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More Than Mom Motherhood

How To Help A Friend With A Preemie Baby

Your best friend’s baby arrived—way too early. Weeks or maybe even months ahead of schedule. The baby is tiny and in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), and your friend—who is essentially living at the hospital—is terrified. In other words: She needs you more than ever.
I spoke with three moms about their experiences with premature babies. Here, Ashley Patronyak, Laura Millendorf, and Juliet Ross—New York City moms with two kids each—give us the lowdown on how to help a friend, what to say, and, most importantly, what not to say.

But first: What is a preemie?

A premature baby, often known as a preemie, is one born before 37 weeks’ gestation. An early birth is often accompanied with a slew of complications, which are, of course, exacerbated the earlier the baby is born. In other words, a baby born at 31 weeks will usually be smaller, less developed, and more at-risk than one born at 36 weeks, but this depends entirely on the circumstances around the birth and what problems led to preterm labor.
Other than being quite small—often well under 5 pounds—a preemie baby might have trouble in a number of vital areas: difficulty breathing and regulating temperature and a lack of reflexes to suck or nurse. A preemie baby may have heart problems (low blood pressure or heart complications), brain problems (because of possible brain bleeds), blood problems (anemia and/or jaundice), and gastrointestinal problems (because the system is underdeveloped). The immune system is also compromised.
Preemies often develop into typically healthy kids, but some can suffer long-term effects—anything from cerebral palsy to hearing or vision problems to impaired learning to compromised immune systems.
In other words, if your bestie has a preemie, she’s going to need your support.

HealthyWay asked the moms about the circumstances of their preemies’ preterm birth.

Laura: I had an abnormal placenta, which didn’t allow for proper growth, so I was hospitalized at 32 weeks’ gestation when my son’s growth percentile was dipping lower and lower (they had been following it since 25 weeks). At 35 weeks they took him out, but he wasn’t the size of a normal 35-weeker, which was the issue. He was 4 pounds, with virtually no body fat, and was unable to keep himself warm, so had to be in an incubator in the critical care nursery for weeks before gaining enough fat and weight to go home.  
Ashley: I began having preterm labor somewhere between 21 and 22 weeks. There wasn’t a definitive explanation for why it was happening, but it was generally written off by my doctors as stress related. So, one of the first unhelpful things I was told was that I needed to relax and “take it easy.” I became pregnant in the very beginning of a still-casual relationship, right before I started my first semester of grad school in a city that was still fairly new to me. I was working long hours at a physically taxing job and was struggling to make ends meet. There was simply no room in all of that to relax or take it easy. I was in and out of the hospital to stop labor and eventually got a new less-stressful, better-paying job, but it didn’t help my symptoms. I was put on bed rest sometime around 30 weeks and had my son at 34 weeks 5 days.
Juliet: My pregnancy was complicated due to placenta previa with bleeding, and baby and I were monitored frequently. Around 30 weeks, the rate of growth declined and it became clear that at some point my baby would be able to grow better outside of me than inside. Once doctors saw restricted blood flow in the umbilical cord, it was time for me to have the baby. He was delivered at 36 weeks, very small for gestational age at 3½ pounds. They gave me medicine to speed up his lung development before he was born, so he was able to breathe well on his own. However, he required a lot of medical support to gain weight, and although he was only a little early, he has experienced a lot of the same challenges in his life that many earlier preemies face.

What are things you should definitely not say to parents of a preemie?

Do not speculate about why this happened.

“The worst thing someone said to me after the birth was speculating that the reason my son had been born with these issues was because I had consumed coffee during my pregnancy,” Laura says. “Asking or musing out loud about why the preemie might have been premature is just a bad idea. It’s not your job to figure out why, and if you want to know, just ask an open-ended question like, ‘Do the doctors have any idea what might have caused the early birth?’ But unless you’re an OB-GYN, do not speculate about why this happened and spout pseudo-science about why you think this happened.”

Do not say he’s not “really” a preemie.

“Because my son was born at 35 weeks, people said this a lot,” Laura says. “They had no idea that he was only 4 pounds and his skin was basically transparent, and if they hadn’t done a C-section that day he would have been a stillbirth because his oxygen levels were dipping.”

Do not tell us to count our blessings.

When my son was born, he was a hulking giant compared to the micropreemies around him, and only spent a week in the NICU,” says Ashley. “But it was extremely unhelpful anytime someone told us we were lucky or to count our blessings. I think any parent who’s been through an emergency early delivery and whose child has survived has already taken stock of each and every blessing many times over, and fortune falling in your favor in terms of relative health, size, and gestational age doesn’t ease the deep gnawing fear that something could still go suddenly awry or the anxiety from leaving your baby in the hands of strangers, no matter how qualified they may be. It’s also very difficult to think of things on a scale of luckiness, knowing that the parents and babies around you are suffering too.”

Don’t talk about the baby’s weight.

“The worst thing anyone said was, ‘You’ll never have to worry about him being fat!’” Juliet recalls. “Close runner up: ‘It’s great to have nurses take care of your newborn in the NICU and you get to sleep through the night!’ It also wasn’t helpful when people said, ‘but now he’s okay, right?’, because I knew that what they wanted was for me to reassure them. I resented the demand to comfort other people outside of my immediate family. And I did not know if he would be alright.”

What can you say to best support parents of a preemie?

If someone is unsure what to say, rather than pointing out a baby’s size—‘He’s so tiny!’—err on the side of a compliment,” says Ashley. “‘She’s perfect’ or ‘He’s gorgeous’ are far less likely to trigger parents’ fears as they wait for their baby to reach size and health that they can leave the hospital, and perhaps even guilt or shame, because they may still be wondering what went wrong, if it was their fault, and what they should or could or would have done differently.”

How can I support my friend with a preemie?

Practical To-Dos for Preemie Parents:

  • Buy them preemie clothes. “Most people get lots of baby clothing gifts,” Laura says, “but if you end up having a preemie, suddenly you find that you don’t own anything that fits the preemie, because nobody plans for a preemie and hasn’t bought those sizes.” Juliet concurs: “It was so special when people sent clothes that fit my baby. I still have a lot of them, and now my daughter puts them on her dolls. They remind me of how far we’ve come!”
  • If the parents have any other kids at home, take care of those kids. Offer to take the kid out for pizza and a few hours at a playground, or come over and do bedtime with the kid.
  • Help with pumping. Pumping is not something I expected to be doing around the clock with a newborn,” says Juliet, “but like many preemie moms, I pumped for my son before he was able to nurse. People sent their favorite pumping bras and advice about cleaning pump parts.”
  • Offer to walk their dog in the evenings. The world doesn’t stop just because a preemie was born. That means that furbabies might not get the time and attention they’re used to, so if you can step in, it’s appreciated.
  • Send them a gift certificate for a cleaning service. Cleaning the house will likely be low on their list of priorities. This is a thoughtful way to make their home feel more like a sanctuary than another point of stress.
  • Send pre-cooked meals. Note that this does not include gift baskets with jams and cornichons and cookies, which offer little nutrition.
  • Offer to go to the grocery store for them. On that same note, preemie parents may want to cook food on their own to add some normalcy to their days. If they have the ingredients on hand, that’s one less stop they have to make after leaving the hospital.
  • Start a meal train or send a gift card to a restaurant near the hospital. Leaving a preemie in the hospital is hard, so most parents want to be as close as possible. Letting them have an hour or two at a restaurant nearby can feel like a godsend.

Emotional To-Dos for Preemie Parents

  • Cool it with the milestone chatter. Remember that preemies don’t always meet their milestones exactly “on time” because the preemie has to adjust. So if your preemie-parent friend is stressed about milestones, remind him/her that it sometimes take a couple of years for a preemie to fully catch up and to try not to compare them to non-preemie parents and babies.
  • Do not shame a preemie mom for using formula. “Formula literally saved my son’s life because it supplemented my breastmilk,” says Laura, “It gave him enough calories to gain weight when he was losing weight rapidly as a preemie.”
  • Show up for your preemie parent friends. Don’t just assume they want to be left alone; don’t feel too awkward to reach out. Keep them company at the hospital or at home.
  • The more you and others can band together to help relieve stress—including the stress of having to make more decisions or ask for help—the better! “When my son was in the NICU and newly home, I was unable to deal with making more decisions or with the everyday details of life, so just having someone come over to talk or bring food was huge,” says Ashley.

Finally, keep a preemie safe by respecting the parents’ health rules.

Preemies are particularly vulnerable to illness, so this one is extremely important to abide by. It’s so crucial to preemie parents, in fact, that all three moms had plenty to say on the topic.
Laura: When I finally had my son’s bris, I put up signs outside the front door telling everyone to use hand sanitizer upon entry. People who haven’t been through this with a vulnerable kid don’t always get it. Your kid’s cold might mean my kid’s hospitalization. My son was hospitalized at 6 months because he was still so small that a respiratory virus left him struggling to breathe. So please don’t bring your toddler with “just a cold” over to my apartment, and please don’t touch my kid’s face unless you’ve sanitized. I’m not a helicopter “keep them in a bubble” type of parent by nature. But preemie immune systems and respiratory systems are no joke. If you don’t vaccinate your kid, don’t come near my child.
Ashley: If a preemie parent says they can’t have visitors, respect that. Their child may be in especially fragile health, or they may just be exhausted and unable to focus on anything else. When we brought our son home, we were told not to take him in public for at least two months, barring doctor visits. We were very careful about visitors. If you aren’t up on your vaccines or you’re getting over feeling sick, starting to feel sick, or have been in contact with someone ill recently, put your own wants aside and don’t go near a premature baby (or, for that matter, any baby!) until you can do it safely.
Juliet: I demanded that everyone who wanted to kiss my baby get a flu shot and whooping cough booster. I also required a lot of hand washing, and some people thought I was nuts! The NICU gave out little signs you could attach to the stroller that said, “wash your hands before touching mine,” and I got a lot of sidelong glances in response. My son needed the extra protection of our clean hands—that had been made very clear to me in the NICU. I also understood that a baby under two months who gets a fever has to go to the hospital, and I had had more than enough of the hospital!

Categories
Mom x Body Motherhood

Must-Have Workout Gear For Moms

Hey moms, remember that time you tried to jog with a regular sports bra while sporting your new milk-filled double Ds? Total disaster, right?
Between leaking through your shirt and the weight of your new breasts (seriously, it’s like having two bowling balls attached to your chest), going for a quick run isn’t exactly the invigorating, restorative experience you imagined. Throw kids into the workout mix, and, well, exercise probably isn’t happening at all.
That’s why mom-friendly workout gear is a must-have. If there’s a product out there that makes it easier for me to get my mom sweat on (a winning scent that’s equal parts spit-up, dirty diaper, and my own natural musk), I’m all over it.
So listen up, ladies: If your kid’s knack for skipping naptime is stopping you from exercising, I can’t help you with that because my kid never naps. Ever. But if the only thing holding you back from regular exercise is a lack of the right gear, we’ve got a roundup of the best workout gear designed specifically with busy moms in mind.

Supportive Clothing

As a mom, the only clothes I now wear hold everything up and in, and preferably have an elastic waistband. That’s even more important when working out, especially if you recently had a c-section, since you’ll want to provide support for your incision as it heals.
I love these high-waisted leggings from Spanx ($88). Spanx is the first name in supportive clothing, so you know they’ll hold everything together. From sizes XS to XL and 1X to 3X, they’ve got a wide range of figures covered.
Even though I got back to my pre-pregnancy weight pretty quickly after giving birth, my body is just different now. I have a lot more jiggle to love, and I definitely need more supportive clothing. Bye-bye clearance sports bra! I love the Anita Active Dynamix sports bra ($76), because it allows me to nurse on the go if I need to and provides super support without hurting my back.  

Pee-Proof Panties

Sometimes milk isn’t the only thing leaking out of you. I’ll just be frank: Even if you religiously did your kegel exercises, you’ll still pee on yourself, especially if you had a vaginal delivery.
If the thought of wearing bulky pads or disposable undies makes you cringe, then give ICON pee-proof undies ($28–$39) a try. They’re designed by THINX, the makers of period-proof panties, and are designed to withstand small bladder leaks. One woman described them as “wearing a swimsuit with a panty-liner,” so they aren’t too bulky. Plus, because they are a thicker fabric, they may provide a little extra support.

Insulated Bottles for Both of You

If you’re formula feeding, one of the most annoying things is having to stop and mix a bottle mid-workout or lug a big cooler full of ice and pre-made bottles to the gym.
But with the Pura Kiki Insulated Bottle ($25), you can keep formula or breastmilk fresh for hours. Pura Kiki also designs bottles for toddlers, bigger kids, and adults, so there’s an insulated bottle for everyone in the family.
Nursing can make you so thirsty, especially if you’re also working out. This personalized water bottle ($20+) from Etsy seller Limboae Designs is made to remind you to drink your water every hour. It’s must-have workout gear for any new mom.

Kettlebells

Kettlebells are having a workout moment right now, and for good reason. They’re great for strengthening your shoulders, back, and legs. Plus, you can do kettlebell workouts at home, which is great for busy moms who don’t want to spend $20 for babysitting during a trip to the gym.
I have zero upper body strength, so I started with extremely small kettlebells and worked my way to heavier kettlebells as I got stronger. I recommend investing in a kettlebell set, like this Fitness Gear Adjustable Kettlebell ($50). That way, you can easily move up to heavier weights without having to find a place to safely store several kettlebells away from baby’s grasp.
Ready to try kettlebells? Give our kettlebell workout series a try!

Yoga Mat

“I don’t need a yoga mat! I have the living room rug!” That’s what I said when I was gifted a yoga mat during my pregnancy.
But boy, did I eat those words. My yoga mat has been a workout lifesaver now that I’m a mom. A good yoga mat is must-have workout gear for moms, and not just because it doubles as a great nap pad for littles.
With a yoga mat, you can take your workout anywhere. I love to take my little nugget to the park where we do a yoga flow together before strolling around for a well-deserved nap (for the baby, of course—moms know no sleep).
I like the Manduka eko lite mat ($72), which is biodegradable, made of eco-friendly rubber, and weighs just 4 pounds.

Jogging Stroller

Even if you don’t run, a jogging stroller is a must-have workout accessory for any mom. It’s great for off-roading on trails or the beach, and baby gets a nice, smooth ride.
Babylist, an online resource that I’ve used to help figure out the best type of baby products for my munchkin, rates the BOB Revolution SE Stroller as the overall best jogging stroller. But at a price point of $459, I better be able to use this stroller ’til my kid goes to college.
A more affordable option is the Graco Fast Action Fold Jogging Stroller at $179. This stroller works with all Graco car seats and really does live up to its name; you can easily unfold it with one hand while you hold baby with the other.

Baby Bike Seat/Trailer

If jogging just isn’t your thing, consider cycling for exercise. It is recommended that you wait until baby is at least 9 months old before they ride along with you. For younger kids, the front-mounted Thule RideAlong Mini ($170) is a great option because it allows you to easily check on and talk to your child.
For longer rides, where your child might fall asleep, most bike enthusiasts recommend a rear-mounted seat like the Thule RideAlong seat ($230), which reclines for more comfortable napping and can fit children who weigh up to 48 pounds.
If you have more than one child, a bike trailer is probably your best bet. The Burley Bee bike trailer ($299) is one of the top-rated bike trailers. Its bright yellow color makes it easy for road traffic to see, and it has tinted shades to protect your tykes from the sun.
So get out there, mamas, and get your sweat on! And, if you have any tips for nap time…well, I’m listening!

Categories
Mindful Parenting Motherhood

5 Reasons Your Child Isn't Listening To You (And How To Fix It)

Some days, I feel like I’m talking to the wall.
I’ve got really sweet kids who seem to have a genuine interest in doing what is right. They’re still kids, though, and all three of them have trouble listening on a daily basis.
Repeating myself is exhausting, and it’s easy to find myself angry or even hurt when I can’t get their attention. I still don’t completely understand why their thoughts scatter just as we’re trying to safely cross a parking lot or get out the door for the day, but knowing it’s actually normal has helped me keep my frustration at bay.
Yep, sorry to tell you, mamas, but when your kids have trouble listening or even push back against direction, that isn’t just typical—it’s developmentally appropriate. Selective hearing is a huge part of growing up.

Here’s Exactly Why Your Kid Doesn’t Listen

First things first, we’ve got to be honest about how humans tend to behave. All humans, no matter their age, have a tendency to retaliate when they’re being pushed to behave or think a certain way. This often shows up in kids: They resist if they’re not on board with the directions they’re being given.
And, as much as we parents might find ourselves wishing our kids would just grow up already, children mature and develop at their own pace. For instance, until a child turns 3, it is totally normal to only be able to follow two-step directions. It isn’t until a child is between 4 and 5 years old that they are able to understand directions that include multiple steps.
Although it is usually true that having a hard time listening is all a part of being a kid, there are a few signs that something bigger is going on that you may want to address. Parents of kids who don’t meet their developmental milestones—specifically those who have more extreme listening and comprehension difficulties—might want them to be evaluated for an auditory processing disorder.

Five Ways You Might Be Making It Worse

Mistake #1: Saying Too Much

Kids, especially younger kids, need clear and concise directions. Saying too much might overwhelm them or confuse them, so keep it short and sweet when you are trying to get your point across.

Mistake #2: Expecting Too Much

Remember those milestones we touched on above? Expecting your child to handle more than what’s developmentally appropriate only creates frustration for the parent and the child. Keep your expectations realistic, stick with small tasks, and help your little one listen with reminders if needed.

Mistake #3: Expecting Obedience, Not Cooperation

We all want our kids to obey, but blind obedience isn’t the ultimate goal. We want to raise kids who can think for themselves. Instead of asking your kid to “just do as I say,” offer explanations when possible and provide them with intentionally selected choices so they can maintain their sense of independence.

Mistake #4: Getting Emotional

When kids get amped up, they simply can’t think straight. It helps when parents can stay calm, so take a break if you feel your anger running away with you. In his book, No Drama Discipline, Dan Siegel, MD, suggests using connection (like physical affection) to help kids calm down before offering further instructions.

Mistake #5: Ignoring Distractions

It’s hard to focus when you’re distracted! Keep this in mind when talking to your kids. Help them focus by adjusting their environment or even taking them to a quiet location before you try to talk with them about something important.
Remember these principles and slowly begin to weave them into your everyday life as a parent. When things don’t go well, you might get frustrated. But no parent is perfect, and that’s okay! Just be sure to model humility by apologizing before you start fresh.

Categories
Mom x Body Motherhood

The Signs Of Miscarriage Women May (Or May Not) Notice

The day Bobbi Daniels learned she’d had a miscarriage, she felt like she’d failed. “After seeing my baby’s heartbeat three days before, I laid on a table as the tech searched and searched for a viable baby,” the mom from Camden County, New Jersey tells HealthyWay. “I had lost my baby, had failed another [IVF] cycle, and was $35,000 deep into the process.”
Daniels was seven weeks pregnant at the time, carrying a little boy she’d conceived thanks to in vitro fertilization (IVF) after doctors said she had just a 10 percent chance of ever getting pregnant without intervention. Noah is the name she’d given the boy.
Miscarriage is difficult. It’s confusing. It’s heartbreaking.
It’s not, however, a failure on the part of a mom-to-be. In fact, doctors say the signs of miscarriage can be so similar to your period that some women who miscarry in the very early stages of pregnancy never even know they were pregnant—let alone that they’ve miscarried.
Daniels, on the other hand, had a confirmed pregnancy. She knew she had been pregnant, and she knew she had lost the baby she and her husband were so excited to welcome into their family.  
“I knew in my heart I had lost Noah,” she recalls. “The morning I was going for my scan and found out I had lost Noah, I was going through the list of podcasts to listen to. It sounds ridiculous, but for a quick second I had the thought ‘I don’t want to start a new podcast because I’ll never be able to listen to it if I lost this baby.’ After I had the scan, the doctor recommended a D&C to make sure everything was cleaned out and to speed the process up of bleeding.” (A D&C, or dilation and curettage, is the surgical procedure of clearing out the contents of the uterus.)
“There are no words to explain the pain of walking into a hospital still carrying your child [and] to leave hours later with no baby,” Daniels says. “The nurse had me take a pregnancy test because she didn’t realize what procedure I was there to have done. The torture of watching that stick have two lines, knowing my baby was gone, literally made my chest hurt.”
It’s an experience Daniels will always carry with her, even now that she has a little girl who she calls her rainbow baby, a term used by moms who give birth after a pregnancy loss. And she’s far from alone.
A miscarriage is defined as a pregnancy loss before the 20th week of pregnancy, and miscarriage rates are hard for experts to accurately estimate. Doctors can only judge miscarriage rates by pregnancies that have been confirmed, and those figures are high. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, early pregnancy loss occurs in as much as 10 percent of all clinically recognized pregnancies. Some 80 percent of those cases occur, as Daniels’ did, in the first trimester.  
In fact, the majority of miscarriages will occur right between six and eight weeks, says Sherry Ross, MD, an OB-GYN and women’s health expert at Providence Saint John’s Health Center in Santa Monica, California.

Signs of Miscarriage

Although the result of a miscarriage—the end of a pregnancy—is the same in all cases, the signs can vary widely from woman to woman.

  • Late Period

    Women who don’t know they’re pregnant often miss the symptoms of miscarriage, says G. Thomas Ruiz, MD, an OB-GYN at MemorialCare Orange Coast Medical Center in Fountain Valley, California. These women, who have what’s termed a “chemical pregnancy,” will typically endure a miscarriage within a week of the embryo’s implantation in the uterus. If they’d undergone blood tests, Ruiz says, doctors would be able to see a spike in the hormone hCG, but after a miscarriage, that “rapidly goes to zero.” Then the body starts to bleed, expelling the fertilized egg from the uterus, which most women assume is their period showing up just a week or two behind schedule.

  • Bright Red Bleeding and Uterine Cramping

    If you have had your pregnancy confirmed, bleeding and cramps will be more likely to serve as a warning sign of miscarriage, Ruiz says. After all, a woman who is pregnant knows she should not be expecting her period, as the menstrual cycle goes into hibernation during pregnancy.
    “If a woman is having heavy bleeding that is not stopping and/or if she is experiencing severe abdominal pain, she should go to an emergency room immediately,” Ruiz says.
    Even if the bleeding is not heavy and the pain not intense, it’s still important for a woman to call her doctor. They can determine whether it’s time to run to the ER, head to their office, or go to a medical facility for testing.
    Bleeding could indicate miscarriage, but it could also indicate an ectopic (or tubal) pregnancy, Ruiz explains. That means the fertilized egg has attached itself someplace other than inside the uterus, typically in the fallopian tube.
    “As a tubal pregnancy progresses, the [fallopian] tube can dilate and rupture, which will cause severe abdominal pain and a surgical abdomen, which is a medical emergency,” he notes, so the tests are necessary to prevent further complications.
    For women whose pregnancies have entered the second trimester, testing may also determine if bleeding is being caused by a cervical insufficiency, says Renée Volny Darko, DO, an OB-GYN and founder and CEO of Pre-med Strategies, Inc. Although it sounds like a bit of a slam at a woman’s body, a diagnosis of cervical insufficiency is not a judgment from your doctor. Instead it means that the cervix has dilated too early, which is endangering the pregnancy.
    In that case, “interventions like a cerclage, which essentially ties the cervix closed, can be used to help keep the pregnancy,” Darko says, although she’s quick to add that cerclages are not always successful.

  • No Signs at All

    Some miscarriages may simply occur without a sign. A mom may walk into her doctor’s office as Daniels did, ready for standard testing, only to find out that the baby has no heartbeat.
    “The process of conception and human development is intricate and often imperfect,” Darko says. “But miscarriages might have no symptoms at all. A miscarriage can be diagnosed on a routine ultrasound where the pregnancy is found not to have developed beyond a sac or the fetus has no heartbeat.”
    For moms like Daniels, that can be the most devastating of all.
    “I sat there holding the prayer card to my belly, which was the St. Anthony prayer of miracles,” Daniels recalls of the 15-minute scan when she got the news. “As she asked me to hold my breath, and I watched her face, I knew my baby had died. I cried so hard that no sound could even escape my body. Tears soaked the bed. The nurse whispered ‘I’m sorry hon, I don’t see a heartbeat, get dressed and meet me outside.’”
    Daniels recalls her life flashing before her eyes in those moments. “I didn’t just lose a 7-week baby. I lost the first day of kindergarten, my baby reaching for my hand calling me Mommy, a round belly everyone was going to rub and fuss over, a tired baby I rock to sleep who was comforted by my voice, birthday parties, late night feedings, a lifetime of memories,” she says.
    Her doctors were able to tell her that she could try again, and her little girl, born in April 2018, is the result of her second pregnancy.
    Trying again is not on every woman’s mind. Grief and recovery can take all forms, but Darko says moms who do want to try again are typically given the all clear very soon after a miscarriage, depending on the cause of the pregnancy loss and when it happened.
    “After most first trimester miscarriages, there is really no need to wait to conceive again,” Darko notes. “After a second trimester miscarriage, a woman should be evaluated to see if the reason for the miscarriage can be corrected before conceiving again.”
    So what are the reasons a woman might have a miscarriage?

Why Miscarriage Happens

Because so many women miscarry before they even know they are pregnant, experts don’t know what causes all miscarriages. They term pregnancies in two camps: normal and abnormal. Again, it’s important to note that these terms are medical in nature. “Abnormal” does not refer to a mom herself.
“Normal” pregnancies last beyond 10 weeks, Ruiz says, while abnormal pregnancies make up the bulk of miscarriages.
So what causes miscarriage? Here are some of the most common causes, according to the experts:

  • Genetic Abnormalities

    No parent wants to hear that their baby is abnormal, but again, this is a medical term rather than a judgment from the doctor. In some 60 percent of miscarriages, pregnancy loss will occur seemingly randomly, but it’s due to a genetic abnormality, Ross says. The fertilized egg is unable to continue development, causing the process of pregnancy to end.
    Turner syndrome, also known as 45,X or 45,X0, is one of the leading genetic abnormalities linked to miscarriage, Ruiz explains. The condition, in which a female embryo is partly or completely missing an X chromosome, has been tied to about 15 percent of miscarriages.
    Women in their late thirties and early forties are more likely than others to have miscarriages due to genetic abnormalities, Ross notes, and it can be tied to a mom’s eggs. Because we’re born with all the eggs we will ever have, the older a woman is, the older her eggs are too. “What is well known in the medical world is fertility declines progressively with age,” Ross says. “The aging of eggs is a well-known biological phenomenon referred to as our ‘biological clock.’ If you are 45 years old and trying to conceive, you will have a greater than 80 percent chance of having a miscarriage, compared to a woman under 30 years old who will have a less than 20 percent chance of having one.”

  • Infection

    Simply getting sick during a pregnancy is not a guarantee that a woman will miscarry (although it’s always important to contact your doctor if you are coming down with something). But certain common infections—from the flu to sexually transmitted infections such as syphilis and herpes—have been linked to a higher incidence of miscarriage. To stay ahead of these conditions, your OB-GYN may screen for STIs at one of your early appointments, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends pregnant women receive a flu vaccine for their own protection as well as their baby’s.

  • Abnormal Uterine Cavity

    The uterus is where an embryo implants and then resides, developing until birth. But for some women, problems with the uterus can lead to miscarriage, Ruiz says. Dubbed an “abnormal uterine cavity,” one of the most common is a uterine septum, an upside down, triangular piece of tissue that can divide the uterus in half. “if the embryo implants on the septum, there is high risk for a miscarriage,” Ruiz says.

  • Asherman Syndrome

    Scarring of the uterine cavity is another issue that can cause miscarriage. Called Asherman syndrome, the condition is rare and typically occurs after an infection or a woman undergoes a D&C, Ruiz explains. Because the condition affects the endometrium, or the wall of the uterus, it can make even getting pregnant difficult to begin with. “The embryo needs a nice endometrium to implant well,” Ruiz adds.

  • Medications

    If your pharmacist asks you whether you’re pregnant when you’re filling your prescription, they’re not just being nosy. Studies have linked miscarriage risks to everything from certain antibiotics to anti-inflammatory pharmaceuticals.

  • Cervical Incompetence/Cervical Insufficiency

    The cervix is a narrow passage that separates the uterus—where an embryo develops—and the vagina. When it’s time for a baby to be born, the cervix will begin to dilate, allowing a baby the space to move out of the uterus and into the birth canal to come into the world. But in some instances the cervix begins to dilate too soon—sometimes as much as three to four months before the fetus is ready for birth.
    More commonly linked to miscarriage in the second trimester, an “insufficient” or “incompetent” cervix is one that begins to dilate too early in the pregnancy. This condition is associated with weakness in the cervical muscles, and Ruiz says it can be related to a previous D&C or biopsy of the cervix (such as one done by an OB-GYN when abnormal tissue is found that might indicate a cancer or pre-cancer). It can also happen to women who’ve had multiple previous births. And although there are several risk factors connected to the condition, it can also happen out of nowhere with no foreseeable cause.

Minimizing Miscarriage Risk

There is never a guarantee, Darko says, as pregnancy loss is a part of life, albeit a difficult one for parents-to-be.
The best defense, however, is a good offense. If you’re planning to try to conceive, Darko says to meet with your doctor. Discuss your risk factors and any medications you might need to change or conditions you might need treated.
“Seeing a doctor to optimize your health before getting pregnant can be the difference between a good and bad outcome,” she notes.
And while one or several miscarriages can be heartbreaking and discouraging, the majority of women do get the all-clear to try again from their doctors, and for many of them, it can be successful.
For Daniels, another cycle of IVF and another pregnancy helped bring her little girl into the world. “The road that led me to her was the most difficult, trying time in my life,” she says. But, she adds, “Noah will always be a part of me, he is me, and because of him I continue so he continues. His sister will grow to always know the love I have for her and her brother.”

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Mindful Parenting Motherhood

Simple Summer Fun Your Kids Will Love (And You Will Too)

Summer vacation: two words that tend to strike fear in the heart of any parent of school-age children. I mean, just how in the heck are you supposed to entertain your children for two whole months?
Believe it or not, keeping your kids’ schedule packed with summer fun can be done, and we’re here to show you how. Not all summertime activities can be Pinterest-worthy (and let’s be honest, who even has time for that?), but keeping it simple can be just as fun. Here are our simple summer fun ideas that will keep you and your kids entertained all summer long.

Summer Fun 101: The Essentials

Before you embark on any summer fun adventure, it pays to have a few essentials ready to go.

Summer Fun in the Water

Beat the heat with these water-based summer fun activities.
For babies, toddlers, and preschoolers: Never underestimate the power of a good old-fashioned backyard pool. There are a ton of affordable options that pack in the fun. Add in a few plastic balls, and you’ll have hours of fun on your hands for toddlers and preschoolers.
For older kids: Instead of water balloons, which leave plastic bits all over the yard, engage older kids in an epic sponge ball battle or channel your inner camp counselor and hold a water relay race.

Summer Fun for Bookworms

Summer break doesn’t have to mean a break from learning too. Keep your kids’ minds engaged with these educational activities.
For babies, toddlers, and preschoolers: Get a library card if you don’t already have one! They’re free, and most public libraries provide awesome programming for children, like weekly story time or craft hour. Plus, the library is quiet and air conditioned, so it’s a great way to wind down right before nap time.
For older kids: Read a chapter book or start a book series with your older kids. Take turns reading, and encourage kids to get creative with voices for characters or act out scenes. Little House on the Prairie and Harry Potter are great series that will keep your kids turning the pages all summer long.

Summer Fun for Little Picassos

Encourage your kids’ inner artist with these summer fun activities designed to spark creativity.
For babies, toddlers, and preschoolers: Painting with water! It’s the most brilliant parenting hack ever. All you need are a couple of paint brushes, a bucket of water, and a hard surface (like the driveway). Have your littles dip the paintbrush into the water and “paint” the driveway with it to create an artistic masterpiece. As the water dries, their art will disappear, leaving a fresh canvas to create something new!
For older kids: Origami, the art of paper folding, takes time and skill to perfect, and it’s the perfect summer art project for older kids. They can make cute paper pineapples, mermaids, or suncatchers to decorate for an end-of-summer party later. Or, if you want to add an educational component, teach your kids to make paper cranes while reading the chapter book Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes. It’s a tearjerker, but it’s a great way to introduce a difficult part of history to your kids in an engaging way.   

Summer Fun in the Great Outdoors

If you have a small yard (or no yard!) or you just need a change of scenery, there are a number of great options for keeping the littles engaged outdoors.
For infants: Grab a picnic blanket and head outdoors, where there is a whole new world of sights, sounds, and things to touch for little ones—and they’ll be mesmerized simply taking in the scenery. Because baby is still learning how to use all of his or her senses, even just being outside can be tiring, so odds are your baby will want a long nap afterward. Score!
For toddlers and preschoolers: Take your littles on a simple nature walk or mini scavenger hunt. They’ll love pointing out different things they find along the way, and it’s a great opportunity to start teaching kids to be environmentally conscious as they learn about different plants and wildlife.
For older kids: Go geocaching! Your kids will have so much fun that they won’t even realize they’re learning, too. Geocaching is a kind of modern-day treasure hunt where seekers use GPS to navigate their way to hidden surprises. To start geocaching, you can join a geocaching community through a website like Geocaching and choose a geocache to find. Make sure you bring something to leave behind for other geocachers!

Rainy Day Summer Fun

Don’t let rain get in the way of good summer fun! These indoor activities are sure to keep kids entertained, even on rainy days.
For toddlers and preschoolers: Keep boredom at bay with a messy, but fun, shaving cream activity. All you need is inexpensive foamy shaving cream, a large clear space (I use the kids’ play table), and clothes you don’t mind getting messy for the kids to wear while they play. Spray the shaving cream on the table, and let your kids go to town. Seriously. There’s something about putting their hands in a weird foamy texture that little kids absolutely love. The only downside to this activity is that it does mean more cleanup, so you might want to limit shaving cream time to the garage or another covered outdoor area on rainy days.
For older kids: When I was a kid, our television time during the summer was nonexistent. So on rainy days, it felt extra special when mom let us pick out our favorite movies to watch. Older kids will love having an impromptu movie day complete with snacks and cozy blankets. Let each kid pick out their favorite movie for a marathon, or decide on one movie to watch together. For an educational component, you could even watch the movie version of a book you may have been reading all summer.

Helping Others as a Summer Fun Activity

There are other ways of having summer fun besides just playing. Teach kids early on about the importance of helping others with these fulfilling activities.
For toddlers and preschoolers: Toddlers and preschoolers can learn to help others while they’re young. They can help sort items into boxes for donation or even help a sibling complete a chore. A great way of introducing  your littles to the idea of helping others is by reading a Berenstain Bears classic, The Berenstain Bears Lend a Helping Hand.
For older kids: Pick out a volunteer opportunity to participate in as a family once a month or even once a week. By volunteering together, you’ll help your kids make helping others a priority and make it something they’ll want to continue after summer has ended. Some good volunteer opportunities for older kids might include sorting items for donation at Goodwill, volunteering to walk dogs at the animal shelter, or helping an elderly neighbor with household chores.

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Mom x Body Motherhood

Exercise For Kids Even Moms Will Love

When our kids are small, exercising with them is a no-brainer. Babies can be popped into the stroller while you walk or run, and all toddlers seem to do is exercise! When they’re not walking, they’re running. When they’re not jumping, they’re climbing! But exercise for kids is harder to come by as they grow past the toddler years, which is where we come in.
By the time they’re in school, the average American child spends almost half of their day sitting down. Recess has been chopped in school districts across the country, and some schools are even doing away with it entirely.
An increase in obesity among children over the past few decades has pediatricians urging families to prioritize proper nutrition and exercise for kids.
The good news? You don’t have to be a certified physical education teacher or pony up for expensive classes to provide exercise for kids when they need to get all that energy out. With just a little planning, you can get your kids up off the couch and moving like they mean it.

Why is exercise for kids important?

You likely know how important exercise is for your health, but exercise is just as important for kids, if not more.
“Children 2 to 6 years old should spend at least two hours every day participating in free play,” says Daniel Ganjian, MD, a certified public trainer and pediatric obesity specialist at Providence Saint John’s Health Center in Santa Monica, California. Free play exercise for kids, rather than going to the gym or using a treadmill, includes running around in the park, swimming, team sports, etc.
“More exercise, especially free play, helps promote better health, burn calories, improve concentration, and many other benefits,” Ganjian says.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends at least one hour of “moderate to vigorous” physical activity for kids 6 and older to help build healthy bones and lean muscles, develop their motor skills, and build strength and endurance.
It can even make them smarter. Sound too good to be true? A study from Georgia Health Sciences University found a correlation between higher IQs and math scores and exercise for children. Researchers in the study selected 171 largely sedentary kids between ages 7 and 11 who were then divided into three groups; one had 20 minutes of exercise a day, another 40 minutes each day, and a third had none at all. Kids’ IQ scores and math abilities were recorded along the way. The groups that exercised saw IQ boosts and better math scores, and these results were more pronounced in the group that exercised the most.
Meanwhile, researchers in the Netherlands have found that exercise while learning can also boost children’s academic achievement. Scientists split second- and third-graders into two groups. One group had traditional lessons while the other had physical activities that coincided with their math and spelling lessons. Any guesses which group had higher scores when the research came to an end two years later? Yup, the kids who exercised.
Of course, planning exercise for kids can simply be a stop-gap measure to save your sanity when they’re bouncing off the walls. There’s no shame in that! After all, there’s nothing like sinking into the couch at 8 p.m. and basking in the quiet because the exhausted kids passed out early.
But exercise isn’t simply good for kids (and you) in the short term. It can help children create lifelong healthy habits.
“The earlier you start, the more likely your children are to continue exercising because they are learning healthy habits,” Ganjian says. “Furthermore, it is a great way for the family to interact and bond.”
So how do you set up exercise for kids that creates those interactions and bonding moments?

How to Make Exercise for Kids Fun

There’s a difference between how most kids approach exercise and how most adults approach the task, says Shannon Philpott-Sanders, author of Screen-Free Fun: 400 Activities for the Whole Family.
“For example, as adults, we focus on long-term goals when it comes to exercise,” she says. “Our end goal with exercise is to improve our health, lose weight, or even clear our minds.”
With kids, on the other hand, doctors like Ganjian say it’s important not to talk about weight (even if it’s a concern), as it can create a slippery slope that sends kids spiraling into an eating disorder.
What’s more, kids need motivation that’s more short-term than long-term. The younger they are, the more they want to know what’s happening in the next few minutes rather than in the next three months.
“In addition, the more you can turn exercise into a game, the more willing and eager kids are to get moving,” Philpott-Sanders says. “They may not even see the activity as a form of exercise; instead, they view it as a way to ‘play’ with others.”
As with any workout, safety is important when you’re planning exercise for kids.
“Areas should be well cushioned and away from sharp objects since toddlers may fall,” says Joseph Geskey, MD, a pediatrician and the vice president of medical affairs at OhioHealth Doctors Hospital. “As children age, follow the instructions of manufacturers’ recommendations around playground equipment, and ensure that once children are riding bikes, they should be wearing helmets, etc. By parents modeling this behavior—particularly around wearing helmets while biking—this becomes an ingrained habit that children naturally do.”

Exercise for Kids That Moms Love Too

You know your child best, so you’ll know what kinds of exercises they’re most likely to enjoy, but here are some ideas that might get them (and you) up and moving:

Animal antics

Can you walk like a penguin? Hop like a frog? Geskey says that challenging your kids to imitate animal movements can be great exercise. “Essentially, anything that gets children moving and is fun sets the appropriate example.”

Jumping rope

Remember playing double Dutch on the playground? This is one exercise for kids that is just as fun today as it was when you did it. Grab a jump rope and show off your best moves. “This is an exceptional way to get the heart rate up and use just about every muscle in the body,” Philpott-Sanders says.
To encourage them to keep at it longer, try challenging the kids to a contest. Have two kids sit on the ground with the rope stretched between them, and have them move the rope like a snake while a third child jumps back and forth, trying not to “step on the snake.” Older kids can can incorporate other challenges such as trying to answer math questions while jumping rope.

Dance party

No matter the weather, dancing is the perfect exercise for kids. Even when it’s raining, you can set things up in your living room to get their blood pumping and work their whole bodies. Tanya Cohen, owner of the Janice Center, an arts learning facility in upstate New York, says she starts small with kids, teaching them “moves” or “combos.” From there she starts to build a routine that her dancers can accomplish by putting together the pieces. “I also think it’s important to play dance games to reaffirm what I’ve taught,” she says. Focusing on the fun keeps her young dancers engaged.

Tag

It’s a simple game, but don’t let the fact that it’s common fool you into thinking it’s not a good exercise for kids. Although running around a track might be deemed “boring” by kids, Philpott-Sanders says tag gives them the same running workout with a twist that’s more kid-friendly. To vary the exercise, try different versions such as playing Red Rover or flashlight tag.

Yoga

Yoga has been skyrocketing in popularity among kids with 1.7 million children in the United States downward dogging and trying out their tree poses. The health benefits for adults are hard to beat, but it turns out yoga brings a lot to the table for kids too. Researchers have found it may help reduce anxiety in adolescents, improve classroom behavior, and even improve aerobic capacity. If you’re not a yoga pro yourself, don’t worry: yoga for kids can be very simple. Grab them a cute mat, and if you need more assistance, check out Cosmic Kids Yoga videos on YouTube!
If you’re still stumped on how to plan exercise for kids that they’ll love, check with your local community center or even your school district. Team sports, dance classes, and even swimming lessons can help get them used to moving their bodies and learning to love the way it feels to exercise.

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Mindful Parenting Motherhood

Daycare By The Dollars: An Objective Look At Childcare Costs

“Childcare costs changed everything,” Lacy Stroessner, mom of three, tells HealthyWay.
Before having children, Stroessner was a teacher. After the birth of her first child, she continued working. It was the arrival of her second child that made it clear her family’s lifestyle wasn’t sustainable. She realized it no longer made sense for her to continue to work.
“Even with a few years of experience and a master’s degree, you can’t exactly afford to live on a teacher’s salary,” she says.

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Adding the expense of childcare for two children pushed their budget beyond its limit. Money wasn’t just tight anymore—they literally would not be able to pay their bills. Her salary was less than what her family would be spending on childcare. Stroessner left her job, started freelancing, and stayed home with her two young daughters. She assumed she’d return to work once they were in school, but now she is learning that, with the cost of after-school care, it still makes the most sense for her to stay home.
If Stroessner’s story sounds familiar, that’s because it is incredibly common. Bring up childcare costs in a room full of parents and you’re sure to be met with groans (and maybe even a few tears). My own childcare story is one of working weekends and overnights to circumvent childcare expenses before eventually transitioning to working from home full-time.
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Childcare is expensive—at least, that’s the general consensus. When you look at it objectively, gathering the cold, hard numbers and stripping them down to the nuts and bolts of expenses, are the costs unreasonable? What other costs are associated with the economics of childcare? Here’s what we found out.

How much does childcare cost?

The cost of childcare varies greatly depending on where the care is being provided, the age of the child, and who is providing the care. For instance, the average cost of infant care is much higher than care for a toddler or school-age child, according to the Parents and the High Cost of Child Care Report by Child Care Aware. Care in a daycare center has a higher price tag than an in-home daycare center.

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The average annual cost of care is $8,634, with infant care costing closer to five figures. This is a number that only takes into consideration care provided by daycare centers or in-home daycare providers. It doesn’t account for private nannies, who come at a much higher cost. The annual average cost of a nanny is $28,905, according to a Cost of Care survey by Care.com.
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There is much variation in the cost of childcare, though, depending on where you live. For instance, in 2016, the average annual cost of care for an infant was $20,125 in a daycare center in Massachusetts. On the opposite end of the spectrum is North Dakota, one of the most affordable places to pay for care, where the average cost of daycare falls between $6,000 and $8,000 each year.

What factors impact childcare?

Because of the high cost of daycare, it might be easy to assume that the daycare industry is a profitable one or that the costs are unreasonable. That actually isn’t the case. Providing daycare is a costly endeavor. Due to the various legal regulations for the size of the building and labor, daycare centers spend a lot of money simply doing the bare minimum needed to provide good care and keep their business running.

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First, daycare centers have to deal with rent. From state to state, there are regulations that dictate how much square footage each center has to obtain per child they plan to enroll. And, depending on where the daycare center is located, the cost of rent is higher. It follows a logical trend—in regions with a higher cost of living, rent is higher for daycare centers.
“Rent is a huge cost in areas such as Hoboken, New York City, or the Washington D.C. area,” explains Holly Flanders, founder and CEO of Choice Parenting, an organization that assists parents in the New York area with finding care.
Flanders also points out that although rent is expensive, it is not the biggest cost of running a daycare center. The reality is that it is payroll that accounts for the vast majority of day care expenses.
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It makes sense when you take into consideration that, in order to be licensed in your state, there are specific teacher-to-child ratios that have to be upheld. Although there is some variation from state to state, most states require a 1:3 teacher-to-child ratio for very young infants. As the age of the children in care increases, the ratios become less constraining. This explains why infant care costs parents so much more.
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For this reason, labor expense accounts for as much as 80 percent of most daycare budgets, according to a report by Child Care, Inc. And, as reported by The Atlantic, these caretakers still aren’t walking away with a large check. In fact, many daycare workers are struggling to live on the salary provided by their jobs.
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At most daycare centers, tuition cost is in line with their expenses. It may be expensive, but it isn’t unreasonable.
However, that doesn’t mean it’s affordable for the families in need of care. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services has determined that affordable childcare is qualified as any care that makes up 7 percent or less of the family’s total income. For families like Stroessner’s, the actual cost of care would have eaten up the entire income of one of the working parents. It may have been what the care provider needed to charge to make ends meet, but it wasn’t affordable for her family.

Parents and the Cost of Care

There is another cost associated with unaffordable daycare expense—childcare often costs mothers the most. As The Atlantic reports, highly educated moms are jumping from being career women to staying at home for a variety of reasons. One of the most evident is that the cost of childcare is extremely high, meaning it can be unreasonable to pay for it, even on a two-income budget.
[pullquote align=”center”]“As we are calculating expenses, our childcare cost has careened past our mortgage payment.”
—Danielle Butler, mom of two[/pullquote]
Although she enjoys being home with her children, Stroessner still had to let go of a career she loved.
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For Danielle Butler, a mom of two from Atlanta who is just returning to work, the cost of care of created so much stress she found herself questioning if she should work at all.
“As we are calculating expenses, our childcare cost has careened past our mortgage payment,” she writes in an email to HealthyWay. “Looking into the next school year, we could potentially see our childcare expenses soaring beyond double our mortgage. Even typing it now, it looks outrageous and I’m feeling the knot in my shoulder.”

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She considered staying home. She even worked from home for a time after her youngest was born, but it simply didn’t work. She speaks of juggling conference calls while trying to keep a baby happy or a toddler out of danger. We connect when we discuss how working-from-home isn’t the “best of both worlds” like it is made out to be. Mothers are stressed with a double workload. It’s nearly impossible to be a good mom and good employee at the same time. It’s too much.
For Butler, the decision to go back to work was about the meeting the needs of both her family and herself, even if it meant stomaching unaffordable care.
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“It allows both mom and dad the opportunity to work full-time to cover other life expenses,” she says. “It also gives parents a reprieve from being stuck in parent mode while simultaneously increasing the children’s social skills.”

Creatively Approaching the Cost of Care

If we’re being perfectly honest, there is no easy solution to childcare cost. Daycare centers need to cover their expenses, and many parents want or need to work. Mothers want to continue to pursue their careers. Household expenses dictate that both parents work, even if it means spending a huge percentage of their income on childcare.

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Flanders suggests that parents concerned with the cost of care might find more affordable options outside of the city.
“There are other daycares that are a little further out of the way,” she says. “They may not come with all of the bells and the whistles, but they are still required to follow state guidelines. They have the same kind of teacher ratios, the same kind of standards and requirements.”
Flanders is quick to point out that it is the teachers, not the “bells and whistles” like organic foods and webcam monitoring, that make a difference to the children. Attentive and caring daycare employees are most beneficial to kids. In her experience, the standard of care is very similar between high-cost and more affordable daycare options.
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Our family chose unconventional schedules, with me often working nights and weekends to keep childcare expenses minimal. A friend of mine negotiated an arrangement that allows her to work one to two days from home, spending the other three days in the office.
Small families can use nanny sharing, splitting the cost of one nanny across two families. A friend of mine who works from home has used childcare swaps to keep care affordable, helping a friend with her kids occasionally and then that friend returns the favor. It is possible to creatively approach the cost of childcare, although we admit that there is no perfect solution.

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Mom x Body Motherhood

How To Practice Prenatal Yoga Safely: Q+A With A Doula And Prenatal Yoga Teacher

Prenatal yoga can feel sooooo good to a mama-to-be—all that stretching and relaxing and preparing for the birth. And it’s also safe, right? Well, yes and no.
Prenatal yoga can be a wonderful way to strengthen your body and work with your mind before giving birth. But there are some poses—or ways of approaching poses—that should be avoided during pregnancy, just to be on the safe side.
I spoke with the wise and wonderful Bec Conant, owner and founder of Om Births in Watertown, Massachusetts. She’s also a birth doula and mom to little Sawyer. Below she answers all your most pressing questions about practicing yoga safely while pregnant.

HealthyWay: What are the basics of practicing prenatal yoga safely?

Conant: The first rule is true for all yoga practice: Don’t do anything that feels like it might injure your body, and don’t ever strain for a pose! If you start with the first yogic principle of ahimsa (not harming), things will fall into place from there. That said, here are some basics that are specific to pregnancy to bear in mind:

  • Avoid anything that squeezes or compresses the belly (ouch!), or anything that demands intense abdominal control. Even in the first trimester it’s smart to be cautious around arm balances and deep twists—everything is shifting inside you and the body is trying to protect this tiny growing being.
  • When you get into your second and third trimesters—as the baby grows—widen the feet in standing postures like uttanasana where the belly would hit the thighs.
  • Always make sure that all your joints are slightly soft. In other words, don’t lock at in the elbows or the knees. The soft joints help keep things supported as the hormones shift to soften connective tissue, especially in the third trimester.
  • Avoid any pranayama (breath practice) where your breath is doing crazy or unusual things. (Think breath of fire or anything that places unusual strain on the nervous system.)

What prenatal yoga poses are definitely safe for me to do?

In the first trimester, everything is okay, with the exception of anything that would put pressure into the abdomen. So a belly bolster is out right away, and deep twists like parivritta parsvakonasana are best to avoid. You can go into the shape (twisting your body), but don’t push yourself further into the twist.
And don’t start learning new things like arm balances and inversions! If you are already practicing these, it’s fine to keep doing them, but this isn’t the moment to finally learn to go upside down!

What prenatal yoga poses should I avoid by trimester and why?

Second Trimester

Avoid anything that compresses the belly, so stay away from poses like paschimottanasana (seated forward bend) with legs together and ardha matseyandrasana (half lord of the fishes pose). Start exercising caution in the deep backbends, like wheel, where the expanding abdominal wall could be affected. In lunges and deep squats, the focus should be on support rather than releasing and opening. You need to do this to support the pelvis, which is preparing to open for the birth.

Third Trimester

Avoid the obvious stuff like lying on your belly and possibly lying on your back if it doesn’t feel comfy (if it makes you feel dizzy, nauseated, or faint). Good postures to practice are those that help open and align the pelvic connective tissues: baddhakonasana, bridge (to stretch the psoas muscle, which runs from the spine to the top of the thigh), gentle spinal twists, as well as postures that help during labor such as all fours (table), table with elbows on the floor, and deep relaxation.
Deep relaxation is key during the third trimester because it helps the body stay free of stress before the birth process.

When should I start practicing prenatal yoga, and when should I stop practicing?

Start as soon as you like! I have students who are only six weeks pregnant in class. End when your water breaks—seriously, you can practice right until the baby is in your arms. Of course one could say that’s when the real yoga begins.

How can I find a prenatal yoga teacher I can trust?

Ask around your area, or start by looking on Yoga Alliance to see who’s in your region with a prenatal designation (RPYT), but also check out various classes. The designation by itself doesn’t guarantee you will feel comfortable with the person, so check it out for yourself. Look for a teacher who doesn’t just teach prenatal yoga, but who has experience in the birth field as a doula or childbirth instructor. They’ll know more than just the postures and will probably be really passionate about the prenatal experience.

Quick Prenatal Yoga True or False with Bec

  • Twists are okay: True. They are better if you just twist to open up. Save room for the baby!
  • Lying on your back in poses is okay until it’s personally uncomfortable (this varies person by person): True.
  • Don’t do core work because it causes diastasis recti: True—and false. Don’t do surface core work, but exercises that work the transverse abdominals, like plank, can be done with caution and might even help maintain a strong center. Pelvic floor work will also contribute to an integrated core.
  • You can go upside down (and it can be great for turning a breech baby!): True, but it’s best to have a spotter or previous knowledge of inversions. (But poses like downward dog and bridge can also help turn a breech baby.)
  • It is bad to put firm direct pressure on the belly: True.
  • It is bad to jump in the first trimester: True.
  • Binding is bad because of the hormone relaxin and softer connective tissue which could cause instability: True. [Many prenatal yoga instructors stress that relaxin can alter ligaments; some studies have shown that higher relaxin levels during pregnancy correlate with pelvic and hip joint instability.]
  • Expelling breath out and holding it is not safe: True.
  • It is recommended to start yoga in the second trimester because the first is always riskier: False. People may feel more comfortable starting prenatal yoga in the second trimester because they will have cleared the challenges of the first trimester, but the risks of miscarriage during the first trimester are not going to be increased by a gentle yoga practice.
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Mindful Parenting Motherhood

How To Travel With Kids And (Mostly) Enjoy It

Let’s be honest. Anyone who calls traveling with kids a “vacation” is delusional. That is called a “trip”—especially when the children are really little. No more lounging for hours with a cocktail by the pool and napping as the sun sets. No more gallivanting around a city, wandering aimlessly through museums, and popping in for a quick cocktail at 4 p.m.
But! Traveling with kids can also be loads of fun. It’s important to have time away from regular life to be together, especially if one or both parents work a lot. Setting aside these days or weeks is vital for the health of the family unit, and shows the kids—and your partner!—that they are a priority. You never know what new parts of your kids or spouse you’ll discover when you’re on a totally new adventure.

When should I travel with my kids?

We went on our first trip with our daughter when she was 6 weeks old, and it was surprisingly easy. She could sleep and eat anywhere and was no trouble to carry around. The hardest time to travel with a kid is between about 9 months and 2 years, when they don’t have their own airplane seat, can’t really watch TV, and just want to move all the time. This is not to say that travel with kids can’t be fun—just that the journey probably won’t be easy.
The best way to stay sane when you travel with small kids is to keep some semblance of a schedule. Do not throw out the nap. Do not stay out all hours of the night, expecting the kid to fall asleep on your lap at a fancy restaurant. These plans will most likely backfire. The kind of trip you have with a toddler will not resemble any other kind of vacation you’ve taken before or will again—so just embrace its limits and go small: a beach, a lake, an all-inclusive. Think of it as a particular kind of family time.
There seems to be a sweet spot starting around age 3 or 4, going up to about age 13. Older kids are a total blast to travel with—they have the energy and stamina to go, go, go. But they can also sit peacefully in a restaurant without throwing food. Some kinds of vacations are better suited to certain ages, but mostly it depends on your own family values.

Finding Childcare

There are lots of options for getting a night out on the town sans kids when you’re away—but remember, it’ll cost you.
A few recs: Some all-inclusive resorts will offer babysitting for a small additional fee, so you can factor that into the cost of your travel. Bonus: You don’t have to go out searching for a reliable sitter! They’re right there! Alternately, if you’re not doing an all-inclusive, you can look on sites like Care.com or UrbanSitter for vetted sitters (rather than a total stranger!), so you can have a little more peace of mind.
If you have very little kids, consider bringing your own sitter along: How much help will you want? What will the childcare options already there cost you? If you think you’ll need more help than one night out with your partner—if you’re going to want another set of hands—this might be the more financially sound option.
Or! My personal fave: Travel with another family. It’s a win-win: The parents have friends to hang out with, and the kids have friends to keep them busy. You can swap out date nights or share the cost of a sitter.

Where should I travel with kids?

Each family has its own particular rhythms and desires. My husband, for instance, loathes the idea of going to the beach for a week, but for others, this is a dream vaca—easy, calming, low key. He also hates going the same place two years in a row. But for a lot of families, going on the same vacation summer after summer (or winter after winter) is comfortable; you know what to expect and can plan accordingly. Sometimes the kids even make lifelong friends.
Here are some time-tested options for families:

The Beach (and/or Any Big Body of Water)

Entertainment for hours for the kids, and parents can sit in the sun,” says Rachel Graves, mom of two boys in Portland, Oregon. “This is especially great if you can get a rental ON the beach, so no packing up the car is required! It’s easy to go back for lunch and naps. Bonus if there’s also a pool!”
Joyce Bernas, who has two young girls in Montreal, agrees: “I won’t go anywhere with kids unless there is a pool or swimmable beach,” she says. “No matter what else is around you, you know you have an activity the kids will love and not get tired of day after day. It’s basically my fail-safe back-up plan. You will also likely find other families to occupy your kids.”
Some faves: Kauai, Hawaii; Wellfleet, Massachusetts; Malibu, California.

A City

This one is not for the faint of heart. But if you love restaurants, museums, walking tours, and shows, this is the best way to go. This is a trip that is more manageable with older kids (think 5 or 6 and up) and/or a singleton. “We went to Seattle last summer,” says Kim Morchower, mom of 4- and 6-year-olds in L.A. “The Airbnb was affordable and nice. There were lots of things to do with kids: lake, hiking, museums, parks. Great town, perfect family trip.” New York City is always a blast, as are European cities—think Paris, Amsterdam, Vienna—which are extremely walkable.
Some faves: New York City, Paris, Amsterdam, Austin, Seattle, Portland, Nashville.

A Cruise

Okay, to some this might sound like a nightmare, but to others it’s bliss: everything all in one place! A pool, views of water for miles, and activities galore. “We took our toddler on a cruise with extended family and loved it!” says Ginette Sze of Montreal. “It’s relatively clean and safe, and there’s so much good food available at all hours, and waves to rock you to sleep, and occasions to dress up fancy for a change. Some cruises have activities and programming for youth.”

Disneyland or Disney World (and Other Theme Parks)

I took my 5-year-old to Disney world in January, and it was amazing,” says Sze, “but it wasn’t a restful vacation by any means. It was magical but also a constant obstacle course of boutiques and crap for sale and the food was ugh. We used FastPass+ to avoid some long waits, but it requires advance planning. The thing that’s the most fun about theme parks that I always recommend is the water parks (which is not included in Disney passes, by the way). They are truly fantastic. I have so many wonderful childhood memories at water parks.”

Camping

Camping is great IF both kids are walking and there are nearby attractions like a lake or river,” says Grave. “But it’s a terrible idea with infants/non-walkers or bad sleepers.” Betsy Uhrman, a mom of two in L.A., adds: “When possible, we prefer group sites with no other sites nearby. Both for privacy and for when small children wake at random hours of the night … I feel less badly (though still feel badly) about disturbing people I know.”
Some faves: Bandido Campground in Santa Clarita, California; Sequoia National Park.

Skiing

“We’ve taken winter snow trips to Lake Tahoe two years in a row and stayed at Granlibakken Ski and Sled Area,” says Jessica Lattiff, mom of two boys. “Kids have a blast, and there’s stuff for grownups to enjoy, too. Really good breakfast included in the room rate, sled rentals and two different hills for kids, a small ski area where they can take beginner lessons, plus a heated pool, hot tub, sauna, and spa services.”
Some faves: Granlibakken Ski Resort.

The All-Inclusive

Who doesn’t want absolutely everything taken care of? No searching for food, activities, sitters—the all-inclusive, although often quite pricey, can be worth it. “Kinderhotels” in Austria are a prime example—they provide all-day childcare (including separate meals!) for guests.   
Some faves: Franklyn D. Resort in Jamaica, Kinderhotel Almhof in Austria.

Luxury

We know, we know. Not with kids! But what if you can? Tots Too offers myriad luxury family vacations all over Europe and beyond.

Choosing Accommodations

Ah, hotels: They used to be so luxurious and lovely. Breakfast in bed. Room service. Someone to make your bed in the morning…
With kids, this scenario is a little different. Usually you only have one room, so if one kid needs to sleep, where will the other kid go (and stay quiet)? Do you want to worry about waking the neighbor at 5 a.m.? And what if you need to put the kid down at 7 p.m. but want to eat, too?
But there are still perks to hotels, usually in the form of a pool and breakfast, and sometimes childcare.
When traveling with kids, Airbnb is usually a great option—but always check the reviews. The last thing you need when traveling with kids is to find yourself in a place that bears no resemblance to the pictures! What a rented apartment (or house) will give you is more flexibility, and it might end up being cheaper. You can cook meals, stock the fridge, and have more space to move about on your own schedule.
Kid & Coe offers amazing homes that are equipped with stuff for kids! You can specify your desires (pool, beach, best for kindergarteners, best for babies) and voila! Everything is already there for you!

Tips for Travel With Kids

Plan, plan, plan.

Gone are the days of booking a flight a week before and winging it. Have at least one plan/destination for each day, keeping naptime and bedtime schedules in mind.

Stay (sort of) on schedule.

This is especially true if you have a napper. Do not expect the kid to nap on cue wherever you are. If you want to avoid daily meltdowns, plan your days as you would at home, with a big activity in the morning, followed by lunch and a nap. If you have a second (or third) kid who doesn’t nap, use that time to rest or have a little one-on-one adventure.

Partner up.

Some of our best family vacations were with other families. It’s a win–win! The kids have friends to play with and so do the parents.

Make sure everyone is getting their needs met—at least a bit.

It’s unlikely that you’ll plan a vacation that is perfect for every single family member at all times, but the best way to make travel with kids work is to make sure that everyone gets to choose at least one or two parts of the trip. Don’t love museums but your husband does? Okay, so go to one, or let him go alone while you take the kids out for ice cream so he can enjoy it in peace.

Divide and conquer.

You do not need to be together all the time. Especially if you have more than one kid, consider doing activities in pairs or even letting each parent have at least one morning or afternoon to him- or herself.

Pack snacks.

A whiny, hungry child is no fun for anyone, ever.

Put away your phone.

Really, stop working.
Traveling with kids can be absolutely magical. Just remember: It’s a trip, not a vacation. It’ll be exhausting and incredible—and, let’s be honest, you’ll probably need an actual vacation soon after. So try to save a little moolah for a weekend away with your honey.
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Mom x Body Motherhood

Mom On The Run: These 8 Picks Are Perfect For Moms Getting Fit

We get it: You used to grab your shoes, iPhone, and keys and go. Now you’re exercising with a baby in tow, which can seem slightly more complicated—but it doesn’t have to be! Sometimes you just need to have the right gear on hand to get out the door. From running to biking to going on long hikes, here is the stuff you’ll need to keep up your active lifestyle.

Jogging Stroller

No, you can’t use your Bugaboo or your City Mini. As lovely as those strollers are, you will trip and fall on your face! Jogging strollers are built with more space for your legs so you don’t feel encumbered, and a fixed front wheel that won’t spin around on you as you’re in the middle of your groove.
Splurge: The Thule Urban Glide 2.0 jogging stroller is a compact stroller that will give you an easy jog and your little one a smooth ride.
Save: The Graco Fastaction Fold Jog Stroller gives you all you need: a place to put the baby and enough room to jog at your own pace.

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Baby Carrier

When possible, ditch the stroller entirely and go hands free! With a supportive baby carrier, you can do everything from bouncing your clingy baby around the house to taking a family stroll in the park with the pup in tow.
Splurge: Definitely the most popular of carriers, the Ergo Baby Carrier allows you to carry the baby from birth (with infant insert) to the time he’s a toddler. You can carry on your front or back, which helps when the baby gets to be heavy! The numerous straps support mom’s back and keep the baby cozy and safe.
Save: The Boba Wrap can be tied numerous ways. Though it’s ideal for newborns, some moms like to use this with older children as well. Some find, however, that once their kid gets to a certain weight, this wrap doesn’t provide the back support they need.

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Babe-Carrying Backpack

These packs are for the super-active mom who isn’t going to let having a baby keep her from hiking a mountain.
Splurge: Deuter’s Kid Comfort allows you carry a toddler in style and comfort and is ergonomically designed to support your spine while you do your thing. As a bonus, it’s super supportive for both kid and mom.
Save: The Baby Backpack Cross Country Carrier has a lightweight aluminum frame (because your kid is heavy enough), allowing you to tote your little one all over the zoo, fairground, or campsite. Plus it has a sun visor to boot.

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A Great Sports Bra

Obviously your boobs aren’t what they once were. In the months after delivery, they’re likely bigger and more cumbersome, which can be an impediment to working out. As the postpartum period wears on, they may start deflating on you, leaving you needing more lift than ever. And there’s nothing worse than feeling like your girls aren’t properly supported when you’re jogging, dancing, lifting weights, or even just walking around Target.
Splurge: The Enell Sport is designed to lock the girls down. This workhorse isn’t as beautiful as less functional bras, but as the product description asserts, it’s “a critical piece of athletic equipment that answers the prayers of well-endowed athletes.”
Save: Glamorise Women’s No-Bounce Bra is built a little more like a traditional bra with a hook in the back, but with mesh, breathable panels to keep you from getting too sweaty. Again, it won’t be stocked by slinky lingerie shops any time soon, but when you’re postpartum and on the move, you need the support.

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