Have you ever had a day where everything just seems to go wrong? You get a flat tire, were late to work, forgot your lunch, filed a report incorrectly, and it all culminated with you laying on your couch moaning in pain from a mind-numbing headache. “Don’t worry, I’m fine. It’s just a stress headache.” These type of headaches are considered tension headaches, and the root cause is still up in the air. Doctors and scientist haven’t been able to pinpoint exactly why the pain occurs, but they have been able to pinpoint the exact locations (Mayo Clinic).
If you were to visit a holistic doctor or an apothecary they’d give you some pretty definitive opinions as to where that headache was stemming from – negative thoughts, that point right before stress sets in. Recently there has been more investigation whether negative emotions and thoughts directly correlate with physical pain. Negative emotions circulate through the body and can sometimes rear its angry head as a physical symptom, whether it’s outright pain, discomfort, or tension. Health coaches, therapists, and workout instructors are placing more credence in the theory that physical pain can sometimes be a manifestation of a negative thought or emotion that you’re ignoring. Developing tangible symptoms is your body’s only way to grab your attention and force you to deal with your physical and emotional state (Healthy and Natural World).
Louise Hay, an American motivational author, has written numerous self-help books aimed at guiding people through tough, mental journeys. In 1998, she penned “Heal Your Body A-Z: The Mental Causes for Physical Illness and the Way to Overcome Them,” which describes how physical maladies can be attributed to mental thoughts. Hay also designed an emotional pain chart where visuals were constructed to create a link between emotional and physical trauma. As time has progressed her newfangled idea has slowly gained momentum and manifested itself in the Centripetal Force Studio, where the practice of physiotherapy is utilized to the extreme. Physiotherapy is a therapy that uses physical touch as its main source of healing, whether it’s through massage, ultrasound, heat, or exercise. Centripetal Force Studio identifies emotional issues and physical issues, links them together, and ultimately provides the person in therapy insight into how these two aspects can affect physical health.
Emotional Pain Chart
The emotional pain chart presents mental thought patterns that form your experiences. Below are some common ailments that most of you have likely encountered:
-Neck Pain: This neck pain has been associated with individuals who are refusing to look at situations through a new perspective. Classic character traits are stubbornness and inflexibility.
-Shoulder Pain: This can be representative of your ability to carry emotional burdens in a negative way based upon your attitude. Shoulders can become tense and cramped from the overall unease and discomfort that you may be experiencing from daily struggles.
Knee Pain: Unyielding pride and an overzealous ego has been linked to knee pain. Fear, inflexibility to give in, and an inability to go with the flow are also common descriptors.
Weakness: A classic remedy to weakness is mental rest. On an hourly basis, your emotions are pulled a million different ways. Whether it’s irritation, excitement, or disappointment our emotions take a toll, and that’s why it’s important to give your mind a rest so your body can heal too.
If you take time to peruse the pain chart it may seem a little “new-agey,” but it makes sense. Why couldn’t your thoughts be affecting your physical health? Is it really that far of a stretch to assume that your irritability could cause that elbow or hip pain? The American Psychological Association (APA) has identified that stress affects physical health, but stress stems from day to day thoughts. So next time you’re tempted to mentally berate Her for wearing those shoes with that dress, or smugly pat yourself on the back for burning 500 calories at the gym, take pause. Those toxic thoughts are not only polluting your mind but quite possibly your everyday health (APA).
Category: Wellbeing
It seems like every day there is another fad diet: paleo, gluten-free, vegan, keto, high carb-low fat, high protein, high fat-low carb, Atkins, South Beach, and many more.
They all claim to help you lose weight, and many do; but once you return to your normal eating habits you tend to gain the weight back. So which diet will help you lose weight and keep it off for the long haul?
Types Of Diets
Paleo (Paleolithic) Diet The paleo diet centers around the idea of eating like a caveman (hunter-gather). Foods consumed in the paleo diet include fresh meats, fresh seafood, fresh fruits, nuts, and fresh vegetables. It encourages grass-fed livestock and organic foods because those foods weren’t treated with pesticides, hormones, or antibiotics back then. It cuts out all processed foods, dairy, and legumes (e.g., beans, peanuts, and lentils).
Gluten-Free A gluten-free diet is used primarily by people who have celiac disease and those with an allergy or sensitivity to the gluten protein. Foods that need to be avoided are those that contain wheat, barley, and rye.
Vegan Diet A vegan diet avoids all meat and animal products (e.g., honey, eggs, and milk).
Ketogenic Diet A ketogenic (or keto) diet is an approach to eating that forces the body to use ketones as a main source of fuel instead of glucose. This diet is very high in fat (~70-75 percent), very low in carbohydrates (~5-10 percent), and moderate in protein (~15-20 percent). The minimal carbohydrate intake causes the body to make ketones from fat. This diet needs to stay moderate in protein intake so that the body does not make glucose from the excess protein intake.
High Carb-Low Fat Diet A high carbohydrate-low fat (HCLF) diet is often followed by vegans or vegetarians. It promotes eating mostly carbohydrates (primarily fruits and vegetables) with minimal fat intake.
High Protein Diet There are no exact guidelines for a high protein diet. What one person considers to be a high protein diet, another may view as a low protein diet, depending on height and weight. These diets are found predominantly among people who are into bodybuilding and other high-intensity sports.
Atkins Diet Dr. Robert Atkins created this diet, which is very much like the ketogenic diet, but with different phases. It starts off at a very low net carbohydrate count (total carbohydrates minus carbohydrates from fiber and sugar alcohols) and gradually increases the amount of net carbohydrates you can consume while you make your way through the phases. One of the goals of the Atkins diet is to increase the amount of net carbs the person can consume while still losing weight. It emphasizes using fat as a source of fuel instead of carbs in the same way that the ketogenic diet does.
South Beach Diet The South Beach diet is also broken down into phases. Phase 1, which lasts for 14 days, centers on stabilizing blood sugar and reducing food cravings. It restricts certain foods and focuses on nutrient-dense foods. In phase 2 you will start to re-introduce foods. This phase still results in weight loss, but more gradual than in phase 1. Phase 3 is the maintenance phase, in which individuals return to eating all foods–but in moderation, with an aim of keeping the weight off for good.
All of the above-mentioned diets can result in long-lasting weight loss. One of the main things to keep in mind is eating at a calorie deficit, that is, taking in fewer calories than your body needs to maintain its current weight.
If you follow any of the above diets at a calorie deficit you will more than likely experience weight loss. Sustained weight loss probably will not occur if you only follow one of these diets part of the time.
This is what happens with yo-yo dieters. They see a rapid weight loss while on a diet and then gain the weight back–and sometimes more–when they fall off the diet. Finding a diet that fits your lifestyle is the key to long-lasting weight loss.
References: Atkins.com; Southbeachdiet.com
Categories
Top Plastic Surgeries For Men
When it comes to spending money to look good, women have got men beat, hands down. In 2014, of the 1.3 million cosmetic procedures—and the $12.9 billion Americans spent on them—women accounted for 90 percent. But things are changing: the number of cosmetic procedures (which include both surgical and non-surgical) men had is up 273 percent since 1997. As soon as someone develops a safe, legitimate penis enlargement procedure (not the kind that flood your spam filters), we expect that figure to quadruple every year for the next, well, forever,
So what kinds of procedures are men getting? Let’s take a look at the most popular ones first. But the real interesting stuff is the lesser-know-but-becoming-more-common ones.
- Gynecomastia (removing what are often known as man boobs or moobs)
- Eyelid (making both the upper and lower eyelids less droopy. This does not remove those dark circles under the eyes).
- Facelifts
- Liposuction (removing fat, usually from the chest and belly)
- Nose reshaping
Men’s top five non-surgical procedures are:
- Botox (to reduce wrinkles on the forehead and face)
- Chemical peel (a process that removes the top layer of skin to expose the smoother layer underneath)
- Laser hair removal (from chest, underarms, etc.)
- Microdermabrasion (similar to chemical peel except that the top layer of skin is essentially buffed off)
- Soft tissue fillers (injecting collagen, fat, or other substances into the skin to reduce wrinkles or add fullness to the lips)
Among surgical procedures, gynecomastia is the only of the top five that’s growing–up 14 percent from 2013 and 29 percent from 2010. However, more and more men are opting for pec implants and abdominal “sculpting” (to give you that bodybuilder chest and six-pack abs without having to bother going to the gym), cheek and chin implants, and buttock lifts and augmentations (to give you the large, perky butt you’ve always dreamed of. Wait, what? Really?)
All of the top non-surgical procedures except for microdermabrasion have grown since last year. Laser skin resurfacing seems to be replacing it.
I used to spend a lot of time wondering why women would spend so much time and money to make themselves look different. My oldest daughter has beautifully curly hair, which she used to spend endless hours straightening. Her sister has wonderful-looking straight hair which she used to spend endless hours curling. Fortunately, my youngest daughter is perfectly happy with her curls.
Men may not be spending as much time or money as women do on modifying our body, but we’re going to increasingly bizarre lengths to look good, whether for possible romantic partners, adoring fans, the media, the board of directors, or possibly just for the mirror at home. Here are just a few of the cosmetic procedures men are getting.
- Bicep implants (if you’ve done your chest, butt, and abs, you can’t very well have skinny arms)
- Chest hair surgery (take hair from the head and implant it on the chest)
- Moustache surgery (same basic idea as above. Hey, not everyone can grow one.)
- Voice-deepening surgery (injecting fat into the vocal cords to make you sound like Barry White)
- Scrotal ironing and reduction (your sac too wrinkled? Too saggy? We can fix that)
- Otoplasty (to make the ears stick out less or just move them to a more pleasing location)
- Necklift (to reduce sagging)
And just so you know, women are going to some extremes as well. Between 2013 and 2014, labiaplasty procedures increased by 49 percent (since the suffix “plasty” means “to reshape,” we’re sure you can figure out what labiaplasty is all about).
Belly bloat. Most women have experienced it at one time or another, even if they don’t need to lose weight. I know I have. It is so frustrating to feel big around the middle or know that your pants are tight because you are bloated. If you are tired of belly bloat, try some of these suggestions to banish the bloat and maybe lose a few pounds at the same time.
Banishing belly bloating is a multi-faceted issue. There is no one magic remedy to feeling and looking bloated.
As an aside, there is a difference between feeling bloated and carrying excess weight around your middle. If you need to lose weight, you cannot simply follow these tips and wake up one morning with a perfectly flat tummy. That type of transformation takes all over weight loss and dedicated exercise. I know, that’s probably not what you wanted to hear.
In any case, you can banish belly bloating by focusing on four areas:
Foods You Eat
The foods you eat have a tremendous impact on bloating. Think about it. When you eat a restaurant meal or large quantities of processed foods don’t you often feel bloated afterward?
You might think it is because you ate too much, and that is definitely a contributing factor. However, these types of foods are also typically high in sodium. Many restaurant meals have over 2,000 mg of sodium. Even a healthier option like Panera’s low-fat vegetarian black bean soup has 1,120 mg of sodium. Sodium causes bloating because of water retention. To combat this, reduce how much you eat out, check the nutrition labels on processed foods you consume, and keep track of how much salt you add to home-cooked meals.
Other foods affecting bloating include those with wheat or gluten, extremely spicy foods, and foods that contribute to constipation, such as low fiber or sugar-filled foods. Choose foods your body can easily digest, such as high-fiber fruits and vegetables and foods with a high water content.
Medical Conditions
To further eliminate belly bloating, talk to your doctor about medical conditions or medications you take that can cause bloating. Your doctor may test you for lactose intolerance, gluten sensitivity, celiac disease, or other conditions. If you test positive for one of these and begin avoiding foods containing lactose or gluten, you will find your belly shrinks and your bloating is relieved.
Other medical conditions sometimes causing belly bloating include irritable bowel syndrome, gastroesophageal reflux disease, some tumors, and in rare cases, ovarian cancer.
Drinks You Consume
I used to love sodas of all kinds until I realized they were not good for my health. The sugar content in regular sodas and the artificial sweeteners in diet sodas were equally bad for me. You may be surprised that both regular and diet carbonated beverages contribute to belly bloating. The little bubbles that make the drinks fizzy put air in your belly when you drink the liquid. Excess air can lead to a bloated feeling. The fix for this one is easy: quit drinking carbonated beverages.
Good choices for relieving belly bloating include water with lemon juice, green tea, plain water, and green smoothies.
Degree Of Activity
Sitting around on the couch all day is not good for your digestion. When you eat, your body immediately begins breaking down the food into the nutrients it needs. When you sit down right after you eat, you are not giving your body any help in moving the food through your system. Relieve belly bloating by moving around after you eat, staying upright at least 60 minutes after you consume any food, and getting some form of dedicated exercise every day.
Dear New Running Mom,
Congratulations on your new little bundle of joy! I know those last 40 (give or take) weeks were long and arduous, but completely worth it to have that sweet baby in your arms. But now that junior is finally on the outside world, and you are feeling recovered from the marathon that is childbirth, I’m sure you are itching to go for a run.
If you are like most running moms, you probably have a shiny new jogging stroller just begging to start logging miles. You’ve also likely seen other running moms posting photos on social media of their own new bundles of joy wrapped up in their car seats and strollers, just ready to run. So you too might be wondering how soon until you can take your brand new running partner out for a spin? Because what could possibly be better than sharing your love of running with the little love of your life?
Believe me, I understand. With my second child, I was so excited to hit the streets that my family even threw me a surprise running-themed baby shower.
But before the two (or more!) of you hit the road together for the first time, here are a few things you should know:
1) You might be ready to run, but is baby?
Technically, 6-8 months old is the rule of thumb before putting your baby in a stroller and running with him or her. This is based on the fact that up until this age, babies typically don’t have the head control and neck strength to prevent their little bobble heads from bouncing all around with the bumps and jolts that often accompany riding in a jogging stroller. However, this varies from baby to baby, and other factors such as car seat adaptors and neck support pillows may assist in your decision. So always check with your pediatrician first, to weigh the pros and cons and determine if your baby is ready to run (or ride, as the case may be).
2) Have the right gear.
Do not attempt to run with a traditional four wheel stroller. They were not designed for running, and could become very unsafe very quickly. Instead, make sure you have a jogging stroller designed specifically for running. Read the instructions to make sure you know exactly how to use your stroller, including but not limited to: the hand brake, the safety strap, and the locking front wheel. Never run without the front wheel locked. I know, it’s much easier to turn corners with a swivel wheel, but one pothole or stray rock can quickly and unexpectedly turn that wheel and cause the stroller to flip.
Also, make sure you maintain your stroller and check it frequently for any broken or worn components, low tire pressure, loose screws, or any other possible wear and tear.
3) Stroller running technique is NOT the same.
You are going to feel, and likely be, slower from pushing all of this extra weight in front of you. Don’t let your slower pace bring you down; instead, think of it as resistance training that is only making you stronger and faster! Further, because you have your arms out in front of you holding the stroller, your posture and even quite possibly your running gait might change. Being aware of this factor will help you to actively prevent it. Make sure you hold your core tight and remain tall; avoid leaning on the stroller as much as possible. Switch the arm you use to push the stroller frequently to prevent built up tension in your neck, shoulders and arms.
4) Safety, safety, safety.
I know, as a new mom your likely obsessed with the safety of your baby, so I’m clearly preaching to the choir here. But keep in mind while you are out for your run, your running safety tips and techniques are now multiplied by two. Know where you are going at all times, and make sure your running route is stroller friendly. Check the weather, and keep in mind that while you are hot and sweaty, baby is not only sitting still, but is being subjected to the elements (wind, rain, sun, etc.). Watch your step: that curb or pothole you can easily avoid on your own now has to be navigated over/through/around with a bulky stroller, AND the most precious cargo you could ever imagine.
As a running mom, you are truly setting a wonderful example for your children, showing them the importance of health and fitness, as well as teaching them about the joys and rewards of hard work and dedication. These early days of running with your sweet baby in the stroller will be memories that one day you will truly cherish, as we all know these precious babies grow up way too fast. So make sure you are taking the right steps to get your running relationship together off on the right foot…literally!
And welcome to the running moms club!
Like most people, I like being “productive.” Accomplishing work projects, receiving an award or recognition, and even completing something mundane like washing a few loads of my family’s laundry brings me a feeling of inner satisfaction. But I wonder if our Western society places too much emphasis on being productive. When we get to the point where we beat ourselves up if we don’t cross every item off our to-do list, it might be time to reassess and re-evaluate things. Here are some ways to reduce guilt when you’re not as productive as you would have liked:
First off, not getting it all done doesn’t mean that you’re lazy! In fact, it could be the opposite: are the expectations you have for yourself perhaps unrealistic? I know what it’s like to be ambitious, but remember that you are a human being with human limitations, and that’s okay! Set your goals high, but not so high that you’re essentially preparing yourself to fail. Go for good enough, and take pride in what you do accomplish. I suggest you even think about ditching your to-do list completely (especially if it’s causing you anxiety)!
If you find yourself feeling guilty about being “unproductive,” reconsider what that even means. Running yourself ragged will make you tired and burnt out, which will actually hurt your efficiency and productivity in the long run. On the other hand, unscheduled time can rejuvenate your body and spirit. I encourage you to view your downtime not as a waste of the day but instead as necessary to your mental and emotional health. I’ve also found that relaxation and rest can help foster creativity; it’s during those quiet, peaceful times that you may find new mindful or spiritual insight. As a songwriter, I often get my best ideas not when I’m crazy busy, but when I slow down and breathe. Consider taking a yoga class or doing some other meditative practice to help calm your mind and put aside the cares and stresses for a bit.
An additional strategy to beat the “guilt of unproductivity” is to value not just the achievement of a task or goal, but also the process of how you got there. For example, having children help you cook a meal will almost certainly take longer than if you had done so on your own, but the learning experience they have and the opportunity to strengthen your relationship with them will (hopefully!) be worth the extra time. Even if you don’t finish something you set out to do, there is still great potential to learn and grow from process of working toward your goals.
And finally, it took me years, decades even to recognize that my behavior or performance is not linked to my self-worth. Though it can be difficult, try to stop viewing an unfinished task as a sign that you are not “good enough” or worthy of love. You are so much more than your to-do list. When you fall short, practice self-compassion and let yourself off the hook a little. While your performance varies from day-to-day, your worth remains untouched.
After all is said and done, if you still are disappointed in yourself for not accomplishing as much as you want, remember that tomorrow is a new day with new possibilities. You can use your mistakes and failures to course correct for the future.
Millions of marriages end due to infidelity every year. Once the initial shock wears off there is one big decision that needs to be made. Should the marriage end or can it be saved? There’s no right answer, but there is definitely one that brings more peace of mind.
Jenna came to see me after discovering that her husband of 25 years had been having an affair. She arrived in my office in tears, broken-hearted and in shock over learning that he had been seeing another woman from his office for the past two months.
I’ve seen this early phase of trauma many times, and I know from experience that Jenna will have some even bigger hurdles as she progresses down the road of being an infidelity victim. She is one of many who will be living through the nightmare of an affair, and struggling with the tortuous decision to stay or leave her marriage.
Although researchers find it hard to really know how many marriages are disrupted by infidelity, the number hovers around 20 million. We know that honesty is not in the forefront of a cheaters mind so this number is probably a rough gauge based on the source of actual reports and full disclosure. Even if we consider this to be a pretty good estimate, we can presume that there are millions of people out there either trying to save their marriages from divorce, or to figure out how to save themselves.
The question of whether a marriage can survive an infidelity is not unlike asking about the meaning of love. It’s complicated, nuanced, personal and contextual. In her book “After the Affair”, Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D, says that couple’s can survive infidelity provided that each partner is willing to look honestly at themselves and each other, and that each is able to acquire the skills needed to get through the shattering crisis.
Other authors base the outcome on the injured partner’s willingness to forgive and let go, and also on the level of change the unfaithful partner is capable of. To make things even more confusing we have to consider the depth of betrayal, the willingness to give up the affair, and how truly remorseful the perpetrator feels.
Deciding to stay or go after an affair is by far the hardest decision anyone can make. The only thing slightly harder is being robbed of even having this choice when the cheating partner makes the choice himself or herself.
Pros and Cons
The pros and cons list for this kind of dilemma can end up being a scroll. Some might say that all marriages should be saved, and that the rate of divorce is high because people don’t want to take the time and energy to work through something so difficult.
In my experience most couples would prefer to stay married for religious reasons, the children, the investment they’ve made or the fear of starting over alone. More often than not the betrayed person chooses to remain in marriage because it’s too scary not to.
Staying married means avoiding the draining and destructive process that so often accompanies divorce. Families get to remain in tact, children stay in their home, finances don’t get disrupted, and life ultimately stays the same.
On the con side there’s the issue of being able to forget, let alone forgive. Staying in a marriage after a betrayal means always knowing that a partner cheated, and many people don’t want to live with this kind of worry. Overtime trust can be rebuilt, but the memory remains and the relationship would never be fully the same.
Staying also means that there is an increased risk in it happening again. Once a cheater, always a cheater may not be true in every case, but once that line has been crossed it’s easier to cross it again. Past behavior is the greatest determiner of future behavior so most bets would be on the cheater repeating the same mistake.
Fit or Flop
Leaving a partner after an infidelity is the healthier choice. Mistakes happen, and no one is perfect but the majority of married people make this kind of commitment because they trust that there partner will honor and respect them.
Every story and situation is different but betrayal of this kind is profound and extremely damaging to the heart, mind and soul. Surviving this heartbreak is absolutely possible, but it changes the relationship forever in ways that can never be repaired.
The way you see the world is called your perception, and your perception is driven by your internal experience of yourself, others and the world. What you take in from your environment gets digested and then regurgitated as your external experience. This is true both as a child and as an adult and it’s a constant ongoing process throughout life that is dependent on what’s happening in any given moment or day. However, the most imbedded experiences that stem from your earliest life are the most influential, and this is particularly true when it comes to love.
The most important experience you could have as a child is to internalize a feeling of being loved. If you hold an internal feeling of being loved and valued then you will see the world as a safe and welcoming place. In contrast, if you were unloved you will experience the world as unsafe and untrustworthy.
Walking through the world with a deep feeling of being unloved is painful and limiting. It becomes hard to develop intimate relationships, to see the good in others, and to maintain a sense of confidence in having your needs met. Most detrimental to the unloved child is the difficulty receiving real authentic love from another.
Feeling unloved is imbedded in the heart, soul and psyche. It feels like a sense of disconnection coupled with an experience of not belonging. As an unloved child you develop an internalized model of being unlovable and unwanted, and as an adult this manifests in an avoidance of intimacy and a pattern of unfulfilling relationships.
In an attempt to work through the painful experience of feeling unloved your inner neglected child will seek a repair of the early wounding by looking for love from partners that are most like the original source of trauma. Thirsty for any form of love, she will tolerate almost anything in a relationship with the undying hope that her unmet needs will be fulfilled.
The internal experience of feeling unloved is one of the biggest obstacles to finding the right partner because the level and type of love needed to heal those wounds is unique and can only happen with someone who is willing to honor and respect the need for this special kind of love.
The greatest opportunity for healing the inner unloved child comes in the form of a healing relationship. This can either be with a therapist or lover, but either will need to have a strong foundation of trust and a deep understanding of the type of love needed for reparation.
The first step in the process of healing these wounds comes in the form of self-awareness. Understanding the feelings and behaviors that may be shaping your experience of others and the world will open the door for the self-acceptance and recognition that something is missing.
Here are some observations you will want to make.
If you:
- Feel unsatisfied in relationships
- Feel insecure and question your partner’s love of you
- Hear your partner say they can never do enough to please you
- Feel left out or excluded easily and often
- Prefer to be alone or feel safer in solitude
- Find it hard to be vulnerable or share your feelings
- Have a hard time showing or expressing your love
- Feel like something is missing all of the time
The very idea of love, and what if means to feel loved, will escape the unloved child. Never having experienced or learned what it feels like internally to be loved, she will struggle with the deep knowing and recognition of healthy love.
Another positive step toward healing is to contemplate the idea of love, and what it means to you. Answer the following questions as a starting point.
What is your earliest memory of feeling loved? How did your caregivers show love even if it came in a negative form? How do you show love to others? What does love feel like in your present life? What is the highest level of love you want to receive?
It’s okay if you can’t answer all of these questions. Keep them close by and contemplate them regularly until something surfaces.
It’s important to remember that growing into an adult from an unloved place does not mean that you’re damaged or broken. We all come into adulthood with deficits and areas of development that need fulfillment. A lack of love is the most common form of neglect mainly because many parents and caregivers never received it and thus can’t show it in a healthy way.
Take it upon yourself to change so your transmission of love to others and your own family breaks the cycle. Setting an intention to heal the unloved part of yourself and doing the work it takes to fill that empty place will shift you, your life and your immediate world for the better. Most importantly you will be given the opportunity to get the love you deserve.
Did you interview your primary care doctor? Do you know which hospitals in your area have a trauma unit? Do you have personal copies of all of your medical records? According to Leslie Michelson, author of The Patient’s Playbook: How to Save Your Life and the Lives of Those You Love, your answers to all of these should be a resounding yes; that is, if you wish to get the best healthcare treatment.
After reading The Patient’s Playbook I knew that I had to share it with others. The advice in it is priceless and as a patient it was advice I wish I’d received years ago. The early chapters alone on finding a good primary care doctor are worth the price of the book. I don’t know anyone who has taken the time to actually interview potential doctors before choosing the one that would handle their health care long term.
But, as Michelson points out we often spend more time and effort buying a new car or hiring a babysitter than we spend finding the doctor who will take care of us for (potentially) the rest of our lives.
Michelson also addresses how to get the best care in an emergency, how to find the best specialists for your needs, and what to do when serious illness strikes, as well as getting copies of your medical records and what to do with them once you get them.
Why did Leslie Michelson become a patient advocate?
Michelson’s background in health advocacy goes back to his high school years. His father was diagnosed with heart problems, and they were told he would require open heart surgery, an operation that was still in its infancy at the time. Michelson took the initiative and not only encouraged his father to get a second opinion from a larger hospital but made the appointment for him. It turned out that he didn’t need that surgery after all. That one call avoided a risky surgery and his father lived another 40 years without a problem. That experience set the stage for a life-long interest in helping others get the best healthcare.
As a young lawyer, Michelson had the opportunity to work at the Department of Health and Human Services. This gave him a chance to learn more about the healthcare system and see where he could make a difference. He says that he learned everything he could about the healthcare system and saw how much it needed to be changed. Seeing how anxious people were when they were sick drove him to focus his career on creating entrepreneurial companies that would improve the healthcare system.
“During that period everyone I knew that had a healthcare issues would call me. Over the years I helped thousands of people at night and on the weekends, gratis.” Michelson says that finally “about seven years ago friends suggested that I build a business to do [patient advocacy] because I’ve figured out what others don’t know. So we did that, it’s called Private Health Management. We get retained by people globally to help them get the best healthcare. The issue is that we have to charge a lot of money because it takes a lot of time and effort.”
So, why write a book?
That last bit is why Michelson decided to write a book. He said he wants to “really help everyone become a more effective healthcare consumer whether they could afford us or not. ” In talking to him I could tell just how important people are to him, and I could understand how he could have given away so many thousands of hours for free. While he’s listed as the CEO of Private Health Management, he’s still directly involved in client care and ensuring that the patients get the best healthcare possible. “Helping you become a more effective healthcare consumer” should really be his tagline.
How do you start?
Being an informed healthcare consumer is all well and good, but how do you get started? If you are asking this question, you aren’t alone. Mr. Michelson said this is the most common question he hears. “The healthcare system seems so intimidating that they don’t know how to begin to put in place the process and find the right physician. Once we get them started things are much better.” In The Patient’s Playbook, Michelson starts at the beginning and walks you through the steps, getting patients and caregivers the map they need to get on the road to the best healthcare possible.
What is the first step?
According to Michelson your first step should be getting copies of your medical records and putting together a complete picture of your health history. This step alone can seem very daunting as many patients have years of medical records to obtain from many different doctors. Michelson says that even if this is the case you can and should still make the effort. He says that you just have to take it little by little.
Michelson says to “just stay on it on a sustained basis. Identify the big most important pieces (the most recent or times when there was meaningful change) and understand that it’s going to take weeks if not months.” Don’t get discouraged and if you have someone else in your life that enjoys the details put them to work to help. This is especially important if you are already seriously ill, because you don’t have the time or energy to worry about the details.
How do doctors feel about informed patients?
He said that most doctors actually do prefer having an informed, prepared patient. A patient who walks in having done the research and says “Doctor I know you are busy and can’t research every little thing so I wanted to share what I’ve found with you,” will have good success with most doctors.
As far as what to do if a doctor isn’t listening? Michelson says “candor and honesty is always the best thing to do. If the doctor doesn’t have time for that it’s time for you to find a new doctor that will engage with you. There are doctors that will engage, you just have to have the courage to find them. Just always be respectful and always be very clear with the physician as to what your expectations and desires are in terms of your relationship.”
How do you form a partnership with your doctor?
He reminds us that the relationship between doctor and patient should be thought of as a partnership. “Ask your doctor for specific suggestions as to how to partner with them. Ask your partner (who happens to have an MD after their name) what’s the best way for me to make it efficient and easy for you to be at the top of your game? We need to take down the wall between doctor and patient, it needs to become a collaboration.”
For those who are scared to “bother” their doctor with what they worry are small things or silly questions, Michelson reminds us “They aren’t small things. Making sure the physician is fully informed as to what your symptoms are, what subtle changes you may have made to your diet, exercise, sleep, medication, and how they relate to changes in symptoms can be the clue to achieving a higher functioning status.”
However, he does remind us that we “need to be respectful to the constraints under which doctors function. They all want to spend more time with their patients but they have constraints. Make sure you are communicating as efficiently and as respectfully as possible.” If your doctor has an online system for communication use it, if not find out how to best communicate and keep the communication concise and to the point.
What to do when dealing with chronic illness?
When it comes to dealing with long-term chronic illness, Michelson points out how important it is to build a team not only with your doctors but also a support team within your friends and family. “Friends relatives, people you may know from your community want to help. One of my favorite sayings is “A sorrow shared is a sorrow halved.” If you’ve been through adversity and have been through it with another human being then you’ve halved that experience.” He encourages those who struggle to ask for help. He says that if you ask you will find it, but he points out that it takes courage to ask for help.
Courage is something that Leslie Michelson emphasized again and again as we talked. It takes courage to get through any healthcare situation, but especially the big ones. He reminds us that “courage isn’t easy but the reward for finding it is extraordinary.”
Courage is something you should have more of after reading The Patient’s Playbook: How to Save Your Life and the Lives of Those You Love, I know that I did. You will likely reassess your doctor patient relationships and question whether you should stay with that doctor that isn’t listening. You will begin the process of chasing down your medical records and putting together a succinct medical summary that tells your story. The next time you have a medical emergency you’ll know you are choosing the right hospital for your needs, and if and when tragedy strikes you’ll be prepared.
I had a fight with my girlfriend in college. It was a big one. I do not remember what it was about or who was to blame—if anyone. All I know is that after a year and a half of going out we were disappointed enough after the argument that we decided to split. This was my first breakup.
We were inexperienced when it came to fighting. Small disagreements usually ended quickly and we had no clue how to weather a significant battle. Once this disagreement blew up we had no idea how to restore ourselves. It felt final. In a matter of minutes the whole relationship was lost. After we exchanged our frustrations we turned and wandered away from each other.
After a moment my walking pace picked up and as I scurried away I became like a scare mouse looking around for shelter. My mind became unfocused and racing. Agitated, I could feel my heart pound and my breathing accelerate. I was walking fast—darting my way across campus to get something to eat. Then it happened. I got light headed and my heart rate soared. It was as though I had no control over my own body. I’d been marching along—then suddenly it seemed hard to lift my legs and couldn’t take a full breath. I was trembling.
A terrible feeling of dread—like I was about to die—came over me. It gripped me. Although I was an athlete and only 20 years old the first thought was that I was having a heart attack. My mind scrambled for a solution. I alternately tried to calm myself down—then freaked out because I couldn’t. But it was my heart that was causing all this. I was having a panic attack.
Going to the college infirmary the nurse practitioner calmed my fears. She told me it was unlikely I was having a heart attack. When I explained what just happened with my girlfriend she said it sounded more like an anxiety reaction. That was the first time she used the phrase panic attack. The term panic didn’t resonate with me. I was certainly having a reaction—but panic? Panic over what?
A panic attack isn’t the normal fear or stress reaction you might have to a situation. If you have a near accident in your car, or a barking dog with sharp teeth comes toward you—these are fear-based reactions—reality based—that have many of the same symptoms. The difference is that panic attacks seem to come out of nowhere. They have been found related to such things as family history, substance abuse, and major stressors. But, I had none of these indications. The only thing that seemed related had to do with the timing of the fight. Could that be enough to trigger a panic attack? The answer was a resounding ‘yes.’ But the reason why surprised me.
It wasn’t the novelty of the fight, or the fact that it raised my heart and breathing rates. It also had nothing to do with the intensity of the argument itself. The panic attack was about us separating–and to be more specific, separation anxiety. The fact that we were going to break up triggered the panic. Like a baby parted from its mother panic attacks are often related to issues around separation and loss. It was the fear of separating from my girlfriend that triggered the reaction.
After graduate school I went on to become a licensed psychologist. After many years in practice, I’ve learned a great deal about what these disorders are all about and how to treat them. Nearly 2.5 million Americans are affected by panic disorders, and experiences like mine are typical as it usually begins in late adolescence and early adulthood. More than twice as many women experience panic attack than men.
The treatment usually involves cognitive behavioral therapy, a particular form of psychotherapy designed to identify and change negative thought patterns beneath anxious and difficult feelings. This and other forms of therapy have the objective of uncovering what the triggers are causing the anxiety. Medications can also be helpful, such as antidepressants like Paxil and Zoloft, and anti-anxiety prescriptions like Xanax and Ativan. Learning to meditate or use relaxation and breathing techniques can also be useful.
But as a psychologist helping someone understand the trigger, particularly the potential loss of something or someone, is key. Helping people trace back their panic attack to the fear of separating from someone, or a recent loss (such as a death, or a divorce, or the ending of a relationship) is typically very insightful. Most people seeking treatment don’t realize how profound a loss—or a potential loss—can be in triggering their panic.
Of course fear of separation isn’t always the cause. Yet, there is ongoing research that suggests it may often be a significant part of the problem. There are other conditions, such as agoraphobia, where people avoid places or situations that could cause panic, which have other activators. In the case of agoraphobia people usually dodge places that make them feel trapped, helpless or embarrassed.
Panic attacks typically last only a few minutes. Learning the coping skills to get through it will help lessen the anxiety—and learning what the separation triggers are that may be at the root of it can help even more.