Author: Joni Sweet

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Fresh Fashion Lifestyle

What To Wear To An Interview: Advice From 3 Women Leaders

When you’re looking for a job, the only thing tougher than getting a call back is figuring out what to wear to an interview. First impressions are everything: People at the interview will notice your outfit before you can elaborate on the highlights of your résumé and what you can offer their company. Plus, wearing clothes that make you feel great will help you exude that cool, calm, collected attitude employers are looking for.
So how do you find that perfect job interview ensemble to impress the hiring manager, all while sharing your most authentic self? It can be tricky, and it requires the perfect balance of professional and expressive style, office-appropriate garments that aren’t too stiff (save your shoulder pads for an ’80s dance party, please!), and an overall look that fits the culture of the company where you’re applying.
For expert advice about what to wear to an interview, we went straight to the source: successful women who were once in your shoes—trying to land their next great opportunity—and who have since climbed to sky-high career heights.
Boss ladies Arianna Huffington (co-founder of The Huffington Post and chief executive of wellness company Thrive Global), Kelsey Haywood Lucas (content and marketing director at Girls’ Life, the renowned magazine for teen girls), and Nicolette Amarillas (founder of Expansive Voice’s Professional Women series, which offers career workshops to women) sat down with HealthyWay to share pointers on nailing your job interview and tips on picking just the right outfit for the big day.
Oh, and in case you needed permission to take a last-minute shopping trip, consider it granted.

First Things First: Making a Great Impression

While many of us can be preoccupied with what to wear to an interview, making a great impression is about so much more than finding a flattering blazer and the perfect pair of heels. The meeting with the hiring manager can be a daunting moment. Some advanced preparation will go a long way to helping you feel self-assured and show your excitement for the position during the job interview.
“Remember that much more important than how you dress in an interview is how you feel. Are you feeling calm, confident, and in control? It’s less about what someone’s wearing and more about how they present themselves,” says Huffington, who looks for candidates who are “confident and direct.”
“Those are vital elements of any thriving company culture,” she adds.
When there’s so much riding on a job interview, it can be a challenge to overcome the natural nervousness you feel leading up to the meeting. Practice and planning can make the hot seat feel a lot cooler, though. Rehearse your answers to common job interview questions, such as “Where do you see yourself in five years?”, with a friend—or even in the mirror.
Your answers shouldn’t sound canned, but you also shouldn’t struggle to come up with compelling responses. Read up on the company’s history and any recent news; that knowledge will show that you’re seriously interested in the business.
On the day of the job interview, try to be as calm and collected as possible—even if you’re buzzing with anticipation.
“Getting to an interview can be stressful due to an array of issues, like traffic, so it’s important to leave with plenty of time to arrive early and take 5 to 10 minutes to decompress, close your eyes, and become present. Simply inhaling through the nose for six seconds and exhaling through the mouth for six seconds for 10 to 15 times can drastically decrease any mental stress you may feel in your body,” advises Amarillas.
Your body language can play a big role in the impression you make during a job interview. Even if you’ve still got a few jitters, hide them behind a confident strut and perfect posture.
“The way you carry yourself expresses so much about you. Keep your eyes forward, shoulders back, and chest proud,” says Amarillas.
The conversation with the hiring manager during the job interview is the ultimate chance to share what you can bring to the role and how you can drive success at the company.
“Tell your interviewer why you’re qualified, why you’re a great fit, and how you’d benefit the company—then back it up. I meet a lot of candidates who talk about why they want to work for our company and what a great opportunity it would be for them. Remember that when a company hires you, they are investing time and money in you, so you need to explain the potential return on investment,” says Lucas.
But remember: The job interview is not one sided. It’s as much of an opportunity for the company to find the best candidate for the role as it is for you to determine if this is the right place to invest your talent and energy.
“The best candidates I’ve ever met with are the ones who turn an interview into a conversation. Be fully engaged in what your interviewer is saying. Ask smart, relevant questions to create a natural flow without interrupting or veering off topic,” Lucas adds.
Finally, express your gratitude to the interviewer for taking the time to learn about you and explain the details of the role. Then send a follow-up within 24 hours of the job interview to confirm your interest in the position. This step is even more important than figuring out what to wear to an interview.
“A prompt thank-you note is always important—and it can trump even the most amazing outfit,” says Lucas.

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Deciding What to Wear to an Interview

Now that you’ve got a game plan for the meeting, it’s time to start strategizing your job interview outfit. Your closet might be bursting with potential options. How do you know what to wear to an interview? Successful women tend to take one of two paths: creating a versatile, go-to outfit that works for any job interview or customizing clothing to complement the culture of the company.
Building one amazing interview outfit that you always come back to can help you feel confident as soon as you put it on and make it easy to get dressed up on short notice.
“Pick out a go-to outfit—your ‘power suit’—and then repeat it for all interviews. And then once you get the job, don’t be afraid of continuing to repeat it. Repeats are my top style tip—men do it all the time,” Huffington notes. “Feeling like they have to pick out new outfits constantly can take up a serious amount of time for women. So pick out an outfit you like and then don’t be afraid to repeat it, again and again,” she adds.
That being said, there are some benefits to putting together a job interview look that reflects the overall vibe of your potential employer. When you wear something that’s similar to (but slightly more formal than) what current employees throw on for work, it’s easier for the hiring manager to envision you joining the staff, and it shows that you understand the company culture.
“Looking relatable is important. A dressier company should be met with a dressier interview outfit. Be careful, though. A laid-back work environment still calls for an intentional outfit. A dress or pantsuit might not be necessary, but a pair of nice slacks and a blouse would be perfect,” says Amarillas.
If you’re not sure how people dress at the company, throw on your detective hat and start scrolling through social media.
“I thoroughly encourage Instagram stalking of both the company and its employees because you might get a glimpse into a day at the office, which can help you prepare both mentally and sartorially,” says Lucas. “Aim for something that feels on-brand with the business but a little bit elevated.”
When figuring out what to wear to an interview, comfort is key, whether you’re going with a standby outfit or coming up with an entirely new look. You should feel both physically comfortable in the garments (no shoes that pinch!) and with the style you’ve chosen.
“There was a time when I’d try to dress on the more corporate and professional end of the style spectrum—and then I ended up feeling like a caricature of myself,” Lucas recalls. Eventually I realized that if I just aimed to wear a very polished version of something I was comfortable in, I was so much more confident. If you get dressed and you could never, ever see yourself wearing this outfit again, change immediately.” 

What to Wear to an Interview: Law, Finance, and Corporate Exec Jobs

Legal, finance, and corporate executive positions require a very professional, conservative look, such as a tailored pantsuit, for job interviews. You’ll want to look extremely polished to help demonstrate that you’d thrive in a high-pressure environment.
This sharp black dress (made from eco-friendly fabrics) ($159) from Wallis Evera has that high-end look that works well for a corporate environment. Bonus: It has pockets! Looking for something with more of a sleeve? This classic navy wrap dress at People Tree ($119) is figure-flattering, work appropriate, and made with certified organic cotton.  
If dresses aren’t really your thing (and the company is on the more casual side of corporate), put together some separates that will help you look the part. This tube skirt ($55) from Everlane, a company that works with ethical factories, features stretchy fabric that still looks structured. And since you can never go wrong with a crisp white blouse, this silk button-down shirt, also from Everlane, is a natural choice for a top.
At the most conservative of firms though, women’s suiting is usually the only appropriate answer for what to wear to an interview. Fortunately, Theory’s got you covered. The brand’s tailored blazer ($395) and flare pants ($295) are part of their responsibly milled Good Wool collection and come in a bunch of flattering colors. Beneath the blazer, wear a basic silk cami, like this sophisticated, versatile option from Boden ($70).
If there’s ever a time for heels, it’s when you have a corporate job interview. You could splurge on these gray woven pumps ($660) from Stella McCartney, the high-fashion pioneer of cruelty-free garment-making. Or pick up these vegan leather heels from VEERAH ($278), a company that sources all of its materials in a responsible way. The removable ankle strap is better suited for a night out, so skip them for the interview—then go out to celebrate! Whichever pair you choose, go with a 3 inch or shorter heel to give you a corporate-approved power walk.

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What to Wear to an Interview: Health, Wellness, and Fitness Jobs

Companies in the health and wellness industry look for people who are relatable, optimistic, and compassionate. These roles tend to require a lot of face-to-face interaction with everyday folks who are relying on your expertise to help them look and feel their best. When thinking about what to wear to an interview in these fields, plan an outfit that’s comfortable, welcoming, and fresh—nothing aggressive, as that might scare off clients.
If you feel your best in a dress, this blue lace one ($59.99) from Mata Traders would be perfect for an interview at a company in the health care sector. It’s made in India at a fair-trade women’s co-op.
For a more casual look, try this floral blouse ($138) from Amour Vert, a brand that only uses non-toxic dyes to color its silks. Its cheerful, natural vibe befits the wellness field and would look gorgeous over Everlane’s Italian GoWeave Easy pant ($88). Everlane ensures that ethical and environmental standards are being upheld throughout its supply chain.
Flats are generally fine for interviews in these fields. Matt & Nat’s white ballerina flats ($90) are made from vegan materials and will give you a crisp, clean look. TOMS, the company that gives shoes to children in need, has taupe suede flats ($84.95) that would match either job interview outfit.

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What to Wear to an Interview: Tech and Start-Up Jobs

Tech and start-up workplaces are famous for their low-key, fun environments. Wondering what to wear to an interview at these laid-back companies? Show that you’d fit in at their organizations with a casual yet thoughtful interview outfit.
A pair of minimalist sneakers will do the trick for an interview at a truly casual start-up. Slip-on sneakers ($136) from Ahimsa, which manufactures its vegan leather shoes using ethical practices, have a sleek vibe. These sneakers ($95) from Allbirds are on-trend in the tech industry. (Your interviewer might even be wearing them herself!) The process to create the comfy kicks out of New Zealand sheep’s wool uses 60 percent less energy than typical synthetic sneakers.
You can’t go wrong with a pair of dark cropped pants, like these cigarette pants ($98) from Amour Vert. More comfortable in something form fitting? Try these gray cuffed pants ($115) from Wallis Evera; they’re made from high-quality, eco-friendly hemp and recycled poly.
A white shirt will give your overall interview outfit a modern feel. You could go with a relaxed V-neck tee ($68) from Amour Vert. The price might be a little steep for a T-shirt, but the company makes it worth the splurge. For every shirt sold, Amour Vert plants a tree. Alternatively, ADAY offers a sophisticated yet casual option with their Something Borrowed Shirt ($135).
Casual definitely beats formal in tech and start-up environments, but you still want to look smart for a job interview. This relaxed-fit blazer ($475) from Citizen’s Mark, a brand with a wool mill in Italy that’s dedicated to water conservation, will take your outfit to the next level. If you’re looking for a splash of color, try this ponte blazer ($150) from Boden, which has been a member of the Ethical Trading Initiative for 10 years and promotes sustainable practices.

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What to Wear to an Interview: Marketing, Publishing, Arts, Fashion, and Creative Jobs

Creative jobs—like those in marketing, publishing, fashion, and arts fields—allow you to be a little more experimental in what to wear to an interview. In fact, you should try to express your creative side in your interview outfit. A memorable look can help set you apart from the competition in these hot fields.
Prints are your friend in this situation. The Virginia dress ($218) from Reformation comes in a pretty floral pattern that will show your interviewer that you’re not afraid to go bold. Or, slip on this floral pleated midi skirt ($85) from & Other Stories, which will stand out against this silk tee ($155) from Cuyana.
Since you’re going fearless with printed clothing, play it a little safe with your shoes and look for a pair that’s structured and contemporary. The shoe selection at & Other Stories, which offers in-store recycling programs, has tons of options. We like these d’Orsay pointed ballerina flats ($85) or block heel suede sandals ($85).

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Finally, no matter what field or company you’re hoping to land a job with, definitely wear a smile to your interview. Being cheerful and friendly goes a long way in a successful career.

Categories
No Gym Required Sweat

Cycling Workouts: Getting Started The Right Way

Ever find yourself in a workout slump? Whether it’s hitting your mat in downward dog, jogging a few miles on the treadmill, or maybe swimming laps in the pool, the exercises that once motivated and energized you can start to feel a little monotonous—and they may even stop yielding results after a while. If you’re in a fitness funk, it might be time to break out of your routine and try something new—like cycling.
Cycling workouts, sometimes also called spinning or biking, are a low-impact aerobic exercise that gets your blood flowing and heart rate elevated. Cycling can help you burn hundreds of calories an hour and can provide your body with mood-boosting endorphins.
Whether you’re pedaling indoors at a boutique spin studio with club-like lighting and inspiring music or you’re just trying to burn a few extra calories on your commute to work, cycling workouts can be a great way to switch up your exercise routine and stay in shape.
If you’ve never tried it before, you might feel intimidated to get started. This kind of exercise requires some preparation, a bit of gear, and knowledge of safety. But mostly, it requires a will to try.
“Anyone can do it, whether you’re an athlete or a first-timer, or even if you’re recovering from an injury,” says Dani Iannone, lead instructor at Prime Cycle, an indoor cycling studio in Hoboken, New Jersey.
Ready to hop on the bike? Here’s what you need to know about getting started with cycling workouts—the right way.

Is cycling right for you?

Walk by one of those cult-followed cycling studios where instructors are elevated to the level of gurus, locker room amenities rival what’s available at most five-star hotels, and people strut in wearing leggings with three-figure price tags, and you might wonder if it’s the right sport for you.
Those trendy studios might have the most visibility, but cycling is actually a down-to-earth, accessible sport that anyone can get into, says Iannone.
“There are so many different styles and ways to ride,” she explains. “You can go for traditional cycling, come to a boutique studio like ours for a rhythm ride, try it at your local YMCA, or even take it up to a competitive level, if you’re an athlete.”
Iannone, who has lower back issues from her years as a dancer, says that even people who have injuries, physical disabilities, or high body mass can find ways of safely hopping on a bike and trying a cycling workout. If you have injuries or a medical condition that has you second-guessing cycling, talk with your doctor to see if it’s a good fit for you.
The price of classes and equipment can also be a deterrent for beginners, but Iannone says there are ways to keep the costs of cycling down.
“If this is something you want to do, you can find a way to make it work within your budget—you just have to reevaluate where your money’s going,” she says. “Change your priorities from going out or making frivolous purchases to investing in your health instead.”
As long as you have the motivation, a positive attitude, and a desire to give it a shot, there’s a cycling workout for you.
“If you can walk through the door, you can take a cycling class,” she says.

Indoor Cycling vs. Outdoor Cycling

People divide cycling into two worlds: indoor and outdoor. Each style has its own distinctive benefits and challenges, but discovering which one you prefer can help maximize your enjoyment of this type of exercise.
“The biggest difference, and it’s a pretty obvious one, is that when you’re cycling indoors, you’re on a bike that doesn’t go anywhere,” chuckles Iannone. “Some studios have tried to recreate the outdoor experience with visuals on big 3D screens and special effects, though.”
Some cyclists find that the experience of watching the world whoosh by when they ride outdoors keeps them more engaged, but others rely on the momentum of their classmates at an indoor cycling class to stay motivated.
The equipment for indoor and outdoor cycling also differs. When riding outside, it’s best to use a traditional road or mountain bike. You also need a helmet and other safety gear, like a bell and reflectors. For indoor cycling, you use a stationary bike with a fan or flywheel that allows you to adjust the resistance level.
Cycling workouts challenge you in different ways, depending on whether you try them at the gym or on the road. Indoor cycling is about listening to the instructor, keeping your heart rate up, and generally pedaling fast. When cycling outdoors, on the other hand, you’ll face terrain challenges (like hills and trails), focus on staying safe in traffic and around road obstacles, and use more muscle strength. You’ll also experience what it’s like riding with and against the wind and navigating different weather conditions.
If you’re a beginner, you might want to try an indoor cycling workout first. That way you can get one-on-one attention from a helpful instructor and learn the general moves and correct posture before you take your cycling workout outside.

Equipment You Need for Cycling

A few pieces of essential gear can help you get started on the right pedal.
First, you’ll need to select the proper clothing. Indoor cycling classes can make you sweaty, so look for moisture-wicking materials that allow for ample range of motion.
“Breathable leggings or shorts, a tank top, and a supportive sports bra are best,” says Iannone. “But it doesn’t have to come from an expensive store. People get into the high-end athletic clothing and they think you have to look a certain way to go to class. You can come in wearing anything that makes you comfortable and keeps you cool.”
The same kind of clothing is generally fine for outdoor cycling, but you’ll need to bundle up a bit more if the weather’s cool. Be sure to wear bright colors when riding outdoors, though, so drivers can easily spot you.
You’ll also need a pair of cycling shoes, which have stiff soles and mechanisms that allow you to clip your foot into the pedal, helping your energy transfer to the bike with efficiency.
“Most studios have cycling shoes available to rent, but if you really get into the sport, it’s worth buying your own pair,” says Iannone.
As for accessories, bring along a small towel, water bottle, and a headband.
Bikes are obviously available for use at studios and gyms. If you want to practice your own cycling workouts at home, you need to invest in a stationary exercise bike or a high-quality road bike to ride outside. Bike stores are the best place to go for personalized recommendations.

Your First Cycling Class

Walking into your first cycling class can feel intimidating. It seems like everyone else is a total pro who knows exactly how to clip in their shoes, grip the handlebars, and start pedaling. How can you make sure your first cycling workout is a success?
“Get there early, introduce yourself to the instructor, and let them know it’s your first time,” says Iannone.
The staff will help you find a space with a clear line of sight to the instructor, get strapped in, and show you the correct way of sitting on the bike.
“Posture is really important. You want to sit slightly lifted, rather than hunched over, with no strain on your back,” explains Iannone. “Your chest is lifted, your core’s engaged, and you have a light touch on the handlebars.”
The University of Pittsburgh Medical Center offers a graphic guide to proper form for cycling workouts.
Cycling can be a (literal) pain in the butt, especially for beginners. That’s why many studios offer bike seat cushions. If you’re struggling with your seat, just ask to borrow one.
You might be surprised at the level of intensity of most cycling classes. It’s a rigorous sport! But cycling workouts are not a competition—go at your own pace, and don’t compare yourself to others in the room.
“Expect to be challenged at your first cycling workout,” says Iannone. “You’re probably going to walk away feeling that it was intense, inspiring, and kind of a ‘wow!’ experience.”

Cycling Interval Workouts: What to Know

Cycling workouts are more varied than just pedaling as fast as you can for as long as you can. Incorporating intervals of high intensity and active rest maximizes the benefits of the exercise.
“Cycling interval workouts are very similar to HIIT (high-intensity interval training),” says Iannone. “This kind of training increases your stamina and endurance, makes you a better athlete, and helps your body become more efficient.”
There are a few things to focus on during cycling intervals. First and foremost, monitor your heart rate. You’ll need to understand your resting heart rate and your maximum heart rate (i.e., how fast your heart beats when you work your hardest).
During your intervals, push yourself to 70 to 80 percent of your max heart rate, says Iannone. Then bring it back down to a more moderate level for about 30 seconds before you pick things back up again.
Second, pay attention to your cadence, which is measured by pedal stroke revolutions per minute (rpm). Most stationary bikes have a gauge that can will measure your cadence.
“Some studios don’t care about numbers, but I think watching your cadence is really important because you want to know the level of your work,” says Iannone.
The resistance level of your bike also plays a role in cycling interval workouts. You’ll move between various levels of resistance, depending on the interval. The higher the resistance, the more strength you’ll need to pedal the bike.
“If you’re pedaling really, really fast, it might be time to turn the resistance up a notch,” says Iannone.
Finally, your instructor may have you change positions on the bike for each interval. These postural adjustments will help you work different muscle groups and improve your balance.
“You won’t just be in the saddle the whole time,” says Iannone. “You might be sitting or standing during intervals. You might also get up and go back down, which is called a jump, and even do presses with your arms on the handlebars.”

Try this cycling interval workout.

Need some inspiration to get started? Iannone created a cycling interval workout based on her classes at Prime Cycle that you can try on your own—complete with a killer playlist! Give it a whirl, and let us know how it goes:
Each section of this workout consists of intervals that are 30, 45, or 60 seconds long, depending on how hard you want to push yourself. Your intervals will consist of building the intensity (typically increasing the cadence by 10 to 20 rpm, but you could also increase the resistance, instead), slowing down for 30 seconds to reduce your heart rate, then speeding back up for your next interval. Repeat this a few times for each song. 

[sol title=”How Deep Is Your Love” subheader=”Calvin Harris and Disciples”]
Seated on the bike, pedal at a base of 110 to 116 rpm. During the intervals, try to push it to 125 to 130 rpm.
[sol title=”Questions” subheader=”Chris Brown”]
Increase your resistance by turning the knob two or three times. You’ll be at an easy-to-moderate climb with a base cadence of 52 rpm. Pick it up to 65 to 70 rpm for each interval.
[sol title=”So Excited” subheader=”Fat Joe”]
Turn your resistance knob two more times to take it up to a heavy climb at a base of 44 rpm. You’ll have a lot of resistance, so instead of increasing your cadence, turn up your resistance a little higher for each interval, then bring it back down in between for rest.
[sol title=”Housework” subheader=”Jax Jones”]
Take off half your resistance and increase your leg speed for a seated flat downhill ride at 120 rpm.
[sol title=”HUMBLE. (remix)” subheader=”Skrillex, Kendrick Lamar”]
Next up is a moderate climb. Turn the resistance knob once or twice and hit at least 64 rpm.
[sol title=”Lose Control” subheader=”Missy Elliot”]
Continue your moderate climb at a slightly higher cadence (68 rpm).
[sol title=”7/11″ subheader=”Beyoncé”]
Pick up your cadence to go at jog pace at 76 rpm.
[sol title=”I’m a Fan” subheader=”Pia Mia”]
Increase your resistance by one turn and pedal at 50 to 52 rpm.
[sol title=”Titanium” subheader=”David Guetta featuring Sia”]
For your final push, drop your resistance slightly and pick up your speed to about 64 rpm.

Categories
Healthy Relationships Wellbeing

What Being Emotionally Unavailable Means (And How To Deal)

If you’ve ever found yourself dating a partner who’s emotionally unavailable, you know how confusing and frustrating it can be to take the relationship to a deeper level. It doesn’t matter how much fun you two seem to have together—somehow he or she still struggles to share their true feelings, commit to plans, or develop emotional intimacy with you. What’s going on?
“It’s like a roller coaster. You might think, ‘We’re in love, the sex is amazing,’ but then your partner just pulls back. He or she may desperately want that deeper connection with you, but for whatever reason lacks the tools to interact in that way,” explains Shirani Pathak, a licensed clinical social worker and founder of the Center for Soulful Relationships.
Emotional unavailability is a real thing—not just some vague way to dismiss a relationship that’s not working out. But just because your crush is emotionally distant doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed to fail.
A little understanding of the psychology of attachment (plus some strategic communication techniques) can go a long way toward healthy romance.

What’s the deal with being emotionally unavailable?

So you’ve found yourself with someone who just can’t commit: They ghost in the middle of texting, they pull back every time things seem to be moving in the right direction, and they get evasive when you ask too many personal details about their life. What’s the deal?
They might be emotionally unavailable.
This level of availability (and stagnancy!) directly relates to attachment style. Most of the population has a secure attachment style, which means they don’t fear intimacy and connection, says Pathak. These people tend to form healthy, fulfilling relationships.
The remaining 50 percent of people fall primarily into two other attachment style categories: anxious and avoidant. Clingy people who grip a little too tightly on relationships have an anxious attachment style. On the other end of the spectrum is the avoidant attachment style. This is where you tend to find emotionally unavailable men and women.
“People with avoidant attachment style do not want anything to do with intimacy. They’ll date frequently and have a lot of one-night stands and break a lot of hearts. They just always have that wall up,” says Pathak.
They’re opposites, but people with avoidant attachment styles tend to attract those with the anxious version, adds Pathak. A relationship between these two amplifies the weakness of both styles.
“One’s trying to flee the relationship while the other’s trying hard to hold on to it. It really can trigger each other’s buttons,” she says.

If they’re emotionally unavailable, why do they keep coming back?

The most confusing part of finding yourself with an emotionally unavailable person is that every time you accept that the relationship isn’t working out, he or she somehow comes back into the picture. This time it will work, right? You hope, but often you find yourself back at square one just a couple weeks later.
If they’re not emotionally available, why do they keep coming back?
They’re not doing it to torture you (even though that might be the effect). The fact is that the very things that make a relationship amazing—connecting on a deep level, making plans for the future, integrating your lives in a more holistic way—scare emotionally unavailable people.
“The circuitry in the brain of a person that deals with the avoidant attachment style causes a big red alert when they start to come close to intimacy,” says Pathak. “They pull back but then start to miss their partner, so they might come back again when they start to feel lonely.”
Hence why you might wake up to that 2 a.m. text from that guy with whom you swore it was over, asking if you’re up. Your invitation for him to be a date to your friend’s wedding a couple weeks ago totally freaked him out, but now that the thing that triggered his “fight or flight” response is in the past, he’s ready to give it another try. But is that the right move for you?

What are your options when dating someone who’s emotionally unavailable?

The success of any relationship is dependent on patience and meeting your partner where they are. But is it possible for a relationship to ever grow into a long and fruitful partnership if the person you’re seeing is emotionally unavailable?
“Well, it really depends on where you get your fulfillment from,” explains Pathak. “If you’re in a relationship with an emotionally distant person, you have to realize that you’re trying to get everything from someone who doesn’t have everything to give.”
A strong support network outside of your romantic life is essential if you want to make things work with someone who’s emotionally unavailable. You’ll need to find ways to get more of your needs met outside of the relationship in order to give your partner the comfortable space he or she needs.
“Can you be okay with that? There are many people out there who are fine with that, and they actually like having more time to hang with their friends. But others really want to be with someone who’s more present,” says Pathak.
While attachment styles can change over time, it’s dangerous to build a relationship on the assumption that your partner will evolve past their emotional distance. Don’t try to force it. Instead, create conditions that gently nudge your sweetheart to open up.
“Research shows that it can be helpful to engage in other activities, like hiking, golfing, or ice skating, when you’re trying to access that emotional side. The physical activity helps distract the person from the fact that they typically want to stay away, allowing them to potentially connect,” says Pathak.
It’s not unreasonable for you to expect your partner to be available when you really need them, though. Open and direct communication about what you need—and when—can clue your emotionally distant partner into the fact that they need to step it up at critical moments.
“It can be hard to ask and state your needs. But if you need comfort and an embrace, you need to express that. If your partner is able to do those things and that works for you, great! But if not, it’s time to re-evaluate if this is the right relationship for you,” advises Pathak.
People can eventually overcome emotional unavailability. It’s a matter of whether it’s worth the patience and effort required and if your partner is able to meet your basic needs in the meantime. If you need to step away from the relationship, that’s perfectly understandable—take an honest look at your life and what makes sense for you right now.

What are the red flags that signal someone is emotionally unavailable?

Dating is hard enough as it is. The last thing we need is to end up with people who are emotionally unavailable, over and over again. It might be time for you to throw in the towel on trying to connect with people who can’t be intimate. Watch out for the biggest red flags that someone is emotionally unavailable.
“They tend to play those games, like waiting three days to call someone back or suggesting you’re needy if you call them back right away. Game-playing is indicative of someone who’s emotionally unavailable,” says Pathak.
As you’re getting to know someone you’re dating, pay attention to how they talk about themselves: Does he or she seem to open up? Do they talk about personal details of their lives, their hopes, their dreams? Or do they give cursory answers and move on to less intimate topics? Evasiveness is one of the biggest signs of emotionally unavailable men and women.
Similarly, if they seem cold or uninterested in learning about what makes you tick, they might not be in a place where they can relate to others on an intimate level right now. Qualities that demonstrate that someone you’re dating has big walls up all indicate emotional unavailability—and signs that it might be time to move on ASAP.

Why do you keep dating emotionally unavailable people?

Everyone has that one friend who always seems to find herself with someone who’s emotionally unavailable. Maybe that person is you. Why does this keep happening?
“If you find yourself constantly attracting emotionally unavailable partners, it’s probably because you are emotionally unavailable. We attract what we give out,” says Pathak.
You don’t have to be forever alone, though. Start by learning about attachment styles and how they fit together. Pathak recommends picking up a copy of Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love, by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, which does a deep dive into the psychology of attachment.
“When I started studying adult attachment styles, it was really life changing. It was the missing puzzle piece and all of a sudden, life made more sense,” says Pathak.
A psychologist or a therapist can also help you get to the bottom of why you’ve built walls around your heart and offer personalized strategies to tear them down.
But most of all, the best way to open yourself up to a deeply intimate relationship with someone else is by being really loving, gentle, and kind with yourself, says Pathak.
“That self-compassion piece is one of the most important aspects of dealing with being emotionally unavailable,” she says. “It’s about the fact that you just haven’t cultivated the right skillset yet—it’s not something to beat yourself up over. Have compassion and forgiveness for yourself for choosing relationships that don’t make sense, then go from there.”
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Categories
Happy x Mindful Wellbeing

What Is Reiki? A Skeptic Dives In To Learn More (And Try It!)

Can shifting your body’s natural energy help you stay healthy and heal faster? Absolutely, according to practitioners of reiki, an Eastern technique in which a healer channels energy through a person’s body by placing their hands on and above your chakras.
While I try to be open minded about wellness (there’s no one path to self care!), I have to admit that I’ve always been skeptical about reiki. The idea of tapping into some invisible energy field just seemed too far fetched to be real.
I wrote off the practice as a scam and forgot about it until reiki started popping up everywhere. Everyone from Cameron Diaz and Angelina Jolie to Gwyneth Paltrow has reportedly been doing reiki. Even Jax Taylor from Vanderpump Rules calls it the highlight of his week!
Why do so many people swear by it?
I had to learn more, so I sought out some answers from Dana Carretta-Stein, a licensed mental health counselor at Peaceful Living wellness center in Scarsdale, New York. A certified reiki therapist, she uses the technique to help people with panic attacks, post-traumatic stress disorder, and other concerns.
“A lot of times, clients who have been through traumatic events have a hard time talking about it, so reiki helps me heal their emotional trauma and get them to relax and open up,” she says. “A lot of people experience relief after just one session.”
So reiki works for some people, but would it do anything for me? I had to get to the bottom of this healing technique—and put the practice (and my skepticism!) to the test during a session.

Before we go on, let’s level set. What is reiki?

“Reiki is hands-on energy healing. The practitioner uses their life force energy to heal blockages in the receiver. It’s about using our own healthy energy to cure someone else’s stagnant or blocked energy,” explains Carretta-Stein.
The word “reiki” comes from the Japanese words for spirit (rei) and vital force (ki), which loosely translates to universal life force. The technique stems from the theory of chakras, which are centers of spiritual energy that line our bodies. Supposedly, we have 114 chakras, of which seven are major (you might already be familiar with these if you practice yoga).
When the flow of energy between our chakras is blocked or imbalanced—which can be caused by stress, anxiety, conflict, and other negative emotions we experience every day—it shows up as other ailments in our bodies.
Got self-esteem issues? Headaches? Stomach pains? A low sex drive? Writer’s block? Blame your blocked chakras. Then schedule a reiki session to get it fixed, believers say.

How does reiki work?

Okay, so I get the philosophy, but how exactly does reiki work?
It all stems from something called “attunement,” the part of the training that activates the healing power of reiki in a practitioner’s hands, says Carretta-Stein.
“To become a reiki practitioner, you have to be trained by a reiki master who has gone through all three levels of training. The reiki master is able to attune your energy by putting his or her hands over your head to open up the crown chakra and align your energy with the highest good. By doing that, the practitioner can then help others,” she explains.
Once they have undergone attunement, a reiki practitioner can begin healing clients during sessions at spas and wellness centers by placing their hands on or above different chakras in need of attention. The healthy energy then transfers from the healer to the client’s body to clear their blockages.
“As I go over the troubled spots and set the intention of letting the life force energy from my body go into theirs, it can help heal trauma,” says Carretta-Stein.
The reiki practitioner may also use other healing modalities, such as crystals, essential oils, and guided meditation, to enhance the experience. But none of the techniques, including reiki, will work unless you intend to be healed, Carretta-Stein notes.
“Reiki is right for someone who is wanting to be healed and open to receiving healing. It’s about intention. Our thoughts are really powerful,” she says.

Why do people try reiki?

You’ll try just about anything to find relief when you’re in chronic pain, suffering from a disease, feeling stressed out, or creatively stifled. These are frustrating issues that often don’t have quick-fix solutions. While some people go for exercise, meditation, and acupuncture, others turn to reiki for respite.
“Working with energy centers can help heal emotional trauma, physical or sexual abuse, chronic pain, cluster headaches, migraines, and inflammation in the body. Reiki can work on anything in the mind, body, and spirit,” says Carretta-Stein.
The idea of using something as non-invasive and peaceful as reiki to heal some pretty serious issues sounds amazing, but unfortunately, there might not be a lot of evidence that supports those claims. According to the National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health, few high-quality studies have been done on this technique, and reiki hasn’t been proven to be an effective technique for health-related purposes. Bummer.
But, let’s take a step back and look at the potential upsides of reiki. You take some time out of your busy, stressful week to go to a calming environment, rest on a comfortable bed, and have a healer focus on you. For one hour, you leave the hustle and bustle of the world for a little TLC—which isn’t a bad thing.
“The biggest benefit is a deep sense of relaxation from the inside out. That stress relief may, in turn, help chronic inflammation go down, headaches get better, and overall give you a renewed sense of self,” says Carretta-Stein. “After reiki, you’ll have better moods, feel more balanced, and be less on edge.”
I can definitely get on board with these kinds of benefits, even if they’re not easily measured. But would reiki give a skeptic like me true tranquility? I had to try it for myself.

A Skeptic’s Experience Trying Reiki

The first week of May was a tough one for me. I somehow fell uncharacteristically behind on all my deadlines, my tasks were taking three times as long as usual, and I couldn’t seem to get enough rest no matter how much I slept. Oh, and did I mention it was my time of the month?
Needless to say, I wasn’t feeling much like myself.
My first reiki session could not have come at a better time. On Friday afternoon, I hopped on a subway downtown to Modrn Sanctuary, a luxury wellness center in Manhattan’s Flatiron District that offers just about any alternative treatment you might be looking for, including aromatherapy, life coaching, acupuncture, and hypnotherapy.
My reiki session kicked off right in the lobby, where intuitive energy worker Alexis Alvarez had me fill out a questionnaire on an iPad. I answered questions like “Are you disorganized?,” “Do you have an aggressive nature?,” and “Do you find it difficult to be loved?,” and looked at a color spectrum to choose hues that I felt attracted to and repelled by. My responses would give a sense of my state and which chakras needed work, Alvarez explained.

what-is-reiki
Joni Sweet

Then it was time to go into the reiki treatment room, a dim, soothing space with a special therapeutic bed (similar to a massage table, but it had subtle vibrations) beneath a line of crystal lights. After I was given a brief consultation and explanation of how the session would go, I kicked my shoes off, lay on the table, and hoped for the best.
Alvarez guided me through a short meditation to calm my breathing and quiet my mind. Next, she placed crystals around my body and on my chakras and began slowly moving her hands along the space above my feet, knees, and other parts of my body. I felt restless at first, but before I knew it I was in a completely chilled-out state that reminded me of a savasana after a tough yoga class. She continued to work on my energy for a while.
When the reiki was over, Alvarez gently woke me from the restful place I had drifted to. I felt in a daze, and I barely remember slipping my shoes back on. How long was I in there? What time was it? My mind wondered but then let the concerns go in carefree way.
Alvarez explained the work she had done. She said she noticed something disruptive in the chakra near my reproductive system (how did she know I had my period?), healed some creative blockages (please let her be referring to my writer’s block!), and worked on my solar plexus chakra (the one associated with self-discipline). All of that sounded like just what I needed—but how long would it last?
I drifted out of Modrn Sanctuary and back into the city. It was rush hour on a Friday, yet everything moved in slow motion, like I was swimming. My typical mindset runs a mile a minute—Where am I going? What do I have to do? What’s next?—yet today, I felt completely at ease just standing there. Energy felt like it was buzzing through me. And I was content with just letting that happen and not immediately funneling it into a project or task like I typically would have.
I grabbed myself an iced matcha drink and slowly made my way to Madison Square Park, where I sat quietly, observed people enjoying the evening in the grass, and gazed at the trees, just taking in everything that early spring has to offer. I couldn’t remember the last time I was this relaxed. For once, I was fine with just being.
Over the weekend, I felt like my state continued to improve. I focused on resting and catching up on some essential things that were now overdue—no longer burdensome, my projects felt fulfilling. I felt like an improved version of my old self by the time Sunday rolled around. And it was bliss.
Did reiki actually work? I went into the session with a deep hope that it would fix my issues. But whether the healer cleared up blockages in my internal energies or it was just the placebo effect, something changed for me in the room that day. I finally got what Jax was saying—reiki was the highlight of my week—and that’s the only thing I know for sure.
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Categories
Well-Traveled

How To Fight The Post-Vacation Blues (And Keep The Travel High Alive)

You know how some people cry when they leave home? The opposite’s true for me. As an avid traveler, I’m the one getting teary-eyed in the back of the plane as I watch whatever far-flung destination I just experienced fade into the distance. It’s like moving away from your new best friend or a passionate lover, never sure when (or if) you’ll meet again.
It’s not that I don’t want to go home—trust me, not even the penthouse suite in a five-star hotel feels quite as cozy as my own bed. The experience of traveling makes me feel more alive than anything else, and I hate when it ends. The thought of going back to work, taking care of everything on my to-do list, and just getting back into the swing of “real life” can make that vacation high evaporate all too quickly—and the post-vacation blues hit hard.
But traveling is about learning, growing, and thriving in ways that enrich us back home. Wallowing in your post-vacation blues defeats the entire point of exploring at all. To combat that after-travel sadness, we need strategies to carry the bliss from traveling back to our regular lives.
Fortunately, there are some easy ways to fight the post-vacation blues and keep that travel high alive. Here are some that work for me, along with clever suggestions from other travelers.

Go grocery shopping.

Arriving home to unseasonably chilly New York recently after five blissful days in Mexico was like a slap in the face—only to be made worse when I realized late at night that my fridge was empty. I went to bed totally bummed out (and hungry), wishing I were still traveling.
But the next morning, I went grocery shopping, and things started to feel better. There’s something about getting reacquainted with your go-to foods than can help banish the post-vacation blues. No matter how good the food tastes abroad, digging back into the meals you know and love will remind you how good a taste of home can be.
And if you’re still longing for adventure after filling your fridge, try making the food you ate on your last trip. Your homemade pad Thai might not taste quite as amazing as that meal from a street vendor in Bangkok, but it might ease the blow of coming back from vacation.

Unpack your bag pronto!

Are you guilty of leaving your suitcase in a heap on the floor when you’re suffering from the post-travel blues? Me too. But unpacking and settling back into your life can help you feel a lot better after a trip, says Natalie Tanner, travel blogger at The Educational Tourist.
“Bite the bullet and unpack quickly. Everyone dreads unpacking, but there isn’t anything quite as sad as a partially unpacked suitcase lying on the floor to remind you that you are back in the real world,” she says. “That half-packed suitcase keeps you from being in the present. Put that suitcase away and focus on the good in the here and now.”

Dig in to a great novel.

Reading a book that’s set in a destination you’re curious about will give your mind a welcome escape, and you don’t even need to leave home. The experience can also help you reconnect with a culture you fell in love with and feel the vibe of a foreign destination deep in your soul. Plus it’ll take your mind off the post-travel blues.
Where do you find books set in other countries? Goodreads has tons of thorough lists. Search the “shelves” section of the site for “books set in” and the country you’re looking for. The site has recommendations for stories in Cuba, South Africa, Italy, and tons of other fascinating places that just might inspire your next trip.

Share your experience.

I try to live in the moment (and off my phone) as much as I can when I travel. But when I get home, one of the best ways to fight off the travel-related blues is by sharing all my happy memories online.
“Find an outlet to share your travel stories,” suggests Tanner. “If you feel like your friends and co-workers have heard enough, then head to social media and join a group that focuses on your vacation destination. Share your stories, favorite dining spots, and sightseeing recommendations with others, and you’ll get to relive the happy moments.”
Come up with ways to share your experience off the screen too. Peggy Coonley, president of Serendipity Traveler, says she advises clients to fight the post-vacation blues by creating a memory book about their trip.
“Creating a book of your photos is a fun way to review and relive the highlights of your travels,” she says. “Reflect with gratitude that you were fortunate to be able to travel. Recount the numerous details that gave you pleasure and perhaps write these down and read them from time to time to cherish the memories.”
Mixbook, Shutterfly, and Blurb can all help you create vacation photo books. Or go old-school by picking up some scrapbooking supplies and doing it yourself.

Give yourself some TLC.

Post-vacation blues aren’t just confined to our mind—even our bodies can feel sluggish after we get home from a trip. Try to make time after your travels for some TLC, says Laura Hall, a formal travel writer who’s now director of communications at Kid & Coe.
“Be clever about how you book your trip. Leave a day when you return where you can chill, do the laundry, hang out, and sleep,” she says. “Booking a trip to come home on a Sunday night with work at 9 a.m. Monday morning is not the way to do it, and I’m speaking from experience.”
Have a little cash left over from your vacation fund? Consider booking a treatment at your favorite spa the week you get back home to ward off the post-vacation blues.

Meditate and journal.

Having unrealistic expectations about the ability for a trip to change your life is setting you up for experiencing post-vacation blues, says Christine Rosas, author of The Sensitive Edge: Learning to Trust Your Inner Voice and Thrive No Matter What. She recommends taking some time for deep personal reflection before and after your trip to help boost your mood.
“Take a quiet moment to sit with the version of yourself that’s here now. Honor yourself through meditation and journaling,” she says.
Sit quietly for five or six minutes and journal about your experience traveling, she suggests. Then practice peaceful, deep breathing for another few minutes. With every inhale, direct positive energy toward yourself. And with every exhale, send good vibes to your vacation destination.

Make plans.

There’s nothing like the thought of dealing with chores, bills, and work back at home to bring on the post-vacation blues. But being home has its plus sides, like being able to see your friends and family.
Jen Ambrose, travel blogger at Passions and Places, says that filling her schedule with plans with the people she loves helps her forget about the sadness of ending a trip.
“Organize brunch with friends, sign up for a spin class, buy tickets to a show, or plan to do whatever you love doing. Having things on the calendar you’re looking forward to will make coming home easier,” she says.
If you’re really organized, make the plans before you even go on your vacation. That way, coming home won’t feel so hard.

Travel at home.

You don’t need to hop on a plane or drive long distances to experience the joys of travel. Checking out a local spot you’ve never been to can help keep your travel high alive.
Think about what you love about taking a vacation. Maybe it’s dining out, or enjoying the outdoors, or just seeing a new place. Whatever it is that drives you to travel can be pursued back at home as well.
Living in New York, I like to venture out to the outer boroughs when I feel the post-vacation blues. It makes me feel like I’m far away from home—even when I can’t take a bunch of days off from work. And when I lived in California and had a car, I’d spend my weekends driving up and down the coast, losing myself in the beauty of the cliffs and crashing ocean waves. It seemed to scratch an itch for a new experience.
Try taking a bus to somewhere you’ve never been, tasting a cuisine that’s new to you, or going for a swim at a nearby lake. Any refreshing experience you can have back at home will help you recover from the post-vacation blues.

Plan your next trip.

After realizing how stifled I feel at home when I’ve got no escapes to look forward to, I now rarely plan fewer than two trips at a time. If you’ve got a hard case of the post-vacation blues, there’s only one thing left to do: Start planning your next big adventure, whether you have time next week, next month, or next year. The important thing is figuring out what your next vacation will be so you can have something to look forward to.
Where do you get inspiration for a trip? I like to use Skyscanner, which can bring up a list of flight deals from your home airport to anywhere in the world. Just type “everywhere” in the space where you’d usually put in your chosen destination.
Travel magazines, Instagrammers, and bloggers can also inspire some serious wanderlust.
Finally, food can be another way to find your next destination. Love ravioli? Take a trip to Valletta, Malta, where the pillowy pasta is pretty much everywhere. Fan of fried rice? It’s the national dish of Indonesia! Or maybe you regularly crave beans and plantains. Nicaragua’s got you covered on that front, with some seriously addictive fried cheese on the side.
The post-vacation blues are one of the toughest side effects of having the travel bug. But with so many remedies available at home, you can channel the energy you felt on your vacation back into your everyday life—and use it to fuel your next getaway.
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Categories
Well-Traveled

What Every Woman Traveler Needs to Know Before Taking Her First Solo Trip

I’ve got a case of wanderlust, and a serious one at that. My dream lifestyle involves bouncing from one country to the next, with all the essentials right on my back. And while I haven’t gone full digital nomad…yet…I do travel a lot—more frequently than I can find a companion to come with me.
So what’s a wanderer to do? She hits the road on her own.
Getting the confidence to travel solo, though, is a trek in and of itself. The first day of my first solo trip in 2010 involved holing myself up in a hotel room. I had left the familiarity of New Delhi, where I studied Hindi and Indian art with 20 other American college kids, to conduct field research on local cuisine around India. An overnight train ride dropped me (and my unmanageably large backpack) off 900-ish miles south in Ahmedabad, and it hit me: I was alone. I felt vulnerable and intimidated, so when I arrived at the hotel, I struggled to leave. I felt like a failure.
But time was ticking and I needed to begin my research, stat. It took hours of giving myself an internal pep talk and making expensive long-distance calls to friends back home to finally work up the courage to leave my hotel room. But I did it, and it turned out to be one of the most rewarding experiences of my life, inspiring countless future trips around the world with no one’s hand to hold but my own.
Hopping on a plane to somewhere you’ve never been, where you don’t speak the language, and you have little idea where to go or what to do…it sounds ludicrous, I know. But there’s something deeply invigorating about getting up in the morning and having the entire day to explore the world alone. You have no one to answer to but yourself.
Trust me, you can do it. Any woman with a bit of grit and a lot of curiosity can (and should) take at least one solo trip.
When it comes time for yours, I’ve got some tips that can make your adventure easier and (hopefully) more fun.

Spin the globe.

The destination you choose will set the tone for your journey. If it’s your first time traveling solo, look for a place that has a strong tourism infrastructure: lots of hotels, restaurants, and things to do. That will make it easy for you to meet other people and enjoy the experience with minimal hassle.
Just as important is safety, especially when you’re a woman traveling alone. The U.S. Department of State publishes official travel advisories that can warn you about potential dangers in different parts of the world. TripAdvisor and travel forums can give you recent travelers’ perspectives of a place. The Lonely Planet destination guidebooks (a must-have on every trip I take) also offer traveler-specific guidance on dangers and annoyances you might experience on your trip.
Having never been the victim of a crime abroad, I genuinely believe many places in the world are safe and welcoming. Do your homework before you hop on the plane, leave your valuables at home, and remain assertive and confident no matter what the trip throws your way.

Dress the part.

What you wear plays a big role in how you experience foreign destinations. It’s a reality I don’t love, but it’s been my experience nonetheless.
I feel more comfortable when I cover up with cotton garments on my trips—often knee-length skirts (or longer), T-shirts, and jackets and scarves. However, if locals are wearing shorts and tank tops, I consider that a cue that it’s fine for me to do so too. Uniqlo and Zara have become my go-to stores for updating my travel wardrobe.
Dressing like a local is another way to show respect for host country and blend in. Visit a local mall or market early in your trip and see what clothes catch your eye.

Shop Travel Essentials:

 

Getting Around

Getting around in a foreign country is equal parts confusing, frustrating, fascinating, and fun. I recommend taking a private cab (or arranging a pickup from your hotel) when you go to a new country alone. It’ll help you get your bearings after a long flight.
But try using public transportation throughout the rest of your trip. Riding the subways or hopping on buses saves you money and immerses you in the culture, showing you what it’s actually like to live in a different place.
Some of my most vivid memories from my time in Jakarta, Indonesia, involve bumpy rides around the metropolis backed by the music of buskers on the crowded Kopaja buses, and it was a lot more colorful than sitting alone in a taxi.

You do you.

There’s nothing like the feeling of freedom you get when traveling solo. Feeling ambitious and want to take on a five-mile hike followed by an afternoon of museum hopping? Go for it! Has the trip worn you out and you need a break? Sip coffee and pore over a novel at a cafe all day—no judgment.
No matter how you choose to spend your days, you’ll learn about yourself, what you find fulfilling, and what it takes to live authentically—all skills that will continue enrich your life back home.
You can also consider diving deep into something that intrigues you. If you’re completely obsessed with the local cuisine, fill your itinerary with foodie activities and restaurant reservations. A cooking class, a stroll through a food market, and dinner at the place all the locals love are all musts. Immersing yourself in an area of interest will give your trip a greater sense of purpose.

Oh, the People You Meet!

It’s a fact: When you take a solo trip, you’re going to get lonely. But here’s another fact: You’re going to meet people.
Eager for some companionship after spending a few days alone, I made conversation with a woman playing solitaire in the hotel room of my guesthouse in Amritsar. She was friendly, and we decided we’d go see the festive border ceremony between India and Pakistan, a day trip I was nervous about taking on my own. There, we danced to Bollywood music with Indian women in the streets as tens of thousands of people showed pride for their countries, waving flags and chanting.
It was electrifying to share this experience with someone I’d only just met. Friends are surprisingly easy to come by when you’re traveling.
Take the plunge and book a flight to that place you’ve always dreamed of visiting. And take it from me: Leaving your hotel room will be the biggest challenge of your first trip alone.
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Categories
Gym x Studio Sweat

The Best Butt Exercises To Get The Derrière Of Your Dreams

Summer is right around the corner, and if a booty boost to Kim-Kardashian levels is on your to-do list, we have the best butt exercises to get you there.
The qualities of the perfect booty have changed over time, explains Anna Laura Sommer, a personal trainer certified by the American Council on Exercise. She also holds the title of 2017 Ms. Bikini New England, and she has become known for her toned glutes.
“Back in the ’80s, when jazzercise was a big thing, having no butt was the butt to have. These days, it’s all about the big butt, but that will probably change again. I hope we can get to the point where there’s not one type of desirable body, and everyone can work to challenge their bodies in their own way,” she says.
No matter the size or shape of your butt, there are ways of working toward your dream derrière. Sommer has put together a guide packed with the best butt exercises you can do right at home. These glute exercises are no cake walk, but every lunge, squat, and pulse will get your bum one step closer to a silhouette as plump as the peach emoji.

But(t) First, an Anatomy Lesson

The best butt exercises aren’t designed just to help you fill out a great pair of jeans. They also help keep one of your body’s most powerful muscle groups strong and healthy. Understanding the anatomy of your rear end will help you target each area of the glutes, says Sommer.
The gluteus maximus is the large muscle on the bottom of the butt, and it’s usually what people are referring to when they talk about their “glutes.” Closer to your hip bones, you’ll find your gluteus medius, a smaller muscle that is typically worked when running.
“The gluteus medius is what makes runners’ butts look long and lean,” explains Sommer.
Finally, you have the gluteus minimus, the smallest butt muscle, located just beneath the gluteus medius. It’s not mentioned much when talking about the best glute exercises, says Sommer, but it’s a really important one to work.
“All of the gluteus muscles lay on top of each other, so you don’t want to have any weak areas,” she says.

So which exercises give you a bigger butt?

“You’ll want to use really big movements, some weights, and dynamic exercises that target every single muscle in the legs, from the butt to the calves,” says Sommer. “Targeting the entire lower body, not just the glutes, will help you become a stronger person overall and reduce the risk of injury.”

Form is everything.

The first step toward a beautiful butt is a commitment to put in the work. No matter how many times a week you do butt exercises, though, the effort won’t pay off unless you practice proper form.
“For squats and lunges, one of the biggest mistakes that I see is allowing your knees to go past your toes. They need to be in line with your ankles, so really focus on having your weight in your heels. At the bottom of your squat, you should be able to wiggle your toes off the ground a bit,” says Sommer.
For most exercises (especially squats), your feet will face forward and be about hip-width apart. Focus on driving your hips down and back and keeping your chest up and back. Most importantly, make sure that you focus on slow, steady breathing.
“Nail the form before you add weights and worry about reps,” says Sommer. “If you don’t have good form, you won’t work the muscles you intend to, and you could end up in pain.”

Sommer’s Favorite Butt Exercises

Getting an exceptional butt is hard work, no buts about it. Fortunately, Sommer has put together a list of glute exercises to target each muscle group. And if you’re a little shy about doing some of these moves in front of others, don’t fear: These exercises can be done from the comfort of your home.
Choose four of Sommer’s best butt exercises below, and try to do three or four sets of each move, with 10–15 reps in each set, at least two days a week for a month. Switch up your chosen glute exercises every four weeks to challenge your body in new ways.
“You’ll feel it immediately after your first workout if you’re doing things right. You should start seeing results within 30 days, if not sooner,” she says.

Squat

Standing with your legs shoulder-width apart, begin to drive your butt back into a squat. As you bend, keep your chest and shoulders back. Get a deep bend in the knees (aim for at least 90 degrees if your body is able), while making sure they don’t go past your toes and your weight stays in your heels. When you head back up, press through your heels and contract your glutes until you’re standing. For added booty work, squeeze your butt again at the top.

Wide Squat

This butt exercise is very similar to the standard squat, but you start with your legs spread wider than your shoulders and your toes pointed outward to help increase the work required by your glutes.  

Walking Lunge

Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart and your arms extended in front of you or with your hands resting firmly on your hips. Then, step forward with one leg, flexing the knees to 90-degree angles and keeping your chest upright. Push through your front heel to straighten your legs and bring your feet back into their original place. Repeat on the opposite side.

Curtsy Lunge

Start in the same position as you did for the walking lunge. Then, step your left leg back about two feet, landing at an angle behind your right leg so your thighs cross. Both knees should bend, like a curtsy. Press through the heel to straighten your knees and bring your legs back to the starting position. Repeat on the opposite side.

Fire Hydrant

Begin on all fours with your hands under your shoulders and your knees under your hips. With your core engaged, raise one knee out to the side as high as you can, and hold it up for one second. The position should look a little like a dog peeing on a fire hydrant. Lower your leg to the starting position, and repeat. Then, switch sides and repeat the sequence.

Fire Hydrant Pulse

This move works exactly like the standard fire hydrant, but rather than lowering your leg all the way down, just lower halfway and pulse it back up to the top. Then, switch sides and repeat.

Bodyweight Glute Bridge

Lie on your back with your feet flat on the ground (hip-width apart) and knees bent. Press hard through your heels to drive your glutes off the ground, while keeping your shoulder blades on the floor. Push your hips as high as possible and draw your belly button in. Squeeze your glutes at the top, then lower to the ground.

Prone Hamstring Curl

Lie on your stomach with a lightweight dumbbell between your feet. With your toes flexed, exhale and bend your knees, bringing your heels toward your glutes and keeping your thighs on the ground. Inhale and slowly return your legs back to your starting position.

Squat Kickback

Start with your feet a little wider than shoulder-width apart, squat, then return to standing. Transfer your weight to one leg and kick back with the opposite leg. Return to the starting position and repeat on the opposite side.

Donkey Kick

Begin on all fours with your hands under your shoulders and your knees under your hips. Keep your right knee at a 90-degree angle and foot flexed, raising your leg behind you until your thigh is parallel to the floor. Squeeze your glutes to pulse your flexed foot toward the ceiling. Keep a neutral spine throughout this movement. Lower your leg to return to your starting position.

Frog Jump

Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart. Lower to a squat. Press into the balls of your feet and jump as high in the air as you can. When your feet hit the ground, go back down into a squat and repeat the frog jump.

A Beautiful Booty’s Not Built on Exercise Alone

You can spend all day and night doing squats, but glute exercises aren’t the sole way to build a great booty. You also need to pay attention to your nutrition, says Sommer.
“At the beginning of my fitness journey, I’d try to out-exercise a poor diet, and I didn’t see the results I wanted. Around 80 percent of how you look and feel is directly related to what you’re putting in your body, not what you’re doing at the gym,” she says.
She recommends fueling your butt exercises with a high-protein diet and healthy carbohydrates.
“Rather than eating three big meals a day, go for four or five small, healthy meals, each with a generous amount of lean protein. That keeps your metabolism up all day long,” says Sommer. “Don’t be afraid of carbs—your body needs them! I recommend oatmeal and sprouted bread.”
Finally, manage your expectations. No matter which part of your body you’re targeting, it will never look exactly the same as anyone else’s—and that’s okay! The “flaws” you notice about your butt, like cellulite, size, or shape, are all completely normal. Use your glute workout routine to help become the strongest, fittest, healthiest version of yourself, building confidence along the way.
“I’m a bikini fitness pro, and on my day of show, there’s still some cellulite on my legs even after working out, doing the best butt exercises, and having awesome nutrition. We can’t be self-conscious about it or beat ourselves up about it. Just accept that this is your body right now, and do the best you can not to compare yourself to others.”
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Categories
Mom x Body Motherhood

This Fitness Studio Prepares Women For Life’s Ultimate Physical Challenge: Motherhood

Opinions on women’s bodies and staying in shape are a dime a dozen. But when it comes to preparing your body for pregnancy (and beyond), many moms-to-be face information overload. What’s actually the right way to get ready for all of the physical (and emotional) demands of having a baby?
Enter PROnatal Fitness, a New York company that trains women for the event of their lives: motherhood. It offers prenatal and postpartum classes along with mom-focused personal training and core rehabilitation.
Founder Brittany Citron designed the fitness regimen to address the specific needs of women’s bodies during pregnancy, labor, and early motherhood. You won’t find talk about dropping the baby weight in this studio. Instead, trainers emphasize staying strong and feeling your best during nine months of changes, preparing for labor, recovering safely, and adapting to the 24/7 physical and emotional demands of caring for a baby. They also help women build support networks with other moms.
To learn more about PROnatal’s mom-positive approach to staying fit, HealthyWay sat down with Citron to ask her about the right way to work out when pregnant, building the core strength you’ll need for labor, and finding the energy to exercise—even after sleepless nights with your newborn.
HealthyWay
HealthyWay: What first interested you about fitness for moms?
Citron: I was actually in the corporate world for over 11 years, and I was always into fitness but never thought of it as a career. Everything really changed during my first pregnancy. I had a difficult time getting pregnant—it took me two and a half years. I wanted to do everything right to give this child a great start at life, and I knew exercise was really important for that.
I wanted to learn not just what I should avoid doing, but what I should be doing. But I couldn’t get a clear answer. Every fitness professional told me something different, and my doctor wasn’t helpful at all. So I began researching and getting interested in learning about the stresses my body was going through and figuring out how to prepare myself for that. I created a training system, had a very easy labor, pushed my son out in 10 minutes, and had a relatively easy recovery.
But my experience was very different from what happened to friends of mine, who were also pregnant at the time. We all made different choices. My friend who “played it safe” and didn’t do any exercise ended up with a horrible delivery, while another friend pushed herself to do everything and she had a bunch of complications. Here’s a group of women who are motivated to do what’s best, yet we all suffered from a lack of resources. For a mom, that’s disempowering.
So that’s when you opened PROnatal Fitness?
Yes. Any woman that has the desire to be fit and healthy for herself and her child should have the right resources to do that—that became our mission.
I brought in people from the fitness industry and built a team. We offer our own personal training and classes. We’re also focusing on educating other fitness pros so we can make a bigger impact for women everywhere. We prepare women for pregnancy, labor, and early motherhood like you would prepare for an athletic event. There’s no greater physical challenge than childbirth—it’s the most physically and mentally challenging event of our lives. We prepare women specifically to meet those demands.
Tell us about the mom fitness classes. How are they designed to help women on their journeys to becoming moms?
The prenatal and postpartum classes have a similar format. We teach rehabilitative techniques that will help you rebuild your core after childbirth, which can help speed up recovery. Both classes alternate between three sections of cardio and strength, focusing first on the lower body, then the upper body, and finally the glutes and core.
The main differences are that prenatal classes are indoors and set to music. Postpartum classes are done outdoors with a stroller. In the last section of the postpartum class, the babies go out on the grass and play.
Women like that the classes are full-body workouts, and they’re constantly working and moving for an hour. There’s also a gentle stretch and release at the end.
Can these kinds of workouts help reduce pain during labor? How?
Our classes use intervals that mimic the contractions of delivery. When you’re having contractions, that’s essentially nature’s interval training of work to rest to work to rest. We teach women how to go through periods of intense work and immediately quiet their bodies to go into recovery. We also practice birthing and labor positions.
Deep squatting can be a labor position. We train women to mentally focus on diaphragmatic breathing—not on the physical pain or discomfort. It’s kind of like HIIT (high-intensity interval training), but we call it LIIT (labor-intensive interval training).  
Pregnancy is as much an emotional experience as it is physical. Does your studio offer any techniques to help women mentally prepare?  
There’s no blanket way to deal with the psychological piece, since no two women experience pregnancy the same way. In general, one of the things we help women learn during pregnancy is that having a plan is good, but you need to be adaptable. You can do everything by the book for nine months only to find that the baby’s not positioned the right way and your birth plan’s out the window—that can make you feel like a failure. The ability to mentally shift and go with it is success.
After the baby comes, it’s all about the baby. But our classes focus on the mom—she’s our priority. She may have completely lost her sense of self and feel like her body’s a slave to the child. We want women to know that they’re important—that’s what our postpartum classes focus on. It needs to be an experience that mothers really enjoy and feel like they’re doing for themselves.
The stroller workouts also foster a sense of community, and the importance of that can’t be underestimated during the postpartum period. Moms find that it becomes a great support network for them.
Why are you passionate about helping women prepare their bodies for motherhood?
There are so many reasons. During the nine months leading up to motherhood, your body goes through massive changes. Women who don’t prepare appropriately can get injured and end up in a lot of pain. Pregnancy then becomes something you don’t enjoy but something to endure. I want to help women prepare for this incredibly challenging event so they can enjoy it as much as possible.
The other piece of it is from the baby’s perspective. Research shows that exercising during pregnancy and in the early stages of motherhood offers immense health benefits to the baby from birth, extending into childhood, and even the adult years. There are benefits to the heart, brain, and weight for both mom and baby.
What’s the most important thing moms-to-be should focus on when exercising?
The biggest thing is building deep core strength. A lot of women think we shouldn’t work our abs during pregnancy, but core work is the most important thing you can do.
You should also focus on strength training. Women are often told they should decrease their resistance levels as their pregnancy progresses. But if you take that approach, you’re at your weakest when you’re at the end of your pregnancy and carrying around 30 to 40 pounds of extra weight. We actually push them to increase their resistance levels to help them build strength. They’ll need it to carry around their extra load and maneuver through life.
How does exercise change when you’re expecting?
It’s different for everyone. In the beginning, you might be doing the same routine for a while. But as you go through pregnancy, there will be some things you need to taper down. You’ll probably have to cut back on high-impact moves, like running, jumping, and deep lunging. By the third trimester, you’ll naturally reduce the intensity of a lot of your activities to balance out the extra weight you’re already lifting all the time. The belly will have lots of pressure on it, so you won’t be doing sit-ups.
But it’s not only about avoiding, it’s also about what you should start to do when you’re pregnant. One of the things we focus on in the prenatal class is functional training for the typical activities of motherhood. We practice moves like the crib reach and the bath-time kneel. How many times a day is she going to be on the ground changing a diaper and need to get up, carrying her child without using her hands? We practice proper hinging to help keep the body safe when lifting the baby. We teach how to maintain a neutral spine. Preparing for this during pregnancy will help you get ready for the demands of having a newborn.
How should pregnant women prepare for exercise?
Just do it! A lot of women who may not have exercised before feel like pregnancy is not the time to start, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. There are so many benefits to doing it, and it doesn’t matter when you start—as long as you start! Some women walk into our classes and they’re embarrassed that they have never exercised before. I congratulate them for taking the first step.
How soon should women plan to get back into their exercise routines after childbirth?
You can’t begin an exercise routine until you’re officially cleared by your doctor. Normally this happens 4 to 6 weeks after a vaginal delivery or 6 to 8 weeks after a C-section, but it really depends on the doctor and the woman’s experience. You need to give your body time to heal. And when you finally are cleared, it doesn’t mean it’s okay to go back to Barry’s Bootcamp now. Your body has been through so much trauma, and you need to be patient or you’ll end up injured. It’s a slow and gradual return.
Taking care of a newborn is exhausting. Got any tips for new moms on finding the time, energy, and motivation to take care of their own bodies, even when they’re worn out?
You have to be patient during the first several weeks. But if you can make a little time for yourself, you’ll feel the difference in your mind, body, and ability to care for your little one. You don’t have to start hitting the gym every day, but can you take your baby out for a walk in the stroller? Just set little goals, and try to increase your activity as time goes on. Do something without the baby every once in a while as well. It’s good for your own mental health. Make it something you enjoy. If it’s something you look forward to, you’ll prioritize it because it feels good.
If you could share once piece of advice for new moms, what would it be?
Well, I really have two big things to say about this. First, remember not to lose your sense of self. When you become a mom, it’s easy for everything to become all about the baby. Exercise and doing something for you isn’t selfish. You’ll be a healthier, stronger, better mother when you take care of yourself. It’s an exciting time to redefine yourself, so once you get over the sleep deprivation and craziness of the first 12 weeks, remember not to let go of yourself.
Equally important is finding a community you can use as a support network—but never comparing yourself to people in that community. A lot of times in mom groups and on social media it becomes a big game of comparison about who lost the baby weight fastest and whose baby is sleeping through the night. But the reality is that no woman has figured it out, no matter what it looks like on Instagram and Facebook. Every mom struggles. It’s a roller coaster, so make sure you enjoy the ride and have a good support network to rely on when things are difficult.

Categories
Life x Culture Lifestyle

I Hate My Job: How To Stay Positive When You Can’t Quit (Yet!)

It’s probably safe to say that most people have thought I hate my job at one point or another. Unless you’re one of those lucky few who truly loves their job, chances are pretty high you feel a sense of disappointment on Sunday night: The weekend’s ending, and you’ll be back to the daily grind as soon as you wake up on Monday morning. But as we get back into the swing of the workweek, most of us manage to have a positive outlook and generally enjoy feeling productive—or at least making some hard-earned cash on pay day.
But what if the Sunday scaries don’t go away, and you feel an impending sense of doom on your way to work every single day? You dread the thought of checking your inbox, the walls of the office seems to close in on you, and you’re counting down the hours until quitting time as soon as you step in the door. Worse than that, when you hate your job, you end up taking that frustration and hostility home with you—ruining the few free hours you have away from work.
I’ve been there—there was a time when I’d tell my work bestie, “I need to get out of this place. I hate my job,” as soon as I sat down at my desk. And like most people, I couldn’t just walk out (though I had to fight that urge daily). In most cases, quitting takes time and careful planning—and the opportunity to leave a job you hate doesn’t usually happen as quickly as you’d like. So what can you do in the meantime to make your Monday through Friday bearable when you hate your job?
If you’re intent on sticking it out at a job that makes you miserable, there are some strategies you can use to get through it. Executive coach Libby Gill, author of The Hope-Driven Leader: Harness the Power of Positivity at Work explains that it’s important to continue doing your best at work, even when you’d rather be anywhere else.
“Slacking off will only make you feel worse about your job, especially when you start to get pushback or complaints or a negative performance appraisal,” she says. “Instead, take responsibility and do something to make the situation better until you can move on.”
If you find yourself reciting a running narrative that starts with “I hate my job,” here’s what to do to stay motivated, keep your head high, and eventually move on to greener pastures.

Are you annoyed, or do you truly hate your job?

Any job can get under your skin. But there’s a difference between being annoyed by a temporary circumstance, like a missed promotion or a chronically delayed project, and being able to say “I hate my job” and really mean it.
What types of things can drive someone to want to throw in the towel at work?
“Most of the time, when someone hates their job, it’s because of the sheer volume of work and feeling like they’ll never get everything done,” says Gill. “We tend to say yes to too many things, and supervisors can also be unrealistic about what it takes to get a job done.”
Sometimes hating your job is less about the volume of assignments on your plate and more about the work itself. Finding your tasks insufferably boring or meaningless can lead to disengagement at work. In fact, a 2017 Gallup report found that “85 percent of employees are not engaged … with their jobs.”
“The biggest thing that makes people hate their jobs is when they don’t see a direct connection to their company’s value or purpose,” says Gill.
Practical issues can also cause resentment at work. Frequent battles with your supervisor, a lack of advancement opportunities, and chronic stress at the office can make your job feel intolerable.
“Assess the workplace situation and identify the root cause of what’s making you miserable so you can work toward solutions,” advises Gill.
Once you understand why you fell into the I-hate-my-job camp, you can start finding your way back out.

You are not your job.

Given how much time and energy we devote to our careers, many professionals pin their identities to their jobs—and that can make us feel like failures when our companies don’t meet our expectations. Getting some emotional distance from your work (even when you still need to be physically present) can help you feel a lot better when you hate your job.
“If you’re feeling unappreciated, you need to rediscover what’s in your personal life outside of work. It’s not realistic to find all your joy, happiness, and appreciation at work,” Gill says. “What are you doing outside of work that feeds your soul?”
Trying out a new hobby, signing up to volunteer at a worthy organization, and even reviving friendships can help you feel better when you hate your job. These experiences will energize you and remind you of all of the various ways you’re equipped to contribute to society and enjoy life.
“Don’t forget to take care of yourself. Keep up with exercise, pay attention to your relationships and your finances. It’s all common sense stuff, but people tend to neglect the basics when they hate their jobs,” says Gill.

There’s a right (and wrong) way to vent about a job you hate.

All that pent up frustration about work needs to go somewhere—like a passionate venting session with someone you’re close to. I’ll be the first to admit that when I hopped on the complain train with my work bestie, it felt like a relief to blow off some steam for a few minutes.
But in the long run, venting doesn’t do much good. Science shows that complaining actually just makes you feel worse—so try not to let it become a habit.
“It’s okay to vent sometimes, but pick your allies carefully. Vent to people outside your work, like your friends or family, if you need to complain from time to time,” says Gill.
Better yet, try to have an open, honest conversation with someone in a role that’s similar to yours.
“If you can talk freely with them, it can be helpful to see if they’ve faced similar issues and what they’ve done about it,” says Gill.

Take advantage of opportunities—even at that job you hate.

When you hate your job, you might feel like there’s no way to fix it. But it’s worth exploring solutions that could improve the situation. Maybe your workload is too much, or you no longer feel challenged—these are situations that aren’t beneficial for you or your company.
“Talk to your supervisor, human resources, or anyone who might be able to rectify the situation,” says Gill. “Of course, you don’t want to be seen as a whiner, so make the conversation count by bringing real-life examples of issues and potential solutions. Make it clear that you’re there to make the situation better.”
If that doesn’t work, strive to take advantage of fresh opportunities at the job you hate. Learning new skills, trying out a different project, and taking training programs can help you stay in engaged—and make your resume more attractive to future employers when you’re ready to move on.
“Learning something new at work can help you feel like you’re getting something back from a job you hate. It also helps you start thinking about what you might do next,” says Gill. “Even if you know you can’t leave your job for five years, don’t just sit around daydreaming. Spend a year studying, finding a mentor, and taking control of your plan.”

Working Through a Job You Hate

Most of us don’t have the luxury of jumping ship when we hate our jobs. You might just need to grin and bear it. Focusing on small things can help you work through it.
When I hated my job, I tried to make it better by treating myself to really tasty lunches at least once a week. I’d also take frequent walks, both around my spacious office and in the neighborhood—vitamin D and exercise are easy pick-me-ups. And since the office felt unbearable, leaving on time became a priority. I powered through my task list from 9 to 5, which helped the hours fly by and got me out on time.
“Never underestimate the value of friendships and having fun,” adds Gill, “even if you have to schedule them well in advance. Getting together with people you love will help put things back into perspective.”
Gill also suggested something really clever that I wish I’d tried when I hated my job: starting a “thank you” file.
“Whenever people send you an email or a letter of a job well done, put those in a folder. Once in a while, go back through those and you’ll see where you are appreciated. It feels really good,” she says.
From time to time, reread your own resume and LinkedIn profile. Reminders of all that you’ve accomplished can also help you remember that there are bigger things on the horizon.

Networking When You Hate Your Job

It’s tempting to isolate yourself from your colleagues when you hate your job. But that’s the opposite of how you should approach things, says Gill. She says networking can be a powerful tool for helping you cope during a difficult time at work.
“Find healthy relationships on the job and get to know people outside of your own team. Have lunch or coffee with somebody new once a week. People feel like that’s a lot, but it’s not if you plan ahead,” she says.
Forming those bonds may revive some of the passion you lost for work—or at least put you on a path toward leaving a job you hate.
“I suggest to people that they do something industry-wide once a month, like professional conferences or women’s networking groups, so you’re exposed outside of your organization. It adds to your ability to look around for your next job,” says Gill.
Talking with new people frequently also helps you practice a critical skill: making your elevator pitch.
“You’ll learn not to immediately say, ‘I hate my job,’ and instead talk about how you’re curious about what’s next for your career,” says Gill.
Staying professionally active will be a positive, energizing force that counterbalances a draining day job.

Planning an Exit Strategy From a Job You Hate

Maybe you’ve decided it’s time to cut your losses and break things off with the job you hate. Hopefully you have another job already lined up. But if not, start dropping not-too-subtle hints to people who can lead you to your next opportunity.
“Look around while you’re still on the job. Unless it’s contractually prohibited at your company, you’re allowed to take meetings and plant seeds. The safest way to do it is to say, ‘Hey, I’ve been working here for this number of years, and things are going well, but I’m looking for my next adventure.’ I guarantee your bosses are doing the same thing,” says Gill.
If your job search does get back to your boss, fess up to it, says Gill.
“Tell them you need to keep your options open for the future and you’ll never leave them in the lurch. Remind them that if and when you decide to leave, you won’t be doing it to try to leverage a raise or promotion from them,” she says.
Finally, when it’s time to part ways with your current company, leave with grace.
“I call it the art of the depart,” says Gill. “Give it your best effort until the day you leave. Give a reasonable amount of notice and try to hand off your projects in a seamless way.”
Whatever you do, don’t gossip about your boss or the company—you’re probably going to need them for a reference at some point in the future.
“Trashing your boss can really come back to haunt you. So rather than talking about how much you hate your job, focus on everything you’ve learned and been able to contribute in your role,” says Gill.
Resigning with dignity will help preserve your professional reputation and give you the headspace you’ll need to focus on your next move—hopefully to a job you don’t hate.
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Categories
Health x Body Wellbeing

Everything You Need To Know About How To Choose A Doctor

The pain in my jaw was back, and it wasn’t going away this time. I went to the dentist to get it checked out and one of my deepest fears came to life: I’d need to get my wisdom teeth removed. Even worse: It wouldn’t be your standard dental office procedure—there were complications and I’d need to see a specialist. I asked him about how to find a doctor to help me, and he referred me to an oral surgeon. That’s when the real trouble began.
“You should have had this procedure done years ago,” scolded the oral surgeon during our consultation a few days later. “Why didn’t you have this done yet?”
I cowered in the chair, my jaw throbbing with pain, unsure of how to respond. He met with me for all of five minutes, during which he explained that the oral surgery would cost about $7,000 (a sum that I, a recent college grad, did not have) and told me I should speak with another staff member about taking out a loan. He left in a huff.
How could I trust this doctor, who chastised me and hardly explained the surgery, to take care of me with compassion during an invasive procedure?
I decided to shop around, but it turned out that the intricacies of healthcare in the U.S. make it extremely difficult to figure out how to find a doctor who fits your needs and your budget. Few medical offices reveal prices ahead of time, and ratings from patients are often mixed (if you can even find them).
After nearly two dozen unsuccessful calls to oral surgeons in the Bay Area drove me to tears, I ended up on the phone with the sweetest receptionist at an oral surgery office who explained that the doctor was an expert in this particular procedure and was willing to work with me on financing. I went to a consultation that lasted more than an hour, and the oral surgeon patiently explained exactly what would happen during the procedure and why it was important for my health.
This was a doctor I felt I could trust. The entire experience—from going under anesthesia and getting a bone graft to healing and eventually getting the stitches removed—went better (and cost less) than I had expected. What a relief!
A great oral surgeon is just one of many doctors we might need in our lives. No matter what type of care you’re looking for, you’ll need a solid strategy for how to choose a doctor. R. Ruth Linden, PhD, who helps people find medical experts in her role as health advocate and president of Tree of Life Health Advocates, a private health-advocacy firm in San Francisco, shares her insights on how to find a doctor you can trust.

How to Find a Doctor Who Can Help You With Your Goals

With so many factors involved in how to choose a doctor, it can be tough to know exactly where to start. Linden recommends coming up with a list of healthcare-related goals you’re hoping to achieve by working with a medical professional.
“What do you want to get out of the appointment, and the relationship? In order to get your needs met, you need to know exactly what they are. Ask yourself what your goals are,” she says.
Examples of goals might be successfully managing a chronic illness, improving your sleep habits, developing a healthier diet, or overcoming depression. These goals will not only give you (and your doctor) clarity about what you expect to achieve, but they’ll also inform the type of medical professional from whom you seek care.
Your first stop might be a primary care physician, internist, or family doctor. These types of doctors are trained in helping patients manage their general health, diagnosing diseases and illnesses, administering treatments, and dealing with everyday concerns. Most of these doctors hold MD (medical doctor) degrees, and they practice the form of medicine most Americans are familiar with, which is known as allopathic medicine.
A minority of doctors choose to get a DO (doctor of osteopathic medicine) degree. They undergo practically the same training as their MD colleagues, but they also spend another 200 hours or so learning more about the musculoskeletal system and osteopathic manipulation, a technique in which a doctor uses touch to diagnose and treat patients.
Both types of doctors undergo years of training and need to pass a licensing exam to earn their white coats. Whether you choose a DO or an MD depends on your preferences and who is available in your area.
Some health concerns require the intervention of a specialist. For example, most women choose to get birth control, screenings for sexually transmitted diseases, and Pap smears from an obstetrician-gynecologist (OB-GYN). Allergists and immunologists treat disorders of the immune system such as food allergies, asthma, and eczema. Otolaryngologists treat disorders and diseases in patients’ ears, noses, and throats. Dermatologists treat problems with the skin, nails, and hair. As for mental health, both psychologists and psychiatrists can help treat depression, anxiety, addiction, and other concerns, but only the latter can prescribe medications, like antidepressants.
The list of areas and treatment types doctors can specialize in runs long, and some people choose to see doctors who are trained in traditions outside of allopathic medicine. Naturopaths, for example, are doctors who use natural approaches, such as acupuncture and nutrition, to address health issues.
You may need to get a referral from your primary care physician to get treatment from a specialty doctor depending on your particular medical needs and insurance requirements. In most cases, they’ll recommend a handful of specialists for you to choose from. If for some reason you’re sent to a specialist you don’t want to work with going forward, you can explore options for seeing someone else with your insurer, or by asking for another referral from your PCP.

Finding a Doctor Who Takes Your Insurance

Once you come up with your list of goals and potential specialists who can address your particular concerns, the next step in how to find a doctor is thinking about your budget. If you’re insured, you’ll need to decide whether you want to work with someone in network with your health insurance.
“An in-network provider will reduce your out-of-pocket costs, but sometimes it’s challenging or even impossible to find a great doctor who takes your insurance,” says Linden.
You can usually find an up-to-date list of in-network providers on your insurance provider’s website. If nothing comes up, which is more likely to happen when you’re looking for a specialist, you’ll have to broaden your search—and consider your willingness to pay more.

How to Find a Doctor: Building a Short List

Once you’ve determined whether you’re going to use your health insurance, it’s time to come up with a list of candidates. A Google search for doctors is likely to yield an unwieldy array of options, which is why Linden recommends starting your search the old-fashioned way: by asking your friends, family, and colleagues for recommendations.
Online resources such as Yelp, ZocDoc, Healthgrades, and RateMDs can also give you an inside look at other patients’ experiences with particular doctors. But take those reviews with a grain of salt, says Linden.
“People use online review sites to comment on all kinds of irrelevant things, like parking, the elevator, the demeanor of the front desk staff. These are things you might want to be aware of, but many times, they’re not the doctor’s responsibility and don’t reflect on how they care for patients,” she says.
Qualifications play a big role in how to choose a doctor. Merely having an MD isn’t enough to prove that a doctor provides high-quality care, says Linden, who only refers her clients to board-certified professionals.
“It’s very important to see someone who’s board certified,” says Linden. “That credential assures you that the doctor has completed his or her training and passed a national exam. It’s a minimal standard, as far as I’m concerned.”
Doctors will typically share their certifications in the bio sections of their websites. You can cross-reference their board certifications with the Administrators in Medicine DocFinder, the American Board of Medical Specialties Certification Matters site, or the American Board of Family Medicine doctor finder.
Gender is another important factor in how to choose a doctor. Some patients feel indifferent about whether their physician is a man or a woman, while others may struggle to feel comfortable receiving care from someone of the opposite gender.
“I find that women tend to prefer to see women doctors, while men don’t care,” says Linden.
It takes a lot more than the right gender, a recommendation from a friend, and solid credentials to make a doctor the right fit for you, though. You also have to consider the logistics of working with any medical professional. Is their practice close driving or walking distance from where you live or work? Is the doctor accepting new patients right now? Can you get in for an appointment relatively soon? A “no” answer to any of these questions doesn’t make a doctor a poor choice for you, but you should think about whether or not it’s worth it to travel far or wait a long time to be seen at a practice.
“Long wait lists for an appointment are not a red flag. I referred a client to to the very best internist in her area, who had 4,000 five-star Yelp reviews. She couldn’t be seen for months because she’s in demand, but she’s worth waiting for if you don’t need to be seen right away,” says Linden.
All of these factors should help you narrow down your list of candidates to just a select few doctors. Then, go with your gut—if you’re naturally drawn to one of the physicians, it’s time to see if he or she is the right doctor for you. Call up the practice and schedule an appointment.

Finding The Right Match

Your relationship with your doctor will be an incredibly intimate experience. He or she will know some of the most personal details of your life, ranging from your family medical history and allergies to your sexual history and substance use. Getting the best personalized care depends on how open and honest you can be with your doctor.
“There’s a loop I like to work through with each client when introducing them to a new physician,” says Linden. “It consists of three legs: preparing for the appointment, asking questions during the appointment, and debriefing after the appointment.”
Get ready for your initial appointment by referring to your health goals and drafting a list of questions for the doctor. Think about what you hope to get from the appointment, says Linden, who offers several examples of potential inquiries for a doctor:

  • I take blood pressure medication but I want to make some lifestyle changes so I no longer need the prescription. Is that something you can help me with?
  • I’ve been feeling depressed. Can you talk to me about the pros and cons of starting an antidepressant?
  • I want to lose 20 pounds. Can you provide nutritional guidance to help me?

“You can’t make a decision about whether that doctor is a match for you unless you understand your own expectations,” says Linden.
Meeting with the doctor gives you the opportunity to ask those questions and evaluate the physician’s communication style and bedside manner. Linden emphasizes the importance of asserting your preferences and needs during this initial appointment.
“You have to learn to advocate for yourself. We all become passive in a medical setting because of the power differential between doctor and patient, but you have to be assertive. If you need to be handled with special care, tell the doctor so they have the opportunity to treat you extra gently,” she says.
If the doctor frequently interrupts you, fails to address your preferences, or isn’t flexible in her handling of patients, she’s probably not the right fit for you. Take some time to reflect on how things went after the appointment.
“Did you feel your questions were answered? Did the doctor meet your expectations? What happened and how did you feel about it?” asks Linden.
Hopefully the legwork you did as you decided how to choose a doctor led you to a physician with expertise in your health concerns and a style that resonates with you. And if not, keep searching—it can be frustrating to try out different physicians, but it pays off tenfold when you finally find a doctor you trust.