Tag: care

You get a bad headache. You pop a few aspirin, down a big glass of water. A few hours later, your head’s still throbbing, so you take a few more. But the pain just won’t go away. I’ve had headaches before, you think. No biggie. I’ll just lie down for a little while.

When you wake? It’s still there.

Now you’re concerned. Naturally, you go online. “Bad headache won’t go away” you type into Google, and before you know it, you’ve completely forgotten about your headache—because, after falling down a rabbit hole of WebMD, Healthline, obscure Reddit threads, and medical horror story blogs, you’re sweating. You’re biting your nails. Your heart is racing. You’re convinced you have a brain tumor.

Then you make the mistake of clicking on Google Images.

But you shouldn’t be worried about your headache or any brain tumor, for you’ve come down with something altogether different: cyberchondria.

From the Four Humors to Health Anxiety

Cyberchondria sounds like something straight out of science fiction, but it’s a very real problem. As the Collins Dictionary defines it, cyberchondria is the “unfounded anxiety concerning the state of one’s health brought on by visiting health and medical websites”; as the Mayo Clinic explains, “searching the internet because of illness anxiety…only makes that anxiety worse.”

First, a little medical, and lexical, history. The coinage first appeared in British newspapers around 2000 and is a blend of cyberspace and hypochondria—the latter of which has been for centuries. Though the concept reaches back to antiquity, the word hypochondria in English dates to the 1560s, based on Greek roots literally meaning “below” (hypo-) the “cartilage,” referring to the area right below the ribs once thought to be the seat of melancholy in the body. (Remember the four humors when you read Shakespeare in school?)

In the 1600s, hypochondria shifted to a “causeless sadness,” with doctors seeking earnest explanations in the 18th century. They even gave it a more clinical name: hypochondriasis, originally thought to be a disorder of the nervous system, marked especially by indigestion.

In the ensuing centuries, medical understanding of hypochondriasis evolved to view the condition as a mental disorder, though still grounded in that core sense of the fear that one is suffering from a major disease, often on the basis of misinterpreting minor symptoms. Hypochondriasis was even described in the bible of all things psych, the American Psychological Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM)—until 2013.

That year, the DSM eliminated the term for its fifth edition. For one, the terms hypochondria, hypochondriac, and hypochondriasis have become pejorative, reduced to punchlines in popular culture and stigmatizing mental health disorders. “That’s it then,” The Big Bang Theory’s Sheldon Cooper doom-says after accidentally drinking from his friend’s glass of water. “I’m dead.”

For another, mental health professionals didn’t find the term as diagnostically and therapeutically effective. So, the DSM replaced hypochondriasis with two new ones: somatic symptom disorder (SSD) and illness anxiety disorder (IAD).

With SSD, a patient is experiencing some actual symptoms, such as weakness or shortness of breath, which results in “major distress” due to “excessive thoughts, feelings and behaviors relating to the physical symptoms,” the DSM explains. IAD is marked by similar anxieties, but in the absence of any physical symptoms.

Give SSD and IAD your WiFi password—and you’ve got cyberchondria.

“All I had to do was put some lotion on.”

Google, the world’s most popular search engine, kicked off in 1994, and just two years later, the leading health information website, WebMD, launched. That’s not even 10 years before the earliest appearance of the word cyberchondria. In that small window, these powerful resources transformed our everyday knowledge and behavior about health and wellness.

Like never before, the average person can now access information about medicine previously accessible only to highly trained and educated specialists—or, if you’re old enough to remember it, the Merck Manual of Diagnosis and Therapy, that dense doorstopper that collected dust on your grandparents’ bookshelf. In addition to all the world’s knowledge at our fingertips, the internet also opened new lines of communication, from email to chat rooms, between patients and their doctors.

But all this information, ironically, can really leave one in the dark. And that’s especially true during times of great bodily changes and questions.

“I had an itchy belly during my first pregnancy,” says Jessica Douglas, stay-at-home mother of two and part-time marketing manager in Southern California. “I went online and looked up ‘itchy belly during pregnancy’ and it came back as this disorder called PUPPP,” a cute shortening of the frighteningly named pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy. “It’s some crazy skin condition that can cause early labor and is dangerous for the baby.”

“I went to the doctor and all she said it was just dry skin from the belly stretching,” Douglas continues. “Going online freaked me out. All I had to do was put some lotion on.”

It was even worse when her first baby was born, Douglas says, with every cough, sneeze, and gurgle raising a new mother’s alarm. “They send you home with a little human with no instructions. You’re searching for someone to tell you this weird noise your baby is making normal. So, you go online and the next thing you know your baby has some horrible disease or is missing a chromosome.”

And she’s far from alone. Douglas shared a scare her friend recently experienced when her son was unusually quiet and unresponsive. “She was concerned that he wasn’t developing normally. She went online and plugged in some of his symptoms and, lo and behold, WebMD said he had personality disorder and autism,” she says. Panicked, she took her son to the doctor.

“Turned out he just had a bunch of wax buildup in his ear.” The wax was making it hard for him to hear.

Don’t jump—or click—to conclusions.

Douglas—and her many peers—are smart, conscientious people. And indeed, according to the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland Student Medical Journal, occasional illness anxiety is a frequent occurrence in healthy populations. Full-fledged hypochondriasis affects only between 4 to 9 percent of people.

But in a fall 2017 study, some researchers, led by professors at the Imperial College London and King’s College London, found that one in five patients at British health clinics were experiencing health anxiety—fueled in large part by internet searches, they reasoned.

What’s up with the internet?

Judgment biases, as a landmark 2008 study on cyberchondria by Ryen White and Eric Horvitz at Microsoft concluded. As our teachers admonished us time and time again, don’t just click on the first link Google gives you.

White and Horvitz found that web searches for a symptom like a headache yielded as many results linking it brain tumors as it did for caffeine withdrawal. To be sure, a headache can portend a brain tumor—this is what feeds hypochondriasis after all—but brain tumors are exceedingly rate. Caffeine withdrawal, meanwhile, is common and mundane. And searches for chest pain, as another example, pointed participants more frequently to heart attacks than indigestion.

These skewed results “escalate” medical concerns, White and Horvitz found, compelling people to look up more serious illnesses than in all likelihood they really had.

We humans like to jump to conclusions—often catastrophic ones. And it doesn’t help that the internet overwhelms us with so much information at once, making it even harder to filter out the signal from the noise.

This escalation, this constant checking, only further spikes one’s anxiety. In a 2016 study, New York State Psychiatric Institute’s Emily Doherty-Torstrick and colleagues indeed found that when people go online to seek reassurance for anxiety they are feeling about a symptom, they report feeling even more anxious during and after their searches. The internet backfires.

Cyberchondria is vicious circle: You are worried about a symptom, so you go online. Your search results take your symptoms out of proportion and you get more nervous. You want learn out more, hoping to get some other information that will relieve your concerns, but you’re finding out only makes you more troubled, so you keep searching, spiraling ever faster in the vortex of anxiety.

With 90 percent of Americans—40 million of whom have anxiety disorders—checking symptoms online, this is a cycle that’s all too hard to break out of.

“There is a lot, too, besides WebMD,” Douglas says. She feels like social media and “mommy forums” are “almost just as dangerous. People [kind of] bandwagon…There’s so much noise, so many opinions being thrown out.”

And not even medical professionals are immune to all that noise.

The internet really adds fuel to the fire.

Brittany Raulino, an oncology nurse in Oregon who previously worked in a primary care clinic, recounts a number of colleagues—yes, fellow nurses—ironically succumbing to cyberchondria.

“One nurse,” she says, “had issues waking up with night sweats. So she googled her symptoms and it was the number one thing that came up.” Lymphoma—a cancer of the lymph nodes.

“It was late at night and she was thinking about the [worst-case] scenario,” Raulino says. “‘Oh my god, I have night sweats. Oh my god, do I have lymphoma?’ When she googled it, she spent the rest of the night panicking.”

Fortunately, Raulino continues, “the next day she called her doctor and her friends and talked her out of it.”

But unfortunately, many of Raulino’s patients, who are battling cancer and don’t have friends who are medical professionals, try to talk themselves out of certain treatments as a result of cyberchondria.

“People hear ‘cancer’ and they hear these crazy horror stories about treatment-related side effects. They start fantasizing that they will develop them and it makes them paranoid and not want to get treatment.”

Anxiety often persists during treatment, too, says Raulino. “When people have funky side of effects of chemo, they google and feel like they have something a lot worse than it is. They will google the drug related to the side effect and think they have that weird side effect that affects only one percent. ‘I don’t want this drug.’”

“The internet really adds fuel to the fire,” she says.

Raulino, for her part, thinks a twofold behavior is behind cyberchondria. “I wonder if people automatically go to Google first as that easy method to discern that there symptoms are instead of actually turning to somebody and having to talk to somebody on the phone,” she says. “The internet is that first instinct…We don’t have to have to deal with people in real time. We want that quick-fix answer.”

So, what are we supposed to do?

On the one hand, that hunger for the “quick-fix answer” can needlessly drive us to the doctors—like the one in five found in the 2017 British assessment. That costs patients and healthcare systems money. It also costs doctors, many of whom are already overworked, time and energy. Plus, those extra visits can lead to unnecessary drugs, tests, screenings, further stressing the system.

On the other hand, as Raulino’s experience shows, cyberchondria can also compel people to withdraw from care they actually need owing to fear—or seek inappropriate, even dangerous, treatment as a result of self-misdiagnosis or misinformation. According to the 2008 Microsoft report, a lot of content on medical websites, to say nothing of personal blogs and community forums, can be unreliable or incomplete.

With cyberchondria, it seems like we’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t. And either way we go, we’re dealing with anxiety, which, if it gets severe enough, needs treatment in its own right. What are we supposed to do?

First off, you might not want to go googling if you think have cyberchondria. Remember that a low level of illness anxiety is normal and that nearly all of us use the internet to look up our symptoms—the key to cyberchondria is excessive checking, after all.

Then, use a trusted self-diagnostic tool to help you determine whether or not your symptom-checking is a problem. Based on the Doherty-Torstrick study, Susan Krauss Whitbourne, PhD and professor emerita of psychology and brain sciences at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst, provides a handy five-point guide on Psychology Today. One of the signs you may have a problem, Whitbourne says, is if “you check online for symptom information from up to 1 to 3 hours a day.”

If you do think you may be experiencing cyberchondria, stop checking, as it will likely only increase your anxiety, and consult a doctor. Psychological methods like cognitive behavioral therapy have proven incredibly effective for managing health anxiety.

If you are concerned you are at risk or want to be mindful of it, Joni Johnston, PsyD, also for Psychology Today, offers three helpful guidelines: 1) self-screen but don’t self-diagnose, as trusted health questionnaires can be useful starting places for further consultation; 2) check your sources, as not all websites are of equal quality and vetting; and 3) consider the context—health anxiety can spike when a loved one is ill or has passed away.

Brittany Raulino would especially agree the second guideline. “The most important thing is to ask your healthcare provider what websites they can go on if they want to research the symptoms,” she says, highlighting federal websites and the Mayo Clinic online.

Paging Dr. Context

Jessica Douglas is a living example of Johnston’s third guideline: context. With her second child, “it was way easier because all those rashes and weird coughing sounds I knew were fine because I had asked my [pediatrician] the first time,” she says. “I didn’t even bother going online this time because I didn’t want to freak myself out.”

Just because the internet says it does not mean it’s true.

Instead, she swears by her healthcare provider’s nurse hotline. “If they have any trepidation [about a symptom], they will tell me to schedule an appointment. Most of the times they’ve seen it a million times and there’s nothing to be afraid of,” she says.

“I think it’s just important for people to remember that when they type in that search box, an algorithm is picking out things for them,” Douglas says.
“It’s ones and zeroes. It’s impersonal. Just because the internet says it does not mean it’s true.”

So, the next you get that lingering headache, use the internet cautiously and remember the wise words of Douglas—and Arnold Schwarzenegger, for in all probability, “It’s not a tumor.”

Internet trends come and go, but the “fail” will always be relevant. And when anyone can buy an Adobe subscription, Photoshop fails are everywhere. From badly imposed thigh gaps to facial features that have been blurred out of existence, the line between reality and fantasy is sometimes a little too obvious.

In the fashion world, cover girls will always be retouched.

But it’s not just amateur retouchers who are guilty of these Frankenstein edits. Everyone from clothing labels to celebrities to Instagram models use Photoshop, for better or for worse.
In her 2011 book, Bossypants, Tina Fey wrote, “Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy a**hole.”
Retouching photos isn’t a new phenomenon. Even Andy Warhol admitted to editing his own self-portrait: “When I did my self-portrait, I left all the pimples out because you always should. Pimples are a temporary condition and they don’t have anything to do with what you really look like. Always omit the blemishes—they’re not part of the good picture you want.”

When Photoshop is this pervasive—and has been for decades—is it any surprise that women are falling for it time and time again?

Photoshop Fails

Women’s bodies seem to be particularly troublesome for some retouchers. Recently, the poster for the upcoming Tomb Raider movie caused an internet stir thanks to

Retoucher Brandon Diaz says he’s seen his fair share of terrible retouching: “There are a lot of bad examples or extreme examples that I could probably be listing them forever,” he says.
One company that sprung to mind for him was Ralph Lauren. In 2009, the company issued an apology after publishing an image of an impossibly thin model—clearly the result of excessive retouching.
Even social media is flooded with images that have been edited with more than just filters. YouTube beauty guru Amanda Steele spoke out against her fellow influencers who rely on Photoshop to enhance their Instagram photos, arguing that they were “beautiful enough without Photoshop.”
Forever in the spotlight, the Kardashians often make headlines for their suspiciously perfect selfies, especially when it comes to their famous curves. Kim’s been accused of Photoshopping her figure on more than one occasion.

But when unedited photos of her in a bikini—cellulite and all—were posted online, she lost a staggering 100,000 followers. Kardashian’s followers were unimpressed that, up until that point, they had been led to believe that she had what could be considered a perfect body: free of cellulite and defiant of gravity.
If literally millions of people bought into the idea that Kim Kardashian and crew actually look like they do in their “flawless” selfies, what else could they be persuaded to believe?
If they have been misled about what a woman’s body actually looks like until shown otherwise, then how many other retouched images are they not noticing?

How Photoshop Affects All of Us

Many a woman has expressed frustration over the fact that men’s skin is so perfect that they don’t need makeup. But the truth is, men don’t necessarily have better skin than women. We’re just socialized to ignore their “imperfections.” Why? Because women are the beauty industry’s target demographic.

Women are raised to believe they’re not good enough.

Think about it: when was the last time you heard a group of men complaining about their large pores, dark circles, and uneven skin tone? Skin issues are a relatively common topic for women, though. With the U.S. cosmetics industry valued at over $62 billion, the word “imperfections” may just be the most successful marketing term in history.

That’s not to say that men are free from the digital paintbrush­—even Justin Bieber’s body seemed to be given the Adobe treatment for his Calvin Klein ad. Bieber denied that the photo was real.
While people of all genders are subjected to unrealistic expectations of what a body should look like, women are particularly susceptible to comparing themselves to the images shown on social media and billboards. As they strive to achieve unattainable perfection, beauty and weight loss industries make billions.
Women are raised to believe they’re not good enough. But maybe if we buy that dress, or use that foundation, or drink those shakes, we’ll look like the women on the billboard, right?
Of course, no amount of products could make anyone look as perfect as a digitally altered image. But that glimmer of hope is still helping to sell everything from fitness supplements to leggings.
Worse yet, it’s having a dangerous impact on women of all ages. Body-positive blogger Jes Baker did a TEDx Talk in 2014 where she revealed that 80 percent of 10-year-olds are more afraid of being fat than cancer.

This belief only gets worse as we age, with only 4 percent of adult women being confident enough to call themselves beautiful.

The Rise of “Real” Women

If unrealistic images of models and celebrities are causing so much insecurity among women, then what’s the solution? According to beauty brand Dove, the key is celebrating “real women.”
What exactly is a “real woman”? According to what we’re shown in the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty, it’s someone who may be a little “curvier” than your average beauty model; a woman with freckles, or darker skin, or even wrinkles.

But there’s still a problem here. The women in Dove’s campaign may not all be size sixes, but there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of variation in weight. Many of the larger women are often shown obscuring their stomachs with their arms, and the mysterious lack of cellulite and fat rolls suggests retouching still plays a strong part in the final result.
In truth, Dove’s campaign isn’t entirely authentic. The term “real women” is the beauty industry’s version of greenwashing: perpetuating a false sense of ethics in order to sell products.
And while Dove’s use of the world “real” refers to models who haven’t been heavily retouched, the emerging trend of suggesting that women with a certain body type aren’t “real” is a little closer to body shaming than body positivity.
Social media is also experiencing the body positivity movement. Instagram is home to the ever-popular #nofilter hashtag, the ultimate badge of pride for a great selfie.

 

Good morning! #nomakeup #nofilter pic.twitter.com/bYOJqPD7sA

— zooey deschanel (@ZooeyDeschanel) May 17, 2014

In the fitness community, Instagram users have taken to posting before-and-after photos that show them looking shredded in the morning, but incredibly bloated at night after eating. These photos are intended to be a reminder that even women with the most desirably body types don’t always look perfect.
Unfortunately, not every #nofilter or bloating photo is a picture of honesty. There’s a fine line between good lighting and tweaking the contrast and saturation. The same can be said for post-carb fest bloat and pushing your stomach out to an exaggerated point for the sake of a photo.

It’s a strange contradiction, really—manufacturing perfect images to send a message about falsehoods.

Is transparency the answer?

Not every company retouches images of their models. Many brands, including Modcloth and Aerie, have openly banned the use of Photoshop to change their models’ bodies. (They still use Photoshop to fix minor issues like fly-away hairs, clothing wrinkles, and tan lines.) These policies are an attempt to present their consumers with truthful images. In Aerie’s case, it’s actually improved their sales.
Diaz says that with the public’s reaction to retouching, it’s the logical next step.

“When most people, in general, don’t like or understand what retouching is, I am not even surprised when companies don’t want any part in their photos being retouched, or at least retouched to that extent,” he says. “If those companies were to come out with a badly retouched photo, that could easily ruin a company’s good reputation.”
Will these boycotts have an impact on the industry? Bill Costello has worked as a retoucher for 27 years. He thinks the new policies are affecting the way images are edited—companies still use Photoshop for plenty of valid reasons—but he doesn’t believe that these Photoshop bans will have an impact on Adobe’s sales.

He also says not to expect retouching to disappear. “The boycotts did raise public awareness, and this is why we retouchers and photographers are told not to distort women as much as we used to,” he says. “However, in the fashion world, cover girls will always be retouched. They were since way before computers, and they always will be. It sells. It is what the average person wants to see.”
Forgoing plastic surgery via Photoshop might help raise awareness of excessive retouching, but perhaps the real issue lies with the technique itself. After all, no technology is inherently bad; it’s all about the way it’s used. And it does seem that people are more upset about the use of Photoshop to make models appear unrealistically thin—or, in some cases, a completely different ethnicity.
France has actually taken measures to raise awareness about edited images, introducing a law that requires retouched images to come with a warning label. Perhaps the solution is a healthy balance between these two: an appropriate level of retouching, while still reminding the consumer that what they’re seeing isn’t quite real.
According to Diaz, the first part is already starting to gain popularity.
“The good thing though is that fashion retouching is becoming more and more natural with their retouching approach,” he says. “You can see this on Elle, Vogue, et cetera, where the photos are retouched, but carefully done. That way, it doesn’t go overboard. It gives the illusion of how they would look on their best day out.”

Admit it: when you’re at a wedding, your goal—besides looking gorgeous and having a fabulous time—is to get the perfect shot of the happy couple. To get that one picture where time stands still and the newlyweds are sharing a secret, eternal moment together. And perhaps they’ll even use your snapshot as the one they place on the mantle. Hey, a girl can dream, right?
But guess what? Unfortunately, you’re not the (official) photographer, and you’re probably making their job one hundred times more difficult by acting like you are.

I’d much rather see a face than a phone.

According to The Knot, the cost of hiring a wedding photographer is typically a few thousand dollars. If a couple’s going to shell out that kind of cash, they probably want to ensure their photographer lives up to their potential.
Nuptial attendees, wedding party members, and even brides and grooms can make a wedding photographer’s life miserable, which may end up costing that couple (and you) the pictures of their dreams.
If you plan to attend a wedding soon, or if you’re about to get married yourself, here’s what you can do to make the photographer’s life easier:

Just put those phones away.

You’ll be hard-pressed to go to a wedding—or anywhere for that matter—without seeing someone take a picture with their phone. It’s even quite common to see someone texting, checking social media, or even playing games on their phones during their loved one’s special day.

Yes, their phones are in all of my photos on the sidelines, or in front of their faces. I’d much rather see a face than a phone.

But whatever you do, don’t let this person be you. If so, your friends and other wedding guests will likely talk about you. OK, maybe not, but they will still probably think you’re being rude.
“My biggest pet peeve is the inability for guests to simply enjoy the wedding ceremony and reception in the present,” says Sara Vars, owner of Sara Vars Photography in Maryland. “What I mean by this is that they must have their phone in their hand at all times, documenting what is transpiring before their eyes.”

“Yes, their phones are in all of my photos on the sidelines, or in front of their faces,” continues Vars. “I’d much rather see a face than a phone.”
Before you whip out your phone to “check in” and let everyone know where you are, understand that by doing so, you’re sending a message to your loved ones that you’d rather do that instead of spending time with them. So, enjoy this (hopefully) once in a lifetime moment and engage with those around you, not your phone or device.

Give each other a little space.

This is for you, brides and grooms.
It’s your first dance as someone’s new husband or wife, so you want to be as close to your new bride or groom as possible. Your photographer gets that. What they can’t get, however, is a good photo if you’re holding onto each other for dear life for the entire dance.

Embracing in a bear hug and swaying back and forth is a common first dance tradition. But pictures of this monumental occasion tend to come out poorly. In fact, you’ve probably seen a picture of the back of a bride or groom with their significant other’s head bowed down against their shoulder. For the amount of cash you’re shelling out for these special shots, you might want better than that.
Prevent this situation from occurring by, at least for part of the dance, getting your space on. Talk to your photographer about your plans for the big moment and let them know how you plan on dancing. If you can’t let go of the idea of dancing super close with your new husband or wife, go ahead and get your smush on after the pictures are taken.

Or, take a few lessons. Although you may not be ready to appear on Dancing With the Stars yet, you can still learn a few steps or two that helps your photographer get an excellent shot and makes you look like you know what you’re doing.

Don’t be tardy.

Weddings are basically just big, loving performances. A couple gets in front of an audience to say their vows, they kiss, they dance, and they are the center of attention. And although the final outcome is usually magical, behind the scenes, all hell might very well be breaking loose.

Frequently, this stressful scenario is caused when someone integral veers off schedule. Most weddings include multiple individuals doing a range of complicated things. Each task tends to work off of the other, which means when one component isn’t running on time, everything else is delayed.
Oftentimes, hair and makeup is the culprit for tardiness.
The act of perfecting that complexion and coif can run much longer than anticipated for a variety of reasons. The makeup artists may not show up on time, for instance, which pushes things back from the start. And if the bride, groom, or member of the wedding party isn’t happy with their appearance, the stylist may have to start over to correct the problem, which could extend the delay even further.

When wedding schedules are backed up, couples are often rushed and consequentially stressed out because of it. As you might imagine, this can hinder the couple’s enjoyment of the big day.
And if you’re stressed, you may not be able to put on the type of performance you wanted to, likely one of a sublimely happy newlywed ready to start the next chapter of their life. As a result, the photographer may not be able to get the quality of pictures they normally would.

Brides: to keep your glam squad on schedule, book the most responsible bridesmaids’ appointments first. You know they will show up on time, which will hopefully keep things running smoothly. And if possible, have your hair done first. Doing so can prevent hairspray and other products from messing with your flawless face.

Let the pros use their equipment.

Guests: the happy couple paid the photographer to take professional-looking pictures of them and their guests. They did not hire the photographer to be your personal moment capturer.

Please don’t make me put my camera down to take [a photo of you] with your phone.

Maybe you’ve known the bride since she was five years old. Perhaps you even introduced the happy couple to each other. It’s understandable, then, to want professional-looking proof that you were there.
So, although it is perfectly acceptable for you to ask the photographer—provided they aren’t tied up with the bride, groom, or wedding party—to snap a photo of you with their camera, don’t insult them by asking them to take it with yours. Not only does putting their camera down in order to operate your device increase the chances of it getting damaged, it’s also plain rude.

“I’d prefer to take the photo with my camera,” says Vars. “Please don’t make me put my camera down to take [a photo of you] with your phone. This just goes back to them wanting instant gratification and post to social media.”

Stay put.

Lighting is to photography as chocolate is to life: it just makes things more beautiful.
Whether the light is streaming in through the windows of a church or making a phenomenal backdrop for an outdoor scene, natural light can help a picture achieve its potential.

Unfortunately, Mother Nature works on her own schedule and not a photographer’s, no matter how good they are. And although the photographer may have an idea of when the best lighting will occur, it won’t matter if the picture’s subjects aren’t around.
So, members of the wedding party, stick around until the photographer is done with their pictures. Follow them like a puppy.

And to those planning the weddings, it might be a good idea to have the ceremony, pictures, and reception in the same general area: driving time wastes a lot of chances for a photographer to grab a great shot.
It all runs together: leaving late for the next venue because the ceremony didn’t start on time could prevent having the picture of your dreams… all because you were late to the perfect-lighting party.

Being in transit also prevents the couple from being somewhere a good shot could take place, as vehicle portraits are often less than spectacular. And again, having to move from one location to another could cause extra stress for the couple.

Don’t say ‘yes’ to this type of dress.

You likely agree that a person who is comfortable tends to look better in a picture than a person who doesn’t feel secure.
Unfortunately, you probably aren’t in your most zen place if you are constantly pulling on your clothing. Because of this, some photographers curse the very ground the hems of strapless dresses glide across.
If you think about it, it makes sense. What is one of the hazards of wearing a strapless dress? The top of your dress feels like it’s about to slip and, well, make this wedding one to remember. You likely tend to pull up on the top of the dress quite often to prevent any such embarrassment from occurring.

This happens more when you shake your tail feather on the dance floor. The frequent adjustment leaves the photographer with endless shots of brides and her ladies tugging on their dresses, instead of candid, touching shots of them feeling free, comfortable, and ultimately better able to enjoy their time with each other.
Unless you’d like shots of people who look like they’re participating in the chicken dance, consider a style of dress that isn’t strapless. But if you must, wear a properly-fitting bra that features silicone grips on the straps to help keep things up.

Most patients think of hospitals as fairly safe places. While nobody looks forward to a stay in a medical facility (with a few possible exceptions), hospitals aren’t a place to worry about privacy. Physicians carefully control patient information, and laws like the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) protect against unwarranted disclosures.

That’s the conventional wisdom, anyway. The truth, unfortunately, is a bit more complicated.

“In terms of privacy risk in a digital health ecosystem, there is no question that it exists,” Pam Dixon, executive director of the World Privacy Forum, tells HealthyWay. The World Privacy Forum is a non-profit public interest group that analyzes privacy issues, including medical identity theft. In fact, Dixon coined the term “medical identity theft” when testifying before the National Committee on Vital and Health Statistics (NCVHS) in 2005.

There are new ways that health data are escaping the boundaries of HIPAA.

As we discovered, health care providers are struggling with new threats—and in many instances, they’re woefully under-prepared. For instance…

1. Smartphones have opened up new vulnerabilities.

In 2015, former nursing assistant Taylor Waller pleaded guilty to voyeurism after she took a photo of a patient’s backside and sent it through Snapchat. While disturbing, it wasn’t an isolated incident; ProPublica collected 47 incidents since 2012 in which healthcare workers at nursing homes and assisted-living centers shared inappropriate photos of residents via social media.

These types of incidents probably aren’t widespread, but they do expose a problem: While illegal, many of the events weren’t technically violations of HIPAA, since the patients couldn’t be identified from the photos alone.

“There are new ways that health data are escaping the boundaries of HIPAA, which is a major complication for the privacy of health data, for example, non-HIPAA covered health apps, social media health groups, etc.,” Dixon says. “This movement is related to the larger issues of how our culture is moving toward large digital ecosystems, and is a question that goes far beyond the issues of HIPAA.”

Some hospitals have responded by banning smartphones, but that can create issues, too, since healthcare professionals might use their smartphones for scheduling and other essential tasks. Ultimately, healthcare professionals may need to install special technical controls on their phones.

That’s easier said than done, since…

2. Many hospitals’ IT systems are extremely underprepared for modern threats.

You’d be forgiven for assuming that hospitals have complex computer networks safeguarded against computer hackers and identity thieves. Unfortunately, that’s rarely the case.

“Many hospitals don’t have big IT departments,” says Ben Carmitchel of Datarecovery.com, a company that specializes in data privacy testing for healthcare providers. “They’re just like any other small business; they might think they’re treating data safely, but they simply don’t have the resources to recognize that they’re making mistakes.”

Carmitchel has helped a number of hospitals recover after crippling ransomware attacks. As he explains, ransomware is a growing threat for all businesses, but healthcare providers are particularly at risk.

“A hospital employee will click on a link in a very official-looking email, maybe from a vendor or other trusted source,” Carmitchel tells us. “That will download a payload, which will infect the hospital’s entire computer network very quickly. Then, all of the computers will be unusable, and the hospital will have to pay a ransom to restore access to the data.”

“These malicious users target hospitals, because they know that the healthcare providers will have to pay,” Carmitchel says. “It could be a life-or-death situation.”

If they’re not legally required to report these incidents, they typically won’t.

Dixon says that healthcare providers are taking the threat seriously, but she also notes that the scale of the problem is difficult to estimate.

“We don’t track ransomware, as we discovered early on that many ransomware incidents are not made public,” Dixon says. “I have personally spoken to HCPs who are actively working to prevent ransomware attacks, and my perception is that this threat is being taken very seriously. My guess is that the trend is going to continue, but HCPs will be increasingly hardened against this kind of attack.”

Carmitchel is more pessimistic. He notes that ransomware isn’t the only threat, and without proper security controls, healthcare providers will remain susceptible.

That’s a real problem. In June 2017, a global cyberattack infected hospitals in Pennsylvania, causing the postponement of at least one surgery. One month earlier, a crippling cyber attack took do
wn systems at the U.K.’s National Health Service. Carmitchel says that many attacks don’t make the news.

“[Hospital administrators] don’t want to expose their security vulnerabilities, so if they’re not legally required to report these incidents, they typically won’t,” Carmitchel says.

3. Some states are pushing biometric systems, which might cause more problems than they solve.

Biometric controls—like fingerprint, iris, or palm vein scanners—might seem like improved security measures.

I urge caution before a person gives a biometric to a health care provider, for a lot of reasons.

“One of the major risks there is biometric spoofing, a well-known security risk in the industry, but one that many HCP appear to be unprepared for,” Dixon says. “Spoofing can create what is called ‘biometric template takeover,’ a very sophisticated problem for a patient to try to find and correct. A false sense of security can arise if risk assessments are not thorough and frequent.”

In other words, patients and physicians might see the biometric controls as sufficiently protective, and as a result, they may neglect other threats. If a patient gives biometric information to a healthcare provider, they could risk exposing that data to unauthorized sources.

“I urge caution before a person gives a biometric to a health care provider, for a lot of reasons,” Dixon says. She also notes that some healthcare providers require mandatory biometric scans or driver’s license scans for patients, which create ethical issues that will need to be addressed.

Carmitchel notes that biometric systems don’t solve fundamental problems with hospital computer systems. He notes, for example, many healthcare providers have computers that utilize remote desktop protocol (RDP), which allow remote control of systems. By leaving RDP ports open, they leave key systems exposed.

“The standard of yesterday was to leave all ports open,” Carmitchel says. “That’s no longer necessary. By blocking some ports, you can greatly limit your vulnerabilities. But every healthcare provider runs their IT a different way, and there aren’t really standards.”

4. Politicians are pushing hospitals toward digitization, so the problem’s not going away.

That trend started with an executive order issued by President George W. Bush, according to Dixon. His 2004 order released funding for “digitization and other modernization” projects, which led some healthcare providers to digitize potentially sensitive records. The Affordable Care Act continued the trend, compelling digitization without establishing security standards.

“Digitization was going to happen, but the key is that it needed to happen with much more attention to patient data protection and privacy, and that needed to begin in the early 2000s,” Dixon says.

Granted, hospitals aren’t operating in a free-for-all. Under HIPAA’s security rule, health care providers must implement certain “reasonable and appropriate safeguards for electronic protected health information (ePHI). However, the definition of “reasonable and appropriate” can vary quite a bit depending on a hospital’s size and capabilities. The rule doesn’t dictate any specific technical security measures, but merely establishes guidelines for risk assessments and penalties for rule violations.

Still, Dixon doesn’t see more legislation as the answer.

Digitization was going to happen, but the key is that it needed to happen … in the early 2000s.

“I am reluctant to recommend legislation that would standardize actual technical controls in a field as highly diverse as health care is, and as fast-moving as information security is,” she says.

“That being said, I would like to see even more data protection and privacy enforcement by the HHS Office of Civil Rights, which does HIPAA enforcement, and I would like to see requirements for higher-level and higher quality risk assessments,” Dixon continues. “I would also like to see a version of enhanced privacy impact assessments, ones that include ethical data uses, be practiced.”

5. You can protect some of your information, but it’s not easy.

Given these potential threats, can patients do anything to protect their personal data? Yes, but it requires a bit of research.

“Patients should check to see if their information is being shared in a Health Information Exchange,” Dixon suggests. “Some exchanges are mandatory, some allow opt out. Some patients may want to opt out.”

“Patients who have sensitive genetic tests to conduct may want to pay cash—there is a new right under ACA that allows for restriction of disclosure. It is complicated, but it is an option,” Dixon says. She provided this link for patients interested in taking that approach.)

“It is always important for people to get regular copies of their health care file,” she adds. “This is one of the few things we can all do to help find identity theft affecting us in the healthcare system. Even for people who are not affected, it is important to have baseline copies for all sorts of reasons.”

Carmitchel says that healthcare providers are ultimately responsible for security issues, and they should establish active firewalls on all computer systems that control sensitive data. Mandatory training can help to limit risks from hackers and ransomware.

“Digitizing health records has certainly created new risks for both data protection and patient privacy, with those risks increasing beginning in the early 2000s,” Dixon says. “Can the risks be mitigated? Yes. But it will take a lot of effort from all parties.”

Going to the spa shouldn’t be difficult. After all, the spa is a place for relaxation; if you need detailed, complicated instructions on how to relax, you’re probably doing it wrong.

With that said, a social faux pas can certainly ruin your time at the spa, and we’re always wondering if we’re doing something that secretly annoys spa workers. We reached out to a few massage therapists, makeup artists, and other professionals to find out about the little annoyances of the job—and the things that customers worry about that really aren’t such a big deal.

1. Don’t be too self-conscious.

When people walk into spas, they often have unrealistic expectations of how they’re supposed to look and act. That’s normal, according to the experts we spoke with, but self-consciousness only gets in the way of therapeutic treatments.
“I often am told by clients that they haven’t shaved their legs,” says Stephanie Agakian, owner of Bodhi Body Studios, a massage studio in Colorado. “It’s really not a big deal at all. I typically respond with ‘neither did I,’ so they feel a little more relaxed. There’s nothing worse than a client coming in for a massage who can’t relax!”

Customers often worry about their weight, which isn’t exactly helpful.
“I’ve actually had customers apologize for being overweight,” said another spa worker who asked to be quoted anonymously. “We want you to love your body, and we certainly aren’t judging you in any way. That’s completely counterproductive in our profession.”
That goes for makeup artists, too. Their job isn’t to judge their customers, and self-consciousness can actually affect their ability to do their job.

“Please stop thinking I’m judging you on our lack of makeup skill or knowledge!” says Jennifer Trotter, owner of Lip Service Makeup in Dallas/Fort Worth. “I don’t assume everyone has to be a beauty expert. It wouldn’t be great for me if they were.”

2. Don’t assume that your massage therapist is a “masseuse.”

That’s a mistake that we made while researching this article. As our experts pointed out, “masseuse” is an old-fashioned term, and while they won’t be too offended if you use it, they prefer the term “massage therapist.”
“This is simply a generational or cultural issue,” Agakian explains. “For a long time, massage therapists were called masseuses. Masseuses worked in massage parlors. Both masseuse and massage parlor are terms offensive to most massage therapists today, as is massage bed (instead of table).”

Why? Well, that’s where things get a little bit uncomfortable.
“Massage therapists live in a world where creepy men and women will ask for unbelievable services, and we are very sensitive to terms,” Agakian says. They’re hard-working professionals, and they want to make sure that they’re treated in a professional manner. The words people use to describe massage therapy can have a direct effect on the way that customers interact with their therapists.

Another reason to use the right terminology: Becoming a massage therapist is tough work. According to the American Massage Therapy Association, the legal requirements for massage therapists range from state to state, but all therapists must complete an accredited program. Most also have to put hundreds of hours into their craft before they’re certified, and the process can take years. It’s easy to see why some therapists get slightly offended when their customers call them “masseuse” or “masseur.”
Even so, Agakian says that she lets this little faux pas slide.
“Most people don’t do it with any ill intent,” she says, “and I always politely educate them that I am, first of all, not in Europe, and secondly, not listed on Craigslist, so my proper title is massage therapist. If they are older or European, I just let it go.”

3. Don’t make things harder than they need to be.

In many cases, customers think that they’re helping their massage therapist or makeup artist when they’re actually making the process much more difficult.
For example, if your spa offers makeover services, try not to show up in full makeup.

“I have had clients come in for a makeover for an event with a full face of makeup on, so [we] can see how they do their makeup,” says Christina Flach, celebrity makeup artist and CEO of Pretty Girl Makeup. She also notes that some clients don’t take off mascara for “literally months,” which causes some pretty predictable problems.
“Nothing annoys me more then a client expecting me to waste my time getting all that mascara—that at this point is nuclear waste—off their face!”
If you’re concerned that your makeup artist won’t give you the look you want, feel free to bring in photos to show them what you want. You could also talk to them—as our experts repeatedly noted, communication is key.

“Some people walk into the spa and act like they’re in a monastery,” our anonymous source says. “If that helps you relax, that’s totally cool with me, but just be sure to tell me if you’re confused about part of the process or if I’m doing something wrong. I’m not great at guessing games.”

4. Don’t be dirty.

A surprising number of people don’t bathe before going in for their spa treatments. Your massage therapist isn’t going to bathe you, and if you’re especially filthy, you might get sent home.

“It’s not just gross to think about, it’s an actual health issue,” explains Agakian. “Imagine if your therapist didn’t do basic hygiene tasks like wash their hands between clients—you wouldn’t want them touching you! Why would your therapist want to work on you if you don’t shower? Also, sometimes clients use things like topical hormones, and not getting those washed off can transfer to the therapist.”
“It’s best (and most relaxing) to come in when you are fresh and clean,” Agakian says.
What if you’re headed to the spa after a long day at work? Generally speaking, you’ll be fine, provided that you’re not a manual laborer, but feel free to explain the situation to the spa employees.
“I keep heated, moist towels on hand with a few drops of essential oils,” says Agakian. “My clients know that if they need to do a quick clean up, they are welcome to grab a hot towel in a pinch and get cleaned up. You can always ask your massage therapist for one if they have a towel warmer and you’re not feeling your freshest.”
Oh, and if you’re getting a makeover or facial, use some common sense.

“Blow your nose before getting your makeup done,” says Trotter. “Enough said.” Indeed.
Another makeup tip: Don’t wax your eyebrows before heading in.
“Everyone has a tiny bit of peach fuzz on their face and waxing removes it,” Trotter explains. This creates a halo effect around your brows that is noticeable and difficult if not impossible to cover.”
Besides, if you’re getting a facial or other treatment, the freshly waxed area might be especially sensitive. At most, you should apply moisturizer and lip balm before heading to the spa or studio, but don’t go in greasy. Try not to under- or over-prepare; let the spa workers do their jobs.

5. Don’t ask your friends to ply their trade for free.

This is one of the more annoying aspects of beauty-related careers: When your friends find out about your skills, they’ll ask for free services. According to our experts, that’s a very, very annoying habit.
“They don’t do their job for free, why should I do mine for free?” asks Agakian. “My education and my supplies are not free, and it takes time away from clients that could be paying. If you’re going to ask for free or discounted services, at least offer a trade, or send in five friends who will pay first.”

Granted, your friends who are makeup artists and massage therapists might offer free services from time to time, and you don’t have to feel guilty for taking advantage of an offer. Just don’t assume that the free services are anything but a one-time thing—and definitely don’t complain about the results.
“If I’m taking the time to do something for free, be at least a little bit grateful,” our anonymous source says. “And if you’re hanging out with a massage therapist, don’t start loudly moaning and rubbing your neck. We know exactly what you’re doing. Schedule an appointment or just outright ask for some help, but don’t make your neck pain into a pain in my neck.”
That’s especially important for massage therapists who work on commission, since they might have trouble getting steady work. They certainly don’t have time to offer free services while they’re trying to find new customers.

Oh, and if your spa allows tips, be sure to leave one.
“A good tip is about 15 to 20 percent, and therapists always appreciate it,” our anonymous source says. “I’m not going to press a customer to leave a tip, but I’m always a little exasperated if they make special requests and forget to tip accordingly. Oh, and tip cash. [There’s] no reason to tip the credit card companies.”

With all the pink ribbons on shelves and homepages tricked out in rosy hues, doing good during Breast Cancer Awareness Month can be confusing. Some companies do little more than revamp existing product packaging. And that brings us to pinkwashing—the practice of leveraging breast cancer awareness (BCA) primarily to boost sales.

The purchase of a pinkwashed product may deliver as little as $1 or 5 percent to charity. But here are eight products that have earned their pink stripes. These standout buys result in 100 percent of the proceeds or profit from your purchase (or an equally meaningful donation) being donated to a worthy breast cancer charity.

1. Jane Iredale Magic Mitt

This specially-knitted Magic Mitt removes makeup without any cleanser. The incredibly fine micro fibers break down the oil that bonds makeup to skin while gently exfoliating.

It’ll be both a time and money-saver, and all profits from the purchase of this product go to Living Beyond Breast Cancer, an organization that focuses on connecting people impacted by breast cancer with information and support.

2. Rastaclat Classic and Miniclat Bracelets

Rastaclat’s Breast Cancer Awareness collection includes both Classic and Miniclat bracelets that are designed to spread positive vibes. The Miniclat bracelets feature shoelace style braids with a breast cancer ribbon on the barrel and white aglets. The Classic bracelet is the same, only wider.

Rastaclat is also offering two limited edition “I Love Boobies” bracelets inspired by the Keep A Breast Foundation logo. All proceeds from the entire Breast Cancer Awareness collection will go to the foundation, which focuses on educating young people about breast cancer through art and education at youth-centric events such as Vans Warped Tour.

3. Select Stila Products

All of the proceeds from sales of select Stila products will be donated to the Foundation for Living Beauty, which aims to provide holistic emotional and physical support for living beauties—women living with cancer.

You can choose from foundations, lipsticks, eyeliners, blush, and even tools like this one step complexion brush.

4. Lisa Hoffman Globe Fragrance Necklace

A stunning piece, the Globe Fragrance Necklace is made of rose gold–plated sterling silver. The attractive globe encases a rose quartz gem and fragrance beads in your choice of eight scents. It hangs on a 30-inch rolo chain.

All profits from this purchase will go to the National Breast Cancer Coalition, a non-profit, grassroots advocacy organization that has established what it calls a breast cancer deadline—a goal of knowing how to end breast cancer by January 1, 2020.

5. Ralph Lauren Fragrances

Each bottle of Romance or Tender Romance eau de parfum is fastened with a limited edition Pink Pony keychain, a bonus included only through October 31, 2017.

All of the profits from the purchase of one of these fragrances will go to Ralph Lauren’s own Pink Pony Fund, which works to reduce disparities in cancer care and facilitate earlier detection.

6. Aerie Supports Tee

Trumpeting a worthwhile reminder, “Take Care of Your Girls,” this heather gray limited edition Aerie Supports Tee makes a perfect sleep shirt.

Bright Pink, a non-profit that supports the prevention and early detection of breast and ovarian cancers in young women, will receive 100 percent of U.S. sales.

7. Saks Fifth Avenue and Missoni Key to the Cure Tee

This year’s Women’s Cancer Research Fund ambassado
r, Jennifer Lopez, has teamed up with Missoni and Saks to promote sales of the 2017 Key to the Cure Tee.

100 percent of the gross revenue from sales of the tee, which features a vivid geometric design, will be divided equally among 12 cancer research organizations including the American Cancer Society, the Breast Cancer Research Foundation, and the TGen Foundation.

8. IT Cosmetics Love Beauty Fully Powder Brush

It would be tempting to spring for the fluffy-soft, luxe Love Beauty Fully Powder Brush even without the one-for-one deal your purchase will entail. Still, for each brush sold, IT Cosmetic will donate one to a woman facing the effects of cancer treatment through Look Good, Feel Better.

Look Good, Feel Better is a public service program that teaches beauty techniques to people with cancer to help them manage the appearance-related side effects of treatment.

The broken home: It sounds more like a horror movie title than a term that could accurately describe a family’s situation.

Still, those two simple words are often used to describe any family that doesn’t fit the stereotypical mold: you know, two heterosexual people who get married, have children, and live happily ever after.

Unfortunately, growing up in what’s considered a non-traditional way can earn you a big old label from society—they come from a broken home—and that label comes with dozens of negative associations—they’re unstable, people say, they can’t commit. But are they right?

We are biologically wired to form connections; we want to be connected with other people.

“I truly hope we are getting away from the terms ‘broken home’ or ‘failed marriage,’” says relationship coach Deb Besigner. “As a dating and relationship coach, I work with clients who came from divorce, were raised by single parents, or are from an intact family. However, I don’t find that there is a noticeable correlation.”

But the stereotypes persist, which raises the question, is it possible that what they say about people who come from “broken homes” is true? Here, we have a few experts weigh in on some of the stigmas that are typically associated with the term.

Emotional Issues

Couples argue; it’s part of the deal. After all, living with someone while also dealing with daily life can get old; add children into the mix, and the stress levels—and argument frequency—can rise.

It is true that children who grow up constantly hearing their parents argue can suffer from emotional trauma, wrote Lisa Firestone, PhD, in an article for Psychology Today. The knowledge of tension between their parents can cause anxiety and worry, which can translate into behavioral or emotional issues. They may also blame themselves for the fighting.

Living with parents who may not fight but tend to shut each other out, however, may have an even bigger impact.

“I have found lack of affection between longtime married parents tends to be more confusing for their children,” says Besigner. “I often ask clients where they got their ideas of love, and if their parents did not show physical or verbal affection, or weren’t even kind, they have to go to fairy tales and movies [to see affection], which of course has given them a very unrealistic view of relationships.”

The takeaway here is that a child’s environment can affect their perceptions. Living under constant stress and tension can change their personalities, as can being around parents who fail to engage around their children. And yes, these anxieties can follow them into adulthood.

But an unstable or unloving environment can occur in any family dynamic: divorced or married. No matter the parenting situation, it’s largely instability and lack of observed affection that negatively impacts the way a child views relationships and romance in the future.

Commitment Issues

Perhaps the most common stereotype about children of divorced parents is that they stay as far away from relationships as possible. The belief is that watching their parents’ relationship unfold makes them fear getting hurt or repeating their parents’ mistakes.

“We are biologically wired to form connections; we want to be connected with other people,” says Julienne Derichs, a licensed clinical professional counsellor in the Chicago area. “Someone who comes from a divorced family may have conflicting feelings, thoughts, and behaviors about how safe and secure it is to feel connected to another person.”

And other times, a person with divorced parents may have never learned how to have a healthy relationship.

“Children from divorced families bear the brunt of their parents’ failure to sustain the relationship,” says Tina B. Tessina, PhD, (aka “Dr. Romance”), psychotherapist and author of How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together. “If they don’t grow up experiencing what it’s like for two parents to get along, to work through issues, and to enjoy each other, they have no idea what it’s like. Therefore, they grow up missing a lot of relationship skills.”

Not knowing how to have a stable and healthy relationship can cause a person great anxiety when considering commitment. As a result, they may stay away from, or struggle with, commitment altogether.

This isn’t the case for every child of divorce, and it
‘s not exclusive to them, either. Commitment phobia can happen to anyone—sudden breakups and unhealthy previous relationships are some non-divorce-related causes, wrote John M. Grohol, Psy.D, for PsychCentral.

Relationship Mirroring

Trying to stay together for the kids is a noble concept, but this type of relationship will likely be the kind your child enters into, says HuffPost. Children tend to mirror what they see in their parents’ relationship in their own, which can be good or bad.

You can’t find love without risking getting hurt, even in the best of relationships…

Couples who are in loveless, toxic relationships often make home life stressful. They are typically also unable to show their children what a healthy and safe relationship looks like. The result is a child who thinks this type of relationship is normal and expected, and enters one of their own.

However, even children of happily married couples can still enter unhealthy relationships because of the other issues they have dealt with.

“Regardless of your family background, we all have childhood wounds and can easily fall into traps of choosing unhealthy relationships because that pain is familiar to us,” says Besinger. “You can’t find love without risking getting hurt, even in the best of relationships, but new pain seems scarier than familiar pain.”

Children are more likely to form relationships like those they are familiar with, whether they are healthy or not. When they aren’t exposed to what a genuine and loving relationship looks like, they aren’t able to detect when they aren’t receiving the treatment they deserve. The result is often a marriage that isn’t fulfilling.

Mental Illness

Although you probably already know that many mental illnesses are genetic in nature, you may not have known that children of divorce have higher chances of developing them.

Children who come from “broken homes” are five times more likely to suffer damaging mental troubles than those whose parents are in healthy relationships, says a 2008 study conducted by the United Kingdom’s Department of Health for the Office of National Statistics.

These children are more likely to do badly in school, suffer poor health, and endure poverty, crime, and addiction as adults. They also have high chances of developing conduct disorders which result in violence, aggression, or anti-social behavior.

“Children from broken homes experience anxiety as a result of the trauma,” says Tessina. “They often grow into anxious adults, who frequently feel insecure. Because they don’t trust that relationships can last, they may test their partners until the partners are frustrated and discouraged. They may lack cooperation and negotiation skills. They may have mood problems, depression, sleep issues and other results of the trauma.”

There are other triggers for mental illness, however—genetics, ongoing medical issues, head injuries, and traumatic experiences (assault, military combat, etc.) are a some of the other risk factors listed on Mayo Clinic.

Children of Divorce Could Value Marriage More Because of It

Not everything that comes out of a divorce is bad. Each parent may find happiness once the relationship is over, which can make the child’s home life better and give them an example of a healthy relationship.

A grown child of divorce can work through the issues and learn not to behave as their parents did.

Children also learn what happens when a couple isn’t able to make things work. Seeing unhappiness, anger, and other unsavory behaviors might steer away from such relationship traits in the future. It may, too, cause them to work harder because they know what happens when things fall apart.

Before they can do this, however, they may benefit from seeing someone who can understand what they’ve endured as children.

In addition to recommending they express their feelings through journaling, Derichs recommends that people with divorced parents see a certified counsellor. “Self-exploration and self-awareness are key components to understanding the effects your parents’ divorce had on you. Understand that you have to learn healthy relationship skills, because what comes naturally from your learned experience may not lead to a relationship that feels safe, secure, and stable.”

Using other examples of couples from your life besides your parents can also help you learn what a stable relationship looks like, Tessina says.

“A grown child of divorce can work through the issues and learn not to behave as their parents did,” says Tessina. “Searching out other role models, such as other relatives who did not divorce, and emulating their behavior, can help.

Tessina, too, urges them to see a mental health professional.

“Therapy is very good for correcting mistaken beliefs and destructive habits which may result from the family example,” she says.

Keep in mind that divorce isn’t always a horrible thing.

Sometimes, it’s what is best for the entire family and a way for parents to show their children they’re looking out for them.

“I believe if a spouse is being mistreated and mod
eling a toxic relationship to their children, when a parent decides to get out, they are showing their children self-love, boundaries, and resilience,” says Besinger.

“Remember, you can have a set of siblings from the same intact family or divorced family, and all of the children will feel differently and subsequently have different behaviors following,” she continues. “It’s best we all see each other as individuals and joyfully get to know both the strength and struggles of a new partner.”

It is finally the best season of the whole year: autumn. Before you Instagram your quintessential PSL, let’s think about how to make this a fall to remember. Sure, you can go apple picking with your beau…it’s fun, supports local farmers, and you get a bunch of delicious apples out of the deal. But we’re thinking this fall you should take your bucket list up a notch with some less common autumnal activities.

1. Line up a nostalgic movie night in.

Grab your gals, pop the wine corks and the popcorn, and enjoy your favorite fall movies from childhood. We’re talking Hocus Pocus (obviously), Halloweentown, Mom Has a Date With a Vampire, the works. Or for quicker laughs, pull up a few classic Halloween-themed episodes of your favorite shows.

2. Knit a scarf.

Winter is coming, and you can prepare early by knitting a cute scarf this autumn. Whether you’re just learning or a knitting queen, you can never have enough scarves. We love this beginner-friendly fluffy scarf tutorial.

3. Roast all the veggies.

Fall goes hand in hand with comfort food. Roast your favorite fall veg (squash, sweet potato, pumpkin, Brussels sprouts) to eat for lunches and dinners. Pro tip: Sprinkle a little bit of cinnamon on top to turn up the fall feels. Our go-to guide for roasting vegetables is from The Kitchn. Or try these drool-worthy honey balsamic roasted Brussels sprouts from Kevin Is Cooking.

4. Ride a bike to a fall festival.

Kill two birds with one stone with this bucket list item. Biking in fall is a fun, healthy way to get from point A to point B. Grab your favorite date, crunch some leaves under your tires, and head to a local festival.

5. Hunt down a “Rocky Horror Picture Show” screening.

Rocky Horror is an experience everyone should have at least once! Many theaters—both big and small—will host Rocky Horror shows close to Halloween.

6. Travel to see the leaves change.

Find the best fall foliage near to you and road trip it with your family. You can camp, find a cute Airbnb, or do a day trip if there’s a spot nearby. Living in New Orleans means that if I want to see the leaves change colors, I have to travel a bit farther north. Last autumn, my fiancé and I spent a long weekend in Athens, Georgia, which serves up beautiful fall colors this time of year. It’s the perfect backdrop for a few golden hour selfies, too.
If you’re looking for a great book that details out some fun road trips, check out Road Trip USA: Cross-Country Adventures on America’s Two-Lane Highways.

7. Pack a reading picnic.

Pull together your favorite books, a blanket, and some snacks and get ready to enjoy a few hours in the sun. Just be sure to prep with sunscreen (yes, you need it even in cool autumn weather!) and bring an extra sweater just in case. Some of my favorite autumn go-tos are Good Omens (soon to be an Amazon Prime show!) and nostalgic rereads of Harry Potter.

8. Host a Friendsgiving.

If you live away from family or you just need an excuse to have a big meal before heading home for Thanksgiving, host a Friendsgiving dinner. Have each member of your chosen family bring a dish and enjoy all the comfort food together. Living away from family means it’s Friendsgiving for me most years, and it’s always a blast!
Whatever you add to your fall bucket list, make sure it helps you craft memories that you’ll want to last a lifetime. Never forget to cherish the little things that bring you joy, from a piece of Halloween candy at lunch to a perfectly spicy mug of apple cider.

For most people, a day at the spa means a dip in a whirlpool or aromatherapy bath, a body scrub, or a relaxing therapeutic massage with a facial and chemical peel. But for the employees ensuring your absolute comfort and enjoyment during your stay, your day of relaxation at the spa is just another day at work.

“It’s a very taxing, physical job.”

And there’s a lot of employees out there as the industry is inarguably on the rise. As of May 2012, the United States had over 77 million square feet of land area devoted to spas. As of May 2015, it was estimated that there were nearly 360,000 employees working in U.S. spas nationwide. Nearly half of them were part-time workers. From 2008 to 2016, the spa industry saw a revenue increase of $4 billion in the U.S. alone.

This increased interest in spas and the wellness industry is not just an American trend, and it can be attributed to any number of factors.

“I think people are really starting to realize the benefits of spa treatments beyond the purely aesthetic.”

Abi Wright, co-founder and managing director of Spabreaks.com, an online spa booking agency based in the UK, says people are starting to go to spas for more than just aesthetic reasons.
“I think people are really starting to realize the benefits of spa treatments beyond the purely aesthetic,” she says. “One of the big trends we’re seeing in spas is the phasing out of 25 minute treatments in favor of 55 minute treatments as standard within packages.”
Wright continues, “People and spas alike are realizing the value in investing in a longer treatment, whether it’s a face or body treatment for both physical and psychological wellbeing, and it’s wonderful to see the industry recognized increasingly in the UK for its core function.”

This important role—increasing someone’s physical and psychological wellbeing—requires a staff to carry out. Spas are never self-service, and a massage without a massage therapist sort of defeats the purpose. So what is it like taking care of other people’s physical and psychological needs day in and day out? We decided to find out.
For this article, we spoke with three industry “insiders” to get the skinny on what it’s like to work in the spa, beauty, and wellness industry. Our three subjects—Scott McKinley, a licensed massage therapist at Riviera Spa in Dallas, Texas; Rebecca Cedilos, an esthetician and makeup artist who has been self-employed for the past five years; and “Kathleen,” a front desk associate at an East Coast Message Envy location (who asked that her real name not be used)—all dished on the behind-the-scenes secrets of spa life you might not have known.
Here’s what we learned:

1. Choosing the right spa can be difficult.

Choosing the right spa for you can be a dizzying experience. There are many different kinds out there, and they all offer something different.
As a front desk associate for Massage Envy, Kathleen works for the largest massage chain in the country. Massage Envy boasts 1.65 million members in 49 states nationwide, with 1,170 franchised locations.

“You can of course find very talented people working in chain spas, but they may not be there the next time the customer visits.”

Kathleen describes Massage Envy as a “bare bones” operation, offering therapeutic massage and some other basic treatments like chemical peels. “Massage Envy is focused on the bare bones, like if you have a crick in your neck and need it removed,” she says. “Other places emphasize frills they might have.”

One of the benefits of offering less fancy treatments, she points out, is that prices are often lower than at private spas. For instance, Massage Envy charges about 50 percent less for chemical peels than many other spas.
But McKinley says it can be difficult for chains like Massage Envy to keep its clients. “Massage Envy and other chains like that are often unpredictable due to turnover of therapists because of low pay and long work days. High-end spas typically have better commissions but can sometimes be slow, and might be difficult to build a steady clientele.”

Cedilos says, “I’ve never worked for a chain spa, but I imagine that the chains cannot offer as many choices to the guests, and products are possibly not as high quality. From what I’ve seen, it’s a ‘you get what you pay for’ scenario.”
The other difference is that those in chains are usually starting out. “You’ll usually find people who are new to the industry working for chain spas,” Cedilos claims. “You can of course find very talented people working in chain spas, but they may not be there the next time the customer visits.”

2. It’s a very personal industry—and people rarely tip enough.

Kathleen points out that the nature of the industry is a very personal one. The entire premise is based around partially exposing yourself to complete strangers so that they can work on your body physically.
“It’s a very intimate business,” she says. “People are sharing energies, physical touch, and so on.” Because of this, people often think that what they tip at restaurants and in other service industries is acceptable to tip a massage therapist. But this just isn’t the case. “What you tip in a restaurant is not good for therapy…for someone who can do something that can hurt you,” she says.

And the therapists don’t always escape unscathed, either. “I’ve seen [therapists] walking around with arm braces after working the entire day. It’s a very taxing, physical job.”
Because of this, Kathleen says, “The appropriate tip range is 15-30 percent of a non-member rate. In actual terms, that’s between $20-$35. If someone’s really strapped for cash, $15 is acceptable too.”

3. Not all treatments are for everyone.

Everyone has their favorite treatments when they go to the spa, and this includes the employees as well. Not every treatment is going to be a good fit for everyone.
For instance, Cedilos shares that her favorite treatment is “a full body scrub in a vichy shower, followed by a body wrap with a mini facial given while wrapped in cozy warmth.” That might be someone else’s idea of an awful time.

She adds that while fads and the latest “trends” in the industry are something to be aware of, they aren’t necessarily all bad. “I think with fads, they are usually the same treatments already done but with a fresh new name or new focus on a particular ingredient or product used…as long as an unrealistic outcome isn’t promised, most treatments are good.”
For his part, given the choice of all the cutting edge spa technology, McKinley prefers to keep it simple. “I typically prefer just good old therapeutic massage,” he says.

For her part, Kathleen says, “I don’t like chemical peels. You’re putting chemicals directly on your skin. I don’t see the point of that. But to each their own.” Her preference is for microdermabrasion. “It’s the only thing I’d spend more money on, because it works for me,” she says.

4. It’s a very image-driven industry.

There are other, hidden aspects of the industry as well. “It’s a very female-driven industry,” Kathleen says. “There’s lots of women serving you. To be a guy in the industry, you have to be good looking, which is unfortunate.”

Kathleen says that she has seen female clients refuse to work with therapists that don’t fit a certain attractiveness threshold (seriously). If someone doesn’t fit the model of what a male therapist should look like, a client might refuse to go with them. “Anyone who comes in and goes with a male [therapist], people will notice [how they look].”

5. The service provider matters.

Like any other employee at any company, most spa employees are usually there because they believe in the work they do.

“I believe in massage therapy and what it entails.”

Kathleen has a family member who is a massage therapist, and so she grew up believing the benefits of treatment. “I believe in massage therapy and what it entails,” she says.
According to Cedilos, this passion, as well as the experience and talent of the service provider, matters. “Not counting medical esthetics, which includes things like Botox and fillers, I think that the quality of the treatment and outcome depends entirely on the talent of the service provider,” she says.

“You can have fabulous products and amenities but if your service provider doesn’t communicate with you, or doesn’t follow or understand protocols and contraindications, it can be a mess.”

6. It gets awkward.

Even with such a female-driven industry, the clientele is actually “a good mix” of women and men, Kathleen says. “A lot of the male clients prefer female [therapists],” she says, and the most awkward part of her job is having to explain over the phone that they’re not that kind of massage parlor.
When a male client calls in, “They don’t understand what a massage is…that it’s almost like physical therapy,” she says. “They think they’re going to get a happy ending, which is not what we do. I have to educate about that on a weekly basis.”

Cedilos has had a few close calls as well, though not of a sexual nature. Hers are mostly negative reactions to treatments. “I have had a few clients not disclose important things like allergies, or that they just had skin sensitizing treatments done somewhere else right before coming to see me,” she says.
“That is never good because you end up with reactions, physical and emotional, that you weren’t expecting. Then the service turns into a quick recovery treatment that isn’t what they came in for, but you have to ‘fix’ it quickly. You never want someone with a swollen face leaving the spa!”