Category: Wellbeing

Are You Codependent? Here's How To Tell

Post author By Sian Ferguson
Post date July 3, 2018

Wanting to help others is a commendable personal characteristic. Being a supportive girlfriend or friend is key to maintaining solid relationships. Having your family’s back is admirable. However, as with all things, moderation is key.
It’s possible to take this helpfulness to an extreme and to cultivate one-sided, unhealthy relationships where one person feels the need to “rescue” the other—from issues as big as addiction to mishaps as small as forgetting your lunch at home one day.
Relationships where one person is always taking care of the other are often called codependent relationships, with the “helper” being a codependent person.
But what exactly is codependency, and can codependent people heal and find healthier relationships? Here’s what the experts say.

What Codependency Is—and What It Isn’t

The word codependent is often misused to describe relationships where two people spend a lot of time together or structure their lives around one another. Although codependent relationships might include those traits, there’s a lot more to codependency than that.
The term codependent was initially used to refer to the partners of alcoholics and others struggling with substance abuse, but nowadays, the term is applied more broadly. This is because the unhealthy helping behaviors initially observed in the spouses of alcoholics is prevalent in others, too.
[pullquote align=”center”]“Emotionally speaking, over time the giver feels stressed, resentful, frustrated, trapped, and manipulated.”
—Shawn M Burn, PhD[/pullquote]
“Codependent relationships are high-cost caretaking and rescuing relationships where one partner sacrifices in an effort to fix the problems of the other under-functioning partner,” says Shawn M Burn, PhD, a psychology professor and the author of Unhealthy Helping: A Psychological Guide to Overcoming Codependence, Enabling, and Other Dysfunctional Giving. “It differs from other close relationships in that it is highly imbalanced with one person consistently taking the role of ‘giver’ and the other of ‘taker’.”
By “high-cost” caretaking, Burn says she means caretaking that pushes the limits of your emotional, physical, and/or financial resources. “Emotionally speaking, over time the giver feels stressed, resentful, frustrated, trapped, and manipulated,” she explains. “This strains your relationship with the taker.”
Human behavior expert and life coach Trevicia Williams, PhD, says that codependent people also have a need to be needed. “People who are codependent are consumed with meeting the needs of others. They have a difficult time drawing the line between personal time, space, possessions, finances, and feelings, and that of others,” she explains.
“They wear the feelings of others on their shoulders and assume responsibility for their problems,” Williams adds. “Codependents also feel like their feelings aren’t important. Many become people-pleasers and forgo their own happiness for someone else’s.”
In other words, a codependent person depends on other people depending on them to feel fulfilled. They value feeling needed to the point that it’s extreme and unhealthy.
We might assume that women are more likely to be codependent than men because women are often socialized into being nurturers. Interestingly, research shows that this is not necessarily the case: Men and women are equally likely to become codependent. That said, some codependent women may see martyrdom and self-sacrifice as a necessary part of fulfilling gender roles.

The Signs of a Codependent Relationship

Romantic relationships aren’t the only relationships that can be codependent: Codependency can occur in parent-child relationships, friendships, and other relationships, say the experts. Here are a few common hallmarks of codependent relationships:

One person is a giver, and the other is an under-functioning taker.

It’s normal for us to need support from our loved ones from time to time, especially if we’re dealing with a crisis. In healthy relationships, this support goes back and forth between the individuals when it’s needed. In a codependent relationship, though, these roles are consistent: One person is always giving, and the other is always taking.
“Healthy relationships are more balanced; over time there is equality in giving and receiving,” Burn reiterates. “Partners’ lives are intertwined, but they take care of each other, nurture each other, and have each other’s backs.”

The giver keeps solving the taker’s problems.

It’s natural to want to help your loved one “fix” an issue they’re facing. Sometimes it’s easy to think you’ve got the solution for issues between your partner and another person, a work problem, or a personal difficulty. However, it’s important that people learn how to take charge and solve their own issues (even if that requires getting a little encouragement from their loved ones).
Burn says that the problem-solving tendencies of the giver can enable dysfunctional tendencies in the taker. “In other words, the giver makes it easy for the taker to be irresponsible, addicted, incompetent, criminal, or dependent,” she says.

The Characteristics of a Codependent Person

In addition to the hallmarks of codependent relationships, the giver—or codependent person—alone often has certain tendencies and characteristics, regardless of who the “taker” might be.

Codependent people struggle with drawing boundaries.

They regularly sacrifice their own energy and happiness for others, and saying no is often a struggle for them.

Codependent people feel the need to control people or situations.

Codependent people don’t only struggle with drawing their own boundaries—they also tend to struggle with respecting others’ boundaries. They might do this by bossing people around, giving over-the-top advice, and solving others’ problems—even when the other person doesn’t want their help. Codependent people might enjoy having others depend on them because it means they have more control over their loved ones.
[pullquote align=”center”]Codependent people easily absorb the feelings of others, often taking responsibility for the feelings and actions of other people.[/pullquote]

Codependent people have low self-esteem and derive their worth from helping others.

Research on codependency shows that highly codependent people often struggle with low self-esteem. In order to boost their self-esteem, codependent people do things for other people. It often feels good to help others, but when self-sacrifice is your primary source of self-worth, it can easily be taken to an extreme.

Codependent people experience extreme “emotional reactivity.”

Codependent people easily absorb the feelings of others, often taking responsibility for the feelings and actions of other people. They may also have a tendency to take the opinions of others very personally, even when the opinion doesn’t directly implicate them. This is because of their struggles with self-esteem and boundary setting.

Codependent people might struggle to communicate.

Whether it’s communicating boundaries, communicating their feelings, or discussing their emotional needs, codependent people might struggle to express themselves more than the average person.

Dysfunctional Families: Codependent Parent–Child Relationships

In some parent-child relationships, the parents try to live vicariously through their children instead of seeing their children as individuals with their own, unique identities. “Codependency in parent-child relationships is characterized by the assumption that children are to live primarily through parental expectations instead of being provided with choices to help them naturally develop their own identity,” Williams says. The problem with this is that children then aren’t given the space to grow on their own.
An example of codependency in parent–child relationships Williams often encounters is when parents over-schedule their children’s activities, leading their tween and teen kids to feel stressed out. “Children would prefer to be given options and invited to the decision-making process when it comes to extracurricular activities, especially during the school year,” she suggests. This allows them to learn how to make decisions and prioritize their own time.
Codependent relationships are unhealthy because they’re so unequal. The giver receives very little support, and the taker isn’t given the opportunity to solve their own problems, and thus to learn and grow as a person.

Causes of Codependency

What causes codependency? Usually, codependent behavior is rooted in issues stemming from childhood, Williams says.
“When parents have an unhealthy balance of self, family, work, and life roles, overbearing responsibilities can lead to self-neglect,” she says. The parents prioritize other issues above their own self-care. When it comes to meeting the physical and emotional needs of the parent, roles then reverse and the child takes a lot of emotional responsibility for the parent, while the parent might neglect the emotional needs of the child. “In turn, the children become less aware of their own feelings.” Williams adds that, if this cycle isn’t broken, it can be perpetuated for generations.
More overt forms of abuse can also lead to codependency. “If you had a parent that verbally assaulted, threatened, or terrorized you; isolated and confined you; exploited or corrupted you; or overlooked, rejected, or ignored your emotional needs, you may be at risk [of being codependent],” Burn says.
“One way to look at it is that your relationship with your parent is your first love relationship and sets the stage for your later [linkbuilder id=”6597″ text=”love relationships”]: It can be what love looks like to you,” she explains. In other words, if you think—even subconsciously—that you have to subordinate your own needs to care for your parent, you might become codependent in future relationships.
There are other causes for codependency, Burn adds. “For example, you can learn codependence from parental role models. You can over-internalize religious or cultural values that prescribe self-sacrifice for others,” she explains.
There are some other risk factors for developing or continuing codependent relationships. Research suggests people with codependency are more likely to have parents with mental health issues as well as partners with chemical dependency and personal psychological issues that involve or are related to compulsive behavior.
No matter the cause of codependency, the situation can be improved. Codependent people can recover and learn healthier behaviors.

How to Treat Codependency (and Find Healthy Relationships)

If you’ve come to the conclusion that you or a loved one are codependent, you might wonder whether it’s possible to recover. The good news is that it is totally possible to unlearn these behaviors and form healthy relationships.
“With professional help, codependency can be conquered,” Williams says. “The primary factors in overcoming include learning to value [your]self and becoming more assertive when dealing with others.”
In order to treat codependency, Burns says, “I think that you first have to identify the behaviors you need to change and why you need to change them. Self-awareness can help you avoid relationships with takers who are attracted to you due to your giving nature and comfort with unequal relationships,” she explains. “Understanding the roots of your behavior is sometimes useful because different change strategies may be relevant depending on the cause.”
Learning to set boundaries is also a skill that helps codependent people form healthier relationships. “It’s not always immediately apparent that a relationship will be codependent, and there are lots of things that make setting boundaries difficult, such as the other person’s resistance and your guilt,” Burn says.

What to Do If You Are Codependent

If you think you’re codependent, there are many things you can do to help yourself. Therapy can be a great start in unlearning unhealthy behaviors—try to seek out a therapist with experience in dealing with codependent and unhealthy relationships.
Support groups, like Codependents Anonymous, can also be a huge help, as can reading books on the subject, Burn suggests. There are also plenty of online resources for people who hope to recover from codependency.
Remember that your value does not depend on helping others, and hurting yourself to help others isn’t a commendable trait—in fact, you hurt yourself and the other person by encouraging their dependency.

What to Do If a Loved One Is Codependent

Codependent people might prefer being the helpful one, but they need a little help and support themselves when it comes to healing. If you notice that your loved one has a lot of unhealthy “helping” tendencies—even if they don’t fit all the criteria for codependency—there are a few ways you can help them.

Get them talking and thinking.

Codependent people are often in denial about their tendencies. They might not even recognize how unhealthy their “helping” is since helping is often seen as inherently good. Give them space to vent and think about their behavior as this could help them process the issue and realize they need help.

Set boundaries.

As mentioned earlier, codependent people might go to extreme, unhealthy lengths to help you even when you don’t want their help. They might disrespect your boundaries in order to “help” you. Tell them that you’re happy to solve your own problems without their help. Draw a boundary by letting them know you don’t want them to go to extreme lengths to help you. This way, not only are you modeling how to set boundaries, you are also showing them that they can’t assert control over your life.

Encourage them to go to therapy, go to support groups, or read literature on codependency.

Again, this will give them space to process their behavior and heal from it.

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Health x Body Wellbeing

Essential Knowledge: The Dos And Don'ts When Using Essential Oils

Post author By Cindy Lamothe
Post date June 29, 2018

We’ve all been there: sitting at our desks on a dreary Monday afternoon, imagining the long, luxurious baths that await us when we get home—nothings beats those Monday Blues like good old-fashioned self-care! Bubbles are definitely in the mix (why not?), along with music, candles, and our favorite essential oil. Maybe we’ll spice things up and add in a few drops of lavender.
It’s easy to lose ourselves in the absolute bliss that comes from inhaling these sweet fragrances. Using essential oils is practically synonymous with relaxation. Plus, lavender has long been known for its calming properties, and you pretty much find it everywhere—lotions, haircare, aromatherapy, and even cleaning products.

Whether these oils are harmful or not is probably the furthest thing from your mind. And if you’re anything like me, your trust that the word “natural” on a label automatically gives you a free pass from worrying about potential risks (hello, blind faith). After all, how harmful can something be if it comes from a plant?
Well, turns out plenty. Essential oils aren’t regulated by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, and according to the FDA website, “many plants contain materials that are toxic, irritating, or likely to cause allergic reactions when applied to the skin.”

Sure, while they aren’t as concerning as many man-made chemicals, experts believe a little precaution could do us some good.
So let’s get down to it. What exactly are the risks? And more importantly, are we even using these mysterious oils correctly? Fear not—we’ve got you covered.

What are essential oils, anyway?

You probably already know that they’ve been around since forever, but have you ever wondered how these magical substances come to be?
Why yes, they do originate from plants. But more specifically, they’re extracted from the petals, stems, and roots that later undergo a process of distillation (to get the essence of the plants, thus essential oils). What this means is that in order to produce even one pound of lavender oil, you have to use a whopping 220 pounds of lavender flowers! Basically, it’s liquid gold.

Aside from relaxation perks, the purported therapeutic benefits of these essential oils run the gamut from mood elevation and stress relief to remedies for chronic pain, insomnia, migraine, arthritis, and more, according to the Los Angeles Times. In fact, many ancient civilizations like Egypt, China, and India have used aromatherapy as a popular alternative therapy for at least 6,000 years.

What Experts Want You to Know About Essential Oils

Here’s the scoop: If you’ve been slathering up with lavender and tree tea oil, you might want to give it some extra thought. Both have been linked to abnormal breast growth in young boys, called prepubertal gynecomastia, according to a recent study led by co-authors J. Tyler Ramsey and Kenneth S. Korach.

The researchers explained by email that both oils can act as endocrine disruptors when used topically. What this means is that the boys’ sex hormones were altered, causing an increase in estrogen levels on the breast tissue the same way a woman’s body would normally develop. Boiled down, this means components found in these particular oils can mimic hormones in the human body.
And this isn’t the first time lavender and tea tree oils have come under question. According to prior research from 2007 that examined three otherwise healthy young boys with abnormal breast growth, “repeated topical exposure to lavender and tea tree oils probably caused prepubertal gynecomastia in these boys.”

So what’s the deal here? Should we worry, particularly if we have male children? To a degree, yes. While lavender is generally safe for adults to use, it should be avoided by boys going through puberty, says Joseph Feuerstein, MD, an assistant professor of medicine at Columbia University and director of integrative medicine at Stamford Hospital, as they may be more susceptible to hormonal changes and disrupting chemicals.
Above all, he recommends consulting with your doctor to be on the safe side.

Essential Oils, Science, and Your Body

We all have that one friend who swears these oils have cured her of innumerable ills, but is there any truth to her claims?

Despite being a fairly ancient practice, aromatherapy research is still fairly sparse. Most of its effects are still being tested and researched, although we do have a few bits of insight regarding the scientific aspect of aromatherapy.
The Physician Data Query (PDQ) summary of aromatherapy and essential oils sums up oils’ current status: “Studies of aromatherapy massage or inhalation have had mixed results. There have been some reports of improved mood, anxiety, sleep, nausea, and pain. Other studies reported that aromatherapy showed no change in symptoms.”

Some research has found that oils, especially lavender, can be great for aiding those with sleeping issues. Of course, the researchers do acknowledge that more studies are needed to fully verify this.
Research also suggests that aromatherapy may be beneficial for patients with dementia by alleviating pain and encouraging relaxation—that being said, the authors do state, yet again, that more research is needed before any conclusions can be made.

The PDQ summary mentions one study which found that tea tree oil was just as effective as the standard ointment for treating antibiotic-resistant MRSA. Another found that cancer patients that were massaged with Roman chamomile oil felt a decrease in anxiety and improved their symptoms, while those massaged without the oil did not feel those effects.
Feuerstein says he uses an oral form of lavender oil to treat anxiety based on a randomized trial. But it’s also important to keep in mind, he warns, that these oils aren’t without their risks.
“The most common reactions are local skin irritations from topical applications or systemic hypersensitivity—generalized rash, swelling and other inflammation—when taken internally.”

Also important to keep in mind is that there have been few studies on the safety or effectiveness of ingesting these oils. But according to Audrey Christie McLaughlin, RN, a Texas-based certified clinical master of aromatherapy, ingesting concentrated oils can damage your gut’s microbiome and mucous membrane.

Ways to Use Essential Oils

When it comes to their effects on our skin and body, these oils are powerful enough so that just one or two drops should be more than enough, says McLaughlin. She compares this amount to equaling an astonishing 30 cups of herbal tea.

You can breathe in or apply diluted versions of them on your skin through massage, lotions, or bath salts. McLaughlin recommends using diluting the oils with a vegetable-based oil such as olive or coconut oil. You can also do this with creams or bath gels. Keep in mind you’re more likely to have an allergic reaction if the percentage of pure oil is higher than 1-5 percent.

Make sure to avoid rubbing oils on sensitive areas like your mouth, nose, eyes, or private parts (lemongrass, peppermint, and cinnamon are especially big no-nos). And while this is obvious, it needs to be said: Keep them far, FAR away from damaged skin. Undiluted oils can be downright dangerous when applied to injured or inflamed skin.
Also, be wary of certain essential oils if you suffer from epilepsy. According to the Epilepsy Society, a UK-based epilepsy service provider, rosemary, sage, and eucalyptus essential oils may trigger seizures in those with epilepsy.

Plus, remember to look for pure oils without any added ingredients as they’re more likely to cause allergic reactions. Keep an eye out for any oils older than 3 years, too; if they’re that old, toss ’em.
Most importantly, don’t overdo it. Even when diluted, an essential oil can cause a bad reaction if you use too much or use it too often. Talk with your doctor! They’re the only one who can rule out potential side-effects.

Essential Oil Guidelines

A little common sense can go a long way here. Just like anything else you put on your skin, it’s best to test a little bit on a small area and see how your skin responds.
Feuerstein says it’s possible to have a local hypersensitivity reaction with any oil when applied topically—in the way of redness, swelling, and dermatitis. He advises to always patch test each oil.

“Apply a small amount to the forearm only before applying it to other places and then wait to see if you get a reaction which can be immediate or delayed.” He also recommends waiting until the next day after patch testing and to always refer to the oil’s label for instructions on dosage.

When it comes to your body, caution is your ally.

So far, the only oils confirmed to be hormonal mimics are lavender and tea tree oils, according to Ramsay and Korach. And while more research is needed to determine how they might affect children and women who are pregnant or breastfeeding, we should also keep in mind that, according to the National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences, even small amounts of “endocrine disruptors may pose the greatest risk during prenatal and early postnatal development when organ and neural systems are forming.”

And while these oils contain their risks, McLaughlin believes the study lacks any substantial evidence. “Frankly, the plastic water bottles people drink out of and the soy-laden food additives are a much higher concern,” she says.
Although you can’t predict how your body will respond, at the end of the day, consulting with your doctor and erring on the side of precaution is your safest bet when it comes to using essential oils. And lastly: When in doubt, dilute, dilute, dilute!

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Healthy Relationships Wellbeing

Homewreckers? Inside The Mind Of The "Other Woman" In An Affair

Post author By HealthyWay Staff Writer
Post date June 28, 2018

“I didn’t think of myself as the type of person who’d be the ‘other woman.’ I wouldn’t cheat, either. It was a point of pride for me.”
Samantha (not her real name, for reasons that will become obvious) was 26 years old, and her life was on the right track. She was living in a small St. Louis apartment, she had a decent job, and she regularly hung out with the same small group of friends. On paper, everything in her life was going well.

Then, something changed.
“I didn’t expect it or plan it, but yeah, it happened,” she recalls. “The worst thing I’ve ever done, no question.”
After a party, Samantha slept with a friend’s husband. A week later, she did it again. Soon, she was part of an affair; she was “the other woman.”

Her story certainly isn’t uncommon.

While it’s hard to find trustworthy statistics about cheating—surveys rely on self-reporting, and many cheaters don’t admit to their affairs—some research indicates that it’s remarkably common. The Washington Post referenced the work of researcher Shere Hite, who found that 70 percent of married women and 72 percent of married men admitted to cheating on their spouses. Other studies put the number much lower, but even going by conservative statistics, we can safely say that infidelity isn’t unusual.

Inconsistency can ruin a relationship just as infidelity and dishonesty

— Alycia West (@paperdoll713) June 17, 2018

However, people don’t usually talk about their role in an affair—not without the cover of a nice, anonymous nickname. There’s an obvious reason for that: It’s not a fun conversation.
“When you asked me to talk about it, I kind of wanted to punch you,” Samantha tells us.
We’ve known Samantha for a while; it’s not a serious threat. We, uh, think.
“But another part of me wanted to talk about it. So, yeah, let’s talk about it.”

First, we want to make this clear: Generally speaking, Samantha is not a woman of poor character (and no, she didn’t ask us to say that). The point she wants to get across in telling her story is that romance is complicated, people aren’t always predictable, and—most importantly—cheating sucks for pretty much everyone involved.
https://twitter.com/lSpeakQuote/status/1009726753823223808
“I’ve moved on, but it’s still something I think about from time to time,” she says. “I’m not proud of myself. And everyone seems to know about it—[screw] you for bringing it up, by the way.”

We asked Samantha to tell us about the night the affair started.

[Editorial note: With her consent, we’re changing the details of Samantha’s story significantly to ensure her anonymity.]
She was hanging out with friends—including the married man, who we’ll call Paul—at her own apartment. Paul’s wife, Laura, wasn’t there.

“She was a friend of mine from high school,” Samantha says. “I wouldn’t say a really close friend, but I saw her, like, more than a couple times a month.”
She didn’t know Paul nearly as well.
“I didn’t even invite him, and I certainly wasn’t planning on [anything happening],” she says. “I wasn’t really into him. He was cute, but I was at their wedding, so he wasn’t on my radar.”

The rest of the scene played out like something from a terrible movie. One at a time, Samantha’s friends left. Eventually, she was alone with Paul, and he asked to stay over.
“He said he wasn’t okay to drive, and I’ve always had an open-couch policy,” she says. “I really don’t think he was planning on anything. He had his issues, but he, uh, wasn’t capable of thinking that far ahead. That’s the nice way of putting it. …But we kept talking, and we connected, I guess.”

The next day, the reality of the situation started to set in. She had betrayed the trust of one of her friends—and it wouldn’t be the last time. For the next two months, the affair continued.

As for why it started, Samantha doesn’t know.

“I’ve read stories online where women said they were empowered by being the ‘other woman,’ or that it taught them about who they were,” Samantha says. “That wasn’t my experience. After the first night, everything got worse, every single day.”
[pullquote align=”center”]”I felt okay when I was with him, because it was someone I could share this messed-up experience with. That seemed like love to me, I guess.”[/pullquote]
She still felt drawn to Paul, and while they were together, she felt almost normal.
“He said he was still in love with her, and I believed him—he had no reason to just say that,” she says. “But I thought that I was in love, too.”

Today, she says she was just confused.
“I felt okay when I was with him, because it was someone I could share this messed-up experience with,” she says. “That seemed like love to me, I guess. Or maybe it didn’t seem like I was doing something bad if I could say, ‘Well, I’m in love, so it’s okay.’”
That’s a common sentiment among cheaters, and while Samantha isn’t technically a cheater, per se, her impulse is understandable. A 2013 psychological study found that unfaithful people tend to trivialize their actions to minimize feelings of guilt. However, Samantha says that cognitive dissonance didn’t help her much in the long run.
“I knew it was wrong the whole time,” she says. “I’m not a dramatic person, I don’t go looking for big, dramatic blowouts, but I wanted one to happen. I couldn’t sleep, and I had serious stomach issues. I wanted it all to end, even when I didn’t.”

Things came to a head, appropriately, after another long night of partying.
“I wasn’t completely in my right mind, and I called Laura,” Samantha says. “I was honest. I was way too honest. I don’t know what I expected, or if I even expected anything, but she told me she knew, and she said a few things that broke my heart.”

Over the next several weeks, Samantha dealt with the fallout.

That meant hearing from friends. Some didn’t want to hear from Samantha; others gave her honest feedback.
“People blame you. I didn’t hear words like ‘homewrecker’ outside my own head, but I know people were thinking it. It decimated my group of friends, and honestly, that’s what needed to happen.”

Confronted with her actions, Samantha made some changes. She quit her job, moved to her parents’ house for a while, and took time to reflect on her choices. She also lost a few friends—and she notes that Paul didn’t seem to get the same treatment.
“I do feel like Paul got more sympathy from our friends,” she says. “I don’t know if it was because he was a [man], or if it was just that ‘homewrecker’ trope, but people treated him differently.”
At first, she said it didn’t bother her; later in our interview, she admitted that it was a big deal.
“Really, that hurt more than almost anything,” she says. “He barely knew some of our friends. We made the same exact mistake—the same thing, except I didn’t break a f****** vow—and they were able to forgive him, but not me. But maybe there are other reasons, I don’t know. I don’t really blame anyone.”

That’s not to say Paul got off scot-free. After seeking counseling, his wife asked for a divorce. Samantha says she lost touch with him after that.
“Once everything was out in the open, I had no interest in continuing it,” she says. “It was like a spell was broken. I realized that I wasn’t really ready to be in a relationship with anybody, let alone a relationship that complicated.”

We had to ask: Does she want forgiveness from Laura?

“Well, yeah,” she says, “but it’s not coming. And that’s just how it is. Maybe if she wasn’t married … but, no, I can’t start looking for ways to justify it. Even this [interview] is a little too much. I don’t want her finding out about this.”
[pullquote align=”center”]”I thought at the time it was going somewhere or I’d learn something about myself or the guilt would eventually go away. It doesn’t.”[/pullquote]
It’s been five years since the affair, and Samantha’s in a good place. She volunteers for charitable causes, she has new friends, and she’s more comfortable with herself as a person. We ask whether the affair helped with that process in some way.
“I don’t want to give a mistake that much credit,” she says. “I mean, we’re made from our mistakes, but I can’t say, ‘Oh, that was a great idea since I learned so much,’ or whatever. That would be stupid. It wasn’t a trip to a [psychiatrist], it was a series of bad decisions. No bueno.”
We asked Samantha whether she has any advice for women (or men, for that matter) who find themselves in the same situation.

“I guess just be on your guard,” she says. “What I know now—I thought at the time it was going somewhere or I’d learn something about myself or the guilt would eventually go away. It doesn’t. And if I’d known that it was something I was capable of, I would have been on my guard. I would have made sure that I didn’t do something that stupid.”
Granted, some “other women” have their affairs and go on with their lives without feeling a shred of guilt; others are more like Samantha. Every story is different, but they all start with the same type of betrayal.
“The fact that you’re calling it ‘cheating,’ that you used that word, that [implies] a broken trust,” she says. “I don’t think it’s ever really something positive. Even if it feels right at the time.”

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Health x Body Wellbeing

4 Natural Remedies For A UTI (And One To Skip)

Post author By Katie Martin
Post date June 28, 2018

Urinary tract infections (UTIs) are the reason for almost 10 million doctor’s visits each year. But that’s no surprise for most women since at least one in five women will get a UTI during her lifetime.
Typically, if you suspect you have a urinary tract infection, you’ll head to your general practitioner or local urgent care for a diagnosis, where you’ll probably be prescribed a short dose of antibiotics and be sent home.
But, if you’re pregnant and don’t want to take antibiotics, or you have an antibiotic-resistant UTI, you might be interested in natural remedies to cure your urinary tract infection.
We spoke to expert OB-GYNs to find out exactly how to determine if you have a UTI, which natural remedies actually work, and which one to skip.

Can I self-diagnose a UTI?

According to a 2015 study by British researchers, there’s no reason women can’t learn to identify the symptoms of a urinary tract infection and self-treat with over-the-counter medication or proven natural remedies.
But is it really safe to self-diagnose a UTI?
Not according to Tami Prince, MD, a practicing OB-GYN in Georgia.
“A woman should visit an OB-GYN when she suspects a possible UTI because symptoms of a UTI may mimic other infections such as STDs,” Prince explains. “A woman should never self-diagnose.”
That’s because UTI symptoms can often be similar to other, more sinister (but rare) illnesses, like bladder cancer. Even if you’re almost positive you have a UTI, you should still visit your doctor.
“Self-diagnosis delays proper treatment and can lead to worsening symptoms such as pyelonephritis, which is a serious kidney infection,” Prince continues. “This more serious infection may lead to hospitalization. Over-the-counter treatment also interferes with urine testing and thus can lead to incorrect diagnosis.”
It’s especially important to schedule an appointment with your OB-GYN if you notice that you’re getting recurring UTIs (defined as more than three UTIs in a 12-month period), or your UTI has turned into a persistent, chronic urinary tract infection so that lasting damage, like internal scarring, doesn’t occur.

What are the symptoms of a urinary tract infection?

When I was pregnant the first time, I went to urgent care at least three times because I was experiencing classic UTI symptoms; I had to pee frequently (even more than usual when you’re pregnant), I felt a burning sensation when I went to the bathroom, I had a lot of pelvic pain, and my urine was kind of smelly.
But, each time, the doctor declared I did not have a urinary tract infection. This time around, I ignored those pesky symptoms because I thought I was in the clear, just like my first pregnancy. After a routine OB visit, though, I got a call from the nurse letting me know that I did, in fact, have a UTI.
[pullquote align=”center”]UTI symptoms can often be similar to other, more sinister illnesses, like bladder cancer.[/pullquote]
“Most common symptoms are burning with urination, increased urination, blood in the urine, strong urine odor, lower abdominal or pelvic pain, and change in urine color,” Prince tells HealthyWay.
In my case, the UTI symptoms I experienced without actually having a UTI were caused by mild dehydration. If you’ve experienced similar symptoms in the past without having a UTI, visit your doctor anyway to rule out any other causes. Most of these symptoms, especially blood in the urine and pelvic pain, aren’t normal.

Women are more susceptible to urinary tract infections than men—here’s why.

You can thank biology.
According to Prince, “Bacteria entering the urinary tract system upsets the normal protective bacteria that already resides [there]. Once this happens, the bad bacteria multiplies and overruns the good bacteria, leading to infection. Women are more susceptible than men due to the [female] urethra being shorter than the male urethra. This shorter urethra allows for bacteria to travel faster to the bladder.”
Also, menopausal women are more susceptible to urinary tract infections because of the sharp drop in estrogen levels during menopause. Estrogen helps to maintain balance in the urinary tract system, so when it gets out of balance, bacteria can thrive and cause a UTI.

Is it possible to prevent a UTI?

The best way to avoid the symptoms associated with a UTI? Prevent it from happening in the first place by practicing good hygiene.
Always make sure you wipe front to back (and not the other way around) after using the restroom. This prevents infection-causing bacteria from fecal matter from making its way up to the perivaginal area and into your internal anatomy where it could cause a UTI.
[pullquote align=”center”]Menopausal women are more susceptible to urinary tract infections because of the sharp drop in estrogen levels during menopause. [/pullquote]
Additionally, note that sexually active women are more likely to get UTIs. There’s no need to stop getting frisky though. One of the easiest ways to prevent a UTI is to use the restroom immediately after sex, then go back to your post-coital cuddle-fest.
Another way to prevent UTIs is to make sure you drink extra water and use the restroom at least every four hours. If you’re one of those people who gets so busy they realize they haven’t stopped for food or bathroom breaks all day, set an alarm on your phone to remind you it’s time to go. Also, skip the scented sprays, lotions, and creams that might make their way downstairs. I used to always spritz my perfume down there (I know, I’m nuts), but it turns out that scents can irritate sensitive genital skin, leaving it susceptible to bacterial growth.

Natural Remedies For UTIs

Prince says that studies focused on the treatment of UTIs with natural remedies are mostly inconclusive as to their efficacy because more research still needs to be done. However, a 2014 case study showed significant improvement in UTI symptoms when patients were treated with a combination of natural remedies including garlic, cranberry, and probiotics.
Choosing a natural remedy for a urinary tract infection should be a decision that you make with your physician. If your doctor gives you the all-clear, these natural remedies may help alleviate symptoms and clear up your urinary tract infection without antibiotics.
Pregnant? This is good news for you, too. According to the American Pregnancy Association, though little research has been done on probiotics taken in pregnancy, they are generally assumed to be safe. However, some natural supplements like garlic, cranberry, and vitamin C may not be safe for pregnant or nursing moms if taken in high doses, so always check with your doctor before taking any home remedy for a UTI.

Probiotics

Up to 80 percent of UTIs are actually caused by the same E. coli bacteria that commonly lives in your gut. Just how does this bacteria end up so far south? Well, it turns out that some strains of E. coli can not only travel outside the gut, but can also cause infections like a UTI. When E. coli is the culprit responsible for your urinary tract infection, Lactobacillus probiotics may help restore a healthy balance of vaginal bacteria and get rid of your urinary tract infection.
Probiotics are live organisms that help the gut maintain a healthy balance of good and bad gut bacteria. You can pick up Lactobacillus probiotics in almost any drugstore; while that’s great for gut health, these probiotic supplements, which are typically meant to be administered orally, won’t do much to cure your UTI. That’s because the E. coli bacteria that’s causing your UTI has traveled outside the gut into your vagina. In clinical trials, a Lactobacillus probiotic suppository—inserted vaginally—showed the most success in curing a urinary tract infection. Before using any vaginal suppository, speak to your doctor to make sure you choose the right type.

Cranberry Products

If you have the occasional UTI, cranberry may not help get rid of your symptoms, but research suggests that cranberry can alleviate the symptoms of women who suffer from persistent or recurring urinary tract infections.
Similar to probiotics, Prince explains that cranberries can also inhibit the adhesion of E. coli so that UTIs are less likely to occur. That’s partly because of the tart berry’s genetic makeup. Cranberries are 88 percent water, perfect for that needed hydration boost when you have a UTI. Plus, cranberries contain anthocyanins, which are plant pigments that are a natural defense against bad microbes found in the gut.
[pullquote align=”center”]Note that sexually active women are more likely to get UTIs. There’s no need to stop getting frisky though. One of the easiest ways to prevent a UTI is to use the restroom immediately after sex.[/pullquote]
To treat recurring UTIs with cranberry, follow the advice highlighted in a 2016 study conducted at Texas A&M Health Science Center College of Medicine: Skip sugary cranberry juice cocktails and opt for cranberry capsules instead. Why? The study found that patients who were given two pure cranberry juice capsules per day were 50 percent less likely to get a UTI. It’s not that cranberry juice doesn’t work against UTIs; rather, most cranberry juice found on store shelves isn’t 100 percent pure cranberry juice, meaning it won’t be as effective. And pure cranberry juice doesn’t taste great, so chugging 16 or more ounces of it a day could be challenging, which is why the study recommends capsules as an effective natural remedy for UTIs.
The downside to cranberry capsules is that you won’t get any of those ultra-hydrating benefits that whole cranberries provide because they’ve been dehydrated, powdered, ground, and encapsulated. So, if you choose to go the capsule route, make sure you’re drinking plenty of water, too.

Garlic

Garlic can add more than a big flavor boost to your home cooking. It turns out that garlic may actually help alleviate the symptoms of a urinary tract infection as well. Garlic is an allium, a plant species that also includes onions, leeks, and chives. Garlic has been used for centuries for its natural antibacterial properties in everything from salves to teas.
In particular, researchers at the Birla Institute of Technology and Sciences in India found 82 percent of the antibiotic-resistant bacteria found in the urine of patients with UTIs responded positively to treatment with garlic extract.
Don’t go biting into a clove of fresh garlic just yet, though. Patients in the study were given an aqueous garlic extract, meaning that the garlic had been distilled into a water solution first. If you don’t have a full lab at home to make an aqueous extract, don’t worry. While the research regarding garlic as a treatment for UTIs is scant, one 2009 study found that mice who were treated with oral garlic supplements had significant reduction of UTIs caused by non-E. coli bacteria.
While you should always consult your doctor before beginning any homeopathic remedy, there’s little harm in consuming garlic in moderation. Instead of adding more garlic to your pasta dishes, try brewing some garlic tea instead. You can easily make it at home with a few supplies. If you don’t like the taste of straight garlic, try adding some ginger and honey for flavor.

Vitamin C

Vitamin C may not do much for the common cold, but it could help you ward off that pesky UTI. Vitamin C, also known as ascorbic acid, can help the body fight off a urinary tract infection by boosting the immune system and making urine more acidic so bacteria can’t thrive.
Medical professionals are divided on whether or not vitamin C really works to cure UTIs. A 2016 overview of non-antibiotic treatments of UTIs reported no difference in patients experiencing UTI symptoms after treatment with vitamin C; however, this study was extremely small, with only 13 participants completing the study.
Another study of over 100 pregnant women indicated that those treated with vitamin C showed an almost 17 percent reduction in the incidence of UTIs. That said, because it is unclear whether urine cultures were collected when participants were experiencing UTI symptoms, and because extremely low doses of vitamin C were administered, it’s hard to know whether or not vitamin C is actually an effective treatment against UTIs.
So should you treat your UTI with vitamin C? Small increases in vitamin C pose little risk to your health, so it is probably okay to have a second glass of orange juice if you’re trying to get rid of a UTI. Still, always consult your doctor before taking a supplement—even vitamin C!—or trying to treat a UTI on your own.

Skip the apple cider vinegar.

Apple cider vinegar has been touted as a natural remedy for everything from weight loss to teeth whitening. But does it really work to alleviate the symptoms of a urinary tract infection?
A recent study suggests that apple cider vinegar does have antimicrobial properties that can significantly impair key enzymes that cause E. coli bacteria to grow and multiply. The study didn’t test apple cider vinegar’s efficacy rate in treating UTIs, but since the majority of urinary tract infections are caused by E. coli, the study suggests that apple cider vinegar may help treat UTI symptoms. Still, apple cider vinegar is an unproven treatment for UTIs, so always consult your doctor before sipping this bitter beverage.
If you need to get rid of a UTI fast, it’s best to schedule an appointment with your OB-GYN, primary care provider, or even an urgent care for diagnosis before self-treating without antibiotics. Once your doctor gives you the go-ahead, though, try one of these natural remedies for relief, because nobody has time for a UTI.

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Brain Fog: What Is It, And How Can We Treat It?

Post author By Sian Ferguson
Post date June 27, 2018

When I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. It finally gave me an explanation for some of the strange symptoms I had been experiencing—including brain fog.
As the name suggests, brain fog feels like your thoughts are wading through thick fog: It’s hard to concentrate, make decisions, or stay productive. Brain fog affected me throughout university, and it still affects me now that I’m working. Since it’s hard to pinpoint the cause of brain fog, it’s not always easy to treat, which can be incredibly frustrating.
“The term brain fog is often used to describe a decrease in alertness or mental sharpness,” says Ellen Wermter, a nurse practitioner at Charlottesville Neurology and Sleep Medicine. “This can translate into a number of measurable cognitive deficits from planning and organization to motivation and attention.” Wermter adds that brain fog could also result in forgetfulness, a lack of concentration, and a slower processing speed. As a result, you might struggle with communication and productivity.
“Typically patients complain that they just don’t feel like they are complete when it comes to mental function,” says board-certified neurologist and New York Times bestselling author David Perlmutter, MD. “They may experience memory issues, inability to multitask or even focus on a single task at hand, they are often easily distracted and find that their mental efficiency in terms of productivity is markedly reduced,” he explains. Perlmutter notes that a defining characteristic of brain fog is that it’s not consistent—it appears and disappears for no obvious reason.
Perlmutter and Wermter both note that brain fog isn’t a medically-recognized condition or a scientific term, rather, it’s a term used to describe a symptom which could be caused by a number of different issues. If you regularly experience brain fog, it might point to a serious health issue that needs medical attention.

What’s causing my brain fog?

Brain fog can be a symptom of multiple underlying health issues including the following:

Medication

Brain fog is a common side effect of certain medications. “Perhaps the most commonly identified cause of brain fog is medications, either singly or in combination,” Perlmutter says. Medications aimed at assisting with sleep, mood disorders, blood pressure, cholesterol, and more might cause brain fog, he adds. If you experience brain fog, and you think it’s because of a medication you’re taking, speak to your doctor about it. They might be able to prescribe a more suitable alternative.
“We are just beginning to unravel the chemical processes that are involved in allowing the brain to function moment by moment,” Perlmutter explains. “And what has become clear is that the chemistry that allows the brain to do its job effectively is actually very delicate. As such, medications are prime candidates for upsetting this balance and ultimately setting the stage for compromised cognition,” he notes.

Sleep Issues

“Sleep has a major influence on brain fog symptoms,” explains Wermter. “One of the processes that occurs during slow-wave sleep is a transfer of memories from a temporary and more fragile location in the brain into more long-term and stable storage,” Wermter explains. “The prefrontal cortex is the site in the brain where slow-wave sleep is generated, so changes there can have an effect on how much slow-wave sleep we are able to produce each night.”
Wermter points to two sleep disorder studies—one published in Trends in Cognitive Sciences and the other in The British Journal of Psychiatry—that show many patients experience the thinning of the prefrontal cortex. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for decision-making, memory, and social interaction. “This thinning may affect slow-wave sleep and memory, but may also have a more direct effect of impairing the function of that portion of the brain, leading to issues with planning, organization, decision-making, and so on,” Wermter says.

Mental Health

Mood disorders like depression and anxiety can cause brain fog. Perlmutter notes this could be because mood disorders sometimes disrupt sleep. It could also be a side effect of any medication you might take for mood disorders, he adds.
Mood disorders might also lead to inflammation, which could have a detrimental effect on your cognitive abilities. “New research is indicating that the process of inflammation seems to underlie many of the common mood disorders, especially depression,” Perlmutter notes. “And inflammatory chemicals, when they are increased in this situation, are profoundly detrimental in terms of both brain function as well as increased risk for brain degeneration in the future.”

Chronic Diseases

Brain fog is associated with a number of chronic diseases, including fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, postural tachycardia syndrome (commonly known as POTS) and rheumatoid arthritis to name a few. According to medical experts, there could be a few reasons for this relationship. Firstly, it’s believed that chronic disease affects sleep, which in turn affects brain function. Secondly, many chronic diseases are also associated with inflammation, which, as Perlmutter mentioned earlier, has a negative effect on our cognitive abilities.
Thyroid diseases, including Hashimoto’s disease, are also related to brain fog. “Thyroid disease affects brain function directly as the brain requires a ‘sweet spot’ as it relates to thyroid hormone. Too much, as is seen in hyperthyroidism, as well as too little, can both affect how the brain is able to do its job,” Perlmutter explains.
Additionally, he says it’s important that the correct amount of thyroid medicine is given to those with thyroid diseases because too much medication can also cause brain fog: “For example, [over-treating] a low thyroid situation by having too much thyroid medicine on board makes for a less functional brain.”

Poor Diet

Food is the fuel for both your body and your brain, and healthy eating habits are important for your cognitive function. Without the correct nutrients, your brain will struggle to function.
“While weighing just 2 to 4 percent of total body weight, the brain may consume as much as 25 percent of total body energy use at rest,” Perlmutter says. “The process of converting fuel, like fat and carbohydrates, into energy is complex and requires a multitude of micronutrients like vitamins and minerals. So, a diet that makes any of these factors less available will directly compromise brain energetics and create a situation in which brain function suffers.”
Brain fog might also indicate that you have a food allergy or sensitivity. For example, a study on people with celiac disease noted that their brain fog eased when they followed a gluten-free diet, seemingly because avoiding gluten eased inflammation.
Experiencing brain fog could also be an indicator that your diet is severely lacking in certain vitamins or minerals associated with cognitive function, such as vitamin B12, omega-3 fatty acids, and vitamin D. Remember to speak to your doctor before you start taking any supplements, as supplements could interact with other medication you might be taking or conditions you’re working to treat.

How can I treat brain fog?

Since it can be caused by a range of issues, there’s no single cure for brain fog. The treatment plan you pursue has to address the root cause of the problem.
That said, there are a couple things you can do if you’re experiencing brain fog. Your first port of call should be to contact your doctor to discuss your symptoms and possible causes. If you’re on medication, it might be time for your doctor to ensure that your dosage is correct.
“Beyond that, looking at lifestyle choices like sleep, exercise, and diet may absolutely lead to symptom resolution,” Perlmutter notes. “Finally, a good medical evaluation to rule out any underlying disease is always a good idea.”
If you’re struggling with sleep-related brain fog in particular, there are a few things you can do to improve your sleep quality, Wermter says.
“If struggling to [linkbuilder id=”6528″ text=”fall asleep”], try not to feed the insomnia monster. The more attention you give him, the more he will rear his ugly head. Lie there and enjoy the quiet, or if you find yourself frustrated, get up for 30 minutes and do a quiet activity such as reading,” she says. “A poor night of sleep from time to time happens to most people and won’t significantly impact your health or functioning. Trust that you are not in danger of not sleeping; biologically, your brain will demand sleep.”
It’s also a great idea to follow good sleep hygiene rules, Wermter says. “Sleep in a dark, quiet, cool room and carefully control your exposure to light,” she suggests. “Getting exercise daily and spending some time in meditation are immensely helpful habits for sleep and health in general.”
If you often find yourself sleepy throughout the day, even if you’ve had seven hours of sleep a night, it might indicate that you need to see a professional about your sleep patterns. “For insomnia, a good marker is a problem initiating or maintaining sleep more than three nights a week for more than three months that is dissatisfying to the patient,” Wermter adds. “At that point, you are crossing over into a chronic situation and would benefit from a full sleep evaluation.”

How to Wade Through the Brain Fog and Get Stuff Done

Finding the root cause of brain fog is essential, but most of us can’t wait weeks, or even months, before we figure the cause out and start treatment, and some of us already know the cause of our brain fog but are in the throes of figuring out how to live with it. If you’re currently struggling with brain fog, there are a few things you can do to improve your productivity and focus, says Joe Bates, MD, a board-certified psychiatrist and the author of the award-winning book, Making Your Brain Hum: 12 Weeks to a Smarter You.
Bates explains that brain fog is often worsened when our brain is either tired or under-exercised. “It’s the ‘setting point’ of our mind trying to void out due to being overworked or even under-worked,” he explains. Much like our muscles, our brains need exercise. As with exercising our bodies, doing one exercise constantly is a recipe for fatigue. His advice: Change the nature of your activity or give yourself a break to avoid that fatigue.
Sometimes, our brain needs a rest, or at least a change, to feel refreshed. “If you’re tired, rest, even if that means you need to sit up and refresh and take three big deep breaths. You are training your brain and body to start paying attention [to] your surroundings: being mindful,” Bates says. He suggests setting a reminder on your phone to stop working and do something creative and engaging for 10 minutes each day. This could include learning a new language, working on a puzzle, listening to music, writing, or drawing.
Physical exercise can also clear your mind. “If you’ve been sitting for most of the day, rest may not be what you need—but a vigorous, kind-to-your-body walk,” Bates suggests. “Movement is such a great prescription for most foggy days as it raises serotonin levels.”
Another idea is to write out to-do lists or create a bullet journal. I find that using my organizer helps me beat brain fog, as it helps me focus on my tasks when my mind starts wandering. Since my memory isn’t great, to-do lists are very helpful. “Make sure you write a list in the morning of things you want to accomplish that day,” Bates suggests. “And make some of them are very do-able, such as ‘Make bed.’ This way you can scratch these things off your list, and your brain starts to feel completion for accomplishing something.” When you’re struggling to concentrate, revert to your list to keep yourself focused.
Again, remember that these quick fixes don’t address the root cause of brain fog, so self-care means seeing a doctor if you’re struggling with your cognitive function and energy levels and don’t know why. But, in the interim, these tips can help you power through those deadlines or errands, even when your brain isn’t cooperating.
Since I started treatment for Hashimoto’s disease, my brain fog symptoms have improved immensely. My brain fog symptoms are also less intense when I make an effort to get enough sleep and exercise. While brain fog can be frustrating and inconvenient, it’s important to remember that it can be eased.

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FOMO Isn't Just A Hashtag: Here's How To Overcome It And Find Joy In Missing Out Instead

Post author By Joni Sweet
Post date June 27, 2018

Confession: I’m responsible for FOMO. I carefully curate my social posts to show postcard-worthy pics of my adventures around the world, share only 100-percent positive status updates about my career, and make my relationship with my boyfriend look as romantic as Jack and Rose. My IRL friends tell me that they wish their lives were more like mine.
While I strive to live my best life with sincerity, the show I put on social media is far from reality. My followers aren’t seeing me scrimp for months to save up for travel, regularly spend 12 hours or more each day working in front of my computer, or have a yet another argument with my partner about who’s on dish duty. Posting about that very real side of my life would definitely not induce a fear of missing out—but it’s just not the image I, or most people on social media, want to share publicly. And the fact is, I experience FOMO just as much as my followers do, and it sucks.

What is FOMO?

FOMO is a real thing—not just some funny millennial acronym we throw around behind a hashtag. It makes you feel left behind, like everyone else is on vacation while you’re stuck at the office, or getting a diamond ring on their finger while you’re still playing the online dating game, or buying beautiful homes while you’re struggling to pay rent. And the result isn’t just feeling sorta down in the dumps—FOMO drains happiness and can kill your own self-image.
“FOMO is something that’s very real,” explains Colleen Mullen, PsyD, LMFT, at Coaching Through Chaos. “It’s not a diagnosis, but it’s the anxiety people get about missing out on some exciting, interesting event, and it locks people into their social media.”
Social media isn’t going away anytime soon—leaving you vulnerable to scrolling through FOMO-inducing posts and pics at the worst possible moments. However, there are ways to turn FOMO into JOMO (the joy of missing out, of course), allowing you to find joy—bliss, even!—in the experiences you aren’t having, and gaining a newfound appreciation for your life. Think of it as the modern-day equivalent of turning that frown upside-down.
Here’s why you should start acknowledging this consequence of social media, and how to get over it—STAT!

Here’s how to know if you’re feeling FOMO.

FOMO can be an elusive state. One minute, you’re happily scrolling through Instagram, double-tapping on pics of kittens and beaches, and the next, you’re questioning every choice you’ve ever made in your life. WTF just happened?
You’re probably experiencing anxiety about what you’re missing out on and finding it difficult or impossible to see the beauty of your own life, says Mullen.
[pullquote align=”center”]“FOMO is something that’s very real. It’s not a diagnosis, but it’s the anxiety people get about missing out on some exciting, interesting event.”
—Colleen Mullen, PsyD, LMFT[/pullquote]
Signs you’ve been struck with a nasty case of FOMO include constantly checking your social media, an inability to focus, feeling bad as you scroll through your feed, and always wishing you were somewhere else.
“When you have FOMO, you might notice that you’re doing things just to keep up with everyone else, rather than pursuing activities you’re genuinely interested in,” she adds.
At worst, you might even start to feel like you’re missing out on some of the low points of life. Worried that your #saddesklunch just isn’t as sad as the others on the ‘gram? Blame FOMO!

This is your brain on FOMO.

Do a Google image search of, say, weddings, and you probably won’t feel like you’re missing out. These stock images don’t elicit the same deep feelings of missing out that you might experience if you see a series of photos of your friends and acquaintances in their bridal best.
What’s at the root of FOMO?
Of this example, Mullen explains, “We know that weddings take place in a general sense, so if you see stock photos with models, you don’t have that same longing. You might be able to look at 100 bridal magazines and not get FOMO, but seeing two or three girlfriends posting pictures of their wedding dresses might cause you to collapse. FOMO relates back to that personal connection.”.
FOMO hits everyone a bit differently. You might be feeling really down when you see pics of a friend from college on yet another vacation, whereas your bestie is cheering her on.
How often we experience FOMO has to do with how susceptible we are to these negative feelings.
“If you’re confident, you probably won’t have a lot of FOMO, but if you’re insecure, seeing fun things continue on without you can make you feel like you’re not good enough,” explains Mullen.

FOMO can impact your health.

Seeing #FOMO on status updates makes it seem like some trivial issue that’s as easy to write off as #YOLO. But fear of missing out can have a big impact on our mental health and increase the likelihood of being addicted to social media (another very real thing).
FOMO has a dual nature: It’s both ubiquitous and tough to pin down with exact science. Researchers have found that FOMO affects as many as 70 percent of adult millennials. FOMO is prevalent before adulthood too: Adolescents who feel an intense desire to be popular spend more time on Facebook, which in turn increases their feelings of FOMO and stress.
[pullquote align=”center”]Researchers have found that FOMO affects as many as 70 percent of adult millennials.[/pullquote]
Fear of missing out also has a negative impact on our emotional wellbeing. People with high levels of FOMO are more likely to experience worse moods, feel less competent and autonomous, and experience overall lower levels of life satisfaction.
Worse yet, the more FOMO we feel from social media, the more time we tend to spend scrolling.
“It can have serious repercussions on mental health, leaving you with feelings of shame, low self-esteem, and anxiety,” Mullen says of FOMO.
While more research has yet to be done, one thing’s clear: The relationship between social media and FOMO is not doing us any favors.

FOMO can even affect your career.

Careers already cause anxiety—we’re all worried about our next promotion, accomplishing everything on our to-do lists, making great impressions with our bosses and colleagues, and achieving our work-related dreams. But add in the fact that FOMO happens when you see your friends and other connections crushing it at the office, and career anxiety starts to compound.
“FOMO can cause a person to jump around a lot, career-wise,” says Mullen.
You might notice your LinkedIn contacts racking up more positions to add to their digital resumes, so you start to believe you should be job-hopping, as well. The result might mean a shiny new position—or an unfortunate break-up with a job that actually had a lot of promise. Or, it could make you question your decision to go into your field altogether.
“Fear of missing out can make you feel like you’re not good enough, especially if you’re seeing people climb up the corporate ladder and you haven’t yet made those strides,” she says.
The inability to pay attention to what’s going well in your own career could make you miss out on opportunities that are right under your nose.

FOMO can be your bank account’s biggest enemy.

Keeping up with the digital Joneses gets expensive. Just take a look at one 20-something woman who went into financial ruin trying to become Insta-famous. Even small, photogenic luxuries, like fancy coffees and pedicures, add up quickly.
“Trying to buy expensive handbags and other items you see on social media causes some people to spend money they don’t have and go into debt they can’t afford,” says Mullen.
[pullquote align=”center”]“You’ll see improvements within 48 hours of avoiding social media. You’ll notice you’re not as edgy, and that you can begin to make decisions based on what you really want in life.”
—Colleen Mullen, PsyD, LMFT[/pullquote]
If you think your wallet’s resistant to FOMO, you might be in for a surprise. A survey from CreditKarma found that 40 percent of millennials have gone into debt trying to keep up with their pals. Fear of missing out makes around 1 in 4 people uncomfortable turning down costly events, meals out, and other activities. And nearly 73 percent hide the FOMO-related spending they can’t afford from their friends.
And guess what? That money you’re spending out of fear of missing out on a music festival, luxurious vacation, or designer outfit is cash you can’t spend on hobbies or activities that actually interest you. You end up missing out on your own life, and that’s legitimately scary.

FOMO stresses relationships.

FOMO can creep into your face-to-face relationships in ways you might not expect. In striving to achieve perfection in your family relationships, friendships, and romantic life, you miss out on the joy of the present moment and building deep connections with others.
“In your intimate relationships, you might feel like the grass is always greener somewhere else,” says Mullen. “You end up picking at small things in a decent relationship, especially when all you’re seeing online is the best parts of everyone else’s relationships, not the realities.”
FOMO can also take a toll on your friendships. It might make you feel the need to pursue entry into “cooler” groups, neglecting your existing pals in the process.
“You can get catty when you have FOMO, and it can cause people to use each other to get into certain circles,” says Mullen.
As for your family life, FOMO can make you feel like you’re not a good enough sibling, mom, daughter, aunt, and so on. You might stop sharing your home life online altogether if you don’t feel like it looks as put together as others’, potentially causing isolation, warns Mullen.
“You end up carrying shame about the life you’re living, even though it’s probably a fine life,” she says.

How to Overcome FOMO: Turn your FOMO into JOMO.

Ever experience that feeling of relief (and maybe some guilt) when you bail on what sounds like a fun event just because you needed some alone time? There are ways to experience that JOMO (that is, joy of missing out) every time you start to feel a pang of FOMO.
The best thing you can do to give FOMO the boot is to take a break from social media, says Mullen. “A 30-day social media fast is actually a very trendy thing to do anyway, so no one will be shocked if you announce that you’re taking a break,” she says. “The time away will help you learn that it doesn’t have to control you, and you’ll experience less anxiety.”
Can’t bear to stop posting status updates for a full month? We get it—even just two days away from social screen time can give you a recharge, says Mullen.
“You’ll see improvements within 48 hours of avoiding social media. You’ll notice you’re not as edgy, and that you can begin to make decisions based on what you really want in life,” she says.
When your fast is over, rebuild your relationship with your smartphone in a healthy way. Don’t let the urge to post every little thing you’re doing (or scope out what everyone else is up to) interrupt meaningful moments in your life.
“When you go to events—whether that’s a sports game, a party, a charity event, whatever—leave your mobile phone in your pocket or your purse. Everyone’s so concerned with taking the perfect picture, but what really matters is experiencing life as it happens,” Mullen advises.
[pullquote align=”center”]If certain topics, like fashion or travel, induce your FOMO, limit the time you spend following that content.[/pullquote]
You might find that the content posted by one or two people on your friends list is responsible for triggering the majority of your FOMO. Mute them or unfollow them to maintain otherwise good vibes you might have when you’re scrolling through your feed. If certain topics, like fashion or travel, induce your FOMO, limit the time you spend following that content.
Finally, practicing gratitude can go a long way toward helping you appreciate the life you have right now. Researchers have found that people who regularly journal about things for which they’re grateful or write a letter of gratitude to a loved one experience surges in happiness and optimism.
Try jotting down five small things you appreciate each day—they can include anything from a tasty lunch and sunshine to a major achievement or relationship milestone. That will work wonders to keep your FOMO at bay.
And, if those woes about missing out on some big event start to creep back into your mind, you’ll have a record of the even more amazing things you were up to in the meantime—and see your own life as the covetable adventure that it already is.

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Wellbeing

A Real-Life Sleeping Beauty (And What Most People Get Wrong About Epilepsy)

Post author By HealthyWay Staff Writer
Post date June 27, 2018

Emily Rowland’s boyfriend calls her “Sleeping Beauty.”
It’s a term of affection, sure, but it’s also a soft way of explaining her condition; Rowland often sleeps upward of 20 hours per day. She sometimes falls asleep while getting dressed for school, and she’s prone to frequent staring spells.
Her mother, Brandi, helps with everyday tasks, but Emily is coming to terms with the idea that she’ll never have the life of an average teenager. For Brandi, it’s a heartbreaking experience.

“There is nothing harder than watching your child suffer physically and emotionally and not be able to do anything about it,” she wrote on a GoFundMe page she organized to cover some of her daughter’s medical expenses.
“Please continue to pray for all of us as this has been a long, heart-wrenching journey and we still have a long road ahead of us,” she continued. “There is no cure. We can only hope to find a better way to manage these conditions.”

Emily has several rare brain disorders, including an extreme form of epilepsy (her exact diagnoses include “Focal seizures with loss of consciousness with rapid generalization, epileptic encephalopathy and Electrical Status Epilepticcus in Sleep,” per the crowdfunding page). Her epilepsy is in all four lobes of her brain.
Brandi wrote, “[Emily’s] brain misfires more than 80 percent of her life even during sleep and devoid of triggers and stimulants.”

To a layperson, Emily’s symptoms might not seem like epilepsy.

Her case is extreme, but the symptoms don’t seem like the classic convulsions that most people associate with epilepsy disorders. After all, Emily is typically completely still during her seizures; to a stranger, she’d seem like a perfectly healthy girl.
In fact, her own family didn’t think anything of her early symptoms until her constant sleepiness started causing problems at school.

“[At the beginning of her illness], she started to get really sleepy,” Brandi said. “Emily had always suffered on road trips but we thought it was normal car sickness. It was only with hindsight that we now recognize that these things were all connected.”
Before researching this piece, we’d always thought of epileptic seizures as big, dramatic events with convulsions, fainting, and other impossible-to-miss symptoms. That’s not the case—epilepsy isn’t a single disorder, but rather a range of disorders, and symptoms can vary considerably from person to person.

Epilepsy sucks so much , not being able to control your body , your voice , anything you try doesn’t work at all and all I ask is, why?

— Jared (@JaredMJoyner) June 26, 2018

“It’s a varied presentation across the population,” neurologist Jose Vega, MD, PhD, tells HealthyWay. “People think that a seizure is always a convulsion. They don’t realize the broad range of symptoms you can experience when you have a seizure.”

To understand epilepsy, it’s helpful to understand seizures.

According to the Epilepsy Foundation, a seizure can be defined as a “sudden surge of electrical activity in the brain.” That burst of electricity can affect how a person acts for a short time—in Emily’s case, it initially caused periods of inattentiveness and sleepiness, along with headaches and other minor symptoms.

“A common [seizure symptom] is just a moment of inattention,” Vega says. “People may think that they are simply being inattentive or that they’re absent-minded about something. People around them might look at them, and they look completely normal [during the seizure].”
“But the patient might do that throughout the day on a regular basis and they think that they’re just being inattentive—and when you do an EEG on these people, you might find that those moments of inattention are actually moments of seizures, something called absence seizures.”

Dozens of other symptoms are possible depending on the part of the brain affected by epilepsy.

Part of the reason Emily’s case is so unusual is that all four lobes are affected; normally, the effect is confined to a much smaller part of the brain, and symptoms are less severe. In fact, from the patient’s perspective, epileptic seizure symptoms might seem like physical issues.

“A strange taste in the mouth or moments of fear [or] anxiety—these might be seizures, arising from the temporal lobe,” Vega says. “Motor movements can also be seizures. Sometimes, something as simple as a muscle spasm—almost like charley horse—can actually be a symptom of a seizure.”
[pullquote align=”center”]”People might not think about them, thinking that they’re just absent-minded, and then someone finally convinces them to see a doctor. Well, it’s been 10 years, and maybe they’ve missed out [on] opportunities at life because of the condition.”
—Jose Vega, MD, PhD on common symptoms of seizures [/pullquote]
Even something like a feeling of déjà vu can be a symptom of an epileptic disorder. Any unusual neurological symptoms that occur more than once deserve attention from a physician, particularly if they seem disorienting.
“[With epilepsy] in the parietal lobe, for example, you can have these experiences where you feel either a sensory experience or something related to your position in space,” Vega says. “So you may have that sort of feeling that you’re outside of your body or somewhere else.”

“If you have something in the occipital cortex, where the vision is processed in the brain, those seizures tend to give you visual issues—hallucinations—which can be very vivid. You might simply see things changing color, or the visual experience may be altered so that people look very small or very large. These can be seizures too.”
Vega says the most common signs that people miss include the aforementioned periods of inattentiveness, along with strange metallic tastes and muscle jerks.
https://twitter.com/ChloeCartwrigh/status/882761900500668416
“Some of these subtle symptoms tend to be ignored,” he says. “People might not think about them, thinking that they’re just absent-minded, and then someone finally convinces them to see a doctor. Well, it’s been 10 years, and maybe they’ve missed out [on] opportunities at life because of the condition. So it’s very important to get these things analyzed, and if necessary, treated.”

Because some symptoms are extremely minor, even neurologists have trouble identifying them.

“Even with a single patient, you can have a whole variety of different kinds of seizures,” Vega says. “And even if someone knows about epilepsy, they may misinterpret some of their own symptoms as being something normal when they’re actually experiencing a seizure.”

So…I went to the doctor.

He says the staring and walking spells are either dissociation or partial-complex seizures, but that I should talk to my neuro doctor.

He also recommended me discuss getting on a new medicine.

G r e a t.

— Zelda Aurora Jeanne Gabriel (@ZeldaAGabriel) June 20, 2018

Vega tells us about one particularly notable case of a missed diagnosis.
“I was in Honduras, and I was speaking to this physician who was on vacation,” he recalls. “I noticed that whenever as I was speaking to him, he would come back and ask me the same question, maybe once or twice after I had already visited that subject. That made me think that he could have seizures, and I told him about it.”

If you’re paying attention, you already know where this story is going.
“He had it investigated later on. Long story short, he has partial seizures. And he told me how difficult it was for him to get through school—and, you know, this is a physician in medical school. Even his own peers and professors didn’t catch it. Even physicians might miss it.”

If you experience any unusual symptoms, here’s what to do.

In case it’s not clear, we’ll put this out there: You absolutely cannot self-diagnose epilepsy, even if you’ve got a slew of degrees under your belt. In fact, your primary care physician may be unable to diagnose seizures unless the symptoms are relatively obvious.
We also don’t want to make anyone panic; many of the symptoms mentioned in this article can also apply to dozens of other conditions that are completely unrelated to epilepsy. A charley horse, for example, might just mean that you need to eat a few bananas for potassium. With that said, if you have spells of inattentiveness, strange muscle contractions, or any of the other symptoms of a seizure, keep track of them.

“Whenever you have these spells, I would make note of them,” Vega says. “I would actually log them somewhere and come up with a timeline for when they’re happening. [Write down] what time, how the spells are happening, how they’re affecting you, things like that.”
“But you should be attuned to abnormal symptoms in yourself. If you don’t track them by logging them somewhere, you may just completely ignore them and not realize how often they’re happening.”

Most importantly, if you have symptoms, see a physician as soon as possible—preferably a neurologist who specializes in epilepsy.
“Neurologists are much more tuned in to the subtleties of diagnosing epilepsy,” Vega says. “If you cannot get to a neurologist directly because you need to be referred, then obviously go to your primary doctor. But if you have access to a neurologist right away—I think that would be a very reasonable thing to do.”

Vega says that, in most cases, epileptic disorders are quite treatable. Most respond well to medication, and when surgery is required, it’s often successful.
Unfortunately, that’s not true in Emily’s case. For the past seven years, she’s tried both traditional and non-traditional treatments, but her condition has continued to worsen. Currently, her family is hoping to purchase a VNS device, a surgical implant that may help manage her seizures.

“It’s hard to put into words how scary it is,” Brandi told The Daily Mail. “She can sleep for days, and will need to be put onto a [medical] drip as she is not getting the food and water she needs. When she is awake, she puts her best foot forward, despite how sick she is and always puts others before herself.”
“The hardest part is watching the life I had planned slip away,” Emily told the tabloid. “But I will never give up.”
[Editorial note: To donate to Emily’s medical expenses, visit her GoFundMe page here.]

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Health x Body Wellbeing

A Guide To Using Essential Oils For Seasonal Allergies

Post author By Sian Ferguson
Post date June 25, 2018

It’s hard to enjoy the beauty of spring when you suffer from seasonal allergies. Sometimes referred to as allergic rhinitis, seasonal allergies can leave your nose stuffy, your eyes watering, and your head feeling heavy.
While there are plenty of over-the-counter medications available to help ease your discomfort, many people don’t realize you can use essential oils for seasonal allergies. Essential oils can harness natural ingredients to provide you with relief from allergy symptoms, and in addition to being all-natural, they’re super versatile and easy to use.
Since essential oils are so concentrated, they’re potent, which can be a bad thing if you use them incorrectly. It’s important that you educate yourself on them before you use them. HealthyWay spoke to several experts about how to safely and effectively use essential oils for seasonal allergies, so you can learn and implement the best practices.

What’s causing my seasonal allergies?

When we have an allergic reaction to something, it’s because our immune system perceives that thing to be a threat. “Histamines are present in mast cells, which are a part of our immune system,” says Nada Milosavljevic, MD, a Harvard-trained physician and the founder of Sage Tonic. “When the histamines are released and travel to an area of the body that the allergen has affected, they cause a localized inflammatory response to occur,” she explains. In other words, your body inflames itself to try to get rid of the allergen, even though the allergen—like pollen, for example—wouldn’t otherwise be a threat to your health.
“Seasonal allergies, also known as allergic rhinitis, [are] characterized by a runny nose, nasal congestion or swelling, itchy nose and throat, and sneezing,” Milosavljevic explains. Antihistamines work by suppressing the effects of histamines, thus soothing a lot of the symptoms associated with allergies.
[pullquote align=”left”]“Frankincense is an effective anti-inflammatory agent targeting the airways and sinuses.”
—Rob Brown, MD[/pullquote]
When it comes to using essential oils for seasonal allergies, you want to look for oils that will reduce your symptoms by clearing your nasal passages and reducing pain and inflammation in your airways. While essential oils aren’t as strong as most over-the-counter antihistamines, they can provide you with relief.

Which essential oils ease the symptoms of seasonal allergies?

Many essential oils can ease the symptoms of seasonal allergies. Some are known to soothe painful and inflamed sinuses, while others can alleviate the irritation of itchy throats and runny noses.

Eucalyptus

Eucalyptus essential oil is anti-inflammatory and an analgesic, meaning it reduces pain. Along with peppermint oil, studies suggest eucalyptus oil is great for reducing headaches. For those of us who struggle with inflamed airways and painful sinuses during the allergy season, this can be incredibly helpful. Additionally, eucalyptus can be a powerful decongestant when inhaled, meaning it can help open up that stuffy nose.

Frankincense

“Frankincense is an effective anti-inflammatory agent targeting the airways and sinuses,” says Rob Brown, MD, author of Toxic Home, Conscious Home: A Mindful Approach To Wellness At Home. A 2016 study corroborates Brown’s point as it shows that inhaling aromatherapy oils including frankincense, Ravensara, and sandalwood could greatly reduce symptoms in people with perennial allergic rhinitis, that is, constant seasonal allergies.

Lavender

A well-loved essential oil, lavender can also be effective in fighting the symptoms of allergies. A 2014 study conducted on mice showed that lavender essential oil reduces airway inflammation and the production of mucus in the nose, and another study showed it could reduce allergy symptoms. However, further research will need to be conducted to prove its efficacy in human allergy symptom relief.

Lemon

According to a resource hosted by Western Michigan University, “lemon oil may actually be the most powerful anti-microbial agent of all the essential oils.” It is known to kill certain airborne bacteria, which means it’s great to add to your diffuser. Milosavljevic recommends lemon oil not only for allergies but also for treating stomach aches and supporting the immune system.

Peppermint

Milosavljevic recommends peppermint oil for seasonal allergies as it can help clear your nasal passages and reduce sinus-induced headaches. A 2001 study on rats suggested that peppermint oil can greatly reduce the symptoms of allergic rhinitis, and another study from the early ’90s showed that peppermint oil provides relief from headaches.

Rosemary

Rosemary is another fantastic essential oil for soothing seasonal allergies, says Brown. “Rosemary has antimicrobial properties and can reduce respiratory tract inflammation associated with allergies,” he explains.
Loving the idea of getting relief from these essential oils? There are many other natural antihistamines out there that you can use in conjunction with them to maximize your recovery from the onslaught of seasonal allergies.

How should I use essential oils for seasonal allergies?

Essential oils are super versatile, and they can be used in a number of different ways. “Some can be ingested, used to make tea, or placed in boiling water and inhaled as an herbal steam. Experiment, and see which works best for you,” Brown suggests.
If you want to harness the antimicrobial properties of essential oils like eucalyptus, tea tree, or rosemary, you can add them to a diffuser to make the most of their diffuse airborne effects, or mix essential oil-infused cleaning solutions for countertops, floors, and other hard surfaces.
[pullquote align=”left”]“Some can be ingested, used to make tea, or placed in boiling water and inhaled as an herbal steam. Experiment, and see which works best for you.”
—Rob Brown, MD[/pullquote]
If you’re more interested in using essential oils as a decongestant or anti-inflammatory, inhaling them might be best. Place a few drops of essential oil in warm water and inhale the vapors, or add some to your bath. Alternatively, apply some essential oil to a washcloth, hold it to your face, and inhale. “You can inhale them by placing the oil on a towelette, [or] use a diffuser for covering a larger space such as your bedroom or office,” Milosavljevic explains.
Milosavljevic also notes that many essential oils can be applied to your skin. “If topical application is used, they should be blended in a carrier oil as they are potent and can irritate the skin if applied directly in full strength,” she says. Carrier oils are used to dilute essential oils, and some of our favorites include coconut oil, olive oil, and jojoba oil. Try adding a blend of your favorite essential oil mixed into a carrier oil to your pulse points, or give yourself an aromatherapy massage.

Which safety precautions should I follow when using essential oils for seasonal allergies?

Because essential oils are so concentrated, they’re very potent. While this means that they can be super effective, it can also make them dangerous when used incorrectly.
If you want to apply essential oil to your skin, make sure you don’t have a sensitivity to it. You might not even realize that you’re allergic to an oil, but because they’re so potent, they might cause a noticeable reaction. Apply the oil to a small patch of your skin, and see if it causes a reaction before applying it to a larger area.
It’s often advised to avoid using essential oils during pregnancy, Milosavljevic says. While some oils, like ginger, are typically considered safe for pregnancy, there isn’t enough scientific evidence to verify this. There are few randomized control trials on essential oils in pregnancy. For this reason, many clinicians avoid recommending them for pregnant patients, she says. “Sensitivity can be heightened during pregnancy, and various compounds can be transmitted to the newborn during lactation. For this reason, it’s always best to evaluate each case individually,” she says.
Something else to keep in mind when using essential oils is the health of your pets. If you have pets, make sure that the essential oils you use won’t harm them. This is especially important if you use oils in a diffuser or an oil burner, or when washing their bedding or floors. Cats, for example, can have a strong reaction to citrus, eucalyptus, and peppermint essential oils. Research each essential oil individually before using it around animals, and consult a veterinarian if you’re not sure.
Regardless of your goals or who you share your home with, Brown strongly suggests you speak to your doctor before introducing essential oils into your routine.
You need to exercise caution when you use essential oils, but if you use them correctly, they can provide you a great deal of relief during allergy season. Remember that in some cases, you might need to use something a little stronger to keep your allergies at bay. “Everyone has a different threshold for tolerating the effects of seasonal allergies,” Brown says. “If you experiment with essentials and do not experience relief, it might be time to explore additional options.”
[related article_ids=8718,19228]

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Happy x Mindful Wellbeing

What Are Chakras? Understanding The Mystical World of Internal Energy

Post author By Joni Sweet
Post date June 22, 2018

Chances are pretty good you’ve encountered imagery or descriptions of chakras before—perhaps without even knowing it. At a spa, you may have seen that classic outline of a person resting in lotus pose with the seven rainbow orbs stacked along the center of their body. Or in a yoga class, your instructor might have mentioned a pose intended to reconnect you to your root chakra or open up your heart chakra. Sounds cool, but what are chakras, and how do they influence our lives?
First things first: If you’re looking for hard, physical evidence of chakras, well…it doesn’t exist.
“Dissect a corpse, and you won’t find chakras or nadis—the conduits through which prana energy flows,” explains Susan Shumsky, author of The Power of Chakras: Unlock Your 7 Energy Centers for Healing, Happiness, and Transformation, and Maharishi & Me: Seeking Enlightenment with the Beatles’ Guru. “But that’s because Western science only focuses on your gross physical body, whereas chakras are located in your subtle body. It’s important to realize that this physical world we live in isn’t the only game in town.”
The principal ideas of chakras have helped people stay well, boost their happiness, and get to know themselves for thousands of years (yes, really!). Chakras are part of the foundation of dozens of healing practices including yoga, acupuncture, and reiki. And studying these energy vortexes aims to help you find balance in all areas of your life—creativity, sexuality, emotions, health, discipline, and spirituality. Who can argue with that?

What are chakras?

Those colored balls of energy you see in chakra diagrams look pretty, but they represent ancient ideas that go far beyond aesthetic imagery. Chakras relate to universal issues of humanity that people have strived to understand and address for thousands of years.
The word chakra is rooted in Sanskrit and translates to “wheel” or “disk.” Even though you might find chakra books and accessories in New Age shops, this concept is far from new. It dates back to early Hindu, Jain, and Buddhist traditions. While each philosophy has a slightly different take on chakras, they generally agree that the chakras are vortexes of powerful energies swirling inside of us.
“Chakras are not only physical; they are related to our states of mind, our beliefs, our habits, our conditioning,” explains Shumsky.
In an ideal world, our chakras would be perfectly healthy and we’d be living our best lives all the time. The reality? Our energy centers get blocked by forces like stress, illness, conflict, and loss. That prevents the flow of prana, or vital life-force energy through the body. The chakra system then gets out of whack, causing all sorts of bad juju, health issues, emotional blocks, lack of inspiration—you get the picture. And it can be frustrating!
So how do you unblock your chakras? Whatever you do, don’t bother booking a chakra “balancing” treatment at your local wellness center, warns Shumsky.
“There’s nothing in the ancient scriptures of India that talks about balancing your chakras—there’s really no such thing,” she notes. “Your chakras are either open and prana is flowing well or they’re blocked and closed.”
A blocked chakra is a temporary state that can be resolved with a little TLC. That’s where chakra healers come in. These practitioners understand the finer points of unblocking chakras and can help you restore the healthy flow of prana throughout your body. Techniques will vary depending on exactly who you work with, but you can expect a little meditation, stretching, breathing exercises, and visualizations.
Don’t have access to a chakra healer? Don’t worry—you can work on unblocking your chakras right at home, no experience necessary.
“I don’t think you need to pay someone $100 to $200 an hour to unblock you. I’m a DIY gal, and I have several exercises in my book The Power of Chakras that can help,” says Shumsky. “For example, there’s pranayama breathing exercises, an ancient technique from India, that can help clear your nadis. Even the yoga exercises, called asanas, can help. I have a few healing affirmations in the book, which can be helpful, as well.”
Some people also rely on chakra stones or crystals to help keep their prana flowing.
“They’re extremely powerful and carry the energy of the planets, and those particular planets are associated with the seven major chakras. Each one is associated with a gemstone, so that’s important to know about, and a Vedic astrologer can prescribe the right gemstone for you,” says Shumsky. “You can wear the gemstone around your neck or put it under your pillow at night to experience a profound effect.”
The chakra system can take years to understand—after all, there are actually some 114 energy centers along with 72,000 energy channels throughout our bodies. But learning the seven main chakras, which run from the base of the spine to the crown of the head, may help you get in tune with important areas of your life and build your personal power.
“Each chakra performs a specific function and is related to certain body parts and aspects of mind. Some chakras embody the five elements, days of the week, planets, gemstones, and colors,” says Shumsky.
Here’s a quick overview of these important energy centers and tips on how to unblock your chakras.

What are the seven chakras?

[sol title=”Root Chakra” subheader=”Color: Red”]Located at the base of your spine in the coccygeal plexus, the root chakra relates to your organs of elimination and adrenal glands, explains Shumsky. The first chakra is also connected with the basic needs of survival, such as food, shelter, and money. You can tell your root chakra is blocked if you show signs of aggression, experience deep anxiety about basic survival, or feel a restrictive need to avoid spending money, she adds.
[sol title=”Pelvic Chakra” subheader=”Color: Orange”]Sometimes referred to as the sacral chakra, the pelvic chakra is located where the name suggests: in the genitals and the prostatic plexus, says Shumsky. It’s associated with your reproductive organs, sexuality, and pleasure in general. Feeling like you’ve got an unhealthy relationship with sex, trouble building trust, or attachment issues? A blocked pelvic chakra might be to blame.
[sol title=”Navel Chakra” subheader=”Color: Yellow”]The third chakra of your body, referred to as the navel chakra or solar plexus chakra, can be found between your navel and solar plexus. It’s considered responsible for the health of your pancreas, abdominal organs, willpower, and confidence. “If there’s a blocked navel chakra, you might be overly controlling and dominating, or very weak-willed and allowing of people who take advantage of you,” explains Shumsky.
[sol title=”Heart Chakra” subheader=”Color: Green”]As you might have guessed, the chakra that’s associated with your lungs, thymus, love, passion, and joy is situated in your heart. A broken heart is the fastest way to cause a blocked heart chakra, and it’s why you feel so down in the dumps after a breakup. “Other signs include feeling emotionally damaged, holding onto a lot of resentment, feeling despondent, loneliness, and depression,” says Shumsky.
[sol title=”Throat Chakra” subheader=”Color: Blue”]Going up the body, your fifth chakra is located at your throat and laryngeal plexus. It’s strongly associated with your thyroid gland and abilities to communicate, share your truth, and express creativity. “If you feel you are overly shy or repressed, can’t quite express yourself, have some great gifts that you can’t put out into the world, have a speech impediment, or difficulty communicating, your throat chakra might be blocked,” says Shumsky.
[sol title=”Third Eye Chakra” subheader=”Color: Indigo”]Found at the center of the cranium at the pineal gland, your third eye chakra relates to higher consciousness. It’s associated with your wisdom, intuition, spiritual discernment, and ability to focus. “If the third eye chakra is blocked, you might feel really unintuitive, make bad decisions on a regular basis, be unable to read people well, or even have a spiritual superiority complex,” notes Shumsky.
[sol title=”Crown Chakra” subheader=”Color: Violet or White”]Your highest chakra, located at the crown of the head, is associated with your hypothalamus and pituitary gland, as well as your spiritual enlightenment, Shumsky explains. It has to do with connecting you to God. “If you’re feeling isolated from spirit, if you feel God is out there somewhere and you’re separate from that power, if you feel God is great and you are nothing, those are all seventh chakra problems,” she says.

The ideal state is to have all seven chakras open, allowing for the healthy flow of energy through the body. Focus inward to see which of your chakras needs attention at any given time. A journal can be a useful tool in noticing changes throughout your mind and body and can give you clues on how to keep your energy flowing.
“When you increase prana flowing through your energy field and radiating from your chakras, you become more magnetic, charismatic, healthy, strong, influential, and successful,” says Shumsky.

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Healthy Relationships Wellbeing

How To Know If You’re In A Toxic Friendship—And What To Do About It

Post author By Nina Bahadur
Post date June 22, 2018

In high school, Michelle (whose name was changed for privacy) was incredibly close to her group of friends. They rented a summer beach house together, went as a group to prom, and counted on each other for emotional support during times of stress.
The friends drifted apart during college, and when Michelle moved away to take a job after graduation, things got worse between them. Michelle’s mom was sick with multiple sclerosis, but her friends didn’t ask how she was doing or offer support. They refused to be flexible with their plans and didn’t keep in touch. Michelle learned they had been talking about her behind her back. And then things came to an ugly head.

“During a visit home, at a bar, one of my so-called friends confronted me, criticizing me for something trivial like failing to wish her happy graduation,” Michelle recalls. “More hurtfully, she criticized my choice to live and work far away from my ill mother. …Such criticism in a public place really stung.”
Michelle realized that someone she had long considered a close friend was, in fact, a toxic presence in her life. She made the difficult choice to cut that person out of her life for the sake of her own mental well-being.
https://twitter.com/TaraWaddell02/status/1007344891075203072
It can be hard to recognize when your friend is exhibiting toxic behaviors, and it can be harder to figure out whether those toxic behaviors are just bad habits or signs that this person may not truly be your friend. You may have a long history of friendship with a person, which can make it difficult to objectively evaluate the relationship. And they likely aren’t terrible all the time—otherwise, you wouldn’t be friends!
But the truth is that successful friendships shouldn’t negatively affect your well-being. Sometimes a friendship doesn’t last, and that can be hard to accept. If you often feel upset or stressed after spending time with a friend, it may be worth evaluating their behavior.
[pullquote align=”center”]“It is very important to define the lines that others may not cross.”
—Fran Walfish, PsyD[/pullquote]
Here are seven toxic friendship behaviors that could be causing issues:

1. They embarrass or belittle you constantly.

“Many of my clients in toxic friendships will describe feeling small and unimportant when they are with their friend,” says Maureen Maher-Bridge, a licensed social worker at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center’s Harding Hospital.

“They will tell me that they frequently feel criticized and demeaned and end up doubting themselves,” she adds. “They feel less confident and often blame themselves for feeling this way. A healthy friendship can offer honest, constructive criticism. A toxic friendship is critical without empathy or an understanding of how their criticism might make the other feel.”

Vartika, who is based in India and works in social media, remembers a friend who did this to her.
“One day we got into a fight over something silly, and I was about to let go,” she says. “But then, she decided to insult me by blaming my mental illness. She said this disease had gotten into my head, making me hallucinate things and go berserk.”

2. They are controlling or possessive of you.

Alaina Leary, an editor from Boston, had a high school friend, Ellie (whose name has been changed), who she describes as “extremely possessive.”
“When I started college,” Leary says, “she became very jealous of a new girl I befriended, Christine (whose name has also been changed). Christine quickly became my best friend and the person I trusted most because she’s a genuinely empathetic and caring person. [She] was really jealous of that and would often bring up how much she hated Christine—for no reason, having never met her—in front of all our old high school friends at sleepovers and parties when we were all back in town from college.”

While a certain level of jealousy is inevitable in friendships, one friend trying to prevent the other from forming other relationships enters the realm of possessiveness and fosters a dangerous codependency.

3. They make your private business public.

That could mean they share your secrets with other people or gossip about you behind your back. It could also mean they confront you in public about private concerns—like Michelle’s so-called friend did.
Michelle said that having her private life discussed in a public place, in front of other people, was particularly hurtful.
https://twitter.com/SamanthaNyobia/status/1009059739253313536
In an article for Psychology Today, counselor Suzanne Degges-White, PhD, wrote that some friends simply don’t understand the potential consequences of letting your secrets spill: “… if you find out that a friend is broadcasting your secrets, take control of where the friendship goes: Edit what you share. Edit the time you spend together. And edit your expectations.”

4. They compete with you over everything.

Maybe for every story you tell, they have a similar story or experience to share. Maybe they simply can’t stand losing to you at board games, beach games, trivia, or other fun activities. Maybe they compete with you professionally, hit on your romantic interests, or run out and buy a new dress every time you do. If you feel like you can’t do anything without your friend turning it into a competition, it’s likely worth discussing with them.

“Generally, people who are competitive about their houses, kids, dinner parties, and so on are either insecure or arrogant and want to prove superiority,” wrote Melanie Greenberg, PhD, in an article for Psychology Today.
“Ellie was very toxic about anything she was jealous about, like her friends’ success in college and their chosen careers,” Leary recalls.

If you feel a little like Leary, Greenberg suggested a few ways to react: “Try to figure out why this person is being competitive and what their needs and goals are. Also, see if there are any common goals that you can use to get them to work with you, rather than against you.”

5. They pressure you into doing things you’d rather not do.

Maybe they talk you into ordering another round of drinks when you’d rather switch to water, spending more money on an activity or meal than your budget allows for, or insisting you stay somewhere when you’re ready to leave. They may also pressure you into making potentially dangerous decisions.
[pullquote align=”center”]“If you’re constantly worried that you might do or say something to set them off, [then the] relationship’s probably not healthy.”
—Emily Mendez[/pullquote]
Emily Mendez, a mental health writer and former private practice psychotherapist, says you should ask yourself: Does your friend make you feel guilty for saying no?
“Maybe they accuse you of not caring just because you say no,” she says. “If you’re constantly worried that you might do or say something to set them off, [then the] relationship’s probably not healthy.”

6. They aren’t respectful of your boundaries.

Maybe she asks questions about things you’ve said you don’t want to discuss (like a fraught family relationship) or continues to do things you have asked her to stop doing (like eating in your car). Once you have clearly communicated your boundaries to someone, there’s no reason for them to repeatedly stomp all over them.

“You can set boundaries and regain control by using gentle language that drives your point home,” said psychologist Fran Walfish, PsyD, in an interview with MadameNoire. “It is very important to define the lines that others may not cross. It is a quiet strength when someone can do this in a benign, clear, and matter-of-fact tone.”

7. The above issues are persistent problems.

“I will ask my clients to consider… whether these problematic behaviors in the friendship are ‘new,’ or if this is a pattern of unhealthy behavior,” says Maher-Bridge. “If the behavior is new, perhaps there is a reason why the friend is behaving in this way. Maybe they are going through a difficult time and are having trouble coping; ask yourself, are there other redeeming qualities about the friendship that I respect and value? Is the friendship one that allows you to talk about your concerns openly and honestly in order to address these issues?“

So is there any way to repair a toxic friendship?

Again, there’s a difference between a friend who is occasionally annoying and a friend who is a toxic presence in your life. In many cases, it’s totally possible to talk to your friend about their behavior and repair the relationship moving forward.
[pullquote align=”center”]”We need to trust our intuitions and not disregard red flags. Weigh: How do I feel after spending time with this person?”
—Jessica Zucker, PhD[/pullquote]
“It depends how severe the situation is, how uncomfortable you feel, and what you think the other person is capable of,” says clinical psychologist Jessica Zucker, PhD. “Ideally, you could attempt to have healthy, clear conversation in a non-threatening, non-defensive, and loving way. Is there any way to talk this through simply? Trying to have a straightforward conversation and seeing if there is room for growth, change, or understanding might be a good first step.”
If you are nervous about talking face-to-face, Zucker suggests writing a letter. “This gives you a chance to have an uninterrupted forum to express yourself and your point of view, with the opportunity to say what you want without getting into a sticky argument.”

An ideal way to approach this is by stating the facts. In an email to HealthyWay, psychologist Holly Richmond, PhD, outlines a potential script: “I feel [emotion] (fill in the blank with sad, mad, frustrated, etc.) when you do/say [bad behavior]. I’m curious if you realize this, and maybe you can help me understand. We’re friends, and I know we don’t want to intentionally hurt each other’s feelings. I want to understand where you’re coming from. Can we talk?”
Zucker says that the next step depends on how your friend reacts. If they are defensive, mean, or angry, that’s not a great sign. Another red flag is when someone can’t or won’t recognize the hurt their behavior has caused you.

If you do decide to move away from the friendship, Zucker recommends taking small steps. Maybe you interact with that person less through texting or calling, or maybe you stop following them on social media if their posts stress you out. After some time apart, you can evaluate how you feel without that person in your life. If you are sure you don’t want to maintain this friendship any longer, you can tell the person why—but you aren’t obligated to.

It’s easy to feel guilty about confronting someone for their behavior or even cutting them out of your life, but sometimes it’s the right choice to make for your own well-being.

It’s important that you have supportive, loving friends in your life—there’s plenty of research showing how friendships can improve your mental and physical health. No one is perfect, and we will all make mistakes. But the people you surround yourself with should be positive forces in your life.
“We need to trust our intuitions and not disregard red flags,” Zucker says. “Weigh: How do I feel after spending time with this person?”

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