Tag: balance

Symptoms Of Vitamin D Deficiency That Most People Ignore

Post author By HealthyWay Staff Writer
Post date September 1, 2019

What does vitamin D deficiency look like? In its most extreme form, prolonged and severe vitamin D deficiency during childhood, known as rickets, can delay growth and lead to visible skeletal deformities.
Today, rickets is relatively rare, but that doesn’t mean that vitamin D deficiency is—more than 40 percent of Americans are deficient. The potential health consequences of this epidemic are serious, as vitamin D deficiency is linked to osteoporosis, heart disease, diabetes, autoimmune diseases, high blood pressure, and poor pregnancy outcomes.

D-ficient? Odds are you don’t know.

According to the Vitamin D Council, symptoms of vitamin D deficiency can be subtle—or even nonexistent—in the early stages. You might experience some tiredness and general aches and pains, but these symptoms are easy to dismiss because there are many things that cause them.
Aches and pains? You can easily chalk them up to the aftereffects of your last workout—or simply not being 20 anymore. Tiredness? That could be because you aren’t getting enough quality sleep.

Lindsay Obermeyer, MS, RDN, CLT, a Portland, Oregon–based registered dietitian nutritionist and owner of Your Time Nutrition, said she personally experienced chronic joint pain, had labs done, and discovered that her vitamin D was 29 ng/dL (nanograms per deciliter), which is considered deficient by some standards. She started taking a daily dose of vitamin D3, and her joint pain was gone within a week.
[pullquote align=”center”]I had two different clients with the same symptoms, had them tested for vitamin D, both were less than 30, both had relief from joint pain after supplementing. It’s a very common problem up here in the Northwest.[/pullquote]
It can sometimes be hard to tell when you’re in need of more vitamin D. Here are 15 signs that will help you know if you’re vitamin D deficient.

1. Muscle Weakness

You should be aware that muscle weakness can present as generalized body fatigue. If you’re experiencing a more general fatigue around your body, muscle weakness issues in specific areas may stay hidden and go unnoticed for months.

As vitamin D deficiency worsens, symptoms become stronger and harder to ignore. General aches and pains may become muscle and bone (musculoskeletal) pain, and tiredness may progress to muscle weakness. Still, it’s easy to search for answers in the wrong direction.

2. Bone Pain

In a study of 150 patients referred to a clinic in Minnesota for persistent, general musculoskeletal pain, 93 percent had vitamin D levels equal to or below 20 ng/mL, a level considered deficient by most experts.
As an adult, your bones are no longer growing, but new bone tissue constantly replaces the old. Severe vitamin D deficiency interferes with that replacement, leading to the softening of bones known as osteomalacia (or “adult rickets”), which causes pain and increases of osteoporosis.

Shunning the sun and avoiding dairy can leave you with a vitamin D deficiency that might lead to bone pain. This can be difficult to distinguish from muscle or joint pain, but it generally manifests itself as a deep, aching pain that isn’t isolated in an exact area.

My bones had been so hurty. So much pain and stiffness and I was miserable.

Remembered to take vitamin d three days ago and suddenly the bone pain has eased. My hands work again! My knees feel only like normal arthritis pain! It's like magic.

— Veronica Foale (@VeronicaFoale) March 25, 2018

There are some indicators that can help differentiate bone pain from muscle pain. Muscle pain is usually centralized to one point and is exaggerated by movement or physical activity. Bone pain, on the other hand, is broader and deeper.

3. Constant Respiratory Problems

Studies show that vitamin D may help defend against respiratory illness, and this is especially true in children. If your child has severe asthma, you may want to increase their vitamin D intake.
Constant respiratory problems may present in different ways. Someone suffering from these issues may feel easily winded after a task they’d normally be fine handling. Or it may be as seemingly obvious as struggling to catch a breath for an extended period.

Breathing issues need to be addressed by a medical professional quickly because they can lead to other issues. Often, a person suffering constant respiratory problems will also suffer from an anxiety disorder, like panic attacks. The inability to take a full breath may quickly spiral into a panic that your life is in immediate danger.

4. Sweaty Head

Years ago, doctors used to ask new mothers if their newborns’ heads were sweating more than normal. This can be a very early sign that a baby is vitamin D deficient. If you’re breastfeeding, it may be helpful to consume more foods that are rich in vitamin D or include some vitamin D drops in your regimen to make sure your baby is getting a sufficient amount.
https://twitter.com/mpsunday/status/940702963319877633
Foods that contain higher concentrations of vitamin D include fatty fish (such as tuna), orange juice, soy milk, and some cereals. You’ll also want to stock up on dairy products, such as cheese, that are enriched with vitamin D.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that head sweating from a lack of vitamin D only affects infants. If you find sweat pouring from your forehead in situations that wouldn’t normally cause you to perspire, then you may want to talk to a healthcare professional.

5. Depression

As it turns out, the sun is vital to keeping a smile on your face. Vitamin D is often referred to as the sunshine vitamin because it is activated in your skin by sunlight. If you live in a place that sees less sunlight than global averages, the lack of light could literally kill your mood.
https://twitter.com/HazelmuttART/status/992413305946943488
According to the Vitamin D Council, this essential nutrient helps your brain’s neurotransmitters produce serotonin, which affects our feelings of happiness. Studies have linked low levels of vitamin D with episodes of depression.
In Alaska and other locales with significantly less sunlight for months out of the year, depression due to lack of sun exposure is treated as a very serious medical issue. Residents are encouraged to purchase light boxes—devices that emit therapeutic light that will help them maintain vitamin D levels during dark winter months.

It’s important that light therapy be used to deal with depression caused by vitamin D deficiencies because the two can become seriously intertwined.
There are many different types of light boxes that can improve your health. The Sperti Vitamin D Light Box is “the only recognized ultraviolet light box for vitamin D production,” and the NatureBright SunTouch Plus Light and Ion Therapy Lamp, a bestseller on Amazon, “balances your [linkbuilder id=”6517″ text=”body clock”], leaving you feeling rested, refreshed, and nourished all over.” Each type has the potential to improve your health, but if you’re in need of light therapy, choose one based on what you hope to get out of it.

6. Infertility

Research suggests that vitamin D deficiency may play a role in the development of polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), a leading cause of female infertility. One common symptom of PCOS is acanthosis nigricans, which results in dark, velvety skin patches.

“In the fertility world in the Northwest we like to get a baseline on all of our patients and we see many who are deficient,” said Seattle-area registered dietitian nutritionist Judy Simon MS, RDN, CD, CHES, of Mind Body Nutrition.
“One young woman in her early twenties had visible acanthosis nigricans around her neck and on her chest. She had PCOS and pre-diabetes. After six weeks of Vitamin D supplementation the acanthosis was practically gone and she was feeling much less fatigued.”

7. Chronic Infections

Vitamin D is known to have an effect on over 2,000 genes in the [linkbuilder id=”6518″ text=”human body”], so it’s no surprise that the strength of your body’s immune system is also tied to how much vitamin D you are taking in.
When there’s a healthy amount of vitamin D being processed by your body, your immune system is resilient and able to fight off infections and disease. However, a lack of vitamin D can be devastating to your overall health and leave you vulnerable to constant attacks and health problems or scares.

Vitamin D supplements are sold everywhere, but make sure your doctor helps you select the best option for you based on your health needs.

8. Cardiovascular Disease

Cardiovascular diseases are heart conditions that may include damaged blood vessels or frequent blood clotting, among other issues. Articles published by the National Institutes of Health have shown that deficiencies in vitamin D can lead to congestive heart failure.
Some cardiovascular disease-related symptoms that are easier to spot are dizziness, heavy bloating (particularly in the legs), respiratory issues, and chest pain. If you’re experiencing any of these symptoms, you should contact your doctor immediately.

If you want to make sure you’re on the right path, home tests are available to check for a lack of vitamin D. These tests will screen your blood and possibly show you if you need to make some changes in your supplementation routine.

9. Psoriasis

Psoriasis may present itself as a scaly rash on your scalp or other parts of your body. Often it can be agitated by stress (unfortunately, finding out you have psoriasis tends to cause stress too). Although psoriasis is not always connected to a lack of vitamin D, the vitamin is sometimes used during treatment. The Mayo Clinic claims that if you have a lack of vitamin D, it will be harder for your body to defend itself against psoriasis.
There is no cure for psoriasis, but it is controllable with treatment. Besides reducing stress and getting your vitamin D, there are other methods for dealing with troubles caused by psoriasis.

For example, specially medicated shampoos can be prescribed to keep your scaly rashes at bay. Depending on the severity of your condition, there are also ointments, oils, and other treatments that could help reduce your psoriasis-related discomfort.

10. Chronic Pain

If you experience chronic, widespread pain throughout your body, it could be due in part to a lack of vitamin D. This connection was only recently discovered. In 2010, researchers began looking into the link between chronic pain and a lack of vitamin D.
Studies have now shown that low vitamin D levels increase a person’s chances of having chronic pain; supplements can sometimes help relieve it. So, if you’re in pain, talk to your physician about the best way to boost your vitamin D intake.

If you want to try a preliminary test for determining if what you’re experiencing is the same thing as chronic pain, doctors have a recommendation: Press against the area of your chest known as your breastbone (also called your sternum). If you feel a sharp pain when you press down on that area, it’s likely that you’re experiencing chronic pain related to vitamin D deficiency.

11. Tiredness

Vitamin D is one of the vitamins your body needs to create energy, and without it, you can end up feeling tired most of the day. This will make it hard for you to get around or even get to work. Without much energy, you may start changing your daily behavior in negative ways, which in turn may impair your overall health.

Continued tiredness can contribute to other symptoms caused by low amounts of vitamin D in the body. If you’re tired, you’re less likely to exercise or go outside. Avoiding activity or sunshine can amplify the effects of a vitamin D deficiency. If you fall into a routine that involves avoiding strenuous activity or sunlight, you’re much more susceptible to issues like depression or mood swings.
Listen to what your body is telling you. Something might be seriously off if you notice that you just don’t have the drive to stay active anymore. You should consult your doctor if you have constant feelings of tiredness that last longer than a few days.

12. Hypertension

Harvard University conducted review of health studies across numerous cohorts that associated increased risk of multiple health outcomes including cardiovascular disease and hypertension (abnormally high blood pressure) with vitamin D deficiency.
Another study, published in Circulation in 2015, considered the viability of vitamin D supplementation as a treatment for patients with hypertension and prehypertension.

It’s important to note that high blood pressure can significantly increase your risks for serious health issues such as heart attacks and strokes.
But don’t panic if you think or know you’re suffering from hypertension. It’s a common health issue that affects more than 3 million people in the U.S. every year. It can be identified without any blood or medical tests but will require an official diagnosis from your doctor, at which point appropriate treatment can be prescribed.
If you do suffer from anxiety, you may want to consider purchasing vitamin D supplements and adding them to your daily routine for that reason. Vitamin D has been proven to have positive effects similar to antidepressants and may reduce your overall blood pressure.

13. Crankiness

As we mentioned in relation to depression, vitamin D affects the levels of serotonin in your brain, which is what affects your mood. If you’re feeling cranky, it might be because you’re not producing enough serotonin. Vitamin D will help your moods stay balanced by ensuring your brain is working with the materials it needs to stay energized and focused.

If you notice mood swings that seem out of the ordinary, visit your doctor for a simple blood test. They will be able to identify what’s going on, and if a lack of vitamin D is the issue, they’ll help you make a plan to get better.
The solution may be as simple as getting out in sunlight more often or eating foods that are rich in vitamin D. For people who can’t handle too much direct exposure to the sun, supplements are readily available, so consider reaching for some before going off on anyone or getting too frustrated with yourself!

14. Chronic Kidney Disease

Kidneys help remove waste from your blood. When they’re not functioning correctly, your bloodstream can fill up with waste, seriously damaging your health. Doctors have recently connected kidney health to cardiovascular disease. They’ve also discovered how important vitamin D can be to your kidneys’ health.

As you get older your kidneys are not as efficient at processing vitamin D. Be sure to eat some vitamin D–rich foods or take a supplement. If you do take a supplement, also consider taking vitamin K2 to activate the right proteins in the digestion process. Ensuring that your kidneys are working properly to process vitamin D is just as important as getting your proper nutrients.

15. Reduced Endurance

If you’re an athlete and you’re seeing your endurance decrease for no apparent reason, it might be because you have low vitamin D levels. Experts in athletic circles now realize that vitamin D is crucial to energy levels, especially when it comes to endurance. Even active people who get outside every day can experience these issues, despite getting more than the recommended amount of sunlight per day (20 to 30 minutes).

Fortunately, if vitamin D deficiency is causing your issues, your endurance should return to normal when you get your vitamin D levels back to normal. Remember: You don’t always need to opt for pills to get your proper dose of vitamin D. Try a supplement in powder or liquid form to mix with your smoothies or protein shakes.

A Side Effect of Modern Life?

For many of us, work means days spent at a desk and leisure means binge-watching the latest Netflix series or catching up on social media. That’s a lot of indoor time, but even when we are outdoors we’re likely to double down on sun protection to prevent premature aging and skin cancer.

Dairy products are fortified with vitamin D, but milk sales are in decline, as more people avoid dairy due to restrictive diets, milk allergies, or lactose intolerance.

What’s your risk?

Although 4 in 10 Americans may be deficient in vitamin D, some people have a higher risk. As mentioned, if you spend a lot of time indoors and protect your skin with clothing or sunscreen when you are outdoors (as you should), your risk increases. Living in northern climates—where winters are longer, colder and darker—amplifies this risk. But a few other risk factors might surprise you:

1. Dark skin. The darker your skin, the more sun it takes to make vitamin D.

2. Body mass index (BMI) over 30. Vitamin D can become “sequestered” in excess body fat instead of making its way to the bloodstream.

3. Past gastric bypass surgery.

Why It Matters

Linke says that bringing vitamin D levels back to the normal range has been a “game changer” for many of her clients who have autoimmune conditions. She cites another client—a woman in her late twenties—whose vitamin D was a 4.

Her rheumatoid arthritis was very bad, she couldn’t walk down stairs unassisted, couldn’t walk without holding on to walls, couldn’t fit into her shoes so she wore flip flops.

Within 10 days of starting vitamin D, along with magnesium (magnesium deficiency can interfere with vitamin D metabolism) and dietary changes, she was able to wear regular shoes and walk without assistance.
As with all health-related issues, talk with your doctor or another medical professional if you are seeing any signs or symptoms that concern you. Deficiency is simple to test for and simple to treat. If in doubt, talk to your healthcare provider.

Tags 10/11/18, 50006399, balance, Commerce, hemingway, Publishupdate

Healthy Relationships Wellbeing

Why Women Are Blamed When Men Cheat

Post author By Heather Vecchioni
Post date February 16, 2018

When word got out that Brad Pitt cheated on his wife Jennifer Aniston with Angelina Jolie, the world reacted in a typical way: It blamed his wife and his mistress instead of him. Pitt spoke out that he was “wasting his life” while married to Aniston, and those around him thought that Jolie brought out a spark in him. As such, it seemed Pitt gained sympathy for having a wife who didn’t make him happy because naturally, it’s her job to ensure that he is satisfied. In the end, Pitt walked away from the scandal unscathed, yet Aniston was blamed for not being exciting enough and Jolie was labeled as a home-wrecker.

Why wasn’t the finger pointed at Pitt? Because he’s a man.

Why Women Are Blamed

In general, it seems that women are labeled as responsible for the quality of a relationship because they are seen as the upholders of them. But why?
“Historically, most women were dependent upon men,” says family, marriage, and sex therapist Georgia Nickles. “There was a division of labor. Men were supposed to concentrate upon providing food and shelter, whereas women were supposed to uphold relationships, offer comfort, compassion, and sexual satisfaction, as well as care for their home and children. These stereotypical positions are deeply rooted into our modern-day thinking, even though there are changes in attitudes happening as the stereotypical roles are slowing evolving.”

And even though women work outside of the home now, raise children on their own, and have worked hard to be seen as “equals” with men, they are still unfairly blamed when things go awry in the relationship. Instead of blaming the person who strays, the world would rather try to figure out why the cheating happened and then place blame. Often, that blame is placed on the woman, even when it’s wrong.

“The blame never falls on one person in the relationship,” says Christopher K. Belous, PhD, a sexological researcher and professor of couple and family. “Often, infidelity is caused by both partners pulling away and distancing themselves from the relationship itself—and is a symptom of larger issues.”
He says that many people think that because a woman is supposed to “make her man happy,” that any infidelity her partner commits is her fault and that she did something wrong.

“This is absolutely untrue, and a myth of our culture,” he says. “Women are not the only people responsible for relationships, sex, and emotional connection.”
And yet, they are often still told they are.

What Women Are Blamed For

It’s safe to say that when a man cheats, he does so on his own accord. His wife or girlfriend doesn’t ask or force him to stray, but when he does, the woman is usually looked at as the guilty party. People want to know what she did to make him cheat, instead of figuring out what changed in him to make him want to stray.

And although this is far from fair, or the truth, it happens.
“Often, women are blamed for the choices that men make when they break the contract of fidelity in marriage,” says Nickels. “The blame usually centers around such reasons as the following: the women were not interested in providing enough sex for the man, the women were never interested in pursuing the man, the woman had become sexually boring, the woman had let herself go physically, the woman had lost interest in the husband in general, or that the woman had become hyper-focused upon children or other interests.”
In other words, women are accused of not having enough sex, not giving their partners enough attention, or spending too much time taking care of their children when their partner cheats. However, if a person is questioning why the affair happened, it’s important for them to take a look at their partner, not just themselves, says Hilary Phillips, licensed professional counselor and certified sex therapist.
“When there has been an affair it is important for both partners to take a long, honest look at the relationship dynamics and the personality/behavior styles of each partner,” she says. “It is possible that the person who cheated has characterological issues, such as narcissism or even sociopathy—these are the people who will most likely cheat again.”

The Real Reason Men Cheat

Besides having an uncontrollable attraction to someone they just can’t resist, men cheat for a variety of reasons. And some of the reasons have less to do with physicality and are more about emotion, or lack thereof.

“There are so many reasons that people cheat in a relationship; my experience is that it is very rarely just one reason behind an affair,” says Phillips. “Some common contributing factors are poor communication and feeling disconnected emotionally and physically from a partner. It is common for those who have cheated to say they felt hopeless that things would ever feel exciting and connected in the relationship again.”
They may also cheat because they have unrealistic expectations of the relationship and then feel disappointment as a result, says Nickels.
“They often do not have the communications skills to deal with their disappointing partners,” she says. “Additionally, men fail to see their own part in the marital disappointments. Also, men often have intimacy and sex confused, or they have unrealistic expectations of what women are supposed to do. Unable to deal with disappointment, men, many times, do an end-run around problems, which means finding an affair partner.”

What Women Often Do When He Cheats

Although women will typically blame their husbands or boyfriends for the affair, they also tend to place the blame on someone else: themselves. They tend to question what they did wrong, and then believe that if they had behaved differently, their partners would be satisfied and faithful. Most of the time, however, this is wrong.

“I think this is directly connected to that historical perspective and social belief that women are responsible for the relationship,” says Belous. “As such, and because they hold that belief (falsely), they end up blaming themselves for the infidelity—subconsciously saying to themselves, ‘If I had been good enough,’ or ‘If only I were better at sex,’ then their partner wouldn’t have left. Of course, this is also completely untrue.”
And in addition to themselves, women will also point at someone else other than their partners: the other woman.
You’ve likely seen the trashy talk shows in which the girlfriend and other woman attack each other once the affair has been discovered. Instead of throwing punches at the man, the woman who has been cheated on takes her anger out on the mistress, which further contributes to women taking the blame for infidelity. But why go after the other woman when your partner is the one who hurt you?
“Affairs are devastating and can rock the foundation of everything we know our life to be” says Phillips. “This can be so overwhelming that a common defense mechanism is to blame external factors. Often, with time, people can take an honest look at themselves and their relationship to truly understand why an affair happened.”

What They Should Do

If you do find yourself in the nightmare of learning your partner had an affair, the first thing you should do is avoid blaming yourself. Your partner has a mind of his own and you did not make him cheat, no matter what he or others say. And if you do find others pointing the finger at you, consider the source.
“I think any woman who is being blamed for the infidelity of her partner needs to check the people who are doing the blaming,” says Belous. “Are those people who are truly necessary or actually a good part of your life? I recommend to every couple that I’ve worked with who are going through a monogamous infidelity situation, to consider being more open and public about their situation and experience. Why should we shame ourselves for making a mistake?”
It is also important to understand that marriage has evolved from what it used to be. Along with working together to build a life, partners also expect their significant others to be their best friends, support systems, co-parents, and passionate lovers. That’s a whole lot of expectation for one person, says Phillips.
“With open, honest communication couples can learn to manage these high expectations and learn how to get some needs met from other sources—and create a monogamy agreement that works for them,” she says. “With a little less pressure on the relationship, we may see the prevalence of cheating, which can have devastating effects, come down.”

Dealing with your partner’s infidelity is difficult enough, but when you’re being blamed for the affair, you may face an impossible situation.
“When a partner cheats or breaks a contract, it is simply a maladaptive choice,” says Nickels. “It is very difficult to be the victim who gets blamed or shamed. Individual therapy can be very helpful in order to develop the ego strength needed to deal with that blame and/or shame.”
https://twitter.com/WeNeedFeminlsm/status/951095285886877696
And it’s also helpful to realize that you are not to blame, no matter what anyone says and that you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t feel the need to stray.

Tags 50038026, balance, hemingway, social

Happy Home Lifestyle

How Feng Shui Works (And How It Doesn't) According To Science

Post author By HealthyWay Staff Writer
Post date February 13, 2018

Not happy with your home? Blame your chi.
That’s the basic reasoning behind feng shui, a Chinese philosophy that advocates cultivating harmony with your environment. Essentially, feng shui practitioners believe that every object and person has an energy—known as chi or qi—and that properly organizing your surroundings can allow your energy to flow more effectively.
That’s where the name “feng shui” comes from; it roughly translates to “wind and water.” The philosophy claims that different directions have different elements associated with them, and by managing the flow of your chi effectively, you can live a calmer, happier lifestyle.

Of course, there’s no scientific evidence to support the spiritual claims of feng shui. Scientists haven’t found a chi in any laboratory experiments, and while organizing your surroundings can certainly improve your productivity, the effects are somewhat limited.

Its almost spring, which means spring cleaning. Stop hoarding items in your room, donate your clothes you don’t use, do a little feng shui, buy some flowers, be happy.

— ✨ (@itzeeladrianaaa) February 11, 2018

Still, feng shui has been around for thousands of years. Surely there’s some value in it, right? We spoke with several feng shui experts and self-proclaimed psychics to find out.

Claim 1: Choose the right color for your front door to complement your chi.

An article on The Spruce suggests choosing a color for your home’s front door to maximize the positive energy flowing through it. A south-facing door, for instance, should be red, since the direction signifies fire in traditional feng shui. A door that faces the west draws its power from metal, so homeowners should use white or grey.

Unfortunately, there’s no science to back this up. Color can certainly affect moods, so if you paint your door green, you might feel slightly refreshed when you walk through it, but different colors affect people very differently.
“[Color perception] is very much based on culture,” Dustin York, an associate professor at Maryville University who specializes in nonverbal communication, tells HealthyWay. “Here in the United States, black is usually seen as a negative connotations. With other cultures, black is actually seen as a positive, clean color, almost like white is for people in the West. You will definitely see changes within cultures.”
There’s certainly something to be said for choosing colors carefully, but don’t expect any mystical energy to flow through your front door.

Claim 2: Bedroom organization can affect your energy levels throughout the day.

“To spread the good vibes or chi, you need the bed positioned as far away from the door as possible or diagonally from the door,” says Adam, head interior designer at Decorelo (he didn’t provide his last name). “Do not position in line with the door or too much chi will flow towards the bed.”

We’re skeptical of that claim (sorry, Adam), but we could understand how putting a bed right next to a door could make a room appear somewhat cramped. We couldn’t find any research that looked at bed placement relative to bedroom doors (somehow, nobody’s funding that research).

If you notice a drop in positive vibes from your life, my apologies for stealing them. I’m about to Feng Shui my bedroom.

— Paolo Mateo Mojica (@paolommojica) February 12, 2018

However, we’re on board with this next bit:
“It is important that there is a gap under the bed to let the energy circulate around you while you have a good night’s sleep. Keeping the bedroom tidy and uncluttered should keep any negative vibes away, also.”
While we’re not strong believers in “energy,” air flow can certainly help to prevent dust and mold from accumulating on a mattress. If you can’t find a cheap frame, sleep blog Sleep Advisor recommends cleaning your floor and mattress regularly.

We should also note that our feng shui expert is absolutely correct about clutter. A study from the American Academy of Sleep showed that people who sleep in extremely untidy bedrooms may be at risk for developing sleep disorders.
The key word there is “extreme,” as the study focused on people with mild to moderate hoarding problems, but it still demonstrates the importance of a clean, organized bedroom.
The takeaway: If you want to stay productive, stay organized. Our other feng shui experts agreed with that assessment.

“In feng shui, the clutter symbolizes the unfinished work, so just remove every item without a practical purpose or those which don’t contribute to the overall look of the place,” says Lauryn Haynes, a home organizing expert at Star Domestic Cleaners in London.
That sounds perfectly reasonable to us.

Claim 3: Spread salt around your house and sing.

“Spread sea salt around the house and leave it for the next 24 hours to absorb the negative energy, then vacuum it all away singing joyful songs,” says feng shui expert and author Milana Perepyolkina. “Open all windows and go around the house clapping your hands, moving the negative energy out of the windows and inviting positive energy in through the doors.”

Okay, we’re aware that this one sounds unorthodox, but science backs up Perepyolkina’s suggestions—just not the reasoning behind her suggestions.
Salt might not actually absorb negative energy, per se, but it’s fairly good at absorbing some odors. To take you back to high school chemistry class, a salt is an acid combined with a base, and table salt (sodium chloride) is relatively pH-neutral. When salt contacts the chemical compounds that cause odors, it sometimes helps to break those compounds up and reduce their acidity, neutralizing the smell. The vacuuming certainly helps. We’d classify nasty odors as “bad energy,” so we’re on board with that part of Perepyolkina’s advice.

As for “singing joyful songs,” that sounds ridiculous, but it’s actually a pretty decent suggestion. A 2004 study showed that singers have lower levels of cortisol—a stress hormone—than the control group.
However, there’s a catch: The study looked at group singers, so to get the best possible effect, you’ll want to get a friend to sing with you.

Claim 4: Talk to your pillow before you go to sleep.

“Trust me on this,” says Perepyolkina, “your possessions absorb good energy and then share it with you while you sleep.”

We really like her attitude, but sadly, we could not find any research that supports this idea. While you’re certainly free to engage in some pillow talk, you’d spend your time more effectively by researching pillows. One study showed that certain pillows can contribute to sleep disorders and advised using latex pillows to limit arm and spinal pain.
To give Perepyolkina the benefit of the doubt, talking to a pillow could be seen as a form of meditation. That’s certainly a helpful practice; numerous studies show that mindfulness meditation can fight insomnia and improve the overall quality of sleep.

Claim 5: Clean your windows to improve your perspective.

“The windows symbolize your eyes looking at the world,” says Haynes. “Clean windows can help you see things clearly, while dirty ones can only limit your perspective. Grab some old newspaper and a mixture of white vinegar and water, and voila.”

Again, we don’t disagree with the advice, just the reasoning behind the advice. We’re not sure about windows symbolizing perspective, but they do let in daylight. One study showed that office workers report better overall health and fewer sleep disturbances when they have access to a window during work hours.
Researchers believe that daylight inhibits melatonin production, which allows for a healthy sleep cycle. To stay happy and healthy, you’d better keep your windows clean—and Haynes is right to recommend old newspapers and white vinegar. Newspapers are made with soft, densely packed fibers that pick up dust without leaving behind streaks.

Of course, newspaper subscriptions are dwindling in the United States. If you don’t have any old newspapers laying around, you can simply grab a high-quality microfiber cloth.

Claim 6: Cover your bedroom TV with fabric.

“The active energy of the TV has active energy which can be really disruptive to your sleep and the overall mood of the bedroom,” says Haynes. “You can simply cover it up with a beautiful fabric when not in use.”
Once again, while we’re skeptical about the “energy” talk, we can support this suggestion with good, hard science. A 2009 study from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine showed that television watching is an important determinant of sleep quality. People who watch more television tend to sleep worse, particularly if they watch TV around bedtime.

@LauraAshleyUK #MakeandDecorate Left over laura ashley fabric makes a lovely cover to hide the tv when entertaining pic.twitter.com/jZwfFJmtPi

— Nicola Andrews (@andrews_nj) September 13, 2015

There’s also a growing body of research indicating that certain wavelengths of blue light can diminish sleep quality by messing with your body’s production of melatonin (that sleep hormone we mentioned earlier). Watch a stressful television show, and your body will produce hormones like cortisol, which certainly won’t help your cause.
Putting a piece of fabric in front of your television might conceivably stop you from using it as often since you’ll be less likely to walk across the room to remove the fabric when you could simply reach for a book. Just make sure not to substitute your phone, laptop, or tablet for your TV, as any of those items could cause similar sleep disturbances.

We should note that feng shui isn’t a religion.

Its practitioners approach its fundamental beliefs in different ways. Some see it as a simple way to organize more efficiently, while some designers take the whole “chi” thing to heart. Some feng shui adherents will undoubtedly disagree with some of the suggestions in this list, and some will adamantly insist that we’re incorrect in approaching this ancient philosophy with science.
Our goal isn’t to paint the philosophy as ridiculous, but only to show that when the mystical advice works, there’s generally a practical, scientific reason. When the advice doesn’t work, it’s not because of an imbalance of chi; it’s because your interior designer didn’t quite connect the dots.

Tags 50038336, balance, hemingway, social

Healthy Relationships Wellbeing

The Psychology Of Proposals: Why We Say "I Do"

Post author By John Kelly
Post date January 31, 2018

When the big news came in, we all swooned. Even the cynics and curmudgeons among us couldn’t help getting just a little bit swept up by the magic and romance of it all.
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle—the pond-crossing power couple of British royalty and American celebrity–got engaged. Engaged!
And once we heard, there was one question spilling from our collective lips: How’d he pop the question? Even the BBC jumped right to the query in its exclusive post-engagement interview with the couple: “Can we start with the proposal and the actual moment of your engagement? When did it happen? How did it happen?”

It’s not just that we’re starstruck by #Harkle, as some are Brangelina-ing the two, or are The Crown-addicted, corgi-obsessed Anglophiles.
It’s that we, as a culture, are absolutely fascinated with marriage proposals. Proposees daydream their ideal engagements, from beachside sunsets to skydive surprises. Proposers scheme their knee-dropping, including ever elaborate—and ever public—songs and dances.
But why?
Of course, the marriage proposal is a significant and singular moment in one’s relationship, if not life, marking the passage into that greater commitment of marriage (unless the partner says no, that is).
That’s an incredibly intimate moment. So why do we care how Prince Harry asked Meghan Markle to marry him? Why do some partners orchestrate flash-mobs? Why is the marriage proposal, well, such a thing?

The marriage proposal is an important ritual.

For Lisa Hoplock, PhD, it all comes down to ritual.
Currently working at the University of Manitoba, Hoplock dedicated her dissertation to the psychology of the marriage proposal and is an expert on this under-researched area. “Marriage proposals give us a sense of control and predictability,” she tells HealthyWay. “They provide a script for important life events.”

And we all know the script thanks to its consistent appearance in popular media. As Hoplock outlines the steps, the proposer:

Asks for the blessing of the proposee’s parents
Makes the proposal a surprise
Gets down on one knee
Presents a ring
And asks the proposee, “Will you marry me?”

Even Prince Harry followed the same formula, though his script had some additional elements—him being, oh, fifth in line to the Throne of England and all. We talked to the orchestrater of one of the most romantic proposals we’ve heard of, and guess what? He followed it, too—though, as you’ll see at the end of this piece, it was anything but easy.
Harry asked for the blessing of Markle’s parents. He also asked for the blessing of his grandmother, the Queen, as required under law by the UK’s Succession to the Crown Act 2013. He dropped to one knee and presented a ring—which he designed with diamonds from the collection of his late mother, Princess Diana—that jewelers have valued at up to $350,000. And before he could even finish asking the question, Markle blurted out her “Yes!”
Royalty: They’re just like us!

Monarchy aside, they kind of are, actually. Their proposal itself was a simple and private affair, as we’d imagine a high-profile pair would want for an engagement announcement that made international headlines and sparked its own hashtag. Markle told the BBC that Harry proposed on a “cozy night” at their cottage. “We were roasting chicken. It was just an amazing surprise. It was so sweet and natural and very romantic. He got down on one knee.”

The proposal script provides guidance and communicates values.

Now, the origins of the proposal ritual as such aren’t exactly clear, but Hoplock notes that many of the individual elements are very old.
The parental blessing may have grown out of the ancient practice of the dowry, when a bride’s father gave the husband money or property upon marriage. We can find evidence for engagement rings in ancient Rome, with future brides brandishing a gold ring in the forum and a less expensive iron counterpart around the villa. The diamond ring as the go-to band, meanwhile, was the marketing brainchild of De Beers, the jewelry giant, during the Great Depression. And evoking chivalry and supplication, the genuflection expresses “subservience,” as Hoplock puts it, with the question conveying “intention.”

But while each particular component of the marriage proposal has its meaning and symbolism, the power of the ritual is as a whole.
First, as we’ve seen, the ritual offers guidance through the proposal, a momentous, but stressful, situation “where someone might get accepted or rejected,” Hoplock says. Both actors know the scene and their parts, to continue the script metaphor—though a rejection is a plot twist, not the dramatic climax the individuals may have rehearsed. And on a broader level, Hoplock also supposes the marriage proposal ritual provides a larger sense of social continuity and stability in the “tumultuous world” we inhabit.

Second, rituals “communicate one’s values and one’s bonds,” Hoplock explains. “They are a way to connect to other people, a way to demonstrate to others that we share these values.”
For Hoplock, the marriage proposal expresses the traditional “marriage ideal” of a committed, stable partnership founded on love and fidelity—you know, all that squishy-squashy feel-good stuff. We can even understand a proposal rejection as upholding that ideal, declined because of an unreadiness or unwillingness to make the more serious commitment marriage demands.

A good engagement story can be vital to the relationship.

We also value the engagement story itself—so much so that we actually judge the strength of a couple’s relationship based on it. A 2007 study found that “relationships were evaluated as stronger when they conformed to a traditional proposal script,” like the one described above.

Based on the details of the proposal, friends and families deem the couple a good match with a healthy relationship when their engagement follows the traditional steps, and are more likely to support their upcoming union. “If any of the elements are lacking,” says Hoplock of the study’s results, “especially if there’s no ring, [others] might see the proposal as illegitimate. They might think that the relationship isn’t as strong, that it’s a weaker relationship, and it might not last as long or be not as sincere or they don’t actually mean it.”
The marriage proposal, then, isn’t just the performance of a ritual for a hoped-for spouse-to-be: It’s also a performance to our social network to help us secure their investment in our marriage.

Despite the stereotype and media messages, many may be relieved to learn that the size of the ring didn’t matter for the traditional script. The study found ring size made no difference to its participants’ perceptions of the quality of the marriage proposal. It did matter, however, who was asking the question.

We still think of proposing as the guy’s job.

We may be living in a time of greater, if still insufficient, gender equality, but when it comes to marriage proposals, we’re still very conservative. With heterosexual couples, we by and large still expect the man to the do the proposing.
A 2012 study of nearly 300 undergraduate students found that about two-thirds of both women and men said they would “definitely” want the man to propose—zero percent of women said they would definitely want to propose, and zero percent of men said they would definitely want their partner to propose to them. “Given the prevalence of liberal attitudes among students at the university where data collection took place,” the authors discuss, “it is striking that so many participants held traditional preferences.”

Striking, indeed. Over 41 percent of women and over 57 percent of men largely cited traditional gender roles for why they want the man to propose. They wanted men to propose because men are the ones who are supposed to propose—because that’s just the way it’s always been. The authors refer to this as “benevolent sexism” or the “belief that men should protect, cherish, and provide for women,” also manifested in everyday behaviors like the expectation that men should pay for dinner.
There may also be so not-so benevolent forces at play, too. Writer Miranda Popkey thinks heterosexual women face an insidious catch-22: “We’re supposed to want to get married,” she wrote, “but if we advertise that desire too loudly, we become unmarriageable.”
A quick search around the web yields countless articles for how to get him to “put a ring on it,” as Beyoncé would sing: 15 Psychological Tricks To Make Him Propose, 10 Steps to Get An Immediate Marriage Proposal From Your Boyfriend, Get a Guy to Propose Naturally Without Being Obvious. There’s even the myth of the engagement chicken, a dish so delicious, it will make a boyfriend drop down straight to one knee—much humorous speculation arose after we learned Harry proposed to Markle over such a dish.

But if a woman dares to ask the question herself? She risks coming across as too desperate or assertive. She breaks the mold, Hoplock says of the lady-in-waiting. “It’s a minority of women who are the ones who propose,” she says. “In my studies, the women were more likely to be rejected. … It is really looked down upon … They think it would be more comfortable if the man is the one to propose.”

The Myths, Media, and Manipulations of Public Proposals

So, for better or worse, we favor traditional proposals. We also like those proposals to be private—another point for Harry. In a 2015 survey she conducted, Hoplock found that 69 percent of respondents said their ideal proposal would involve just the two of them. “Most people want a private proposal, and if they could change it, they would change it to be more private,” she tells HealthyWay.
And yet it seems we’re continually seeing bigger, showier productions of marriage proposals. On YouTube—and yes, we’ve all fallen down this rabbit-hole on YouTube—there are countless flash-mob proposals with millions of views. They’re staged in squares in Barcelona. They’re staged in Times Square, at airport arrivals from LAX to LHR. They’re staged during half-time at sports games, broadcast to cheering fans on the Jumbotron. They’re even staged at the checkout lines at IKEAs.
As flash-mobs, many of them develop in the same way. Music unexpectedly comes on—in the video above, Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)”—and dancers follow. Amused and intrigued by the incongruous event, a crowd forms. Seemingly out of nowhere, more and more participants join in until the proposer emerges on one knee, asking for the proposee’s hand in marriage before dozens, hundreds, sometimes even thousands of people.
The audience claps, cheers, shouts “Say yes, say yes!” The proposee dips her head. She covers her mouth. “Say yes, say yes!” It’s part of the typical proposal script, after all, for her to say yes. The crowd wants her to say yes.
We want the man to be rewarded for the grand, romantic gesture, declaring his love so widely and openly, even exposing himself to humiliation for it. We’re rooting for love.
And public proposers could be manipulating that very expectation, some think. As psychologist Glenn Wilson told the BBC of the phenomenon: “It’s possible that some men think that this will pile pressure upon her and increase the likelihood of getting a positive response, that she must think that he really loves her if he goes to this extent of trouble and trickery.”
Hoplock, for her part, thinks various media may also be contributing to the trend. “Technology allows for sharing and recording proposals” like never before, she notes, perhaps compelling some proposers and proposees to feel a viral proposal is a more memorable one.

Proposers might also feel expected to put on an elaborate public proposal because of how they’re romanticized and celebrated in film and television—often as a daring, last-ditch effort to demonstrate to the proposee that, despite previous mistakes and shortcomings, the proposer is truly prepared to take the relationship to the next level.
But this thinking is just the stuff of fiction, says Hoplock. “People think that the proposal will save the relationship.”

Why and How Women Reject Proposals

In a sweeping review Hoplock carried out of written descriptions of proposals on online forums like Reddit, she found that the second most common reason women rejected the proposal was that the couple had broken up. “There’s a big fight, and he goes back to the ring.”
The most common reason? Women said they were too young: “They were 18 and not even thinking about marriage yet.”
Also, Hoplock has a word to the wise: Avoid proposing at malls or food courts. She’s found that they usually result in a no.

And speaking of rejections, Hoplock had to weed out a lot of videos of proposal rejections for her research, as she discovered a number of them are actually staged for sociological research—or sometimes, incredibly, for the sheer entertainment of it.
But in the real ones, the pain and humiliation—for both parties—is very real. One aspect of Hoplock’s research focused on how women behave when rejecting a proposal from men in public. She’s found a pattern: Cortisol, the hormone released by the adrenal gland when we’re under stress, spikes during a proposal.
“The women seem to freeze in surprise at first,” Hoplock says. “But then the women would try to halt the ritual or pace in distress. The fight-or-flight response seems to occur, where they start arguing or maybe slap the partner or maybe back away from the partner before running away.”

This guy will show you how a proposal is done.

Nobody wants their marriage proposal culminating in consolation from a mascot. So what makes for the ideal proposal? “The ideal is one where the couple talks in advance,” advises Hoplock, emphasizing the importance of discussing a timeline and general expectations for what the proposal should be like. “If in doubt, propose in private with a ring and make the other person feel valued.”
That doesn’t mean it still can’t be magical, though. Take a page from Jim Fisk, director of wellness at an assisted living community in Cincinnati. “I’m a big storybook person,” he shares, recalling his Summer 2017 proposal story. “I wanted it to have meaning.”
Fisk began by observing Hoplock’s golden rule the year prior. “We had talked about it for sure,” he says. The talk gave him assurance that he and his girlfriend were on the same page, relationally speaking. It gave him a timeline: She was interested in getting engaged in 2017 but didn’t want to know when it was exactly coming. It also gave him a sense of what she wanted out of a proposal, which he was able to respect but also use to heighten the all-important surprise.
So Fisk started planning.
The blessing: He took her father out for a drink in Cincinnati and called her mother, who lives not far from where Fisk was planning to propose. That fact would help provide Fisk some cover for the surprise.

The ring: After talking to his girlfriend about her taste in bands, Fisk asked his mother for further guidance in this department—“I didn’t really know what I was doing,” he admits. He discovered his late grandmother had left him a band studded with diamonds, which he took to a small family jeweler for some further modifications.
The setting: Longboat Key, Florida, where the two took their first vacation together. (Hoplock has found that the number one ideal proposal spot is by the water, usually on the beach, so points to Fisk.)
“[The trip] set the stage for the relationship … it got serious from then on … . It would be meaningful to come back around to where we started it all,” Fisk says. He called her boss, shared his plan, and secured a week vacation. The couple took a private sailboat tour that first trip, so he also called the operators to set up the literal vehicle for his “Will you marry me?” Guests could bring food and drink, and the drivers made for excellent photographers.

But as the day drew near, things, as they do, happened.

His girlfriend got jury duty. He had to convince her not to file another postponement in case she was called up around the time of trip, planned for mid-August. Her grandfather was ill, and her family wanted everyone to gather together out of state before he passed away—in mid-August. He talked to her sister about his plans, and the family gladly helped him reschedule the visit with the grandfather.
Then, on the Sunday just two days before they were flying off for the surprise vacation, Fisk says his girlfriend tells him she wants to take a few personal days. Beset by yet another snag, he pulls off some artful maneuvering, convincing her that they will take a proper vacation soon and that when they get back, they’ll do some earnest engagement ring shopping. He threw her off the trail.
The proposal: The following Tuesday, Fitzs reveals, to her elation, that they’re headed to Florida. His birthday is coming up, he says, and they’re overdue for a visit with her mother down there.
“My shoulders were up to my ears. She was totally relaxed.”
They arrive, get settled in, and head out to a restaurant near the dock, where the special sailboat is waiting. But Fisk has one last obstacle.
“We get there, we walk into the restaurant. She’s starving.”
“‘Oh, honey, look over there—is that the boat we took?'” he recounts to us, playing out the drama. “‘I don’t care, I’m starving. Why do you want to go over there?’ She’s kind of perturbed that I’m taking a detour from the food.”
Again, Fisk persuades her. He pretends it was a chance encounter. On cue, the boat operator fakes a cancellation and invites the couple aboard—let us photograph you for our new website, they say, and we’ll give you a free ride and even throw in some food and drink. Soon, the couple’s aboard.
They make it out into the Gulf when the photographer asks, as planned, to photograph Fitz’s girlfriend at the brow of the boat. The photographer has her do her best Titanic pose so her back is to Fisk.
“That’s when I was suppose to come up behind her on one knee. I’m standing midship, I kid you not, and it all hit me at that point. The sun is coming down, there was some music playing. It all hit me. Holy s***. It’s here. I froze up,” he remembers. “It wasn’t until the captain … took a hand and put in on my shoulder, just a nudge. I walked up and was down one knee,” her back still to him. He took her hand and explained how being in this boat with her was like coming full circle. He popped the question.
She said yes.

“I felt so relieved,” Fisk says—not just that she said yes, but that he’d overcome all the hectic hitches leading up to the big moment. “If I did this in another lifetime, a lot less moving parts would help me!” he jokes.
But we’re not so sure Fisk would actually change anything were he to do it over. He told his fiancée all the hurdles he had to jump over as they basked in the post-engagement glow—and for Fisk, the relief. When people ask them how they got engaged, they have quite the story to tell.
Roast chicken? Pshaw, Prince Harry.

Tags 50037441, balance, hemingway, social

Fresh Fashion Lifestyle

Squiggle Brows, Nose Hair Extensions, And Other Bizarre Beauty Trends

Post author By Mary Sauer
Post date January 30, 2018

Watching beauty trends change throughout history, two things become very clear—beauty is subjective, and what is seen as beautiful is always changing. For some time, having a unibrow was considered be an attractive quality. In Ancient Greece, this facial feature was believed to signify intelligence, according to The New York Times.
With the passage of time, this preference swung to the opposite side of the spectrum. During medieval times, women removed their eyelashes and sometimes their brows as well. This was done to accentuate their foreheads, which was then largely regarded as the most beautiful part of the face, according to Marie Claire.
[pullquote align=”center”]If something is unusual, it will always garner more attention.[/pullquote]
On the dangerous side, plenty of women and men have done some incredibly extreme things in the name of beauty, or at least, what was seen as attractive at the time. A 1936 newspaper ad shows an eerie picture of invention created by Isabella Gilbert: a machine that allegedly creates dimples on the face (spoiler alert, it did not create dimples). And in the 18th century, lead poisoning was rampant because of the popular practice among men and women to lighten their faces with lead-based makeup.

Strange, right? Interestingly enough, though, many of the beauty trends of today are just as unique. Yet now, social media provides the perfect medium for quickly sharing and spreading new trends.
“I can tell you that anything that provokes a strong reaction causes a chain reaction,” explains Aimee Davison, an Instagram user who has gained over 13,000 followers by trying out unusual beauty trends.
“If something is unusual, it will always garner more attention. Also, if any trend is relatively easy to attempt with products one already has, it’s more likely to catch on.”
It’s a unique time for the beauty industry. In a digital age, makeup trends can catch fire within hours. Here are some of the strangest beauty trends that have gone viral in the new age.

You put glitter where?

Although shaving your armpits has long been the status quo in the United States, this is a trend that is changing among the millennial generation. Since 2013, the number of women who keep their armpits bare has been declining. In 2016, nearly 25 percent of women surveyed by Mintel reported to have quit shaving their pits completely, according to The New York Times.

A post shared by Glitter Tribe (@glittertribenz) on Sep 15, 2017 at 6:52pm PDT

Lately, millennials are taking things one step further, beautifying their armpit hair with glitter to make a point—it’s 2018, and women are free to do what they want with their bodies, including their armpit hair. Still, this trend might not catch on beyond posed Instagram photos, namely because it isn’t all that comfortable.
“The combination of long, damp armpit hair and abrasive body glitter is totally not comfortable, and it leaves a giant, sweaty, flaking mess,” shares Davison. “There is no practical reason to bedazzle your pits other than as a conversation piece, which is mostly why I try or start most of the weird beauty trends that I do.”

A post shared by Hervembs (@hervember) on Nov 30, 2013 at 8:27pm PST

Armpits aren’t the only body part getting a little glitter love these days. Actress Bella Thorne made headlines when she posted pictures of herself wearing glitter makeup as a bra. Davison tried this trend as well, telling HealthyWay that she found it beautiful, despite the fact that she hated having glitter on her pits. She recommends glitter bras as a bold choice for a rave or music festival.

Trend or trick?

Depending on who you ask, this incredibly strange beauty trend is less of a trend and more of a joke gone viral.

A post shared by GretChen Chen (@gret_chen_chen) on Oct 4, 2017 at 12:39pm PDT

In the last couple of months, nose hair extensions are becoming a thing on Instagram. According to Cosmopolitan, this all started with user GretChen Chen, who only had 173 followers when she posted a picture of herself sporting nose hair extensions, which were actually just fake eyelashes glued into her nostrils. Now, no one is certain if this was meant to be taken seriously, but the picture went viral, resulting in copycat posts by several Instagram users in the beauty world.

A post shared by Taylor R (@taytay_xx) on Oct 7, 2017 at 11:35pm PDT

Always up for a challenge, Davison reports having tried this trend after it became popular.
“Utterly ridiculous,” she says. “You need to stick lash glue up your nose, which winds up ripping out your actual nose hair after the fact.”

Raise a Brow

Nose hair extensions may have been inevitable, considering the fact that the beauty world seemed to have exhausted every possible iteration of eyebrow art over the course of six months. Creative eyebrows just might go down as the defining makeup trend of 2017.
We know that brow art took off in the Spring, Allure reports that the earliest viral brow art seems to date back to March 10th, when Instagram user @athenapaginton shared a picture of barbed wire brows, which quickly went viral. Next came feather brows, which was accidentally started by popular beauty influencer Stella Sironen. On April 8, she posted a picture of her brows styled as feathers.

so i’m starting this new brow trend please recreate it and wear it everyday and dont forget to tag me like and subscribe and hit that bell button””‘ ALL credits go to my muse @leevittu he came up with this whilst brushing my eyebrows last sunday brow: glue stick skin: @maccosmetics Face&Body foundation C1, @maccosmetics pro longwear concealer NW20, a lot of Fix+ for the wet effect highlight: @katvondbeauty Alchemist Palette (Emerald, Opal, Amethyst) eyeshadows: @lipsicosmetics lipstick on the lid and @maccosmetics matte lipsticks in Frosting and Matte Royal mixed for the inner&outer corners mascara: @maccosmetics in extreme dimension lash mascara in Hold For 10

A post shared by Stella Sironen (@stella.s.makeup) on Apr 8, 2017 at 10:46am PDT

The very next day, Sironen was back with another picture of feather brows and a little explanation of exactly what she was thinking. As it turns out, it was just a silly joke that got taken way too seriously. Now it’s totally a trend.
Moving on, we have carved brows. Using makeup, artists are creating the illusion of brows shaped in squiggles, lightening, and more. Makeup artist Lucky Martinez tells HealthyWay exactly what he thinks of this trend.

A post shared by Lucky Martinez (@luckymartinezz) on Aug 19, 2017 at 9:17am PDT

“I tried the ‘brow carve’ trend,” he says, explaining that the look is created by putting shadow around the brow and then using concealer to create a ‘shadow carved’ look. “It wasn’t really for me because it isn’t very natural, and I wouldn’t ever see me repeating it at all.”
Lastly, we’ve got squiggle brows. They seem to be creation of hugely successful Instagram influencer Promise Tamang, who shared a picture of squiggle brows and squiggle lips in August. The picture now has over 27,000 likes and plenty of comments, both good and bad.

New Brow trend??? When you’re tired of being basic. Somebody dare me to go out like this @melovemealot vibezz

A post shared by Promise Tamang (@promisetamang) on Aug 21, 2017 at 2:41pm PDT

“Promise, how could you be responsible for this monstrosity,” user @luz_822 posted under the original picture.

Looking Yellow in the Face

If, like me, you missed the memo that yellow eyeshadow was on trend, you may be just as surprised to hear what else yellow makeup is being used for. According to Allure, yellow blush became hugely popular over the Spring.

A post shared by Ash | Dallas | Makeup Artist (@ashmeredith_) on Jan 9, 2017 at 3:15pm PST

It’s applied like any old blush, only the color is bright. It’s strangely flattering, to be honest, and Davison says she was surprised by just how much she likes the look on herself.
“It’s not a color I would have ever thought to use, but the end result was interesting,” she says. “I love when unusual makeup trends force you to rethink your makeup choices and lead you to new styles.”

Eyeliner Art

Sometimes beauty trends quickly fade away after gaining popularity, but this trend seems to be here to stay. Double liner has become so popular over the last couple of years, and it likely was inspired by a look worn by Kendall Jenner and Gigi Hadid at a Chanel show in January, 2016.

A post shared by Sam McKnight Personal (@sammcknight1) on Jan 26, 2016 at 2:23am PST

“The double liner is something that recently came into play, and I love it,” Martinez shares. “It’s a winged liner within a winged liner. I really like it because not only does it not require a lot of work, but it adds a bit of color and pop to the face without completely turning the look into a certain color.”

Do you glow?

Perhaps the most widely embraced of recent unusual beauty trends, neon makeup has become super popular among instagram makeup artists.

Some artists are using actual neon makeup that reacts to black lights, but many are just really, really good at tricking the eyes. Different makeup colors are layered to make it look like the eyes or lips are glowing.

Too much, or just right?

Unusual beauty trends get a lot of negative attention. Growing out armpit hair has been called unhygienic, and it’s really no surprise that the comment sections of brow art pictures on Instagram are a free-for-all.
Many makeup artists simply don’t care. For them, it’s about doing their own thing, not conforming to the status quo.

“When I use makeup, it’s always only about makeup,” explains Martinez. “Using makeup as an art for me is when I’m able to enjoy my time alone and create something new that I believe will put a … smile on someone’s face.”
And although Davison is quick to admit that the trends she tried are strange or weird, she doesn’t think that is necessarily bad.
“Our bodies are canvases, and makeup is a tool to create a masterpiece,” she says. “I think we are at an incredibly liberating point in history where makeup is so accessible and affordable, and tutorials [are] so easy to find, that anyone can become anything they choose. Makeup enables self-creation, and creativity is art!”

Tags 50037371, balance, hemingway, social

Motherhood

Pseudocyesis: Why Doctors Performed An Emergency C-Section On A Woman Who Wasn't Pregnant

Post author By Mary Sauer
Post date January 30, 2018

Imagine the horror of admitting a woman for an emergency cesarean surgery—only to discover that she was never pregnant. Imagine telling that woman that you needlessly opened her up only to find that her uterus was empty.
Imagine the horror of being that woman, believing you were going to give birth to a child only to learn you were never actually carrying a child in the first place.
This is exactly what happened at Cape Fear Valley Medical Center, a hospital in Fayetteville, North Carolina. When a woman went to the hospital in 2008, she was admitted in preparation for delivery of a child, according to the local ABC affiliate. The woman was seen by resident doctors, and they attempted to to induce labor multiple times over the course of two days. After no success, she was scheduled for the ill-fated emergency c-section.

It’s difficult to imagine. It’s one thing to want to be pregnant so badly that you have a hard time accepting a negative pregnancy test; it’s another story entirely when even your body seems to believe you’re carrying a child, too. But that is exactly what happened in the North Carolina case, and it’s exactly what happens other cases of false pregnancy, referred to clinically as pseudocyesis. Women with the condition present symptoms that point to pregnancy but never deliver a baby, according to The New York Times.
Pseudocyesis is extremely rare—available estimates give a rate of less than one percent of pregnancies—and it is difficult to explain. We visited with three fellows of the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists—Linda D. Green, MD, Nisseth Urribarri, MD, and Jose E. Berthe, MD—of Green & Urribarri Obstetrics and Gynecology to learn more about this diagnosis.

What is pseudocyesis?

Pseudocyesis was first documented by Greek physician Hippocrates, who wrote of twelve different women who experienced false pregnancies, according to a paper in the Canadian Medical Association Journal.
“Many women experience the same exact symptoms that a pregnancy would experience,” according to the doctors at Green & Urribarri, who answered as a team. “Like mind over matter, your brain can fool your body into thinking that you are pregnant, and therefore, the same exact hormones are released.”

It’s normal for women of childbearing age to become fixated on the idea of pregnancy and misinterpret symptoms as clues that they’re expecting, but false pregnancies are different: They display actual physical symptoms of pregnancy even when there is no fetus to speak of.
“Every sign and symptom of pregnancy has been recorded in these patients except for three: You don’t hear heart tones from the fetus, you don’t see the fetus on ultrasound, and you don’t get a delivery,” said family practitioner Paul Paulman, MD, in an interview with The New York Times.
The symptoms of pseudocyesis may vary from patient to patient, but they all mimic those of an actual pregnancy. Women may experience missed periods, morning sickness, food cravings, weight gain, a swollen belly, and even sensations of fetal movement and contractions. In some cases, Paulman said, they’ll even test positive for pregnancy because of their changing hormones.

This is different from delusions of pregnancy, which “can be described as a false and fixed belief of being pregnant despite factual evidence to the contrary,” according to research in the Indian Journal of Psychological Medicine.

What causes pseudocyesis?

The cause of this unusual condition isn’t clear. In most cases, there typically isn’t a physiological explanation for pseudocyesis. Many women do exhibit a hormonal imbalance, according to the doctors at Green & Urribarri, but it isn’t clear if the hormonal balance causes the false pregnancy or if the false pregnancy causes the hormonal imbalance.

On that hormonal imbalance: Though the condition’s rarity prevents large-scale studies, individual case studies have shown women with pseudocyesis to have elevated levels of the hormones estrogen and prolactin, according to The New York Times story. These hormones cause both physical and psychological pregnancy symptoms.
In many cases, the cause seems psychological, and a close look at the woman’s personal circumstances and history may reveal clues as to why she is experiencing a false pregnancy.
“More often than not, it is due to psychological reasons, such as trauma or just wanting it bad enough,” explain the doctors at Green & Urribarri.
Included in The New York Times story is psychiatrist Biju Basil’s recountance of a woman’s false pregnancy concurring with her son’s girlfriend’s pregnancy—”[Basil] speculated that the woman’s condition arose from a deep-rooted desire to participate more fully in the birth of her first grandchild.”

Traumas that can lead to pseudocyesis include multiple miscarriages, severe mental illnesses, and abuse, according to the American Pregnancy Association. Women who have experienced infertility may also be at more risk for experience a false pregnancy, as can women who have lived in extreme poverty. In very rare cases, doctors actually find a physical explanation for the symptoms of false pregnancies, such as cancer or tumors.

Who is at risk for pseudocyesis?

As mentioned above, women who have had traumatic experiences are at an increased risk for experiencing false pregnancies. The doctors at Green & Urribarri explain that deep emotional pain may trigger the symptoms, especially if women have a history of abuse or have been told at some point that they will never have a child.

Women in less-developed countries have the highest risk for experiencing false pregnancies, according to research in Reproductive Biology and Endocrinology. For these women, maternal care is not readily available, and many will not seek medical care until they believe they are ready to give birth. In some African cultures, there is a high value placed on fertility, which may also influence the higher occurrence of pseudocyesis.
And although women of childbearing age are most likely to experience pseudocyesis, there are reports of elderly women experiencing delusions of pregnancy initiated by physical symptoms. These cases are linked to other mental health conditions, like dementia, according to a study in Age and Aging.

Still, pseudocyesis is incredibly rare. While statistics are hard to come by, it occurred at the rate of one-to-six in every 22,000 births as of 1990, according to research in the Journal of Family Practice.

Notable Cases of Pseudocyesis

One of the most tragic cases of pseudocyesis occurred in a 6-year-old girl. Her story, published in The Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry in 1985.

A victim of parental abuse and neglect, the young girl yearned “for food, material things and attention as well as feelings of defectiveness, of something missing, and sadness.” By ages 6 and 7, she longed for “her baby,” and was eventually admitted to the hospital “because of abdominal pain, enlarged abdomen for several weeks, along with morning nausea and vomiting and swollen ankles.” Only after after a year of intensive therapy did she accept that she wasn’t pregnant.
Mary Tudor, the Queen of England also known as Bloody Mary, is believed to have experienced pseudocyesis. In fact, it is speculated that the violence that earned her the nickname may have been instigated by learning that she wouldn’t give birth to a child, according to The New York Times.

Twenty cases of false pregnancies in men have been formally recorded, according research in the journal Psychopathology. In one case, a man with schizophrenia appeared to experience pregnancy on multiple occasions.

How is pseudocyesis treated?

Treating pseudocyesis is more complicated than you might imagine. Although it may seem as simple as telling a woman she is not expecting a child, that is not the case. Once it is confirmed that there is no baby, doctor’s must tread lightly to protect the mental health of the mother involved.

“Learning that you are not experiencing a real pregnancy can be emotionally scarring for women,” explain the doctors at Green & Urribarri. “It is vital to have a psychologist present during the meeting.”
Once the news has been broken to the patient, they are encouraged to begin any practices that can address the trauma, and they’re also encouraged to treat whatever underlying emotional trauma may have caused the disorder. Most doctors will encourage women to begin attending therapy. The doctors at Green & Urribarri also suggest involvement in support groups.

In rare cases, when a physical explanation for the false pregnancy exists, such as cancer or a tumor, doctors treat that right away. And if doctors do find that a hormonal balance is being experienced, they offer medical treatment to correct that.
One mom spoke to HealthyWay—let’s call her Hannah—about a pseudocyesis-like experience. She was experiencing a variety of symptoms, all of which seemed to point to pregnancy: She gained weight, experienced nausea that was strangely similar morning sickness, and even started lactating.
“It was actually from a brain tumor,” she explains. The tumor was near the pituitary gland, which lead to a condition called prolactinoma—the same condition that Mary Tudor may suffered from, V.C. Medvei suspects in The History of Clinical Endocrinology. Prolactinoma is characterized by an overproduction of the hormone prolactin, mentioned before—symptoms for females include irregular menstrual periods and a milky discharge from the breasts.

No matter the course of treatment chosen by a woman and her doctors, recovery from false pregnancies is not easy. For Hannah, treating her false pregnancy meant treating her tumor. For moms who are dealing with past trauma or infertility, treatment of pseudocyesis can be a long road, requiring therapy to address the underlying issues that lead to the pseudocyesis.
[related article_ids=21584]

Tags 50037156, balance, hemingway, social

Wellbeing

Go To Bed Angry (And More Surprising Secrets Of A Happy Marriage)

Post author By Gretchen Bossio
Post date January 16, 2018

When I first got married, I really sucked at being a married person.
I was young, selfish, and pretty difficult to communicate with. I entered marriage thinking that the fabled Prince Charming awaited, and instead, I found a regular guy with a good heart—who also really sucked at getting his dirty dishes from the living room to the kitchen.
My husband and I recently celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary, and looking back, we both agree that year one was the absolute worst. He admits that he thought he was getting a wife/maid combo once he put a ring on it, and as I confessed, I thought I was entering a fairytale.

Something good happened between that rough first year and now, though. A lot of good things happened, actually, and now we’re happy. We enjoy being married, and we genuinely like each other. And that’s saying a lot, considering how our life right after our wedding was pretty close to miserable. So, what did we start doing right?
Well, more on that later. But in short, what matters most for us is that we’re trying; we’re living and learning; we’re choosing marriage. And those secrets are just a sampling of what we could list, but honestly, I’ve learned that the secrets to success vary from couple to couple.

See, in an attempt to hear from other couples about their secrets of a happy marriage, I turned to social media. Lately, my feed has been full of breakups, divorce announcements, and single-life struggles, so I was a bit hesitant to crowdsource for happy husbands and wives…but to my amazement and joy, 70 individuals replied to my query. Seventy!
If you thought happiness in marriage was a myth, you’re going to be persuaded otherwise. There are many, many happy couples out there, and they have some really surprising secrets to spill. Below are the overarching themes of what they shared paired with insight from relationship professionals.

If you need to, go to bed angry.

“We have all heard the saying ‘Don’t go to bed angry,’” says Stefani, who has been married for nine years, “but if it’s late and you’re both overtired, sometimes that’s the smartest thing to do. You can always continue the conversation in the morning. … Trying to solve … something while exhausted and you just can’t think clearly can lead to even more problems. Learning how your husband or wife processes [conflict] will be a huge help in communicating what you need and want from them.”

On that note, Rochelle Peachey, a couples counselor, says, “If you do go to bed with the argument unsolved, be the first one to re-open it, but in a more reasonable way. If your partner is the one who re-visits last night’s disagreement, then you need to be willing to listen and talk it through.”

Don’t make your spouse your everything.

Should you lose yourself in marriage? Make your spouse your everything? Layla Lawrence, a contributor at mom.me who has been married for ten years, wrote a piece titled No, My Husband Is Not My Best Friend. It reads: “The number-one reason my husband is not my best friend: I don’t believe one person should carry the burden of my entire emotional life.”

Isn’t that the truth? My husband loves me, this I know, but does he need to catch every tear I cry? I don’t think so.
Lawrence continued: “I mean, let’s share that s***. Spread it out. I’m a lot to handle and he does a good job husbanding me, but no man deserves to be a girl’s literal everything. It’s just too much.”
That mentality transfers just as easily to husbands. I need my man to have friends and hobbies outside of me. I don’t complete him. He’s his own person and our relationship, albeit an important one, is only a facet of who he is.

[Marriage] is meant to be interdependent, not codependent.

Michael DeMarco, PhD, a relationship counselor and sex therapist says, “I look at healthy relationships like a Venn diagram of overlapping circles. If you are a whole person, you’re going to, hopefully, attract and be in a relationship with another whole person—and where you overlap is your relationship. This also means that there will be areas in which you don’t overlap, and don’t have to!”
Jim Seibold, PhD, a licensed marriage and family therapist, concurs: “[Marriage] is meant to be interdependent, not codependent. Interdependence means that couples share, live, and work together, but do not solely rely on each other.”

Communicate. Learn. Adapt.

Mickey Eckles, a pastor and marriage counselor of 25 years, stresses that there is one skill that couples must commit to learning if they want to be happy. That skill? Communication!

“If we can learn to communicate openly and honestly with one another, we can express our desires and dislikes. More than that, we can navigate any issue that tries to rob our joy and unity. Marriage is work, and great marriages are working at it all the time.”

“In all of life, we should continue to learn,” says Brian Taylor, an author and relationship coach. “Most certainly in our relationships. Most professions have Continuing Professional Development requirements. Why not, in our most important relationship, have Continuing Personal Development requirements?”

Put your spouse in your schedule.

Eckles introduced me to Willard F. Harley, Jr., PhD, who wrote the book Surviving An Affair. In it he wrote:
“You have 168 hours every week (24×7) to schedule for something. I highly recommend 8 hours of sleep a night, so that leaves 112 waking hours. Getting ready for the day, and going to bed at night may require, say, 12 hours, and work plus commute may take another 50 hours. That leaves 50 more hours to spend doing what you value most, and 15 of those hours should be dedicated to maintaining a passionate and fulfilling marriage.”

Kristy and her husband, Sean, have been married for 23 years, and she heartily agrees.
“Make time—lots, weekly—to just be a couple. We were so poor starting out, we made dates of movies in, walks, coffee … we laugh together a lot. Now we still make the time, only we don’t need childcare anymore, so we can eat out more, which I love! Also, once or twice a year we get away together and have a little honeymoon.”

If your job gets 40-plus hours a week from you, the secret to maintaining a happy marriage is to make sure your spouse is getting a nice chunk of the 168 hours you have to allot.

Know that being happy isn’t the goal.

You’re in a committed relationship that needs to weather many hardships— that’s just life! So, if you make it your sole goal to be happy, you’ll most likely be unhappy.

“If the goal is to be happy, that means that any conflict would likely feel like failing,” Seibold says. This would lead to feelings of anxiety, even panic.”
“In fact, arguments are a sign of health,” he continues. “It suggests that couples respect one another enough to bring issues to the table. It also communicates trust in each other and the relationship. It says ‘I trust you to hear me’ and ‘I trust our relationship can handle this.’ If you hear a couple suggest that they are great together because they never fight, that is a sign of trouble. That means they are not sharing enough.”
I think we all need to ask ourselves, “What is the purpose of marriage?” Is your purpose to be happy, or is your purpose to partner with someone through life’s experiences?

After connecting with so many happy couples and sharing their thoughts with experts, it seems that the vast majority agree that when you forget happiness and focus on other crucial elements of marriage, you wind up finding happiness. If it’s not the focus, it will surely come.

So, what worked for my husband and I?

My husband said it best: “I choose her over myself.” And I agree—finding happiness in our marriage has been more about making each other happy than seeking our own.

To us, marriage is about entering a partnership where you’re both willing to give 100 percent. We fill in each other’s gaps, make decisions based on what is best for each other, and show up each and every day. From the little things like packing lunches (that’s one thing I do for my husband each day) to the big things like taking them on their dream vacation (my husband did that for me last spring).
Eckles brings speaks of the concept of preferring one another. That’s a phrase not often heard in marriage talk, but it bodes true. Preferring your spouse gives them priority. It’s choosing them and holding space for them to choose you.

Tags 50037031, balance, Commerce, hemingway, social

Wellbeing

Florists Reveal Bride Behaviors That Drive Them Crazy

Post author By HealthyWay Staff Writer
Post date January 15, 2018

More than 2 million couples get married in the United States every year, and presumably, most of them have weddings. Most of those weddings have flowers, and most of those flowers are prepared, arranged, delivered, and set up by florists.
In 2017, on average, those florists worked 54 weddings apiece, with about 23.7 hours of work per event. The average wedding requires 632 “stems” (that’s florist talk for individual flowers). Over and above the near-full-day florists spend arranging flowers for each wedding, they also provide countless hours of consultation, email correspondence, and debate over the relative merits of fuchsia versus magenta.
Florists are human beings who can only take so much before they want to set fire to their own flower coolers. And couples who are essentially tasked with planning a massive, raging party that won’t offend the grandparents aren’t known for their calm, stress-free approach to personal interaction.

I’d rather go out of business than go back to weddings every weekend.

Florists get it: It’s your special day. But your special day is another hard shift for the person behind your floral dreams. It’s nice to remember that and to avoid behavior that drives florists crazy. We’re talking about stuff like:

1. Having Eyes Too Big for Your Budget

We’ll call this florist “Violet.” She runs a small, Midwestern flower shop that caters largely to the young and the hip, i.e., the prime marriage demographic. But not so long ago, she stopped offering wedding services, even though the events made up a fair chunk of her shop’s income.

“I’d rather go out of business than go back to weddings every weekend,” she tells HealthyWay. This is a source who’s ready to talk straight. With no incentive to sugarcoat, she’s the ideal florist to warn those who are about to get married what not to do.
When we ask Violet about annoying bride behavior, one word comes up again and again: Pinterest. Apparently the site’s floral content can create outsized expectations.

“They find some pictures on Pinterest and then contact you about their wedding,” Violet says. “They’ll be like, ‘Well, I have a really low budget, but it’s cool because I just want something really simple, like this.’ And they’ll show you a bouquet that they maybe think is really simple because it just has one ingredient, but it’s about 30 stems of Phalaenopsis orchid, which are quite expensive per stem.”
The misunderstanding isn’t the problem, Violet says. She’s happy to explain the blunt facts of cut flower pricing to a confused bride. The trouble starts when Violet gently breaks the news that this Pinterest bouquet would cost a cool grand, and the bride stares back, unperturbed.

“But they’re like, ‘Okay, so my budget is $75, and this is what I want. What can you do for me?'”
Keep in mind that florists are very aware they’ll be interacting with their clients for the next 12 to 18 months or however far out they book their weddings. This is not the right foot to start out on. Still, Violet doesn’t blame the bride, not really.
“That happens a lot,” she says. “But that’s the internet’s fault.”

2. Expecting “Local” Without Limits

“Lily” works for another Midwestern flower shop, where she handles most of the wedding business. Her shop focuses on local flowers and greens, with dramatic, unconventional arrangements.

As a result, Lily’s shop has become quite popular with couples who worry about the (considerable) environmental problems associated with importing cut flowers from Central and South America. The concern is commendable. Unfortunately, some brides seem to like the idea of shopping local more than the reality of what’s locally available.
“They’ll book a wedding on New Year’s Eve and say they want all local,” Lily says. “I mean, unless you live in Hawaii, that’s not very cool to do.”
Local flowers grow according to the local ecosystem. Sadly, brides must choose between what’s available locally during the season and having the bouquet they’ve always dreamed of.

Of course, there is a middle ground if neither extreme works for you. You can always ask for sustainably-grown flowers from California. The California Cut Flower Commission awards BloomCheck Certification only to growers that use the “best practices for sustainability when it comes to water; air and soil quality; wildlife protection; and social impacts on workers and the community,” and the state offers a wide range of cut flower species year-round.

3. Inviting Too Many Cooks to the Consultation

Wedding consultations can be short and sweet. Often, more gets done that way. Most are neither short nor sweet, to hear Violet tell it. She never charged for consultations (many florists don’t), and as the hours ticked past, she could hear almost the steady plink of coins dropping from her cash register into the bottomless pit of lost productivity.

“The second-worst [person to bring to a wedding consultation] would be a sister or a bridesmaid who just got married,” Violet says. “Because then that person will be like, ‘Well, at my wedding…’ It’s really fresh in her mind because she just did all that, so she wants to be a lot like, ‘When I was planning my wedding, then…,’ you know? That person can be bossy.”
Okay, so we have to ask: If that’s the “second-worst” attendee of a wedding consultation, who is the worst? Violet doesn’t bat an eyelash.

“The worst thing is a mom, and then the worst type of mom is the one that’s like, ‘Well, I worked at a florist shop when I was in high school, so I have a lot of ideas and specifications about what should happen here.'”
Apparently, this character appears frequently enough to be a thing in the floral industry.
Now, we wouldn’t advocate leaving your mother out of the consultation if you want her there. But there are a few things you can do to make the whole experience more pleasant.

First of all, have clear ideas about what you want. Arrive with your budget in mind. And, if you prefer a longer, more intensive discussion (or if your mother takes the whole afternoon off in preparation), consider visiting a florist that charges for consultations. At least that way, there’ll be pressure on both sides to keep things rolling along efficiently.

4. Having Too Particular a Palette

Florists are experts in color. They can talk your ear off about the difference between “eggshell” and “cream.” But what they can’t do is affect the subtle shade of a particular bloom, at least, not without spray paint, and who wants a spray-painted flower?

The color scheme is a huge decision for a wedding ceremony, and many couples get really into picking theirs out. That’s terrific. Just remember that flowers are plants, and while growers breed them in many finely-tuned hues, there’s bound to be a little variation from stem to stem. A bit of flexibility will go a long way in creating the picture-perfect ceremony.
The most annoying bridal behavior “comes in the form of a Biblical nitpickery … like, 18 emails a day for a year,” says Violet. “Like, ‘Look, I know before I said royal, but now it might be more of a cobalt, but cobalt tending more towards royal than to navy. Maybe it’s a light navy.”

That’s too particular, Violet says.
“It doesn’t get to that level of specificity,” she explains.

5. Being Too Stressed to Survive

This advice goes way beyond the flowers: Relax. No wedding ceremony is perfect. The caterers will forget the mac and cheese. Your in-laws will be unhappy with the music. The kids will drain unattended glasses. This stuff happens, and you still end up married the next day.
Wedding florists have seen it all, and since they’re on the scene on the big day, they often end up acting as unofficial fixers for the couple of the hour. They might provide the crucial safety pin to correct a last-minute dress malfunction. They might talk down a stressed out groomsman while pinning on the boutonniere. But performing in this role also subjects them to some less-than-chill behavior on the part of their clients.

“You can have a bride that is really easygoing up to the day of the wedding, and on wedding day, she’s a type A nightmare,” says Lily. “Wedding days are stressful, so that makes more sense.”
The stranger iteration of a stressed-out bride is the opposite, Lily says.
“What’s weirder, and this happens just as often, is that someone who bothers you for months before the event, and then on wedding day, they’re super relaxed about whatever happens,” she says. “That’s a little more heartening to me: They made it here, and they’re happy about it. They’re enjoying this.”

6. Ignoring This Alarming Professional Advice

You know what else gets you married, besides a lavish, 500-guest, Kim and Kanye-style ceremony? A quick trip to the courthouse. Violet won’t blame you if you decide to take the easy route. Her general take on the wedding ceremony is that it’s more trouble than it’s worth.

“For most people, it does seem like a really stressful and off-putting occasion,” she says. “And I feel bad for them.”
Her advice?
“Just don’t do it,” she says. “I mean, that’s the only way to avoid the overthinking and the terror and the anxiety.”

Tags 50038171, balance, hemingway

Wellbeing

I Deja Du: Etiquette For Your Second (Or Third) Wedding

Post author By Heather Vecchioni
Post date January 15, 2018

Americans are known for a lot of things, and one of them is getting back up after getting knocked down. Believe it or not, this is especially true when it comes to marriage and divorce.
Although recent studies show that anywhere between 40 and 50 percent of American marriages end in divorce, the brides and grooms in those dissolved relationships will probably enter new ones in which they marry again.
In 2013, two in five new marriages included at least one partner who had been previously married, according to the Pew Research Center. One in five new marriages involved partners who had both walked down the aisle before.
This means brides and grooms aren’t giving up on love if it doesn’t work out the first time, and they are willing to take the plunge again. What this also means is encore weddings—weddings that happen after one’s first—are happening all the time.

If you’re considering trying your hand at marriage again, or are invited to an encore wedding, you’ll need to know the etiquette.

For the Bride

Let’s face it: You’re the star of the show. And since all eyes are on you, it’s a must that you know encore wedding etiquette.

The Dress

Believe it or not, white wasn’t always the color of choice for wedding dresses. In fact, up until the 19th century, it was common for brides to wear red, as a symbol of fertility, or black, if the soon-to-be husband was a widower. But Queen Victoria changed all of that when she wed Prince Albert in 1840.
Instead of donning the same tired dresses that so many brides wore before her, the sassy Queen designed her own dress and decided she wanted to wear white.

Since then, the color caught on. Tradition states that white should only be used for the first wedding—the color has long been associated with purity and, well, virginity. But is that tradition really important? If you spot a gorgeous dress that happens to be white, do you have to forgo the fabulous frock because of your past relationship?
“Absolutely not,” says Jenny Orsini, owner and creative director of Jenny Orsini Events. “Gone are the days of traditional wedding dress colors and rules about second marriages and proper attire. In today’s day and age, brides should only follow one rule: Keep it elegant, classy, and fabulous! But following color-appropriate rules? That’s a thing of the past.”

And as for style? Encore brides tend to veer away from conventional dresses, says Kelly Heyn, owner of SociaLife, a wedding and event planning company.
“I have found that many brides tend to veer away from classic and traditional gowns completely,” she says. “Some choose to wear white but keep the style of their gown informal by wearing a shorter, cocktail-style dress.”
So it seems that encore wedding dress etiquette states that there actually isn’t any etiquette other than to feel comfortable with, and fabulous in, your choice.

The Bridal Activities

Let’s face it, part of the appeal of being the bride is all of the extracurriculars that come with the title. From bridal showers to bachelorette parties, brides get to have all the fun.
But does that mean you’re obligated to have all the pre-wedding hoopla again? Lots of brides don’t and choose a more low-key route, says Orsini.

“A lot of my encore brides choose to forgo the typical large bridal shower and opt for a more casual brunch or dinner with their closest family and friends,” she says.
So if that’s your style, do you. But if you want a big bridal shower and an even bigger bachelorette party, then go crazy with it. This is your wedding, and you should do what you want. Those who don’t agree can choose not to attend.

For the Guests

If we’re being honest, being a guest at a wedding is a pretty sweet gig. For the small price of a few hours of their time, they get free food, entertainment, and a chance to witness two people promise to love each other forever. But unless they know the rules for guests at second weddings, they likely won’t be invited back if there’s a third.

The Gift

From dowries to wedding chests, the idea of gaining gifts as a result of marriage has been around for centuries. And when wedding guests began giving the happy couples presents on their big days, deciding what to buy was the biggest question. Nowadays, the present predicament extends to whether or not guests are expected to bring gifts when it’s a second or third marriage.

Just because it is a second marriage doesn’t mean it is not as special or important.

Before you scoff at the idea of not bringing a present to the nuptials, consider this: Wedding gifts are expensive. On average, a person spends anywhere from $73 to $245 on a wedding present depending on where they live. The typical cash present also sets guests back by about $160.
If you’re attending a lot of marriage ceremonies, the cost of all these presents can add up to a shocking amount. Money becomes an even bigger potential issue when you go to multiple marriages for the same person.
So what is a wedding guest to do? Should they bring gifts, even though the soon-to-be-newlyweds have been through this before?
“Yes, guests should still be expected to bring presents and attend any other event that coincides with the wedding,” says Heyn. “Just because it is a second marriage doesn’t mean it is not as special or important. If someone is paying for you to be a guest and attend their event, then it is only proper etiquette to bring a gift.”

In all likelihood, however, you were invited to the wedding so that you could be there, not so that you would bring an epic gift. Chances are your presence is the only gift the couple wants, but you should still bring a little something anyways.

Bringing up the Ex

It’s probably not a secret to your guests that they are attending an encore wedding. They likely know that you had a life before the person you’re about to marry now, and that there may even be byproducts of that past life, like children. But because a wedding is all about the future, the past that involves an ex shouldn’t be brought up, right? Not necessarily.

Lol my aunt brought up the ex girlfriend in her toast at the wedding

— Pickleback (@hayveghead) January 1, 2016

For best results, survey the room before you risk the chance. Avoid talking about the ex if you know it will cause problems. However, as long as you’re respectful about the person, the room shouldn’t gasp in horror upon hearing their name. It’s perfectly appropriate to ask about them, especially if the person is still well-received among the guests. But you may not want to focus on them too much; a casual inquiry is fine.

For the Couple

Brides and grooms with previous marriages under their belts may be unsure or even cautious about what is appropriate for second and third marriages. Is having all the trimmings going overboard, or should you just do what you want?

Wedding Traditions

Wedding receptions are usually laced with customs and traditions. Dances, garter and bouquet tosses, and all kinds of reception rite-of-passages are typically seen at first weddings, but encore weddings often feature less of that, says Orsini.

“With most of our encore weddings, the couples tend to steer clear of some of the more ‘old school’ traditions such as the garter and bouquet toss,” she says. “They still cut the cake and have special dances, however.”
And when those customs do take place, they often involve what seems to be a staple at encore weddings: children.

“What we often see are the children playing a bigger role in the wedding,” says Orsini. “Brides and grooms having encore weddings often have older children, and they are very important on the wedding day. Brides often dance with their sons, or older daughters actually serve as maids of honor. I definitely see a greater emphasis on the children.”

Types of Weddings

Second weddings are typically known for being more low-key than first weddings. Perhaps it’s the stress, money, or craziness that planning and having these large nuptials can bring that makes some take their encore marriages in the opposite direction. But sometimes it’s the fear of what others think that makes some downsize their weddings.

When it comes to your special day, however, you shouldn’t care what others think, says Heyn.

So do what makes you happy, as long as it’s a good party!

“I think brides and grooms should pay attention to what is most important to them and how their personalities are reflected throughout the wedding day,” she says.
“If they are big entertainers and they love to throw extravagant parties, then why not have a large wedding? If they are more conservative and would never have had a large wedding in the first place, then they should choose to have a more relaxed and intimate wedding. They shouldn’t be looking back on the past but rather living in the present and celebrating this new part of their lives.”

Some brides and grooms may think that they’ll seem a little extra if they want a big wedding with all of the fixings, particularly if they already had a big event for their previous relationship. But this shouldn’t stop you from doing what you want, says Orsini.
“If they want the trimmings and a big blow out wedding the second time around, I say go for it!” she says. “I’m a very big proponent for clients getting what they want and not worrying too much about what people may think. We all know you’ll never please everyone! So do what makes you happy, as long as it’s a good party! Bottom line is, your guests just want to come and celebrate with you. Why not give them a big party, if that’s your vision?”

You’re likely not trying to upset anyone by getting married a second, third, fourth, fifth, or hundredth time; You probably just want to have a wedding the way you want. Guess what? There’s nothing wrong with that. Last time we checked, you and your fiancé(e) are getting married, not anyone who has something negative to say about your marriage. So do what you and your future spouse want to do, and if that includes having the wedding of your dreams more than once, so be it.

Tags 50037351, balance, hemingway

Wellbeing

The Pink Tax: Why Women Pay More Than Men For Similar Products

Post author By Heather Vecchioni
Post date January 9, 2018

Being a woman is pricey. Besides all the products that only women are told they need (think bras, jewelry, and cosmetics), it turns out they have the odds stacked against them when it comes to saving money on any product.
The truth is, products that are targeted towards women are often more expensive than products for men…even when the products are nearly identical. Women are charged more for the same stuff.
If you think this is a bunch of sexist bologna, you’re not alone. Read on to find out why the price gouging occurs, the ways sellers target women, the products women will pay the most for…and how they can save money in spite of this.

The Pink Tax

Frustrated by higher prices, ladies? Well, you can thank a little something called the “Pink Tax.” According to USA Today, the Pink Tax refers to the price markup for merchandise that is primarily made for women. Odds are that products geared toward women, as opposed to those that are gender-neutral or “made for men,” will be more expensive.

In 2015, the New York Department of Consumer Affairs conducted an analysis of 794 products across five industries. They found that, on average, “women’s products cost 7 percent more than similar products for men.”
The study even lays out an almost-laughable Pink Tax through the ages. As children, girls’ toys are 7 percent more expensive than boys’. Their clothes, meanwhile, cost 4 percent more, and when they grow up, that number rises to 8. They’ll also pay 13 percent more than men for personal care items, and when they reach their wonder years, “women pay 8 percent more for senior/home health care products.”

In some cases, companies actually do have to spend more money to develop specialized products for women. But other times, they’re just being greedy, and the female consumer is conditioned to overlook it, says Melissa Archpru Akaka, an assistant professor of marketing at the University of Denver.
“The cost of production might be similar to men’s products, such as razors, but because women are used to paying more for their specialized products, they may be less price sensitive and more willing to pay higher prices,” she explains. “In this case, companies are positioning these products as specialized products for women to increase profit margins.”

Srdan Zdravkovic, an associate professor of marketing at Bryant University, agrees that manufacturers do hike up the costs of their products simply because they can. But he also believes that women can do something about it.
“The difference in prices charged is probably driven by the fact that the female consumer is willing and able to spend more on the equivalent products,” he says. “In other words, the price of any product or service is somewhere between the cost of the product … and the maximum price consumers are willing the spend on the product … . If the female consumer segment refused to pay higher prices for these goods … the price [of the goods] would drop.”

Buyer Beware: Sneaky Tactics Marketing Companies Use

Marketing companies spend big bucks to grab the consumer’s attention. Often, this is done through specific techniques that are designed to attract one gender’s eye as opposed to the other.
The next time you take a trip to your local superstore, look down the aisles that sell hygiene products. Chances are you can tell if you’re looking at the men’s aisle or the women’s just by looking at the colors of the products. Soft tones for women, bold tones for men. Pinks and purples for women, blues and blacks for men.

But a lot more goes into marketing merchandise than just a color scheme. “To assume that women are targeted only by using female-friendly colors would ignore the number of other effective strategies marketers are using to appeal to this important consumer segment,” says Zdravkovic.
“Product and service providers target women with a number of things,” he continues. “Some include the quality of the good … , relevant offerings, appropriate packaging that appeals to women, partnership with female-friendly endorsers, convenient access to the product, and association with female-friendly causes.”

Women, says Zdravkovic, usually respond to socially responsible and environmentally-friendly marketing messages better than men. Marketing companies use this knowledge to their advantage and often feature packaging and causes that appeal to women in this way.
“… using pinks and purples [to attract the female consumer] could be perceived as sexist today,” says Zdravkovic. “In addition to responding emotionally to colors, women’s emotions can be influenced by symbols associated with the product. Shape of packaging has to be functional … [, and the] package has to be easy to store. Attractive shapes and symbols help extend the time women—or men—pay attention to our products in the store.”

Marketers don’t merely target women, either, but specific groups of women. And depending on the target group—professional women, moms, athletic women—the message may change.

Products That Get the Upcharge

As mentioned before, the New York DCA study showed that women see higher prices for products throughout their lives. Want specifics?
Let’s start with childhood: Toys, bookbags, bikes, scooters, and even helmets marketed to girls cost more than the same types of products that target boys.

In adulthood, women’s dress pants cost six percent more than men’s do; their dress shirts cost 13 percent more; their regular shirts, 15 percent more; their jeans, 10 percent; their socks, 3 percent; their underwear, a whopping 25 percent.

Some call this [the] ‘shrink it and pink it’ strategy—make it smaller for women but charge premium price for it.

Finally, adult diapers cost women two percent more than they cost men.
For good measure, here are a few other products the study found women pay more for:

Shampoo and conditioner
Razors
Lotion
Deodorant
Body wash
Clothing
Canes
Sports equipment

How do companies decide what they are going to charge more for? The answer depends on many different variables.
“Perhaps women are looking for outcomes that are very different from men—[like a] wrinkle-free, smooth face—and ingredients in … products that achieve that outcome are more expensive than ingredients in men’s products that only call for increased moisture of the face,” says Zdravkovic. “Higher cost of goods sold lead to higher prices if we want to achieve similar profit margins for men’s and women’s products.”

“On the other hand,” he continues, “many of the female products are actually smaller and use less material than equivalent male products, so the cost of goods sold is actually less for female products, but they end up being charged more. Some call this [the] ‘shrink it and pink it’ strategy—make it smaller for women but charge premium price for it.”

Why are women charged more when they make less?

And just when you thought women had it bad, this little bit of information makes it worse: The gender pay gap is a very real thing.

On average, a woman brings in 79 cents for every dollar a man makes. Add the Pink Tax, and that’s quite a constraint: Not only is there a gap in wages between genders, there’s a gap between wage and prices for women.
Why would companies kick women when they’re already down by hiking up their prices?
“… I don’t think there is one blanket reason this occurs,” says Akaka. “I’m also not sure that companies are conscientiously pricing their products with the wage gap in mind. Companies are continually trying to find ways to increase profitability and sometimes are not focused on the social issues related to their practices.”

Akaka believes that by bringing attention to the Pink Tax, women can draw eyes to the wage gap, as well.
“This situation is a symptom of a more systemic problem,” says Akaka. “It seems the underlying issue for those concerned with the ‘Pink Tax’ continues to be tied to valuation of women’s work in the workforce. Companies will probably continue to price based on profit margins and what they believe target markets will pay for particular products. This occurs with products that cross genders, as well; however, increasing awareness about the ‘Pink Tax’ draws attention to the wage discrepancy between men and women, which is the crux of the issue and should definitely receive more attention.”

How to Save Money

It would be unfair for a woman to pay more for her products simply because she has no choice. But the sad truth is that this situation happens all the time.
The easiest way to avoid this unfair upcharge is to purchase the male versions of the products, says Akaka. But she also encourages women to take a stand, particularly when they feel the weight of the gender wage gap.

“If women feel strongly about the discrepancy between costs and wages, they can voice their concerns in more public areas and collaborate with other women to initiate change,” Akaka says.
You may not feel like you have much power when it comes to the Pink Tax, but you do. Companies hear you when their bottom line takes a hit. So go ahead and buy the blue razor, grab the body wash that has a manly scent, and throw caution to the wind when it comes to buying lotion in a bottle that isn’t covered in flowers. Tell your friends about it; while you’re at it, tell the world about it. Not only will the products cost less and likely work just as well as what you’re used to, but you’ll possibly start the change that ends the Pink Tax for good.

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