Tag: mind

Scientists know a lot about the physical traits that men and women find attractive in each other. For example, both sexes generally prefer symmetrical faces to asymmetrical ones. The reason seems to be that there’s a perceived connection between facial symmetry and healthy genes. And when it comes to breeding, most people would rather mate with a genetically healthy person than a less healthy one. Similarly, men generally prefer youthful looking women (presumably because youth is a relatively reliable predictor of overall health), while women prefer larger, stronger men (again, features that tend to be associated with good health).
Okay, so body size, youth, and symmetry play a part in dictating what we find attractive in prospective mates. Makes sense. But what about how we sound? Certainly, when it comes to romantic relationships, most humans would like to believe that since we’re more evolved than other animals, the words we speak to each other are more important than whether those words are delivered by a high-pitched or low-pitched voice. But most humans would be wrong—at least according to a recent study by researcher Yi Xu and his colleagues at University College London.
It turns out that as superficial as it is, voice pitch makes a big difference, largely because we associate it with something equally superficial: body size. Xu found that men generally prefer women with relatively high-pitched voices (which are associated with smaller bodies) and a little bit of breathiness (think Marilyn Monroe). Women generally prefer men with deeper voices (which are associated with larger bodies). However, women also seem to prefer a bit of breathiness (think Barry White), which Xu believes “softened the aggressiveness associated with a large body size.”

The Deep Voice Double Whammy

Clearly, voice pitch evolved—at least in part—as a way for the sexes to attract each other so we can perpetuate the species. But men’s deeper voices seem to take a two-pronged approach to mating. On the one hand, as we’ve discussed, the deep voice appeals to females.
On the other, Penn State anthropologist David Puts asserts that men’s deep voices may have evolved as a way for males to scare off other males. That, of course, would increase the deepest-voiced men’s chances of mating by reducing the number of competitors for those sexy, high-pitched, breathy—and scarce—females. Isn’t it nice to know that we’re not a whole lot further along evolution-wise than gorillas and apes, who beat their chests and bellow to scare off other males?
Outside of the bedroom, people have a tendency to associate deep voices with “greater physical strength, competence, and integrity,” according to Casey Klofstad, an associate professor of political science at the University of Miami. To test this theory, Klofstad and Duke University biologists Rindy Anderson and Steve Nowicki had more than 800 men and women listen to pairs of voices saying the same phrase: “I urge you to vote for me this November.”
The listeners were asked to indicate who they’d vote for if the owners of those two voices were running against each other. The deeper voiced “candidate” got between 60 and 76 percent of the votes. Curious as to whether the voice bias would hold up in real life, the three researchers went a step further and calculated what they called the “mean voice pitch” of candidates running for seats in the U.S House of Representatives in 2012. Those with deeper voices were more likely to win.
So what do mating rituals and elections have in common? Testosterone, which is associated with physical strength and aggressiveness. Both of those traits seem more relevant to mating. But they clearly carry over into politics. How else can we explain why California and Minnesota elected former bodybuilder Arnold Schwarzenegger and former wrestler Jesse Ventura—two very strong, very aggressive guys—as their respective governors? And how else can we explain why deeper-voiced female politicians do better than their higher-pitched sisters?

Recent research reveals that just the right amount of procrastination may be the perfect thing to spawn originality and creativity. About one-fifth of the adult population would identify themselves as chronic procrastinators. All-in-all procrastination gets a bad rap—but wait (no pun intended) there is a real possibility that it isn’t a bad thing for everyone all the time. In fact, according to Adam Grant in his new book, Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World, the fine art of procrastination may be the driving force behind more highly creative thought. 

Grant has been able to identify that a dose of procrastination may be the ticket to the fountain of creativity. He highlights famous procrastinators—such as Frank Lloyd Wright, Bill Clinton, and Steve Jobs—to make the argument that some very creative and productive people procrastinate. For the rest of us, he points to research showing that being given a task and then being asked to delay working on it produces something called divergent thinking—the very stuff of creativity.

Divergent thinking pulls information in from lateral thoughts and ideas. If I asked you how many uses can you think of for a paper clip, the answers would be drawn from divergent thinking. Grant’s central point about this delay in responding is that creativity doesn’t happen in spite of procrastination—it happens because of it. Waiting awhile after a task has been initiated gives us the advantage of generating more thoughts about the project. More thoughts increase the likelihood of some of them being better than the initial ones generated.

Adam Grant identifies himself as a pre-crastinator—meaning that he often completes material ahead of time, long before the deadline. As the youngest professor of management and psychology at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, he found that getting things done sooner rather than later has served him well. But after one of his students, Jihae Shin, challenged his pre-crastinistic tendencies, he has begun to mend his ways. Shin was able to show a link between workers who procrastinate and a higher rating by their supervisors on their creativity. 

As it turns out, too little procrastination cuts off lateral or divergent thinking—and delaying working on something too long produces anxiety and stems the flow of the creative juices. This should inspire us to build in a bit of delay to help open up our thoughts. As a writer, I’ve always found this helpful. I’ll write something and put it away for at least a few days. When I come back to it through the lens of fresh eyes, my mind has generated some renewed and (almost always) better thinking.

So which are you? Are you a pre-crastinator? Or a procrastinator? If you get everything done early you may be robbing yourself of more leisurely and creative thought. Getting things done without letting them incubate produces fairly predictable results that generally lack originality. On the other hand, if you’re procrastinating too long the pressure to produce also limits the production of more original or creative responses. If we wait too long we typically default to a less inspired creation. Why not try an experiment and let one of your projects simmer for a little bit and see what happens? Not too long or short—but just the right amount.

I’ve given this some thought and I think I’m an amateur-crastinator. I definitely don’t do things ahead of time—but I’m not a pro just yet. I’ve yet to find the perfect amount of time to delay a task. This is something I plan to work on.

Tomorrow.

Nearly everyone wants to be a role model or a good example for others—especially their kids and loved ones. But that massive pool of people who desire to become strong leaders shrinks down to a puddle-size group of people who are actually willing to put in the work it takes to be effective.

Leadership requires personal growth and development, and just like muscular growth and development, it hurts!

If you are willing to start your training, here are the key character-building exercises we all need for personal development.

1) Flexibility

What do we do with tight muscles? We stretch them. When we stretch a muscle, we move that muscle beyond what is comfortable in order to become more flexible, healthy, and mobile. Just like stretching a muscle, we need to stretch ourselves in life if we want to expand our reach. Like stretching, this will be uncomfortable—and even painful at times.

If we stay exactly where we are, avoiding ever going past our comfortable reach, we will actually shrink back even more—just like muscles respond when they’re no longer being stretched. The more we stay in our safe little box the more we will tend to hide out there, venturing out less and less. I know this because this is so me! I hate getting out of my box! But I know I need to do it. We all do.

If you want to make a bigger impact on this world, improve your reach and expand your horizons, you will have to purposefully stretch yourself regularly. This means going past your comfort zone and just showing up, ready and willing to be pulled, bent, moved, and twisted beyond what is pleasant or easy.

I personally have never been as stretched as I was when I decided to do the Mrs. Florida pageant. I would have rather sung the national anthem, led a workout, or given a speech (all within my comfortable range of motion). I fought every second of it, but continued going out of my box daily despite how uncomfortable it was.

2) Resistance Training

Personal growth requires heaving lifting, but are you staying in the same old routine? Or maybe you prefer a lighter load and avoiding heavy lifting altogether. If you want to grow, you will have to do some intense resistance training, which means you will have to lift more than you can bear right now.

Some of this will be by choice and some of this will not be welcome at all. When my husband and I went through marital struggles, I had burdens so heavy I thought I was going to fall flat. I was weighed down with so much that I was forced to use all the spiritual muscles I had in order to stand strong. Through this heavy lifting, I grew way beyond what I could have experienced if life had gone smoothly.

We all like to feel strong. So, what do we do? We tend to hang out in our strengths. In the world of fitness, that means we lift the weights we can lift and avoid the workouts we are weak in. It’s completely natural. You would think if we lifted heavier we’d feel stronger, but we don’t—not right away at least. At first, we feel even weaker.

Lifting heavier makes us struggle, strain, hurt, and leave feeling like a failure. It is only with repetitive heavy lifting that we begin to experience growth and start feeling stronger. Our growth depends on it. This is where the next step to personal growth comes in.

3) Endurance Training

We have to stretch ourselves. We have to lift heavier loads and now we have to push ourselves to persevere. This is called endurance training. As you know, you don’t get more flexible with one stretch or get stronger with one heavy lift. Getting stronger requires a continual work and going the distance.

In fitness, pushing yourself may be entering a marathon or contest. It could mean dieting longer than you have ever stuck to a diet plan before. In the gym, it could simply mean committing to a long-lasting fitness program and sticking with your routine way past when you normally would quit.

Growth requires perseverance. We can’t expect to be overnight successes with anything in life, whether it’s a dream, a job, a marriage, or just becoming a better you. Growth will require continual work, from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep—because at any given time you could be faced with the temptation to quit, cheat, or give in.

What does this mean for personal growth? It means you will only grow when you are pushed beyond the point where you would normally quit.

Get to Work

So, if you want to improve your personal development, you will need to start your training today! Now is the time to think about all the things you have wanted to do—or think about the person you have always wanted to be—and start doing all the things that are necessary to get there. It will require a commitment to stretching yourself, pushing against heavy resistance, and persevering even when you want to quit—but it will be worth it. Stretch, lift, endure, and grow.

Eight years ago, my anthropology professor asked the class a question: Who among us considered themselves feminists? And I did not raise my hand.

I remained silent because, I thought, feminists were intense. They didn’t shave their legs or under their arms. They talked freely of menstruation and took classes like women’s lib and gender studies. They listened to Ani DiFranco. They formed opinions and they weren’t at all shy about them. At the time, I was a French major. I still found my period about as embarrassing to discuss as when it first came when I was 12, and I definitely did shave my legs and under my arms. No way was I feminist.

Except I totally am. I am a leg-and-armpit-shaving, not-always-but-sometimes-the-loudest-in-the-room, indisputable, bleeding-heart feminist. I was too scared to identify as one eight years ago because I still subscribed to the fragile, small, boxed-in definition of womanhood (and narrow, stigmatized definition of feminism) that our patriarchal society has been propagating for decades.

It wasn’t until years later, after I started to work as a dietitian, that I began to see things differently.

You see, I work with a lot of women in my job, and though they are all individuals, all too many come to me with eerily similar stories. They want to lose weight, shrink, be smaller. They want to look like they did before motherhood left its miraculous mark on their bodies. They’ve cut their calories down to virtually nothing. They torture themselves with endless cardio. They’re “bad” when they eat one cookie and “good” when they limit themselves to an 80-calorie diet yogurt for lunch. And yet, the scale doesn’t budge.

Sound familiar?

Ladies, we’ve been lied to. We’ve been shown the world through pink-colored glasses. We’ve been made to believe we need orange juice laced with stevia and any snack with “skinny” in the name. We’ve been made to fear calories and weightlifting. We’ve been taught to hate ourselves, to turn against our own bodies, to spend our lives trying to squeeze into tangible dresses and proverbial boxes three sizes too small. We’ve been left to wonder what’s wrong with us when none of it seems to work.

There’s a reason none of it seems to work: It’s because none of it does work, not in the long run, anyway. So if you’re exhausted, bone-tired from trying to force yourself and your body into being someone or something you’re not (or used to be), take a deep breath. There’s a better way. Are you ready for it?

First, look your diet square in the eye and say, “It’s not me. It’s you.” You haven’t failed the diet; the diet has failed you. Again. And again. And again. We don’t need 100-calorie packs and insubstantial “girl” food. We need nourishment. We need energy to fuel us. Ladies, we’ve got to eat!

Instead of dieting, have a love affair with food, and by that, I don’t mean some secret midnight binge followed by feelings of guilt and regret. No. Court it. Get to know it: Where did it come from? How does it smell and look and feel? What flavors accentuate it? Light some candles and pull out the fancy china. Dine slowly. Savor every bite. Leave the table while there’s still a little anticipation; no need to stuff yourself when the next tantalizing meal is only a few hours away.

Discover ways of moving your body that make you feel alive, not punished or exonerated. Challenge yourself physically and acknowledge how much your body does for you on a daily basis. You are already strong. You will continue to get stronger.

Wake up every morning, look at your reflection, smile, and say, “I love you,” even if it doesn’t feel true. (Especially if it doesn’t feel true.) One day, you’ll wake up and you’ll believe it.

Hold your head high and stand proudly in your truth, whatever that may be. You never need to apologize for taking up space in this crazy, mixed-up world.

In other words: Take care of yourself.

There is a quote that I call upon whenever I sense the toxic twins—comparison and self-doubt—rearing their ugly heads in the back of my mind: Remind yourself “how exhausting it can be to try to be perfect when you’re not, or to be somebody that you aren’t.”

Your body is not the enemy. It doesn’t respond to the war you’ve waged against it. It’s resisting you, and it will continue to do so until you stop resisting it.

Nourish it. Respect it. Challenge it, but be patient with it.

Stop fighting against your body and start fighting for it.

Start fighting for you.

That’s what it means to be a feminist.

“When fear ceases to scare you it cannot stay.” – Gary Zukav

Fear is the most primitive emotion we have. We share it with our distant ancestors, who needed it more than we do to survive, but it was passed on just the same. The truth is that fear gets a bad rap. When we think of fear our immediate response is that we don’t want to experience it, because we associate it with a very negative outcome. Since we associate it with bad things happening, we understandably avoid it and try to prevent fear from entering into our lives as much as possible.

This is a huge shame however, because fear is one of our greatest teachers. All of our emotions can enlighten and guide us if we’re willing to let them, but fear is misperceived; it has become the ugly stepsister of the feeling family. The truth is that the better we understand something, the more logically we can deal with it.

Fear is part of our human operating system, and it’s designed to keep us alive. It is wired into our brains and body, just like anger and joy. Although we may not like fear, we need it to stay safe and to interpret the world accurately so we don’t do stupid things.

When we develop a resistant and negative relationship with our fear, we’re actually turning away a valuable resource that can offer us solid wisdom and unspoken advice. Learning how to listen to our fear will tell us when to feel safe, whether we should proceed forward, or if we should abort our mission.

When we ignore our fear or try to suppress it we actually make it bigger and more terrifying. We have to learn instead to develop a relationship with our fear so we can work with it, understand it, and get along with it. Like any relationship, the one we develop with fear will influence our well-being and how we experience the world.

Here are three ways to transform fear:

Understand It 

Fear is a reaction to an external stimulus that triggers parts of our brains, sending signals to our bodies. Those signals are designed to help us do one of three things: fight, flee, or freeze. Blood is pumped to the limbs, pupils dilate, we become more alert, and we have an incredible amount of energy to expel. It’s easy to interpret this feeling as “scary,” but if we recognize it as a beautiful performance by our bodies that helps us stay alive we can begin to accept that our fear is our friend. 

Where do you feel fear in your body? How do you know when you’re afraid? When was the last time you felt a rush of fear?

Embrace It

Inviting fear in is a much better tactic than trying to shut it out. It will just keep banging on the door because there is no way to get rid of it forever. Everyone lives with fear all the time, it’s just more prominent depending on the life context of the person who’s experiencing it. Learning to welcome it, stay with it, and become curious about why it’s visiting gives us the chance to get to know it a little better. 

The more intimate you can become with your fear, the more easily you’ll flow through the feeling when it surfaces. What does your fear look like? What color is it? What does it feel like to not act on your fear?

Dance With It

As we move toward embracing our fear we can then start to move with it, and even let it guide us. Our fear can bring great lessons if we can be teachable. Our fear can show us where we need to focus more energy, when it’s time to seek help, whether a relationship is healthy for us, and if we’re on the right path. Distinguishing between our true fear—the one we know well—and our false fear will help us use this emotion for our benefit. 

Let fear be your guide and trust it in the same way you would your brain. When did fear teach you about yourself in the past? What message does fear deliver when it arrives?

Finding the courage to let your fear out of the closet and having the strength to face it long enough to learn from it will immediately shift your relationship to the world. You’ll feel stronger and more productive because you won’t have fear lurking in the dark waiting to pounce. Let fear motivate and push you to do great things instead of allowing it to keep you small and stuck where you are.

Confidence is something we all aspire to have, but the truth is that insecurity is something we all experience. Insecurities were huge for most people in high school (think acne, frizzy hair, not making the sports team, etc.), and although we’ve hopefully gotten over some of these things, we still are fragile and imperfect human beings who sometimes doubt ourselves.
Take a deep breath and think about your own insecurities for a minute. Maybe it’s about your looks, your career, your intelligence, your family, or any other aspect of life that makes you feel vulnerable to others’ critical opinions. Unfortunately, these negative self-evaluations can limit your growth and stunt you in your relationships by making you feel like you’re not good enough. It is possible, though, to reframe things in your mind so that these uncertainties don’t rob you of your happiness. Here are some strategies to help you tame (and even overcome) your insecurities.

The first is simply to identify what you’re insecure about. Find the words to articulate to yourself what thought or belief is bringing you down. Sometimes we have the added difficulty of having multiple insecurities, but there are usually one or two that eat at us the most: “I’m unattractive,” or “my job stinks,” are some examples. Although it can be painful to admit, be honest with yourself.
It can be helpful to write down what you’re feeling so you can examine and evaluate it a bit more objectively. Then identify the source of your belief. Did someone tell you that you weren’t good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough? Where did that message come from? Identify what triggered your insecurity by finding out what’s at the root of it.

After gathering some information about how you feel regarding your insecurity, try to be as objective as possible and determine the facts of the situation. For example, a young woman might feel shame when she looks at a beauty magazine because she feels she doesn’t measure up in the looks department.
But after coming to understand what her self-doubt is and that she’s receiving messages about her body from an external source, hopefully she can realize that although she may not look like a model, she does have a healthy, functioning, and beautiful body that she can be proud of and feel comfortable with. By taking a step toward looking at things from a big-picture perspective, you may find that the facts make your insecurity dissipate (or at least not take up so much space in your psyche).

You’ve done a lot of “research” on your insecurity: You’ve identified what it is, where it came from, and whether it matches up with the facts. If you find that it’s more than just a nagging thing that’s bringing you down, perhaps consider it as a source of inspiration for you to make some changes.
Is there something you want to achieve? If so, determine what it is. Maybe it’s dressing in a way that is more flattering to your body, maybe it’s advancing in your career, or maybe it’s feeling more connected in your relationships. Once you’ve identified your goal, figure out what small step or action you can take to get yourself closer to it.
Insecurities aren’t always bad if they motivate us to improve. Dreams don’t come true overnight, so break things down little by little to achieve them.
Insecurities aren’t fun. I’ve had my fair share, and although they may never leave us completely, there are steps we can take to make them more manageable and keep them from ruining an otherwise beautiful life. Dig a little deeper into what’s making you second guess yourself, figure out if it’s real, and if you choose to, use your insecurity as motivation to improve your life and relationships.

Do you post selfies? If so, you’re far from alone; the selfie trend seems to have reached a fever pitch in recent years. Back in 2014, Google revealed that Android users alone take 93 million selfies per day! And pretty much all celebrities on Instagram have up-close pictures of their faces that they’ve decided to blast out to their fans. Selfies come in all different forms: reflective, silly, sensual, and just downright vain.

Some of us in the mental health field have recently taken a deeper look at what’s behind this selfie-driven culture. What are the reasons some individuals manically post and “like” pictures of themselves and their friends online, and what are some of the possible drawbacks of this mindset and behavior? 

Studies have shown the connections between Facebook use and loneliness. Could an obsession with selfies show similar findings? Research experiments of two groups of 1,200 men and women found that those who frequently posted selfies often exhibited what psychologists refer to as the “Dark Triad,” which are the traits of narcissism, manipulation, and disregard for others’ feelings. Yikes! Not the prettiest picture (no pun intended) of selfie takers.

I don’t believe, however, that most people who snap selfies are arrogant narcissists. Not at all. Every person’s motivation is a little bit different, but there are some common deeper implications that may accompany the tendency to take pictures of yourself. One includes the human desire to capture memories. We like to have proof that we’ve lived, that we’ve had enjoyable and meaningful experiences with others. A picture may provide that piece of evidence that we’re looking for. It’s natural to want to be remembered and to have left our mark, and in some ways a selfie may be a sort of photographic legacy.

Is wanting to remember your life a good reason to take selfies? Sure. It’s fun to look back on younger times and see what we were up to. Even in our selfie-saturated culture, though, there are ways to leave your mark that don’t involve putting an iPhone camera in your face. Why not write in a journal or create something that will last? 

It may not be the most pleasant thing to hear, but the truth is that your social media friends probably don’t think about your selfies all that much. They may comment or like them in the moment, but then they move on and probably won’t think about them again. Selfies can be enjoyable for a time, but they may not have much lasting value.

Another thing your selfies might say about you is that you are looking for validation. The entire purpose of posting a picture, video, or status update on social media is for others to take notice of it. It’s not bad to want attention; everyone needs a healthy amount of it. However, posting selfie after selfie (duckface, at the beach, etc.) may be a sign that you’re desperate for others’ approval. 

Although interaction with the virtual world can be a part of a healthy social life, it shouldn’t make up the bulk of your relationships. So if you find yourself taking and posting a ton of selfies, make sure you’re nourishing your face-to-face friendships as well.

Some join in the selfie craze to be part of a social group or movement. For example, many women have hopped on the “no makeup selfie” bandwagon to portray themselves as more real and authentic. Many of these movements have hashtags that go along with them so that participating members can connect with each other. Using social media and images to promote a certain idea or statement is a creative way to express your social and political viewpoints, but taken too far these may be yet another way for us to obsess about our online presence.

Above all, I would encourage people to try to balance out their selfie posting with pictures of other people and other activities. People who post selfies too often may appear shallow or self-centered. Take them sometimes to make memories, to express your views, and to connect with others, but don’t let photographs of yourself be your main message to the online world.

Everyone wants to be happy. In fact, happiness is probably at the top of your list of goals in life, and I’m sure it’s been a New Year’s resolution in the past. Wishing you were happier won’t get you very far because as you’ll learn, your happiness is actually something you can control. But what about your unhappiness? You aren’t alone focusing on what you want and neglecting how you feel. It seems intuitive to avoid negative feelings because they’re uncomfortable and feel bad, but by ignoring them you’re actually losing some valuable information that can change you and your life on a deep level.

I like to teach about the equation of pain + reflection = wisdom.

Emotions on their own are really just energy passing through your body. It’s what you attach to your feelings that generates the experience you have and the amount of suffering you can cause yourself. It’s not a good idea to ruminate on feelings or overanalyze them, but sometimes—and this is the case with unhappiness—you can really learn a lot by understanding what is being communicated through your feelings.
Most of the time you probably know you’re unhappy and wonder why you’re not happy, but it’s rare that I see people ask themselves why they’re unhappy. Digging into this kind of self-inquiry can be really fruitful because it’s very hard to turn unhappiness into authentic happiness if you’re not clear about what you need to shift in your life.

Step One: Make a list of reasons why you’re unhappy (here are some examples):

• Single and lonely
• Hate your job
• Going through a breakup
• Stressed about money
• Don’t like where you live
• Feeling lost and adrift
• Bored with your life
• No social life

Step Two: Get clear about what happiness is.

Happiness is a state of being, not an end goal. There are things that you do or don’t do that contribute to your level of happiness at any given time. For example, people who socialize more are more likely to live happier lives than people who isolate or spend too much time alone. Happiness is connected to your brain’s wiring so when you stimulate certain parts of your brain and the neurochemicals housed in there, you are “triggering” your happiness.

Step Three: Uncover your happiness triggers.

Give some thought to what does make you happy or where you feel the most happiness. It might be on vacation, hanging out with friends, or on a hike. What do you feel in those situations? There will always be things in your life that make you feel happier and those that make you feel unhappy, so learn to add to your happiness quota. Picture the counter-balance of an English coin scale with one side being happiness and the other unhappiness. The more you add to each side, the lower the other side will be.

Step Four: Practice being happy.

In essence, happiness requires action; it doesn’t just happen all the time. Like with gratitude or self-compassion, you have to practice at being happy regularly. This takes effort, but it’s completely in your control. This means reaching out to make plans so you can feel connected even if you don’t feel like it, spending a Saturday volunteering because altruistic behavior increases happiness, or spending some time in nature instead of in front of your computer. All of these activities will increase your happiness quotient.

Step Five: Choose happiness over unhappiness.

As you look through your unhappiness list ask yourself if you can choose happiness in any of those situations. Making a conscious choice to feel happier sets an intention and commitment to yourself to live as often as you can in a more positive mindset. It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself and get stuck in feeling like you don’t have any power to change your unhappiness, but in reality, you are the only person who can. You don’t have to change what’s making you unhappy, you need to make sure you’re adding more happiness-promoting ingredients to your life soup.
Relieve yourself of any unrealistic expectations of being happy all the time. Unhappiness is an important part of life because it’s a reminder that things aren’t as good as they could be, and it can motivate you to make changes in your life. Most unhappiness comes from a feeling of being trapped or like we don’t have control over what’s happening in our lives, but the one thing you can almost always control is how you feel.

Mindfulness is the idea that you spend as much time as possible living in the now. You’re not chewing on thoughts from the past and you’re not obsessed with planning for the future. Life can only truly be lived in the present moment because you can’t change the past and you can’t predict what will happen in the future.
However, it’s sometimes difficult to live in the present because the mind is a powerful machine that naturally wants to think. By building awareness of the present moment through your daily activities, you can begin to expand the amount of time spent enjoying this moment.

1. Morning Meditation

Each morning set your alarm to wake you up for a short morning meditation. Sit up on a pillow, allow the knees to drop below the hips, and begin to follow your breath. When you get carried away by your thoughts, just notice and come back to the breath. Repeat this practice over and over again. If you like, add a short meditation at the end of the day as well.

2. Walking Meditation

Add mindfulness to the middle of the work day with a short walking meditation. Inhale on one step and exhale on the next. Feel the ground beneath. Soften your entire body, including your jaw, forehead, and shoulders. Notice everything you can about the world around you, including sights, sounds, and smells.

3. Listen Well

When you’re having a conversation, listen intently to what the person you’re talking to is saying. Notice those moments when you’re preparing your response instead of truly listening. Try your very best to stay present with the person you’re talking to; you’ll notice it often means listening more and talking less.

4. Practice Detachment

One reason why we constantly get caught up in the daily cycle of thoughts is because we attach ideas to our thoughts.
Say, for example, you’re running down the road and someone blocks your side of the walkway. Not only do you feel anger, you run through a world of thoughts about what a selfish person the walkway blocker is. Then you get mad at yourself for being so bothered. By dinnertime you’re telling your partner as you continue to chew on the thought. Using detachment, you’re able to mindfully notice the emotion of anger that comes up in the present moment and then let it go.

5. Chew Slowly

When you’re eating a meal, chew slowly and truly taste the food that you’re eating. Take your time noticing its texture and smell. Swallow completely before taking another bite. And for bonus points, put your fork down between bites.

6. Practice Yoga

Yoga (especially in its slower forms) allows you to spend more time in the present moment. It’s less about the poses and more about following your breath as you align breath to movement. Once your breath is obscured, you know you’ve gone too far and need to ease up a bit.

7. Try Pranayama

Pranayama—or breath work—slows down the nervous system dramatically. Start and end your day with deep-breathing techniques. Three-part breathing is a great introduction to deep breathing. Begin by breathing into the belly and then allowing the breath to expand to the ribs and chest. Slowly exhale the breath and continue the process for five minutes.

8. Avoid Multi-Tasking

Multi-tasking is the enemy of living mindfully because it scatters the thoughts. Focus on one task at a time. If you get overwhelmed by the number of tasks that you need to accomplish, start your day by making a list and then checking tasks off as you go.

9. Sing Along

Music has an amazing ability to bring us into the present moment. When you feel like your mind is beginning to jump from thought to thought, take a few minutes to pull away and turn on your favorite tune. If you’re really feeling stressed, feel free to dance around the room as well.

10. Write It Down

Sometimes your thoughts can be overwhelming and focusing can seem difficult. This is a good opportunity to consider brain dumping, or dumping your thoughts onto a sheet of paper. Reducing the heaviness of your thoughts can bring you back into the present moment.
Mindfulness doesn’t happen overnight. In fact, it’s a lifelong endeavor that requires everyday practice. But there’s no greater benefit than the ability to live and enjoy your life in the present moment.