Tag: mind

If you’re anything like me, then you get stressed out easily. One of the most stressful times for me is around the holidays. Fortunately the big holidays are over and done with until the end of the year, but there are a few smaller holidays between now and then that may cause your stress levels to rise. Try implementing these eight stress-relieving techniques to help keep your stress levels under control. 

Breathe

Not only is breathing an essential part of living, but it can also be a huge stress reducer. Actually take time out of your day to focus on breathing. Try to concentrate on nothing but your breathing, block out all your surroundings, and listen to your body.

Exercise

Any type of exercise that gets your heart pumping will release endorphins, which will cause your body to go into a more relaxed state. What’s the best exercise, you may ask? There’s an easy answer to that question. The best exercise is one that you enjoy!

Dark Chocolate

Yes, you heard me right. Chocolate will help reduce stress on a cellular level. Chocolate is packed full of polyphenols and flavonoids, which help dilate blood vessels and reduce oxidative stress by neutralizing free radicals.

Red Wine

Red has been shown to reduce the risk of heart disease. Wine is high in resveratrol and polyphenols, which can help reduce total cholesterol, high blood pressure, and triglyceride levels. (1).

Green Tea

Green tea is high in catechins, which have an anti-stress effect. They can reduce blood pressure, inflammatory markers, and oxidative stress (2).

Laughing

Have you ever noticed how much more relaxed you are after having a good laugh? Laughing increases your oxygen intake and endorphin levels, which can reduce stress and put you in a more relaxed state. Laughter can also stimulate circulation and aid in muscle relaxation (3).

Listening to Music 

This is one of my favorite stress-relieving activities. Letting your mind focus on something other than what is causing stress—like listening to soothing classical or jazz music—is a great way to relax. One study showed that listening to music was effective in reducing subjective stress levels and lowering cortisol concentrations (4).

Napping

Do you remember when we were in elementary school and we got to take naps? Yeah, those times have long passed, but should we still be taking naps to help reduce stress? The answer is yes! Napping has been shown to boost the immune system and have stress-releasing effects (5). Put me down for a nap a day, please!

References

1) Lippi G, Franchini M, Favaloro E, Targher G. Moderate red wine consumption and cardiovascular disease risk: beyond the “French paradox.” Semin Thromb Hemost 2010;36(1):59–70.

2) Bogdanski P, Suliburska J, Szulinska M, et al. Green tea extract reduces blood pressure, inflammatory biomarkers, and oxidative stress and improves parameters associated with insulin resistance in obese, hypertensive patients. Nutr Res 2012;32(6):421–427.

3) Mayo Clinic Staff. Stress relief from laughter? It’s no joke. Available at: http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456. Accessed March 2016.

4) Linnemann A, Ditzen B, Strahler J, et al. Music listening as a means of stress reduction in daily life. Psychoneuroendocrinology 2015;60:82–90.

5) Faraut B, Nakib S, Drogou C, et al. Napping reverses the salivary interleukin-6 and urinary norepinephrine changes induced by sleep restriction. J Clin Endocrinol Metab 2015;100(3):E416–426.

Many women worry…a lot. It seems to be almost second nature to us, because from a young age we are socialized to be aware of the needs of others. Too often this translates into feeling responsible for others. To be fair, there are quite a few things in our lives to be concerned about: money, family (especially children), education, career, etc.
But when does worry go too far? When does it stop being productive in helping us to be conscious of things that deserve our attention and instead turn into something that consumes us?
There’s a very important distinction to be made between worry and anxiety. Worry is a mental process, a way of thinking, whereas anxiety is an emotional and physiological response some individuals experience in relation to a perceived threat. Anxiety can, unfortunately, turn into a full-blown problem that has debilitating effects on one’s life and may require therapy and/or medication to manage effectively. But I’d like to offer some ideas to help us tame worry before it gets out of control. Here are some questions to consider to help your curb your tendency to worry too much.
The first is to ask yourself whose problem it is.
I’ve found that so many women think they are responsible for everyone—their kids, their co-workers, their neighbors, their friends, etc. So much of the time we’re worrying about something that’s not even our business! While it’s admirable to be concerned for the well-being of others who are close to us, it doesn’t do any good for us to take on and worry all the time about the troubles that others face. It’s important to remember that even children, as they age and grow more independent, will eventually have their own lives and make their own choices that you do not need to be overly concerned about or involved in. Many of the clients I’ve seen in my years as a psychotherapist seem to believe that they are responsible for their adult children.
I encourage anyone with this mindset to do your best to raise your kids to have good values, but then let them be adults when the time comes.
Let’s say something is in your domain, it is your deal to worry about. What steps can you take to not let worry get the best of you? I encourage you to use the worry to prompt you to take action. Resist the temptation to sit and stew; instead exert your emotional energy to find a possible solution to the problem.
For example, maybe you’re concerned that your daughter won’t make the soccer team she just tried out for, and you’re scared that her self-esteem will be crushed if she doesn’t make the cut. You can ease your own worry and take action by sitting down with her and discussing how proud you are of her and how much you love her regardless of the outcome. This will help both you and her to prepare for a worst-case scenario.
Let’s say you’re worried about finances (who isn’t?) Recognize that your money problems will not be solved overnight, and then take even just one step today to make progress. Maybe you finally call that debt collector you’ve been avoiding, maybe you take a harder look at your budget and see where you can save, or maybe you start the process of researching how to get a better-paying job. Let the worry guide you to take meaningful action, even if it’s just one thing you do to solve the problem.
Worrying is common to the human experience and is something that women, in particular, are pretty good at. But the truth is that we don’t need to be worrying so much. Stay in your own business, use your feelings to guide you to appropriate action, and then take baby steps to improve whatever it is that you’re stressing about.
Let’s let go of worry and feel freer in our lives!

Western culture tends to believe in a scarcity mentality—that we have to compete with others and that resources and opportunities are limited. There isn’t enough. This spills over into emotional and social areas as well. We like to think we’re the smartest, the strongest, or the best. We feel satisfied in winning the game or beating out someone for a job. 

Culturally, we seem to attribute this competitive drive mainly to men. They’re ambitious in sports, in their careers, etc. But women tend to be emotionally competitive, and there’s no end to areas that we compete in: parenting, income, craftiness, how our home looks, and definitely in our appearance. We use competition as a way to cover up our insecurities, to try to prove our worth, and perhaps because we think that there’s a limited supply of success and joy in the world. Unfortunately, this attitude can compromise relationships, happiness, and even our feelings of self-worth. 

Here are some ways to help you stop competing with other women:

One of the first things I’d suggest doing is looking inside, rather than side to side. By that I mean stop looking to other people as the source of your contentment or for proof that you’re worthy. Instead of trying to size up someone else, look at yourself and ask what your individual life mission is and how you are seeking to fulfill it. Also, try to stop looking to other people to validate you and work on validating yourself! Ask yourself what your personal life mission is and how you’re improving instead of looking around and trying to outdo others.

At the root of competition is comparison, and we as women need to put an end to this vicious cycle. Teddy Roosevelt famously said that comparison is the thief of joy—he’s so right! When we compare, we either come out on top or on bottom, but either way, it takes away the joy. Remember that someone else’s success has nothing to do with you. Harsh as that may sound, it puts things into perspective that you don’t have to feel less about yourself because of someone else’s accomplishments. When you feel sad or less than another woman, you’re so preoccupied with yourself that you can’t celebrate and be happy for her. So when those feelings of jealousy or envy creep up (and they do for all of us at times), actively fight them and tell yourself that you refuse to play this losing game called comparison.

Another good strategy to ditch the competition is to practice a mindset of abundance. By this I mean to let go of this notion that only some people are successful, only a select few score a great man or a fulfilling career, etc. There really is enough love and joy for us all! A scarcity mindset can evoke a panic because it means that if someone else wins, you lose. Fortunately, that’s not the case. In the game of life, there can be multiple winners. We can stop this exhausting rat race and understand that another woman’s good fortune can add to our happiness, not detract from it.

And lastly, I encourage you to appreciate all things beautiful, whether in yourself or in other people. For example, if you find a certain woman particularly beautiful, instead of feeling envious and insecure, acknowledge her beauty, perhaps even compliment her on it, and then find inspiration in it. Appreciating all things beautiful can go beyond physical beauty and extend to anything pleasant or admirable. Maybe you’ve met someone whose job, family, or life inspires you in some way. Once you’ve been on the receiving end of some celebration of your own beauty, you’ll want to share that thrill with others. It feels so good to foster support and encouragement for one another. Let’s work on that as women.

When competition is ingrained in our psyche, it can be hard to let go of it. Practice these skills to quit comparing and sizing up other women to find peace and joy in celebrating our successes together.

Do you ever wake up in the morning, stretch, and think to yourself, “I’m so tired of feeling fat”? That kind of thought can do one of two things. It can motivate you to lose weight or it can cause you to do nothing because you fear you will never be able to get the weight off and finally start feeling fabulous. Here are seven practical steps to stop feeling fat and start feeling fabulous.

1. Make Sure You Really Need to Lose Weight

Sometimes you feel fat when you really aren’t even overweight. This can be from overeating, medications, or even a false sense of how you really look. I’ve had friends and clients who were convinced they were overweight but medically speaking they weren’t. They wanted to lose weight to feel better about themselves, but strictly speaking they didn’t really need to lose any weight at all.

2. Write Down Your Good Qualities

Part of the reason you feel fat is because you are focusing on perceived negative qualities. It’s okay to acknowledge that you are overweight, but you shouldn’t call yourself names. Try this simple exercise to start thinking about yourself in a better light. Write down at least two positive physical and non-physical qualities about yourself. Here are some examples if you’re having trouble.

Physical:

• What is one physical feature you like about yourself?
• Name five physical abilities you have. (Hint: Being able to run, walk, ride a bike, work out, hold down a physically demanding job, etc.)

Non-Physical:

• What are some qualities people compliment you on? (Hint: Kindness, sense of humor, honesty, ability to hold an engaging conversation, making people feel at home, etc.)
• Write down your talents and abilities. And yes, everyone has them. (Hint: Work competency, education accomplishments, creative endeavors, etc.)

Once you have a short list, commit to adding to it on a weekly basis.

3. Deal With Mental Obstacles

The constant feeling of being fat is often tied to mental obstacles that you put in your own way. When you create barriers to your weight loss, you freeze yourself in the cycle of feeling fat without a way out:

• Feeling like losing weight is impossible
• Emotional eating that isn’t under control
• Feeling as though your family and friends don’t support you
• Not understanding what foods are hard for you to eat in reasonable quantities

4. Have a Written Plan

Inaction often leads to feelings of inadequacy. If you aren’t moving toward your goal of losing weight, then yes, you might feel defeated and even fat. Write down your weight loss intentions and plan out your day.

5. Do and Say Something Nice to Yourself Every Day

Feeling fat sometimes translates into not being kind to yourself. Make sure to say and do something nice for yourself every single day. Stop calling yourself ugly names and say nice things about yourself, even if you don’t mean it at first. Keep at it until you start to believe and internalize those positive messages.

6. Focus on Activities Outside of Weight Loss

Failure or success at weight loss shouldn’t define how you feel about yourself, but sometimes it does. Find activities you enjoy that have nothing to do with weight loss. Taking your mind off of exercising with the sole purpose of losing weight can lift your spirits and make you feel better about yourself.

7. Be Purposeful

Be purposeful about how you talk to yourself, what kinds of activities you do, and finding a sustainable weight loss program. Every morning when you wake up, tell yourself you are going to have a positive day, and take the steps to make that happen.

There’s a lot of talk these days about brain training—exercises you can do to keep your mind sharp and (hopefully) ward off Alzheimer’s and other memory-destroying types of dementia.
But whether your exercises are physical or mental, the muscles you’re working out need time to recover. In other words, getting adequate amounts of downtime is essential. If you don’t, the workouts will become boring and you’ll stop making progress. In still other words, as Jack Nicholson’s character in The Shining put it: “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”
It’s pretty easy to take breaks from physical workouts. But how do you take a break from exercising your brain? After all, most of us need that four pounds of gray and white stuff to be operating at peak capacity while we’re on the job, trying to maintain any kind of personal relationships, or even just deciding which apples to buy at the grocery store.
Learning to power down your brain—also known as meditation—is one of those simple-but-not-easy things. The benefits can be substantial, however. Here are just a few reasons you should think about making meditation a part of your everyday routine (we’ll talk about exactly how to mediate after we’ve got you convinced of the benefits).

It helps you focus and may make you more productive.

A recent study by researchers at Yale University found that meditating slows down activity in a part of the brain that’s associated with mind wandering. Everyone’s mind wanders from time to time, but meditators are better at refocusing their thoughts on what’s important. Since meditation frees your mind from having to focus on anything other than your breathing, when you really do need to home in on something specific, you’ll be ready and able to do so and you’ll be less likely to be distracted.

It reduces stress, anxiety, depression, and panic.

Mind wandering is associated with anxiety, overthinking, depression, and worrying. When meditators feel anxious, they’re often able to use their practice to rein in some of those small obstacles that can become so oppressive. A 2011 study by researchers at Harvard found that people who meditated for eight weeks had a smaller amygdala (the part of the brain that regulates stress, fear, and anxiety). A number of other studies have found that meditation is just as effective as medication in combating depression.

It may change your brain (in some really good ways).

In that same Harvard study, lead researcher Sara Lazar found that 8-week meditators had a larger hippocampus (the part of the brain that regulates memory and learning).
Researchers at the UCLA Laboratory of Neuro Imaging found that compared to non-meditators, long-term meditators have larger amounts of “gyrification” or folding in a part of the brain called the insula.
“The insula has been suggested to function as a hub for autonomic, affective, and cognitive integration,” said Eileen Luders, an assistant professor at the laboratory, in a press release. In other words, gyrification allows the brain to process information more quickly. “Meditators are known to be masters in introspection and awareness as well as emotional control and self-regulation, so the findings make sense that the longer someone has meditated, the higher the degree of folding in the insula.”

It’s heart healthy.

Several studies have found that people who meditate are able to reduce their blood pressure, but that’s just the beginning. Robert Schneider, a professor at the Maharishi University of Management in Iowa, did a study of more than 200 men and women who had been diagnosed with heart disease (which put them at risk of having a heart attack or stroke).
The subjects were randomly assigned to either a class about healthy diet and exercise or to a meditation program. The subjects all continued with their normal medical care and medication regimens. Five years into the study, Schneider found that the subjects in the meditation group had a 48 percent reduction in their risk of heart attack, stroke, and death from any other cause.

It may help you lose weight and reduce addictive behavior.

Several studies show that regular meditators are better able to manage emotional eating than non-meditators. Emotional eating (as opposed to eating only when you’re actually hungry) is associated with weight gain and obesity. Since meditation increases activity in the areas of the brain that manage self-control, meditation appears to be very successful in helping people recover from smoking and other addictions.

Okay, so now what?

I’m a pretty skeptical guy, so I instinctively roll my eyes whenever I hear about something that seems to have almost magical benefits. Then I start looking for studies to disprove those claims. There are, of course, some studies that dispute the magnitude of the benefits of meditation, but not that say that meditation is bunk.
More important, I wasn’t able to find a single study that says that meditation is dangerous in any way. Given that there are plenty of upsides and zero downsides, incorporating meditation into an overall program of healthy living seems like a really good idea.
Here’s how.
There are dozens of types of meditation, such as Zen, Transcendental, mindfulness, and others. Most involve focusing on a word, phrase, or object.
But there’s something a lot easier to focus on: your breath. Slowly inhale. Hold your breath for two seconds, then exhale for three seconds. Hold your breath for another two and inhale for three. Repeat for about 20 minutes. Chances are, you won’t get through two cycles before your mind starts heading off in 387 different directions. When that happens, don’t bother to criticize yourself for losing focus—you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t. Just slowly and gently refocus on your breathing and start over. With time, you’ll get better and better at ignoring those intrusive thoughts.

It feels really great to reach a goal. There’s nothing like making progress in specific aspects of our lives that we want to improve. But as anyone with real ambition and hope to change can tell you, we’re not always successful with our goals. Sometimes we fail, even spectacularly so. Fortunately, we can craft our goals in ways that will increase our chances of achieving them. Here are some strategies to create goals that you’ll actually meet.

The first thing is to make sure that the goals you set are realistic. Vowing to never eat sugar again or attempting to lose 10 pounds in two weeks is simply not practical (and also sounds pretty miserable!) You know best what you’re capable of, so make sure your goals reflect your abilities and your commitment level. Still be ambitious and reach high (if that is what you desire), but don’t set unattainable goals for yourself, as they will likely cause frustration and disappointment. Also, consider the time and effort it will take to reach certain goals. Increasing your annual income is something that many people seem to aspire to. Maybe you’re truly willing to work hard and make a change to see that happen. If so, have at it! If not, it’s probably best not to make that a goal in the first place.

Another important thing to keep in mind is that your goals are more likely to become a reality if they reflect what you want to achieve, not what you think you should achieve. For example, some may feel that it’s important to make their bed (we had to do it as kids, so it must count for something, right?) Resolving to do this every day may seem like a trivial goal, but if it’s something that you struggle with and actually want to get better at, I say go for it! For me personally, however, I’ve realized that this isn’t something that I particularly value, and I’ve decided not to worry about it. I used to feel self-imposed guilt about this kind of thing, but I’ve learned to let it go, and now I can’t even remember the last time I made my bed!

Accountability is crucial to reaching our goals. Our connections with other human beings are vital to our well-being in so many different facets of our lives, and becoming our best selves through goal-setting is no exception! Our friends, siblings, spouses, and children can give us encouragement, love, and support. They can also provide a level of accountability to help us stick to our commitments. For example, a couple who is trying to get in shape for bathing suit season can help keep each other on the right track—not by micromanaging what the other person eats, but perhaps by going on long jogs or making healthier versions of shared favorite meals together.

In addition to communicating our progress toward our goals to other people, there are more ways to make ourselves accountable. I know a young woman who had set a firm resolution to do or say one nice thing for another person every day. To help her stay strong in pursuit of her goal, she started a journal where she could write down her good deeds. If you really want your goals to become reality, find concrete ways to make yourself accountable for them.

Remember that goals are most effective when they give us purpose and direction. I suggest setting just a few specific goals of things that you really want to achieve. These can help guide your actions and behaviors for the long term. One common struggle is decreasing motivation over time. It seems like we’re often pretty strong coming out of the gate but then begin to lose steam and excitement over time. To combat this, I’d suggest frequently taking the time to reassess your goals and reinvigorate your own commitment, and giving yourself visuals of how far you’ve come and how much you want to achieve something.

I love the process of goal-setting and achieving. It can bring great confidence and satisfaction as it allows us to truly envision our potential as human beings to improve our own lives. Set challenging yet attainable goals, lean on your relationships for support and accountability, and also take steps to keep yourself motivated along the way.

Best of luck with your goals!

If you have ever struggled with depression you are not alone. About 350 million people in the world battle symptoms such as a lack of energy; excessive or too little sleep; problems with eating, thinking, concentrating or making decisions; suicidal thoughts; and feelings of worthlessness or guilt. When your energy is gone and these symptoms arrive, depression can feel overwhelming.
According to the World Health Organization, depression is one of the leading causes of disability worldwide, and antidepressants have been the typical go-to choice for maintenance. Although there are many effective forms of psychotherapy and medications for depression, nearly 80 percent of those who have recovered eventually relapse without ongoing treatment. This means that for most people depression is a chronic concern. It can be held at bay for a while, but eventually it comes back.
The good news is that an antidepressant does well to alleviate the symptoms. The bad news is that these same antidepressants often have unwanted side effects: nausea, vomiting, insomnia, sleepiness, increased anxiety, diarrhea, lack of libido, headaches, and fluctuation in weight are just some of the reactions. These and other concerns are the main reason people stop taking the medicine—and consequently, the main reason for relapse.
Having the blues on occasion doesn’t mean you are clinically depressed, but when the symptoms last for two weeks or more it meets the criteria for a major depression. Researchers are now exploring alternatives to antidepressant medicines with the goal of giving people tools to prevent relapse. One of the more promising areas for effectively treating depression focuses on the ancient practice of meditation.
Long known for its physical and mental benefits, meditation has become commonplace in the Western world over the last 50 years. Researchers have found that mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT)—a blend of an ancient Buddhist meditation practice and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)—is just as effective as medication at preventing depression relapse.
MBCT was developed to help people initiate a constructive response from an awareness of their depressive thoughts and feelings. The goal is to recognize, respond, and reverse a potential downward spiral of depression.
In one study of known depressives, researchers gradually took half the group off medication and provided MBCT through eight group therapy sessions along with daily homework assignments. The other half stayed on their medication as prescribed. Two years later the relapse rates for both groups were essentially the same: 44 percent of the MBCT group relapsed compared with 47 percent of those who continued to take their medication. The meditation worked just as well as antidepressants.
This new finding adds to the ever-growing list of benefits for those who meditate. Some of the known advantages include lowering blood pressure, improving mood, strengthening the immune system, increasing energy, boosting creativity, and reducing the risk of panic attacks, migraines, ulcers, insomnia, muscle soreness, and joint pain.
If you want to start experimenting with meditation there are several ways to learn more about it. First, we’ve got a great resource on mindfulness and meditation right here!
Or you can check out a local yoga studio or meditation class if you want a group experience and a trainer to walk you through the steps.
There are hundreds of types of meditation, and part of the journey is to experiment to see which ones fit you best.
Second, you can go on the web and find thousands of sites that give instruction and guidance. Just search “guided meditations” and try a few during your week. You can return to the ones you find interesting.
Finally, there are apps (of course). Look for ones with built-in timers for use with any meditation you are experimenting with—as well as guided meditations and a place to journal afterward.
How to get started? I recommend that you begin with something under 10 minutes a day and try building it into your daily routine. For the time invested and the potential benefits, you couldn’t ask for anything more.

Charles Dickens once wrote about great expectations, that is, about presupposing or assuming that certain things would happen. As women, we often have great expectations for ourselves and our lives, but the downside is that we can become disillusioned or frustrated when things don’t turn out as we thought they would (or as we think they should). 

It can be tempting to live in a fantasy world of our own making where everything goes according to plan, but reality tells a different story. Throughout my career as a clinical therapist, I’ve noticed that much of the hurt that women carry stems from a few common expectations. Here are some ways to let go of them and be free to experience and enjoy real life.

First, consider the things you expect of yourself. If you’re like most women, you probably have a hang-up or two about your body. Who doesn’t want to lose those last ten pounds? If fitness is important to you, then I certainly don’t mean to discourage you from pursuing your goals. 

However, these kinds of dreams can become problematic when you essentially put your happiness on hold until you drop the weight or make a certain half marathon time. Give yourself permission to relax and not necessarily immediately achieve the rigid plans you set for yourself. By letting go of the expectation to do something (and not beating yourself up if it doesn’t happen), you may even find that you have more motivation and emotional energy to tackle the challenge.

Another expectation that can weigh us down is thinking that everyone should like us. It’s natural to want to be admired—popular even—but worrying what others think or spending an inordinate amount of time and energy people-pleasing can be extremely taxing on our emotional and mental health. I encourage you to acknowledge the reality that not everyone is going to agree with you or approve of what you do—and that’s okay! We can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. Famous musician (and reformed bad-boy) John Mayer once spoke of how liberating it is to accept that not everyone is going to like you. Be who you are, and those who matter will gravitate toward you.

Not surprisingly, many of the stress-inducing expectations women carry have to do with their family life, such as kids who always behave, never forget to flush the toilet, get straight As, and eat all their vegetables. These are lofty ideals and don’t reflect real life at all! Remember that you have influence, but you can never control another person, even your own offspring. A lot of women might say they have reasonable expectations for kids, but for some reason, we think our own should be perfect. 

We understand, for instance, that a 3-year-old child won’t be able to sit still for an hour-long meeting, but we still may get annoyed if our own little toddler has trouble with such a task. Let’s try to cut our family some slack when it comes to our imperfections. Also, you are not your child! Your kids are not an extension of you; they are separate individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, choices, and will. One way to let go of weighty expectations in parenting is to recognize that your child is not a reflection of you. Your job is to help them grow.

Now let’s talk for a minute about the man in the picture (if there is one). In chick flicks, the leading man always seems to be able to figure out what his woman needs, but in real life, that’s just not the case. 

We have to take responsibility for our expectations and communicate them. No more harboring resentment while your guy is oblivious to why you’re upset. Let him know what’s up! I’ve even helped my husband by giving him a script and telling him that I needed to hear him say he appreciated me. Helping your man find the words to say doesn’t take away the sincerity or meaning of it; instead it helps him adjust to meet your needs and strengthen the relationship.

By becoming aware of our expectations, we can choose whether we want to continue to pursue them. If any or all of these expectations sound familiar to you, ask yourself what is the cost of holding onto them so tightly. Are they making you feel not good enough? Stressed or unhappy? If so, make a conscious decision to let go of them and find a more fulfilling and less pressured life.

If you are reading this, you already know the basics. You are probably aware that there are a few silver bullets when it comes to feeling better: eating right, getting enough sleep, meditation, and exercise are always on the list. The wonders of nutrition, restorative rest, and mindfulness are everywhere–and of course, we know how good exercise is for keeping lean, building strength, promoting sleep, and burning off stress. But there is something about exercise that you may not know. It is one the best investments of our time for general well-being and happiness for another reason: It actually makes our brains work better.
The biochemistry of the brain is fragile and affected by almost everything we can think of. Headlines, photographs, hugs, a touchdown, too little or too much sleep, the sun, a poem, a cup of coffee, a lump of sugar, your commute, a nasty email, or a sip of wine all make their way into the brain, affecting the delicate brain chemistry–and more specifically, our neurotransmitters.
The primary job of neurotransmitters such as serotonin, dopamine, and glutamate is to help the neurons in our body communicate with each other. The precise balance needed to function optimally is always being monitored. When there is a problem, like too little serotonin for too long, it can cause depression. Many antidepressants are designed specifically to boost serotonin in an effort to relieve the symptoms. However, these medicines can often come with unwanted side effects, such as low libido, weight gain, and in some cases (believe it or not) depression. This is one reason why some experts have estimated that the relapse rate for depression is as high as 80 percent.
The good news is that there are other ways to improve the functioning of these and other neurotransmitters. These alternatives to antidepressants can reduce these same symptoms. Chief among these is exercise. In fact, according to the National Institute of Mental Health, it would be hard to beat exercise as one of the most effective (and natural) ways to alleviate this type of suffering. The question is: How does exercise affect the brain’s neurotransmitters?
By engaging in moderate levels of exercise for 30 minutes, five times a week, and strength training twice a week, you can change the chemistry in your brain in ways that not only attack the biochemical issue at its core, but also reduce symptoms of depression naturally. Exercise does this through the production of a protein known as BDNF (brain-developed neurotropic factor), which helps brain neurotransmitters function better. Dr. John Ratey, Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, describes BDNF as “Miracle-Gro for the brain.”
While exercise isn’t the only thing that can increase the expression of BDNF, it may be the more preferred. Antidepressants and electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) also increase BDNF–but often come with the side effects mentioned above for antidepressants, in addition to memory loss, in the case of ECT. In fact, exercise is so effective that it is now considered an evidence-based treatment by the American Psychiatric Association as both a stand-alone and an augmentation therapy for depression. This is worth repeating. Exercise can help improve the effectiveness of antidepressants or it may be able to do the job all on its own. Even moderate levels of exercise can be helpful because they enhance the effectiveness of neurotransmitters in your brain.
If you haven’t taken a walk around the block or used that gym membership in a while, it may be time for a workout. There is a very good chance you will feel better afterward. Your brain will thank you for it.

Valentine’s Day is all about celebrating love. We shower our Valentines with chocolate, flowers, and romantic dinners, but beyond the fun of Cupid’s favorite day, did you also know that love can be good for your health?
Here are five ways that love can actually keep you healthy and moving forward on your journey:
1. Loving Yourself
One of the most important things you can do is LOVE YOURSELF. When people are struggling to lose weight, the problem often lies inside of them. Do you call yourself names? Do you say things to yourself like “I am fat” or “I am no good”? This attitude can really damage you long term. You have to LOVE yourself before you can accept the love of anyone else. Loving yourself gives you a healthy relationship with your body and your mind. This Valentine’s Day, give yourself the gift of self-love. It will make a significant difference in the rest of your year and the rest of your life!
2. Family Love
Family relationships have their ups and downs and are incredibly dynamic. The more you realize that your family is there to love and support you no matter what, the better life will become. Thankfully due to technology, it is easier than ever to stay connected with our family. Need an extra pick-me-up? Set up a video chat session with your family. You can send texts throughout the day when small things remind you of them. The beautiful thing about families and the love they provide is that its unconditional.
3. Love For Food
We all love food! But it’s your relationship with food that is important. No matter where you are in your journey, you need to love food. It’s what fuels your body and your mind. Food truly should make you happy. When you aren’t eating enough or aren’t eating the right things, your emotions will swing. Food can also change a lot of situations–it can spice up a meeting, it can improve a celebration, and it creates time to talk around the dinner table. Don’t fear food. Instead, love it for what it does. Understand it and become more knowledgeable about it. A healthy relationship with food is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
4. Loving Fitness Is Key
Do you love fitness? Loving fitness doesn’t have to mean you love burpees and pushups…though it can! Loving fitness essentially means you love being active. You love movement, activity, and enjoying different sports, workout routines, and just life in general! So much in life is due to your mindset. If you can convince yourself that you love fitness, then getting more active will be a breeze. And of course, working out releases endorphins, and endorphins make people happy!
5. Let’s Talk About SEX, Baby!
No one ever wants to talk about it, but the reality is, if you are in a healthy relationship, you are probably enjoying a sexual relationship with your partner. The majority of adults are sexual in some way, shape, or form. Beyond even just the act of sex itself, when you feel sexy, you exude a confidence that will reverberate through the rest of your life. Whether you’re talking about a high-five, a hug, a kiss, or the full-blown shut-down session, human touch and contact is something that most of us yearn for in some form. Sex is such an intimate way to relate to your partner and get in touch with your body.
I hope you take a moment to think about how LOVE truly does make this world go around. The more ways you inject love into your life, the happier and, ultimately, the healthier you will be. Love yourself, love your family, love food, love fitness, and love sex. Then watch your life as your life becomes the healthiest it can be!