Tag: mind

Peer pressure.
In the fitness world, it isn’t always necessarily a bad thing. For example, you’ve got a group training run scheduled, but you woke up feeling kind of lazy. Your bed is warm and cozy, and you know the outside temperatures are anything but. You know you need to get in your weekly long run as a part of your marathon training plan, but you really don’t want to get out of bed. So you text your running buddy and tell them you aren’t sure you are going to make it. Your running buddy texts you back and calls you out for being lazy/a cold-weather pansy/etc., and tells you to show up anyway. So you get out of bed. You put on multiple layers of running gear, and put in your long run. And when it’s over, you are mighty glad your friend coerced you out the front door.
As the saying goes, sticks and stones may break your bones, but your running pal’s well-meaning taunts will make sure you get your miles in.
But there is a much bigger issue of inadvertent peer pressure that seemingly consumes many people in the endurance community, and it is so rampant that it has been given a name: “FOMO,” short for the “Fear Of Missing Out.” Research shows that people are often more affected psychologically by perceived losses than by potential gains. This is known as “loss aversion,” or the human tendency to strongly prefer avoiding a loss to receiving a gain. In the case of the endurance community, this means people are more affected by the idea of missing a race or event than they are affected by the act of actually participating in the event.
FOMO happens like this:
New runner #1 just completed her first 5K. She is excited and looking to do more. The logical next step is to train for a 10K. But new runner #1 logs into Facebook and sees that her friend in another state, also a new runner, signed up for a full marathon–a really scenic marathon with an awesome finishers’ medal. And even though new runner #1 knows she is nowhere near ready to run a full marathon and probably can’t safely train for that marathon in the short amount of time between now and race day, she feels compelled to sign up for the race too. Why? Well because if new runner #2 can do it, new runner #1 assumes she can too. Plus, the draw to the gorgeous scenery and awesome finishers’ medal is too much to ignore, and she doesn’t want to miss out. She fears missing out. FOMO.
Example #2: An experienced athlete is training for his “A” race with the goal of setting a personal record. He has hired a coach and planned a very specific training calendar to help achieve that goal. One day the athlete learns that a bunch of his friends signed up for a pretty extreme race that just so happens to fall on a scheduled easy week in the athlete’s training calendar. And although the athlete knows that running that race will potentially hinder all of the hard work he has put into his training–and might even affect the outcome of the big race–he can’t help but feel jealous and want to join his friends for their event too. So he signs up and runs anyway. FOMO.
The obvious danger in these two examples is that the fear of missing out can put the runner on the path to possible injury from running races they aren’t physically prepared for, or even causing a more experienced runner to do too much at one time, inducing burnout.
But FOMO can affect an athlete far more than physically.
One runner I spoke to, who wished to remain anonymous in this article, described how FOMO caused her to run up $15,000 in credit card debt over the course of just one year, when she signed up for, traveled to, and ran races that were well outside of her financial means. “It was a combination of things,” she said, when asked if she could pinpoint what was responsible for the feeling of FOMO. “It was my first year racing, and there was all of that newbie excitement. Meeting other crazy people I could relate to, where I had never really fit in anywhere before. And it seemed there was always something (a race) bigger and better.”
She described how race weekends would fill her with joy and excitement. “Then on Monday or Tuesday the post-race letdown would hit, and someone posts (on social media) about this killer event. I always felt I needed need to sign up RIGHT NOW.” Today, this runner is currently unable to race at all, as she is working extra jobs to try to pay off the debt she acquired as a result of caving into the constant FOMO.
Many people agree that FOMO in the endurance community is only exacerbated by social media. “This happens all of the time,” says running coach Caleb Masland. “People fill their calendars with race signups, a lot of the time because they see people posting pictures (on social media) from races or sharing links when they sign up. It’s great for the business of running, but it makes training for an ‘A’ race more challenging.”
What’s more, what we often see on social media shows only the glory of racing and not necessarily all of the hard work that goes into getting to the race in the first place. According to coach Ryan Knapp: “Training isn’t sexy. Going and putting in 100-mile weeks isn’t sexy. Going out and running a race a weekend to get some bling is. Getting bling or posting cool photos gets ‘likes,’ so it translates into runners wanting to do those type of activities and do less of the work to get to where they want to be.” For example, “People see the runner who ran 30 different 50 milers in 16 hours apiece as being inherently better than the woman who trained her ass off and ran one 50 miler in 8:00.”
So when it comes to the racing and running world, how do you avoid the FOMO?
1. Give yourself a reality check. Ask yourself why you want to run this race. Is it something you’ve always wanted to do, or is it simply because everyone else is doing it? How will signing up for this race affect you physically, emotionally, or financially? How will it affect your family and loved ones? If there are any negative answers, then maybe now isn’t the time to cave into the FOMO.
2. Plan your running goals before planning your race calendar. “I always walk people through a goal-setting exercise.” says coach Masland. “Start with a big goal. Write it down. THEN pick a race, and work backward. When people work in the other direction (choose races, then make some arbitrary decisions about goals for them, which are usually something like ‘PR every time!’), that’s when they get themselves into trouble and end up getting frustrated or injured.”
3. Make your running goals realistic. Recognize and accept your current fitness level and abilities as a runner. If you are a brand new runner, signing up for a 100-mile ultra with only four months to train is probably not a wise decision. It doesn’t mean that you won’t run that ultra someday, it just means that you need to build up the physical strength, endurance, and racing and running experience over a realistic and safe time frame.
4. Realize that not every race has to happen now. When I was a new runner experiencing a massive case of FOMO myself, my older (wiser) sister–also an endurance athlete–said, “Heather, racing isn’t going anywhere.” This saying has always stuck with me. What she meant was that there truly was no reason nor rush for me to try to cram in as many marathons as I could as soon as possible, because the sport of distance running will always be there for me when I am ready for it. In other words, there is no sense in running yourself into the ground physically, emotionally, or financially.
I promise, those races will be there when you are truly ready to run them, and chances are you will enjoy the experience that much more when you are running them for the right reasons. Just say no to FOMO.

I am a runner through and through.

I make a living both writing about running and teaching people how to run. I run during my free time, I save up money to buy running-related gear, and I surround myself with other runners. It is pretty safe to say that I love running. And I truly, truly do…

…except for some days when I hate running.

Yes, believe it or not, even the most dedicated and diehard runners have days when they just don’t want to run. And if you are like me, a non-elite runner who isn’t getting paid to win races, it’s okay to have days when you just don’t want to run. But sometimes those days come one right after another, and before you know it, you are on a long non-running streak, seriously lacking the motivation to lace up your running shoes.

When that happens to me, I often reach for external sources of motivation. One of my favorite things to do is to watch a trail-running movie or documentary. Without fail, the feats of the runners in the film inspire me to push my own boundaries, and the breathtaking trails, mountains, and views leave me itching to get outdoors and discover my own local trails. 

Here are five of my recent favorite films:

“The Barkley Marathons: The Race That Eats Its Young“

Nothing gets me more motivated than the idea of doing a really insane, crazy race. And the Barkley Marathons is nothing short of crazy and insane. There is no official race date. No known start time. No website. The application process is a secret. And in the nearly 30-year history of the race, only 15 people have finished. Yet despite being ranked as one of the hardest races on the planet, the elusive 120-mile Barkley Marathons draws runners from across the globe.

“3022 ft.“

Imagine a 3,022-foot elevation gain over 1.5 miles, followed by a 3,022 elevation loss as you run 1.5 miles back to the start. That’s what you get when you run the Mt. Marathon race in Seward, Alaska. Average speed uphill is 2 mph. Average speed downhill is 12 mph. It is not uncommon for racers to cross the finish line injured or bleeding and covered in mud. This documentary will get your heart pumping as you watch runners barreling down the rocky terrain at breakneck (almost literally) speeds.

“Western Time“

In the short film “Western Time,” Sally McRae, an elite ultra runner and mother, runs the prestigious Western States 100-mile race for the first time. Her story and her training efforts leading up to the race, as well as the race day itself, are relatable and heart-wrenching. You can’t help but cheer her on. Plus, the views of the Western States course are absolutely stunning and will make you want to head out into the woods for your own gorgeous views and deep breaths of fresh air.

“Desert Runners“

Some people have a goal to run a race in all 50 states. Others, a goal to run a race on all 7 continents. But some runners take this challenge to a new extreme. In the film “Desert Runners,” four runners from across the globe are followed as they attempt to complete the 4 Deserts ultramarathon series. The runners must complete races through the four most treacherous deserts in the world: the Atacama Desert in Chile, the Gobi Desert in China, the Sahara in Egypt, and Antarctica, all in one calendar year.

“Finding Traction“

In this documentary, elite ultra runner Nikki Kimball makes an attempt to become the fastest person in history to run America’s oldest hiking trail, the 273-mile Long Trail in Vermont. As a Vermonter myself, I may be partial to the breathtaking views. As a runner, I appreciate the raw honesty in Nikki’s emotions as her experience unfolds. Breaking records certainly doesn’t come without sacrifice, emotional heartache, and physical pain.

If those five films don’t muster up some motivation to get you outside and running a few (or many) miles…well, then put on your shoes and go for a run anyway. Because the only run you ever regret is the one you didn’t take. 

By the time I was 5 years old, I had collected a huge stash of Barbie dolls. Each of these dolls also had an extensive wardrobe, endless accessories, and an array of job uniforms. Barbie was a career woman, after all–and I loved to imagine that I could be that fabulous, that pretty, and that pulled together.

However, as we’ve all come to know, Barbie didn’t look anything like me. Barbie had a tiny waist and major curves–proportions that were unrealistic to a chubby little girl like me, so stepping into her pink heels always took a bit of imagination. Ultimately, I may never know the effect this difference had on my self-image.

Last week, Mattel announced that Barbie was getting a makeover; the iconic doll’s line will soon expand to include seven new skin tones and three new body types (curvy, tall, and petite). This change was met with a wave of criticism amidst a crowd of cheers–but for me, it was met with a smile.

I can’t honestly say how playing with Barbie affected me. Today, I’d easily be considered a glamour girl with an extensive closet and a real career. I also have my fair share of body image issues, much like most other women, some of which likely took root about the same time I was playing with Barbie.

In 2006, researchers at the University of Sussex studied the effects of Barbie’s body type on 5- to 8-year-old girls. While the older girls seemed more or less immune to the dolls’ immediate impacts, the youngest girls were more negative about their bodies and had a greater desire to be thinner after playing with the toys.

I don’t look like Barbie. I also don’t look like a model on a runway or a celebrity on a red carpet. But extensive research has shown us that toys, media, and other images all play a role in the development of self-esteem, and we need to watch what messages kids are absorbing.

For a Time piece about the new dolls, writer Eliana Dockterman was allowed to watch a focus group of young girls (around age 6) play with the curvy dolls. The result? Horrifying. There was mocking, there was laughing, there was a chorus of the word “fat.” And these girls are barely reading and writing. Yet they know “curvy” Barbie is purported to be less desirable than the thin and svelte images plastered across the media.

I doubt anyone can understand exactly why 6-year-old girls would behave this way. But it’s exactly why we need more changes in the realm of body image. We need more images of women coming in all sizes. We need to celebrate high-profile women for their accomplishments, not their shapes. We need to embrace different features as beautiful and accept ourselves as we are–when we’re 6, 16, 26, and beyond.

I wasn’t consciously aware of my own body image issues until I was in my twenties. But I was acutely aware of the fact that my body wasn’t perfect, and I wasn’t satisfied with it from a very young age. When I was young, I had baby fat. I felt chubby and alienated. When I was older and lost that roundness, it was replaced with thick muscle, which wasn’t much better in my mind. I was never “skinny” until college–and then I was too skinny.

The cookie-cutter perfection Barbie always seemed to embody forever eluded me. And that’s why we should thank Mattel for this small change. It won’t rock the culture, and most of us will forget about it in a week or two. But the impact might be valuable, if immeasurable. Barbie’s makeover is a slow step in combating the pervasive cultural message that beauty is singular.

Let’s never forget that little girls absorb messages at a rapid pace, from absolutely everywhere. Looking back, I know I did. And we shouldn’t discount the psychological impact of a doll’s appearance on a girl’s body image as she grows; playtime is the space in which her mind grows, attaching to ideas that are both uplifting and detrimental.

Altering that girl’s view of the female body as diverse, purposeful, and worth celebrating must come through small changes–even changing the look of a doll we’ve known and loved for 50 years. 

So, three cheers for 23 new Barbies representing endless forms of beauty. It’s about time.

Why do so many of us have a hard time asking for help? Whether it’s a difficult work project or the stress of parenting, everyone gets overwhelmed at times, yet we still are often resistant to reaching out to others in the hopes that they’ll help lighten our load. Maybe we’re afraid of looking imperfect and that others will think less of us. Or perhaps we’re afraid of rejection; we don’t want to be turned down. Other times, we feel awkward about inconveniencing someone else with our problems. And so often it happens that we’d rather give help than receive it.
We try to keep up the façade that we have it all together all the time, but that’s such a huge lie!
Part of being a human being is having limitations. No one can do it all. No one. We all need someone. We would literally die without each other.
Everybody has a heavy burden to bear at some point or another, and one of the core purposes of relationships is to help support one another. I once worked with a client who was very hesitant to reach out for help when she needed it. Through therapy, we discovered that this was because growing up she had a weighty responsibility to care for others and believed it was her job to be the person who helps, not the person who needs help. Through understanding her own past, this woman came to understand that as an adult, she no longer needed to rescue the world; she could ask for assistance.
Another reason we shouldn’t be afraid to reach out for help is because complete independence is impossible. Culturally, we seem to tout independence as this great thing to aspire to, but it’s not realistic or even desirable to try to achieve. As human beings, we are wired to connect with other people. To go against this is to try to defy nature. The goal is healthy interdependence. There’s a negotiation of give and take in our relationships. We can’t be taking all the time, but trying to only give throws us off balance as well.
Asking for help (in moderation) demonstrates trust and helps build bonds of intimacy in friendships. Exposing your human limitations to someone shows that you’re willing to be vulnerable to them.
When we don’t ask for help and instead just attempt to do things on our own, we’re missing out on an opportunity to build connections with another person. And it can actually be quite a compliment to ask someone else for his or her help. Think about when you’ve given help before and someone graciously received it. We all want to feel validated in making a difference in someone else’s life, and it’s a gift to feel like we are needed. Why not share that gift sometimes and ask for a close friend’s help?
And finally, we need to get over being afraid of being turned down.
If you ask for someone’s help, the worst thing he or she can say is “no”! It doesn’t need to be awkward or uncomfortable. I challenge you to not take a “no” answer as a personal rejection. It simply means the other person has limitations (as we all do) and is unable to offer assistance to you at the moment. And that’s okay! No need to misinterpret a “no” as meaning that someone doesn’t like you or thinks you’re unworthy of love. It might sting a little to be told “no” when you ask for help, but try to shake it off and remember that it’s not a reflection on you.
What things in your life do you occasionally need help with? Who could you reach out to for it?
Asking for help can benefit you and the other person, so I encourage you to consider opportunities in your life to put this into practice.

I seriously doubt most people would consider using social media and technology a “mindful” experience. For me at least, the adjectives that come to mind are more like anxious, frustrating, disheartening, and scattered. Ick.

A lot of us are embracing mindfulness in other areas of our life–mindful meditation and yoga are huge trends right now, after all–but how soon we forget when we see a Facebook post about someone’s promotion or an Instagram photo of our friend’s engagement. Then there are feelings and comparisons, right?

It’s time to shift our focus on social media. But first, let’s define mindfulness (courtesy of “Psychology Today“): “A state of active, open attention on the present. When you’re mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience.”

Ah, yes. Here’s how to put mindfulness into action when you’re on your smartphone or tablet.

While texting…choose your timing wisely.

There’s a time and a place for texting. It’s super convenient if you’re making plans or if you need to catch up with someone quickly, on your own time. But if you’re texting your friend while in line at Starbucks or while you’re hanging out with other friends, you’re missing out on everyday opportunities for interactions and getting to know other people. Those opportunities are everywhere, we just don’t embrace them anymore.

I have a friend who only answers text messages twice a day: once at lunchtime and once after dinner. All other times, she’s engaging with people IRL. At first, everyone was baffled by her approach to texting, but now I see that she’s got it right and 99 percent of us have it wrong. Commit to choosing a time for answering texts; otherwise, only use text if you’re conveying necessary information, like your location within a restaurant while waiting for your date or telling your BFF what time happy hour ends. Get off the keypad. Be present.

While tweeting…add something to the conversation.

A Twitter newsfeed is a lot like the newspaper headlines of yesterday, conveying important soundbytes of information. In this way, Twitter is a valuable tool for scanning quickly and interacting with people you probably wouldn’t get a chance to interact with otherwise. That said, lots of people tweet too much: too many jokes, too many unnecessary tidbits, too many overshares. If you’re not truly adding to the conversation, you could probably be doing something better with your time IRL.

Try to adopt the “three Cs” mindset on Twitter: consuming, conveying and conversing. You are reading a modern, digital, interactive newspaper. Everything you do within that platform can and should serve a present purpose: consuming what is happening in the larger world right now, conveying what is happening in your personal world right now, or conversing with someone to glean more information. If you’re not growing in knowledge or your tweets aren’t enriching in some way, you’re probably wasting your time.

While on Facebook…look for check-ups, not comparisons.

I know all the traps on Facebook. It’s so easy to get sucked into what we think is happening in other people’s lives, and that newsfeed is absolutely littered with information about your sister, your best friend from high school, and your sister’s best friend from high school. There are tons of people, all at various stages in their own personal journey.

Being mindful on Facebook is all about your attitude toward what others are posting. If you can check yourself every time you see a sparkly engagement ring, job promotion post, or new baby photo and think, “It is not a race to get through these milestones,” you’ll be far better off. Adjust your mindset and enjoy Facebook for what it actually is: a chance to see where other people are in their lives at any given moment, near and far, past and present.

While on Instagram…use it to track your moments.

Lots of social media stars use Instagram as a platform for self-promotion. It’s incredibly easy to flip through photos, mindlessly double-tapping them for “hearts” as we wait for our lunch–and they know we’re all doing that! They can build a business around that (and more power to them). The biggest problem with Instagram is when we start to post photos for personal promotion, trying to gain validation through the number of likes.

Instead of going this route, makeover your mindset. Why do you want to use Instagram in the first place? For me, the number of likes or hearts doesn’t matter. Those are totally afterthoughts, and most of the time I’m not even sure what photos get the most double-taps. Instead, I use Instagram to capture moments. When I think, “Ah, this is great! I want to remember this person/place/event/fill-in-the-blank as it is right now,” I take a photo. And then it becomes a digital memory box. I’ve reflected on those memories as a chance to realize how full and blessed my life truly is–just when I need that reminder.

So, yes: Social media can further our present experience and expand our lives–but only if we’re mindful. Let’s commit to the effective, blissed-out consumption in the Age of Rapid-Fire Information. Who’s with me?

The warnings started when I was in junior high (now called middle school). My parents, both of whom were in the first generation of our family to go to college, started warning me that if I didn’t quit fooling around at school and do my homework I might not get a degree. And without a degree, I might not get a job.
Warnings like those wash right off the back of most 11- or 12-year-olds, so I didn’t feel the need to change my behavior. Looking back, I think there was one thing they could have said that would have made me sit up and pay attention: Not getting an education could kill me. That actually happens to be true. Of course, my parents didn’t know that then, and neither did anyone else. But a lot of recent research is finding exactly that.

Causation vs. Correlation

When I first started looking at the studies showing the connection between education, health, and premature death, I thought the whole idea was absurd. I’ve been writing about men’s health for more than a decade, and it’s well known that women outlive men.
But could the simple fact of having a college degree make you healthier or live longer? The answer is yes—and the problem is getting worse. Take a look at the table below, which is from a report by the National Center for Health Statistics called “Health, United States, 2011: With Special Feature on Socioeconomic Status and Health.” As you’ll see, in 1996, a 25-year-old man with a college degree would have expected to live 7 years longer than a guy the same age who didn’t finish high school (for women, that gap was 6 years). Twenty years later, in 2006 (that’s the most recent data available), the man with the degree would expect to outlive the one without the high school diploma by 9 years (8 for women).

Okay, that’s interesting. But how does it work? Well, it turns out that my parents were right. In general, if you’ve got a college degree, you’ll probably get a better-paying job than if you didn’t finish high school. You’ll also probably have better benefits, which makes it more likely that you’d get a regular physical, get age-appropriate health screenings, not smoke, exercise more, and see a doctor if you had some health problem.
Given that education and income go hand in hand, here are two more charts that show the health gap between people with more education or more income and those with less of both.

Michael Grossman of the National Bureau of Economic Research has done extensive research into the connection between education and health and sums it up quite nicely: “Years of formal schooling completed is the most important correlate of good health.”

But could it kill you?

Okay, so not finishing high school and not getting a bachelor’s degree increases the chances that you’ll have some health problems. But does that necessarily translate into increasing the chances that you’ll die? University of Colorado researcher Patrick M. Krueger, along with colleagues from the University of North Carolina and New York University, looked into that question. They analyzed reams of data from the U.S. Census and other sources and estimate that in 2010, 145,243 deaths were attributable to individuals not having graduated high school or earned a GED. Put a little differently, that’s about the same number of deaths that could be saved “if all current smokers had the mortality rates of former smokers,” says Krueger. They also estimated that 110,068 deaths among people who started college but didn’t finish could have been avoided had they gone on to earn their bachelor’s degree.
As a country, nearly 40 percent of us are at risk of dying prematurely. In 2012, 10.7 percent of Americans ages 25-34 didn’t have a high school diploma or a GED, and another 28.5 percent had started college but not finished their degree.
Of course, getting a college degree isn’t magic, and there are plenty of people who dropped out of college or didn’t go at all, including Bill Gates, Rush Limbaugh, Lady Gaga, Mark Zuckerberg, Lebron James and dozens of other athletes, and the creators of WordPress, Mashable, and Tumblr. But those people are the exception. For those of us who are mere mortals, education is really serious stuff.
If you haven’t finished high school, stop reading this and go back to school. If your child hasn’t graduated or seems to be heading toward dropping out, email this article (or print it out if you’re old fashioned enough to own a printer) and help him or her come up with a plan to graduate high school and get at least a bachelor’s degree. Making sure your family is well educated could very well be the best thing you can possibly do for them.

Mental illness has been a taboo topic for centuries, but fortunately, the tide is turning, and we as a society are coming to better understand it, acknowledge it as a real thing, and find solutions to help those who experience it.
Now more than ever, individuals with depression, anxiety, or a number of other similar conditions can manage their disease and lead a normal and fulfilling life. However, there still may be some confusion about how we personally can help alleviate the suffering of those close to us who are struggling. Here are some ways to support a loved one with mental illness.
One of the best things you can do is educate yourself. Learn from reputable sources what mental illness is and what some of the warning signs are.
There’s still a lot of confusion about it, because mental illness is not visible. Although someone’s behavior might appear odd or erratic, we don’t see a cast or other clear outward sign that something is wrong, so it’d be easy to dismiss or overlook it. Mental afflictions are manifested in emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. For example, one of the hallmark characteristics of bipolarity is mania, which can include out-of-control behavior such as binge drinking or making impulsive extravagant purchases.
The more you learn about different kinds of mental illness, the more you can take them seriously, and the more equipped you’ll be to express compassion and love. If someone close to you had a cancer diagnosis, you’d likely study up on it. Treat a mental illness diagnosis the same way.
If you notice that a friend or family member is exhibiting symptoms or seems to be acting in a way that suggests mental illness, be a true friend and have the courage to bring it up in conversation. Carefully encourage treatment, and help reassure him or her that it’s possible to live a normal life and find peace again. By getting a diagnosis, the individual can better manage the problem. It can be extremely disorienting and even terrifying to experience mental illness and not know why. A diagnosis can bring great reassurance that there’s a legitimate psychological reason that someone is feeling or acting different than his or her normal self.
Because mental illness is such a sensitive topic, people who suffer from it unfortunately often carry shame. So the concern arises about what kinds of questions are appropriate to ask. If you know that someone is struggling with a mental illness, should you inquire as to how he/she is feeling? Would this question be appreciated, or is it perhaps too personal for the other person to talk about?
Every person is different, and it’s okay to essentially feel things out as the dialogue progresses. If you want to show support and love but are at a loss for what words to use, consider saying something as simple as, “I’m not sure what to say, but I want you to know that I care about you.”
It’s important for you to have realistic expectations for your loved one. Mental illness isn’t managed or eliminated overnight, and there might be a long road ahead to recovery. Of course we should always hope for the best, but try to take setbacks in stride and not get discouraged. Also, remember that you are part of the individual’s support system, but you can still set emotional boundaries.
One woman I know had a young adult neighbor who didn’t always take her antidepressant medication. The woman would periodically go check on her neighbor, spend time with this troubled soul, and occasionally encourage her to be more faithful in taking her meds. However, it wasn’t solely her responsibility to be the caretaker.
She enlisted the help of others and was able to increase the support system of this young adult and ease some of the burden on herself. And just as the woman in this story was wise enough to know, it’s critical that you not burn yourself out trying to care for someone with mental illness. Periodically take breaks, practice self-care, and renew your own emotional energy. This will help you rejuvenate yourself and enable you to better care for your loved one.
There’s no single easy answer for helping someone with mental illness. There will likely be good days and bad days. There may be frustration, heartache, and indescribable pain, but there’s also a chance for renewal, hope, and finding peace again. If you are close to someone who is experiencing a mental illness, I encourage you to not avoid the problem but instead to lean into this challenge. Practice these strategies to best provide care and preserve your own emotional and physical well-being.

There are two annual traditions that come with the start of every new year. The first is making some resolutions–often involving fitness or health, and the second is promptly breaking those resolutions a few weeks later. In fact, the process has gotten so predictable that it has become something of a running joke in pop culture outlets and among friends and family.

But the idea of making resolutions that can help improve your life is actually a good one that can lead to positive changes. The problem is, once we get stuck back in the regular routine of work, hectic schedules, and trying to maintain a semblance of a social life, it’s easy to let those resolutions fall by the wayside. But if you’re serious about focusing on those goals and improving your overall health and fitness as a result, here are some tips that can help keep you motivated.

Make Attainable Resolutions

One of the biggest reasons people fail to stick with their resolutions is that they often set really big goals for themselves that are virtually impossible to reach. When they realize later just how difficult it will be to achieve those goals, they get overwhelmed with the daunting task ahead of them and often end up abandoning their efforts altogether.

But by making smaller, more attainable goals, not only will your resolutions be easier to achieve, you’ll actually be able to see meaningful progress. That alone can be very encouraging and help you to stick to the plan moving forward.

Hold Yourself Accountable

When setting your resolution, create a plan for how you want to attain your goals and stick to it. With a good plan in place, you’ll have a roadmap to getting to where you want to be, which is a lot better than just trying to wing it as you go. If your resolution includes getting healthier, exercising more, or losing weight, go ahead and schedule your workouts or trips to the gym on your calendar. That way they’re locked in place, making it more likely that you’ll actually go. When you start to hold yourself more accountable to adhering to the plan and schedule, you’ll begin to see positive results too.

Let Others Hold You Accountable

One of the best ways to improve your level of fitness is to join a running, cycling, or workout group. Not only will you get to know like-minded people who are working toward their goals, you’ll also have someone you’re training with who can help to push you just a bit harder. When you’re part of a group there is also more incentive to show up for the workouts, which helps you to maintain a regular schedule. After all, no one wants to be that person who is constantly skipping class, do they?

Don’t Beat Yourself Up

As important as it is to stay focused on attaining your goals, it is just as important to cut yourself some slack from time to time. If you miss a workout for some reason, don’t feel guilty or beat yourself up over it. Instead, enjoy the break from the routine, but be prepared to go back to work as soon as you can.

Part of the reason we don’t always manage to keep our resolutions is that when we hit an obstacle we end up feeling like failures, which in turn can cause us to quit altogether. Don’t let this happen to you. Accept that occasionally you’ll have setbacks, but then forget about it and move on.

Make Your Goal A Part Of Your Life

In general, it takes about three weeks for a new activity to turn into a habit. That’s about the same amount of time it takes for most of us to give up on our resolutions. In other words, If you can make it through the first month, chances are you’ll start to have an easier time adapting to a new workout schedule or routine. Be patient, stick with the plan, and force yourself to stay on track. After six months, you won’t even have to think about it anymore. The new fitness regimen will simply be a part of your life.

Keeping a New Year’s resolution isn’t always easy, but if you genuinely want to make a change and follow these tips, you might just find that success is not as elusive as you once thought.

In almost any relationship, eventually someone is bound to do the other person wrong. Whether it’s forgetting an important date, failing to deliver on a promise, or insulting one another (intentionally or not), we all make mistakes that can inflict damage on our cherished connections. So what’s the best way to repair these relationship rifts? By expressing regret and sorrow about our words or actions. But simply saying “I’m sorry” may not be enough, and some overtures inadvertently go wrong when we are trying to reconcile in a relationship. Here are some steps to giving a powerful apology.

The first and perhaps most important thing to do is to own your part. Resist any temptation to dodge the problem or avoid responsibility.

Though it may not be pleasant, reflect on what specific thing you said or did that contributed to the relationship rupture or the other person’s pain. Try to put yourself in his or her shoes to understand another perspective or what harmful impact you may have caused. Sometimes in conflict we have the tendency to get defensive, but I challenge you to have the courage and humility to first identify your own shortcoming and then to own up to it.

One common mistake that is often made when offering apologies is focusing on ourselves. In an attempt to ease our own guilt, we make the apology about us.

For example, perhaps someone says something like, “I’m so sorry for what I did to you. I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I just forgot. It’s one of my biggest weaknesses.” Although it’s helpful to think about our own personal habits in an effort to avoid making the same mistakes over and over, be sure that the bulk of the actual apology is about the other person and not about you. Save your explanations, your reasons, and even your own feelings for another time and place. Phrases like, “I didn’t mean to,” or “it was unintentional” can diminish or undermine the message that you’re trying to get across. It can be very difficult, but don’t flip the conversation around and make it into a justification or a way to excuse yourself. Keep the focus on the individual who you’re apologizing to.

Another way you can make your apology heartfelt is to show your empathy (and not just say it).

So much of our communication is nonverbal, and your body language can say a lot about how sincere you are. Although you may at times find yourself apologizing through an email or over the phone, I challenge you to seek out face-to-face opportunities to offer a personal apology whenever possible. This way, you can use your body, your gestures, and your eyes specifically to demonstrate that you really mean what you are saying.

And finally, your apology must go beyond what you say. If you’re truly regretful and want to make things right, back up your words with action.

An individual who finds herself saying sorry to the same person about the same thing over and over again probably should try a different approach. We are human beings and will make mistakes–even the same mistake more than once–but to be sincere, we have to at least try to make a permanent change in how we treat one another. This is just as important (if not more so) than the actual words you say. So when you really hurt another person, consider how you’ll course correct your behavior to avoid doing so again.

I’ve found these strategies to be helpful in any and all kinds of relationships. Whether it’s work, friendship, or family, use these tips to offer a powerful apology to make reconciliation with someone who you care about.

In October, you said you’d do it in November. In November, you promised you’d do it in December. In December, you swore to yourself that come hell or high water, you’d start working out in January. Now it’s January, and you’re hiding under the covers hoping that your subconscious can convince your conscience that not keeping a promise to yourself…well, that ain’t so bad.

But your conscience knows better, and you know you need to heed its call. Follow my tips below and let me help you kick your own butt into gear (and save you months of therapy!)

1. Get a trainer

I know what you’re thinking: “Of course, if I hire a trainer I’ll get into shape!” But it’s more than just a trainer’s exercise expertise that can help you. It’s their ability to be your cheerleader! Everyone does everything better when someone encourages them with positive energy. That extra push can give you the courage and motivation to do what you need (and want) to do.

2. Drag your friend

Weight Watchers made an entire business model out of the theory of accountability, and you can use the same tool to be successful, for free. When you’re accountable to someone you’re more apt to keep workout dates and be healthier, because you’re doing it together.

3. Sign up for a race

Nowadays everyone and their mother (and father) is running some sort of a race, biking for a cure, or spinning for a charity. Having an event to prepare for will give you the discipline to get moving daily.

4. Look to your phone

There are so many cool new apps out there, from one to make sure you’re drinking the right amount of water to one that counts how many calories are burned when you make a casserole. Apps are fun and fresh and could be just what you need to get moving.

5. Go shopping

lululemon’s slogan, “Fake it til you make it,” has some merit. What they mean is, if you play the part, you can be the part. Go shopping and buy some hot new workout outfits that will psych you up to get out and exercise. If you dress like you’re a fitness guru, it may inspire you to become one!

6. Follow cool fitness peeps

Inspirational pictures, motivational quotes, and cool videos by cool people can help you. Their daily reminders can keep the motivation going when your body’s mojo is waning.

7. Get simple

Studies show that the simpler your fitness routine, the more apt you are to stick to it. So streamline your routine. Work out at home in your pajamas, make sure your gym isn’t too far from where you live or work, and don’t make your workout too hard and complicated. Sometimes it can make the difference between doing or ditching your workout.

8. Commit to only 10 minutes

Getting yourself to work out for a full hour may seem overwhelming, and studies show that it’s also unnecessary. Researchers revealed that 10-minute bursts of exercise throughout the day can be just as beneficial to your metabolism and health as a longer workout. Putting in only 10 minutes is doable, and quite often the 10 minutes will feel so good that you’ll end up doing more!

9. Get a dog

Nothing spells sneaky fitness like a Lab who wants to play! Active dogs require walks throughout the day, which can result in major calories burned (and up to a 2-pound weight loss per week!) Little does Fido know that he’s your secret personal trainer.

10. Write it down

Coaches use it. So do motivational gurus and people who are super successful in business. The act of writing down your long-term and short-term goals will help you to accomplish them and draw up a plan to do daily things to help achieve them. Remember…”small results.”