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Life x Culture Lifestyle

Here’s The Deal With ‘Chivalrous’ Workplace Sexism

When Claire Goodwin was in college, she spent two years working for a company with over 500,000 employees, about 40 percent of whom were women. During her time there, Claire regularly experienced offers of help from her male co-workers—but it was help she had never asked for and didn’t need. Her colleagues would insist on lifting heavy packages for her, fixing computer issues she had already fixed, or re-explaining something to a customer that she had just explained to them—while she was still standing there.


“I believe the offers of help were intended to be innocuous or even well-intentioned, but the subtle ways in which they devalued female authority and competence were harmful to the work atmosphere and caused a lot of resentment across gender lines,” Claire says. “While it is true that some customers will cooperate faster or give greater respect to male authority, the solution is not to solidify that misconception by letting a man step in every time to make things move faster.”

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Claire, now the office manager at Joseph Farzam Law Firm, is one of many women who have faced workplace sexism at the hands of co-workers who think they are being polite, helpful, or chivalrous. But this behavior actually undermines women and makes it more difficult for them to succeed at work.
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“Chivalrous behavior that undermines women at work fits into the category of benevolent sexism,” says psychology professor Peter Glick. That’s different from hostile sexism, which is when someone believes women are inherently lesser than men or objectifies women and views them only as sexual objects.
As for what benevolent sexism actually means, Glick and psychology professor Susan Fiske explained it in a 1996 paper they wrote together: “We define benevolent sexism as a set of interrelated attitudes toward women that are sexist in terms of viewing women stereotypically and in restricted roles but that are subjectively positive in feeling tone (for the perceiver) and also tend to elicit behaviors typically categorized as prosocial (e.g., helping) or intimacy-seeking (e.g., self-disclosure).”
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Examples of benevolent sexism in the workplace include: asking women to take on planning or note-taking tasks because they are assumed to be better at these tasks than men, focusing on a woman’s appearance and personality rather than the results of her work, apologizing to only the women in the room after using a profane word, male colleagues insisting on taking over difficult tasks, and so on.
“Benevolent sexism is not necessarily experienced as benevolent by the recipient,” Glick and Fiske explained in their paper. “For example, a man’s comment to a female coworker on how ‘cute’ she looks, however well-intentioned, may undermine her feelings of being taken seriously as a professional.”
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This type of benevolently sexist behavior can be difficult to deal with. In many cases, the perpetrators truly believe they are acting appropriately and don’t understand why women might find their behavior demeaning or disruptive. People don’t want to confront their co-workers or cause bad feelings, particularly in close-knit workplaces.
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A number of women told HealthyWay they didn’t feel like they could discuss this sort of treatment with their bosses or HR departments because it wasn’t obviously offensive. But these actions, which get in the way of women doing their jobs and prevent them from bonding with their co-workers, are just another thing making workplaces unwelcoming to women.

Constant, everyday sexism can be incredibly frustrating.

“I’ve had my share of encounters with male bosses and colleagues who have walked right into the world of sexism, most often without any bad intentions,” says Lisa Barone, the chief marketing officer at creative agency Overit. She remembers men interrupting her, using sexist language, stepping in to “help explain what she meant” to clients, and generally treating her like she was less experienced, eloquent, or capable than her male colleagues.

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“I had a colleague not long ago who spoke to me like I was an idiot,” she recalls. “It didn’t matter that I was equal to him on the company hierarchy or that I had owned my own agency previously; he was constantly explaining to me how business worked, how to present myself in meetings, how to dress so men would take me seriously, and generally how to exist in an office environment. He thought he was helping and showing me the ropes, very much oblivious that I didn’t need the assistance.”
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Another major issue was men cutting her off in meetings. “Most men don’t realize they are doing it, but it happens a lot more to my female co-workers and to myself than to the other men in the room,” she says. “Men interrupt only to make the same point or to finish the thought I was trying to make. They, of course, then get the praise for the comment shared.”
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Barone also says a number of men have exhibited white knight syndrome—treating her like a damsel in distress who needs to be rescued from an imaginary danger. “For example, a male colleague who expressed—loud—concern to another gentlemen that I am married, and therefore he should watch how he speaks to me,” she says. “In doing so, he implied the only reason the man was speaking to me was because he wanted to sleep with me; he also took away my own ability to set up my own boundaries or to stand up for myself if I felt I needed it. Before you act like a white horse, make sure one is wanted.”

Gender discrimination in the workplace is illegal, but it can be hard to crack down on sexism disguised as chivalry.

Nonetheless, these so-called harmless interactions can affect women’s career satisfaction, workplace happiness, and even their professional progress.

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Research has suggested that women who came to expect benevolent sexism in their workplace “became unsure of themselves, got distracted, and consequently performed poorly.”
Women surrounded by male colleagues who seem to underestimate them, treat them as though they are delicate, and assume they cannot tackle difficult tasks may find themselves resentful. Women in this position must also dedicate time to finding ways to tackle this treatment, rather than focusing on their work.
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“In the face of such circumstances now, I have learned to stand my ground,” says Claire. “I politely, but firmly, dismiss the ‘help,’ and proceed to show co-workers and customers alike that they don’t need a man—they have me.”
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If a woman is being patronized in the workplace, this can also affect how her colleagues and customers view her. Research shows that people who witness a woman repeatedly being treated “chivalrously” by a man—for example, he insists on pulling out chairs for her—will view that woman as less independent.

A number of organizations are working to change companies for the better by making them less sexist.

Eileen Scully was fed up with experiencing sexism in the workplace. So she founded a consulting firm, The Rising Tides, which focuses on ways to improve companies for women. She says reshaping corporate culture can make a tremendous difference.

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“A big part of my consulting practice looks at what defines each individual corporate culture,” she says. “What are [the] systemic problems, what [behaviors] are invisible to the executive layer, and what practices and policies are driving behaviors? For example, at its most basic level, what positions of power and influence do women at your organization hold? How often are women present during strategic planning and decision sessions?”
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Once she has gathered that information, her firm looks at the structures and practices that make a workplace sexist or hostile to women. They then figure out what changes the company can commit to, as well as a reasonable time frame for implementing these changes.
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“I also encourage companies and individuals who want to invest in their women to look carefully at the companies they hire or who sponsor the workshops to which they’re sending employees,” she says. “Right now, many of them are still run by all men. And I find it a little disingenuous that they’re profiting from hosting women’s leadership sessions, but they’re not doing anything inside. We can do much better than that.”
Scully says organizations need to truly want to make lasting change—not just tick a box and say an issue is resolved.

Oftentimes, people are really just trying to be kind to their co-workers, and many people who are benevolently sexist genuinely don’t realize their behavior is a problem.

But if something makes you uncomfortable or affects your job, you should feel free to say something. It’s important that you don’t feel discriminated against at work—and chances are, your co-workers want you to feel valued, too. Simply flag the behavior you found problematic and explain what the issue is. While it’s annoying that you sometimes need to be the agent of change, rather than people independently recognizing their own bad behavior, advocating for yourself in the workplace can be invaluable.

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Life x Culture Lifestyle

10 Ways To Practice Self-Care When You're On A Budget

We know: We’ve all been brainwashed into thinking that self-care involves expensive spas, luxury body scrubs, weekend getaways, and one million dollar face cream from GOOP.
Not so!
Let’s be real: Most of us can’t afford any of these things. That doesn’t mean we don’t deserve a little self-care. And here’s the thing: Self-care can be anything. The point is that it’s something that feeds you that doesn’t involve work.
It’s a time for you to replenish your body, mind, and soul—yes, it might sound lofty, but you don’t need big bucks to do it.
Here are a few of my favorite ways to take care of myself on little cash:

1. Take a bath.

This is my #1 self-care strategy. I do it almost nightly (sorry, California drought). It’s my favorite way to unplug from the day, which means I don’t bring in any devices. (I’m also afraid of dropping an iPad in the water.) Pick up a favorite magazine or dig into a killer novel, pour yourself a glass of rosé, and let Calgon take you away.

2. Make your own yummy vat of chai (iced coffee, iced tea, etc.) that you can dip into for a day or two.

I often use coffee or tea as a self-soother—if I’m out and need a lift, I’ll pop into a café for a treat. But that adds up over time (and all those paper cups are awful for the environment). I’m always delighted when I think ahead and make myself a vat of chai that I can just pour first thing in the morning, either over ice or heated on the stove.

3. Practice yoga/pilates while following an online tutorial.

No money? No problem. Classes are always best (a teacher should be checking your alignment once in a while!), but sometimes you don’t have the cash or time to make a class. Check out an online tutorial instead. You can do it at 5 a.m. or 10 p.m.!

4. Go for a walk-and-talk with a friend.

Make exercise social. Or make exercise less exercise-y. I often meet a friend 30 minutes before preschool pickup and we do a couple of laps around the block, catch up on the day, and get our heart rates up a bit (the walking and talking helps with this!). Best of all: It’s completely free and usually full of laughs.

5. Meditate with an app.

There are loads to choose from, but my favorite is Headspace. There’s a guided meditation for whatever mood you’re in.

6. Go to one exercise class a week. Just one. Schedule your life around it.

I’ve started attending an 8 a.m. Pilates class in my neighborhood on Saturdays. It’s hard for me to get to classes during the week, and with a small kid, it’s tricky to do stuff by myself over the weekend. But slipping out first thing on Saturday for an hour seems doable. Put it in the schedule and alert your partner, family, or babysitter that this time is sacred and non-negotiable.

7. Go for a long walk/hike/run while listening to your favorite podcast.

It’s fine to listen to Forever 35 while doing dishes, but it’s even better to do it while running, hiking, biking, or walking.

8. Don’t text your friends—call them.

This one is especially important if you have moved far from home/college/friends/family. My BFF and I have started just calling each other at random—no more phone dates (those never work)—and hoping the other picks up. If your bestie isn’t free? Just leave a long, rambling message. It’s always a joy to hear her voice (even if it’s just on a machine), and I get a little caught up on her life.

9. Buy some of your favorite color polish and do your own nails.

Manis and pedis get expensive, but there’s no reason you shouldn’t have beautiful nails! Buy your fave colors at the drugstore and go nuts.

10. Enjoy the subscriptions you have.

Netflix, Hulu, Spotify—enjoy! But make sure you are using all the ones you’re paying for. Binge watch away (that’s the self-care part), but make sure you aren’t paying for something you’re not using to stay under budget.

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Life x Culture Lifestyle

Experts Explain How To Save Money Realistically

The struggle to save money is real.
With regular monthly responsibilities (rent, mortgage, car insurance, health insurance, cell service, and more) along with fun expenditures like your monthly yoga pass or happy hours with co-workers, expenses add up fast.
Fortunately, there are concrete changes you can make to your routine to help you save more money every month without completely killing your lifestyle.
Whether you’re saving up for a down payment, dream vacation, retirement, or emergency fund, we’re sharing the best ways to save more money every month—and how to stick to your plan for the long run.

Money Saving Tip #1: Shift your money mindset.

Our own beliefs about money and the beliefs of those around us impact our actions regarding money. “You have to be intentional with what you allow into your environment: what information you’re consuming and what you’re exposing yourself to when it comes to money,” says Amanda Abella, founder and CEO of Make Money Your Honey.
What influenced you as a kid and throughout your lifetime makes a difference. Do you believe you can save a lot of money? Or do you believe that you’ll always be scraping by?
Before you can make a money-saving transformation, you have to truly believe it’s possible to accumulate wealth. “If there’s a subconscious belief that you can’t do it, you’ll sabotage yourself,” explains Abella. “People aren’t accustomed to saying what they want. But you have to allow yourself to dream in order to make your savings goals a reality.”
That’s why Abella encourages people to seek out information on wealth consciousness and money mindset. From reading books like Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill to listening to financial podcasts like Jamila Souffrant’s Journey to Launch, you can mentally condition yourself to believe wealth and financial stability are possible for you.
[pullquote align=”center”]“People aren’t accustomed to saying what they want. But you have to allow yourself to dream in order to make your savings goals a reality.”
—Amanda Abella of Make Money Your Honey[/pullquote]
Souffrant, a certified financial education instructor, blogger, podcast host, and money coach, says that shifting your mindset to “I’m going to save first, then spend what’s left” (instead of the other way around) is foundational and essential.

Money Saving Tip #2: Yes, you gotta have a budget.

If you don’t know what you’re spending compared to what you’re making, it’s difficult to make any financial progress. “A budget or spending plan is helpful because it gives you an inventory of your habits: what you spend on and where the leaks in your budget are,” explains Souffrant.  
The amount you spend per month on lattes or grocery shopping remains a mystery if you don’t track it. Luckily, you can make a budget retroactively. On a piece of paper, in a spreadsheet, or with an app, record your financial activity for the last two or three months, recommends Souffrant. Look at your credit card statements, checking accounts, and bank accounts to determine what you spend in each category. After you have this baseline, continue to track what you’re spending and where the money is going. Review each month’s budget to see where you can make changes.
“Look for repetitive patterns,” says Tanya Ince, PhD, a money coach and business consultant. “Maybe you have a monthly membership that could be canceled or downgraded.”
Ince teases: “I know coffee is important, but even $2 a day equals more than $700 a year.”

Money Saving Tip #3: Design crystal-clear goals.

“I knew that in order to start saving, I had to get clear on my ‘why,’” explains Abella. “I wanted to live by the water and run my own business. I knew it was going to require money.”
By taking time to determine her goals and how she wanted to live, she was able to calculate how much money she needed. From there, she reverse engineered her budget—knowing exactly how much she had to save.
So how can you get clear on what you want? “Identify your goal and make it specific, measurable, and timed,” encourages Ince. If your goal is to vacation to the Greek islands within the next year, estimate the total cost. “With a clear goal like this, you understand how much to save and how long you have to save that money.”
Ince suggests creating a mental or, better yet, a physical picture of your goal. Print a photo of the car you want or your dream vacation destination and put it on your fridge or computer monitor. That constant visual reminder will help keep you on track.
But quality is far better than quantity when it comes to financial goals. “If we have too many competing goals and desires, we become overwhelmed and make poor financial decisions,” explains Ince.
That’s why it’s important to pick one or two goals that are top priority. Is it a trip to Vegas or a down payment on a house? If it’s important to save for a house, you may have to forgo the trip (but don’t worry—you could always staycation as a cheaper alternative). “Some sacrifices will need to be made,” says Souffrant. “There might be times when you’ll need to cut back on things that don’t matter as much.”

Money Saving Tip #4: Automate, automate, automate.

Have you ever thought to yourself “I’ll put money in an account later” but it never happens?
Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.
“Your savings should be automatic. Ideally, they should be deducted before you see your paycheck and taxes,” says Souffrant. Many employers offer options to automatically deposit money into different accounts, including savings accounts and retirement accounts.
If your employer doesn’t offer multiple direct deposits, use an app to automate your savings. “It’s easy to start saving using robo-advisors and automatic savings apps, like Acorns or Stash,” explains Ince. “You can choose the right portfolio for you and the amount to save per month. Or choose an option to invest your leftover change from each transaction.”
When your savings are automatic, you don’t have to think about it. Your saving plan is on autopilot. It’s one less decision to make.

Money Saving Tip #5: Start small—and be consistent.

“Research shows that people increase their amount of savings over time. The hardest thing is to start. So, start small and save regularly,” encourages Ince.
Souffrant admits that the delayed gratification of saving is tough. “Many people say, ‘I work hard. I deserve this. Life is short, and I can’t take my money with me.’” But it’s not about whether you deserve something. It’s about remembering that the time is going to pass anyway. If you save small amounts, you can still enjoy life. “Saving money shouldn’t be a complete deprivation; it’s about being smart about the future,” Souffrant says.
A long-term goal like buying a house or traveling internationally can seem far away. But if you save consistently over time, you will get there. Souffrant explains: “It’s kind of like going to the gym once. You won’t see a flat tummy right away.” But if you save for even five weeks, you’ll see the progress. “Stick with it, and your future self will thank you.”
“Make a commitment to increase your savings by 1 percent each year,” Ince suggests. “Time works in your favor, and it really makes sense to start early.”

Money Saving Tip #6: Identify the best places for your money.

Dropping your money into a savings account isn’t always the most lucrative option.
Where you put your money depends on what you need it for, explains Souffrant. “Everyone needs an emergency fund, which should be easily accessible funds in a savings account.” Experts recommend three to six months of living expenses be stowed away in case of a job loss or unexpected bills. Rather than putting those charges on credit cards with high interest rates, you’re accessing your own cash.
And emergency funds aren’t just to prepare for negative circumstances. “That extra money also allows you to take advantage of an unexpected opportunity, like friends taking a trip or a training class that will improve your chances in the job market,” says Abella.
In addition to easily accessed cash, you’ll want to consider funds for long-term gain, like a retirement or investment fund. “If you’re saving for something that’s not a short-term goal, consider a mutual fund, IRA, or retirement account,” explains Ince. You’ll reap more reward, like an 8 percent compounding return on an investment, over the 1 to 3 percent interest you might see in a savings account.
[pullquote align=”center”]“The longer we wait, the more money we lose. The power of time and accumulation is huge. The difference is in hundreds of thousands of dollars.”
—Tanya Ince, PhD, money coach and business consultant[/pullquote]
“Remember: Investing in stocks, mutual funds, or index funds [is] riskier but offers a much higher return over time than a savings account. So don’t invest money you need in the near term,” says Souffrant.
Abella recommends opening different saving accounts with labeled names that represent your goals: a house down payment, a trip to Thailand. “Every time you log in, you see the specific goal and what you’re working toward.”

Money Saving Tip #7: Maximize your retirement matching.

“Make contributions to your retirement plan—at least enough to maximize how much is matched by your employer,” encourages Ince. At that point, it’s basically free money.
If you have access to a 401(k) or 403(b) through your place of employment, you’ll have different options for what you can choose to invest in, says Souffrant. “Call your human resources department or plan provider to understand where your money is going.” Compare fees and average return rates to maximize growth in your retirement accounts.

Money Saving Tip #8: Consider additional income streams.

Saving more money isn’t just about limiting your spending. “We either need to increase our income or cut down on spending or both,” Ince remarks.
To add income, ask for a raise, volunteer for more hours, or take on a part-time job or side hustle. “For those without a large gap between spending and income, there isn’t much money to save. In these cases, focusing on increasing income is the best strategy.”
Abella agrees, saying that it’s important to have your money coming from different sources. Whether it’s freelancing on the side, becoming a social media influencer, waiting tables, or selling items you no longer need, you’ll be in a position for setting aside more money. “If you pick up a side gig, make sure to save that money and live off of your normal income,” reminds Abella.

Money Saving Tip #9: Seek accountability.

As with changing any habit, follow-through is where many people get stuck. Finding someone or a group to hold you accountable can make all the difference. “When we state our goals verbally, we tend to stick to them more than if we don’t,” says Ince.
“Get a close friend on board with you. Make it fun and update each other every week,” says Souffrant. When someone is supporting your journey and goals, you’re more likely to follow through.
Don’t have folks in your life who want to save money like you do? “Listen to podcasts, follow people on social media who are on the same journey, and read inspirational material to keep you focused and motivated,” Souffrant suggests. If the people around you aren’t changing, connect with online groups and resources who will help motivate you.

Money Saving Tip #10: Begin now.

“The longer we wait, the more money we lose. The power of time and accumulation is huge. The difference is in hundreds of thousands of dollars,” says Ince. If you start saving now, your interest doesn’t just accumulate on the initial amount but on the interest itself.
Ince provides an example: If you start saving $300 a month at age 25 and you do it continually (consistency is key), by the age of 65, you’ll have accumulated $1 million (assuming an 8 percent interest rate). If you wait 10 years and start at age 35, saving the same amount monthly with the same interest, you’ll only have $450,000 at 65. If you start at 45, the amount reduces to $178,000. At 55, it would only be $56,000.
But don’t be discouraged if you’re getting a later start. “Starting now is always the best choice,” says Ince. You will accumulate far more wealth by starting to save now than if you begin in 10 years—so it’s certainly better late than never, and better now than later!

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Life x Culture Lifestyle

Mundane Tasks That Definitely Count As Self-Care

When I was single and in my twenties, I’d have what I affectionately referred to as “life maintenance” days. These were the days I spent catching up on all the things I had neglected to do during the other six days of the week—or, let’s be honest, the other 29 days of the month.
Can you guess what those things were? Laundry, paying bills, making doctor and dentist appointments, grocery shopping, dropping off my favorite shirts at the dry cleaner. If I was feeling really energized (or flush), I’d add in a manicure and pedicure. And when I was feeling extra special: a haircut or wax.
You can moan and groan about the mounds of laundry to be done or the fact that your fridge is totally empty, or you can look at it as a form of (quite necessary) self-care. It’s a way of making the rest of the week a little more carefree.
Think of these relatively mundane tasks as a gift to your future self! How awesome would it be to wake up and find that your favorite jeans aren’t at the bottom of a laundry pile or that you have arugula, goat cheese, and a fresh baguette in the kitchen?
So there are the obvious tasks that need to be done: Laundry. Dry Cleaning. Grocery Shopping. Call the dentist. Call the doctor. Pay the gas and electric bills. One way to confront those and make them feel like the self-care you see on Instagram? Pair them with more fun tasks:

  • After booking the dreaded doctor’s appointment, book a treat for yourself: a massage, acupuncture appointment, or an afternoon at the spa.
  • After doing your laundry, schedule a mani/pedi with a friend.
  • Stop off at your favorite cafe for a latte on the way home from the dry cleaner.
  • After you go to the grocery store, invite some friends over for wine and cheese. Major incentive.
  • While shopping for said groceries, don’t forget to buy yourself some Epsom salts and end the day soaking in the tub.
  • While shopping for said groceries and Epsom salts, call a friend you need to catch up with.
  • Listen to your favorite podcast while folding laundry and putting away dishes.
  • Make yourself your favorite cup of tea or stop by your favorite bakery for a treat before paying bills.

You get the gist—pair something sort of dull and obligatory with something more fun. Or do the obligatory thing and then reward yourself with another, more fun form of self-care!
Have you ever heard the expression “outer order, inner calm”? There is something really powerful about taking care of your space and your to-do list that will free up brain space for the rest of the week. Who wants to spend the week worrying if there’s milk in the fridge or clean bras in your drawer?
Designate a time to do these things and you will feel taken care of. The beauty of it? You’ve done it all for yourself. 

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We Can’t Get Enough Of @jvn And Queer Eye (And Why All The Binge-Watching Is In Order)

If your workplace or ladygang is as connected by Slack, Microsoft Teams, or group text as we are, you know the sheer delight that is implementing a new, on-trend emoji. Last week’s gift to HealthyWay HQ: a Jonathan Van Ness (aka JVN) emoji created by our graphic designer Alyssa Pearson.
Of course, those of you who love Queer Eye as much as Alyssa, our Editor-in-Chief Ashley Murry, Senior Lifestyle Editor Maggie Tyson, and MD/influencer Elyse Love (who counts Queer Eye among her favorite shows) get the importance of a tiny glyph that features a delightfully surprised (and sweatered) JVN radiating against a bubblegum pink background.
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My binge-watching, on the other hand, revolves around SATC (aka the wind beneath my wings) and E.R. (whose last season has definitely left me in deep winter depressions that I welcomed like a martyr in the name of seeing John Carter’s maturation through to its bittersweet end). All that to say, I’m a Queer Eye outsider who needed to know what all the celebration and good feels are about—STAT.
So, whether you started watching Queer Eye as a gangly tween circa 2003 and have powered through Seasons 1 and 2 of the 2018 reboot (plus the “Yass Australia!” special) or are feeling tempted to run a @jvn Google search to determine what the heck we’re talking about, read on. Ashley Murry and life coaches Sharon Roemmel and Jenny Giblin weigh in on Queer Eye’s cultural relevance and how binge-watching the right shows (for the right reasons) can lift us up and serve as a powerful act of self-care.
But first: a quick QE introduction/timeline for those who are completely unfamiliar with the show:

After the Emoji

Immediately after our 2D Jonathan talisman joined us in Slack, I reached out to Ashley, Sharon, and Jenny to get the scoop on some of the things they think Queer Eye does well, and they’re not just for those receiving the Fab Five makeovers.
Sharon, a certified life coach, registered yoga teacher, and licensed massage therapist (who shares that she’s a lesbian, “although”—her words—“not certified” 😂) says she loves Queer Eye and thinks the show’s appeal comes from two things:

We see ourselves in the weekly guests. We relate when Tom on episode one says, “You can’t fix ugly.” Whether our own moments include feeling ugly, too fat, too skinny, not well-dressed, too shy, not smart enough, or some other perceived failing, we let those moments limit us. As we connect with the guests’ lack of belief in themselves and then watch their transformations, we can see what’s possible for us. We see that we, too, are worthy. We could update our wardrobes, learn a few skills in the kitchen, and get rid of that pile of magazines to begin shifting our lives for the better.
The second appeal relates to the feel-good nature of seeing others shine. In an era where people feel free to say cruel things to others both online and in person, where violence and harm are perpetrated every day, it feels good to see strangers lift someone up. The show reminds us that when we see the best in others, they do shine.

Jenny, a trained therapist and life coach who lives in Hawaii and rarely ever watches TV, is also a huge fan of Queer Eye. “After watching the very first episode of Queer Eye with a friend who was visiting, I was moved to tears and it instantly replaced Keeping up with the Kardashians as my new favorite show,” she shares. “I instantly downloaded Netflix and proceeded to watch the entire two seasons over the course of the next few days—and cried during almost every single episode.”
Jenny says Queer Eye can—without putting it into words—expose us to the following very important (and empowering) ideas:

1. The power of deep transformation comes from within. You can take anyone and use the right tools to help get them from who they are now to who they want to be, but that deep willingness to change has to come from within.
2. The most powerful experiences that can heal and change us come from the bond we have with the person guiding us, and the power of human connection.

“You can tell from watching Queer Eye that every single cast member on there feels some kind of love or actually genuinely cares about the person they are working with,” Jenny says, going on to share that based on her professional experiences, “the number one predictor of whether or not therapy will be effective is based on the connection between the therapist and the client.”
In the case of Queer Eye, she believes the reason that the outcomes of the Fab Fives’ makeovers are so impressive is the connection between each client and cast member. Takeaway: Who you surround yourself with and choose to learn from can make all the difference.
Jenny also highlights two more Queer Eye ideas that really resonate with us:

3. Our style and our environment, and how we take care of it and use it to reflect how we feel and our true sense of self, is so important, but this can be easy to lose sight of during times of stress, or just over time, especially when we lose sight of valuing ourselves, or feeling not good enough, or just from taking care of others and focusing on our to-do lists or responsibilities.
4. We were not always taught how important or necessary it is sometimes to put ourselves first, or to take care of ourselves so we can take care of others and be the best versions of ourselves—or how we were meant to live an amazing life.

These are things we can learn, and Jenny believes Queer Eye reminds us and gives us permission to give ourselves the self-care we need, “along with the tools and inspiration you need to bring that into your own life while you cheer others along.”
Ashley reaffirms Jenny’s points in reflecting on why Queer Eye has had such a positive impact on her, sharing that Queer Eye “shows that what’s on the outside can impact what we feel on the inside.”
She believes it gives people—women especially—the freedom to explore outward expressions of beauty if they feel compelled to. “It’s not about the clothes or the new haircuts, but how those simple changes can often give us the opportunity to see ourselves in a new light. It’s a major nod to self-care.”
https://www.instagram.com/p/BkFv7XvFW4K/
These self-care, feel-good points alone are enough to get us feeling warm-hearted and proactive, but it’s Ashley and Sharon’s discussion of Queer Eye’s power to expose and heal certain realities we all live with that can really take our appreciation of what the Fab Five, the show’s producers, and Netflix are doing to the next level.

Talking About the “Queer” in Queer Eye

Queer Eye 2.0, like the Bravo series before it, is a show about gay men who, save the first episode of Season 2 when they make over Tammye, are making over men. So, beyond espousing self-care and encouraging us to prioritize relationships with people who really want to support us as we blossom into our true selves, how does it benefit women?
If you’re ingesting current event media or scrolling through social media, you’ve seen the mean-spirited them-versus-us articles, posts, and comments. Feel-good shows like Queer Eye that highlight diversity can act as an antidote to that polarization and negativity,” says Sharon, who goes on:

It can be easy to forget in this era where gender diversity makes the news daily that many of us were raised in a soup of homophobia or by parents who simmered in that soup. Calling someone a lesbian or a fag was an insult to be feared when I was growing up in the ’60s and ’70s.
Even in this era of gay marriage, our homophobic history colors our beliefs and thoughts about people who identify as LGBT. When we join the Fab Five for one of their makeovers, we get to see some of the diversity in the gay community and some of our outdated beliefs can more easily slip away.

These points resonate with Ashley, who says Queer Eyeexposes us to the often overlooked variety that exists in every lifestyle and sexual orientation. You have Jack, who is feminine and very comfortable in that expression of femininity; you have Antoni, who is much more quiet and reserved. Karamo is a broad black man you may not have guessed was gay—my very point. Tan was raised Muslim and is married to a Mormon man. This is just such a refreshing reminder to explore more of the intricacies of humanhood and a reminder that none of us should confine ourselves to any standard because of a larger label.”
Sharon says that while watching Queer Eye, “we remember that we are more alike than different as we find common ground. By watching others accept their emotions in a supportive and uplifting environment, we can also begin to do the same in our own lives. We see possibilities for caring, healing, and connecting and hopefully take action.”

More on the Medicine

Extracting the show’s production from New York and filming in Georgia (and, for Season 3, Kansas City, Missouri) implies a new element of diversity for Queer Eye as the Fab Five interact with fewer cosmopolitans and more lifelong residents of Middle America. As Ashley points out, “The conversations they have with people from very different walks of life show, with each episode, that we are all far more similar than we are different. And it’s beautiful.”
Finally, as Ashley says, “The show shines light on men showing emotion. Nearly every episode shows the person who is being made over crying or having some sort of emotional breakthrough. This display of emotion is often unexpected coming from men. Society looks to them to be the heroes. It’s such an important example for the next generation of men that they be allowed to show emotion.”
This can also be medicine for women watching Queer Eye, who, let’s be honest, could use some confirmation that men face many of the same fears we do and are capable of tapping into emotions that are just as raw and vulnerable as those we experience when it comes to #metoo, the wage gap, and facing whatever body image issues we’ve developed as symptoms of living in a society that promotes countless unattainable ideals.

So, is binge-watching all bad?

When we think about self-care, binge-watching isn’t necessarily up there on our mental lists of valid pursuits. In fact, we’ve probably all betrayed our own shame when responding to “What’d you do this weekend?” with “Managed to watch three seasons of [insert your show of choice] in under 48 hours without getting up more than a handful of times for powder room breaks and snacks (because vitamin D and showers are optional).”
That said, Sharon, who says TV watching doesn’t typically make her top-ten self-care list, agrees with Ashley and Jenny that “watching a show like Queer Eye can be an act of self-care, especially in context to our current culture.” Remember what she said about all that mean-spirited stuff many of us see on social media? Indulging in a show like Queer Eye—and a little quiet time that doesn’t involve scrolling—might just be an antidote (but not the antidote).

A post shared by Queer Eye (@queereye) on


Sharon’s tips for knowing when binge-watching has crossed a line into a sedentary, emotionally unhealthy behavior:

If you use a show like Queer Eye to numb or check out from your life while staying stuck, then you aren’t practicing self-care. If binge watching leaves you with a high that moves you into warm fuzzy feelings and ready to clean up your own life, then go for it. But if you find yourself numb, binge eating, or feeling worse about yourself, then walk away from the screen. Even if you feel uplifted, but find yourself staying stuck, you might want to take a binge break.

Need to peel yourself off the couch? Why not get some JVN-to-go from his Getting Curious podcast? (I’m listening to the September 2016 episode with plus-size/curve model Denis Bidot right now and it’s 👌.)
Some other self-care activities you can pursue while listening? Organize your closet, stop and drop for an at-home bodyweight workout, or work on your vision board. Have some Queer Eye–inspired successes to share? Keep us in the loop on Instagram at @itsthehealthyway or Twitter at @healthywaymedia.
[related article_ids=1006881]

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Life x Culture Lifestyle

How To Snag A Job You're Overqualified For

When Carol Lee was eyeing a job as a secretary at a prestigious Atlanta, Georgia, university, she already knew she was overqualified. She had a master’s degree, after all.
Then again, she had just finished an eight-year stint with the military, moved to a new town, and was stuck temping until she found a “real” job. What’s more, Lee knew that starting as a secretary in the college’s fundraising department could kick-start her career, giving her that foot in the door she needed to work for an employer with growth opportunities.  
So when a human resources officer told Lee she was indeed “overqualified,” she kicked her efforts into high gear to convince them otherwise.
The result? Not only did she grab the secretary position, but Lee says she loved the job and her new boss.
“Used to going over and beyond my duties, able to work autonomously, and make decisions—courtesy of the military—we made a great team for little over a year until he got promoted and went to a new job at the university,” she tells HealthyWay. “And it did jumpstart my career!”

The Problem With Being Overqualified

The word “overqualified” can signal a death knell in many a pursuit for a job, especially for those with advanced degrees who have a great educational background but little to no experience in an industry where they want to grow.
Imagine walking out of school with a marketing degree and dreams of landing a gig at a cool digital agency, only to be told your degree is just too good for that junior position that you so desperately want. It happens—a lot.
The fact is, as many as one in four college-educated workers in America are considered overqualified for their jobs. But as grads like Lee can attest, being overqualified doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t want the job or that it won’t be a perfect fit!
If you’re on the hunt for a job and can’t find a help wanted ad that matches your qualifications, you don’t have to throw in the towel or pull up stakes and start over in a new town. There are some ways around the “overqualified” curse.

What Overqualified Really Means

If you’ve ever been called in for an interview and thought you nailed it, only to get the call from HR that they’ve passed on you because you’re “overqualified,” you might be frustrated. You might also be asking what the heck it means.
According to Marielle Smith, vice president of people at GoodHire, the answer isn’t as simple as a mismatch between your education level and the needs of the company or even a matter of “too much” experience.
[pullquote align=”center”]As many as one in four college-educated workers in America are considered overqualified for their jobs.
[/pullquote]
“It could mean you are significantly more senior than the level sought, which could impact their costs—perhaps they haven’t budgeted for someone at your level,” Smith says, “Or it could mean that your compensation expectations are too high.”
So why didn’t they just pass on your name when you sent in your resume? Again, being overqualified can be complicated, and sometimes the red flags don’t come out until you’ve sat down for that face-to-face interview.
“They could also be telling you that the level of work this role entails are at a lower level than your capabilities and would be boring for you,” Smith says. “Sometimes if someone says you’re ‘overqualified,’ it’s a proxy for ‘I think you wouldn’t be happy in this job.’ And if that’s the case, it will be very hard to change their mind.”
So, being overqualified means you won’t get the job? Actually, no! You just need to know how to play up the “good” over those qualifications!

Why It’s Okay to Be Overqualified

There are countless reasons why someone might apply for a job for which they’re technically “overqualified.”
You might be like Augusta, Georgia, resident Rebecca Alwine: a primary caregiving parent, married to an active-duty military spouse, who needs to work a flexible schedule not typically available at higher-powered jobs.
You might have moved with your partner to a new area and still be in the process of transferring career certifications across state lines.
Or perhaps you lost your job unexpectedly, and the basic need for a salary to keep a roof over your head and food in your tummy is more important than the need to find a job that challenges you.
Life would be simpler if we could just wait for that dream job to become open, but unemployment benefits typically stop after 26 weeks in most states. What’s more, studies have found that the longer you’re out of the workforce, the harder it can be to find a job, as hiring managers are wary of gaps in a resume.
There are, however, benefits for employers who hire overqualified workers. In one study out of Portland State University, researchers determined that empowering overqualified employees made up for any negative effects of perceived overqualification on job satisfaction, intentions to remain, and voluntary turnover.

How to Get a Job When You’re Overqualified

So you really want that job? Heck, you need that job? You may still be able to talk your way in the door!
When Rebecca Alwine applied to stock grocery store shelves, she already knew she was overqualified for the job. She has a masters in emergency management and disaster planning, among other degrees and certifications. She also needed a job that would allow her to supplement her husband’s military income and still allow her to be there for her kids when they needed her. And she wanted to stock shelves. The grocery store said no, but it taught her a valuable lesson in how to use her qualifications for her instead of against her.
Alwine went on to apply for a position that was directed to applicants with an associate’s degree, despite the fact that she had her master’s.
“I was able to talk my way into it during the first interview by explaining why I wanted the job, why I thought I would be good at it, and why I wasn’t looking for something full-time/on my degree level at that point,” she explains.
Here’s how the hiring managers say you can copy her example:

Address objections head-on.

Going through issues a hiring manager may have and addressing them head-on in an interview is important, Smith says. They allow you to take charge of the conversation, instead of the hiring manager having to read between the lines.
“To convince someone to hire you despite your over qualifications, you need to address possible objections—whether you’re too senior, would be bored in the role, don’t have the right skills to do the operational work that the role entails, or you’re too expensive—that’s what they want to know and what you need to address,” she advises.

Talk up your hands-on experience.

If you’ve got more qualifications, that means you know how to do everything at the lower level too, right? Not exactly, Smith says.
If you’ve spent a significant amount of time in senior roles, for example, a hiring manager may assume you don’t have the operational or hands-on experience necessary to perform lower-level work required for the role, casting you into the overqualified bucket.
“The amount of effort and time the company would have to spend to get that person up to speed with the skills necessary to perform those functions would not be a good deal for them, especially if they are paying a higher salary based on their senior level,” Smith notes.
If you do have those skills, now’s the time to tell the hiring manager! Focus more on your technical expertise and how operational you’ve been in previous roles, and be as specific as possible.
“Don’t take the high-level approach, or they won’t see the operational side of your skills and how hands-on you can be,” Smith says.
Part of that should happen before you’re even in the door at the interview, with a resume built to address the needs of the job (based on your actual skills, of course).
“I will never leave experience off an application/resume,” Alwine admits, “but sometimes I rearrange it so they fall in love with me before they realize I’m overeducated!”

Promise to stick around.

Finally, show your commitment to the position. If a company is going to invest in training you, they need to know you aren’t just taking this job until something better comes along.
Greg Shepard has been hiring staff to clean homes at Texas-based cleaning service Dallas Maids since 2014, and one particular resume has always stuck out to him. The applicant’s last position was as a corporate executive, but she was applying to clean homes after being struck by a need to live life more simply.
It was a desire Shepard understood, enough so that he scheduled an interview. But it was the knowledge that the applicant wouldn’t stick with the job for long that made him eventually opt not to hire her.
[pullquote align=”center”]“Overall, I, and I suspect most employers, want to ensure the job benefits the employee better than the job before because I want the employee to be happy.”
—Greg Shepard[/pullquote]
“We want employees that will be with us for many years, not just a few months as they find something that pays better,” Shepard explains. “Having low turnover is important for several reasons: 1. We don’t lose money on training, 2. Our customers prefer to have the same ladies cleaning their home year after year, and 3. Keeping talent means consistent cleanings for our customers. Each house has a learning curve, and sending new teams means a lull in quality as the team learns how to clean the home.”

Explain how this job helps you.

Shepard suggests applicants show a hiring manager how this job would be an improvement over your last position, even if the pay is lower or the title seems less impressive.
“Candidates that we have hired that had made more at their previous jobs were ones that this position would still have been a step up,” he explains.
For example, if someone says they’re coming to the company because it offers great hours that will enable them to continue working when they might have otherwise left the work world, Shepard sees someone who is getting a benefit from the position and is more likely to stick around.
“Overall, I, and I suspect most employers, want to ensure the job benefits the employee better than the job before because I want the employee to be happy,” Shepard says. “Happy employees will be productive and stay with the company long-term, resulting in more happy customers and less costly turnover. So if an applicant is overqualified for a position, communicate genuine reasons why the job is not a step down and why you see yourself working for years to come!”

Categories
Life x Culture Lifestyle

Amazon Prime Day, The Healthy Way (And The Other Sales That Invite You To #treatyoself Today)

If you love receiving packages full of goodies you selected specifically for…you (and you have an Amazon Prime membership), then you’re probably just as excited about Amazon Prime Day as we are.
But balancing the desire for a little something new at a steal of a price can conflict with our best intentions of being conscious consumers, especially as some of us aim for minimalism, are rocking capsule wardrobes, and want to make more space for meditation and mindfulness instead of “stuff.”
Here’s how the ladies of HealthyWay HQ plan to make the most of Prime Day, without breaking the bank amassing unnecessary clutter that’ll be collecting dust come Prime Day 2019.

Audible

Editor-in-Chief Ashley is already an Audible subscriber, but she loves it enough to recommend that readers (or listeners?) take the plunge on Prime Day, when you can save a whopping 66 percent on a three-month membership.
Be aware that membership will renew at the full rate of $14.95/month after the first three months, but rather than letting this scare you off, celebrate the great deal you’ll be getting—and the books, audioshows, news, and comedy that can enrich your life between now and October without you having to turn a single page.
Find some of our favorite Audible books here…
[products ids=’1006441,1006440,1006442,1006443′ type=full]

KitchenAid Stand Mixer (aka Kitchen Goals)

Does any piece of kitchen equipment say My (culinary) best self has arrived quite like KitchenAid’s iconic stand mixer? No, ma’am.
Elevate your mixing game (and kitchen aesthetic) with the Professional 5-Qt. model STAT.

Echo Dot

Maggie’s response to the question “What’re you lusting after this Prime Day?”: “I want another Amazon Dot. I only have one, but I want moooore.”
At $29.99 (yes, that’s a 40 percent discount), it’s easy to imagine calling the shots, jamming to your Spotify playlists, and getting info on demand with this handy device that’ll have you feeling like the queen of your castle day in and day out.
Peep our fave Alexa devices here…
[products ids=’1006469,1006472,1006475,1006476′ type=full]

“Get it right, get it tight.”

I’m not taking any beauty cues from Bubba Sparxxx, but when Ashley and Maggie both recommend the same retinol moisturizer as a Prime Day treat, this girl perks up. Ashley says she uses very few products on her face (same here), but that she enjoys Baebody’s retinol moisturizing cream, which leaves her face feeling just a little more taut when she wakes up in the morning.
The cream is formulated with plant-derived hyaluronic acid, wildcrafted green tea, organic jojoba oil, vitamin E, vitamin B5, and shea butter, which will have fans of plant products and organics rockin’ everywhere.

Kindle

You know what goes great with a glass of wine and 20 minutes to yourself finally after a long day (or the beach, a long flight, or a park bench)? Silence and the company of a good book—or all 3.4 million of the e-books available through the Amazon Kindle, which you can get at a deep discount on Prime Day.
Not sure where to begin with your reading regimen? We suggest referring to our list of 18 life-changing books that every woman needs to read (on her brand new, 33 percent–off Kindle Paperwhite).
Here are the Kindles our team uses; we love e-readers!
[products ids=’1006458,1006461,1006463,1006464′ type=full]

Athletic Apparel and Shoes

Sweet, sweet Scottish singer-songwriter Paolo Nutini gets it all right when he belts out, “Hey, I put my new shoes on and suddenly everything’s right!” New shoes elevate your everyday game—especially your athleisure getups. And on Prime Day, women’s athletic wear and shoes are up to 50 percent off.
Maggie’s favorite Prime Day pair? These adidas Cloudfoam Sneakers that’ll have you walking on sunshine.

Coconut Oil–Enhanced Biotin

Want to do right by your locks? A good first step is understanding your hair type and treating your hair accordingly. Next up: Give your mane a little TLC by incorporating biotin into your regimen.
I love that Sports Research’s High Potency 5000 mcg biotin is vegan- and vegetarian-friendly as it’s encapsulated in veggie softgels rather than the gelatin ones many of us choose to avoid.

Groceries

Yes, you read that right. This year, for the first time ever, Whole Foods is getting in on the Prime Day bonanza. Prime members can spend $10 in store today and tomorrow and will get $10 to spend on Amazon during Prime Day (for those candles, am I right?). Just scan your Prime Code or use your mobile number at the Whole Foods in-store checkout.
Not sure what to stock up on? How about the ingredients required to whip up some stuffed peppers or an armful of nutrient-packed stem vegetables?

Amazon Handmade

Amazon Handmade is almost too good to be true. I was a complete Etsy nut in a past life, and Amazon Handmade combines all the goodness of genuinely handcrafted goods with the Prime shipping I’ve already bought into (because: all the things I can’t get locally and Sex and the City on Prime Video).
The Amazon Handmade products I’m after this Prime Day? Little Bee of Connecticut’s hand-rolled beeswax pillar candles. I like to burn both candles and sage in my meditation space, and I love that these pillars (which Little Bee offers in 6 inch and 8 inch sizes), are natural, non-toxic, sustainable, and renewable as they don’t contain any petroleum byproducts like the paraffin most candles are made of. Plus, few things are as soothing as the smell of an unscented beeswax candle or the gentle light it emits.
Bonus: With the Prime Day discount, these candles are cheaper than comparable beeswax container candles I’ve come across at T.J.Maxx, and they’re packaged in recyclable paper, so there’s none of the awkwardness of deciding what to do with a waxy, lidless container after your candle’s flickered its last.
[products ids=’1006451,1006450,1006453′ type=full]

Essential Oil Everything

I nabbed a few Aura Cacia essential oil blends last week (Chill Pill ftw) but have yet to get an essential oil diffuser. Senior Editor Maggie recommends this lovely teardrop-shaped cool mist diffuser from TaoTronics that is home and baby safe.
Read up on the basics of using essential oils before you get started, or take a deep dive into our guide for using essential oils to treat seasonal allergies.

A Not-So-Slow Cooker

I scream, you scream, we all scream for something delicious to eat every 👏 single 👏 day—even workdays when there’s no time for cooking said delicious dishes. Enter the Instant Pot, slow cooker extraordinaire.
You place the Prime order; we’ve got you covered with all the Instant Pot details and a delicious recipe to get you started as soon as your Prime Day package drops.

Meal prep like a pro.

  • Instant Pot ✔️
  • Stand Mixer ✔️
  • All the groceries from Whole Foods ✔️

Now you just need to store all that delicious goodness in an organized, aesthetically pleasing fashion (that’ll have you celebrating your leftover meals as opposed to lamenting #saddesklunches).
Enter Vremi’s 18 piece glass food storage container set. Stackable, airtight, BPA-free, microwave, oven, and freezer safe: All these descriptors are music to our nosh-loving ears.

Not a Prime member?

No need to fret. Target’s pulling out all the stops during Prime Day too, and that competition means deals that are accessible to everyone.
In the mood to level up your legging game? Shop Outdoor Voices’ 40 percent off sale.
Want to share your must-purchase items or Prime Day wishlist? Or did we miss a great deal? Hit us up on Instagram at @itsthehealthyway or Twitter at @healthywaymedia to let us know how you spent Prime Day (literally).

Categories
Life x Culture Lifestyle

Our Favorite Responses To The #inmyfeelings Challenge

If you were in a deep summer hibernation through the end of last week…and the entire weekend (we love naps, too—we understand)…you might’ve missed the #inmyfeelingschallenge blowing up…everywhere. It’s being hailed as “the summer’s viral dance challenge” by Time, and Instagrammer @theshiggyshow seems to have everyone moving (and singing along) to Drake’s “In My Feelings.”
Will Smith’s rendition took the challenge to new heights—literally—but at HealthyWay HQ, we’re always asking Where my ladies at?
In that spirit, we’ve rounded up our favorite empowered (and unabashed) lady wellness influencers’ responses to the #inmyfeelingschallenge, starting with Alison Wu of Wu Haus.
Alison’s IG vid, shot in her deliciously pastel, Smeg-refrigeratored kitchen, popped up in my feed and inspired our hunt for the best of ladies asking “Kiki, do you love me?” and busting out the type of choreography that proves just how diverse, talented, and entertaining the women we admire are.
[sul title=”Best Set” subheader=”Alison Wu of Wu Haus (In Her Kitchen)”]

A post shared by alison wu (@alison__wu) on


Everything about this video has us asking, “Can we come over in our comfiest athleisure getup for a kitchen dance party (hopefully followed by snacking on your coconut matcha macaroons)?”
[sul title=”Best Accessories” subheader=”Fashion, Beauty, and Lifestyle ’grammer Aashna Hegde”]

A post shared by Aashna Hegde (@aashnahegde) on


At least four of HealthyWay’s editors wear glasses on the regular, so between her black-rimmed specs and enviable brows, we’re feeling Aashna’s look.
[sul title=”Best Hair Whip” subheader=”Amanda Lacount of #breakingthestereotype”]


Body positive dancer Amanda LaCount shows us some epic hair whips—and her smile is completely infectious, too.
[sul title=”Best Motivational Vibe” subheader=”Choreographer and “Fit Mom” Nkateko Maswanganye”]


South African Nkateko “Takkies” Maswanganye’s moves (and maybe her outfit?) have her husband eagerly providing the motivational feedback we’re all after when we start breaking it down to whatever song we’ve been feeling. #relationshipgoals
[sul title=”Best All-Around” subheader=”Army Medical Logistician, “Gym Freak,” and Mama Savannah Spencer”]


Everything about this #inmyfeelingschallenge response from Fort Bragg, North Carolina, has us celebrating. Especially those special effects.
Inspired to venture a little deeper into your feelings? Check out our guide to implementing positive affirmations (and how they actually work) or read up on how a gratitude journal can change your entire outlook.

Categories
Life x Culture Lifestyle

Read This Book: 18 Life-Changing Books That Every Woman Needs To Read

There are many things to love about summer: cold rosé, rooftop dining, and beach season. And, of course, what is the beach without a good book? Although it feels like our grueling winter just ended, summer is here, and it’s time to start stacking our summer reading lists. But just because it’s a good beach read or a summer book doesn’t mean it has to be fluffy or frivolous (although, those are fun, too).
If you’re looking for a summer read with a little more substance—something that’s not only enjoyable, but also informative, inspiring, and motivating—we’ve  got you. We rounded up a list of seriously life-changing books, broken down into five categories: fiction, inspiration, killing it at work, self-awareness, and wellness. We also talked to real women (and the ladies working at HealthyWay HQ!) about why they loved each and every one of these books.
With that, here are the life-changing books that every woman needs to read at least once in her life.
[pullquote align=”center”]“I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.”
—Sylvia Plath[/pullquote]

Life-Changing Fiction That Will Get You Thinking

1. The Bell Jar

By Sylvia Plath

Following the realistic and intense journey of the brilliant and talented Esther Greenwood’s loss with reality, Sylvia Plath’s iconic novel paints a realistic picture that is not only intensely emotional, but relatable to so many women today.
“‘I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.’ I think this book should be required reading for every person. It’s so candid about how it deals with depression and general feelings of inadequacy, especially as a woman. I think this quote really reminds us that simply existing can be enough, especially amidst the stressors and expectations set out for us.”

2. The Alchemist

By Paulo Coelho

The story follows the journey of the Andalusian shepherd Santiago, a boy in search of the world whose dreams extend far beyond his flock. His journey hits notes of wisdom about listening to our hearts, seizing opportunities, and following our own paths.
“The line, ‘So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you,’ reminds me of my relationship with my girlfriend and taught me to believe in destiny.”

3. Z: A Novel of Zelda Fitzgerald

By Therese Anne Fowler

Fowler pieced together this faux autobiography from Zelda Fitzgerald’s diary and letters between her and her husband, famed author F. Scott Fitzgerald. The novel, written from Zelda’s perspective, tells the volatile tale of their tortured love, the rise and fall of the writer, and the gilded glamour of the Flapper era.
“The Fitzgeralds were the golden couple of their day, and Zelda was the Jazz Age Priestess. These years were followed by the long decline of their relationship, exacerbated by their peripatetic lifestyle, Scott’s worsening alcoholism, and Zelda’s troubles with what may or may not have been mental illness.”

4. Saving Each Other

By Stacy Mitchell

Ean Montgomery and Dani Adams were brought together by the same catastrophe. Each was forced to see the same grief counselor following the deaths of Dani’s husband and Ean’s wife and 6-year-old son, who were killed by the same drunk driver. It is a beautiful love story about finding happiness and starting over in the face of tragedy and allowing yourself to become vulnerable again.
“I read Stacy Mitchell’s Saving Each Other in just a few nights. The plot drew me in as my empathy for the two individuals who lost their spouses in the same car accident grew, chapter after chapter. I thought of a friend of mine who lost her husband that way, wondering if she’ll date again. It’s a moving, tender love story with twists and turns.”

Inspirational Books That Will Shift Your Focus

5. Come As You Are

By Emily Nagoski

This transformative book teaches women that each of us is an individual with a unique sexuality and sexual response that cannot be generalized. There is no “Viagra” for women, so to speak. It also teaches women that sex happens in a context, and to expect arousal, desire, and orgasm to be a given is unrealistic.
“This book completely changed how I view myself and my partner, and a lot of the shame-based lies women are told about sex. I literally scream it from the rooftops.”

6. You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life

By Jen Sincero

Twenty-seven digestible chapters packed with inspiring stories, advice, practical exercises, and a heavy dose of humor. Success coach Jen Sincero helps readers identify and change their self-sabotaging beliefs, encouraging them to take risks, set goals, and achieve them.
“The book is just real. The author kind of smacks you in the face and just tells it like it is and causes you to think about life—your life—in a different way. You can control your outcome and Jen Sincero is absolutely on to something.”

7. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

By Susan Cain

Susan Cain gives a voice to introverts in her book that proves how much society undervalues them. She introduces the reader to successful introverts and explains why the world has such a misconception about the image and capabilities of introverts.
“Of the books about introversion and empathy I’ve read, I found Susan Cain’s Quiet to be the most thorough and thoughtful without presenting introversion as a special art. The book helped me understand more about the ‘why’ of personality and overall become more accepting of sensitivities I previously resented.”

8. A Long Way Home: A Memoir

By Saroo Brierley

When Saroo Brierley, an Indian boy who was adopted by an Australian couple, starts to wonder about his roots, he begins a meticulously researched journey to find his home town and his birth mother.
“I always felt like I wanted to adopt a child, but it was more of a rough sketch. This made me see that adoption is not a last resort for when you are infertile. It can be just as completing of an experience for women who are capable of having children, as well.”
[pullquote align=”center”]I laughed out loud on the airplane and alone in my room multiple times while reading it, and it also gave me even more confidence that I am on my way to a bright new path and where I should be.[/pullquote]

9. Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person

By Shonda Rhimes

Household name Shonda Rhimes inspires and empowers women yet again in this life-changing story about her Year of Yes. The book follows her journey of how saying yes to everything for one year changed her life, and how it is a model that can change any woman’s life.
“Shonda Rhimes is not only the funniest writer, but she is so inspiring and writes in a way that is empowering, entertaining, and as if she is only speaking to you. Now I have learned why people love her shows. She not only tells it like it is, but lets the world know that even in Hollywood, we are all living the same lives and having the same feelings around the world. I laughed out loud on the airplane and alone in my room multiple times while reading it, and it also gave me even more confidence that I am on my way to a bright new path and where I should be. Shonda becomes your friend in this book and as much as you are rooting for her, you can feel her rooting back for you.”

Practical Advice for Killing It at Work

10. Women Don’t Ask: The High Cost of Avoiding Negotiation—and Positive Strategies for Change

By Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever

Challenging the Old Boys Club world of business, Women Don’t Ask explores the personal and societal reasons why women rarely ask for what they want and deserve at work as well as at home. The book teaches how this skill can be developed through real-world stories and practical, applicable skills.
“This is one of those books that just makes you think. It has forced me to pay attention to nuances that I never would have noticed before, as well as pointed out more glaring discrepancies between the way men and women are treated that I had previously just thought to be ‘normal.'”

11. In the Company of Women: Inspiration and Advice from over 100 Makers, Artists, and Entrepreneurs

By Grace Bonney

The age of the entrepreneurial woman is here, and no book celebrates that better than In the Company of Women. Full of profiles of successful, creative, and inspiring women of every age, race, industry, and background, this book is brimming with practical advice, interviews, and keys for success. It highlights everything from listening to your gut and building relationships to the effective simplicity of meditation and to-do lists.
“I recommend this book to so many of my friends because it showcases a really diverse group of women and their experiences. The interviews that are included with each of the women are intimate and give another point of view compared to other interviews I have read. From interior designer Genevieve Gorder to true trans soul rebel Laura Jane Grace, this book illuminates what it means to be a great woman. It’s a timeless read, good for any woman at any stage of their journey.”

12. Own It: The Power of Women at Work

By Sallie Krawcheck

Wall Street wolf Sallie Krawcheck turned herself into an entrepreneur, and she’s urging other women to follow their own passions too. In this groundbreaking book, where she details the Fourth Wave of feminism, she challenges women to play by a new set of rules that build on their natural strength in order to get ahead in the business world.
“Passionate about closing the gender-investment gap, Krawcheck reveals why we need to play to our strengths in the workplace and recognize the tremendous financial power we possess. Too many women live in denial about their financial health. Own It is a wakeup call to tackle the topic and start investing.”

Life-Changing Books That Will Make You More Self-Aware

13. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

By Mark Manson

Blogger superstar Mark Manson calls it like he sees it in this book that topples “positivity” off of its pedestal. His book makes the argument that the improvement of our lives hangs on our ability not to make the best out of a bad situation, but to handle bad situations better. He teaches how to learn our limits—that we are not superheroes, and that’s okay. Once we learn to embrace our limitations, fears, and faults, we can find the courage and honesty to overcome them.
“I try to put on a front about the whole #yolo way of living, even when I indeed give many f***s (like we all do). Of course, I still give f***s after reading this book, I just focus my energy on more important issues, and not the ones out of my control. This has led me to choose how I respond to things (and often that means not responding to things). I feel as a woman I have felt the pressure to say yes to people, whether in a work scenario, a date I don’t really want to go on, or even something sexual. But by learning to actually limit my yeses, and, in turn, get damn good at saying no, I have become empowered with my own time and appreciation of it.”

14. The Empathy Exams

By Leslie Jamison

Leslie Jamison’s personal and revealing essays challenge readers’ basic understandings of others. Jamison began her career as a medical actor who acted out symptoms for medical students to diagnose. Her experience has given her enormous insight on how we should care about each other, feel pain, and understand empathy.
“I appreciate the way Leslie Jamison explores empathy as an active choice a person decides to engage in or not. I found the book to be enlightening without being preachy.”

15. No Hurry to Get Home: A Memoir

By Emily Hanh
A re-publication of the memoir originally titled Times and Places, which was published in the 1970s, No Hurry to Get Home tells the story of Emily Hahn’s incurable wanderlust that led her to explore each corner of the world‚ on her own. Her journeys took her to the Belgian Congo, to Shanghai, where she became the concubine of a Chinese poet, to New York City, and everywhere in between.
“It felt like I was reading the diary of another version of myself. Here was this kindred, unapologetic spirit providing the necessary reminder that there wasn’t a thing wrong with me. Emily Hahn was a prolific, talented writer and bold and fearless traveler 70 years before me, when her insistence on seeing the world was a thousand times more bewildering to the people around her than my own. Her words have provided endless comfort and inspiration to me ever since.”

16. The Spirit of the Trail: A Journey to Fulfillment Along the Continental Divide

By Carrie Morgridge

Two professionals, Morgridge and her husband, both in their fifties, decided to attempt what others might consider downright crazy: the Great Divide Mountain Bike Route. Hardly for the faint of heart, the most challenging bike route in North America crosses the Canadian Rockies, down into Montana, across Wyoming, up to nearly 12,000 feet in Colorado, and back down to New Mexico. It’s a book about testing mental and physical strength, pushing limits, and exposing sides of people we thought we knew inside and out.
“Carrie Morgridge does not sugarcoat how unexpectedly difficult their experience was. But she speaks with an inspiring and empowering voice, telling readers that with preparation, determination, and belief in yourself, hard challenges can be overcome.”

Life-Changing Wellness Books (With a Side of Woo)

17. The New Rules of Lifting for Women: Lift Like a Man, Look Like a Goddess

By Lou Schuler, Cassandra Forsythe, and Alwyn Cosgrove

Strong is definitely the new sexy these days, and more women than ever are getting amped up about lifting. No longer is there a stigma that if you “lift like a man” then you will “look like a man.” In Lou Schuler’s weight training book, he speaks to women on an equal playing field in the weight room, encouraging them to put aside the “Barbie weights” and develop their muscles.
“It was an easy read and a really careful introduction to lifting. There’s just something really empowering about gaining actual physical strength. It changes your perception of yourself to a strong energetic person who can grab life as it comes.”

18. The Art of Living: Peace and Freedom in the Here and Now

By Thich Nhat Hanh

One of the world’s most recognized Zen masters weighs in on the art of living. His book discusses seven meditations that can crack windows into new perspectives on life, love, and our inner selves.
“There are so many lines in this book that make me stop and reevaluate everything. For example, ‘There is a marvelous inner world that exists within us, and the revelation of such a world enables us to do, to attain and to achieve anything we desire within the bounds or limits of nature.’ That line has resonated with me and motivated me to seek more from life, [to get] myself in the best mental headspace to achieve whatever it is I set my mind to.”

Categories
Life x Culture Lifestyle

Yes, The Wage Gap Is Real: Here's How To Understand It

You probably haven’t given much thought to the year 2059, but you might want to mark your calendar: That’s when experts predict women will finally reach pay equity with men. That’s right—just another 41 years(!) until the wage gap gets closed if things keep going the way they’ve been going.
Not so keen about making less money than guys at the end of the workweek? Neither are we.
But here’s the deal: It’s not that employers fundamentally hate women (although discrimination does play a role in lower salaries), or that the government puts some random tax on women’s earnings just because (but the caretaking roles women are expected to play in society do put us at a salary disadvantage compared with our male counterparts). The wage gap is a nuanced issue that requires a lot of unpacking, and even the experts don’t completely agree on what’s causing it.
So, let’s tackle our understanding of the wage gap head on. HealthyWay sat down with Deborah Vagins, senior vice president of public policy and research at the American Association of University Women (AAUW), and Julie Anderson, senior research associate at the Institute for Women’s Policy Research (IWPR), to get some answers about what’s causing the wage gap and what women can do about it.
We also dug up some rage-inducing statistics that show just how bad the wage gap really is. Here’s what we learned.

What is the wage gap?

You’ve probably already heard the statistic that women, on average, make about 80 cents for every dollar earned by a man. So does that mean if you compared your paycheck with that of your male colleague, you’d discover that you earned 20 percent less than him (even if everything else is equal)?
It’s certainly possible, but that’s not exactly what recognizing and addressing the gender pay gap is getting at.
“When we talk about the wage gap, we’re not usually talking about people doing the same job,” explains Anderson. “That’s actually a tricky analysis because there are lots of reasons to be paid differently, including years of experience, education, and performance.”
The wage gap actually refers to something much broader. It looks at the median salaries of all people working full-time, year-round, in every field, and divides the amount women make by the wages of men to determine the difference. Some women fare better than others, depending on their race, age, location, level of education, and profession, but across the board, women consistently make less than men.
Countless statistics show that the wage gap is not a myth.

The wage gap widens for women of color.

As if the discrepancy between a woman’s 80 cents and a man’s dollar wasn’t bad enough, the wage gap gets much wider when you break it down by race and ethnicity. According to a report on the gender pay gap from the AAUW, black and African American women miss out on 37 cents per dollar compared with the guys. That missed income adds up really fast.
“Quite frankly, history has a lot to do with it,” Anderson notes. “For example, even though black women have been in the labor force for much longer than other groups of women, their pay rates are much lower than white women’s. Black women are getting higher levels of education, but we’re not seeing that translate into higher earnings overall.”
[pullquote align=”center”]Countless statistics show that the wage gap is not a myth.[/pullquote]
The wage gap gets even worse for other groups of women. According to that same AAUW report, Native Hawaiians and Pacific Islanders earn only 59 percent of what white men earn, the paychecks of American Indians and Alaska Natives are 57 percent of white men’s earnings, and Hispanic and Latina women face the widest wage gap, taking home just 54 percent of what white male workers do. What gives?
“People in these marginalized communities often don’t have as many opportunities for decent-paying jobs and education,” Anderson says. “There are many, many factors that contribute to it, no matter how you look at it. When you have multiple forms of identity that can be exploited or marginalized, you see a larger wage gap.
Clearly, the wage gap compounds when you’ve got multiple systemic issues working against you.

Is discrimination to blame for the wage gap?

It seems like a no-brainer: Women make less money than men because of discrimination, right? The experts say that bias against women definitely plays a role in the wage gap, but they have yet to come to a consensus as to just how much discrimination affects the wage gap overall.
“There are lots of factors that contribute to the overall wage gap,” Vagins says. “Obviously, there are a lot of women predominantly working in female-dominated industries, which tend to pay less, so occupation factors in. And then there’s the fact that women face a motherhood penalty and they may be primary caretakers, for which there’s a penalty in pay. These factors are all related to bias. But even when you control for a variety of factors, there’s still a gap in pay that’s left unexplained, and we attribute that to discrimination in the workforce.”
While you can find evidence of discrimination in many statistics related to the wage gap, the problem might be best illustrated by the salaries of recent college graduates. Presumably, men and women should be earning similar wages right after college, when factors like experience and family caretaking responsibilities have yet to come into play for most young adults. But in a report aptly named “Graduating to a Pay Gap,” the AAUW found that women working full time earned only 82 percent of what their male peers were taking home just one year out of college. Why?
Researchers were able to attribute some of the wage gap to college majors (men tended to study subjects that led to jobs in higher-paying fields) and number of hours worked (women reported working about two hours less per week than men, but still more than the traditional 40-hour workweek). But even when adjusted for those factors, there was still a 7 percent difference in the amount women made compared to men.
Experts point to gender discrimination as one potential reason for this unexplained part of the wage gap.

Are women just choosing lower-paying jobs?

Generally speaking, dentists make more than flight attendants, architects command higher salaries than teachers, and investment bankers take home bigger paychecks than graphic designers. And there are very valid reasons for those pay differences. But are women making less because they’re choosing to invest their efforts in lower-paying fields?
“Occupations overwhelmingly done by women tend to be lower paying, while the occupations overwhelmingly done by men tend to be higher paying,” says Anderson. “Until that breaks down and women can move into higher paying fields that traditionally employ men, it’ll be hard to make big progress on closing the wage gap.”
[pullquote align=”center”]“When you have multiple forms of identity that can be exploited or marginalized, you see a larger wage gap.
—Julie Anderson[/pullquote]
In other words, work done by women just isn’t rewarded quite as lucratively as work done by men. And the problem is that even when women start to move into those higher paying fields in large numbers, they still can’t close the wage gap. One of the most thorough studies related to the wage gap, which looked at 50 years of U.S. census data, found that when the proportion of women increased in particular fields, the salaries for those jobs dropped.
Paula England, professor of sociology at New York University and co-author of the report, told The New York Times, “It’s not that women are always picking lesser things in terms of skill and importance. It’s just that the employers are deciding to pay it less.”

Taking care of your family is another factor in the wage gap.

Is taking care of your family a choice? Depends on who you ask.
Some women spend years planning to have a child, while others are completely surprised when they find out they’re pregnant. And as aging relatives lose their independence, the burden of managing their care frequently falls upon women’s shoulders, whether or not they anticipated or chose to have that responsibility. These commitments take up time and effort that might otherwise be devoted to a career.
But the one factor that’s decidedly not a choice is the lower pay that women end up with after they take on the role of caretaker, which feeds into the wage gap.
“The system is still predominantly built around having women as caretakers,” Vagins explains. Case in point: There are not currently any federal requirements for paid sick leave, paid family medical leave, or paid maternity leave on the books.
The lack of caretaking benefits for women can put them in a position of temporarily giving up a paycheck if they need to attend to the needs of their children and relatives, which obviously impacts women’s wages in the short-term.
But the opportunity cost of prioritizing family over career goes on to widen the wage gap throughout women’s careers. A new mom might have missed out on important client face time, a big work trip, or other career opportunities that were given to someone else on staff. That means she might be passed over for formal recognition in the form of promotions and pay bumps that can go on for years to come. And when you consider that pay increases and bonuses tend to be based on a percentage of your current income, the effect of the wage gap continues to grow over time.
“Employers may pay women less because they have caregiver responsibilities, but it’s actually the opposite for men,” says Vagins. “They tend to experience a fatherhood bonus and make more money once they become dads. It’s that old-fashioned assumption that men are the breadwinners of the family.”
The fact is, moms have it tough at work. Employers are more reluctant to hire mothers (regardless of whether or not they ever left the workforce). And women also tend to shift what it is they’re looking for in a job once they have caretaking responsibilities. The roles that fit their need for flexibility (say, to pick up a kid from daycare or take an aging parent to a doctor’s appointment) tend to pay less.
For example, a woman who was once working at a large law firm may move to a smaller firm with a different workload after she has a baby. She might be looking for a firm that allows her some flexibility in terms of when she does her work, which will allow her to balance her family responsibilities. She might still be working the same number of hours and performing tasks equally as difficult as those at the first job, but because the new position has that flexibility benefit, it tends to pay less.
[pullquote align=”center”]It’s not that women are always picking lesser things in terms of skill and importance. It’s just that the employers are deciding to pay it less.”
—Paula England[/pullquote]
Men, on the other hand, tend to stick it out at high-paying jobs with traditional working hours, even after becoming fathers.
Our society has yet to place a dollar value on flexible work arrangements, so it manifests as a deficit in women’s pay. And it’s quite possibly the most compelling explanation for the wage gap, says Claudia Goldin, an economics professor at Harvard University, who has spent years studying gender economics. She dove deep into this subject, which she calls “temporal flexibility,” on an episode of the Freakonomics podcast that anyone who’s interested in the wage gap should definitely listen to.

So what can we do about the wage gap?

Make no mistake—the responsibility of fixing the wage gap isn’t on your shoulders. Vagins and Anderson both emphasize that this is a problem that needs to be addressed by policy-makers and employers. But if you feel compelled to take action on this important issue, here are some things you can do:
Talk pay with your colleagues. It’s tough to know what you deserve to be paid without context. Breaking the taboo on financial discussions is critical to fighting the wage gap.
Brush up on your negotiating skills, so you can more effectively request fair pay. The AAUW is on a mission to train 10 million women to negotiate by 2022. Become one of them by signing up for a salary negotiation workshop in person or online.
Connect with women who get it. Ladies Get Paid is an organization dedicated to ending the gender wage gap by providing education and community for women around the world. (They were recently sued by angry dudes for their work.) As a member of LGP, you can attend workshops, webinars, and meetups.
Get politically active. There are at least three federal bills (The Paycheck Fairness Act, the Pay Equity for All Act, and the Fair Pay Act) that aim to take action against the wage gap. The AAUW can help you urge your representatives to support these bills using a simple form that takes about 20 seconds to send. Do it now!
Fight at the state level as well. “This is particularly important right now because a lot of federal bills are stalled in Congress. Contact your state legislators to advocate for change,” Vagins recommends.
Tell others about the wage gap. Talking the wage gap in person and on social media can spread the word and build momentum toward a better future—where we all get paid what we deserve.