Author: Katie Martin

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Healthy Pregnancy Motherhood

So You Want To Be A Surrogate? Here’s What You Need To Know

Because she’d experienced pregnancy loss herself, Crystal Henry, a writer who blogged about her surrogacy experience, had no reservations when she decided to carry a child for a friend whose chances of natural conception were slim at best. When her friend decided to try IVF treatments, though, Henry knew she still wanted to be a surrogate.
“I remember thinking I’d love to help another woman become a mother. I loved being pregnant, and after my natural delivery with my second daughter, I knew I wanted to do that again. I also knew our family was complete, so surrogacy was the next natural step to chase that birth high.”
Though Henry knew right away she wanted to be a surrogate, the decision to become a surrogate or gestational carrier is a huge decision.
If you’re considering becoming a surrogate, here’s what you need to know, from fertility doctors, surrogacy lawyers, intended parents, and surrogates who’ve been there.

Surrogate, Gestational Surrogate, Egg Donor: What’s the Difference?

There are a couple of different ways to become a surrogate, and each one has its own pros and cons for all parties involved. Traditional surrogacy is when the surrogate’s own egg is fertilized with either the intended father or a donor’s sperm, meaning that the surrogate is biologically tied to the child. A gestational surrogate, on the other hand, carries a fertilized egg from the intended parents and/or egg and sperm donors, so they have no genetic ties to the child. An egg donor is just that: a woman who only donates her eggs to be fertilized.
Now that we’ve got the basics down, here’s what you need to know if you’re considering becoming a surrogate.

Surrogacy won’t make you rich.

Kim Kardashian West, who famously became a surrogacy advocate when her daughter Chicago was born via surrogate earlier this year, reportedly paid the surrogate around $45,000 (the average cost to hire a surrogate) over a 10-month period. If you’re dreaming of ways to pay down your student debt or make a down payment on your dream home, a $30,000 to $50,000 check can sound ultra-tempting. But when you break down the actual cost-to-work ratio of incubating a little human for almost 10 months, your earnings may surprise you.
“I did get pre-birth child support. If you think about it, there aren’t a lot of babysitters who would do the job 24 hours a day for nine months for free,” says Henry. “It took us two years, months of IVF injections, countless [reproductive endocrinologist] and OB doctor’s visits as well as the risks and pain of labor and childbirth—I delivered without so much as a Tylenol. I think when we totaled it up I got paid just over $1 per hour. So I can assure you that no surrogate does this for the money.”

I just want to help people have kids. How do I become a surrogate?

Becoming a surrogate is a lengthy process. First, you’ll need to meet a few standards that almost all surrogacy agencies require.
“Ideally, surrogates to have a healthy BMI, have delivered at least one healthy baby vaginally, and pass any psychological testing required,” explains Shahin Ghadir, MD, of the Southern California Fertility Center. “In California, a surrogate must also be between the ages of 21 and 39 years old, have had no more than three cesareans, and no more than five vaginal deliveries.”
While the agency won’t require it, Stephanie Caballero, a surrogacy lawyer who practices at the Surrogacy Law Center in California, recommends surrogates also have a stellar support team.
“She’s [a surrogate], been pregnant before, and she gets it,” Caballero says of the ideal surrogate, “but a surrogacy really does take a village and that village includes agency personnel, if any, intended parents, OB-GYN, IVF physician, nurse coordinators, attorney, and a mental health professional.”
After her friend decided to pursue IVF, Henry decided to work with an agency to become a surrogate, but it took a couple of tries to find a good fit.
“During the initial interview process they asked how I felt about termination. …While I’d never begrudge another woman’s decision, I couldn’t be in a position to terminate,” says Henry.
So, she reached out to other agencies until she found a surrogacy agency that did not require termination as part of the surrogate’s contract. If you feel strongly about a particular issue, as Henry did, make sure that you find a reputable surrogacy agency that’s right for you. It may take a little longer to make a match with intended parents, but it’s in everyone’s best interest to be on the same page.

What are a surrogate’s legal rights?

A surrogate will enter into a contract with the intended parents before becoming pregnant. Every single detail will be outlined in that contract, but actual surrogacy law differs from state to state.
“In the United States every state handles surrogacy differently so the potential gestational carrier—the most common form of surrogacy, where the woman carrying the child is not genetically related—needs to check the laws in her state to see if surrogacy is practiced,” says Caballero.
“For instance, surrogacy is very limited in the state of New York where only compassionate surrogacy is allowed. No fees are involved, so typically surrogacy is between family or friends,” Caballero explains. “Contrast that with the state of California, where my firm is located. California has very solid case law and a surrogacy statute that defines the roles of both the gestational carrier and the intended parents and protects them.”
Surrogacy contracts are very detailed. A surrogacy contract will cover everything from the rights and responsibilities of both the parents-to-be and the gestational carrier, medical and life insurance, parental rights, intent of the parties, escrow and trust holder information and details, medical procedures, delivery and birth, and conduct of the surrogate, as well as payment to the surrogate, if that’s applicable.
While extreme surrogacy cases (like a surrogate keeping a child) make for great Lifetime movies, they hardly ever happen in real life, says Caballero.
“These situations are extremely rare and usually happen when corners have been cut and the surrogate has not received psychological screening and testing and she did not have an attorney represent her,” Caballero explains.

Who uses surrogates—and is it weird for a surrogate to be friends with the intended parents?

The demographics of intended parents vary: Of course there are heterosexual couples who cannot or choose not to conceive and opt to use a surrogate, as in Henry’s experience, which involved an intended mother and an intended father. That said, gay couples are increasingly using surrogacy to build their families, too.
The Chicago Tribune reports that at Fertility Centers of Illinois, gay men rarely pursued surrogacy just five years ago. Since then, the number has been increasing. A 2018 report showed that overall, gay male couples are content with the level of contact they have with their surrogate; the only men in the study who were discontent wanted more contact with their surrogate, not less. Also heartening if you’re considering becoming a surrogate: The findings of a 2016 report showed that children conceived by surrogacy and raised by gay men tend to have positive relationships with their surrogates.
But before anyone can build a positive relationship with their surrogate, they have to find one! So how do couples feel about finding (and nurturing a relationship with) the right surrogate?
“It takes a long time to meet the right surrogate, but when you do, you just know,” Dustin Lance Black, an Academy Award-winning screenwriter, tells HealthyWay. He and his husband, Olympic diver Tom Daley, are expecting their first child via surrogate later this year. “I knew the first time we met our surrogate that we’d made a match. It was partly how she was with her own kids and husband, loving and hilarious, and how she was with Tom and I. …She reminded me so much of our own families that I hoped and prayed she’d say yes to carrying our firstborn. Because at the end of the day, she’s going to be in our family’s heart and lives for a good long time, and we adore her and her family.”
The relationship between a surrogate and the intended parents is very intimate for obvious reasons, but it will mostly be defined by the contract both parties agreed upon. For example, the intended parents will probably want to attend the surrogate’s OB appointments and be present for the birth of the child. Still, each surrogacy relationship is totally unique.
“An open line of communication is key in these relationships,” says Ghadir. “It is very important that both parties—potential surrogates and intended parent(s)—feel a good connection.”
When Henry was matched with her first intended parents, she felt an immediate connection.
“They asked questions like Would I feel comfortable with them being in the room during delivery?” Henry remembers. “I joked that not only would they be in the room, but [the intended father] would deliver the baby. They laughed, but two years later he sat at the edge of my hospital bed and caught his daughter as she came into the world. Baby mama was laying next to me in the bed ready to be the first one to hold her daughter skin-to-skin. It was absolutely the most incredible thing I’ve ever done.”

Surrogacy is a challenging (and totally rewarding) experience.

Being a surrogate is a life-changing experience for the surrogate, intended parents, and most importantly, the child who’s being born.
Most of the people I spoke to about surrogacy said they’d do it again without hesitation. For Henry, helping a family have a child fulfilled her own desire to make a difference in the world.
“If this little surro baby grows up to be president, I get to say I played a role in her existence,” explains Henry. “People always say I’m some kind of angel or some selfless person, and they couldn’t be more wrong. I was just trying to fulfill my own dream, and it happened to fulfill the dreams of another couple. The family who allowed me to carry their only hope of a child were the brave and inspiring ones. They were the ones that had to wait for two years, and to trust someone they hardly knew to care for their child.”
For Black and Daley, surrogacy has been a lesson in gratitude.
“I lost my mother many years ago now. Tom lost his father as well. When Tom and I first met, we shared our dream of having children of our own one day, to pass on our parents’ love and lessons to our own. Surrogacy has given us this chance. There’s nothing I’ve ever been more grateful for.”

Categories
Health x Body Wellbeing

Symptoms Of Toxic Shock Syndrome (And Why You Shouldn’t Panic)

Soon after I got my first period, my mother handed me a box of Tampax and showed me how to use tampons. At the end of our lesson, my mother told me that under no circumstances was I ever to leave a tampon in for more than four hours at a time, or I could risk getting toxic shock syndrome (TSS), which could kill me.
Um, say what now, Mom?!
Tampon on a pink background.
After my mother’s ominous warning, I was almost too scared to use tampons, so I followed the instructions on the tampon box to the letter. I mean, who wants their tombstone to read, “Here lies Katie Martin. She’d still be alive if she’d only taken her tampon out”?
Still, in the almost 20 years that I’ve been using tampons, I’ve never fully understood what toxic shock syndrome was, nor had I ever heard of anyone actually contracting the illness.
Photographed light in the form of a question mark.
I wondered: Is toxic shock syndrome really that scary?
Here’s what the experts have to say.

What really causes toxic shock syndrome?

“Toxic shock syndrome (TSS) is an extremely rare illness caused by Staphylococcus aureus or group A Streptococcus bacteria,” explains Tami Prince, MD, the leading OB-GYN at the Women’s Health and Wellness Center of Georgia. “These bacteria can produce toxins which enter into the bloodstream and cause sepsis, ultimately leading to death if left untreated.”
Injured hand dressed with a bandaid.
 
According to Prince, tampons aren’t the only way to get toxic shock syndrome. That’s why menstruating women aren’t the only ones at risk for the illness. Men, young children, and post-menopausal women are also at risk for this rare disease.
In fact, toxic shock syndrome caused by Staphylococcus aureus is most often the result of a localized infection, such as one that may occur after surgery or in an open wound. TSS caused by Staphylococcus aureus is much less deadly than cases of toxic shock syndrome caused by group A strep (Streptococcus pyogenes) as the mortality rate of toxic shock syndrome associated with this staph is between 5 and 15 percent.
Woman resting in bed.
Group A strep (Streptococcus pyogenes) is a less-common cause of TSS, but toxic shock syndrome caused by strep is much more serious, with mortality rates estimated to be as high as 70 percent.

So why do tampons get blamed for most cases of toxic shock syndrome?

“Toxic shock syndrome can occur in any gender or age group but about half of all cases occur in menstruating woman,” says Prince.
To understand why, you have to know a little bit about the history of the tampon.
Pink and white box of tampons.
“Toxic shock syndrome was first described in 1920s, but became very well known in the 1980s after it was associated with high-absorbency tampons,” Amesh Adalja, MD, a board-certified infectious disease physician at the Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security, tells HealthyWay.
That’s because high-absorbency tampons meant women could go longer without changing them, providing a breeding ground for bacteria to thrive. According to Prince, “Increased blood absorption with prolonged use as well as the polyester foam used to make the tampons increased the risk of contracting this life-threatening illness.”
Blood orange on an orange background.
Luckily, manufacturers no longer make high-absorbency tampons, and now include information about toxic shock syndrome in tampon boxes, which has led to a significant decrease in the number of TSS cases doctors see each year.

How do I know if I have toxic shock syndrome?

Before you chalk your fever up to toxic shock syndrome, know that TSS is actually very rare. Since the 1980s, rates of TSS have steadily declined, now hovering at around 1 per 100,000 people each year, and the mortality rate of TSS is even lower. Still, it’s important to know the symptoms. If left untreated, toxic shock syndrome can cause multi-organ failure that can lead to death.
Woman taking a bath in her clothing.
“The symptoms [of toxic shock syndrome] include but are not limited to high fever, rash that usually appears on soles of feet and palms of hands, diarrhea, vomiting, dizziness, mental confusion, and headaches,” Prince explains.
Sometimes symptoms of toxic shock syndrome aren’t visible. You may have extremely low blood pressure, or reduced kidney function. If you have one or more of the symptoms listed above and you aren’t able to use the restroom even though you’ve been guzzling water, you may be developing toxic shock syndrome.
Dimly lit hospital room.
 
Symptoms of toxic shock syndrome can progress rapidly, showing up within two to three days after infection. Early care is critical in the treatment of toxic shock syndrome, so if you suspect that you may have contracted TSS, get thee to an emergency room, pronto.

What is the treatment for toxic shock syndrome?

“TSS is treated with antibiotics and removal of the source of infection,” says Adalja. “Sometimes, antibody therapies are also given.”
Sounds simple enough, right?
Not so much. Treating toxic shock syndrome requires more than a two-week course of antibiotics. When you’re diagnosed with toxic shock syndrome, a lot of interventions may happen all at once in order to prevent the infection from spreading while also treating life-threatening symptoms like extremely low blood pressure.
Doctor taking a patient's blood pressure.
Staph-induced TSS responds well to antibiotic treatment, but toxic shock syndrome caused by strep does not. If antibiotic treatments don’t work, antibody therapy—called intravenous immunoglobulin (IVIG)—may be administered.
Immunoglobulin is a component of plasma and has antibodies that help fight infection. But when you have toxic shock syndrome, the immune system is severely compromised, so your body can’t produce the antibodies needed. Intravenous immunoglobulin gives your immune system the boost it needs to fight infection.
Medical scissors and scalpels.
In extreme cases, the infection may spread to organs and limbs. Model Lauren Wasser made headlines in 2012 after having her leg amputated as a complication from toxic shock syndrome; five years later, in 2017, she had her other leg amputated due to ongoing complications.

I don’t want to risk using tampons anymore. What are other options?

Again, if you use tampons correctly, the risk of toxic shock syndrome is incredibly low. Still, if you’d rather not risk it at all, here are a few alternatives to tampons for when you’re on your period.

Menstrual Cup

Women who use a menstrual cup don’t just love menstrual cups; they LOVE menstrual cups. If you’re unfamiliar with a menstrual cup, it’s basically a little silicone cup that you insert just like a tampon. Instead of soaking up menstrual blood though, a menstrual cup catches it. If your flow is super heavy, you may need to empty it more than once a day, but generally, you can stick a menstrual cup in and wear it all day.
Woman holding a menstrual cup.
Want to try a menstrual cup? The Diva Cup, the OG menstrual cup, guarantees 12 hours of period protection. Other top-rated menstrual cups include lena, Blossom, Dutchess Cup, and Saalt.

Period Panties

I was skeptical of period panties when they first came on the market: Ain’t no way a pair of underwear can tame my extremely heavy flow. But after my son’s birth, I ordered a couple of pairs to help me feel more secure as I experienced postpartum bleeding, and to my surprise, they actually work!
Woman wearing pink shorts.
Period panties, like Thinx, are undies that are specially designed with a waterproof barrier to keep leaks at bay. Thinx specifically promises to hold up to two tampons-worth of flow during your period. If you have a heavy flow, you may not want to carry a stash of clean underwear with you (much less your used period panties), but on lighter days, these are the perfect alternative to tampons. And, since there’s nothing to insert, the risk of contracting toxic shock syndrome is virtually zero.

Reusable Pads

So, if reusable pads conjure up images of cloth diapers, you’re not really wrong. The concept is essentially the same, since both disposable diapers and pads need to be ultra absorbent. Cloth pads do take some getting used to. First, you’ll need a dry bag to store used pads in on the go. You’ll also need to bring extra cloth pads with you, can could be bulky. Still, women who use reusable cloth pads report that the pads are softer and more comfortable than regular pads, Plus, you’ll save a ton of money in the long run when you don’t have to stock up on pads or tampons each month.
Menstrual pads lined up on a blue background.
GladRags makes reusable cloth pads that are so cute you’ll (almost) want to wear them outside your clothes. Or, if you’re crafty, you can try making your own reusable pads.

Free bleed, baby!

Kiran Gandhi made headlines in 2015 when she ran the London Marathon while on her period, with nary a tampon or pad. That’s right, Gandhi let her menstrual blood flow freely while she ran 26.2 miles.
She got a lot of criticism for free bleeding during the race, but Gandhi chose not to use menstrual protection as a way to raise awareness for girls and women who don’t have access to basic period supplies, like pads and tampons.
Red popsicle melting on a tan background.
So, maybe free bleeding isn’t very practical, especially if you have to go, well, anywhere, really. But practical or not, I’d like to be confident enough to tell the world, “I’m on my period, I’m not using tampons because I don’t want to risk toxic shock syndrome, so just deal with it!”

Categories
More Than Mom Motherhood

Weaning 101: Everything You Need To Know Before You Stop Breastfeeding

The first time we tried breastfeeding—when my kid was only minutes old—he chomped down on my boob like he’d been doing it for months. A few hours later, the lactation consultant proclaimed that he was the best nurser she’d ever seen in labor and delivery.
Literally hours after the LC lavished this praise upon us, things unraveled in the breastfeeding department. After only a couple minutes of nursing, my son would fall fast asleep, and none of the tricks they teach you to wake them up—like tickling their feet—worked. My child snoozed right through every nursing attempt.
From then on, nursing was a struggle. I tried everything. I took fenugreek tablets. I ate oatmeal. I pumped every two hours like clockwork no matter when I nursed. And still, breastfeeding was hard. My baby was in the bottom 10th percentile for weight at his 2-month check-up, which made me cry. And then I cried again when he got his shots (it was a hard day).
I started supplementing with formula after that appointment. Like magic, my kid started guzzling down bottles and putting on weight. When my period came back at five months postpartum, my already lagging milk supply plummeted. I decided to go ahead and stop breastfeeding my son even though I had really wanted to breastfeed until he was much, much older.
We’ve all heard “Breast is best,” but sometimes medical conditions, early breastfeeding mistakes, stress, and other factors can make breastfeeding a huge burden rather than the joyful bonding experience it’s meant to be. And even if you didn’t experience any issues but you’re just ready to stop breastfeeding, that’s okay too!
If you’re ready to stop breastfeeding, welcome to the judgment-free zone. This weaning guide is full of nothing but positive information and helpful tips to stop breastfeeding, so that baby and mom can get on with living their best lives with as little stress as possible.
Ready to take back your boobs? Here’s everything you need to know to stop breastfeeding.

Stop breastfeeding…and stop feeling guilty!

One of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make was to stop breastfeeding. I felt bombarded with judgment: from other breastfeeding moms, from my pediatrician, and worst of all, from myself.
Now, three months later, I still feel guilty about stopping breastfeeding “early,” even though my kid is happy and healthy.
“The whole ‘Breast is best’ saying takes this [feeling of guilt] to a whole other level where moms can start to feel like it’s all or nothing, thinking that they need to breastfeed exclusively and perfectly for the whole first year (and beyond if they so choose) or else they are a bad mom and their child is doomed,” says Heidi McBain, a licensed therapist in Flower Mound, Texas, who specializes in women’s issues.
She says, “This mentality doesn’t leave room for moms who may need to stop breastfeeding before they are ready because of an illness or work or a myriad of other issues, or simply because they don’t like breastfeeding and are ready to stop for personal reasons.”
So what can you do to leave the guilt behind when you decide to stop breastfeeding?
There are several things you can do to protect your own mental health when you decide to stop breastfeeding, McBain tells HealthyWay.
“Surround yourself with supportive, positive people, especially other mothers who have been in your shoes,” says McBain. “Also, let yourself feel how you are feeling and don’t just stuff these feelings down because they are hard and uncomfortable.”
For me, that was one of the hardest parts of weaning, especially because we stopped breastfeeding sooner than we expected to. I only knew other moms who seemed to be breezing along in the breastfeeding department, and it made me feel like a total failure. But several weeks later, a friend reached out to me because she was also struggling to breastfeed, and it felt wonderful to finally know someone else understood what I was going through.
One of the most important things you can do when you’re trying to stop breastfeeding is take time each day for your own self-care. Lately, before my kid wakes up, I’ve been doing a 15-minute morning routine of dry brushing and a short yoga flow to center myself and get ready for the day. It’s a small act of self-care, and it really does set the tone for the rest of the day.
Sometimes though, self-care isn’t enough to get you through rough patches as a new mom. If you’re struggling with feelings of guilt, grief, or hopelessness during weaning, know that you’re not alone.
“Postpartum mood disorders—depression, anxiety, OCD, et cetera—are more common than most people realize, so any time mom is just not feeling like herself and feels like something is off or just isn’t right—depressed mood, excessive worry, intrusive thoughts, et cetera—she needs to reach out for support as soon as possible, starting with her doctor or a maternal mental health specialist,” says McBain.
Together, you and your healthcare provider can work to address the underlying issues that may be affecting your mental health as you try to stop breastfeeding.
Because you know what’s really best? A happy, healthy mom.

A Guilt-Free Guide to Stop Breastfeeding

I hope you brought your freshly sharpened No. 2 pencils, ladies, because you’ve just entered Weaning 101 (no expensive textbook required).
“Weaning means changing the relationship a mother has with her child,” says Amanda Ogden, RN, BSN, an international board-certified lactation consultant and co-founder and director of lactation services and education at the mama ’hood. “Once the mother has decided the time is right, and really because the work of breastfeeding is solely the mother’s work, the decision to wean is hers to make.” Well, it’s hers to make most of the time.

There are actually two kinds of weaning: mama-led and baby-led weaning.

My decision to stop breastfeeding was definitely mama-led. My little one was only 5 months old, but my milk supply had always been low, and we supplemented with formula early on, so he really didn’t even notice the transition.
But if a baby is exclusively breastfed for a longer period of time, it may be a bit tougher to stop breastfeeding if baby hasn’t given cues that he’s ready. Still, it can be done, and baby will be just fine if mom has to stop breastfeeding before age 1.
“If a mother is leading the weaning, she should do this slowly and replace nursing sessions with a bottle feeding or cup feeding if baby is older,” says DeeDee Frank, a certified lactation consultant at Mercy Medical Center in Baltimore, Maryland. “A slower approach actually helps the mother and baby slowly adjust to the decrease nursing sessions.”
Mama-led weaning, if done slowly, can be a gentle way to decrease your milk supply, meaning less engorgement for you and more time to adjust to weaning for baby.
Before you stop breastfeeding, Ogden suggests you take a few minutes to answer these questions (see, I told you the pencil would come in handy!):

  • Will weaning make your life harder or easier?
  • Do you feel sad when you think about stopping breastfeeding?
  • Is your child showing signs that he/she is ready to stop breastfeeding?

If you can answer these questions in a way that makes you feel good about your decision to stop breastfeeding, then you should go ahead and begin the weaning process.
Baby-led weaning, on the other hand, is exactly what it sounds like. If you have an older baby, this may be an ideal way to stop breastfeeding. As baby gets older, he or she may be less interested in the breast and more interested in yummy solids or drinking from a big-kid cup. (If your little one isn’t quite a year old yet, see our tips below for weaning safely before 1.)
If you’re totally over it but your baby still loves to nurse, try night weaning to gently encourage your little one to stop breastfeeding on their own. Skipping those nighttime feedings may result in a couple of sleepless nights as baby adjusts, but pretty soon he’ll be sleeping soundly through the night and may begin to show less interest in nursing during the daytime as a result.

Stop breastfeeding gradually.

The key to successful weaning is a gradual reduction of breastfeeding, says Ogden.
“If there is a situation where a mother must wean abruptly for medical reasons, then she should continue to pump or hand express enough to keep her breasts comfortable but not enough to empty the breasts. …It is easiest on the mother’s body and mood to slowly decrease the number of times per day she is breastfeeding. Weaning too rapidly can cause a rapid shift in the hormones prolactin and oxytocin, which can lead to depression.”
Start the weaning process by only nursing when your baby or toddler initiates breastfeeding. If you breastfeed for comfort during nap or bedtime, or when baby is just fussy, try using other comfort methods to soothe your fussy tot.
“When I weaned my boys, I missed my instant soother too, and I had to find new ways to soothe them,” says Nicole Johnson, founder of The Baby Sleep Site. “Cuddling and reading on the couch (we started reading at 4 months old), hugs, kisses, laying down in the bed while not nursing, and lots of touch can help. …By retraining our own behavior, we can change expectations, so nursing isn’t the only thing your baby looks to you for!”

Routine is key when you stop breastfeeding.

Once you figure out what comfort measures work in place of breastfeeding, use those as part of a regular routine so that your child understands nursing is no longer an option.
This can be especially hard when baby wakes up in the middle of the night expecting his 3 a.m. feeding (see night weaning, above). But there is good news! For starters, breastfeeding is something only mama can do. But now that you’re weaning, if there’s another caregiver in the picture, they can get in on the middle-of-the-night soothing action too (and you might be able to catch up on some much needed ZZZs).
If you’re comfortable with co-sleeping, you might also decide to snuggle baby in bed with you when he wakes for a nighttime feeding. The safety baby feels while lying close to you may be enough to soothe him back to sleep. However, if you’re not comfortable with bedsharing, there are other comfort measures you can try to get baby back to sleep.
“We also recommend using a replacement object, also known as a lovey, which could help soothe baby back to sleep,” says Johnson.
A lovey could be anything: a soft square of blanket, one of mom’s old shirts, or a small stuffed toy. Just make sure it’s something you can replace easily. Lovies are notoriously easy to lose, and heaven help the parent who can’t find it at bedtime!
There are different ways to introduce a lovey, but basically your baby will begin to associate bedtime with the lovey instead of nursing and use the lovey to self-soothe when they wake. Lovies can also be wonderful during stressful situations, like baby’s first flying experience or long car trips.
Whatever you decide to do, make sure it’s part of a regular routine so that baby comes to expect the new routine rather than a nursing session when you stop breastfeeding.

Avoid engorged breasts when you stop breastfeeding.

Remember when your milk came in, and like the Grinch’s heart, your breasts also grew three sizes that day?
That was engorgement. Your breasts were probably really swollen, hard, and downright painful. And in those first days, you probably only felt sweet relief when baby nursed.
When you stop breastfeeding, you can expect your breasts to engorge again because, just like your baby is waiting to nurse, your breasts expect to be emptied at the same times each day.
To minimize engorgement, wean slowly. You may still need to pump a bit even if you’re not nursing, but only pump to relieve the pressure, not to drain the breast as you would during a normal nursing or pumping session.
If your breasts do become engorged when you stop breastfeeding, there are a few remedies out there that can help suffering mamas.
If you’re into natural remedies, stuffing cold cabbage leaves into your bra really does help with engorgement. Plus, you’ll have a healthy snack for later!
When my breasts became engorged, I used Lansinoh Thera°Pearl 3-in-1 Breast pads, and they were a lifesaver! I loved that you could just pop them in the freezer, and they really helped with the soreness.

Successfully switch to formula when you stop breastfeeding before age 1.

It seems like there are about a thousand different kinds of formula out there, so it can be overwhelming to try to find the formula that’s right for your baby if you stop breastfeeding before age 1.
It’s also extremely important to note that before age 1, baby should only be drinking formula or breast milk, not cow’s milk. If baby is less than a year old, formula or breast milk is the only nutrition baby really needs, even after they start solids, typically around 6 months old (hence the phrase “Food before one is just for fun”).
Successfully transitioning your baby to formula may take a bit of trial and error as you see which formula your baby prefers. For example, my baby only likes the powdered kind of of his favorite formula. We tried the ready-to-drink kind of the same exact formula, and he would not have it. Sigh. Such are the whims of a 6-month-old.
As you experiment, try mixing formula with a bit of breast milk so your baby isn’t totally shocked by the new taste and texture. Gradually reduce the amount of breast milk until your baby is only drinking formula.
Spoiler alert: Formula ain’t cheap. If the sticker shock of buying large amounts of formula each week makes you want to weep, take to social media and ask friends to send you their free samples [linkbuilder id=”4268″ text=”and formula”] coupons.

Can I nurse my baby again if I stop breastfeeding?

“If a mom changes her mind and wants to go back to breastfeeding, it will depend on how long she has been dropping breastfeeding sessions and the age of the baby whether she can recover her milk supply and the baby will want to nurse,” says Franke. “It is possible to return to breastfeeding, but it may take some work, especially if mom has also dropped her milk supply.”
A return to breastfeeding will depend on a couple of factors: How long has it been since baby weaned? Does baby even seem interested in breastfeeding?
According to an article by Anne Smith, international board-certified lactation consultant, re-lactation is easiest with a baby younger than 3 months old. Older babies may enjoy drinking from a bottle or cup and may be unwilling to return to the breast. Still, in most cases, re-lactation can be accomplished with the help of a certified lactation consultant. If you’re interested in breastfeeding again after weaning, contact your local La Leche League chapter for guidance from certified lactation consultants and moms who have been there.
Okay, mamas, put those pencils away. Weaning 101 has concluded, and there’s no test. You all passed with flying colors. So go on, moms, take back your boobs (and don’t feel guilty about it, either). Because we all deserve bite-mark free breasts, nipples that aren’t chafed, and to stop breastfeeding guilt-free—if that’s our choice.
[related article_ids=22015,22144,1001371,1005474]

Categories
Happy x Mindful Wellbeing

How To Be A Confident Woman, According To 2 Psychologists And An All-Around Girl Boss

When I was in first grade, I won a countywide writing award for my creative masterpiece, The Magic Rock, about—you guessed it—a magic rock. My success fueled my dreams of being a writer from an early age, and after that, I wrote all the time. By the end of first grade, I knew that I was going to become a famous writer.
Fast forward to almost-adulthood. Even though I had a bold, outgoing personality that screamed “Self-confident lady coming through!” I actually struggled with deep insecurities about my own abilities, appearance, and intelligence. I still wanted to be a writer more than anything, but at my core, I felt that I’d never be good enough to achieve my goals.
So I gave up on writing. I pursued a series of unfulfilling and unsatisfying jobs until a friend offered me a freelance writing gig with her company. I was nervous, but I submitted a writing sample anyway. And to my surprise, the editors loved what I’d written.
So I kept going. I was not going to win a Pulitzer for those blog posts, but it felt great to flex my creative muscles after so many years away from my craft. Getting my first paycheck for my writing was one of the best days of my life. Yes, it was peanuts, but it was real money I earned from writing, a dream I’d had since I was 6 years old. And it gave me the confidence to apply for more writing gigs until last year, when I officially became a full-time writer. Seriously, now I even have business cards, so you know it’s legit.
Often, though, we feel inadequate in our appearance, how we parent, and in the workplace. According to a 2002 Monitor In Psychology article, people who base their self-worth on what others think about them are more likely to have higher levels of stress, anger, and relationship issues.
“Self-confidence impacts how we perceive our health,” says Jim Seibold, PhD, a family therapist based in Arlington, Texas. “Those with higher self-confidence are more likely to view themselves as healthy. Those with higher self-confidence cope more effectively under stress and are low utilizers of physician visits.”
But confidence doesn’t come easy for most women, myself included. That’s why I sought out advice from confident women, like NY-based therapist Kimberly Hershenson, Dallas-based realtor Kathryn Sharrock, and CEO Mae Karwowski to really find out how to be a confident woman.

How to Be a Confident Woman: The Importance of Putting Social Media in Its Place

“Julia’s newest promotion popped up in my newsfeed. When will it be my turn?”
“She probably didn’t mean it, but Rachel’s comment about my weight on my new profile pic really stung. I mean, I just had a baby!”
How many times have you been scrolling through social media and been hurt by something that someone posted?
The effect social media can have on confidence has evolved along with social media itself. In a 2008 study, researchers suggested that people with low self-esteem could benefit from engaging on social media platforms like Facebook because it helped reduce loneliness. Fast forward a decade, and some experts believe that social media can actually have a negative impact on confidence. One recent study found that the more participants used Facebook specifically, the worse they felt about their overall well-being.
“Rude comments or bullying in general can make one feel hurt, sad, or angry, leading to feelings of depression, anxiety, or self-esteem issues,” says Hershenson. “When the rude comments or bullying are online, and you are looking at social media at home or at work, it can be even worse because it is happening to you in a place you should feel safe, and possibly when you are around people [who are] important to you, such as your children.”
It’s also hard to escape online comments because everything on the internet is seemingly forever, and erasing an image or disabling an account we’ve outgrown can feel like it requires an act of Congress.
So, how can you be a confident woman and interact with social media?
Try to limit the amount of time you spend on social media. Over the past year, I found myself feeling sad or upset almost every time I logged onto Facebook. I tried giving up the app by deleting it from my phone, but found myself simply scrolling though on a web browser instead. Even though it made me feel bad, I couldn’t stop looking at it. What if I missed something?
Because I couldn’t quit social media on my own, I downloaded the Freedom app, which blocks social media on your phone for a certain number of hours a day to help you take a healthy break. Instead, use the time you would have spent on social media apps to practice self-care, have a face-to-face interaction with a friend, and practice healthy habits, whether that’s reciting affirmations (more on that to come) or rolling out your yoga mat rather than continuing to scroll down your feed.

Girl Bosses Rule: How to Be a Confident Woman in the Workplace

“I work mostly with women, in a warm, open workspace, and I still feel like there’s a gender confidence gap,” says Dianna Leyton, a digital marketing strategist based in Richmond, Virginia. “I’ve noticed that women, even in a comfortable environment, feel as though they need to be an expert on every topic before speaking up in a meeting or even applying for a job. Men, on the other hand, seem to be more comfortable relying on confidence and ‘winging’ a situation.”
“Research shows that men are more self-assured than women,” Hershenson explains.
She’s right. An eight-year study with participants of both genders from all over the world found that men universally exhibit much higher self-esteem than women. The gender confidence gap, as it’s come to be known, is especially detrimental to women in the workplace.
Confident people tend to speak up more in meetings, criticize leadership with few consequences, and show higher favoritism to those who are similar to them. Since men tend to be more confident than women, this can lead to a woman being overlooked in the workplace. Combine the gender confidence gap with other issues women face in the workplace, and it is no wonder that 95 percent of the CEO positions at S&P 500 companies are held by men.
So what can you do to be a confident woman in the workplace?
”When you’re doing a great job, it’s easy to have confidence,” Karwowski, the founder of her own social influencer firm, Obviously, says. “It’s important to feel stress at work. It means that you are growing and you are getting out of your comfort zone. That growth is vital for you to improve in your career. I always remind myself that any insecurity or doubt means that I’m putting myself in a situation to grow—so I should go for it and do an awesome job!”
“I also take the time each morning to ask myself what my three priorities are for the day and for the week,” Karwowski continues. “ I then ask myself What are the things I’m worried about, and why? For example, I’m worried about this big pitch meeting we have on Thursday. Once you can clarify your concerns, it’s much easier to plan how to tackle that challenge and be ready for it.”
Girl boss Sharrock, who started her own empowering women’s group with two chapters in Texas, shares a tip she practices regularly:
“Start a gratitude journal and become grateful! Write down three things a day that you are thankful for. Your mind will start to naturally see the good in life and in yourself. Last but definitely not least, surround yourself with confident people, people who are going to encourage themselves and you to do great, believe great, and be great.”
Even though Sharrock describes herself as extremely self-confident, she says there are still moments in which she feels totally inadequate. When Sharrock starts feeling less than, though, she has a plan of action to boost her confidence right back up.
“There are so many moments when I feel gross, I feel useless, I wonder if I am living my best life, and that’s okay. When you have a bad day, write down your blessings and fall asleep; you’ll reset and wake up with a whole new mindset and fresh start to knowing [the] badass you really are!”

How to Be a Confident Parent

Women’s confidence issues aren’t just at work. It’s easy to let doubt in our own abilities creep into all aspects of our lives.
“Did I permanently scar my kid when I punished him this afternoon?”
“Misty’s kids never act out. Why is she so much better than me?”
Sound familiar? It’s important to know that you can be a mother and a loving partner while still being a confident woman.
If others (like the snarky third-grade room mom) second guess your parenting choices, the mama bear in you may come out—or you might shy away from the confrontation, and in the process, lose the ability to defend your parenting choices confidently.
“Consistency in parenting is essential for creating confidence and security in your children,” says Seibold. “They are also more likely to consistently follow household rules and expectations because they do not change.”
Proactive parenting is also a sign of confidence, says Seibold.
“Look for opportunities to teach them the values you want them to learn instead of just reacting when there is a problem. …Catch [your kids] living out the values you are teaching and let them know you notice.”
“When you do this,” Seibold says, “you will also have more credibility when you do need to be corrective.”
It’s important to be humble as a parent, and if you’re wrong about something, you should definitely acknowledge that mistake. But all too often, women over-apologize when it isn’t warranted: to their kids, partners, friends, the barista at Starbucks. Perhaps one of the most important things you can do to be a confident woman and parent is to stop apologizing for your actions when an apology isn’t necessary. We apologize because we’re taught that boldness is rude in a woman. Even confident women still tend to couch their requests and desires as “I’m sorry” statements.
What does that teach our daughters? Our sons? None of what we’re after in our search for confident womanhood.
So only apologize when it’s really necessary. And in doing so, teach your children the right kind of confidence.

How to Be a Confident Woman…in the Bedroom

It may be easier to be a confident woman when it comes to your kids, but what happens to that confidence in the bedroom?
Maybe you don’t like how you look naked. Or you’re afraid your partner thinks your sex routine is no longer satisfying. But confidence in the bedroom is critical to a fulfilling, romantic relationship with your partner.
One way to build confidence in the bedroom?
“Don’t apologize for your quirks—things you do or say that others may find different or ‘odd’ are usually what makes you you,” says Hershenson.
If you like when your partner does certain sexy things, don’t be afraid to speak up and let them know. Or, if you like something that’s a little wild, bring it up! Your partner can’t please you if they don’t know what you want. A confident woman knows what she likes and how she likes it, and shouldn’t be afraid to pipe up, even when sex is less than spectacular.
If you’re struggling with body image issues in your romantic relationship, buying yourself some sexy lingerie may help boost your confidence, because when you look good, you really do feel good. When your partner sees you in that new teddy, all they’ll see is a confident woman. And that’s sexy as heck.

Being a confident woman takes practice.

Don’t expect your behavior to change overnight if you struggle with confidence issues. After all, breaking negative habits is hard.
Still, practice really does make perfect. One thing you can start doing to be more confident right away is to stop negative self-talk. Instead, aim to use words of affirmation when talking to and about yourself.
“Start by simply telling yourself that you are great,” says Sharrock. “Words of affirmation are real. You talk to yourself more than anyone else, so make sure your words are kind, they are confident, they are positive to yourself. You may not believe it at first, but you will once it becomes habit.”
Before a big meeting, Karwowski does the same thing to pump herself up.
“Telling yourself in the elevator It’s go time. Time to crush it! actually really works! You need to project confidence in your tone, body language, and speech.”
Banishing negative self-talk will require more than just saying nice things about yourself. You have to mean them, too.
“Self-compassion is being gentle with yourself, not beating yourself up over your past decisions and accepting that you are human and make mistakes,” says Hershenson. “Negating your thoughts or feelings by saying That’s not true isn’t helpful because in your mind, you truly believe you are stupid, ugly, out of shape, et cetera.”
Hershenson’s advice?
“Acknowledge your feelings without discounting them. When you get into a negative headspace, you can simply say, Even though I feel this way, it’s okay; I’m still worth being loved.”
Another confidence tactic is to reframe these negative thoughts about yourself. If you made a mistake, don’t beat yourself up over it. Instead, ask yourself why the mistake happened. Was it really your fault? Was the situation beyond your control? How can you move forward? This way, you can turn a negative situation into a positive, confidence-boosting moment.
But, like the superheroes say, “With great power, comes great responsibility.”
“If your confidence leads you to put down others or consistently put yourself first, then your confidence needs to be re-channeled in a healthier direction,” says Hershenson.
In other words, don’t let your newfound confidence let you become a full-fledged jerk. Because it is possible to become too confident. Be respectful (but firm) and apologize for mistakes (when really warranted), and you’ll probably never have to worry about becoming an egomaniac.
It’s tough to be confident as a woman. But as Katty Kay and Claire Shipman write in the introduction to their bestselling book, The Confidence Code, “Life on confidence can be a remarkable thing.”

Categories
Mindful Parenting Motherhood

Wonder Weeks Are The Key To Calming Your Fussy Baby

When my son was around 4 months old, I was pretty sure that my normally smiley, sweet, angel baby had suddenly been swapped with a miserable little creature who cried all the time and simply would not sleep. Like, at all. It. Was. Brutal.
And just as suddenly as he’d started acting like a sleep-deprived monster, my child’s sunny disposition returned. After some research, I discovered my baby was probably experiencing what’s commonly known (and feared by parents everywhere) as the four-month sleep regression.

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While researching my kid’s behavior during a precious moment of peace, I stumbled across the phrase “wonder weeks” several times, and it seemed to completely describe what we were going through with the sleep regression. Interestingly, it also explained other fussy behavior during what they say are milestone months of a child’s development.
If your little one is experiencing sleep regression, separation anxiety, or simply can’t be soothed, the key to calming them may be understanding wonder weeks.
I spoke to Xaviera Plas, CEO and co-author of The Wonder Weeks, about everything you need to know about wonder weeks (and how you can use that information to plan ahead for big developmental changes).

What the heck is a wonder week?

“Wonder weeks are developmental leaps,” Plas explains. “Until not so long ago, we thought babies developed gradually. Now, we know that development occurs in leaps. It takes a brain change to enable a baby to learn and do new things.”
Plas’ parents, Dutch-born researchers Frans Plooij and Hetty van de Rijt, discovered that several primate species showed regression periods when the baby primates clung more closely to their mothers.

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Their initial findings led them to wonder (pun intended) if human babies would behave similarly during periods of developmental growth.
Plooij and van de Rijt’s theories were correct, and they turned their research into a groundbreaking book. In 1992, they published the first version of The Wonder Weeks in Dutch. The book is now a tool for parents with fussy babies everywhere.
Their research has been backed up by studies out of Britain, Spain, and the Netherlands. In a study of Catalonian infants, researchers at the University of Girona in Spain corroborated Plooij and van de Rijt’s theory that infant development occurs in leaps. According to the study, “There is evidence of major reorganizations in psychological development. These reorganizations appear to be marked by discontinuities, that is, sudden spurts or changes in the behavior patterns [of infants].”
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Thanks to her parents’ research, Plas says, “We now know exactly when a baby will make a developmental leap, a wonder week. The Wonder Weeks informs parents about these leaps (10 leaps in the first 20 months), when they are, what the brain change is all about, what a parent can expect after their baby took the leap, and most important, how parents can help their baby to make the most out of each leap.”

But wonder weeks aren’t exactly wonderful.

They do, however, indicate major milestones in your child’s development and growth.
Plas tells HealthyWay that identifying a wonder week is easy: Just look for the three Cs:
Clinging, Crying, Cranky.
Oh boy. Now, before you plan to drop your kid off at Grandma’s and hop on the fastest flight out of town, remember: Your baby needs you most during a wonder week.

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“What would you do if your whole world changed drastically and suddenly?” asks Plas. “You would be clinging on to the only people you know (parents), you would be crying, and cranky, too, right? And if everything changed…you would lose your appetite, too, and you surely wouldn’t allow yourself a good night’s rest!”
Even though it can be completely frustrating and overwhelming, this is how your child is going to deal with the first phase of a wonder week. You may also notice that during a wonder week, your baby wants to nurse nonstop and wakes up often during the night even if they’re usually a good sleeper.
“If you think about all of these signs, you will notice that they are all signs of stress,” says Plas. “The start of each wonder week is a brain change, which is a lot to deal with for a baby.”
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Understanding that your child is about to go through or is going through a wonder week can help you plan ahead for fussy behavior. For example, you may want to reschedule that family vacation to the Bahamas if your baby will be going through a wonder week during that time. Lazing the day away in a beachside cabana might sound like your idea of paradise, but to baby, the stress of going through big neurological changes may be compounded by being in an unfamiliar location or different sleeping space.

Good news: You can comfort your baby during a wonder week.

“What your baby wants most of all when going through a leap is to get to know and familiarize itself with the new perceptional world he or she has entered with this wonder week,” says Plas. “This is why parents need to familiarize themselves with the perceptual world of that specific leap. It will help parents to really understand what their baby is going through. This way, parents can understand and help their baby much better. Plus, when a baby is helped to understand the new perceptional world, the fussy phase is shorter. Good bonus!”
One way to really put yourself in your baby’s booties during a wonder week is to familiarize yourself with each wonder week well before it begins.
Nicole Johnson, creator of the Baby Sleep Site, says, “It’s best for you not to create new long-term habits for a short-term problem.” That’s why Johnson developed a handy chart of the most common wonder weeks your child will experience.

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Parents, familiarize yourselves with this chart. Put it in your Google calendar. Get it tattooed on your arm. Do whatever it takes to memorize each developmental milestone and the corresponding wonder week. You’ll thank me later.
For example, my baby slept through the night almost from birth. Then (as I mentioned earlier), he went through a four-month sleep regression. The first couple of nights, I tried letting him cry it out. Let’s just say it didn’t work. He cried for hours, even after I caved and tucked him into bed with me.
A few days later, when I stumbled across Johnson’s chart, I realized, Oh, hey, this might be a wonder week.
According to the wonder weeks chart,  right around four months, your child hits a big growth spurt. So, had I understood in advance that my baby was going to be cranky because he was growing, crying because his brain was learning something new, and clinging to me for comfort because he didn’t understand what was happening, I might not have gotten so incredibly frustrated with him, which would have been less stressful for both of us.
During a wonder week, your baby may not nap or sleep consistently through the night. “We do often need to give our little ones more support during a wonder week, but if you can avoid going overboard and ‘extreme’ in how you handle it, you will get through it faster and back to better sleep faster,” says Johnson.
“If you don’t normally bed-share, for example, if you begin bed-sharing, you are communicating that this is the new sleeping arrangement, and it’s not easy to change it back once the wonder week is over,” she explains. “If you need to, go ahead and sleep in your little one’s room or in a bed next to him or her. It’s a lot easier to get yourself out of their room than them out of yours.”

Sunny days, chasing the clouds (of wonder weeks) away…

Remember, parents: This too shall pass!
The crankiness, crying, and clingy behavior your baby exhibits during a wonder week will eventually go away as your child passes from a wonder week into what’s called a sunny week.
Praise be!

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So just to recap what we’ve learned so far, a wonder week happens in three stages. We’ve covered the first two: the brain change, which happens in leaps, and the fussy stage (the three Cs), which is when parents can help reduce the amount of stress baby experiences during a wonder week. The third stage is what Plas likes to cheekily call “The Week of Wonder,” or when your baby finally connects the dots and can apply the developmental change he or she just experienced to their new understanding of the world.
After all this, says Plas, is a sunny week, or “a period that nothing changes in the brain, a period in which a baby understands the perceptual world it lives in. Until a baby is—like being struck by lightning—going through another brain change and thus back to another leap forward!”
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Parents can enjoy the sunny weeks by sticking to their child’s normal routines while still exposing them to new places, foods, and things. Sunny weeks are a great time to take trips with little ones because they’ll be more able to adapt to their new surroundings during a sunny week.
During sunny weeks, though, parents should also be looking ahead to future wonder weeks, so they’re not totally ambushed during their child’s next big neurological development.

Get yourself the Wonder Weeks app ASAP.

“I decided to [download the Wonder Weeks app] because at about 5 weeks, Naomi became really fussy, and I was concerned she might be sick. I googled it and stumbled upon the wonder weeks,” says first-time mom Tracy Jarrell.

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“What it was describing sounded like what she was going through, so I downloaded the app. It has seemed to line up pretty well with her leaps and has helped because it helps me as a parent understand what she is going through developmentally and how to help get through the leaps with activities that helps her use the new connections she has made,” Jarrell says. “It has also reassured me as a parent that these are learning stages, so the clingy fussiness is just part of her learning.”
Mom Kayla Hanks also downloaded the Wonder Weeks app after a friend suggested she try it. “My friend stated that this app was a lifesaver for being a first time mommy with twins,” she says. “I feel that in those first months, it definitely helped. I kind of felt like it gave me a heads up that my son would be experiencing increased fussing. My son is now over a year old, and I feel like I have a better grasp on his moods without the app.”
The Wonder Weeks app (available from iTunes and Google Play) essentially creates a personalized developmental growth chart for your baby, so you know when your child’s wonder weeks are coming up (because while wonder weeks do happen during certain specific week ranges, your baby’s wonder weeks are likely different from another baby’s).
The app also helps parents by teaching specific activities and coping techniques that apply to each wonder week as your child experiences it.
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The Wonder Weeks app isn’t free, but trust me, it’s worth the $2.99 to download, and the other in-app purchases paid for themselves a thousand times over the first time my baby experienced a wonder week.
To get the most out of the app, Plas suggests, “Please always enter the due date (not birth date) of your baby because leaps are calculated by due date. And if you have any questions, ask us on Facebook, and we’ll always answer them!”
We’re coming up on eight months with my munchkin, and according to my wonder weeks chart, that means we’re headed straight for another sleep regression (say it ain’t so!). But this time, thanks to the Wonder Weeks app (and lots of coffee), we’re prepared for the sleepless—and fortunately temporary—nights ahead.

Categories
Healthy Pregnancy Motherhood

Here’s Why Stripping Membranes Isn’t The Greatest Way To Induce Labor

Being pregnant really is great: You get to eat all the soft pretzels and ice cream you want, because at a certain point, you just stop looking at the scale when they weigh you during OB appointments. But trust me, there will come a time when you’re 100 percent over being pregnant.
For me, that time came at around 37 weeks, when, on our nightly walk, my husband literally had to call an Uber five blocks from our house because I just could not waddle any farther. Fast forward three weeks later, and I was STILL pregnant.
At my 40-week appointment, my doctor suggested that we start thinking about induction, because it was obvious that my nugget liked the womb a little too much. She suggested a procedure called membrane stripping, which sounded totally gross and a little scary, so I immediately said no. Instead, I was scheduled for a c-section when I hit 41 weeks. Three days later and still pregnant, I was rethinking my hasty decision when contractions started.
I didn’t have to have my membranes stripped to induce labor, but if I had been pregnant just one minute longer, I was definitely would’ve been considering my options. If your pregnancy is near or at full term, your doctor may also have suggested membrane stripping (also called membrane sweeping) as a way to induce labor. Stripping membranes is a relatively common procedure, but is it really worth it?
To find out, I spoke to mamas, doctors, doulas, and other pregnancy experts to get the real scoop on membrane stripping.

Stripping membranes sounds kind of icky.

So you’re not wrong—membrane stripping isn’t exactly a day at the spa.
But what really happens when they strip your membranes?
“Membrane stripping is a mechanical method of induction used between 38 and 40 weeks gestational age to prevent post-term pregnancies (after 41 weeks gestation),” says Tami Prince, MD, the founder of the Women’s Health and Wellness Center of Georgia. “An OB-GYN will insert a finger into the cervix and sweep between the membranes of the amniotic sac in an effort to separate the sac. This action increases endogenous production of prostaglandins, oxytocin, and phospholipase A which help to soften and dilate the cervix.”
Say what, now?
Okay, let me break this down with a little anatomy lesson: You know how your OB provider typically does weekly cervix checks toward the end of your pregnancy to check dilation and effacement? Well, stripping membranes is kind of like that.
Remember the female anatomy poster in your OB-GYN’s office? The cervix is essentially the gateway to the uterus. There’s the external orifice, which is where the doctor will insert their finger. Things get uncomfortable when the doctor has to reach for the internal orifice, where the membranes of the amniotic sack, also known as the bag of waters, is attached to the uterine wall.
Your doctor will then gently sweep their fingers back and forth (FYI: It does not feel gentle) to try to separate the membranes from the uterine wall, which tells your body it’s go time.
The idea is that stripping membranes kick-starts labor, so unlike a medicated induction, your labor will still start semi-spontaneously after a membrane sweep.

Does stripping membranes actually work to induce labor?

“The jury is still out on the effectiveness of membrane stripping alone,” Prince tells HealthyWay.
“Efficacy depends on gestational age, with it being low at an earlier gestational age and increasing after 38 weeks.”
So what does the research really tell us about the efficacy of membrane sweeping?
According to one 2010 study involving 30,00 women in 22 trials, “routine use of sweeping of membranes from 38 weeks of pregnancy onwards does not seem to produce clinically important benefits.” In laywoman’s terms, results showed that membrane sweeping didn’t induce labor in enough cases to warrant its recommendation as a regular induction method.
The 2010 study focused on women who were at full-term pregnancies, between 38 and 40 weeks. That said, another study found that membrane sweeping actually was successful in late-term pregnancies, or those lasting longer than 41 weeks, and significantly reduced the need for other induction interventions.

How is an expecting mama supposed to know what to do?

The information presented in different reports can be confusing, but basically, if your body is poised for labor, stripping membranes will be more likely to induce labor. If you have it done too early, though, it may not work—and it may increase the need for other interventions later.
Prince says despite the conflicting data, research does show that stripping membranes is safe and comes with minimal risks. Since stripping membranes is a low-risk procedure, it is often touted as a “natural” alternative to induction with oxytocin or vaginal prostaglandins and can usually be done in your provider’s office, unlike other pregnancy interventions, like versions, which must be done at the hospital.
Still, while they’re rare, there are some risks associated with stripping membranes.
“During the stripping process … the physician could inadvertently place a finger through the amniotic sac as opposed to between the membranes, causing a rupture of membranes,” explains Prince. “Once membranes rupture at term, labor must be augmented if a woman is not already in active labor. Also, stripping may involve mechanical dilation of an unfavorable cervix. The cervix is highly vascular and bleeds easily during pregnancy so women may experience light spotting afterwards.”
What does Prince mean by “augmented”?
Basically, if the doctor accidentally ruptures the amniotic sac while stripping membranes, it means you may end up having an emergency c-section.
This is a worst-case scenario, however. More often, doctors worry about introducing bacteria into your cervix while stripping membranes, resulting in an infection that could complicate labor and delivery.
To avoid infection, your doctor will check to see if you are GBS positive. Group B streptococcus is a type of bacterial infection that about 25 percent of all healthy women carry, and while it’s rare, it can pose serious risks as it can be passed to your baby during delivery. Doctors routinely screen for GBS after the 35th week of pregnancy. If you test GBS-positive, talk to your doctor about what’s right for you. According to a 2015 study, stripping membranes of GBS-positive women posed no threat to the baby or mother, so your doctor may go ahead with the procedure, but it’s a decision you should make together.

What do real women say about stripping membranes?

“I was 41 weeks pregnant—first pregnancy—by the time I had my membranes stripped,” says Kayla Hanks, a first-time mom in Virginia Beach, Virginia.
“I remember my mother coming into town and [being] ready for my son to be here. …Honestly, I feel like the pain [of membrane sweeping] was akin to labor itself! It took my breath away. I remember having some spotting after but [my OB] warned that it can happen. Stripping my membranes sent that early labor into overdrive (at least in my mind)! I stayed home until around 2 a.m. when my water finally broke. When we got to the hospital, they said I was only 3 centimeters along! Would I do it again? Only if it were necessary. I understand I was 41 weeks and in my first pregnancy, but it HURT!”
Ashley Phillips, a veteran mom of two, had a membrane sweeping procedure during her first pregnancy, and explains that her doctor didn’t exactly give her a choice:
“At my 39 week appointment, the doctor just told me he would be stripping membranes to try and induce labor, and because it was my first pregnancy, I didn’t know I could say no. It was a really painful experience, and I bled a lot after, almost like a light period. And I still didn’t go into labor!”
“I had my membranes stripped with my daughter, Cameron, twice,” says Jessica Stafford, who delivered each of her three children vaginally. “Each time it did nothing but cause pain and cramping. I didn’t do it with Clayton and don’t regret it, but I did do it with my third, Cohen and he was born the same day. In my experiences, it will only work if your body is ready for labor.”
Tracy Jarrell, mom to 1-year-old Naomi, says, “My labor started about 12 hours after having membranes stripped. Not the most comfortable procedure…but it did get my labor started.”

Looking for a natural alternative to stripping membranes? Try some sexy time.

If your pregnancy is at full term and you’re ready to meet your baby, there are less invasive ways to get labor started.
So let’s start with my personal favorite: getting it on to get your labor on. I personally swear this works. You may not feel like having sex at 39-, 40-, or heaven forbid, 41-weeks pregnant, but coitus (especially if you orgasm) can actually stimulate labor by triggering uterine contractions, according to a 2014 study. Plus, it’s likely the last time you and your partner can be intimate for the next six weeks, so make sure to really enjoy your sexy time.
Another proven method of labor induction is through prolonged nipple stimulation. I first read about this method of labor induction in Ina May Gaskin’s Ina May’s Guide to Natural Childbirth. According to Gaskin, “Nipple stimulation causes the release of oxytocin into the maternal bloodstream, and this oxytocin the stimulates contractions of the uterine muscles. Both manual and oral stimulation are effective at stimulation … Breast stimulation is especially effective in starting labor at term when it is combined with sexual intercourse.”
Autumn Vaughn, a licensed acupuncture physician who specializes in prenatal and postnatal care, says that holistic providers really prefer not to use the term “induction” and choose instead to focus on the long-term health of the mother and baby. “Weekly acupuncture sessions can shorten the length of labor and reduce the need for pain-management interventions because it naturally helps prepare the body for labor by ripening the cervix, relaxing ligaments and tendons, and helps baby get into the right position for labor,” says Vaughn.
And while there isn’t a lot of scientific data to support efficacy of Eastern medical techniques, like acupuncture, to stimulate labor, one study did show that women who received acupuncture had shorter overall delivery times than those who did not. Another study published in 2015 showed that acupuncture during pregnancy was found to be completely safe, so there’s no harm in trying acupuncture as a holistic alternative to stripping membranes.

What’s the bottom line on stripping membranes?

Stripping membranes is most likely to be effective later in pregnancy, with the highest rates of efficacy after 38 weeks. Believe me, I get it. Pregnancy is hard. And when 37 weeks is technically considered full term, it’s ultra-tempting to schedule a membrane stripping procedure to help get that baby outta there as soon as possible.
Still, an astonishing amount of prenatal growth occurs in the final weeks of pregnancy, so unless there’s a true medical need for baby to be born sooner, it’s probably best for baby to bake until at least 39 weeks.
Still, there are times when a scheduled birth is easiest for everyone. We’re a military family, and I know several women who have chosen a scheduled induction so that their partners could be present for the birth because of impending deployments. Or a medical condition could prompt an early delivery that is in the best interest of both mother and baby’s health.
Ultimately, whether to have your membranes stripped should be a decision you and your doctor make together. If you feel at all pressured to have a membrane sweep done (or any procedure you don’t have a good feeling about during pregnancy) you should definitely seek a second opinion, because there are induction alternatives that may be just as efficient as stripping membranes at inducing labor.
After all, the most important thing is making sure your little nugget is happy and healthy when they decide to make their debut.
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Categories
Life x Culture Lifestyle

How To Stay Healthy When You Work In An Office

In my previous life as a sales manager, I worked out of a small cubicle in a windowless warehouse office.
Sterling Cooper, it was not.
We worked straight from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., and just like my personal hero Dolly Parton sang, it really was all taking and no giving. We didn’t even have a break room, which was totally fine because we didn’t get a lunch break anyway. Even if we did, most of us worked through lunch—as 62 percent of American office workers do, my coworkers would snarf down midday meals between meetings and phone calls.
But I drew the line at sad desk lunch, so I just wouldn’t eat at all. I’m pretty sure my crash office diet resulted in what I can only assume was acute pancreatitis or a stomach ulcer (I can’t be sure because my job didn’t offer insurance, so I never saw a doctor. For the record, I don’t recommend self-diagnosing.).
Take it from me, ladies: Your health is more important than your work inbox.
My own wake-up call came when I read an article that said sitting is the new smoking. Gross, right?
The minute I saw that, I decided to make a change in my work life and my health life. I set reminders to drink water and move around every hour. And yes, I even started eating lunch at my desk for the sake of my health.
Now I work from home, but it’s just as easy to forgo your health in a home office. I recently noticed I was slacking in the workday health department, so I talked to Dianna Leyton, a marketing manager in Richmond, Virginia, who has also decided to make her work health a priority (all while slaying at her 9-5 job).
Here are her favorite tips for staying healthy and strong when you work in an office:

Get better sleep at night.

“If you stay up all night before a workday, you’re going to be exhausted all day long,” says Leyton. “Get a good night’s sleep, and you’ll start your day feeling fresh and energized for the day ahead.”
Leyton admits she has a hard time winding down before bedtime; to tire herself out, she makes sure to log a good workout in the evening, so she’s ready when bedtime rolls around. But if you like working out in the morning, you can still get a good night’s rest. Try to stay away from all your devices at least 30 minutes before bedtime (do-not-disturb mode can still let important and emergency calls through) and ready your mind and body for sleep with a calming bedtime yoga flow.

Practice self-care.

“Self-care during the workday is important. Sometimes I eat lunch at my desk so I can go get a mani-pedi during my lunch break or take a walk in the park,” says Leyton. “When I do something for myself during the workday, I feel better all day long.”
See? Leyton turned sad desk lunch into a rewarding experience by using her lunch break to treat herself to something fun. Think about some of your favorite relaxing activities, and figure out how to incorporate them into your workday. Simple acts of self-care can have a positive impact on the choices you make throughout the day and can even result in greater productivity at work and at home.

Get a work spouse.

“I started doing the Whole30 program with a co-worker so that we hold each other accountable over our eating habits,” says Leyton. “It makes it easier when you have someone else passing on the free Friday donuts!”
It’s true, having an accountability buddy at work can help you stay on track with diet and exercise in the office, but having a work bestie is also great for your overall work performance and mental health, according to a recent Gallup poll.
Not sure how to turn Susan in payroll into your new bff? It’s just like dating; at first, finding out which co-workers you’re most compatible with might be a little awkward, but over time, you’ll be able to forge real friendships that have lasting benefits for your health.

Take the longest route to the printer.

“I know getting your steps in sounds a little trite, but I really do try to count my steps during the workday,” says Leyton. “I take walks during lunch, and I try to take the least direct route to meetings and the copy room to maximize my step count. I just make sure to give myself extra time, so I’m not late!”
Wearing a step counter can open your eyes to how many steps you’re actually taking at work. You might be shocked to find that even though you are exhausted when 5 p.m. rolls around, you only took a thousand steps!
To increase your step count during the day, take the stairs instead of the elevator. Walk around the printer while you’re waiting for that 90-page document to print. Set a reminder to get up and walk to the break room (for water!) every hour. You’ll be surprised at how many more steps you’re getting in every day when you’re making a conscious effort.

Shop online. Yes, really.

Okay, so this last tip comes from yours truly. You’re welcome.
A study conducted by Brent Coker at the University of Melbourne found that workplace internet leisure browsing (WILB)—like shopping the latest Amazon deals or scrolling social media—can actually increase your productivity at work.
Bless you, Dr. Coker.
So, if you’ve been plugging away at a project for several hours, it’s okay to take a break and scroll through that cute guy from the gym’s Instagram. Just make sure you don’t accidentally deep like one of his pics!

Categories
Refresh x Recover Sweat

The 5 Best Active Recovery Exercises For Rest Day

After working out all week, being active is the last thing you want to do on your coveted rest day. But truth be told, active recovery is actually better for you than passively vegging out on the couch all day with your most recent Netflix obsession.
“Active recovery sessions help round out your training,” says Lesley Logan, a Pilates instructor and creator of Profitable Pilates in Los Angeles. “Another added benefit of active recovery is that it gives you something different to do so you won’t get bored!”
So what exactly is active recovery?
Simply put, active recovery is a short, mild workout session on your day off. Even though you might prefer lounging in sweats on your rest day, active recovery sessions actually have quite a few benefits.
For starters, active recovery can help offset delayed onset muscle soreness (DOMS) after a particularly intense sweat sesh. In fact, a recent study published in the Journal of Strength and Conditioning Research found that light exercise actually provides massage-like relief for the acute soreness associated with DOMS.
Even if you’re not a gym rat, active recovery can help keep you on track on your days off. For me, it can be all too easy to undo five good days of working out and eating healthy in one fell swoop.
When I fall off the wagon on rest days, I fall hard.
But when I incorporate active recovery on rest days, I find it’s a lot easier to make healthier choices all week long, keeping me moving toward my fitness goals.
Ready to incorporate active recovery into your rest day but aren’t quite sure how? Here are five of the best active recovery exercises for any fitness routine.

1. Walk that walk.

I love to go for a long run, but it’s hard on my joints, so I don’t do it every day. On off days, I go for a long walk instead. Walking is a great form of active recovery because almost everyone can do it.
According to one study, light exercise like walking can actually help the body’s lymphatic system flush toxins from the body faster. Additionally, walking is the perfect form of active recovery to help relieve stress and tension. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America says that just 10 minutes of walking can be enough to reduce anxiety and stress.
Active recovery walking doesn’t require any sort of training plan. On your rest day, simply lace up your sneakers and take a brisk 30 minute (or longer, if you’d like) walk around your neighborhood or local park.

2. Find a balance.

“If I hadn’t done Pilates as part of my active recovery when I was a marathoner, I would probably not be walking right now,” says Logan.
Between intense training sessions, yoga and Pilates are excellent active recovery exercises because they use your own body weight to gently stretch and strengthen your muscles, keeping them active and engaged between workouts.
“Yoga and Pilates also strengthen your hips, help correct your posture, and work to balance the body’s asymmetries. My times became faster, my recovery after long distances sped up, and I never suffered from a running injury,” says Logan.
Want to give active recovery yoga try? Start with this 10-minute yoga flow from Keri Kugler.

3. Take a dip.

This suggestion may surprise you, but don’t knock it until you try it. It’s a surprisingly great workout, and is the perfect active recovery exercise for rest day.
With water aerobics, you can combine light strength training and low-impact cardio. If group classes aren’t your thing though, swimming a few laps is also great for active recovery.
Get your swim cap and goggles, and check your local YMCA or aquatic center’s schedule for water aerobics classes on rest day.

4. Keep rolling on.

I have chronic shoulder pain because I did not practice active recovery the first time I trained for a half-marathon. I was skeptical when I purchased a foam roller, but if done correctly, it’s a great way to prevent and relieve post-workout muscle strain.
Foam rolling is essentially self-massage of muscular trigger points. To use a foam roller in active recovery, simply find the trigger point that usually causes post-workout soreness (for me, it’s my shoulder and glutes) and press into the roller for about a minute to help release the muscle tightness you’re experiencing.

5. Healing From the Inside Out

Active recovery is all about keeping your body limber and strong between workouts. One way to do this is to work on developing a stronger core during an active recovery session.
Improving your core strength on rest day doesn’t have to be an intense training session. Rather, try a few key yoga poses for core strength that will leave you feeling stronger while also giving your body a break.
Active recovery is just one facet of a holistic rest-day plan. To round out rest day, make sure you continue to eat a healthy diet and drink plenty of water. It’s totally fine to treat yourself to a slice of pizza or some ice cream if rest day is also cheat day, but otherwise stick to lean protein, healthy fats, and whole grains. When it’s time to hit the gym again, you’ll feel energized and ready to go, rather than sluggish and full of ‘za.

Categories
Healthy Pregnancy Motherhood

What Do Contractions Really Feel Like? 5 Moms And A Doctor Answer

When I was nearing the end of my pregnancy, I obsessed over every twinge of pain, trying to determine if I’d had my first contraction. I wondered constantly: What do contractions feel like? What will labor be like?
I also experienced what I can only describe as pregnancy-induced rage when women would say with a knowing smile, “Oh, you’ll just know,” when I asked what real contractions feel like.
Instead, I was left to anxiously pore over pregnancy message boards reading other women’s experiences of going into labor.
The night before I had my first contraction, we’d headed to the hospital because I thought I was leaking amniotic fluid. I wasn’t, but the triage nurse told me I was probably in the initial stages of labor.
So, when I felt that first contraction, I suspected my labor had started, although I wasn’t sure, because I didn’t know exactly what to expect. And I was scared out of my maternity panties.
contractions 5
All that stuff they teach you in childbirth class? Right out the window.
Until I realized, Hey, my body was made to do this. And in that moment, as my husband frantically ran around our house throwing stuff in a bag like a first-time dad on TV, I remained pretty calm. Because here’s the deal: A baby is going to come out of you one way or another.
But giving birth isn’t and shouldn’t be a scary experience! There’s no need to be nervous about giving birth. We’re going to tell you exactly what contractions feel like, how to manage your contractions through labor, and answer all your contraction questions.
Here’s everything you never knew you needed to know about what contractions feel like.
contractions 7

So what are contractions, anyway?

Short answer: Contractions are your body’s way of gearing up for labor.
But what if I told you there are actually two types of contractions? In addition to those contractions—the ones that kickstart your labor—there are Braxton Hicks contractions, also known as false labor contractions.
And what do Braxton Hicks contractions feel like? Those are more of a tightening in your abdomen, but you’ll know they’re not real, we’re-about-to-have-a-baby contractions because they’re sporadic, painless, and will usually stop if you rest or drink a glass of water.
contractions 4
So how the heck are you supposed to know the difference?
“Braxton Hicks are contractions as well, just not powerful enough to cause cervical change,” says Heather Bartos, an OB-GYN at Be. Women’s Health and Wellness Center near Denton, Texas. “Labor starts when there are persistent contractions and cervical change.”

What do contractions feel like?

You asked, and oh, baby, did we answer.
While contractions do usually signal the beginning of labor, how they feel can vary wildly from woman to woman.
“Imagine the worst menstrual cramp you’ve ever had,” says Bartos. ”Now imagine that all of the sudden you want to punch your partner in the face because it hurts so bad, like you’re trying to pass a huge bowel movement.  But you physically can’t get to them to punch them because it hurts too bad every three minutes or so. It almost brings you to your knees and takes your breath away.”
And that, ladies, is what contractions feel like.
Sounds great, right?
contractions 6
We also spoke to real moms and asked the question What do contractions feel like?
Ali Garrett, a veteran mom who’s given birth twice, says, “With my second baby, I had textbook contractions. When my contractions began, it felt like my belly was shrinking; a tightening if you will. It didn’t hurt, but it got my attention.”
Garrett had experienced Braxton Hicks throughout her pregnancy, but these contractions were the real deal.
“These contractions would last about 30 seconds, as opposed to Braxton Hicks, which would last about 10 seconds, but didn’t increase in pain or pressure.”
New mom Dora Smith-Cook says, “For me, contractions came on suddenly. They felt like a very intense version of menstrual cramps. Lots of pressure and tightening in my lower abdomen. It was a dull but powerful pain, almost like a vibration that shook my whole lower body.”
I gave birth six months ago, and my early contractions also felt like intense period cramping. Early on, I definitely felt the ebb and flow of a contraction like doctors describe. But closer to delivery, contractions came so fast I didn’t even have time to breathe through them.

Great, now I know what contractions feel like, but when will they start?

Now, I’m not saying your friend’s sister’s niece who had zero contractions during her labor is telling a fib, but…she’s probably not telling the truth either.
“99.9 percent of women will feel contractions,” says Bartos. “And they are painful.  I don’t know who that 0.01 percent woman is but I’d like to meet her!”
contractions 8
While Bartos says that most women will begin having intermittent labor contractions as early as 37 weeks, sometimes contractions aren’t felt until well into active labor.
Amanda Johnson, who gave birth to her son about four weeks before her due date, says, “My water broke first, and I didn’t even realize that I was having contractions until the nurses hooked me up to the monitor. For me, strong contractions didn’t begin until I was almost ready to push.”
When your water breaks, sometimes it will sort of feel like a hot water balloon has burst…inside you. But your bag of waters doesn’t always come out in a gush. Sometimes it’s like a trickle and can feel exactly like you’re peeing yourself (a sensation most pregnant women are already very familiar with).
Whether it comes out in a trickle or a gush, you can expect labor to begin within 12 to 24 hours if your water breaks, so get thee to the hospital pronto.

Contractions are happening! When should I head to the hospital?

Most doctors recommend following the 4-1-1 rule, which does not mean dialing information for the name of the pizza place down the street.
If your contractions are consistently four minutes apart, lasting about one minute each time, for about an hour, you should probably give your doctor a call and let them know you’re heading to the hospital.
If you want to labor at home longer, your doctor may okay it, but Bartos says it’s time to head to the hospital when the contractions feel like they are too much to bear, or if you start shivering or shaking a lot. These could be signs that you’re in transition, which means you’re dilated to around 7 centimeters.
contractions 1
Of course, it would be too easy if everyone had a textbook labor and delivery.
“With my first baby, I had no warning signs I was in labor until my water broke,” says Garrett. “Then contractions came quickly and painfully, without any warning.”
For most first time moms, it can be hours before your contractions reach the 4-1-1 mark consistently, and sometimes labor can stall altogether if contractions don’t continue to build.
“[My contractions] got closer together after a few hours, and occasionally I would have two back to back,” says Smith-Cook. “The level of intensity never really increased, which may have something to do with why I ended up with a c-section. I think if I had been able to deliver vaginally, they would have progressed to a stronger level.”

I heard sometimes you’re given medication to start contractions. Why is that?

Sometimes a doctor decides to administer Pitocin, a common medication given to jumpstart labor, especially if your water has broken but contractions haven’t started yet.
Pitocin is actually a big dose of oxytocin, the same hormone your body produces naturally to stimulate contractions.
contractions 9
Because it’s a much larger amount of oxytocin designed to stimulate labor, Pitocin contractions can be incredibly intense, and it may be difficult to labor through them without an epidural.
“I was given Pitocin after 24 hours with my first delivery,” says Garrett. “It was like getting struck by lightning; no peak or trough like they teach you in childbirth class, just blinding pain.”

What do contractions feel like during labor?

During labor, your contractions will get progressively more intense, until it’s hard to breathe through them.
It’s at that point that you may decide to get an epidural. “An epidural doesn’t take away the sensation of pressure,” says Bartos. “But the physical pain of contractions are significantly reduced.”
Epidurals can be especially helpful if you’re experiencing back labor, which is often felt when the baby’s head is pressing against your tailbone due to its position in the womb. Epidurals sound kind of scary, but the relief they provide can help you catch a break during labor and replenish your energy for pushing.
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Aubree Dickerson, a first-time mom who gave birth in January, says, “My contractions felt like intense period cramps. It was hard to take a deep breath through them, so I could only take short small breaths. Then I got an epidural and felt nothing. Praise God for that!”
If you want to try to manage the pain of contractions naturally, you can try a ton of different pain management techniques, like good old-fashioned breathing exercises or even hypnotism.
For natural relief of back labor pain, you can try having your partner press firmly against the small of your back each time your experience a contraction. The pressure of their hand counters the weight of the baby’s head, relieving some of the pressure and pain.
So is one pain management technique better than another?
“It depends on the woman,” says Bartos. “Some women really prepare (hypnotherapy, classwork prepping) and do well with more natural techniques, but some women fear those modalities and request anesthesia. Either is a fine choice!”

My doctor says I have plenty of time after contractions start before delivery, but I’m worried about giving birth in the car!

“Once my contractions with my [linkbuilder id=”6718″ text=”second child”] were 10 minutes apart, we went ahead to the hospital, where my water broke five hours later and active labor began,” says Garrett. “Twelve hours later, we had a baby.”
Generally, first-time moms do tend to have a longer labor. Most of the time, active labor for first-time moms lasts between eight and 12 hours.
But sometimes labor can progress quickly, even for first-time moms.
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Take my son’s birth, for example. I had intermittent contractions the night before I gave birth, and the next morning, I sent my husband off to work with the promise that I’d call if I felt anything. An hour later, I was trying to tell him to get home between contractions. About four hours later, our son was born. My contractions came hard and fast, and I felt the need to push within just a few minutes of arriving at the hospital. The nurses had to scramble to set up our room for delivery because they assumed I’d be in labor for hours!
The best thing to do? Head to the hospital whenever you feel like you need to. You’ll get checked out and sent back home if your doctor decides you’re not in active labor.
A few false alarms are totally worth avoiding an impromptu home birth.

Is it true I’ll have contractions after delivery too?

Ah, you sweet little starfish. No one told you that contractions don’t end immediately upon giving birth?
It’s true. They don’t. But, there’s a silver lining! Actually, there are two silver linings.
The first? You have your baby!
contractions 3
The second? After-labor contractions are nowhere near as painful as the ones felt during labor.
Generally, you’ll feel contractions as you deliver the placenta.
“Your uterus was up by your rib cage and it rapidly shrinks down to your belly button—that requires muscle contraction … These are essential for your uterus to return to normal—if this doesn’t happen, a woman can experience significant postpartum bleeding and hemorrhage,” says Bartos.
You may also continue to feel mild contractions for several weeks, particularly when you breastfeed, as your uterus continues to shrink back to its normal size. These contractions feel like manageable period cramps.

Now that I know what contractions feel like, I don’t exactly feel better about giving birth.

So here’s the deal: Giving birth hurts like a mother.
But it really is manageable. I promise.
Now that you know what contractions feel like, you can use this information to reframe your mindset about labor pain.
“Embracing the idea that childbirth is painful (for a short period of time only, thank goodness!) can actually help your brain prepare for such an event,” says Bartos.
And you know what, mama? You’re gonna do great.

Categories
Conscious Beauty Lifestyle

How To Clean Makeup Brushes (And Why You Need To Do It More Often)

Are you getting zits in crazy places, like nestled along your hairline or in the center of your cheeks? Is your skin oilier or dryer than normal? Are you noticing patchy makeup application?
You might be quick to blame your hormones, your genetics, or stress for wreaking havoc on your face, but in reality, your dirty makeup brushes might be the culprit.
Your makeup brushes can actually harbor tons of bacteria, according to Ann Turner, a freelance makeup artist based in Jacksonville, Florida: “Natural bristle brushes are especially porous, which can cause bacteria to grow in brush fibers if they’re not cleaned regularly.”
Gross.
That’s why you should be cleaning your foundation makeup brushes and beauty blenders at least once a week, and your eyeshadow brushes at least twice a month. Plus, not only does regular makeup brush cleaning keep your face safer, it can actually extend the life of your brushes.
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Can’t remember the last time you cleaned your makeup brushes? Don’t know how to clean makeup brushes in the first place?
Lucky for your skin, it’s easy to clean makeup brushes. It’s never too late to start, either. Plus, keeping your makeup brushes clean is one of the easiest ways to keep your skin glowing and healthy.

A Few Things to Know About How to Clean Makeup Brushes

Before cleaning your makeup brushes, you’ll need to determine if your brushes are made of natural or synthetic fibers.
It should be easy to tell the difference. Natural bristle makeup brushes are made from animal hair, so they generally feel very soft. Synthetic-bristle brushes, on the other hand, are slicker and less soft. (Luckily, they both do a great job of blending your makeup—but only when they’re clean!)
Turner prefers synthetic bristles, which “harbor less bacteria, and are great for blending full-coverage foundation for a flawless finish.”
Synthetic brushes can also withstand harsher cleaning, because, well, they’re synthetic. Natural bristle brushes may wear out faster if they’re not cleaned correctly.

How to Clean Makeup Brushes: The Light Cleanse

It’s important to clean makeup brushes as often as you can, but your regular cleanse can be fairly low-effort. And before you say you barely have time for coffee, let alone spending extra time frivolously cleaning brushes, it literally only takes five minutes to lightly clean your makeup brushes, so no excuses!
You should clean makeup brushes after every use, but according to Turner “if you are the only one using your brushes on a daily basis, you can get by with lightly cleaning them once or twice a week.”
If you’ve never done it before, here’s how to clean makeup brushes to get out everyday residue:

  1. You can use an everyday cleanser to clean makeup brushes. Turner recommends IT Cosmetics Brush Bath Purifying Brush Cleanser or Jane Iredale Botanical Brush Cleaner.
  2. Gently swipe your makeup brush back and forth against a clean cloth until it starts rubbing clean. (Go ahead and splurge on a larger latte, because you don’t need to purchase fancy brush cleaning tools, says Turner. All you need is an inexpensive pack of cotton washcloths. I like these white cotton washcloths from AmazonBasics.)
  3. Leave your brush to dry. Easy as pie!

“Just make sure you gently rub your brushes into the cloth,” Turner explains. “If you are rough with your brushes, especially natural fibers, they’ll wear out faster.”

Our Makeup Brush Cleanser Picks:

How to Clean Makeup Brushes: The Deep Cleanse

Deep cleaning and disinfecting your makeup brushes should be done at least once a week (and more often if you use heavily pigmented foundation, which can gunk up brushes quickly).
Here’s how to clean makeup brushes in order to really get the junk out:

  1. All you need to deep clean your brushes is a small bowl filled with warm water (Turner likes to put a few marbles in hers for the brushes to rest on) and a couple of drops of gentle baby shampoo, like Johnson’s Natural Baby Shampoo.
  2. Mix the baby shampoo into the bowl of warm water until it’s a little bubbly, but not overflowing with suds. Think less like your post work-week wine bubble bath, and more like the little dish of water you dip your hands in for a manicure.
  3. Swirl your brushes in the water carefully so that the ferrule doesn’t get wet.

What’s a ferrule?
So glad you asked.
The ferrule is the metal part of your brush that holds the bristles to the brush handle. If the ferrule gets wet repeatedly, it can not only harbor bacteria, but compromise the integrity of your brush, causing bristles to loosen and fall out.

  1. After you swirl your brush in its little bubble bath, tap the excess water off before swirling the bristles on a cloth until the brush rubs clean, just like you do throughout the week.
  2. After washing brushes, it’s important to lay them flat to dry with the fibers laying over the edge of the counter or table so air can circulate around them easily. This also helps brushes reform their natural shape after cleaning and keeps moisture out of the base of the brush (remember ferrule, the word of the day?)

“After washing and drying my brushes, I place them in a large vase filled with marbles,” says Turner. “That way they stay upright, not touching one another until they are dry. Plus, its a great way to store your brushes. You could also get creative and use river rocks or sand in different containers to store your brushes between use.”

How to Clean Makeup Brushes: Beauty Blender Edition

So it’s not really a brush, but the beauty blender is the true workhorse of any makeup routine. But when was the last time you showed your beauty blender the attention it deserves?
If you’re not regularly cleaning your beauty blender, go ahead and apologize to your blender (and your skin). Dirty beauty blenders are extremely porous, so they can hide tons of mold and bacteria, which, like dirty makeup brushes, can cause your face to break out.
Your beauty blender needs to be cleaned every day because it can soak up a LOT of product. To clean your blender, saturate it with warm water and a couple drops of shampoo. Gently wash until the water runs clear, squeeze the excess water out of the blender, and allow it to fully air dry before the next use.
Alas, that pretty pink egg isn’t meant to last a lifetime. You should plan on replacing your beauty blender every three to four months.
Time for a replacement?

Shop Beauty Blenders:

FAQ on How to Clean Makeup Brushes

You asked; we answer.
Q: Can I clean my makeup brushes with plain old dish soap?
A: Yes! And no. You can clean synthetic makeup brushes and beauty blenders with regular dish soap because it’s harder to cut through makeup residue on these materials. But you want to use a more gentle cleaning agent on natural bristle brushes. Since they come from animals, think of cleaning your natural bristle makeup brushes the same way you clean your hair. A cleanser that’s too harsh will leave your makeup brush fibers dry and brittle.
Q: If I can use tea tree oil to clean my makeup brushes, can I use different oils, like coconut or olive oil, too?
A: You can add just a smidge (a very, very small amount) of olive oil as a moisturizing agent when deep-cleaning your brushes, but it may not be a good idea to substitute olive oil with coconut oil. Coconut oil is pretty high on the comedogenic scale, which measures an oil’s pore-clogging tendencies. If you have break-out prone skin, it’s probably best to leave the coconut oil in the kitchen.
Q: Do I need to throw out makeup brushes after I pink eye, or can I just disinfect them?
A: Sorry to tell you, but yes. You can certainly try to completely disinfect your brushes, but why would you risk getting pink eye again? If you used any of your brushes near your eye, you’re taking a big risk by using them again.
Q: Is sharing makeup brushes with friends really that bad?
A: Not necessarily. When you were sharing eyeshadow brushes and mascara with your sixth grade besties, you probably weren’t regularly washing your makeup brushes (probably because you didn’t own any makeup brushes other than disposable applicators, which do not count). Fast forward a few years and now you’re doing each other’s makeup before a night out. Sharing makeup brushes is almost always okay—as long as you clean your makeup brushes after each individual use.
Q: Is it okay to leave my makeup brushes in the bathroom? That’s where I do my makeup anyway.
A: Riddle me this: Do you know how many poo particles are floating around your bathroom at any given time? Well, it’s sort of a lot. A 2015 study found that 60 percent of toothbrushes left in bathrooms had traces of fecal matter on them. Samesies for your expensive makeup brushes.
If you don’t have the space for a full-on makeup room (hey, we’re not all Kylie Jenner), try creating a small makeup station on top of your dresser or in other non-bathroom space. Because nobody wants poo on their face.

Create Your Makeup Station: