Category: Wellbeing

For most of the women in America, body peace belongs to the young. When I was in grade school, middle school, even high school, I rarely thought about my body in terms of the way it looked.

Frankly, it just flat-out didn’t matter. I was an athlete, and my body served a real purpose in my day-to-day life. I could swing a bat. I could shoot a basketball. I could run sprints. For those reasons, I almost always viewed my body in a positive light.

But that innocence didn’t last long. As you’re well aware, new media and pop culture turn women into objects. And the moment we reach the point of no return in terms of physical maturity, ready or not, we’re picked apart and put back together in a manner designed to compromise our self-worth.

I noticed a shift in how the world seemed to view me when I started interacting and functioning primarily in the adult world. I was growing up, and subsequently growing into myself. I just didn’t realize these subtle-yet-significant shifts as they were happening. Then, I blew out 21 candles and watched my world — and body image — change.

I’d get compliments on my lipstick color, or on my cute little shift dress. Some guy would whistle at me on the street, or eye my body conspicuously. Suddenly, showing skin in the summer made me want to hide under a rock. And added up, I didn’t like any of it.

This shift is inevitable and unavoidable for most women. Bodies change as they reach maturity, and our world is conditioned to notice that. Uncomfortable attention makes you think about your body and your worth all the time, where your meaning is derived and what’s most important in life.

Either consciously or subconsciously, it’s the recipe for a existential crisis. Science has proven the prettiest people climb life’s ladder quicker, are viewed as healthier, and earn more money. (And then we wonder why there are a million articles dedicated to improving our looks, getting a taut body like Gisele or perfect hair like Duchess Kate.) It’s impossible not to stack yourself up against a million others, wondering where you fall on the beauty’s fleeting and unforgiving totem poll.

So, the negative thoughts come creeping in. You’re not the cookie-cutter ideal. Sorry! Your thighs are too big, your shoulders are too broad. Your hair never falls just right, your complexion is never totally clear. Your arms have too much flab, your forehead’s a little too tall… something. We can preach body love and acceptance to everyone else, but too many women carry the weight of their own body’s flaws with them everyday.

I know that I did, for a long time. It wasn’t until I talked to body-image and self-empowerment guru Jess Weiner several years ago that I learned the real secret to body peace — whether you’re age 10 or 110, whether you’re a size 2 or 22.

This simple self-worth lesson has stuck with me; a tiny bit of advice among the thousands of pieces I’ve received from experts over the course of my career.

Healthy body image is about an attitude of gratitude.

That’s right. We have to stop worrying about how bodies look, instead appreciating how they work. Can your legs move, allowing you to climb stairs or kick a soccer ball? Can your arms help you lift up your son, or move those heavy boxes? Can you breathe in fresh air, filling your lungs with air and flooding your organs with oxygen? Are you alive? Then you have something for which to thank your body, not criticize it.

I think Jess’ secret is why I had such healthy self-esteem as a kid, and watched it dwindle as I got older: I stopped appreciating what my body did, instead focusing on how my body looked while doing it — especially to others. Women are conditioned to do this. But it is undeniably toxic, my dears. It will destroy your well-being.

So, next time you have a negative thought about your body, I challenge you to do this:

Stop yourself immediately. Replace the negative thought about your arms/skin/calves/ankles/fill-in-the-blank with a positive one. Make it about what your body does for you, instead of how it looks.

And then work on strengthening your body and your mind everyday, instead of changing it. You’re beautiful, as is. It’s not about looking perfect, or fitting into a certain number on the dress tag. It’s about being healthy, being alive and being present in every moment. The stronger you can make your body through diet and exercise, the more you can do and the better you will feel. That’s a fact.

I have a chronic pain condition, and my body and I are at odds quite a bit. But I’ve made peace with it. It’s not a perfect process, and, sure, I have days when my jeans are a little tight or I can’t leave the house because of a nasty headache. (Ugh.) But it’s in those moments that I now realize we need positivity most. I try to remember that with each passing year and each passing day, no matter my body’s size or shape.

So? Cut yourself some slack. Embrace your strong legs that run, bright eyes that see, and grumbling stomach that fuels you up. Laugh a lot. Love yourself. And don’t feed negativity, lest it suffocate your happiness and peace.

Instead, live like no one else is watching. Something Jess told me three years ago: “A body is to live in, not just a vessel to be admired and adorned.” Never forget that.

Happiness is self-contentedness. — Aristotle

I was driving to work the other day, and I was happy, unapologetically so. I recently moved into the city and was overjoyed to avoid the 45-minute traffic jam. The buildings were older, the trees mature, and there was a bustle that just felt fresh.

I was envisioning a future where I’d bike to work, take my daughter to the park, and spend lazy Saturdays exploring new markets and restaurants. But then I stopped myself. Is this where I really wanted to be? I never wanted to live in St. Louis. I had set my sights on Colorado, northern California, Washington… Why was I suddenly feeling so content?

Was I becoming complacent?

This terrified me, and my happy mood instantly plummeted, urging me to yearn for the next best thing. As I expressed these feelings to a friend, it hit me: Maybe I’m scared to be happy.

There’s a popular sentiment that we should always be striving to better ourselves, physically, financially, and emotionally. There is always room for improvement, and while pursuing excellence is typically healthy, it can be terribly harmful when taken to an extreme.

Being content means accepting where you are with happiness. Being complacent means settling for circumstances that are less than ideal. I was fearful that being happy was going to keep me in this place forever. But would it really be that bad? I had become so obsessed with plans I’d constructed in college that instead of moving me forward they were actually holding me back.

Being content doesn’t mean you’re settling, it means that you’re mature enough to enjoy individual moments in life, whether big or small, planned or unplanned. It means that the horizon is not always out of your grasp; you can actually touch it and marvel within its beauty.

Social psychologist, speaker, and author Heidi Grant Halvorson has explained how contentment and happiness evolve over time: “Research suggests…that [happiness] slowly evolves into something very different from our youthful idea of happiness. Happiness for the young is largely about anticipating the joys of new accomplishments…as we grow older, we find that happiness becomes more and more about being content in our current circumstances, and hanging on to what we’ve already got.”

Many other psychologists agree that happiness isn’t a feeling, but is more accurately described as having a sense of contentedness.

Why wait till our youth has passed us by to be satisfied with what’s before us? Our mental health is a work in progress, and although it’s important to be introspective, happiness shouldn’t make us feel guilty either. Every day we grapple with the challenges of attaining happiness. It can be a rocky path for some. So cherish those good moments and don’t let them be plagued by fear or self-doubt. Your body and mind will thank you later.

Starting at an early age, society places a lot of pressure on women to look a certain way.

Magazines, television, and the internet are full of flawless women with perfectly toned abs, long legs, and backsides you could bounce a quarter off of. These societal ideals are sometimes so unrealistic that it can be easy for young girls to quickly lose self-esteem and feel as if they don’t measure up.

Often when we try to pursue unrealistic expectations, anxiety increases and the effort to lose weight and get fit begins to add to the stresses of life instead of relieving them. Getting in shape should be about the desire to live a healthy lifestyle and making yourself feel better. It should not be about trying to replicate the airbrushed model on a magazine cover at the grocery store.

Here are three ways to empower and emancipate yourself from society’s idealistic body-image pressures.

1. It is scientifically proven!  

Research shows that stress can keep us from losing weight, and on the flip side might even cause more weight gain. Even when we are eating well and exercising, an excessive amount of stress can counteract all of our good efforts. That’s why it’s so important to combine both fitness and wellness together. By reducing stress and increasing relaxation we can actually significantly improve our weight loss efforts. Practice relaxation techniques like meditation, yoga, and deep breathing to keep your mind healthy and balanced.

2. When you look good, you feel good!

This is so true, and you know it. You’ve been working your butt off in the gym, eating a healthy clean diet, and there you are strutting your stuff in front of the bathroom mirror saying, “Damn, girl. Lookin’ good!” The best part of it is that you are doing it for yourself.

Self-esteem rises when you improve your image on your terms. I am a big believer in fitness and wellness journaling. Keeping track of what you eat and daily exercise holds you accountable. Hang it on the fridge, share it with friends and family, and they can help hold you to your goals too! It’s a win-win!  Every team should have a cheering section.

3. Improving your looks improves your health!

Working out and eating healthy foods will make you feel better because your body will be functioning better than ever. When you feel good, you also look good. Your energy levels will increase and you will be ready to take on the world.

Looking good and feeling good at the same time is the goal! Are you ready to take back your power? Are you ready to be the best possible version of yourself you can be? I know I am! Enjoy your healthy new lifestyle knowing that this a journey, not a diet or fad.  This is all about empowering us as women and letting our true selves shine.

According to YouTube, 300 hours of video are uploaded every minute. And 45 percent of the people posting those videos are uploading footage that features an animal—usually a cat. If you’re not one of the suppliers, odds are you’re a consumer. With more than two million videos and 26 billion views, cats are one of YouTube’s biggest categories. No one can say for sure, but pet food giant Friskies estimates that cat videos account for 15 percent of all Internet traffic (and I’m estimating that, singlehandedly, I’m responsible for at least another 10 percent, streaming videos on Netflix and binge watching House of Cards, 24, Dexter, The Blacklist, The Walking Dead, and a bunch of others).
So don’t feel bad if you’ve indulged in a few (or a few hundred) cat vids. They’re incredibly addicting. I’m not really a cat person, but this article took at least two hours longer to write than it usually does because I got sucked into the black hole inhabited by Grumpy Cat, Henri the French-speaking existentialist, Maru the Japanese box diver, and dozens of their mewing buddies.
Turns out that cat videos are more than just a guilty pleasure (and by “guilty,” I really do mean guilty. A lot of time people spend on their in-cat-uation is time they should have been doing something else—like working or studying). In fact, it may actually be good for you.
Researchers have consistently found that physically interacting with pets can have some very significant, positive effects on patients’ physical and emotional health. A variety of studies show a correlation between pet therapy and decreases in anxiety and depression, reduced behavioral problems, and lowered blood pressure and heart rate. But petting an animal who’s sitting on your lap is quite a bit different than going online and watching one jump onto a chandelier or run around the house with a paper bag over her head. Or is it?
Jessica Gall Myrick, a professor at Indiana University’s Media School, set out to answer that question. She surveyed nearly 7,000 cat-media consumers and found that after watching feline videos, people felt more energetic and experienced fewer negative emotions (annoyance, anxiety, and sadness) and more positive ones (contentment, happiness, and hope).
Myrick, whose results were recently published in the journal Computers in Human Behavior, also found that the increase in positive emotions was more than enough to offset the feelings of guilt people felt when they’d used cat videos as a procrastination tool. “Even if they are watching cat videos on YouTube to procrastinate or while they should be working, the emotional pay-off may actually help people take on tough tasks afterward,” Myrick said in a press release. Sharing those videos helped too, making “what had seemed like a waste of time a more worthwhile endeavor—the spreading of cheer and goodwill to others.”
People who tend to be more agreeable or shy are more likely than others to watch vids, as are cat owners. Interestingly, only a quarter of the videos people watch are ones they actually go looking for. The rest they stumble upon by chance.

As much as we’d rather not admit it, we all know what it feels like to hold a grudge. It’s a different breed of anger; a gnawing kind that quietly lingers under the surface while the outside appears otherwise contained.
A grudge is not that instant implosion you feel in your core when someone does something truly horrific that moment. It’s a deep, slow simmering that reemerges in your chest whenever you see the object of your wrath: a person who wronged you, perhaps hasn’t apologized, and maybe doesn’t even know you were ever upset.
Oh, and it’s totally unhealthy, too.
“All the data we know of, in regards to health and the effects of chronic anger, hostility can lead to heart disease and other issues, like depressed mood,” says Kristen Carpenter, Ph.D, a psychologist and the director of Women’s Behavioral Health at Ohio State’s Wexner Medical Center. “Even those with no history of heart issues are likely to develop them.”
Here’s how it all works: The more often you’re angry, or the longer you hold onto those feelings of unrest, the higher your stress level. When you’re under stress, your body gets a surge of cortisol to help you combat the effects of the stressor, suppressing nonessential functions like immune response and better enabling your body to utilize glucose. You’re essentially in a modern-day “fight or flight” mode.
Normally, though, this effect is short-lived. Except when it’s chronic. In that case, high levels of cortisol never shut off, throwing your system into a tailspin, leaving you prone to problems like heart disease, weight gain, anxiety and depression.
Carpenter says you can’t necessarily prove a cause-and-effect relationship between holding a grudge and medical issues, but the links between anger, stress and poor health are there. “The findings hold, regardless over other risk factors,” says Carpenter. “Holding a grudge is stressful. If you see the person everyday, it’s a constant trigger — activated frequently, on top of other daily hassles.”
The research indicates clear correlations. This study in the journal Circulation, for instance, showed men and women prone to anger were at increased risk of coronary heart disease and death. Another example? A 2007 article published in JAMA shows how chronic stress can lead to higher blood pressure, which, over time, can lead to issues like heart attack and stroke.
To let go of these grudges, Carpenter prescribes two potential solutions: a change in perspective or open communication.
“Communication really is an important piece,” she says. “People are always reticent to talk about difficult things. Sometimes with our closest others, it may be easier — but with a friend or a boss, it can be hard. It’s emotional, which doesn’t always feel appropriate.”
And bottom line?
Admitting we’ve been hurt puts us in a vulnerable position emotionally. A place not many of us willingly want to be. Carpenter says asking yourself how you can have a conversation about the issue at hand that’s productive is important. Don’t just rehash the issue and your feelings. Work on solutions to the issue.
The other way to deal with a grudge is to shift your perspective. “Maybe you just need to let it go, or work around it,” says Carpenter. “Ask yourself: is this an actual problem or a frustration?”
Especially in career contexts, with colleagues and bosses, making adjustments on your own can release a lot of anger surrounding life’s many unchangeable acquaintances. “A problem impairs you in some way. It is solvable, and you should be able to make active steps and take action,” says Carpenter. For instance, a member of your team at work is consistently not delivering her assignments, forcing everyone to work harder — and look bad in front of the boss.
A frustration might be that a team member consistently turns in work later than you’d like it. “In this case, how is ruminating helping?” Carpenter says. “Sometimes, you must accept that you cannot change others’ behavior and adapt your strategies accordingly.” For instance, you may find other work you can chip away at while you wait for her to send over her assignment.
If all else fails, reevaluate. “If it’s constantly causing you stress, you may have to ask if it’s the right relationship, friendship or job for you,” says Carpenter.
Just don’t hold a grudge, or hold onto anger. Your heart and health will thank you.

I’m supposed to look like what?

I have this thought every time I see altered celeb photos or even personal images on social media. It’s amazing what you can do with Photoshop. What’s really sad is that many people believe these flawless and often unrealistic images are real.

Body honesty is one of my new favorite trends. It’s finally killing Photoshop, as women stand up for themselves. It’s nice seeing real women who look like real women instead of like Barbie dolls.

Flawless Need Not Apply

I would love to see a single person raise their hand if their body is 100% flawless. No takers? I didn’t think so. Take a good look at a celebrity’s retouched photo in a magazine and now look at the same person during an interview. Notice all the differences?

While we’re busy killing ourselves to eliminate every little flaw, the people we’re trying to emulate are equally flawed. They just have photo editors blurring blemishes, shaving off those extra 10 pounds, and smoothing out the cellulite. Of course they look beautiful, but it’s not real.

We’ve been raised in a culture where we think we’re supposed to look perfect all the time. If we don’t fit the mold, we’re made fun of. The new trend shows us that flawless isn’t the same as beautiful after all.

Social Media To The Rescue

It takes courage for a woman to post a real image of herself on social media, especially if she’s not model thin with no flaws. I know I think about every picture I post: Does this one make me look fat? Is my hair too messy? Where did that arm fat come from? I want to look as good as possible, so I second-guess everything. Social media is finally helping change that.

More and more women, including celebrities, are posting unretouched photos of themselves. Check out Instagram and Twitter. You’ll start seeing the body honesty trend in action. It’s truly a beautiful thing and one I’m not ashamed to participate in.

Sure, some people are offering up the usual negative comments, but they’re being overshadowed by positive, supportive comments. People are coming together and realizing they don’t have to hide their flaws any longer. Social media gives everyone the perfect platform to stand up and be heard (or seen, in this case).

Focusing On A Positive Body Image

Ask most women how they feel about their body and they’ll give you a list of things they hate. Is there really anything wrong? No. The flaws I hate most are things I’ve been told I shouldn’t like, such as my thighs and tummy.

Is a woman no longer beautiful if she has stretch marks after having a baby? Do your thighs have to have a noticeable gap between them for you to be attractive? These things just mean you’re a beautiful, healthy woman. It shows you’re living life and not living in a gym 24/7.

Every day I see new rules on how a woman should look. I quit keeping up with it a long time ago. I just don’t need that kind of stress in my life.

Body honesty is about focusing on a positive body image for once. It doesn’t matter if you have cellulite on your thighs or your tummy’s a little jiggly. It’s about appreciating your body as is. After all, no one is perfect.

Celebrities Joining In

Celebrities are starting to speak out about Photoshop. Lady Gaga and Kate Winslet were extremely vocal when they found their photos were retouched. They were proud of what they looked like and didn’t feel the need to show a false version of themselves.

Women aren’t the only ones standing up against Photoshopped images. Brad Pitt wanted his flaws showcased on the cover of W. He still looks great even with the crow’s feet.

The bravery of the few has prompted more celebrities join the movement. I was happy to see older celebrities posing nude and nearly nude in magazines to show that beauty isn’t a one-size-fits-all deal. They showed off their flaws and looked incredible while doing it.

Photoshop Doesn’t Inspire

Photoshopped images don’t inspire people to look better. Instead they just feel body shamed. For instance, the fitness inspiration craze–with photos of ultra slim, super sculpted bodies–at most inspires a handful of people to exercise. It makes everyone else feel like they’re too flawed to even try.

I’ve found myself feeling depressed while flipping through a fitness or beauty magazine. I’ve used the same products the women in the pictures use and done the same exercises. What was wrong with me that I couldn’t look like them?

It wasn’t my fault. Those women had blemishes and fine lines. They had thighs that touched and abs that weren’t perfect. I just didn’t know that until I saw them outside of their Photoshopped pictures.

If perfect images don’t inspire, why should they be front and center? It’s time for something real. Body honesty gives all of us a reprieve from unrealistic expectations.

Changing What Attractive Means

Many women think you need six-pack abs, stick-like legs, flawless skin, and a large chest to look sexy. I say if you’re spending that much time on your body, you probably don’t have time to notice if anyone is looking.

Thanks to body honesty taking social media by storm, we’re finally starting to redefine what really is attractive. Confidence and being comfortable in your own skin is what’s truly sexy.

When people feel good about themselves, they’re more likely to eat better and exercise right. I felt better and followed a healthier lifestyle when I didn’t feel like a failure for not looking perfect.

As it turns out, I look great just the way I am. All shapes and sizes look incredible and attractive when flaws are no longer taboo.

Becoming Part Of The Trend

The trend is just starting to gain ground. In this overly Photoshopped society, it’s up to every one of us to make sure body honesty overtakes the fakes.

The first step is to take a real photo of yourself and post it on social media. Don’t be afraid to post a selfie when you’re lounging in your sweats with no makeup on. It makes me feel more confident about myself when I see others posting photos where they’re not exactly looking their best.

Go ahead and share images promoting a positive body image. Add in a supportive comment while you’re at it. The more people who participate, the more power the trend gets.

Photoshop might never disappear completely, but the mask is gone. We all know it’s fake.

Body honesty is real and beautiful. It’s time we embrace the actual beauty in the world.