Category: Wellbeing

It’s no big deal to stay up a little later at night than normal, we figure we won’t miss the sleep or that we can just go to bed a little earlier the next night and “make it up” but the truth of the matter is that it’s a pretty big deal to our bodies. Adults need at least seven hours of sleep per night, and many need nine or more. Whether it’s a night out partying or you just couldn’t make yourself shut down Facebook that lack of sleep is costing you.

Let’s take a look at a few reasons why keeping that regular bedtime is a good idea.

1. Sleep improves memory and learning.

REM sleep is especially important for learning and memory consolidation; without it you’ll find that your memory becomes impaired and learning suffers. Babies get the highest amount of REM sleep and the amount decreases as we age, but no matter our age, REM sleep is important and necessary. You typically get most of your REM sleep early in the morning, which means that the less sleep you get, the less REM sleep you get and the more likely you are to see decreased memory and ability to learn. If this isn’t a good reason to get to bed early, I don’t know what is.

2. Sleep decreases your risk of cancer and Alzheimer’s disease.

Melatonin is a hormone secreted by the body about two hours before bedtime, and studies have indicated that this hormone may decrease estrogen levels which may not only decrease the risk of certain cancers (including breast cancer) but may also help prevent or reduce endometriosis. Regular secretion of melatonin relies on a regular bedtime making it important to stick to a regular sleep schedule. And, guys don’t think this is just about women. Not getting enough sleep also decreases the number of natural killer cells (the cells that fight off cancer) in your body, which increases your risk for all types of cancer.

Lack of sleep has also recently been linked to Alzheimer’s disease as at best an early warning sign. Because deep sleep is important for memory consolidation and learning it’s possible that a lack of sleep over time may actually cause Alzheimer’s disease.

3. Sleep improves your immune system.

Your immune system needs sleep. It’s no coincidence that when you are sick you sleep more it’s because sleep is your body’s way of healing. Slow wave sleep is necessary for healing and tissue repair, so it makes sense that not getting enough sleep would decrease your immune system and your body’s ability to heal itself. In an interview with Mother Jones, sleep psychologist Matt Walker pointed out that getting just four hours of sleep for one night, impairs your immune system function by about 70 percent. Get some rest!

4. Sleep aids in healing. I’ve already addressed that sleep improves your immune system but that’s not the only way that it helps with healing. Slow wave sleep is important for helping the body rejuvenate and heal. This is delta wave sleep which is most evident early in the evening, but it does continue throughout the night. As we age we get less and less slow wave deep sleep, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t important and the fact that we are getting less of it as we age is a good reason why it’s more important to ensure we get a full night’s sleep every night.

5. Sleep keeps you young and keeps the weight off.

A sleep-debt study of 11 men found that getting four hours of sleep for just six nights impairs the ability to metabolize carbohydrates and messes up endocrine function. The researchers said that these findings were not much different than what you see in general aging, however what it indicates is that not getting enough sleep speeds up the problems you typically see with age.

This impaired ability to metabolize carbs (if you haven’t guessed) doesn’t help your waistline. So, getting a good night’s sleep could definitely help you keep the weight off, or lose it, if that’s your goal.

While one late night probably isn’t too big of a deal, continually staying up too late, or not maintaining a regular bedtime schedule can wreak havoc on your body, leading to everything from anxiety, depression, irritability, impaired concentration to weight gain, and even increased risk of cancer and Alzheimer’s.

Given the trade-off I think sticking to a regular sleep schedule of seven or more hours a night is probably the better choice, don’t you?

References: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8621064 http://www.motherjones.com/environment/2015/01/inquiring-minds-matt-walker

The habit of falling into and staying in a bad relationship beyond the expiration date has become a chronic problem in our culture. Understanding the reasons why you stay beyond what’s good for you will prevent repeating patterns of bad choices.

You would be hard pressed to find someone who has never been in a bad relationship. We’ve all had our share of abusive, toxic and “going nowhere” partnerships that we either look back on with regret or learned from.

Most of what I work on in my psychotherapy practice is helping couples become better in their relational dynamics. I help them heal broken trust, release resentments from the past, and love each other more authentically. I also see a lot of people who are tired of repeating the same mistakes and who are ready to release old patterns that get them into dysfunctional love relationships. What I rarely get the chance to do is help people avoid bad relationships.

It can be really difficult to discern between a truly awful relationship and one that needs work. A bad relationship is one that would be considered toxic, abusive, or otherwise harmful to your overall health and wellbeing. A relationship that is salvageable or that can be improved stands on a strong platform of kindness, trust, respect and some form of love.

It’s not until a partnership has been pummeled to the ground that we begin to realize that there might be a better way. Change most often comes out of deep pain and loss and this is also true when it comes to love. In the end, my work becomes more about sweeping up the ashes of what’s been burned to the ground then adding a new addition to a relational structure that has a good, strong foundation.

I have found that there are a few solid reasons we end up in relationships and even marriages that don’t work for us only to stay in them way too long.

Here are the top five reasons I see most frequently:

Choosing the Wrong Person

We choose a partner for several reasons, but most often it’s because we feel we have found the perfect person. Idealized love is a natural part of romance, but you have to acknowledge the cracks in the mirror to really know if something will work. You need to see beyond the perfection into the dark recesses of your partner’s humanity because that’s ultimately what you’re committing and relating to. Choosing a long-term partner cannot be taken lightly, and it does have to be a choice. Falling into a relationship because it “feels right” or out of desperation only leads to heartbreak and disappointment.

Who you’re drawn to isn’t always the right person.

When you feel a connection with someone it’s usually chemical and familiar. Evolution has designed you to pick a partner that will give you the greatest chance for producing genetically sound offspring. Mother Nature can trick you into falling for someone because they offer protection, strength, virility and health. What she doesn’t wire you for is the common sense to recognize if this person is trustworthy, loyal, honest and kind. This has to be mindfully learned and pursued with consciousness. The truth is that you can only know someone by spending time with them, and traversing some challenging life moments. This is where you’ll get to the true character of your partner so be patient and let them show who they truly are.

Lack of Personal Introspection

When you don’t know yourself intimately you’re at risk for a bad relationship. You have to understand what you need to feel fulfilled and happy so you can properly choose a partner that can meet those needs. Like most people you have probably looked for someone who embodies the qualities you lack in yourself, which leaves you dependent on them for your fulfillment and happiness.

Distorted Intentions

The intention behind finding your right partner is truly important if you want to avoid settling. Fear of never meeting anyone, not wanting to be alone, looking for someone to make you happy, recovering from a bruised ego, or fulfilling other people’s ideals about your partner will land you in something that isn’t right. Some healthy intentions for finding the right relationship are to share a life with someone, to feel a sense of support, or to build a family. Coming from a place of intention as opposed to avoidance will help you seek what you want over what you don’t.

Overlooking Red Flags

Love is definitely blind, but this idiom is more about acceptance than it is denial. When you want something to work you’ll talk yourself out of feelings that would be important to honor. Hoping a person will be different down the road or that they’ll change over time is a sure indication that you’re on the wrong path. Seek the relationship you want right now; not the one you hope to have down the road. 

Relationships often find us more than we choose them so be kind and patient with yourself when you land in something that doesn’t work. Get the right support and gain enough insight to prevent making poor choices in the future.

Sex is pretty important stuff. After all, none of us would be here without it, right? And just about everyone agrees that a little dancing between the sheets is an important ingredient in a happy romantic relationship. Given that, a lot of us would assume that sex more often would make you happier and improve your romantic relationships.
Sounds perfectly logical, but the answer to the question, “Does more sex make you happier—or have any other benefits?” is a resounding “it depends.”
On the “Yes” side, various studies have found a connection between sex and a stronger immune system, lower blood pressure, reduced heart attack risk, improved sleep, lower stress levels, better memory and analytic skills, an increase in brain-cell building, and reduced anxiety and depression.
One study even found that sex could reduce prostate cancer risk. It’s not so much the act of knocking boots, though, but the ejaculations that count–and you can do that all by yourself. Either way, you’ll have to do it a lot. Men who ejaculated 21 times per month had a 20 percent lower risk of developing prostate cancer than those who did so “only” 4 to 7 times per month, according to the study’s lead author, Harvard epidemiologist, Jennifer Rider.
The circumstances of your coital bliss are also important. For example, people with many partners are less happy than those who have fewer (in fact, several studies have concluded that the number of partners needed to maximize happiness is…wait for it…one). People who cheat on their spouse and men who frequent prostitutes are also less happy than those who are able to keep their pants on when they’re away from their main squeeze.

Doing the Numbers

Okay, if sex is good for you, then how much is enough? Tim Wadsworth, a sociologist at the University of Colorado Boulder, has a pretty good idea. Compared to those who didn’t have intercourse at all in the previous year, Wadsworth found that people do so 2 to 3 times per month are 33 percent more likely to report high levels of happiness. Those who do the deed once a week are 44 percent more likely to report high levels of happiness, and those who have sex two or three times per week are 55 percent more likely.
But be careful: the nookie-to-happiness ratio isn’t just a numbers game. Perception and competition also play a role. “There’s an overall increase in sense of well-being that comes with engaging in sex more frequently, but there’s also this relative aspect to it,” Wadsworth said. “Having more sex makes us happy, but thinking that we are having more sex than other people makes us even happier.” For example, if a couple is having intercourse two or three times a month but they think that their neighbors are partaking once a week, the first couple’s “probability of reporting a higher level of happiness falls by about 14 percent,” Wadsworth found.

Which (not who) comes first?

Okay, so there’s a connection between those joint sessions of congress and happiness. But George Loewenstein, an economist at Carnegie Mellon University, wasn’t clear on which one of the two caused the other. Does carnal knowledge make people happier or do happier people have more afternoon (or morning or nighttime) delights? Or is there another variable, such as health or income, that affects both? Loewenstein and his colleagues decided to find out.
They started with 64 volunteer couples (all were legally married, heterosexual, and age 35 to 65) and randomly divided them into two groups. One was asked to double their conjugal frequency, the other didn’t get any instructions. The study lasted for three months and both members of the couples got surveys before, during, and after. The questionnaires asked participants about their about happiness levels, how often they had sex, and how much they enjoyed it.
The couples in the increase-it group did, indeed, boost their sexual encounters. But the results weren’t what Leowenstein and his team were expecting. “Contrary to what one would expect if the causal story running from sexual frequency to happiness were true,” they wrote in their paper, “we observed a weak negative impact of inducing people to have more sex on mood.” In other words, increasing the number of times you have sex may actually decrease your happiness, desire, and enjoyment.
The researchers were quick to point out that the problem wasn’t the increased sex, itself. Instead, it was the fact that the sexual act was a homework assignment instead of something the couples jumped into on their own.
So there you go: more sex doesn’t necessarily make us happier. So stop worrying about quantity, forget about how much action the guys down the street are getting, and start focusing on quality and spontaneity.

Relationships. Relationships are sticky and can end with joy or bitterness; sometimes both. You know what’s worse than your typical relationship? One that’s doomed for failure. Have you ever fallen victim to the dreaded dead-end relationship? You couldn’t imagine life with him, but you couldn’t imagine it without him either. It just seemed easier and, quite frankly, it was comfortable to stay on the path you were going. Routines are nice, but little did you realize how your happiness was slowly bleeding away.

But finally, enough is enough.

When you finally escape from that downward spiral you can take a breath of fresh air. Everything has a rosy hue. No longer do you have to stress about what you’re going to wear, how long you’ll be out with friends, or if you’re just in a bad mood. Life instantly becomes better and easier. Of course, you’re going to miss the comfort of knowing someone’s there and invested, but you’ll feel like you’re getting a new chance at life. Three months to three years…it’s a LONG time to be in something that you know is going to end.

Now’s the time to rediscover yourself. If you’re honest, you’ll admit that you had morphed into his identity. Once it was ‘DanAndAmy,’ and now it’s just Amy. You’re no longer identified by your partner; you’re identified as yourself. 

Did you REALLY want to go to P.F. Chang’s, or would you rather have ordered Dominos and stayed home with your friends drinking wine? Should you keep your long hair or chop it off? Are you REALLY an outdoor person? All of a sudden you’re  faced with an identity crisis, but it is the sweetest crisis yet.

How many of us get the opportunity to rediscover ourselves? You’re about to pass  on that ice cream cone but then realize you don’t care if you aren’t a size four. You realize you’re not satisfied staying at home during the week and decide to go out every day, or you may realize that you’d rather lay in bed binge watching House of Cards. So skip the camping trip and go on the yoga retreat. It feels good trying new things and being honest whether you enjoy them or not. You have no one to impress but yourself.

No only do you get to become reacquainted with yourself, but you can be unabashedly selfish. If you want to move across the country for your job you can without it being ‘a thing.’ You don’t have to budget your paycheck so you can go visit his family, and you don’t have to plan your next vacation around anyone but yourself. And you know what else? You can go ahead and eat that last slice of cake.

P.S. You’d be lying to yourself if you didn’t really just enjoy every last bite.

But most importantly, your newfound freedom teaches you how to be alone. It’s scary to rely on yourself when you’ve gotten into such a habit of having a co-pilot. It’s even scarier to realize you’re not going to have those cozy date nights for a while. We’re creatures of habit and when our world gets rocked anything but the norm is going to scare us.

Although there is so much to be gained  you’re not going to get off without feeling some sort of sadness and regret. When time has set in you’ll began to cringe at your ignorance and lack of backbone. It’s inevitable. It’s happened to all of us at one time or another.

So what happens?

You’ll begin to play the ‘what if’ game. What if you had ended it sooner? Where would you be today? Why did you let him hold you back for SO LONG?

Fortunately, I’m writing to you. I’m about to talk some sense into you – Stop running away from the miserable memories and delve back to the good parts.

It worked, didn’t it? If not it’ll take time, but you have to keep trying. 

Look at it this way – You’d never have traveled across the country like you did, vacationed overseas, tried white water rafting, or even appreciated the little things like a starry night. You may have even formed some meaningful relationships through him, a few which you could quite possibly still maintain to this day.

It can be almost painful to admit that there were some good times. Of course, there will have been so much hurt and anger that negate the good times. If there wasn’t these negative emotions you’d still be together.  

Dysfunctional relationships are incredibly eye-opening. They help you rediscover yourself and grow. You end up becoming reborn into a better version of yourself. You become more confident, know what you will and won’t tolerate, and, next time, you won’t be afraid to say goodbye.

Warren Buffet is known as the “Oracle of Omaha” for his expertise in business and investing. Buffet, the chairman and CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, is now a self-made billionaire thanks to the choices he’s made over the years. When a self-made billionaire give you advice, you better take it!

1. Focus On You

Buffet has said, “investing in yourself is the best thing you can do.” An investment in yourself is an investment of which you have total control. You need to trust yourself and know where your talents lie. Once you know that, double down and do everything you can to improve those talents. Even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time, it will pay off down the road. 

2. Breaking Bad…Habits

Recognizing bad habits or weaknesses in you is tough for everyone. However, it’s even tougher to recognize a bad habit and make a change. The younger you recognize destructive behavior, the better. Buffet said it’s one of main things that hold people back. But you can decide to make a change before it becomes ingrained. Buffett told the students at University of Florida: “You can get rid of it a lot easier at your age than at my age, because most behaviors are habitual. The chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.”

3. Strengths and Weaknesses

The previous entries add up to this: Know your strengths and weaknesses. Not everyone is Superman. Be realistic and know your limits. It’s to your advantage to not to get in over your head. In 2001, Buffet told Georgia State University students, “You don’t have to be an expert on everything, but knowing where the perimeter of that circle of what you know and what you don’t know is, and staying inside of it is all important.”

4. Think About The Risks You’re Taking

There’s nothing wrong with taking a risk every once and while, but think about why you’re doing it. Buffet said he’s seen many individuals fall prey to greed and take risks for something they didn’t need, or even really want. Essentially, never risk something you need to get something you don’t need. 

5. Love What You Do

Buffet’s advice is to try to find a job that lets you do something you would do if you didn’t have to worry about money. You’ll be ready to learn and excited to work each day. It’s hard to put a price on that sort of thing. “I get to work in a job that I love, but I have always worked at a job that I loved.” Buffett said. “I loved it just as much when I thought it was a big deal to make $1,000.”

6. The Golden Rule

This is pretty simple; treat others how you would like to be treated. Or as Buffet put it, “It’s so simple that it’s almost too obvious to notice. Look around at the people you like. Isn’t it a logical assumption that if you like traits in other people, then other people would like you if you developed those same traits?”

7. Think of Time As a Resource

Now, you’re probably not a billionaire like Buffet, but your time is still valuable. You only get 24 hours in each day, so use them wisely. Don’t fill up your day with appointments and functions that provide no value or educational opportunities to you. 

8. Find Those You Admire

Mentorship is an important aspect of any job or education. Buffet has been very open about the importance of his mentor Benjamin Graham, his professor at Columbia University, to his education and investment career. Graham helped Buffet build an investment philosophy responsible for his empire. Of his mentor, Buffet said, “He was a generous man.”

9. Fear Factor

It’s important to face your fears. If you don’t, you’ll only regret the opportunities you missed because you were afraid. Buffet himself was very afraid of public speaking. However, at some point in his career, he realized he would be required to do it. He decided to take the Dale Carnegie public speaking course. Now, because of his proactive approach, he’s one of the most highly regarded public speakers in the country. 

10. Recognize Opportunity

While addressing students at Georgia State, Buffet said, “We don’t do very many things, but when we get the chance to do something that’s right and big, we’ve got to do it. And even to do it in a small scale is just as big a mistake almost as not doing it at all.” He continued, “You’ve really got to grab them when they come, because you’re not going to get 500 great opportunities.”

11. Body and Mind

Last but not least, make sure you’re taking care of your body and mind. It sounds simple, but it’s something a lot of people ignore. Buffet illustrated the importance with a hypothetical situation. He said to imagine a genie came to you at the age of 16 and said you can have your dream car, any car you want. However, the catch is, it’s the only car you’ll own for your entire life. Buffet said if that were the case, he would read the manual over and over, garage it whenever he could and fix any scratch, dent or problem immediately. Buffet said, “That’s exactly the position you are in concerning your mind and body. You only get one mind and one body. And it’s got to last a lifetime. Now, it’s very easy to let them ride for many years. But if you don’t take care of that mind and that body, they’ll be a wreck 40 years later, just like the car would be.”

Now that Warren Buffet has set you straight, go seize the day!

And now for a topic you don’t see very often on the pages of running magazines or in the posts of your preferred online running forums:
Running and sex.
If you haven’t heard by now, numerous studies have proven time and time again that regular exercise can have positive effects on sex drive for both men and women. Obviously, running is no exception. But how will a regular training schedule improve performance both on your next race and between the sheets? Let’s check it out:

Self-Esteem

I’m listing this one first, because in my humble opinion, it is the most important. The saying “you must love yourself before you can love others” rings true in this case. Admit it: it’s hard to enjoy sex when you aren’t comfortable or confident in your own body.
But the good news is that regular exercise, like running, has been proven over and over to have a positive effect on self esteem and an improved perception of body image. How many times have you started a run in a bad mood, then at the end of the run felt like you could conquer the world? I know I’m not the only one who feels that way.
Running makes you feel good about yourself.  Feeling good about yourself can result in a more relaxed, more enjoyable sexual experiences.  And let’s face it, the more enjoyable sexual experiences you have, the more likely you are to want MORE of those in the future. Increased sex drive for the win!

Increased Endurance

There’s no denying that sex is (or at least can be) a vigorous, physical activity. And like any vigorous, physical activity, it’s not nearly as easy…nor fun…if you aren’t in shape. The more you run, the greater your cardiovascular capacity and muscular strength become, and the longer you are able to endure vigorous, physical, activity before fatiguing.
I’ll let you use your imagination as to how this may carry over into bedroom activities.
Bonus: the increased endurance also results in an increased blood flow to all parts of your body…including the genitals. And that increased blood flow can cause an overall feeling of increased arousal for both men and women.

Testosterone, Endorphins, and Adrenaline

Regular exercise promotes the release of testosterone in both men and women. Increased testosterone in women, leads to the desire for more frequent sex, heightened sexual arousal, elevated moods (see “self esteem” above), greater muscle and bone density (see “increased endurance”) and higher energy levels . For men, increased testosterone levels can result in more frequent erections, increased sexual urges, and greater muscle and bone density.
For both men and women, increased testosterone levels reduce depression and chronic fatigue, which can both be mood killers in the bedroom.
Now, we’ve all heard of the “Runners High”; after prolonged exercise, our body releases the chemicals endorphins and adrenaline, which leave us feeling happy and on top of the world. But did you know the runner’s high isn’t the only positive outcome of endorphins and adrenaline? The release of endorphins has been shown to increase sexual arousal or even orgasm, as well as reduce stress levels.
In short, happy people have more sex, and people who have more sex are happier…and healthier.

But, as with anything good in life, too much can be a bad thing.

Over exercising and over training can not only cause a fatigue and injury, both of which can negatively affect your sex life, but the body may respond to overtraining by limiting production of the hormones related to sex.
So, as always, moderation is key. Respect your body with a balance of regular exercise, healthy eating, and adequate sleep and recovery, to ensure you’ll be showing up with your “A game” to your next run and your next romp in the sack.