Author: Dr. Andra Brosh

I spent a large part of my young adult life wearing blinders. This wasn’t a conscious choice. I was responding to the strong influence of a culture that convinced me I needed to be part of the norm. Like most young adults, my main goal in life was to fit in and be liked, so I did what most people do. I compromised my gifts, ignored my intuition, played by the rules, and stayed safe.

Now that I’m older and have been through some eye-opening life challenges, the blinders have come off. I was in part unwillingly stripped of fantasy and false beliefs, but also consciously driven to see what had been hidden from my view for so long. Getting divorced and receiving a cancer diagnosis within the same year definitely jarred me out of my haze, but these life challenges also primed me for viewing life through a different lens. The blind faith that I had held for so long was eradicated by reality; once I saw the truth, there was no turning back. Sometimes I miss the illusions of life, but I also know that facing the truth of things has deepened my connection to everything–including myself.

You may be untouched by some of the life-changing experiences that knock off the blinders, but that doesn’t mean you can’t see what you’ve been missing anyway. You’re not alone in maintaining invisible belief systems that shape your perceptions and drive your choices. We all unconsciously inherit these beliefs from popular culture and through socialization. All of us unknowingly act against our core values, our own interests, and the interests of others to accommodate to the norm. It’s much easier to go along with the crowd than to forge a unique path all alone, but you pay a price for conformity both personally and globally.

The one area of life we remain most blind to is our habits of consumption and waste.

Food just appears on our grocery store shelves, we flush our toilets without a thought about where that waste goes, and we throw out heaps of trash without questioning where it will end up. This isn’t because we are cold-hearted or don’t care. We simply don’t inquire because we’ve been conditioned to believe that it’s not a problem or our concern. Change is hard for everyone, and self-induced change is even more difficult. Making a shift in your lifestyle choices may not seem like it would have an impact on the greater good, but it actually does, because your actions and behaviors have a ripple effect that spans the world.

You don’t have to make any changes today, but it’s important that you become aware and conscious of your own beliefs, values, and interests around how you live. It’s your human right and responsibility to know the truth behind what you consume and the impact your actions have on the world.

Here are four ways you can begin to shift from being a blind consumer to an aware consumer and ultimately change the world as we know it:

Explore where your food comes from.

It helps to “buy local,” but raising your awareness about how your food gets from its original state into your body is essential for your own health and the health of the world. Ask about the vegetables you buy, watch a video on how animals are raised and treated on factory farms, or simply look at the back of a package of food to see the ingredients and the process it took to get the product to you. Keep in mind that you’re spending your hard-earned money on the food that you’re depending on for your health. Make choices with that in mind.

Practice zero waste.

You can do this for a day or a week to get a sense of how much you personally consume and throw away. Challenge yourself to go for a period of time without producing any kind of waste. You’ll begin to notice how much unnecessary packaging you buy and how easily you use a product only to throw it away. We are an over-consuming culture, so getting a sense of your own personal contribution is a big step.

Ask yourself, “Do I need it?”

When you go to buy something over the next week ask yourself if it’s a want or a need. We often buy things because we feel we need them when actually we could easily live without them. I never thought I could live without eating meat before becoming a vegan, but I’ve been amazed at how unimportant it was for my diet and personal pleasure. You’re being sold things every day through multiple different mediums, so you have to think critically to get out from under the conditioning all around you.

Do other things.

The pull to purchase and consume is so ingrained in our psyches that we have to make an effort to become aware of the impulse before we can change it. Consumption can be an addiction, so behavior change can only happen if you reflect on your actions before you take them. There is a moment in time between the urge and the action that offers an opportunity to do something different. Take advantage of that moment by choosing a walk over shopping or reading instead of watching junk television. Redirecting your actions will help you form new habits that could potentially improve your well-being and that of the world.

As most of us know, our health and well-being go well beyond the body, but it’s part of the human condition to focus on what we can see, and neglect what lurks beneath the surface. As a culture, we address our symptoms of ill health from a Western perspective by rushing to the doctor when we start to feel bad. While it’s always good to check with a physician about changes in your health, it’s also important to pay attention to any underlying causes that might be contributing to the problem. When we can consider the body to be a messenger of information about the state of our overall well-being, and not a well-oiled machine that breaks down every once in a while, we can take a more holistic view of our health.

As a therapist, I’m trained to look beneath the surface. While I always consider the presenting problem, my ears are listening for something more than what is being said. We call this a meta-communication because it’s information that comes from a more unconscious or subconscious place.

When I hear that someone is feeling depressed, unmotivated, anxious, or just “off,” I will always consider a deeper influence beyond the obvious. We are much more than the sum of our parts and have many internal needs that stay hidden from view. When these needs go unmet for too long they become bigger and are eventually impossible to ignore. These unmet needs manifest in physical symptoms, which is a sign that something needs to shift.

As a culture, we are quick to attribute many of our health issues to stress, poor diet, lack of exercise, or a past life challenge. We focus on the explicit factors and forget about the implicit catalysts that might be contributing. More often than not, these underlying needs are suffering from deprivation and neglect because we value other aspects of our health more and because we are taught that fixing the physical will resolve everything.

Working out regularly helps with mood, but it won’t solve the problem of your sexless marriage. Eating well will help you feel stronger and more alert, but it won’t heal the pain of isolation. Natural human needs must be nurtured and fed in the same way your muscles and brain need nourishment.

Each of us has different needs, and the depth of need varies from person to person. However, there are five basic needs that most of us neglect either because we’re too busy or it’s too hard.

Solidarity

Feeling a sense of unity and sharing a common interest with other like-minded people is essential to your health and well-being. Having a sense of belonging and actively participating in a cause or joining others around a shared value generates a sense of purpose and meaning in one’s life. Without solidarity, we feel alienated, purposeless, and eventually uninspired. Take part in a cause that’s close to your heart by joining a group, becoming an activist, or simply sharing an experience with others who believe in the same thing.

Laughter

Research has shown that laughter is good for your health. We all have a good chuckle here and there, but laughing should become part of your regular health regimen. Laughter encourages relaxation by releasing chemicals in the brain that produce a feeling of well-being. Laughter also reduces anxiety, tension, and depression, and it has been shown to mitigate serious diseases such as hypertension, heart disease, and diabetes. Make laughing part of your regular routine like taking your vitamins or going to the gym. Swap out one day of exercise for a visit to a comedy club, or make watching a funny movie something more than an excuse not to do something more productive.

Creativity

Whether you consider yourself to be a creative person or not, having some artistic outlet is essential for your well-being. We all have a deep need to express ourselves, and doing that verbally is not always possible. Many people suffer silently because they think the only way to share their experience or feelings is through talking, but doing the simplest creative project can shift mood and self-perception greatly. The creative process can also generate great insight into areas of the psyche that may not be reachable otherwise. A simple sketch, collage, or even coloring in a coloring book can be fulfilling.

Connection

One of the most profound needs we have as human beings is connection. We are wired to be in relationship to others, and without that sense of connection we suffer. Feeling disconnected is one of the most common causes of depression and anxiety, but its role is often overlooked. Connection is personal, and it doesn’t have to be with other people. You can connect to a pet, nature, a character in a book, or through music. Feeling connected is having a sense that you’re not alone, and there is something beyond yourself worth looking toward. Try adding one form of connection to your routine and notice the shift in how you feel.

Nature

We all have natural human needs that involve the basics of getting some sun on our skin, breathing fresh air, and seeing the sky on a daily basis. There are so many days that we never go outside, or we can go months without stepping foot into a natural environment. Being in nature has been shown to reduce stress, calm the mind, lift the spirit, and heal trauma. Making time for a natural experience should be a common prescription from every doctor, and we are getting close to that being a reality. Get outside in some form every day because your health depends on it.

Over the course of your life, you learned how to be you. You did this by taking in both verbal and nonverbal information from your environment and the people around you. If you were lucky you were told that you’re pretty, smart, popular, or funny. If you were surrounded by critical, judgmental people you might have heard that you’re lazy, unattractive, weird, or a nuisance. When you’re young you don’t really question these external perceptions, in part because they come from people you trust and also because when you hear something often enough you really do believe it.

You also learned from role models about the world and how to exist in it  You took in lessons about relating, love, marriage, friendship, and how to be a citizen in your community. Role modeling is a powerful influence and deeply informs how you believe the world works. If you witnessed sacrifice as part of how people love each other, you’ll feel that being in a loving relationship means giving up parts of yourself. If you saw your role models cut friends off after a misunderstanding, you may have some of the same tendencies. You learned that this is how things are done. This digested and internalized information shapes your belief systems and how you experience the world now as an adult.

Although some of these beliefs and self-perceptions are challenged and shift throughout life, we all continue to exist under the some of the spells from our childhood messaging. They are spells because they have been cast on you without your awareness, and when there is no awareness there is no opportunity for breaking them. These spells are dangerous because they pull you in directions that aren’t in your best interest and drive your choices in ways that may not serve your greater good. Uncovering your spells is like breaking free of brainwashing. You’ve been conditioned (intentionally or unintentionally) to believe things without any real evidence that they are true.

Breaking a spell takes courage and strength. Beliefs are strong and sturdy; similar to habits, they have to be broken many times before they actually fall away. Unlike the spells you’ve watched or read about in fairy tales, you don’t have to depend on someone else to come along and rescue you. The spells you are under are not curses, they are a natural byproduct of your developmental process. Breaking your spells will awaken you to the reality of who you are, how you need to live, and how to relate to the world around you.

While there are many spells that can be cast, there are three that haunt almost everyone.

The spell of perfectionism

“I need to be perfect to find love.”

The need to be perfect has its source in upbringing and in modern culture. It often stems from a strong need to please others and to find approval from the external world. Many of us are under a spell that tricks us into believing that if we aren’t perfect we’re bad. Realizing that there is no such thing as “perfect” and that so much beauty is found in imperfection will help you begin to break this spell.

The spell of unworthiness

“My worth is a reflection of my success.”

This spell teaches us that self-worth comes from what we accomplish and how successful we are. The truth is that real self-worth comes from knowing that you belong and that you matter. When we feel important to other people because of who we are instead of what we offer we can know the real feeling of self-worth. Begin breaking this spell by getting connected to your value as a human being, and be sure that this value is acknowledged by the people you spend time with.

The spell of self-doubt

“I’m not sure if I’m capable of living my dream.”

The spell of self-doubt is one of the most debilitating and painful because it blocks you from going after the life you deserve. The spell of “not good enough” can be passed down through generations of self-doubters, or it can be cast by people who are threatened by your power and success. Overcoming the spell of self-doubt will require you to become very familiar with your own capabilities while also seeking out positive role models who have pushed through these negative self-perceptions to find the life they deserve.

When you wake up on January 1 you’ll be starting your new year. You have a few choices about how to launch into 2016. You can roll out of bed and treat it like any other day. You can also sleep late, nurse your hangover, and face the day like you would the last day of a vacation. A third option, and one that can coincide with either of the previous choices, would be to awaken to 2016 in a way that honors the profound shift in time and space that it offers.

While awakening is just another word for waking up, I’m using it differently here. We wake up daily because this is part of our physical wiring. The process of waking up each morning is actually a very systematic yet complicated process that your body does without your awareness. Like riding a bike, you implicitly remember how to wake up without thinking. Awakening, on the other hand, is a fully conscious process that requires intention and effort. When you become awakened you become aware of something, and very often it’s something you didn’t know before.

January 1 brings a perfect opportunity to experience a moment of awakening. Many of us live our lives on autopilot, never really immersing ourselves in the moment-to-moment actions we take. This isn’t easy when schedules get rushed, work becomes busy, and we have a million things to fit into the day. It’s rare to have moments of awe or awareness because to do so we would have to be fully present, focused on what is being uncovered. Without paying attention and without true intention, it’s almost impossible to become awakened, which is why it doesn’t happen very often.

On the first day of the year, you can set a precedent for yourself by starting off 2016 with a moment of awakening. Perhaps it will be a daily, weekly, or monthly habit, but at the very least you can do it as part of the new year with the intention of having a different and new experience. This doesn’t have to be a complicated process or an elaborate effort. All you need to do is decide you want to try this and then follow these four easy steps. You can obviously do this any day of the year, but January 1 is special and important, making the idea of this more probable.

Prepare

Begin by setting aside a few minutes between now and January 1. Use that time to pick one thing you want to use for your awakening on the first day of the year. It could be a poem, a gratitude statement, a prayer, an intention, a song, or moment of silence. Decide in advance what you’ll be using as part of your awakening so when the time comes you’re ready to go.

Find Space

Wherever you are, find a space that is quiet and private. You don’t have to be sitting. Walking outside works, or you can even dance. If space is limited this can be done silently while lying in bed or even in the shower. We can always find a moment even in the midst of chaos. If you have the opportunity to increase the feeling of your space with scent, light, or any other grounding element that would be a welcomed perk.

Awaken

Take a few minutes to do what you planned with the intention of being present and open to whatever you feel, think, or uncover. The Buddha’s awakening came while he was quietly sitting under a tree. Each person has their own experience, but what’s essential is the intention of discovery and an openness to learning something new. The sole purpose of this exercise is to cross over into the new year with purpose.

The new year can be considered a rite of passage. As you transition from 2015 to 2016, you’ll be marking the process with a practice that takes you from one place in time into the next. This isn’t just a new year, it’s a step into a new world and very often a new you. Make 2016 the year that you did it differently and in a way that changes you for the better.

There’s heaviness in the air stemming from the recent bouts of violence we’ve all been witnessing. It is essential for the healing of psyches to process the feelings that surface when our safety is threatened and lives are lost due to senseless brutality. Here are five ways to cope with what comes up.

With the recent horrific events happening on a global scale we need to be aware of the psychological toll these acts of violence can take on our individual and collective psyches. The senseless brutality we’ve been witnessing is both impossible to comprehend yet very real, creating a split in our minds. One part of our brain operates on the default assumption that everything is fine, while another part knows full well it’s not. As a result, we push it out of awareness, numb and ignore our feelings, and refuse to accept or acknowledge that our world is in chaos.

The combination of repressed feelings and the constant barrage of negative media creates a recipe for all sorts of symptoms and, ultimately, poor mental health.

Dealing with your feelings about the recent events is important not only for your own well-being but also for the healing of the world. We live in an unprecedented global community where the collective consciousness is not just a theory. Your ability to acknowledge and process your emotions has an impact on the broader circle in which you live, and your internal response to the recent horrors directly affects your external behavior, whether you’re aware of it or not.

When we walk around doing business as usual–or even worse, acting like nothing happened–we are denying our own feelings and the pain of the world. When we hide or repress what we feel, we’re eliminating the chance to model healthy emotional expression for the people in our lives, which we need to do to cope and heal.

Many of us don’t know what to do with our feelings as we are bombarded continuously by the news and reports of continued attacks happening internationally and locally. Fear, sadness, anger, guilt, and helplessness are just a few of the emotions that are stirred up by these horrific acts of violence. Finding a way to process the feelings is difficult, and the challenge is even greater when we dismiss our right to feel whatever comes up.

Here’s what you can do to cope:

Face the reality.

Denial is an effective coping mechanism to maintain a sense of balance when things become too much. Avoidance is different, however, because it stems from not wanting to face the truth of things. When you avoid the reality of the recent events happening around the world you are missing an opportunity to connect with a greater consciousness that can support you. None of us is alone in this, but it’s easy to isolate as a protection against the pain. In the end, accepting the reality is much more productive and can open the door to positive action.

Talk about it.

We often worry that we will be a downer if we talk about negative news, and we also struggle with what’s appropriate to share. You may have young children you’re protecting, or you may exist in a culture where these kinds of feelings aren’t acceptable. Finding a safe space to share your feelings is crucial even if it’s in a setting outside of your daily life. You can seek therapy, a support group, an advocacy group, or even an online forum where others are sharing similar emotions. Allow yourself the space to share what you think and feel because it’s important and valuable.

Let your heart break.

For some reason many of us feel we don’t have the right to be upset about something that isn’t directly happening to us or the people we hold close. Consider everyone in the world to be a relation to avoid separating yourself from the suffering. Although you may not always have comparable pain, you can relate on some level and imagine what it would be like if it were you. This is the very definition of compassion, something we all need more of.

Be a role model.

As human beings we are very cautious about standing out from the crowd. By nature, we want to fit in and follow the status quo. When it comes to catastrophic events like the ones we’ve been seeing, we can no longer maintain a herd mentality. By naming your pain and speaking up about your feelings, you may disturb the systems of denial that are in place, but you will also be helping our world heal.

Get active.

In her book Active Hope, Joanna Macy speaks of the importance of taking action as a healing tool. When you can get to a place where your powerlessness turns into intolerance you can find an outlet through becoming more active. This might be in your community, online, through donations, or other forms of showing up. Your efforts and voice matter even when they don’t seem to, so find a way to participate and promote change.

We’re quickly heading into what many of us consider to be the new year, and resolutions weigh heavily on the mind. Setting resolutions is a tradition–most common in the Western Hemisphere but also found in the Eastern Hemisphere–in which a person commits to beginning an act of self-improvement on New Year’s Day. The concept of setting New Year’s resolutions is very well known, and disappointment about not sticking to those resolutions is equally familiar to many people.

Research has shown that the most common reason for failing to keep New Year’s resolutions is setting unrealistic goals. Other factors uncovered in research include not keeping track of progress and making too many resolutions. Close to half of Americans make New Year’s resolutions (45 percent), and a whopping 8 percent are successful at achieving their resolutions.

The types of resolutions chosen by each person vary but are usually focused on self-improvement. As the year comes to a close a natural process of reflection occurs, along with a drive to resolve what hasn’t been working over the past year. For many people, December is the first time all year that any kind of pondering has taken place.

According to Nielsen the top 10 resolutions for 2015 are as follows:

– Stay fit and healthy (37%)

– Lose weight (32%)

– Enjoy life to the fullest (28%)

– Spend less, save more (25%)

– Spend more time with family and friends (19%)

– Get organized (18%)

– Will not make any resolutions (16%)

– Learn something new/new hobby (14%)

– Travel more (14%)

– Read more (12%)

Pros

It rings true that a new year would be a time for a “new you.” January brings the opportunity for starting fresh, and using this time of year as a kickoff for new behaviors makes sense. The psychology of having a starting point that marks a new beginning suits our human nature and makes us feel focused and committed to our goals. Resolutions also encourage us to reflect on what might not be working. Checking in on what needs a tune-up or which major changes would offer great benefit to well-being can be a wonderful byproduct of setting New Year’s resolutions.

Cons

Clearly these personal commitments are hard to maintain as the year progresses, and we lose sight of what we originally intended to accomplish. New Year’s resolutions can leave you feeling like a failure or disappointed in your efforts. We often have a tendency to over-commit and set unrealistic goals, which can lead to darker feelings of self-hatred or shame around disappointing results. Resolutions can also be misdirected and focused on surface issues, when the real issues run deeper. They can be a “quick fix” method of personal growth, which puts you at risk for not really resolving the deeper struggles that drive what seems maladaptive to the naked eye.

Fit Or Flop

New Year’s resolutions are a flop. Statistics show that only 8 percent of Americans follow through on their commitments in the new year. New Year’s resolutions are particularly problematic because they imply that if the commitments are not made and started by January 1 then the boat has been missed.

The truth is that we can set intentions for improving ourselves and our lives any time of the year. The focus should be on shifting and designing your life for success and on taking a deeper look at what drives your inner thoughts and feelings. Treating symptoms without looking at the underlying causes never truly resolves the problem. New Year’s resolutions, while well intended, are not a great way to make major changes in your life. Just like your physical health, maintaining an ongoing effort to live well and to take care of yourself all year long is a much more productive way to live.