Categories
Happy x Mindful Wellbeing

Mind Over Matter: 7 Tricks That Will Make You The Master Of Your Memory

What were you doing five minutes before you started reading this? What’s your best friend’s phone number? What did you have for dinner three nights ago? If you’re stumped on any (or all) of the above, give yourself a break.
Memory is a fickle thing, and the fact that we carry around mini computers in our pockets that provide the answers to all our questions with just a few swipes has only made things worse. Scientists even have a name for the damage the internet (and our phones) has done to our memory: the Google Effect.
Reviewing four different studies on the topic, Harvard researchers determined that when it comes to difficult questions, we’re primed to think about turning to our computers for the answer. Their analysis: “The Internet has become a primary form of external…memory, where information is stored collectively outside ourselves.”
That’s not exactly bad news. Our grandparents had to resort to reminding us that “children should be seen and not heard” when we started asking tough questions about topics that they’d long since forgotten. We, on the other hand, can sneak a peek at our iPhones, and poof, our kids think we’re Einsteins.
But wouldn’t it be nice if we could finish our own…What’s that word again?Oh yeah…sentences?
You could go back to the dark ages and give up your smartphone in the name of your memory. But first, how about giving these tricks a try?

Game On

If you don’t exercise a muscle, it begins to atrophy. The same goes for our brains. The more we depend on the internet to supply answers for basic questions, the harder it becomes to dig around in our gray matter for the sorts of solutions that were once at the top of minds.
Neuroscientists have long advocated testing our brains, using games to improve both cognition and memory. Ironically, this is where the phone that’s hurting your memory can become a useful tool: The app stores are loaded with trivia options.  
Viral craze HQ has made playing trivia tests potentially lucrative, with cash prizes for the people who manage to answer a series of brain teasers, while Heads Up!, Ellen Degeneres’ trivia twist on the kids’ game Headbandz, has made memory tests into social experiences, pitting your brain against your friends’.

Chew on this.

If your grade school offered a break from the usual “no gum in class” rules during testing week, you may already know that popping a piece of Trident in your mouth can help you kick your brain into high gear.
According to British scientists, that same piece of gum can also help you hang onto your memories. The reason? Chewing gum helps us focus, which in turn helps us pay better attention to detail, logging specifics in our brains for future recall.
Give your jaws a workout. Your brain will thank you.

Move it, move it.

Chewing gum gets your jaw moving, but getting on your feet and doing some cardio can make an even bigger difference. Along with the benefits your doctor’s always reminding you will come with a workout (ahem, better sleep, better digestion, and just plain feeling better), there’s ample proof that moving your body will help your brain.
Any kind of workout is generally better than no workout at all, but if you’re looking for help in the “where are my keys” department, skip strength training and head straight to step class or hit the treadmill. The key, Harvard researchers say, is to focus on good old-fashioned aerobic exercise. That’s the kind that will increase the size of your hippocampus, the part of the brain that’s involved in verbal memory and learning.

Funky Fonts

Arial, Times New Roman, and Helvetica all have their strong points, but if you’re fighting to remember why you walked into the kitchen a minute after you’ve opened the fridge, you might want to drop the old standbys in favor of something new.
Scientists have found that hard-to-read fonts may make us stumble, but they also promote better recall. Think about it: If you’re working harder to read something, you’re less likely to skim it, which means you’re actually focusing on the details.
Next time your coworker asks you to review a Word doc, try a yellow font on the white background or push the font size down a few points. When she asks you what you thought of paragraph three later, you won’t have to pretend that you remember what she means.

One More Time for the People in the Back

Let’s face it: No matter how much you hated repeating your multiplication tables over and over and over again, it worked. You can still spit back the answer to 8 × 9 (even if it takes you a little longer than it used to).
The more we do something, the better we are at remembering how to do it. We get even better when we practice what scientists called “spaced repetition,” meaning we repeat the same things over a course of time at increasing intervals. When you want to remember a phone number, for example, or how to ask for directions to the bathroom in German during your next vacation, practice repeating the information. Start by repeating the number or phrase a few seconds after you learn it, then a minute later, then five minutes later, and so on throughout the day.
The more you repeat it, the deeper it should lodge itself in your memory bank.

Let’s get analog, analog.

When was the last time you grabbed a pen and wrote down someone’s phone number? When’s the last time you actually forced yourself to remember someone’s phone number? If your answers to those questions are one and the same, you probably know where we’re going with this.
Writing down information isn’t just a means of giving us something physical to refer to in the future (in case you forget). It’s another means of boosting memory.
Next time someone offers you their cell phone number, leave your phone in your pocket and grab a pen. You might actually remember this one!

Clench.

No pen? No gum? No way you can duck out for a run at lunch to boost your brain?
When all you’ve got on hand is, well, your hands, you’ve still got a mighty tool in your arsenal. It turns out clenching your fist while learning might just help you hang onto memories. So grab your stress ball, and let’s do this!

Categories
Fitness Advice x Motivation Sweat

How Working Out Gave Me The Confidence To Quit My Job And Pursue My Dream

A few weeks ago, I did something I never thought I’d be able to do.

“This’ll be my last two weeks here,” I told my manager at my cushy bank job. “I am leaving to focus on my writing.”

Buried under a mountain of student debt, I thought I’d have to put in at least 10 more years at the full-time grind before I could redirect my career toward my dream: freelance writing. It’s unstable, unpredictable, and requires a serious daily hustle just to stay afloat. How could I manage that and make enough money to pay my bills at the same time?

The secret, I discovered, was in exercise. Yes, really.

A few years ago, around age 26, I realized I needed to make a change in my life and I joined ClassPass. I’d never exercised, always hated gym class, and couldn’t even touch my toes! I figured I’d sign up for the program for a trial month, just to say that I tried working out and found it wasn’t for me.

But taking workout classes was actually a game-changer. I learned valuable lessons that gave me the confidence to quit my full-time job and pursue my dream.

Today, my career is in my hands. I’m completely independent—with no one to answer to, but also no one to provide guarantees in terms of money or benefits. And because of exercise, I’m more ready than ever to take this on. Here’s what working out did for me.

I found discipline.

When it comes to working out, showing up is more than half the battle. You can come up with any number of excuses to skip that workout class. But if I signed up for a fitness class and didn’t show up, I’d get slammed with a hefty cancelation fee—far too high for my then junior–editor salary to weather. So I’d trudge to class, motivation be damned.

Working out taught me to show up and follow through with my intentions. If I didn’t feel up to exercising, but I showed up and worked up a sweat anyway, I’d feel amazing afterward.

I realized the same thing happened with the freelance work I started dabbling in after my 9-to-5. Of course, I never wanted to spend a few extra hours writing in the evening after a full day at the office, but opening my laptop was the equivalent of showing up to a fitness class. The freelance work demanded that I follow through with my intentions and commitments to my clients. And the discipline was well worth the payoff in personal satisfaction and growth. Just like my body would feel fantastic after an hour of bootcamp, my mind and spirit soared with each assignment I accomplished.

Discipline, it seems, is a powerful tool for self-improvement.

I made sacrifices.

When you want something so badly, whether it’s hitting the finish line of a half marathon or writing a travel guide for National Geographic, you’ve got to make sacrifices that take a while to pay off.

To find the time to exercise consistently on top of everything else I was doing, I had to give up time I would have otherwise spent socializing or catching up with The Real Housewives. I did it, begrudgingly, until I hit the 6-month mark and started noticing positive changes in my mental health and my appearance. Suddenly, all those “sacrificed” hours felt worth it—those small, momentary indulgences I had given up actually yielded amazing long-term rewards.

I applied that mindset to my freelance work and spent my energy networking, learning how to run a business, writing for hours into the night, and building the financial safety net I’d need to jumpstart the next stage of my career. I said yes to every opportunity that came my way.

Devoting all that time to work instead of something more fun felt frustrating, until I finally saw a serious uptick in my skills and opportunities to do what I love.

Like each push-up, squat, and downward-facing dog, every word I wrote pushed me toward becoming my best self and making my dreams a reality.

I failed…

When you’re trying everything from bootcamp and boxing to yoga and pilates for the first time, you’re going to fail—a lot. Working out taught me to accept my failures and move forward from them—a crucial lesson for someone who wants a career pitching articles that some editors will ultimately reject.

…and I kept trying.

It’s not easy to pick yourself up after falling out of crow pose, one of yoga’s simpler arm balances, and try again. Falling didn’t hurt much physically, but it was certainly a bruise to my ego. Why can’t I just do it right? I wondered.

Practice became the key to success, and Keep trying became the mantra of my life. I was determined to nail that crow pose and gave it my all until finally, like magic, my knees gracefully lifted atop my elbows and I was floating—body and soul. I realized that if I could balance in crow, I could certainly find a way to balance creativity and money in my career, and I’ve finally nailed it.

I took on more.

I never thought I could be a person who enjoyed working out. I used every excuse in the book to get out of P.E. as a kid and avoided the gym like the plague as I got older.

But when I devoted myself to exercise in my mid-20s, I found myself taking on harder and harder classes. The challenges were addictive, and I began chasing harder opportunities and filling my schedule with more freelance work than I thought I could accomplish. When I pushed myself, I created opportunities to impress myself. And that gave me confidence.

Exceeding my own expectations, both at the gym and at the keyboard, has pushed me to reach my potential and push the limits even higher. You’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish with a conviction and a commitment to follow through.

I prevailed.

It’s been a long, sweaty journey to get to this point. I resigned from a stable, full-time office job to make my way as an independent writer. Working out taught me that everything great in life starts with just a single step, and when you put all those tiny steps together, you can climb to heights you never thought you could reach.

Categories
Healthy Pregnancy Motherhood

Here's How To Choose Between An OB And A Midwife

Obstetrician or midwife? Midwife or obstetrician? If you’ve been waffling on the two, chances are you’re pregnant or planning to grow your family soon. (We know, we know, we’re mind readers, what can we say?)
The truth is, picking between an OB-GYN and a midwife comes down to personal preference. Sure, there’s plenty to consider— What kind of birth do you want? Where do you want to deliver? What are you comfortable with?—but figuring out which questions are the most important (and what the implications of your answers are) can be a touch overwhelming.
We won’t leave you hanging, though. Here’s what you need to know about OB-GYNs and midwives—and how to choose which one should walk you through your pregnancy and delivery.

Opting for an OB

Before you got pregnant, you saw a gynecologist. Now the office nurse says you have the option to see an obstetrician.
Don’t want to change doctors? Good news: Technically, they’re the exact same person.
To become an obstetrician and gynecologist (aka OB-GYN), these individuals have to graduate from medical school with a medical degree, and they have to focus specifically on the medical and surgical care of the female reproductive system and associated disorders. Their gynecology studies are focused on the reproductive system as a whole, but the obstetrics part of their studies is what makes them experts in caring for women while they’re expecting a baby and into the postpartum period.
Most women who choose to have an OB-GYN perform their prenatal care and deliver their baby will see a general OB-GYN: one who can perform surgeries, manage labor and delivery, and take care of routine prenatal and postpartum care. Moms who have high-risk pregnancies are generally referred to OB-GYNs who have an even more in-depth specialty, allowing them to provide top-notch care for the mom-to-be and her fetus that’s based on specific medical considerations.
So how do you know if an OB is right for you? Ask yourself these questions before you decide!

Is your pregnancy “high risk”?

This is a general term that can cover a wide variety of moms, from those who had problems during previous pregnancies to moms carrying multiples to women who have been diagnosed with preeclampsia or other pregnancy-related conditions. They’re generally at higher risk for C-section birth, which only an OB-GYN can perform, and their babies may need additional care from an OB-GYN who specializes in maternal/fetal medicine. Sometimes moms develop complications as the pregnancy progresses. If you start with a midwife and complications crop up, they may direct you to an OB-GYN for more advanced care.
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What kind of birth do you want?

OB-GYNs do not provide home birth care. Some do deliver in birthing centers, however, and some work with moms who want a waterbirth. If you have your heart set on a certain type of birth, ask your OB if it’s something they will do. If the answer is no, find out why. If there’s no medical reason that they’re saying no, you may want to explore your options, like finding a more accepting OB or switching to a midwife.

Do you trust your OB-GYN?

Choosing how to give birth and who to guide you through the process is incredibly personal. If you have an OB-GYN who you have seen for years and who you trust implicitly, that can go a long way toward making you feel more comfortable.

Where do you want your prenatal care to occur?

Most doctors will only meet you in their office, and the frequency of visits will increase as your pregnancy progresses, typically requiring you to visit the doctor at least once a week by the time you’re in your ninth month of pregnancy. Make sure you choose a practitioner whose approach to prenatal care corresponds to your needs.

Making the Most of What Midwives Have to Offer

Midwives have been around for centuries, but don’t let that fool you into thinking midwifery is outdated or old-fashioned. Today’s certified midwives and certified nurse midwives are medical professionals who can (and do!) deliver excellent care to hundreds of thousands of moms and their babies.
These days, some 8 percent of babies come into this world via a midwife’s hands, and the number of people going into the field is on the rise. To get there, a midwife has to attend college at an institution accredited by the Accreditation Commission for Midwifery Education (ACME).
Certified nurse-midwives are registered nurses who have graduated from an accredited nurse-midwifery education program and have passed a national certification examination. Certified midwives, on the other hand, receive a background in a health-related field other than nursing, but they must graduate from a midwifery education program accredited by ACME and take the same national certification exam.
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Midwives do not go to medical school, and thus they don’t have MD after their names like OB-GYNs do. That said, their studies cover similar content on the care and treatment of women’s health issues, including specialized studies on pregnancy, labor and delivery, and the postpartum period.
Leaning toward a midwife? Ask yourself these questions:

Do you want to birth at home?

Home birth is on the rise in America, and midwives have been leading the charge. Not only are they the only medical practitioners who will come to your home to help you welcome your baby into the world, the largest ever study of home births found that planned home births among low-risk women with a midwife on hand result in low rates of interventions without an increase in adverse outcomes for mothers and babies. In other words, if you can birth at home with a midwife, it could mean less risk for you and baby!

What can a midwife do for you?

This may seem like an obvious question, but midwives do not have the same authority as an OB-GYN. Some states limit midwives to deliver only in hospitals and only allow them to see patients under the supervision of a medical doctor, while some limit the sorts of medications they can dispense for both you and your baby. What your midwife can do depends on where you live, so ask!   

What does your health insurance company say?

An increasing number of health insurance companies, including Medicaid, now cover midwives and their services, but the coverage limits vary; some will not cover a birthing center or home birth at all. Talk to your midwife and your insurance company to make sure you know what costs will be covered and can plan accordingly.

Do you want a VBAC?

Short for vaginal birth after C-section, VBAC got the stamp of approval from the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecologists back in 2010, but there are still a number of OB-GYNs who prefer to tell moms who’ve had a C-section before that they need to schedule another one. Midwives, on the other hand, do not perform C-sections and are often more willing to allow a woman to attempt a VBAC.

Do you want a little more one-on-one care?

Not all midwives will make home visits during the prenatal period, but some will! If you’re looking for that extra personal attention, a midwife might be the answer.   

Do you love your midwife?

Midwives don’t just deliver babies. Many of them perform regular care for women, seeing them for other reproductive health–related issues. If you’re already under the care of a midwife you trust, they might be the best person to help you through your pregnancy, too.

Who should you choose?

Let’s face it: There is no wrong answer here.
Keep in mind that choosing one or other at the start of your pregnancy doesn’t mean you’re stuck with the decision. If a pregnancy becomes more complicated, for example, a midwife will refer you to an OB-GYN for medical care. They won’t be insulted that you’re making the change; they want you and your baby to be safe.
On the other hand, if you start off with an OB-GYN and decide at some point in your pregnancy that you’d like a less traditional birth or want a more personalized approach to the delivery process, you may be able to switch to a midwife.
What’s more, many midwives and doctors work together, providing a team approach to prenatal and postpartum care.
Whether you have an OB-GYN or a midwife in the room when you add to your family, you’re with someone who’s had years of professional training to get this right. And ultimately, the type of birth you have (and the medical professional who’s there) needs to be right for your family.

Categories
Fresh Fashion Lifestyle

Reduce, Reuse, Resell: How To Cash In On The Online Resale Site Revolution

Online resale sites have skyrocketed in popularity in the last few years and it’s easy to see why.
Sellers get to offload their scarcely worn clothing, make room in their closets for the items they truly want, and get a little cash while they’re at it. Trendy minimalist movement? Making intentional wardrobe choices? Working that side hustle? Check, check, and check.
For the shoppers among us, consignment shopping is a huge bonus for closets (and consciences). As the memes say, there’s no ethical consumption under late-stage capitalism. Plus when you’re on a budget, trying to shop for clothing that won’t fall apart after three washes can feel impossible. When you thrift, though, you’re not (directly) contributing money to a potentially shady clothing corporation and you’ve got the opportunity to get on-trend pieces on the cheap.
The new age of thrifting is taking place online, on apps that serve as part personal resale shops (where members can sell and buy new and gently used clothing and accessories) and part community platforms (where members can haggle over price points, make trades, and show off their wares). Like brick-and-mortar consignment stores, each site takes a small percentage of each sale, but unlike typical consignment, sellers are typically empowered to upload their own photos and set prices for items.
Put away your sensible shopping shoes, friends. Now is the time to join the online resale revolution.

What’s in it for me?

I’m so glad you asked, ma petite chou.
As noted, using an online resale app is an easy way to free up closet space.
But did you know that the average person throws out 81 pounds of textiles, including clothing and accessories each year? That’s roughly 26 billion pounds of clothing that ends up in landfills annually. Yikes.
Using online resale sites helps keep textiles out of the trash, which is much better for the environment. After all, that vintage jean jacket you’re throwing out could be another woman’s gently used treasure.
Plus, did we mention online resale sites are a great way to earn extra income? According to thredUP’s 2017 Fashion Resale and Trend Report, the online resale industry generated $18 billion this year! That’s a lot of sweet moolah that could be in your pocket.

So which online resale site should I use?

Online resale sites have popped up like crazy in recent years, and it can be hard to figure out which site you should use to sell your goods. The good news: We did the research so you don’t have to!  

Poshmark

Pros: Easy to list and ship items

Cons: High volume of goods means your items may not sell quickly

Poshmark is the OG online resale site. Using the app is super fast; after downloading and creating your profile, most items can be listed on the site in about a minute. Poshmark users who follow the brands you’re selling can shop your closet and purchase items. Once an item is selected, Poshmark sends you a shipping label, and all you have to do is drop the item at your local post office.

thredUP

Pros: Hassle-free way to get rid of your stuff

Cons: Depending on the brand, you may not get top dollar for your items.

Unlike Poshmark, thredUP doesn’t allow users to sell their goods directly on the website. Instead, thredUp will send you a bag and a preprinted shipping label. They set the prices for you, so while you won’t have the hassle of going back and forth with someone who wants to pay you $5 for a pair of Lulu yoga leggings that didn’t quite fit, you also won’t be able to pass on those offers you find downright offensive. You’ll ship the items you want to consign to thredUp, and once they receive them, they’ll send you money for your stuff. Pro tip: Use thredUp’s payout estimator to tally up your potential earnings before you ship items in.

TheRealReal

Pros: Selective about the items they accept, so you’re guaranteed to purchase a legitimate designer item in like-new condition

Cons: Selective about the items they accept, meaning your items may not make the consignment cut

TheRealReal is a luxury resale site, meaning it’s a bit more selective in the goods it will accept. It’s the perfect place to sell expensive, out-of-season handbags, or that designer dress you only wore once. If you live in one of 21 cities, you can drop your items off in-person or you can just request a consignment kit online. If TheRealReal accepts your items, you’ll receive up to 70 percent of the retail sales price.

What should I be selling in 2018?

Poshmark did their sellers a solid and released a report sharing the best-selling items across the United States. However, the best-selling brands differ based on where you live. In the South, the most-listed brands are Kate Spade and Lilly Pulitzer; try to sell those in the Northeast, though, where Zara and Michael Kors are popular, and you might be out of luck.
This year, Poshmark says that the hottest brands with the best resale value include Hunter, Ray-Ban, and David Yurman. These must-have brands will probably go quickly, but how do you know if your other stuff is worth trying to sell?
thredUp and TheRealReal only take clothing that is less than 10 years old and in gently used, but preferably like-new condition, so if you have those items, try using an online resale site to list them.

When re-selling just isn’t for you…

If your items aren’t selling—or you just don’t feel ready to give online resale a go—don’t throw them out. There’s still an option! Before you toss older clothes, consider donating them instead. Even if they’re too worn out to actually clothe a person, recycling is still the best choice you can make. According to the Secondary Marketing and Recycled Textiles Association, “The used clothing industry provides lower income people around the world with affordable clothing. Clothing that is damaged is recycled into wiping rags or ground up into fiber to create new products like, paper, yarn, insulation and carpet padding.” Check out their tips on where to recycle textiles here.
Turns out whether you end up selling your long-loved (but still gorgeous) clothing online or donating your shabbier pieces for a good cause, it’s a win either way!
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Categories
Happy x Mindful Wellbeing

How To Set Realistic Self-Care Goals

Ah, self-care. We’ve all read about it, from emoji-laden Instagram captions to hot-take thinkpieces. It’s The Thing. And it’s a Good Thing, right? After all, we’re caring! For ourselves! Who can argue with that?
Unfortunately, as anyone who has ever sat on their couch staring into their suspiciously colored smoothie and moaned “I don’t care how good it is for me, I just don’t waaaaaaaanna drink it” knows, sometimes we get a little carried away with the goals we set for our own self-care.
Not all self-care is going to be rose-scented face masks, coloring in our bullet journals, or taking our fifth nap of the week. Getting back into a regular workout routine, making intentional choices about our relationships, or truly committing to our mental health can require a little pain before the gain. It’s how we go about setting those goals for the “big” pieces of self-care that can help determine our success.
And if we want all that caring for ourselves to have its intended effect, at some point we have to be realistic about our goals.  

Are you trying to fight biology?

A common piece of self-care involves identifying bad habits and correcting them in an effort to improve our day-to-day. If you aren’t getting enough exercise, for example, you might decide it’s time to get back in the game. After all, exercise is good for your body, and being good to your body is a main tenet of self-care.
But beware shooting yourself in the foot right out of the starting gate. You can’t expect a body that’s been doing a lot of Netflix and chilling to suddenly be up to marathon-level running in a week. Similarly, it’s not wise to expect a set of asthmatic lungs to adjust immediately to an Alpine skiing route.
Respect your body’s limitations and ease yourself into things. It’s more likely to stick if you aren’t treating yourself the way a drill sergeant would a new recruit.
Be aware, too, that some things simply will not change. If you’re a night owl who struggles to wake up every morning at 7 to shower and get ready for work, deciding that you should now roll out of bed at 5 for a pre-shower run may doom your new focus on a healthy body before it even starts.
Scientists have determined that the people who wake early or head to bed late are often doing so because of their genetics. If you know mornings are the worst part of the day for you, picking a time after work to hit the pavement might be a better option.
Work with what you’ve got and meet yourself where you already are; you’ll probably find much more success by accepting that you (just like everyone else) have some limits.
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Is the goal attainable?

It’s good to think big. It’s how we grow. But we need to remember to make self-care goals that are truly attainable, not arbitrary.
A plan to make at least one new friend in your new neighborhood is attainable. A demand that you make three new friends in one weekend is big thinking…and it’s also arbitrary. It can easily lead to frustration as you spend a weekend in a new town, foisting yourself on unsuspecting strangers at the museum or library, desperately trying to find a friend for the sake of meeting this goal.
Scientists have found that it’s helpful to build your goals around tasks rather than outcomes. This helps makes them more attainable, as the former is something we can control, while the latter we can’t.
We can’t control whether going for walks will help us add a specific amount of muscle mass or cure our depression. We can, however, control whether we commit to a walking goal and stick to it. And the more we do it, the more benefits we’re likely to reap.  
Avoid putting such strict limitations on yourself that your “self-care” turns into self-imposed torture.

Is the goal too vague?

Even as you need to be wary of goals that are too strict, a goal that’s too vague isn’t terribly motivating. When researchers from the University of Liverpool and the University of Exeter studied the goals set by people with depression versus those without, they found that depression patients tend to make their goals too abstract, making them harder to attain.
For example, the researchers said, a depressed person might say their goal is “to be happy,” whereas their non-depressed peer might say they’re planning “to improve my time running the local 10K race.” The problem, researchers found, was that the non-specific goals were simply not motivating. They held no action component.
So how do you find that happy medium between being too strict and too vague?

Make sure your self-care goal has measurable results.

“I want to be happy” is subjective. It’s not easy to look back on a month and see if you were “happier” during that time. A goal such as “I want to take more walks to take advantage of nature therapy” is measurable. You can look back on a week and determine if you met the goal of talking a walk—or several!
“I want to go to therapy at least three times a month” is measurable too. Though you can’t predict what will happen in those sessions or the outcomes that result, you can make sure you schedule (and attend!) those appointments.
Remember, the best self-care goals aren’t the ones that you only wish you could accomplish. They’re the ones you can actually achieve. And the biggest positive of creating self-care goals with intention? You’ll feel like you’re taking even better care of yourself when you do.

Categories
No Gym Required Sweat

Rainy Day Fitspiration: Indoor Workouts That Ensure You’ll Feel The Burn Despite The Downpour

Spring is here! The days are slowly getting warmer, which means I can finally exercise outside again.
Jk.
I live in Florida. Despite being nicknamed the Sunshine State, Florida experiences daily downpours during spring and summer that have a serious knack for starting just as I’m lacing up my sneakers for an outdoor run.
Rainy days can be a bummer when you’re trying to work on your fitness, but you don’t have to cancel your workout just because it’s wet out. Before you skip your workout to watch Golden Girls reruns, try one of these indoor workouts, perfect for building up a sweat on rainy days.

Aquatic Fitness Classes

Aquatic fitness classes are so much more than water aerobics (although those are great too).
Aquatic fitness classes like water jogging are awesome rainy day exercises because they combine cardio and light strength training. Plus, just because you’re not dripping with sweat doesn’t mean you’re not feeling the burn.
According to an article in the Daily Mail, it’s estimated that water jogging can burn up to 11 calories a minute compared to regular jogging, which is less fun and only burns six calories a minute. That’s because working out in water is deceptively easy. The water provides resistance, forcing your body to work harder—building muscle and burning calories at the same time.
Plus, many aquatic fitness classes are offered at local YMCAs and aquatic centers, which usually offer childcare for busy moms.

Pole Dancing Classes

Before you say, “But I could never do that!” hear me out.
Pole dancing is a great rainy day workout!
Why?
Well, for starters, pole dancing fitness classes are inside. Plus, you get to wear high heels and fishnets to work out, a la Mariah Carey!
Pole dancing fitness classes can also burn major calories (up to 500 an hour!) and in addition to getting your heart rate up, pole classes are great for strength training. You’ll use your own body weight to help you achieve those crazy twists and leave feeling spent and sexy, regardless of what the weather has in store.

Dance it out.

If you don’t have childcare, or just don’t like going out in the rain, you can still get a major cardio workout right in the living room with the help of the Fitness Marshall.
Never heard of the Fitness Marshall?
Allow me to introduce you.
Caleb Marshall, otherwise known as the Fitness Marshall, burst onto the fitness scene in 2014 with his high-energy dance choreography YouTube videos.
My personal favorite is his Usher choreography, which automatically takes me back to my glory days as a college freshman.

You can still find all of his dance videos on YouTube, or check his tour schedule to dance with the Fitness Marshall in person (which I highly recommend).

Set on working out in the rain? Practice these safety tips:

If you don’t mind getting a little wet, exercising outdoors on rainy days is totally fine—as long as you do it safely.
For starters, make sure you wear reflective gear, like this reflective water repellent softshell from illumiNITE.
Excess water can cause your shoes to loosen up, increasing your risk of slipping. If you’re exercising outside on a rainy day, make sure your shoes are laced up the right way before heading out of the house.
Finally, never run during a thunderstorm. According to Virginia Tech Emergency Management, if you can even hear thunder, you’re at risk of lightening striking in your area. Stay indoors until at least a half hour after the last thunderclap before venturing outside to exercise.
If you are exercising outdoors and get caught in a thunderstorm, find shelter as quickly as possible. If you’re unable to find shelter during a thunderstorm, you can still take safety precautions. To stay safe during a storm, find the lowest geographical area away from light poles and tall trees, and stay as low to the ground as you can without lying down until the storm passes.

Categories
More Than Mom Motherhood

The 5-Minute Postpartum Skincare Routine All New Moms Need

Bye, bye, pregnancy glow. I hardly knew you.
There are so many things no one tells you about how your postpartum body will look and feel. Even after you’ve lost the pregnancy weight, your midsection will probably look like a blob of dough. Your hair will likely fall out by the handfuls in the shower, even though you’ve been promised by your doctor and hair stylist this is only temporary (it is). But worst of all, no one told you about the resurgence of teenage acne. No one warned you about having skin that is somehow both dry and oily at the same time. And what about all the other skin issues that rear their ugly heads post-pregnancy?
If all this has got you feeling more like a zombie extra on The Walking Dead and less like your usual gorgeous self, we’ve got you covered. You may not think you have a moment to spare for yourself, but this five-minute postpartum skincare routine is so easy you can squeeze it in between a feeding session and tummy time without missing one minute with your sweet (but exhausting) munchkin.

Back to Basics

Fayne Frey, MD and creator of the educational skincare site FryFace, explains why it’s so important we pay attention to our skin: “The skin is an organ. It protects the body from outside elements like bacteria, fungus, allergens, and the damaging effects of ultraviolet light.”
Even if you aren’t wearing makeup as you’re holed up in your house with a newborn, you still need to give your face some love.
So how should you care for your skin? Frey advises getting back to basics with a simple three-step routine.
[sol title=”Act like you’re in a Neutrogena commercial.” subheader=”Lights, camera, glowing skin!”]
Okay, so I did actually try this once and made a horrible mess everywhere. But you should start your new routine by washing your face with a gentle cleanser to get rid of the baby food, makeup, and other residue that has accumulated since your last shower—whenever that was.
I don’t know how it’s possible, but I have skin that’s both oily and dry, which is almost impossible to deal with. My favorite cleanser is Clinique’s Take The Day Off, which is a balm gentle enough for all skin types. You can rub it on dry skin for a minute or two and wipe it off with a wet washcloth.


[sol title=”Stay hydrated.” subheader=”Trade the baby bottle for a water bottle (and gel hydration).”]
To maintain healthy skin, it’s important to stay hydrated. This means drinking lots of water during the day and hydrating your skin with a good moisturizer. Frey says, “When the skin is hydrated it functions optimally. Skin is always losing water into the environment, and studies show that it does so even more during pregnancy and shortly thereafter.”
No matter your skin type, you still need to use a moisturizer after every cleansing sesh (ideally twice a day) to keep your skin balanced.
This non-oily gel cream from Laneige is great for oily, combination, and normal skin that needs hydration. On the other hand, if your postpartum skin is feeling tight and dry, try out Peter Thomas Roth’s Water Drench cream, which contains hyaluronic acid for optimum skin hydration.


[sol title=”Protect your skin.” subheader=”SPF isn’t just for baby.”]
“Ultraviolet light is the single most damaging influence on our skin, before and after childbirth,” says Frey. It’s important to finish up your skincare routine by applying sunblock liberally, even if you’re only outside for a few minutes each day. Adding sunscreen to your everyday skincare routine will ensure that you wear it daily, not just when you’re headed to the beach.
Sunscreens can be notoriously pore-clogging, though, so make sure you choose a sunscreen that is specially formulated for the sensitive skin on your face and neck. I like the Supergoop! Unseen Sunscreen. The formula feels weightless and at SPF 40 with broad-spectrum protection, using it every morning sets my mind at ease. (FYI: Chemical sunscreens like this one should be applied before your moisturizer!)

Bonus Step: Throw in a little extra.

While your five-minute skincare routine is complete once you’ve cleansed, moisturized, and applied sunblock, if you have a few extra minutes (it’ll happen one day, we promise!), consider applying a hydrating face mask once a week.
I like to apply mine after baby goes down for a morning nap, while I’m still in my robe and slippers. I pop on a mask for 20 minutes, heat up my cold coffee, and turn on my favorite podcast.
It’s as close to a spa day as I’ll get anytime soon, but you know what? Knowing I’m intentionally creating time for myself is just as refreshing.

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Categories
Health x Body Wellbeing

How My Sexual Assault Led To Panic Attacks (And How Seeing A Therapist Led To Healing)

I was 20 years old when I was sexually assaulted while walking down the street in my hometown of London, Ontario. I was grabbed from behind, straight through my legs.
He put his hand firmly over my crotch and squeezed as hard as he could. It was so sudden and painful I froze. My first thought was This has to be a friend, someone I know. Who else could it be? I smelled him before I saw him—that distinct sour smell of cigarettes, alcohol, and stale sweat. He had dark hair and faded acne scars on his face. Walking away quickly, he turned his head and looked me in the eye before grinning and yelling “Nice ass!”
Oddly enough, my reaction was to start laughing—that awful laugh you feel bubbling up when it’s least appropriate, like when you see prolonged commercials for charities panning out to a group of starving children. My laughing became hysterical, eventually boiling over into sobs and hiccups right in the middle of the sidewalk. No one stopped, no one checked to see if I was alright. I had been wearing a new pair of white and mint green–striped seersucker shorts (which I later threw away). It was a beautiful afternoon. The sun kept on shining.
I could go on to tell you about my subsequent experience with the London police force (not great), identifying the perpetrator in a photo lineup along with four other women (his was the first photo I saw), going over my story one more time with a detective who looked and sounded just like Olivia Benson (and then sharing her frustration when she was told “He just doesn’t seem like the type of person who would do that” by the male police officer who worked that beat). I remember apologizing to her when I learned the case wouldn’t move forward, as if I’d failed her and the system, not the other way around.
But my story isn’t about police justice (because there was none), it’s about healing.

Moving Forward

I pretended it never happened. I tried to live my life. I graduated from university, moved over 2,500 miles across the country, got married, and realized my dream of becoming a writer. I thought I had succeeded in outrunning that sickening moment on the sidewalk when that awful laughing wouldn’t stop. Even when I was sexually harassed in other ways, I maintained my composure, like when a man I used to work with would quietly run his fingers over my body—and several of my coworkers’—so softly that no one would ever say anything until he’d moved on (at which point it felt like it was too late). In fact, 12 years after the assault I had convinced myself the experience was buried deep enough that I would never have to think about it again.
Then the incident on the bus happened. There was a drunk rider, as there often is, and he looked just like the man who assaulted me. The same leer, the same alcohol, cigarette, and sweat smell, the same insistence on taking up space he had no right to take. I turned up my music and tried to avoid eye contact, tried to think about being anywhere else in the world except on that bus. I got off at my normal stop where I was meeting my sister, and that’s when I fell to pieces.
Trying to describe a panic attack to someone who has never experienced one is impossible. I’ve read that a panic attack is similar to a heart attack, but if you’ve never had a heart attack, what do you compare it to? My panic attack began with aggressive shaking and teeth-chattering, a rushing noise similar to what it sounds like when you put your ear up to a seashell to “hear the ocean.” My speech was stunted and I couldn’t get words out of my mouth.
All of this happened in the middle of a busy intersection. The more I tried to “calm down” the more frantic I became (I will always appreciate my sister’s help during this moment). It took almost an hour for the symptoms to fully subside, except that it happened again later that night. This time, I remember hearing my husband turning the page of a book—and the sound felt physically painful. The rushing noise was worse and for a few moments I thought I was dying.
The past catches up to you, it always does.

Living With Panic Attacks—And Getting Help

The ferocity of these panic attacks was debilitating. I was terrified I would experience more (which I did, frequently) and I was afraid my life would turn into a black hole of anxiety, eclipsing all the things I loved most. It was in the darkest moments of fear that I decided to see a therapist about these panic attacks, to open the windows wide and shed light on the cobwebs that obscured the deepest and worst memories of my assault.
I found a therapist who was both empathetic and pragmatic. I enjoyed our sessions because I could be completely transparent about my needs and feelings. Working together over a period of many months, we came up with several mindfulness techniques which I could put into practice the next time I felt my anxiety mounting or when I felt the warning signs of a possible panic attack.
Panic attack warning signs differ from person to person, and for me they included a sudden acute sense of hearing or smell, an adrenaline rush, a tightness in my chest, shaky hands, repetitive intrusive thoughts, and rapid speech. Other panic attack symptoms may include:

  • Rapid heart rate
  • Heavy breathing
  • Muscle tension
  • Dizziness
  • Heart palpitations

Mindfulness techniques are particularly useful tools for those suffering from anxiety or panic attacks. They can be practiced anywhere: in the car, on the bus, in bed, while you’re standing in line at the bank, or while you’re at your work desk. The following are some of the most effective mindfulness techniques I use on a regular basis:

When You’re Having a Panic Attack (or are Experiencing Warning Signs)

First, take a deep breath. Then follow Project LETS’ (Let’s Erase The Stigma) advice on emergency action for panic attacks: “Look around you. Find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.”
Although these instructions may sound overly simplistic, this technique is very effective for helping people stay grounded during panic attacks.

For Coping With Day-to-Day Anxiety

I like to use a free app called MindShift, which was created by AnxietyBC and was recommended to me by my therapist. It’s especially good for when you’re out and about. As long as you have a phone and ear buds, you can follow guided mindfulness exercises such as deep breathing (or “box breathing”), visualization, and controlled muscle tensing.

For Trying to Fall Asleep at Night

I experience racing thoughts when I’m feeling particularly anxious before going to bed. I combat this in two different ways. First I make lists or write out journal entries (I find this most effective if I handwrite so I’m not looking at a screen), then I follow that up with deep breathing exercises.
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Categories
Healthy Relationships Wellbeing

What To Do When A Friendship Turns Toxic

Early in my twenties, I broke up with a friend. It was a friendship I had cherished for over a decade. We had grown up together. We were close when we were experiencing first dates and first heartbreaks. We were in each other’s weddings. She was my first call when I learned I was pregnant and I was hers. But suddenly our lives were beginning to look very different.
It’s difficult to pinpoint one event or conflict that was the beginning of the end of our friendship. We were starting to disagree more. I was too passive; she was too outspoken. We couldn’t find a way to make peace over huge differences in opinion on topics like parenting or politics or the simple realities of how we lived our lives. I struggled to trust her, never sure of what she had to say about me when I wasn’t around. The relationship felt difficult more often than it was fun and easy.
Eventually, we stopped trying. After one last conflict, it was clear that it was time to move on.
The end of our friendship was one of the defining events of my twenties. There I was, a new mom, and my person wasn’t my person anymore. I was learning to embody motherhood, and I couldn’t call her to talk it out. It was lonely. I felt more heartbroken that I had over any romantic breakup I’d ever experienced.
Friend break-ups are never easy, but sometimes they’re necessary. Whether you’re doing an inordinate amount of emotional labor for someone who’s been a lifelong friend or you’re finding that a new pal simply isn’t who you expected, here’s how to know when that friendship is actually toxic—and how to break it off.

Taking a Break Versus Breaking It off

Conflict isn’t always a sign of a toxic friendship. Sometimes you just need to talk the issue out or spend some time apart. In my case, though, I knew change was going to mean more than alone time. We were struggling to get past old conflicts and I was finding it easier to hold my friend’s faults against her than I ever had before.
If you realize you’re avoiding quality time with a friend, something isn’t right. If after an extended break you still feel dread or anxiety at the thought of getting together, pay attention to those feelings. Solid friendships entail hard work at times, but they shouldn’t be drudgery.
Differences of opinions are healthy in any relationship, but if those disagreements have become the source of regular conflict, take note. It is completely possible to come back from a spat or forgive and forget a single snarky remark. But if you notice criticizing each other has become a defining feature of your friendship, odds are something bigger is going on. Your friendship may have turned toxic, or perhaps you two weren’t cut out for close friendship to begin with.

Having the Talk

Not all friend break-ups require a clean break. In fact, if it’s a casual relationship, it might be fairly easy to slowly back away over time. If possible, simply put some space between yourself and your friend. Text her less and don’t go out of your way to make plans to hang out together.
And, if you do make plans to spend time together, avoid one-on-one hangouts. Invite mutual friends along whenever possible and keep the hangouts casual. Go to the movies or a party where intimate conversation isn’t required. This might help take the pressure off an already strained relationship while still allowing you to keep this person in your life in some capacity.
If the tension in the relationship still intense after some time apart, it might be time to make a clean break. I knew that, for me, being more casual friends wasn’t possible when things turned sour. We had been so close that transitioning to acquaintances felt like trying to be friends with an ex-boyfriend. For us, there was a point in our relationship—a conversation—when it became clear that we both had non-negotiables that needed to change in order for us to remain friends. Unfortunately, neither of us felt we could make those changes while staying true to who we were. We disconnected on social media and quit communicating. Even though it was heartbreaking, five years later, I’m certain it was the best decision we could have made.
If you decide to definitively end the friendship with a conversation, prepared for it to hurt. This has likely been an important relationship in your life and ending it, no matter how necessary it may be, will probably sting. Be sure to be clear about feelings in the conversation without being needlessly hurtful. Use the tips we all learn in high school: Choose “I” statements, talk about your reactions to her actions, and don’t call her names. She may question if this is all really necessary; she may retaliate with hurtful words; she may say nothing. Keep it as short and simple as possible so you can get out of there. Breaking up is hard to do, so keep in mind why you’re doing it in the first place.

Healing From the Hurt

The end of a friendship is difficult. For many, it can feel more devastating than saying goodbye to a romantic partner. As you heal from your loss, it’s important to spend plenty of time caring for yourself.
First, it is important to learn whatever you can from the end of a relationship. No conflict is one-sided, so take the time to reflect on why the dynamic of your relationship changed. Thoughtful time spent writing in a journal can be helpful for some. Others may find a few visits to a counselor beneficial as they process their role in the tension that ended the relationship. Whatever you decide, take your time. Healing is a long process and the end of a friendship is a big life event.
As you move on, self-reflection is important, but don’t let yourself become lonely and isolated. Now is a good time to reach out the the friends in your life you know you can trust. Consider which relationships you would like to see grow in the future and realize that these may fill the space in your life left by the friendship that’s ended. Moving forward, approach these relationships with care. Watch out for those old habits that became negative parts of your previous relationship, set healthy boundaries, and be honest if you have concerns about the direction a friendship is going.
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Categories
Mindful Parenting Motherhood

Monkey See, Monkey Do: How To Set A Good Example For Your Kids

When my sister was little, my mother had a particularly foul-mouthed friend. One day, the two women and their two kids were in the car, trying to park on a busy street. The other mom was having a really hard time of it.
Her 3-year-old yelled out from the back seat, “Just park the f***ing car, Mom!”
Cue instant embarrassment.
Don’t worry if you’ve been there—what mom hasn’t? From the mouths of babes tumble forth swear words, insults, and even tales of bodily functions meant to be kept secret.
“I think most children learn to swear in the car, because almost all of us have done it and there’s so much at stake!” says Barbara Kaiser, early childhood consultant, trainer, and co-author of Challenging Behavior in Young Children: Understanding, Preventing and Responding Effectively.
So how do we stop our kids from mimicking our bad behavior? And more importantly, how do we set a good example?

How do kids really learn?

“Babies imitate everything we do,” explains Kaiser. “I was chewing gum recently while playing with my grandson and he was making funny faces with his mouth and I realized he was copying me!”
Kids take in the world through imitation, Kaiser says, and actions speak much louder than words. “They are much more attuned to what you do than to what you say. Research shows that 85 to 90 percent of your message is not what you say but how you say it.” (Want to see a clear example of this? Watch this.) Children are very tuned in to our facial expressions and body language.
“There is nothing more profound than telling kids what to do and then not doing it yourself,” Kaiser says. “You lose trust. They don’t believe you.”
Does this sound familiar? Two siblings are yelling at each other. In order to calm the chaos, you interfere…by yelling “Don’t yell at your sister!” How are they learning to resolve the conflict?
Modeling good citizenship (as opposed to, say, money management skills) needs to start early—like, at birth. Once a child turns 10, it’s a little late to say, “Okay! Time to be a good person!”
Here are three keys points to keep in mind:

1. Treat others the way … you want your kid to treat others.

Although every person is wired differently, it is unrealistic to expect your child to be a loving, considerate, empathetic person if you do not model those behaviors for them. It isn’t enough to say, “Be nice!” or “Listen!” and not do it yourself. A child may not know what exactly those directives mean.
Rather than simply saying “Be kind to others,” do something. Help your spouse around the house, which teaches your kid about teamwork. Pick up garbage and teach them to recycle and compost, which teaches care for the world. Volunteer with your kid. Take food to a sick friend. Speak kindly to others everywhere you go. It is only when a child sees the behavior modeled that she knows every instance in which treating others well and engaging appropriately is possible.
This is particularly important when it comes to fighting gender stereotypes. When my parents come to visit, my father does all the cooking. My daughter declared one day, “Grandpas cook!” No one had told her this. She had simply seen it in action. (This is much better than all the “We are all equal!” declarations in the world that aren’t backed up by much.) To see it is to believe it.

2. Don’t just tell them how to resolve conflicts. Show them how.

There’s a striking moment In Jancee Dunn’s bestselling book, How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids. Dunn admits to having a temper, and in the middle of a couples therapy session, the counselor tells her that when she’s screaming at her husband, her 6-year-old daughter thinks she’s yelling at her. A child often cannot distinguish between the two. They hear yelling and it scares them.
It is vital that our children learn how to resolve conflict by means other than screaming, hitting, or storming out. They also need to learn that simply saying sorry usually isn’t enough to resolve a conflict or mend hurt feelings.
A better way to model conflict resolution is to talk it out and show affection and understanding. This is not to say that you should resolve your marital conflicts in front of your kids! But it is okay for kids to witness conflict—it’s a natural part of being in a relationship, and kids should understand that. What’s not okay is allowing the behavior to spiral out of control with no resolution.

3. Remember: They can hear you.

Actions speak louder than words—especially when kids are really little—but kids are always picking up language. This is sometimes hard to register, especially after you’ve repeated “Put on your shoes” for the 8,000th time, but they are taking in everything you’re saying, whether they’re responding to it the way you wish they would or not.
This doesn’t just apply to swearing but all language—how you talk to your spouse, your friends, the people at the grocery store, on the phone. (In fact, they pick up on tone much more than the actual words.) This doesn’t mean you should suddenly go silent, but be aware that there’s a little brain soaking up your every word, so think before you add a four letter word or particularly biting tone to your vocalizations of exasperated thought.

Need a few practical tips?

Want to limit screen time? Limit your own.

Most of us set rules around our children’s screen time—but do we limit our own device usage in their presence? “What is quality time?” Kaiser asks. “It doesn’t mean standing next to your child on your phone. Are you really spending quality time with your child?”
This is perfect example of monkey see, monkey do. Why should they limit the time they spend on the iPad when their mom’s face is glued to her phone all day?

Don’t clean up after them.

This one can begin very early. Do not get into the habit of letting your kids make messes that you fix or clean up for them. You know those wonderful songs preschool teachers sing? “Clean up! Clean up! Everybody everywhere. Clean up! Clean up! Everybody do your share”? This isn’t just for school.
All the rules that apply in public should apply at home: Teach him to clear his plate, to put away her clothes, and clean up their Legos. With young kids, framing it as a race often makes it a fun game (“I bet I can put away more Legos than you!”).
Keep this in mind: Kids who don’t clean up after themselves at 4 don’t miraculously start doing it at 14.

Teach them the value of money early.

This year for Hanukkah, my husband and I gave our daughter $20 to spend however she wanted. She chose to go to a dance supply store and buy herself a leotard. Of course she wanted everything in the store, so she had to budget, which meant finding a leotard that was on sale and choosing accessories that didn’t send her over her limit. She was thrilled to find what she wanted, and the process of making decisions about what she could or couldn’t afford—and therefore pinpointing what she really wanted—was empowering and educational.

Cook (and garden, paint, and repair the house) together.

How does anything get done around the house? From cooking dinner every night to mowing the lawn on the weekend to repairing leaks in the roof, a parent is usually taking care of business around the home. Rather than shipping the kids off with an iPad, integrate them into the process.
Invite a little one to sit on the counter while you cook (they can rip off mushroom stems or measure and pour); ask for an assistant to help with a repair. This teaches them how a family keeps a household going, and proves they are vital members of the team.