Category: Motherhood

Why is it that policy proposals that target women’s choices always spring from the mind of a man?
A 2014 article published inexplicably in the Guardian’s “News” section is a case in point. In the “expert” opinion piece (which has recently churned to the surface of the internet after a few years of deserved obscurity), a guy named Eric Assadourian argues that baby formula should be treated as a controlled substance worldwide.

Assadourian works as something called a “Transforming Cultures project director” at the sustainability research NGO Worldwatch Institute. We suppose he was simply trying to transform our culture.
Assadourian calls for a global Framework Convention on Formula Control, which would make formula available only by prescription. The goal is to make every mother in the world breastfeed their babies, no matter how she feels about it.

For the record, Assadourian’s risible policy is modeled on the World Health Organization’s Framework Convention on Tobacco Control, which shows you what he really thinks about baby formula.

If Assadourian could stop mansplaining motherhood for a hot second, he might learn that women generally don’t choose formula over breast milk because they hate their babies.

By some estimates, 1 in 1,000 new moms is physically unable to produce breast milk, a condition known as mammary hypoplasia. That might not sound like a lot, but considering that nearly 4 million infants were born in the U.S. in 2010 (the last year for which the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has published statistics), that’s 4,000 moms who probably don’t want to be publicly shamed for a health problem that they can’t control.
Then there’s postpartum depression, which affects 1 in 7 women who give birth, by the American Psychological Association’s count. If Assadourian wants to tell a mom with a serious mood disorder that she should snap out of it and get pumping, what can we say?

(If you’re struggling with postpartum depression or think you might be, help is available. Call the Postpartum Support International hotline at 800-944-4PPD. That’s 800-944-4773.)
Men raise infants alone, too. Do we really want to ask them to call in a prescription every week to keep their babies fed?

Finally, social conditions predict the likelihood of exclusive breastfeeding with remarkable consistency.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, 21 percent of women who earn six times the poverty line breastfeed for six months after giving birth. Only 12 percent of mothers below the poverty line reach that same milestone.

The reasons for the disparity are as dismaying as they are familiar. Low-income moms have to return to work much sooner than their wealthier counterparts. The United States still doesn’t have laws guaranteeing paid maternity leave, and lower-paying jobs are far less likely to offer this benefit.
Women who aren’t wealthy often lack the freedom to stop what they’re doing and breastfeed their baby 10 to 12 times a day. Placing an added burden on these women could amount to class discrimination.

As Jeanne Sager writes on Cafemom, “Whether you love formula companies or hate them, breast milk is neither free nor available to all mothers. All the other aforementioned issues that keep moms from breastfeeding remain, and they’re not going away anytime soon.”
How many times do we have to say it? Her body, her choice.

Nisha Moodley always asks her infant son, Raven, if she can pick him up before she gathers him in her arms.

You might think that’s an odd choice. You might point out that infants don’t speak and that even if this mom asks, she has no way of knowing his response. You might be wrong about those things.

“Since the moment he was born, we’ve always asked before we pick him up,” Moodley wrote in an Instagram post featuring her and her son flashing gigantic grins. “I always feel for his ‘yes.'”

Moodley is certainly not alone in her belief that she can intuit her son’s preferences without verbal language. Many moms say that they can “feel” their preverbal infant’s needs and desires.

Moodley relies on a mother’s sixth sense to feel her son’s consent. She always asks for it before she places her hands on his body. 

Her reasoning is brilliant, especially in a culture that doesn’t always teach boys and men about respecting other people’s physical space—or the vital importance of consent in physical relationships, for that matter.

So why does Moodley ask her son if she can pick him up before doing so?

“Because we want him to know that his body is his, and that others’ bodies are theirs, and no one gets to make choices about someone else’s body,” this forward-thinking mom wrote.

Moodley concludes her post with a piece of advice that everyone should hear.

“If you ever want to hold someone else’s baby, my suggestion is to ask the parent, then ask the kid,” she wrote. “It always touches my heart when someone takes a moment to connect with him and says, ‘Can I hold you, dude?'”

Moodley’s post earned a quick 600 likes and sparked a conversation about men, women, consent, and parenting in the comments section. Of course this took place on the internet, so not all the commenters were particularly polite.

Some moms wrote in with a different viewpoint, arguing that they don’t need permission to express love to their children. The conversation remained civil, and most commenters reached a loving agreement to disagree. That’s something you don’t often find on comment boards.

Yahoo Beauty reached out to Moodley to learn more about her thoughtful parenting technique.

“The best thing I can do is honor his choices about his own body,” she said. “I also want him to pay attention to his instincts, and forcing physical touch could interfere with that.”

Moodley also elaborated on how she senses her son’s consent.

“There have been times where Raven has responded by reaching his arms out for a hug or turning his head or body away,” she explained. Those signals seem pretty hard to misinterpret.

Ultimately, it’s up to every mom to decide how to be the best parent she can be. There’s no set of rules, and there’s no one way to help a baby boy grow into a wonderful man. As Moodley herself wrote on Instagram, “Trust the pace of your wisdom and the wisdom of your pace.” 

Countless expectant moms continue on with their jobs after learning they are pregnant, but Wonder Woman lead Gal Gadot took the title “working mom” to a whole new level when she filmed reshoots for the film while she was five months pregnant.

Working while pregnant isn’t an uncommon experience, especially over the last half a century. Although staying home while pregnant may have been a common expectation in the 1950s, in the early 2000s 66% of women expecting their first child continued working throughout their entire pregnancy, according to the Pew Research Center.
Still, if your job involved fighting the “war to end all wars,” you might think twice about heading in to work while pregnant. Keeping up with the demands of filming a movie packed with intense action and battle sequences is challenging enough, but Gadot did it all while growing a human being.

When the time came to film reshoots—an inevitable part of producing most films—Gadot wasn’t about to let her growing baby bump stand in the way of fulfilling her Wonder Woman responsibilities.
“She’s pregnant during part of the movie,” director Patty Jenkins told Entertainment Weekly. “There are so many things we asked her to do: Now do it on one foot. Now shout while you’re doing it.”

In order to accommodate the changes in Gadot’s body, the costume crew adjusted by cutting a triangle out of the front of her costume, according to Entertainment Weekly. Additionally, her belly was covered with a special green fabric that made it possible to hide the pregnancy using special effects once the shooting was finished.

Of course, Gadot isn’t the first actress to keep filming after finding out motherhood was in their near future. Here are six actresses you probably never knew were pregnant while filming.

Debra Messing

Forget about special effects, clothing and strategically placed props were used to conceal Debra Messing’s pregnancy during the filming of Will & Grace.

When Messing became pregnant while filming the sixth season of the show, the crew made many accommodations to try to hide her growing belly. Unfortunately, after experiencing pregnancy complications, Messing was put on bed rest and couldn’t be a part of filming the final episodes of the season.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

In season three of Seinfeld—arguably the most popular sitcom of all time—Julia Louis-Dreyfus took a short hiatus from the show while her character, Elaine, went on a European adventure.

Unlike Elaine, Louis-Dreyfus wasn’t on vacation, she was caring for her new child. While the first several episodes of the season were filmed, props and costumes were used to conceal her growing belly.

Amy Poehler

If you look close enough, you just might be able to spot a growing belly on Leslie Knope in seasons two and three of Parks and Recreation.

Not only did Poehler keep filming throughout her pregnancy, she actually shot two seasons back to back, an accommodation the show’s creators made to allow her a longer maternity leave after her son was born.

Ellen Pompeo

When the sixth season of Grey’s Anatomy began filming, the cast and crew had to get creative when it came to accommodating the leading actress’ growing pregnancy belly. Instead of writing Ellen Pompeo’s pregnancy into the storyline, they wrote around it. Several episodes were shot strategically, showing only her back or above above her belly.

As the end of her pregnancy drew near, a plot line was written that involved Meredith Grey donating part of her liver to her father. Her character’s surgery conveniently required some time off work, which meant Pompeo could take a much needed maternity leave.

Sarah Jessica Parker

It was undoubtedly helpful that Carrie Bradshaw, Sarah Jessica Parker’s character in the long-running TV series Sex in the City, was known for her unique ensembles.

When Parker became pregnant during the filming of the show’s fifth season, her fashion choices became more than just a statement—they were used to cover up her pregnant belly.

January Jones

No one saw it coming when Betty Draper—ex-wife to Mad Men’s leading character, Don Draper—gained a significant amount of weight during the show’s fifth season.

Betty, played by January Jones, found a lot of security and power in her beauty, but when Jones became pregnant, the show’s creators eager to try something new. Instead of writing in a pregnancy, they had Betty gain weight and grapple not only with her shame over her weight but also with the health issues that were causing the unexpected weight gain.
The accommodations that are made to hide a character’s pregnancy are impressive, but they pale in comparison to the demands of working while pregnant. Acting while pregnant is no small feat—especially in cases like Gadot’s, whose character was part of battle scenes and physically demanding action sequences.

What about everyone else?

Of course, countless expectant moms continue on with their normal lives and jobs after learning they’re expecting, but not all workplaces are as accommodating as a Hollywood movie set.

The truth is, working while pregnant can be tough. Early morning commutes and first trimester fatigue and nausea don’t exactly go hand and hand. And if lifting, walking, or cleaning are a part of your daily workplace tasks, you can bet these things are only going to become more difficult as your baby bump grows.

Working in an environment where you experience pregnancy harassment or an unwillingness to accommodate your needs only makes pregnancy more difficult and stressful. The good news is there are laws in place to protect moms-to-be by making the workplace a safe place.
The first of these laws, the Pregnancy Discrimination Act, requires employers to treat pregnant women as they do any other temporarily disabled employees. This can be a little confusing, because this law doesn’t actually require your boss to give you time off or accommodate your pregnancy in any way.

What it does mean: If company bylaws state that accommodations will be made for other temporarily disabled employees, the same allowances must be made for expectant mothers. It’s good to keep in mind that many employers are willing to work with their pregnant employees, so make a point to talk it through with your supervisor to reach an agreement about what is best for you, your baby, and the company where you work.

Under this law, pregnant moms are also protected from being discriminated against because they are pregnant. This means that as long as they are able to perform their job duties, their employer can’t terminate them or require them to take a leave from their position simply because they are pregnant.

The second of these laws is the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA). This is a law that protects the jobs of employees who need to take time off to care for someone in their family. In the case of the birth of a child, the new parent’s job is to be held for up to 12 weeks while the mother cares for and bonds with her new baby.
Unfortunately, the FMLA is an unpaid leave. When it comes to maternity leave, the United States has a ways to go before it is on par with other developed countries. In fact, out of 41 developed countries offering maternity leave to employees, we are the only country that does not offer any form of paid parental leave, according to the Pew Research Center.

Being pregnant certainly doesn’t mean your career has to come to a screeching halt. Except in the case of unique pregnancy complications, most women can carry on with their typical job responsibilities.
Of course, don’t hold yourself to the standards of Wonder Woman. If you have any concerns that your job is becoming a hazard to your health or the health of your growing baby, visit with your doctor and your employer about potential changes that can be made to your job until your new baby arrives.

In February 2017, Betsy DeVos narrowly slid through her confirmation hearing to become the U.S. Secretary of Education.

Before Vice President Pence’s tie-breaking vote confirmed DeVos in her new position, she served as chair of a pro–school-choice group called American Federation for Children.

One of the core planks of that group’s policy proposal is to encourage the growth of charter schools, which, in the simplest terms, are public schools run by private groups. Those groups can be educators, special interest groups, institutions, or—as opponents to heavier investment in charters never tire of pointing out—for-profit businesses.

According to NPR, 15 percent of the nearly 7,000 charter schools in operation in the United States today are run by for-profits, which generate income at least in part through funds drawn from the public school system.

In Michigan, where DeVos worked as a chairwoman for the Republican Party before joining the president’s cabinet, 80 percent of charter schools are run by for-profit businesses. That’s a higher concentration of for-profit charter schools than you’ll find in any other state.

Given DeVos’ well-documented support of for-profit charter schools and the strength of her platform as secretary of education, it seems like a good time to stop and ask the crucial question about this new approach to the U.S. public school system. Do for-profit charter schools actually do a better job of educating our children?

A recent study from the Center for Research on Education Outcomes (CREDO) at Stanford University suggests that the answer is decidedly “no.”

CREDO’s study, “Charter Management Organizations 2017,” compared academic performance at nonprofit and for-profit charter schools.

On average, students at for-profit institutions required 23 extra days of math education to reach the same benchmarks as their counterparts at nonprofit schools. They needed six extra days of reading instruction.

By comparison, the study found that students at traditional public schools required 11 more days of both reading and math than attendees of nonprofit charter schools did. However, students who receive special education are far better off at traditional public schools than either type of charter institution.

Special education students at schools in a charter network in which a single organization runs multiple schools fell behind in math by 86 days per year compared to public schools as we used to know them. In other types of charter schools, the students who receive special education fell behind by 108 days per year.

Academics who study charter schools and public education tend to agree that CREDO’s research is rigorous and reliable. Advocates on both sides of the debate regularly cite CREDO studies, although they tend to cherry-pick the research that supports their viewpoint while ignoring the undeniable mixed outcomes in charter school performance. 

No matter where you stand on hot-button issues like school choice, voucher programs, and teachers unions, this CREDO study provides valuable data that should help guide education policy on a national level. The only question now is whether legislators are interested in that data.

For parents, it’s a natural impulse.

Your child is afraid to go down the slide at the local playground. To help them relax, you offer to slide down with them (plus, if you’re being honest, a part of you really wants to go down the slide). You climb to the top, put your child on your lap, and slide to the ground. It’s all in good fun, right?

Not quite. As some unfortunate parents are finding out, the practice can be dangerous.

The New York Times reported on one such case in 2012. Katie Dickman went down a slide while holding her daughter, Hannah, but on the way down, the little girl’s shoelace got stuck on part of the slide. Unfortunately, Katie’s momentum prevented a clean stop, and Hannah suffered a fractured tibia.

“My wife was just trying to keep Hannah extra safe and make sure she didn’t fall,” Hannah’s father, Jed Dickman, told the New York Times. “She felt very guilty about it.”

This isn’t the sort of injury that can be easily tracked through public statistics, but pediatric orthopedic specialists say that it’s surprisingly common.

Adults may have trouble controlling their momentum on slides, causing broken bones and bruises.

“It is not uncommon for young children to be injured when riding down a slide on a caregiver’s lap,” Dr. Anne Butler, Medical Director of PM Pediatrics of Forest Hills, said to Mommy Nearest. “The shin bone can be broken when the child’s foot or leg gets caught or twisted and the caregiver’s weight continues to push them down the slide.”

Dr. Edward Holt, the orthopedic surgeon who treated Hannah’s injuries at Anne Arundel Medical Center in Annapolis, Maryland, concurred.

“This fracture is entirely preventable, and I am speaking out about this fracture to publicize how it happens,” Dr. Holt said in a YouTube video. “I’d like to not see this fracture occur anymore.”

Holt says that most injuries occur when children wear rubber-soled shoes. The shoes create enough friction to stop the child’s foot on the slide, but the weight of the adult doesn’t allow for a natural stop. In some cases, children purposely try to stop by putting out their feet, which can exacerbate the injury.

“It can create significant deformity and require surgical treatment,” Holt said. “The parent—the adult—is just devastated for having caused a fracture when they were trying to keep the child safe.”

“Sometimes one parent is angry at the other parent because that parent caused the child’s fracture,” he told the New York Times. “It has some real consequences to families, and I hate to see it happen.”

So, how can you help your child slide safely?

Simple: Let them take on the slide alone. If they’re too young to go down without adult assistance, they’re probably too young to play on the slide, period.

Of course, adults can still go down slides on their own to show kids that it’s a safe, fun exercise (provided that the slide is designed to hold an adult’s weight).

When you’re pregnant, the quality of your health care is of critical importance.

But as one Reddit user recently learned, if you don’t find a doctor early in your pregnancy, you may have trouble finding one later.

A post to a pregnancy subreddit (/r/BabyBumps) detailed one anonymous user’s terrifying experience. She claims that she discovered her pregnancy when she was already 29 weeks in—and as a result of her condition, doctors refused to treat her.

“So I called every OB I could within a 60 mile radius,” wrote the user, who goes by the handle 29weekspregnant-wtf. “A lot of them told me they could not take me on as their patient because I was past 24 weeks and it was a liability they were unable to take.”

By the time she’d discovered her pregnancy, doctors said she was too far along. They couldn’t risk taking her as a patient because the chances of a complication were significantly higher given the lack of medical checkups early in her pregnancy. It was an almost unthinkable catch-22.

She says that she eventually found a doctor who’d accept her—but the physician informed her that her insurance wouldn’t cover the necessary examinations. As a result, she was forced to apply for Medicaid, which brought its own complications.

“I get a call last Monday (a week ago from tomorrow) that Medicaid had switched me over to some other type of insurance called Anthem HealthKeepers…okaaay,” she wrote. “Call up my Medicaid case worker, they wouldn’t be in until Wednesday and no one could give me my insurance information except for my case worker. Well [expletive], alright.

“Wait until Wednesday, FINALLY get my HealthKeepers number. Call the OB practice back, give them that info. They tell me that the hospital I went to won’t release my medical information of when I found out I was pregnant so I would have to go to the hospital and request it myself.”

As she told Reddit, she was worried that she might need induction or a C-section or any other involved procedure. Because she couldn’t find health care, however, she couldn’t know for sure.

While it’s difficult to find dependable statistics, women occasionally discover pregnancies in their second or third trimesters.

That can create substantial coverage issues. Although for the time being health insurance companies cannot deny coverage to pregnant women under the Affordable Care Act, doctors themselves can decide to turn those women away.

Some physicians are skeptical that the Reddit user is telling the whole story—or that she understands her local doctors’ reservations.

“[Doctors] would never turn someone down just for that reason,” Lauren Streicher, MD, told Women’s Health magazine. She says that issues with medical records may prevent women from finding obstetricians but shouldn’t outright prevent treatment.

For women who discover pregnancies when they are far along, it’s still a troubling story. Streicher says that expectant mothers should consider visiting major hospitals to find physician referrals, as most centers have referral departments specifically set up for this purpose.

Jacee Dellapenna couldn’t wait to meet her new brother.

That’s why the 12-year-old made the unusual decision to help with the baby’s birth.

You’re a superstar, Jacee!

Now pictures of Jacee’s incredible experience are spreading across the internet—where, this being the internet, they’re meeting lots of loving support as well as plenty of vicious judgement in the comments sections.

Here’s how Jacee ended up assisting in her little brother’s entrance into the world: Initially, the girl was supposed to be present, but she wasn’t going to take part in the actual procedure. According to Jacee’s mother, Dede Carraway, the idea of a more hands-on role for the 12-year-old came from the family’s “crazy doctor,” who decided on the spot that Jacee could “catch” the infant.

The family always intended to keep Jacee, in the room, even if they had to wait until the crucial moment to realize she’d be the first person outside of the womb to touch her baby brother.

Carraway told Babble that she made arrangements to allow her daughter to witness the delivery, adding that she knew Jacee probably wouldn’t have another opportunity; Carraway already has a 19-month-old in addition to the newborn, so she’d decided that the new child would be her last. That made this Jacee’s last chance to witness the miracle of her mother giving birth.

If that seems strange to you, you’re not alone.

A quick glance through the comments wherever these photos are posted will tell you that.

Children attending births has been happening in other cultures for many years.

But before you rush to judgement, consider the experience of Darby Morris, birth doula and owner/founder of Sweetbay Doula, which provides birth assistance to families in the San Francisco area.

Having siblings in the room during a birth isn’t such an exceptional thing, she tells HealthyWay.

“In general, other children attending births is a very traditional thing and has been happening in other cultures for many years,” Morris says.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that everyone needs to invite their kids into the birthing process, no matter what. There’s no one-size-fits-all style of giving birth.

“I think it depends on the child and how the parents have prepared the child for the process,” Morris says. As in all things, individual results may vary.

In Jacee’s case, she was excited to join in, donning blue plastic scrubs and gloves for the procedure.

In the photos, she appears somewhat nervous at first, but when she sees her new brother, her expression quickly changes. She’s overwhelmed with emotion, and it’s difficult to see the photos without getting a little choked up.

That might be why family friend Nikki Smith shared the photos on her social media pages. Smith is a songwriter with a fairly large following, and her posts quickly went viral.

“Meet Jacee!” Smith wrote online. “This 12 year old helped deliver her baby brother and the emotions on her face is too amazing not to share! You’re a superstar jacee!”

Perhaps unsurprisingly, some comments on social media questioned the decision to have a 12-year-old in the delivery room. And some felt that the experience would be too overwhelming for a child. Jacee’s mom strongly disagrees.

There is no one-size-fits-all.

Birth is a natural experience, she would argue. It’s a beautiful thing to share with your loved ones. But does that really mean you want to subject a child to a miraculous experience that also happens to double as an intense moment of extremity?

Sara Chana Silverstein, a doula, lactation consultant, soon-to-be author, and mother of seven, knows a thing or two about the birthing process. As a doula, she has attended 469 births—and she doesn’t believe labor is an environment suitable for young children.

“Moms yell, scream, often throw things and say things they later regret ([which is] all part of a normal and healthy birth),” Silverstein says.

That said, Silverstein does believe all women 17 and older should witness a birth before they themselves decide to have children. Silverstein’s 19-year-old daughter happened to be with her when a client went into labor and called for Silverstein’s assistance.

The daughter ended up helping with the birth, and “it has made my daughter a stronger, more confident woman today,” says the doula.

Friends quickly jumped to the family’s defense in online discussions.

“I personally know this family and I have known Jacee since she was a baby,” reads one comment. “She is an awesome big sister and always been very mature, nurturing, and caring about her brothers and ANY other child.”

Smith also weighed in, providing some background for the pictures.

“I am so glad jacee is being seen all over the world!” she wrote. “Although some of you may not agree with her helping deliver her baby brother, this beautiful moment will always be remembered by both her mother and herself.”

“If you don’t like the post just keep scrolling, no need to comment and speak negative,” Smith continued. “Birth is a natural process and there is absolutely nothing wrong with allowing her daughter to witness this beautiful moment. It’s not for e
veryone but jacee was a rockstar and helped deliver a newborn! I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t have when I was 12! Mother and baby are being discharged home today and jacee is ecstatic about the feedback she’s getting.”

In many cultures—and for most of human history—birth is an essential part of the family’s communal experience. The idea of pulling moms out of the family and delivering them into the capable hands of the obstetrics department at the local hospital only arose during the 20th century, when it coincided with the growing dominance of Western medical science.

So the expression on Jacee’s face might not look so unfamiliar to the bulk of human beings who have ever existed. Perhaps her role in her brother’s birth is simply part of a long and natural tradition.

On the other hand, many mothers-to-be take the opposite approach.

There are plenty of moms in labor who keep family members out of the birthing room—and for good reason. Not every family member is helpful during the storm and stress of childbirth.

While those images of Jacee are powerful and deeply human, what if, instead of an awed 12-year-old, the subject of those photos was a bossy mother-in-law?

“My ‘high maintenance’ (aka boundary-challenged) mom insisted on being at the hospital when my DD [dear daughter] was born,” wrote an anonymous user on the DC Urban Moms and Dads forum.

“Even though she wasn’t in the room for the c-section after labor failed to progress, she was really overwhelming and as I was just fresh from delivering a baby, my DH [dear husband] bore the brunt of it.”

Too many moms out there can relate to this anonymous poster’s story. And that day with the mom in the hospital room has had lasting impacts on the family’s emotional lives.

“Two years later, he still regrets acquiescing to her being there, and he’s right—she intruded in our first moments bonding as a family,” the anonymous mom continued. “DH and DD are super close now, but I regret not doing everything in my power to facilitate their initial bonding as father and daughter.”

Others noted that the delivery room is an extremely stressful environment where anything can go wrong—and some issues can be quite traumatic for a young child. Meanwhile, some mothers can be traumatic for their pregnant daughters. Did we mention there’s no one-size-fits-all with this stuff?

But many mothers say that the birthing experience is profound enough that everyone should experience it.

Midwives and doctors generally agree, although they often recommend preparing family members by asking them to watch a few live births on videotape before the big day comes.

“There is no one-size-fits-all,” says author and doula Chaya Valier, backing up our main argument. “On the one hand, a child of any age might enjoy helping out with the birth, or even just being present. On the other extreme, it could be traumatic.”

Valier believes it’s best for pregnant moms to talk with their families about their “game-day” plans, but to also handle each situation as it comes. Crucially, families must be prepared for changes in their birthing plans.

“Feel out the situation at the time, and have an alternative caretaker in case it’s not suitable for the child to be present at the time the mother is going through labor/giving birth,” Valier says.

Still, only a mother can make the decision to invite family members to be in the delivery room (or, if need be, to kick family members out of said room).

We certainly wouldn’t second-guess Carraway’s decision. And from viewing these pictures, it’s clear that Jacee isn’t in any way traumatized. If anything, she seems to have developed a greater respect for the gift of life.

Carraway says that she hopes Jacee will remember the experience when she decides for herself whether to have children. She told Babble that Jacee will have a “different understanding” of birth than most kids her age.

In any case, Jacee’s certainly got an amazing story to tell her brother one day—and a set of beautiful pictures to share with the world.

Thank you TSA for an experience I’ll never forget!

As every parent knows, traveling with infants can be challenging. That’s especially true when a baby is still breastfeeding—and when the Transportation Security Administration identifies your milk as potentially explosive.
According to one mother, that’s exactly what happened during a recent trip to Denver International Airport.

In a letter posted to the social media account “Breastfeeding Mama Talk,” Heather Andi Jones claims that she was temporarily detained by the TSA when an automated machine identified her milk as a potentially hazardous substance. Obviously, TSA agents took the threat seriously; Jones, however, thinks that the officials went a bit too far, especially when they asked her to cover herself while nursing her child.
Titling the post “Terrible TSA,” the mother detailed the incident.

“I was flying with my 3-month-old,” the post reads. “First time flying with a baby, and it was just her and I. Did my research, and brought frozen breastmilk as well as one 4 oz bottle I had pumped an hour earlier. I wanted something Amelia could drink on the plane if she started melting down.”
This was good research on Jones’ part. The administration notes that liquid [linkbuilder id=”3901″ text=”breast milk and formula”] is allowed “in reasonable quantities” greater than 3.4 ounces and that frozen liquids are allowed (though screened separately).

“Amelia can be a bit picky about breastfeeding, so I figured I’d have both options for the flight. Getting through security though turned out to take much longer than expected, with a heart attack shutting down one lane and wedged car seat shutting down another. Amelia was definitely getting hungry and fussy.”
“Once I got through the metal detector and started collecting my things, I was directed to another area where TSA needed to inspect something inside my bag. I figured it was the frozen breastmilk. That cleared right away, but they were having problems with my 4 oz bottle of fresh milk.”

Again, TSA guidelines seem to explicitly allow fresh milk, so the mother wasn’t worried.

Jones thought that this would be a quick check, but that wasn’t the case.

The situation became considerably worse when the infant started to act up.
“Amelia was really starting to lose it, so I asked if I could just stand there and feed her the bottle,” Jones wrote. “Nope. They put it in a machine and it somehow tested positive for explosives.”

We couldn’t find any definitive information on why breast milk might return a false positive in a TSA screening machine. A piece on ThoughtCo explains that products with glycerin can create such false positives. Glycerin is a fairly common additive that’s often found in baby wipes, hand lotions, and various cosmetics. It’s possible that Jones had touched the bottle after handling one or more of these substances, and enough glycerin rubbed off to set off the alarms.

We reached out to TSA spokesperson Lucia Martinez, who declined to comment on whether glycerin could cause a false positive.
“Our equipment tests for a variety of explosive components,” Martinez wrote in an email to HealthyWay. “Unfortunately, we don’t publicly reveal what they are to not tip off anyone who is trying to game the system.”

Unfortunately for Jones, the positive test triggered a pat-down from the agents.
“I was then surrounded by about 6 TSA agents, and they made me wait till a woman agent could come over and give me a very detailed pat-down. At this point Amelia was on the edge, making all the motions of desperately needing to feed.”

While Jones didn’t expand on what the “very detailed pat-down” entailed, the TSA’s guidelines state that pat-downs are part of “additional steps” taken when a mother asks agents not to X-ray or open her breast milk container.
“They made me put her in the stroller and hold my arms out while they patted me down. She lost it. She just started screaming and screaming. I started crying cause I couldn’t do anything, looking down at her while the TSA agent took her sweet time with a very detailed pat -down. She finally finished and let me pick Amelia back up, but I had to continue standing there while waiting for the gloves to be tested.

I’ve read so many stories of other women having issues, and really never thought I’d end up having such a hard time myself.

“Finally they came back with a negative result. I was forced to dump the bottle of breast milk. I grabbed my stuff and walked over to the nearest place to sit, Amelia screaming the whole time. Finally able to feed her, we sat and I calmed down some. Then a TSA agent came up to me and asked if he could find me a cover while I breastfed.”

Given the stress of the experience, Jones wasn’t about to comply with that request.

“‘No thanks,’ I told him. He tried to argue, but I said she doesn’t like having her head covered while feeding. Besides, she’s almost done. He hesitated for a minute, then gave up. Amelia finished and we caught our plane to LAX, where I found a wonderful nursing room to feed her the next meal.”
“I’ve read so many stories of other women having issues, and really never thought I’d end up having such a hard time myself. Thank you TSA for an experience I’ll never forget!”
We reached out to TSA about their policy on public feeding.
“TSA does not have a policy on breastfeeding in public nor we are against it,” they responded. “Thanks.”

Speaking of other stories…

In August, a Michigan woman named Stacie Vroman claimed that TSA agents waited to check her milk for an extended period of time, causing Vroman to miss her flight.
“It almost felt like they were being vindictive at that point . . . almost a power trip or something and I don’t know if they weren’t trained properly with how to test it,” Vroman told Wood TV. “And I had asked TSA, I said, ‘Can you guys just check it because I have to get on the flight.’ Like I’m my child’s source of food, so I have to be on the same flight, otherwise we don’t have a way to feed him.”

The TSA emailed ABC Action News and claimed to have investigated the incident, writing that “officers working at the checkpoint correctly followed all procedures.”
Vroman’s family had to change their flight, which resulted in an unscheduled trip to a more remote airport.
In 2014, California mother Stacey Armato settled her lawsuit against the TSA after being detained in a glass holding area for refusing to allow agents to X-ray her milk. At the time, Armato said that she’d printed the TSA’s rules out to take to the airport, but agents at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport refused to perform an alternate screening. The mother later donated some of the money from the settlement to non-profit BreastfeedLA.
And in June of 2017, the TSA apologized after tossing out a Colorado mother’s bottled breast milk during a screening.

So, what should mothers do when traveling with breast milk?

In an email, a TSA spokesperson told HealthyWay that travelers should inform officers of large containers of liquid at the beginning of the process. According to TSA guidelines, any container over 3.4 ounces will trigger a check.
These liquids are checked with an X-ray. In some cases, officers may ask parents to open containers and remove a small portion of the liquid. Travelers can refuse to have certain liquids X-rayed, but this inevitably results in “additional steps,” including a pat-down and a full screening of other carry-on items.
By the way, you probably don’t have much to worry about with the X-ray screening: While X-rays do emit ionizing radiation, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) says that there are “no known adverse effects from eating food, drinking beverages, and using medicine screened by X-ray.”
What if a container of breast milk triggers the TSA’s explosive trace detection (ESD) systems? The administration doesn’t publish rates of false positives, but concedes that they can occur. TSA machinery is tuned for extreme sensitivity, so there isn’t much margin for error—nor should there be.

In Jones case, the story has a happy ending.

The mother noted that her infant was “back to her happy self” once she was on the plane with a full tummy.

Of course, the real question is whether the TSA’s guidelines are sufficiently consistent and whether they were followed appropriately. Agents certainly shouldn’t have asked the mother to cover up while feeding—given the circumstances, Jones needed to do whatever she could to keep Amelia from fussing through her flight. If there was ever a situation that called for open breastfeeding, this was it.
But the screening process is also understandable, since agents couldn’t just take Jones at her word. Airport security is, after all, serious business.
In any case, the incident and the ensuing social media fervor will undoubtedly prompt a review of TSA policies. Hopefully it’s nothing more than a one-time inconvenience (and a great story) for Jones and her baby. We wouldn’t blame her if she decides to take the train for her next trip, though.

“Leashes are for dogs,” they say.

“I’d never embarrass my child like that,” they say.

(Ever notice how when parents are being judgmental of each other, they always refer to their kid as “my child”?)

These model parents are, of course, talking about the child harness—or as it’s more commonly known, the kid leash. This piece of child safety equipment has somehow earned a spot right up there with the co-sleeping debate and the question of how long to breastfeed. These are topics that can lead perfectly reasonable parents to the brink of a fistfight.

Clint Edwards runs the popular parenting site No Idea What I’m Doing: A Daddy Blog. He recently issued a powerful salvo in the Kid Leash Wars, and it’s safe to say that he is decidedly pro-leash.

“We were at the farmer’s market. No shame. I put this kid on a leash,” begins the post that launched a thousand comments.

Edwards goes on to explain that his daughter Aspen is “a wild child.”

“The real difficulty with having a wild child is that you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t,” Edwards wrote.

“Because the fact is, if I didn’t put Aspen on a leash while at amusement parks, the zoo, a crowded mall, or the farmer’s market, she’d be the lost child announced over the intercom. She’d be the kid popping up in every Facebook feed for wandering into a shopping center parking lot unattended. She could be the child climbing into the tiger cage.”

Edwards admits that he gets a lot of dirty looks and unsolicited advice. All it takes is a quick Google search to find legions of parents with their noses proudly in the air, vowing that they would never demean “my child” with something as crass as a safety harness. Edwards’ post itself is full of comments blasting this father for leashing his child.

To these naysayers, Edwards has a clear message:

“I’m [keeping] this kid safe while maintaining my piece of mind, and that is 100 percent worth it,” he wrote. “Because the reality is she’ll calm down. She’ll figure it out, because all kids do. But until that day comes, I’m going to do whatever I can to keep her out of danger, even if it means a leash.”

That all seems to make sense. Not everyone agrees, of course.

Commenter Mark Thomson’s response is typical of the never-leashers.

“Putting your child on a leash says a lot about your knowledge of parenting, discipline, and unrealistic value of safety parameters and you should be judged,” Thomson wrote.

“There are no shortages of resources that can help any parent make improvements to their parenting techniques and methodologies. Especially in establishing a base discipline and behavioral expectations of the child. One thing [is] for sure… It’s not the child’s fault. A leash is wrong.”

A surprising number of parents share this viewpoint. Even Judith Goldberg, who writes the “Judy on Duty” column in Parents magazine, does not reserve judgement when it comes to child harnesses.

“Leashes are for dogs,” she wrote. “You wouldn’t put your child in a crate or let him poop on the sidewalk, right? If you have a bolter, invest in a cheap umbrella stroller with a buckle.”

Goldberg doesn’t address the difference between restraining your kid with a harness and strapping them down in a stroller—which sound to us like essentially the same thing.

Besides, comments like Goldberg’s seem to ignore the fact that every child is different. So is every parent.

Unless the American Pediatric Association (APA) or some other authority says child harnesses are harmful to kids, parents should feel free to use them without becoming the targets of online parent trolls. For the record, the APA has issued no such warning.

Speaking of safety, there is one type of child harness that you should avoid like the plague. Some models attach to your kid’s wrist. This can hamper a child’s natural stride, which depends on arm movements along with their toddling legs.

Even worse, if your kid wanders too close to the edge of a cliff and you suddenly pull them back, you might dislocate their elbow or shoulder. If you choose to leash your kid, buy a tether with a harness that fits around the chest, or else attach the leash to the kid’s backpack.

People tend to argue about the things they care most deeply about.

Parents love their children, so it’s natural that they develop very strong opinions on every aspect of raising a kid. Before you rush to judgement, though, consider how different every child is—and remember that some parents have to choose between keeping their kid on a leash and skipping public outings entirely.

The only one who can decide whether to leash a kid is that kid’s parent. There is absolutely no reason to feel guilty for doing whatever it takes to keep your child safe. Don’t let the haters get you down. Bare your leash proudly—it is an expression of your love and concern for your child.

Another commenter on Edwards’ contentious post seems to have the right idea. “I used to be pretty judgy about those things,” wrote Kristin Nosbusch. “Then I had kids. Keep on keepin’ on, man.”

“Save your kitchen,” wrote mom Brooke McDaniel in a social media post that’s gone ultra-viral. McDaniel shared a simple idea that solves a frustrating problem that every parent has dealt with.

When you feed your baby with bottles, you inevitably end up with bottles everywhere. They spill out of your cabinets. They roll underfoot. There’s just no good way to store the items that keep your baby fed.

Until now.

McDaniel described her project: “All my bottles in one place on my wall, space I wasn’t utilizing, instead of having a cabinet with bottles overflowing from it.”

Her secret? A simple, $12 shower caddy. She accompanies her description with pictures of a shower caddy hanging on her kitchen wall. Neat rows of baby bottles fit snugly in the shower caddy, with a row of pacifiers hanging from the hooks at the caddy’s base.

“Best ‘bottle holder’ I could ever have,” she wrote.

If you’re like us, you’re probably kicking yourself for not having thought of this sooner. Don’t be so hard on yourself, though. Allow us to echo McDaniel, who closes her post with something every mom needs to hear.

“And to each one of y’all reading this, if no one told you today—YOU ARE [AN] AWESOME MOM!”

Here are a few more life hacks that will help you be even awesomer.

1. Apply diaper cream with a makeup brush.

Why spend precious minutes washing thick, gloppy diaper cream off your hands when you can paint it on with a makeup brush? You’ll get better coverage and you’ll save time on cleanup.

2. Soothe your teething baby’s gums with breast milk popsicles.

Freeze breast milk in popsicle molds.

The cold will ease the pain of teething, and the milk will keep your baby full and happy.

3. Sneak in your naps when your baby is asleep.

Every new parent ends up terribly sleep deprived.

Take the edge off with power naps. Infants need lots and lots of sleep, so why not steal a few winks alongside your sleeping little one?

4. Place a stick-on hook on the back of the high chair and hang bibs from it.

There never seems to be a bib around when you need one. Ensure that you’ll never have to delay your hungry baby’s meal while you hunt around for a bib: Just stick a hook on the back of the high chair and there’ll always be one on hand.

When bibs are stored right there on the chair, you’ll always have one within reach at meal time.

5. Keep pacifiers clean by storing them in disposable condiment cups.

You know those little plastic condiment cups they give you at restaurants? Those things make terrific pacifier holders.

Throw in a binkie, put the top on, and carry a pacifier around in your purse without it getting all covered in crumbs and germs.

6. Get a white noise machine for the nursery.

Soft, consistent background noise can help your baby sleep.

That leads to more sleep for Mom and Dad, which makes everyone happier.

7. Opaque dark curtains also help keep baby asleep.

The darker the room, the better your infant will sleep. It can be hard to get a room totally dark for daytime naps—unless you hang thick, light-blocking curtains on the windows. While you’re at it, get an extra set for your own bedroom. You’ll need all the sleep you can get.

8. Use your vacuum sealer to make diapers super portable.

Vacuum sealers make great baby shower gifts. Why? Because in their natural state, diapers are pretty bulky. Vacuum seal them in plastic to flatten them out for better portability.

9. Wait until your baby’s in a deep sleep to cut their fingernails.

It’s not easy to trim an infant’s nails. They tend to squirm and wiggle and generally present a very difficult target.

The solution is to wait until your baby has been asleep for at least 20 minutes, then go in with the clippers.

10. Get a small mesh laundry bag for your baby’s socks.

Baby socks are way too easy to lose in the wash. They’re tiny. Plus, they’re socks—they’re predisposed to going missing.

If you throw them in a little mesh bag before tossing them into the washing machine, you’re way more likely to keep the pairs intact.

11. Transform a playpen into a sun-proof outdoor enclosure with an extra fitted crib sheet.

Fitted sheets for cribs usually fit perfectly over the top of a playpen. Throw one on top to create a safe zone for the baby while you finish the yard work.

The sheet will keep insects out and shield your infant’s sensitive skin from the sun. When it’s time to go back inside, you can whip it off in an instant.

12. Help your newborn drift off to slumberland by gently stroking their face with a paper tissue.

We’re not sure why this works, but it does. Take a tissue and pull it softly down your baby’s face. The sensation makes them uncontrollably tired. This might not work for every infant, but it has a pretty good track record, so it’s worth a try.