twogood, MD, an OB-GYN and assistant professor at the Keck School of Medicine of the University of Southern California. The dose is usually increased every 30 to 60 minutes.
The dosage often varies from woman to woman: “Some women will need a very little dose and some will need the maximum dose,” explains Twogood. “We can’t predict that ahead of time. I usually tell women that with their first baby, we anticipate delivery about 24 to 36 hours after the induction starts. For women with their second, third, fourth babies, the induction process is usually a lot faster.”
The fetal heart rate, uterine contractions, and patient are monitored to ensure the baby is tolerating the contractions and the dose is adjusted as needed. (That said: Pitocin won’t work unless your cervix is favorable—meaning you have a relatively high Bishop Score and your cervix is soft and effaced.)

Pitocin and C-Sections: Are they related?

When Theys’ Pitocin induction started, she was immediately hooked up to a monitor. By the middle of the afternoon her water broke. Although she was having contractions—she could see them on the monitor—she couldn’t feel anything, despite not having an epidural.
She’d expected to endure the Pitocin with no additional drugs (“I have a high pain threshold!”), but soon it became unbearable. She kept at it by watching the monitor so she could see when a contraction was coming. “It helped because I could see when it was going to end. But soon they became really unbearable, like sharp lightning pains to my gut and through me. I was doubled over, clenching onto something.”
Over the next few hours, with the Pitocin turned down, Theys never dilated to more than 9 centimeters and, 24 hours after her water broke, she was rushed into an emergency c-section.
[pullquote align=”center”]“I think Pitocin sometimes gets a bad reputation, but looking at it from this perspective can be helpful.”
—Sara Twogood, MD[/pullquote]
Theys is far from the only one who’s been induced with Pitocin only to end up in the operating room. A 2004 study showed that of over 1,600 women who had Pitocin used either to induce labor or to augment spontaneous labor, the former group had a higher-than-average c-section rate.
However, according to Twogood, the main reason Pitocin is associated with an increased risk for c-sections has more to do with the indication for Pitocin than the Pitocin itself, assuming Pitocin is being used safely. In other words, Pitocin is used to augment labor when it is is not progressing as expected.
“Labor not progressing as expected is associated with an increased risk for a cesarean,” she says. “Using Pitocin in this scenario can help decrease the need for a cesarean. I think Pitocin sometimes gets a bad reputation, but looking at it from this perspective can be helpful.”
Rosemary Dardick, mom of 3-year-old Ella, in L.A., was administered Pitocin—and it did lead to a vaginal birth. Dardick was induced on her due date because she had started to show signs of preeclampsia; her induction process started with misoprostol, which barely did anything. The next day her doctors tried to induce labor with a balloon (also known as a Foley bulb)—a procedure she wound up enduring twice.
“Those were awful from start to finish,” she says. “They hurt while they were being inserted and the first one hurt coming out too. The second one worked faster than the first. Ella was sunny side up and it wasn’t clear if she was going to be able to turn herself around.”
[pullquote align=”center”]“The main—and intended—effect of Pitocin is painful uterine contractions.”
—Sara Twogood, MD[/pullquote]
After receiving Pitocin, however, Dardick’s contractions progressed very quickly. “Whereas before I would mainly be able to tell I was having a contraction by looking at the monitor, I definitely felt them after the Pit,” she says. “The epidural was awful and I still have lingering effects from it, but I can’t imagine laboring without it after the Pitocin.”
The dosage was turned up and down for Dardick, too. “They tried to labor me down for an hour or so Monday morning so I’d be able to rest for a bit, but after two days of prodding, Ella was suddenly ready to go immediately,” she says. “In fact, the nurse almost delivered Ella because the doctors couldn’t get to my room fast enough. So while the inducement lasted a long time, I was only in active labor for about 30 minutes. She’d turned herself around and was no longer sunny side up.”

Side Effects of Pitocin

Remember Theys’ horrific contractions? She wasn’t wrong that they were truly unbearable. “The main—and intended—effect of Pitocin is painful uterine contractions,” says Twogood. “It’s thought these contractions are more painful and stronger than spontaneous labor contractions, but this is clearly very difficult to study and know.”
In addition to extremely painful contractions, for some women, Pitocin can cause water retention. Other side effects may be skin flushing, fast heart rate, nausea, or vomiting. But Twogood is quick to point out that most women tolerate Pitocin very well.

Why Doctors Induce With Pitocin

“Inductions are usually recommended when the risks of continuing the pregnancy are higher than the risks of induction and delivery of the baby,” explains Twogood. This means that the baby is premature but continuing the pregnancy is too dangerous.
Some other indications include preeclampsia, chronic hypertension, gestational or pre-gestational diabetes, cholestasis of pregnancy, placental insufficiency, concern about fetal well-being or fetal growth restriction, low amniotic fluid, intrauterine infection, premature and/or prelabor rupture of membranes, twins, or going past your due date.
Many doctors rely on other medications or methods to induce labor before getting to Pitocin. The most common ones? Cervidil, transcervical balloon catheter, misoprostol (or Cytotec), and rupturing the membranes. “Membrane sweeping, nipple stimulation, and castor oil may help, and I use these techniques when we are trying to coax spontaneous labor,” Twogood says, “but they are not as effective as the other techniques so I don’t rely on them solely when induction is medically indicated.”

Risks of Pitocin Induction for Mom

You can’t move around.

Once on Pitocin, you have to stay in bed and be strictly monitored, which means no more wandering around, sitting on a birthing ball, or any of the other laboring techniques you may have learned.

You can’t eat anything.

This is because you risk asphyxiation if you need an emergency c-section—which requires going under anesthesia.

It might not work.

According to the Mayo Clinic, 75 percent of inductions end in a vaginal delivery—which means that 25 percent end in emergency c-sections, like Theys’.

Too strong contractions can tear the uterus.

This is more of a problem for women who are opting for VBACs (vaginal birth after c-section).

Risks of Pitocin Induction for Baby

Some babies don’t react well to the intense contractions that come along with Pitocin, which can lower their her heart rates, sometimes necessitating an emergency c-section.
As for other effects on the baby after birth, Twogood says, “Pitocin does cross the placenta and may have similar effects as in the mother, but that is rare. Newborns to mothers who received Pitocin during labor are not treated or evaluated differently than newborns who were not exposed, and there’s no evidence or link to adverse neonatal outcomes.”

Pitocin Use After Delivery

Sometimes the uterus won’t stop bleeding after birth, so Pitocin is used to stop the bleeding by “squeezing down on the raw blood vessels exposed as the placenta is released.”

Pitocin and Autism: Is there a link?

According to the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology, there is no causal link between the Pitocin and autism spectrum disorder (ASD). A document endorsed by the Society for Maternal–Fetal Medicine states thatalthough the cause of ASD is unclear, it demonstrates a strong genetic predisposition and multifactorial influences. A wide variety of exposures, including many perinatal factors, have been linked to ASD but the suggested associations in many cases are weak, inconsistent, or both among studies, and cannot be equated with a cause and effect relationship

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More Than Mom Motherhood

29 Things My Mom Taught Me (And 5 Things She Wasn't Right About)

With all due respect to all of your moms, I have to claim the mantle of having the best mom in the world. (Yes, I know a lot of us think that! We are the lucky ones.)
I’m obviously no longer a child, but I tend to listen to my mom and still think she’s right about most things. In fact, I call her to consult on almost all major matters in my life. So I got to thinking: What are my favorite things she taught me?
There are only a few things we really disagree about, so most of her advice here is sound and can be passed on to any child (or adult!).

29 Things My Mom Taught Me

  1. Recycle everything.
  2. Always make homemade desserts. (Store-bought ones are unacceptable.)
  3. You must eat salad after a main course.
  4. Take your kids to see live theater.
  5. Buy books (but wait for the paperback).
  6. Keep in touch with old friends.
  7. Eat dinner together every night—with whom you’re “together” is up to you.
  8. Learn another language.
  9. Write well.
  10. Show up for people.
  11. Be loyal to your friends.
  12. When someone is sick or hurting, call them.
  13. Try again.
  14. Drink tea in the afternoon.
  15. Enjoy good wine.
  16. If you like a shirt, buy it in four colors.
  17. The person who cooks doesn’t clean.
  18. Talk it out—with a friend or a spouse.
  19. Use cloth napkins.
  20. Stand up for things you believe in.
  21. Say “I love you” all the time.
  22. Let your kids be who they are.
  23. Invest in high-quality clothing.
  24. Make time for exercise.
  25. Put wet laundry in the dryer for at least 10 minutes so it doesn’t wrinkle.
  26. Read, read, read.
  27. There’s no shame in watching trashy TV.
  28. Walk whenever and wherever you can.
  29. Take notes.

5 Things My Mom Wasn’t Right About

1. Tea bags need to steep for more than three seconds.

My mom has a thing about dipping her tea in hot water for so little time that there’s no way it tastes like anything other than…hot water. It’s gross. I am a firm believer in steeping tea for a long time for a really dark, deep taste.

2. Not all religion is bad.

Okay, this one is rather heavy and controversial, but my mom is fervently anti-religion. She grew up in a communist home, but in adulthood I’ve taken great comfort in some aspects of Judaism. I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that we will never see eye-to-eye on this—and that that’s okay.

3. T-shirts do need to be thrown away when they have holes in them or are totally faded.

My mom still wears T-shirts from the 1990s. Since she is a writer who works from home, she rarely needs to fully put herself together. This means that when my sister and I recently helped her clean out her closet, we found a lot of shirts with frayed necklines…that she didn’t want to throw out. Not okay.

4. There’s no need to keep newspapers.

My mother has devoutly been holding onto newspapers for as long as I can remember. Every few months she clears out the massive pile from the closet. Why not just recycle them the following day?

5. It’s not good to hold grudges.

My mom is really good at holding grudges, sometimes (?) for good reason, which has made me think it’s okay to hold grudges. Not so. What’s the point? You are only making yourself miserable. Let it go.

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Mindful Parenting Motherhood

Current Events For Kids: How To Tell Your Kids About The News

No matter your politics, we can all agree that the last few years have been overwhelming. Thanks to social media and 24-hour news cycles, there is a lot of news, and most of it is quite scary and destabilizing: The 2016 election is still in our rearview mirror, and even preschoolers know the names “Trump” and “Hillary.” Small kids have been separated from their parents and detained. U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement is arresting people in their homes and workplaces.
Four young girls hold up feminist signs at a women's rights rally as they learn about current events.
And a lot of our kids are asking about it. That leads us to wonder, how much should our kids really know? How much should we share with them, and what should we hide? How do we keep them feeling safe when the world doesn’t seem very safe at all?

Should I teach my kids about current events?

With very little kids, it’s best to steer clear of explaining the news completely. “When there’s an election that’s preoccupying their parents, we might do a mock election at the preschool,” explains Jane Rosen, PsyD, child clinical psychologist and director of education at the IKAR ECC preschool in Los Angeles. “Current events have to be broad or catastrophic to pay attention to them [think: 9/11], and physical distance matters.”
If a catastrophic or nearby event is impacting your child’s life, it’s important not to be too vague—or too specific or graphic. Because they hear things from friends or other adults, your first question should always be: What do you know, and what have you heard?
Even if the event you’re discussing happened nearby, if the kid is younger than 5, you want to, first and foremost, reassure them: I will do everything I can to protect you.

Current Events That Aren’t for Kids

“Anything can be harmful or not, depending on how it’s messaged,” explains Rosen. “Young children have no capacity to make sense of what they’re seeing or hearing. They see that people are frightened, and they resonate with the feelings, but can’t process the event itself.”
Remember, too: Kids as old as elementary-school age may not understand that an image being repeatedly shown on a loop on TV or online is not happening over and over again. (Think, again, of September 11.)
Children may think it’s continuously happening, and this is terrifying. “Much repetition of graphic imagery is upsetting and has a nightmarish quality,” says Rosen. “Find ways that you can do something to help them process an event that makes no sense.”

How to Talk About Current Events With Your Kids (or Not)

  • Keep graphics to a minimum. Discussing a recent event with your child is much different than them catching glances of blurry, confusing footage for which they have no context.
  • Turn off the TV and put away your phones. There’s no need for them to watch the pundits constantly talking on cable news, and they certainly don’t need to be reading the opinions of the masses on social media.
  • Talk to your child about what we can do to be helpful and stay safe. You can say: Sometimes really scary or bad things will happen, and we will keep you safe.
  • Reassure them that their world will stay safe. If it’s not an authentic statement—if, for instance, you really fear ICE coming to pick you or your child up—explain what steps you are taking to try to keep everyone safe.
  • Give them multiple venues to express their feelings. Drawing and playing are good ways to get things out.

How to Get Your Kids Involved in Current Events

Talking about current events is one thing, but what about kids who want to get involved? That’s not a bad thing, but depending on their ages, you’ll want to be vague.
For instance, some kids at an L.A. preschool recently painted pictures for migrant children who were separated from their parents and detained by the American government. Did the teachers tell the kids all about the kids’ circumstances? No way. If you’d like to do something similar, the message can be: We’d love for you to draw pictures to cheer children up who are sad. The teachers didn’t say they were away from their parents or out of their homes.
It’s nice—and important!—to involve children in what’s happening in the world: collecting diapers, delivering food to those in need. “These instill ideas about healing the world, and that they have a place in it,” says Rosen. But you want to keep it simple at this age.
With slightly older children, you want to help them look for the helpers. There will always be helpers. (We miss you, Mr. Rogers.) Ask them, What can we do to help? “Children that age are action-oriented,” Rosen says. “Can you gather blankets? Cash in some allowance to send money?”
Kids want to be given something to do. Being proactive keeps us from sinking into despair.

Little Activists: Taking Current Events a Step Further

So, should you start molding little demonstration-attending activists in your household? By all means!
But you need to think about the how, when, and why. Who is this protest for? And why do you want to bring your kid? Is it a childcare issue, or is this vital to your family culture?

A mother teaches her kid about current events by bringing him to a protest in Philadelphia.
iStock.com/basslabbers

“I don’t think very young children belong some places,” says Rosen. “You can bring a baby along on a march as long as it’s safe. But the idea that you’ll inculcate your 2-year-old can be inappropriate, and [protests] can be violent. Something peaceful can turn in a moment.” Rosen—who protested the Vietnam War along with her parents—suggests waiting until the kids are closer to 9 or 10.
It’s also important to think about what is being communicated. A 5-year-old who is about to start kindergarten might not feel safe at an anti-gun rally, but a 10-year-old who worries about this issue might be feel empowered by it. You know your kid best, but be mindful of developmental differences in ages, too.
Rosen adds that anything about family separation or where children are being abused is better left unmentioned to a small child. “It’s amazing what sticks, and what comes out in different expressions of anxiety.”
[related article_ids=7068,1003349]

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More Than Mom Motherhood

Babymoon Do's And Don'ts: How To Get The Most Out Of A Pre-Baby Trip

My husband and I had two weddings—the first was a tiny ceremony with 15 guests in upstate New York. The second, almost eight months later, was a big affair in Brooklyn. For the second one, I was almost five months pregnant.
When I got pregnant, we lived in Vienna, Austria, but we’d always planned to have our wedding in New York City, where I’d lived for over a decade. I missed my friends horribly and wanted as many people to come as possible. So we traveled to our own wedding—and spent almost a month in town.
The result wasn’t exactly a traditional babymoon, but it was exactly what we needed: time to reconnect with old friends, visit my old haunts, and have time together outside the stress of our new life abroad.
This is all to say: A babymoon can be anything, as long as it’s time set aside for the two of you before the madness of parenting sets in. You can tailor it to your needs and desires. Consider it a Last Supper à deux.

Why take a babymoon?

Why not? is the real question. If you can afford it, it’s totally worth it.
I definitely think it’s important to connect just with your partner right before the madness and complete loss of privacy begins,” says Isaac Butler, dad of one in New York City, who traveled with his wife to Montreal before their daughter arrived.
[pullquote align=”center”]“It’s a time for the couple to focus on themselves and their partnership before another being will enter their world. Since this will change the dyad forever, they can recall the connection they felt during babymoon when having difficult times.”
—Vanessa Katz, PhD, clinical psychologist[/pullquote]
The destination is not the most important factor. Yes, it can be a chance to go to that place you’ve long dreamed of visiting and you know will be a pain with kids—Paris! London! Venice!—but it can also just be a weekend staycation where you can be tourists in your own city or town.
What’s important are the moments spent together: “It’s a time for the couple to focus on themselves and their partnership before another being will enter their world,” explains Vanessa Katz, PhD, clinical psychologist in L.A. “Since this will change the dyad forever, they can recall the connection they felt during babymoon when having difficult times.”

When to Take a Babymoon

Most couples take off during the second trimester when nausea has (usually) abated and before travel becomes impossible. The American College of Gynecology and Obstetrics states that traveling after 36 weeks is no longer safe.

Babymoon Planning Guidelines

Make it simple.

“It was important that the logistics be easy: wake up, get on train, get off train, you are there,” says Julie Dawson, who traveled from Vienna, Austria, to Venice, Italy, with her husband during her second trimester. “It needed to be a place where you could plan or not plan and there was always plenty to see; a place where you could eat excellent food and drink fizzy wine (for the papa) all the time. We love looking at the photos today—also I remember thinking it would be a horrible place to visit with a stroller—too many bridges with stairs—so figured we wouldn’t be back for a long time, which seems to be coming true.”

Make it romantic.

While romance might be the last thing on your pregnant-mama mind, leaning into the intimacy of a vacation with your partner before baby is a great way to connect, while it’s still just the two of you. Think back to what you enjoyed when you first started dating, and recreate that on your babymoon. “It needs to feel like a real getaway [that] offers stuff you love. For us it was eating, relaxation, and nature,” says babymoon-goer Jessica Latiff.

Consider bringing friends—really!

A babymoon doesn’t have to be full of one-on-one romance, though. It can also be a time to just enjoy life—kidless. A great way to do that is to spend time with your closest pals—who won’t mind if you head to bed at 8 p.m. We went to Guerneville [in Sonoma County, California] and rented a cabin,” says Molly Benson, who decided to extend her babymoon invites beyond just her partner. “Some friends came for a few days too. We rented a boat and paddled for four hours and took our dog on the boat. It was ridiculous and fantastic.”

How to Babymoon Safely

Don’t travel too far.

This is by no means a rule, but most pregnant women are not eager to sit on a plane for 10 hours. (That said, many are keen to use their passports for the last time in a while!)

Keep it moving.

Whether you’re on a plane, train, or car, make sure you get up to move your body. This is especially important on planes where you can get blood clots. Consider wearing compression socks.

Keep your OB in the loop.

It’s not a bad idea to have your OB weigh in on travel plans—or at least let her know you will be away and where you plan to go.

Check out medical facilities in your chosen destination.

Obviously this shouldn’t be an issue if you’re going to a big city, but this is worth looking into if you’re going on an adventure or abroad. If your OB gives the okay, well, you’re probably okay, but it’s best to be prepared.

Do you have travel health insurance?

Insurance companies can be really nasty when it comes to maternity coverage while traveling. Check in with your insurance provider, and consider buying additional travel health insurance.

Babymoon Destinations: Where to Go (and Where to Avoid)

Where you go is, of course, entirely dependent on you! Here are a few tried and true suggestions.
[pullquote align=center]You won’t vacation like this for a while, so enjoy it.[/pullquote]

Babymoon in a City

Montreal, New York, Nashville, L.A., Paris, Venice, Rome, Buenos Aires, Rio—you choose. The point of going to a city is that you’ll have ample opportunities for all the things that will become difficult with kids: long, leisurely brunches; wandering (quietly!) through museums; sightseeing; concerts; plays. You get the picture. None of this is particularly kid-friendly, and it’s great.

Babymoon in the Country

Fresh air, peace and quiet, no distraction? Bliss. “We went to upstate New York because it was within driving distance. I was high risk,” says Kelly Smith. “My only requirement was that it had to have a pool. I stood or floated in that damn pool for like, five or six hours a day for four days. It was glorious.”

Babymoon at a Resort

Who doesn’t want to just lie around at the beach and/or a spa? From the beaches of Florida to the quiet of Stowe, Vermont, to the cliffs of Big Sur, all the way to the Turks and Caicos, hitting an all-inclusive is a true way to indulge. True, you can’t partake in the limitless alcohol, but the constant array of delicious food and spa treatments is heaven for a mama-to-be.

Babymoon Packages

Don’t want to plan anything? No worries! Plenty of companies now offer babymoon packages, mostly at resorts. The advantages? Some include early check-in, massages, room service, and other upgrades on the cheap(er).

A Word of Warning

Don’t go anywhere where there is a threat of Zika. Zika is carried by mosquitoes and can cause serious birth defects. You can check the Centers for Disease Control for up-to-date travel advisory warnings.

Babymoon Tips and Tricks

Get travel insurance.

What if the nausea doesn’t abate by week 14? You might not want to travel across the world.

Think smart.

Don’t go on a cheese tour if you won’t be able to eat 99 percent of the cheeses. Same goes for a wine tour.

Once you’ve booked it, don’t worry about the cost.

Don’t ruin your last chance in a while to indulge yourself by obsessing about the money you’re spending. You won’t vacation like this for a while, so enjoy it.

Stay on top of your symptoms.

Chances are you’ll have the time of your life, but it’s important to be mindful of how your body is feeling. Check in with your OB if you feel like anything is awry.

Turn off that phone.

This is a time for you and your love! Set social media aside and enjoy the sweet time together.

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Refresh x Recover Sweat

Lower Back Stretches: Experts Share Their Favorites For Addressing Stiffness And Discomfort

We’ve all been there: You twist your body awkwardly while doing a relatively benign task and suddenly—Ugh, my back hurts! Back pain is the worst because it makes everything else in your life that much more challenging, whether it be parenting, sitting at your desk at work, or trying to find the motivation to exercise.
There are many different kinds of back pain. The kind that can be served by gentle movements like stretching is often caused by [linkbuilder id=”6670″ text=”a sedentary lifestyle”]. Then there’s the kind of back pain that necessitates real rest. Almost all pain can benefit from a little help from a massage therapist, acupuncturist, or physical therapist. Often ice and/or a bath can help, too. It’s important to mention, though, that if the pain is really severe—or won’t dissipate—you should go see a doctor.
The key to relieving any kind of back pain is to work gently and slowly. Whatever you do, don’t force any movements, and consider consulting with a bodyworker or yoga teacher in addition to speaking with your doctor. “It’s not wise to prescribe poses for certain conditions or populations without a full intake and assessment,” explains yoga teacher Steffany Moonaz, PhD, RYT-500.
For back pain specifically, “avoid forward folds and any twist where both hips are weight bearing,” explains yoga teacher Sonya Kuropatwa, RYT-500. “It’s a bit counterintuitive, but gentle backbends can bring a lot of relief.”

Why am I having back pain?

There are so many reasons people experience lower back pain, which is part of the reason why it can be challenging to treat. We spoke to Jennifer Brilliant, a certified yoga teacher, therapist, and medical exercise specialist who has been teaching yoga for more than 30 years. Here are some basic causes of lower back pain:

  • Tension (in the back itself, and/or surrounding areas)
  • Compression resulting from poor posture
  • Lack of mobility or a sedentary lifestyle
  • Sudden movements
  • Muscle spasm or muscle strain
  • Arthritis
  • Pregnancy
  • Obesity, which can be hard on the joints in the body
  • Scoliosis

And then there are some more serious causes:

  • Disc bulge or herniation—This inflammation and pain is associated with pressure on a disc. Specifically, it is when the disc between two vertebrae begins to seep out, pressing on the nerve, typically causing sciatic pain down one or both legs. The pain associated with a bulging or herniated disk can dissipate within six weeks.
  • Spinal stenosis—This is a narrowing of the spaces within your spine, which can put pressure on the nerves. This most often occurs in the lower back and neck.
  • Spondylolisthesis—This is when one vertebra slips forward onto the vertebra below. It can cause nerve pain and/or numbness in the legs.
  • Cancer
  • Cysts
  • Infection
  • Fracture

One reason why the cause of lower back pain can sometimes be mysterious or hard to identify is that it doesn’t always occur at the exact moment of injury, and it may point to an underlying problem. “One of my clients was helping to turn a piano at a New Year’s Eve party,” Brilliant shares. “He felt totally fine the next day. Then on January 2, he had severe nerve pain in his leg. It turns out he has stenosis—a narrowed spinal canal—which gives someone with a disc herniation less leeway when a disc pushes out of place.”  

Lower Back Pain Prevention: Why it is important to engage in regular strengthening and stretching?

“Our bodies like to move,” Brilliant explains. “Movement is like nutrition for the body, giving us wholesome circulation and energy. Engaging in regular activity is important.” This can be anything, really: walking, swimming, dancing, sports. These are all good for our muscles and hearts. But Brilliant advises beginning any program incrementally—don’t just jump into an hour-long workout.
Brilliant always encourages people to try yoga and Pilates but emphasizes the importance of a good teacher. “Not every pose is for every particular body, and a good teacher will help you to modify what you do.”  

How can women keep their lower backs healthy?

“There is sometimes a misconception that very strong abs will keep your back healthy,” explains Brilliant. “The abdomen muscles have to be strong, but so do the back and the side muscles.” And we cannot forget the legs and pelvis, which support the spine.
Here is one of Brilliant’s favorite exercises for a stable foundation:

Bird Dog

This engages the back muscles, the buttocks and hamstrings, the shoulder musculature, and the whole of your core.  

  • Start on all fours.
  • Extend one leg back and up at hip height.  Hold for three to five breaths to begin, then lower your leg.
  • Lift the opposite arm forward and up alongside your ear.  Hold for three to five breaths, then lower your arm.
  • Lift both the leg and the opposite arm at the same time.  Hold for three to five breaths.
  • Repeat the motion using your other arm and leg

When do you know lower back pain is really serious or a sign of something else?

If you have a trusted bodyworker—a masseuse, acupuncturist, or physical therapist —you can always start there. But since it’s often hard to tell when back pain is a sign of something more serious, it’s wise to get an opinion from a doctor you trust if your back pain is frequent or doesn’t resolve quickly.

Lower Back Stretches To Try At Home

Below are some poses that I’ve benefited from—and that the yoga teachers and bodyworkers we consulted with recommend or find relief in themselves. But, as with all pain, the treatment must be specific to your experience, so be sure to consult a trusted healthcare provider or bodyworker about your individual needs.

1. Twist

This is very refreshing to the spine, giving it a chance to rotate and lengthen. It can be done in many different ways—lying down, sitting up (cross-legged or on your knees), or in a chair, but it’s best on your back.
On your back: Lie down on your back and bring your knees into your chest. Let your legs fall to the right. Use your right hand to hold onto the left thigh. Let your upper body relax onto the floor and extend your left arm out, looking out over your left shoulder. Breathe here for 30 seconds, allowing the left shoulder blade to drop to the ground and the knees to drop to the right. Repeat on the other side.
In a chair: Plant your feet on the ground. Extend your arms up and twist to the right. Your left arm will hold onto the back of the chair and your right arm will rest on your right knee. On your inhale, extend your spine; on the exhale gently twist a little further. Repeat on the other side.

2. Cat/Cow

Starting on your hands and knees, place your hands directly under your shoulders and your knees directly under your hips. As you inhale, drop your belly and lift your gaze up to the ceiling. As you exhale, round the spine so your tailbone drops between your thighs and your head moves between your arms. Your belly button should rise up toward the spine as you exhale. Do this slowly as many times as you need to give your spine some much-needed mobility.

3. Squat

Widen your legs so they are a little more than hip-distance apart. Bend your knees so that your thighs are parallel to the ground. Your heels should stay on the ground. Bring your hands into a prayer pose at your chest—palms pressed together—and use your elbows to press your knees out.
If your heels don’t touch the ground: Roll up a towel or mat and place it under your heels so you can have complete contact with some surface.
If this is too hard on your hips: Place a yoga block (or little stool, or a stack of books) under your butt so you can sit down.

4. Baby Cobra

Sometimes the best thing to do for back pain is to backbend in a very gentle way. “Forward flexion increases pressure on the lumbar discs,” explains Dana Kotler, MD, a rehabilitation specialist in Wellesley Hills, Massachusetts. “We live our life in constant lumbar flexion, sitting, forward bending to pick things up. Lumbar extension actually unloads the discs.”
Lie on your stomach with your legs together, arms bent, and palms on the ground by your breasts (your elbows will be pointed up). Your forehead will be on the ground initially. Inhale and lift your chest up. Remember not to push your chin forward, compressing your neck. The back of your neck should be long. Exhale and return your forehead to the mat. Repeat a few times.

5. Psoas Stretch

The psoas muscle extends from your lowest vertebrae to the top of your thigh. When it gets tight, it can wreak havoc on the lower back. The easiest way to stretch it is by lunging. With your right leg in front of you, place your left knee on the floor. Tuck your tail slightly and place your hands on your front knee. Breathe here and let your hips gently move forward. Switch sides.
The most important reminder when it comes to lower back stretches: “Find something that you like to do,” says Brilliant, “because if it’s drudgery, then you’ll be less likely to stick with it.”

Categories
Mindful Parenting Motherhood

Temper Tantrums Are (Unfortunately) Normal; Here's How To Deal

Imagine this: There’s something on a high shelf that you really, really want. Like, desperately. Chocolate. Or wine. Or a book you’ve been dying to read. Or the remote after a long, long day. But you can’t reach it, and you can’t really communicate to anyone that you want it or how to get it. People around you are trying to help (or maybe they’re not trying to help at all). Whether they are or not, they have no idea what you’re saying, and eventually it becomes so frustrating that you just give up and collapse into a fit of tears. Why doesn’t anyone get me???
This, my friends, is how a toddler throwing a temper tantrum feels so much of the time.
While temper tantrums can be a huge pain in the you-know-what, they are a totally natural part of childhood (and parenting), so the best thing you can do is get on board with how to deal.

5 Guiding Principles for Addressing Temper Tantrums

1. Temper tantrums are not a bad thing. In fact, they are a necessary part of growing up. (Sorry.)

“If a child is always compliant and never asserts herself, I worry about that kid more than the kid who won’t eat her broccoli,” explains Barbara Kaiser, early childhood consultant, trainer, and co-author of Challenging Behavior in Young Children: Understanding, Preventing and Responding Effectively.  “Learning what you like and don’t like, what you want and don’t want, is an important part of growing up.”

2. Parents play a huge role in how a tantrum plays out.

We look at temper tantrums as negative because they are—you guessed it—embarrassing, especially in when you’re in the grocery store. But Kaiser explains that it’s very important to not let the embarrassment override the fact that you really love your child (even as she kicks and screams!). As a parent, you need to try to figure out what the child is telling you and work with her so the tantrum doesn’t escalate even further. Desperate to make it end? “Us wanting it to stop so desperately plays a role,” Kaiser says.

3. Grown-ups have to…grow up.

“We tend to take everything seriously and turn it into a power struggle,” Kaiser says. We always blame the child, but often the situation escalates because we didn’t respond to our child’s needs (I’m hungry, I’m tired, I don’t want to do this now, etc.) early enough. Parenting in a proactive, preemptive way can stall out much of this behavior.  

4. Sometimes there is no reason for a temper tantrum.

Sometimes the kid is just over it (just like we often are!). Something that didn’t set him off yesterday could be a huge deal today. “Trying to find a specific reason can be hard,” explains Jane Rosen, PsyD, child clinical psychologist and director of education at the IKAR ECC preschool in Los Angeles. “That’s what our adult brains don’t understand about children’s brains. There is sometimes no rationale. Parents think the kid has more understanding and control than he does.”

5. We make worse parenting decisions when we feel judged.

Why do things always go awry in the grocery store, on a plane, or when that nasty old woman is staring us down as we try to get our kid to get her mitten on? Because we are self-conscious. “Who allowed her to have children? we imagine people thinking about us,” says Rosen. This doesn’t make averting the meltdown any easier. In all likelihood, you will never see those strangers again, so, as best you can, try to ignore.

Why do tantrums happen?

Behavior has a purpose, no matter your age, and kids have tantrums because they work. If the behavior wasn’t working, they would stop having them.
“Tantrums are common for first two years of life because toddlers don’t have a lot of other ways of expressing their needs,” says Kaiser. “If adults don’t understand what they’re trying to communicate, the best way to be understood is to fall on the floor and become a noodle and scream and yell.”  
By the time kids reach ages 3 to 4, their executive function starts to kick in. They have more self-control, they develop the skills they need to delay instant gratification and deal with frustration—but perhaps most importantly, they develop language. So instead of screaming, she can say, Can I please have some milk? or This car seat is uncomfortable.

Temper tantrums are normal.

Temper tantrums are not a sign that something is wrong with your toddler. They are, in fact, a necessary part of the individuation process—the realization of the self. “The first way [they’re] saying ‘I’m not you’ is by saying no. The child is discovering her emergent identity as a separate being, which is what we want!” explains Rosen.
This, however, can be confusing to adults, especially since it comes after a year of deep love and connection between baby and parent. “To have this loving being turn into Mr. Hyde is deeply upsetting to parents,” Rosen says. “They feel like it’s something they’ve done or can be avoided.”
Not so.
Too many of us think our M.O. should be about stopping tantrums before they start. But we’re better off thinking of temper tantrums as a necessary stage of development. Although we shouldn’t tolerate all behaviors (biting and hitting are off limits, for example), we don’t need to stop a tantrum in its tracks (by then it’s probably too late anyway).
“When your beloved being comes to you with something not pleasant, it’s a big part of them learning unconditional love,” Rosen explains. “We are, in essence, saying I will love you even when you are like this, too.

Why does my kid always throw a temper tantrum in the grocery store?

We’ve all been there. You just need to zip through—eggs, milk, emergency chocolate. It’ll only take 10 minutes! But suddenly your child has become a wailing monster in the middle of a grocery store aisle.
Why does this happen?
Your kid is really overstimulated. Lights! Colors! People! All the things they can’t have! “The things that are least healthy are the most attractive to them,” Kaiser explains. Think of all the brightly packaged chips and cookies perfectly designed to get their attention. The kid wants it and doesn’t understand why he can’t have it. So a major tantrum ensues.
All you have to do is to put that one thing he wants in the shopping cart and he’ll stop, right? No.
Let’s rewind the tape. First thing to do upon entering the store? Go to the veggie and fruit section, pick out something your kid likes, and let him eat it. Many kids will happily sit in the cart if they have a banana or apple to nibble on. (You’d be surprised how many grocery stores allow this; they don’t want to hear screaming kids either.)
Once a child is old enough, make a trip to the grocery a project (yes, this involves some forethought, but can save you a scene): Make a book of supermarket specials, and give your child a job. Or say, Go find me two red things! as you watch close by. “If they’re busy and focused, they won’t have tantrums,”  says Kaiser.
Another big way to avoid a grocery store tantrum? If you can, choose a sensible time to go. Otherwise, you are setting them up to fail. “A child who’s been at daycare all day wants downtime, or connecting time, or running around time,” says Rosen. “When you’re at the supermarket, they’re confined and you’re not relating. There is no upside for them.” It’s worth asking yourself: Am I pushing too hard at this point in the day?
Finally, remember that walking out of the store, even if it means abandoning a full grocery cart mid-aisle, is not the end of the world. If all else fails, that’s what Instacart is for.

What do you do when your child is throwing a temper tantrum in public?

The main thing a tantruming child needs is to be kept safe. So take your child to a place where she can have the temper tantrum. “Sometimes we don’t have a choice. We need to get food. You can say, I see you’re having a hard time; Mommy has to finish shopping. Finish what you need to do and leave.”
The acknowledgment piece is key. That moment of connection tells the child that she is seen and heard. When we’re worrying about what fellow shoppers think of us, we will make bad decisions because we’re mortified. “But a steady diet of distracting a child from tantrums will not work over time,” Rosen says. “You miss the teachable moment—the moment to say, I see you; it’s okay. You can’t tolerate being here. Let’s get out of here quickly.”

What do you do when your kid is throwing a temper tantrum at home?

There are so many reasons why a child has a temper tantrum, but it always comes back to one thing: He has a need. The need is real (I want a hug, something to drink, some attention, to lose it), so once the fit is over, you can figure that out. But in the meantime:

    1. Don’t say anything. “Anything you say they’re going to misinterpret,” Kaiser explains.
    2. A few steps away, take an L-stance: Stand with one foot toward your child, the other perpendicular. The point is that it’s not confrontational, and you’re a reasonable distance away—present but not standing over them.
    3. Don’t look at them, but past them (think over her shoulder). Because all kids need to breathe, they will stop and take a breath. “This is what you want: For them to breathe,” Kaiser says. “That’s when you make eye contact. You’re creating non-verbal communication.” Why is this important? “They don’t hear a word you say but they feel your body language. Look at them with ‘It’ll be okay’ in your eyes. Don’t say anything.”
    4. If the wailing starts back up, withdraw eye contact again. When he stops for a breath, make eye contact again. The child begins to connect the dots: When I’m not yelling and screaming, I’m getting support. Alternately, get down at (or below) eye level, this way they don’t feel a presence towering over them.

What to Do After a Temper Tantrum

If your child is under 2, simply give him a hug.

See if there’s any way he can let you know what he wants in a more rational way. This means helping him along. Do you want this or this? Tell her, Point at what you want!
Do not talk it over. “You’re assuming that it’s something we need to debrief on,” Rosen explains. You don’t need to process the tantrum because the brain hasn’t reached a phase where this is possible.

For a kid who is older than 2, use your sense of humor (but watch your tone of voice).

This means being aware of your non-verbal communication—in other words, don’t tell the kid it’s okay but with a nasty look on your face or anger in your voice. You can even say light-hearted things like I’m glad that’s over! Lower your voice. Your tone is important here because you want to communicate that you are not out of control.

Talk about the tantrum.

Ask questions that might make the situation a little clearer: What was that about? What can I do differently so that I can understand what you want? What can you do?

Separate the child from the behavior.

“No matter how upset or angry you were about that tantrum, you still love your child, and she still loves you,” says Kaiser. “You can say, That’s not okay; let’s find other ways to express those feelings.”

Pick your battles.

The neverending refrain of parenthood. How important is it to you that your child finish all the broccoli on her plate? If it’s not worth a massive tantrum, maybe it’s not something you really need to push her to do. Examine your own beliefs before you insist on particular behaviors.

Talk it out with your partner.

Sometimes the problem actually stems from a marital spat or a disagreement about what to do in a given situation. If another parent or caregiver was part of the equation, it’s really important to go back and talk, adult to adult, about what happened and what you can do differently next time.

Preventing Temper Tantrums

Recently I was in the car with my 4-year-old on the way home from a party. She was exhausted at the end of a long weekend and angry we had to leave the party. I could feel a meltdown coming on. I was not convinced that once we got home she would have it in her to eat dinner, have a bath, and read before collapsing in a fit of tears and screams.
What should I have done?
You seem really tired: Do you want to have a bath? How does a short bath feel?” Kaiser suggests I should’ve asked. “Treat children as people. We get so caught up in power struggles. That’s our problem, not the child’s. By giving them options, you’re teaching them to figure out what they need. Our job is to be supportive of their needs. Then a tantrum isn’t required.”

But what about when she writes on the wall with markers and then has a meltdown over it?

When a child does something he or she shouldn’t have done, the best response is natural or logical consequences—not punishment. So if the kid draws on the wall, the response should be something along the lines of, I’ll help you, but we need to wash this off, not Go to your room. She’s just going to have a tantrum—and that doesn’t teach her anything. “A tantrum is a response to us not meeting their needs,” Kaiser explains.

How do I know if a temper tantrum is a sign of something more serious?

In most cases, any out-of-control behavior a child exhibits before 18 months is not an indication of anything diagnostic. “If you’re seeing inconsolable and constant tantruming with no relief, or they can’t recover, this is sometimes diagnostic—but only with a lot of other things being present as well,” explains Rosen. In other words: It’s normal.
Throwing temper tantrums at a later age (say, between 3.5 and 4) in the style of a younger child might point to something problematic. If the child is is rageful and silent with no trigger or has no capacity to self-soothe or willingness to accept comfort, you might want to discuss the behavior with a healthcare provider. But beware of diagnosing your child on your own: “Parents read things and think their kid is autistic or a sociopath,” says Rosen. “This is almost never the case.”
Kaiser also suggests thinking more intentionally about prevention. If your kid has learned over time that the only way she gets what she wants is by holding her breath and passing out, then her needs need to be met much earlier. “We have more control over things if we are intentional, but we are often not intentional enough,” Kaiser says. “Our expectations are so off the wall. Children have the right to express their need. Our job is to listen.”
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