Tag: balance

Relationships. Relationships are sticky and can end with joy or bitterness; sometimes both. You know what’s worse than your typical relationship? One that’s doomed for failure. Have you ever fallen victim to the dreaded dead-end relationship? You couldn’t imagine life with him, but you couldn’t imagine it without him either. It just seemed easier and, quite frankly, it was comfortable to stay on the path you were going. Routines are nice, but little did you realize how your happiness was slowly bleeding away.

But finally, enough is enough.

When you finally escape from that downward spiral you can take a breath of fresh air. Everything has a rosy hue. No longer do you have to stress about what you’re going to wear, how long you’ll be out with friends, or if you’re just in a bad mood. Life instantly becomes better and easier. Of course, you’re going to miss the comfort of knowing someone’s there and invested, but you’ll feel like you’re getting a new chance at life. Three months to three years…it’s a LONG time to be in something that you know is going to end.

Now’s the time to rediscover yourself. If you’re honest, you’ll admit that you had morphed into his identity. Once it was ‘DanAndAmy,’ and now it’s just Amy. You’re no longer identified by your partner; you’re identified as yourself. 

Did you REALLY want to go to P.F. Chang’s, or would you rather have ordered Dominos and stayed home with your friends drinking wine? Should you keep your long hair or chop it off? Are you REALLY an outdoor person? All of a sudden you’re  faced with an identity crisis, but it is the sweetest crisis yet.

How many of us get the opportunity to rediscover ourselves? You’re about to pass  on that ice cream cone but then realize you don’t care if you aren’t a size four. You realize you’re not satisfied staying at home during the week and decide to go out every day, or you may realize that you’d rather lay in bed binge watching House of Cards. So skip the camping trip and go on the yoga retreat. It feels good trying new things and being honest whether you enjoy them or not. You have no one to impress but yourself.

No only do you get to become reacquainted with yourself, but you can be unabashedly selfish. If you want to move across the country for your job you can without it being ‘a thing.’ You don’t have to budget your paycheck so you can go visit his family, and you don’t have to plan your next vacation around anyone but yourself. And you know what else? You can go ahead and eat that last slice of cake.

P.S. You’d be lying to yourself if you didn’t really just enjoy every last bite.

But most importantly, your newfound freedom teaches you how to be alone. It’s scary to rely on yourself when you’ve gotten into such a habit of having a co-pilot. It’s even scarier to realize you’re not going to have those cozy date nights for a while. We’re creatures of habit and when our world gets rocked anything but the norm is going to scare us.

Although there is so much to be gained  you’re not going to get off without feeling some sort of sadness and regret. When time has set in you’ll began to cringe at your ignorance and lack of backbone. It’s inevitable. It’s happened to all of us at one time or another.

So what happens?

You’ll begin to play the ‘what if’ game. What if you had ended it sooner? Where would you be today? Why did you let him hold you back for SO LONG?

Fortunately, I’m writing to you. I’m about to talk some sense into you – Stop running away from the miserable memories and delve back to the good parts.

It worked, didn’t it? If not it’ll take time, but you have to keep trying. 

Look at it this way – You’d never have traveled across the country like you did, vacationed overseas, tried white water rafting, or even appreciated the little things like a starry night. You may have even formed some meaningful relationships through him, a few which you could quite possibly still maintain to this day.

It can be almost painful to admit that there were some good times. Of course, there will have been so much hurt and anger that negate the good times. If there wasn’t these negative emotions you’d still be together.  

Dysfunctional relationships are incredibly eye-opening. They help you rediscover yourself and grow. You end up becoming reborn into a better version of yourself. You become more confident, know what you will and won’t tolerate, and, next time, you won’t be afraid to say goodbye.

Warren Buffet is known as the “Oracle of Omaha” for his expertise in business and investing. Buffet, the chairman and CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, is now a self-made billionaire thanks to the choices he’s made over the years. When a self-made billionaire give you advice, you better take it!

1. Focus On You

Buffet has said, “investing in yourself is the best thing you can do.” An investment in yourself is an investment of which you have total control. You need to trust yourself and know where your talents lie. Once you know that, double down and do everything you can to improve those talents. Even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time, it will pay off down the road. 

2. Breaking Bad…Habits

Recognizing bad habits or weaknesses in you is tough for everyone. However, it’s even tougher to recognize a bad habit and make a change. The younger you recognize destructive behavior, the better. Buffet said it’s one of main things that hold people back. But you can decide to make a change before it becomes ingrained. Buffett told the students at University of Florida: “You can get rid of it a lot easier at your age than at my age, because most behaviors are habitual. The chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.”

3. Strengths and Weaknesses

The previous entries add up to this: Know your strengths and weaknesses. Not everyone is Superman. Be realistic and know your limits. It’s to your advantage to not to get in over your head. In 2001, Buffet told Georgia State University students, “You don’t have to be an expert on everything, but knowing where the perimeter of that circle of what you know and what you don’t know is, and staying inside of it is all important.”

4. Think About The Risks You’re Taking

There’s nothing wrong with taking a risk every once and while, but think about why you’re doing it. Buffet said he’s seen many individuals fall prey to greed and take risks for something they didn’t need, or even really want. Essentially, never risk something you need to get something you don’t need. 

5. Love What You Do

Buffet’s advice is to try to find a job that lets you do something you would do if you didn’t have to worry about money. You’ll be ready to learn and excited to work each day. It’s hard to put a price on that sort of thing. “I get to work in a job that I love, but I have always worked at a job that I loved.” Buffett said. “I loved it just as much when I thought it was a big deal to make $1,000.”

6. The Golden Rule

This is pretty simple; treat others how you would like to be treated. Or as Buffet put it, “It’s so simple that it’s almost too obvious to notice. Look around at the people you like. Isn’t it a logical assumption that if you like traits in other people, then other people would like you if you developed those same traits?”

7. Think of Time As a Resource

Now, you’re probably not a billionaire like Buffet, but your time is still valuable. You only get 24 hours in each day, so use them wisely. Don’t fill up your day with appointments and functions that provide no value or educational opportunities to you. 

8. Find Those You Admire

Mentorship is an important aspect of any job or education. Buffet has been very open about the importance of his mentor Benjamin Graham, his professor at Columbia University, to his education and investment career. Graham helped Buffet build an investment philosophy responsible for his empire. Of his mentor, Buffet said, “He was a generous man.”

9. Fear Factor

It’s important to face your fears. If you don’t, you’ll only regret the opportunities you missed because you were afraid. Buffet himself was very afraid of public speaking. However, at some point in his career, he realized he would be required to do it. He decided to take the Dale Carnegie public speaking course. Now, because of his proactive approach, he’s one of the most highly regarded public speakers in the country. 

10. Recognize Opportunity

While addressing students at Georgia State, Buffet said, “We don’t do very many things, but when we get the chance to do something that’s right and big, we’ve got to do it. And even to do it in a small scale is just as big a mistake almost as not doing it at all.” He continued, “You’ve really got to grab them when they come, because you’re not going to get 500 great opportunities.”

11. Body and Mind

Last but not least, make sure you’re taking care of your body and mind. It sounds simple, but it’s something a lot of people ignore. Buffet illustrated the importance with a hypothetical situation. He said to imagine a genie came to you at the age of 16 and said you can have your dream car, any car you want. However, the catch is, it’s the only car you’ll own for your entire life. Buffet said if that were the case, he would read the manual over and over, garage it whenever he could and fix any scratch, dent or problem immediately. Buffet said, “That’s exactly the position you are in concerning your mind and body. You only get one mind and one body. And it’s got to last a lifetime. Now, it’s very easy to let them ride for many years. But if you don’t take care of that mind and that body, they’ll be a wreck 40 years later, just like the car would be.”

Now that Warren Buffet has set you straight, go seize the day!

And now for a topic you don’t see very often on the pages of running magazines or in the posts of your preferred online running forums:
Running and sex.
If you haven’t heard by now, numerous studies have proven time and time again that regular exercise can have positive effects on sex drive for both men and women. Obviously, running is no exception. But how will a regular training schedule improve performance both on your next race and between the sheets? Let’s check it out:

Self-Esteem

I’m listing this one first, because in my humble opinion, it is the most important. The saying “you must love yourself before you can love others” rings true in this case. Admit it: it’s hard to enjoy sex when you aren’t comfortable or confident in your own body.
But the good news is that regular exercise, like running, has been proven over and over to have a positive effect on self esteem and an improved perception of body image. How many times have you started a run in a bad mood, then at the end of the run felt like you could conquer the world? I know I’m not the only one who feels that way.
Running makes you feel good about yourself.  Feeling good about yourself can result in a more relaxed, more enjoyable sexual experiences.  And let’s face it, the more enjoyable sexual experiences you have, the more likely you are to want MORE of those in the future. Increased sex drive for the win!

Increased Endurance

There’s no denying that sex is (or at least can be) a vigorous, physical activity. And like any vigorous, physical activity, it’s not nearly as easy…nor fun…if you aren’t in shape. The more you run, the greater your cardiovascular capacity and muscular strength become, and the longer you are able to endure vigorous, physical, activity before fatiguing.
I’ll let you use your imagination as to how this may carry over into bedroom activities.
Bonus: the increased endurance also results in an increased blood flow to all parts of your body…including the genitals. And that increased blood flow can cause an overall feeling of increased arousal for both men and women.

Testosterone, Endorphins, and Adrenaline

Regular exercise promotes the release of testosterone in both men and women. Increased testosterone in women, leads to the desire for more frequent sex, heightened sexual arousal, elevated moods (see “self esteem” above), greater muscle and bone density (see “increased endurance”) and higher energy levels . For men, increased testosterone levels can result in more frequent erections, increased sexual urges, and greater muscle and bone density.
For both men and women, increased testosterone levels reduce depression and chronic fatigue, which can both be mood killers in the bedroom.
Now, we’ve all heard of the “Runners High”; after prolonged exercise, our body releases the chemicals endorphins and adrenaline, which leave us feeling happy and on top of the world. But did you know the runner’s high isn’t the only positive outcome of endorphins and adrenaline? The release of endorphins has been shown to increase sexual arousal or even orgasm, as well as reduce stress levels.
In short, happy people have more sex, and people who have more sex are happier…and healthier.

But, as with anything good in life, too much can be a bad thing.

Over exercising and over training can not only cause a fatigue and injury, both of which can negatively affect your sex life, but the body may respond to overtraining by limiting production of the hormones related to sex.
So, as always, moderation is key. Respect your body with a balance of regular exercise, healthy eating, and adequate sleep and recovery, to ensure you’ll be showing up with your “A game” to your next run and your next romp in the sack.

Have you seen the motivational post floating around on social media that says, “Obsessed is a word the lazy use to describe the dedicated”? I admit many people give me the “obsessed” label too.

As a fitness professional, people may be under the impression that I live to workout. Ironically, people who really know me are very aware I’m not even really fond of exercise. I’m only fond of the results. I am not obsessed. Like the infamous quote, I’m simply dedicated to healthy living.

Dedication takes work and work is something people like to question. People don’t like to work. They really don’t even like seeing other people work because it reminds them of what they could be doing. This tends to make people feel guilty so they begin to “Dr. Phil” their fit friend in hopes of discovering that their friend is the one with the real problem. People often would rather put a label on someone else than accept that we are the ones who need to change.

We live in a society where people like labels. We like to know there is a logical explanation for why we are different (i.e., lazy and out of shape) or why someone else is an overachiever (i.e., disciplined and dedicated). Ironically, we are almost relieved when a doctor gives us a diagnosis like ADD or some other mental or physical condition. Why? Because now we have an excuse to fail.

Since the fit lifestyle is more than what you do in a gym, it tends to get a lot of bad press because of how it encompasses your whole life. If you spend an hour in the gym everyday, you are going to be more protective over how you live the other 23 hours a day. Fitness is an investment.

This is a very foreign concept to people who haven’t “crossed over” to the fit side yet. As a result, people look at you like an alien and wonder if you are some kind of fitness fanatic who’s obsessed either with fitness or your body–or worse, that you are an exercise addict.

While exercise addiction is very real, many people do struggle with maintaining a healthy balance. Most people who seem a bit obsessed are probably not as obsessed or addicted to fitness you’d think, but they may have life out of balance a bit. This is common in the beginning stages of fitness when all the excitement and learning begins. However, it is good to check your healthy lifestyle and make sure it is not doing you more harm than good.

Here are a few warning signs your fitness routine may actually be bad for you.

Strong In The Gym, Weak In The Kitchen

Think of the workaholic: Some people are literally slaves to work, but it’s usually not because they love working so much. It’s because they are slaves to their debt. So, they get as much overtime as they can, take odd jobs and work like crazy, simply to balance out all their overspending.

I’ve learned most people aren’t afraid of work. They are afraid of missing out during their playtime. They don’t want to part with the luxuries in life–the cars, clothes, dining out, going out on the town, etc. So they work hard to maintain those things, even if those things (or the work required to keep those things) are killing them.

In many ways, we do the same thing in the gym. We work way harder than we need to in the gym because we aren’t willing to give up our rich taste.

If this sounds familiar, maybe you need to stop eating like a pig so you don’t have to work like a dog. Yes, it’s harsh, but it’s honest. It’s not healthy to rely on exercise to keep getting you out of trouble because of your lack of discipline in the kitchen. It’s time you truly address the real problem: eating. It’s time to cut back, because what you are missing out on now is much more valuable than your favorite food.

Controlled Weight, Out Of Control Life

Another common issue that can turn a healthy fitness routine into an unhealthy obsession is when your workouts are the only thing going well in your life. I have been guilty of this myself in the past. When I was young and single, I hated my job, I had no boyfriend, and I was in debt up to my eyeballs. Essentially, my life was completely out of control. The only thing I could control was my waistline.

I dove into fitness because it made me feel successful at a time in my life when I was failing in every other way.  While it is great to build your confidence and have something you succeed in, it is unhealthy to run from all your problems.

Exercise became my drink of choice and the gym was my bar. I wasn’t putting the energy I needed to put in to improve my circumstances. I was getting on the treadmill and literally running from my problems. Unfortunately, my bank account didn’t care that I was improving my body.

If you find yourself looking forward to going to the gym more than you do going home, maybe your home life needs the real workout. Though you shouldn’t neglect your health, your fitness shouldn’t come before fixing relationships or other important life issues.

All Or Nothing

Some people have great intentions when they start a workout program, but their “all or nothing” personality type can get them in trouble. This type of person (and I’m not ashamed to say I’m one of them) can go from completely out of shape to super fit fast, but at what expense?

This is something I really have to keep an eye on. I can easily get so focused on whatever project I’m working on (even my own body) that other things can quickly fall out of balance.

If you find you are putting your workouts above important obligations or relationships, this may be a sign your life is getting out of whack.

If balance is in question, your life will not magically balance itself back out again. Balance takes work. You must sit down, analyze your lifestyle, and re-prioritize. A life out of balance is simply a life with priorities out of order. Write down all your priorities and put them back into the proper order on paper. Then, work daily to keep them in that order.

Selfish Or Plain Addicted?

Whether you are battling selfishness or addiction, they both can be equally damaging. And whether your addiction is to food (fueling your addiction to exercise) or you are truly addicted to exercise itself, the result can still be the same: too much time in a pool of sweat.

After doing some research, I found a checklist on Active.com for possible symptoms of exercise addiction. Check yourself by answering these questions honestly below.

1. Have you missed important social obligations and family events in order to exercise?

2. Have you given up other interests or friends to make more time to work out?

3. Does missing a workout make you irritable and depressed?

4. Do you only feel content when you exercise?

5. Do you like exercise better than sex, good food, or a movie?

6. Do you work out even if you are sick, injured, or exhausted?

7. In addition to your regular schedule, do you exercise more if you find extra time?

8. Have family and friends complained, saying you are too involved in exercise?

9. Do you have a history (or a family history) of anxiety or depression?

Although some of these feelings are natural, and even healthy, there’s a problem if you answered “yes” to most of these questions. Even though feeling good because of exercise is a good thing, feeling good at the expense of harming relationships or your body is very harmful. (Read Know the signs of unhealthy exercise addiction to learn more.)

Whether your life is just a little out of balance, you are in a selfish stage in your life, or you are actually addicted to exercise, change is necessary. If you can be honest with yourself, you’ll prevent unhealthy fitness obsession and take your fitness to a whole new healthy level.

I don’t get enough sleep.

It’s a simple statement but one that I know is true for not only me but for millions of others. The problem is that sleep is about a lot more than just rest, and not getting enough sleep can cause a host of problems from fatigue, to memory issues, and even long term illness. But, sleep deprivation may cause even bigger issues.

There are four stage of sleep, with the third being the deep sleep that provides Delta waves to help the mind and body heal, and the fourth stage is REM sleep which allows our brain to organize information, improving learning and memory. Once you understand the purpose of Delta waves and REM sleep, it’s understandable that REM sleep occurs at the highest levels in babies because they are learning the most. But, even aging adults need these deep stages of sleep, especially the Delta waves that help the body heal.

The problem is that not getting these stages does more harm that just decreasing our ability to heal and remember. According to researcher Adam Spira, not getting enough sleep may even lead to Alzheimer’s disease. His study at John’s Hopkins showed a definite link between sleep deprivation and the amyloid plaques commonly associated with Alzheimer’s disease.

Unfortunately, the study doesn’t tell us if the plaque causes the poor sleep or if the poor sleep causes the plaque.

Even without knowing the cause and effect relationship between the plaque and poor sleep, it seems pretty simple to connect the dots. We know that Delta waves help heal the body, and we know that REM sleep helps to improve memory and learning. Alzheimer’s is associated with memory issues, and physically can only be diagnosed after death when the brain is autopsied, revealing specific plaques and tangles.

Of course, it’s possible that the plaques and tangles already existed and they are the reason that a person with Alzheimer’s disease has poor sleep, and the poor sleep over time leads to memory issues. However, it does seem that as Alzheimer’s progresses so do the sleep issues. After all, it is the nighttime waking that often leads to these patients being institutionalized, because their care-givers cannot be awake 24/7 to keep an eye on them.

Whether sleep issues cause Alzheimer’s or Alzheimer’s causes the sleep disturbances, the decreased sleep certainly can’t help the symptoms of memory loss and disorientation associated with Alzheimer’s. These symptoms are common in sleep deprivation at any age, even in healthy individuals.

So, how is it possible that lack of sleep could lead to Alzheimer’s disease?

When you look at what sleep does for our bodies, it’s pretty clear. Not only does sleep help aid our body’s healing processes and encourage learning and memory, but sleep also helps clear our bodies of toxins that accumulate during the day – including amyloid proteins. Not sleeping means that the amyloid proteins don’t get cleared, and this build-up eventually leads to the plaques associated with Alzheimer’s, beginning the degenerative chain of events that eventually leads to neuronal death.

This build-up of amyloid proteins is seen years before other Alzheimer’s symptoms and may well be an early symptom of the disease. So is it possible that improving sleep early on may help prevent this plaque aggregation and therefore prevent Alzheimer’s?

The answer seems to be yes.

Studies have indicated that sleep deprivation leads to amyloid plaque deposits within just three weeks. This seems to create a cyclical issue where the plaques decrease sleep over time, which creates an increase in plaque deposits. The key seems to be in increasing quality sleep early on before it becomes an issue.

But, how do we do this?

The first key is in recognizing that there is an issue. I know that personally I’ve been guilty at times of ignoring my own sleep issues, thinking that I’m just stressed out and that it will eventually improve on its own. And I know that I’m not alone. The problem is that it usually doesn’t get better without making some changes.

A 2015 review by Sharma and colleagues suggested two potential focus areas – melatonin and serotonin.

Melatonin is metabolite synthesized in the pineal gland that not only aids in the controlling the circadian rhythm but also in clearing the body of toxins and improving immune function. Sleep deprivation also increases serotonin levels, which normally decrease during deep and REM sleep. This increase in serotonin may result in the decreased melatonin. Because Alzheimer’s patients have been shown to have decreased melatonin levels, medications that reduce serotonin levels may be helpful in improving sleep patterns (as may melatonin supplementation).

Unfortunately, the relationship between sleep and Alzheimer’s is still a bit of a “chicken-and-egg” problem. While adjusting melatonin and serotonin may help sleep (among other things) we don’t yet know if helping sleep will reduce the incidence of Alzheimer’s disease.

References:

Sharma, V. K., Sharma, P., Deshmukh, R., & Singh, R. (2015). Age associated sleep loss: a trigger for Alzheimer’s disease. Klinik Psikofarmakoloji Bulteni, 25(1), 78-88. doi:10.5455/bcp.20140909070449

Spira, A. P., Gamaldo, A. A., An, Y., Wu, M. N., Simonsick, E. M., Bilgel, M., … & Resnick, S. M. (2013). Self-reported sleep and β-amyloid deposition in community-dwelling older adults. JAMA neurology, 70(12), 1537-1543.

Take a minute and think back on all the women you’ve dated. How many of them look–even just a little–like your mother? Probably more than you think (or than you’d like to admit). That may be a little off-putting to contemplate, but it’s nothing to be embarrassed about; we all do it. It may be politically incorrect to say so, but we’re biologically wired to like the people we spend the most time with. In our early years, that’s mom or dad. We trust them, and as we get older we have a tendency to see people who look like them as more trustworthy. And according to psychologist David Perrett, trustworthy develops into “mateworthy.” So if you’re not already in a relationship with someone who looks like your opposite-sex parent, chances are very good that you will be soon.
In a series of studies, Perrett and his colleagues discovered that when it comes to finding romantic partners, we’re most attracted to the features our opposite-sex parent had when we were born (unfortunately, there hasn’t been any research on gay couples and whether they’re attracted to features of the same-sex parent).
In one study, the researchers found that our romantic partners and opposite-sex parents are likely to share the same eye and hair color. In another study, Parrett and his team found that we’re even drawn to people who are the same age our opposite-sex parent was when we were born. Using computer graphic faces, “we found that women born to ‘old’ parents (over 30) were less impressed by youth, and more attracted to age cues in male faces than women with ‘young’ parents (under 30),” Perrett wrote in the study. “For men, preferences for female faces were influenced by their mother’s age and not their father’s age.”
The traits we seem most attracted to are more than just superficial. In one study, strangers were able to match photos of women with their mother-in-law “at a significantly higher rate than expected by chance.”

Nature Vs. Nurture: It’s Not So Simple

If you’re thinking that this sounds like we’re careening through our love life on some kind of biological autopilot, you’re right. Partly. There’s plenty of Nurture to go along with all that Nature.
A team of researchers at the University of Pécs in Hungary found that heterosexual individuals use their opposite-sex parent as a “template for acquiring mates” even if they were adopted or raised in a loving foster home. In addition, the relationship between the child and his or her opposite-sex parent played an important role.
Women who “rated their childhood relationships with their father highly” were much more likely to rate as “attractive” photos of men who resembled their father than were women who rated their father “less highly,” according to Agnieszka Wiszewska, lead author of a 2007 study published in the journal Evolution & Human Behavior. Similarly, women who “received more emotional support from their adoptive father were more likely to choose mates similar to the father than those whose father provided a less positive emotional atmosphere,” according to researcher Tamás Bereczkei.

Blueprint for Love?

Oh, and we’re not the only ones in the animal kingdom who are attracted to the familiar. Most of us have seen videos of “animal imprinting.” That’s when newborns—usually ducks or geese—happy follow around the first living thing they see, whether that’s their own mother, some other animal, or a human. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go to YouTube, search for “duckling imprinting,” and get ready to say “awwwww.”)
This type of cross-species nurture-based imprinting is nothing new. According to Keith M. Kendrick of the Babraham Institute in Cambridge, England, “Young male sheep raised from birth by female goats develop a social and sexual preference for goats when they mature … [T]he emotional bond between a mother and her male offspring, rather than other social and genetic factors,” he adds, “may irreversibly determine these species’ social and sexual preferences” (I know what you’re thinking–stop it right now).

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall… The Final Piece Of The Puzzle

Narcissus—the character from Greek mythology who fell in love with his own reflection—may have just been doing what we’re all wired to do: fall in love with ourselves. In fact, that may be exactly what’s happening when we’re (subconsciously) selecting mates who look like Ma or Pa. After all, they probably look a little like us, right?
If you’re a Justin Timberlake fan, you’ll recognize these slightly narcissistic lyrics from his love song “Mirrors.”

It’s like you’re my mirror

My mirror staring back at me

I couldn’t get any bigger

With anyone else beside of me

And now it’s clear as this promise

That we’re making two reflections into one

‘Cause it’s like you’re my mirror

My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me

Sounds a little creepy—and vaguely incestuous—doesn’t it?
Psychologists R. Chris Fraley of the University of Illinois and Michael Marks of New Mexico State University did several fascinating experiments aimed at figuring out why we find ourselves so enchanting. In one, Fraley and Marks divided a number of volunteers into two groups. The control group was to evaluate the sexual attractiveness of a number of images that were graphically designed composites of the features of various strangers. The second group saw similar images, except that up to 45 percent of the features were from the subject’s own face. The individuals in that group were more sexually attracted to the images that contained pieces of themselves than they were to the other images.
Here’s the kicker:
Fraley and Marks ran another experiment. This time they showed a new series of composite images to both groups. They told half that the images contained elements of their own face (although none of them actually did). The people who believed they were looking in part at themselves rated those images as less sexually attractive than did the volunteers who thought they were looking at randomly assembled faces.
The point? It could be Nature’s way of keeping us from taking our love for ourselves and those who look like us too far: When we’re aware of the connection, we feel a sexual aversion.

Dating. It’s supposed to be “fun” and “exciting,” right? And sure, some of it is. There’s that time you met the handsome stranger at the hippest new restaurant in town and bantered that perfect, spring night away; or that time you kissed your now-ex under the Fourth of July fireworks.
But for something that’s considered categorically, there are a lot of tears and cringe-worthy moments that you might just want to take back. Like the time you ran after the hot player, convinced he would “change” for you! Or that other time you sent an emotionally-fueled text (or six) to your ex (eek). Or yet another time you finally said something — hideously silly — to the dude you’d been crushing on for, I don’t know, a whole year. Ugh.
Well, I’m here to applaud you for every last one of those so-called mistakes, mishaps and misfires. Here’s why.
Most of us aren’t going to marry the first person we date. In fact, most of us shouldn’t marry the first person we date. We’re not ready yet; would you buy the first house you look at without doing any research or looking at any other options? Dating, the joy and the pain, is all about growth. It’s about figuring out exactly what you want and need in a partner. It’s a process. And it takes time and screw-ups.
They say life is a cruel teacher. You get the test first, and then you get the lesson. But here’s the deal with dating: the more tests you “fail,” the more the lessons you amass — and there’s always an opportunity for retakes. When these exams hit your desk a second time, you’ve already studied up, and you’re ready to pass with flying colors.
That guy who sweet-talks you the first second you meet? Player, best to move on.
When your commitment-phobic ex calls you back up and asks to meet? Politely decline. Been there, done that.
When your date tells you he’s just out a relationship… two weeks ago? Emotionally unavailable isn’t your thing anymore.
Soon, you get better and better at recognizing the situations that will lead to heartbreak. But first, you have to fail the tests. Friends will warn you about your ex, your mom will tell you’re crazy about that guy you’re hopelessly in love with — but sometimes, you need to experience it to know why it won’t work. To know you’re not the exception. To know that despite a hundred red flags amongst that one redeeming, alluring quality, it won’t magically work out.
Sometimes, first, you have to be ridiculous in dating.
My favorite dating coach is Boston-based Neely Steinberg, who I recently chatted with on this very subject. She says she had a ton of fun dating in her 20s, despite her fair share of heartbreak — and sometimes, she chased disaster.
But then she turned 30, and committed herself to taking stock of those hard-earned lessons. “I became less interested in fleeting hook-ups, less dazzled by the charming, hot men, more open to dating outside ‘my type,'” she tells me. “I became less likely to let something drag on if I didn’t feel it was right, or if I saw red flags. I was committed to self-growth through my dating experiences, and started having the tougher conversations with guys that I normally would just avoid in my 20s.”
Neely met her husband at age 33 on Match.com, and says he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to her. She dated off-type, she dated smart and strategically — and she recognized his potential, because she’d finally dated enough men to pick out a flower among the weeds.
In dating, as in life, it’s okay to make mistakes. It’s how we grow. So, be ridiculous if you need to be. Just make sure you’re learning the lesson with each failed test. Then you’ll really appreciate the right person when you finally cross paths.

There’s nothing quite as overwhelming as living out of a box. You’re looking for a fork and instead find the sandal that’s been missing for days. You’re wanting to make dinner but the only cooking item you find is a beater and spoon; not too helpful. MOVING…that dreaded word that holds excitement and anxiety in one.

Moving is exciting, but it’s also incredibly stressful and exhausting. However, my friend recently went through a move, and I never even knew it. There were no espresso IV drips, no crying phone calls, and no rumpled outfits in sight. What was her secret? Goal-setting, organization, and a little bit of zen.

This sounds simple enough, but we all know how easy it is to get derailed. Luckily using some of these tried and true strategies can assist you in not only coping, but avoiding the typical unpleasantness that’s usually partnered with your big move.

Switch Over Bills And Subscriptions

It’s tempting to put the busy work off until the last minute or even for when you’ve already moved, but this can be incredibly detrimental. Not only for your finances but for your mental health as well. You can do this as early as a month before your move-in date. Go to the post office and submit a forwarding address, and begin making phone calls to your credit card company, utilities office, and any other offices where you need to submit your new location.

Pack At Least A Week Before

I hope you’ve been collecting those boxes because now’s the time when you’re going to need to cash in. Go room by room, each day after work, and pack up all of your items; labeling has never been more important. If you make sure that each box is clearly titled then this could very well be your easiest move yet.

Ask For Help

Moving day is stressful, and it’s even more bothersome when you’re encumbered with the entire move yourself. Seek out help, whether it’s family, friends, or coworkers. Not only will it speed up the process, but it can help prevent injury as well.

Stay Hydrated & Fit

It’s crucial to maintain your health whether it’s the weeks before, during, or after your transition. Fast food and soda may seem like the answer, but that’s one of the worst things you could do to yourself. Although proper nutrition and exercise may seem tedious, it’s wildly beneficial. Exercise has been given increasing credence for reducing stress. So guzzle down that water while you’re lifting heavy boxes, and even though you may be exhausted, going for a light jog will remove you from your chaotic mess and assist you in coping.

Unpack One Room At A Time

Containing a mess is preferable. When you focus your energy on one space at a time you’ll feel more accomplished and not so overwhelmed. That sense of relief when your kitchen is finally organized and ready for the next Rachel Ray meal is amazing, and can easily be attained if you’re not flitting about your space frantically trying to unpack.

Find Your Zen Space

Sometimes you’re just not going to be able to handle the mess and stress of your new move, and that’s okay. If you have an established place that provides you with serenity, now would be the time to indulge. Go to your favorite yoga studio, traipse through the park, or just go for a drive. Whatever it is, make sure that it’s something you’re comfortable with because when you’re going through change the best resource is something that’s familiar.

Change is stressful and leaving your comfort-zone is doubly so. But if you’re organized, ask for support, and take care of yourself this move could possibly be your best one yet.

Good luck!

Let’s face it.  Puberty is a messy, awkward, embarrassing roller-coaster of body changes and hormone induced emotional turmoil.  As difficult as it can be to parent a teenager, it is easy to forget how hard it is to BE a teenager – especially a teenager struggling with his or her weight.

Weight gain for most kids going through puberty is natural, but society tells both parents and kids that it isn’t okay.  Girls especially can gain a layer of fat all over the body before blossoming into curves.  Natural hormonal changes transform teen’s metabolism so that a kid who once was able to eat anything, suddenly is gaining weight without changing any eating habits.  To complicate matters further, the adolescent years are when kids are making more and more food decisions on their own.  All of these factors can cause a teen’s weight to creep up.  In our family, we have one teen daughter who can eat anything, but her twin sister can look at a cupcake and gain weight.

These natural body differences can make teens who do gain weight feel embarrassed and even ashamed.

Open communication with a hormonal teenager can be difficult, but taking this subject head on is the key. Healthy eating habits are always important, but if a teen is overweight after their growth spurt ends (typically age 14 for girls and 16 for boys) or were overweight before their growth spurt, it is probably time to be concerned.  Talking with your teen during the growth spurt and creating a healthy environment at home will support healthy habits and a teen’s positive self image.

Here are some questions to start a healthy dialogue about food and weight:

“Isn’t it amazing how one person’s body can be so different from another?”

Be honest.

Yes, it is totally unfair that your friend, sister, brother, or parent can eat junk food all day and have clear skin and never gain an ounce. Listen to what your teen has to say about his or her own body issues.  Make sure your teen understands that weight gain in puberty is a natural. Each person’s body is different.  Our metabolisms are different and change over time.  Judging yourself against someone else, or an airbrushed image in the media isn’t healthy.  Remind your teen that appearance isn’t what is important, being healthy is the key. We all need to figure out what our individual bodies need to be healthy.

“Do your friends talk about going on a diet?”

Diet is a four-letter word in our household.  Being healthy and managing weight are both lifelong commitments, not something that can be “fixed” with a temporary solution.  Diets, particularly restrictive diets, in the teen years set kids up for a lifetime of weight yo-yoing, which is anything but healthy.  Help your teen understand that developing habits of eating nutritious foods most of the time and enjoying periodic treats is essential. We all need to find our own body’s natural equilibrium. How much healthy food do we need to eat, how much do we need to move, how many treats can we have, and maintain a healthy body?  What makes this particularly difficult, however, is that given the choice between chips and veggies, most kids are going to choose the chips.  Food manufactures design junk food to trigger the pleasure centers in the brain and make us want more. In our own school cafeteria, kids are offered multiple kinds of chips and sweets, but only one or two choices of fruits or vegetables.  Being restrictive about food, counting calories, or having a bunch of rules or “nevers” (you can never have chips, never have soda, never have candy) sets your teen up for rebellion.  Don’t make food your battle ground.

The best strategy to support healthy eating habits is often to create an environment at home.

“What are your biggest temptations, and how can I help you enjoy them periodically?”

Creating a supportive and healthy environment at home is essential for teens developing life-long healthy habits.  For example, one of my daughters loves to bake.  We don’t want to squelch her creativity, but none of us needs the temptation of baked goods.  Now, I ask her what she plans to do with the items she bakes.  As long as there is a plan for the goodies leaving the house, the answer is yes to baking.  Ask what your treat your teen loves to eat.  If it is chips, perhaps that is something you purchase periodically, rather than keeping a supply in the cupboard.  Removing the temptation at home can make a big difference and there is always ample opportunity for treats away from home.  Creating a temptation-free zone at home could not only improve the health of the teen, but also the whole family.  In addition, families who eat at least one meal together tend to be healthier and have better relationships.  Making at least one healthy and delicious meal per day (it doesn’t have to be dinner), and enjoying it together without interruption by phones, television, or other electronic gadgets can positively impact health and family communication.

“Would you go for a walk with me?”

Leading by healthy example may be the best way to help your teen navigate creating their own healthy lifestyle.  While it is important to be honest and open, you may want to think hard about the messages you send your kids.  Both my husband and I talk about the amount of exercise we need to do to be healthy and are careful not to be judgmental about our daughters’ activity levels.  Inviting them to join us, or providing opportunities to be active, is more effective than telling them they need to be more active.  Both of us also often choose not to have a dessert or treat because it isn’t “worth the calories.” We save our treats for something delicious and really savor them too.  We again try not to be judgmental about the girls’ choice to have a treat.  Rather than asking, “Do you really want (or need) to eat that?”  we find “Are you really going to enjoy that?” more effective and supportive.

“What can I do to motivate you to develop healthy habits?”

Most of us are motivated by reward.  Let’s be honest, eating healthy and being active are often not very fun.  Yes, healthy food can be delicious.  Yes, activity can be enjoyable.  But yet, most of us don’t choose those habits.  We do what we want to do, not what someone tells us we should do. Connecting healthy habits with a reward, of course not a food reward, can make a big difference.  For example, when I was trying to lose the 80 pounds I gained during pregnancy, I wasn’t motivated until my husband offered to buy me anything I wanted if I could exercise for 20 minutes per day for 100 days in a row.  That made the difference for me. Now exercise is just a daily habit.  What could you offer your teen to develop a life-long healthy habit?

Help your teen navigate the natural body changes and develop habits to support a lifetime of wellness through open conversation, a healthy environment, and the right kind of motivation.

I’ve had Timothy Ferriss’ book The 4-Hour Body on my to-read list for a while. But it wasn’t until someone mentioned that he has a “surefire” method of getting by on just two hours of sleep a day that I finally picked it up and started reading. As someone who suffers from insomnia, if I could find a way to live on just two hours of sleep a day and not feel like a zombie, I’d be all over that.
When I first heard the idea, it triggered something in my brain, like maybe I’d heard his theory before, and the thought niggled that it had something to do with short naps throughout the day, but I wasn’t sure. It wasn’t until I actually read the chapter “Becoming Uberman” that the wheels clicked and I remembered where I’d heard about this idea of polyphasic sleep. Before I tell you where I heard about it, let me explain what polyphasic sleep is.
The idea of polyphasic sleep is pretty much just as I thought. It’s all about spreading your sleep out. According to Ferriss we really only need rapid eye movement (REM) sleep; all those other stages are basically a waste of time. He says that since we only spend about two out of eight hours in REM sleep, we should just bypass the other stages altogether. To do this, Ferriss suggests tiring yourself out to the point that when you fall asleep you jump straight to REM.
Ferriss presents several options, all focused on taking 20-minute naps throughout the day. The differences in the options come down to how many naps you take. You can take just one nap during the day and cut 40 minutes off of your normal sleep time. The options range from there, allowing you to cut your total sleep time with each 20-minute nap that you take.
The extreme “uberman” option requires you to take a 20-minute nap every four hours, getting a total of just two hours of sleep in each 24-hour period. Sounds awesome, right?
This brings me back to where I heard about the “uberman” polyphasic sleep method. It was in the book The Game by Neil Strauss. Don’t judge me! I was just curious and it turned out the book was pretty good. In case you aren’t familiar with The Game, it’s a nonfiction book about picking up women. In the course of the book, Strauss and a couple of his buddies decide to try this “uberman” sleep method. In the end they find out that the catch isn’t quite worth it.
Yes, there’s a catch! There’s always a catch. So, what is the catch, you ask? Let me explain.
There are actually two catches. The first is that you have to follow a very strict schedule of taking a 20-minute nap every four hours. Any delay throws your whole schedule out of sync. The second is that it takes a good three weeks to get your body and brain used to this sleep pattern, and in the meantime you are a walking zombie.
Catch 1 is hard enough to overcome for the average person, but Catch 2 could be downright dangerous!
For me personally–and I’m guessing for those who already suffer from insomnia and fatigue–I don’t think I’d make it the full three weeks. I’m sure my husband wouldn’t survive three weeks of me without sleep.
This brings me to one very important question about this whole theory: Is it true that we only need REM sleep?
REM is the fifth out of the five stages of sleep. The third and fourth stages are called “deep sleep,” and this is when Delta waves occur. Delta waves are one of five types of brain waves. They are responsible for helping the body and mind heal.
Delta waves are pretty important and something we want to encourage, especially if our bodies are already suffering from any sort of acute or chronic illness. The fact that these waves decrease overall as we age would make it even more important that we not do anything to decrease them further, like eliminating stages 3 and 4 of sleep. REM sleep is definitely important as well, as it’s believed that during REM sleep our brain organizes information, aiding in memory and learning.
All in all I’d say that Stage 4 sleep is more important than REM for our bodies and our minds, but REM is certainly important too. I wouldn’t want to do anything that decreases either of these stages. I think I’ll stick to my typical nine or so hours of sleep a night and hope I’m hitting all the stages.
References: http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/brain_basics/understanding_sleep.htm