Categories
Fitness Advice x Motivation Sweat

5 Dazzling Health Benefits Of Dance That Will Motivate You To Move

When I worked as a professional modern dancer, I went to dance class every morning. I sweated through combinations that worked my brain—it wasn’t easy remembering all those steps! I strengthened and stretched my body. I left energized.
But there was more to it than that: I was having a blast. I was feeling pure joy—my serotonin levels skyrocketed each time I danced. I was also making friends and working collectively with a group to learn steps and perform them to the best of our abilities. We were forming a community, which greatly improved my quality of life. Dance class was about so much more than “working out.”
Dancers do this for a living, but you don’t need to be a professional dancer to experience those benefits. Even a beginner’s class will tap into all the health juju a seasoned pro gets to feel. Here are a few of the benefits of dance you can make the most of:
[sol title=”It’s a whole body affair.” subheader=”Get ready stretch, strain, sweat, and breathe.”]
No matter what form of dance you gravitate toward—modern, ballet, hip hop, salsa, Zumba, or any combo thereof—it will work your entire body. Unlike running or hitting the StairMaster, you will engage every muscle—and in unpredictable, dynamic ways.
[sol title=”Coordination, Coordination, Coordination” subheader=”Build the brain–body bond.”]
Have you ever tried to follow a dance routine? It ain’t easy. There are many, many steps and they move you all over the dance floor, sometimes at warp speed (or extremely slowly, which can be even harder!). This not only works your muscles, but your attention span, your brain, and your physical coordination.
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Some forms of dance are, of course, more social than others. Salsa, merengue, and ballroom, for example, require a partner. But even just taking a modern or jazz class will involve being in a room with other people, working collectively on a combination.
This has a different energy than simply running on a treadmill plugged into your headphones. There is something unique about forming a community around a shared physical experience that will motivate you to come back for more.
[sol title=”Build strength, flexibility, and grace.” subheader=”Own the tights and leotard.”]
Want a beautiful, sleek body? Dancing is the best—and most joyful—way to get there.
[sol title=”It’s so much fun you’ll forget you’re working out.” subheader=”Forget the grind and let the music move you.”]
This is nothing like dragging yourself to the gym at 6 a.m. to complete your boring workout. Dance classes can be so much fun that you’ll forget you’re there for exercise. Is there any better way to work your body than by having fun?

Interested in a certain type of dance, but not sure where to start?

Familiarize yourself with these accessible resources to discover which dance is for you:

Categories
Mindful Parenting Motherhood

Are You Ready For Baby No. 2?

Ah, the question of Baby No. 2. For some couples, it’s a no-brainer—they know from the get-go that they will have at least two kids. For others, it’s less clear, and often becomes even more difficult after you are faced with the reality of one child.
This is a topic my husband and I have struggled with endlessly, and one that is rarely easy for any couple. The answers often come down to gut feelings and raw desires (as well as the luck of the draw), but there are some important questions that can help you home in on whether you are really ready to expand your family.
Here are four vital questions to ask yourselves:

1. Do you both want another child? Like, really want one?

This may seem incredibly obvious, but married couples often make assumptions about each other that are eventually proven wrong. Before you had your first, you and your spouse might have envisioned a big family, but once you have a child (and all that comes with parenthood!), one of you may no longer want another. This is the biggest question to consider: Are you on the same page?

Tips for Having This Conversation:

This can be a really tough one since emotions run high, but hear each other out. Ask each other about your desires and fears without jumping down each others’ throats. What do you imagine life with one or more kids looking like? What are you afraid or excited about? How do you think it would change things for your current child? What sorts of joys and sadnesses will it bring? Openness here is absolutely essential.

2. Can you afford it?

This is totally unromantic, but is a necessary part of the ongoing conversation. Kids are expensive. Can your budget stretch to accommodate two? How are you handling one financially? Do you feel strapped, or is there enough to go around? Will you be able to afford not just diapers and food, but daycare, preschool, and health insurance? What about vacations and college? Do you have relatives who will be happy to help out, or are you supporting this family completely on your own? How steady are your jobs?

Tips for Having This Conversation:

Be super practical and try to keep this one out of the emotional realm. Sit down with your spreadsheets. What does your monthly budget look like? What are your savings like? Can you easily afford it, or can you cut back on certain indulgences to accommodate another child?

3. What will our life with two look like?

This question is all about your family’s division of labor. The biggest mistake couples often make before having a baby is not being explicit about division of labor. I don’t just mean who will be the primary caretaker and who will be the primary breadwinner. I mean getting down to the nitty gritty: What time will the parent who is out at work get home every night? What will his or her role be upon return? Will they take over for the primary caretaker—doing the bathing and book-reading and bedtime? Or will they need to sit down with a drink, Mad Men style?
What will your weekends look like? Who will cook? Who will clean? Who will get up in the middle of the night for the eighth time, and who will get up (again) at 5 a.m. with the kids? Who will take the kids to daycare and school? Who will stay home when they’re sick? Etc., etc., etc.
The logistics are endless. Obviously not every question can be answered, but it’s very important that both your assumptions be brought to light. If, for instance, you are the primary caretaker and it’s clear to you that what you’ve been able to handle largely on your own with one will be impossible with two, how do you expect your partner to participate?

Tips for Having This Conversation:

It’s best to have this conversation with your defenses down. Every member of a family contributes and it’s important that those roles be respected. So rather than saying, “I do everything now but that will be impossible with two, so you’d better buck up!” or “I make all the money and it’s too much pressure on me!” try discussing where there is room for some flexibility. What might need to change? Is that change possible?

4. Is one enough?

After all these discussions, you may decide that one is, in fact, miraculous enough, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. A family of two (one parent, one kid) or three is beautiful—intimate, focused. Your kid gets a lot of your attention. You have more time for other things. It’s easier to fall into a predictable rhythm.
The problem often comes in engaging with other people—the grandmothers who are begging for more.

Tips for Having a Conversation With Your Kid Who Wants a Sibling:

Emphasize what the child has rather than what she doesn’t: more time with Mommy and Daddy, her cousins, her friends, a room to herself, no one poaching her toys. And remember that as much as a child may want a sibling, it is you, not the child, who will be caring for said baby, and you who is the adult. You have to do what’s best for you.

Tips for Having a Conversation with Nosey People who Want You to Have More Kids:

At the end of the day, it’s your family. Your choice. Your life. There is no need to justify your plans to anyone else, as much as people may want you to. So a simple: We are happy as we are should be enough. And if it’s it not? Not your problem.
[related article_ids=1005752]

Categories
Healthy Pregnancy Motherhood

Gestational Diabetes: Important Information Every Mom-To-Be Should Know

Twenty-six weeks into my pregnancy, my OB informed me that I might have gestational diabetes. I was shocked. Other than my age—I was 35—I had zero risk factors. I exercised regularly. In fact, I had once been a dancer and yoga teacher. I was fit and healthy. I figured it was all a big mistake. I’d do the glucose tolerance test and all would be fine.
Sometime between 24 and 28 weeks, most healthcare providers recommend pregnant women be screened for gestational diabetes. The glucose challenge test is relatively painless: You drink a syrupy sweet drink and wait an hour. Your blood and urine levels are tested, and if they fall within a certain range, you’re fine.
If they spike outside that range, however, you go for a follow-up glucose tolerance test. This test, which is slightly more involved, necessitates fasting overnight (no fun). The following morning, having forgone breakfast, I went in to have my blood and urine tested. Then I consumed an even sweeter drink, and my levels were tested every hour for the next three hours—all while I continued to fast. (Bring a good book and a few podcasts. You’ll be starving.)
When the test came back positive for gestational diabetes, I panicked. Was my baby okay? Had I done something wrong? Was it all those croissants I’d eaten in the first trimester? What should I do now?
There was no need to panic. My baby was fine. I was fine. I had a mild case, which meant I didn’t have to take insulin. But even if I had, it’s an entirely manageable and relatively common condition, as anywhere from 2 to 10 percent of pregnant women experience gestational diabetes. The trick is learning to test your blood sugar at regular intervals, sticking to a balanced diet, and prioritizing exercise.
Beyond that, we’ve got all the details you need to know to manage gestational diabetes or put your mind at ease if you think you might be at risk.

What is gestational diabetes?

Gestational diabetes is not the same as type 1 or type 2 diabetes. It is a condition that develops during pregnancy, almost always ends with the birth of the baby, and has nothing to do with whether you have type 1 or type 2. Typically diagnosed between weeks 24 and 28, gestational diabetes causes high blood sugar levels that affect how your cells break down sugar or glucose. If managed well, gestational diabetes isn’t a problem, but it can be dangerous for mother and baby if the condition is not addressed.
Although gestational diabetes has little to do with types 1 or 2, “[Doctors] sometimes diagnose type 2 diabetes or type 1 diabetes during pregnancy that had previously been missed,” according Rebecca Weiss, MD, an endocrinologist at Kaiser Permanente in Woodland Hills, California. “This can be apparent based on a woman’s blood sugar control during pregnancy.”

Am I at risk?

“Gestational diabetes is caused by hormones produced by the placenta that increase insulin resistance in the mother,” explains Weiss. “The main causative hormones are growth hormone, placental lactogen, corticotropin releasing hormone, and progesterone. These hormones increase the body’s insulin resistance, leading to higher sugars, and in some cases, gestational diabetes.” Weiss explains that this is why all women are screened because even thin, healthy, fit women can develop the condition.
No one really knows how what causes gestational diabetes, but there are some risk factors:

  • Age—if you are over 25
  • Overweight or obese pre-pregnancy 
  • Excessive weight gain during pregnancy
  • A history of diabetes in your family
  • Hypertension or preeclampsia in this pregnancy

There is also an increased risk for expecting women in certain ethnic groups, including African American women, Latinas, South and East Asian women, and Native American women.
A woman can lessen her risk of developing gestational diabetes by adopting healthy eating and exercise habits before and during pregnancy, explains Julie Peacock, RDN, a registered dietician nutritionist and integrative whole-health wellness counselor in New York City.
“Before getting pregnant, talk to your doctor to establish if you have any risk factors—family history, overweight, history of polycystic ovarian syndrome, and history of irregular blood sugars.” You can then target your food and exercise plan to specifically watch carbohydrate intake and get the recommended amount of exercise daily.
Peacock emphasizes, however, that this holds true for all women, pregnant or not. “The goal is always to move your body frequently and load up on whole foods while decreasing or eliminating processed foods and foods high in sugar, salt, and [linkbuilder id=”5310″ text=”artificial ingredients”].”
“The saying ‘eating for two’ is not accurate at all,” adds Weiss. “Pregnant women actually only require about 250 extra calories a day during pregnancy. I always recommend to pregnant patients to maintain a healthy diet and to continue to exercise as they did prior to pregnancy.”

How do I know whether I have gestational diabetes?

There are no symptoms of gestational diabetes, so unlike other conditions during pregnancy, it is virtually impossible to tell without a test. After testing, your OB will be the one to deliver the news.

Will gestational diabetes affect my baby?

If your gestational diabetes is well managed, you baby will be totally fine. It’s when gestational diabetes is mismanaged—or not treated at all—that the baby might face one or more of the following risks.

Increased Birth Weight

According to the Mayo Clinic, an excess of glucose in mom’s bloodstream may prompt baby’s pancreas to make too much insulin. This can make the baby grow too big to be birthed vaginally, and will necessitate a C-section.

Pre-Term Birth

If a baby seems to be growing too big, your doctor might induce before the your due date to ensure a safe delivery.

Low Blood Sugar (Hypoglycemia)

Occasionally, babies of moms with gestational diabetes develop low blood sugar shortly after birth because their insulin production is too elevated. In extreme cases, this can cause seizures in the baby, which may necessitate intravenous glucose solution treatment to help the baby’s blood sugar level return to normal.

Type 2 Diabetes

The baby could be at a slightly greater risk of developing diabetes later in life.

Will this affect me after my baby is born?

The short answer is no. The longer answer is that there is a very, very small chance that it could.  “Ninety percent of the time, gestational diabetes goes away after birth,” explains Peacock. “But if a woman had gestational diabetes, she is at a higher risk for developing type 2 diabetes.”
It’s very important to continue eating and exercising healthfully throughout the pregnancy and after delivery. Stick to the same dietary guidelines you followed during pregnancy (eat whole foods and limit processed and refined foods), maintain a healthy weight, and be sure to get at least 30 minutes of exercise daily.

Tips for Managing Gestational Diabetes: You are what you eat.

“What a woman eats is just as important as how much and when she eats,” explains Peacock. “Keeping her blood sugar levels stable is the goal.”

Key Foods to Incorporate Into Your Diet:

  • An abundance of vegetables—leafy greens, cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower
  • Protein-rich foods—hormone-free meats, beans, and legumes (black beans, split peas, lentils, etc.), eggs, and pregnancy-safe fish
  • Fiber-rich complex carbohydrates—oats, quinoa, barley, buckwheat, and brown rice
  • Dairy—milk, cheese, and plain yogurt are good sources of protein and can be a healthy part of any diet

What to Avoid:

  • Soda, juices, and candy
  • Most coffee drinks and purchased smoothies
  • Donuts and baked goods
  • Deep-fried foods
  • Flavored water, milk shakes, certain nut milks

“These foods are high in refined sugar and/or flour,” Peacock explains. “When you order these foods at a restaurant or buy them at the store, they contain more sugar, fat, and sodium than what you would make at home.” That said, this isn’t advice that only goes for diabetics—this is Peacock’s advice for anyone trying to eat in a healthful way.

Two Tips to Keep in Mind:

  1. Protein with each meal can help keep blood sugar levels stable.
  2. When you have a carbohydrate source, make sure it’s a whole food. This will ensure that it’s fiber rich, and therefore healthier. Eat the apple instead of drinking an apple juice.

A Typical Menu

For a lot of women, the most challenging aspect of gestational diabetes is developing different eating habits and sticking to them. If you’re used to inhaling a bowl of sugary cereal before running out the door, you’ll have to make some major amendments to your diet.
Here are some basic guidelines:

  • Someone with diabetes can have two to four carbohydrate servings with each meal and one to two per snack.
  • One serving is equal to one piece of bread, one small apple, half a banana, ¾ cup berries, one cup of milk or yogurt, ⅓ cup beans, or ⅓ to ½ cup rice, pasta, or cooked grain.

Looking for inspiration? Try the following sample menu on for size.

For Breakfast

Prepare and enjoy a small portion of a cooked grain like oats along with an egg or high protein yogurt to help the body absorb the carbohydrates more efficiently. Opt for natural, no-sugar-added peanut or almond butter on whole grain toast.

For Lunch and Dinner

The bulk of these meals should be leafy greens. Add 4 ounces of chicken (or another protein) and 1 cup of a cooked grain, a piece of fruit, or a roasted root vegetable like sweet potatoes, beets, or squash.

Snacks

Enjoy two to four snacks a day, keeping in mind the goal of spacing them out evenly, every two to three hours, to keep your blood sugar levels from spiking or falling. Having a snack before bed also helps keep levels from plummeting overnight. Examples of good snacks include:

  • A hardboiled egg, a few whole grain crackers, and a handful of carrots
  • ¾ cup blueberries and 6 ounces of Greek yogurt
  • One rice cake with ½ avocado, mashed
  • Two slices of cheese, a few crackers, and 1 cup of raw vegetables
  • A pear and a handful of almonds

Move your body.

“Regular exercise helps the body use insulin better and can lower blood sugar,” Peacock explains. She suggests that women get at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise daily. “Think of moderate exercise as the kind that leaves you slightly out of breath, with a faster heart rate, and makes you sweat.”
If you’re unsure about what kind of exercise to pursue, Peacock advises continuing to do what you did before you were pregnant. A few good options include brisk walking, stationary cycling, swimming, and yoga. Consult with your doctor about what forms of exercise are appropriate for you.
Since it does affect blood sugar levels, eating a snack or meal one to two hours before exercise is important. A snack could be half a banana and a scoop of almond butter, or a plain rice cake and spoonful of hummus or smashed avocado.
Remember to always have a form of quickly accessible sugar with you when you exercise, such as glucose tablets or hard candy just in case you experience a blood sugar low.

Don’t give up carbs—really.

Carbohydrates are the sugars, starches, and fibers found in fruits, grains, vegetables, and dairy products. Though trendy diets often treat carbohydrates as something to avoid, Peacock says they are one of the basic food groups and are important to a healthy life. Carbohydrates are macronutrients, meaning they are one of the three main sources of energy for the body. In fact, they are the body’s main source of energy and provide imperative fuel for the central nervous system and energy for working muscles.
When thinking about carbs, remember that they’re classified as either simple or complex. The difference between the two types is their chemical structure and how quickly the sugar they break down into is absorbed and digested. “Generally speaking, simple carbs are digested and absorbed more quickly and easily than complex carbs,” Peacock explains. “Simple carbs are found in candy, soda, and syrups. These foods are made with processed and refined sugars and do not have vitamins, minerals, or fiber. They are considered ‘empty calories’ and can lead to weight gain and uncontrolled blood sugars. Complex carbohydrates include beans, peas, lentils, nuts, potatoes, root vegetables, corn, whole-grain breads, grains, and cereals.”
Carbs affect blood sugar levels, and when blood sugar levels are too high, they’re harmful to both the woman and the growing fetus. To help manage blood sugar levels, it is important to monitor carbohydrates in terms of how many, what type, and how often you’re consuming them.
When too many carbs are eaten at once, the blood sugar levels in a woman with gestational diabetes will get too high. To keep blood sugar levels in check:

  • Avoid eating too many carbohydrates at one time.
  • Choose complex carbohydrates that are high in fiber and low on the glycemic index .
  • Avoid skipping meals.
  • Combine carbohydrates with protein or healthy fats to help slow down digestion.
  • Eat a protein-rich breakfast that includes fibrous carbohydrates.

“Although it’s easy to look at carbs as the villain here,” Peacock says, “they’re important for energy and foods with carbs have nutrients that are necessary for a healthy pregnancy, so it’s important to learn how to incorporate them smartly as opposed to avoiding them altogether.”

Categories
Healthy Pregnancy Motherhood

Am I Pregnant? 8 Early Symptoms That Could Indicate That You’re Expecting

The earliest weeks of pregnancy can be a tremendously exciting—and confusing—time. Your body is undergoing an enormous number of changes at a rapid clip. You probably don’t feel like yourself. You are nervous about the viability of the pregnancy and overcome with exhaustion. And chances are you’re trying to keep the whole thing a secret!
First, the basics. Pregnancy is divided into three trimesters. The first ranges from week 1 through week 13. The second trimester reaches through week 27, and the third goes through week 40. So really, pregnancy lasts 10 months, not nine, as most of us have been taught.
pregnant picture
If you take a pregnancy test a week after missing a period and the results are positive, you are already considered around 4 to 5 weeks pregnant. This is because pregnancy is calculated from the date of your last menstrual period, not from the date of conception, which occurs two weeks later. (A pregnant woman will be asked over and over again in doctors’ appointments when the date of her last period was, so it’s vital to keep track, especially as cycles vary.)
The first trimester is often filled with the most anxiety, because up to 20 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage. A miscarriage is a pregnancy loss that occurs before week 20; anything after that is a stillbirth. The most important thing to know, however, is that there is nothing you can do to make a pregnancy viable—and little you can do to lose a pregnancy that is viable, explains Kerry Price, an OB-GYN in Laguna Hills, California. “Whatever is going to happen first trimester-wise has nothing to do with what you’re doing.”

HealthyWay

8 Earliest Signs of Pregnancy

Pregnancy symptoms are wildly variant from one woman to another. Even the same mother-to-be can experience two or three pregnancies completely differently—one leaving her incapacitated with nausea and another with just the slightest bit of fatigue. So don’t panic: Just because your best friend threw up every day of her first trimester doesn’t mean you will.
That said, there are some common early signs:

1. Fatigue

Growing a baby is physically akin to climbing Mount Everest. Your body is working extraordinarily hard and there are very high levels of hormones coursing through the body—specifically progesterone, which tends to make you very sleepy and nauseated.
Don’t be surprised if you find yourself falling asleep at 8 p.m. on the couch, dropping into a deep slumber for 12 full hours, and waking up feeling exhausted. Many women start experiencing the extreme fatigue really early—around 6 weeks, says Jocelyn Brown, a licensed midwife at GraceFull Birthing in Los Angeles.
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If You’re Experiencing This Symptom

“If you can completely surrender to the exhaustion, build your work schedule around it,” says Brown. “If you have the luxury to take a nap, take a nap. Many women in my practice say, ‘But I have all these things to do!’ You have the rest of your life to do them. Just go to bed—you’re building a skeleton right now!”

2. Nausea

Although this is frequently referred to as “morning sickness,” many women experience it all day every day for weeks (or months) on end. This can begin as early as week 2 and last all through the pregnancy, although it begins for most women in the 4 to 6 week range and abates at the end of the first trimester. Many women feel it most acutely between weeks 9 and 11, when hormones are peaking.
The reasons for nausea are multifactorial, explains Price: Rising levels of a hormone called human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) and progesterone (women who are on progesterone often feel even more nauseated). Progesterone slows the bowel, which can cause constipation; it also slows the esophageal sphincter, which causes acid reflux.
HealthyWay

If You’re Experiencing This Symptom

If your nausea is run-of-the-mill morning sickness (you’re not utterly incapacitated, you can keep food down, etc.)…
Do not let yourself get too hungry. Eat small, frequent meals, and keep them bland. Think crackers, bananas, and popcorn. Keep saltines (or any snack you can stomach) with you at all times—especially by the bed. Eat a few when you get up in the morning or in the middle of the night to pee.
Brown suggests setting an alarm for every hour or two and eating even if you’re not terribly hungry. An empty stomach should be avoided at all costs, and steer clear of spicy foods. Try adding 25 mg of ginger four times a day (or ginger candy or lozenges) to your diet and taking a vitamin B6 complex. Some women find that wearing pressure bands around their wrists (airplane-style) helps. Make sure to stay hydrated.
If your nausea is incapacitating and you can’t keep anything down…
Consult your doctor or midwife right away. In the age of Kate Middleton’s well-documented hyperemesis gravidarum—a condition in which a pregnant woman is debilitated by nausea and vomiting—it is vital to seek out treatment if you cannot function.
Brown asks her patients: How much is this disrupting your life? Do you need medication or to go on disability? Do you need to be hospitalized?
Fortunately, this condition only affects 0.5 to 2 percent of pregnant women. Unfortunately, if you have it for one pregnancy, you are likely to have it for another. “We encourage people to try to go medication free,” Price says, but adds that if a woman really cannot function normally in her day-to-day life, she will prescribe it.
HealthyWay

3. Implantation Cramping and/or Bleeding

Implantation bleeding usually occurs a few days—or up to two weeks—after implantation. In other words, before you actually know you’re pregnant.

If You’re Experiencing This Symptom

There are a ton of pregnancies that have early trimester bleeding and turn out to be fine,” explains Price. This has to do with changes in the level of progesterone in the body, or it can be related to the cervix. If the blood is brown and painless, assume all is fine and wear a liner.

4. Heavier Bleeding and/or Cramping

This could (or could not) be a sign of something more serious, like a miscarriage.

If You’re Experiencing This Symptom

There are 99 reasons why someone would be bleeding in early pregnancy,” Brown explains, “and only one is miscarriage.” If the blood is dark brown or pink, Brown says she doesn’t usually worry. “Bright red gets my attention.” If a woman is having cramping but no bleeding, it’s not usually a problem; and bleeding but no cramping may not be cause for alarm either. “It’s when a woman is cramping and bleeding that I worry.” If you are experiencing those symptoms, call your doctor or midwife immediately.
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5. Frequent Urination

Have to pee all the time? This is because the rise in hormonal levels brings more blood to your kidneys, which fills your bladder up more quickly. It is also caused by an increase in blood flow (50 percent more!), which means that way more fluid is being circulated through your kidneys.

If You’re Experiencing This Symptom

Stay hydrated with water, but avoid diuretics such as coffee, tea, and other caffeinated drinks. You also want to make sure to empty your bladder completely each time you pee; you can help this along by bending forward slightly when you’re on the toilet.

6. Mood Swings

Wanting to cry for absolutely no reason? Or feeling totally blissed out? Suddenly wracked with anxiety? It may be the hormones.

If You’re Experiencing This Symptom

Mild mood swings are totally normal, but if you suddenly feel markedly different from how you usually do—or if you’re feeling anxious and/or suicidal—consult your doctor or midwife immediately. They will probably refer you to a psychiatrist who specializes in pre- and postpartum depression and anxiety.
HealthyWay

7. Breast Tenderness

This tenderness can resemble a sign of PMS, but it’s generally more acute and unrelenting. (In fact, it’s not unlike the feeling of first growing breasts.) This often begins in the 4 to 6 week range (so just when you’re taking a test) and abates at the end of the first trimester as your hormones level out.

If You’re Experiencing This Symptom

Avoid underwire bras when possible, and wear a sports bra to bed.

8. Heart Palpitations

When you’re growing a baby, your heart has to work considerably harder, and blood supply is increased, which can cause the heart rate to increase by 10 to 20 beats a minute. In some cases, this can result in heart palpitations or abnormalities.

If You’re Experiencing This Symptom

Most heart palpitations are benign, but it is wise to ask your doctor about them.

And Three More Early Pregnancy Symptoms

  • Breast Changes: The areola often darkens considerably and can grow larger.
  • Increase in Body Temperature: This is something that you may only notice if you’ve been charting your basal body temperature while trying to conceive. If the basal body temperature stays high, it can indicate that you are pregnant.
  • Smell Sensitivity and Food Aversions: Some women report being able to smell scents from many rooms away and not being able to stand the look or smell of certain foods.

How early can I know for sure?

HealthyWay
For most women, the earliest sign of pregnancy is a missed period, but some women can sense it even earlier. She may have incredibly tender breasts (much more so than with PMS), a little cramping, or feel uncharacteristically emotional, nauseated, or exhausted. She may already have sudden aversion to, say, coffee, which she has always loved. But the best way to know is to take a test.
An at-home pregnancy test will measure the level of hCG in your urine; this hormone is only present if you’re pregnant. According to the Mayo Clinic, the best time to take a test is one week after your missed period.
If you take it before then, the pregnancy may not be detectable, because it takes seven to 10 days for hCG to be present in the urine after successful implantation of the egg. In fact, the hCG concentration doubles every two to three days during early pregnancy, so even taking it a day after a missed period can result in a false negative.
That said, if you take it too early, you could also get a false positive. A chemical pregnancy is when you have a fertilized egg that doesn’t implant. Pregnancy tests are so sensitive these days, however, that you are given a positive result before the egg implants. A week later, your period comes, which indicates that you are not pregnant.
Although tests vary by sensitivity, if you wait a week, chances are the pregnancy results are accurate. There’s a catch, though: Positive results are almost always accurate. But you can get a false negative if you take the test too early or don’t follow the instructions on the box properly. If you get a negative result and your period still doesn’t come for a few days, take the test again.

I’m pregnant! What do I do now?

So you saw the double line or the “pregnant” sign on the test. Now what? It’s time to find yourself an obstetrician or a midwife, who will perform a blood test to confirm the pregnancy.

Self-Care During First Trimester

HealthyWay

Eat well.

If you are feeling very sick, this can be tough. Look for protein-rich foods and eat whichever of those you can stomach. Brown suggests peanut or almond butter, salted nuts (the salt will bring up your electrolytes), hard-boiled eggs, protein smoothies (don’t worry if you can only get half of it down), or a piece of jerky.
“Pregnant women tend to go for the carbs, but this is putting the wrong kind of bacteria in your gut,” Brown explains. “Bad morning sickness can be exacerbated by poor balances of flora—a gut bacteria that’s not helping you.” She advises reducing carbs if possible because that will also decrease your sugar intake, which is good. If this doesn’t seem possible, take a probiotic; this can reduce nausea in the long run.
HealthyWay

Continue exercising.

What were you doing before? This is usually a good gauge of what kind of strain you can put your body through while pregnant. If you were a ballet dancer, there’s no reason to stop dancing. But if you were a fan of hot spinning, hot tubs, saunas, or hot yoga, you’ll want to steer clear. If you hadn’t found time to exercise in your pre-pregnancy life, it’s a good time to start.
“I advise 150 minutes of moderate intensity exercise a week,” Brown says, “and start small.” This means 30 minutes, five times a week. It can be anything from going for walk in your neighborhood to taking a prenatal yoga class to swimming.

Take prenatal vitamins.

Folic acid supplements are the most important prenatal vitamin, since they help prevent neural tube defects like spina bifida and cleft lip. The time to take them, however, is in the first 4 to 7 weeks.
“We tell people to start taking them three months before conceiving so you have good levels of folic acid in your body already,” says Price. The usual suggestion is 400 micrograms of folate a day, says Brown. In addition to folic acid, you can also get folate from food, such as dark leafy greens, broccoli, avocado, beans, peas, and lentils. If you can’t stomach those right now, “make the ‘better than’ choice,” advises Brown.
HealthyWay

Manage any chronic health problems, including weight.

A healthy weight can influence pregnancy outcomes, Price explains—everything from risk for C-section to postpartum depression and success with breastfeeding. This does not mean to diet or restrict your intake; it simply means to maintain an active, healthy lifestyle and address any chronic health problems, including your mental health.

Some foods should be avoided.

Many women stick to certain foods during the first trimester, and they are by and large safe.
But some to stay clear of are any raw, undercooked, or unpasteurized fish, meat, or dairy; raw sprouts (especially alfalfa, which can contain Salmonella); and alcohol. Make sure to wash raw vegetables very well and avoid eating fish with high levels of mercury (e.g., tuna, shark, and swordfish). Caffeine should be drunk minimally (no more than one cup of coffee a day).
That said, as with everything pregnancy related, these will vary from culture to culture. Women in Japan eat sushi during pregnancy, but it’s fresh. Some French women drink a minimal amount of wine.
In all things, talk to your doctor and trust your own body.

Categories
More Than Mom Motherhood

I Never Realized How Hard Self-Care Was…Until I Had My Child

My daughter is now 4 years old, but I can still remember one of my favorite mornings from her babyhood. It was Mother’s Day and she was 10 months old. I was home with her full-time then, and all I wanted was the morning to myself.
Her dad took her out for a grand total of three hours. I think they went to the museum, but that wasn’t my concern. My concern—for once!—was me and only me. Once they were out of the apartment, I made myself some pancakes, got back in bed, and watched an entire movie. In silence. Alone. With my pancakes and coffee. It was bliss.
And yet! A small part of me felt guilty. Why? Because I was alone, taking care of myself. I was being wholly unproductive and indulgent and (dare I say?) lazy. There was dirty laundry and tons of dishes in the sink and I needed to shower and shouldn’t I use this time to write? Did I even have a right to do this? And by “this” I mean: nothing.
Yes, yes, yes.
It now pains me to think that I didn’t believe I deserved this tiny quiet moment of respite. After all, before I had kids, most of my weekend mornings looked just like this: Hours in my PJs, watching TV or reading on the couch. It felt indulgent then, too, but I had little guilt about it. I reasoned that I needed a rest from the work week. I deserved it.
Guess what? Moms do too.

Making Time for You

Before I had a child, I was always slightly annoyed by parents who claimed to “never have any time.” Didn’t single, childless people also have busy schedules? Wasn’t I rushing from one thing to the other, too? Didn’t I also have a job?
What I didn’t see, of course, was all the in-between time: the nightly wakeups, the frantic mornings getting everyone out the door, the sick days and doctors appointments, the meetings that go late, the sitter who cancels, the PTA meetings and parent–teacher conferences, the hours spent trying to get the kid in bed. As a childless person, going out for a drink at 7 p.m. felt like an excellent way to unwind and take care of myself. So did sleeping all day on Sunday. With children? Impossible.
I also didn’t see that taking time away for your children—by, say, getting that 7 p.m. cocktail with an old girlfriend—might not be a purely uncomplicated thing.
Now I do.
The most challenging factor in almost any mother’s life is balancing her own needs with those of her children. Just this morning, for instance, I spent way too much time worrying about missing my daughter’s Thanksgiving celebration at school in favor of actually meeting my deadlines. I could have gone, but I would have been filled with resentment for putting her before me again. I had to calculate which event was more important to me and to her, and I reasoned that this was not of great significance to her—or to me.
Obviously I won’t be missing every event at school, but this one seemed less vital in the grand scheme of things. In other situations, I will put her events first over mine. It’s an ongoing balancing act but one that gets easier over time.

Early Days

Even though I wasn’t technically working the first year of my daughter’s life, I took a friend’s advice and hired a babysitter for a few meager hours a week. I started with four hours, and when I began working part-time again midway through the year, I upped the sitter’s hours.
At first, those hours might have seemed indulgent, but they hands down helped me keep my sanity and enjoy the rest of the time I spent mothering. I used them to swim, to sit in a cafe and write for a few hours (remembering the Me before Child!), or go to a Pilates class to work on getting my body back after a C-section.
The beauty of it was that it was money well spent: When I came back, I felt invigorated and ready to care for her again. I also felt more like myself—energized, capable of complete thoughts, adult.
But that break didn’t work so well if I felt guilty about it. In fact, the first time I left my daughter with a sitter, I sobbed hysterically to my mother on the phone because I felt so bad “abandoning her” (my words) in a stranger’s care. My daughter was 3 months old and already my back hurt so much I could barely lift her. I was going to an appointment with an osteopath down the street—so that I could lift her again.
Over time, however, I learned that those hours away from her weren’t just good for me. They were good for her. That sitter stayed with us for three years and became a part of our family, offering my daughter love and support and joy that I couldn’t have given her. I was giving her a chance to form another deep bond, to learn that Mama wasn’t the only adult around to care for her. And I was teaching myself that I actually still mattered.

How do I take time for me? Some tips:

  • If you are a stay-at-home mom, or even a freelancer who works part-time, hire a sitter for a few hours a week. The dividends will come back in spades.
  • If you are working full-time, it is still imperative to schedule time for yourself. Choose one thing you can’t live without and put it on the calendar. Do you need to run? Meditate? Hang out with girlfriends once a week? Journal? Practice yoga? Make it happen regardless of what else is going on. This time will feed you in ways that will make you a better mother.
  • Schedule in some “Should-less” time once a month. I heard this in an interview with Ellen Burstyn on Death, Sex & Money and I thought it was the greatest thing ever. It’s time where you don’t need to do anything. It may be a whole day (heaven!) or 10 minutes at the end of the night. You deserve time to just do whatever.
  • Unless you are a single mother, remember that you have a co-parent—someone else around to take on some of the responsibility. Your partner (or your community) can take over for you for a few hours so you get the time you need to stay sane.
  • Happy Mom, Happy Family: Hard as it is to believe (and I am so guilty of this!), making a martyr of yourself won’t actually make anyone happier. It’s okay for your kids to see that you have a life outside of them—in fact, it’s vital! It allows them to open up to the rest of the world, to rely on other adults, and to be strong, independent beings.
Categories
In Season Lifestyle

How To Maintain Your Peace Of Mind While Traveling For The Holidays

The Christmas our daughter was barely 5 months old, my husband and I boarded a plane with her from Austria, where we were living, to Southern California—a behemoth of a trip, more than 30 hours door to door. (This doesn’t include the nine-hour time difference.)
Our families were dying to meet the baby, and we figured: She’s small! It’ll be easy! And it’s so lovely in Orange County! Goodbye, dreary Viennese winter.
The minute we got to the airport and saw the lines stretched out to eternity, I broke down sobbing. I was out of my mind with sleep deprivation, and breastfeeding was still touch and go. How on earth would we survive? Had I brought enough formula, changes of clothes, burp cloths, diapers? Had I forgotten Sophie the Giraffe? (Had I even packed my own passport?) I literally turned to my husband and said, “Forget it.”
We went anyway: flew 11 hours to Chicago (the baby slept for an hour and didn’t even fit in the bassinet), endured a four-hour delay at O’Hare due to a storm, and got zero assistance from airline workers, who lectured us on why travelers with kids didn’t get to pre-board (“Studies show that the plane doesn’t fill up any quicker.”)
By the time I got to change my daughter’s diaper—many arguments and terminals later—she had soaked through all her clothes into the Ergo carrier. The image of her pinned to my husband’s chest in the Ergo, wild-eyed with exhaustion while we waited on a delayed flight, will haunt me forever.
By the time we got to SoCal, I was a wreck, as was our daughter, who did nothing but scream from 1 to 4 a.m. We never made that trip again.

Holidays really are the worst time to travel.

According to AAA, Thanksgiving travel in 2017 was the busiest it has been in more than 12 years, with 51 million people on the roads, train, and in the air—an uptick of over 1 million people from last year.
Holiday travel is notoriously awful for everyone, but it creates a particular kind of hell for parents and pregnant women. Gone are the days of settling in with a tiny bottle of wine, People magazine, and a Julia Roberts movie.
For pregnant women, there is often the issue of intense morning sickness, the constant need to pee, uncomfortable seats, awful smells, and strangers reaching for your bump. And for parents? Between air and car sickness, sufficient changes of clothing, enough activities to keep kids occupied, foiled naps, ear popping, kids who won’t sit still or stop whining or wailing, time changes, and unpredictable schedules, it is a recipe for disaster.
So what can you do to keep your cool?

Plan, Plan, Plan: The Basics

Choose your travel time wisely.

Pick a travel time that will be least disruptive to the kids’ schedules. If you’re flying, try not to take off around, say, dinnertime, or in the middle of the toddler’s nap. If it’s a long-haul flight and you think your kid might sleep, choose an overnight and prep them in advance: “Tonight you get to sleep on an airplane!”
If not, make sure they’re well rested before you get on the plane. (So leaving on a 6 a.m. flight that requires you be at the airport at 4:30 a.m.? Not a great plan.) If you’re driving, consider leaving right before a nap, or if it’s a long drive, putting the kids in PJs and taking off right before bedtime.

Choose the right seats.

If your kid is just starting to walk, get an aisle seat. There’s nothing more annoying to a person trying to watch a movie than being asked to get up 107 times so a toddler can wander up and down the aisles. If your child is older, the window seat is great for cloud-watching and pinning stickers to the window. Just make sure they use the bathroom before you board.

Buy travel insurance.

There’s what seems like a 50 percent chance one of your kids will get sick before you leave. It might feel like a waste of money if you don’t use travel insurance, but when two kids are throwing up the night before you take off, you’ll be thrilled that you aren’t losing thousands of hard-earned bucks only to stay home and empty out a bucket.

Strategize about the stroller.

The Mountain Buggy Nano stroller and the YOYA stroller count as carry-on luggage. They fold up so small they can be stored above your seat, so no waiting for everyone to deplane to get your stroller back! It is especially useful if you’re traveling alone with a kid or two and need to know you’ll have access to it at all times.

Get the kid on board.

Fill your child in on the travel plan ahead of time, and keep repeating the information until they really seem to get it. This is a way to get them psyched for the trip—“I’m going to go on a long airplane ride to see cousin Susie!”—and also to make sure they’re not alarmed by any of the steps you’ll take along the way.

How and What to Pack

I spoke with Kitt Fife and Joni Weiss of Practically Perfect. These two—who have six kids between them, as well as a thriving organizing and lifestyle company based in Los Angeles—are experts at getting from A to B with a big brood and everyone’s sanity (mostly) intact.

Practical Stuff:

  • Pack all activities in a backpack for your child. If they are old enough, they should be the one to carry it.
  • Bring an empty water bottle for each kid to fill up after you get through security. For car travel, give each kid a full water bottle before you leave. It’s best if they have straw tops to avoid spills.
  • Do not forget the chargers. It’s awesome that you remembered the phones, iPads, computers, and Kindles. But did you pack the chargers, too?

Necessities:

  • Medication. Doesn’t your kid always spike a fever when you’re halfway to Grandma and Grandpa’s? Make sure you have enough Tylenol on hand. If you’re worried about TSA requirements, buy chewables. Also bring enough Kleenex.
  • Extra clothing. For the kids and for you (yes, you: You do not want to smell like puke for hours on end). If you have a toddler or baby, bring at least two changes per kid. If you’re going on an overnight flight, pack pajamas, too. Once the kid starts to look tired, get them changed and create a more sleep-inducing environment with a favorite luvie, a book, a bottle or breast, and, if possible, dim the lights or bring a sleep mask.
  • Snacks. Plan for a combo of healthy snacks (sliced apples, nuts, dried fruit, fruit pouches) and snacks that will excite the kids because they rarely get them. A few great sweet treats for kids are chocolate peanut gems or mini chocolate chips.
  • Trash bags and Ziplocs. Ziplocs are the best for vomit (seal in the smell!) If someone’s clothes are soiled due to a spill on a flight, a trash bag or Ziploc can also come in handy.  
  • Wipes. Enough said.
  • Hand sanitizer. You can go DIY, buy natural, or grab the Purell.
  • Toilet seat covers. BYO. These are great for toddlers who want to touch the seat.
  • If you’re pregnant: Compression socks.
  • If you’re nursing: Bring swaddle blankets. These can be used to cover dirty surfaces, shield the baby from light to help them sleep, cover your breast, or for warmth.

Fun:

  • Mad Libs are super entertaining for older kids.
  • Water Wow is wonderful for younger kids (the best for mess-free art on-the-go).
  • Action Plates are self-contained and super entertaining.
  • Pack a notebook for each child and markers in a pencil case. Fife has these for her kids and breaks them out only on trips.
  • For road trips, Weiss’ kids are obsessed with the license plate game. Good, old-fashioned fun. A “letter hunt” (or number hunt) is a great idea for kids who are too young to read the names of the states. A clipboard/notebook for recording comes in handy here.
  • Bingo sets for the car!

Keeping Calm

Move, move, move.

When our family went on road trips back in the ’80s, I always bolted out of the car at rest stops and cartwheeled across the lawn. I didn’t do this for any logical reason, I just knew I needed to move. Adults need this, too! When you’ve spent hours in a car, it is absolutely vital to move your body at every opportunity.
If you have kids, you can make a game of it—race them around the rest area, see how many jumping jacks you can all do. Get your heart rate going a bit. Even if you’re in a rush to get somewhere, frequent stops can help make the whole trip much more pleasant.
On a flight this is obviously a little more challenging, but you can walk quickly to your gate (f your kids are old enough or take them in strollers) and you can walk around the gate area, do jumping jacks, or be that person doing a handstand next to the baggage claim!
Looking for ways to move on the plane? Walking up and down the aisle with a squealing toddler might be enough, but you can also do in-flight yoga—poses that can easily be done in your seat. Take standing breaks in the rear of the plane, and make sure you’re drinking enough water.

Dealing With Anxiety

Oh, the anxiety of travel. Sometimes all goes smoothly, sometimes it doesn’t. But according to LA-based clinical psychologist Vanessa Katz, PsyD, there are a few things you can do to set yourself up for the sanest possible trip.

  • Give yourself enough time to pack. This might seem obvious, but it is never wise to start your packing at 11:00 the night before you leave only to realize most of your underwear is dirty and you can’t find any sunhats.
  • Make lists. You can even divide things into different categories: carry-on, suitcase, kids’ bags.
  • Read up on your destination. “Find things other travelers have said about a place,” Katz says. “This helps reassure you that others have been okay.”
  • Think about what’s really making you anxious—and share it with someone. Your partner, your mother, your therapist. Talking it out almost always helps relieve the anxiety.
  • Know that you will be coming home. Vacations are finite. Try to enjoy your few days or weeks away, knowing it’ll all be over soon.  

Extra Time With Family

If your flight home is delayed because of weather, make sure you have enough stuff to keep the kids occupied. Chances are they will have a lot of new Christmas gifts to dig into, but this might be a time to indulge them a bit by allowing them to watch their favorite shows or taking them to a movie. If the weather is okay where you are—and you can’t stand one more day with your extended family—use it as an excuse to see some sights nearby, even if it’s just the local mall! Scope the options out ahead of time.
Holiday travel can be stressful, but remember that even if everything goes wrong, there is almost always something wonderful to be found in the adventure—or at least a good story to tell!

Categories
In the Kitchen Nosh

A Toast To Toasts: 8 Toasts That Go Beyond Avocado And Sea Salt

The beauty of toast is that it is uncomplicated, fast, and endlessly adaptable. Only have eggs and fresh tomatoes on hand? Scramble those babies up with some milk, add a drizzle of olive oil and a dash of salt and pepper, and there’s your lunch. Tada!
If you’re looking to up your toast game, there are a few basic principles that you will want to adhere to:
First, you need good bread. It doesn’t matter how adventurous you get with the toppings, if you’re making this on heavily processed, pre-sliced white bread, it’ll never taste good or fill you up (also it’s realllllly unhealthy). So go for the high-quality stuff—thick, dense, chunky bread with seeds or nuts and packed with whole grains.
Then you need some spreadables: avocado, hummus, or goat cheese, if you’re going savory; nut butters (almond, macadamia, cashew), honey, or jam if you’re going sweet. Keep some fun garnishes on hand: dill, fresh basil or mint, sunflower seeds, feta, chopped almonds, coconut flakes, blueberries…
A little dusting of spice can go a long way, so don’t be afraid to reach for the cinnamon, cayenne, cumin, or sesame seeds. It’s a pretty low-risk proposition, so experiment away!

If You’ve Got a Sweet Tooth…

1. Blueberries on Toast? Hell yeah.

A perfect combo of sweet and savory, this one starts with a light layer of ricotta cheese. Then add blueberries, a little drizzle of honey, hazelnuts or almonds, and a dash of cinnamon, which is very high in antioxidants and anti-inflammatory properties.
Bonus: You can also add a few sprigs of mint or thyme for a fresh pop of flavor.

2. Tahini & Honey: A Perfect Pairing of Sweet and Savory

This is a tried-and-true breakfast in Israel. Add a dash of cinnamon and a pinch of salt. (Be sure to stir the tahini before spreading, since it tends to separate in the jar.)
Bonus: Tahini is packed with protein, so it’s a great breakfast or pre- or post-workout snack.

3. Elvis’ favorite: A Twist on an Old Classic

Access your inner kindergartener, but ditch the Jif in favor of organic almond butter, macadamia butter, or cashew butter—these are higher in protein than peanut butter. (Even better if you can grind it at your local co-op.) Slice the bananas very thin so you don’t overdo it on the sugar content.
This is an ideal post-workout snack or on-the-go breakfast. Feeling adventurous? Add bacon. The combo of sweet and salty makes for a perfectly indulgent Sunday brunch.

4. La Parisienne: Breakfast the French Way

Is there anything better than excellent bread (think a sliced baguette), high-quality butter, and homemade jam? No. Pair it with a café crême and pretend you’re waking up in France.

If You’re More of a Savory Gal…

5. Go German: Lunch for Breakfast

A typical German breakfast involves several kinds of good bread and rolls and assorted toppings—almost always eaten open faced. Start with a thin layer of mustard and try a slice or two of high-quality deli meat (turkey or chicken), a slice of cheese (Brie, Emmenthal, or goat), and top it with tomato or cucumber.
You can also slice a hard-boiled egg and add it to the mix. Sounds like a perfect lunch, nein?

6. Cream Cheese, Lox, and Dill: Brunch Sans Bagel

Or for a fun twist, try crème fraîche instead of cream cheese. Swap out dill for cucumbers, radishes, red onion, or capers. Sunday brunch: done.

7. Egg Sandwich: Not Any Old Deli Find

This is for a morning when you have slightly more time on your hands: Toast with goat cheese, a fried egg, radishes, and arugula. Or try the egg any way you like it.
Another fun egg concoction: a breakfast salad with whole grain toast as its base: Butter the bread, cut it up, and toss it in the bottom of a big bowl. Add copious amounts of arugula and a soft-boiled egg. Finish with salt, pepper, and a sprinkle of olive oil. Mix, et voilà! Monday morning breakfast.

8. Avocado Toast…With Some Friends

Add a whole lotta yummy goods on top: sunflower seeds, feta, red pepper flakes, salt, and lemon juice. This is packed with good, healthy fats to keep you going all afternoon.

Categories
In Season Lifestyle

Presence Over Presents: How To Find Balance When Giving Gifts To Children

Last year, our family celebrated Christmas in a way that my husband and I vowed to never repeat.
I am Jewish, but my husband’s family celebrates Christmas—to the extreme—and it was the first time we’d all been together since our kid was born three years earlier. Perhaps his aunts, uncles, and cousins were making up for lost time, but by the time the gift-giving was over, you can imagine the scene: paper strewn everywhere, toys hidden under other toys, manic children. Our 3-year-old had six times more stuff than we could fit into our suitcases, most of it plastic or singing some oppressively obnoxious tune on repeat. Most of it was stuff that she would almost instantly forget she’d been gifted.
After we flew home (having given 75 percent of the presents to my mother-in-law to store at her house for weekend visits), I checked in with my sister, who had just celebrated Hanukkah with her kids in the sanest way I’d ever heard. It changed the way I looked at gift-giving forevermore.
There are eight days of Hanukkah, and most families stretch out the presents over those days, but the same principles can be applied to Christmas giving. The idea behind it is that each of the presents given on the eight days is unique and teaches children that the holidays aren’t all about getting but about giving as well.
While you may opt for three, five, or 10 gifts (and can spread them out over the time period of your choice), choose a number and stick to it. Here are some ways to divvy up the love so the kids can take an active part in sharing the holiday joy:

Gift 1

This is the one your kid has been begging for all year—the massive Lego set, the scooter, the bike. Go for it! There’s nothing better than seeing their little faces light up after receiving something they’ve really longed for and you know they will enjoy.

Gift 2

If you have more than one child and the children are old enough, this gift is something they select and give to each other. It’s even better if it’s something they’ve made themselves. This turns the focus immediately from getting to giving. If the kids are little, help them make a painting, “write” a book, or assemble a photo album.
Research actually shows that we get more joy from giving than receiving, so sharing between siblings, cousins, and young friends should start in the early years.

Gift 3

Give to a charity of your child’s choice. Do they care about animals? The environment? Homelessness? Education? This gives you an opportunity to help them think about how they can help the world around them. Engage the kids about what matters to them. You can do this by giving money to a cause or actually volunteering your time during the holidays.

Gift 4

Invest in a gift that the whole family can enjoy together: tickets to Hamilton, a trip to Disneyland, a membership to the zoo, or even a dinner out at the kids’ favorite restaurant where they can eat all the dessert they want. Research shows that people enjoy “experiential” gifts more than tangible things. That enjoyment can contribute to cozy familial feelings and great shared memories when it’s experienced together.

Gift 5

Give your child a card with $5 (or $10, or $20) in it that she can spend however she likes. If she’s young, walk her to her favorite store and let her pick something out. This sense of independence will help her feel empowered and respected.

Gift 6

Pass along something old and meaningful. Does your son love to fix things with Grandma or play the guitar with Grandpa? Passing along a favorite tool or instrument can mean a lot to a child. A friend of mine who is in her thirties still has the special calligraphy set her grandmother gave her to teach her the art form.

Gift 7

Another reminder that the holidays are about helping others: Collect your gently used toys and clothes and donate them to a local charity in need…

Gift 8

…and finally: Buy a new toy for a family in need. This will teach your kids the joy of sharing with those who are less fortunate than them—and help them develop empathy for others. No matter how different a less fortunate child might seem, when you’re child imagines another young person enjoying the toy they selected, it will prove there is a common thread of joy and excitement that can be shared by all children. Also, because the children who receive donated toys may only get one or two gifts, it’s an opportunity to teach your own children that less is actually more—that there is great value in receiving one very coveted toy over 10 crappy ones.

Making a Holiday Game Plan

Being explicit is key here. If the kids are old enough, sit them down a few weeks or months before the holidays to explain the plan. This way they can think hard about what’s of material value to them, what activity they’d want to partake in as a family, and where they’d like to volunteer time and donate money. Getting them involved is the key to success—and a wonderful way to home in on your family values.

Okay, but what about Grandma?

This is a subject my husband and I bicker about: My mother-in-law is a giver. She buys Christmas presents in September, and giving them to our daughter brings her unbridled joy. My husband thinks we should just tell her to stop buying them—or at least to buy fewer. But the idea of taking that joy away from her simply because we don’t like the clutter—or, more vitally, because all that gift-giving doesn’t align with our values—is not something I am interested in doing. So how to deal?
The key is to be kind and clear. We are so grateful for all you’ve given us in the past, or, We know how much you love celebrating Christmas and we love to celebrate with you, but…
Explain that your child already has enough stuff (if you have limited space, feel free to blame it on that) and that it’s important to you to teach him the value of giving, which you find difficult to do when he is bombarded with gifts he can barely keep track of.

Be specific about the gifts your child has enjoyed from her in the past.

“Johnny absolutely loved the dolls you gave him last year and plays with them all the time. I know he’d love a few more of those. I don’t think he enjoyed the plastic dinosaur that much.” No one can read your mind—and no one knows your kid as well as you do—so clarity is key.

Ask for things you need.

Onesies, burp cloths, diapers. New pajamas, socks, a good winter jacket, mittens, new boots, a toddler bed. These are useful gifts you know your kid will get a lot of mileage out of.

Be even more specific.

A friend of mine asks for homemade gifts or gifts that are made from natural materials. This will really limit the options and cut back on the clutter.

Ask for experiences that will inspire your child.

Maybe Grandma wants to pay for dance or art classes, guitar lessons, or a year’s subscription to a favorite magazine. Other suggestions: a membership to an art museum or a year’s worth of baseball tickets.

Ask them to invest in your kid’s future.

Instead of giving your child five gifts, suggest that they choose two that the kid will really like (again, suggest things!) and invest the rest of the money in the child’s college fund or daycare bill.

Sharing is caring.

Tell your family that this year you’re thinking more about people in need and that you’d love for them to give all (or some of) the gift funds to a charity. They can even do it in their grandchild’s name! Suggest a charity or two or let them give to a place that means something to them.

When worst comes to worst…

If you know that your child will get way more gifts than you feel comfortable with, tell your child in advance that he or she will be able to keep a certain number (be clear about what the number is ahead of time), and that the rest will be donated to a child in need. This way she has to really think about what’s of value to her and what might be of value to another child.

Spread the cheer throughout the year.

If you know that there will be way too many gifts from Grandma and Grandpa, tell your parents (or whoever else) you are comfortable with them giving X number of gifts on Christmas or during Hanukkah. The rest they can give to you, and you will promise to distribute them on special occasions over the course of the year.
If the idea of limiting your kids’ gift intake is giving you anxiety (first-world anxiety), remember: Giving too many gifts can actually have adverse consequences. The last thing any of us wants is to turn a joyous occasion into an experience that triggers greedy, ungrateful, or monstrous behavior. Keep in mind what kinds of values you’re trying to instill in your children and hold onto them. Everyone else will come around. And if they don’t? You can always try again next year.

Categories
Gym x Studio Sweat

The Beginner’s Guide To Handstands

An hour into my first advanced yoga class, the teacher announced that it was time for handstands. I dutifully started to drag my mat to the wall…but no one followed. These seasoned practitioners didn’t need it. Up they flew—weight on their hands, feet in the air. Balanced! It was like magic. I was amazed and inspired. And a little terrified and befuddled. How would I ever get there?
Handstand—or Adho Mukha Vrksasana—is an advanced yoga pose. But this doesn’t mean you need to be an advanced practitioner to build up the physical strength to turn yourself upside down. There are many building blocks that you can start working on today that will allow you to experience the benefits of this super fun pose.
Be aware that because this is an advanced pose, we recommend working with a teacher before attempting it at home.

Why go upside down?

As the master yogi, B.K.S. Iyengar, writes in Light on Yoga, “[Handstand] develops the body harmoniously. It strengthens the shoulders, arms and wrists and expands the chest fully.”
In other words, it’s a whole-body affair. As Iyengar wrote, not only does it strengthen so many parts of the body at once, it asks them to work in concert with one another.
This pose also allows us to improve our balance. By placing the weight of our bodies on our hands (eek!), we lift the burden of staying balanced from our legs and assign it to our arms for a while. In order to stay balanced we must make small, infinitesimal adjustments. The incremental work is wonderful for the body’s awareness.
And from a more philosophical point of view, there’s something powerful about seeing the world from a new angle—flipping your reality. Sometimes when we’re stuck or feel weighed down, it’s a nice way to recalibrate our perspective. Also—surprise, surprise—it’s so much fun! Who doesn’t want to feel like a kid again?
That said, handstands aren’t easy, and many people have all sorts of barriers up when it comes to attempting them. These may be physical challenges or mental ones.
The biggest physical obstacle is arm strength. The arms and shoulders must be strong enough to support the weight of the body. The biggest mental obstacle is often fear—of falling, of putting the head down, of kicking up and letting go, of what will happen. All these challenges can be worked through by taking the pose step by step.

Prepare, prepare, prepare.

Handstands aren’t all about arm and shoulder strength, but it is certainly a big factor. Remember all those preparatory poses that come early on in a yoga class? Those will all serve you when building up the strength to turn yourself upside down. Here are a few vital poses to practice:

Downward Dog

This pose is formational for so many asanas, but especially for handstands. Although the weight is distributed pretty evenly between arms and legs, your arms are taking on more than they are accustomed to, and you’re learning the proper hand-wrist-arm alignment you need. There’s also a misconception that your legs don’t need to do much work in handstand—not true! All the work you’re making your legs do here will help once you turn upside down.

Downward Dog With Your Arms on the Wall

Stand at a 90 degree angle with your feet on the floor and palms on the wall. Your body should be in an L shape. This gives you a chance to practice the arm and shoulder rotation and support without any weight bearing on your arms.

Plank

This is another arm strengthener. It also works your abs, which are vital for handstand. Start on your hands and knees, with your hands right under your shoulders. Reach one leg back and curl the toes under. Add the other leg. Your legs can be glued together or slightly separated. Reach your heels back to strengthen the legs. Lift up energetically through the wrists.

Chatturanga

This one can be practiced with your knees on the floor, or not. Hands are right under your shoulders, legs and abs are engaged. You bend your elbows back, close in to your ribs—not out to the side as you would in a regular pushup.

Jumping From Downward Dog to the Front of Your Mat

This one helps with building up the push-off power you’ll need to get your legs up in the air.

Building Blocks

Before you hurl your legs up in the air, it’s important to remember that handstand is a challenging, advanced pose that should be attempted and practiced (for many months!) with the help of a teacher. We do not recommend flipping yourself upside down alone in your living room! But you can begin by attempting these two variations. Before beginning, make sure you’ve cleared your area of any furniture.

Variation One

  1. Position yourself on your hands and knees with your toes curled under and your heels against the wall. Your arms should be shoulder width apart, and your middle finger should be pointing straight to the top of the mat. Press down on your inner thumb and forefinger. Look between your hands.
  2. Push up into downward dog—it will probably be a shorter dog than you’re used to, so feel free to bend your knees.
  3. If you’re feeling strong here, lift your right leg up onto the wall at a 90-degree angle, and press your foot into the wall. Your body will be in an L-shaped semi-handstand.
  4. With added power in your arms, bring your left leg up to join the right, and press both feet strongly into the wall. If it’s too challenging with your legs straight, keep your knees slightly bent. Draw in your abdominals and breathe for 3 to 5 seconds.
  5. Bring one foot down, then the other. Rest in child’s pose.

Variation Two

  1. Position yourself on your hands and knees, only this time put your hands about half a foot from the wall, fingers facing the wall.
  2. Push up into downward dog.
  3. Look at the space between your hands. Lift your right leg up in the air a foot or two. It should be straight with your foot flexed—an engaged, active leg.
  4. Bend your supportive leg and hop up off the ground a few times.
  5. Practice this on the other side.
  6. Rest in child’s pose.

Bonus Round!

  1. Reposition yourself in downward dog. Lift one leg up, bend your bottom knee. This time, make the hops bigger until the upper leg touches the wall. The other leg should quickly follow.
  2. Once your heels are on the wall, flex your feet and engage your legs. They should be just as strongly engaged as if you were standing on them. Draw in your abs.
  3. To come down, draw in your abs and land as softly as you can on a bent knee.
  4. Rest in child’s pose.

Please note: We do not recommend using a friend to support you unless you are in a class setting, or your friend is a yoga teacher.

Advanced Variation

Once you’ve been practicing the pose for some time, it’s really fun to try this completely free of the wall so you can balance on your own. Again, you want to make sure that you’re not near any furniture or other people. This is why it’s always best to practice this pose in particular at a yoga studio where there’s plenty of room.

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Happy x Mindful Wellbeing

Is Work–Life Balance A Myth? Or Does It Just Need A New Name?

Your alarm goes off at 6 a.m. You sleepily reach over to turn it off and can’t help but check your email. Just as you feared, there’s a work emergency waiting for you; it must have come in last night after you passed out in front of Stranger Things at 10 o’clock.
But there’s no time for it right now. You have no coffee in the apartment, your boyfriend is monopolizing the bathroom as usual, and text messages about your best friend’s upcoming bridal shower are already coming in, waiting for your response. Sometimes it feels like you’re always on.
Or maybe your daughter is standing by your bedside, screaming about breakfast. Did you forget to wash her soccer uniform? Do you have time to throw in a load of laundry and make her some toast and pack her lunch before returning to your email to deal with this problem?
The sun isn’t even up yet and you’re already stretched to your limit.
If any of this sounds familiar, you might be asking yourself if this is really what it means to have it all. Is this what work–life balance is supposed to look like?

The Problem

We are living in a time when women are expert jugglers: working, parenting, socializing, volunteering. We’re managing our teams at the office and our relationships at home. We’re working remotely—from cars, coffee shops, playgrounds, the subway, on vacation, late into the night, on our phones and iPads. We’re feeling pressure to be great friends, good partners, even better mothers, and ever-present and available employees. Our iPhones have become appendages.
As the generation of women who have benefited more than any other from freedoms borne out by the feminist movement, we are trying to have it all, all the time. No longer are our roles dictated by gender or convention—hooray! But why does it feel so hard, and at times, downright impossible?
The answer: Because “having it all” is a myth—and so is balance. “Balance is elusive, ephemeral,” says Rachel Waranch, a Los Angeles–based attorney and mother of two. “Even if I were to somehow achieve some semblance of it for a moment, immediately thereafter someone would catch a cold, my iPhone would crash, or I’d lose my car keys.”
Here are some signs of the problem. Although many women are now working full-time jobs, we are still performing most of the household labor (according to one survey, 67 percent of household tasks are completed by women, whereas men do only 33 percent of the work at home) and spearhead most of the behind-the-scenes worrying and organizing (signing the consent forms, organizing playdates, grocery shopping). Even as we are being encouraged to lean in, the “other” stuff—childcare, meal prep, PTO meetings, helping with parents who are ill, volunteering, mentoring—doesn’t go away. And more often than not, it’s women who take responsibility for it.
In spite of changes to workplace culture, many employers still value employees who push themselves to their limits, who have no boundaries. The golden few stay late at the office and show up early. In other words, leaving at 5 p.m. to pick up your kids (even if your work is done because you work extremely efficiently) is frowned upon.
And many women are, as a result, wracked with guilt about not fitting it all in perfectly. “I feel like this is the thing I obsess over most,” says New York Times reporter and mother of two, Jenny Medina. “Am I giving short shrift to work or to family?”
Most women—mothers especially—can find any number of things to feel guilty about, and having it all (or the inability to) is often at the top of the list.
But don’t panic. “Guilt has a positive value,” explains Myra Strober, professor of business and education at Stanford University, who has specialized in work–family issues for 40 years. “It says, ‘Here are some parameters I don’t want to go beyond.’” These boundaries can be about the length of work trips, the need to be home for bedtime, or the desire to work out of the house for a few hours a week to bring in a little income.
These kinds of parameters work for Medina. “Partly by design and partly by necessity, I have to pick up the kids at school by 5:30 p.m.,” Medina explains, “so my whole day is designed around the fact that, no matter what, I need to leave the office at 5 p.m.” Medina doesn’t have a nanny, and her husband works late, so this is a hard deadline—and guilt helps her achieve it. Before having kids, there were no parameters around her work life, but now she feels awful if she doesn’t see her kids during the window between pickup and bedtime. Her solution? Designing her day to make sure that happens.

Stop calling it work–life balance. It’s all about navigation.

The first key to finding work–life balance is to stop calling it that. The term “work–life balance” is inherently problematic. Work is a part of our lives, and the word “balance” is misleading.
“Balance is not a good image,” explains Strober. “For most people, ‘balance’ brings to mind the scales of justice. You want the scales to be even, and nobody is saying that work and family should be even.”
We imagine work–life balance as somehow quantifiable—as though we are trying to weigh two or more elements just perfectly on a scale. Heaven forbid they tip! The moment they do—which is unavoidable—the whole system falls apart and you’re considered out of balance. This is just another way to wind up feeling like a failure.
“I now talk about navigating work and family,” Strober says. “Imagine you’re on a ship and you’re moving between work and family. Sometimes you’re in one harbor and sometimes in another, trying to figure out which harbor to go to next.”
The question to ask yourself is: How do I have a satisfying work life and a satisfying home life? What do I need in each to feel good about my choices?
How we navigate our various obligations will, of course, change as we age. How a single woman in her twenties navigates the myriad pieces of her life—work, friends, dating, finances—will be different from how a woman in her thirties with two small kids, a partner, and a mortgage will try to make sense of hers. The key is to allow that flexibility to exist and to accept that your priorities (and experiences of guilt reminding you you’re straying from your true desires) will shift along with it.

Instead of balance, look for harmony—and meaning.

Strober isn’t the only one who finds the term “balance” problematic. Professor Steven Poelmans, academic director of the International Centre of Work and Family (ICWF) at IESE Business School in Barcelona, Spain, argues that the term “balance” is limiting.
“If balance is defined as equal amounts of time spent in a particular domain,” he says, “a woman who is spending 50 hours a week in both work and non-work domains could very well also experience work–life conflict.” It is vital, he explains, to differentiate between work–life balance and work–life conflict. In other words, quantifying success by the number of hours we clock doing this or that is not a fair—or meaningful—assessment of how happily or joyfully the pieces of our lives are fitting together.
Poelmans prefers the term “harmony,” because it “suggests a state of mutual compatibility, satisfaction, and well-being, even though balance may still be lacking.” But he goes beyond this, arguing that what we are really looking for is not only harmony, but meaning, and that most of us can tolerate imbalance in our lives—at least for a while—if we are choosing to spend our time in ways that feed us.
Think of it this way: A young working mother choosing to temporarily sacrifice her career in order to stay home with her newborn might not be making a “balanced” choice—and certainly the division of labor at home won’t be balanced. But if the situation feeds her and gives her the meaning she desires in her life, who’s to say the imbalance she’s opted for is wrong?
Likewise, a woman working 120 hours a week as a surgical resident will have little balance in her life, but she is willing to live this way for a while if she feels that becoming a doctor gives her purpose.

8 Tips for Achieving Work–Home Harmony

1. Define your priorities.

In her TED Talk, author and time management expert Laura Vanderkam urges us to rethink time management. Time is highly elastic, she explains. “It will stretch to accommodate what we choose to put into it.”
Vanderkam advises us to prioritize this way: Imagine it’s the end of the next year and you’re giving yourself a performance review. List three to five things that you did that made it a wonderful year, both at work and at home. Once you have the list, you now articulate six to 10 goals. Do you want to run a 5K? Take a Latin dance classes with your partner? Enroll in a fiction-writing workshop?
These priorities should fit into three categories: career, relationships, self—and at least one goal should make its way into each category. How will you make this happen? Put them into your schedule first.

2. Figure out what gives you energy—and what doesn’t.

“Get to know which of your skills and tasks use up your energy and which refill your energy,” says Emily Anhalt, PsyD, “and then limit the responsibilities you take on at work that drain you.” This will obviously be different for everyone. Introverts need more solitary time; extroverts love collaborative enterprise. Anhalt argues that dedicating time to the things that recharge you goes a long way toward finding more ease in and out of work.

3. Do not skimp on you time.

“If you don’t make time for you,” explains psychologist Vanessa Katz, PsyD, “you end up resenting the other things you have to do.” That can mean giving yourself a mere 45 minutes on a Sunday to do as you please. Sleep in, take an extra long shower, or go to the gym. Couples with small children should switch off. “Everyone needs a moment,” Katz says. “Then, when you return to your children, or to your work, you’ll feel reinvigorated rather than resentful.

4. When you’re home, put away your phone.

This advice is particularly important (and often controversial) for parents of small children who are getting limited face time and feeling guilty about it. “I’m really emphatic about the fact that for the two or three hours between pickup and bedtime that I am not on my phone,” Medina explains. She leaves her phone on in case an important work call comes in, but sets it aside so she can give her kids her full attention.

5. Use your power.

If you have influence in your workplace, can you change policies, procedures, and expectations for others? Can you make work–home harmony easier on everyone?

6. Learn to communicate.

We live in a time when most of us think it’s necessary to work after hours, especially if we are leaving work early to pick up kids or fulfill other obligations. But this isn’t always great for maintaining a social life, because when do you have time to just hang out?
The key is achieving clarity—with everyone. If this is a problem in your relationship, reflect on what you want and summon the courage to say to your partner, “I’m happy for you to work X number of hours a week at night”—and then agree on the details. How many nights a week? How late? How often? These same kinds of conversations can be fruitful at work and in other areas of your life—with the head of the PTO, the neighborhood association, the babysitter, a colleague—in short, anyone who is pulling on your time or feels confused about how you use yours.
Strober explains that being able to talk about these conflicts can go a long way toward building a good partnership.

7. Think about life–life balance.

“It’s not only about finding a balance between work and life,” Katz says. “It’s about finding balance when you’re not at work.” What is most important to you? Time alone? Family? Friends? Working out? Use the hours when you aren’t at work—say, from 7 a.m. to 9 a.m. and 6 p.m. to 11 p.m.—for putting those activities front and center.

8. Don’t forget to smell the roses.

“Sometimes you have to just stop and be happy,” Waranch says. “This is true about navigating the complex web of work, family, and life. There will never be perfection, and there will never be balance. And sometimes you have to just stop and say, ‘This is OK. This is good.’”
So go ahead and throw away the idea of balance. Instead, think about deftly navigating the various elements of your life. Not only will this reconceptualization give you a more realistic goal, but it can actually shift the sense of anxiety around it—affording you more harmony wherever you go. There’s no getting it exactly right. It’s about finding a system that works for you and allowing that system to change as your very full life does too.