Category: Wellbeing

Practicing assertive communication (or expressing needs, wants, and feelings in a way that is respectful, honest, and forthright) is not always easy. It takes courage to speak up and be heard, especially because doing so could potentially threaten a relationship. This can become even more difficult when the person with whom you’re interacting intimidates you. Perhaps this person seems emotionally unapproachable, is in a position of power and authority, or otherwise makes you feel uncomfortable.

Here are some ways to be assertive with an intimidating person:

It’s crucial to first be in the mindset that you matter. You are important. What you have to share is meaningful.

One of my friends has a great saying: “everyone counts as one point.” I love this idea, and remembering it helps me be assertive with difficult people when there’s a need. By first valuing and respecting yourself, you’ll be more successful in sharing your feelings and needs with others, and you can also increase the likelihood that what you say will be received well. Remind yourself that you are not “less than” anyone else.

The next step is to clarify your values and determine exactly what it is that you want or need. Maybe your relationship with this person leaves you feeling neglected, resentful, or in pain. What signals is your body giving you about something that bothers you or needs to change?

Tune in to what you’re feeling, then use these emotional cues to guide you in being assertive.

When approaching an intimidating person in an assertive way, it’s often good to start small. Bring up one or two issues that need to be addressed to begin. This doesn’t mean you’re being weak or kowtowing; it instead means you’re being smart by “testing the waters” and having realistic expectations. Starting small can help you gain confidence and practice in speaking up when there are concerns.

It’s important to understand that expressing your feelings to someone may force you to leave your comfort zone, and the truth is that the other person may not respond as you would wish. Still, part of self-respect is to communicate your inner experience, so try not to let the risk of not being heard or being misinterpreted to deter you.

If someone is particularly off-putting to the point where you find yourself avoiding him/ her, it might help to reframe the situation and consider where he/ she is coming from.

For example, when I’m dealing with a person who is negative, rude, or unkind, I often imagine a story in my head that would give context to the behavior. Maybe he is stressed out from having a sick child at home, or maybe she had a really rough week. After twenty years of work as a therapist I have learned that people make sense once you know their story, and what’s really going on in their life. Of course I’ll never know if I’m right or not in creating these stories, but it really is true that we’re all carrying our own unique burdens and fighting our battles.

Viewing intimidating people this way can make interacting with them less daunting.

Assertive communication is a skill that takes practice and experience. I invite you to consider situations and relationships in your life where you’d do well to take a stand and let yourself be heard. If you’re feeling nervous about approaching difficult conversations, know that you’ll get better at it with time. I promise you that assertiveness really can change your life and improve your relationships.

It seems there are two types of people in the world of social media:

1) Those who like to update us on every single minute of their day, no matter how personal, intimate, or mundane the details may be.

2) Everyone else.

It’s the first category that often makes the second category hesitant to share anything at all. We don’t want to be person #1; we don’t want to bore or annoy our friends with information that is of no use to them. We certainly don’t want to brag or sound obnoxious. And because of this, we sometimes hesitate to share updates or accomplishments because even though they may be important to us, we fear they are not at all important to our friends, family, and acquaintances.

And we don’t want to be THAT social media person.

For example: You just finished a super hard workout. Truth be told, you didn’t even want to go to the gym in the first place, because you had a bad day at work and have a boatload of housework you should be doing instead of working out. But you went to the gym anyway, and you managed to not only have a great workout, but set a deadlift PR that you’ve been struggling for months to overcome. Months! And you want to scream it from the rooftops…or the 21st-century version of screaming from the rooftops: post a status update declaring your accomplishment to the world. But you fear that your friends and family care just as much about your gym session as they care about what brand of wheat bread you used to make your turkey sandwich that afternoon.

Or worse, you fear that someone will take your post as–gasp!–bragging.

Listen, I can understand your hesitations. I too have rolled my eyes at more “here’s the 100th update telling you I’m at work and I’m bored” status updates than I care to admit. But when it comes to sharing your workouts on social media, my opinion is always “go for it,” regardless of what others might think. And here’s why:

1) Accountability. Yes, this one is self-serving. But it is your social media page after all. Why not use it to benefit you? Getting into a regular routine of posting your workouts will help hold you accountable for what you’ve done (or haven’t done) to improve your training. This is especially true when other people start taking notice of when you do, or do not, post your workouts. Further, posting that you plan to go for a run, then sharing your post-run stats might be just the motivation you need to get out the door and get your workout done on a day when you might otherwise feel like staying home on the couch. 

2) You never know who you might encourage. People are watching you, probably closer than you realize. This fact is equal parts cool and creepy. A friend you might not have talked to in years may see your daily workout updates and think to herself “if she can do it…I can find the time to do it as well!” Let’s face it: a large majority of our society is overweight and inactive. If your workout posts encourage just one person to change their sedentary lifestyle and improve their health, then sharing is totally worth it. It sounds cheesy and perhaps trite, but your post may turn into motivation that could literally save a life. For me, knowing that I could motivate someone to change their life far outweighs the risk of annoying my friends. 

3) You deserve to brag. Call me boastful, but I truly believe this. Training for a half marathon or a marathon is no joke. Actually, training for any sort of race that is farther/faster/harder than you’ve done before is no joke. It takes dedication and hard work. Further, as I mentioned above, inactivity is a huge problem in our society. Good for you for taking a stance against it and trying to better your health. 

The point is, you should be proud of what you’ve done, and those who truly care about you will be proud of you as well. Those who feel you are shamelessly bragging by posting your accomplishments are likely the same people who feel their own shame and insecurities for not trying to pursue their own dreams.

Don’t let those types of people bring you down or negate your hard work. 

OK, let me be honest for a minute: Yes, you probably are annoying some of your friends by posting your workout and racing updates. But the great thing about social media and technology is that those people have the ability to block those “annoying” posts from their view. Just like you have the ability to block game requests or that one friend who posts fifteen pictures a day of her cat sleeping in various positions. But for every friend who is annoyed by your workout posts, there are twice as many friends cheering you on through their keyboards and behind their computer screens. So be proud of your hard work, hold your head high, and run hard. 

Then be sure to let us know about it on Facebook.

Employers are increasingly offering incentives to their employees to live healthier lives. It’s a good thing because the obesity rates in America still remain high.
The Trust for America’s Health and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation released their 2015 report on obesity. The report stated that all 50 states have obesity rates over 20 percent, three states have obesity rates of 35 percent, and overall obesity rates held steady across America at about 30 percent. Part of the obesity problem lies in the fact that Americans do not exercise enough, eat too many calories, and sit for long periods.
Employee incentive programs at work are a terrific way for employers to help employees get started losing weight, increase their fitness level, and improve employee productivity.
I have worked with several companies who wanted to improve employee health. Here are five awesome ways employers can make it easier for their employees to live healthier lives.

1. Monthly Lunch and Learn Programs

Hold monthly lunch and learn meetings in each of your locations. I have spoken at many of these events throughout the country and find that the employers who offer them get a high level of engagement from their employees.
Offer engaging topics such as:
Healthy Eating 101
Why Exercise Cannot Replace a Healthy Diet
The How’s and Whys of Weight Management
Preventing Diabetes
Easy Lunch and Snack Ideas to Bring to Work
Encourage employees to bring a healthy lunch or a nutritious dish for everyone to share.

2. On-Site Gym

If your facility has an empty room or office suite, consider putting down exercise mats, installing some mirrors, and setting up a small gym. Offer incentives to employees who workout a certain number of days a month. Ideas that appeal to employees include a free company t-shirt or other swag, the opportunity to wear jeans on a certain day, or coupons to a local health food store.

3. Lowered Health Insurance Costs

Some health insurance programs offer incentives in the form of reduced costs or deposits into a health savings account for quitting smoking, staying within a certain weight range, or logging exercise minutes.
Usually employees must agree to a health screening arranged by the employer to be eligible for the discount or health savings account incentive. Check with your company health insurance provider and explore what options are available.

4. Free Access to Wellness Professionals

With the obesity rates so high, it is likely that many of your employees don’t really understand how to eat a healthy diet or get started losing weight. I know I sure didn’t. I spent a lot of time perusing the vending machine offerings instead of taking advantage of the salad bar.
Combat the lack of knowledge among your employees by finding a local nutritionist who specializes in wellness and weight loss. Arrange for him to come to your office once a month to meet with employees who have signed up for a free 30 minute session.

5. Weight Loss Challenges

Weight loss challenges are popular in all parts of the country. Run a weight loss challenge once or twice a year as a way to help employees lose weight. You can put the employees who want to lose weight in teams or allow individual entries. Make the contest more fun by offering prizes along the way for the most exercise minutes, most healthy recipes submitted, or best weight loss slogan.
Implementing these ideas can make a lasting difference in the health of you and your employees. If you are not sure which ideas your employees will respond to, put together a survey or employee health committee to explore your options.

One of the most difficult conversations you can have with your long-term marital partner is about sex. It’s hard enough to talk about the quality of sex, but even harder to discuss quantity. As a result many couples suffer silently in sexless marriages, and wonder if the amount of sex they’re having is “normal” or something to worry about.

If you’ve been living in the camp of worry you can feel a bit relieved by a recent research study from The Austin Institute for the Study of Family and Culture which showed that married Americans reported having sex an average of 1.2 times per week, or just about five times a month. Even if this sounds like more than you’re currently having in your own marriage, it’s very clear that most couples are not ravaging each other on a regular basis even though they may want you to think that. In fact an earlier study revealed that about 15 percent of married couples have not had sex with their spouse in the last six months to one year.

We of course can contribute the lack of sex to many factors including, age, length of marriage, whether there are children involved, and even cultural factors. It’s also fairly common knowledge that the amount of sexual engagement in a marriage ebbs and flows throughout the life of the relationship with the average going way down during childbearing years and way up in the beginning when lust is the driving force.

As human beings we are driven to procreate, and thus have sex. Even if that sex doesn’t produce a child, we are evolutionarily wired to seek a mate and work toward that end goal. Once a baby is conceived the purpose for sex (at least in the primitive brain) shifts and is dependent on desire not procreation. For childless couples the drive will be the same even though a baby is never produced. However, research has shown that couples who don’t have children tend to be happier overall with their marriages, which could be due to a continued drive for sexual intimacy or the lack of stress that children at to a marriage.

It’s clear from the research and from what we know about normal human behavior that a reduced amount of sex is pretty standard, but is a marriage without sex healthy?

It may seem obvious that more sex would always be better for a marriage, but that’s not necessarily true. There are many forms of intimacy and sex is just one. It’s also true that sexual intimacy can serve as a replacement for emotional intimacy, which is equally if not more important.

Pros and Cons

Consistent sex in a marriage ensures a sense of connection and closeness, and a feeling of satisfaction. Being sexually fulfilled is a natural human necessity and when there is a lack in this form of intimacy it opens up space for other outlets leading to infidelity or other sexual encounters. Research has shown that both men and women report greater sexual satisfaction and higher levels of overall relationship happiness when they have more sex.

However sex in marriage is often more about quality than quantity. A lot of disconnected and unsatisfying sex is probably less healthy than infrequent but fulfilling sex. If a partner is satisfied sexually it doesn’t mean they are feeling satisfied overall with the marriage. However satisfaction is a key element because satisfied couples have sex more often and frequent sex leads to increases in sexual satisfaction. It’s also possible that a highly sexual marriage could be too much of a good thing. If the marriage is solely based on this type of connection, and it disappears or can’t be sustained, then the couple may have trouble finding other ways to connect. Many couples base their relationships on sexual chemistry only to find that this was the only common denominator.

Less sex in a marriage can ultimately lead to divorce, but a research shows that even when couples are unhappy, and are having less sex as a result, they are likely to stay together because of social expectations, or because they had children they were raising.

Fit or Flop

Consistent and satisfying sex in a marriage is definitely a fit. Having a sufficient amount of sex is a basic human need, and research confirms that sex in marriage is essential for a person’s health and wellbeing. It’s also an important factor in each partner’s level of overall happiness. Regular sexual activity in marriage is correlated to personal satisfaction, and both men and women report higher levels of overall relationship happiness when they have more sex.

Couples who have more sex live longer, have improved immune systems and lower their risk for many diseases, including cancer. The act of sex itself has also been shown to improve sleep and mood.

The amount of sex is completely negotiable however. As long as both couples agree that the amount of sex is satisfactory then there shouldn’t be a problem. When one partner becomes dissatisfied or frustrated with the lack of sex than the issue should be addressed for the marriage to remain on track.

Resources

http://relationshipsinamerica.com/relationships-and-sex/how-common-are-sexually-inactive-marriages

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2014/jan/13/childless-couples-happier

http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/home/2011/5/26/what-are-the-health-benefits-of-sex-theres-an-app-for-that-s.html

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/06/03/when-sex-leaves-the-marriage/?

There have been many mornings that I’ve awakened to find my brain alert but my body unable (or was it unwilling?) to move. I always attributed it to a slow waking process and I wasn’t far from the truth. Those mornings never really bothered me, even though there have been a few over the years when that slow waking process took what felt like hours.

There was one instance, however, that really freaked me out. A few years back I was having a lot of trouble sleeping and also suffering from fatigue during the day. One of my doctors had me try a new sleep medication to see if it would help. I slipped this little pill under my tongue and let it dissolve and I soon dissolved away into dreamland. The problem was when I woke up about two hours later feeling as if someone had mummified me. It literally felt like someone had tied ropes or cloth around my entire body. I laid there in a panic, because even though I was fairly sure it was a side effect of the medication I had no idea how long it would last. Needless to say that was the last night I took that medication.

Whether it’s the slow waking or the sense that you are tied up, have an elephant on your stomach, or that you are being attacked. Sleep paralysis isn’t uncommon and it’s closely related to night terrors.

Past theories about sleep paralysis have covered everything from hallucinations to evil spirts stealing your soul. But, don’t worry the truth about sleep paralysis is that it’s nothing to worry about and a completely normal part of waking up. Chances are that it occurs to some degree every morning but that most of the time it is over before you can even acknowledge it.

When you sleep the pons (the part of your brain that controls movement) sends out signals shutting down movement. This is to protect you and those around you. Can you imagine if you acted out all those crazy dreams you have? You’d likely wake up covered in bruises (and so would anyone around you). A few of us have problems with those signals being sent properly and that can result in sleep walking, eating, driving, or even punching and kicking in your sleep.

When you wake up it takes a bit of time for your brain to send signals out to all the nerves and muscles in your body letting them know that they should also wake up. The conscious part of your brain wakes up first, then it sends signals to your spinal cord telling it to wake up. It’s during that interval between the two that you will likely experience sleep paralysis. Once those messages are delivered to the spinal cord and it wakes up, you can move normally and all is, once again, right with the world.

So, the next time you wake up and start freaking out that you can’t move a muscle, don’t worry. You won’t be paralyzed forever. Chances are that by the time you’ve even fully processed that you can’t move your toes will already be wiggling and your body will be as alert as your mind.

Standing desks are the ultimate divider between coveted jobs and those that are just…bleh. I’m obviously being facetious, but it does ring fairly true. Standing desks will (hopefully) be a norm in the future. Americans are incredibly sedentary, and sitting for at least an eight-hour workday is doing nothing to help combat the ever-increasing obesity problem. 

But what is the appropriate amount of standing time that you should be getting in per day?

A few months ago I came across an article on Facebook; I’ve since attempted to go back and find it but to no avail. Basically, it was a witty piece of prose where a man decided he was going to stand for 30 days to be healthier. Obviously he would lie down for sleep and sit while driving, but otherwise he was pretty consistent in his standing. His story was fairly humorous, but it made my back hurt just thinking about it. The first few days started off well enough, but soon his feet began to suffer. The maladies just kept piling up until he ultimately had to go to his physician’s office for all of his pain, which leads me to my point. There is a line between being healthy and standing up at work and just being in overkill mode.

Why Prolonged Sitting Is Bad News 

After a long bout in bed or on the couch, I feel mildly guilty, mostly because I just wasted time, but partially because I was being so sedentary. Since entering the workforce, I’ve made sure to consistently keep up with exercising and using my standing desk. However, on those days that I don’t feel motivated to stand I feel pretty gross leaving the office. It’s amazing what sitting down for most of the day can do to you. It decreases my energy level trifold and makes me rather unproductive for the rest of the day. This feeling I have isn’t just my imagination; widespread studies have indicated this type of feeling is the social norm for those in the workforce.

Just look at the wide range of negative health issues that stem from sitting during the entire workday:

Organ damage Heart damage and an overproductive pancreas have been attributed to sedentary lifestyles. When you’re sitting at your desk and then proceed to come home and rest, your blood flow becomes sluggish, which results in fatty acids clogging the heart. This leads to higher cholesterol and overall cardiovascular issues. 

Muscle deterioration When you slouch in your chair your abs are not being engaged in any way, therefore they begin to deteriorate and become rather nonexistent. Hips also become stiff, and your glutes are not engaged at all so your stride will suffer, causing overall bodily aches and pains.

Bad back This is a rather common problem because most of us aren’t sitting properly. Many of us will slouch forward, which ultimately gives us back problems and causes herniated disks. It also causes stiff, painful necks and chronic shoulder pain. 

Restless legs When your legs are not regularly engaged, circulation problems ensue, especially as you grow older. Your bones have a higher chance of breaking because they are not being used. 

If you have to sit, experts recommend sitting with upright posture, relaxing your shoulders, and not leaning forward. Keeping your elbows bent to a comfortable 90 degrees with your arms in tight to your body will reduce problems as well. Also, make sure that you’re doing activities outside of work instead of just going home to continue your daily sitting routine. However, some researchers have even claimed that exercising before or after work may not reverse the effects of extended sitting in the workplace (Washington Post).

Tips To Properly Standing

If your goal is to start standing up at work, you need to do this gradually. Aim for roughly two hours a day with little breaks in between until your body gets used to it. Next, attempt to move up to four hours; this should be your maximum amount of standing time. Try switching up your posture every 30 minutes, as this helps rev up your metabolism.

“It’s all about mixing it up,” said Gavin Bradley, director of Active Working, an international group aimed at reducing excessive sitting. “Metabolism slows down 90 percent after 30 minutes of sitting. The enzymes that move the bad fat from your arteries to your muscles, where it can get burned off, slow down. The muscles in your lower body are turned off. And after two hours, good cholesterol drops 20 percent. Just getting up for five minutes is going to get things going again. These things are so simple they’re almost stupid.”

Health experts say that this four-hour standing time is just a starting point and will evolve with time and more study. Many people and workplaces want to know the scientific viewpoint on what is an appropriate amount of standing time, but more specific recommendations will come in the future. Nutritionists are hopeful that standing in the workplace will combat the growing health risks that many adults are beginning to incur with near-constant sitting. It appears that sedentary workers have more than twice the risk of developing type 2 diabetes and cardiovascular disease and a 13 percent increased risk of cancer. These are startling numbers that are only increasing (Washinton Post).

People who have begun suffering from these diseases and have started implementing more standing into their daily routine have found positive effects that are essentially reversing their disease, which is an even more persuasive reason for introducing standing desks nationwide. Ikea is now selling an office-friendly standing desk that is quite affordable. 

Even if you don’t have a standing desk yet, there are other alternatives for getting up at the office: Take business calls standing up, walk down the block to get some fresh air during a bathroom break, or even stand in the back of meetings. 

The health benefits of standing are undisputable, so it’s best to start switching up your work routine sooner rather than later.