Author: Michael Taylor

Every parent wants to see their child excel. If we can provide what’s best for their well-being and development, we know it will serve them well throughout their life. And it’s imperative that we tend to both their physical and mental development—just as we must nourish their body, we must nourish their mind, as well.
So what happens when you discover that your child has an above average intelligence? Or displays abilities far beyond their years? It can be exciting and rewarding to see their accomplishments, but it can be stressful, too. Finding out the best educational environment for their skillset can be daunting—extraordinarily gifted children don’t come in a one-size-fits-all category.
It can also be a confusing process to discern the difference between a child that is truly gifted, versus one who is bright (yes, there is a difference, as we’ll cover shortly).
So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed with how to best serve your gifted offspring (or need tips on how to determine if they fit into that category), we’re here to help. Let’s take a look at varying definitions of giftedness and what methods allow gifted children to capitalize on their innate talents.

Bright vs. Gifted

It’s easy to assume that all children who exhibit high intelligence are gifted, but it isn’t always the case. That isn’t to say that intelligence and giftedness aren’t linked (they can be), but the distinction is important, for often, gifted kids underperform academically if their skills aren’t properly identified. Likewise, bright, capable children may be placed in accelerated programs that could hinder their success.

“[Gifted kids are] so far ahead intellectually, and academically, and maturationally, and developmentally, that they need very personalized, tailored education.”

Gabriella Rowe, head of school at The Village School in Houston, Texas, cautions that determining a bright child from a gifted one is “a very hard distinction [for] a parent to make, because the line between really bright and exceptional and truly gifted is a much more complicated one.”

She adds that truly gifted children are “not one step ahead of what’s happening in their class, but three, four, or five steps ahead. They ask questions that make connections with information that are well beyond their years,” and are “typically gifted in very specific areas: cognitive abilities and visual-spatial abilities.”
She also adds that truly gifted children are “are typically very hard to teach. They are so far ahead intellectually, and academically, and maturationally, and developmentally, that they need very personalized, tailored education.”

“They have a nonconformist mindset.”

Exceptionally bright children on the other hand “tend to be more widespread. … that child might be a grade level ahead of where they might be in a more typical age group. … they can be taught more uniformly in an accelerated fashion across their entire learning continuum.”
According to Andrew Loh from Brainychild.com, one of the most obvious differences between bright and gifted children boils down to their school performance. If your child makes straight A’s and a permanent fixture in the honor roll, odds are you have an extremely bright child—but likely not a gifted one.

Bright children tend to be exceptionally well-mannered, respectful of authority. They actually enjoy going to school and relish turning their work in ahead of schedule.
Gifted children, on the other hand, may exhibit behavior that could be viewed negatively if misunderstood: they openly question authority, are considered rebellious and dislike convention. They tend to daydream, and get bored easily. They may talk in class, and are often ill-tempered, especially if they’re frustrated with not meeting the high goals they set for themselves.

In addition, their advanced development often ostracises them from their peers, making them withdrawn and the target of bullies. As a result, a normally structured classroom environment might not help them reach their potential.
Joyce Nuner, an associate professor in family and consumer sciences, child and family studies at Baylor University, specializes in early childhood development, and says it’s important to understand that “Sometimes some of your most gifted children get overlooked because they may not make the highest grades—they have a nonconformist mindset.”

Nuner emphasizes that a key sign of giftedness is “a great deal of creativity. There’s a relatedness between creativity and being gifted—that’s often the sign that can make us think towards the traditional definition of giftedness.”

Other Traits To Look For

For more specific indicators of giftedness, the National Association of Gifted Children offers an extensive list of traits and characteristics to look for. Let’s cover some of the most distinctive signs that could be major flags of giftedness.

• Many gifted children can be distinguished even at the preschool level, reaching developmental milestones earlier than their peers and piecing together vocabulary and sentence structures at a faster rate.
• Other examples include excellent memory, the ability to put together abstract concepts, and learning basic skills with minimal instruction.
• Gifted children are also relentlessly curious, can engage in advanced intellectual thought and critical thinking, and tend to have an aptitude for the arts and/or advanced math skills.
• It’s also worth noting that while gifted kids show a shortened attention span in general, they can become hyperfocused on specific tasks they find of interest.
• Another major hint that you have a gifted child is if they exhibit a keen sense of imagination (including having imaginary friends). Likewise, gifted children tend to have a healthy sense of humor and a quick wit.

Rowe says the best way for parents to determine if their child is truly gifted (or exceptionally bright) is the MAP test: “the reason I like it for giftedness and exceptionally bright children is its adaptive. … for every question that a student answers correctly, the next, more complex and difficult question is then populated into the test. So everyone isn’t taking the same tests—it essentially morphs and changes based on the demonstrated aptitude of the child in the moment they’re taking test.”

Famously Gifted Adults Who Struggled As Children

If you need further proof that gifted children are often misunderstood and improperly diagnosed, look no further than Albert Einstein. The genius physicist who developed the theory of relativity had learning difficulties as a child.

“I think we can all agree that Albert Einstein was gifted,” says Nuner. “Some literature suggests he didn’t speak until he was almost four. Some have theorized that if he was alive today he might have been placed into a special education program as opposed to developing the type of scientific mind that he had.”
And he’s not the only noteworthy example. Renaissance polymath Leonardo da Vinci struggled with dyslexia as a child, and he often had trouble following through on tasks, a trait strongly linked to ADHD.
And many would be surprised to find that famed author Agatha Christie struggled with reading herself, showing signs that experts say could have been dyslexia or dysgraphia.

One can wonder if these figures would have reached even higher heights if they had the proper nurturing environment, as they prove the exception to the rule. Many gifted children will struggle to reach their lofty potential without getting the tools they need to succeed. Let’s look at some ways to do just that.

Ways to Positively Challenge Gifted Children

So, how do you help a gifted child maximize their potential?
Rowe states that “best thing you can do, and this applies to both gifted children and exceptionally bright children, is to give them big, meaty problems to solve. …enable them to solve real world problems that have high levels of complexity. Because that’s going to stimulate that intellect on many different levels.”

Nuner suggest giving gifted children “free time and open-ended materials. That gives them an opportunity to show you what their gifts and talents truly are. We make the joke that a child likes a box to play with as opposed to the toy that came in it. For example, giving them recyclable items like cereal boxes and popsicle sticks and a whole variety of things that can be used in a number of different ways.”
Scholastic offers other helpful tips, including accelerated learning. Giving gifted children more advanced materials can not only bolster their skillset, but keep them from getting bored waiting for the rest of the class to keep up.

Encouraging goal-setting, using modern technology and tailoring assignments that mirror their interests, can also be beneficial.
And one of the most important ways to keep gifted kids on their toes is by providing choices. Try giving them an alternative (and more advanced) book for a report, and see if they can pull deeper meanings in research topics that go beyond basic facts.
And remember how we mentioned that creativity is abundant in gifted learners? Let them put that into action, and express their knowledge through poetry, collages, music and more.

What can hinder gifted kids’ development?

Nuner says a packed calendar can be detrimental to gifted kids.
“In our current society, we have this tendency now to really over schedule our children in all of their activities,” she says. “Every minute is filled with something, and that doesn’t allow a lot of room for creativity to come out.”
Her solution? Allowing children free time to explore their creative passions, one to two hours per day of unstructured time with which to stretch their creative muscles.

Rowe also says that “the worst thing you can do is tell them to wait until everyone else catches up” instead of giving them assignments that fit their aptitude. She also warns against telling them they’re superior, because it puts undue pressure on perfectionism: “as an educator, I can’t think of anything worse for any child than to prevent them from trying new things and experimenting and failing forward.”

Not every kid is gifted. And that’s okay, too.

And while all parents think their children are the best and the brightest, a preoccupation with harnessing giftedness can put undue pressure on children who simply can’t reach those heights.

Nuner has seen examples of the that, saying: “there’s a lot of pressure on parents when they get in a group of … peers that all have children the same age. They kind of start start rattling off their children’s resume, so to speak, and it’s almost become a competition amongst parents.”
In other words, most children aren’t gifted. But we shouldn’t love or support them any less. It’s about building their self-esteem, not bolstering ours. The more time you can focus on building a relationship and letting your child be the best version of themselves they can be, the more you fulfill your role as a parent.

So just remember, whether you have a gifted child, a very bright child, or an average kid (that shouldn’t be a dirty word), all of them deserve the best education that we can provide. And they also deserve all the love you have to give.
If a child feels respected, valued, and understood, they will do the same with others, and your bond will be unshakable. The world can be a very uncertain, scary, ever-changing place, and our duties as parents is to keep them prepared and to have the ample time and opportunity to let their gifts and spirits shine.

Recently, Erin Lee Macke, a mother in Iowa, left her four children (who ranged in age between 6 and 12 years old) alone at home while she enjoyed a 10-day vacation in Germany.
When she arrived back home, she discovered her kids were all in protective custody, and she was hauled off to jail. The story set the internet ablaze, as did the question from anyone who read it: why would any parent think this was a good idea?

Local law enforcement agreed, with one officer noting: “I’ve never heard of anything like this before. …We have situations where parents go next door or parents may go out for the night, and while that’s not advisable either depending on the age of the children, obviously leaving the country is a totally different situation.”
Drastic as the example may be, Macke’s legal troubles raise an interesting debate for parents—what age is appropriate for leaving your child unattended? How young is too young to be left at home without adult supervision? What are the greatest risks? Will I be perceived as a bad parent if I leave my children by themselves? Or am I being too much of a helicopter parent by not giving them more independence?

These are much harder questions to answer than you might think—this isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. It can require some extensive research and gut-checks before you can make an informed decision. So before you leave your children all by their lonesome, let’s break down the data.

Legal Issues

This may prove surprising, but there really isn’t a national standard in the United States for the minimum age a child can be left unattended. As a result, this often comes down to the state level (and many states, shockingly, have no restriction at all).
Joyce Nuner, associate professor in family and consumer sciences, child and family studies at Baylor University, says finding this information can prove difficult: “Sometimes it’s hard to find what [your state] guidelines are … but they’re usually found through their Department of Protective and Regulatory services.”

These ages can vary widely. For instance, Illinois requires a child be at least 14 years of age, while it’s only 8 years of age in Maryland. Mique, a blogger for Thirty Handmade Days, has tried to take the guesswork out of the equation by creating a chart that shows age laws by state.
It also includes a list of suggested times for how long to leave them alone as well (for example, 8- to 10-year-olds shouldn’t be left alone for more than an hour and a half, while 11- to 12-year-olds can be alone for up to three hours).
So make sure you have this knowledge in tow. You don’t want to jeopardize the custody of your children.

Every child is different.

Once you’ve figured out if it’s legal to leave your child at home to their own devices, the next ethical question comes into play: should you?
Nuner says you can’t always go by child’s age when making this decision: “As a parent, what you’re looking at is the maturity level and temperament of the child. …You can see the maturity level in different ways, such as their ability to follow directions and to understand instructions…”

In other words, a teenager doesn’t necessarily hold an advantage over a 10-year-old as far as holding down the fort is concerned. Nuner says that “some of this can be taught, but I also believe some of it is innate in children.”
So it’s up to the parents to gauge their child’s development and sense of responsibility before leaving them unattended. Engage your child in dialogue and see if they fully grasp the concepts or tasks they’ll need to handle while you’re away. If they appear to be having trouble, it’s time to take the pressure off their shoulders and find a babysitter.

Dangers

Now that we’ve covered how to determine if your child is equipped to stay at home by themselves, it’s time to identify the very real risks they may encounter while you’re not home.

While most parents worry about things like a child starting a kitchen fire or letting a stranger in the house, a 2014 study by American Journal of Nursing Science shows the biggest risks are behavioral in nature.
In the case of children 10 and younger, loneliness, fear and boredom were the main concerns, according to the study. For teenagers, it’s a greater risk of substance abuse and promiscuity. Middle-school-age children left alone for more than three hours per day were more prone to depression and low self-esteem.

One of the best ways to avoid all of these risks is to keep your kid busy with homework, fun activities and chores. Boredom is often the gateway to trouble, so a well-planned schedule works wonders.

Untapped Benefits

Despite the risks, there are actually some significant benefits to leaving your kid alone—for both your child and yourself.
 

“First, you’re fostering a sense of responsibility [by trusting your child to self-supervise],” according to WebMD. “And second, you might actually be able to get out for a quiet, kid-free meal with your spouse.”
However, a study from the University of California, Irvine shows today’s parents are more anxious than previous generations about leaving their kids unattended. The reason? They’re stigmatized by other parents.

Lead author Ashley Thomas notes that society has continually increased their estimates of the dangers of leaving kids home alone “in order to better justify or rationalize the moral disapproval we feel toward parents who violate this relatively new social norm.”
This is largely fed by stories of child abduction or severe parental neglect by media, events that, while horrifying, are also exceedingly rare, as the study concluded—“The idea that unsupervised children are in constant danger is relatively new. Just one generation ago, children had much more freedom to explore their surroundings,” says Thomas.

Nuner concurs that this lack of freedom can be counterproductive to a child who is mature enough to self-supervise, in which case it can be a very positive experience: “a child can feel a large sense of satisfaction from the experience if given the proper tools.”

Safety Tips

Okay, so now that you’ve determined if your child is ready to be left alone while you enjoy a night out or take a late shift at work, it’s time to lay down some ground rules.
Nothing brings peace of mind (and reduces risks) like having a checklist to keep your kiddos safe in your absence. Here are the most important things to have in place.

• An emergency plan. Make sure your children know how to secure the house, arm the alarm, and call 911. Go over kitchen safety tips, and include a list of emergency contacts in case you can’t be reached.
• Make sure your child has your phone number handy and that they keep theirs closeby. Also, discourage them from answering any calls from numbers they don’t know. Likewise, limit their social media presence while you’re away. You don’t want the outside world knowing they’re at home alone.
• Make sure any prescription medicine, poisons, flammable materials, household cleaners, firearms and knives are out of reach and locked away tight.
• Most importantly, tell them never to open the door for strangers or to leave the house while you’re gone. If you’re expecting a package, leave a note to place it on your front porch. Any service rep like an exterminator or cable company employee should only be in the home with an adult present. No friends over to the house while you’re gone, either.
• The American Red Cross offers more tips for household safety and an app children can use in case of emergencies.

Trial Run

Finally, make sure to do a trial run. Try leaving the house for about an hour, but stick closeby with your phone handy. Upon your return, ask if they have any concerns or problems, and make sure to run through a list of worst case scenarios for preemptive troubleshooting.

It’s very important to not rush this step—if they seem overanxious, worried or confused, then you must make a judgment call on if a second trial run is needed or if they’re simply not ready to be left on their own yet.
Don’t put pressure on them. The last thing you want is for them to agree to something they’re simply unprepared to handle.
We hope these tips help to give you some clarity of purpose when coming up with a sensible plan for leaving your children alone while you’re away.
We know it can be stressful and scary, but it can also be a rewarding process—if handled responsibly.

When in doubt, take the extra time and patience to discuss your concerns with your child to make sure they fully grasp all that’s needed for self-supervision. Once everyone is comfortable, you can enjoy a night out without having your stomach in knots.

Modern dads are expanding the definition of fatherhood.

I’ll explain: As the father of a toddler myself, I am constantly in a state of growth. I operate with the best parenting knowledge I can find, and I’m always trying to learn more. I do the best I can for my daughter and try to balance the parenting workload with my wife.
That desire to learn distinguishes me, and all modern dads, from our paternal predecessors, many of whom operated on a set of guidelines that were born before their country was. More on that later.
So it stings when others see us through an antiquated lens. They make comments and observations that aren’t just off-putting, but inaccurate and counterproductive. We’re not saying we’re perfect by any means, but we deserve some credit for evolving over the years.

“I actually had people laugh at me while trying to change a diaper.”

So, let’s discuss how fatherhood has changed over time, why dads shouldn’t be held up to old paradigms, and finally, what comments modern dads really hate to hear.

How Fatherhood Has Changed Through The Ages

Today’s dad is not the stereotypical breadwinner of the 1950s. You know the guy—he’s still in countless TV shows and movies. He came home from a long day at work just in time for dinner (which he expected the wife to have prepared for him). He was the provider of financial stability, the disciplinarian, and that was pretty much it.

Jennifer L. Baker, clinical psychologist specialist and founder of Good Dads, a fatherhood resource in Springfield, Missouri, explains that “20th century fathers often thought their role was to earn a living for their family … they did not think in terms of emotional support or instrumental support.”
A 2014 Cornell University paper states that this view began to form in the 18th century. As America became an industrial country, the paper states, fathers spent more and more time working away from their families. After industrialization, “a man’s worth was often based on his ability to provide for his family.”

Things started to change in the late 1970s, though, when “encouraging parenting participation for less involved fathers became a primary focus of national policy makers,” the paper says. Men began engaging more with their children, and today, the “the new nurturant father” (“a father who still financially provides for his family, but is also nurturing and emotionally involved…”) is even more prominent in society.
Dads are “spending a much larger proportion of their time with their children than their dads did,” Baker says.
A 2013 Pew Research Center survey offers further insight, with the responders stating it was extremely important that fathers were involved in four “necessities,” including (in order of priority): values and morals, emotional support, discipline, and income.
We should also note how age correlated in the study: respondents under the age of 65 were far more supportive of fathers having increased roles in providing emotional support, illustrating the split in opinion among generational lines.

Breaking Dad Stereotypes

Despite these changes, negative images of fathers persist. If you watch the average sitcom today, the father is likely to be a bumbling doofus, an overgrown kid who is outmatched mentally and physically by his wife and children.

These portrayals suggest that masculinity is somehow threatened by the very act of parenting. That being involved with your children makes one look weak or silly. This notion isn’t just offensive, it’s flat out untrue.
A study conducted by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development found that being a well-rounded father is actually a sign of emotional and mental strength. Indeed, the most involved fathers showed “positive psychological adjustment characteristics (e.g., high self esteem, lower levels of depression and hostility, and coping well with the major tasks of adulthood).”

The study also found that a father’s love is integral to a child’s development, both cognitively and emotionally. In addition, children with affectionate fathers are less prone to substance abuse or behavioral issues.
Baker founded Good Dads to create a supportive environment to encourage this nurturing aspect in fathers.
“I just saw how overlooked men were and how they are so important to almost every social problem we have in the United States,” she says. “I wanted to be able to do something where we could reach out to any dad [and help them] to be more engaged with their children.”

So, fatherhood has clearly changed. Let’s cover what things we need to stop saying to dads in lieu of these changes. First…

“You can change a diaper?”

For some reason, seeing dad change a dirty diaper is comedic to observers, but it can be aggravating to the dad on diaper duty.
Father David Dierksen has first hand experience with this frustration.
“I actually had people laugh at me while trying to change a diaper,” he says. “These were folks from my parents’ generation.”

“There was nothing funny about the situation. I wasn’t struggling or making a face—I was doing just fine,” he continues. “I don’t think they were mocking me. It was more that their minds were blown that a dad would actually be changing a diaper … Changing a diaper shouldn’t be impressive in this day and age. It’s part of the job.”
It’s key to note that these observations often come from other dads who feel these types of tasks are beneath them.
Changing diapers is part of a being an involved, capable parent. It’s not rocket science; it simply comes with the territory.

Saying “You’re Such A Great Dad!” For Doing The Bare Minimum

Compliments on how we raise our children are always welcome. But patting us on the back for basic dad duties can be insulting.

“This isn’t 1966 anymore.”

“It’s condescending, not encouraging, to be praised for mediocre work,” says psychologist Eva Glasrud. “It reinforces the idea that ‘I don’t belong here and I’m not expected to do well.’”
She also says that it can put strain on the family unit.
“It’s not just bad for dads,” she says, but “it’s bad for kids, too. They’re expert social learners, and when they hear you say this, they’ll begin to form a rigid sense of gender roles.”
Russ Johnson, a father of two, says that modern dads performing parenting tasks shouldn’t surprise anyone.
“This isn’t 1966 anymore. Mothers work and have to contribute to the household income, so fathers should also be expected to play a bigger role in the child rearing. I enjoy being around my kids, so it’s not a task. And I am pretty sure my father’s generation would have thought so, too, if they had more time to be involved.”

“Being a stay-at-home dad must be easy.”

A 2014 Pew Research Center poll showed that the number of stay-at-home fathers has risen from 1 million in 1989 to 2 million in 2012. Despite this more widely accepted phenomenon, the American Psychological Foundation says many “stay-at-home fathers are routinely confronted with stigma due to their flouting of the social norms surrounding masculine behavior.”

“I’m a stay at home dad to three kids. I worked for years… Now, everyone thinks I’m on vacation.”

Baker expands upon this.
“I think it’s hard for stay at home dads to know just exactly where their place is. Mothers who have been staying at home for a long time make play dates with other moms … so where does dad to go for support?” she says. “That’s one of the reasons we founded Good Dads lunches … they really like talking about being a dad [and] they get some ideas about how to be a better father. Otherwise, there’s very little opportunity for them to get together with other dads.”
One of the biggest misconceptions of being a stay-at-home dad is that it’s easy. Travis Larkin made the transition from 9-5 dad to stay-at-home pop, and while wouldn’t trade it for anything, he gets profoundly irritated when someone thinks he’s got it easy.

“I’m a stay at home dad to three kids,” he says. “I worked for years paying all the bills and getting my wife through school. Now, everyone thinks I’m on vacation. Nothing could be farther from the truth. It’s a lot of work!”
As someone who has spent some time as a stay-at-home father myself, I can attest to this. It’s rewarding and often amusing, but it can be just as draining as a day on the job.

“He didn’t get that from me.”

This one’s for spouses.

Pointing out personality traits that your child has clearly picked up from their dad can be illuminating, endearing, and hilarious. But attributing every negative trait to him can poison a relationship (not to mention making the child feel self-conscious).
Watching a child’s personality bloom is one of the most enjoyable aspects of being a parent, and one can over-personalize commonalities your kiddo shares with his dad. Keep in mind that your child has their own distinct persona, full of positives and negatives. If there’s a negative trait you want to discourage, make it a team effort rather than pinning the blame for the unwanted behavior on the spouse.
This jab goes both ways, though, so dads should make sure not to make the same mistake.

“You’re not doing it right.”

“One of the things that mother should avoid saying is ‘here let me do it, you don’t know how,'” Baker says. “Men like to be thought of as successful. If they’re feeling like they’re a failure if they don’t do it exactly right, they won’t necessarily take instruction. They’ll just avoid and withdraw.”
She suggests it’s more effective that moms offer direction as opposed to offering too much criticism when talking to their husbands.

“Gatekeeping is one of the major issues that may prevent many fathers from engaging even more in active and equal fathering,” says Dr. Joyce Nuner, associate professor in Family and Consumer Sciences and Child and Family Studies at Baylor University. “Men do things differently—not better, not worse, just different.”
“Don’t undo and then redo something dad has already done,” she says. “You may think he doesn’t notice, but he does, and so do your children. By giving fathers space to parent in their own way, you are showing your children that you are a team that works together. ”

“Be Careful!”

That stereotype of dad being a big kid who values play above all else can make it seem like he doesn’t take the safety of his child seriously.

While I can’t speak for all dads out there, I can attest that I’m a bit of a worrywart when it comes to my daughter’s well-being, whether it’s obsessing over car seat straps, freaking out when she gets a persistent cough, or monitoring who she interacts with when we’re out in public.
In other words, we may be up for a fun time with our kids, but we want to keep them just as safe as moms do.

So, the next time you’re talking to a dad, try to keep those pointers in mind.

Just because we’re doing anything at all doesn’t mean we’re extraordinary; we’re simply doing what a modern parent should. That said, being a dad isn’t always easy. We’re still a work-in-progress, but the emphasis is on progress.
And just because we do things differently doesn’t mean we’re doing them wrong; sometimes there are multiple ways to solve a problem. Give us a chance to show you what we can do.
Yes, we can always improve, but for the most part, we’re just trying to stay ahead of the curve when caring for our kids.

Parents are always trying to get the best advice on how to provide their children with the security, support, and discipline they need. The people they often turn to first are their own parents.
It’s always good to learn from experience—“With age comes wisdom,” as they say. The thing is, some advice comes with an expiration date.

Parents from prior generations don’t always impart the best advice because they were often working with information that was faulty—and sometimes downright bizarre. Parenting is a work-in-progress practice that has (mostly, and thankfully) been refined over time.

Whether it’s dealing with how to discipline, feed, or talk to their children, times have changed drastically, and largely for the better.

With that in mind, let’s look at some parenting trends from past decades that turned out to be wrong.

Physical Punishment

Of all the entries on our list, hitting a child is the most controversial and emotionally charged aspect of parenting in today’s society. Where once spanking was a widely accepted form of discipline, it has largely fallen out of favor.
Sarah Jean Baker, assistant professor and chair of early childhood education at Concordia University, says the primary reason we’ve moved away from spanking is that our views on children have changed.

“We used to view children as sinful beings that needed to be dominated … This developed from when our country was being settled by the Puritans and preachers talking to parents about ‘whoever spares the rod hates their children,'” she says. “But then we moved to this idea that they’re these innocent, cute little beings. So as our view on children has changed, our ideology has also changed.”
While parents some parents still spank their kids, it’s on the decline. Research shows that corporal punishment, in addition to causing physical injuries, leaves emotional scars as well—children who are frequently spanked tend to have increased aggression and other mental health issues later in life. A 2012 study also showed that the act of spanking is less effective than placing a disobedient child in timeout.

School counselor Donna Taylor cites Don Dinkmeyer and Gary McKay’s “Four Goals of Misbehavior” as another turning point for parents. The parenting course (which originated in the late 1970s) popularized the use of natural consequences rather than physical punishment to correct behavior.
Taylor says another change began when both parents joined the workforce in greater numbers.
“Sometimes parents tell me they are lenient when it comes to discipline with their children because they feel guilty being away from their children so much,” she says. “They did not want the time spent with their children centered around punishment.”

Dated Nutritional Advice

Dietary habits are one of the most fluctuating facets of American life. There’s an oft-maddening collection of contradictory elements to parse through. We’re still trying to figure it out.
Much of the advice experts used to give for kids’ diets is now seen as decidedly unhealthy. During a 1976 senate hearing, nutritionist Nathan Pritikin stated his belief that one could reduce risks of heart disease with diet changes—particularly a reduction in eating fatty foods. It started a sea-change in the American diet.

So from the late 1970s through the 1980s and 1990s, families were obsessed with feeding their children low-fat foods. Many products that claimed to be low-fat did a bait-and-switch, though, by dramatically increasing the sugar levels in place of the fats. In short, many “low-fat” foods contributed to weight gain—in children and adults
There was also the belief during that time that eating more starches was effective for weight loss, which also contributed to bigger waistlines. Yes, it’s true—experts thought you could shed pounds eating tons of pasta and potatoes!

And let’s not forget McDonald’s Happy Meal, which got millions of children hooked on fast food.
We’re still dealing with an obesity epidemic (and eating more than we should), but with the advent of the organic food movement, families growing their own vegetables, and programs like Kids Eat Right, there are strides being made.

Clean Your Plate

Whether you’re a baby boomer or a millennial, you probably remember being forced “clean your plate” before you could get up from the table.

Sound advice, right? Well, not really.

Turns out this tactic can have a very undesirable result: it encourages overeating. Unfortunately, while this an old-school tactic, many parents still utilize it. In a 2013 study, researchers at the University of Minnesota found that between 50 and 60 percent of polled parents required their children to clean their plates. About half as many told their kids to keep eating after they said they were full.

A 1999 study found obese respondents remembered more pressure from parents regarding eating rules than those of healthier weight, with “cleaning their plate” the most commonly recalled phrase.
So instead of piling your kids’ plates and expecting them to wolf it all down, trust them when they say they’re full. You can save them from a lifetime of unhealthy eating habits.

Sending Your Child to Bed Without Dinner

This old-school form of punishment for children was an ineffective tactic, according to clinical psychologist specialist Jennifer L. Baker: “Sending your child to bed without dinner is a cruel act that [doesn’t] have the desired results. … I think parents are learning [that there are] other ways [to discipline] that work better and don’t involve a lot of coercion and overpowering.”
She says the tactic essentially amounts to saying “I’m bigger and stronger than you, so you’re going to have to do what I want,” which lead more to resentment than behavioral change.

In place of such hardball tactics to get kids to eat, Baker notes today’s parents provide more options for meals.
“Parents actually engage their children in dialogue,” she says. “They tend to ask them questions like ‘what would you like for dinner?’ Where, in the past, you got what was put in front of you. … Modern parents are thinking more about the child’s perspective.”

Washing Their Mouthes Out With Soap

Forever immortalized in the holiday classic A Christmas Story, washing your child’s mouth out with soap is an arcane, literal approach to stopping a child from using “dirty words.” It’s a punishment for lying and mouthing off, too. And while seeing Ralphie sucking on a bar of soap for cursing was funny on film, it’s less so in real life.

While this concept may seem to be a work of fiction, this was a rather common practice during the 19th and 20th centuries. Doing it in the 21st century, though? Thankfully, not so much.
In fact, parents who practice this form of punishment often have to face jail time: in 2009, a married couple in Palm Bay, Florida were imprisoned and lost custody of their daughter after she was hospitalized from an allergic reaction to the soap she ingested, and in 2017, parents in Jacksonville, Florida faced similar charges.

Letting Your Baby Sleep on Their Stomach

For parents of prior generations, a major concern with infants was the risk of choking by regurgitation in their sleep. As a result, many worried mothers were told to let their babies sleep on their stomach.
This trend began to change however, when a 1992 study by the American Academy of Pediatrics recommended babies sleep on their back. Why? To reduce the risks of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

While we still don’t understand the full mechanics of what makes this position more effective, the statistics speak for themselves: since the recommendation was made, the annual SIDS rate has fallen by over 50 percent.
It’s still important for babies to have “tummy time,”as it helps them develop stronger muscles; just make sure they’re awake and active during the sessions. They should last no more than three to five minutes and happen two to three times per day.

Letting Babies Sleep With Blankets and Pillows

Placing babies on their backs to sleep isn’t the only change parents have made to babies’ sleeping habits. As recently as a decade ago, parents made sure their sweet bundles of joy were bundled up in a baby blanket, with a pillow to cushion their head. We now know this is another health hazard, as it increases the risk of suffocation.
Researchers from both the National Institutes of Health and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention noted that in 1993, seven out of eight parents were using blankets and bedding for infants. By 2010, it had only dropped to a little more than half, so there is still more educating that needs to be done.

In an effort to do just that, the National Institutes of Child Health and Human Development publicized the “Safe to Sleep” campaign in 2012. In addition to avoiding blankets, soft toys, and crib bumpers, they recommend babies only sleep in bassinets and cribs.
For parents concerned about their little ones getting too cold, onesies can take the place of a blankie.

The trick to being a great parent is to always be open to new information…

Just remember that the prevailing thoughts today may be tossed out tomorrow. It can be exhausting distinguishing between trusted tactics and terrible ideas, but learning the difference is vital in doing right by your child.

If you’re feeling truly overwhelmed with difficult decisions, reaching out to a child psychologist or pediatrician is your safest bet. Fumbling in the dark does both you and your child a disservice.