Tag: balance

Similar to about 30 percent of the world’s population, I live with insomnia. These days it’s not nearly as bad as it used to be, but it’s still not uncommon to find me reading at 1 a.m. or for me to wake up at exactly 2:04 a.m. Over the last several years I’ve tried any number of things to help me sleep better, and I have actually found a few things that really do help.

Although I can’t explain why I wake up at exactly 2:04 a.m. many nights, I have found that on the occasions when it happens and I can’t get back to sleep, it’s usually because I’m hungry. I’ve learned that grabbing a small snack just before bed can help me avoid waking up hungry and can even help me fall asleep a lot faster. Of course, snacking right before bed can have its own drawbacks. Snacking on foods that are high in carbs late at night can lead to weight gain, and some foods can even keep me awake as my stomach works to process the food. That’s where almonds come in.

Almonds are an amazing food. A single handful of almonds is packed with protein and can completely satiate my hunger. Better than just staving off hunger, almonds are packed with five specific nutrients that can actually improve sleep.

Tryptophan

Most of us are familiar with tryptophan as the excuse for why Thanksgiving dinner knocks us out. Tryptophan is an amino acid that produces two key neurotransmitters, melatonin and serotonin. Melatonin helps keep your body’s clock regulated so that you get tired at night and wake up in the morning, and serotonin helps regulate your mood, keeping you from being depressed (which can also keep you from sleeping well). Almonds beat out turkey in the tryptophan race by a mile. The truth is that although turkey is high in tryptophan, the real reason for that post-turkey nap has more to do with the massive amount of carbs we typically consume as part of the Thanksgiving meal.

Magnesium 

Studies have shown that even a small deficiency in magnesium can lead to disturbed sleep. Magnesium helps with muscle function, leading to a state of relaxation; a deficiency may even lead to restless leg syndrome, which can severely affect sleep. Magnesium specifically increases deep slow-wave sleep, enhancing both sleep duration and efficiency, allowing you to sleep better and wake feeling more refreshed.

Calcium

Increased calcium can increase the hormone melatonin, which helps you feel sleepier. Studies have even found that calcium levels are the highest in our bodies during our deepest sleep. This is one of the reasons why a warm glass of milk has long been a staple insomnia cure. Of course, calcium and magnesium work together, with a lack of either causing you to wake up after just a few hours and be unable to return to sleep.

Niacin

Stress can lead to depression and anxiety, both of which can negatively affect sleep. Niacin plays a key role in stress regulation, helping to relieve both anxiety and depression, leading to a better night’s sleep.

Protein

The longer you go without food the more likely it is that your blood sugar will dip. That dip is often the reason why you wake up in the middle of the night. Eating a snack that’s high in protein will keep that dip from occurring.

There are a million things you could eat as a bedtime snack. Many of them will have some of the nutrients found in almonds, but few provide you with the protein, niacin, calcium, magnesium, and melatonin found in a single almond. Those nutrients work together to create a powerhouse food that can satiate your hunger, calm your nerves and muscles, and help you sleep better. It’s no wonder that almonds are considered a superfood.

When it comes to girls growing up in our modern culture, I think Charles Dickens put it perfectly: it’s the best of times, it’s the worst of times. Young women in America have more freedoms and opportunities than ever before in history, and they can have wonderful and fulfilling relationships and careers. 

Still, those formative years can be pretty brutal with the pressures to be thin, smart, funny, kind, and attractive weighing heavily on a young female’s shoulders. Add to that the fact that girls often take a major blow to their confidence at the age of 8 or 9, and it’s easy to see how they can have a pretty rough time.

So what can we do? How can we help girls find direction and purpose in this world? How do we equip them with the skills they’ll need to navigate the challenges they’ll experience and reach their potential? Book after book has been written about good parenting advice for daughters, and I won’t pretend to offer all the solutions on this topic in a single article. But I still believe that we can do our part to help girls overcome these common obstacles. Whether it’s your daughter, sister, niece, or student, here are a few ideas to help bring up a strong and healthy girl.

One of the aspects of a young woman that is given the most attention is her physical appearance. How often do we say things like, “She’s so cute!” or “Oh my goodness, I love your dress and shoes”? Although it’s not bad to tell a girl she’s pretty, we need to be sure that’s not the main message we give her about what we think about her. 

In a famous HuffPo article from a few years ago, Lisa Bloom wrote about the importance of asking a girl about what’s going on in her heart and mind (for example, what book she is reading). This can help them value themselves more than just physically and also hopefully help them avoid the myriad problems plaguing young women who go to dangerous lengths in the hopes of improving their bodies (eating disorders, plastic surgery, etc.)

Another way to raise a strong girl is to consciously fight the culture of entitlement. Unfortunately, many of the young women portrayed in media today act like divas, and our daughters, granddaughters, and nieces may look up to them as role models. One of the ways to counter this is to talk to young girls about the value of hard work and the importance of kindness. The mother’s behavior really sets the tone here. Show by example how not to act like a diva; instead show gratitude, compassion, and conscientiousness.

A sometimes overlooked aspect of bringing up daughters is preparing them for the “real world” of education and career. It seems we often talk to young men about one day having a great job and salary but neglect to help teach and prepare young girls for these same things. We must speak frequently with every girl about how she will continue her journey of learning and take advantage of work opportunities so she can provide for herself, use her talents, and serve her community. 

Also, studies show that girls whose mothers work outside the home may have an economic advantage. No matter how your family does things, make sure to talk often (and in a positive way!) with growing girls about career exploration.

Raising happy and healthy girls obviously doesn’t happen overnight; it’s a process that takes years of helping them nurture their minds, learn to work hard, have new learning experiences, and prepare for their future. I encourage you to consider how you can be a good influence on the young women in your life—in ways big or small.

Being alone is hard enough, but when you’re between relationships it can feel torturous. Every day feels like an eternity, and adjusting to single life is exhausting. Most of us are in relationships in part to avoid being single, so when this life transition inevitability presents itself, we face it with a sense of dread.
I’ve written quite a bit about loneliness and being alone, and I have personally felt differently about these states of being depending on where I am in my own life. I’ve learned that it’s much easier to give advice on how to feel less lonely when I’m not feeling it myself, and I enjoy sharing tips about how to be alone when I’m feeling more confident about spending time with myself.
Right now loneliness and being alone—they’re two separate things in my mind—are both strongly present for me and I’m needing to get very creative. Recently I went the entire day without talking to anyone. Not because I was avoiding the world, but because my life is structured in such a way that I don’t have much contact with people. This makes dealing with loneliness tricky, because forcing myself to seek out socialization feels unnatural. But I know I won’t survive without some form of connection.
You may have a solitary life as well, or you may be in a work environment around a lot of people yet still feel lonely. That’s just as bad in my book, because the need to put on a happy face can get old really fast. This is one of the first things to remember about loneliness. Being around strangers you don’t really care about doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll feel less lonely. In fact, it can often feel worse.
So how does one cope when straddling the breakup gap between lost love and new love? It’s an ongoing education for sure, but I’ve come up with a few tactics that I hope you’ll find easy and helpful as you move through this transition of your life.

Binge on Movies

I know this sounds like a crazy and unhealthy coping mechanism (especially coming from a therapist), but there was a time when movies were the only pastime. It’s only in our modern culture that we shy away from this great distraction because of how technologically addicted we all are. Look at this the same way you would if you were on vacation and wanting to kind of check out from your life. You’re actually on hiatus from love, so why not use that situation to your advantage and get in some good screen time?

Purge Something

Everyone has at least a couple of drawers or a closet to clean out. Getting rid of some old stuff and relinquishing junk you’ve been stockpiling both fills your time and keeps you focused on something other than your loneliness. Taking action opens up pathways in the brain that inspire and motivate because we all want to feel productive. Sitting around feeds the loneliness monster because you’re just waiting instead of doing.

Start a Project

For me, writing is an ongoing project, and I’ve never been more productive than I’ve been over these last few weeks being alone. By now you’re probably getting the theme of focusing on something, and projects keep you directed while invoking a feeling of creativity. Creativity is inspiring and healing, so pick something to work on that opens that part of your mind and heart. Puzzles are great, start a Pinterest board, plant a garden, or build something if you’re handy.

Go Outside

A large part of loneliness is feeling like you’re disconnected or don’t belong. There’s something about the outdoors that makes it impossible to feel alone. I always think of plant life as my “relatives,” so even just sitting in the yard or going for a short walk can shift your mindset from loneliness to being a part of something greater. Going on a hike or visiting a body of water works wonders, but if that’s not possible, simply being in fresh air will do the trick.

Get Moving

This is a general recommendation, the point of which is don’t be still too long. That feeling of restlessness you get when you start to feel empty—or like something is missing—is normal, and moving will release the tension. Dancing is an amazing release (and no one’s even looking), or getting in your car for a little road trip can transform loneliness into freedom. Again, action is powerful when it comes to moving through loneliness. It allows us to take control and move on faster instead of dwelling on the situation.
Loneliness is painful, but it can be hugely informative as well. You’ll never know yourself better than when you’re forced to be with yourself on this level. Use the time wisely, because soon enough you’ll be wishing you had that solitude back.

Our culture romanticizes love. From first kisses, saying those three little words, marriage proposals, walking down the aisle, and growing old together, so many of us want to be in love, experience love, or savor the love we already have. But once we get past the honeymoon phase, once we take off our rose-colored glasses and realize that our partner has flaws, and that our relationship is not as perfect as a fairy tale, then what? 

It seems that too many people think something’s wrong if they’re not always happy or even go so far as to swear off love once they’ve been disappointed. Although it’s true that real love is sometimes rocky, it can help us grow—both together and as individuals—and ultimately bring us real joy (instead of merely innocent bliss).

Love is an invitation to grow, but we’re not always fully listening. 

If you are married or in a serious relationship, or if you have children or other family members you spend a great deal of time with, remember that these individuals likely know you better than almost anyone else. They probably are intimately aware of your strengths and also of your weaknesses and shortcomings. They know your endearing patterns and your annoying quirks. So when these people give you feedback, take the time to listen! 

Hopefully those closest to you aren’t constantly bombarding you with critical messages, but even the most loving and kind person may express that you need to work on something. Not long ago my husband and kids told me a few different times that I needed to work on being a better listener. I was shocked. Don’t they know that I’ve made a career out of listening?! But after internalizing what they’d been saying, I realized that they were right; I did need to work on that communication skill. And we need these kinds of close relationships to help us improve. We have to bump up against others to smooth out our rough edges.

Another way that love helps us grow is that it challenges us to confront our insecurities, vulnerabilities, and past emotional wounds. 

Like it or not, all of our issues will eventually come bubbling to the surface. It’s amazing to me how so many of us gravitate toward individuals who make us face those painful issues; we often keep picking the same type of person over and over again, and we get them to play out a situation in our mind similar to ones we’ve experienced in the past. Unfortunately, sometimes this can lend itself to relationship problems (such as a young woman with a neglectful father having trust issues in her romantic life), but it can also help us overcome and move past these emotional raw spots through our connections with others.

A picturesque version of love looks like a dream of romance, beauty, and a perfect life with the other person. But in real life, saying yes to love means saying yes to happiness and tears. It’s something that seasoned couples have experienced but younger couples may not fully understand. 

Things will be hard at times. We won’t always look like we did when we were in our twenties, and we may even experience the pain of infertility, financial troubles, or chronic disease. I never mean to paint a negative picture of love and relationships; my family has brought me so much joy throughout the years. Still, let’s remember that real love is more than a picture-perfect romance.

As a therapist and as a wife of 27 years, I’ve had plenty of time to learn and apply these principles and see them in the lives of my clients. Some years have been difficult, and I’ve had to learn unexpected and painful lessons, but we keep moving forward because we’re still growing. 

Love is more than a feeling; it’s a verb and a commitment. And when things are not as blissful as we’d like, we can draw on one or all of those meanings to help us see it through.

Everyone has an innate desire to be understood, to be heard, and to be validated. This is why close relationships can be so powerful. They give us the opportunity to connect with others in ways that allow both individuals to be seen, respected, loved, and really feel known by the other person. But as many of us have experienced, even burning love can cool down, and even couples who once had a deep emotional engagement with one another may find themselves feeling disconnected and dissatisfied.
As a clinical therapist of more than 20 years, I’ve sat with many disheartened couples who are confused about where their love has gone and why they don’t feel the same way about each other that they once did. There are a great number of reasons why a marriage or romantic relationship could be in distress, and I won’t attempt to solve or remedy all of them in a single article.
I will say that one thing I have seen work wonders in improving relationships and alleviating marital and personal hardship is empathy. I call it the “secret sauce” of a happy marriage. In fact, a Harvard research study from a few years ago showed that marriages were more successful when the man tried to demonstrate empathy in his interactions with his wife. Clearly, there’s something important and noteworthy about it.
So what is empathy exactly? It’s a willingness and ability to sit with another person, really listen, and reflect back your partner’s experience. Some individuals are naturally empathetic, whereas others need to work to develop it a bit more. Either way, it can be an invaluable trait to bring to a marriage. Here are some ways that you can use empathy to improve your relationships.
One of the first things to do is to listen to the emotional message in your partner’s pleas. This can be difficult because the words and the emotional message might not be the same thing. For example, if your spouse says things like, “you always come home late,” or “you never text me when you’re on your way,” it may be tempting to get defensive at the criticism.
However, I encourage you to listen for the deeper meaning in the words. It’s likely that what your partner is actually trying to communicate is “I miss you when you’re away and want to spend more time with you,” or “I’m scared that I’m not important to you.” Practice this communication skill of deciphering the underlying message, then figure out how best to respond to it.
Another good strategy for employing empathy in your relationships is to step out of your own emotional experience sometimes to fully listen to and seek to understand the other person’s. This is not easy. When a spouse is giving critical feedback, your gut reaction is likely one of trying to explain, defend, or rationalize, but these uncomfortable situations are when empathy is needed the most. Press the pause button on your own feelings, and as painful as it might be, try to see things from the opposite perspective.
And finally, show empathy by reflecting back your partner’s experience in your words. This is an aspect of active listening that can help to clarify any inadvertent miscommunication. Using phrases like “what I’m hearing you say is ____” or “you must be feeling _____” can help make sure you two are on the same page. The Harvard study showed that women were happier when their husbands were making their best effort to respond empathetically to their negative experiences. So if you’re not perfect, don’t stress! This is a skill to learn and to develop, and a marriage or close relationship is the perfect opportunity to practice.
Empathy is not necessarily a cure-all, but it is a crucial component of a healthy relationship (especially a long-lasting one like a marriage). In times of distress, practice these methods to strengthen your connections to the ones you love.

Remember the cattiness and gossip from mean (and likely insecure) girls in junior high? Looking back on it, we can probably see how silly it was, but it can really hurt for the young people who are actually experiencing it. Sadly, emotional friend drama isn’t always a thing of the past. Lots of adult women engage in this type of conversation and behavior, and we really need to put a stop to it. The first step to changing something is being aware of it, yet it seems like those who are swimming in their own drama don’t even recognize it! 

Although you can never control another person, I encourage you to take an honest look in the mirror to see whether you yourself act like a drama queen. We’ve all been guilty at times, so here are some strategies to dial down the drama.

Bypass the drama by being assertive and asking directly for what you’d like. So much of the tendency to lash out and gossip is because an individual is acting out of spite or insecurity. For example, if you were left out of a fun outing of close friends, you may act passive–aggressive or make subtle yet biting remarks. This could be avoided by acknowledging to yourself that you’re hurt and then expressing this to friends. Don’t get caught up in the pettiness of backbiting or emotionally guilt-tripping someone—just be up front about what you’re feeling.

Another way to ditch the drama is to keep your own feelings in check. Sounds simple, but when emotions are running high in a tense situation, it can be pretty difficult. Runaway emotions can cause us to do or say things we later regret (think of the classic angry Facebook post that gets someone in trouble), so control the situation by controlling yourself. Take a deep breath, press the pause button if necessary, hit the gym, and then deal with the issue when you’re not feeling so emotionally flooded. Don’t let your passion get the better of you—channel your feelings into something productive so you don’t react too harshly or explosively.

Next consider what your role is in social settings. Do you tend to stay in the background, or are you front-row–center? Do you get jealous when others are getting noticed, and do you wish you were getting the praise at your job instead of your hard-working colleague? 

If so, you may be bringing the drama! This might sound harsh, but the world doesn’t revolve around you. Let others have a turn in the spotlight, and practice being happy and complimentary toward someone else instead of making everything about you. Learn to share the attention, not hog it.

A huge red flag indicating drama is talking about people when they’re not there. That’s what gossip is all about. If you find yourself doing this, cut it out! You don’t want people doing that to you, so show them the same amount of respect. A good rule to follow is not to speak critically or negatively about someone behind his or her back. If you have a real and legitimate problem with another person, address it directly and one-on-one; no peanut gallery necessary!

And finally, one of the most important things you can do to rid yourself of the habit of being dramatic is to analyze yourself and your own habits. 

Cultivating an awareness of our emotions—especially the painful ones (as uncomfortable as it may be)—is key here. The truth is that drama often manifests because you are feeling “less than,” or that you don’t measure up somehow. Causing or perpetuating drama is a sign that you’re insecure about yourself and that you need to be noticed or validated. 

I know a young woman who experienced the pain resulting from drama at her job when a co-worker bashed her to the rest of the office behind her back. Word got back to her quickly, and she went straight to the source and told the co-worker she didn’t appreciate the unkind words and wished she had been up front with her instead of spilling to everyone else. Over time, it became clear that the contentious co-worker was jealous, frustrated, and disappointed with her life. This does not excuse her gossipy behavior, but it does illustrate how drama and backbiting often is used to cover up more vulnerable emotions. 

If you find yourself creating drama, dig a little deeper and investigate why it is you thrive on drama, then seek to fulfill yourself in a healthy way.

We all have our inner teenagers, those parts of our personality that haven’t quite matured yet. Let’s practice acting more like adult women than catty teenagers by being honest with ourselves about how we’re feeling, addressing problems directly, and treating others with respect and dignity. It’s time to retire the crown and stop being a drama queen for good.

Love is blind, and this can be dangerous. When you love someone, you don’t just overlook their shortcomings, you can actually miss major character flaws that end up coming back to haunt you. So many of us find ourselves in long-term relationships that don’t work, and then we stay beyond what is healthy. Although people stay for many reasons, it’s possible that you’re being fooled by a partner who has a very strong defense system designed to trick you into seeing only what they want you to see.

These aren’t lies, or even forms of betrayal. The character traits listed here lurk way beneath the persona that has been created to hide them; they are often unalterable defects that stem from a deep historical place. These buried personality skeletons can only be seen if you know what to look for, and they usually become exposed in darker moments when the person feels threatened or that they are at risk of being discovered.

Your best strategy is to open your eyes and heart in a way that allows you to see the truth of what’s happening. Easier said than done, but once you learn what these kinds of defenses can look like you’ll have a better understanding of what you’re dealing with.

The Inadequate Person

Deep down inadequacy is one of the most painful feelings someone could have, and this is particularly true for men. Inadequacy in women often takes the form of shame, but regardless of gender, it’s always defended against, because who wants to admit that they feel inferior?  The defense against adequacy can be pretty overt and can show up as contempt or criticism of you. More mysteriously, however, it can show up as confidence and competence. Overcompensation is a common way to bury the feelings of inadequacy. You might be most familiar with this as it relates to narcissism and someone who has a “big ego.” Inadequate people are never wrong, know everything, and need a lot of affirmation to feel whole.

The Self-Deprecating Person

By definition this is the act of reprimanding, belittling, undervaluing, or disparaging oneself, or being excessively modest. Self-deprecation is a kind of self-sabotage that comes from a feeling of unworthiness, and these people use manipulation to get their own needs met. A self-deprecating person will come across as being giving or generous because they are always putting the focus on you and your needs. Their mantra is usually “don’t worry about me” or “I’m fine.” They will defer to you for everything, including where to have dinner, what vacation to take or what movie to see. Don’t be fooled however; they are storing their “giving gestures” as ammunition for when you express an overt need of your own. You’ll hear, “I do so much for you” or “nothing I do is enough.”

The People-Pleasing Person

People pleasers have one goal, and that is to keep others happy so they don’t have to feel that they’re a disappointment. In the people pleaser’s mind, you should never be unhappy because they are ensuring that you always are. They will do anything for you and will drop their own needs to make time because their only goal is to please you. This will feel like kindness and generosity on the surface, but resentment is brewing, because with every act of kindness they expect something in return. When the time is right they’ll say, “you never notice what I do for you.” If you feel guilty or like your partner is too nice, you’re probably picking up on this defense.

The Envious Person

Envy—one of the ugliest (but natural) human emotions—can easily feel like love. The envious person is “obsessed” with you because they believe if they get close enough you’ll rub off on them. They don’t just want to be like you they want to be you. Envy can feel like admiration or adoration until you start to see the truth come through. The truth shows up when they feel inferior and say things like “you think you’re so great” or “you’re the expert on everything.” The envious person is never really happy for you, and they avoid building you up because ultimately they want you to fail.

If some of these traits sound familiar you’ll have to determine whether you want to be with someone who walks through the world in this way. We all have defenses, and it’s healthy to have a few. But when you find yourself dealing with defenses that are protecting character flaws, you have to accept that these don’t change. Keep your eyes open and trust what you feel, because the only truth you need is your own.

Growing up in a military family made me appreciate the discipline and commitment that are required to be in the military. The so-called military diet that is making the rounds on the internet again is not endorsed by any branch of the military, but it is being hailed by its devotees as a way to jump-start or perk up your [linkbuilder id=”6535″ text=”weight loss efforts”].

Before you raise your hand to salute the military diet, make sure you know the pros and cons.

• The Military Diet Plan Theory

  No one is certain where the military diet originated, although there is a website for it. The diet works on the theory that regulating your food intake to a certain balance of carbohydrates and calories for three days will help you burn fat and lose a few pounds in a week.*
  *Disclaimer: Causes for being overweight vary for every individual. This means no individual result should be seen as typical, and results may vary for every person who tries a diet or weight loss program.
  It all sounds good in theory, but let’s be real. This theory is just based on the known scientific fact that lowering calories results in weight loss. There is no science behind the foods you eat during the three days of the diet. It’s simply a low-calorie diet with specific foods to consume.

  What You Drink

  Drink water. A lot of it, all day. The best way to increase water consumption throughout the day is to have a water bottle on hand that keeps water cool for up to 24 hours. Not only will you stay hydrated, but you will feel fuller throughout the day. On top of that, you are allowed to drink tea and coffee. However, you can only use stevia—no artificial sweeteners whatsoever.

• What You Eat

  The Military Diet plan website indicates your meal plan for the three days of the diet should look like this:

  Day 1

  Breakfast: 1 slice of toast with 2 tablespoons of peanut butter, 1/2 grapefruit, 1 cup coffee or tea without sweetener
  
  Lunch: 1/2 cup tuna, 1 slice of plain toast, 1 cup unsweetened coffee or tea
  Dinner: 3 ounces of meat, 1 cup green beans, 1 small apple, 1/2 banana, 1 cup vanilla ice cream

  Day 2

  Breakfast: 1 egg, 1 slice toast, 1/2 banana
  Lunch: 1 hard-boiled egg, 1 cup cottage cheese, 5 saltine crackers
  
  Dinner: 2 hot dogs without buns, 1/2 cup of raw carrots, 1 cup raw broccoli, 1/2 banana, 1/2 cup vanilla ice cream

  Day 3

  Breakfast: 1 slice of cheddar cheese (approximately 1 ounce), 1 small apple, 5 saltine crackers
  Lunch: 1 slice of bread or toast, 1 egg
  
  Dinner: 1 cup tuna, 1/2 banana, 1 cup vanilla ice cream
  This requires significant meal-prep, so it helps to use plastic storage containers for keeping your food fresh.

  Substitution Options

  You can see from the above menu that the diet is extremely restrictive and low in calories. Substitutions are allowed, but you need to be careful that you do not significantly alter the daily calorie allotment or the diet will not be as effective.
  
  If you want to try the diet but don’t eat meat, you can substitute beans or eggs for the meat portions. Don’t like bananas? Have an apple or orange instead. Try to substitute like food groups for like food groups. For example, don’t substitute grains for vegetables or fruit for meat.

• The Difficulty of Sticking to the Military Diet Plan

  Like many fad diets, the challenge to staying on this diet is actually following the food recommendations. I have tried a lot of diets over the years. And anytime I tried a fad diet such as this one I did well on the first day, so-so on the second day, and I binged on chocolate and chips by the third day.
  
  If you are really committed to trying this diet, I recommend emptying your pantry and refrigerator of junk food. Then purchase what you need for the next three days and do your best to stick with the recommended foods.
  If you are not used to eating at the calorie intake levels the diet provides, you will get hungry. And if you are like most people, when you get too hungry, you eat a lot at one time. There are no nutritious snack options in the diet to assuage your hunger, so you’re going to have to handle the inevitable hunger as best you can if you insist on trying the diet.

• Should you try the Military Diet?

  I cannot recommend this diet for several reasons.
  
  First, it falls into the fad diet category, which means it is inherently unhealthy and sets up unrealistic expectations for success. Second, the calorie levels are substantially lower than most physicians recommend. And third, why go on a fad diet when other healthier diet plans are readily available?
  Cookbooks are an effective way to help you lose weight; an entire category of cookbooks is dedicated to healthy eating and striking a balance between what tastes good and what’s low-calorie. It might be worth checking out cookbooks like The Skinnytaste Cookbook if you’re trying to lose weight.

• Trying the Military Diet Anyway?

  Remember that this is a three-day plan, and the instructions indicate that after three days you should eat about 1,500 calories a day before restarting the diet.
  Don’t set yourself up for failure by trying to stick to this diet for the long term. If you do try it, think of it as a way to jump-start your weight loss and then switch to a more reasonable, realistic, and sustainable diet plan.

For most of us, running is a passion that we did not grow up with, but instead discovered later on in life. I mean, let’s face it, not many of us actually enjoyed running the mile in middle school gym class, did we? For some, the love of running stemmed initially from a weight loss journey. Others started running with the intention of completing a race, perhaps a bucket list item. Or maybe a co-worker suckered you into racing a local 5K. Whatever the reason, you now find yourself utterly hooked on running. You want to spend all of your free time training or racing. You constantly want to talk about running, read about running, or watch movies about running. You want to share your love of running with everyone you meet!

Unfortunately, not everyone is as enthusiastic about running as you are. And what’s worse…sometimes those who are not in the running fan club are the same people who are normally in your fan club: your loved ones. Not having support from your loved ones can be more than simply disappointing, it can be downright hurtful. So what do you do when your loved ones don’t support your running journey?

Talk to Them.

Perhaps your partner or family simply don’t understand exactly why you are suddenly so enthusiastic about running, and that confuses or scares them. Maybe they have fears and insecurities that are convincing them you want to spend less time with them, so you are literally running away. Maybe they think you are going overboard with your “weight loss” method (because some people don’t understand that there is any other reason to run). Or maybe they simply want you to stop talking about running for five minutes so they can discuss something they enjoy talking about.

Keep an open line of communication with your loved ones. Explain exactly what running means to you, why it is important to you, and why you are pursuing the sport. Genuinely ask what their hesitations are regarding your love for running, and truly listen to them when they explain their concerns. Talking freely, openly, and regularly can help prevent any resentment on either end.

Look inward. 

Let’s take a moment to discuss a harsh truth: Too much of a good thing can be bad. Yes, you love to run, but has running taken over your life? Has running replaced much of your free time with your loved ones? Is running affecting your life or your family’s lives in a negative way—emotionally, physically, or financially? Have your priorities changed in a way that negatively affects those closest to you?

Now, I’m certainly not pointing fingers. If you have gone from a sedentary, unhealthy lifestyle to an active, healthy one, then your change in priorities is clearly a beneficial one. If someone doesn’t support a change that improves your health, then perhaps they are the negative one in this situation. If this is the case, maybe the re-evaluating you should be doing here is whether that person is a positive influence in your life. But if running has become such a priority to you that other important things and people in your life are beginning to suffer, then perhaps you need to re-evaluate how your actions are possibly hurting others.

Accept that not everyone will understand.

Some people will never understand why we choose to run for fun. These are generally the same people who will say something like “I only run when being chased by a bear.” And the truth is, it’s okay for them not to understand. If you’ve talked to your loved ones about your passion for running and they’ve talked to you about their lack thereof, then maybe it’s time to “agree to disagree.” There are certainly still plenty of things that you share in common—after all, they are the most important people in your life!

Find a support system. 

Even if you agree to disagree about your love for running, it is still incredibly helpful to have people in your life who do understand and support you. Your best bet here is other runners. Finding a running support system will give you someone to celebrate your new 5K training personal best time with and someone to vent your frustration to over a race that didn’t go the way you planned. Or maybe it would be nice for you to simply have someone to ramble on with about the latest release of your favorite sneakers and other topics that would be meaningless and uninteresting to non-runners.

At the end of the day, not everyone is going to understand your love for running, just as you may not understand the appeal of someone else’s hobby. It can be a tough pill to swallow, emotionally, to know that your loved ones aren’t jumping up and down with excitement over your running. 

So remember why you took up the sport of running. My guess is because you love it. Don’t let anyone ruin that passion for you. As long as you can find a balance that ensures there is no resentment between you and your loved ones, then keep on running.

Hugs seem so much a part of life that we may not realize how powerful they really are. Of course, there are the evolutionary factors. A hug is the first thing that happens to help mothers and infants attach properly to each other. Research shows that unless there is a premature birth or illness, moms should hold and hug their infants as much as possible. This is especially true during the first few weeks of life—but we need hugs throughout our life.

A hug activates oxytocin—the cuddle hormone that not only helps with bonding and reduces stress, but also seems to stimulate powerful neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin. These brain chemicals are often associated with the regulation of mood, and lower levels of these neurotransmitters have been linked to depression, self-doubt, and lack of motivation. Higher levels tend to make us feel good—and hugs have the ability to boost these levels. The longer and more frequent the hug, the greater the effect.

Remember how you feel the love when you’ve gotten a good hug? With all the changes in hormones and neurotransmitters, it makes sense—and there are physical benefits as well. Your muscles relax, and with the warmth and feeling of safety comes a calming effect. Research also shows it can help increase circulation and even reduce your heart rate. A hug is a reciprocal act that builds trust and safety between the huggers—each benefiting the other. 

But the other side of this coin is also true. When people are in conflict they hug less and the stress-induced reaction makes them more tense and—according to research—less able to ward off cold viruses. A hug brings about changes that not only make us feel good, they may help immunize us as well.

Psychology professor Sheldon Cohen of Carnegie Mellon University led research investigating whether hugging is a type of social support that protects people from getting sick. The research focused on hugging as an indicator of social support because hugging someone typically signifies a closer and more intimate relationship. The study’s findings, published in the journal Psychological Science, were that those who received more frequent hugs and social support were better protected against infections that are associated with stress. They also experienced less severe symptoms when they were sick.

The researchers studied more than 400 adults through questionnaires about the frequency of interpersonal conflicts and hugs. Then they intentionally exposed participants to a common cold virus and monitored the degree to which they got infected and showed symptoms. The risk of infection accompanying conflicts was reduced when perceived social support was greater—with hugs responsible for one-third of the protective effect. Regardless of whether they experienced conflicts, greater perceived social support and more frequent hugs both resulted in less severe illness symptoms among infected participants.

According to Dr. Cohen, “those who receive more hugs are somewhat more protected from infection.”

So go out there and give someone a hug—it just might be the healthiest thing for both of you.