Author: Wendy Rose Gould

Why “Find Your Passion” Isn’t The Career Advice You Really Need To Hear

Post author By Wendy Rose Gould
Post date October 23, 2018

There are a number of popular quotes floating around about finding the perfect career. For example, one says, “It’s a beautiful thing when a career and a passion come together,” and another states, “You’ll never work a day in your life if you’re doing something you love.” The philosophy behind these quotes is wholly ingrained in our society.
From early adolescence and deep into adulthood, many people earnestly scribble these sorts of sayings into their journals or recite them as mantras while thinking about and pursuing their professional goals. To be fair, spending time figuring out what you love to do and then actually doing it sounds idyllic. However, researchers are urging people to press pause on this approach before ramming full speed toward a “passionate career”—and slamming into a wall of disappointment.

Surprising New Research Says…

A 2018 study conducted jointly by Stanford and Yale-NUS College in Singapore challenged the well-meaning advice of “find your passion” through a study that included 126 undergraduate university students.
Paul O’Keefe, co-author of the study, said researchers focused on this demographic because undergrads are “at a time in their life when they’re being bombarded with the idea that you have to go out and find your passion.” Over the course of five different experiments conducted with the same sample participants, researchers examined each of the students’ “implicit theories of interest” and how those interests might affect their career pursuits.

The study results were surprising, but they also make a lot of sense. Researchers point out that the notion of channeling all your energy toward finding “a passion” assumes we all have a passion to find in the first place. This can be exhausting and discouraging if you never actually “find” said passion.
Furthermore, they argue that seeking out a career that is directly related to your passion is akin to putting on blinders that prevent you from pursuing a range of interests. In doing so, you might miss out on finding a career that you’re either A) really good at or B) could enjoy equally (if not more so) than to your “passion.”

Finding the Path Toward a Meaningful, Fulfilling Career

It’s important to note that the study’s conclusion wasn’t that you should do something that you hate or are dispassionate about. Rather, it argues that you shouldn’t get caught up in “finding a passion” that might not exist or forcing a passion that may not yield a viable career. It also stresses the importance of not limiting yourself as you explore potential career paths.
Barbara Cox, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in executive stress and professional burnout says this resonates with her:

I do see some clients who already know what their passion is but are afraid to go for it out of underlying fear. However, a large majority of people need to explore many options to discover what they excel at. They may even be surprised to find out they enjoy things that they may not have tried if they only did things they were used to doing.

In that sense, she reiterates how crucial it is to be open to new experiences before charging down one specific path. She also says that the journey toward finding a meaningful career varies depending on the person.

“One of the best ways [to test different career paths] nowadays is to complete a variety of internships both in high school and college. This allows you to try on different experiences and to weed out what you don’t like early on rather than [having to] figure it out when you have a midlife crisis,” she explains.
Donna Lorraine Schilder, a career coach with the International Coach Federation, has over 20 years of experience helping executives and entrepreneurs determine what they should be doing with their lives and in their professions. She says that while some people may not have a true passion, she believes that most people can ultimately identify a career that they’re excited about and that aligns with their personality, strengths, and desired lifestyle.

In addition to exploring a variety of paths, she also stresses the importance of determining what your strengths are.
“Martin Seligman, in his book Authentic Happiness, put forth his research that showed that if people use their ‘Values in Action’ in their work, they feel more fulfilled and therefore happier,” says Schilder. “So, if a coaching client comes to us seeking meaningful work, we are sure to include the VIA Strengths Inventory [developed by Seligman] in their career exploration actions. Then, we put all of the possible careers into a matrix and help the client rate each one to determine which possibilities match them the most closely.”

Services like this offer another way for people to expand their horizons and explore their interests and strengths. This may be more realistic for someone who’s already out of the high school or college age range.
Lastly, it’s important to acknowledge that “non-glamorous” jobs are vital to our communities. These run the gamut, but examples include plumbing, janitorial work, and highly demanding and stressful technical and medical work.

While many people are turned off by such career paths, that’s not necessarily the case for everyone, says Schilder. She says that many people actually do feel rewarded and fulfilled by jobs that aren’t considered glamorous by society at large. Also, the personal fulfillment factor may be outweighed by other (arguably equally important) factors, such as connecting with other people (e.g. medical and maintenance work) or high pay (e.g. plumbing and tech).

Waning happiness at work? Try this.

We’re not here to blow sunshine up anyone’s skirt. Work is hard, and even if you’re incredibly passionate about your field, you can still experience bouts of frustration, burnout, or general unhappiness. If your situation begins to feel unbearable, try utilizing the following expert advice:

Grab coffee with your co-workers.

“If you’re struggling to find joy in your current line of work, ask a co-worker who loves the work what they enjoy about it and model that,” advises Cox. Doing this offers you a fresh perspective and can reignite the passion that led you to accept the job offer to begin with.

Make some lists.

Schilder says you should try writing down the things you like doing in your job as well as the things you don’t. “Come up with ways you could do more of what brings you joy, and ways to do less of what you don’t like doing.

Delegate with permission from your boss, automate mundane tasks, find someone that likes doing what you don’t like to do and see if they can take on some of the work,” she says.

Address issues with your boss.

On that note, communicate with your boss about issues you feel can be addressed and improved over time. “If it’s appropriate and your boss would be open to it, talk about how your job could be redesigned to give you more of what you like and less of what you don’t like,” says Schilder.

Remember, you’re a valuable asset to your employer and your happiness is vital to their success. Also, a problem cannot be resolved if nobody knows there’s an issue in the first place.

Practice gratefulness.

Another good list to make, says Schilder, is one that includes all the things you love about your job. Read it over every morning before work.

Take a vacation.

Burnout is completely normal and is something that even the most dedicated and passionate employees experience. In fact, those who are hyper-invested in their careers run a particular risk of burnout since they may be less likely to step away from the office.

Interestingly, a 2017 study found that people who don’t use their vacation time are less likely to receive a promotion, raise, or bonus compared to those who did take their earned PTO. Stepping away allows you to regenerate and reconnect with yourself, thereby improving your creativity, energy levels, and general gusto.

Invest in a hobby.

“If your 9 to 5 job doesn’t hold any passion for you, I would suggest you find volunteer work or a hobby that does hold some passion for you so that you feel a sense of gratification in your life,” says Cox. This can also apply if you’re experiencing burnout or are feeling stuck in your career.

In the same way taking a vacation can help you recharge, so can spending time on a hobby. Consider signing up for a painting class, starting an at-home project, throwing yourself into a fitness routine, joining a chorus, or signing up for a weekly trivia night.

Consult with an expert.

Cox says that if you’re truly miserable in your job, it’s time to consult a pro. “I suggest going to a career coach and discussing what brings you happiness and get some concrete ways to implement a plan,” she says.

As is the case with most things, finding a fulfilling career is not a “one size fits all” mold. Our goal isn’t to espouse one thing or another, but rather to encourage you to think critically about your approach to finding a fulfilling and sustainable career.

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Not So Healthy After All: What Happens When Aspirational Workouts Give Way To Disordered Exercise?

Post author By Wendy Rose Gould
Post date October 15, 2018

We live in a society where spin and HIIT classes are regarded by many as exercise meccas and where advice like “hit the gym” is the official mantra of many in the wellness community. And don’t get us wrong, exercise is integral to healthy living and is something you ought to regularly incorporate into your weekly routine—in fact, current guidelines from the Office of Disease Prevention and Health Promotion recommend that able-bodied adults get two hours and 30 minutes of moderate-intensity physical activity every week for peak health.
That said, another issue that has to be addressed today is the potential for fitness-conscious individuals to manifest dangerous exercise-related habits. Since society views exercise as a predominantly positive activity—and since exercise is often met with enthusiastic positive reinforcement—exercise-related disorders often go undetected.
“Unfortunately, I think exercise-related disorders, or people that participate in excessive exercise, are more common than we realize,” says Rachel Goldman, PhD, a health-and-wellness psychologist and clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at NYU’s School of Medicine. “Many of these individuals are probably not seeing their symptoms or behaviors as problematic, as they see exercise as something they have in control, or as a coping mechanism, or something making them feel better about themselves.”

It’s essential to build awareness around disordered exercise habits so that you can recognize unhealthy approaches to exercise—either in yourself or in others you know and love. With expert guidance, we explore potential indicators that something’s not quite right with all that exercise (or its intensity), plus advice that will help anyone with redirecting habits gone too far in favor of achieving a healthier, more balanced lifestyle.

5 Signs That You Might Be on an Iffy Exercise Trajectory

The following are all indicators of possibly disordered exercise habits. Read through them carefully and with an open mind to see if any apply to your (or a loved one’s) relationship with exercise.

1. When It Takes Over Your Life

Goldman says that the main symptom of excessive exercise is when fitness becomes the top priority in someone’s life—to the point that it disrupts their livelihood and relationships.

She says specific signs of this include:

Avoiding social or work responsibilities in order to exercise
Exercising regardless of being sick or injured
Adhering to a strict exercise regimen that does not allow flexibility for life and other responsibilities
Hiding the amount of exercise that’s being participated in
Exercising in secret

Sports psychologist Ariane Machin, PhD, agrees. If a person sticks to their exercise routine at all costs, that’s a huge indicator that their priorities are misaligned. Other signs of possible exercise-related disorders include missing commitments with loved ones, blowing off social obligations, failing to meet deadlines, or spending excessive amounts of money on health-related items and failing to pay important bills because of it.

“These are people who are primarily focused on their workout and needing to follow through with it. This is harmful because this rigid thinking will lead to guilt or shame when these unrealistic expectations cannot be met, and the person will be missing out on important events and functions in their life,” says Machin.

2. Becoming Obsessed with Number Tracking

Step trackers, running apps, and calorie calculators are all wonderful devices that can help motivate us to keep up with our fitness goals. Unfortunately, issues can arise when tracking becomes a stressful obsession.

“While initially tracking our behaviors can be an excellent tool to gain feedback about what we are doing well and what we need to improve on, some individuals can become obsessed with the monitors,” says Machin. “When they have not met their own standards, [they may] feel anxious, frustrated, and depressed even if they have done a great job. This is not a healthy cycle and will only contribute to feelings of low self-worth and negative mood as it continues.”

3. Exercising Against the Doctor’s Orders

Many recognize that when you have a bum ankle, high fever, or crippling cold, the body needs time to rest. Those who push through such ailments in the name of an extra or “essential” workout are demonstrating signs of disordered priorities.
“This could, of course, lead to further injury or illness, put the individual at further physical risk due to the added demand on the body, [and even cause] potential malnourishment,” says Goldman.

Additionally, there are some cases where a doctor recognizes that a patient is over-exercising and advises him or her to adjust their routine accordingly. If someone has a difficult time following this clear-cut advice, that, too, indicates that they’re struggling with disordered exercise habits.
Goldman notes that “excessive exercise has many health risks, including potential heart problems, osteoporosis, amenorrhea [loss of periods], dehydration, reproductive problems, as well as increased risk for injury and fractures.”

4. Re-Upping Your Exercise Tolerance

Another key sign your exercise habits have become unhealthy is if you keep trying to outdo yourself without listening to your body in the process.

“The exercise-addicted individual will increase tolerance to the exercise, having to increase it more and more to achieve the desired accomplishment or ‘buzz,’” says Lori Shemek, PhD, a psychologist and certified nutritionist. “Absence of the exercise [may] create anxiety, irritability, sleep issues, or stress. Another sign includes not feeling in control—such as wanting to reduce exercising but failing to—and spending time feeding the addiction [while] other areas in their life suffer.”
People who are struggling with disordered exercise habits may even begin hiding their aggressive exercise routines from others. If you’ve experienced this, it’s important to ask why you’re keeping this part of your life hidden away from friends and family.

“Anything that we are doing in secret, that we would not do in front of others, has a sense of shame or embarrassment attached to it. Deep down that individual knows it is problematic,” says Goldman.

5. Not Cutting Yourself Any Slack

Adhering to a strict exercise regimen is often heralded in our exercise-conscious world, but if you cannot allow yourself some slack—and if negative thoughts creep in when you aren’t “perfect”—it’s time to reassess.

“It’s problematic when a person feels extreme guilt and frustration when having to miss a workout for whatever reason,” says Machin. “The individual may also reduce their caloric intake that day as well because they haven’t utilized any calories from exercise.”
“This could be considered a warning sign because we don’t want to base our happiness and food intake each day on whether we have had a good workout. This is trending toward an unhealthy relationship with exercise, and it may be a good idea to reevaluate the role exercise is taking in your life.”

Ultimately, anything that becomes too restrictive or rigid, even exercise, can wind up a dangerous, slippery slope.

Ways to Fix the Problem and Foster Healthy Fitness Habits

If any of the above indicators feel familiar—or if you simply want to ensure you approach your fitness routine with a healthy mindset—follow this advice from our experts.

1. Acknowledge that there’s an issue.

This is the hardest step to take, but if you’re here reading this, you’re already on the right path. Simply knowing there’s a problem and being willing to work on it is a huge part of the battle.

“Like any excessive behavior or obsessive thought, the key is to work on one’s behaviors, cognitions, and self-acceptance,” says Goldman. “One needs to get away from this ‘all or nothing’ thinking. Once people can accept that their behaviors are problematic, and then see that they will not gain weight or [feel like] anything bad will happen if they change their behaviors, then it will become easier to overcome this.”
As you work to find balance in your world, identify and eliminate triggers (such as certain Instagram accounts, fitness classes, or foods that prevent you from maintaining moderation), carefully monitor your thoughts, and set realistic goals for yourself.

“Engage in curiosity around your relationship with your body, food, and exercise. Are each of these things in your life fueling you in healthy ways? Are there things you would want to change about them?” advises Machin. “The first step to helping ourselves is being aware we have a problem and wanting to do something about it. This exploration will bring awareness to your dynamics.”

2. Enlist some help.

It is not easy to change thoughts or behaviors on a whim, so recognize that this process will take time. Having support and encouragement from friends and family and enlisting professional help can help you along the way.

“With the help of a professional—ideally [someone] trained in cognitive behavior therapy—one can learn skills to use when they feel the urge to exercise, the skills to use to challenge the cognitive distortions related to the excessive exercise, and they can learn to be more in tune with their body and their body’s needs,” says Goldman.
“In time, these individuals, similar to those that have suffered with eating disorders, will feel a sense of relief as these thoughts and behaviors won’t be consuming their life or daily routine any longer. I often hear patients telling me they have found ‘freedom’ and feel ‘in control,’ whereas they felt like they ‘had’ to do this before.”

A professional trainer who can help you stay on track and reach your goals in a healthy, encouraging way may also be beneficial.

3. Invest in other parts of your life.

If you recognize a need to reduce the amount of time spent exercising, that is a huge step. That said, it’s important to fill that empty space with other meaningful hobbies and activities.
“Similar to emotional eating, we can’t just expect people to sit around when they used to turn to food during those times. Similarly, if we tell someone to just exercise less, or refrain from exercise, then the individual should do something else in place of it,” says Goldman.

Now is the time to reinvest in things that are important to you. Focus on work, hobbies, and your family and social life. You may even consider joining a club or group, or attending recurring events, such as a book club meeting, trivia night, board game day, dinner with friends, or the like.

Below the Surface

People who exercise religiously and carefully monitor their food intake are often lifted up as those who have the most willpower, who are “health warriors” and leaders, and who are top-tier athletes. They may even have an aspirational physique to go along with these assumptions and appear to be in perfect health. While this is certainly true for many, it’s important to acknowledge that it’s not always the case.

As outlined above, disordered exercise habits can take a toll on your physical and mental health, and can even be damaging to your work, family, and social life. As is the case with everything, finding balance, identifying problems, asking for help when you need it, and learning to love yourself are the keys to success and, more importantly, happiness.

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Favorite Finds Wellbeing

36 Health And Wellness Products From Amazon That’ll Improve Your Way Of Living

Post author By Wendy Rose Gould
Post date August 21, 2018

It’s no secret that we live in a super-saturated world of commerce, a fact that carries its share of both pros and cons. While on one hand there’s more to choose from than ever before, all those choices can make the process of figuring out what to spend your money on downright exhausting.
To help you swim through it all and spend your hard-earned dollars wisely, we’ve rounded up 37 of Amazon’s best health and wellness products, including fitness gear, grooming supplies, food and drink options, and products that will improve your home. And who knows—maybe you’ll discover an item you didn’t even realize you needed!

Fitness

1. Put on a sports bra that actually works.

How many times have you thrown a sports bra in your cart, only to wind up sorely disappointed with its ability to actually do its job? You’re not alone. The search for an excellent sports bra that holds in the ladies is real, but that search is officially over.

Panache’s Underwire Sports Bra has garnered over 3,000 reviews and an impressive rating of 4.1 out of 5 stars. We love that it comes in a massive range of sizes (28D to 40H) and that so many buyers sing its praises.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/Panache-Womens-Underwired-Sports-Black/dp/B005VNFJFW”]Get it from Amazon for $70[/link-button]

2. Invest in super versatile hiking shoes.

Take your hiking shoes to the next level with Merrell’s Siren Edge Hiker, a versatile shoe that features a Vibram sole and comes in a range of color options.

Because it’s made with breathable mesh lining, it also works well as a quick-drying water shoe. Also, the fact that it comes with organic odor control will make you—and whoever lives with you—super happy with this purchase.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/Merrell-Womens-Siren-Edge-Shoe/dp/B00YBEFYSY”]Get it from Amazon for $54[/link-button]

3. Try a moisture-wicking shirt with UV protection.

It may seem counterintuitive to wear a long-sleeve shirt while spending time out in the sun, but the truth is that lightweight coverage can actually keep you cooler, prevent sunburns, and keep your energy levels up. Naviskin’s Sun Protection UPF 50+ UV Outdoor Long Sleeve T-Shirt boasts super comfortable, breathable, moisture-wicking fabric that won’t chafe.

Plus, its UPF 50+ rating means your skin will be protected from sun exposure. Sunburns be gone! Wear it while hiking, fishing, golfing, climbing, running, or hey, even on a picnic.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/NAVISKIN-Womens-Protection-Outdoor-T-Shirt/dp/B07DQL3WW3″]Get it from Amazon for $16.99[/link-button]

4. Educate yourself on the key muscles used in yoga.

Whether you’re a novice yogi or someone who’s been practicing for years, having a full understanding of the muscle groups engaged while in various yoga positions can be monumental in improving your workout. Via 3D illustrations, the author walks you through the major muscle groups, tendons, and ligaments used in Hatha yoga, highlighting “the agonist, antagonist, and synergist muscles that come into play with each pose.”

This is the first book in the series and is approved for all levels.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/dp/1607432382″]Get it from Amazon for $19.03[/link-button]

5. Make life easier with slip-on athletic shoes.

Once you try laceless, slip-on sneakers for the first time, you’ll wonder how you ever lived without them. They’re incredibly convenient to put on and remove—and look stylish to boot. Vionic’s Women’s Brisk Dash Slip-on Sneaker comes in three different color options and feature a durable rubber outsole, biomechanical technology, and removable mesh covered footbeds.

We recommend them specifically for low-impact workouts such as cycling, spinning, walking, weight training, or strength conditioning.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/Vionic-Womens-Brisk-Sneaker-Charcoal/dp/B072K7N793″]Get it from Amazon for $59.95[/link-button]

6. Tone and firm with this funky workout accessory.

It may seem like an odd workout accessory, but Pvolve’s P.ball can actually work some serious magic on your inner thighs, outer thighs, and gluteus maximus. It’s essentially a PVC ball that you secure around your upper legs before completing various exercises.

According to the product description, wearing it better activates those hard-to-reach muscles for improved definition. You can read more about the product here, and even stream fitness classes where the P.ball is the star of the show.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/Pvolve-P-ball/dp/B078XKF3ZG”]Get it from Amazon for $59.99[/link-button]

7. Downward dog on a fancy yoga mat.

Not all yoga mats are created equal. Some offer more cushioning, some are more grippy, some are more durable, and some are just flat out prettier to look at. Sugarmat has all the above covered. Their mats feature high-quality, eco-friendly construction, which means they’re ready for years of action and are genuinely built to last.

They’re also machine washable and approved for hot yoga, outdoor yoga, and pilates. This particular design is from their Healing Heart collection, but they offer a wide range of styles. While aesthetic appeal isn’t everything, it sure does make a yoga session more fun when you’ve got a fancy yoga mat to vinyasa upon.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/Sugarmat-Siphoning-Designed-Montreal-Non-faded/dp/B076VJK7F2″]Get it from Amazon for $99[/link-button]

8. Use a foam roller that massage therapists swear by.

This is one of those products that you might not have ever heard of, but given the string of five-star reviews from over 3,000 shoppers of Amazon, you’ll quickly realize that it might be worth buying. Trigger Point Performance’s TriggerPoint Grid Foam Roller is a patented design used by massage therapists, physical therapists, trainers, coaches, and athletes swear by for loosening muscles, improving oxygen flow, and channeling blood.

Your purchase comes with an informational guide to help you utilize it effectively. It also comes in five different colors, including hot pink and lime green. Go wild!
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0040EGNIU”]Get it from Amazon for $39.99[/link-button]

9. Take a load off by jumping in a hammock.

You’re out hiking for the day and all is well, until you realize that it’d be really nice if you had somewhere to rest that didn’t involve rocky ground. This is precisely the moment you’ll be grateful you have a totable hammock in your backpack. Not to mention those glorious views.

Hey, you could even bring a book or consider taking a nap under the stars. Grand Trunk’s Double Parachute hammock is ultra-lightweight and super compact, making it easy to carry around with you on a hike or while camping. It also comes with carabiners and hanging kit, which means it’s ready for action the second it arrives on your doorstep.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/Grand-Trunk-Parachute-Hammock-Carabiners/dp/B0092OUK46″]Get it from Amazon for $69.99[/link-button]

10. Hydrate yourself with a little extra pizzazz.

This is the sign you’ve been looking for to officially upgrade your water bottle. Gemstone Well’s Elixir2Go Crystal Elixir Bottle features rose quartz and clear quartz gemstones at the bottom, which makes this bottle way more fun to tote around, look at, and selfie with.

Some believe that crystal infusion can offer a range of spiritual benefits, but even if you don’t buy into that notion, it’s still a beautiful bottle to own. It also comes with a protective neoprene sleeve for safe keeping.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/Elixir2Go-Crystal-Elixir-Bottle-Protective/dp/B0783PD5JC”]Get it from Amazon for $49.99[/link-button]

Food and Drink

11. “Fry” your foods without any actual oil.

If you’re unfamiliar with air fryers, get ready to experience a cooking gadget that will truly rock your world (or at least your kitchen counters). Bella’s Electric Hot Air Fryer cooks vegetables, potatoes, mushrooms, meat, fish—and pretty much whatever else you decide to put inside of it—with convection technology, aka hot air, instead of oil.

The results are food that’s texturally similar to regular fried food but doesn’t have nearly as many calories, or as much fat. If you need a little help to spur your cooking creativity, thumb through Air Fry Genius: 100+ New Recipes for EVERY Air Fryer.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/BELLA-TXG-DS14-14538-Electric-Removable-Dishwasher/dp/B01KI0Q1UY”]Get it from Amazon for $60.76[/link-button]

12. Give a new sparkling water brand a chance.

La Croix will forever be near and dear to our hearts and mouths, but let’s take a second to acknowledge that there are a plethora of other hydrating options to choose from, as well. One of those is Phocus’ Caffeinated Sparkling Water, which contains 75mg of tea-extracted caffeine in every bottle.

It gets its name from the additional 70mg L-Theanine that’s included as well, which the brand explains is an amino acid that has neuro-enhancing properties. The fact that it also contains zero calories, sugars, or artificial sweeteners makes it a worthwhile option to try at least once!
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/Phocus-Caffeinated-Sparkling-Water-Variety/dp/B0757YYJ9F”]Get it from Amazon for $19.99[/link-button]

13. Brew yourself a delicious cuppa tea or coffee.

The Gourmia Electric Coffee & Tea Brewing System doesn’t just look fancy—it actually brews a superior cup of tea or coffee.

It allows you to choose from three different strength options, including light, medium, and strong, and features a refresh cycle that ensures you get max flavor out of your coffee grounds or loose-leaf tea. We appreciate that it’s ETL certified, which means that you can rest easy knowing it’s a safe and high-quality appliance.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MDRDMSV”]Get it from Amazon for $89.99[/link-button]

14. Feel better about the gum you chew.

Read the ingredients on a traditional package of chewing gum and you might be surprised at what you find. There are added sugars, artificial sugars, artificial flavors, and ingredients that aren’t easy to recognize.

Many gums also contain non-vegan ingredients, which makes them off-limits to those who are strictly plant powered. Simply Gum has filed a noted gap in the market via their Natural Vegan Chewing Gum, which is animal-friendly and contains zero artificial ingredients. Choose from six flavors, including mint, ginger, coffee, cinnamon, licorice, and maple.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NJB8G7G”]Get it from Amazon for $14.99[/link-button]

Improved Home

15. Breathe better in your home.

It doesn’t matter where you live or who lives with you, every home can benefit from an air purifier. Many times, we don’t even realize how poor the air quality is until after we nix dust, smoke, odors, mold, pet dander, and other allergens. There are plenty of air purifiers to choose from, but we’ve chosen to highlight Levoit’s Air Purifier.

This purifier features a three-stage HEPA filtration system and even a handy-dandy nightlight. You don’t have to take our word for how awesome it is, though. Just read through the 1900 customer reviews.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/LEVOIT-LV-H132-Purifier-Allergies-Eliminator/dp/B071D58ZY5″]Get it from Amazon for $89.99[/link-button]

16. Learn how to live a greener lifestyle.

Leah Segedie is an environmental activist who’s made it her mission to make the world a safer, greener, more eco-conscious place. She’s the founder of ShiftCon, an expo where green-savvy customers and companies unite, as well as Mamavation, a website for moms who simply want to make sure their families live happier and healthier.

All this has culminated in a book that Segedie published this year titled Green Enough: Eat Better, Live Cleaner, Be Happier—All Without Driving Your Family Crazy! Whether you’re curious about how to live a more tuned-in, fully-aware lifestyle, or if you’ve been walking the green path for years, you’ll learn something new from this book.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/Green-Enough-Cleaner-Happier-All-Without/dp/1623367603″]Get it from Amazon for $14.08[/link-button]

17. Make yourself more comfortable in your office chair.

With nearly 3000 reviews and a rating of 4.5 out of 5 stars, you know there has to be something special about Everlasting Comfort’s 100% Pure Memory Foam Back Cushion. It was designed to slip over the back of any office chair to provide maximized lumbar support.

If you’ve ever stood up from your office chair in pain, or if you get uncomfortable quickly while working, this product could help make a difference. Bonus: It can also slip over your car seat. Hello, comfortable road trips!
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01IJNJAZ0″]Get it from Amazon for $24.95[/link-button]

18. Relish in a miniature indoor garden.

Were you aware that spending more time around plants could improve your general mood and well-being? Studies have confirmed this, which means it’s officially time you began filling your space with more greenery.

Though any plant will do, we’re suggesting Spigo’s Indoor LED Light Grow Garden. Not only does it look straight out of the future, it was designed to help anyone who doesn’t have a green thumb keep their plants alive. This garden features an automatic light controller to ensure your plants get the right amount of light, as well as a water gauge to help you determine how much water is left in the reservoir. No more thirsty plants!
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01DAP6Z1E”]Get it from Amazon for $64.99[/link-button]

19. Wake up in a healthier, more natural way.

We hate to sound the alarm (get it?), but waking up with an obnoxious alarm clock that jolts you from a peaceful slumber can be hazardous to your health. We’re not kidding! Ideally, your body wakes itself up naturally after completing a full sleep cycle.

Another option that’s much gentler on your body can actually make you feel better all day long—is to wake up with natural light. Philips Wake-Up Light Alarm Clock will help you do just that. It features both a colored sunrise simulation and sunset fading night light for better ZZZs.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0093162RM/ref=strm_smart-home_nad_40_3″]Get it from Amazon for $139.99[/link-button]

20. Bring a little Himalayan salt into your space.

While we’re on the topic of light sources, we’d be remiss to not talk about Himalayan salt lamps. At this point, they’re still the things of new age “science” with few substantiated studies or facts, but some people swear by Himalayan salt’s healing benefits.

At the very least, Himalayan lamps and candles look pretty cool. They emit a soft, glowing light that can really set the mood for a relaxing evening. In lieu of the standard lamp, we’re suggesting you try Mockins’ Himalayan Salt Tea Light Candle Holders, which come in a set of four.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/dp/B077GH34QW”]Get then from Amazon for $24.99[/link-button]

21. Create a spa-like space with an aromatherapy diffuser.

In case you haven’t noticed, aromatherapy essential oils are a really big deal right now. That said, there are a ton of different diffuser options to choose from, so we wouldn’t be surprised if you had no idea where to start.

In our opinion, ArtNaturals’ Aromatherapy Essential Oil and Diffuser Gift Set is your best bet for several reasons. First, it comes with eight therapeutic-grade oils. Also, it features a beautiful wood design with shifting LED lights, shuts off automatically on a timer, and comes with Bluetooth technology so you can play music from it. You really can’t beat the price, either.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/ArtNaturals-Aromatherapy-Essential-Diffuser-Gift/dp/B01MRNUPCD”]Get it from Amazon for $27.95[/link-button]

22. Get some shuteye while wearing a cute eye mask.

Obviously, the Philips Wake-Up Light Alarm Clock isn’t going to work if you’re wearing an eye mask, but if you ever find yourself in need of sleeping in (say, on the weekends) or in situations where it’s bright (say, an airplane or during a Sunday afternoon nap), then an eye mask could solve a lot of your problems.

We’re featuring Fitglam’s Natural Silk Sleep Mask because the eyelash design is super cute, but also because it’s made of 100 percent natural mulberry silk, which is soft, lightweight, and br∂eathable.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/Fitglam-Natural-Sleep-Eyelashes-Patterns/dp/B01HPODBJK”]Get it from Amazon for $8.95[/link-button]

23. Get better sleep on a better pillow.

Speaking of sleep, let’s discuss the importance of a good pillow. First of all, if you use a standard polyester or cotton pillow, it ought to be replaced every 12 months for sanitary purposes. We’ll spare you the gnarly details and encourage you to do some research on your own when you’re feeling up to it. That said, if you invest in a high-quality pillow, it can last many years longer. Further, it’s so much more comfortable to sleep on!

We recommend Reverie’s Dual Slumber Down Alternative and Memory Foam Pillow, which is constructed from a naturally antimicrobial fabric that’s resistant to dust mites. It also features temperature-smart memory foam that promotes improved circulation and pressure point release.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/Reverie-Slumber-Alternative-Memory-Pillow/dp/B01LY8L651″]Get it from Amazon for $62.99 and up[/link-button]

24. See what all the “weighted blanket” fuss is about.

It goes without saying that sleep is uber-important to your health, so we’re doubling down and giving you one more option that falls into the bedtime department. Chances are, you’ve heard people buzzing about how amazing weighted blankets are, and there’s a reason why: They are magical inventions!

People swear that the extra weight makes them fall asleep more quickly and sleep more deeply. Some even say it helps with anxiety and mid-sleep tossing and turning. Try Huggaroo’s Premium Adult Weighted Blanket Set, which comes in three colors and has 5-star ratings across the board.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/Huggaroo-Premium-Weighted-Blanket-Luxurious/dp/B079Y7442T”]Get it from Amazon for $189.99[/link-button]

Grooming

25. Clean your face with a gentle brush.

If the Clarisonic wasn’t really your thing but you’re still on the lookout for a better way to clean your face, the Foreo Luna 2.0 might just be the answer to your skincare prayers. The hygienic silicone device features a T-Sonic facial cleansing brush that gently buffs away dead skin cells and massages the skin.

The results are skin that’s cleaner that it would be with just your fingers or a washcloth, which means fewer breakouts and a brighter complexion. Choose from four colors, including pink, teal, lavender, and blue.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01A61XUZ4″]Get it from Amazon for $199[/link-button]

26. Indulge in an at-home facial with this high-tech tool.

If you haven’t heard of the Hydrafacial or the Dermalinfusion facial, let us bring you up to speed. It’s a type of facial, typically performed at a skin clinic or spa, that involves three primary steps: microdermabrasion (the process of exfoliating skin via microcrystals), vacuuming the pores (aka sucking out the gunk and goo), and then replenishing the freshly cleansed skin with a liquid.

The Trophy Skin RejuvadermMD is an at-home product that completes the first two steps. After using, you can apply your own serums and moisturizers. Considering the fact that many professional facials will cost you $100 per go, this set is an excellent value.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HX250EY”]Get it from Amazon for $199[/link-button]

27. Spritz yourself for a mid-afternoon pick-me-up.

Whether you’re feeling that 3 p.m. slow-down at work or you simply could use a refresher, a little facial hydrating mist could put you in a better headspace. Not to mention, it’s great for your skin.

Try Fig + Yarrow’s Organic Complexion Water, which is formulated with rose water, neroli water, and sandalwood, neroli, and rose essential oils. Bonus: All the ingredients are organic.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JQO3BBG”]Get it from Amazon for $18.50[/link-button]

28. Freshen your mouth with a high-quality toothbrush.

Given just how important our teeth are—and how easy it is for them to get damaged without proper care—it’s kind of funny to think about how resistant some people are to investing a little extra into making sure they’re in top-notch shape.

If you’re in the market for a high-end toothbrush that’s got a load of rave reviews to substantiate the manufacturer’s claims, try the Philips Sonicare DiamondClean Sonic Electric Rechargeable Toothbrush.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00LPBI2C6″]Get it from Amazon for $203.99[/link-button]

29. Swap out your floss for a Waterpik.

Nope, we’re not done talking about teeth! While you’re shopping for a new toothbrush, also consider the importance of flossing. When done with proper technique, flossing is an effective way to prevent plaque buildup, gum disease, and cavities.

That said, a surprisingly effective alternative to traditional floss-based flossing is a water flosser, which uses a targeted stream of water to clean hard-to-reach areas of the mouth. We suggest Waterpik’s ADA Accepted WP-660 Aquarius Water Flosser, which has over 11,000 reviews on Amazon and a rating of 4.4 out of 5 stars.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/Waterpik-Accepted-WP-660-Aquarius-Flosser/dp/B00HFQQ0VU”]Get it from Amazon for $79.99[/link-button]

30. Swipe on an all-natural deodorant.

You’ve probably heard a lot of back-and-forth about whether you should wear traditional deodorant or antiperspirant, or just go au naturel. According to the National Cancer Institute, some scientists do claim that aluminum-containing deodorants and antiperspirant may cause cancer. While these studies haven’t been conclusive, we understand why many consider making the switch.

One option is to use an all-natural deodorant, such as Ursa Major’s Hoppin’ Fresh Deodorant. It’s 100 percent natural and free of aluminum, and according to the reviews, it works.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/Ursa-Major-Hoppin-Fresh-Deodorant/dp/B017Y86FHM”]Get it from Amazon for $18[/link-button]

31. Indulge in a luxury shower head.

Make shower time way more luxurious by swapping out your old, gunked-up showerhead with one that’s loaded up with bells and whistles. AquaDance’s 7-inch Premium High Pressure 3-Way Rainfall Showerhead boasts six different settings and a shiny chrome finish. It also has both a traditional shower head and a hand-held head, which you can use simultaneously or separately. Who needs a spa day when you can just step into your own decked-out shower?

[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/AquaDance-Premium-Pressure-Rainfall-Shower/dp/B01H2DG1YG”]Get it from Amazon for $39.99[/link-button]

Mental Wellness

32. Practice mindfulness with this guided journal.

There’s no denying the power of scribbling your thoughts and musings onto a blank page in your journal. Sometimes, though, it’s hard to find that creative momentum. The Mindfulness Project’s got your back (and your mind), though, with I Am Here Now: A Creative Mindfulness Guide and Journal.

It’s loaded with activities and prompts to guide you into a more mindful state, and aims to inspire you to “explore the world with greater curiosity and find moments of mindfulness in everyday life, while unleashing your creativity along the way.”
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/Am-Here-Now-Creative-Mindfulness/dp/0399184449″]Get it from Amazon for $16[/link-button]

33. Opt for more than just a step tracker.

You’ve got roughly a million different activity trackers to choose from, and each has its own benefits. One that stands apart in a sea of devices is the Spire Stone, a stress management and activity tracker that monitors your breathing and helps you slow down when things start spiraling.

It is truly fascinating to observe what your breathing habits are like throughout the day (who knew you held your breath while sending emails?), and it still affords you the benefit of tracking your steps, as well.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00TH3SQOI”]Get it from Amazon for $129.99[/link-button]

34. Control and eliminate the chaos that surrounds you.

Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos is a wildly popular book on Amazon, and for good reason. The noted psychologist, who’s authored a number of other well-received books, has truly tapped into the way the modern world affects us every day. In 12 Rules, he helps the reader figure out how to silence the noise we’re all accustomed to but plagued by in modern life.

One reviewer wrote, “His 12 Rules serve as a guide on how to go from that point of failure to a point of redemption, offering a series of suggestions and guidelines to take a life that is becoming corrupted by hatred of the world and everything in it and turn it into a vessel for growth and self-improvement.”
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/12-Rules-Life-Antidote-Chaos/dp/0345816021″]Get it from Amazon for $15.57[/link-button]

35. Incorporate sound energy into your meditation routine.

Why buy a singing bowl? Well, the next time you’re feeling frenzied, you may find that the perfect way to center yourself is through a little sound energy. It’s also a great way to start your yoga routine, meditation session, our morning tea ritual.

However you choose to use the Ohm Store’s Tibetan Meditation Yoga Singing Bowl Set, we’re sure it will only bring peace and harmony into your space.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/Ohm-Store-Tibetan-Meditation-Singing/dp/B01A6B0ICC”]Get it from Amazon for $19.98[/link-button]

36. Remind yourself how awesome you are.

Our final suggestion in this list of health and wellness products is Jen Sincero’s book, You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life.

It feels less like a banal self-help book and more like a no-nonsense guide for living the life you want. Sincero’s voice is fresh, blunt, and free of saccharine platitudes.
[link-button href=”https://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Badass-Doubting-Greatness/dp/B00EYNFJBE”]Get it from Amazon for $9.59[/link-button]

Tags Commerce, social

Wellbeing

How To Respond To The “When Are You Having Kids” Question

Post author By Wendy Rose Gould
Post date July 18, 2018

You’re sitting at dinner, just about to bite into that delicious macaroni salad, when your in-law casually throws out the old, “So…when are you two going to have kids?” It’s a question that’s been asked what seems like a million different times by pretty much everyone you know and in a multitude of very creative ways.
Maybe it’s something like, “It sure would be nice to have a grandchild…,” paired with a longing glance at a cute pair of baby-sized shoes. Or perhaps it’s a, “Wasn’t he cute as a baby?” wink-wink-nudge-nudge while flipping through old pictures in what you thought was an innocent and hilarious journey down memory lane. It could even be from an acquaintance you hardly know who cavalierly asks, “When do you think you’ll start popping ‘em out?”

Here’s the thing. Whether someone has children is a deeply personal, highly intimate—and sometimes medically sensitive—decision made between two people. For some reason, though, it’s a topic that makes its way into the conversation with the kind of casualness with which you discuss the latest episode of Game of Thrones.
If you repeatedly find yourself on the receiving end of these questions and you’re straight up over it—or you’re someone who’s guilty of asking—the following breakdown will benefit you.

Why do so many people ask this intimate question?

Christen Reighter summed it up perfectly in a 2017 Ted Talk she gave about her decision to have a tubal ligation in her 20s. “I recognized the roles that were placed on me very early,” she said. “One persistent concept that I observed—existing in our language, in our media—was that women are not only supposed to have children; they are supposed to want to … There are countless reasons a woman may have for choosing to abstain from motherhood. The majority of them? Not self-prioritizing. But it is still socially acceptable to publicly vilify women as such because none of these reasons have made it into the social narrative.”

Those reasons can range from a concern about the ecological impacts and overpopulation to an inability to provide the right resources for a child. Or they may be medically-fueled concerns about passing on congenital or psychological traits—or simply being dealt a hand where they’re unable to conceive.
The question is consistently on the tip of people’s tongues. It often begins as small talk but, depending on your audience, can deteriorate into a debate that feels not just personal, but sometimes offensive.

“The reason why it’s such a casual conversation topic is most likely influenced by values and conditioning of upbringing and personal beliefs that when two are together in a relationship, there is an assumption that children will be a part of the family,” notes Lisa Bahar, a licensed clinical counselor and marriage and family therapist based in Newport Beach, California.
If you’re often on the receiving end of this question, she says it’s important to try to understand that these are not personal attacks against you. Rather, they’re assumptions that the individual has been conditioned to believe (as frustrating as they may be).
https://twitter.com/afratheid/status/1016746195325276160
For those who are guilty of asking the question, really think about the reason why you’re asking to begin with. If you simply view it as small talk, there are certainly less personal conversations you can have with others, including about work, travel, and hobbies. You can avoid awkward conversations and potentially offending or striking a nerve with someone by removing the “when are you having kids” topic from your small talk arsenal altogether.
If you’re talking about it because it’s an interesting topic to you and you are eager to hear someone else’s perspective, broach it that way. Refrain from interjecting a “you should do it this (read: my/society’s) way,” and don’t prod or try to poke holes in the other person’s (highly personal) decision.

We argue the best practice is to avoid this conversation altogether unless the other person brings it up. Then, if it does inadvertently come up, engage your empathy and be sensitive.
Whether you’re an asker or an askee, the below anecdotes might help broaden your perspective and equip you with a keener set of social skills when it comes to this topic.

Actively Choosing Not to Have Children

We’re living at a unique time in history when actively [linkbuilder id=”6805″ text=”choosing not to have children”] has become the more popular choice but still intersects with a strong societal conditioning that assumes women and couples automatically have a desire to procreate. As a result, the “we’re not having children” conversation has proven tricky to navigate.

Sarah Feuerborn, 26, and her husband, 29, have been together for nine years and married for three. They decided years ago that they didn’t want to have children but still find themselves on the receiving end of this question.
“People ask us all the time when we’re going to have kids,” Feuerborn tells us. “Our families are fine with it at this point, but we still get the occasional ‘You’ll change your mind.’ With strangers, if they ask if we have kids, we usually politely respond with, ‘Oh no, no kids.’”

If the conversation ends there, then all’s well, she says. However, that response usually leads people to ask when they will.
“I usually respond with, ‘Actually, we don’t really want kids.’ Sometimes I’ll add a ‘We may change our minds, but at this point, we don’t see them in our future.’ At that point, people usually say, ‘Oh you’ll change your mind! You’re still so young!’ which I respond to with, ‘Maybe!’”
“It’s definitely interesting to see how people react,” she says. “I don’t really argue with people much about it. If they’re insistent about it, I get more stern, but I typically say something to politely brush it off and try to change the topic. Many people, especially those with kids, get offended when I say I don’t want them, so I try to be as polite and delicate about the subject as possible.”

Joanne Williams, 36, has a slightly more aggressive approach to this conversation. She made the decision to be child-free when she was 19 years old.
“I realized how life-altering children truly are to people and their lives,” she said. “I realized that I’m more career-oriented than I am maternal, and ultimately, I am too selfish to have kids. I like to have freedom to come and go as I please, without having to focus on the needs and commitment of others.”
While her parents and friends don’t pester her about her choice, having the conversation with those she’s never met before is a different story.

“Strangers that have asked always seem slightly confused. It’s as if I’m alien since I have zero desire to have children. I’ve been pretty curt with the answer to this, [saying] that I simply do not, and never have, wanted kids. I feel like it’s been effective for the most part,” she tells us. “I have had a few friends’ parents, [including] my best friend’s mom, ask me when I’m going to get married and have kids. I’ve told her in jest that I’ll do it after her other daughter—who is three years younger than me—does first.”

For Jenn Schaeffer, who’s in her 40s, the decision to not have children came later in life.
“I was never against having children and actually pictured myself as a mom quite often when I was younger. Though I am nontraditional in many aspects of my life, I had a traditional mindset when it came to having kids: I wanted to be married when I had kids,” she explains.
[pullquote align=”center”]“There have been—and continue to be—so many times that I feel like a failure, despite all of my other accomplishments, because I haven’t had children.”
—Jenn Shaeffer[/pullquote]
“Well, I didn’t meet my husband until I was 38, and we didn’t get married until I was 41. I had sort of a rule for myself that if I didn’t have children by the time I was 40, I wouldn’t have any. Yes, modern medicine has advanced so that you can have children at a very late age, but that wasn’t something I wanted to do.”
She says she gets the “When are you having kids?” question all the time, especially since she works with older people who are inclined to ask.

“I had a woman even say, ‘Don’t you know it’s your obligation to populate the earth?’ Wait, what? A lot of times I kind of laugh it off and say that ‘We are sticking with fur kids.’ Oftentimes, though, I feel angry that people just expect me to have children because I am a woman,” she confides.
“There have been—and continue to be—so many times that I feel like a failure, despite all of my other accomplishments, because I haven’t had children. I am slowly coming to terms with not having kids, but it definitely has not been easy, especially when I am continuously asked why I don’t have kids. As if there is something wrong with me. Guess I will someday get used to being in the small club of not having children despite what society dictates.”

Sometimes I feel like a failure because I'm pushing 25 and don't have a kid.

— s (@runteachtape) September 24, 2015

It’s easy to see from these personal experiences why this conversation topic can trigger a host of feelings ranging from frustration to guilt to even sadness. If you find yourself on the receiving end, understand that there really is no such thing as the perfect response. However, one route you might consider taking is simply being honest about your decision.
“The truth is the straightest path. Rather than make up reasons or ways to dodge the question, why not answer truthfully?” advises Alex Dimitriu, MD, a double-board certified psychiatrist based in San Francisco. “It helps to spend a minute—or 20—thinking this through and understanding one’s own reasons. With an understanding of what drives this decision, it should not be hard to express to someone. The truth shall set you free.”

Behar agrees, adding, “Be open to talking, if you want, about your decision in a non-defensive way and think in terms of your truth and how that can help another expand their awareness of what it means to be having children.”
And if you don’t want to talk about it with someone at all? Politely tell them, “I’d prefer not to discuss it.” Most people will respect that, and if they don’t, you have every right to walk away.

When Medical Issues Interfere with a Desire to Have Children

Not having children isn’t always an active decision. For example, pregnancy or childbirth could lead to potentially life-threatening medical issues for the mother or result in passing down ailments or defects to their newborn. In some cases, not having children is an undesired reality for those who’ve desperately tried to conceive but have struggled with infertility.
In this situation, being joyfully asked, “When are you having kids?” can be particularly painful. This is something Rachel Schroeder can personally attest to.

“I have struggled with infertility, and I’ve suffered a miscarriage,” she tells us. “I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) when I was 19 and have had pain and irregular cycles and other related issues since then. PCOS is one of the leading causes of [linkbuilder id=”6803″ text=”infertility in women”], so I was prepared that pregnancy may be difficult for me. I also have complex regional pain disorder, a nerve condition that causes chronic, severe nerve pain. This condition may or may not be genetic, and if it is, I do not wish to pass it along.”
In the 11 years of marriage to her husband—along with 10 years working in childcare—she’s been asked countless times when she’ll have children of her own or why she hasn’t already.
“It’s a super personal question, and my answers have varied over the years as I have struggled to decide how much to share and with whom. And honestly, my answers have changed as I have come to terms with the fact that the plans I had as a child to be a parent have not happened and may not happen at all,” she says.
https://twitter.com/chrissyteigen/status/826150753035186176
“Sometimes, I simply say not yet. Other times, I am more forthright and say that it has been a struggle. Other times, I go into more detail about the financial and circumstantial roadblocks that have come our way as we considered adoption.”
An interesting perspective surrounding this topic—and one that isn’t often considered by askers—is that sometimes mothers who have one child experience medical issues that prevent them from having another. Such is the case for Ashley Kenney, whose child turns 12 this year. She had her son “accidentally” at the age of 19 and has since been diagnosed with PCOS. She also recently had a hysterectomy.
“I get asked at least once a week. I’m told that I should at least give my son one sibling. That only children aren’t as well adjusted. Or they will just straight up say, ‘Why aren’t you busy making that little boy a brother?’ which feels like such a personal question in so many ways. Are you asking me why I’m not having enough sex?” says Kenney, “It’s been really hard. My husband and I tried for six years before being told that it wasn’t going to happen and that I needed to take steps to prevent developing cancer.”

She says she usually just responds as kindly as she can, explaining that her pregnancy journey hasn’t been an easy one. And that, as much as she’d love to give her child a sibling, it isn’t an option for their family.
“Most of the time, people feel awful for having asked,” she says. “I think people just think it’s all in fun for the most part, and until they meet someone who tells them otherwise, they just don’t think about what the underlying reasons might be. Recently, I had someone say they will pray for us to get pregnant. As though even without a uterus it could still happen by the grace of God. And I try to appreciate the sentiment, but mostly I just want to scream that it’s none of their damn business.”
[pullquote align=”center”]“There is so much focus on babies that mothers often get overlooked for the healing and caring process, but that’s a whole other issue. This continued battle I am fighting for my voice to be heard is hard enough without the constant ‘when’s the next child coming’ questions.”
—Lauren Christie-Veach[/pullquote]
Lauren Christie-Veach has a similar story. She had her daughter a year and a half ago and has been eager to have another, but medical roadblocks have made that journey difficult. She says she is overjoyed to have had a healthy daughter and easy pregnancy, but that birth “destroyed her body.” Within 14 months of having her child, she’s experienced a range of medical complications that include ovarian cysts and [linkbuilder id=”6806″ text=”thyroid problems”].
“I get asked all the time when we are having another. Usually, it’s, ‘She’s so sweet and happy. When’s the next one coming along?’ Usually, I just smile and make some stupid small talk comment, but the last time I was asked, I burst into tears,” she says. “There is so much focus on babies that mothers often get overlooked for the healing and caring process, but that’s a whole other issue. This continued battle I am fighting for my voice to be heard is hard enough without the constant ‘when’s the next child coming’ questions. We want another baby, but there is a chance it won’t happen.”

While we wish we could make the habit of asking such a personal question disappear, we, unfortunately, cannot. However, for those who are asked this question under medically complicated circumstances, you have every right to respond with a simple, “I prefer not to discuss it.” Alternately, if you’re feeling up to it, you could take the “speak your truth” approach.
“Honesty helps bring awareness and also acceptance of the challenges of being medically unable to have children,” says Behar. “People can learn from one another if the answers are real and genuine.”

TL;DR?

If there’s one thing you take away from all this, it’s that asking someone when they’re going to have a child, or when they’ll have another, could affect them in ways you might not fully appreciate. And if you’re on the receiving end of the question, we know you’re frustrated, annoyed, and maybe even hurt every time you hear it. You have every right to feel that way. When the topic comes up, you can refrain from talking about it altogether, or respond from a place of honesty to further the progress regarding the topic at large. It’s a long road until these conversations are a regular and fully accepted part of the social narrative, but we’re getting there by having open conversations—like this one.

Tags social

Nosh

The Best Foods To Eat To Alleviate Anxiety (And Which To Skip)

Post author By Wendy Rose Gould
Post date July 13, 2018

When we reach for that king-sized candy bar or order the extra-cheesy bread at dinner, it’s not like we’re dooming ourselves to a future of failure. However, it’s important to recognize that all the seemingly insignificant dietary choices we make throughout the day can actually have an effect on how we feel. Not just physically (anyone else feel like they have to be rolled away from the dinner table after a particularly heavy meal?), but also in terms of our mental state.
“Think about how certain meals make you feel,” says Alex Caspero, a registered dietitian and nationally recognized nutritionist. “Without even knowing the science behind it, we all know how different we feel after eating a donut versus eating a salad.”

With Caspero’s and another registered dietitian’s expert input, we’ve outlined some of the worst food offenders that can potentially contribute to mental issues such as anxiety and “foggy brain,” and discovered some delicious alternatives.

Why It’s Important to Consume With Care

Before we dive into foods that may negatively affect our mental state, let’s first get into the science behind why food is so closely related with our mood.
“Food provides us with tons of nutrients, many of which are the precursors to our neurotransmitters, which work to communicate within our brain. How well these neurotransmitters communicate and what they communicate is affected by what we eat,” explains Lisa Hayim, a registered dietitian and founder of The Well Necessities and TWNtv.

Some foods can trigger too much of a specific neurotransmitter, which can have a negative impact on our mental state. For example, glutamate—found in monosodium glutamate (MSG), which is an ingredient in many preservative-ridden foods—is a neurotransmitter that can be toxic to the brain in large doses.
Contrarily, lack of certain foods means our bodies aren’t sending enough of a specific neurotransmitter to our brains. For example, a neurotransmitter that we want more of is serotonin.

“Anxiety is alleviated by serotonin, a neurotransmitter that regulates sleep and appetite, but also happiness. The lower [we are] in serotonin, the more anxious or depressed we may feel,” says Hayim. “Surprisingly, about 95 percent of serotonin is produced in the gut. That means that having a healthy gut is a key element to producing serotonin that gets delivered to the brain.”
[pullquote align=”center”]“There likely isn’t any blanket food that contributes to anxiety for all of us, as the gut is unique. Therefore, what works for one person doesn’t mean it will work for another. Each of our guts is different, and what’s there is just as important as what’s not there.”
—Alex Caspero, registered dietitian[/pullquote]
There are more factors at play aside from neurotransmitters, of course. Ultimately, it boils down to how certain foods are processed in our bodies and how that process affects our brain. Let’s get into some specifics.

Foods to Avoid Eating in Excess

We want to begin this section by saying that, while there are certain foods that generally ought to be avoided in excess, everyone’s body is different.

“There likely isn’t any blanket food that contributes to anxiety for all of us, as the gut is unique. Therefore, what works for one person doesn’t mean it will work for another. Each of our guts is different, and what’s there is just as important as what’s not there,” says Caspero.
That said, repeatedly loading up on unhealthy foods can make us feel sluggish, tired, foggy-brained, and potentially anxious—all of which can affect numerous aspects of our lives.

One of the more notorious culprits associated with a poor mental state is highly processed foods, which tend to be high in chemical preservatives, artificial flavors and colorings, trans fats, and MSG. The body struggles to process these foods adequately, and they tend to do very little in terms of our daily recommended vitamin, protein, and mineral intake. In other words, they’re largely empty foods.
[pullquote align=”center”]“With my clients, I like to recommend filling up on lots of plant-based foods while also allowing for treat foods, guilt-free, [since] guilt surrounding food can also increase negative feelings.”
—Alex Caspero, registered dietitian[/pullquote]
Both of our experts agreed that it’s best to avoid trans fats as much as you can. Trans fats are commonly found in fried foods, baked goods, partially hydrogenated foods like non-dairy shelf stable creamer, margarine, and salty snacks.
“Trans fats affect blood flow to the brain, and some studies have linked them to depression and anxiety,” Hayim says.

When consumed in large quantities, coffee and artificial sweeteners can also contribute to increased anxiety.
“Coffee has some amazing nutritional benefits, but it also increases our production of cortisol, which is our ‘flight or fight’ hormone. This can make us feel jittery and can exacerbate anxiety,” says Hayim. “Artificial sweeteners, like those found in ‘diet’ products or in the pink, blue, or yellow packet, may destroy an otherwise healthy gut and reduce levels of serotonin, that feel-good hormone.”

Foods that Help Foster a Healthier State of Mind

Now that we’ve talked about foods you should avoid in excess, let’s dive into the foods that tend to have a positive effect on the gut and, therefore, our physical and mental health.

Salmon

First up is that delicious pink fish we all know and love: salmon.
“Salmon is rich in DHA (docosahexaenoic acid) and EPA (eicosapentaenoic acid), which are omega-3 fatty acids that play an important role in normal brain function,” says Hayim. “Several studies have also suggested that omega-3 fatty acids play a role in alleviating [linkbuilder id=”6755″ text=”depression symptoms”].”

The American Heart Association recommends eating fatty fish, such as salmon, two or three times per week. When shopping, choose wild-caught, no-color-added salmon for the best nutritional effects.

Lentils

Hayim also recommends adding lentils to your diet, which are a plant-based protein that’s rich in folate. Studies indicate that folate plays a role in the production of mood-boosting neurotransmitters like serotonin.

Fermented Foods & Probiotics

Another type of food—or rather, a food genre—that’s good to regularly incorporate into your diet for an improved mental state is fermented food and probiotics.
“Eating fermented food can help to boost levels of good bacteria,” notes Caspero. “Sauerkraut with live cultures and non-heat-treated yogurt with live bacteria, kimchi, and kefir are all great options.”

Consider this news the perfect opportunity to patronize your local German or Korean establishment.
“Additionally,” she says, “a daily probiotic can help reduce anxiety levels. Studies suggest that combination probiotics of the lactobacillus and bifidobacterium family can ease digestion, suppress ‘bad’ bacteria, and support the immune system.”

Turmeric

It may be an ultra-buzzy ingredient at the moment, but that’s for good reason. Turmeric contains a compound called curcumin, which has been shown to foster brain health and alleviate anxiety.

A 2014 study has also shown it can boost levels of DHA (that omega-3 fatty acid also found in salmon that we talked about above) in the brain. Because of its high antioxidant levels, it’s good at keeping you healthy in general.

Adaptogens

Adaptogens can also help boost mental agility and reduce anxiety, says Caspero. An example of an adaptogen is an herb called rhodiola rosea.

“Rhodiola rosea root extract helps to stabilize stress levels so the body can easy ‘adapt’ to physical and environmental strains,” says Caspero. “A UCLA study conducted in 2008 found that those who took the herb for 10 weeks found a significant improvement in their anxiety levels. I like HUM’s Big Chill supplement, which contains 500mg of rhodiola extract.”
Other adaptogens include holy basil, maca, and chaga and reishi mushrooms.

Chamomile

Now’s the perfect time to incorporate chamomile tea or chamomile extract into your nightly routine. This calming plant contains high levels of antioxidants, and studies have shown that it effectively reduces anxiety.
https://twitter.com/chillinlaidback/status/1007849910069334021
Many people have chamomile tea in the evening because it also helps coax them to sleep.

Shiitake Mushrooms

“Shiitake mushrooms contain selenium and magnesium, two minerals that play a role in mood and are typically low in the Western diet,” says Hayim. “They also play a role in fighting inflammation.”

Final Note

Hopefully all the above helped further convince you of what you already know: It’s important to choose foods that fuel your mind and body versus blindly consuming. This article isn’t meant to force you into a rigid diet, but rather to encourage you to be more aware of what you’re putting into your body.

“Enjoying vibrant, nutrient-rich food typically makes us feel more energized and therefore able to tackle the day in a different way. That’s not to say that you should avoid treats completely. Some research shows the pleasurable effects we get from eating a delicious food—say, an ice cream cone on a hot summer day—that actually improves mood, not decreases it,” notes Caspero. “With my clients, I like to recommend filling up on lots of plant-based foods while also allowing for treat foods, guilt-free, [since] guilt surrounding food can also increase negative feelings.”

Basically, what we’re saying is that, while nobody can maintain a perfect diet, and while treats are okay in moderation, we ought to strive toward better care of our bodies and brains. So here’s to many days ahead that are filled with vibrant, colorful, plant-based diets and fewer processed foods.

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Healthy Relationships Wellbeing

Finding The Line Between Secrecy And Healthy Privacy In A Romantic Relationship

Post author By Wendy Rose Gould
Post date July 6, 2018

From a very young age, most of us have a fabricated image in our minds of what the perfect romantic partnership looks like. Perhaps it’s an amalgamation of all the best qualities we’ve witnessed in relationships around us. Or maybe our ideal partnership is inspired by what we see portrayed in literature and the media, helpfully rounded out with a handful of examples for what not to do (insert one of many Friends storylines here).
Whether your idea of a perfect love involves adventure and travel, quiet days spent absorbed in books side-by-side, a huge family, or a child-free home, there’s one constant must in any relationship: trust and open communication.

While the line between secrecy and privacy is a subjective one, we’ve reached out to a handful of relationship experts to find out what’s okay to keep to yourself, what you ought to share with your partner, and what constitutes an outright breach of privacy.

What sort of details should you share in a relationship?

Let’s begin by diving into the things we should be sharing. Not just because we owe certain information to our partners—and yes, there are a handful of things we absolutely should divulge—but because doing so can actually strengthen your partnership.

“Anything you are keeping from your partner that could have a detrimental effect if it came out is something that should not be held in private but should be expressed in a skillful way,” advises Christy Whitman, a relationship expert and two-time New York Times bestselling author. “Privacy arises out of a desire to maintain personal boundaries, which enhances our sense of autonomy and self-respect. Secrecy, on the other hand, is an act of hiding something about ourselves or our lives out of fear that our partners will not like or accept it if they were to find out.”

For example, early on in your relationship, you should disclose your sexual, mental, and overall health status (including addictions). Even if it’s difficult or awkward for you to relay this information, your partner deserves to be fully aware before making a decision to move forward. To help soften the delivery of such information, outline the ways in which you’ve got a handle on things, whether that includes medications, weekly appointments with a therapist, or a health game plan devised by you and your doctor.
[pullquote align=”center”]“Your story is important, and this information will help a partner know what your boundaries are.”
—Logan Levkoff, psychologist[/pullquote]
It’s also to your advantage to share information about previous committed relationships. Not only will this help your partner have a more complete picture of where you’ve come from, it can prove to be a true bonding moment and help you both define the qualities you’re looking for, and not looking for, in a relationship.

“If you’ve had some sort of traumatic experience, it is important for a partner to know,” says Logan Levkoff, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in human sexuality and marriage. “Your story is important, and this information will help a partner know what your boundaries are.”
Additional information that falls into this category includes excessive and unmanageable debt, past imprisonment, major legal issues, previous marriages, and children from [linkbuilder id=”6687″ text=”past relationships”].

Levkoff says that this information doesn’t have to be relayed on the first or even second date. However, the second you realize that you want your relationship to develop into something formal or marital is the time when serious discussions should occur. You can even preface these hard-to-have conversations with something like, “I see potential between us, and want to be completely forthright.”
While it’s ultimately up to each person to decide how much to divulge and when, an open partnership that allows for honesty and free-flowing communication is typically more fulfilling. And again, a great rule of thumb is to disclose any information that could have a detrimental effect if your partner were to find out from someone other than you or if they discover it very far into your relationship.

What kind of stuff should you keep private?

Switching gears, let’s talk about things that are not just okay to keep private, but that could actually improve your relationship if you simply don’t talk about them.
“Again, this is a very personal and individual decision that each couple must navigate for themselves,” says Whitman. “In general, though, many couples choose to keep bathroom and grooming habits, personal fantasies, and fleeting judgments or petty annoyances about their partners private. This is done for the sake of preserving respect, goodwill, and sexual attraction within the relationship.”

Think back to that Sex and the City episode that focuses on “secret single behavior.” We all have stuff that is perfectly acceptable but not necessarily something you have to share. For example, if your partner is out of town for a week and you decide to binge an entire season of Orange is the New Black in a matter of 24 hours while eating nothing but gas station food, that is information your partner doesn’t have to know. In the same vein, if you have a bi-weekly waxing appointment for your out-of-control mustache, you have every right to keep those details to yourself.
Outside of grooming habits, fantasies, and pet peeves, there are some other things that our experts say are okay to keep to yourself.
“Divulging previous sexual partners and encounters could lend to unnecessary conflict and insecurity. Also, journals and diaries are your private thoughts and a way for you to work through things. They don’t need to be shared,” says Sanam Hafeez, PsyD, NYC–based licensed clinical neuropsychologist.

Additionally, Hafeez recommends keeping comparisons to past relationships to yourself. If there are things about your partner that don’t work for you, respectfully communicate that, but refrain from phrases like “My ex used to do that, why can’t you?” or “My ex would never do this!” Those are hurtful jabs that slam the door on opportunities for meaningful, important conversations.
While we’re talking about potentially hurtful details, Lisa Concepcion, a professional dating and relationship expert, adds that it’s also probably not best practice to go around talking about how sexy other people are, even if you feel like you’re “just being honest.”

“There’s no need to admit how hot you think the server is at the restaurant you frequently go to for business lunches. It’s disrespectful,” she says. “Also, keep casual conversations or general conversations with an ex private if they are still in your life as a friend or as a co-parent. You don’t really need to report every single conversation you have.”
While the above advice is sound, it is, of course, subjective. In the end, we must each determine what constitutes “keeping a secret” versus what constitutes maintaining healthy privacy boundaries. If you ever have trouble finding that line, Whitman says to ask yourself what, if any, effect it will have on your relationship if you keep something private or divulge. Let your answer to that question be your guide.

What constitutes trespassing upon a partner’s privacy?

While each partner ultimately decides which details come out of their mouths and which don’t, snooping behind the other’s back is a completely different story.
“An invasion of privacy can be ‘measured’ by intention. If you intend to find, gather, or collect information without asking someone for permission, it is an invasion,” says Levkoff. “Without a doubt, going through someone’s phone, DMs, or drawers without permission is a violation of someone’s privacy.”

Other things on that list include going through someone’s computer, emails, social media accounts, or physical belongings and spaces, including pockets, journals, cars, offices, and bedrooms. It’s the permission aspect that determines whether there’s been an invasion of privacy.
Levkoff notes that the above behavior speaks to either a clear lack of trust in a relationship or to the insecurity of the snooping partner. Whatever the case, it is very hard to be in a relationship where one or both partners don’t trust what the other says, or worse, when they don’t bother to ask questions but go digging on their own instead.
[pullquote align=”center”]“If we feel someone isn’t trustworthy, trusting our instincts and moving on is key.”
—Sanam Hafeez, PsyD[/pullquote]
Is your relationship absolutely doomed if it goes through privacy breaches? Not necessarily, but it’s something that needs to be sorted out quickly and with the utmost seriousness.
“It’s important for a person to get to the bottom of why they feel insecure. Is it due to fear based on the unfortunate outcomes of a past relationship where there was a betrayal? When fear and insecurity remain, these feelings can destroy a new relationship when unnecessary suspicion creeps in. In this case, our inability to trust is more our issue than the other persons,” says Hafeez. On the other hand, “If we feel someone isn’t trustworthy, trusting our instincts and moving on is key. Some people would rather become a detective than leave a relationship.”

Again, getting to the bottom of any insecurity is integral in the success—or lack thereof—of your relationship.
There is one gray area we were curious about: exercising Google-fu to dig up dirt on a potential new mate. The truth is that we live in a time when this isn’t only possible, but it’s pretty commonplace. Further, sometimes checking into details like this is a safety precaution, especially if you’re using online dating apps.

“People want to protect themselves and research someone, especially in the early stages of a relationship,” says Hafeez. “It’s okay to look at a few social media profiles, to google them, look at LinkedIn, etc. However, to do so in an obsessive way where you’re going through every photo, as if you are looking to find something disparaging, is more about your fears and insecurities than just doing a simple, quick check on them.”
[pullquote align=”center”]“Violating another’s privacy is a clear indication that we are not feeling whole within ourselves, but wounded, and that we are seeking some kind of external reassurance in order to feel secure.”
—Christy Whitman, relationship expert[/pullquote]
There’s a line between checking someone’s criminal background and public employment history versus spending hours digging through old pictures of them with their ex and making yourself feel insecure. It’s important to remember that our social media lives rarely represent actual reality but are rather a careful curation. You’ll never get the whole picture of someone’s life by simply swiping through years-old images and status updates. It’s much more worthwhile to engage in one-on-one discussions with your partner about their past experiences versus coming to conclusions on your own.

For a healthier relationship, do this.

The moral to this story is that healthy relationships require the participation of two whole and complete partners who trust each other and are interested in furthering their relationship via open communication.

“Violating another’s privacy is a clear indication that we are not feeling whole within ourselves, but wounded, and that we are seeking some kind of external reassurance in order to feel secure,” says Whitman. “The damage we cause to our partnership might take the form of a sudden blow up as a result of getting caught in the act, or it might manifest as a slow draining of confidence and trust. Either way, it is each partner’s responsibility to heal the parts of ourselves that are wounded or insecure and to approach the relationship from a foundation of knowing that we are complete and whole just as we are.”
No relationship is perfect—not even the ones that seem to be—but a thriving, fulfilling partnership can be possible by following these pieces of advice.

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Conscious Beauty Lifestyle

Beauty Industry Pros Talk Us Through Fixing 7 Major Dilemmas

Post author By Wendy Rose Gould
Post date June 21, 2018

It doesn’t matter how old you are or how much of an expert you are when it comes to beauty and skincare. At some point, all of us make a bad move that renders us ready to look into the mirror, slap our hands to our faces, and scream a la Home Alone’s freshly shaved Macaulay Culkin.

Maybe you thought you’d try your hand at a DIY turmeric mask, only to gently wash away your self-made concoction and reveal a tinted yellow complexion. The horror! Or perhaps you built up enough courage to cut your own bangs and, well, let’s just say you’ve given Picasso a run for his money.
https://twitter.com/shan_nouveau/status/1006516599485095938
Whether it’s an at-home beauty disaster, a salon visit gone horribly awry, or simply a need to recover from the long-term effects of a specific treatment—such as acrylics or lash extensions—we’ve rounded up a panel of industry pros to help you through each one. So stop panicking and start reading!

Healing Your Skin After Going Overboard With Picking

Everyone knows you shouldn’t pick at your skin or mess with pimples, but there’s something so satisfying about relentlessly attacking a problem area. In the end, though, you’re left with an inflamed, irritated patch that’s more problematic than it was to begin with. We’ve got you.

First, start by applying an ice cube to the area for about a minute to quickly curb inflammation and reduce redness. Next, head to your sink.

“Double cleanse the skin and spot treat with a lactic or glycolic corrector. Then moisturize with a light, oil-free moisturizer,” advises Andrea Freundt, an esthetician based in Los Angeles. If the wound is open, you can apply a bit of Neosporin or another antibiotic on top to fight potential infection. Otherwise, Freundt says to “finish with a slightly tinted sunscreen to conceal the area.”

Fixing Your Hair After Poorly Cutting Your Bangs

Whether it was one too many drinks or an overinflated sense of confidence and easy access to a pair of scissors, you’re officially the not-so-proud owner of botched DIY bangs. Perhaps you were going for thick Betty Paige fringe or wispy, face-framing layers, but either way, you’ve now got a hair monstrosity on your hands (or would that be on your head?). No problem.

“My best advice is to go see your trusted stylist ASAP, and do not try to fix anymore yourself as it may make it even worse,” says Jenny Balding, a stylist at NYC’s Cutler Salon. “She or he will be able to blend the damage with the rest of the surrounding hair [and help the overall shape] flow beautifully and be seamless.”

She adds that the growing out process will continue to evolve after the initial correction and recommends checking in with your stylist every six weeks “to keep you looking on point.”

Correcting a Bad At-Home Hair Dye Job

Maybe it wasn’t the scissors that rendered you horrified, but rather an at-home dye job gone terribly awry. Did you remove that highlight cap only to reveal uneven, leopard-like spots when all you wanted was Instagrammable balayage? Or did you step out of the shower with hopes of a Kardashian platinum blonde but you’ve just got a mop of orange atop your head? Cry your tears, but then run straight to the salon.

“When correcting an at-home dye job gone wrong, do not attempt to fix it at home,” warns Adrianna Vizzoni, a colorist who’s also with Cutler. “Contact your colorist or stylist for professional advice and set up an appointment. Once you’re in the colorist’s chair and ready for a consultation, be sure to inform them everything used at home that brought you here. That way they can take better measures to ensure your hair health is not compromised when attempting to fix it.”

She also recommends bringing in pictures for inspiration and to remain patient and hopeful. It may take hours and lots of cash—budget for around $150 to $400 depending on your location and salon—but a good colorist will ensure you look fabulous when all’s said and re-dyed.

Regrowing Lashes After Getting Extensions

They may look great at first, but when you consistently get lash extensions, your lash health inevitably suffers. Even if you’ve gone to a topnotch salon, repetitive application of glue and the weight of the extensions can make your natural lashes brittle, dry, sparse, and stubby. Whether you’re allowing your lashes a quick break or are giving up extensions for good, the first thing you need to do is have them removed professionally, says Courtney Buhler, the CEO and founder of Sugarlash PRO.
“Picking at them will only cause more damage and could possibly cause infection without proper aftercare instructions,” she explains. “Once removed, brush on your vitamins. If you have bald spots or sparse lashes from shedding or removal, nourish your lashes using a lash growth serum loaded with biotin and conditioners such as panthenol.”

You can try an over-the-counter option, such as Lashfood’s Phyto-Medic Eyelash Enhancer, which is made with medicinal herb extracts, soy protein, lavender water, and an essential amino acid for hair growth called arginine. On a budget? Buhler says castor oil works great for traumatized lashes, too.

Consistency is key, so make sure you apply your serum every day. While your lashes are growing out, try magnetic falsies (no glue required!) and opt for a nourishing mascara, like Milk Makeup’s new KUSH High Volume Mascara. It’s formulated with CBD oil, which helps to strengthen and condition your lashes while adding volume.

Recovering Skin After Accidentally Tinting It With a Face Mask

You may recall that time when Daisy Ridley accidentally dyed her face yellow with a potent DIY turmeric mask. Given how buzzy the ingredient is in skincare at the moment, she is definitely not alone in her Adventures With Accidentally Dyed Skin. There are also some super pigmented red clays that can tinge your skin, as well. Repeat after us: Everything will be okay, and you will laugh later.

“If you accidentally stain your skin, the good news is that the stain only exists in the top layers of the skin. There are a few tricks you can do to alleviate the issue,” explains David Pollock, a beauty expert and cosmetic chemist who has formulated products for brands such as Smashbox, Lancôme, and L’Oreal. “You can saturate a cotton ball in rubbing alcohol (isopropyl alcohol), wipe it over the stain, and then rinse your skin well.”

If your skin needs a little more help, he says to jump into a warm shower to loosen up the dead skin cells and then very gently massage the area with an exfoliator. Rinse away and, if necessary, repeat. When done clearing the stain, use a good moisturizer to help soothe the skin.

Regrowing Eyebrows After Over-Plucking

If you’re dealing with a case of plucking gone wild, rest assured you’re not the only one who got overzealous with a pair of tweezers. The ‘90s was proof of that. First things first, friend: Put the tweezers down.

“The hair that was over-plucked will eventually grow back, but don’t do any further damage trying to correct it. You need to let them grow back in and then just groom where you need to in order to create the shape you are looking for. Slowly but surely, your brows will bounce back,” says Joey Camasta, a celebrity makeup artist who serves as director of Makeup Artistry’s Ready To Wear Beauty. “I recommend Latisse to my clients to regrow hair—it’s a hair growth serum that actually works. I have also heard of women using Rogaine on their brows. I think just getting a good hair regrowth product is a great way to [expedite] the problem.”
Meanwhile, you can use a brow powder or pencil to fill in sparse brows. The key is to use quick, sharp strokes that replicate natural brow hairs. If you have thin brows that stubbornly won’t grow—either from years of over-plucking or genetics—microblading could be a viable option.

Transitioning Your Nails Away from Acrylics

It’s no secret that acrylics are super damaging to your nail bed. If you’ve reached a point where you’re finally ready to give them up and transition into a regimen that’s healthier and easier to maintain, the first thing you need to do is remove the acrylics.

“If you’re at home, soak nails in pure acetone. I recommend warming the acetone,” advises Gina Edwards, a celebrity nail artist with KISS. “You can put a bowl of acetone into a larger bowl of hot water and add oil to make it more gentle and less drying on the skin.”
That said, Edwards does recommend having them professionally removed if you can afford it. A pro has all the tools and knowledge they need to minimize damage to your real nails. Once your nails are removed, go crazy with conditioners.

“My first recommendation is using a keratin-based nail product, such as a strengthening nail treatment,” says Edwards. Her favorite is KISS’ Breathable Manicure System; some other options would be OPI Natural Nail Strengthener and Nails Inc. Superfood Nail and Cuticle Repair Oil. Apply these products daily, allowing your nails to be naked for a good week before applying nail polish.

The Last Word

Whether you’re in the panicky midst of a beauty blooper or in reluctant recovery mode, you’re now equipped with the knowledge to go forth and correct. And remember, if Britney Spears can make it through 2007, then you can definitely combat a terrible haircut, tinged skin, or stubby lashes. You’ve got this!

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Healthy Relationships Wellbeing

Experts Weigh In On How Long To Wait Before Tying The Knot

Post author By Wendy Rose Gould
Post date June 18, 2018

We see you over there, watching what seems like every other friend either dropping to one knee or squealing with delight upon a magical proposal against an outrageously beautiful backdrop. You’re happy for your friends, naturally. But…with every sparkly ring that’s bestowed to another giddy woman, you also feel a tiny pang that prompts some serious introspection.

Maybe you’re at an early point with your partner where you’ve begun toying with the idea of getting hitched someday and aren’t sure what the next steps ought to be. Or perhaps tying the knot is something you’ve seriously considered and you’re ready to get a move on already! Whatever the case, we urge you to put on some blinders toward others’ relationships and instead channel all that focus into your own partnership.

Actual representation of me waiting for an engagement ring. @ChevyOwner454 pic.twitter.com/IPzbjsv0Ox

— Meg☀️ (@MHam1021) December 4, 2017

The truth is that every couple is unique, and what’s right for one duo may be completely wrong for another. There are couples who got hitched after a few months of dating and have been together for 20 years, and there are other couples who’ve been together just as long without ever walking down the aisle. In that sense, “How long should we wait before getting married?” is a question each couple needs to consider for themselves, and there’s a lot more that goes into it than a simple timeline.

Three Relationship Musts to Check Off Before a Proposal

To help you determine if you’re ready to take that next step toward engagement and, ultimately, marriage, you must be able to do the following.

Get past the intense lust stage.

Your sexual chemistry is out of control and you’ve never had a more fulfilling physical relationship in your life. This is great news, but there’s more to coupledom than that. Your first hurdle in any relationship is to see beyond the steamy physicality of it all and into the, well, boring stuff.

“Marriage is a financial, emotional, romantic, familial, and lifestyle partnership which requires compromise, good communication, and a shared vision,” says Bianca L. Rodriguez, MA, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles. “Seeing how your partner reacts to these situations is very important because it tells you about their communication style, frustration tolerance, intimacy template, level of emotional maturity, and ability to navigate life.”

Before anyone gets down on one knee, make sure you’ve thoroughly discussed your approach toward finances and how that might change as a committed couple; whether you want to have children and how many and when; the importance (or lack thereof) of family relationships; and what kind of major lifestyle shifts you see in your future, including any relocation, extensive travel, career change, or continued education.
Back to lust: It shouldn’t disappear. In fact, being able to keep that spark alive after the initial chemical rush—and this does require work from both—is another sign that you two just might be in it for the long haul.
“The lust stage can last years or a lifetime if there is truly crazy chemistry,” notes Bonnie Winston, a celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert. “If lust fades out quickly within a year or two, did you really ever have it? Or was it just a shooting star?”
https://www.instagram.com/p/BjSP7lXAIDw/?taken-by=bonniewinstonmatchmaker
Maybe it’s not quite as intense (and it probably isn’t because that’s how nature works), but you should still remain attracted to each other as the years go by.

Hit these important milestones.

Not to sound like a broken record, but sharing experiences in a relationship is crucial in the months and years leading up to a formal engagement. After all, understanding how you work together in various scenarios is the best indicator you have of what the future will look like.
[pullquote align=”center”]“Travel together is huge, as it can show you a different side of your significant other.”
—Bonnie Winston, celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert[/pullquote]
Some important relationship milestones a couple should experience, says Rodriguez, are introducing each other to your close friends and key family members (and becoming a comfortable part of these circles), celebrating holidays and events together, dealing with sickness or injury, getting through a major argument, dealing with a serious disappointment, attending professional business functions as a couple, and traveling together.

“Travel together is huge, as it can show you a different side of your significant other,” says Winston. “For example, one of my clients was smitten with her boyfriend until they vacationed together. He snapped his fingers at the waiters, treated the staff as if they were a lower class, and had a meltdown at the airport when their flight was delayed. Needless to say, they never made it to the altar. She saw a side of him she couldn’t abide and broke it off.”

Living together, or at least being very familiar with the way your partner lives, is also very important. Is your partner remarkably tidy or exceptionally messy? Do they like to keep the windows closed all day or feel the breeze? What’s the thermostat at? What’s their morning routine look like? Do they have pets? What’s their preferred aesthetic? Do they make the bed in the morning? Is the bathroom a sanctuary or a catch-all? Do they crave extensive alone time or prefer to be attached at the hip?

There will be inevitable growing pains once you’re actually living together—and there’s always room for compromise on all the above—but make sure you know what this person is like in their day to day living space in case there are any non-negotiables.
Lastly, another important milestone is hitting a lull or low point in your relationship and making it through to the other side. Every couple experiences seasons of warm bliss and then chilly winters. For example, maybe one partner temporarily pulls away or one of you is going through an exceptionally trying personal battle. Being able to find the warmth in the cold—or being able to trudge through the slushy snow until spring—is a telling of a relationship’s strength.

Time it right.

While the length of time may not be quite so important, the timing is. Things to consider include your age, your career path, your education, and your desire to start a family. For example, older couples who want children tend to tie the knot more quickly in order to begin their family. On the other hand, couples who are young and finishing their schooling may prefer to wait until they have a degree in hand.

That said, waiting around for perfection means you’ll be waiting around forever. At some point, you do need to make the decision of whether or not this is the partner you want to commit to for the rest of your life.

So, you’re looking for an actual number?

We get it. You came here looking for an exact number of how long you ought to wait, and we sent you on a wild journey of important factors to consider before walking down the aisle. If you’re looking for a ballpark range, our experts agreed that an appropriate waiting time was between one and three years.
“Even if you absolutely know you’ve found your person, I think two to three years between dating and marriage is a healthy incubation time between first date and I do,” says Amiira Ruotola, a dating expert and the co-author of How to Keep Your Marriage from Sucking and It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken.

“The early days are always effortless and exciting, which is not the norm for long-term relationships. Excitement wears off and is replaced with stability which is its own kind of sexy. As you get more comfortable with your partner, you allow yourself to become the more authentic version of yourself rather than the ‘best, most easy going’ version you were being at the beginning.”
[pullquote align=”center”]“Every love story makes its own rules.”
—Amiira Ruotola, dating expert[/pullquote]
Rodriguez adds, “If I had to give a range, I would recommend a minimum of one year as this allows a couple to experience the ‘four seasons’ together. Although this is literal, it’s also figurative as over the course of 365 days you’re likely to encounter the ups and downs of life, like illness, holidays, travel, family drama, etc.”
https://twitter.com/alexismagana27/status/946015574563479553
Basically, you’re looking for that ability to feel like you can be your authentic self with your partner, which for many can take several years. Once you’ve hit that point you can take your relationship to the next level. Start by having real conversations about what life will look like in a long-term, committed partnership, what sort of struggles you might encounter, and what steps you’ll take to remain teammates, lovers, and friends through it all.
And remember, the one-to-three-year waiting range is not a hard and fast rule.
[pullquote align=”center”]“Marriage is not the prize, though we tend to rush towards it as though it is.”
-Amiira Ruotola, dating expert[/pullquote]
“Some of our best friends dated, lived together, and shared their lives for 17 years before getting engaged,” says Ruotola. Though it was a point of contention for many of those years, their relationship was so healthy and buoyant that neither party wanted something different just to get to be married or not married. They have now been together for more than 25 years and have one of most vibrant marriages we know of. Every love story makes its own rules.”

The Real Prize

It’s easy to get caught up in the idea of a grand wedding, a person to call husband or wife, or checking off an item on your life’s to-do list. And while planning a wedding can be great fun and it’s understandable to have specific life goals, it’s the journey toward that “big day” and the years that follow that are the most important.

“Marriage is not the prize, though we tend to rush towards it as though it is,” says Ruotola. “The real prize is seeing and being seen, knowing and being known, finding the partner that helps you achieve your goals while you help them achieve theirs. Marriage is a three-legged race, so pick your partner wisely.”

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Conscious Beauty Lifestyle

What Do "Organic" And “Natural” Really Mean When It Comes To Your Beauty Products?

Post author By Wendy Rose Gould
Post date June 8, 2018

The phrase you vote with your dollars rings true in every facet of retail. You have the option to shop at businesses that practice sustainability, to devour food from companies whose morals align with your own, and to slather on face creams made with naturally-sourced ingredients.

That said, there’s a tricky element here that many people may not consider. When you really get down to it, how transparent and honest are all these companies, and just how true are their claims?
As an example: According to USDA guidelines, the term “free range” on your carton of eggs simply means that the poultry has been allowed access outside at some point in the day. For some husbandries, that may equate to letting chickens into ultra-cramped outdoor quarters for an hour a day—not quite the vision of jolly, free-range chickens frolicking in rolling green pastures we all have in our heads.

Naturally, we were curious about whether these lax, often misleading label regulations also apply to the skincare market. What do “natural” and “organic” really mean when it comes to your beauty products? And how do you make sure you’re spending your dollars in the right place?
For the answers to those questions, we consulted the FDA guidelines (spoiler: they’re pretty nondescript) and a handful of experts, including a beauty chemist, a product developer for natural skincare brands, a celebrity esthetician, and the co-founder of a natural skincare e-commerce site.

How “Organic” and “Natural” are Defined in the Beauty Industry

Every expert we spoke to about this topic agreed that the terms “natural” and “organic” are very loosely defined by brands in the skincare market. This is largely because the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) takes a very hands-off approach to the topic. In fact, they explicitly state that the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) requirements for the use of the term organic is “separate from the laws and regulations that FDA enforces for cosmetics,” and that the FDA doesn’t even have a legal definition.

With no definition, there’s very little—if anything—to enforce.
“It’s the Wild West when it comes ‘natural’ beauty products,” says Amy Regan, founder and CEO of the skincare brand Skinfix. “There really are no regulated guidelines of what constitutes a natural product, and the word is definitely overused. Each brand defines what ‘natural’ means to them.”
At best, this creates buyer confusion, and at worst, it can translate to thoughtless manipulation, notes Alicia Freed, co-founder of natural and organic e-commerce site Living Earth Beauty. The website curates 100 percent natural, raw, and vegan products and is notably discerning when introducing a new product to their store—even their packaging materials are green. In that sense, they’re true experts when it comes to shopping for natural products.

“While some companies may be using the term with integrity, what ‘natural’ usually implies is that they have used at least some natural ingredients, or naturally derived ingredients, in their formulations. However, this does not guarantee that they contain only natural ingredients,” Freed says. “Being green, clean, [and] non-toxic is very trendy these days, and many companies are jumping on the ‘green beauty’ bandwagon in order to cash in. This is what many refer to as ‘greenwashing,’ and it is a very popular tactic that seems to be gaining more and more momentum.”

She adds that many of the largest players in cosmetics are releasing new products that use phrasing and imaging to convey a clean and pure approach, but in countless cases, these are just reformulations of the same conventional products with a “green” spin.

How to Make Sure You’re Getting the Real Deal

If buying natural or organic skincare is important to you, then you must be especially astute while shopping. Though you might be feeling understandably overwhelmed at this point, don’t fret. There are a handful of ways you can feel confident in your natural skincare purchases.

Look for Labels

One of the easiest things you can do is look for certification seals and stamps. For example, while the FDA doesn’t regulate organic and natural labels, the USDA’s definition has become a standard in cosmetics. If you see “certified organic” by the USDA on a label, that indicates the product meets the government’s regulated organic guidelines.

United States Department of Agriculture (via Wikimedia Commons)

“The term ‘Certified Organic’ describes the way agricultural product is grown and processed,” explains celebrity esthetician Biba de Sousa. “The National Organic Program … , in 2005, produced guidelines for organic products. In essence, growing, handling, and processing of the source ingredient involves no pesticides, no hormones, chemical fertilizers, preservatives, [synthetic coating], steroids, antibiotics.”

There are three primary categories, says de Sousa, including 100 percent USDA Organic, 95 percent organic, and “made with organic,” which means 70 to 90 percent of the product is made with organic ingredients. This category cannot use the organic seal anywhere but can list organic ingredients in the information panel (marked by an asterisk).

You can also look for additional certified organic labels, which follow carefully stated standards. Each country has its own label, for example, and the International Federation of Organic Agriculture Movements’ Family of Standards is an internationally recognized seal as well. There are also seals by NATRUE, the Natural Products Association, Ecocert, and Demeter. While the standards for each of these companies vary, seeing their labels means the product contains 90 to 100 percent organic and natural ingredients.

All that said, we highly suggest doing research on any certification label you see to make sure their standards align with your own. There are some certifications with lax standards, and it’s important to note that there have even been cases where brands incorrectly use certifications. Remember—it’s the Wild West out there!

Check the Ingredients

When in doubt, start reading.
“At the end of the day, the most foolproof way to protect yourself and make the most informed decisions is to do your research and always, always read the ingredient [lists],” Freed advises.

I strongly encourage every single one of you to read labels. not only on food but on the makeup and lotions you use, etc.

— Mal (@mdherges) July 13, 2014

She notes that the lists can look like a lot of gibberish at first—especially if you’re new to reading them. To minimize the initial confusion, you should familiarize yourself with the ingredients you shouldn’t be using.
For example, Freed says it’s wise to avoid parabens, glycols and butyls, sulfates, aluminum chlorohydrate (often found in antiperspirant), toluene, nanoparticles, and hydroquinone.

Chemical SPFs also aren’t ideal if you’re seeking all-natural products. Those include oxybenzone and octinoxate, two ingredients that were recently set to be banned in Hawaii due to their damaging effects on coral reefs. You can replace chemical SPF with physical SPF ingredients, which include zinc oxide and titanium dioxide.

Fragrance, perfume, and parfum are also words that should raise your all-natural seeking eyebrows. Even though they sound harmless, these ingredients are often used in the skincare industry as a blanket term that encompasses a host of other ingredients that probably aren’t natural or organic.
“If you still have questions [after reading the label], contact the brand,” advises David Pollock, a beauty chemist for top beauty brands, including Lancome, SkinCeuticals, and Smashbox. “More and more brands are becoming transparent. If the brand won’t communicate with transparency, consider sticking with brands that empower you to make the right decision for you.”

Sift Through the Marketing-Speak

If there’s one point we want to keep reiterating, it’s that you should always be ready to read. Without some research, it’s easy to fall for gimmicks or to think that just because a product is sold at Whole Foods or the farmers market, it’s all natural.

“When a brand uses words that sound nice in their advertising, branding, and packaging such as ‘nature inspired’ or ‘made with 100 percent [ingredient],’ take a moment to think about what they are actually saying,” Freed says. “Does their choice of words really say anything about the quality, content, or efficacy of their products? Likely, they are using words to evoke feelings of purity, but that’s usually not backed up by the content of their products.”

Looking at so many organic makeup websites online, so hard to find the right ones 😫

— Noreen Stephanie (@Fehlbaum20) April 19, 2018

Another important thing to note is that phrases such as vegan, cruelty-free, sustainable, non-GMO, gluten-free, sulfate-free, and paraben-free don’t necessarily mean that all the ingredients are natural. If the aforementioned labels matter to you, seek such products out, but do be aware that the labels only indicate as much as they state and nothing beyond that.
To draw a comparison, if a cupcake says it’s sugar free, that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily good for you or that it doesn’t contain gluten or fat. It just means that it’s sugar-free.

The Bottom Line On All-Natural Cosmetics

At the end of the day, our best advice is to try not to let yourself get tricked by flashy advertising and to always do your homework. What ultimately matters—even more than where a product is sold or their feel-good promises—are the cold, hard facts, which amount to clean ingredient lists and trustworthy certifications.

We understand this requires a fair amount of research and therefore a notable investment of your time. However, if buying natural and organic is important to you, then it’s ultimately worth going out of your way to selectively spend your dollars on brands that meet your standards. Won’t it feel good to be able to slather on your new serum with the same pride and enthusiasm as you get when slapping on an “I Voted!” sticker?

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Happy x Mindful Wellbeing

The Science Behind Intuition (And How To Get In Tune With It)

Post author By Wendy Rose Gould
Post date June 5, 2018

At some point or another, whether we’re sharply aware or completely oblivious, most of us have an experience where a persistent inner dialogue convinces us to act in one way or another.
Maybe you’ve found yourself in a peculiar situation that just doesn’t “feel right,” so you extricate yourself accordingly only to discover shortly thereafter that stepping away was the best decision you could have made. Or perhaps you’ve just got this funny feeling that you ought to call someone close to you right that instant, and when that person picks up the phone on the other side you’re able to help them in a monumental way.

Whatever the case, it’s our intuition—a sixth sense, if you will—that we have to thank for such events. And while it’s easy to label intuition as hippy-dippy nonsense, the truth is that it’s a powerful, evolutionary tool with some real science to back it up.
[pullquote align=”center”]“When we are operating according to our calendars … we are following what has already been put in place for us. …We are on autopilot, but not really ‘breathing.’”
—Ariane Machin, PhD[/pullquote]
With the help of Paul Hokemeyer, PhD, a renowned clinical and consulting psychotherapist, and Ariane Machin, PhD, a psychologist and life coach, we’re helping you figure out how to better tune into your intuition so you can use it to your advantage in the years to come.

What, exactly, is intuition?

Like anything associated with feelings or emotions, the term “intuition” can feel a little nebulous. For that reason, definitions and experiences vary slightly from person to person.

“I would describe intuition as a strong, instantaneous reaction that we might experience in different types of situations,” says Machin. “This sensation acts as our guide and can be experienced differently for everyone. Some people may describe it as a ‘gut feeling,’ while others may actually get a visualization about what they need to do, while others may experience this as a physical reaction somewhere in their body.”
Universally, though, Machin says that intuition cannot be planned. Rather, it comes in unexpected moments and ought to be considered a source of inner wisdom. Hokemeyer agrees, referring to it as a “constellation of instructional signs we perceive as we’re racing down the highway of life.”

You’re probably pretty familiar with the phrase “women’s intuition,” which may lead you to wonder if women are naturally more equipped and in tune with this phenomenon.
“There is absolutely merit to a woman’s intuition,” says Hokemeyer. “Empirically, woman have been shown to have brain networks that are physically more robust than men’s, which enhance their ability to intuit the world around them. From an evolutionary standpoint, a woman’s heightened intuition serves the propagation of our species. Through a heightened intuition, a woman is more in tune to the needs of her children, her mate, and her social support system.”

In a 2017 study published by Molecular Psychiatry, researchers conducted a large-scale study that investigated the “genetic architecture of cognitive empathy.” The premise was simple: It asked 90,000 people to look into photographs of other people’s eyes in order to determine their mood. Though intuition certainly encompasses more than just mood-reading, this was a concrete way to test it across a spectrum of ethnicities.
The results were fascinating: They found that women, no matter the ethnicity, consistently outperformed men, lending credence to the concept of “women’s intuition.”

All that said, men do have intuition as well, and they’re fully capable of tuning into it.
“Though more women may report being more in tune with their intuition than men, it doesn’t mean that men can’t develop and use their intuition,” notes Machin. “More women, however, may use this in a daily basis as a source for ‘knowing’ and may be more likely to listen and attend to the whispers that it may be trying to tell us.”

Ways Your Intuition Speaks To You

Hokemeyer says that our intuition is something that speaks very loudly and clearly to us, but in the same way we drown out noise at a coffee shop or street traffic getting from point A to B, it’s easy to tune it out. That said, if you know the signs and feelings to look for, you’ll be able to better tune into yours.

Living in tune with my intuition is an amazing feeling

— 💚🍃 dragonhighpriestess🍃💚 (@Dhighpriestess) February 15, 2013

You may experience intuition…
Physically: Machin notes that sometimes we may experience intuition in a very physical way. “The person may get a stomach ache or feel a wave of energy going through their body,” she explains.
Visually: “Others may experience a visualization of what they need to do or what needs to happen,” says Machin. This may come in a flash—maybe a repeated vision or a dream.
Emotionally: A pointed instinct or pull that’s hard to shake is perhaps one of the most common ways our intuition speaks to us. Some of us are very good at listening, but many of us are very good at turning the volume down to zero.

“We often experience a disconnect between what we ‘should’ feel, think, or do, and what we actually feel,” explains Hokeymeyer. “A classic example is in the reel of romantic relationships. On paper, the guy or gal is great, but in the dynamic discourse of our interactions with them, the relationship is tortured.”
Machin adds, “I have also had times where I experienced a negative energy when I imagined doing something, and I used this information to guide me in whatever I was doing. This occurs at least weekly, and I try to be as open to my intuition as possible because I value the information it is providing me.”

Following Your Intuition

This leads us to a very important discussion: Just how important is following your intuition? Further, are there times when you ought to adhere to something else more concrete, such as thoughtful reasoning or empirical data? And is it possible to hone your intuition so it’s more reliable?
https://twitter.com/UpliftAffirm/status/1003753401165983745
“I believe following your intuition allows us to get out of our overly scheduled and rigid lives and allows us to open up to other possibilities,” says Machin. “When we are operating according to our calendars, which isn’t innately a ‘bad’ thing, we are following what has already been put in place for us. Sometimes we are missing out in these situations. We are on autopilot, but not really ‘breathing.’ Listening to our intuition helps guide us for what we need to do. Sometimes this might be what’s in our calendar, and sometimes it’s not.”

Listening to our intuition is also important when it might involve safety situations, she adds. For example, in situations when we feel like we need to make a certain turn on a road, pick up the phone and make a call, or not walk inside of the house, these “gut feelings” are important to listen to.
For situations that are less imminent or perhaps carry much more weight over the long term, such as starting a business, ending a relationship, or taking a new job, we ought to “follow our intuition” in a more thoughtful manner.

Amy Baylor, PhD, the program director for the National Science Foundation, penned a paper—“A U-Shaped Model for the Development of Intuition by Level of Expertise”—for the New Ideas in Psychology journal. In this paper—which has been cited and referenced repeatedly since being published in 2001—Baylor carefully outlined two primary types of intuition: mature and immature.
“Immature intuition is most available when an individual is a novice in a given knowledge domain, where his/her analytical knowledge of the subject does not interfere with the ability to make novel insights,” she wrote. “Mature intuition is more rare and is most available when an individual is more of an expert in the subject area with well-developed relevant knowledge structures.”

Things get a little complicated, but what Baylor essentially said is that while the intuition is experienced in a relatively similar manner by everyone, how we interpret and respond to our intuition depends on our previous experience within a particular area. This is true whether we’re talking technical decisions, relationships, or business. Ultimately, the more experience we have in a particular situation—and the more information we can pull into the equation—the more holistically we can make a good decision.
https://twitter.com/sunnpixie/status/1003522123359576069
The lesson here isn’t that you necessarily have to be an expert at something, but rather that you ought to use your intuition to guide you into doing more thinking and more research before making a quick, reactive decision.

Wary of a relationship and feel an undercurrent that’s telling you to “get out now?” Your intuition could be spot-on, but you might also have issues with commitment that are misguiding you. Determined to start that business after seeing a visualization of dollar signs next to a storefront? That’s fantastic, but make sure you jump into your entrepreneurial dreams with two feet firmly planted in a pile of research.

Intuition is a tool—and a very important one that has repeatedly been proven effective for centuries—but you ought to utilize the other tools in your tool belt, as well. Think of it this way: a hammer definitely comes in handy when you’re hanging a new picture, but you wouldn’t toss your screwdriver or wrench aside because of this, would you?
In the end, we should be open to accessing our intuition, paying attention to it, and listening to what it might be telling us. Just as important, though, is making sure our perception system is clean, that we’re drawing from previous experience and research, and that our decisions are fully thought out.

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