Category: Wellbeing

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Wellbeing

The Whole30 Diet: Is It All You Need to Lose Weight?

Disclaimer: Causes for being overweight vary for every individual. This means no individual result should be seen as typical, and results may vary for every person who tries a diet or weight loss program.
A quick search on Amazon for diet books returns over 180,000 options. Some focus on metabolism, others on emotions, and many on food choices. One popular book, The Whole30: The 30-Day Guide to Total Health and Food Freedom, by authors Dallas and Melissa Hartwig, is their most recent book. If you have heard of the diet but are wondering whether it works for weight loss, here are the basics of the plan.
The Whole30 diet is not for the faint of heart. There are rules.
Lots of them. And they are strict.
Now, that’s not a bad thing, but it is something to consider. If your personality rebels against rules or you do not like, or know how to cook, this diet may be hard for you to follow.
According to the Whole30 website, the basic rules of the diet are as follows:

  1. No added sugars at all. That includes honey, Sugar in the Raw, brown sugar, artificial sweeteners, and maple syrup.
  2. No grains are allowed.
  3. No soy products or legumes other than certain peas and green beans. The ban on legumes also includes peanut butter.
  4. You must abstain from alcohol completely.
  5. Dairy products are not allowed with the exception of clarified butter or ghee.
  6. Avoid food additives such as MSG, carrageenan, and sulfites.
  7. No “recreating” your past favorite desserts or junk foods with ingredients on the Whole30 list.
  8. The authors indicate you are not to weigh or measure yourself while you are on the Whole30 program.

The Good Things for Weight Loss

The program is restrictive, but there are some good things in the program for weight loss. When you follow this type of program, you will likely find your cravings for sugar reduced, you will eat a diet focused on real foods rather than processed foods, and you may be able to break the cycle of carb and sugar cravings.
All those can work in your favor in terms of losing weight. Eating a diet filled with fruits, vegetables, nuts, high protein meats, low calorie seafood, small servings of nuts and seeds, and eggs is a healthy way to eat. This type of diet may result in weight loss if your calories are kept at an appropriate level.
The authors of the diet indicate that weight loss is not the primary goal of the Whole30 program. Instead, they encourage followers of the diet to focus on their health, energy levels, and learning to eat in a completely natural manner.

The Difficulties for Weight Loss

The good is sometimes also the bad when it comes to diets and the Whole30 is no exception.
The restrictive nature of the diet makes it hard to follow 100 percent. I have worked with people who have tried it and lasted a few days or weeks before giving up. It is difficult to cut out entire food groups and make a drastic change in your eating habits all at once.
If you struggle with your weight, there are often emotional issues behind your struggles. The Whole30 does not directly address the emotions driving weight problems. Without dealing with the emotions that cause you to eat, an “eat this, not that” type of diet will seldom result in lasting weight loss.
Because there are no restrictions on portions or calories, it is possible to gain weight on the Whole30 diet.

If You Try the Whole30

If you want to try the Whole30 diet program, I’d recommend borrowing or purchasing the book to understand the entire program. Plan your meals carefully and monitor your calorie intake.
Be mindful of the calorie-dense foods on the program such as red meat, nuts and seeds, and oils. Eating too much of these foods can cause you to consume more calories than you need to lose weight.
Decide for yourself whether you will skip weighing yourself for the 30-day program. Personally, I would be hesitant to skip a weekly weigh-in for fear you could easily gain weight without realizing it.

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Wellbeing

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone and Reach for the Stars

You’ve probably heard the quote by Neale Donald Walsh that says, “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” You may have liked it, Pinned it, and Instagrammed it, but have you actually sat and thought about what it means to you in your life? It’s actually a little intimidating to think about.

What’s outside of your comfort zone are things you don’t have, haven’t tried, or accomplished yet. If you are a person who considers themselves fortunate for all of the things in your life, it may have even crossed your mind that to desire more is an act of ingratitude.

But let me ask you this — are you truly happy, or have you pushed aside your true needs and goals for the sake of remaining in your comfort zone or the comfort zone of another person? If you’re feeling trapped by fear, maybe it’s time to shake things up a little. Try these four tactics to get out of your comfort zone and start achieving your wildest dreams.

Don’t care so much about what others think. One of the biggest obstacles to going after a big goal is the fear of what other people may think. Stop worrying so much about them, and start listening to yourself. There are always going to be negative, “judgy” people out there, but guess what? You don’t have to listen to them! You are allowed to be imperfect, you are allowed to try new things. Listen to the voice inside of you, and get out there.

Be comfortable with failing. This is where old adage, “If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again” comes in handy. Ask any inventor, professional athlete, or successful CEO how they became successful, and I’ll bet there will be stories of little failures that paved the way to their success. I love the famous quote from Thomas Edison that says:

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Embrace those words, and try until you triumph.

Look fear in the eye. Do you go out of your way to avoid situations that may result in discomfort or make excuses for why you can’t do something? Fear is often related to that little voice inside telling you that you aren’t good enough. Stop missing out on opportunities to avoid something that may never happen. Maybe you’ve been wanting to try that new fitness class near your house, but you don’t think you are coordinated enough to keep up. Face your fear, and do it! I’ll guarantee you there is someone else in the class that felt exactly the same way on their first day. You’ll never know what brings you joy or what you’re really good at unless you try.

Be ok with taking risks. Your comfort zone feels good because it doesn’t cause you to feel any stress or anxiety. When you take a risk you may fail, but you may also accomplish something great. Get comfortable with the idea of taking a risk, and don’t get too focused on obtaining a particular result. If you’re considering interviewing for your dream job, don’t be entirely deflated if you don’t get it. If you do, that’s awesome! But if someone else gets it, don’t sweat it. The process will give you the experience and confidence you need to keep taking risks and reaching for the stars.

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Wellbeing

SpendMoney Making Memories, Not Collecting Toys

When you were a child, what’s your fondest memory? Was it playing with your stuffed animals in your play area? It very well could have been if you had one of those faithful puppy’s who were with you through the thick and thin. But what about that family vacation you took to Disney World, or that time you went to Niagra Falls and felt the mist tickling your cheeks? That was pretty incredible…kind of beats out the 30th stuffed animal you received for your 6th birthday, doesn’t it?  Now flash forward to present day. Let’s compare your last trip to Greece with the $700 you just spent on new clothes. Just think, that bundle of change could have been a round trip ticket to a new vacay spot… Pretty depressing, huh?

A lot of our habits form when we’re barely cognizant of the world around us. As children, we look up to our parents and mimic their actions and personalities. If your mother or father places high importance on status and material goods then chances are you’re going to imitate this lifestyle and mind frame. Consequently, if/when you become a parent your actions will be mirrored by your offspring as well. 

But why exactly is it important to collect experiences and not things? Research suggests that experiential purchases have a higher rate for providing a more enduring and long-lasting happiness than materials. This investigation does not lie solely in the outcome of the experience or the eventual attainment of the possession, but it deals with anticipation as well. Waiting for experiences tends to bring about more happiness than waiting for a possession. Living in the moment is something that we are not able to practice every day, so looking forward towards a future event replaces that desire  (Psychological Science). 

Cornell doctoral candidate Amit Kumar describes excitement and impending anticipation like this: “You can think about waiting for a delicious meal at a nice restaurant or looking forward to a vacation and how different that feels from waiting for, say, your pre-ordered iPhone to arrive. Or when the two-day shipping on Amazon Prime doesn’t seem fast enough” (The Atlantic).

Personally, I’m completely in line with the mentality that I’d rather save my money for travel than for a new patio set. However, the question does remain – wouldn’t you be happier with something that’s long lasting and that you could use every day rather than an experience that may only last a week? Unfortunately, once a routine occurs, even that car you’ve needed so badly becomes obsolete. You become used to its everyday presence and take it for granted/don’t look upon it quite as fondly as you initially did. However, have you ever reminisced on your backpacking trip through Germany with anything less than fondness? Even when something goes wrong on a vacation you can usually make light of it during the time, and, if not, years down the road you’re able to laugh at the bad turn of luck you may have incurred. Other times, such as being stranded at an airport, you can bond with your friends and family members in ways that you couldn’t even imagine prior. However, when your shipment for the latest Xbox is delayed two weeks there is never going to be a time where you’ll look back and be glad it was late. It just isn’t going to happen. 

Another study revealed that there are two types of transactions and each one has drastically different results. Say  you’re in line for a Justin Timberlake concert. Chances are you’re going to strike up conversations with those around you and possibly make friends with them for the rest of the evening. There’s no competition involved because everyone is going to have relatively the same enjoyable experience, and there’s nothing to be gained by being rude to someone. However, let’s take Black Friday for instance. You hear these horror stories where people are trampled and injured because someone wants to get that 64 inch TV that’s been reduced a mere 30%. At the end of the day, the satisfaction people are receiving from these type of events are toxic and not lasting (The Atlantic). 

Character is built when you’re purchasing events as opposed to toys. These trips and places you travel to, even if it’s just an hour away, builds self-confidence and introduces you to new situations that you would ordinarily not be able to experience. Greed is perpetuated with the constant need to fulfill our consumeristic desires.

I’ll leave you with this, material items are far more fleeting than memories. You’re only going to have your Macbook for five to seven years tops, and then it’s on to the next model. The trip to London you took with your brother is something that only lasts twelve days, yet you’re still talking about it ten years later. Once you’re able to lose your obsession with material items you will feel lighter with better priorities. Try to save for a vacation next time instead of the latest gaming consul. Once you take that trip see how you feel, chances are you’re going to have quite a change in perspective on life. 

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Wellbeing

Could It Be True? Playing Tetris To Lose Weight?

Tetris has been around since 1984, when Alexey Pajitnov, a Russian artificial intelligence researcher, invented it. Long popular among video game enthusiasts, Tetris is now being studied by researchers as a tool for reducing addictive behaviors. Who would have thought that playing Tetris could help you break the craving cycle and possibly lose weight?
A recent study from researchers at Plymouth University and Queensland University of Technology in Australia, was published in the journal Addictive Behaviors. The researchers discovered that playing this slightly addictive game on a smartphone for short amounts of time throughout the day lessened cravings in the participants.
Who knew?
Let’s take a look at why this might be, what the research showed, and whether you should add Tetris to your weight loss toolbox.
The researchers set out to study whether playing Tetris would impact participant’s cravings. One thing that sets this study apart is the researchers didn’t just put people in a laboratory and ask them to play the game. Instead, they studied them in real life and in different situations.
Turns out that playing the game for just 3 minutes each session reduced the participant’s cravings for food, some activities, and drugs by about 20 percent according to the researchers. One important factor to consider is cravings were only reported about 30 percent of the time.

Why did it work?

When I first heard about the study, my initial question was “I wonder why playing the game reduced cravings? The researchers theorized that because Tetris is a visually interesting game that fully occupies your mental processes, you forget about your cravings while playing the game. And that forgetfulness extends for a time even after you finish playing.
It makes perfect sense.
Even before the popularity of video games, weight loss experts have recommended staying mentally occupied as a way to combat food cravings. The technique certainly worked for me. I learned to knit, created scrapbooks, and played board games with the family in an attempt to take my mind off food and not give in to cravings.
Those distractions were highly effective in helping me focus on something other than food. And when my mind was occupied, I wasn’t eating junk.

Does it have to be Tetris?

The researchers did not specify whether it was only Tetris that would work for cravings. Because of my own experience, I suspect that any stimulating video game would work as well.

Make Tetris work for you.

  • Obviously the first thing you need to do is get the game. It is available on the iTunes and Google Play stores for less than a dollar. You can also play the game on your computer if you do not have a smartphone.
  • Set a series of alarms on your phone to remind yourself to play several times a day. Pick times when you find yourself reaching for food, such as mid-morning, right after lunch, before dinner, and late in the evening.
  • Commit to playing for a short burst of 3 to 5 minutes to avoid spending too much time on the game.
  • Monitor your cravings to see if they diminish after you finish your game session.
  • Record your weekly weight loss and compare it to weeks when you were not playing Tetris.

Playing Tetris is an inexpensive tool that is worth trying. You may find you see a decrease in cravings that can help you control your food intake. While playing the game won’t automatically cause you to drop 50 pounds, controlling your cravings can help you control your calorie intake, which does help with weight loss.

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Wellbeing

How to Have a REALationship

Individually and as a society our relationships and marriages are imbedded with a variety of beliefs and expectations about what it means to be committed to another. For some of us being in a partnership equates with security, monogamy and eternal companionship. For others it’s a duty, natural next step or a requirement to have children.

Sometimes we’re aware of the reasons we commit, but more often then not we enter into a relationship with the assumption that our partner is on the same page, and with strong beliefs about what it means to be in a committed relationship.

I work extensively with divorce and it saddens me when I see the deep despair that comes with learning that the fantasy of what was to be is shattered by the reality of what is. One of the first exercises I do with a broken-hearted client working on ending their relational dreams is to list their beliefs about commitment to another person.

Here are some of the responses I get:

 – Marriage means forever.

– Monogamy is assumed.

– Lying is about distrust.

– Betrayal equates with divorce.

The commitments we make to another when we are ready to give ourselves over are what Elizabeth Nelson, Ph.D. calls “shadow vows”. She says, “these are the invisible promises we make that bind us to the other as tenaciously as the vows we speak out loud.”

Of course we make promises, both conscious and unconscious because it’s these very words that ground us in a sense of safety, and security in our relationships. Without these unconscious and conscious beliefs about relational life we could never enter into something so daring and courageous. The vows we make are the very foundation on which we build a life of love and dedication to one another.

These vows also give us a sense of control and understanding about what we’re supposed to expect or demand from our lovers, but there is one major flaw in our system. These self-imposed rules leave us feeling disappointed most of the time because human beings are imperfect, and highly unpredictable when it comes to behavior…particularly around love.

When you’re dealing with good intention and convoluting it with human behavior you have to be ready to make some adjustments and accommodations. So what is one to do about all of this? How do we enter into relationships consciously knowing that we can get hurt, have our hearts broken or feel betrayed at any time? These are great questions with some very simple answers.

Get real

Living in reality is not something we humans do easily. We like to create fantasies and fictitious stories that feed our minds with the ideas that allow us to feel safe. However, being honest with yourself about the risk that comes with love will not only make your relationship more exciting, it will deepen the appreciation you have for your devoted lover. In her book Mating in Captivity Esther Perel makes the claim that the greatest passion in a relationship comes from knowing you can lose your partner at any time.

Speak from the shadows

No matter what type of relationship you’re in it’s essential to have spoken vows and commitments. Having a sense of shared relationship values strengthens everything and it offers a starting point from which to build a healthy dynamic. Have the tough discussions about infidelity, dissatisfaction, annoying habits and any fears that are lurking beneath the pretty, polished fantasy in advance so when they surface (and they will) you have a clarity and a place to come back to.

Check your perfectionism at the door

In most relationships each person holds the same standards for their partner as they do for themselves. This is fine as long as your standards are realistic. If you have really high expectations and feel you need to be perfect than you’ll expect the same from your lover. Each person on this earth is flawed in some way because human beings are simply not perfect creatures. Get comfortable with your own fallibility and you’ll have a much easier go at the relationship.

It’s true that love is blind, but that doesn’t mean we have to walk off of a cliff. Instead of denial think about acceptance, and replace expectation with honesty. There is never a good reason in life to pretend that something is real when it’s not, and this is particularly true when it comes to love and relating.

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Wellbeing

Is Solitude Really Good for Your Mental Health?

I recently looked into booking a trip for myself that I intended to take by myself. I like traveling alone, and I’m not afraid to go on an adventure solo. However, when I inquired about pricing I was being asked to pay an additional fee for a single room. I get the extra cost of having one to a room versus two, but I was forced to confront something that I had always known. In our culture we reward and encourage pairs, but when we journey alone we pay a premium for it.
I’ve done a lot of reading on solitude, loneliness, being single and being separate. I have also explored my own fears of being alone that strongly surfaced after the ending of my twenty-year marriage. Terrified of feeling alone combined with the humiliation of being alone left me in a pretty dark place.
Generally people avoid being alone due to fear and the risk of judgment. Many of us would rather be in bad company, tired and depleted than to look like an alienated loser. It’s no surprise that we avoid being alone and associate it with loss, rejection, loneliness, and a whole host of negative experiences when we live in a culture that promotes and rewards couples and family more than it does solitude.
Confusing loneliness and being alone is a big part of the confusion when it comes to this topic. Loneliness is an organic experience that we all feel at times in our lives. It usually surfaces after a loss or when our support systems are lacking, but we should expect to experience it on and off throughout the lifespan. It’s possible to feel lonely when alone, but it’s also possible to feel lonely in a group or even a marriage. We can also have moments of feeling alone in the world when it feels like no one understands what we’re going through.
Being alone can be as much a choice as it can be circumstantial. We can end up alone, but we can also choose to spend time in solitude for our own wellbeing. Solitude often just happens in our lives as well. Reading a book on the couch, taking an extra few minutes in the shower and even sitting in traffic create moments of solitude.

Pros and Cons

Spending time alone provides opportunity for deep personal reflection, and it also affords you the chance to rejuvenate and re-energize. Being around other people can be draining even for the most gregarious extrovert, and we all need time to replenish.
Spending time alone is not only an ancient practice among Buddhist monks, it has also become a prescription for many symptoms and mental health issues. Stressed out executives are finding great value in doing silent retreats and over-worked caregivers get the rest they need by spending time in solitude.
Just like a computer we need to shut down our brains for even short periods of time to get back to a place of clarity.
Spending time alone can sometimes be a negative practice particularly for people who are depressed and feel the tendency to isolate. Human beings are wired for relationships so we all need to have some form of connection in our lives. If being alone becomes more of a defense and an avoidant behavior than a way to improve wellbeing then it’s probably not the best practice. The driving force behind the time alone is good indicator as to whether it’s a healthy choice or a maladaptive behavior.

Fit or Flop

Overall spending time alone or in solitude is a good idea. Being alone feeds the soul and heals the heart, and it provides the opportunity to become quiet enough to listen to your own thoughts and feelings. It’s an essential part of our wellbeing to take time out and away from the daily barrage of input that overwhelms our minds to maintain the greatest sense of wellbeing.
As an individualistic culture we need to be mindful of our intention behind the seeking of solitude. We have a tendency to use time alone as an escape from social obligation unlike in the Buddhist culture where solitude is seen as an important and welcomed way to become evolved or enlightened. Being aware of intention is an important part of the process, and will ultimately have impact on the level of benefit that comes with the time spent alone.

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Health x Body Wellbeing

Will Weight Loss Surgery Fix Your Life?

One of the most common questions people ask me when they discover I lost 158 pounds is whether I had weight loss surgery.
The answer to that question is “No, I did not.”
Personally, I did not have surgery for several reasons.
1) I am afraid of surgery in general.
2) Weight loss surgery was not as common when I was obese.
3) I could not afford it.
4) I had a feeling I could do lose weight myself.
Although I lost weight without surgery, there are over 175,000 people who underwent weight loss surgery in 2013, according to the American Society for Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery (ASMB). Of those people, over half of them will regain at least 5 percent of their lost weight after 2 years.
You may be one of the many people who hope that having weight loss surgery will fix everything. You may hope you will easily lose weight after surgery, you won’t have to think about food as much, and everything that frustrates you about your life will be fixed after surgery.
Some of those things do happen – sometimes.
·      The reality is that losing weight through a surgical procedure does not always fix your weight problem. Most people will lose weight initially after the surgery but the weight loss can stall or stop completely if dietary changes are not maintained. And as the ASMB indicated, about half the patients regain some weight.  There may be a need for further surgery to adjust the mechanism helping you control your food intake.
·      Weight loss surgery cannot fix your emotional dependence on food or take away food cravings. Surgery makes it harder for you to eat large quantities of food without feeling ill, but the emotions and cravings are still present.
·      Friends and family members may miss the “old you.” Instead of being supportive, you may have some people in your life who wish you can eat like you used to and participate fully in celebrations that revolve around food.
·      You may find yourself sad or depressed when faced with the types of foods you can eat. It is a hard transition for many people to go from eating whatever they want to being required to follow a very strict diet post surgery.
I have known a lot of people who underwent weight loss surgery and were frustrated with their life post-surgery. In many of those cases, the person did not prepare emotionally for the changes that were about to take place.
Most reputable weight loss surgery centers require some type of pre-surgical counseling to ensure that patients have a complete understanding of what the surgery entails and what their food habits must be after surgery. However, even with counseling, some people are ill-prepared for the reality of eating small amounts of food and the difficulty associated with eating some of their favorite high fat foods.
In a lot of ways, the process to lose weight after surgery is similar to losing weight without surgery. Both require diligence to food choices, exercise when permitted by a doctor, reducing portion sizes, and addressing the emotional component of weight issues.
Although weight loss surgery will not automatically fix your life, you can make weight loss surgery work for you by researching your options thoroughly, getting counseling for emotional eating issues, and following your doctor’s dietary guidelines carefully. Remember that weight loss surgery is simply a tool you can use to get to a healthy weight. It is your responsibility to stay there.

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Health x Body Wellbeing

Inside The Experience Of Reflexology Massage

Being in the fitness and wellness industry I try to take care of myself. Like most of you though, there are times when I give out to the point that my tank runs empty and I am in desperate need of refilling. This happened recently and I thought wouldn’t a reflexology massage be amazing right now! So, off I went to my local Massage Envy spa and what an amazing therapeutic experience I had. I was relaxed from head to toe as if I actually had a full body massage.
After my amazing reflexology experience I decided to look a bit of deeper into this method of massage to find out where it originated from and how it came to be.  Let’s start with what it really is, reflexology is a type of therapeutic massage.
Reflexology deals with the principle that there are reflexes in the feet, hands, and ears relative to each and every organ and all parts of the body.  Stimulating these reflexes properly can help many health problems in a natural way.  For instance my reflexologist performed a general reflexology massage, where she focused on the feet, hands, and ears.
Here are a few examples of reflexology points that are found on the feet:

  • The tips of the toes are related to the head.
  • The reflexology points on the ball of the foot are connected to the chest and the heart.
  • You will find the reflexology points of the intestines and lower back on, the heel of the foot.
  • The reflexology points of the pancreas, liver, and kidney are found on the arch of the foot.

Reflexology massage therapists focus point’s areas on the feet, hands, and ears that correspond to specific organs, bones, and muscles of the body. Did you know the outer part of your ear cartilage is in direct reference to the spinal column?  Next time your back is feeling a little sore, trying massaging your outer ear to release those tight back muscles.
Doctors have agreed that over 75% of our health problems can be linked to our nervous stress. Reflexology improves nerve and blood supply to the feet and organs throughout the body. It’s a great way to help relieve foot pain, ankle pain, plantar fasciitis and common forms of arthritis, as well as decrease stress and anxiety in the entire body.
I found that the idea of reflexology is not new, in fact, it was practiced as early as 2330 B.C. by the Egyptian culture.  Reflexology symbols are also thought to be recorded on the feet of statues of Buddha in India and later China. Who had any idea this amazing therapeutic form of massage has been around for so long?
Chinese doctors believe that our bodies are composed of the opposing forces of Yin and Yang that need to work in harmony for us to achieve health and vitality.  Chinese practitioners believe that when these energy channels become blocked a person can feel sick or fatigued.  Reflexology aims to dissolve and or release any blockages causing ill-health by encouraging the free flow of vital energy through the body.
If you enjoy regular massages then you will for sure enjoy the therapeutic benefits of foot Reflexology massage.  As with any therapeutic service the benefits are greater when experienced on a consistent basis. The more you go, the healthier you feel.
Trust me, your body will thank you.

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Wellbeing

I'm an Adult with Night Terrors

I remember the first time the night terrors started. I don’t recall exactly what the first one was, but the one that stands out the most was seeing a confederate soldier standing in the bedroom and the next thing I know my husband is holding me and trying to wake me up. Normally, I have to have the room completely dark in order to sleep, but after waking up from a night terror there was no way I could turn the light back off. The fear (the terror) would stay with me long after the image faded. There were many over that period, I saw my dead grandmother, I saw weird random shapes zooming in through the window, I saw scary people (and people who shouldn’t have been scary at all). That period of night terrors lasted several months during 2008. Thankfully, they went away as fast as they started, once we determined what was causing them.

What are night terrors?

It’s important to understand that night terrors are very different than the common nightmare which occurs during REM sleep. Night terrors typically occur during non-REM sleep and may be caused by a slight waking during the transition between sleep stages. Because parts of your brain are still asleep and parts are awake, it may be that a part of the dream you were having seeped into your consciousness as you wakened slightly, making those elements appear in the real world around you. This gives a whole new understanding to “Nightmare on Elm Street” doesn’t it?

Night terrors are most common in small children and may be the reason why you find your child screaming in the middle of the night certain that there is a monster in the closet, or a person looking in the window, even though that window is closed with a blind over it so that the child couldn’t see the person if they were really out there. While they are most common in children, night terrors can also occur in adults, although they are extremely rare.

Night terrors are not just difficult for the person who experiences them, they are hard on everyone who has to live with that person. The screams that typically accompany the night terrors will wake anyone in the house, and may wake the neighbors depending on how close they are. I’ve woken up with sore throats from the screams that accompany my night terrors.

A person experiencing a night terror is often difficult to wake. They are screaming yet they are asleep. They are seeing the room around them yet they are not fully conscious.

What causes night terrors?

The most common cause of night terrors is simply stress. But, as I found, there are other causes. A number of medications can cause night terrors, including antihistamines which disrupt the sleep cycles. Some blood pressure medications can also cause night terrors. That bout of night terrors I suffered in 2008 was the result of antihistamines. The night terrors returned again just a few months ago and while they disappeared just as quickly I’m still unsure of the cause. It may have been a blood pressure medication, or even stress.

Night terrors have also been linked to migraines, restless leg syndrome, gastric reflux, and sleep apnea. Adults who suffer from night terrors also commonly have a history of anxiety or depression. It is unknown if these links show a potential cause and effect, or if it’s simply a matter of having one increases the likelihood of having the other.

Can you stop night terrors?

Children who suffer from night terrors typically outgrow it. Adults, like myself, that live with night terrors may not be so lucky. If you can find the cause you might be able to stop the night terrors by removing it.

Some suggestions include waking the person up about 90 minutes after they fall asleep, this is the time they would usually wake with the night terror. Doing so can prevent the night terror, but it can also disrupt their sleep cycles and there’s no guarantee they won’t just have the night terror during a later cycle. Some sleep medications can also help prevent night terrors, but again these disrupt the sleep cycle, which can lead to daytime sleepiness and mental fogginess.

Sometimes they just stop on their own. This is typically the case for children who eventually “outgrow” the night terrors.

If you are an adult with night terrors, take a close look at the medications you are using. Research each one to see it may disrupt sleep cycles, or cause night terrors. And, don’t be embarrassed to talk to your doctor about what you are dealing with. He may be able to help you find the answer and stop the night terrors.

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Wellbeing

The Art of Loving Unconditionally

Love, when your northern star becomes embodied in someone’s flesh. It’s passionate, angry, ever-changing, and worth it.

Love goes through stages- some filled with energy and others with contentment. But the three basic stages have transcended time and philosophy: Romantic, realistic, and content love. 

When you get hit by Cupid’s arrow you can hardly see straight. You’re sickeningly in love (consequently making everyone else feeling wildly uncomfortable). This “honeymoon phase” can last for days, weeks, even years, but inevitably that high will wear off. Some find this terrifyingly depressing, whereas, once you hit this point, this explanation becomes incredibly reassuring. However, you’re inevitably going to grapple with the decision: do you keep going down this path together or do you split your separate ways? Neither one is a bad decision, but if you do decide to stick together you better be prepared for some grueling challenges. 

Generation Y 

Loving someone consistently requires effort. When you’ve come down from your “love sick” high you realize that giving back rubs and going to all of their favorite movies doesn’t come quite as easily. Being a Generation Y adult has taught me that romance should be fast and furious. When things stop feeling good it’s best to drop it and move to the next one. Why? Because we’re young, life is short, and why settle when you can have something even better? This image seemed so glittering and bright during college. Why yes, I should be treated better. CYA! I began to even title my serial dating as a feminist act; I’m not putting up with your insensitivity and lack of attention. I graduated college and held that same mind frame as I entered the workforce, but, as often comes with time, I realized that this glittering and bright idea was becoming dulled and tarnished. I was beginning to see that this instant gratification plan wasn’t working quite so well for me.

Loving Unconditionally

Love is hard, and what’s even harder is loving unconditionally. The art of loving varies from person to person, but at its core is an understanding that love is a two party system. It’s filled with compromise and trust. There will be times, more times than you care to count, that someone will hurt you, whether intentional or unintentional. Yet displaying your love, through thick and thin, is quite possibly more moving than the sweetest word or the softest kiss.

Being slow to anger is a perfect testament to the respect you hold for your partner. You may have quite a storm raging within, but when you practice and exude a state of clarity you’re reinforcing your commitment in being understanding and patient. 

Forgiveness is another tactic you can implement. Sometimes it may be for something small, like forgetting to take out the trash, and at other times it may be for something huge, like cheating. Whatever it is, if you’re able to muster up forgiveness, or at least a veneer of forgiveness until you’ve had more time to process, your love will be heard at an incredible volume. 

However, loving unconditionally isn’t just based upon actions it’s also your mental state of mind. Equip yourself with the knowledge that there may be times when you want to quit, but it’s important to remember the good times amidst the bad. Don’t let abandonment be an option. Having an accessible way out tends to stifle any sort of real effort. Expectations and standards are necessary, but it’s crucial that these expectations aren’t unattainable. If so, you’re setting YOURSELF up for failure as you will never be satisfied. 

We’re Not Perfect

When I hear of loving unconditionally it sounds to me like it is only attainable for those who are able to love without any faults or hiccups, but loving unconditionally is not synonymous to being a perfect lover. There have been many times where I have been guilty of exploding on my partner or becoming increasingly aggravated at the way the toothbrush is placed in the medicine cabinet. The art behind loving unconditionally is the intentions you set for yourself. No matter how many times you may become irritated you keep pushing through and realize that we’re all human. Loving unconditionally can be found in our sincere attempts to do what makes our partner happy and being quick to admit personal flaws. If we have failures than our person is going to have them too.

So, how can you love unconditionally? Never give up, keep yourself vulnerable, and be honest with yourself and your person. If you’re able to love your partner at their worst that is the ultimate symbol of genuine love. Letting go of their flaws and embracing the big and little things that make them who they are will skyrocket your relationship from a realistic love to one that’s filled with contentment.