Tag: balance

1. Every DIY carpenter needs a good clothespin or two.

There’s nothing worse than hammering your fingers. Why not keep your tender digits away from the danger zone? 

2. Outsmart your microwave with the ring technique.

You know how microwaved food always ends up freezing cold in the middle? Don’t let that happen to you.

Just make your food into a ring, with an empty space in the center, like a giant food-doughnut (assuming your food is not already a doughnut—and if it is, why are you microwaving it?)

The radiation waves won’t know what hit them. They’ll be like, “Well, we’d better just heat this evenly, we guess.”

Well done. Enjoy your Spaghetti-Os.

3. Hey, speaking of microwaves: Use vinegar and water to clean your microwave.

Put equal parts water and vinegar into a medium bowl (white vinegar works best), then turn on your microwave for five to 10 minutes, monitoring occasionally to make sure that the liquid doesn’t evaporate completely. Ideally, you should also put a wooden spoon or toothpick into the water, as this disturbs the composition enough to prevent an explosion (yes, that can really happen).

After some of the liquid has evaporated, you can clean up easily with a sponge.

4. Freeze sponges to make a much better ice pack.

The problem with typical ice packs is that they’re made of ice. No, seriously; that water gets everywhere when they melt, and they’re almost too cold to touch to your skin. Instead, try this trick: Rinse a sponge, then squeeze out excess water. Place into a bag and freeze. Voila! A much better ice pack.

By the way, you can also use jumbo marshmallows. This is a great way to get kids to stop crying really quickly after “ouchies.” However, it might give them weird ideas about the healing powers of marshmallows. You win some, you lose some, parents.

5. Cool down your coffee with coffee ice cubes.

Why didn’t we ever think of this before?

Whether you’re making iced coffee or cooling down a steaming hot cup of Joe, coffee ice cubes are the answer to all of your caffeine-related problems. This also works for tea, soda, and…well, any liquid, really. That’s sort of how ice works.

6. When you go on vacation, save some cash spy-style.

Chapstick is awesome at keeping your lips from flaking off, but did you know that those used-up tubes can also give you the pedigree of an international spy? Sort of?

Here’s what you do: Wait until your Chapstick tube is empty (or don’t, if you want to be wasteful about it). Then keep twisting the base until you can grab and extract the little plastic pedestal.

Once you’ve got an empty tube, roll up your emergency cash and store it away. Not even a Bond villain will think to check there.

7. Clean up your wooden furniture with a simple walnut.

Wooden furniture is both classy and classic, if you can believe that. Unfortunately, it’s also vulnerable to the occasional ding or dent, which is why all of our furniture is made out of plastic.

Still, it’s good to know that you can keep your living room presentable with a handful of walnuts. Rub the nut on an indentation in your wooden furniture to watch it disappear. If only the human heart were so easily reparable.

8. Loaning something to a friend? Have the friend take a picture with the object.

Sure, you might come off as a bit of a jerk, but you’ll always know who has your stuff.

Your friend will know that you know, too, and you can always prove it in court (okay, maybe this wouldn’t stand up in court, but it’d probably stand up pretty well in an episode of Judge Judy).

9. Here are two quick tricks for using your screwdriver. No, seriously.

Pesky screws not staying in place? Too small to hold? What about a stripped screw head? Don’t worry we’ve got you covered. 

10. Use soda tabs to make the most out of limited closet space.

Soda tabs are perfectly sized for your wire hangers (provided that they’re actually made from metal and not a thick plastic).

You can essentially double your closet space, provided that you drink a soda for each of your favorite shirts. Hey, that sounds like a challenge.

11. Your phone will charge faster when it’s off or in airplane mode.

Forget the “fast-charging” apps. Those things are bunk. What you really want to do is put your phone in airplane mode while you’re charging it.

Better yet, turn the phone off. That allows the battery to fill without simultaneously depleting. You’ll be shocked how fast your phone charges when you can resist the urge to keep using it for just a few minutes.

12. Cover your razor heads with a binder clip before you travel.

Believe it or not, you can still travel with razors. The problem is, your Mach 3 might tear through your luggage as the plane shakes. That’s not a situation you want to explain to security.

Keep your razor and yourself safe by using a simple DIY razor cover. Just attach a common binder clip. That’ll act like a sheath to the Excalibur that is your razor. Everyone’s happy.

13. Sure, Coca-Cola can remove rust. But not as fast as vinegar and salt.

A lot of digital ink has been spilled over cola’s power to dissolve rust. If you really want to blast the oxidation, though, just soak that bit of rusty metal in a solution of vinegar and salt.

Leave it overnight. Then attack the object with a bit of steel wool. It’s not as exciting as using cola, maybe, but it works way, way better.

14. You don’t know how to copy and paste until you master Ctrl+Shift+V.

What would life be without keyboard commands? We know professionals who should really tattoo “Ctrl+C” and “Ctrl+V” onto their knuckles.

Actually, though, you should probably use Ctrl+Shift+V more often than not. This variation on the common “Ctrl+V” theme pastes text without retaining the original formatting. That makes it a must when going from one program to another, or when you don’t care for your quoted source’s italics, for instance.

15. If you have an indecisive S.O., use the “5-2-1” trick.

It’s a relationship saver. Say you want to pick a restaurant for dinner. Offer your partner five possible choices. Let them pick two. Once they’ve narrowed it down, you step in to make the decision final.

If you’re indecisive, too, you can always flip a coin once you narrow the options down to just two.

16. Is it too hot to walk your dog? Use the hand test.

Unlike you, your pooch doesn’t have an inch of shoe-leather between foot and ground. A blacktop walk on a hot day can be unwitting torture for your poor dog.

Luckily, your dog’s paw pads are about as sensitive as the back of your hand. If you want to know if the ground is too hot for a walk, just lay your fist down on the sidewalk. If you can’t stand it after a few seconds, stick to the park.

17. Break in your new shoes with a hairdryer and a pair of socks

If your new flats are a little tight you can break them in easily by putting on a pair of thick socks first and then blasting the shoes with a hairdryer. Leave them on till they cool down and voila!

According to the sperm bank, he was the “perfect donor.”
Originally known to prospective clients only by his handle, Donor 9623, this individual seemed like quite the biological catch. He appeared on the website of the Georgia-based firm Xytex Corp, where he was described as a healthy man who was pursuing a PhD in neuroscience engineering.

He had an IQ of 160, according to the website, and met or exceeded the firm’s strict physical and mental health standards.

Plot twist: It was all a lie.

This “genius donor” was actually 39-year-old college dropout James Christopher Aggeles. Not only had he been arrested for burglary—psychiatrists had diagnosed him with a litany of mental health issues including bipolar, schizophrenia, and narcissistic personality disorder.
What’s even worse is that the sperm bank claimed they didn’t have any of this information. Multiple families are alleging that the company representatives actually knew, yet decided to turn their heads the other way. Aggeles’ sperm was used not once, not twice, but in fact was used so often that he ended up having 36 children in 26 families.

Meet Angie Collins, the mother of one of those children—a 6-year-old boy.

One day her morning started like any other day. She got up, made coffee, and checked her email only to find a message from a complete stranger. Another woman had used the same man’s sperm to become pregnant.

However, what this woman had that Collins didn’t was the truth. Instantly Collins’ heart sunk as she read the horrendous realities that had come to light: her son was about to have a lifetime of struggles before him.
She immediately searched for information that could disprove the allegation, but, in fact, she found out so much more. The sperm donor she selected couldn’t hold down a job, kept going in and out of jail, and his schizophrenia was getting increasingly worse.

“It was like a dream turned nightmare in an instant,” she told The Star.

But many families discovered that their legal options were limited.

Collins sued Xytex in Georgia, but her claim was dismissed. The judge considered it a “wrongful birth” lawsuit, a type of claim that isn’t recognized in Georgia. So she appealed. Her appeal was also dismissed.

Now three families are suing Xytex in Canada, citing the misinformation on the company’s website regarding the identity of the donor. Xytex has stated that it will “vigorously defend” itself from lawsuits, claiming that its practices are in full compliance with industry standards.
Yes, this may seem like a parent’s worse nightmare, but for these families the outcome could have been a lot worse…

In fact, there’s a collection of sperm-donor stories that are much worse—stories you have to read to believe.
A doctor who inseminated patients with his own sperm instead of the selected donor’s?
Two different sperm samples being used on a woman at the same time, resulting in twins who are also half-siblings?
A donor who’s fathered over 150 children?
A child with the DNA of three different parents?
And what about this case involving a sperm donor being hit with $1,600 in back child support by the state of Kansas?

Clearly, sperm-donor cases can descend into the truly bizarre.

In 1993, an unusual error led to twins from separate fathers.

Koen and Tuen Stuart are fraternal twins, but due to a mix-up during in vitro fertilization, they have different fathers: one Caucasian and one African-American.

Naturally, the boys’ parents were shocked.
“I descend from French gypsies and he descends from Mongolian people so a little brown could be somewhere in the family,” said Wilma Stuart, the boys’ mother. “But it never eased my mind. It never did. [Koen] was too different.”

DNA testing proved that the boys had different fathers, but the same mother. While the issue has greatly complicated the boys’ lives—they were teased relentlessly at school, to the point that Koen wouldn’t admit to having a twin for a brief time—the family has remained strong, and the in vitro fertilization error seems unlikely to re-occur. In any case, the family has moved on.
“We have to go to work and school,” Stuart said to NBC News, “so our day to day life is not about this.”

Then there’s the case of one donor with 150 children.

When Cynthia Daily and her partner used a sperm donor to conceive, they decided to reach out through a web-based registry to find other parents who’d used the same donor. These registries help to provide parents with genetic information crucial to the health of their children (as was the case in the Xytex incident).

But Daily was surprised to find that the biological father of her child had fathered at least 150 other children. She’s been cataloging her son’s half-siblings and building relationships with other parents ever since.
“It’s wild when we see them all together—they all look alike,” Daily told The New York Times.

Still, this prompted some debate, as some experts believe that sperm donations should be limited to ensure biological diversity. Donor registries are designed, in part, to prevent accidental incest, which can be a significant issue.
“My daughter knows her donor’s number for this very reason,” one mother told The New York Times. “She’s been in school with numerous kids who were born through donors. She’s had crushes on boys who are donor children. It’s become part of sex education.”

Perhaps the most disturbing fertility case comes from Alexandria, Virginia.

Cecil B. Jacobson, an infertility specialist, was found guilty of fraud in 1992. During testimony, prosecutors revealed that he used his own sperm to impregnate patients without their knowledge.
Jacobson, who was 55 when he was convicted, was one of the country’s leading infertility specialists. He introduced amniocentesis, a test that allows physicians to diagnose certain birth defects by extracting fluid from the womb during a pregnancy.

“I spent my life trying to help women have children,” Jacobson said. “If I felt I was a criminal or broke the law, I would never have done it.”
But his former patients say that he combined his own sperm with legitimate samples. Prosecutors said that he may have fathered as many as 75 children by claiming that the sperm used in his treatments came from anonymous sources.

While the case was well covered, Jacobson did not face charges for inseminating patients with his own sperm, as there was no law against that practice. Instead, he faced various criminal fraud charges.

The Xytex case has prompted a fierce debate over sperm-donation law.

Canada has laws that prevent sperm donors from receiving money for their donations. The United States has no such laws. But regulation advocates claim that these cases demonstrate why donor payments are unethical. They argue that removing payments would also remove the incentive to lie on applications.

However, donor payment regulations have caused a sperm shortage in Canada, where some lawmakers are calling for changes. They believe that proper vetting from the sperm banks would remove the most egregious mistakes, such as the one that affected the parents in the Xytex case.
Fulton County, Georgia, Superior Court Judge Robert McBurney pointed out the inherent difficulties of legislation when denying Collins’ claim in the first Xytex lawsuit.

“Science has once again—as it always does—outstripped the law,” he wrote. “Plaintiffs make a compelling argument that there should be a way for parties aggrieved as these Plaintiffs are to pursue negligence claims against a service provider in pre-conception services.”

Part of the issue is that at many insemination clinics, requirements are lax.

Sperm banks require their donors to be legal U.S. workers, and all donors must undergo basic STD testing, drug screening, and semen analysis.

But while many clinics test for genetic diseases, comprehensive testing doesn’t exist, and clinics rely on donors’ honesty when evaluating for many psychological disorders.
A healthy donor can make up to $1,000 per month, so for donors, there’s a strong incentive to gain a “qualified” designation by any means necessary. That’s not to say that the process itself is easy. Donors typically undergo blood tests and must wait six months before being paid for their “donations.” Reputable banks also require their donors to complete exhaustive questionnaires with medical staff present.

But for parents looking into sperm donation, the Xytex incident and similar cases show how mistakes can affect the health of children—and for many prospective parents, current standards don’t go far enough in preventing these types of occurrences.

1. There’s always a risk of a fungal infection (ugh!).

We’re sure the manicurists at your local nail salon are consummate professionals, and that they thoroughly disinfect tools between clients. But fungi are tenacious.
They might hide out on your technician’s hands, inside polish brushes, or even on stations themselves. Besides, there’s sort of disinfecting your tools, and then there’s really disinfecting your tools (more on that later).

Robert Spalding, a Tennessee Podiatrist who wrote a book called Death by Pedicure, told US News and World Report that up to 75 percent of the nail salons in the United States fail to follow state protocols on disinfection. If that’s accurate, it’s pretty sobering.

2. Overzealous technicians can permanently damage your nail beds.

The worst part of a (mostly) relaxing manicure is when your tech trims your cuticles without your permission. If they go too far, they can damage living skin, causing a wavy, uneven nail bed. The process should be gentle, if you’re okay with it being done at all.

Ideally, your nail tech should just gently push your cuticles back with a cuticle stick.

3. Gel manicures may raise your risk of skin cancer and even cause premature aging.

There are lots of advantages to gel manicures. Of course they look great. They also last longer, they’re tougher, and they dry quickly beneath the salon’s UV lamps. But those UV rays may also be doing invisible damage on a cellular level.

Dermatologist Chris Adigun said in an American Academy of Dermatology press release that “the UV dose that you receive during a gel manicure is brief, but it’s intense. …Over time, this intense exposure can add up to cause skin damage.”

4. Filing is an art, and not every manicurist has it mastered.

Manicurists are trained to work fast. But if they file your nails quickly, with a rough, sawing motion, they might damage your tips. That could cause splitting, cracks, or peeling further down the line.

Make sure your tech files in a single direction, and that they use a clean file with a fine grain.

5. Regular manicures can weaken your nails.

Those UV lamps aren’t the only downside to a sleek gel manicure. The only way to strip your last layer of gel polish is with a caustic acetone remover.

Over time, this can weaken nails. Acetone dries out keratin, the rigid protein your nails are made of. Dry keratin tends to peel, become brittle, and ultimately break. Yikes.

6. If your manicurist skips the base coat, you could end up with permanent stains.

Base coats do more than make your colors pop. They also protect your nails and the skin surrounding them from the more powerful dyes in brightly colored polish.

If you still decide to go to the salon after all this, it might be worth it to ask for a double base coat. And if your tech tries to skip this first step, it might be time to find a new nail salon.

7. Nail polish remover can make your nails rough and gritty.

We’ve already established that acetone and keratin don’t get along. With repeated exposure, nail polish remover can start to break down the top layer of your fingernails.

Eventually, this leads to a rough surface. You won’t notice it after a fresh manicure, but try to go natural, and you’ll feel the difference. Only time—and a moratorium on nail polish remover—will get your nails back to normal.
All that’ being said, there’s still a place for nail polish remover, maybe just not where you expected it.

Be choosy about using it on your nails, but being creative (and careful) with remover elsewhere may save you some headaches.

8. It actually takes a lot to properly sanitize manicure tools.

Your tech might pull tools from a fancy UV sanitizing machine, but that may not be enough to actually blast away all the germs.

Terri Silacci, nail expert at Sephora, told Today about the risks.
“These lights are effective [only] when coupled with proper cleaning of dirt and debris, as well as an approved disinfectant,” Silacci said.

9. You may uncover an allergy you never knew you had.

It’s rare to discover an allergic reaction at the nail salon, but it can happen. After all, manicurists rely on lots of strange chemicals. You might not be exposed to acrylics, nail adhesive, or acetone before taking a trip to the salon.

If you’re allergic to any of these substances, you’ll find out the hard way. The fanciest nails in the world aren’t worth all that.

10. Manicures can cost a pretty penny.

A standard manicure tends to run around $20 or $25. But if you really want to go all out and rock your nails like a superstar, start saving today.

Gigi Hadid, for instance, once spent $2,000 on a single manicure in eye-catching chrome. Meanwhile, her boyfriend Zayn Malik was wearing a full sleeve of chrome plate mail armor, so her fancy nails got totally upstaged, anyway.
Point being: You can save a little—or a lot—if you learn to do your own nails.

11. You shouldn’t get one gel manicure after another, so pick your timing carefully.

Dermatologist Adigun also gave some sage advice to the readers of Teen Vogue: “I always tell my patients to go on a gel honeymoon,” she said. “This break will allow their nails to rehydrate and repair.”

If you follow the good doctor’s advice, then, that means you should plan your gel manicures carefully. If you’re going to a wedding next month, now might not be the best time for a trip to the nail salon.

12. Some nail polish is notorious for containing a “toxic trio” of chemicals.

Ask your manicurist if any products involved in their procedure contain DBP, toluene, or formaldehyde. Or, just ask about the “toxic trio.” That term has been around for a while, and most beauty professionals will be familiar with it.

Together, these chemicals have been linked to asthma, birth defects, and even cancer, so it’s better not to mess with them. You have more control when you buy your own products or skip the nail polish entirely.

13. Simpler looks are coming back in vogue.

The past few years have been huge for elaborate manicures. The pendulum of fashion is beginning to swing, though. Most of the looks picked by Glamour magazine’s “Best Nail Polish Colors and Trends for Spring 2017” list were monochromatic, for example.

That means that cutting-edge nail fashion is easier than ever to pull off at home. We can all breathe a sigh of relief, and get out those cotton balls.

14. Healthy nails are the new French manicure.

You know what looks really nice on fingernails? Fingernails. Lots of women are opting for the natural look these days, with well-sculpted, neat cuts and a shiny, healthy finish.

Instead of heading to the nail salon, why not pick up a tube of nourishing cuticle oil? These products contain blends of hydrating natural oils that keep your nails and cuticles bright and beautiful. Plus, there’s less upkeep this way.

15. A bold shade of nail polish might hide a nasty infection.

The problem with picking up a fungal infection from a nail salon is that the very manicure that infected you might also cover up the growing infestation.

Discoloration begins beneath the nail, and you might not see it until it’s time to strip your nails for a new look. The gross thing about fungal infections is that they tend to grow. Treating them early is way, way easier, but you can only do that if you know they’re there.

16. The best reason to stop getting your nails done professionally is that it’s way more fun to do them yourself!

Even better, have a girlfriend do them.

If you’re worried about painting outside the lines, just slather a little petroleum oil on the skin around your nails. Any excess polish will stick to the gunk. When the polish dries, just wipe your fingertips with tissues.
Voila! Perfect nails!

In this oh-so-stressful world of deadlines, social drama, and, of course, social media, it’s easy to get caught up sometimes. Don’t worry yourself too much though, there are plenty of things you can do to dial it back a bit and remind yourself how to be happy.

Here are 16 ways to do that, picked up by Esquire when they spoke to “happiness expert” Andy Cope.

Get excited about every single day.

The day of the week is what you make it. Rather than attributing a particular emotion to a certain day of the week (like Mondays being known for the “Monday Blues”), start getting excited about every day, especially towards the beginning of the week.

If you think about it, because Friday is at the end of the week, it’s a little bit closer to the end, whereas “Monday is an opportunity to make a dent in the universe.”

Aside from the morbidity you might now be associating with Fridays, it’s worth trying to see Mondays in a better light.

Hug away.

While this might sound a little bit like something you’d read in a hippie manifesto, it’s actually not all mumbo jumbo. As it turns out, hugs can pass along endorphins, though “it needs to last seven seconds or longer” (count in Mississippi’s, obviously) for this to be the case.

It might be a little difficult for those of us with strict personal space boundaries, but the endorphins will probably help to ease the way a bit.

Turn gossip around.

There are very few people out there who don’t have a penchant for gossiping, especially with social media making it easier than ever. Talking behind someone’s back doesn’t really have to be used for the negative stuff though, despite the connotation.

Instead, Cope suggests that you should use the time to “Say nice things about people behind their back.”

Not only will people not be able to accuse you of being petty and untrustworthy (which can only cause hassles and often lead to a loss of friends or people gossiping about you—also a hassle), but if you’re only caught being complimentary, they’ll label you as a nice person and likely someone they’d want to associate with.

After all, compliments are a treasured commodity, and who doesn’t want to hang out with someone who only strives to make them feel great about themselves? We know we wouldn’t turn it down.

Greet everyone you meet.

Have you heard of the 10/5 principle? No? Well according to Cope, it’s when you “smile at everyone who comes within 10 feet of you and make eye contact and”—don’t panic here—”Say ‘hi’ to everyone within 5 feet (except on the subway).”

Now, before you protest this idea because you a) don’t want to talk to, let alone risk starting a conversation with, strangers or b) identify as being a bit shy, just remember that there are some people whose entire days can be turned around by just a friendly greeting.

Does it sound like something you might hear on an after-school special? Yes. But it’s been said more than enough times that there has to be some merit to it, right?

It sort of goes hand in hand with not judging a book by its cover—again, after-school special sort of motto, but it’s an adage for a reason. You never know what sort of day or week or month a person is having, whether they’ve had any pleasant encounters recently, and yours could just be the one to make them feel the slightest bit brighter.

List what matters.

Nowadays, especially in the West where we have so many material luxuries that other nations don’t, we have a nasty habit of taking things for granted.

Cope suggests making “a list of ten things you really appreciate but take for granted.” He’s confident that “health” will make the list, and he’s likely not wrong.

Just keep in mind that health oftentimes can’t be bought, and many seemingly dire issues, like school, work, etc. become moot if you’re not healthy enough to contend with them.

Write down your best moments.

Piggy-backing off the first list idea, Cope has another top ten list you should be making. This one is to document the happiest moments you’ve experienced thus far, to help you discover “that most of the things on the list are ‘experiences’ rather than ‘products.’”

If you’re particularly caught up with material wealth and “Keeping up with the Joneses,” so to speak, this can serve as a really cathartic exercise, as the goal is to push you to experience more rather than buy more.

Remember the highlights.

We all know that dreaded question you get at the end of a long day if you’re in a relationship or you talk to your parents often, “How was your day?” they’ll ask, and you’ll likely groan, even if it’s only internally.

Rather than subjecting others to this weighty question, try the alternative, “What was the highlight of your day?” as it will force people to focus on the good aspects rather than dwell on the opposite.

Feel how you look.

This is a bit more difficult for those of us who get overly excited at the thought of a day spent in pajamas, but you should generally make the effort to at least “Walk tall and put a smile on your face.” We’d even go so far as to say, generally look your best.

You don’t have to cake on makeup or spend an hour working with pomade, but if you put in the effort, you’re bound to feel good about yourself and your appearance, and that confidence will translate.

Make optimistic goals.

Rather than putting things the emphasis on negative goals, like getting through the week or making it until your next vacation, neither of which sound particularly upbeat, Cope suggests reworking your goal-setting strategy.

He suggests endeavoring to “‘Enjoy the week’ or ‘to inspire people,’” both of which are admittedly rooted in conscious hard work, but the outcome is likely to sustain you for much longer than just getting through an off-day, with no plan in sight afterward.

Concentrate on your strengths.

Another way you can focus on the good is by making another list—don’t worry, this is the last one, and it’s shorter. Cope suggests making a list of what you consider to be your strengths, the five most important ones.

Rather than concentrating on your flaws or downfalls—both of which we all have, no matter what we might portray to the outside world—he suggests that you “Be aware of them and start seeing opportunities to play to them more often.”

Practice the 90/10 way of life.

This is another principle Cope mentions, which is rooted in the idea that 10 percent of your happiness is uncontrollable and left to chance. Essentially it’s what happens to you. The remaining 90 percent of your happiness though, is said to “[depend] on how you react to these events.”

Now obviously, some events in that 10 percent are much more dire and life-changing than others, but the overall point is that we’re in control of our own happiness, nearly any situation can include a silver lining.

Reframe the lame.

Instead of viewing chores and other seemingly grueling tasks as punishments or, again, things to just get through, try looking at them from a different angle. An example is, “a leaking gutter means you have a house; paying tax means you have some income.”

When you just look at it as having to fix a leaking gutter, you might groan, but when you think about the alternative, it almost looks like a privilege, doesn’t it?

Have real experiences with real people.

This is a big one and quite possibly the hardest one of of all. At the present time, the Western world is reliant on technology for just about everything, including things that are best done manually—like making friends.

A friend, despite popular belief, is not someone who you’ve just met once while waiting on line at the store, had a ten-minute conversation with, and only “talk” to one when you comment on a post of theirs. A friend is someone who’s there for you through thick and thin, with whom you’ve shared real and memorable experiences.

Spend more time focusing on the latter rather than how many photos of yours the former liked. You have more to offer the people in your life than something so impersonal, so give that (your thoughts, ideas, loyalty, trust, compassion) to them.

Memories are what you hold onto in old age and during the hard times, not what your most successful filter was or who tagged you the most.

Nadya Suleman shocked the world when she gave birth to eight babies at once.

Suleman had been married, but she and her husband were separated. Later, her ex-husband admitted their relationship failed because of the couple’s inability to have children—he didn’t want to try in vitro fertilization (IVF).
After their separation, Suleman proceeded with IVF treatments, which resulted in six children before 2008. That’s when she became pregnant with eight more children.
Such an incredible pregnancy and birth made headlines around the world. People were absolutely fascinated by the fact that one woman could carry so many children at once.

IVF, or in vitro fertilization, is a form of “assisted reproductive technology,” which is a medical procedure that helps a couple who can’t get pregnant via natural means of conception. As with artificial insemination, the sperm and egg are brought together with the assistance of a physician, but IVF takes place outside of the woman’s body to begin with.

When a woman undergoes IVF, her eggs are removed, and the healthiest or most viable ones are inseminated in a laboratory dish. Once an egg is fertilized and the cells are dividing properly, the embryo is transferred to the woman’s uterus and the pregnancy proceeds naturally from there.

It is common for IVF to result in multiple babies.

IVF doesn’t always take the first time, and it’s an extremely expensive, time-consuming, and exhausting procedure involving a lot of medical tests, hormone injections, and other challenges.
To help avoid jumping through all those hoops more than once, multiple fertilized eggs are often placed in the uterus with the hope that at least one will survive. Sometimes several of them survive, though.

Because of this, one of the common side effects of IVF is the development of twins or triplets. Or, in Suleman’s case, octuplets.
The fact that Suleman’s octuplets were all born healthy was an even bigger miracle. These octuplets actually broke a record when they all lived one week. Tragically, no previous octuplets had all survived longer than a week because it’s a very risky pregnancy.

But Suleman’s babies were all born healthy and remained so in the weeks after they were born. Doctors were actually shocked that she had such a healthy group of children. This further reinforced the idea that the Octomom’s amazing birth was a miracle of epic proportions.

The state of California, however, was not impressed.

The octuplets were conceived via IVF, and the doctor who performed the treatment, Michael Kamrava, implanted Suleman with a dozen embryos. While he did so at her request, the state of California revoked his medical license, charging him with “gross negligence” and “repeated negligent acts, for an excessive number of embryo transfers.”
The state called this an “extreme” departure from the standard of care. Of course, the case highlights the role of physicians and medical care providers, and spurs questions about whether their allegiance should be to their individual patients or the greater good—whatever that may be.

Right after her children were born, Suleman hired the Killeen Furtney Group to handle her public relations. The firm quit representing her when they began receiving death threats almost immediately.
Suleman herself received death threats, and there was a protest outside her home where she lived with her mother. The day she brought the seventh baby home from the hospital, someone threw a baby seat through her car window.

Much of the outrage stemmed from the fact that Suleman had six children already.

Many people who undergo risky IVF treatments have no children and are desperate for at least one child, but not Suleman. She already had a large family and suddenly had eight more as the result of a single pregnancy. People were up in arms about this decision. But it was a decision both she and her physician decided was hers to make.
“I don’t get much sleep, about two or three hours a night,” she told People magazine. “But I’m continuing to move forward with my life and trying to be the best mother I can be.”

But many people saw it as a publicity stunt on Suleman’s part. The fact that she immediately hired a PR firm and started giving interviews to magazines like People right after the children were born contributed to the perception that she had the children only to become famous.
Suleman adamantly denied those accusations, saying she just loved children. She also stated that the embryos used in the pregnancy were left over from previous treatments and she didn’t want them to be destroyed. However, statements from her doctor have contradicted that.

People were also upset because she was a single mother with 14 children.

Having 14 children is a monumental task for even the wealthiest parents, but Suleman was a single mother who was still in school. This only added fuel to the fire and contributed to suspicions that she had selfish reasons for conceiving the children.
Many people suspected that she would eventually come to rely on public assistance, although she vehemently denied the possibility. She went through several publicity handlers in the midst of these rumors, but that didn’t stop her from basking in the media attention.

She had an interview with Ann Curry in February 2009, approximately one month after her children were born. She later sat down for an interview with Dr. Phil. There, attorney Gloria Allred read a list of complaints regarding Suleman’s ability to care for that many children.
Suleman even reportedly struck a deal for a TV show in the UK, but it was also reported that U.S. stations were hesitant to pick up the show due to the public’s reaction to the pregnancy.

In 2012, she made headlines again when it was reported that she was on welfare

As many had predicted, Suleman had difficulty supporting all her children on her own. She was receiving public assistance from the state of California to help with her 14 kids. She declared personal bankruptcy and reported a debt of more than $1 million.
There were reports of her neglecting the children while spending money on herself, but when child protective services investigated, they found the children happy and healthy, although the environment they lived in was not as clean as one would hope.

While accusations of neglect were unfounded, the children were found using training toilets outside because of the house’s faulty plumbing.
In 2013, Suleman was accused of breaking the terms of her lease and was forced to vacate her rental home. After she moved out, the landlord claimed that the home smelled of urine and that there was a lot of trash left behind.

These tough times led to her next career.

That year, she starred in an adult film titled Octomom Home Alone. It was a movie starring just her and no other actors—male or female. She also released some music that year and appeared in another musician’s music video, but the adult video generated much more income.

She began dancing at gentlemen’s clubs, bartended, and eventually had to check herself into a treatment center in Los Angeles for anxiety and stress. But the problems didn’t end there…
These jobs actually led to criminal charges regarding welfare fraud. The state of California alleged that Suleman had failed to disclose $30,000 in income generated from her movies and dancing. She pleaded no contest to the charges and received 200 hours of community service, two years of probation, and a fine.

Her lawyer announced that with support from friends, she’d already paid back the welfare system. And how she makes her living now is anyone’s guess. Perhaps she’ll surprise everyone and publish The Octomom’s Guide to Budgeting someday.

Today, she raises her children largely out of the public spotlight.

Suleman hasn’t really been heard from since the allegations of welfare fraud. There were reports that she would star in an edition of Celebrity Big Brother, but it never happened. Instead, she’s retreated from the spotlight to live a quiet life. But who knows what the future might hold for her? We wouldn’t be surprised if we saw her on TV in the future. But, for now, it looks like she’s settled down to raise her children.

Suleman addmitted to possibly having been a “baby addict” at the time she demanded IVF during an interview with Oprah Winfrey, and some have gone so far as to label her a baby hoarder. Both of these seem like reasonable explanations for her compulsive desire to surround herself with so many children. As an editorial piece in the Los Angeles Times points out, hoarders have trouble making decisions and experience anxiety when presented with the possibility of discarding things they perceive as valuable.
In Suleman’s case, it would make sense that she considered the embryos she and her husband had created during their first IVF experience to be too valuable to get rid of—thus insisting they must be “used.”

As her offspring grow up and become more aware of the circumstances that surrounded their birth, we imagine they’ll struggle with questions surrounding their fame as well. Ultimately, none of it matters, as long as they remain healthy and happy and grow up into well-adjusted, responsible adults. Only time will tell on that score.

Among the many responsibilities parents have today is the need to teach their children how to eat healthy. Lifelong eating habits begin in childhood, and it can be very hard to cut bad habits as an adult. With a rise in childhood obesity and diabetes, it is more important than ever for parents to provide healthy food for their children and to model good eating. One way to instill good habits is by providing healthy, nutritious lunches for children to take to school.

Parents may unintentionally be giving their children foods that are packed with sugar, high fructose corn syrup, preservatives, and food dyes. Fortunately, there are many healthy alternatives to these products that are full of vitamins, fiber, protein, and healthy fats. Prioritize healthy eating for your children today and eliminate these 15 items from their school lunches.

1. Fruit Snacks

Fruit snacks might have the word “fruit” in them, but they actually have very little nutritional value. Fruit snacks, including snacks like Fruit Roll-Ups, include artificial ingredients, trans fats, and lots of sugar. The next time you look at a box of fruit snacks, look at the ingredients list. The first ingredient is usually fruit concentrate, not actual fruit. These snacks are missing nutritional benefits and fiber that real fruit contains. Instead of giving your child a snack full of concentrated sugar, just give them real fruit.

Or, if you have a picky eater on your hands, try these homemade fruit roll-ups. They’re made with real fruit and no sugar, with all the fun of the original store-bought snack.

2. Lunchables

Lunchables are appealing for busy parents looking for an easy well-rounded meal to feed their child for lunch. But these pre-packaged meals are overly processed and have little nutritional value. They also contain saturated fats, sodium, and preservatives. Not great things to be feeding your growing child! You can make your own “lunchable” for your child that is much healthier and nutritious. Choose whole grain crackers, real cheese, and unprocessed meat. Putting the lunch in a reusable container will also cut down on the amount of trash your child is throwing away each day.

3. Deli Meat Sandwiches

Many parents pack deli meat sandwiches without thinking what is in that meat. Processed meats include lots of chemicals like nitrates and added sodium. They also have unhealthy fats and added colorings. Instead, you can roast your own turkey or meat over the weekend in a slow-cooker and slice it up for the rest of the week. The meat will have more nutrients, more flavor, and much less of the additives that are harmful for your child. When making a sandwich, consider using whole grain bread, add some sliced veggies, and use hummus or avocado in lieu of mayo. Add some fresh fruit as a side, and you have a great meal!

4. Potato Chips

Chips may be a convenient choice for a lunch side, but they certainly are not a healthy choice. Potato chips contain lots of sodium and processed fats. The lack of nutrition in potato chips will leave your child still feeling hungry after their lunch. Giving your child potato chips is also helping to create bad habits for the future. If your kids become used to eating junk food as a child, they will likely continue eating junk as they get older. Our bodies can become addicted to the sugars and chemicals contained in junk food. Set your kids up for success and give them healthier snacks in their lunch. If they have to have chips, provide them with baked potato chips instead.

5. Drink Pouches and Juice Boxes

Because they contain the word “fruit” many of these drinks seem healthy, but they’re not. The first two ingredients in most of these drinks are water and high fructose corn syrup. You are essentially giving your child flavored, watered-down high fructose corn syrup to drink for lunch. All of the sugar is bound to make them overly hyper. Not only are you loading your child up with sugar, but you may also be making them thirstier. Provide your child with 100% fruit juice or better yet, good old water.

6. Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches

Before you write us off going after this age-old favorite, hear us out. Think about what makes up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich: a nut butter with additives and sugar, jelly with lots of added sugar, and highly processed bread that will break down quickly giving your child even more sugar. You don’t have to give up this classic lunch altogether, just adapt it to be healthier for your child. Choose peanut butter that is just made up of nuts and a little salt. Instead of jelly, use thin slices of fruits like bananas, strawberries, or sliced apples. Use whole grain bread with lots of fiber or skip the bread and provide whole grain crackers.

7. Energy Drinks

Most parents wouldn’t think to give their child an energy drink, but a child might grab one for themselves if they have control over packing their own lunch. Energy drinks contain lots of sugar and caffeine, which no child needs. Sure, children need to energize at lunch to maintain their focus for the rest of the school day, but caffeine will inevitably lead to an energy crash sometime in the afternoon. Caffeine can also create sleeping problems for children. Keep energy drinks out of your house to avoid any temptation. Provide a water bottle for your child so they have access to liquids that will hydrate them and quench their thirst at lunch time.

The effects of energy drinks on the body, even 24 hours after consumption, is startling. Check out the video below, and always check the list of ingredients.

8. Soda

Soda is another no-no for your child, especially for a school lunch. Soda is full of sugar and harsh chemicals. It can suppress the immune system, stunt bone growth, create cavities, and cause weight gain. Additionally, the Harvard School of Public Health has reported that people who drink one or more cans of soda daily have a 26 percent higher chance of developing Type 2 diabetes. Help your child avoid this disease by providing them with healthier drinks like water and milk. Some cities are also passing a sugar tax to help reduce the amount of soda their residents drink. So not only is soda unhealthy, it is also becoming increasingly expensive!

9. Candy Bars

Parents may pack a candy bar as a special treat for their child, or children may pack them as a special treat for themselves. Avoid the possibility of packing one altogether by keeping them out of your house. Candy bars are sugar-laden and offer no nutritional value (contrary to what your kids might try to tell you about the nuts in a Snickers bar). Offer your child a nutrient-dense snack as an alternative. Fruit, applesauce, healthy yogurts, and dried fruit all taste sweet and have real nutritional value. Most of them also include fiber which will help fill your child up until they get home for another healthy snack!

10. Sports Drinks

Many kids, especially those involved in sports, have developed a taste for sugary sports drinks. These drinks claim to rehydrate you, but they often leave you feeling thirstier. They include lots of added sugar, high amounts of sodium, and harmful dyes. Some can have over nine teaspoons of sugar in one bottle! Imagine feeding your child nine spoons of sugar in their lunch at home! Parents would never be so careless, so don’t get tricked into giving the same amount of sugar in their lunch drinks. Like we’ve said before, stick to healthy drinks like water, milk, or 100 percent juice.

11. “Kid-friendly” Yogurts

Yogurt sounds like a healthy snack, and many brands of yogurt offer nutritious benefits, but beware of “kid-friendly” yogurts. These are the yogurts that come in crazy colors and flavors, the ones that can usually be identified by having cartoon characters on their packaging. Don’t get tricked into buying these yogurts as they have very high levels of sugar and may even contain crushed cookies and candy. Yogurt is a huge source of hidden sugar for kids and adults. Pack plain or lightly sweetened yogurt and include some fruit for your kids to mix into it. Make sure to pack an ice pack or something similar to keep the yogurt chilled until lunch time. Check out this genius hack to make the perfect parfait for a packed lunch and avoid soggy granola and mushy fruit.

12. Granola Bars

Creative marketing from food companies has convinced parents that granola bars are a healthy snack option for their children. But store-bought granola bars are full of high fructose corn syrup, chemicals, preservatives, and food dyes that are not healthy at all. Granola bars are really just dressed up junk food. You can make your own granola bars at home and cut down on the amount of sugar you add in. Homemade bars will also skip all the preservatives and food dyes! If you’re short on time, you can just skip granola bars altogether. Choose other healthy snack items like sliced fruit or bite-sized veggies (including cucumbers, carrots, and sliced peppers).

13. “Natural” Junk Foods

Many processed food companies have added the word “natural” to their labels to trick consumers; however, they’re still full of sodium, trans fats, and chemicals. The word “natural” is virtually meaningless in today’s food market. Marketers add the word to make people think they are choosing a healthy food, but since there is no regulated definition for “natural,” a consumer has no idea what they’re getting. “Natural” junk food is still just junk food. If you wouldn’t give your child the unnatural version of the product, don’t give them the “natural” version either. Whenever possible, choose unprocessed foods such as fresh fruits and vegetables.

14. Mayo-rich Salads and Sandwiches

Feeling ambitious and ready to send your child to school with an egg or tuna salad sandwich? Think twice before spending the time on this lunch. Most egg and tuna salads are made with mayonnaise which is full of saturated fat. Mayo can also go bad if it gets warm sitting in your child’s lunch box. There are better options for kids who love a good egg or tuna salad sandwich. Replace the mayo with plain Greek yogurt and a squirt of lemon juice. You can also mash up some avocados to give the sandwich a flavorful creaminess. Also consider swapping out the canned tuna for some salmon to reduce the amount of mercury you give your child. To keep things cold, pack the lunch with ice packs or include a frozen water bottle.

15. White Bread

Bread might not be the first thing that comes to mind when you think of unhealthy items in your child’s lunch. But highly processed white breads, pasta, and crackers are basically empty calorie foods. The body processes them as sugar, and it does so very quickly. Your child will get a rush of energy and then will crash. So when you think of giving your child a white flour-based food, remember that you are essentially giving them sugar. You can offer your child whole-wheat alternatives for a healthier lunch.

For the record, when someone says, “I’m organizing a trip to Maui; you should come,” unless that someone is a serial killer, the correct response is, “Yes!”

Yet when faced with that same proposition, I immediately launched the excuses: I’ve already committed my vacation time elsewhere; I always go to the Poconos with my family; I already went on a big trip this year, for Pete’s sake!

Then a thought occurred to me that made me pause: how many stupid, unimportant things do I say yes to every day? And now how quick am I to say “no” to something that deep down I genuinely want to do?

Less than a month later, I booked my non-refundable ticket from Newark Liberty to Kahului. I was going to Maui!

On Maui, I did so many things that I once told myself I couldn’t do and learned so much about myself and the broader scope of the world around me.

It never would have happened if I had listened to that first little voice, scared, pessimistic, and self-limiting.

Life Lesson One: We have a very narrow view of food.

Before Maui, I didn’t think it possible to get excited about a banana. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like them; they’re sweet and make a killer “nice” cream. But those gargantuan Cavendish bananas upon which we “Mainlanders” rely pale in comparison to…basically every other banana variety in existence. I tried a lot of unfamiliar, “exotic” fruits and vegetables on Maui, but go figure, my mind was blown by a humble banana. (Okay, I also fell a bit head over heels for breadfruit, especially smeared with freshly ground peanut butter, but I digress.) When I waxed poetic about these ethereal bananas to my guide, all he said was, “You should taste the ones that grow in Nicaragua.”

It really is a shame that we are so underexposed to the immense diversity of natural foods. It not only leads to breeding efficient yet ultimately less flavorful crops, but it also threatens the sustainability of our agricultural system.

Life Lesson Two: Sometimes fear is just a bad habit.

As I stood clutching a rope swing, staring into the natural pool of water below because peer pressure cajoled me out of my play-it-safe, “I’ll just sit this one out” attitude, it hit me: I wasn’t actually afraid. I told myself that I was afraid. I sure acted like I was. But I actually had no fear of jumping in whatsoever. I was just so stuck in that rutted mindset of automatically rejecting something even remotely risky (and, let’s face it, fun) that I didn’t even consider the possibility that I might actively want to do this.

(Bonus life lesson: do not scream while simultaneously jumping into a pool of water, as all this gets you is a mouthful of not-so-appetizing river water.)

Life Lesson Three: Seek solitude.

Look, this trip brought some junk out of my closet for sure, but I found myself as the trip wore on getting particularly anxious and sensitive. Eventually I realized that I was clinging too much to the comfort of those around me, and that constant reliance on others was wearing on me.

I needed to be alone.

Solitude can feel daunting, but we all need to learn to sit comfortably with the truth of our own beings now and then, away from the comforting distractions of others. Holding our solitude sacred is, I believe, how we ultimately grow.

Life Lesson Four: Surfing is really f-ing hard.

I mean, you have to know that going into it, right? But I’m an achiever. I’m good at what I do. I catch on.

Um, except not so much. I floundered: epically, thoroughly, and anything but gracefully.

I got knocked around, pulled under, and slammed into poor, unsuspecting other people. I struggled to maneuver the board, awkward and heavy beneath me. I felt, quite frankly, like a total A-hole, and every fiber of my being begged me to give up. End the humiliation. Go back to something I was good at.

In that moment, a part of me did give up. But anything new is hard, and surfing requires immense skill, strength, and practice. I was going to feel like a total A-hole in the beginning; that’s ok. We’re allowed to be bad at things. Things are allowed to be hard.

Life is about sometimes majorly sucking at something but finding a way to do it graciously and to enjoy the process. It’s about putting yourself out there anyway. Life is learning the difference between the inner voice that speaks out of habit and fear, and the one that has your back and helps you grow.

And so we’re clear, when someone who isn’t a serial killer invites you to Maui…go.

For many decades, conventional wisdom told us that when it came to child development, mothers were the most important parent. Fathers, apparently, weren’t good for much more than piggybacks, reading an occasional bedtime story, and, of course, discipline. Researchers who studied child development bought into that conventional wisdom and rarely bothered to investigate whether dads might actually play a more important role.
Fortunately, a steady flow of more open-minded, intellectually honest research has discovered (and continues to discover) what fathers and children have always known: Dads play a role in their children’s life that is at least as important as the mom’s. Dads aren’t merely nice to have around; their presence is essential to their children in almost every area of their life: physically, psychologically, socially, developmentally, and even economically.

The Dad effect shows up in two different ways: good things happen when he’s involved, and not-so-good things happen when he’s not. At the same time, we’re learning that supporting dads in their parenting role and giving them plenty of help and encouragement increases their involvement.
Thanks to relatively new research, we now know that dads who are actively involved with their kids are happier, less depressed, healthier, less likely to commit crimes or abuse drugs or alcohol, and tend to be more satisfied in their jobs and have more successful careers.

Here are just a few examples of the effects on children of having (or not having) an involved father.

• For 6-month old babies, the more actively involved the father is, the higher the babies’ score on mental and motor development tests.
• Babies whose dads do a lot of basic, mundane childcare activities such as feeding, changing diapers, giving baths, and dressing handle stressful situations better than babies whose dads aren’t as involved.
• Some researchers have linked high levels of father involvement with higher math scores later on in school, and to generally higher-than-age-level scores on verbal intelligence tests. Kids with involved dads are also more likely to go to college.
• Active fathering seems to be positively correlated with children’s increased social adjustment and competence, having more friends, and to higher levels of self-esteem.
• Children with actively involved dads manage their emotions better, are less likely to act out violently, and are less likely to start smoking or drinking or to become a teen parent, according to studies by Columbia University’s National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse.
• Dad’s mental health affects his offspring. Fathers’ parenting-related stress when their children are infants negatively affect those children’s cognitive and language development at age two or three, according to research just published in the journal Infant and Child Development. In addition, toddlers with depressed fathers have less self-control and are less cooperative in fifth grade than toddlers whose dads aren’t depressed, says Michigan State researcher Tamesha Harewood, the lead author of a new study published in Early Childhood Research Quarterly. Interestingly, the dad’s depressive symptoms seem to be more influential than the mother’s.

Bottom line:
Dads matter. A lot. But we have a long, long way to go before they’re given the respect, acknowledgment, and support they (and their children) deserve. “Despite robust evidence of fathers’ impact on children and mothers, engaging with fathers is one of the least well-explored and articulated aspects of parenting interventions,” wrote Catherine Panter-Brick, professor of anthropology, health, and global affairs at Yale University, in 2014 study published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry. “It is therefore critical to evaluate implicit and explicit biases against men in their role as fathers manifested in current approaches to research, intervention, and policy.”