Author: Abigail Rasminsky

Categories
Life x Culture Lifestyle

A Step-By-Step Guide To Planning A Simple, Sustainable Wedding

You recycle and compost. You keep A/C use to a minimum and barely drive. You’re a sustainable kind of woman—but now you’re wedding planning. (Congrats, by the way!)
You imagine a celebration with zero paper goods, reclaimed wood tables, a sustainable dress, herb centerpieces plucked from your garden, locally grown flowers…maybe something out in the woods? But how do you honor your environmental ideals while wedding planning—especially if you want a big one?
“Sustainability can mean a lot of things in the real world,” says Sasha Pollock, a climate policy consultant in Portland who had an eco-friendly wedding. “You have to consider it on a financial and personal level, too. How are we being environmentally sustainable while not making ourselves crazy and not spending a ridiculous amount of money?”
Her biggest wedding planning advice? Eliminate things that don’t matter to you. “Having a bunch of lavish flowers wasn’t a big deal for me. Neither was having a huge group of people who are all wearing the same dress, but having delicious food and really good drinks was a big deal, so that’s what we focused on financially.”
Kelsey Motes-Conners, a wedding designer and the founder and owner of Field: A Wedding Design Studio in Montana, agrees. She advises couples to work with one guiding principle: Decide what is really of value to you.
If you’re committed to a sustainable, eco-friendly wedding, wonderful! This might mean choosing a location that doesn’t force every person you know to fly 1,000 miles across the country; it might mean choosing locally sourced organic food that then gets donated to a homeless shelter; it might mean zero paper.
Unless you have an unlimited budget, you’ll have to make choices about where you want to put the bulk of your energy and finances, so sitting down and having numerous heart-to-hearts with your beloved (and perhaps a wedding planner!) will really help guide your choices.

Wedding Planning Step 1: Getting Started

If you want a giant guest list and party and have the means for it, go ahead, but there’s no need to go into massive debt while wedding planning.

Set a budget.

“One of the things that’s really difficult about setting a wedding budget is that people generally haven’t planned a wedding before,” explains Motes-Conners. It is not uncommon to find that the photographer who did your fantastic family portraits for a totally affordable price charges way more for wedding photography.
Motes-Conners says there are two ways to work within a budget while wedding planning, and only one is really effective: “Some people come to me before they’ve planned anything and say, ‘My budget is $20K.’ We can work within those parameters! But some fall in love with a space or launch into plans and book a venue before projecting all vendor costs.”
What happens then? Often there isn’t enough money left for…food. This is a particularly important part of sustainable wedding planning—some things will cost more (like food), but you might be able to save a bunch on other things (like going paperless or favor-less).
Pro Tip: If you know you want to work with a wedding planner, book her first, and have a transparent conversation about your vision, your budget, and what planning services will cost. Yes, this is an additional fee, but it might come out in the wash because of all the insider knowledge and the work they will take off your plate: “Planners have the best pulse on what venues and vendors will cost in their region.”
Don’t want a wedding planning expert by your side? That’s fine, but downloading a wedding planning calculator from your favorite wedding planning website might not be of much use. “Prices vary from place to place and venue to venue, so you need to get actual costs associated with particular vendors to set your budget.”
Bonus Pro Tip: “Your sanity is part of sustainability,” Pollock says. “If you lose it, it’s all for nothing.” Throughout the odyssey that is wedding planning, keep the marriage in mind, instead of laser-focusing on every small detail.

Use an app.

Wedding planning involves a lot of moving parts, so keeping all the information in one place (especially if you don’t have a planner) is key. Motes-Conners recommends Aisle Planner. She also suggests using websites that are local to your area instead of a giant well-known website, which are straight-down-the-rabbit hole fun. Not only will the finances be more accurate, but the advertisers on the site will probably also be local.

Create a wedding website.

This is an easy-as-pie way to keep people in the loop without having to send a gazillion follow-up emails or using a smidge of paper! (More on that later.) SquareSpace has a lovely template. Zola also provides clear, functional designs. And, of course, there are always the experts at The Knot!

Don’t forget about your mental health.

Has anyone told you wedding planning is stressful? Kidding! Everyone knows this!
A lot of the stress comes from—you guessed it—finances, and it can drive you to the brink. “The question of who is going to pay for what is more fluid now than it was 50 years ago,” Motes-Conners explains, “so often it comes with a different set of expectations.” In other words, when the father of the bride once paid for the whole thing, he had a lot of say. No more.
Pro Tip: It’s important to be clear about why you’re making these kinds of wedding planning choices—with yourself, with your partner, and with those contributing financially, especially if being sustainable is your top wedding planning priority.
“I always tell my clients to ask themselves, Why? Why this wedding for you?” This helps when you feel like you have to justify certain costs and decisions to those who might be helping you foot the bill. You want to be able to go to your parents, in-laws, or grandparents and say, This is why we’re doing it this way, This is what’s meaningful to us, This is what we want our day to be about. “That can soften the blow when your mom wants you to have four-tier lemon cake and you want a raspberry tart made by your best friend,” Motes-Conners explains. “You can frame it in larger context of what’s meaningful to you.”

Wedding Planning Step 2: Picking Your Vibe and Vendors

Even your venue will affect how environmentally friendly your wedding is. From multiple vendors coming to set up in the hours or even days ahead to guests who might be traveling across town or across country, all of it has an environmental impact.

Picking the Location

“Consider the guests’ air and car travel,” Motes-Conners says. “What might that carbon footprint look like?” It’s lovely to plan a low-key wedding with recycled paper, organic food, and few guests in the Bahamas, but what kind of environmental cost will it be for everyone to fly there? Is there a more central place that would be more environmentally responsible?
Then think about what the venue will require. Heating and cooling costs might come to around the same amount—a wedding in New York City in July or in January might amount to the same fees in A/C or heating bills!—but planning an outdoor wedding at least saves you some of that environmental impact.
That said, it’s not that simple. If you have a simple backyard wedding, you may not be heating an entire hall (hooray!), but you might be throwing away hundreds of paper plates, napkins, and even more plastic utensils and cups. You’ll have to weigh the cost and ease of using disposable supplies versus glass and china and choose the option that makes the most sense to you.
Pro Tip: In contemplating a venue, you want to consider where your guests will be staying. Can they stay on site or nearby to avoid driving to and from venue? Some weddings—at, say, a resort or a summer camp—are set up in such a way that most (if not all) guests stay on the premises. This obviously cuts down a lot on travel time and on fossil fuels!

Picking the Caterer

You want the food to be good. For a lot of couples, this is a non-negotiable, and other areas can be cut back on to grow the food budget. But there are other food requirements to consider when it comes to eco-friendly wedding planning.
You can work with a caterer who sources locally and organically and who only uses produce that’s in season. A great eco-friendly caterer will help you shape a menu that’s seasonal to your chosen location. “These days, a lot of caterers are working with local farms and ranches and do a good job of focusing on more sustainable agriculture,” Motes-Conners explains. The same goes for local breweries and wineries.
“We made sure our caterer used non-disposable plates and glasses and the food was locally sourced,” Pollock says. “In some people’s minds, having a vegan wedding might be better. We had chicken and bacon, but it was sustainably grown.”
Be sure to ask the caterers what they do with the leftover food. Some will donate it to a homeless shelter or local food bank. Some will pack it up and give it to guests to have for lunch the next day. (But again: What is it being packed up in?) Some may even compost it. The bottom line: You don’t want all that extra stuff to end up in a landfill.
And if you aren’t into wedding cake? A few options: If you’re going really local, consider ordering various cakes, pies, donuts, or cupcakes from your favorite local bakeries. This way you have a variety! If you have friends who are wonderful bakers, ask if they will bake a cake or pie (or two!) as their gifts (you’ll have to ask a few baking friends). This can be an extremely meaningful contribution to the day.

Picking the Flowers

How “green” you can be when ordering wedding flowers depends entirely on where you are in the country and what time of year it is. If you’re looking at a January wedding in North Dakota, it might sadly be hard to find local flowers! “If you’re in New York, Seattle, or Los Angeles, for example, where you have access to a flower market, it will be much easier to be flexible about flowers in the way that you have to be if you want seasonal, locally grown flowers,” Motes-Conners explains.
The seasonality and availability of specific flowers naturally depends on moisture and weather in your area. If you have your heart set on something very specific as you’re wedding planning, your florist’s job is to make that happen, but that might mean flying it in from South America or the Netherlands, which will cast a large carbon footprint.
According to Motes-Conners, farmer florists are gaining momentum. In places with longer growing seasons, florists are branching out into farming so they can raise and grow flowers to design with. This is sustainable and gives back to local economy. But it comes with a different mentality—your priority is getting something local rather than the exact bouquet you want.

Wedding Planning Step 3: Choosing Your Crew

It is such an honor to be a bridesmaid—and sometimes, it is a royal pain in the you-know-what. Bridezillas. Money flying out of your bank account. Travel to various ends of the earth. Party after party—all of which you’re supposed to plan!
Generally your besties will be honored to help you with every step of wedding planning. They’ll probably look forward to celebrating you, helping you find a dress or pantsuit, and standing by you as you say your vows to your beloved. But not if you ask too much of them.
“Be really conscious of your expectations,” Motes-Conners says. “What are you asking people to do? Honoring people you love is wonderful, but there seems to be a trend of really overblown financial expectations—fly to the Bahamas for the bachelorette party, fly to Portland for the bridal shower, fly somewhere else for the wedding.” Most people in their twenties and thirties simply cannot afford this, and even if they can, they might not want to spend their hard-earned cash this way.
A few suggestions:

  • Go first tier only. This might sound terrible, but only ask your very, very, very closest friends, and keep the number small—like three or four. Especially if you’ve all known each other for decades, it will likely create an intimate planning atmosphere.
  • Forget about bridesmaids! This might seem radical, but I did it and it was wonderful. This isn’t to say that I didn’t have my sister and best friends supporting me, but I found it too difficult to choose and didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Instead I offered people honors that suited their personalities and skills: Read a poem, Hold a leg of the Chuppah, Read a blessing, Sing a song, Sign the Ketubah. Bonus: No one had to wear matching dresses.
  • Ask your siblings! All of them—brothers and sisters alike. In theory, they will be there anyway, and there’s no logical reason why your sibling of a different gender shouldn’t stand up there with you.
  • Only have a maid/man of honor. One person: your sibling or best friend. Simple.

Pro Tip: Don’t ask friends to be in your wedding party too early, especially if you’ll have a long engagement. What if you have a fight and the relationship deteriorates? You might have to ask her to “resign.” Yikes!

Wedding Planning Step 4: Getting the Gowns (and Tuxes)

This is the part many women love most during wedding planning: buying the dress. The most sustainable thing you can do is wear vintage, but there are plenty of sustainable wedding dress designers, and it’s great to put your money where your ethics lie. First and foremost, you need to choose what’s important to you. For instance, Pollock bought a new wedding dress, but her attendants wore dresses they already owned.
Everyone loves a wedding dress. Nobody likes the wedding dress prices. Let’s talk about other options:

  • No carbon footprint option: The most sustainable (and cheapest) option? Let your bridesmaids wear dresses they already own. You can choose a color palette (say, fall colors) and let them go hog wild. If they want to buy something new, great! But it’s their choice.
  • Renting: You can look into renting bridesmaid dresses from Rent the Runway or Vow to be Chic. Dresses that sell for hundreds or thousands can be rented for under $100.
  • Menswear: Men can rent tuxes from Nordstrom’s The Black Tux. No need to spend money and cloth on something you’ll only wear once.
  • Sustainable Materials: More and more dresses are being made from eco-friendly fabrics. A good place to start is Reformation, but H&M now has an eco-conscious wedding collection, too!
  • Go Vintage: Wear something that’s already been worn! Cut up your mom’s old wedding dress, or dive into consignment or vintage stores.

Pro Tip: Beyond renting and buying used, it’s nice to think about small design houses and local designers, ateliers, or shops. In terms of carbon footprint, that probably has a smaller impact than renting because even when you’re renting a wedding dress, it’s probably being shipped back and forth for fittings and for the return, so it’s not as eco-friendly as you might think.

Wedding Planning Step 5: Sharing The News

Invites, RSVP cards, ceremony program, seating chart, menu—how much of this crap do you really need? Especially if you’re thinking about all that paper.
As with all things related to wedding planning, focus on your priorities. If you think you don’t need paper, beautiful place cards, or menus printed, don’t do it! Paperless Post has gorgeous invites (and people don’t have to send anything back in the mail!). You can put the seating chart and/or the menu on a big chalkboard.
That said, these things can be lovely if the aesthetic is something you’re drawn to, and you can go with 100 percent recycled products. “I’m a printmaker by training,” Motes-Conners says, “so I love to feeling of paper, love printing texture. And by and large, there’s not a giant amount of paper.”
Pro Tip: For the love of all things holy, do not include seeds in the invitation (or in anything else). You don’t always know what kinds of seeds you’re getting and whether they will be safe in a different kind of soil. It could be an invasive species not meant to grow there, and actually cause environmental harm!

Wedding Planning Step 6: The Big Day

Putting Your Face On

You made it! The big day is here! After focusing so much on sustainability, don’t forget about what’s going on your face. To keep the theme going, opt for eco-friendly beauty brands that are ethically produced (no animal testing!). We recommend Tarte: Their products are never tested on animals and their expansive vegan-friendly line uses plant-based ingredients chock full of minerals, vitamins, and essential oils for a glow you can feel good about.

Giving Out Favors

The only favors that are universally appreciated? Edible ones! Remember that your guests are often traveling by plane so it’s sort of, let’s say, inconsiderate to give them creams, gels, or liquids—so as nice as it is to get locally sourced honey or maple syrup, you have to think about how they’ll get it home. Edibles (I’m talking cookies, chocolate, tea, or coffee) also don’t leave a lot of plastic behind, and probably won’t end up in the trash.
Pollock made wedding crackers—by saving toilet paper rolls for six months! One night she and her fiance had friends over, and in three hours they assembled over 100. Inside they inserted a recipe for old fashioneds—their favorite drink. It took more planning time, but was totally worth it to them.

Wedding Planning Step 7: Finding Your Focus

In the midst of all this wedding planning, it’s sometimes easy to overlook the most important thing: your marriage!
For most couples, the wedding planning and the ceremony only marks the beginning of your partnership. “If the idea of having all these people that you love get together and witness the fact that you’re actually getting married is important to you, then it’s worthwhile to invest yourself emotionally—not just financially!— in your wedding,” says Motes-Conners. “Use it as an opportunity to connect with people in your life who mean something to you and your partner, and have it be a galvanizing moment amidst the chaos of all those people in one space. You get to determine how meaningful your wedding is and what it means.”
There is something unspeakably powerful about the people you love being there to witness you moving into this next phase of your life and knowing they will be there when things get tough. The onus is on you to set the tone as you’re wedding planning. The guests are making a major investment to celebrate you and it’s vital that you honor their commitment. “Your marriage and wedding are, in most respects, two different things, but where they intersect is up to you.”
sustainable wedding guide

Categories
Fresh Fashion Lifestyle

Decode The Dress Code: What To Wear To A Wedding

Wondering what to wear to a wedding? You’re not alone. After all, who doesn’t love a wedding dress code? Well, a lot of people. And others? Oh, they want some direction! At least a little bit. No one wants to show up in a full-length gown when everyone else is in sundresses.
Unfortunately, wedding dress codes have sort of gone out of style. When was the last time you got an invite with crystal clear directives? More likely it said something like “BBQ chic” or “casual cocktail attire.” What does that even mean?
“The codes of black tie are alive and well,” explains Kelsey Motes-Conners, founder and owner of Field: A Wedding Design Studio in Montana. “But outside of the clear requirements of black tie attire, and especially outdoors, guests’ attire can really vary in formality and style. Some couples are insistent on their wedding feeling comfortable and so encourage their guests to wear sensible shoes or warm layers, taking an almost reverse approach to attire recommendations.”
Motes-Conners continues:

And although rule of thumb is to not out-dress the couple, it seems that guests’ attire has more to do with the guest than the wedding—by which I mean what the guest feels is appropriate. I’ve seen grandmas in tracksuits and grandmas in fringed flapper dresses and grandmas in floor-length gowns; uncles in white tie and uncles in denim with imposing belt buckles; friends in all manner of sundresses, wool fedoras, sequin bodycons, polished wingtips, tennis shoes. But I think the default is very much cocktail attire.

What does this mean for you, the lovely guest? No need to panic! We’re here to relieve all your anxiety as you decide what to wear to a wedding.

What to Wear to a Wedding: the Ground Rules

It’s hard to go totally wrong figuring out what to wear to a wedding, but it is possible. Here are a few choices that are a clear no:

  • Don’t wear white. Or white with flowers. Or white with stripes. Or white with teeny tiny polka dots. Leave the white to the bride. If you have to ask if it’s too white, it is.
  • Be cautious about wearing black. It’s not a funeral, and you don’t want your friend to think you think it is. That said, black is no longer totally unacceptable, especially at big-city weddings. If it’s the wedding of a close friend, check in with her to see if she has an opinion one way or another.
  • Don’t wear denim. Like, anywhere on your outfit. No jeans, no jean jackets, no cool skirts. Save it for the Friday night rehearsal dinner or the brunch.
  • Don’t dress like you’re going to the club. You know what we mean: Make sure your booty isn’t showing and your breasts are (basically) covered. Make sure nothing is ripped. If you wouldn’t wear it in front of Grandpa, save it for another time.
  • Don’t make it about you. Look your best! But don’t turn the spotlight on you. Crazy hat? Pass. Neon jumpsuit? Skip it. Let your friend have her day by not grabbing the spotlight from her.
  • Don’t wear something with stains. This means getting your clothes to the dry cleaner a few weeks before the event. There’s nothing worse than pulling out your fave outfit and realizing there’s wine on it from the last wedding you attended.

What to Wear to a Wedding With a Dress Code

What to Wear to a White Tie Wedding

The fanciest, most formal of all weddings. Think: floor-length, black (yes, black!), classy. Nothing too crazy (not the time to wear a club-appropriate bandage dress). You can even wear gloves! Men: wear a white tie.

  • This floor-length number ($388) with a sweetheart neckline and fitted bodice from Reformation will make you feel like a queen—and an eco-queen at that. Reformation uses the most eco-friendly, efficient technology possible.
  • This cap-sleeved gown from Adrianna Papell ($299) will have you shimmering on the dance floor (just stay away from the white, so you don’t upstage the bride).
  • The Symphony Dress ($440) from Anthropologie’s BHLDN is deco-inspired and incredibly chic.
  • Lulu’s Scallop Lace Mermaid Gown ($88) is a sleek option when you’d prefer to let your makeup do the talking (and it’s easy on the wallet!).

When in doubt: Go with a single color and make it as fancy as possible.

Shop White Tie Wedding Style:

What to Wear to a Black Tie Wedding

This is the second most formal option, so you’re still safe with a floor-length look, à la white tie. If you don’t want a frock that goes to the floor, you can do a cocktail dress—as long as it’s very formal and goes to your knee or beyond.

  • This gorgeous long chiffon gown from Jenny Yoo can be tied a variety of different ways to create different looks. Combine different tying methods and different statement jewelry pieces and you’ll be able to wear this versatile piece again and again throughout wedding season (and it’s under $300!).
  • This ethically made bright red showstopper ($323) from Monsoon is perfect for getting down on the dance floor.
  • This cutout back floral lace and chiffon dress ($178) is sexy in its simplicity. And at under $200, you can’t beat it.
  • Get on trend with the Winslow dress from Reformation ($268). It comes in six understated neutral hues, and the georgette fabric drapes like a dream.

When in doubt: Go floor length.

Shop Black Tie Wedding Style

What to Wear to a Black Tie–Optional Wedding

Do you want to chance being the fanciest person at the wedding? Then you can go floor length. Otherwise, a fancy knee-length option (think really snazzy cocktail attire) will work.
That brings us to…

What to Wear to a Semi-Formal or Cocktail Wedding

Jumpsuits! Short, stylish dresses. Big jewelry. Heels.

  • Try this gorgeous lace Sheath Dress from Bardot ($129). All of Bardot’s dresses are fun and flirty, great for weddings and cocktail parties, and most importantly reasonably priced.  
  • This short shimmery Elin dress from Anthropologie’s BHLDN ($200) is fabulous.
  • Comfy and adorable, the Eliza J Flounce Sleeve Sheath Dress ($118) will be a great and versatile addition to your closet. Also: pockets! Could you ask for anything more?
  • Jumpsuits are killer for cocktail attire. Try this fun halter style from Julia Jordan ($158).

When in doubt: Bold lip, heels, and a fancy—but not extravagant—dress.

Shop Semi-Formal Wedding Style

What to Wear to a Casual Wedding

Casual usually means just that: casual. But remember, no jeans. Instead, think sundresses, jumpsuits, or a fabulous skirt/shirt combo.

  • This simple and versatile silk tee dress from Cuyana ($215) would look great with some wedges and a pendant necklace.
  • The Fig Dress from Reformation ($218) is lovely in lilac. Pair this breezy dress with a fun necklace and a block heel or wedge and you’re all set for a casual affair.
  • This fun, flirty lace midi dress from ASTR the Label ($89) is perfect for a wedding outdoors or on the beach.
  • The Daphne Wrap Dress from Plenty by Tracy Reese ($158) would fit in perfectly at a garden party in the green motif.

Shop Casual Wedding Style

What to Wear to a Wedding With No Dress Code

No dress code? No problem. If the invitation says nothing about what to wear, don’t panic. Just use this handy guide.

  • What to wear to a religious ceremony: Dress modestly and/or cover your shoulders. You don’t want to feel awkward in a church, mosque, or synagogue. If you’re determined to wear a strapless affair, cover yourself entirely with a shawl that you can then remove for the party. Choose a dress that goes to your knee.
  • What to wear to an outdoor wedding: Don’t wear heels. You’ll spend the entire evening sinking into the grass. Flats or chunky low heels are the way to go.
  • What to wear to a beach wedding: Bring a hat and sunglasses. Everyone will understand if you don’t want to be burned by the sun. Just don’t make it a baseball cap or one of those frayed numbers from the thrift store.
  • What to wear to a winter wedding: Bring a change of footwear. There’s no reason you should wear snowy boots the whole time! Most venues will have a place to leave boots (with your coat). Stick a pair of flats or heels in your bag.
  • What to wear to a summer wedding: Go one notch up from a sundress and choose bright colors. Outdoor summer weddings are often informal, but you don’t want to feel like you’re out for a beer.

At the end of the day, there’s no need to obsess about what to wear to a wedding. This is all about enjoying yourself and honoring your friends. The most important thing is to feel good in what you’ve chosen. So be you! And if you’re really fretting, remember: All eyes will surely be on the couple anyway!
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Categories
Healthy Pregnancy Motherhood

When Heartburn Has You Down: How To Deal With Acid Reflux During Pregnancy

“I had acid reflux so badly by the end of my twin pregnancy that I couldn’t lie down at all for the last six weeks,” says Kelly Smith, a mom of two in Minneapolis. “I ate Pepcid every couple of hours and ‘slept’ in a reclining treatment chair from my acupuncture practice. My stomach was so displaced that I could only eat three or four bites of food at a time (like every hour), and often had to choose between eating—since I was always starving (twins)—or drinking water because I had the thirst of a trillion deserts.”
Ah, pregnant life with acid reflux. Why is it so, so horrible? And what can you do about it?

What is acid reflux and what does it feel like?

A hot, burning feeling in your chest. The constant need to burp. A feeling of pressure around your throat. An inability to eat or drink without burning in your chest or the feeling of wanting to hurl: This is what acid reflux feels like. Unfortunately, it’s very, very common.
“Acid reflux woke me up in the middle of the night,” says Sarah Tucker, mother of one in Los Angeles. “I had to sleep propped up on a wedge pillow my husband called ‘the ski slope.’ Not comfy!”
“With my second pregnancy, I took so many Tums I started twitching and having charley horses multiple times a day, and still I got no relief,” says Ashley Patronyak, who lives in New York City with her two boys. “The nurse at my doctor’s office told me there were no other options and to take even more Tums, so I went to Dr. Google for a second opinion, then went to Duane Reade that same afternoon and bought the biggest box of Zantac they had.”
“I felt awful all the time, and didn’t want to eat anything because I thought it would make the sensation worse,” recalls Becky Weiss, a physician in LA. “The heartburn was worse at night and I tried not to eat too much at dinner because if I got into bed too soon afterwards, I would feel the acid in my chest.”

What causes acid reflux?

Acid reflux occurs when the acid in your stomach—which should stay in your stomach!—travels back up into your esophagus. This happens because pregnancy causes the body’s musculature, including the esophageal sphincter, to relax.
Acid reflux can be particularly bad if you lie down soon after a meal, and it occurs for two main reasons. The first is that your level of progesterone is much higher, which slows digestion down and makes you feel fuller faster. There’s also a basic anatomical reality to it: There’s a lot of pressure on your stomach.
“It’s both hormonal and structural,” explains Jocelyn Brown, a licensed and certified professional midwife in Los Angeles. “A woman can make all the lifestyle adjustments in the world, but sometimes they just have to ride it out, and it’s miserable.”
For some women, acid reflux is particularly acute in the first trimester, when hormones begin slowing digestion down (so that the fetus can absorb the nutrients in your food). For many women, though, acid reflux begins or noticeably worsens in the third trimester because of the baby’s size and its effect on your stomach’s ability to take in and digest food.

Will acid reflux hurt me or my baby?

The good news is that neither the acid nor the Tums hurt the baby, says Brown. But there is a risk for you: overdoing it on the antacids.
“Women go to Tums because it’s easy and they are miserable, but antacids neutralize the hydrochloric acid in your stomach,” she explains. “When the drug wears off, the feeling of heartburn gets worse because your stomach actually needs acid to digest your food. As a result, your body will overproduce it.” This causes a vicious cycle.
Sometimes women have this reaction in 20 minutes—they’ll feel great and then instantly worse—or it’ll happen over the course of a few weeks. “If a woman is 39 weeks, I say, ‘pop all the Tums you want.’ But if she’s 24 weeks, I’m worried that the antacids will backfire over time and we look for another solution.”
Rachel Sinex Graves, MD, who works in family medicine and obstetrics in Portland, Oregon, agrees that lifestyle changes are always the first approach to treating acid reflux, but she doesn’t think women should suffer unnecessarily by staying away from medication: “There’s enough suffering in pregnancy,” she says. “Acid reflux can add one other thing that can really weigh on people. Women get depressed about their acid reflux! They can’t eat or drink anything, which makes them feel terrible.”
Graves also points out that Tums can be an incredibly useful tool for women who feel awful and assume it’s morning sickness. “If a woman is miserable—not sleeping, so uncomfortable she can’t eat; if she’s vomiting or gaining weight—she usually assumes she has morning sickness or hyperemesis, but it might just be acid reflux.”
There’s no harm in using Tums to make your life a little easier. Graves says that acid reflux usually goes away right after the baby is born, so taking something for six months to make your life manageable is not the same as taking Tums indefinitely for the rest of your life. One adverse effect it can have, however, is to make you constipated, which can exacerbate the reflux.

Tums don’t work for my acid reflux. Is there anything stronger?

“If women are munching on Tums several times a day, and still symptomatic, then I look at medications,” Graves explains. These medications come in two categories: histamine-2 (H2) blockers, like Zantac, and proton pump inhibitors (PPIs), such as Nexium, Prilosec, or Prevacid, which should only be taken with a prescription.

Will acid reflux medications hurt my baby?

There is very little research on most matters related to medication and pregnant women because pregnant women are usually unwilling to enter a randomized control trial—no one wants anything terrible to happen to their baby!
“With all medication, we minimize use as much as possible and don’t use it if we don’t need it,” explains Graves. “But a woman’s level of suffering is really important to take into consideration. Maternal suffering is not good for baby either.” The research shows that if you’re taking a PPI for your acid reflux once a day so you can sleep, the potential for harm is very low.
A very recent study published in Pediatrics suggests that acid reflux medications—such as PPIs like Prilosec and Prevacid and H2 receptor antagonists (H2RAs) such as Pepcid and Zantac—can be linked to childhood asthma. “Overall, pregnant women who used PPIs and H2RAs were 45% more likely to have children with asthma than women who didn’t use these drugs during pregnancy,” the study concludes.
If you’ve been tossing back the Tums, don’t panic just yet: “Tums are just calcium carbonate,” explains Brown, “so they don’t fall into this category, but some of my moms will graduate from Tums to the PPIs and I can no longer say, ‘don’t worry about it!’”
Speak to your doctor before considering more intensive medication.

Reducing (or Preventing) Acid Reflux During Pregnancy

“What is magical for one woman might not work for another woman,” says Brown. “It’s a crapshoot.” As a result, there are a laundry list of things you can try before popping the antacids.

  • Avoid triggers in your diet, says Amanda Broomell, a certified holistic health coach. These include acidic citrus drinks (like orange juice and lemonade), carbonated beverages (even La Croix; sorry!), grains and processed foods (breads and cookies), tomatoes and tomato sauce, and anything with hydrogenated oil. It can also be helpful to avoid eating too much meat. Other triggers: chocolate (boo!), onions, garlic, mint, caffeine.
  • Instead, Broomell suggests, consume easy-to-digest foods: organic fruits and veggies, bone broth, and organic meat.
  • Avoid greasy, fried, or spicy foods. If you eat something spicy, pair it with a cooling food, like cucumbers, avocado, melon, or coconut.
  • Eat smaller portions. Remember Kelly with the twins? She could only eat a bite or two an hour. You may not be that desperate, but it’s best to go easy. The more food in your (already cramped) stomach, the harder it will be to digest it.
  • Get some protein in. Make sure you get protein in every meal—and even with snacks (almonds are a great one).
  • Chew, chew, chew. Broomell recommends chewing 30 to 40 times with every bite. It’s easier to process if the food has already turned to liquid when it gets to your stomach.
  • Suck on hard candies. Lemon and ginger can be especially helpful.
  • Chew gum. “I couldn’t go anywhere without Tums and Orbit gum,” says Megan Heuer, a mom of one in New York City. (For natural gum, we love Simply Gum.) This can be particularly helpful right after a meal.
  • Try drinking organic raw unfiltered apple cider vinegar (it must be organic, raw and unfiltered). Broomell suggests 1 tablespoon in a cup of water 10 minutes before a meal. “Apple cider vinegar supports the digestive system, has natural probiotics, as well as acids and enzymes that restore a natural pH,” she explains. Try it by itself for a week—just so you can be clear about whether it’s working—then add in other remedies over time so you can figure out what’s really working.
  • A digestive enzyme can be super helpful. It can boost the digestive process. We need hydrochloric acid to digest meat, and this can move that process along.
  • Take a probiotic. This can help maintain good gut flora, but there is some controversy over how effective it is for acid reflux in pregnancy because nothing can change the fact that you have an 8-pound baby pressing on your stomach! But there’s no harm in taking one. If it’s too costly, Graves recommends either eating good yogurt with active cultures or taking ¼ teaspoon of baking yeast.
  • Food relief: Try raw almonds, coconut water, aloe vera juice, ginger tea, fennel tea (steep for 10 minutes), and papaya.
  • Sleep propped up or on your left side. Stack pillows, or sleep in a La-Z-Boy if you have to. Lying on your right side actually positions the stomach higher than the esophagus, which can cause even worse heartburn.
  • Eat pickles! There’s a reason women often crave them, explains Brown. They are very acidic and help with digestion—so do all pickled foods. “A woman’s body usually craves what she needs in that moment,” she says. (Tell that to anyone who side-eyes you for your third chocolate shake of the week.)
  • Wear loose-fitting clothing. Wearing tight bras or waistbands that squeeze can also make acid reflux worse.
  • Breathe slowly and deeply. Focus on your breathing; you may be surprised by what breath exercises can do for you.
  • Go for a short walk after eating to stimulate the digestive system (exercising heavily after meals, however, may contribute to heartburn).
  • Try an herbal tea. Teas that contain even trace amounts of peppermint, chamomile, ginger, licorice root, and catnip can help the stomach lining repair itself and improve digestion.

Can I use essential oils for acid reflux during pregnancy?

Essential oils aren’t a cure for acid reflux, but Broomell says that they can help support healthy digestive functioning. “Essential oils are one component of overall lifestyle shift,” Broomell explains. “If people are consuming acidic food and drinks, it’ll be hard to slap on essential oils and feel great.”
You should always consult your doctor before using oils during pregnancy. Broomell advises women in the first trimester to stay clear of ingesting them, but even smelling or diffusing them can make a difference if you’re really suffering. The most powerful oils for digestion are ginger, cardamom, and peppermint. You want to dilute these with fractionated coconut oil (FCO)—1 drop of each oil in 4 to 5 drops of FCO—and you can apply them to the back of your neck, behind the ears, or inhale it.  
Dealing with acid reflux is never fun, but when you’re pregnant it’s even worse. Hang in there, mama. Soon you’ll have your sweet babe in your arms—and hopefully no more acid reflux to boot!

Categories
Mom x Body Motherhood

Movement For Moms-To-Be: Prenatal Yoga Benefits And Best Practices

Prenatal yoga classes are the best. Part yoga class, part therapy session, it’s basically a time for a bunch of pregnant ladies to get together and commiserate about everything they’re struggling with—insomnia, indigestion, back pain, hemorrhoids, fear of the birth, etcetera—and all the joy and anticipation coming their way.
Oh, and you get to do some yoga, too! It’s a win-win.

What is prenatal yoga? And how is it different from other types of yoga?

“The main difference between regular yoga and prenatal yoga is that the focus is more on maintaining—over improving—flexibility and range of motion,” says Rebecca Conant, founder and owner of Om Births in Watertown, Massachusetts.
“Asanas are performed with an eye to the hormonal changes that are occurring in the prenatal body, specifically the increased relaxin and progesterone, which leave the body more flexible and at risk for over-stretching.” This means that certain postures, like pigeon, should be done with additional hip support to avoid straining the pubic or sacroiliac joints.

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The other difference in emphasis is more subtle. “In prenatal yoga, the idea of being present, or working with the mind, has a more direct application,” says Conant. “Being present to the physical changes, being present and calm with intense sensations—which can be applied towards the intensity of labor—and being present to the changes in identity that accompany the journey into motherhood.”
Conant’s classes often end up being part yoga, part childbirth education. Postures, pranayama, and meditations all take on a birth-related focus, and ultimately that ability to work with the mind has a dramatic impact on the experience of pregnancy, labor, birth, and postpartum.
Here are some other features of prenatal yoga that are slightly different from traditional yoga classes:

  • Gentle is often the name of the game. You’re not going to find crazy vinyasas, closed twists, or backbends.
  • The focus is on strengthening the pelvic floor and on breathing. Both can help you tremendously during labor.
  • Some poses are off limits. Pregnant women should not lie on their bellies or do closed twists (open twists are okay and can be great for back pain). Some women also don’t like to invert during pregnancy and should avoid lying on their backs for long periods of time.

A lot of focus is paid to the baby. In ordinary yoga classes, you don’t sit around with your hands on your belly sending loving vibes to your…stomach. But prenatal yoga gives you the chance to slow down and connect with your baby and your changing body.

How safe is prenatal yoga?

Here’s how you gauge whether your exercise regimen is pregnancy safe: What were you doing before you conceived? Chances are you can continue doing whatever it was—unless you were going to spin class or hot yoga, or running marathons (as always, check with your doctor). In other words, if you were practicing yoga, keep at it! If you weren’t, this is a perfect way to strengthen and stretch your body, and, most importantly, to connect with your changing self, both mentally and physically.

Why is prenatal yoga good for me?

Pregnancy is a time of tremendous change, and yoga gives you a chance to be present with it all—to simply be with your body as it grows a human. Here are a few of the wonderful benefits of this practice specifically:

  • Unlike at the gym, where you can work out while watching TV or listening to a podcast, yoga asks you to be with your body (and baby!) in each moment on your mat.
  • You practice breathing and working with challenging sensations. This will be vital during the birth! When pain or discomfort arise, you always have access to the breath. This is what you practice on a small scale during class (say, in Warrior I, when your quad is burning!) that can be applied later on to labor.
  • Stronger muscles can help you stay healthy during your pregnancy and through labor and delivery.
  • It helps with circulation, discomfort, and tight muscles.
  • You tap into a community. “This isn’t just a place to come work out,” Conant says. “This is where you meet other moms and the sangha aspect gets encouraged.”

Three Prenatal Primer Poses

NB: It’s always best to try these with the help of a teacher first.
[sol title=”Malasana” subheader=”Garland Pose”]
This is a squat, but you want to put block under the hips so you’re not putting too much pressure on your joints and ligaments. Squat with your feet 6 to 10 inches apart and a block under the pelvis. You can also put a rolled up blanket under your heels if they don’t touch the ground.

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Bring your hands together at your heart in prayer pose, and press your elbows into the insides of your knees. Stay here or reach the torso forward between the thighs and breathe into your back.
[sol title=”Prasarita Padottanasana” subheader=”Wide-Legged Forward Bend”]
Stand with your feet about 4 feet apart on your mat. Your feet should be parallel and your weight evenly distributed on the four corners of the feet. Engage the thighs and bring your hands to your hips. Inhale and lift your chest up, then exhale and fold over your legs with your hands reaching for the floor.

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NB: Do NOT let your arms hang out in space. Make sure they are on the floor, a block, or a chair. You should not be struggling to reach something, so use props as needed.
[sol title=”Baddha Konasana” subheader=”Bound Angle Pose”]
Sit with your back against a wall. Make sure you’re sitting up on a blanket or two so your pelvis isn’t rolling under you and making your spine collapse in a C shape.

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Draw the soles of your feet together and spread your knees apart. If you can hold onto the big toe (or feet), great. If not, you can use a belt around your ankles. Allow your thighs to relax down as you breathe.
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Categories
Mindful Parenting Motherhood

Monkey See, Monkey Do: How To Set A Good Example For Your Kids

When my sister was little, my mother had a particularly foul-mouthed friend. One day, the two women and their two kids were in the car, trying to park on a busy street. The other mom was having a really hard time of it.
Her 3-year-old yelled out from the back seat, “Just park the f***ing car, Mom!”
Cue instant embarrassment.
Don’t worry if you’ve been there—what mom hasn’t? From the mouths of babes tumble forth swear words, insults, and even tales of bodily functions meant to be kept secret.
“I think most children learn to swear in the car, because almost all of us have done it and there’s so much at stake!” says Barbara Kaiser, early childhood consultant, trainer, and co-author of Challenging Behavior in Young Children: Understanding, Preventing and Responding Effectively.
So how do we stop our kids from mimicking our bad behavior? And more importantly, how do we set a good example?

How do kids really learn?

“Babies imitate everything we do,” explains Kaiser. “I was chewing gum recently while playing with my grandson and he was making funny faces with his mouth and I realized he was copying me!”
Kids take in the world through imitation, Kaiser says, and actions speak much louder than words. “They are much more attuned to what you do than to what you say. Research shows that 85 to 90 percent of your message is not what you say but how you say it.” (Want to see a clear example of this? Watch this.) Children are very tuned in to our facial expressions and body language.
“There is nothing more profound than telling kids what to do and then not doing it yourself,” Kaiser says. “You lose trust. They don’t believe you.”
Does this sound familiar? Two siblings are yelling at each other. In order to calm the chaos, you interfere…by yelling “Don’t yell at your sister!” How are they learning to resolve the conflict?
Modeling good citizenship (as opposed to, say, money management skills) needs to start early—like, at birth. Once a child turns 10, it’s a little late to say, “Okay! Time to be a good person!”
Here are three keys points to keep in mind:

1. Treat others the way … you want your kid to treat others.

Although every person is wired differently, it is unrealistic to expect your child to be a loving, considerate, empathetic person if you do not model those behaviors for them. It isn’t enough to say, “Be nice!” or “Listen!” and not do it yourself. A child may not know what exactly those directives mean.
Rather than simply saying “Be kind to others,” do something. Help your spouse around the house, which teaches your kid about teamwork. Pick up garbage and teach them to recycle and compost, which teaches care for the world. Volunteer with your kid. Take food to a sick friend. Speak kindly to others everywhere you go. It is only when a child sees the behavior modeled that she knows every instance in which treating others well and engaging appropriately is possible.
This is particularly important when it comes to fighting gender stereotypes. When my parents come to visit, my father does all the cooking. My daughter declared one day, “Grandpas cook!” No one had told her this. She had simply seen it in action. (This is much better than all the “We are all equal!” declarations in the world that aren’t backed up by much.) To see it is to believe it.

2. Don’t just tell them how to resolve conflicts. Show them how.

There’s a striking moment In Jancee Dunn’s bestselling book, How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids. Dunn admits to having a temper, and in the middle of a couples therapy session, the counselor tells her that when she’s screaming at her husband, her 6-year-old daughter thinks she’s yelling at her. A child often cannot distinguish between the two. They hear yelling and it scares them.
It is vital that our children learn how to resolve conflict by means other than screaming, hitting, or storming out. They also need to learn that simply saying sorry usually isn’t enough to resolve a conflict or mend hurt feelings.
A better way to model conflict resolution is to talk it out and show affection and understanding. This is not to say that you should resolve your marital conflicts in front of your kids! But it is okay for kids to witness conflict—it’s a natural part of being in a relationship, and kids should understand that. What’s not okay is allowing the behavior to spiral out of control with no resolution.

3. Remember: They can hear you.

Actions speak louder than words—especially when kids are really little—but kids are always picking up language. This is sometimes hard to register, especially after you’ve repeated “Put on your shoes” for the 8,000th time, but they are taking in everything you’re saying, whether they’re responding to it the way you wish they would or not.
This doesn’t just apply to swearing but all language—how you talk to your spouse, your friends, the people at the grocery store, on the phone. (In fact, they pick up on tone much more than the actual words.) This doesn’t mean you should suddenly go silent, but be aware that there’s a little brain soaking up your every word, so think before you add a four letter word or particularly biting tone to your vocalizations of exasperated thought.

Need a few practical tips?

Want to limit screen time? Limit your own.

Most of us set rules around our children’s screen time—but do we limit our own device usage in their presence? “What is quality time?” Kaiser asks. “It doesn’t mean standing next to your child on your phone. Are you really spending quality time with your child?”
This is perfect example of monkey see, monkey do. Why should they limit the time they spend on the iPad when their mom’s face is glued to her phone all day?

Don’t clean up after them.

This one can begin very early. Do not get into the habit of letting your kids make messes that you fix or clean up for them. You know those wonderful songs preschool teachers sing? “Clean up! Clean up! Everybody everywhere. Clean up! Clean up! Everybody do your share”? This isn’t just for school.
All the rules that apply in public should apply at home: Teach him to clear his plate, to put away her clothes, and clean up their Legos. With young kids, framing it as a race often makes it a fun game (“I bet I can put away more Legos than you!”).
Keep this in mind: Kids who don’t clean up after themselves at 4 don’t miraculously start doing it at 14.

Teach them the value of money early.

This year for Hanukkah, my husband and I gave our daughter $20 to spend however she wanted. She chose to go to a dance supply store and buy herself a leotard. Of course she wanted everything in the store, so she had to budget, which meant finding a leotard that was on sale and choosing accessories that didn’t send her over her limit. She was thrilled to find what she wanted, and the process of making decisions about what she could or couldn’t afford—and therefore pinpointing what she really wanted—was empowering and educational.

Cook (and garden, paint, and repair the house) together.

How does anything get done around the house? From cooking dinner every night to mowing the lawn on the weekend to repairing leaks in the roof, a parent is usually taking care of business around the home. Rather than shipping the kids off with an iPad, integrate them into the process.
Invite a little one to sit on the counter while you cook (they can rip off mushroom stems or measure and pour); ask for an assistant to help with a repair. This teaches them how a family keeps a household going, and proves they are vital members of the team.

Categories
Healthy Pregnancy Motherhood

Stretch Marks, Swelling, And Skin Woes: How To Protect Your Skin While Pregnant

Oh, that pregnancy glow! How we all long for it! Many of us do experience it (woohoo!) but for a lot of pregnant ladies, our skin turns out to be more itchy than glowy. Here are a few common problems—and how to deal with all of them.

Swollen Feet

Why does this happen? During pregnancy, the body retains more fluid and is also working hard to keep blood flowing to the heart. The other parts? Not so much, which means swollen feet and ankles—and shoes that don’t quite fit.
What’s a gal to do? We’ve all been there, when even our cankles have cankles. And we can’t even bend over to put lotion on them. Get off your feet! Even better: Lie down with your legs up the wall (only for a short time, though, as lying on your back for long periods during pregnancy is not advisable).
Need more help? Try compression socks. Exercise, especially in a pool, where you can “walk.” Wear loose clothing and shoes. Keep drinking water. Accept that this the unsexy side of pregnancy.
If your feet are itchy (especially toward the end of your pregnancy), enlist your partner to lotion you up. If you have a toddler, this can easily turn into a hilarious family activity.
Contact your doctor if…you get sudden and extreme swelling. It could indicate a blood clot or high blood pressure.

Itchy All Over

Why does this happen? An itchy torso and stomach is usually the result of the skin stretching.
What’s a gal to do? Slip into an oat bath. The floating sensation is nice and the oats are sure to soothe your skin. More of a shower gal? Lather on a body conditioner in the shower (Curél Hydra Therapy Wet Skin Moisturizer or Nivea’s in-shower body lotion are our top picks) and let that soak in.
Once you’re out of the shower, lather on the lotion. Or better yet, reach for a cream or butter as these products tend to be thicker and more moisturizing. If you’re after natural ingredients like shea butter, cocoa butter, and essential oils, Josie Maran’s Whipped Argan Oil Body Butter will cover all your bases thanks to its argan oil, shea butter, avocado oil, and white tea extract.
Contact your doctor if…nothing helps. It is very rare, but a late pregnancy liver and gallbladder disorder called obstetric cholestasis (OC) can increase your risk of delivering prematurely or even of having a stillbirth. Severe itching is one of OC’s primary symptoms.

Stretchy Belly

Why does this happen? So you got your first stretch mark. And you might be freaking out. But it’s normal! So, so, so many women get these—about 75 percent of us in fact! The cause is mostly genetic, but sometimes stretch marks can be tied to rapid weight gain or loss and younger women are actually more susceptible.
What’s a gal to do? It turns out that stretch-mark reducing creams and heavy-duty lotions may not do…anything (sorry!). What might work slightly better is almond oil, cocoa butter, and olive oil.
The best prevention—if we can even use that word, since stretch marks are mostly genetic—is exercise, a healthy, vitamin-rich diet, lots of water, and regular massages (yay!). Also, keep in mind that steady and incremental weight gain as opposed to rapid weight gain helps the skin stretch at a less traumatic pace.
Contact your doctor if…Well, you probably don’t need to. Unless you are absolutely determined to get rid of stretch marks (only after baby is born!), there’s really no reason to talk to your doctor about these. They usually fade over time as you return to your pre-pregnancy size.

Pigmentation Problems

Why does this happen? It’s hormonal! Your estrogen levels stimulate increased pigment production (this is also what accounts for a darker area around your nipples, and darker moles or freckles).
What’s a gal to do? Sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen, even if you don’t live in a warm climate. Every day, all over. Putting a little vitamin C on your skin topically can also help. (If you use a vitamin C product, definitely put on sunscreen as it can increase skin’s photosensitivity and likeliness to burn.)
That said, pigmentation issues usually resolve on their own few months after the baby arrives.
Contact your doctor if…a mole or other spot looks particularly dark. You should be keeping track of any and all skin issues throughout pregnancy and pregnant or not, visit your dermatologist regularly. It’s very rare, but a mole can change during pregnancy, indicating a serious problem like melanoma.

Red, Red Rashes

Why does this happen? There are various kinds of rashes that can appear during pregnancy, but the most common is PUPPP: pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy. This is when tiny red bumps that first appear on the belly spread across the body. The patches of bumps can be super itchy. This usually happens later on in the pregnancy when the belly is stretched to its limit.
No one really knows what causes PUPPP, but it often appears during a first pregnancy or a pregnancy with multiples, when the skin is really stretching.
What’s a gal to do? Any severe itching can be soothed with topical medications—mostly steroids (like hydrocortisone cream) or antihistamines (like Benadryl). You can also apply lotion as long as it feels good and doesn’t further irritate the skin. Unfortunately, the only thing that really makes PUPPP go away is delivering your baby.
Contact your doctor if…you suspect that you have PUPPP as the condition cannot be self-diagnosed.

Acne Woes

Why does this happen? Most pregnancy acne is also hormonal! It’s also very common, especially if you were susceptible to acne before becoming pregnant, and it may be due to the body producing slightly more oil while gestating. (For some, this also results in the coveted “pregnancy glow.”)
What’s a gal to do? Don’t touch! We know it’s tempting to pick and squeeze, but this will only make things worse. Cleanse twice a day with mild cleanser and don’t forget to follow up with a moisturizer and sunscreen. If your hair is particularly oily and falls in your face, wash it daily and keep it away from your skin.
Contact your doctor before…you use any new skincare products. Many acne cleansers aren’t safe during pregnancy.
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Categories
Favorite Finds Motherhood

9 Children's Books That Celebrate Diversity

When my daughter was 3, I took her to her first Yom Kippur service. This is the holiest day of the year in Judaism: the day when we ask forgiveness of those we’ve harmed and repent for our sins. Our synagogue has two young female rabbis—not a common occurrence—and my hitherto non-practicing Jewish daughter sat utterly fixated, staring at these two women with nothing but awe in her eyes. She turned to me and said, “One day I want to be a Rabbi.”
It was a clear example of You can only become what you can see. Cue: the importance of diversity in children’s books.  
In describing the need for representation in children’s books, non-profit organization We Need Diverse Books quotes a 1990 article from professor and author Rudine Bishop Sims: “When children cannot find themselves reflected in the books they read, or when the images they see are distorted, negative, or laughable, they learn a powerful lesson about how they are devalued in the society of which they are a part.” 
But the lack of representation in media isn’t just an issue for people of color—it’s an issue for all of us. 
On the occasion of the unveiling of her portrait at the National Portrait Gallery, Michelle Obama wrote, “This is all a little bit overwhelming, especially when I think about all of the young people who will visit the National Portrait Gallery and see this, including so many young girls and young girls of color who don’t often see their images displayed in beautiful and iconic ways.”
For children of color, seeing people who look like them represented in media like books, movies, or art, can actually affect them in a positive way. It’s proof that there’s space for them, both on the page and in the world. For white children, experiencing diverse media can help prevent a distorted view of their world. All kids, regardless of background, need to know that there are all kinds of people in the world—that we all have hopes and dreams and struggles, and that some struggles, like those involving race or gender or sexuality, are particular to some.
In honor of Black History Month, here are some wonderful books to add into your kids’ collection and to share with friends:

1. A is for Activist

by Innosanto Nagara

Dubbed Howard Zinn’s The People’s History of the United States for kids, this gorgeous board book moves through the alphabet teaching kids about key tenets of activism—justice and peace—and vital freedom fighters who’ve forged the path, like Malcolm X.

2. Counting on Community

(also!) by Innosanto Nagara

This book is all about the value of community and being able to count on those around you. Kids of various colors and backgrounds come together to plant seeds and reap the harvest.

3. The Snowy Day

by Ezra Jack Keats

The joy of this beautiful board book is that it is simply about a boy named Peter exploring the snow—and that boy happens to be black. Unlike so many books about kids of color in general—and African American kids in particular—this is not a book about race. Keats has a whole collection based on Peter and his friends including Whistles for Willie, A Letter to Amy, and Peter’s Chair.

4. Little Leaders: Bold Women in Black History

by Vashti Harrison

From abolitionist Sojourner Truth to chemist Alice Ball and poet–writer Maya Angelou, you and your kids will learn about African American women who’ve changed the world in extraordinary ways.

5. We’re Different, We’re the Same 

by Bobbi Kates and Joe Mathieu

Sesame Street has you covered! This lovely book explores all the ways we can be different—race, gender, sexuality—and all the ways we share the same hopes and dreams.

6. Let’s Stop at the Market

by Matt de la Peña and Christian Robinson

Why don’t we own a car? Why do we get off the bus in the not-so-nice part of town? CJ asks his grandma these and other questions as they travel to and from church. This books explores the beautiful bond between CJ and his grandmother, the ways in which we are different, and the beauty we can find anywhere.

7. Marisol McDonald Doesn’t Match/Marisol McDonald No Combina

by Monica Brown and Sara Palacios

This charming bilingual book explores the funny ways our cultures intersect under our skins. Marisol loves peanut butter burritos and has nut-brown skin and red hair. To her, these are totally natural combinations.

8. Full, Full, Full of Love

by Trish Cooke and Paul Howard

Focused on the sweet relationship between Jay Jay and his Grannie, this book welcomes the reader into a boisterous Sunday night dinner and the love among family.

9. We Shall Overcome: The Story of a Song

by Debbie Levy and Vanessa Brantley Newton

How much power does one song hold? A lot! This book traces the history of the iconic song that became the anthem of the Civil Rights Movement and pays tribute to the music that helped change the course of American life.
Looking for more? Check out We Need Diverse Books, which is working to transform the publishing industry in hopes of promoting literature that reflects and honors the lives of all kids.

Categories
Gym x Studio Sweat

Asked And Answered: 10 Common Questions From Yoga Beginners

In my four years as a New York City yoga teacher, I encountered one thing over and over again: All new yoga students walk in with similar concerns. They’re scared they aren’t flexible enough, scared they’ll make a fool of themselves, scared they won’t be able to follow along, and scared they can’t balance, stand on their heads, or relax. These are totally natural feelings! And you should never let them deter you from showing up for class.
The most important thing to remember about yoga is that it’s unlike working out, and it’s also unlike a sport. There is no competition, no goals, no need to “accomplish” anything. Now, that’s not to say you won’t be improving and working toward something—a headstand, balancing on your arms, standing on one leg, etc.—but it’s all seen through the lens of the practice, something you will return to again and again. Yoga is essentially about becoming friends with your body—being attentive to how it feels each day. Showing up is 90 percent of the battle.
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Below are answers to 10 commonly asked questions, but this is the one thing I can’t emphasize enough: Tell your teacher if you have an injury or are dealing with an illness. She will often have a lot of students in the room, so if you have any special needs, tell her—preferably before class. The teacher will often stick around after class, too, so you can always find a moment to share your questions and concerns then if you need to.

1. What type of class should I start with? Level 1? What’s the difference?

Yes. Always start with the most basic class. Always. (Unless you’re a professional dancer.) Being in shape is great, but it might not help you much when you’re trying out entirely new poses on your mat. Don’t be cocky and don’t be a hero. The last thing you want is to get injured. Advanced classes assume a certain level of knowledge and move much more quickly.

2. I’m not flexible and I definitely can’t touch my toes. Is yoga right for me? Will I be able to keep up in my first class?

“I’m not flexible” and “I can’t touch my toes” are the most common complaints yoga teachers hear from non-yogis and people attending their first classes. It is totally normal. Please don’t let this deter you. Obviously you’re not going to be able to touch your toes any faster if you don’t go to class! And don’t worry about “keeping up.” If you go to a beginner’s class, you should be able to keep up. And if you can’t, who cares? No one is there to judge you. It only gets easier.

3. What should I wear to class?

Don’t obsess about this, and please don’t go out to buy expensive clothes. Anything loose or stretchy will do—sweatpants, leggings, shorts, a tank top, a T-shirt. You don’t want something that’s too loose as it will hide your body (and the teacher needs to be able to see you!) but your attire doesn’t have to be skin tight, either. Most importantly, you need to be able to move. Those are the only requirements. I’d also recommend a sports bra or something wire free as an underwire might bother you in certain poses.

4. What should I bring to class? What if I don’t own a mat or a yoga towel?

Wear appropriate clothing and bring water. The studio should supply a mat and maybe even a towel free or for a small fee.

5. Is my instructor going to touch or adjust me during class?

Maybe. Maybe not. If you don’t want to be touched, feel free to tell the teacher ahead of time. It really depends on how many students are in the room and how your teacher has been trained. If you have an injury, do tell the teacher ahead of time because she will be much more careful when adjusting you.

6. How much and when should I eat prior to class?

Avoid eating a full meal two hours before and after class. A small snack is fine, but a heavy meal might not feel so great when you’re upside down or twisting!

7. How often should I practice to start seeing results?

Yoga isn’t like training for a marathon with set goals you’re ticking off your list.  It’s a practice, which means your focus should be on being present each time you come to the mat, not on the end product (ie: “getting” a pose). Obviously, if you stick with it, your experience will change—you will become more flexible and stronger, and poses that were once impossible will start to come with ease!

8. How many classes should I aim to attend weekly?

This is entirely up to you, but it’s great to start with one or two and ramp up from there.

9. If I can’t do a certain pose during class, what do I do? Do I stand on my mat or move to the back of the class?

A good teacher will notice that you’re having difficulty and will come over to help. If the class it too crowded (or you have a crappy teacher!), keep trying, or simply rest in child’s pose. There will always be another chance to try (and maybe find a new teacher?).

10. Is it safe to do yoga while I’m on my period?

Of course! And it might feel really good!
In the past, instructors told students not to invert because of something called “retrograde menstruation” (the idea being that inversion causes menstrual blood to flow the wrong way), but the risk posed by inversions isn’t recognized by the medical community. If you don’t want to invert while on your period (a lot of women don’t), there are plenty of modifications you can do instead. The key is, as always, to listen to your body.

Categories
Life x Culture Lifestyle

8 Healthy Living Podcasts We’re Loving In 2018

My name is Abby and I’m a podcast addict.
If I’m not sleeping, working, or with my family—and sometimes, gulp, even when I am—I have a podcast playing in the background. Moving to L.A. and becoming a mother has only intensified the addiction; what else would I do with all those endless hours on the freeway? Or while I hike? Or while I shop for and cook yet another dinner?
My obsession runs the gamut—from listening to the news to literary conversations to good old fashioned advice—but I also love any and all podcasts related to living a healthy life.
Here are a few favorites:

1. Headspace

Not a podcast, but a whole app! Learn to meditate wherever you are, any time of the day or night. Host Andy Puddicombe has the most soothing, reassuring voice, and once you’ve completed the initial 30 days of basic mindfulness meditation, there are dozens of programs to choose from including meditations on self-esteem, productivity, and calming down. Note that you can try Headspace for free, but will have to pay for a monthly or yearly subscription once the trial’s ended.

2. Metta Hour Podcast with Sharon Salzberg

Renowned meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg’s podcast isn’t a how-to. Instead, it is a platform for thoughtful conversations with today’s leading Buddhist and mindfulness meditation practitioners. My favorite episode: this conversation with writer and senior Buddhist teacher Ethan Nichtern.

3. Oprah’s SuperSoul Podcast

Who doesn’t need a little more Oprah in her life? The entire premise of this show is to live a more inspired, connected existence. Although the conversations are rarely about, say, eating more vegetables (although sometimes they are!), they always tackle some aspect of leading a more meaningful, whole, healthy life. Oprah interviews everyone from Buddhist nun Pema Chodron to President Jimmy Carter to Brené Brown.

4. Happier With Gretchen Rubin

Meet the queen of happiness hacks! Gretchen Rubin is obsessed with living a happier, healthier life. Every week she and her sister Elizabeth Craft explore how to do so, making suggestions from fitting in daily exercise to steering clear of the cookie tray at work. You can also crack open Rubin’s latest book, The Four Tendencies, in which she analyzes four different personality types and examines what helps each of us stick to our habits.

5. Yogaland Podcast

Hosted by yoga teacher Andrea Ferreti, each pod features an interview with a different giant from the yoga world and covers many aspects of the practice including poses (of course!), body image, positive thinking, and self-acceptance. Ferreti has a super sweet, relatable persona that makes for easy listening.

6. TEDTalks Health

Who doesn’t love a good TED Talk? This series features all the best talks on health, covering topics including the benefits of sleep, how to cope with depression, the secrets to living a longer life, and even…quinoa.

7. 10% Happier with Dan Harris

Are you a meditation skeptic? So was Dan Harris when he had an anxiety attack on air. This embarrassing moment prompted him to deal with his anxiety through meditation. The journalist interviews a different guest every week, and their interests and backgrounds represent a wide range—from Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche’s worldwide network of meditation centers to Moby’s music and activism. Harris’ smart, no-nonsense style can make even the most cynical person curious about the benefits of sitting down on the cushion.

8. Bite by Mother Jones

Did you read Eating Animals? Or The Omnivore’s Dilemma? If yes, this lovely podcast, hosted by Mother Jones editors and food and farming blogger Tom Philpott and billed as being for people who “think hard about their food,” is for you. During each interview, we learn about a different aspect of food production. Recent episodes have covered raw water, Brussels sprouts, and how you are what you eat. This is a wonderfully entertaining and informative listen.

Categories
Healthy Pregnancy Motherhood

Family Planning: Do You Know What Factors Really Impact Your Chances Of Getting Pregnant?

When my husband and I decided we were ready to try for a baby, I made one discovery: I knew virtually nothing about how to increase my chances of getting pregnant. I mean, I knew how to get pregnant, of course, but that was it. I had some vague inklings about ovulation, but in truth, I had basically no idea that most of the month there was little chance of me getting pregnant. I was 34 years old, and up to that point, all I’d been taught was how not to get pregnant.
Many women are in the same boat—and whether you’re ready to try for a baby or just want to understand your body better, read on!

How do I get pregnant?

We’ve all been taught about the birds and the bees, but that knowledge turns out to be largely insufficient when you’re actually trying to get pregnant. When it comes to making a baby, timing is everything.
Women are born with anywhere between 1 and 2 million eggs (!), but only release 300 to 400 over the course of our lives, typically releasing just one each month starting when we have our first period. This is why it’s absolutely key to time intercourse if you’re trying to get pregnant.
“Eggs only live for 12 to 24 hours,” explains Steven Brenner, MD, a reproductive endocrinologist at Long Island In Vitro Fertilization. He goes on to share that sperm live for two to three days. If you time intercourse correctly, sperm may fertilize an egg on its way to the uterus. If the egg isn’t fertilized within 24 hours, though, it will simply dissolve, which renders your chances of getting pregnant very, very low.
The most important factor if you want to up your odds of conceiving? Getting to know your cycle. The average woman’s cycle is 28 days, but that’s an average. Cycles range from 28 to 32 days, but longer and shorter cycles are possible, too. (Some women go up to 35 or 40 days.) There are four main phases of your cycle:

The Follicular Stage, aka Your Period

This starts with the first day of bleeding. The body releases hormones like follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) that make the eggs in your ovaries mature. Between days two and 14 (on average), those hormones are thickening the inside of your uterus so it can make a cozy home for a fertilized egg. You have little chance of getting pregnant during this time.

Pre-Ovulation

Around day seven, you’ll see some signs that ovulation is on its way as your discharge becomes increasingly white and creamy. Since sperm can stay trapped in fertile vaginal mucus for two to three days (some even say up to five days), fertilization is possible, though not terribly likely. You should have sex now since you might ovulate early. It’s good to cast a wide net if you’re aiming to make a baby.

Ovulation

Sometime between day 11 and day 21—or approximately 14 days after the first day of bleeding—you are ovulating, which means that the egg that’s most ripe is released. For many women, this phase is easy to identify on a purely physiological level—the vaginal mucus becomes thin and stretchy (like egg whites). Some women even experience ovulation pain. The thick mucus helps the sperm make it to (and adhere to) the egg. This is when you should be having sex, at least once every two days for a week.
According to Kelly Smith, licensed acupuncturist, “This is when ovulation predictor kits can be helpful because you can have intercourse until that OPK is positive. …Once it is, you can basically do it once more that very moment and then give up because the ship has sailed.”

Post-Ovulation or Luteal Phase

This is when conception happens—or doesn’t. Your ovaries stop releasing eggs and your cervical mucus dries up. It can take up to six days for fertilized eggs to travel to the uterus. If the embryo implants in the uterus, progesterone levels will stay high and human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) levels will rise. If it doesn’t, the egg disintegrates. If you aren’t pregnant, this phase lasts 14 to 16 days until your period starts up again. There’s little chance of getting pregnant.

How do I keep track of all this?

There are now a wide variety of convenient ways to track your fertility and get to know your ovulation cycle. You can go with a simple chart, websites, or apps. There are many factors to track—temperature, cervical mucus, even your cravings and moods!—but this depends entirely on how far down the rabbit hole you want to go. Brenner believes that if you’re under 30 and having regular periods, there is no need to get an app or an ovulation kit (he doesn’t think store-bought kits are particularly accurate or effective). The most bare bones approach to upping your chances of getting pregnant is to simply follow the schedule stated above and time sex accordingly.
There are additional systems to employ, but none of these are particularly foolproof, and some—like regularly checking your basal body temperature—have been proven largely ineffective. The one advantage to charting your temperature, however, is that it might help you discover that you’re not ovulating.
Smith shares that ovulation predictor kits, on the other hand, are useful only if you keep in mind that they typically tell you when you’ve already ovulated, not when you’re going to ovulate.

How can I increase my chances of getting pregnant?

Know thyself.

“Figure out when ovulation is taking place,” says Brenner. That’s the most important thing. You can have sex all you want, but if you’re not doing it when you’re ovulating, pregnancy is extremely unlikely to occur.
How do you do this? Get to know your cycle. Is it regular? Are the days of bleeding uniform from month to month? Most women know this. (And if you don’t, start tracking it.) If it’s uniform, there’s a good chance you’re ovulating, says Brenner. If it’s inconsistent, you might not be ovulating in each cycle, which is worth discussing with your doctor. Two great resources are Taking Charge of Your Fertility and Cycle Savvy, both by Toni Wechsler, MPH, a women’s health educator and public speaker.
But remember: Just because you don’t have a 28-day cycle doesn’t mean your cycle is inconsistent, it only means that you won’t bleed on the exact same day of every month.
Once you know your cycle, make sure you’re having sex at the right time. This can’t be overstated. Although you will probably ovulate between days 14 and 16, you want to have sex “at least every two days from day 11 and 12 on, for a week, because you might ovulate a little earlier or later,” according to Brenner, and it’s best to cast a wide net.

Be mindful of your weight.

This means in both directions—being either underweight or overweight can diminish your chances of conceiving.

Eat well.

According to a landmark Nurses’ Health Study, diet does contribute to a woman’s chances of getting pregnant. The primary directive is to eat a balanced, healthy, nourishing diet, but a few key takeaways include:

  • Avoiding trans fats and using more unsaturated vegetable oils in your diet
  • Drinking whole milk (skim can actually contribute to infertility!)
  • Taking a multi-vitamin that includes folic acid
  • Eating carbs that are rich in fiber (whole grains, vegetables, fruit, beans)
  • Eating plant proteins (tofu, nuts, beans)

That said: Don’t go crazy. “I treat people who are trying to get pregnant and cut out coffee, alcohol, sugar, and gluten,” Smith says. “But is that stressing you out? If you’re depleting yourself because of this, don’t do it.”

Get enough sleep.

This is vital for all women at any stage of their reproductive journey, but Smith always reminds her acupuncture patients who are trying to conceive how fundamental sleep is to so many basic biological functions. Adults should aim to get seven to nine hours of sleep each night.

Try acupuncture.

“Fertility is really affected by stress, whether you’re having sex or being inseminated,” says Smith. “Acupuncture can lower stress levels, help with general wellness, boost immune function, and regulate cycles.” It can also help mitigate some of the side effects of fertility treatments—migraines, major bloating, irritability.
Although acupuncture might not up your odds of getting pregnant per se—it can’t increase your number of viable eggs, or make you magically fertile at 45—Smith explains that it can “bring blood and chi to the right place—the uterus—and increase endorphin levels for a while.”
In some ways, the most vital role acupuncture can play in a woman’s life is to make her slow down and take care of herself. “When people are trying to get pregnant and they’re also busy, busy, busy, this is just another thing they’ve added to their packed schedule. Simply lying down for an hour forces them to take the time to slow down a bit, which is good for the body.”

How soon should I start trying to conceive after stopping birth control?

There’s no reason to wait. But after you come off any kind of hormonal birth control, it takes two to three months before your periods are regular again, explains Brenner. So the real problem with trying to get pregnant right after calling it quits with your hormonal birth control is that you won’t have a clear sense of when your period is coming, meaning you can’t calculate when ovulation will occur. This only means that your chances of actually hitting the mark will be a little lower to begin with.
If your periods still aren’t regular after two to three months, there may be a problem. “Sometimes when you’ve been on the pill a long time, it masks a change that’s happened,” Brenner says. “The assumption is that it’s the pill, but it might have happened in conjunction with being on pill and isn’t related.” For example, hormonal birth control can mask the release of too much prolactin, or you could have developed polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) that went undetected while you were taking hormonal birth control.

Speaking of PCOS…

PCOS is a hormonal disorder that affects between 4 and 20 percent of women of reproductive age. It impacts the length and frequency of a woman’s period, her hormone levels, and the ability of her ovaries to release eggs. Although it is only one possible side effect of many, PCOS can (Can! Not will!) lead to infertility.
Although there’s no one test to confirm that a woman has PCOS, a doctor will do a thorough exam and take a comprehensive history—sometimes talking about issues and symptoms that date back to the beginning of puberty.
Basically, PCOS is a problem with the follicles, that is, the egg sac, not the eggs themselves, and the body’s ability to regulate the hormones that enable pregnancy to happen. 
In terms of fertility-forward treatments for PCOS, if your doctor detects a problem, she may prescribe Clomid or Letrozole to boost your follicle-stimulating hormones. In other words: Yes, you can get pregnant with PCOS, it just might take some additional help and time.

How do I know if there’s a problem?

“If you’re at or below 28 to 30 years old, most pregnancies occur within three to four cycles,” explains Brenner. “In a textbook you’ll read that ‘infertility’ is when you’ve been trying for a year with regular periods and there’s still no pregnancy. That doesn’t apply for a younger person because it should have happened before then.”
Someone over the age of 39, however, should not wait a year before seeing a doctor, he advises. If you have regular periods and have been trying to conceive for six months, it’s time for an evaluation. This doesn’t mean something is necessarily wrong, but time is not on your side and it’s best not to wait.
When a patient comes in for an evaluation, Brenner begins with non-invasive testing: He draws blood, performs a sonogram, and does a semen analysis if a male partner is part of the equation. If all of that looks normal, he makes sure a woman’s fallopian tubes are open.
Brenner also checks the quality of male partners’ sperm—is it absent or are there only a few sperm? If no sperm are coming out, are any being produced? (Sometimes sperm sits in the testes, not coming out in the ejaculate.) Smith concurs with Brenner when it comes to the importance of male testing—often all the stress and blame that piles up when a couple isn’t conceiving is put on the woman when it turns out to be a problem with their male partner’s reproductive health.

Is my age really an issue when it comes to my odds of conceiving?

Yes, yes, yes.
“Many women are not aware of the influence of age on fertility,” says Brenner. “It’s surprising how often I see somebody whose OB has said that if you’re having regular periods, everything is fine, but in fact things can change even if you’re having regular periods.” In other words, it’s impossible to circumnavigate biology and genetics.
Women are most fertile before age 25, but stay pretty fertile up to age 34 according to a Parents article featuring contributions from Alan Copperman, MD, the director of Reproductive Medicine Associates of New York. If you conceive after that, you’re considered to have what the medical community refers to a geriatric pregnancy. After 35, female fertility declines, with your chances of conceiving decreasing significantly every year and dwindling in your forties. The reason for this is that egg quantity and quality goes down as women age—so while someone might still have a lot of eggs, up to 90 percent of them are chromosomally abnormal in their forties according to Copperman.
“As an acupuncturist, the lion’s share of my patients were women who’d never had children and were in their forties and wanted to conceive,” Smith explains. “They’d been chasing their careers, and were now literally putting all their eggs in one basket and trying everything at the same time. That’s super stressful.”
Smith saw much of her job as educational. “I used to call it sex camp,” she jokes. She’d hand out charts and explain about timing intercourse, which alarmingly few women she worked with knew how to do.
And as for a second pregnancy in your forties? “Somebody who has had no problem getting pregnant in the past has a better chance of having no problem in future,” says Brenner, “but that’s all, of course, related to age.”
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