Category: Motherhood

When babies and toddlers get sick, parents want them to get better as soon as possible. Most of the time, the best cure is to give a child plenty of rest and fluids and wait for the illness to run its course.
If your child is so ill that you feel medication is necessary, always consult a doctor before administering it. Parents may consider over-the-counter medications or herbal remedies to be basically harmless, but they can have a much larger effect on a child’s tiny body than on yours. Here are five kinds of medicine you should never give to babies or toddlers.

1. Over-the-Counter Cough and Cold Medication

Manufacturers quit selling infant versions of these medicines in 2007 because the side effects were so dangerous. Since then, the American Academy of Pediatrics reports that emergency room visits for adverse reactions to cough and cold medicines have dropped by more than 50 percent.

There’s no clear-cut age at which cough and cold medication becomes absolutely safe, but at age 4, there’s no longer a blanket prohibition. Even for older children, parents must closely follow instructions to avoid an accidental overdose and to decrease the odds of an adverse reaction.

2. Anti-Nausea Medicine

According to UpToDate, a popular resource for health practitioners, “Nausea and vomiting are common in children, and are usually part of a mild, short-lived illness, frequently caused by a viral infection.”

That is to say, like many illnesses in children, nausea will likely go away on its own. Because of possibly severe side effects, parents should not give children over-the-counter anti-nausea medication.
If a child’s nausea and vomiting persist, they should see a doctor before moderate or severe dehydration occurs. A doctor may prescribe oral rehydration therapy to combat dehydration or an antiemetic to decrease the nausea.

3. Syrup of Ipecac

This vomit-inducing medicine used to be a staple of poisoning prevention. Now, the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Association of Poison Control Centers do not recommend using it.

The reason is that a panel of toxicologists found that the medicine did not improve outcomes for children who’d ingested poison. Sometimes it even did more harm than good.
Instead, experts recommend that parents save the Poison Control phone number (800-222-1222) or bookmark the webPOISONCONTROL tool. These resources can give recommendations that are tailored to a specific situation.

4. Chewable Tablets

While these easy-to-eat tablets are great for older children, parents should not give them to babies and toddlers. The reason is simple: They are a major choking hazard.

If your child can eat solid food, a doctor may approve of crushing a tablet and mixing it with applesauce or other soft food. Parents who use this method should make sure their child eats the entire portion of food—otherwise the dose will not be certain.

5. Aspirin

Children should never take aspirin because it makes them susceptible to a rare but fatal illness called Reye’s syndrome. Parents must be extra careful because aspirin is sometimes listed under other names, such as salicylate or acetylsalicylic acid.

Acetaminophen and ibuprofen can also be dangerous to babies. Always consult your pediatrician before giving one of these medications to your child.

For decades women have been told there’s an expiration date on their ability to have children, and the age they’re given to accomplish this is frightfully young. Although fertility decline is a biological reality, the facts we have heard for years are seriously skewed.

Under Pressure

There is a ton of pressure placed on women to have kids by a certain age. Not only that, we expect women to fit in school, a career, and marriage alongside motherhood, all within a small window of time. That’s an impossible task, especially since the age by which you should pop out a kid is 30—or so we’ve always heard.

The stigma of getting pregnant when you’re 30-plus years old is strong. “Elderly primigravida” is the term used for a woman who is pregnant with her first child over the age of 35. Elderly? That seems a little harsh. New information is coming to light to bust this myth, and what people are finding out is life-changing.

Getting to the Truth

Women are presented with all this information supposedly based on current facts and studies. However, the “facts” that support these claims are actually based on information from centuries ago.

Psychology professor Jean Twenge explains the issue in an article in The Atlantic:
“The widely cited statistic that one in three women ages 35 to 39 will not be pregnant after a year of trying, for instance, is based on an article published in 2004 in the journal Human Reproduction. Rarely mentioned is the source of the data: French birth records from 1670 to 1830. The chance of remaining childless—30 percent—was also calculated based on historical populations.”

The New Normal

The fact is that there are more and more cases of women having children well into—and beyond—their thirties.

A study released by the Pew Research Center stated that:
“In 1990, teens had a higher share of all births (13%) than did women ages 35 and older (9%). In 2008, the reverse was true—10% of births were to teens, compared with 14% to women ages 35 and older.”
Not only does this debunk the myth that women can’t get pregnant after 30, it shows that it is in fact a regular occurrence.

Hidden Facts

Completely false information spreads like wildfire, while the truth is being left in the dust. The power of withholding facts has a great impact on how women live their lives.

We’re meant to believe that for a woman to become pregnant over the age of 35 is nothing short of a miracle. As Twenge wrote in The Atlantic:
“Even some studies based on historical birth records are more optimistic than what the press normally reports: One found that, in the days before birth control, 89 percent of 38-year-old women were still fertile. Another concluded that the typical woman was able to get pregnant until somewhere between ages 40 and 45.”
This doesn’t mean that people don’t have real struggles and issues with their fertility, but it does mean that we’re better off than we’re meant to believe.

For many years women have been wrestling with the idea of “baby panic,” causing them to stress and worry about their priorities—while forcing them to structure their goals within a fictional, and frankly made-up, timeline. Hopefully with this updated information more accessible, women can begin to feel more confident in their own choices.

Sometimes it seems like parenting and yelling go hand in hand.

We have yet to meet a mom or dad who handles kids without having to raise their voice at one point or another. We’re not judging—it’s hard to resist the urge to raise the volume every once in awhile; in certain circumstances, it’s downright unavoidable.

Unfortunately, this can end up being a remarkably harmful habit.

Yelling models for a child that getting loud or emotionally aggressive gets you what you want.

We’ll explain why, but first, we have to make an important distinction: We are not talking about true verbal abuse here. That’s an entirely different subject. This is more for the parent who occasionally loses control and disciplines kids loudly, not for the troubled families that need professional help.
(If you find yourself in the latter situation, get help by calling 800-422-4453. That’s the National Child Abuse Hotline.)
Okay, with that bit of serious business out of the way, let’s take a look at what you might not know about yelling at your children.

1. Kids grow up to yell at people themselves.

There was something to that old commercial where the kid indignantly tells his father, “I learned it by watching you!”
Children, especially younger ones, figure out how to be people by watching Mom and Dad. If Mom and Dad yell often enough, kids get the idea that yelling is both acceptable and normal behavior.

Emily Griffin, LPC, a mental health therapist in Maryland, agrees with this assessment. She says she works with a lot of children in her practice, as well as adults who experienced yelling from their parents while growing up.
“Yelling models for a child that getting loud [or] emotionally aggressive gets you what you want,” she tells HealthyWay. “This is not a healthy message to be sent to them because this creates a cycle of children that grow into adults that do not know how to handle their emotions and communicate in a calm, effective way.”

Constant yelling at our kids actually impairs their intellectual and emotional development.

According to a study from the University of Pittsburgh, adolescents who experience “harsh verbal discipline” were more likely to suffer from “increased levels of depressive symptoms, and were more likely to demonstrate behavioral problems such as vandalism or antisocial and aggressive behavior.” Another study in the journal Child Development came to similar conclusions.

2. Your child’s brain might become wired for stress.

Remember that your kid’s brain is still building itself.
Brains develop through a process of synaptic (or neural) pruning, in which certain connections get stronger while others are severed. That’s how one kid might get really good at violin while not picking up Spanish as quickly, for instance.

Kristen Race, Ph.D, founder of the lifestyle blog The Mindful Life, warns that repeatedly yelling at kids strengthens the function of the child’s limbic system. That’s the part of our brains that pumps out stress hormones to induce a “fight or flight” response.
“Because pruning has to happen, neurons will be pruned from structures like the prefrontal cortex where higher cognitive functions (attention, planning, decision-making, critical thinking) tend to be regulated,” Race writes. “When we let our own stress levels spike into the red, constant yelling at our kids actually impairs their intellectual and emotional development.”

4. Your child may become frightened of you.

There’s nothing scarier to a 5-year-old than an angry adult. That’s especially true when that adult is usually the one who gives the kid food, love, and comfort. You probably don’t know how scary you look when you’re screaming in anger., but Griffin says it actually creates a hostile environment.
“I have seen … my child [clients] and adult clients who have been yelled at as a form of parenting to have lower self-esteem because their primary support group is not keeping them safe emotionally, and to have more anxiety because they are unsure how people will receive them and their behaviors,” she says.

The loud bellowing and contorted face can be unsettling for anyone, let alone a small child you’re hovering over. Many children will begin to flinch at your touch or even before you begin to yell because they know what’s coming.
“Children do not learn to be resilient in an environment where they will not get the proper emotional support that they need,” she says.

5. You might actually protect your child from imminent danger, but it doesn’t work long-term.

Of course, sometimes you’ve just got to scream at your kid; if she’s about to drop a brick on her little sister, or if he’s running straight toward a busy road, you certainly get a pass.
“There are times it’s great to raise your voice,” Markham said. “When you have kids hitting each other, or if there’s real danger.”

Parents get driven to the edge of sanity, and over, on a daily basis. The kids keep us up all night. They do incomprehensible things, like color the dog with a permanent marker. They might even get themselves into real trouble. We’re bound to lose it here and there.
The important thing is to keep yelling from becoming your default strategy. Not only is it bad for your kid, it pretty much doesn’t work at all. In situations where their lives aren’t on the line, you’re way better off calmly discussing your expectations with your child.
“When parents yell, kids acquiesce on the outside,” Laura Markham, PhD, author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting, told Fatherly. “But the child isn’t more open to your influence; they’re less [open].”
Before you raise your voice next time, pause for a moment. Take a few deep breaths. Ask yourself if you’re reacting out of love or out of anger; if it’s the latter, look for another parenting strategy.

6. Even the most even-tempered people can sometimes fall victim to their anger.

Hunter Clarke-Fields, a registered yoga instructor and parenting mentor in Delaware, takes pride in her serene approach to life, but she admits that she struggled with anger as a mother.
“I discovered I was so triggered by my children,” Clarke-Fields tells HealthyWay. “I was really ashamed and it was so much harder than I thought it would be.”

She says she realized how yelling is something that’s conditioned in us, both environmentally and biologically, and it’s a stress response.
“It doesn’t make any sense when you think about it, but it’s just so ingrained in us,” she says.
The yelling often leads us to feel bad about ourselves, and maybe to even believe we’re bad parents.
“It’s nothing to feel bad about and have guilt about, but it’s something we can work over time to take care of,” Clarke-Fields says.

8. Don’t expect overnight results if you want to stop.

So you want to do better. What now?
Possibly the hardest part is realizing that you won’t immediately stop yelling at your child. Even if you do, your other communication methods might not be effective enough to see results. For example, you can’t remain calm and yet fail to address the situation.

“It’s not enough to just be able to calm down and pause, or just to have the communication skills,” Clarke-Fields says. “You really need both. You can’t have one without the other.”
She says she never would have believed before that it would be her parenting technique, but Clarke-Fields does not punish her children.
Surprisingly, it’s paid off.
“They are more cooperative than they have ever been,” she says. “It’s not perfect. They are immature human beings. I don’t expect them to be soldiers or robots, but they do cooperate with us, not because we’re threatening them but because we have needs and they recognize that and they help us out.”
Clarke-Fields says she has conversations with her children about family needs and how everyone can support each other.
“It’s more like we’re on the same team,” she says.

Griffin believes the best way to approach the situation is to try to understand why the child did act out.
“Maybe they hit their classmate because they were angry because they were taunting them,” she says. “So instead of yelling to reduce the hitting, reflect that they hit their peer because it hurt their feelings when they were picked on. This allows the child to feel heard by the parent and be more likely to feel supported and comfortable with talking about feelings in the future.”
Furthermore, she says if an adult puts a “label” on the feeling, it can help the child to identify the feeling when it happens again.
“The parent can then walk the child through the steps to take when they start to become angry or sad.”

It’s more like we’re on the same team.

To stop yelling requires a lot of patience and practice, though. There will be times when you start shouting before you’ve even realized what you’re doing.

Yelling, Clarke-Fields says, “is like a highway. It’s super easy and smooth to go down that way.”
The real challenge is taking the high road: staying calm and communicating effectively, even when your child isn’t.

Don’t brush it under the rug.

Knowing that we will likely yell again, what should we do in the moments after?
First, take a moment to breathe and calm down. Ask yourself why you became angry and how it might be dealt with the next time.

And importantly, don’t act like it didn’t happen. For some parents, apologies aren’t easy. We want to look like strong leaders without any faults.
But in reality, the strongest leaders are those who admit their faults and learn from them. Apologizing also teaches our children that it’s okay to make mistakes and we can have another chance to do better.
“You say, ‘Oh hey, I’m really sorry I raised my voice. I probably could have talked to you in a better way in that moment. Can we start again?’” Clarke-Fields says. “It’s about repairing that relationship.”

Russian moms do things just a little bit differently, and some of their habits, tendencies, and techniques might be even better than the American way of doing things. If you grew up in a Russian-speaking home, you know what we’re talking about.
From soup to chores to avoiding frozen ovaries, here are a few things Russian moms do that might make good imports for U.S. families.

1. It’s not a meal unless there is soup.

Soup plays a central role in every meal Russian moms serve their kids. After all, it gets pretty darn cold in the Mother Country, and there’s nothing like a bowl of steaming shchi, a traditional cabbage soup, to take the chill out of your bones.

But what about the summertime? Easy. Feed the kids a chilled cup of svekoljnik, or red beet soup. There’s a reason a love of all things soupy is a great trick for moms, especially when the kids are picky eaters: You can pack nutritious veggies into a bowl of soup and smuggle them into your kid’s stomach with a delicious broth. They’ll never suspect they’re eating health food.

2. Bundle, bundle, bundle.

When the first hint of frost hits the autumn air, that’s every Russian mom’s cue to break out the sweaters, hats, coats, and scarves. Russian moms don’t let their kids decide how bundled up to get on a cold day. They mercilessly wrap their children in layer after layer of warm clothing, even when it isn’t technically that cold outside.

At least this teaches kids to layer at a young age. That can come in handy later on in life, when it’s hard to tell which way the temperature is headed.

3. The place for babies is outside.

After bundling a kid up in a million layers, Russian moms proceed to put their babies in a carriage, wheel them outside in freezing temperatures, and leave them there to nap in the cold. They aren’t being cruel; they just tend to believe that infants need lots and lots of fresh air.

Babies raised indoors won’t build strong immune systems or hearty constitutions, Russian moms say. Who knows? There could be something to that. Anyway, who couldn’t stand a little more time outside these days?

4. After family, education comes first.

Russian culture values a strong education, and that goes well beyond school. In order to raise smart, well-rounded kids, Russian parents enroll their children in all sorts of activities: sports, ballet, music.

Plus, by the time kids can read, their moms expect them to memorize long, complicated poems. As a result, even the most casual conversation in a Russian-speaking household may be peppered with Pushkin quotations and references to Dostoevsky novels.

5. No shoes allowed indoors!

Russian moms make their kids take their shoes off before taking a step beyond the front door. Actually, they make everyone take off their shoes.

Just as importantly, though, everyone has to wear their slippers when they walk around inside. Going barefoot is a great way to freeze your ovaries, according to Russian moms. While this may be a little suspect, scientifically, operating a no-shoes household is a great way to keep the floors clean.

6. The teacher is always right.

Russian parents respect the living daylights out of teachers. They count teaching as a noble profession, right up there with medicine and law. As a result, they insist that their kids obey and trust their teachers from the first day of kindergarten onward.
That’s great unless a teacher treats you unfairly. You won’t get a lot of sympathy from Russian parents. They’re way more likely to side with the teacher than the kid, so there’s no use claiming unfair treatment.

7. Kids eat what parents eat.

We all know the kid who will only eat chicken nuggets or peanut butter sandwiches. Heck, we might be raising that kid. Here’s the thing, though: There’s no way that kid’s mom is Russian.

That’s because Russian culture doesn’t really have a separate menu for children and adults. There’s plenty of great food on the Russian dining table (plus a truly unbelievable amount of pickled offerings), and parents expect kids to eat what’s in front of them and be grateful. The advantages of this policy are clear to any parent whose kid will only eat pancakes.

8. Grandparents are certainly in the picture.

The Russian devotion to family stretches beyond the nuclear. Grandparents often live with their adult children and their families. Even if they don’t, moms take kids to see their grandparents as often as possible.

Russian grandparents function almost like a second set of (non-grand) parents. That’s great for family cohesiveness, and there are no true empty-nesters in a Russian family.

9. Kids help out with the chores.

In a Russian household, as soon as you’re old enough to walk and wield a broom, you get your very own chore list. Older brothers and sisters help Mom out with the younger siblings. Kids younger than age 10 do their own laundry. In general, everyone in the house helps to keep the floors swept, the dishes done, and the table set.

It’s great to get kids started on chores young. That way they’ll never grow up to be bad roommates. Plus, teaming up to keep shared spaces clean creates a better sense of family cohesion, and that’s something we could all get a little bit more of.

It’s difficult to overstate the importance of STEM education. STEM (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) fields have grown consistently over the last few decades, and that trend won’t reverse anytime soon.

Unfortunately, most children give up on STEM. By the time they reach high school, only about 1 in 4 kids will want to pursue a STEM major or career; about 60 percent of those students will eventually lose their interest. To enjoy consistent success in these fields, children need to develop literacy by nurturing relevant skills.

The KOOV Approach to STEM

Enter KOOV, an intriguing new set of learning products from Sony Electronics and Sony Global Education.

Launched on Indiegogo, the KOOV coding & robotics system gives kids the building blocks to STEM success—literally. KOOV allows children to build functional robots out of blocks, then use a mobile app to create working code.

Children can choose from a variety of pre-designed robots, creating everything from monkeys to dinosaurs by following step-by-step instructions (or “robot recipes”). As they develop their skills, they’ll begin designing their robots, choosing their own features, and writing their own code.

For kids aged 8 and older, each part of the system seems familiar and intuitive. The bright-colored blocks snap together easily. The mobile app’s graphical coding interface features a clean, simple workspace. The various electronic components are simple, but powerful enough to perform fairly complex tasks.

But over time, the true capabilities of the KOOV set become apparent. Two blocks, for instance, can fit together in more than 120 combinations, and a variety of sensors, actuators, and motors let kids create remarkably complex devices.

Innovative Code Learning Tools

On their own, these tools would likely inspire children to develop strong problem-solving and creative skills—essentials in STEM literacy. But the real heart of the KOOV system is a 30+ hour educational course, which focuses on coding, robotics, and design to give children a comprehensive background in robotics and coding.

As the app loads, it presents kids with a naturally engaging touch interface. KOOVers pull commands into place, forming working code blocks. The learning course uses a step-by-step approach, rewarding children with badges as they progress.

Each set of lessons introduces a new core subject, starting with coding basics. By the end of the course, kids understand variables, random numbers, infinite loops, functions, and other important concepts.

With some nurturing, a KOOV learner can easily use these skills to learn other programming languages. In fact, the next generation of KOOV might be built by today’s KOOV kids.

KOOV Kit Options for Young Creators

KOOV offers several kits tailored towards young learners of all skill levels. The KOOV Basic Kit, for instance, provides 115 blocks and accessories, along with 8 electronic parts and 5 robot recipes, while the KOOV Starter Kit includes 172 blocks with 15 electronic parts and 14 recipes.

Each kit is surprisingly affordable, with the least expensive coming in at under $200 (paired with a 20 percent discount for early Indiegogo backers).

Currently, the KOOV program is inspiring thousands of young minds in Japan and China. In the United States, the project launched on Indiegogo; Sony chose to introduce KOOV through the crowdsourcing platform in order to get direct feedback from parents prior to the system’s retail launch.

A Safe Way to Learn Coding Online

KOOV’s growing international base may become one of its biggest strengths. KOOVers can use the app’s community to share robot recipes with their peers, so the number of available recipes is expected to grow substantially over the next several years.

To safely incorporate this social element, Sony implemented a carefully controlled moderation system. Each KOOV post is individually reviewed by an actual person before it’s publicly viewable. Children can safely learn, play, and share their creations, and parents get the peace of mind that comes with a truly safe online experience.

Real Robots, Real STEM Skills

S
ony’s robotics engineers contributed heavily to the project, focusing on encouraging kids by simply describing complex concepts.

KOOV’s fundamental mission is to teach real skills in an engaging, intuitive way. Children aren’t simply building their robots—although that’s certainly a part of the experience—they’re understanding the processes that drive each blinking light and motion sensor.

“For example, when kids start to use a LED for the first time, we show them exactly: what is a LED?” says Jeff Carlin, marketing manager for Sony Electronics. “Where can I see it in real life? How is it relevant to me? Then we show them how they can use code to make it come alive.”

Instead of simply teaching a single lesson, KOOV motivates children to explore the world of science and technology on their own. The goal is to keep KOOV kids interested in STEM through high school, college, and into their careers.

“This is not a toy,” says Naasira Wahid, marketing program manager for Sony Electronics. “This is a tool to lead your child into steps towards their future.”

With that said, it is a lot of fun—and that’s what makes KOOV such a compelling and rewarding experience. Find out more about the project or donate to its Indiegogo campaign here.

As a brand-new mom, my first night at home was nothing short of a nightmare. I left the hospital with a sleepy babe who was barely interested in nursing and found myself staring at a wide-awake and furiously ravenous newborn at 2 in the morning on her fourth day of life.

I knew she was hungry, but I couldn’t get her to latch on to my breast. We went round and round, me offering her the breast, her screaming, and me crying because I felt like I was doing something wrong. It took hours to get her to eat a full meal, and it felt like as soon as we were finished, it was time to start the whole process over again.
The next morning, I found myself making a desperate call to my lactation consultant. A few hours later we were in her office, troubleshooting our breastfeeding woes.

For my baby and me, there was more than one problem to address. Her latch needed to be corrected, and I needed to pump some to encourage more milk production. But one of the biggest reasons she was so pissed was because I had been missing her hunger cues.
It wasn’t enough to follow a schedule—to feed her every few hours or to wait for her to cry. I needed to follow her lead, but I didn’t know what I was looking for.

Every baby is different, but there are some general rules you can follow to make sure you are feeding them before they are so hungry that they’re angry. Follow these hunger cues outlined by lactation consultants and infant nutrition experts to determine if your infant is hungry or full.

Your Baby’s Very First Signs of Hunger

If your baby is crying, they’re actually in the late stages of feeling hungry and you’ve missed some more subtle clues that they were ready for their next meal. Babies can’t talk, but they definitely know how to communicate their needs. Hunger cues begin with some less noticeable behaviors and gradually become more obvious over time.

Restlessness is one of the earliest signs an infant wants to eat, according to breastfeeding advocacy organization La Leche League. Each baby may display restlessness differently from others, but some of the most common behaviors include rapid eye movements, wriggling around, or disruptions to their sleep.
Some babies may also exhibit tension, according to La Leche League, which can look like clenched fists or rigidity of their arms.

Most little ones will also smack their lips, suck on their fists, or open and close their mouths to let you know they want to eat. If you notice any of these cues, go ahead and settle into a comfy chair and give your baby a chance to satisfy their hunger.

Your Baby’s Secondary Signs of Hunger

If you missed your baby’s first signs of hunger, don’t worry, they won’t give up easily. If a newborn baby isn’t fed quickly after they first begin to experience hunger, their behavior will escalate, and their hunger cues will become more apparent.

Babies are born with an amazing reflex called rooting. From their first hour of life, a typically developing baby will turn their head toward their mother’s breast or a bottle if they feel a touch to their cheek.
Their mouth will also make a sucking motion. If your baby is rooting around, this is a pretty clear indication that they are ready to eat. If they are older than 4 months—when rooting stops being reflexive and becomes an intentional action—you can be certain that rooting means your child wants to eat.
In addition to rooting, a baby who is growing hungrier may try to get in a position to nurse, according to breastfeeding resource Kelly Mom. Older babies may also start to pull on your clothes or even swat at your chest.

No matter the age of your baby, fussiness can be a sign of hunger. Of course, fussiness isn’t always an indication that your baby needs to eat, but if isn’t time for sleep and a diaper change isn’t the answer, it is probably wise to give nursing a try.

Crying: Your Baby’s Last-Ditch Effort to Communicate Hunger

Many parents believe that crying is their baby’s way of communicating that they’re ready to eat, but that actually isn’t true. A baby who is crying to signal hunger is usually only doing so because their other cues have failed.

Waiting until a baby is upset to initiate nursing or offer a bottle can be problematic, and some mothers may have trouble getting their baby to settle down enough to eat.
Additionally, mothers who are responsive to their infant’s hunger and satiety cues are decreasing both Mom’s and Baby’s risk for obesity, according to the journal Appetite.

If you’ve missed your baby’s early hunger cues, don’t fret. Calm your baby before offering the breast or a bottle, and make a note to pay more careful attention in the future.

How do I know if my baby is full?

Whether you are breastfeeding or bottle feeding, being in tune to your baby’s satiety is just as important to their health as being aware of hunger signs.

In fact, practicing responsiveness to cues babies offer that they’re ready to wrap up their meal can help decrease their chance of obesity later in life by encouraging self-regulation of hunger, according to the journal Physiology & Behavior.
The good news is that babies are pretty great at letting their mother know they’re no longer hungry. Some babies will turn their head away from the breast, clamp their mouth shut, or simply fall asleep, according to Enfamil.

In some cases, babies may not break their latch but their sucking will slow or stop, which is a good indication you can break the latch to end the feeding. Older babies who aren’t hungry could become distracted by what is going on around them, becoming more interested in playing than eating.
If your baby uses a bottle, you may have to watch more closely for feeding cues. It is easier to overfeed a formula-fed baby, according to research by the University of Akron.

Many parents may assume they should encourage their infant to finish their bottle, but it is actually more important to watch for your baby to signal they are through, even if that means wasting some formula.

Should I feed on demand or encourage a schedule?

Perhaps one of the most hotly debated topics among breastfeeding mothers is whether they should put their baby on a schedule or not. There are some proponents of scheduled feeding, such as Gary Ezzo, author of On Becoming Babywise. But most lactation experts advise against scheduled feedings, especially for young babies.

Young babies have small stomachs, and breast milk digests more quickly than formula. Additionally, the amount of milk a mother makes will adjust based on demand, so a mother who withholds feeding her baby in an attempt to get on a schedule may see a decrease in her milk supply.
Because of this, it is recommended that mothers not space feedings out by any more than three hours and that mothers respond to their babies cues and feed on demand as much as they are able.

If putting your baby on a schedule is important to you, lactation consultant Jessica Barton offers a few suggestions on her blog. First, she says it is helpful for parents to spend a couple of days paying attention the natural rhythm of their child.
Keep track of when your baby is eating and sleeping and then begin to build a schedule from there. Additionally, parents should be realistic about the length of time between feedings, since babies under the age of 6 months should nurse 10 to 12 times in a period of 24 hours.

Of course, like many parenting practices, on-demand feeding isn’t an exact science. Knowing yourself and understanding your baby’s unique needs—combined with advice from your own lactation consultant—is the best approach for developing a feeding routine that works for your family.

Babies cry. Tears are an infant’s way of letting their parent know they’re hungry, tired, or they need to be near their mom, and a baby’s ability to communicate those needs is important to their survival.

Fussy nights and tear-filled afternoons are a reality of motherhood that most have come to accept, but that doesn’t necessarily mean most moms wouldn’t jump at the chance to cut back on tears if they knew how it’s done.
Of course, all parents like the idea of happier babies, but that is much easier said than done. When my baby fusses, I find myself working through a list of possible reasons. Does he need to eat? Is he tired or uncomfortable? Does he need a diaper change? Is he bored?

Sometimes, even after I have worked my way through this mental checklist, he continues to fuss and I’m left clueless about how to soothe his frustrations.
There is one population who appears to have figured out the key to keeping their babies calm, according to a study published in The Journal of Pediatrics. Danish parents seem to have nailed down the trick to raising babies who cry less and grow into happier kids.

The study took a close look at parental reports of fussing or crying in newborns as observed in 28 different studies. Researchers compiled the data on 8,690 infants, specifically examining the mean fussiness in newborn babies based on their age.
The data found by researchers shone a light on Denmark, where children cry significantly less than children in the other countries included in the study.

Although it is difficult to pinpoint one specific reason that Danish parents have an advantage over new parents in the rest of the world, according to the study’s authors, they did raise a few possible areas that warrant closer examination.
For instance, there is a chance that there are economic factors that influence parents in Denmark, and parents are more responsive to their newborns’ needs. The researchers also speculated that genetics could play a part, with babies inheriting their parents’ genes that influence their temperament.

Others have chimed in with theories on what influences how little Danish babies cry. Jessica Joelle Alexander, author of The Danish Way of Parenting, told The Guardian that she believes paid maternity leave could be directly tied to this phenomenon.
Denmark has one of the best maternity leaves out there, giving mothers a month off before their baby is born and then an entire year at home with their child after their birth.

It makes sense that Danish babies are happier, because their parents are less stressed and more capable of responding to their needs during that first year.

Danish babies grow into happier kids.

Fewer tears aren’t the only bragging rights Danish babies have over their fellow children around the globe. Older kids in Denmark are also all around happier than children in the rest of the world. Each year countries around the world are carefully surveyed for a World Happiness Report. In this report, the Danish are consistently found to be the happiest people in the world.

Of course, there isn’t one single factor that gives Denmark the corner on happiness, but there are definitely people making some convincing arguments. For instance, inequality of overall well-being is higher in countries that report low happiness scores.
One of the most popular theories, perhaps, is that happiness is directly linked to the way the Danish parent. In fact, there is an entire book on the topic, comparing parenting methods in America with those used in Denmark.

From the way we discipline to the time our children spend outdoors, The Danish Way of Parenting makes a pretty convincing case that American parents could raise happier children if they were simply willing to take a closer look at what parents are doing in Denmark. In fact, there is even a Ted talk discussing this approach.

What American Parents Can Learn From Denmark

So what’s the secret to raising happier kids? According to the authors of The Danish Way of Parenting, there isn’t a simple answer. In one article for Brit + Co, the writers outline seven keys to parenting the Danish way. It’s evident that implementing these practices would require a complete reworking of the typical American parenting model.

American parents, for instance, tend to rely on harsher parenting practices, according to The Guardian. The majority of parents in the States are still using spanking in their discipline toolbox, despite research that indicates the ineffectiveness and harmfulness of this practice.
In contrast, Danish parents rely heavily on using empathy to connect with their children, providing clear boundaries but avoiding ultimatums or demanding obedience. Instead, parents in Denmark work to develop a mutual respect with their children, explaining the reasoning behind rules and calmly responding to challenging behaviors.

Parenting happy children extends beyond what we do when our kids are upset or challenging our patience. How we approach their downtime directly plays into the state of their well-being, according to the authors of The Danish Way of Parenting.
Danish parents place a high priority on being together—so much so that their word for togetherness, hygge, has become a trend all over the Western world. For the Danes, family time isn’t a trend, however, it is a daily way of life. Whether it’s family meals, a hike, or a project, kids who spend regular time with their parents are more secure and all around happier.

Statistics regarding the state of the family dinner in America indicate that 25 percent of families eat together fewer than three nights a week. If this is any indication of how the rest of the day is spent—and we’re pretty sure it is, we can say with confidence that American families are not spending enough time together.
The flipside of the practice of togetherness in Danish families is that children are also given an incredible amount of independence. Whereas American parents may feel pressure to keep their kids scheduled or offer entertainment, Danish families think free play is the key to a happy childhood.

When it comes to the logistics of American parenting, there is a marked difference. For instance, children in America have quite busy schedules, and 1 and 5 parents with an average income of $75,000 says their kids’ lives are hectic.
After-school activities dominate the schedules of American children, according to the Pew Research Center, with 73 percent of parents reporting their child is in sports and 54 percent in the arts after school or on weekends.

Even children with free time may not be given a lot of opportunities for unsupervised play, since most American parents believe kids should be at least 10 years old before they can play outside without a parent present.
It is easy to be overwhelmed by the huge difference between Danish and American parenting, especially when we have so little control over factors like paid maternity leave.

Don’t let that discourage you if you would like to make same changes. Start small, by setting goals for cutting back on screen time and getting your kids outside more often, sitting down for a family meal three or more times a week, or reading up on responding to tantrums with empathy instead of anger.
Even a small change toward more positive parenting can make a big difference in the well-being of your child.

During my first pregnancy, I was surprised to find I felt a strong pull to talk with my baby. Every day was a new experience for me, and so many parts of my pregnancy felt unreal.

When I would lie in bed at night chatting about the day or simply saying, “Hello in there,” I found I felt more connected to my child. It was hard to imagine that inside my growing belly a human being already existed, but the more I talked to the baby in my womb the more comfortable I felt with the idea of becoming a mother.
As it turns out, having a chat with her unborn child doesn’t just make the mother feel connected, it actually has an impact on her developing baby.

Science has found that babies begin learning in the womb and that they are forming memories about the things they are exposed to the most before they are born.

The Science of Prenatal Memories

Since scientists can’t ask babies what they remember from their time spent in their mothers’ wombs, they have had to get creative when it comes to figuring out what newborns remember.

Researchers have relied heavily on studying animals to indicate how early memories are formed, why they are forgotten, and what kind of implications these memories have for a child.
What most moms know simply from observation is that most children and adults can’t report detailed memories from before their birth. Many have hypothesized on why this is the case (such as Freud’s theory of repression), but it wasn’t until recently that we better understood the facts.
Observing the brains of infant rats clued researchers in to what happens to early memories, and they published their findings in the journal Science. The truth is, the infant brain is developing at a rapid pace.

This growth requires the formation of new brain cells, and these new brain cells actually crowd out the connections made by early memories. When researchers slowed down the brain development of infant mice, they actually found that early memories were more cemented in their brain.
The application of this finding to human beings is that the developing brain is making memories in the womb, but as your child grows older their amazing neurological development is erasing those memories.

It’s fascinating knowing that babies start learning in the womb and can still remember many of the things they learn after birth.
Want to know more? Here are the facts on what your baby remembers from the womb.

Your baby remembers the words you say.

It turns out that talking to my baby while she was growing inside of me wasn’t as silly as it sometimes felt. The truth is, she was forming memories of the words I said repeatedly—and your baby is too.

A team of scientists at the University of Helsinki discovered the extent of a newborn’s language memory by giving mothers a recording of a completely made-up word. These mothers were asked to play this recording repeatedly over their last months of pregnancy. By the time the babies were born, they had heard the sound more than 25,000 times.
After the babies were born, the researchers used EEG technology to test for recognition of the word. What they found was that when compared with babies who hadn’t heard the word during pregnancy, the brains of babies who had been exposed to the word in the womb remembered it after birth.

The practical implications of this information aren’t clear. Typically mothers are discouraged from playing loud recordings near their womb because they may cause overstimulation. Researchers hope further studies can reveal the potential uses for the discovery of language learning in utero.

Your baby remembers your voice.

It isn’t just the words your babies hear that matter, the people they hear most frequently have an impact their prenatal memories, too.

Research has compared how infants respond to the voices of strangers to those they hear most often during the third trimester, and it was undeniable that they prefer familiar voices. It shouldn’t be surprising that among all of the familiar voices they heard after birth, babies showed preference for the voice of their mothers.

Babies remember their birth mother’s native language.

Amazingly, babies are forming memories of their mother’s native language long before they start talking. One study took a close look at the language memory of internationally adopted children, specifically those adopted immediately following birth.

What they found was that although these babies hadn’t been exposed to their mother’s native tongue since their birth, they recognized it and showed preference for it. These findings indicate that babies begin to learn their native language in the womb, according to The New York Times.

Your baby remembers the music you play.

We’ve all seen those prenatal speakers—the ones that can be attached to a mother’s growing bump, but is there any merit to this gadget? Or are manufacturers simply looking to make a buck off of expectant parents?

The answer is yes and no. Babies do remember the music they hear in the womb, according to research by the University of Helsinki, but there isn’t any known development associated with playing it loudly near your growing belly during pregnancy.
Researchers instructed 12 expectant mothers to play “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” five days a week during the last several weeks of their pregnancy, and they also followed a control group of 12 mothers who did not.

These babies were exposed to the song again immediately following their birth and at the age of 4 months. Researchers found that they exhibited a brain response to the song that the control group did not.

Your baby remembers the food you eat.

The old joke about eating for two may actually have some merit. If you’re hitting up your favorite taco place twice a week (thanks to those killer pregnancy cravings), your baby is getting a taste, too.

There is convincing research that suggests when your baby gulps in the amniotic fluid that surrounds them in the womb, the flavor changes based on what mom has been eating lately, according to NPR. Additionally, after babies start eating solid foods, research suggests they show preference for foods they were repeatedly exposed to in the womb.

Why Prenatal Memories Matter

The science behind the formation of prenatal memories is fascinating. If babies lose track of most of their memories from their time in the womb, why does any of this matter?

Researchers believe that infant memories include more than the words they hear or the music they’re exposed to and that the effects of these memories aren’t all positive.
The truth is, some researchers are certain that prenatal exposure to stressful noises may have an adverse effect on neurological development. Because of this, they believe there may be value in encouraging mothers to avoid situations that involving yelling, loud music, or obtrusive workplace noises.

When it comes to the food you eat while you’re pregnant, this research matters because scientists believe that what you eat may influence your child’s own food preferences after birth.
Of course, don’t feel anxious if your pregnancy aversion kept you from eating those dark, leafy greens every day. You can always change your child’s palate by repeatedly exposing them to new flavors once they start eating solid foods.

So what does this research mean for the expectant mom? It means you don’t have to change much about what you are doing already: Avoid stressful or overstimulating noises if possible and keep chatting with your unborn baby.

The other day, I completely overreacted to some typical preschool behaviors. It had been a busy few days thanks to holiday celebrations, and my preschooler’s exhaustion was getting the better of her. My youngest needed to breastfeed, but I couldn’t find a quiet moment with my daughter following me around the house, bubbling over with emotions about this and that.
With a crying infant in hand and sobbing toddler on the floor next to me, I snapped.
“If you don’t cheer up, I’m putting you to bed.”

It wasn’t among my proudest of moments and, of course, threatening a 3-year-old is a highly ineffective strategy for managing their emotions. Even worse, I knew she wasn’t misbehaving. I knew she was tired but my lack of patience ruined a chance to show her love and affection when she was having a really hard time.
This whole exchange has been on my mind a lot. How often do I react harshly to my children when I’m feeling challenged by their behavior? It’s often not that they’re being willfully disobedient; they simply need a little extra help dealing with a difficult moment. How often do I see my children acting a certain way and assume they’re being “bad” when, really, they’re just being kids?

These questions sent me on the hunt for more developmentally normal behaviors that often appear to be bad behaviors. Here’s what I found.

The Fidgets

Whether you are reading a book or simply trying to get through a family meal, when your child is fidgeting and having trouble sitting still, it can be incredibly disruptive to everyone involved. As it turns out this behavior is pretty typical for toddlers and school-aged kids.
A normal amount of fidgeting can be seen in most kids if they are being asked to sit still during a boring activity or if they’re upset or anxious about something happening in their life, according to research from the University of California.

When does fidgeting become a reason for concern? If your child regularly has difficulty sitting still while doing something they enjoy (as opposed to something they think is a snoozefest), it may be a good idea to talk with your child’s pediatrician about how to address this behavior.

Extreme Emotions

When you are a parent of very young kids, tantrums and tears become an element of everyday life. It can be incredibly difficult to remain patient with your children on especially emotional days when meltdowns seem to happen once an hour, but don’t be quick to assume your child is spoiled.
Extreme expressions of emotions, whether it’s tantrums or tearfulness, are par for the course for young children. In fact, you may even notice that your child has become more volatile right about the time they reach preschool. This is because, as your child grows, their emotions become more complex and more pronounced, according to Psych Central.

While a newly walking toddler may react with extreme anger, they quickly swing back to happy when presented with a distraction. Preschoolers, on the other hand, have a better understanding of how their world works and who they are and may struggle with anxiety over relatively small changes or feel intense jealousy of a sibling.
To the dismay of most parents, preschoolers experience these extreme emotions but they have yet to mature to the point of expressing them in a socially acceptable way.

There is good news, however: Letting your child experience their feelings and even helping them name them is a simple and effective approach for preschool-aged children.

Impulsive Behavior

Young children can act in the most surprising (and confusing) ways. If you are observing impulsivity and a lack of self-control in your young child, know that this is expected behavior for toddlers and young school-aged children.

Kid’s impulsivity can be blamed on their developing brains, according to non-profit parenting resource Zero to Three. After age 3, the areas of the brain responsible for exhibiting self-control begin to develop. As they get older, their brain will mature, and you will begin to notice they are better equipped to think through their decisions and control their impulses.

Hunger- or Exhaustion-Induced Behaviors

If you have ever kept a toddler out past their bedtime, you’ve probably noticed how they turn into a completely different child when their basic needs aren’t met. Kids know when they are hungry, bored, or tired and when they don’t have those needs met, it is difficult for everyone involved. According to Pennsylvania State University’s research-based online resource, PennState Extension, this is a developmentally appropriate reaction, not bad behavior.

You may experience tantrums, extreme hyperactivity, or tearfulness in a child who simply needs a nap or a snack but isn’t mature enough to express those needs well. There is good news for parents in this phase of their child’s life: You can do something about it! The simplest solution for avoiding meltdowns over unmet needs is making sure those needs get met.
Whenever possible, bring a snack along to avoid hunger, a toy to avoid boredom, and try not to keep your child out through naptime or past bedtime.

Rigidity

Changing up a child’s normal routine can bring out a wide range of behaviors and emotions. One of my children gets incredibly anxious when she isn’t sure what is happening next, while another gets distressed when we break up our normal breakfast rotation.

For a parent who needs some flexibility or simply enjoys changing things up from time-to-time, rigidity in toddlers can be an exasperating experience. Of course, like most difficult behaviors in children, this attachment to routines is simply a part of child development.
Toddlers begin to notice that their lives follow certain patterns and routines. With time, they begin to expect those routines and when things don’t happen as expected it can cause them distress, according to an article by Jenna Ewing and Dr. Gregory S. Chasson of Towson University.

Most children will start to show a little more flexibility around 3 or 4 years of age. Rigid or repetitive behavior is only cause for concern if it continues in school-aged children and is paired with extreme anxiety.

Demanding Independence

Every parent has been there. You have someplace you need to be, but your 3-year-old is determined to put his shoes on himself. The minutes pass by and your child stubbornly insists they can do it by himself and erupts into a tantrum anytime you try to assist. When you’re in a hurry, a toddler’s demands for independence can be infuriating, but this, too, is a developmentally appropriate behavior.

In fact, a child’s insistence on being granted a level of independence from a young age is a healthy part of getting older. By first grade, your child should be able to perform most of their self-care. In order to help our children reach that milestone, we have to be willing to give them the independence they so desperately desire.
For many families, this may mean building a few extra minutes into the morning or bedtime routines or allowing their children to practice these life skills in low-pressure situations.

Pushing Boundaries

As children mature, it is perfectly normal for them to test the rules and boundaries you have set for them. For many children, boundary testing is a way they check to see if you will give them the consistency they so desperately need.

In fact, the boundaries we set for our kids are directly related to how well they learn to practice self-control in the future, according to parenting resource AHA! Parenting. So, when your children push back against your rules, know they this is a part of the learning process and a consistent response to this developmental behavior is the best approach, no matter their age.