Category: Life x Culture

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Life x Culture Lifestyle

How A Gratitude Journal Can Change Your Entire Outlook

Talk to people who keep a gratitude journal, and you’ll find a common theme: They’re all pretty grateful for the practice of gratitude journaling.
That’s no surprise. The 2000s ushered in new interest in gratitude among psychological researchers. Suddenly, departments of psychology, psychiatry, and neuroscience were all conducting studies about potential links between being thankful and overall well-being. And, indeed, some of this research suggests a link between what the scientists call gratitude interventions—including keeping a gratitude journal—and overall wellness.
The anecdotal evidence about gratitude journals is pretty convincing too. Just listen to author and lifestyle coach Suzie Carpenter.
“Gratitude journaling is something I do every day,” Carpenter tells HealthyWay. “It is an amazing tool for reconnecting with myself and my focus. It keeps me in a positive mindset and reminds me of who I am. It also [keeps] my brain from sliding down the slippery slope of not being good enough, not accomplishing enough, not being smart enough, et cetera, et cetera.”
Or what about the endorsement of Caroline Johnstone, a journaling coach and public speaker?
“Gratitude journaling changed my life,” Johnstone says. “I can’t remember who told me to try it, but I thought, ‘What the heck?’ Since I’ve journaled, I’ve become happier, found a loving relationship, put better boundaries in place, found balance, been able to deal with change more readily, and it has improved my working life, too.”
Sound good? Well, before you can enjoy the benefits of a gratitude journal, it’s important to learn just what goes into this powerful self-care practice.

What is a gratitude journal?

A gratitude journal can take many forms. It can be a cute blank Moleskine book or a diary with a lock. It can be an app on your phone. It could even be a part of your overall bullet journal. Ultimately, the best gratitude journal is one that you remember to write in regularly.
That covers the “journal” side of things, but what do we mean when we talk about “gratitude” itself? Robert Emmons, PhD, is the contemporary patron saint of gratitude interventions. He’s a psychology professor at the University of California, Davis, and author of many books and articles on how being thankful can improve lives.
From a clinical perspective, Emmons defines gratitude as “a cognitive-affective state that is typically associated with the perception that one has received a personal benefit that was not intentionally sought after, deserved, or earned, but rather because of the good intentions of another person.”
In other words, gratitude is the recognition that people are good to you, even when they don’t have to be. Expanding on that concept, you might be grateful for conditions or experiences, not just the actions of other people. You could be grateful for a sunset or a feeling or even for your own two feet. Gratitude is a healthy response to an unexpected, unearned, or even undeserved gift.

Writing in Your Gratitude Journal

So now you understand what gratitude is, but once you decide to start a gratitude journal, what do you actually put on the page? And how often do you need to make an entry to realize the benefits of gratitude journaling? How much time do you need to devote?
Relax. The first step is to remember that your gratitude journal is a gift to yourself. Don’t think of it as a burden or a responsibility. You don’t have to journal every day or every night. You can keep a daily gratitude journal, but one study actually suggests that keeping a weekly gratitude journal works even better than making more frequent entries.
Set aside 15 minutes to write in your gratitude journal. You might find it helpful to journal at the same time every week. Some journalers find it helpful to set an alarm to keep their writing on track and on time. Experiment, and see what works for you.
Now, the million-dollar question: What do you write in a gratitude journal?
Start small, maybe just three items per entry. Lots of sources suggest you write down five things you’re grateful for every time you sit down to write, but we find that it’s helpful to give yourself a little leeway. If five things occur to you, write them all down. Write down 10 things you’re grateful for if they occur to you. But when you have a hard time drumming up the gratitude, be content with just three items.
In a study of the relation between gratitude journals and health and wellness benefits (including increased energy, pleasant affect, and better sleep quality), Emmons gave study subjects these instructions on what to write on their daily journal page:

We want to focus for a moment on benefits or gifts that you have received in your life. These gifts could be simple everyday pleasures, people in your life, personal strengths or talents, moments of natural beauty, or gestures of kindness from others. We might not normally think about these things as gifts, but that is how we want you to think about them. Take a moment to really savor or relish these gifts, think about their value, and then write them down every night before going to sleep.

 Oprah Winfrey keeps a gratitude journal too; she offers an example of what she wrote in her gratitude journal on Oct. 12, 1996:

  1. A run around Florida’s Fisher Island with a slight breeze that kept me cool.
  2. Eating cold melon on a bench in the sun.
  3. A long and hilarious chat with Gayle about her blind date with Mr. Potato Head.
  4. Sorbet in a cone, so sweet that I literally licked my finger.
  5. Maya Angelou calling to read me a new poem.

Now, you might not have a world-changing poet reading her new work to you over the phone, but if you think about it, you likely won’t have a problem coming up with three to five things that get you all warm and tingly when you think about them long enough.

What You Need to Start a Gratitude Journal

As with any new project, your journey into positive emotion starts with gathering supplies. Indulge your inner crafter, and decorate your journal with markers or colored pencils. You can print beautiful templates like this one, this one, and this one, and bind them together yourself. Or you could simply grab your favorite notebook, write “Gratitude” on the cover, and date the pages.
On the other hand, you could always just buy a pre-printed gratitude journal—there are lots of options available, ranging from charmingly simple to openly inspirational.
Author Anne Bardsley has kept gratitude journals for years, and she’s had every type of notebook you can imagine. No matter what they look like, they all work the same, she says.
“My first journal was actually an account log book,” Bardsley tells HealthyWay. “It was 4 inches wide and 15 inches long. It was blue and very sturdy. It’s covered with the kids’ stickers now. Future journal covers varied: kittens, flowers, paintings, and even stick people. I have over 40 now, saved for posterity.”
All you really need to start gratitude journaling is paper and a pen or pencil. It’s not the physical object that helps, it’s the practice of staying mindful of all the positive events in your life.

The Ongoing Benefits of Gratitude and Gratitude Journals

The science on gratitude interventions like journaling is in its infancy. While some studies show powerful emotional benefits, one major meta-analysis of the research concluded that the positive benefits of gratitude journaling are limited—and that those benefits could be due to nothing more than the placebo effect.
But the research on thankfulness is ongoing. In fact, Emmons teamed up with the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley, to begin a multi-year scientific project called Expanding the Science and Practice of Gratitude.
Emmons, for one, is convinced that practicing mindful gratitude is a powerful tool for emotional healing. His studies found that participants who wrote in gratitude journals were more likely to offer emotional support to others during the study period. Maybe that’s the greatest result of establishing an ongoing journaling habit: You might end up in someone else’s gratitude journal at day’s end, sparking a chain reaction that truly makes the world a better place.

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Life x Culture Lifestyle

3 Free Money Apps That Can Help You Get Your (Financial) Life Together

If your phone isn’t loaded up with a few money apps, you’re missing out. By pairing state-of-the-art tech with simple, easy-to-follow saving techniques, money apps can transform your ho-hum savings account to help you meet your money goals. That’s a big deal since the majority of Americans struggle with financial literacy.
We’ve rounded up a few of the most popular free money apps available on both the Apple Store and Google Play. Before we introduce them, remember: Money apps help you put good concepts into practice, but they’re useless if you don’t put some effort into developing sound financial habits. What’s more, an app that works perfectly for your best friend might not appeal to you.
“I always suggest using what works for you,” says Ellie Thompson, CEO of Money Therapy Consulting. “If you find that budgeting apps are distracting, go without. If you find them useful to keep track of your finances, then there are many to choose from. Just like a diet, a budget should be tailored to what works for you.”
With that said, Thompson notes that certain money apps can make intimidating ideas—for instance, sticking to a budget or saving for retirement—much more approachable.
If you’re looking for a place to get started, here are a few free money apps that have caught our attention.

Mint

The granddaddy of free money apps, Mint has revamped budgeting for the 21st century. Enter in your bank accounts, credit cards, mortgage, car loan—pretty much anything that involves a bank or credit union—and Mint will build your financial portfolio. It has powerful tools for creating budgets and saving money, and because it tracks purchases automatically, it’s relatively hands off.   

“Money managing apps are useful because they aggregate all of your information into one dashboard,” Thompson says. “They allow you to check in and see where you stand financially without having to log in to every different account. They help keep you accountable if you are striving for a financial goal, and they remind you if you have gotten off track.”
“Mint is made for the masses, but one drawback is that it does not hone in on investing capabilities,” she notes.
“Once you know your spending is tracked, it’s easy to highlight the areas of improvement,” notes Sean Potter, the mind behind the popular My Money Wizard blog. “And just knowing there’s a record of my spending somehow encourages me to spend less and save more.”

With that said, Potter prefers the similar Personal Capital app for his money management needs since it provides a better set of tools for monitoring investments. Personal Capital, is also free, but Mint’s probably the better choice if you’re taking your first steps toward a healthier financial future.
Download Mint for iOS and Android and Personal Capital for iOS and Android.

Digit

Digit automatically transfers small amounts of money out of your checking account to help you move painlessly toward your savings goals. The FDIC-insured service takes a small amount per day based on what you’re earning and what you can afford.

When we signed up, the app moved $6.50 toward our rainy day fund, and for the first week, most automatic transfers averaged around $5 to $8. After a week, we stopped thinking about the transfers but our balance continued to grow.
Digit is designed to work primarily through text messaging but there’s a free mobile app and a web app you can use as well. After you’ve set up your account, you’ll receive regular updates on the status of your savings goals, and the positive feedback makes it easier to commit to the process. You can also add additional users to your account, which can be helpful if you have a joint checking account.

The downside is that Digit is only free for the first 100 days, at which point it costs $2.99 a month. It does provide 1 percent annual cash back on saved funds that’s paid every three months. In other words, you’d likely save more by using some discipline and a standard savings account, but if you’re having trouble putting any money away, Digit’s algorithm-driven system deserves some attention. There is something liberating about saving money without actively thinking about it.
Download Digit for iOS and Android.

Acorns

Like Digit, Acorns is designed to turn the process of saving money into a painless part of your day. Install the free app, connect your debit and credit card accounts, and the app will automatically round up your purchases and invest the difference. In other words, if you buy a latte for $4.93, Acorns invests $0.07 on your behalf. The investments are diversified over thousands of stocks, and you can choose a risk level that matches your investment strategy.
“Investing in the stock market can be intimidating and scary, but Acorn settles the uneasy millennial mind,” says Natasha Rachel Smith, personal finance expert at TopCashback.com. “This is a great app for those who are new to investing and are genuinely interested in learning about the stock market.”
Although it eventually makes money, note that technically speaking Acorns isn’t free; it costs $1 per month for all accounts with a balance under $5,000 and 0.25 percent of the balance per year on accounts over $5,000.
To really make the most of Acorns, you’ll want to set up recurring investments since small roundups won’t exactly set you up for retirement. Still, Acorns’ simple approach makes it a powerful tool for first-time investors.
Download Acorns for iOS and Android.

Free money apps can get you started, but they’re a means to an end.

Once you’ve used these apps for a while, try increasing the percentage of money you save from each paycheck.

“I urge my clients to use the 50/20/30 rule if they are new to budgeting,” Thompson says. “This is where you spend 50 percent of your income on fixed expenses, 20 percent on savings goals, and 30 percent on guilt-free spending. I find that percentages are much easier to stick to and to start out with. Also, it gives you a good baseline into what areas you may be overspending.”

Be sure to check out our guide to budgeting for a more in-depth look at money management. Remember, financial literacy doesn’t mean living in squalor and meticulously counting pennies; it means guilt-free spending, more financial freedom, and, most importantly, peace of mind when something unexpected happens.
[related article_ids=10746,3493]

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Life x Culture Lifestyle

Setting (And Crushing) Your Goals With Lifestyle Coach Jo Encarnacion

HealthyWaySummer is such an amazing time of year, and with it comes a new energy and motivation. Maybe it’s the promise of pooltime—or maybe it’s just our vitamin D levels being restored—that brings out the sunny demeanor in all of us. Either way, the start of summer presents a great opportunity to check in with yourself and on your goals. If you set goals at the start of the new year, how have you progressed? Are they still relevant, or do you need to make a few adjustments?
Whether you’ve got ambitions to run a marathon, nail a one-legged crow, or get your finances in order (so you can make it to the inversions class to nail said one-legged crow), how you go about setting your goals can make all the difference.
To help your hustle, we called on lifestyle coach and self-proclaimed mother hustler Jo Encarnacion to give us her quick and dirty tips to setting and crushing your goals this summer.
HealthyWay

Discover.

Self-discovery is incredibly important to both setting and achieving your goals. It helps to dig deep and learn more about yourself. In doing so, you’ll likely discover things that don’t exist on the surface—like what drives you and where you’re most confident.

Stay SMART.

Setting SMART goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and timely is a common practice of businesses and teams. And the process works very well for personal goals too. The acronym serves as a reliable checklist to ensure the goal is well thought out and relevant to your current desires.

Time it out.

When working with clients, I break down large goals similarly to how I work toward my own goals—as smaller one-, three-, and six-month goals. Every two weeks we check in on their progress and make changes based on what’s working and not working. Setting smaller goals and pairing them with action steps helps with continuous progress.

Two Words: Bullet. Journal.

Bullet journaling is my favorite way to make lists! It allows you stay on top of your tasks while tapping into your creative side.

Enroll others.

Regardless of your specific goal, it’s important—and oh so helpful—to have others who can help you through. Find a community of like-minded women who you can look to for advice and lean on for support when necessary. There are countless Facebook groups, in-person meetups, and tools to support you as you work toward achieving your goals; take advantage of them!

Let passion prevail.

Don’t discount the importance of passion when it comes to the hustle. When you’re passionate about what you’re working toward, the goal is much more attainable. Check in to make sure you’re after that which sets your heart ablaze.
 

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Life x Culture Lifestyle

Ladies Get Paid, A Group Working To Close The Gender Wage Gap, Got Sued

Still No Pay Equity for Women

Claire Wasserman founded Ladies Get Paid in the summer of 2016 with the mission of helping to close the persistent gender wage gap. She created the group, which provides resources for women to excel in their careers, negotiate salaries and pay raises, and ask for what they’re worth, after a freelance art director she knew discovered that she wasn’t making as much money as her male counterparts but didn’t know how much to charge for her work.
Less than a year and a half later, Ladies Get Paid has grown to more than 20,000 members, coming from all 50 states and 60 countries. They connect in person and online through “town hall” open forums, Meetups, conferences, and a private Slack group organized by industry and location.
But the young, growing organization may have to shut down.

HealthyWay
Courtesy of Ladies Get Paid

United States of Aggrieved Dudes

Ladies Get Paid events were advertised as being for cis and trans women and non-binary people only, in an attempt to create “a space where we could be vulnerable and share our workplace challenges, free of judgment or intimidation.”
Enter Dudes Who Want to Prove a Point. Two men who say they were turned away from events, together with an attorney who has made a career of taking down women-first events and organizations, sued Ladies Get Paid, Claire, and six of the group’s event organizers, alleging discrimination under California’s Unruh Civil Rights Act.
The attorney was formerly listed as secretary of the National Coalition for Men (NCFM), a men’s rights group founded in 1977. While NCFM self-identifies as a “gender inclusive…charitable corporation,” a few minutes spent on their website—which casually references the “men’s liberation movement”—suggests that they are more spiritually aligned with the kind of tool who responds to your cordial rejections with, “But you had sex with [literally any other man]. Why not with me?”
A November 2017 post offering “a few quick thoughts on the current sexual abuse hysteria” tries to argue that, while “all male sexuality is potentially criminal nowadays,” women have achieved perfect freedom because we are allowed to wear leggings and “blatantly sexual makeup.” The author then goes on to imply, confoundingly, that a woman who wore a revealing dress to an awards show in the 1990s is “hypocritical” for decrying sexual abuse. (Ironically, a few months later, this woman would explain that the dress was actually a silent scream after a rape she had hidden from the public. The fashion choice was “a political statement”—a middle finger before the days of subtweets.)
The conundrum of the gender pay gap, like all social issues, will not easily be solved. But Ladies Get Paid and other women’s empowerment groups that approach these issues with intelligence and compassion and provide resources—professional networking, education, emotional support, confidence-building—are the grass roots of progress. (Unless, that is, they’re continually trod on by men who appear to hate women.)
In order to keep existing, Ladies Get Paid has turned to crowdfunding to pay their legal fees and fund more community services. We reached out to Claire to talk about the lawsuits, disillusionment, and moving forward with the organization she loves.

HealthyWay
Courtesy of Ladies Get Paid

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
You’ve mentioned in a couple of your interviews that you had this eye-opening experience at Cannes Lions Festival in 2017. [Claire also worked as a marketer and an independent film producer.]
The thing that happened at Cannes was—a big reason why I was disappointed—you know it’s this amazing festival with like the industry’s top, top people. So whether you run a brand or an agency, it was going to be the best of the best. I was there with Working Not Working [where she worked as director of marketing], and I was excited to be able to meet people, but also that this is going to be a great business opportunity. We were looking for clients.
And the first night I was there I walk into this party and I noticed it was mostly white men, because, again, if you’re sending the heads of these companies, the heads of them tend to be white men. And the first thing that anybody says to me—this older man comes up to me and he just goes, “Hi! Whose wife are you?” You know what I mean? So innocent. And it was like, “Oh, not only are there not many women here—like, this is how it’s going to be.”
And it is always, like, the “innocent comment.” It’s so deeply ingrained that it’s problematic.
Yeah. It was a week of just, every night, fending off these guys who were really gross, objectifying me. I’d go to parties where they’d hire models and it’s—it was just gross.
They would hire models to just walk around?
There was one party that did that. It is a brand—I will not say their name—but, you know, a brand that has since gotten in a lot of trouble during the #MeToo stuff that’s happened. It was seven days, seven nights of that, so I felt really demoralized.
I remember having this experience where a bunch of women—we were all in the ladies’ room and we were all, whether we knew it consciously or not, we were all kind of hiding. Because it was so—it was like danger zone out there. [One well-known male singer] was talking about, like, finding women to f***. You know what I mean? It was just constant. So it was only in the ladies’ room—
Wait, he was out there doing what?
I don’t remember exactly what he said—something about he was looking for somebody to have sex with. I was just like, I can’t even. I can’t even engage. I was like, I wish you were the only person I heard that from this week. And everyone’s laughing, and, you know, having some of the quote nice guys be like, “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.” And it’s just like, “No! That’s not the point of this.”
But yeah, I mean being in the ladies room, it was like a safe haven. And we’d be like, “Alright, you go now.” It’s like you put on lipstick and were going out for battle. [laughs] So that was a turning point for me.
I think in my entire career there had been things like that happening but I had brushed past it because I’m moving so fast, I don’t want to, you know, point fingers at anybody else. A lot of these guys who would do inappropriate things, I liked them anyway. So it really took this experience to kind of snap me out of all of that and go, “Hold on. There is something going on in the gender dynamics in our workplaces that is just exaggerated here.”
HealthyWay
Courtesy of Ladies Get Paid

The spirit of the Ladies Get Paid community—does it feel markedly different from one event to another?
Good question. So I actually traveled the country last year. I hosted town halls, like the first one I did called “Women and Money.” I think I’ve done them now in like 17 cities. The deal is, whenever we open a new chapter, the committee will organize events under the brand of Ladies Get Paid. I go out and I do the first town hall with them. And so, in doing that, it’s been really interesting to see how the women across the country want to talk about money. Because technically, it’s the same subject, but of course it can mean a lot of different things to people. And one thing that just strikes me is that, actually, everybody wants to talk about the same thing.
We all have universal fears, struggles, whatever—some cities want to focus on a certain part of the conversation more than others. I would say what’s different are the ways that these women express themselves. Some of these women are like vocalizing, right? They’re clapping, nodding “uh-huh.” They’ll stand up and shout things out. And then in other states they’re like laughing politely or they take a lot of notes but don’t want to speak up. So the subject is the same; the way they express it is different.
Are there any personal stories that particularly moved you? Success stories? Anything that stands out?
God, there are so many. I mean I get a ton of emails every day. The email that I get after all of these events tends to be, “Wow, I thought I was the only one.” And they’re not. Everybody who comes just walks away realizing there’s like a hundred other women there who are all vocalizing an experience this woman had and had previously thought she was crazy for having it. So that’s been, by far, the pattern of feedback that I get.
It’s very interesting, specifically the “I thought I was crazy,” because the gaslighting of—you know, the whole experience of womanhood. So after all of the amazing advocacy that you guys have done for women, you’ve gotten sued for gender discrimination…by some men.
Yeah.
Okay, so who are they? They’re able to get away with this because of a civil rights act that they’re taking advantage of?
Yeah, so these guys, they are all—they may not say that they are—but they [seem to be] members of the National Coalition for Men. The lawyer has personally been the lawyer in hundreds of cases all under this civil rights act. [He] sued the Oakland A’s for giving out hats to women [for] Mother’s Day. It’s sort of anything and everything.
The way that our legal system is, I mean, the only people who can go to court are people who can afford to go to court. We literally don’t have the money to do it. And we’re not a nonprofit so we didn’t get pro bono counsel. And with a civil rights case, if you lose, you actually have to pay the legal fees of the other side. Given that, this guy—it seems to be all that he does—why would he not drag this out? So this could have been very financially risky for us. And so even if we felt, you know, “We don’t want to settle! We believe we’re right! We think maybe we could win!” It’s like, it doesn’t matter, you just have to settle, because we’re totally broke anyway.
That was why we decided to settle. It still took seven months. Because they were not just suing Ladies Get Paid and me, but they were suing six women who have to organize our events—we call them “ambassadors.” So we covered them. It was—it was—I cannot wait until this is over. It wasn’t just financially draining. It was a huge emotional upheaval for us. We lost so much productivity.
HealthyWay
Courtesy of Ladies Get Paid

Right. It’s a huge blow.
And it still will be. After the campaign, it’s not like you just snap your fingers and now everything’s okay. This is still going to be hanging on us for some time.
But, you know, obviously, as horrible as this is, it would be nothing compared to how horrible I would feel if I had to shut Ladies Get Paid down.
They served you on the day of the Women’s March, so, Jan. 21, 2017.
When I came back home. I got sued in San Diego in October. I didn’t get the notice of being sued for L.A. until December. I did not get served for anything until January. So, keep in mind, that’s a lot of months of feeling like, “What’s going on?” And the six ambassadors, they actually served them at an event that they were doing, in front of everybody.
What?
Yep. And they served one of our ambassadors as she was literally walking on stage to moderate.
How does that happen?
Well, you can serve anybody anywhere. It was mortifying and scary. He wouldn’t leave the lobby—it was at a hotel. They called me really upset. And I hadn’t even been served yet, so I’m just like, “Wow, I am the reason for this lawsuit and everybody else is getting served and I’m not.”
I wasn’t served by a person, the envelope was just on my doorstep. And we just knew it. It was this big envelope. We’re like, “I think that might be it.” We’re just looking at this going, “Wow. Out of all the days, it took them this long, and it’s this day?” And funnily enough, we settled on Valentine’s Day. So, you know, we have a lot of symbolism in the days we’ve chosen in this lawsuit. [laughs]
They were waging emotional warfare.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, this isn’t just a lawsuit. This is an ideology. They fundamentally disagree with what we do. He didn’t come to the event to try to get in; the lawyer says he was trying to prove a point.
So I’m like, what is this? Prove a point? There’s no discussion here about what we can do together. Your point is that you want to cripple a company.
But we’ve changed our policy.
When did that happen? Because I saw that, you know, men who were obviously trying to do this—make a statement—came, they were let in, and then they left because they didn’t actually want to come.
We changed our policy the minute I got sued, which was in October, and we told everybody, “Everybody should let men in.” Like, “Better do it.” We called all of our friends who ran similar organizations to ours.
And then, I can’t say it was them—but of course it was, because we know what they look like. But two “unidentified men” came to our town hall in L.A. They asked, “Can I come in?” They were told yes. And they said, “Okay.” And they just walked away. The problem, though, is, since they didn’t register, we can’t say, “Oh it’s definitely those guys, because we know their names.”
So it’s just shitty, because, like, I would love to say that in the press, that it was them, but rather it was like, “There were two men that came—” So the two men who walked away, we told them they could come in, [and they] clearly didn’t want to.
Right. Oh, man. So, once you decided to talk about all of this happening, you said you’ve been intimidated by them?
Yeah, he—the lawyer—reached out to my lawyer and said that one of the journalists I spoke to called him and mentioned something like, I had referenced the settlement as being expensive, and he reached out to my lawyer accusing me of breach of confidentiality, though that isn’t the case. In our agreement, I simply cannot state the number that I settled for. But the fact that I even said that the settlement cost anything, in his opinion, that was breaching confidentiality. My lawyer shut him down, and we’ve moved on.
HealthyWay
Courtesy of Ladies Get Paid

What’s been most surprising to you about all of this?
I don’t know, my loss of innocence? [laughs] I didn’t know anything about men’s rights groups, or, you know, incels—do you know what that is?
The incels?
Yeah.
I know about the Red Pillers, the MGTOW—
Yeah, this is like involuntary celibates.
Ah, yes.
Then there’s another subcommunity of men who are voluntarily celibate, or hate women, I don’t remember.
I think it’s Men Going Their Own Way, which, for short, is MGTOW. It’s supposedly this—it’s just a rebranding of the Red Pillers.
I didn’t know about any of those things—and now I do. So what surprised me is how awful humanity might be. I have been so naive.
It’s a rude awakening. I’ve spent a lot of time in those threads, you know, and you just are like, “Wow. They really hate us!”
What are you doing spending time in those threads? [laughs] Why would you do that to yourself?
I know! Self-care. Gotta pull myself out.
Right?
So what do you need to move forward?
I mean at this point it’s just spreading the word. Giving to the crowdfunding campaign. Then, hopefully we can get back to doing what we wanted—you know, actually running this company. I miss it so much. I miss coming up with a curriculum and not talking about these guys.
We agree—f*** those guys. Let’s pay some ladies instead.
If you want to get involved, you can contribute to the crowdfunding campaign here, find Ladies Get Paid events, or join their online community.
https://youtu.be/uGHo3i6r7H0?t=41s

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Bullet Journal 101: How To Use This Cult Fave Planner For Your Mental Health

Bullet journals, also known as BuJos, are all over social media, and plenty of people—from life coaches and motivational speakers to Instagram influencers—swear by them. Bullet journaling is a great tool for productivity, and it can also be an excellent way to manage your mental and physical health.
As someone who loves diaries, lists, and planning, I was a little hesitant to get on the BuJo bandwagon. Why, I thought, should I invest my time in getting used to a new system? And won’t a pre-made diary work better than a notebook where I have to manually create my own structure and systems?
But after trying a bullet journal for a few weeks, I was hooked. I totally get why people love it so much.
“Bullet journaling can increase a sense of mastery over life since tasks are logged in addition to increasing mental health by capturing one’s thoughts/feelings,” says Wyatt Fisher, PsyD, a licensed psychologist, marriage counselor, and the founder of a couples retreat.
“Traditional journaling has been shown to improve mental health because it provides a format to regularly process through one’s thoughts and feelings. As the old adage goes, ‘better out than in’,” Fisher says. Traditional journaling can require a lot of time and effort, but bullet journaling is quick and easy. Fisher says that this means that people are more likely to stick with it. “It allows people to capture anything from to-do items to thoughts and feelings all in one spot. Because everything is short and abbreviated, it’s simple to do and easy to maintain.”
Desiree Wiercyski, a life coach for ambitious and career-focused women, regularly uses bullet journals to help her clients organize their lives and reach their goals. “The flexibility of bullet journaling is the biggest benefit because it’s an organizational habit that can be what a person needs, and it can shift and grow with that person over time,” Wiercyski says.
If you’re interested in trying out a bullet journal to stay organized and improve your mental health, read on.

What is a bullet journal?

The concept of a bullet journal comes from Ryder Carroll, a digital product designer. On the official bullet journal website, he’s provided some in-depth information on how to get started. But the beauty of a bullet journal is that you can take a lot of these elements and tweak them to work for you.
Bullet journals combine elements of planners, diaries, journals, and to-do lists in one notebook. In other words, you can write about your feelings and actions, plan your day, and write down reminders all in one place.
In brief, here are the bullet journal basics you need to know:
Index: Bullet journals usually contain page numbers and an index, which is like a table of contents. This will help you find important notes quickly.
Spread: A spread is a page or two designated for a specific purpose. You might have daily spreads, monthly spreads, or weekly spreads where you track events or items on your to-do list. You might also have spreads for tracking habits, marking off books you’d like to read, or listing self-care methods.

Future log: This is a particular spread that contains a year at a glance (or six months at a glance). You use future logs to note important upcoming events (like your best friend’s birthday, the date you need to hand in your thesis, or vacation dates) or to note important things as they happen (like servicing the car, turning the compost, or filing taxes).

Monthly log: This is a month-at-a-glance spread. This is great for noting due dates, birthday celebrations, and recurring tasks.

Daily log: This is a day-to-day spread. If you don’t need an entire page for a day, you might want to divide two pages into six sections, with the last section split in two, to create a weekly spread.


Another crucial part of bullet journaling is the key, otherwise known as “rapid logging,” where certain symbols can annotate events, notes, or ideas.
The symbols suggested on the official bullet journal website are as follows:
[dot] – a task
X – a completed task
> – a migrated task (that is, a task you re-scheduled for today)
< – a scheduled task
O – an event
– – a note
* – a priority
! – inspiration (an inspiring quote or an “a-ha” moment)
[eye] – explore (an idea to look into)


These symbols are great because instead of writing “start filing taxes,” and then next to it “Didn’t have enough time! Will do it later!” you can simply write “> start filing taxes,” and migrate the task to another day. Feel free to develop your own symbols to suit your needs, too; I use a little triangle to indicate when work is due because it’s something I have to note often.
Although there is an official method of bullet journaling, you can adjust the method to make your own. You don’t have to use every element in your own bullet journal. Personally, I seldom use page numbers or an index because I don’t have any trouble finding the pages and notes I’m looking for.
The important part is that your method works for you; if you don’t find your system useful or enjoyable, you’re likely to abandon it.

Why is bullet journaling so popular?

Different kinds of planners can be useful, and each of them has its own benefits and drawbacks. Different people have preferences for different planners, and some might even use multiple kinds at once, especially if they’re managing multiple projects.
But bullet journaling is a new way to plan and organize your life, and people love it for several distinct reasons:

It’s not digital.

According to Carroll, part of the reason that bullet journals work is because they’re analog. Instead of keeping a bunch of to-do lists and appointments on your phone or laptop, you write it in your bullet journal.
In a world where we rely on technology for nearly everything, it’s refreshing to use pen and paper once in a while. Research suggests that writing by hand is great for improving cognitive functions and creativity.
Another draw for bullet journaling is that you get to write without being constantly distracted by notifications. Plus, it’s great to give your eyes and thumbs a break from your screen and keypad!

It’s flexible.

I used to love the standard planners I had since high school. They always had the same format, and they were easy to use. But I disliked the fact that I couldn’t see my week-at-a-glance since it was a page-a-day diary. I struggled with this structure for years.
With bullet journaling, you create your own structure. You design your own monthly logs and weekly spreads. If something doesn’t work for you in May, you can change it in June.


Bullet journaling is also flexible in that you can use it for any purpose in any way. “The best thing about bullet journaling is it’s completely flexible and can be whatever you want it to be,” Wiercyski says. “For example, to keep track of expenses, it can be as basic as assigning one page for debits and spending throughout the day and another page for deposits. Another person may like every transaction on one page and using different colors to represent debits and deposits. Bullet journaling is one of those few organizational practices where there’s no right or wrong way so long as you do it.”

You can be as minimalist or as creative as you’d like.

Some bullet-journal users go all out, using watercolors, stickers, washi tape, and more to turn their bullet journals into a scrapbook of sorts. Others keep it simple: They use very little color and don’t decorate at all.
Neither way is wrong. Some people like bullet journaling to be simple, and others like turning it into a creative pursuit. You can approach it however you’d like.
It doesn’t have to be Instagram-worthy to work for you. Don’t get too stressed about untidy handwriting, mistakes, or color schemes. Focus on developing a shorthand and getting in the habit of writing things out quickly.

You can start with very little.

You can buy an official bullet journal notebook if you’d like, and many enthusiasts seem to have endless amounts of accessories to use to decorate their bullet journals. Your bullet journal can be simple or complex—it’s totally up to you.
For our bullet journal essentials, see the end of this article!

How exactly can I use bullet journaling to improve my life?

Now that you understand the basics of bullet journaling, you might wonder what exactly you’ll put in it. Other than a future log, monthly log, and daily log, you can use the pages of your bullet journal to create a number of different spreads for tracking what’s important to you.
To be clear: If you just want to use your bullet journal as a simple to-do list, you totally can. However, there are many ways you can use it to improve your mental health, work on your goals, and cultivate healthy patterns of behavior. Here are some ideas:

Use weekly trackers to track your habits.

Weekly trackers, or habit trackers, are fantastic for anyone who’s hoping to cultivate a habit. And let’s face it—most of us fit in that category. We often hear about the benefits of meditating, drinking a lot of water, and reading every day, but it’s hard to actually integrate those habits in your life and stick to them.
In comes the habit tracker. You can take advantage of the grid-like structure of your bullet journal to draw a little table on your weekly spread. There are many ways to draw it, but I prefer to list the days of the week on the y-axis and the habits I’m working to cultivate on the x-axis. Whenever I commit to a goal or habit on a specific day, I color the block in. I use a weekly habit tracker instead of a monthly one so that I can feel as if I’m starting fresh each week. This reminds and motivates you to cultivate the habit.

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Fisher suggests a scoring system if you’re trying to cultivate certain attitudes, which can work alongside a habit tracker. “You can log personal growth areas, such as how you did for the day from 1-10 being patient with [your] children, tackling dreaded tasks, focusing on thankfulness, putting others first, and so on,” he says.
Your habit tracker isn’t just helpful for cultivating habits—it’s also useful for tracking how your habits affect you. “I worked with a client recently who was frustrated she wasn’t making progress on a book she’s writing, even though she was carving out time,” says Wiercyski. “What she quickly noticed after a week of tracking her writing goals as well as a handful of other pieces, she made less progress the days she didn’t practice mindfulness skills. So now, she has a regular practice of meditating before writing and is seeing the progress she wants.”

Use your bullet journal to break negative patterns.

Just as a bullet journal can help you cultivate good habits, it can also help you break negative ones. Writing things out—from your feelings to your plans—is a great way to cultivate self-awareness.
This self-awareness, Wiercyski says, is essential when it comes to dealing with negative thought or behavioral patterns. “Often I work with clients who are hung up with a certain behavior or habit that they just can’t seem to break. When this is the case, chances are the habit is serving a deeper need and a bullet journal system can bring the to light.”
Wiercyski says that she helps these clients by working on a list of alternative things they can do instead of engaging in their habits. “For example, I recently worked with a client who was trying to break the habit of mindlessly snacking in the evening,” she says. “So instead of snacking, the first thing she would do would be to color for 10 to 15 minutes.” After this, if the client still wanted to snack, she’d write about how she felt, what she liked about coloring, and how she could meet her emotional needs without turning to food.

Use a mood tracker to trace your triggers.

Just as it can help you break negative patterns of behavior, a bullet journal can help you figure out what’s at the bottom of your bad moods. “Taking the time to label your mood then asking the simple question, ‘What’s making me feel like this?’ can bring so much awareness and lift us out of a funk,” says Wiercyski.
You can use this in conjunction with your habit tracker to see what’s causing you to feel good or bad. For example, if you notice that you’ve been feeling fatigued and grumpy, you might look at your habit tracker and realize it’s because you’ve been getting in very little sleep or haven’t been spending enough time in the sunshine.


Wiercyski says that she worked with a client who used a mood tracker. Her client realized that she felt down the days after she went out drinking with her friends. “Now she’s on a journey of learning what she wants her relationship with alcohol to look like,” Wiercyski explains. “That’s the beauty of using a bullet journal to its fullest potential—it shows you how things are intertwined and the unexpected pieces that may be tripping you up on reaching your goals.”

Use it to improve your relationships.

As a marriage counselor, Fisher believes that bullet journaling can also be used to improve your romantic relationships. “It could be used to log daily appreciation for their spouse to cultivate an attitude of gratitude,” Fisher notes. By writing down the reasons that you appreciate your partner and habitually thanking them for their support, you can cultivate a sense of appreciation in yourself while helping your partner feel valued.
Fisher also suggests that you use a bullet journal to log things like dates or quality time spent together, sex, and more. Having a log of your experiences together can help you pinpoint what’s working or what might be triggering an issue. You might even include a spread for fun date night ideas.

Use it as a gratitude journal.

Gratitude journaling is a fantastic tool for your mental health and personal development. Research shows that regularly practicing gratitude is excellent for your emotional and physical well-being.


When you set up your weekly spread, include a little block where you can write about your achievements or things you’re grateful for. You could also create a list on a random page in your bullet journal and use it to write down everything that fills you with gratitude. Whenever you’re feeling down, you can page back to that list.

Use your bullet journal to get creative.

“Because bullet journal lends itself as a creative outlet, it can also be used as a mindfulness tool. Taking the time to make things look nice can be very centering,” says Wiercyski.
We all heard about the benefits of coloring a few years ago when the adult coloring book craze was at its peak. Writing out your feelings is also great, as it can help you process events. Even writing fiction or writing nonsense stream-of-consciousness style can be a great way to release some stress. Combining these things—putting your feelings down in words while decorating them with a fun new pen—is many BuJo users’ favorite part of their bullet journals.
Whether you’d like to doodle or write stream-of-consciousness style for a few moments, you can do it with a bullet journal. Keep a few pages at the back of your book aside for a creative outlet if you need extra space. You can try integrating drawings with your spreads if you’d rather get creative more regularly. I love choosing themes each week and drawing little doodles all over my weekly spread; I’ve done themes like houseplants, animals, crystals and geodes, flowers, space, the beach, and more.
Remember that your doodles don’t have to be beautiful. Art doesn’t have to be good to be good for you—it’s supposed to make you feel relaxed, not self-conscious!

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How can I start using a bullet journal?

The most important thing is just to start! But if you’re wondering which tools you’ll need, here are HealthyWay’s favorite picks:

Notebook

We recommend using a notebook with a dotted or ruled grid-like print. This makes it easier to divide pages up equally as you can easily draw straight vertical and horizontal lines.
If you’d rather start with a simple lined notebook, those work fine too.

Pen

You’ll want a pen that doesn’t bleed onto the next page and that writes smoothly. The world of pens is a surprisingly complicated one, but some recommendations are Sharpie Art Pens (they’re pens, not permanent markers, so they don’t bleed through or have a strong smell), Sakura Microns (these come in a variety of thicknesses), and Uchida of America’s LePen.

All the Extras

Once you’ve got the bullet journal basics, the creative itch might hit you. Then you can start looking into…
Markers and highlighters: We love the Tombow Dual Brush Pens that are perfect for hand lettering and illustrations.
Washi tape: These rolls are ideal for covering up mistakes, decorating pages, and taping in smaller pieces of paper; we especially like this vintage paper style!
Stickers: No planner or bullet journal is complete without stickers. We’re suckers for ban.do sticker books; this one has more than 700 stickers!
 
HealthyWay

Categories
Life x Culture Lifestyle

How To Make A Budget That Actually Works For Your Lifestyle

According to recent research, in 135 out of 144 countries, women know less about finances than men do. (Guys aren’t off the hook, though—about 38 percent of men are financially illiterate.)
The problem isn’t going away anytime soon. In the United States, women hold roughly two-thirds of all student debt, and the gender pay gap is totally still a thing. Women make less, owe more, and often have trouble creating basic budgets that actually work, thanks to cultural biases and outdated societal expectations.
Yes, it sucks. Fortunately, there’s a way to get the money you do make in order: Learn how to make a budget. Don’t worry; it’s not nearly as painful as it sounds, and it’s a remarkably simple process once you’ve got the right outlook.

If you’ve been putting off learning how to make a budget because you’re worried about ruining your awesome lifestyle, relax. Learning how to make a budget actually reduces stress, eliminates debt, and—our favorite—gives you spending money.

It’s basically awesome financial witchcraft performed with a spreadsheet, smartphone app, or (our preference) a paper planner. Unless you have access to actual financial witchcraft (let a girl know), you’re going to want to read on.

How to Make a Budget, Step One: Understand why most people can’t stick to budgets.

Budgeting has a bad reputation, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that people who are learning how to make a budget for the first time often end up cheating a little…then eventually dropping their budgets altogether. More often than not, they’re trying to do too much without understanding the first rule of budgeting.
“The goal is to make the budget realistic,” says Michelle Hung, who is a Chartered Financial Analyst and the founder of online financial education platform Sassy Investor. “It’s no fun setting so many restrictions on yourself, because you’ll start to resent your life.”

“It’s like a diet,” Hung explains. “If you are super strict and don’t allow yourself little splurges, or if you set up unreasonable workout schedules, then you’re just setting yourself up for failure.”

That’s not to say that you won’t be reining in the expenses. But before you try to conquer your mountainous student loan debt (sorry to bring that up) or cut your food budget down to a dollar a day, make sure that you’ve got the right perspective. For most people, that means thinking carefully about what you need versus what you want.

Remember, when you figure out how to make a budget that works, you will be able to make space for wants. But for that to happen, you need to take a long hard look at your perception of money.
“For the ‘big spender,’ they have to distinguish between needs and wants, and this can go even further back and dig deep into what they value,” Hung says. “Do they value material things? Do they spend on these things to make them feel good? Are they insecure about something? Can they simplify their life and not have so much ‘stuff’?”

As you start figuring out how to make your budget, keep asking yourself those tough questions. Try not to take anything for granted—and trust that, in the end, you’ll still have money for the occasional splurge.

First, though, you need to reach for a pad of paper.

How to Make a Budget, Step Two: Write down income and expenses (and ask questions).

Okay, ready for the hard part of learning how to make a budget? (Spoiler: It’s really not that hard.)

Start by listing all of your income sources along with every recurring bill or predictable expense. You’ll want to list everything from your Netflix subscription to your mortgage. If you don’t have exact numbers (like for utility bills, for instance), it’s okay to estimate.

Once everything’s listed, break your expenses into categories. Some common examples:

  • Entertainment: The aforementioned Netflix subscription fits in here, along with books, movie tickets, and other non-essentials.
  • Personal Care: This might include skincare products and cosmetics, but you can also lump in haircuts or spa treatments.
  • Mortgage or Rent: For most people, this the biggest single item in the budget, so it often gets its own category.
  • Wellness: This might include things like health insurance, therapy co-pays, or gym memberships.

Those are just a few basics, and you’ll build in plenty of other categories as you work through your list. If you’re struggling to think of categories, apps like Mint, You Need A Budget, and Mvelopes can help (we’ll have a few more words on those in a moment).

Right away, if you’re not already living frugally, you’ll see a few places where you can trim down your expenses. However, remember to look closely. Some “needs” might actually be “wants,” and properly identifying them can help you avoid sinking deeper in debt.

With that said, we’re not quite at the “eliminating expenses” stage yet, and we’re not quite done with that paper.

How to Make a Budget, Step Three: Set up your financial goals.

Here’s the whole point of learning how to make a budget: It’s time to set up your goals. This is where you’ll start to see how your budget will revolutionize your financial life, so be prepared to celebrate (ideally, without purchasing any new bottles of champagne).

First, let’s address one of the other major reasons that people don’t follow their budgets: They encounter an emergency scenario, start spending…and immediately run out of money. That emergency might be a busted car, an unexpected visit to the doctor’s office, or a layoff you didn’t see coming.

Therefore, your first financial goal should be to build up some savings. Budget experts often call this “paying yourself.”
“Unfortunately, many people put this last on the priority list,” personal finance consultant Andrea Woroch tells HealthyWay. “What happens then is that some months may get tight with additional expenses and [saving] gets ignored.”

Woroch recommends incorporating a hard-and-fast rule as you make your budget: Always put a percentage of each paycheck directly in your savings, without exception. Experts often recommend 20 percent, although the exact percentage will change with your financial goals over time. The point is that you’ll always be paying yourself.

“Put this money into a separate account,” she says. “Consider opening up an online savings account to get a better interest rate.”

Set your emergency fund goal to cover several months of your essential expenses. Your emergency fund will be your first major goal, after which you can think about home down payments, retirement funds, and fun things like vacations and private Cardi B concerts (hey, we don’t know how much you’re budgeting).
There’s one thing that should take precedence over your rainy day fund.

“In building a budget, there are a few things [women] should do before saving for their goals,” explains Hung. “One being, if they have credit card debt, or any high-interest loans, they need to get rid of that first—before saving for their emergency fund or their goals. Then, they definitely should have an emergency fund set aside, ideally three to six months of expenses, depending on the risk of their primary income or [whether they have] dependents.”
If all goes well, you’ll eventually set up your monthly budget with last month’s income, which is an incredibly liberating feeling if you’ve been living paycheck to paycheck.

How to Make a Budget, Step Four: Track your expenditures.

At this point, your budget is pretty much good to go. It’s time to start tracking every single payment you make.

That might sound like a big deal, but depending on your current spending habits, it might not be too bad. Dedicate 20 to 30 minutes at the end of the day to tracking those expenses (though you probably won’t use that entire chunk of time, unless you’ve been doing some serious shopping).

The good old internet makes expenditure tracking pretty easy. If you pay for everything with a debit card, check your bank statement at the end of the day and enter expenses in each relevant category. If you use credit cards for some payments, track them at the point of purchase, making a note of the payment type so that you’re able to pay down the credit account at the end of the month.
Apps like Mint can help you track payments automatically, but our financial experts recommend tracking transactions by hand wherever possible. Whether you’re entering numbers into a spreadsheet or writing down expenses in a money planner, you’re thinking about the transaction and creating a habit that might stop you from overspending in the future.

How to Make a Budget, Step Five: Make mistakes, make adjustments, and enjoy your new budget.

You’ve learned how make a budget, you’ve set some goals, and you’re meticulously tracking every purchase you make. You’re doing everything according to plan.
Guess what? You’re going to screw up.

We’re not just being pessimistic! Successful budgets aren’t rigid, inflexible rulesets. They require constant adjustment, and in some cases, you’ll find yourself going over budget in certain categories.

The best practice is to pass those overspends off to the next month, where possible. For instance, if you budget $200 for entertainment and spend $210, budget $190 next month to get your books back in order. When that’s not possible, learn from your mistake, adjust your budget or spending habits, then move on. Don’t dwell on mistakes, and don’t get discouraged if you don’t immediately upgrade your financial habits.
While you’re logging expenditures, look for places where you can save without significantly reducing the quality of your lifestyle. Sometimes that means rethinking old advice.
“If you’re expecting a kid, don’t fall into the trap of thinking you need a bigger house or car,” Woroch says. “Babies don’t need much room! Stay put and save up until you can truly afford more space.”
That’s a fairly extreme example, but it gets to the heart of the problem: Learning how to make a budget is all about differentiating the wants from the needs and logging absolutely everything. Commit to those two principles, and you’re probably in good shape. There’s no hard-and-fast rule, and your budget will adapt to your lifestyle over time.

“As long as people live within their means, are being diligent with saving, and are not overspending, especially on fixed items (e.g., having a mortgage they cannot afford so they end up being house-poor), then it really is up to the person what works for them,” Hung says.
“I believe budgeting is something anyone can do, and frankly should do,” she notes. “I always say that if you know how to make money and spend money, you certainly need to know how to manage it properly.”

Categories
Life x Culture Lifestyle

I Hate My Job: How To Stay Positive When You Can’t Quit (Yet!)

It’s probably safe to say that most people have thought I hate my job at one point or another. Unless you’re one of those lucky few who truly loves their job, chances are pretty high you feel a sense of disappointment on Sunday night: The weekend’s ending, and you’ll be back to the daily grind as soon as you wake up on Monday morning. But as we get back into the swing of the workweek, most of us manage to have a positive outlook and generally enjoy feeling productive—or at least making some hard-earned cash on pay day.
But what if the Sunday scaries don’t go away, and you feel an impending sense of doom on your way to work every single day? You dread the thought of checking your inbox, the walls of the office seems to close in on you, and you’re counting down the hours until quitting time as soon as you step in the door. Worse than that, when you hate your job, you end up taking that frustration and hostility home with you—ruining the few free hours you have away from work.
I’ve been there—there was a time when I’d tell my work bestie, “I need to get out of this place. I hate my job,” as soon as I sat down at my desk. And like most people, I couldn’t just walk out (though I had to fight that urge daily). In most cases, quitting takes time and careful planning—and the opportunity to leave a job you hate doesn’t usually happen as quickly as you’d like. So what can you do in the meantime to make your Monday through Friday bearable when you hate your job?
If you’re intent on sticking it out at a job that makes you miserable, there are some strategies you can use to get through it. Executive coach Libby Gill, author of The Hope-Driven Leader: Harness the Power of Positivity at Work explains that it’s important to continue doing your best at work, even when you’d rather be anywhere else.
“Slacking off will only make you feel worse about your job, especially when you start to get pushback or complaints or a negative performance appraisal,” she says. “Instead, take responsibility and do something to make the situation better until you can move on.”
If you find yourself reciting a running narrative that starts with “I hate my job,” here’s what to do to stay motivated, keep your head high, and eventually move on to greener pastures.

Are you annoyed, or do you truly hate your job?

Any job can get under your skin. But there’s a difference between being annoyed by a temporary circumstance, like a missed promotion or a chronically delayed project, and being able to say “I hate my job” and really mean it.
What types of things can drive someone to want to throw in the towel at work?
“Most of the time, when someone hates their job, it’s because of the sheer volume of work and feeling like they’ll never get everything done,” says Gill. “We tend to say yes to too many things, and supervisors can also be unrealistic about what it takes to get a job done.”
Sometimes hating your job is less about the volume of assignments on your plate and more about the work itself. Finding your tasks insufferably boring or meaningless can lead to disengagement at work. In fact, a 2017 Gallup report found that “85 percent of employees are not engaged … with their jobs.”
“The biggest thing that makes people hate their jobs is when they don’t see a direct connection to their company’s value or purpose,” says Gill.
Practical issues can also cause resentment at work. Frequent battles with your supervisor, a lack of advancement opportunities, and chronic stress at the office can make your job feel intolerable.
“Assess the workplace situation and identify the root cause of what’s making you miserable so you can work toward solutions,” advises Gill.
Once you understand why you fell into the I-hate-my-job camp, you can start finding your way back out.

You are not your job.

Given how much time and energy we devote to our careers, many professionals pin their identities to their jobs—and that can make us feel like failures when our companies don’t meet our expectations. Getting some emotional distance from your work (even when you still need to be physically present) can help you feel a lot better when you hate your job.
“If you’re feeling unappreciated, you need to rediscover what’s in your personal life outside of work. It’s not realistic to find all your joy, happiness, and appreciation at work,” Gill says. “What are you doing outside of work that feeds your soul?”
Trying out a new hobby, signing up to volunteer at a worthy organization, and even reviving friendships can help you feel better when you hate your job. These experiences will energize you and remind you of all of the various ways you’re equipped to contribute to society and enjoy life.
“Don’t forget to take care of yourself. Keep up with exercise, pay attention to your relationships and your finances. It’s all common sense stuff, but people tend to neglect the basics when they hate their jobs,” says Gill.

There’s a right (and wrong) way to vent about a job you hate.

All that pent up frustration about work needs to go somewhere—like a passionate venting session with someone you’re close to. I’ll be the first to admit that when I hopped on the complain train with my work bestie, it felt like a relief to blow off some steam for a few minutes.
But in the long run, venting doesn’t do much good. Science shows that complaining actually just makes you feel worse—so try not to let it become a habit.
“It’s okay to vent sometimes, but pick your allies carefully. Vent to people outside your work, like your friends or family, if you need to complain from time to time,” says Gill.
Better yet, try to have an open, honest conversation with someone in a role that’s similar to yours.
“If you can talk freely with them, it can be helpful to see if they’ve faced similar issues and what they’ve done about it,” says Gill.

Take advantage of opportunities—even at that job you hate.

When you hate your job, you might feel like there’s no way to fix it. But it’s worth exploring solutions that could improve the situation. Maybe your workload is too much, or you no longer feel challenged—these are situations that aren’t beneficial for you or your company.
“Talk to your supervisor, human resources, or anyone who might be able to rectify the situation,” says Gill. “Of course, you don’t want to be seen as a whiner, so make the conversation count by bringing real-life examples of issues and potential solutions. Make it clear that you’re there to make the situation better.”
If that doesn’t work, strive to take advantage of fresh opportunities at the job you hate. Learning new skills, trying out a different project, and taking training programs can help you stay in engaged—and make your resume more attractive to future employers when you’re ready to move on.
“Learning something new at work can help you feel like you’re getting something back from a job you hate. It also helps you start thinking about what you might do next,” says Gill. “Even if you know you can’t leave your job for five years, don’t just sit around daydreaming. Spend a year studying, finding a mentor, and taking control of your plan.”

Working Through a Job You Hate

Most of us don’t have the luxury of jumping ship when we hate our jobs. You might just need to grin and bear it. Focusing on small things can help you work through it.
When I hated my job, I tried to make it better by treating myself to really tasty lunches at least once a week. I’d also take frequent walks, both around my spacious office and in the neighborhood—vitamin D and exercise are easy pick-me-ups. And since the office felt unbearable, leaving on time became a priority. I powered through my task list from 9 to 5, which helped the hours fly by and got me out on time.
“Never underestimate the value of friendships and having fun,” adds Gill, “even if you have to schedule them well in advance. Getting together with people you love will help put things back into perspective.”
Gill also suggested something really clever that I wish I’d tried when I hated my job: starting a “thank you” file.
“Whenever people send you an email or a letter of a job well done, put those in a folder. Once in a while, go back through those and you’ll see where you are appreciated. It feels really good,” she says.
From time to time, reread your own resume and LinkedIn profile. Reminders of all that you’ve accomplished can also help you remember that there are bigger things on the horizon.

Networking When You Hate Your Job

It’s tempting to isolate yourself from your colleagues when you hate your job. But that’s the opposite of how you should approach things, says Gill. She says networking can be a powerful tool for helping you cope during a difficult time at work.
“Find healthy relationships on the job and get to know people outside of your own team. Have lunch or coffee with somebody new once a week. People feel like that’s a lot, but it’s not if you plan ahead,” she says.
Forming those bonds may revive some of the passion you lost for work—or at least put you on a path toward leaving a job you hate.
“I suggest to people that they do something industry-wide once a month, like professional conferences or women’s networking groups, so you’re exposed outside of your organization. It adds to your ability to look around for your next job,” says Gill.
Talking with new people frequently also helps you practice a critical skill: making your elevator pitch.
“You’ll learn not to immediately say, ‘I hate my job,’ and instead talk about how you’re curious about what’s next for your career,” says Gill.
Staying professionally active will be a positive, energizing force that counterbalances a draining day job.

Planning an Exit Strategy From a Job You Hate

Maybe you’ve decided it’s time to cut your losses and break things off with the job you hate. Hopefully you have another job already lined up. But if not, start dropping not-too-subtle hints to people who can lead you to your next opportunity.
“Look around while you’re still on the job. Unless it’s contractually prohibited at your company, you’re allowed to take meetings and plant seeds. The safest way to do it is to say, ‘Hey, I’ve been working here for this number of years, and things are going well, but I’m looking for my next adventure.’ I guarantee your bosses are doing the same thing,” says Gill.
If your job search does get back to your boss, fess up to it, says Gill.
“Tell them you need to keep your options open for the future and you’ll never leave them in the lurch. Remind them that if and when you decide to leave, you won’t be doing it to try to leverage a raise or promotion from them,” she says.
Finally, when it’s time to part ways with your current company, leave with grace.
“I call it the art of the depart,” says Gill. “Give it your best effort until the day you leave. Give a reasonable amount of notice and try to hand off your projects in a seamless way.”
Whatever you do, don’t gossip about your boss or the company—you’re probably going to need them for a reference at some point in the future.
“Trashing your boss can really come back to haunt you. So rather than talking about how much you hate your job, focus on everything you’ve learned and been able to contribute in your role,” says Gill.
Resigning with dignity will help preserve your professional reputation and give you the headspace you’ll need to focus on your next move—hopefully to a job you don’t hate.
[related article_ids=2565,1005702]

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Life x Culture Lifestyle

The Year Of You: Wedding Trends To Watch For In 2018

Nothing says true love quite like a photo op with an alpaca, am I right? And even though it might be a stretch to say alpacas are the new symbol of holy matrimony, they’re getting invited to a surprising amount of weddings these days.


One newly married couple shared the spotlight with an alpaca in 2015, captured by wedding photographers at The Shalom Imaginative. A year earlier, alpacas had the honor of being featured as guests in a “bohemian-inspired” wedding shoot by Blue Eyed Yonder and Our Labor of Love.
[pullquote align=”center”]“[With modern weddings,] people want something different, they want magic, and they want to celebrate in a special way.”
—Niall Kelly[/pullquote]
Lifestyle website Brit+CO is calling llamas the latest trend in weddings, but it’s hard to say if this quirky wedding feature will be as common as doves anytime soon. What stories like this do highlight, however, is one massive trend steering wedding planning in 2018: personalization.

All About You

“It’s your big day.”
How many brides have heard this phrase repeated endlessly throughout the wedding process? Whether they’re facing an opinionated in-law, stressing over the budget, or just trying to decide on their color palette, friends and family are quick to remind couples that their happiness is top priority.

Now more than ever, weddings are being planned around the unique personalities, beliefs, and convictions of the engaged couple. In The Knot’s 2017 Real Weddings Survey, 64 percent of couples planning their weddings said decisions about their day were centered around personalization.
And thanks to the role of social media in wedding planning, we get a front row seat to watch how these amazingly personalized weddings are playing out.

iStock.com/freemixer

“Weddings are just all about the personal touches now,” says Leah Gunn Emerick, a wedding photographer and self-proclaimed professional wedding attender. “That can lend itself to some unusual situations just off of what is personal to the couple. Think having a bacon and bourbon tasting table instead of a regular bar and appetizer situation.”

From Fairytales to Fantasy

As more couples lean toward the personal, theme weddings are becoming more inventive than ever. Couples are taking a note from Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, planning royal weddings of their own.
Theme weddings aren’t exclusive to admirers of the British throne. Steampunk and Star Wars weddings are a couple of the most unusual weddings Janessa White, elopement planner at Simply Eloped, has recently planned. A future bride of hers, White says, will be bringing her cat to her small ceremony. White believes that engaged couples are becoming more aware of their options, thanks to PR efforts, viral content, and influencer marketing.


“People want something different, they want magic, and they want to celebrate in a special way,” explains Niall Kelly, a representative from Kilkea Castle, which has become a venue for fairy tale and Game of Thrones–themed weddings.

Getting Hitched for the ‘Gram

Photography has long been an integral part of weddings, with professional photographers and prop-filled photo booths helping chronicle the festivities, but in recent years, nuptial celebrations have become firmly embedded in social media.
Sixty-four percent of couples in 2017 reported creating a hashtag and asking their guest to use it to tag pictures from their big day, according to The Knot’s survey. Photo booths are changing with the times, says Maggie Lynn Hummel, an event planner with Terrace on Grand: Instead of printing the snapshots right then and there, photo booth providers are linking their booths to social media for people to tag and repost.

iStock.com/PeopleImages

One interesting new development, however, is the rise of the unplugged wedding—that is, weddings without electronics. Kristin Maxwell Cooper, the editor-in-chief of The Knot, was quoted by Brit+CO as saying this trend is experiencing an uptick, and Hummel notes this as well.


“They are usually putting up a sign and then announcing it before the ceremony,” explains Hummel, noting that phones are fair game once the ceremony comes to a close. “No one wants photos of everyone on their phones during the ceremony.”

Running Away Together

As more couples consider what they want most from their wedding day, more couples are making plans to elope. And we’re not talking about your run-of-the-mill weekend trip to Las Vegas with an officiant in a bedazzled jumpsuit, says White. Instead, she describes a highly personalized hybrid of an elopement and a destination wedding.

iStock.com/mixetto

Although there aren’t clear statistics on how many couples are eloping each year, The New York Times reported that the popularity of the choice can be attributed to the rising cost of weddings along with the complications that come with planning a large wedding. When you consider that The Knot found that the average wedding is setting couples back by $35,329, this choice completely makes sense.
According to White, brides and grooms aren’t making this decision on a whim. These are couples who have considered their personalities and their circumstances, sometimes years in advance, and have decided that an elopement is far superior to the stress of a traditional wedding.
https://twitter.com/flylikerobin_/status/814342059096207360
“We have people reach out to as far out as 2020,” she explains. “To be honest, rarely do the 48-hour, we-want-to get-married-this weekend [weddings] work out.”

The Small Things (That Add Up)

Not all wedding-planning decisions are about high-level stuff—being big, bold, or making a splash on social media. Make no mistake, the bulk of the decisions are grounded in the little details. For every conversation about the theme and the hashtag, there are ten more about, say, what will end up on the guest’s tables.
The most popular decor pieces and color palettes vary by the year, and 2018’s trends seem to be about returning to simpler times—and simpler parties.

“Once seen as corny and dated,” says Meghan Brumbley, owner and lead wedding planner at D.C. Engaged, “balloons are making a comeback this year.”
Indeed, balloons have expanded beyond birthday and New Year’s parties, according to Brides magazine, and they’re being implemented into weddings in creative ways. Instead of being used for for archways or on the getaway car, they’re being used by brides to create photo backdrops, table garlands, and place settings.
[pullquote align=”center”]A lot of brides are going simple. …It used to be everything needed to be very flashy, and everyone is really reeling that back now.
—Maggie Lynn Hummel[/pullquote]
For those concerned for the environment: Balloons were recently banned in Block Island, Rhode Island, after discarded, non-biodegradable balloons became an environmental nuisance in the town, reported The Boston Globe. If you want balloons in your ceremony, consider these biodegradable wedding balloons.
Color palettes are less flashy this year, too.
“A lot of brides are going simple,” says Hummel. “Ivories, light pinks, greenery, and maybe a hint of gold or rose gold. It used to be everything needed to be very flashy, and everyone is really reeling that back now.”

Etsy.com/SweetTeaPaper

Wedding favors aren’t taking priority this year, wrote Lauren Kay of The Knot. Instead of sending their guests home with a treat or gift, engaged couples are spending more money on making sure that the wedding experience is something their guests will remember fondly for long time.

An Unforgettable Experience

The desire to create a personalized, unforgettable experience is driving up the prices of weddings. Wedding are getting smaller, but engaged couples are spending more per guest than they have in years past. The average cost per wedding guest was $268 this past year, compared to $194 in 2009, according to The Knot’s survey.
“A lot of our brides are also thinking about their guests a lot more,” shares Hummel, who says that guest counts have dropped drastically at her venue in the last year. “They want good food, a good bar, and good music.”

iStock.com/Paul Bradbury

A smaller guest list allows for a more elaborate and unique experience, with musical entertainment, fireworks, sparklers, and photo booths taking the lead as the most popular experiential additions to 2018 weddings. More elaborate additions include magicians, comedians, and multiple musicians throughout the night.
“I recently attended a wedding where a man on stilts came out when everyone was dancing,” shares Kelsey Bowen, blogger at Little Things Favors. “He was dressed in all black and had an LED-light costume on. So there was this huge, light up robot looking thing dancing on the floor.”
iStock.com/VlaDee

If a dancing robot isn’t your style, consider that some couples are blazing their own trails by booking adventure weddings. White has seen couples who’ve planned their ceremony on the summit of a mountain; they hike the mountain together and meet their family and officiants at the top.

Planning a wedding is certainly an undertaking.

For many couples, it will be the most elaborate event they plan in their lifetime. With countless decisions and ample pressure to please everyone involved, it is easy to be overcome by the stress of the planning. If there is anything to learn from the weddings so far in 2018, it’s that today’s weddings place importance on the expression of the couples’ individuality.
The freedom to plan the wedding you want, whether it’s an elopement or an elaborate event, is yours. Bring an alpaca if you want to.

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Life x Culture Lifestyle

How To Stay Healthy When You Work In An Office

In my previous life as a sales manager, I worked out of a small cubicle in a windowless warehouse office.
Sterling Cooper, it was not.
We worked straight from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., and just like my personal hero Dolly Parton sang, it really was all taking and no giving. We didn’t even have a break room, which was totally fine because we didn’t get a lunch break anyway. Even if we did, most of us worked through lunch—as 62 percent of American office workers do, my coworkers would snarf down midday meals between meetings and phone calls.
But I drew the line at sad desk lunch, so I just wouldn’t eat at all. I’m pretty sure my crash office diet resulted in what I can only assume was acute pancreatitis or a stomach ulcer (I can’t be sure because my job didn’t offer insurance, so I never saw a doctor. For the record, I don’t recommend self-diagnosing.).
Take it from me, ladies: Your health is more important than your work inbox.
My own wake-up call came when I read an article that said sitting is the new smoking. Gross, right?
The minute I saw that, I decided to make a change in my work life and my health life. I set reminders to drink water and move around every hour. And yes, I even started eating lunch at my desk for the sake of my health.
Now I work from home, but it’s just as easy to forgo your health in a home office. I recently noticed I was slacking in the workday health department, so I talked to Dianna Leyton, a marketing manager in Richmond, Virginia, who has also decided to make her work health a priority (all while slaying at her 9-5 job).
Here are her favorite tips for staying healthy and strong when you work in an office:

Get better sleep at night.

“If you stay up all night before a workday, you’re going to be exhausted all day long,” says Leyton. “Get a good night’s sleep, and you’ll start your day feeling fresh and energized for the day ahead.”
Leyton admits she has a hard time winding down before bedtime; to tire herself out, she makes sure to log a good workout in the evening, so she’s ready when bedtime rolls around. But if you like working out in the morning, you can still get a good night’s rest. Try to stay away from all your devices at least 30 minutes before bedtime (do-not-disturb mode can still let important and emergency calls through) and ready your mind and body for sleep with a calming bedtime yoga flow.

Practice self-care.

“Self-care during the workday is important. Sometimes I eat lunch at my desk so I can go get a mani-pedi during my lunch break or take a walk in the park,” says Leyton. “When I do something for myself during the workday, I feel better all day long.”
See? Leyton turned sad desk lunch into a rewarding experience by using her lunch break to treat herself to something fun. Think about some of your favorite relaxing activities, and figure out how to incorporate them into your workday. Simple acts of self-care can have a positive impact on the choices you make throughout the day and can even result in greater productivity at work and at home.

Get a work spouse.

“I started doing the Whole30 program with a co-worker so that we hold each other accountable over our eating habits,” says Leyton. “It makes it easier when you have someone else passing on the free Friday donuts!”
It’s true, having an accountability buddy at work can help you stay on track with diet and exercise in the office, but having a work bestie is also great for your overall work performance and mental health, according to a recent Gallup poll.
Not sure how to turn Susan in payroll into your new bff? It’s just like dating; at first, finding out which co-workers you’re most compatible with might be a little awkward, but over time, you’ll be able to forge real friendships that have lasting benefits for your health.

Take the longest route to the printer.

“I know getting your steps in sounds a little trite, but I really do try to count my steps during the workday,” says Leyton. “I take walks during lunch, and I try to take the least direct route to meetings and the copy room to maximize my step count. I just make sure to give myself extra time, so I’m not late!”
Wearing a step counter can open your eyes to how many steps you’re actually taking at work. You might be shocked to find that even though you are exhausted when 5 p.m. rolls around, you only took a thousand steps!
To increase your step count during the day, take the stairs instead of the elevator. Walk around the printer while you’re waiting for that 90-page document to print. Set a reminder to get up and walk to the break room (for water!) every hour. You’ll be surprised at how many more steps you’re getting in every day when you’re making a conscious effort.

Shop online. Yes, really.

Okay, so this last tip comes from yours truly. You’re welcome.
A study conducted by Brent Coker at the University of Melbourne found that workplace internet leisure browsing (WILB)—like shopping the latest Amazon deals or scrolling social media—can actually increase your productivity at work.
Bless you, Dr. Coker.
So, if you’ve been plugging away at a project for several hours, it’s okay to take a break and scroll through that cute guy from the gym’s Instagram. Just make sure you don’t accidentally deep like one of his pics!

Categories
Life x Culture Lifestyle

6 Femtech Apps That Are Changing How Women Handle Their Health

Being empowered to make choices about your health is the ultimate glow-up for 2018. The latest way to stay up to date (and keep yourself in optimal health) involves a whole lot of data—from when to expect your next period to how sleep and exercise are affecting your mood.
Enter femtech apps.
Search the App Store for any number of women’s health needs like period tracking, pregnancy, sexual health, or birth control, and you’re likely to be scrolling for a while. These apps are a huge part of women’s healthcare in 2018. Danish entrepreneur Ida Tin calls this niche technology femtech, and it generates billions of investment dollars a year.
Tin is the co-founder and CEO of period-tracking app Clue and claims femtech’s popularity is due to the number of women who want more personalized choices. Femtech allows technology—which we’re already using in daily life—to address the complexities of women’s bodies and shed light on topics once considered taboo, like menstruation and sexual health.
“Reproductive health is an incredibly foundational and central part of our lives, but there’s a real lack of clarity for women,” Tin told Code Red Co. last year. “These misconceptions and stigmas exist because of a lack of research into, and understanding of, menstruation.”
With everything from weekly updates during pregnancy to trusted sexual health info at your fingertips, femtech apps have a lot to offer. Here are six apps that will give you a better understanding of your health, help you connect with other women, and keep you safe along the way.
[sol title=”Clue” subheader=”Period Tracking”]
Clue is one of many apps helping users track their menstrual cycles. However, it is set apart by being the highest ranking free period-tracking app according to the Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, a publication of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). The study scored more than 1,000 apps based on accuracy, features, and functionality and Clue earned the highest score of those evaluated.
With Clue you can track your period and fertile windows and document moods, pain symptoms, exercise, medication, and sexual activity to gain a better understanding of your own personal patterns.
Available for iOS and Android.
[sol title=”Maven” subheader=”Making Healthcare More Accessible”]
Lack of access to healthcare services is one of the biggest women’s issues we face. From the inability to attend regular medical appointments to financial barriers to affording standard care, women are struggling to keep themselves healthy. Enter Maven, an app that connects users with medical and mental health professionals via video call or private message.
You can book an appointment with a doctor, nurse practitioner, midwife, nutritionist, lactation consultant, or licensed counselor directly through the app. The appointment costs vary, from $18 for a 10-minute appointment with a nurse practitioner or midwife to $70 for a 40-minute appointment with a mental health professional. They’ll also write you prescriptions, so you’ll never have to go without birth control, no matter your state legislature’s feelings on it. Unfortunately, most insurance companies won’t accept claims from Maven, so you’ll likely have to pay out of pocket. Still, increasing the potential for access is something we’re definitely happy to get behind.
Currently only available for iOS, but appointments can also be booked online for those without an Apple device.
[sol title=”Eve by Glow” subheader=”Pregnancy Prevention”]
Glow, an enterprise that creates “personal health tracking products [to] illuminate health through data,” offers several femtech apps including Glow, an ovulation and fertility tracker focused on supporting women who are trying to conceive. Glow also offers Nurture for pregnancy tracking and Glow Baby for baby’s first year.
Eve by Glow offers similar features as other period trackers but is geared more toward women trying to avoid pregnancy. Eve allows you to track your cycle and sexual activity while also connecting you with trusted information on health and sex brought to you by Bedsider, a birth control support network operated by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy.
Available for iOS and Android.
[sol title=”The Bump Pregnancy Countdown” subheader=”Planner, Prenatal Health Tips, and Product Reviews”]
From the people who brought you the wedding planning website The Knot comes a one-stop-shop for expectant moms.
The Bump Pregnancy Countdown app features a planner with information and even suggested questions for prenatal doctor’s visits, a catalog of baby products and reviews, and a question tool that allows users to get quick answers from other moms as well as medical experts. HealthyWay’s audience development strategist and resident momma-to-be, Ashley, says she likes that “it tells you both what is going on with your baby and also what you can expect week-by-week to happen to your body during pregnancy.”
Available for iOS and Android.
[sol title=”Hey! Vina” subheader=”Community Building”]
Hey! Vina is like Tinder, but for female companionship. It uses the same “swipe right” idea to help you find new friends and join communities of like-minded women. The app, which is available only to self-identified women, suggests friendship matches based on mutual Facebook acquaintances, proximity, and results from various personality quizzes.
We all know how difficult it can be to find and maintain adult friendships, and Hey! Vina makes that process a little easier.
Available for iOS and Android.
[sol title=”SafeTrek” subheader=”That Secure Feeling, Just a Button Away”]
SafeTrek was founded in HealthyWay’s hometown: St. Louis, Missouri, and while we love giving a shoutout to local businesses, that’s not the only reason we’re recommending this personal safety app.
Though it wasn’t necessarily designed specifically for women, nearly all of this app’s 250,000 users are women. What sets SafeTrek apart from other safety apps is that you don’t have to bring the phone to your ear or even remove it from your purse or pocket to operate it. When you’re in a situation where you could feel vulnerable—walking alone to your car at night, for instance—this app may offer you some peace of mind. All you have to do is press the app’s center button while en route. Once you reach a safe place, release the button and enter a PIN. If the button is released and no PIN is entered, the app will immediately contact police and send them to your location.
Do we love that the burden of women’s safety nearly always falls on women? Nope. But there’s no doubt we feel a little safer knowing this app has our backs.
Available for iOS and Android.