Tag: balance

Regardless of your feelings about marriage, you may want to give it a try—especially if you’re concerned about your health. Researchers at New York University studied 3.5 million people and found that married people have lower risks of vascular disease, coronary artery disease, aneurysms, and other heart-related conditions than those who are divorced, single, or widowed.
Interestingly, the connection between marriage and heart health is strongest in those under 50. According to Dr. Carlos Alviar, the study’s lead author and a cardiology fellow at New York University Langone Medical Center, married folks under 50 had a 12 percent lower risk of any type of heart disease than single people as a whole. However, the marriage advantage decreased with age: those age 51 to 60 were 7 percent less likely than single people to develop heart disease, and those 61 and older were 4 percent less likely. For all age groups, widowers were slightly better off than those who’d been divorced or had never married.
Over the past several years, a number of studies have found that married people are less likely to be obese or to smoke (both are linked to heart disease), have high blood pressure, and not get enough exercise. Other studies have found that married people are less likely than singles to develop cancer or be diagnosed with dementia.
Dr. David Roelfs, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Louisville (Kentucky), and his colleagues analyzed data from 90 studies covering about 500 million people and came to the very depressing (if you’re not married) conclusion that when compared with married people, singles’ risk of death from all causes was 32 percent higher across the lifespan for men and 23 percent higher for women. In real terms, Roelfs estimates that married men might outlive their single brethren by 8 to 17 years, and married women might outlive their single sisters by 7 to 15 years.

But marriage isn’t a magic cure.

Part of the reason married people do better is that they’re more likely to help each other stay healthy. They do things like encourage each other to eat right, get exercise, quit smoking, make medical appointments and follow-ups, take medication properly, and so on.
Given all that, it’s no big surprise that the marriage advantage is especially strong for men. After all, we guys have a well-documented disregard for our own health, and women have an equally well-documented tendency to take charge (in a good way) of the health of everyone in their family.
Again, marriage itself isn’t magic. Several studies have looked at the health impact of marital quality and found that those in unhappy marriages are more likely than happily marrieds to have thicker arteries, a condition that increases the risk of heart attack and stroke. The researchers were actually able to quantify what “more likely” means in this case: Regardless of age, sex, race, and level of education, those in unhappy marriages are 8.5 percent more likely to have a heart attack or a stroke than those in happy marriages. As University of Pittsburgh psychology professor Thomas Kamarck put it in a press release about the study, “Growing evidence suggests that the quality and patterns of one’s social relationships may be linked with a variety of health outcomes.” Those outcomes include better mental and physical health.

There’s hope…

If you’re not married and you’ve read this far, rest assured that the news isn’t all bad. To start with, none of the studies I’ve cited include cohabiting couples. And considering how common that is, that’s a major oversight. But reading between the lines, the health benefits attributed to marriage may actually be the result of having a strong social network. So having good friends and a supportive significant other is far more important than a marriage certificate.

Most of us spend the majority of our time in a work setting creating a perfect petri dish for physical and emotional affairs to develop. This isn’t true for everyone, however, so perhaps there are certain human traits that make these incidents more likely.
Joanie came into my office in an urgent state of distress. “I’ve done something really bad,” she reported. Joanie had been married for three years and had come in to seek therapy for panic attacks and anxiety a year before this session. I’ve heard these kinds of declarations many times in my practice so I waited patiently for her to share her alarming news.
Joanie had slept with her colleague. They had been working for months on a project together, which involved late hours at the office, business trips, drinks after work, and client dinners. Joanie had mentioned this colleague once or twice over the course of our work together, but she never expressed any interest. She had also never mentioned being unhappy in her marriage, or that she had a desire to seek anything outside of that relationship. In fact, she had presented her marriage as quite perfect and fulfilling on every level. Joanie went on to explain the encounter “just happened,” and she was overwhelmed with regret and shame.
A long time ago when I was seeking therapy around my divorce I remember calling our couple’s therapist at the time to tell him that I had uncovered the news that my husband was continuing the affair he had promised he would end as a condition for working on the marriage. I’ll never forget what this therapist said in response. He expressed how sorry he was and then said, “I have to tell you that I’m shocked, but not surprised.” This is how I felt when I heard Joanie’s news because while I definitely didn’t see this coming for her, I know that it happens, in general, a lot.
Affairs in the workplace have something to do with the work environment and specific scenarios, but more to do with a person’s relational traits. By relational traits I mean the qualities that each and every person brings with them into the dynamics of relational experience. In the same way that there are certain traits that make it more likely someone will cheat on a partner, the specific experience of getting involved with a co-worker, boss, or employee involves a very specific recipe of personal qualities.
Joanie’s case clearly presented issues around infidelity and cheating on her partner, but becoming emotionally or physically entangled with someone at work when you’re single can bring on many complications as well. An affair can easily change the dynamic of the workplace so it becomes uncomfortable and awkward, and it obviously shifts how you feel when at work including your perceived performance. An affair can change a very confident employee into an insecure one overnight. Fear around getting fired, other people finding out, whether it actually means something more, or questioning if it will happen again are just a few of the cycling thoughts that follow a work-related affair.
While anyone is capable of having a sexual encounter with someone at work, these are four traits that make it more likely:

Lack of Boundaries

Boundaries are like invisible walls that can be drawn up for protection when needed. The ability to have healthy boundaries is learned, and they often coincide with a strong sense of self. People who lack the ability to set clear boundaries are usually eager to please, afraid of confrontation, or don’t know their own value. Not having boundaries leads to a bleeding of experience that makes it harder to distinguish between right and wrong or good and bad. Of course, there are always gray areas, but a healthy boundary helps keep each party on the right side of the fence.

Extroversion

Extroverts are highly social and prefer the company of others over spending time in solitude. When a person is an extrovert and doesn’t spend time developing the capacity for being alone or deepening relationships outside of work, the chance of making the office their main social venue is more likely. Extroverts are more inclined to live for work, hang around the office to avoid going home, or to make work events their social outlet. While none of these behaviors are necessarily bad, they do heighten the chance of a workplace affair.

Impulsivity

When a person is impulsive it basically means they act without thinking. Impulsivity is highly correlated with poor judgment and with behaviors that result in negative outcomes. Impulsive people are not reflective in the moments where choice presents itself, leaving them vulnerable to mindless acts that they later regret. As a result, they have a greater chance of getting into sexual or emotional relationships that aren’t likely to have positive outcomes, and this includes in the context of work.

People Pleasing

Wanting to advance at work and needing approval often go hand in hand, but the latter can lead to negative outcomes. People who seek approval and want to keep everyone happy at the expense of their own needs make choices outside of their own best interests. The focus of each choice is about the other person’s perception, not on their own desire. The main goal of a people pleaser is to be liked and valued, and people with this trait will go to any length to ensure that this happens, including crossing the line in a work relationship.

There are countless songs, books, TV shows, and movies about couples breaking up (Taylor Swift seems to have made a career off this topic). We’re all familiar with the tears, the fighting, the drama–and perhaps most of all the emotional pain–from seeing these scenarios portrayed in the media and perhaps experiencing them ourselves.

But romantic partners are not the only ones who find themselves ending a relationship.

In my years as a clinical therapist, I’ve had a lot of women come into my office heartbroken over the loss of a female friendship. Friend breakups are real–not just something we experienced in junior high–and they can really, really hurt. It happens a lot, but we don’t talk about it very much. Here are a few ways to deal with and get over a breakup with a close friend.

One of the first things to do is determine whether the relationship break is a drift or a rift.

As you can probably guess, a drift is when two people naturally grow apart, as can happen over time. This often has to do with a difference in expectations (for example, one person may think a relationship will last for years to come, while the other may consider it a convenient relationship for the time being). A rift, however, indicates that there has been a rupture, a problem, or perhaps even a falling-out that needs to be examined further. With a relationship drift, you’ll probably choose a path of acceptance, whereas a relationship rift more likely requires a path of repair, or at least of clarification.

If you find yourself on the receiving end of a friendship breakup, I encourage you to examine your expectations. I’d ask you to consider the same question that I’ve asked so many of my clients throughout the years: When have you felt this way before?

Your tender feelings may indicate an underlying insecurity and that perhaps you were using the friendship to meet a need or fill a void. For example, women who’ve lost their mother might feel a greater need for female friendship. Or maybe you had only brothers and are wanting your friend to be the sister you never had. Examining what the friendship really meant to you is a great way to learn about yourself and what your specific needs are. It’s also an important step in healing from the breakup.

As painful as it is, the ending of a friendship can be an opportunity to develop and practice empathy.

You may be very hurt by someone, but I invite you to consider what might be going on with her that has caused her to act a certain way. Is there some hardship in her life that would explain why she’s pulled away from you? Perhaps she’s having problems in her marriage, in her family life, or in her career that are taking priority. There’s almost always something deeper that precipitates this kind of shift, and whether your friend is in the wrong for her part in ending the relationship or not, you can still be empathetic to challenges that she may be experiencing.

Something good to do in the aftermath of a friendship breakup is to figure out what you can learn. There is always, always something valuable to learn, and pain, unfortunately, is often the best teacher. What lesson(s) can you take from this experience?

It may be that you contributed to the breakup in a way and need to do better in a certain area. It may be that you need to readjust your expectations. Or it may even be that you would like to emulate (or not emulate) some characteristic or trait of the other person. A young woman I know had a very painful friend breakup a few years ago. When she tried to reach out for clarification about what had happened, her attempts were strongly rebuffed; she was told in no uncertain terms that her friend refused to see or speak to her again. The original sadness of the breakup resurfaced, and it took her a very long time to recover from this loss. Although she didn’t get the closure she was hoping for, my friend was still able to examine her expectations and recommit herself to always being open to communicating with others. She never wanted to cut anyone off, as had sadly been done to her. There’s always something we can learn from these situations to make us stronger in our future relationships.

Finally, if a friendship is over for good, figure out what it is that you need for closure.

You’re understandably very sad that the relationship isn’t what it used to be, so it’s a grief process of letting go. Maybe what you really need is a good cry. You might write your feelings in a letter that you may or may not send. Journaling, therapy, talking to your spouse or partner–or maybe a parting conversation with the other person–can help you move on. Life is about hellos and goodbyes, and you can learn to let go in a healthy way.

Friendship breakups aren’t fun. They can unearth a lot of insecurities, but they can also teach us about ourselves, our expectations, our weaknesses, and our needs. When you go through one, use what you learned from it to make you a better friend in your next relationship.

While many companies are simply cashing in on the all-natural trend, others, such as arcBARKS Dog Treat Company in Greensboro, South Carolina, are the real deal. The company’s dog treats include only peanut butter, oats, oil, flour, and one special ingredient: love. 

Pat Clapp started arcBARKS in partnership with the Arc of Greensboro, an organization for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities, to help her son David. arcBARKS employs adults with developmental disabilities from the community and distributes its treats to more than 100 locations throughout the state. 

“When customers buy arcBARKS treats, every box that you buy, no CEO is getting rich and no shareholders are benefitting,” Pat told local news station WFMY. “That’s the amazing thing about us.”

David has Down syndrome, and Pat realized as he got older that his options in Greensboro were becoming limited. arcBARKS has been a boon to the 18 treat chefs, who have a sense of purpose (and a sense of humor) crafting the locally sourced dog biscuits. The experience also gives employees the skills necessary to go beyond arcBARKS.

“These treats aren’t made on an assembly line somewhere, they’re not made by a machine,” Pat said. “The people that are making these are putting a little bit of themselves into it.”

Dogs seem to be quite fond of the treats, too.

“I’m not sure what it is…maybe’s it the no preservatives, maybe it’s that love I was talking about,” Pat said. “But these pickiest of picky dogs are eating our treats, and it’s the only treats they eat.”

Pat is thrilled with the happiness and confidence arcBARKS has brought to her son and his fellow workers. They’ve inspired her too. 

“A lot of times you’re missing out if you don’t have someone in your life who has special needs,” she said. “They’re incredible, incredible people, and I learn from them every day.”

To learn more about the company or to order some dog treats visit this website.

A few years ago, a fascinating university study emerged that showed the mental health benefits of having a sister. After a careful study of more than 400 families, a theme emerged that children with sisters were less likely to experience loneliness, depression, and shame and also were more motivated, kind, resilient, and had closer friendships. The social scientists who conducted the research even went so far as to conclude that sisters are more influential than parents are! The results of this project were heavily amplified: Huffington Post, USA Today, and Psych Central were some of the big names in the media to talk about the findings. As someone with five female siblings, this research did not surprise me one bit, and yet I was still thrilled to see this cultural conversation about sisters!

How can we use what this study illustrates to inform how we raise young people? The positive influence of sisters extends beyond childhood and adolescence, and my belief is that we can effectively model and teach the values that are practiced in healthy sister relationships in order to foster these precious mental health benefits. Here are some strategies to raise kids (girls and boys) to have excellent social and interpersonal skills so they’ll be great siblings and future adults.

A good place to start is to teach kids to express emotion. So often young people are not trained to work with and honor their internal experiences. Let’s help them first acknowledge and identify their emotions, then properly communicate them. For example, if you notice that your daughter is having a hard day, maybe say something like, “you’re probably feeling pretty frustrated, huh? Would you like to tell me more about that?” as you listen to whatever message this child chooses to express. This lets her know that it’s okay to have feelings, and it can be good to talk about them! 

Through the years, they can use this skill to share their emotions and thoughts with others, particularly with their siblings. This act of communicating (regularly and sincerely) is one of the best safeguards against the emotional discontentment that plagues so many adults. I can personally attest to the healing effects of talking things out with the girls. I can share details of my life (whether they’re fascinating or mundane) with my sisters and then actually feel our relationship strengthen. It’s almost a tangible connection. Encouraging kids to express their emotions and then to have an active friendship with their siblings can lead to them maintaining those communication patterns later in their lives.

Kindness is an important value to instill in our children to ensure that they’ll be good brothers and sisters. It’s such a simple and beautiful principle, and yet it seems like all too often it’s overlooked. Model in your own life what it means to be kind to others (whether they’re strangers or friends) and lovingly correct your children when they are unkind. Make thoughtfulness, respect, and love the norms in your home, and have high expectations that your children will treat each other in these ways. 

Taking this idea a step further, the study revealed how important affection is; it’s a crucial aspect of the positive mental health outcomes found among siblings. According to Laura Padilla-Walker (the head researcher of this study), a lack of affection can create bigger problems than even lots of fighting. So without forcing your kids to show affection, why not suggest that they may feel good and happy if they hug or hold hands with their brother or sister? 

This can help them know additional ways to express their love and feelings for one another and can also create an opportunity to teach and model appropriate personal boundaries (e.g., only hug someone who wants to be hugged, etc.) C.S. Lewis famously said that “affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives,” so let’s help children understand that they can use it to show that they care about their brothers and sisters.

And finally, even conflicts with siblings can help prepare young people for a life of good mental health. It may seem counterintuitive, but the truth is that dealing with differences of opinion—even those that escalate into fights—can teach kids about boundaries, forgiveness, sharing, and communication. Young children generally don’t yet possess the skills to manage conflict, so it’s the job of the parent to step in and help them resolve the issue. Once the problem has passed, your kids can even learn and experience what forgiveness looks like.

Truly, the home is a great environment for understanding people skills, especially when it comes to conflict resolution. And although high levels of sibling conflict correlate with increased aggression in other relationships, on a positive note, conflicts that naturally arise in home relationships give siblings a chance to practice emotional management and strengthen problem-solving skills.

I know I’m not alone in saying that I adore my sisters and value all the things I have gained from my relationships with them. Let’s dig a little deeper into what makes sisters so great for our mental health and then harness this knowledge to equip our kids with the skills to help each other throughout their lives.

Adults are constantly bombarded with questions about their love life: Did you go on a date? Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend? Are you getting married? Because of this, it’s no surprise that adults often overthink what to say to a potential partner. Kids, on the other hand, are carefree and believe everything is simple, including relationships. In the video below, kids give their advice to an adult on what to do if you get a phone number.

We would like to get these adorable kids’ advice on every situation, please.

30% to 60% of all married couples will engage in some form of infidelity. With this staggering statistic, we have to wonder how beneficial it is to disclose an affair to an unknowing spouse even if the consequences are great.

Lying among martial partners is not uncommon, but when it comes to disclosing an affair the risk and consequences grow exponentially making the decision to tell a difficult one. With a specialty in infidelity and divorce, I see many versions of secretive and deceitful behavior among couples. More often than not the need to disclose an indiscretion surfaces when the affair has been exposed or the person has been caught. Up until this time the cheating partner is conflicted and guilty, but not willing to risk full disclosure.

For some of these spouses the fear of disclosure surrounds possible retaliation that may include a loss of parenting rights or horrible financial fights. For other cheating partners, the withholding of information is a form of protection, and a desire to not inflict the pain that will come with sharing the news with their partner. I have even seen lying become a selfish act when disclosing the affair will mean that it has to end.

Circumstances around the affair also have to be considered. Some might argue that a short-term or one-time affair isn’t worth disclosing. There are also issues to consider when the infidelity is a byproduct of sex addiction or other acting out behaviors. In some cases, telling becomes a safety issue, while at other times disclosure of an affair may not be worth the pain it will cause.

Withholding information is not always the same as lying, but at the end of the day this is just splitting hairs. The real question is whether telling a partner about an affair is a good and healthy thing to do, or if not telling them makes more sense. More often than not disclosing an affair results in separation or divorce leaving most people in an eternal state of ambivalence. The only way to put an end to the uncertainty is to explore both sides of the disclosure equation. While there are no hard and fast rules about this, we can try and come to a consensus on what is most healthy for both parties and the marriage.

Pros and Cons

The biggest con of disclosing an affair is the risk that comes with the admission. Knowing exactly how a partner will respond is difficult, but it is easy to presume that anger and an unwillingness to forgive will be part of the experience. Disclosing an affair could easily mean the end of the marriage, and if this isn’t the desired outcome telling a partner may bring a grave result. Admission of an affair is painful for both parties, and it puts a permanent mark on what was previously a clean marital record.

The pros of disclosing an affair can ultimately reflect courage and even a sense of remorse on the part of the cheating spouse. The betrayed partner may be more likely to be understanding and forgiving if they don’t have to “discover” it on their own. A willingness to come forward with the information could help with trust and may elicit less of an inquiry from the hurt spouse. Disclosure is also better for everyone’s health because secrets and lying create great stress, and more often than not the unknowing partner feels the negative energy even if it’s not conscious.

Fit or Flop

Overall telling a partner about an affair is a fit. Honesty always trumps dishonesty for both parties, and if there is any chance for the marriage to be saved it has to be rebuilt on a foundation of honesty. While it may cause hurt and unpleasant feelings, robbing a person of their free will to have all of the information they deserve to make proper decisions about their life is unfair. It’s selfish to keep an affair from a partner because it really only protects the person who is doing the cheating. The issue is not really whether to tell, but how to tell a partner that they have been betrayed. Being willing to confront the difficult emotions that come with the news, and showing the strength of character to admit the misconduct shows great respect for the injured spouse.

Uncovering an affair is demoralizing and shocking, so when a cheating partner is willing to come clean the betrayed spouse can salvage their self-respect, and feel better by the accountability and responsibility for the indiscretion.

What do really successful couples do that keeps their love vibrant and exciting?

Relationship scientists have some insight into what works. As you might have guessed it has something to do with communication. But what might surprise you is that it isn’t so much about having fewer bad interactions– it isn’t repairing what went wrong that helps the most. Research shows that good relationships are the very measure of what makes life worth living and people with good social relations tend to live longer and happier lives, so if there is an investment to be made in our own well-being it is in the interactions and communication with the people around us.

The key seems to be in the positive reciprocal influence and support of each other–something known as the Michelangelo phenomenon. Michelangelo was said to have seen the process of sculpting as revealing the hidden magnificent figures hidden in the stone. When we each interact with the other in a way that supports the emergence of the ideal self–each person is working to bring out the best in the other.

It has to do with having a very particular type of communication in your everyday life: How well we celebrate others. It is how we respond to good news from our partner, our work associates, and our family that determines the quality of our relationship. When good news from others comes our way our enthusiastic response is what is most supportive in bringing out their best.

People are like flowers. We turn toward what we need and what makes us grow. Being like a flower is how we need to be in a relationship. The delicate flower can withstand intense wind and rain and long days without sunlight. Flowers are open and vulnerable to the elements, and yet they use these same elements to thrive and blossom. Rain will feed the roots and the wind carries seeds so that new flowers will grow. We both need sunshine and need to be the source of it for others Good relationships involve a variety of ingredients, but two of the more important ones are being open and celebrating each other. Being open means you are able to tell the truth about how you are feeling without being afraid of being criticized. Celebrating each other means learning how to praise each other’s accomplishments, both big and small.

Psychologist Shelly Gable and her colleagues study how positive relationships give us greater life satisfaction and better connections –as well as more positive feelings. The have found that the way you respond to good news can make or break the relationship. The evidence shows that it is not how we respond to the struggles of life, but rather how we respond to the good things that make for strong relationships. The term capitalizing is used when we talk about how we react when good news is being shared. What you do in response to when things go RIGHT makes for a good connection –not how you correct what’s wrong,

When something good happens to a friend is by doing something the researcher call Active Constructive Responding, or ACR. As an example, imagine that a friend of yours just got an A on a big exam. Let’s look at four ways you could respond: You could say: “Great, let me show you the photo of my new ant farm.” This really doesn’t celebrate your friend’s achievement very much. You could also say: “Good for you.” Better, but not really much of a celebration. You could also say: “You probably cheated if you got such a good grade.” Obviously this isn’t going to make your friend very happy, and it probably won’t foster a good relationship going forward. But in ACR the reaction is to be happy for your friend and celebrate the achievement. “Wow! I know you studied like crazy for that exam and it really paid off. When did you find out? What did the teacher say? Give me a high five!

Try it for a week. Listen to the good news people bring to you, particularly those you have a close relationship with. At the same time notice who is there to celebrate you. See who looks at you like Michelangelo looked at the stone and saw the Pietà or David waiting to be revealed.

There are no rules about sharing one’s sexual history or past relationships with a present partner, but the topic does come up. Whether or not to disclose is a personal choice, but it’s not always an easy one.
Emily and Dave came in to my office because they were in a blow out fight. They had been dating for almost a year, and one night over dinner they started to talk about past relationships. Emily, feeling no reason to hide anything from Dave, proceeded to share her sexual history and past relationships openly. Dave had an adverse reaction and was overcome with jealousy and insecurity about these past boyfriends. Emily felt this was ridiculous because they were all in the past, but Dave was having the kind of response you might experience if you were betrayed or cheated on.
Working through the feelings and helping this couple resolve this fight wasn’t the hard part. What became more challenging was the issue of disclosure when it comes to past partners. Does it make sense to share this information? Is it the right of a partner to know about the past sexual relationships of their lover? When (if ever) is it the right time to tell a partner about past relationships and sexual histories?
If you try and find research around this issue you’ll come up with many articles on HIV and the disclosure of sexual history as it relates to STDs. When it’s a health issue disclosure is necessary, but when it comes to past loves and romantic relationships things get a bit trickier. No one really wants to believe that there partner has ever been with someone else. While you may know in your mind that your partner is probably not a virgin, you may have this underlying need to believe that you’re the only one. This may seem silly and unrealistic, but human beings are wired to be jealous and possessive even if it doesn’t always make sense.
For the disclosing partner there’s a risk in sharing. Not knowing what the response will be, or how you’ll be perceived makes it a less appealing process. There can always be a discrepancy between what’s acceptable or not depending on each person’s ideas, values and beliefs around sexuality and love.
We are also a highly disclosing culture. We learn early on to not “keep secrets” and to be honest. Hiding your history and not fully sharing your past may invoke a sense of guilt because you’ve been conditioned and may have even promised to share everything with your partner. Withholding information is often frowned upon leaving you feeling like there is no other choice but to share even if you do it reluctantly.

Pros and Cons

Intimacy in relationships is very dependent on trust and honesty. We feel closer to a partner when we know more about them. This might make it worthwhile to share some of your past depending on how comfortable you feel. If you’re hiding past experiences remember that it’s much worse for a partner to discover something on their own than hearing if directly from you. Sometimes full transparency feels really good, and it allows for a clean slate between the couple.
The downside is obvious. Risking upsetting your partner or even worse being judged for your past can be damaging and hurtful. There is also some merit to maintaining a sense of mystery between you and your partner. Fantasy and secrets can be exciting and generate a sense of passion if no one is being hurt. Sometimes the past is the past, and can be considered the private property of the rightful owner. This can be considered a form of respect, and can be indicative of healthy boundaries.

Fit or Flop

Erring on the side of not disclosing would be a better fit. A partner’s past is only relevant if it puts the other person at risk or if there is some psycho-sexual experience that would be important, like molestation or abuse. Even then the disclosure should be made mindfully and in the right setting. The circumstances and situation for disclosing sexual history and past relationships is important. It’s not something to drop over dinner or drinks. This kind of conversation should be kept sacred and should only happen in a safe environment with full consent from both parties.