For most athletes, one Olympic appearance is a lofty goal. Five Olympic appearances seems downright impossible.
Just ask Danielle Scott-Arruda. She played indoor volleyball at every Olympics from 1996 to 2012, setting the U.S. record for most Olympic appearances by a female volleyball player and bringing home two silver medals in the process (along with the Best Blocker award at the 2000 games). In 2016, she was inducted into the International Volleyball Hall of Fame.
In her final Olympic appearance, Scott-Arruda was 39 years old—much older than the average Olympian—but still a force on the team, serving as a valuable mentor for younger players at her position. Behind the scenes, she was savoring every moment.
We spoke with Scott-Arruda to find out what it’s like to compete in the Olympics, how it feels to narrowly miss out on a gold medal, and the athletes Olympians need to be in order to compete at the highest possible level.
[Editorial note: This interview has been edited for length and clarity.]
HEALTHYWAY: Tell me how you got your start. As I understand, you didn’t have a typical path to the Olympics.
DANIELLE SCOTT-ARRUDA: Well, I actually did a lot of different sports growing up, and going through to college, actually.
That started with physical education classes [in grade school], just being exposed to different sports and activities. It’s unfortunate we don’t do a lot more P.E. in schools today!
But in those classes, that was when I was first introduced to the sport. I didn’t play with a team until my 6th grade year, which is actually pretty late when we’re talking about something like the Olympics.
Of course, nowadays, there are club teams. Some parents start their kids as toddlers. At the time I started, I wasn’t even allowed to compete in 6th grade—those were the rules. So I did other sports. I did basketball, softball, and track and field through high school. Eventually, I got a scholarship for volleyball and basketball.
Flash forward, and I was invited to the national volleyball team. After the 1996 Olympics, I took a couple years off and tried out for the WNBA, but I didn’t quite make it, and then I went back and continued my career in volleyball.
I didn’t realize you’d tried to make the WNBA.
Yeah, it wasn’t in the cards for me. Seven years had passed since my collegiate basketball days by that point, and I was pretty well-established in volleyball. I ended up putting my basketball shoes back in the closet after the third attempt.
So, at what point in your athletic career did you realize that you had a chance at going to the Olympics?
It was actually pretty late. I started club volleyball in my sophomore year of high school. I was 15, and kids were starting a lot earlier. It wasn’t until the end of my junior year when I started getting recruiting letters.
That’s when people started telling me—”Hey, you know, you might be able to compete in the Olympics.”
Had you watched many Olympics by that point? Was competing there one of your goals?
Sure, we watched the Olympics at home, as a family, but I wasn’t watching it saying, “Someday, that’ll be me.”
I didn’t have that sort of confidence until I had these outside influences telling me that I was pretty good. That’s important. Look—I was really shy growing up. I wasn’t the confident kid. A strange thing happened: When people started boosting my confidence, I continued to get better.
By my junior year of high school, I thought the Olympics were a possibilility. By my senior year, rumors were flying around—”Maybe you’ll make the ’92 games.”
So I started really working towards that. In my freshman year of college, there were tryouts for the national team, and things really spiraled from there. That started the process. It happened gradually.
You’re at your first Olympic games in 1996. What did it feel like just stepping into the arena the first time?
You know, it was so amazing. It was my first games, and to have it at home, in Atlanta—well, to be clear, Atlanta isn’t my home, but the United States certainly is—anyway, it was incredible.
[pullquote align=”center”]“It never tapered off. In fact, all the little things that a lot of Olympians do traditionally … it was never old.”
—Danielle Scott-Arruda[/pullquote]
It was such a long process. To become an Olympian, you don’t work every four years, you work every day, training for six to eight hours. It’s your life.
With that kind of an investment, I can’t imagine what it feels like to get the call.
When you’re finally named to the team, it’s just—you don’t believe it.
It stays that way, if you’re fortunate enough to compete in multiple Olympics. Each time after that it’s that same reaction: “Wow, I did it.”
You know, you can work really hard to accomplish that dream, but the reality is that only 12 people make the team, along with a couple alternates. So when you finally make it, it’s just that sigh of relief. All that work was worth it.
Do you have time to just sit back and enjoy that accomplishment?
Oh, no! The work continues. After you’ve received the call, now you have compete and train with a small, specific group of athletes—teammates—and really hone in on your common goal. You have to know what each person’s role is, and you’ve all got to get on the same page very, very quickly.
We have to know how we want to finish in the Olympics, and there’s really only one goal at that stage—win. Strategy is an enormous part of that.
But, with that being said, we did get to appreciate the accomplishment, even if we weren’t “sitting back.” My first Olympics was in Atlanta, as I said, and a lot of my family was able to attend. We had so much support, being on our home turf. That was definitely exciting.
And really, once I competed at that level, it got in my blood. I was like, “Okay, I’m just going to do this thing until I don’t. Until I can’t.”
Did any amount of the excitement taper off with each successive Olympic invitation?
It never tapered off. In fact, all the little things that a lot of Olympians do traditionally—with the pin trading, and going to opening and closing ceremonies, the flag-bearing ceremonies, all those little things—it was never old.
[Editorial note: This seems like as good a place as any to mention that Olympic pin trading gets pretty crazy. Athletes, journalists, and dignitaries arrive at the Olympic games with boxes of country-specific pins, which they trade with athletes and obsessed collectors.
In the modern era, pins essentially function as currency. According to one collector, “You can get in some places with a pin where you probably couldn’t get in if you handed them a $20 bill.”]
At my fifth Olympics, I was the only one that went to the closing ceremonies. I’m like, “What, you guys aren’t going?” I can’t believe that! This is a once in a lifetime thing!”
And okay, we were blessed to do it more than once, but the point stands. You’ve got to appreciate every moment.
It must be hard to live in the moment. I imagine the spirit of competition is just kind of weighing on you the entire time that you’re there, but you want to enjoy the experience, too.
Right. Every other day, we’re competing, so you have to practice and rest the day before the competition. And it’s kind of that continuous cycle of living moment to moment.
But our coaches were more conscious of letting us have a balanced experience. We were still focused, but we made time to go to chapel or spend time with friends and family. We wouldn’t necessarily watch other competitions, but at least we’d spend time with the people who went through that journey with us.
From talking to you, it’s clear that you love representing the United States.
I would always have this expression: If you cut me, I’ll bleed red, white, and blue. I love competing for the United States. To travel, and to represent our country—I mean, for me, it never got old. I never got burned out.
You won a silver medal in 2008, right?
In 2008 and 2012.
Can you tell me what it was like to win that first silver medal?
Winning the silver medal was kind of bittersweet, you know?
By that point, I had gone to three previous Olympics, and I’d left with nothing. Of course, it’s all about the journey and all of that, but when you’re working so hard with that one big goal…
And with our teams, we weren’t necessarily expected to be the top contender, but we were able to overcome some difficult obstacles. We felt like we were playing for something bigger than ourselves. Then, we won the silver, and it was great, because we were going home with something physical. But—well, I’m sure you’ve probably heard this before—when you lose the gold, it’s hard to really celebrate.
So it takes a moment to realize extent of the accomplishment. I think I was able to appreciate our second silver more.
But, gosh, we were so close to winning gold, and I think that’s kind of one of those things that kept me wanting to contribute, in whatever way I could, and keep playing as long as possible.
[Editorial note: Close it was. In 2008, the U.S team won four of five matches in the preliminary round, only losing to Cuba, and then beat Cuba 3–0 in the knockout-stage semifinals to advance to the gold medal game. Scott-Arruda scored seven points in that game—third on her team—but they ultimately fell to Brazil three sets to one.
In 2012, they came arguably closer. They won all five matches in the prelims, only dropping two sets out of 17 played. In the knockout phase, they shut out the Dominican Republic and South Korea before falling, once again, to Brazil in the finals. As a reserve, Scott-Arruda played six sets.]
Did nerves play a role? I mean, I’m sure you’re used to playing in front of people by that point, but—
Well, I think each person kind of deals with nerves differently. And I always felt some butterflies, but to me, that meant I was ready to compete.
I’d just say, “This is part of my routine.” In fact, if I didn’t get the butterflies, I’d feel like something wasn’t right. It’s a fine line, I guess, but if you prepare properly for a game, you probably won’t have severe nervousness by that time. You’ll have it under control.
I was confident in our preparation so I could dig through the anxiety. And that’s just how it was for me—everyone’s different.
What other personality traits would you expect an Olympian to have?
I think have that desire, that drive. There will be obstacles and setbacks. You have to be willing to learn from them. You have to have a growth-type mentality.
You don’t lose, you learn. You learn from each experience. And you’ve got to be able to learn from criticism, focus in, and make adjustments. At the same time, you can’t beat yourself up or say that you don’t deserve to be there.
In team sports, you’ve also got to deal with a different coaching staff every time. Each staff has their own goals and plans, and you’ve got to be willing to change. Never feel like you know everything.
Because in the Olympics, you’ve got to keep adding tools to your toolbag. And when I have camps and clinics, I tell the kids, “Hey, this is just something else you can add to what you already know.”
I think it’s interesting—you said that you were able to get to the Olympics thanks, in part, to the the confidence instilled by coaches and family members. It’s really cool that you’re working with young players now and giving that confidence to other athletes.
Definitely. It definitely gives you a sense of accomplishment.
I remember this one experience, I was coaching with the 8th grade team at a local school here. And one of the athletes could not serve the ball over. But she was getting better, and I could see her effort.
Still, sometimes, she would immediately come towards the bench to be subbed out. We had a great lead against another team, and I was like, “No, go ahead give it a try.” You know where this is going—she served it over, and scored a point.
Those little moments, where you see a kid develop—it brings so much to the job. That self-confidence is important for sports, but it’s important for life, and it’s absolutely wonderful to watch it develop.
Find out more about Danielle Scott-Arruda’s volleyball training programs here.
Category: Uncategorized
It was a colleague’s suggestion that led Amanda Gorman, a pediatric nurse practitioner, and her husband, Ryan, to discover that their daughter has familial hypercholesterolemia. A genetic disorder inherited from parents, familial hypercholesterolemia is known for causing early cardiovascular disease. It was a long history of cardiovascular problems in Ryan’s family that initially clued his colleague in to the the possibility of a genetic disease in the family.
“We’ve always known that my husband’s risk factors for early cardiovascular disease were likely high, given his family history of early male deaths and cardiac events under age 50. When he was starting treatment for his high cholesterol in his early forties, his colleague, having heard his family history and seen his numbers, suggested he have his children checked for familial hypercholesterolemia,” Amanda explains.
Fortunately, the timing of this suggestion was just right, as Amanda and Ryan’s daughter, who was 3 at a time, was scheduled to have an eye surgery the following week. Knowing she would be sedated, Amanda requested a fasting blood panel in hopes of checking her for symptoms of this genetic disorder. When the tests came back showing elevated cholesterol levels, they knew something was up.
[pullquote]This gene is thought to result in impaired ability to control inflammation.[/pullquote]
In the end, through extensive testing for her husband, they discovered that Ryan carries familial hypercholesterolemia. Although it is a serious condition with the potential for early cardiovascular events and even premature death, early detection in both father and daughter means they can both live long lives if they adhere to their specific treatment plans. For her husband, this means a healthy lifestyle and a medication regimen, while their daughter is following strict diet until she is old enough to start medication.
Familial hypercholesterolemia is just one condition that children can inherit from their dads. Both mental health conditions and genetic disorders like the one mentioned above are things fathers can pass on to their babies. Curious what else a child can inherit from dear old dad? Here are seven traits kids get from their fathers.
1. The Heart of the Matter
In a similar vein, sons can actually inherit a gene from their fathers that increases their risk of coronary heart disease by 50 percent, according to Jen Stagg, a naturopathic doctor who specializes in helping patients make healthy decisions based on their unique genetic makeups.
“This gene is thought to result in impaired ability to control inflammation, which is critical in preventing the development of plaque in the arteries of the heart,” Stagg explains.
A study led by the University of Leicester supports Stagg’s understanding that coronary artery disease—a condition characterized by a decreased delivery of oxygen to the heart caused by narrowed blood vessels—may be passed from father to son.
2. The Genetics of Mental Health
Although both parents may pass mental health disorders on to their children, there are certain diagnoses that are more likely to be passed from father to child if the father is older, says Stagg. Specifically, children of older fathers with a schizophrenia or attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) diagnosis are at an increased risk of being diagnosed with these conditions themselves.
[pullquote]Fathers are four times more likely to have new mutations in their DNA because they continue to produce new sperm as they age.[/pullquote]
To clarify, mothers can pass on mental health conditions like schizophrenia, ADHD, or bipolar disorder to their children, but older fathers have a greater likelihood of passing on genetic mutations of all kinds for a very interesting reason.
“Just recently, it was discovered that fathers are four times more likely to have new mutations in their DNA because they continue to produce new sperm as they age. Mothers, on the other hand, have all of their eggs from their birth.
“This appears to result in more rare genetic diseases in their children, as well as high incidence of neurodevelopmental disorders like autism,” explains Stagg, citing both a study published in JAMA Psychiatry and further research shared by The Guardian.
3. His Daddy’s Smile
Although less serious, children may be at an increased risk of developing problems with their teeth if their father has dealt with certain dental issues.
[pullquote]Genes passed on by father tend to be more active than the same gene from the mother.[/pullquote]
Tooth size, jaw size, and the shape of teeth are all genetic, and children can inherit these characteristics from either parent, according to research that appeared in the American Journal of Physical Anthropology.
However, Stagg explains why it is believed there is a significant possibility of fathers passing these traits on to their children.
“This is possibly a result of genetic dominance, where genes passed on by [the] father tend to be more active than the same gene from the mother. This may be the case when it comes to genetics related to size of the jaw, which could result in overcrowding of teeth or tooth decay from soft enamel,” Stagg says.
4. The Truth About Infertility
Men who have low sperm quality may turn to in vitro fertilization to help them conceive a child. However, research associated with in vitro fertilization indicates that fathers with sperm issues may be passing their struggles with infertility on to their sons, according to a study published in the journal Human Reproduction.
Specifically, recently published data collected from the oldest group of men who were conceived using intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI, a fertility treatment) indicates that infertility in men is an inherited trait.
This research showed that the men conceived by ICSI were more likely to have low quality sperm, just as their fathers did. This data was compared to sets collected from men conceived without the assistance of fertility treatments, who had much higher sperm counts.
Although further study is necessary, the research indicates that fathers with lower sperm counts could pass their fertility problems on to their sons.
5. Boy or Girl?
On a much lighter note, whether a child is a girl or a boy is actually determined by their father. In fact, the father’s family tree can be used to determine the likelihood of a couple having a girl or a boy, according to a study recently published in Science Daily.
Let’s review something you may or may not remember from your high school science classes: The sex of a baby is determined by the father’s sperm. If the sperm is carrying an X chromosome, it teams up with the mother’s X chromosome and a baby girl is conceived. Alternatively, if the father’s sperm is carrying a Y chromosome, a boy is conceived.
This may be old news to you, but what is particularly interesting is the fact that scientists can now look at a family tree and make an educated guess about the likelihood of a man having a boy or a girl. These researchers hypothesize that a yet-to-be-discovered gene is in charge of determining how X and Y chromosomes are distributed across the father’s sperm.
6. It’s in his eyes.
Let’s be clear, it would definitely be a stretch to say that dad determines the color of the baby’s eyes. The truth is, both of the parents’ genes play a role in the determining if a baby has light or dark eyes. But if a dad has certain traits, it is easier to predict what color eyes his child will have.
Basically, we know that certain eye colors are determined by recessive genes and others by dominant genes. Lighter colors, like blue or green, are caused by recessive genes, whereas brown eyes are caused by dominant genes. This means if both parents have light eyes, there is a much higher likelihood that the child will, too. However, if one parent has dark eyes, there is a much higher likelihood the child’s eyes will be dark, too.
So, in a roundabout way, a dad with dark eyes has a greater influence on the color of his child’s eyes.
7. Towering Over Mom
A quick glance at most families will reveal what most people already assume to be true—kids inherit their height from dad and mom. And yes, height is largely determined by genetics, but the science behind this trait is still being explored, and new research on the topic is fascinating.
A study published in the journal Nature, for instance, was able to nail down 700 different genetic sequences that play a role in determining how tall (or short) a person might be. Additionally, this research found that the vast majority of these sequences were common variants with a small impact on height. In some cases, however, rare variants were influential, accounting for as much as an inch of a study participant’s height.
What to Do if You’re Worried About Genetic History
Parents with a family history of genetic health disorders are right to have concerns about their future children. Eye color and gender are one thing, but knowing a child might inherit an infertility disorder or potentially life-threatening disease like familial hypercholesterolemia is daunting.
[pullquote]A couple can visit with a genetic counselor who can work with them to outline potential cause [for] concern.[/pullquote]
Educating yourself about your family history if you are able is a good first step before having children. Spend time gathering information from both sides of the family on general health conditions and mental health diagnoses.
Using this information, you should be able to see patterns or notice red flags that you might want to talk through with a doctor.
“Genetic counselors and clinical geneticists are trained healthcare professionals who have expertise in addressing concerns about genetics. If contemplating pregnancy, a couple can visit with a genetic counselor who can work with them to outline potential cause [for] concern,” advises Stagg.
Rapper Del the Funky Homosapien said it best: “It’s important to practice good hygiene/At least if you wanna run with my team.”
Well, we do want to run with Del’s team, and besides, smelling nice is always a plus. But think of hygiene more as a happy medium than an all-out blitz. It is possible to overdo it.
In fact, sometimes, in the name of health, we innocently do more harm to our bodies than good. From drying your hands to washing your dishes and cleaning your ears, here are 10 hygiene practices you’re better off skipping. Don’t worry; you’ll still be able to run with Del.
1. Relying on Too Much Hot Air
Ah, the old and bitter controversy: hand towels versus air dryers. Well, debate no further. An authority no less illustrious than the Mayo Clinic points to research that shows paper towels are better than electric hand dryers, at least in terms of scraping away bacteria.
By nature, not only do electric hand dryers fail to “wipe off” the bacteria remaining on your hands, but they may also spread it to the entire room, essentially aerosolizing the bugs. Not to mention, hand dryers are louder and often less effective, and they can leave your skin chapped and dry. Plus, if you’re concerned about the environment, know that standard warm air dryers use a lot of power and can be resource-intensive to install.
Summary: Hand towels are often more effective at fighting germs. Use fewer towels to reduce your ecological footprint.
2. Using This Old Excuse to Get Out of Your Turn Doing Dishes
It’s tempting to leave dishes in the sink to soak—especially when you know it’s your roommate’s turn to do the dishes tomorrow. But a dirty sink full of old, gross dishes is the perfect breeding ground for bacteria like salmonella and E. coli.
According to researchers from the University of Arizona, somewhere between 50 and 80 percent of bugs that lead to food-borne illnesses are bred right at home.
And where exactly in the home do you think these pathogens are breeding? The second-worst offender in microbiologist Charles Gerba’s research, after the kitchen sponge, is the kitchen sink. It has more bacteria than your toilet, according to Gerba. (“That’s why your dog likes to drink out of the toilet,” he jokes.)
Summary: Wash dishes as soon as possible with hot water and soap.
3. Waging All-Out War on Microbes
Good old-fashioned hand-washing is still the best way to fight the spread of germs, but should you really choose antibacterial soaps designed to nuke all microorganisms, no matter what? Triclosan, a broad-spectrum antibacterial agent used in soap, mouthwash, and even deodorant, was examined in a study in Clinical Infectious Diseases.
According to study authors, this sanitizing agent is “no more effective than plain soap at preventing infectious illness symptoms and reducing bacterial levels on the hands,” and its potential to kill even healthy bugs may be associated with the “emergence of antibiotic-resistant bacteria.”
The FDA seems to have agreed with the study’s conclusions, as the administration recently restricted triclosan’s use in certain products.
Summary: When in doubt, use plain soap every time to win the fight against germs.
4. Skipping the Dirt
According to researchers at Cornell University, a little dirt in your diet is a good thing. Maybe you shouldn’t wash your garden vegetables so scrupulously.
They say that geophagy, or the consumption of soil, has existed in humans for millennia—and it may actually help protect the stomach against pathogens, toxins, and parasites.
The data shows that geophagy shows up most commonly in women in the early stages of pregnancy and in pre-adolescent children. Both categories of people are especially sensitive to parasites and pathogens, according to the study’s authors. A little dirt goes a long way.
Summary: Don’t fear a bit of dirt on your veggies—that mud pie you ate as a child might have been medicinal.
5. Over-Reliance on the Fridge
It goes without saying that some foods (such as meat) need to be refrigerated. But according to a study published in the Journal of Physiological Anthropology, purposefully allowing other foods like fruits and vegetables to be exposed to warm air (thereby slightly fermenting them) can actually cultivate your own homemade and delicious probiotics!
Long before the invention of refrigeration (and the concept of hygiene), milk, bread starter, and vegetables were often fermented before eating. The researchers found that eating slightly fermented foods actually boosts your immune system and increases the nutrient content of the food. Who doesn’t love sourdough?
Summary: Keep your fruit and veggies in a bowl on the kitchen counter for a little probiotic boost in your diet.
6. Refusing to Share
Odds are, if you and a pair of friends want to share an oversized dessert at your favorite restaurant, you’ll ask for three spoons with the dish. You might assume using separate spoons is healthier than sharing. Not necessarily, say researchers.
Encouraging the spread of healthy bacteria in our guts is something we need to do more of, the researchers say. Sharing saliva among healthy friends and family members—and thus introducing their microbes into your own microbiome—may actually help your immune system. Not only does sharing cut down on calories, then, but it also builds up the body’s supply of good bugs.
It’s important to note, though, that you really don’t want to share food or drinks with people who are actively sick. That’s especially true of drinks, Sunny Jung of Virginia Tech explained to Popular Science. No matter how careful you may be, there’s always some level of backwash left in the cup after a sip. Yuck.
Summary: Share food and drinks with healthy friends and family to boost your immunity.
7. Relaxing in the Shower
There’s nothing like a long hot shower, especially first thing in the morning. It wakes you up and leaves you feeling fresh and ready to start the day. But is it good for your skin?
According to Alan J. Parks, MD, founder of DermWarehouse, the answer is, sadly, not so much. Hot showers strip protective oils from your skin, so you should always keep them short as you can stand, Parks suggests.
The soap you use is important, too. “Many soaps will strip your skin of natural oils and cause your skin to dry out,” Parks says. Try to use gentle soaps, like those made for sensitive skin, and make sure to rinse every last bit of lather from your body before getting out of the shower.
Here’s another shocker: Hot showers are actually most beneficial at night, as part of your bedtime routine. The cooling process that begins after stepping out of a hot shower can create an easier transition to sleep—potentially leading to a more restful night. A temperature drop triggers your body to rest because it slows down the body’s metabolic activities, like digestion, breathing, and heart rate.
Summary: Keep hot showers as short as possible, and take them at night to help you sleep.
8. Abusing the Q-Tip
It’s too bad earwax is brown and sticky. Many people falsely assumed that it’s dirty and needs to be cleaned. Earwax (scientifically named cerumen) is a combination of sebum (oils), secretions from glands in the outer ear canal, and skin cells. It’s all good stuff, people.
Like many processes in the body, earwax production is a self-cleaning, protective mechanism that you shouldn’t interfere with in most cases. Even worse, sticking objects in your ear can damage your eardrum and lead to hearing loss.
Occasionally, earwax gets impacted and messes with your hearing. Even in this case, though, you shouldn’t try to clear the blockage yourself. Instead, visit a doctor to remove it.
Experts suggest that if you absolutely must try something at home, just put a drop of mineral oil in your ear every day for a few days. That can loosen built-up earwax. Once the wax reaches peak-gooeyness, squirt clean water gently into the ear canal and wipe with a fresh towel; that should do the trick
Summary: Don’t stick things in your ear. Ever. Unless earwax is impeding your hearing, leave it there.
9. Developing a Preoccupation with Exfoliation
You need to exfoliate to remove a layer of unpleasant skin cells, exposing the beauty beneath, right? Maybe so, but it’s a mistake to treat your skin like a plank that needs sanding. There’s no good reason for most of us to exfoliate every day.
Just like with hot showers, this is an issue of preserving the oils that protect the skin. Even worse, you can actually damage the skin if you don’t give those shiny new layers time to grow in.
So how often should you exfoliate? Dermatologists like to point out that everyone is different, and that your skin will let you know if you’re over-exfoliating. Unfortunately, it can only do that by getting all red and painful, so it might be best to err on the side of caution.
The consensus among dermatologists, when pressed, seems to be that you shouldn’t exfoliate more than two or three times a week.
Summary: Do exfoliate. Do not do it every day. And don’t try to get a straight answer out of a dermatologist.
10. Fearing Greasy Hair
Everyone’s hair is a little different—there’s a wide range of types, from the brittle and dry to the over-oily. But all of us could probably stand to go easier on the shampoo.
The oil that the hair naturally produces, called sebum, is actually good for your hair and your skin, as it forms a protective layer and locks moisture in.
Unfortunately, shampoos don’t discriminate between healthy oils and gunk like dirt, sweat, and product residue. Shampoo strips away the good and the bad, potentially leaving your hair drier and more vulnerable to damage.
Now, it’s true that some people need to wash their hair daily. People with extremely fine or oily hair, or who live in very humid climates, or who sweat profusely, might consider shampooing daily with a mild moisturizing shampoo. But that’s not most of us.
Summary: Go as long as you can between shampooing your hair, even if that means more ponytail days.
The point of all this is not that you should stop taking care of yourself entirely, of course. Fail to heed Del the rapper’s warnings and you know the result: “You’ll be funky.”
Drawn like a moth to the flame.
That’s me when it comes to baby registries.
I love researching baby products. I might even call it a hobby of mine. So when it came to registering for each of my four pregnancies, I have truly loved cultivating the perfect list of exactly what my baby needed—and what my mama heart desired.
With my first baby, we needed everything, obviously. My husband and I decided to keep our first baby’s gender a surprise, so much of what we registered for was basic and gender neutral: a black car seat, a red stroller, lots of solid-colored onesies, and simple swaddles. When our daughter was born (surprise!), I put the gift cards we received to use and added headbands and other pretties to her collection.
Three baby boys followed over the coming years, and with each one, my registry became more and more specific. We needed less (since many baby items can thankfully be re-used) and knew more (since I had learned what was and wasn’t actually useful during the baby days).
Here’s what I, and many other moms, have learned: Some items marketed to parents and their little ones sound amazing, especially to newbies, but in the end, they turn out to be a complete waste of space and money. Luckily, a bevy of real moms are ready to give you the scoop on what purchases fall in to the useless category and what you should buy instead.
So, pay attention and adjust your registry accordingly! Delete those useless items and prepare to invest in the things real moms love, use, and swear by.
First up, the useless items:
The Pointless Companion for Diaper Changes
No less than ten moms I talked to said that a wipe warmer is 100 percent useless.
In the beginning they all thought it was a good idea—after all, who wants to shock their baby’s bum with a cold wipe? But in reality, the wipe warmer takes up space and doesn’t work as effectively as promised. Krystle, a mom of two, says that “as soon as you take them out, they are already cold again!”
The Gift That Piles Up Quickly
You think you might need ten baby blankets, but you don’t. Even if they’re really cute, soft, or sentimental.
Jeanette, a mom of one, says she received at least eight blankets at her shower, but she really only uses three. So be selective and know that the ones you get and use will become the favorites!
The Item That’s Actually Dangerous
As more information about crib bumpers’ dangers has come out—27 accidental deaths related to them occurred between the 1985 and 2005—the American Association of Pediatrics now warns parents against using them.
Yes, without one, your crib might look bare, but bare is the safest option. When it comes to crib prep, just buy a quality mattress, a fitted waterproof pad to make middle of the night leaks easy to remedy, and a handful of fitted sheets.
The Foam You Should Forget
Erika, a mom of three: “My kiddos didn’t like the Bumbo, and their thighs were so chubby they couldn’t have used it more than a few weeks at best anyway.”
“It’s just not ideal to try to make babies sit up before they’re ready,” says Jeanette, and physical therapists agree, stating that there are no developmental benefits.
The Bath Time Non-Essential
“The little kneeling pad for bath time was useless,” says Tasha, a mom of two. “I have never used it, ever.”
While it might be convenient, it’s certainly not essential. Skip that and invest in quality bath toys (which can really grow with your baby over the years) and a compact baby bath tub.
The Stuff That Fills the Drawers
Last but not least, the biggest temptation when it comes to tiny babies are all the precious little outfits! But, consider following Kari’s advice when you are browsing clothes for your registry. As a mom of four, she knows what she is talking about!
“… we got so many clothes with our first that it honestly made life more complicated. By baby boy number three, we had it down to a small capsule wardrobe—with the exception of enough good onesies for potential blow outs.” That’s right, capsule your kid’s wardrobe and embrace the ease and simplicity of less in the laundry department. Babies really don’t need much!
Now, what you should buy instead:
A Diaper Bag With Specific Features
Lots of baby gear means you need a place to put it when you’re on the go, but not just any diaper bag will do. Some mamas want a specific color or material, others are on the lookout for something that looks more like a purse than a baby bag. According to Rose, a mom of four, every mom needs to look for one specific feature in her diaper bag: backpack straps.
You want a bag that will allow you to be hands free, she says, and the ability to be worn like a backpack makes that happen.
The Absolute Must
Babies love to be close—they’ve been cozy and warm inside mama’s womb for months, after all! That’s why a baby carrier is a must have on your registry. In fact, Jeannette, a mom of two, said “the only thing I couldn’t live without is my carrier(s)!”
When it comes to carriers, there are quite a few to choose from. It can be overwhelming, so consider registering for a couple of these top picks from seasoned moms who’ve tested many throughout their mothering years: Boba Baby Wrap, Moby Ring Sling, Ergobaby 360 carrier, Tula Free-to-Grow carrier, and Lillebaby wrap or carrier.
Bottom line, whatever you choose, make sure it’s an ergonomic carrier that supports your baby’s development.
All the Things That Disappear
If you’re aiming to fill your registry with a variety of useful items, think consumables!
Between mom and baby, you’re going to go through lots of diapers, nursing pads, wipes, baby soap, and lotion. Add large quantities of each to your registry, and all the wise gift givers will help you stock up with these less fun, but definitely essential items.
Not Just Any Car Seat
When it comes to choosing a car seat, The Car Seat Lady cites four sources—the American Academy of Pediatrics and peer-reviewed articles in Injury Prevention, Pediatrics, and British Medical Journal—that say rear facing are safer than forward facing. In some states, it’s actually the law that car-traveling children face the rear for at least two years.
That means you should register for a seat that can face the rear as long as possible. And by finding a rear-facing seat that has high height and weight limits, you won’t have to upgrade seats as often. The Graco 4Ever All-in-One Convertible Car Seat will give you up to 10 years of use with its ability to transform from a rear-facing baby seat to a forward-facing toddler car seat…to a booster seat.
And, what you should consider borrowing:
The big stuff doesn’t have to be a permanent fixture in your home.
So often, I see registries full of substantial baby “furniture.” Things like the widely-loved and oft-recommended Rock ’n Play, swings, and bouncers. Each of these items have definitely earned their place as baby must, but do you really need to buy them?
The answer is no, and the reason is that their lifespan is pretty short. Your little one will quickly reach the weight limit and outgrow them with their abilities. Sometimes by four months, sometimes by six, and for sure by eight or nine. That’s why I, and many of the moms I talked to, recommend borrowing these larger items from a family member or friend. Since they aren’t used for a long stretch of time, they’re often in great condition, and parents are happy to move those big items out of storage.
Back-Ups, Seconds, and Extras
Think you may want a carrier at grandma and grandpas? How about a car seat in dad’s car? Rather than register for doubles, consider asking friends if they have a spare that you can borrow or buy for less than full price.
When it comes to filling your baby registry, there is so much to consider.
As you curate your personal registry, be mindful and stick with the absolute essentials. The moms I talked to have been been through it, and some of them have been through it multiple times—they really know what they’re talking about when it comes to both useless and extremely useful baby registry items. Take their advice!
And, hey, if you end up really needing or wanting something we deemed “useless,” there is always a Target close by or quick shipping with Amazon Prime.
Now that you have a better idea of what you should and should not register for, check out these registry sites to get started: Amazon, Target, Buy Buy Baby and Babies “R” Us.
Girl meets boy, boy meets boy, or girl meets girl—it’s that simple, right? Well, not exactly.
If you’re finding yourself having trouble meeting people or you’re striking out over and over on your dates, you may be unintentionally sending out a vibe that’s actually making you appear less attractive.
Here are a few of the surprising things that make you less attractive to others, according to the experts.
1. Bad Grammar
Yup, that’s right. A bad grasp of the English language—or maybe whatever language you’re using to woo a potential mate—can be a turn-off to a romantic interest, especially if you’re active in the online dating arena.
One study found that the majority of men and women admitted that they reject online suitors solely because of bad grammar and misspellings in their dating profiles. 75 percent of a whopping 9,000 online daters polled in the study also said that they would most definitely reject a suitor who failed to pass a fifth grade spelling bee.
(For the record, my oldest is in fourth grade and I’m willing to testify that some of those spelling words are harder than you would think…)
So what exactly is it about bad grammar that turns people off? Apparently, aside from the fact that it shows a lack of education, bad grammar and things like lazy spelling and a lack of punctuation (yes, for real, periods are a big deal!) signify a lack of interest.
If you’re not committed enough to close out the sentences in your dating profile or Tinder text with periods, are you really committed enough to have an adult relationship?
2. Your Youthful Looks
While you may think that appearing youthful is an advantage in the dating world, it turns out that isn’t always the case.
One study found that when individuals are born to parents who are over the age of 30, they are less likely to be attracted to people with “young faces” and tend to be be more attracted to potential partners whose faces show signs of aging.
Distinguished trumps youth in this case. And the preference for older faces may win out as the population becomes more saturated with people born to so-called older parents. For the first time ever, more women in their thirties are having babies than their 20-something counterparts are. You do the math.
3. The Shirt on Your Back
That’s right, folks. If you’re a man looking to attract a woman, you may want to consider donning a red shirt. This study shows that women perceive men in red as more powerful and attractive, and those are two important characteristics when choosing a mate.
4. Cake-up
Urban legend that men prefer women with less makeup—whatever that means—has now been verified by at least one study out of the UK. This is not to say that men are necessarily put off by makeup, but that they prefer makeup that looks more natural.
Fortunately, it doesn’t matter what any man or woman thinks of you if you wear makeup, since um, it’s your face. I’m just here to tell you the facts, after all.
5. Your Appetite
One study found that hungry men perceived women with higher body weights as being more attractive. Once those men had something to eat and no longer reported being hungry, they no longer reported finding those same women quite as attractive.
I’m not sure what lesson to take away from this fact, however, as I’m a big advocate for 1) looking however you want to look and 2) not being hungry.
6. Your Table Manners
Speaking of hunger, watch what you do when you’re scarfing down food in front of a potential romantic interest. Sujeiry Gonzalez, 39, founder of Love Sujeiry and on-air reVolver Podcasts host, recounts a story of being completely grossed out by the man she was on a date with.
“I was instantly turned off by a man I briefly dated (and was secretly in love with) after a revealing lunch date,” she confesses. “And by revealing, I mean he exposed the food in his mouth. The man I thought was ‘the one’ chewed like a horse, mouth all open and teeth exposed. Eek!”
7. A Smidge of Stubble Versus a Boastworthy Beard
While both gay men and straight women prefer men whose faces appear more masculine, guys don’t have much control over whether they’re blessed with prominent brows and strong jawlines or not.
What they do have conrtrol over: the type of facial hair they choose to sport.
Studies have shown that heterosexual women prefer men with one very specific type of facial hair.
So sorry clean-shaven men and those of you with long beards—one study of Australian women found that they all considered men with heavy stubble more attractive than men without facial hair or those with heavy facial hair.
The key, of course, is to maintain a nice, even amount of facial hair that’s not too patchy.
8. Flashing a Smile (or Not)
In what winds up being a rather confusing study, men rated smiling women as more attractive, while women rated smiling men as less attractive. Women reported finding men more attractive when they displayed signs of “pride,” like a slight smile and a raised fist, instead of flashing their pearly whites.
(Is anyone else wondering what gives with this one???)
9. Your ‘tude
When it comes to dating, there is no such thing as “fake it ’til you make it,” says Gonzalez. “Whether you’re online dating or meet someone through a friend or at a bar, people can smell fakeness,” she explains.
“The more you try, the more you’ll pretend to be someone you’re not and the more people will see right through your bluff. And, of course, when I advise others to be confident, I don’t mean to be arrogant and aloof. You must be open to finding love. You must be open to attracting a mate. Be confident in your skin and honest about who you are while smiling a dazzling smile, and remaining positive and hopeful [about] the possibilities.”
10. Too Much Personality
Although it may seem like dating means putting your best foot (or face?) forward and showing off your assets, don’t discount the importance of humility.
“The most attractive thing to me is humility, so when a guy I went on a first date years ago bragged about his six-figure salary and BMW, I threw up a little in my mouth,” admits Gonzalez.
“Mr. Bravado, as I like to call him, truly believed that fancy cars and piles of money would woo me. Instead, I slurped my spaghetti with meat sauce … and hightailed [it out] the door.”
Dr. Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist at the Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida, also believes in the power of humility. “Confidence is a trait that is often attractive [but] so is being humble,” she explains. “Appear confident but humble.”
11. Your Undiscovered Hobby
While physical features and even things that we aren’t really aware of—like our bodies’ pheromones—have a direct impact on how attractive we are to people, true attraction to another human is much more complex than grooming habits or skeletal structure.
In fact, one study found that the single most attractive trait about an individual is actually their creativity. Test subjects were more likely to rate people portrayed as having creative pursuits and passions as attractive.
The study also showed that was more true for women seeking men, meaning women found men depicted as creative significantly more attractive, whereas men did not necessarily rate creative women as more attractive.
Either way, creativity and a passion for something other than yourself—or even your mate—is definitely sexy. “Oftentimes people are more attracted to those who are passionate about something,” Needle explains. “When people are excited and passionate about their interests, it can be attractive.”
What You Need to Know About Yourself in Order to Share Your True Appeal With Others
Fortunately, there are ways that you can make yourself more attractive—and in some instances, they have nothing to do with your appearance. According to Gonzalez, two non-physical traits that instantly make someone more attractive are also two of the most surprising: humor and grammar (which we already touched on).
That’s right, the ability to make your partner laugh will go a long ways when the good looks fade. However, even humor is very individualized.
“Some studies have found that women are more attracted to those who make them laugh,” Needle says. “But remember that sense of humor is also based on an individual. So what one person finds funny, another may not.”
And when those inevitable fights happen down the line, your partner may be angry with you, but he or she might still find you irresistible if you use your semicolons properly or crack a perfectly timed joke. It’s the little things that count in a relationship, right?
Perhaps most importantly, you should put your best self forward and have confidence when seeking a partner or romantic match, no matter what the scientific studies may tell you.
“Be confident, says Gonzalez. “Whatever your momma gave you, be proud of it and work on it. We can all get plastic surgery to have the ‘perfect’ face and body, but then we’d be clones and seek out what’s different. Just because a study discovered that a woman with long hair or a man with great abs is most attractive, it doesn’t mean that there isn’t someone who isn’t going to love your bob or dad bod. If you’re confident in who you are inside and out, and what you contribute to a relationship, plus know you’re worthy of all that is good and loving, suitors will flock to you like bees to honey.”