Author: Mary Sauer

There is no doubt about it; the prevalence of autism in the United States has gotten the attention of many parents. Although there are still many unanswered questions about this developmental disorder, there are a few things we know for sure.

First of all, we know that 1 out of every 68 children will fall somewhere on the autism spectrum. We also know that it is more common among boys than girls. An estimated 1 in 42 boys is believed to have autism spectrum disorder (ASD), while 1 in 189 girls are believed to have this disorder, according to Autism Speaks.
Perhaps most important of all the things we know about autism is that early intervention matters.

The sooner parents can spot symptoms in their children, the sooner they can seek specialized treatment for their children. Early intervention is known to be incredibly effective in improving the symptoms of autism, says Autism Speaks.
Of course, if parents want to seek early treatment, their child must be diagnosed first. For many moms and dads this will mean watching young children, even infants, for signs they may have autism.

About Early Diagnosis of Autism

Because of the nature of autism, it isn’t easy to spot in young children. This is because in some cases, children may appear to be developing typically only to regress—or lose some of their developmental skills—as they grow older.

In the same fashion, some babies will actually struggle to meet their expected developmental milestones and then suddenly catch up to what is typical for their age.
Thus many doctors wait until children reach 24 months before they will make a definitive diagnosis of autism.

This doesn’t mean that infants cannot be screened for developmental delays, however. According to Autism Speaks, some symptoms of autism can be detected as young as 6 months of age, and this advocacy organization encourages parents to be on the lookout for any troubling symptoms in their children.
Here are some tips on how to spot autism in your infant, starting when they are 3 months old.

The Earliest Signs of Autism in Your Baby

Diagnosis of autism by the time a child is 3 months of age is unheard of, but pediatricians are still keeping an eye out for potentially alarming delays in newborns that may point to an underlying issue.

At 3 months of age, most typically developing children will have started to smile, according to the Autism Society. They will also begin to notice and look at faces, especially the faces of those they care about the most.
When presented with a moving object, 3-month-olds should be able to follow that object by moving their gaze or shifting their head.

Some motor delays could also point to ASD in babies, such as being unable to lift their head or bring their hand to their mouth, according to the Autism Society.

Signs in the First Six Months of Life

By the time your baby is 6 months old, they should be able to engage in some basic social interactions with the people who are caring for them most frequently.

Absence of these interactions is one of the chief signs of autism during the first six months of a baby’s life. If your child isn’t smiling at you or showing expressions of enjoyment by this age, this might be a clue that your baby may have some developmental delays, according to Helpguide.org.
There is also some evidence that very young babies who do not seem interested in the faces of others are at a higher risk for autism. One study, performed by researchers at Yale, observed the amount of time infants spent looking at images of faces.

More than two years later, researchers followed up with this same group of infants and found that those who went on to be diagnosed with autism were more likely to belong to the group of infants who spent less time looking at faces.

Signs You Can Spot Before a Baby Is 9 Months Old

As your baby grows older, there are new milestones they should be reaching. Failure to reach these milestones can be cause for concern, even if it doesn’t guarantee a diagnosis of autism. In addition to smiling in response to being smiled at, there are other reciprocal behaviors you should expect to see in your child.

At 9 months old, typically developing babies will engage in exchanging noises back and forth. They will also show some kind of response to the facial expressions of others. In general, by the time your baby is 9 months old, you should hope to see the very beginnings of social behaviors emerging.

Signs That May Show Up Before Your Baby’s First Birthday

When your baby reaches their first birthday, there’s cause for celebration. Of course, along with this milestone comes a visit with their pediatrician to review a whole list of milestones they should be reaching.

For 1-year-olds, there are some bare-minimum developmental achievements they should have knocked out of the park. Babies this age should respond in some way when you say their name, even if it is just a glance in your direction. Your baby should also be talking some, even if they aren’t real words. Parents of typically developing children will have noticed babbling and baby talk by their first birthday.
Lastly, at this point your baby should be have picked up on some non-verbal actions such as waving, pointing, or reaching when they want to be held.

Watching your child play is another way you can keep an eye out for the development of autism. By the time they are about a year old, your baby will begin to engage in very purposeful play.
They will start to use objects as they are meant to be used, according to the Autism Society, which says that pretending to talk on the phone or knowing to drink out of a glass are developmentally appropriate behaviors at this age.

As your child approaches their first birthday, you can also watch out for the presence of alarming behaviors, instead of just watching for the absence of developmentally appropriate behaviors.
Repetitive behaviors in young children can be a sign of autism. If your child is engaging in self-stimulatory behavior such as rocking, hitting themselves, or twirling, this could be a clue they are struggling with their development.

Here’s what to do if you are concerned about your infant’s development.

If you notice your child is showing signs of developmental delays, it is understandable that you may be concerned. Your first step should always be a visit with your child’s pediatrician. They have received extensive training on spotting the earliest symptoms of autism in children.

A visit with your child’s doctor will usually go one of two ways.
You may be told that your child’s delays are still within the realm of normal, since all kids develop at different paces.
At your visit your child’s doctors may instead conclude that the symptoms being displayed are reason for concern and then they will recommend next steps, like seeing a specialist or having your child formally evaluated for autism.

No matter what you learn, your doctor, other healthcare providers, and parenting support groups will help you figure out next steps for how to best support your child.

The first time I ventured out of the house with three kids, I tried to plan for anything that could possibly go wrong. I brought extra clothes for my newly potty-trained toddler and the newborn who was prone to blowouts, and I had a lengthy pep talk with my preschooler about being Mommy’s big helper.

Honestly, the whole outing went surprisingly well. No one had a tantrum, we made it out of the store and back home before the newborn wanted to nurse again, and I never had to break out the spare clothes I had packed.

Even though things went as well as I could have hoped, I still returned home completely worn out. I had spent so much time stressing out about potential worst-case scenarios that I had put myself through more stress than any of my kids had.

Nearly a year later, I have a 5-year-old, a 3-year-old, and a baby who will turn 1 in and month. I still haven’t stopped getting slightly worked up every time we have to leave the house.

The truth is, having three kids has been a huge adjustment for our family. My husband and I no longer have a 1:1 ratio going on in our home. And when it’s just me, well, I don’t even have enough hands to hang on to each kid.

I’m not alone in my feelings that having three kids is hard. Moms just like me, who are juggling three little ones, are the most stressed-out moms, according to a survey by TODAY Moms.

After surveying over 7,000 moms, TODAY Moms was able to glean some important information about stressed-out parents. Moms who have three kids seem to reach the peak of being totally strung out.

Moms with fewer kids have less stress, and moms with more have the experience that helps them to relax about new phases and stages.

This study was also able to come up with an average stress level for mothers using the data they pulled from the 7,000 mothers they surveyed. On a scale of 1 to 10, the average mom reports a stress level of 8.5. That is a high number considering it is the baseline for many moms, but I’m honestly not all that surprised. Being a parent is plain hard, even if you don’t have three kids.

Middle School Melodrama

If you think parenting toddlers is hard, just wait until they reach middle school. As children approach early teen years, parents report that caring for them gets more stressful than ever before, according to the journal Developmental Psychology.

Apparently, this is one of those age groups that brings uniquely stressful challenges. I’m not there yet. My oldest is a preschooler, and some days I have a hard time imagining there is anything more challenging than juggling newborn naps and toddler daredevil antics.

When you think about what middle schoolers experience, the related parenting stress completely makes sense. Those few years right before high school are characterized by a strong desire for autonomy.

Typically preteen development drives them to push away from their parents and establish their own identity, according to EurekAlert!, a publication by the American Association for the Advancement of Science. Naturally, it can be difficult for parents to loosen the reins, especially at an age when kids want independence but are still struggling to make responsible decisions.

Additionally, middle school is the height of puberty. A flux of hormones ushers in changes to personality, moodiness, and extreme self-consciousness about their changing bodies. For some families, this means their new teen is unpredictable or hard to be around at times.

Some middle schoolers may even start engaging in risky behaviors, lashing out, or struggling with depression or anxiety for the first time. It is difficult to watch your child struggle, especially when they don’t really want to involve you in their biggest challenges.

At this age, children are also transitioning into a tougher social environment. For starters, middle school is markedly more difficult than elementary school, due in part to more demanding school schedules and increased homework.

Add to that the peer pressure that typically starts right around this age, and it makes sense that so many kids are having such a hard time during this big life change.

Lastly, the middle schoolers aren’t the only ones changing in the family. It isn’t uncommon for parents to be in the midst of their own changes, according to the study’s authors. In fact, this is often when parents begin to experience more marked symptoms of their own aging as they grow older. This can increase the emotional impact of this phase of their children’s life.

Parenting When Your Child Has Exceptional Needs

For some families, parenting is always more challenging because their child has exceptional needs. For the parents of these children, being a mother or father is often characterized by times of fear and anxiety, according to Psychology Today.

Parents may worry about their child’s future, wondering if their developmental or physical differences will limit their opportunities. They may also find themselves consumed by worries for their physical health, especially if their child has differences that require continuous medical care.

Caring for a child who has special needs also requires parents to take on a caregiver role for much longer than they would if they were raising typically developing children.

Caregiving is associated with a high level of burnout and feelings of depression and loneliness. It can take a toll on marriages too, according to the Child Mind Institute.

How Stressed-Out Parents Should Deal

In ideal world, stressed-out parents would be able to reduce their source of stress, but if you fall into one of the categories listed above, you know that simply isn’t possible. So parents facing unique challenges have to get creative when it comes to coping with their circumstances.

For most families, talking openly about the challenges being faced will spur helpful discourse for everyone involved, according to Developmental Psychology.

Whether you are entering into that middle school phase of life, adding another child to the family, or learning to care for children who have special needs, try to make time to have regular talks with your partner and your children.

These talks don’t have to be complicated; just be honest about what everyone should expect from the next few months or years of your family life and allow everyone involved to express their feelings on the changes.

Next, stressed-out parents need to find outside support for themselves whenever possible. The good news is there are plenty of support groups out there. Moms who have young kids and are preparing to add another baby might find the solidarity they need most from a group like Mothers of Preschoolers.

For parents who are feeling unprepared to transition their child into middle school, their child’s school counselor may be able to suggest resources and support groups that can address their fears.

When parenting kids with special needs is what is causing parents stress, local children’s hospitals typically have a database of area support groups, and private social media groups have become a great source of community for parents as well.

When it comes down to it, if parents facing hard situations really want to feel equipped to parent well, they need to care for themselves first. In some cases, this might be asking for a little extra help, getting some time alone, or making a weekly visit with a therapist their top priority.

For me, giving birth to each of my three children has been a jarring and disruptive experience. I carried them around inside of my body for more than nine months and then suddenly, over the course of 10 hours or so of labor, we became two separate people.

At least that’s how it felt—that when I celebrated the birth of my children, I also let go of another season of our life together, our amazing interdependence. Even so, I have always felt that my babies are still a part of me.

Whenever I pull my infant in close to my chest to nurse, I chase down my toddler to smother her in kisses, or I snuggle my preschooler in close to read books before bed, I know we are still connected to one another.

I have always assumed the mother–child bond I was experiencing was just an emotional connection. But recent research has provided an explanation for a deeper connection between mother and child. During pregnancy the growing fetus has a lasting impact on the mother’s body.

The placenta, which has long been known to provide essentials to the growing baby, also serves as an avenue for transfer of fetal cells into the mother’s body, according to Smithsonian magazine.

Over time, the mother’s immune system gets rid of many of those cells, but some adapt to the mother’s body in a way that allows them to fly under the radar and remain inside of her for years to come.

Amazing, isn’t it? The grade-schooler who sits across from you at the table or the baby you said a difficult goodbye to early in your pregnancy could still be influencing your cellular makeup today.

Of course, research has a ways to go before we can figure out the exact implications of how fetal cells manipulate their mother’s body. We certainly have made a lot of progress in recent years in our quest to explain why humans do the things we do.

More than ever, we can observe specific parenting behaviors and point to an explanation for these habits. In short, science can explain why you parent the way you do.

Here’s why so many moms hold their baby the same way.

Have you ever noticed that most moms hoist their baby onto their left hip and hold them there, instead of switching from side to side?

This isn’t merely a coincidence. This habit of holding a baby on your left side is observed in a large percentage of human mothers and even in other mammals, according to the journal Developmental Science.

Left-cradling bias, as this behavior is called, is believed to be explained by the way humans process social and emotional interactions, according to the journal Nature Ecology & Evolution. Some of the functions performed by the brain are worked out in one hemisphere or the other; this is called lateralization.

Specifically relevant to left-cradling bias is that fact that the right hemisphere of the brain, which receives information from the left side of the body, is the dominant location for processing emotional and social experiences.

To put it simply—when Mom holds Baby on her left side, she is more adept at interpreting their emotional cues. Scientists don’t believe this is coincidence. Instead they are confident this is an evolutionary behavior adopted by mothers whose main priority early on is meeting their child’s emotional and physical needs.

Here’s why you scrubbed your kitchen floor when you were nine months pregnant.

At the end of each of my pregnancies, I found myself obsessing over the most seemingly insignificant things. With my second baby, for instance, I spent two weeks searching our home from top to bottom, intent on finding handful of missing pieces from my toddler’s puzzle collection.

When I neared the end of my third pregnancy, I grew fixated on keeping laundry going non-stop because I was determined I wouldn’t have dirty laundry in the house when the baby was born.

These kinds of behaviors are so common among expectant mothers, we joke about with our pregnant friends. We typically assume a mother who is cleaning, organizing, or cooking is getting ready to give birth.

This phenomenon, called nesting, isn’t simply a social norm or an old wives’ tale. There is actually a scientific explanation for why women adopt nesting behaviors near the end of their pregnancies, according to the journal Evolution & Human Behavior. It’s all about controlling the environment the baby will be born into.

Anthropologists report that this behavior was observed in our ancestors and is now repeated by modern mothers. Nesting tends to peak during the third trimester, when expectant mothers focus their energy on creating a safe environment for their new child.

Women don’t just reorganize their belongings; they tend to focus some of their energy on their relationships too. According to this study, expectant mothers are driven to consider whom they want near their child after birth, too.

A natural desire to protect their baby from unknown dangers or foreign pathogens compels an unconscious drive to steer clear of strangers during late pregnancy.

Here’s why you turn into a hermit right before birth.

At the end of a pregnancy, it is fairly typical for expectant moms to feel compelled to hunker down and stay home until the arrival of their new baby.

Turning into a hermit during the third trimester isn’t just because it is too much work to get your aching and swollen body off the couch. There is an evolutionary explanation for why women turn into homebodies late in their pregnancies.

It seems that in pregnant women there is an innate knowledge that home is the safest place to be. Research suggests that pregnant women prefer to stay home because they know it is the most comfortable place to give birth and likely to be the most danger free place for a vulnerable newborn.

This is an evolutionary behavior and is believed to have been passed down from ancestors who had more immediate dangers in the environment surrounding their homes, according to Evolution & Human Behavior.

Here’s why you like cute babies so much.

There’s no denying it: Human beings have a strong preference for really cute babies. When it comes to what is and isn’t considered cute, there are some objective principles that influence this preference.

Babies with large eyes, small mouths and noses, and a symmetrical face tend to be seen as more attractive, according to Dr. Jeffrey Kurland, professor of anthropology and development at Penn State.

There are perks to being cute, too. As embarrassing as it may be to acknowledge, both men and women tend to show preferential treatment to cute kids. Don’t beat yourself up too much; there is an evolutionary explanation for such favoritism.

The same characteristics that are commonly assoc
iated with cuteness in babies have also been associated with a perception of overall well-being. So the belief is that the preference for cute babies is really just a byproduct of preferring and promoting the growth of babies who appear to have a survival advantage over less-cute babies.

We might not realize it at the time, but it seems that a lot of the automatic behaviors we engage in as mothers are all about survival of our children and our family line.

From the way we hold our babies to that irresistible urge to straighten the linen closet for the tenth time in a week, we’re just following an unconscious drive set in motion long before our own mothers were expecting our arrival.