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Going Green: Here's How To Make Sure Your Eco-Friendly Home Is Actually Sustainable

Post author By HealthyWay Staff Writer
Post date May 6, 2018

We probably don’t have to sell you on the advantages of an eco-friendly home. Putting the future of life on this planet aside, a sustainable home can save you a ton of money.
According to data from UtilityScore, the average single-family household spends $226 per month on utilities. Energy-efficient upgrades can reduce those expenses by $200 to $400 per year, per the Department of Energy, putting a decent chunk of change back in homeowners’ pockets.
Need a more significant financial incentive? Eventually your home’s energy efficiency might even affect its overall value.
“I really expect that home energy labels are going to become the norm, at the time of sale, sometime very soon,” says Asa Foss, director of residential technical solutions of the U.S. Green Building Council. “I really see that driving the market in the not-too-distant future.”
“People in the lending community are now looking at how they can [assess] utility costs to make that part of the fundamental information they use to determine how much home you can afford,” Foss tells HealthyWay. In other words, if you have a truly eco-friendly home, you might enjoy a higher sales price when you’re ready to move on. And if you’re looking to buy, you might be able to lock down a lower interest rate.
Even if your primary concerns aren’t money or the environment, there are other reasons to go green. Some eco-friendly upgrades might make your home a more comfortable—and healthy—living space. The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) notes that many household products contain volatile organic compounds (VOCs), some of which can have “short- and long-term adverse health effects.” Invest in eco-friendly upgrades and you can reduce organic pollutants, potentially avoiding some of those effects.
We’ll just assume that we’ve convinced you to take a look at your home’s sustainability. That was the easy part—but where do you start?
That depends on whether you’re buying, renovating, or just looking for a few simple upgrades. Here’s what you need to know.

Eco-Friendly Renovations: Planning a Sustainable Makeover

Everyone loves a good remodel, but unless the Property Brothers spontaneously show up on your doorstep, you’re probably shelling out big bucks for major renovations. Making sustainable changes means budgeting carefully. Eco-friendly materials often pay for themselves over time, but they’re initially expensive, and you’ll want to make sure that you’ve got enough green to go green.
“Depending on your budget, you can set a goal,” says Erica Leigh Reiner, owner of E. Leigh Designs, an eco-friendly interior design firm. “For instance, you can say that 20 percent of items or materials will be green, and then you can prioritize what those will be.”
Not sure where to start? To get the most substantial benefits, just look up.
“It’s difficult to properly insulate the walls of a home after it’s already constructed,” says Foss. “However, from an energy-loss perspective, the most important place is the ceiling. That’s absolutely the first place that people should be looking when retrofitting.”
Foss also recommends investing in inexpensive insulation upgrades in the basement or crawlspace. Cellulose insulation is an especially attractive option for eco-friendly renovation, as it’s often made from recycled newspaper and provides an R-value that’s similar to fiberglass but with fewer potentially toxic substances. Wool insulation is another renewable alternative.
For significant renovations—room additions, kitchen remodels, and the like—try to choose recyclable building materials. For instance, look for wood certified by the Forest Stewardship Council. Products carrying an FSC certification are sourced from sustainably managed forests. Wherever possible, choose local materials to minimize fossil fuel consumption from freight.

Oh, and remember those VOCs we mentioned earlier? They’re potentially a big deal; the EPA notes they’re a potential cause of “sick building syndrome,” a mysterious medical condition in which the occupants of a building show signs of illness. Many construction materials can emit VOCs, but paints are an especially significant contributor.
“Use no-VOC paint for as much of your space as you can afford,” Reiner says.
Note that low- or zero-VOC paints can still contain harmful substances such as formaldehyde, so research paint brands carefully before making your purchase. Dark paints generally require more pigments than lighter paints, and as such, have higher levels of VOCs on average.
And as strange as it might sound, flooring can also affect indoor air quality. Again, look for low- or no-VOC flooring options.
“Even if you can’t afford eco-bamboo or cork flooring, you can probably get low-toxin flooring,” Reiner says.

Buying an Eco-Friendly Home: What makes a home sustainable, anyway?

If you’re buying a new home, keep this in mind: There’s nothing to stop sellers from using the term “eco-friendly” to offload a decidedly eco-unfriendly property.
“There needs to be an educated conversation about the [home-buying] process,” says Jeff Bogard of R.E.A. Homes, a custom home builder in St. Louis. “Consumers need to understand what sustainability means—the science behind how homes function, right-sizing utility systems, finding longer lasting materials, and things of that nature.”

It’s pretty overwhelming, but fortunately, there’s a shortcut.
“Look for building certification programs,” Foss says. Admittedly, he’s a bit biased in this respect; his organization runs the LEED for Homes certification program, one of the most widely used sustainability programs in the United States. Even so, Foss says that all sustainable certification programs are beneficial for ecologically mindful consumers.

“Building certification programs are really the easiest way for consumers to tell,” he says. “The biggest organization in the country, for homes, is Energy Star, which covers somewhere from 5 to 25 percent of the home market. It’s a really good baseline for people to look at.”
Other popular home energy efficiency programs include the Home Energy Rating System (HERS) Index and the Department of Energy’s Home Energy Score.
“There’s a lot of local and regional home sustainability programs, which differ, but we’re all pretty much looking at the same things,” Foss explains. “There are nuances—and they’re important nuances—but we’ve got the same goals. We’re all trying to go green, it’s just different shades of green.”
Bogard agrees and notes that consumers should pay special attention to appliances, particularly water heaters and HVAC systems. While you’re shopping, don’t be afraid to ask your real estate agent for copies of actual utility bills, and personally inspect important appliances. If you’re thinking about upgrading right after you move in, make sure that your home will allow for the upgrade.
“You might want to upgrade to an eco-friendly water heater, but that will depend on your home’s flue situation,” Foss says. “But there are some really tremendous eco-friendly options available, particularly with water heaters.”

Look for a home inspector who specializes in analyzing eco-friendly homes. Green home inspections through organizations like InterNACHI evaluate a home’s materials, energy efficiency, and features that could affect human and environmental health.

Building an Eco-Friendly Home: Make sure you’ve got the right approach.

Planning on new construction? Make sure you’ve got the right mindset for eco-friendly building. For starters, you’ve got to look past the upfront fees.
“Very few people build a home more than once in their lifetime,” Bogard says, “so the default is to think of upfront costs as the total expense of the home. There’s very little conversation about operating costs and lifecycle costs.”

“Let’s say you get a more expensive HVAC system that costs less to operate. After a certain number of years, it pays for itself, and it’s eventually a reverse annuity for the client,” he explains. “You’ve also got to think about how long the system will last before you need to replace it. A system with a higher price tag that lasts for five more years is probably the better value.”

Yes, that means that you might pay more up front initially. The good news is that an eco-friendly builder can greatly reduce your living expenses over the long term while providing a comfortable, sustainable home.
“We have several accounts of people who built homes several times bigger than their old homes—old meaning homes from the ’50s and ’60s—where the monthly energy costs are significantly lower in newer, larger homes,” Bogard says.
To ensure sustainable construction, you’ll need to work closely with your contractor from the first stages of the process. Bogard notes that many “sustainable” construction projects start off on the wrong foot.

“When you stick-frame a house in the traditional way, you end up with a lot of waste that ends up in the dumpster, which ends up in the landfill,” he says. “When you use wall panels, the sections of the home come out, get delivered to the home, and there is no waste, so nothing is going to the landfill. It’s a win–win. You’ve got to look at the whole home to do things the right way.”

Starting Small: Quick Ways to Make Your Home More Sustainable

Let’s say that you don’t have the budget for huge renovations, and you’re not in the market for a new home. Are you doomed to waste fossil fuels and suffocate on VOCs until the end of time? Not quite.
Minor home improvements can improve both air quality and sustainability. For starters, consider adding a few plants. Some studies show that certain house plants can improve indoor air quality by removing VOCs from the air in a process called phytoremediation (don’t worry, there’s no quiz at the end of this article).
However, you need to get the right type of plant, as some indoor plants can actually release VOCs. Bill Wolverton, PhD, is one of the NASA scientists who discovered this effect, and he recommends Boston ferns, bamboo palms, and dwarf date palms, among other species.
When you’re ready to tackle sustainable interior design, remember: Reduce, reuse, recycle, in that order. Try not to purchase anything you don’t need, and wherever possible, avoid brand-new products.
“Buy quality secondhand pieces,” Reiner suggests. “There are so many online platforms to buy pre-loved pieces in any style and price range these days. This reduces [the] demand for new products that require virgin resources and fossil fuel for shipping and trucking.”
Reiner says to steer clear of cheap furniture manufactured in other countries, as tempting as the low price tag might seem.

“The wood is probably composite wood glued with formaldehyde, the fabric is probably petroleum based, the foam cushions may have been sprayed with fire retardant, and they were shipped long distances on ships using petroleum,” she says. She recommends taking 15 minutes to research manufacturers and look for green alternatives prior to each purchase.

“I am fascinated with products made from unwanted material,” Reiner says. “There are countertops made of recycled glass or stone, aluminum tiles made from old airplane wings, beautiful tables made from old barn wood, and leather floor and wall tiles made from reclaimed leather. Reclaiming or repurposing unwanted materials is great for three reasons: First, you greatly reduce the amount of energy, water, and virgin materials needed for the product. Second, less waste will enter the landfill. Third, the products might be made closer to home.”
What if you don’t like any of the sustainable options? We’re not judging; we’re pretty picky when it comes to interior home design.
“Even if there’s nothing you like in your style or budget, you can always limit your footprint,” Reiner says. “Take old paint to paint recycling centers or call carpet recyclers to pick up old materials. You can also donate old items—cabinets, materials, and furniture—to an organization like…Habitat for Humanity’s [ReStore].”
When your main priority is reducing your carbon footprint, focus on making your home (relatively) airtight. If your home has a lot of windows, consider picking up some energy-efficient blackout curtains, which can keep your home cooler during the summer and warmer during the winter.

While you’re at it, check your windows for air leaks, which can easily cost you big bucks over the course of a year. During the winter, use temporary caulking to seal your windows (you’re not opening them until the spring, anyway), and consider getting rubber gaskets for any drafty electrical outlets. Use pipe blankets to keep water pipes warm during cold snaps.

Ultimately, your results will depend on your goals, budget, and your commitment to the project.
“Make a plan,” Reiner says. “The clearer you are about what you want, how you want it, and by when, the easier it will be to stay focused. Be your own project manager.”

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Mindful Parenting Motherhood

What To Do When Cluster Feeding Feels Like It Will Never End

Post author By Jeanne Sager
Post date May 6, 2018

Cluster feeding is one of those baby stages that can feel like it will never end: Baby cries. You get up and feed them. You lie down. Baby cries. You get up and feed them. You lie down. Baby cries. You can see where this is going.
Most breastfed babies will go through a period when they seem to want to do nothing more than eat, eat, eat, and then eat some more. Called cluster feeding by doctors, these periods can feel like your baby is turning you (and your breasts) into a human pacifier as nothing—and we mean nothing—but a mouth full of breast will quiet their screams.
So what’s going on with your fussy baby? Will a cluster feeding newborn continue to be a cluster feeding infant and later turn into a cluster feeding toddler? Is there a way to stop this insanity?
We asked the experts to help make sense of why your baby has turned hangry and what to do about it.

What is cluster feeding, anyway?

First, a little good news: Cluster feeding is normal in babies.
Pause for sigh of relief.
Okay, now let’s dig in.
Babies go through phases where their eating patterns change, but just because they’re eating more does not mean they’re cluster feeding. To be considered true cluster feeding, a baby needs to be demanding to eat almost constantly in a very short amount of time.
Exact numbers will vary from baby to baby, but if your baby’s demanded to eat two to four times in a row over a three-hour span, it’s safe to say you’ve got a bout of cluster feeding on your hands, says Leigh Anne O’Connor, an international board-certified lactation consultant based in New York City. You might want to grab some water and load a few good binge-worthy shows into your Netflix queue.
This could go on for a while…literally.
It’s normal for cluster feeding to last anywhere from two to five days, O’Connor says, although you should get some breaks along the way. Just as the name implies, cluster feeds tend to happen in clusters, meaning baby will eat, eat, eat for a chunk of time and then lay off. It may even be limited to one portion of the day.
“When breastfeeding is going well and the baby is growing, it is normal for babies to cluster feed in the evening,” O’Connor says. There are a few reasons for this phenomenon.
“As the day goes on, the volume of milk is less than in the early part of the day,” O’Connor explains. Because the first milk a baby drinks early in the day is watery, it’s good for hydration. But if baby doesn’t eat a lot, that first milk, called foremilk, stays in the breast and builds up. Each time baby goes to have a meal, if they stick to short and sweet eating times, they’ll continue to get that more watery foremilk.
If a baby cluster feeds, on the other hand, they quickly work their way through the foremilk, O’Connor says, and get to a mother’s hindmilk, which is fattier and helps baby grow.
“Also, in the evening the milk has more melatonin,” O’Connor adds, “so after a cluster feeding in the evening, the baby has a belly full of fatty milk with a natural sleep aid!”
With the changes in breast milk throughout the day, it’s no wonder doctors say cluster feeding is more prevalent in breastfed babies than those who are formula fed. As Cathy M. Coleman, MD, an associate professor of pediatrics in the department of pediatrics at Stony Brook Children’s Hospital on New York’s Long Island puts it, “Formula-fed babies may have appetite changes at various times, but formula is not human milk and takes longer to digest, so feeds are typically spread farther apart in a formula-fed infant.”

Is cluster feeding a problem?

Having a baby who won’t let you put them down for five seconds can be frustrating and even a little alarming, but it’s important to remember that cluster feeding is a normal part of development for newborns. And despite what you might have read in some parenting Facebook group, it isn’t “spoiling” your baby to respond to their cries for food and feed them on demand. Cluster feeding babies really do need to eat.
What’s more, that time you spend meeting your little one’s demands not only helps them grow, but can also help a breastfeeding mom’s body adapt to meet the demands of feeding a growing baby.
How?
Deedee Franke, a registered nurse and international board certified lactation consultant based at Mercy Medical Center in Baltimore, Maryland, says cluster feeding is “a way babies in the early months help mom build a milk supply or how a baby makes up feedings missed after a long stretch of not eating”—particularly after they may have been sleeping for a longer period.
Because a mom’s milk production system is built to respond to a baby’s demands, cluster feeding is one of the ways baby is programmed to trigger mom to make more milk, which they will need as their bodies get bigger and thus require more food.
“If a baby is nursing more and removing more milk, then the mother produces more,” Franke explains.
You’ve heard that babies (and older kids) go through growth spurts?
Cluster feeds are part of helping baby and mom adjust for those growth spurts, Franke explains, which is why they tend to occur several times in the first three months of life.
Cluster feeding can first crop up in the first week after a baby is born, as mom’s milk is coming in and nature does its part to help establish good milk production. From there babies will typically cluster feed around the two or three week mark, then again at around six weeks, and once more at around three months old, Franke says. As they grow and eventually begin eating solid foods in addition to (and eventually instead of) mom’s milk, the need for cluster feeding wanes, and you’re less likely to experience it with older kids.

Muddling Through

Cluster feeding can be exhausting, especially for parents who have to work or take care of older children in addition to feeding a fussy baby at night. So the answer to “How to stop cluster feeding?” may be disappointing.
You don’t.
But before you let the tears flow, there’s some good news to consider.
Forty percent of moms told University of California, Davis, and the Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center researchers that they don’t feel like they produce enough breast milk, and some even turn to a breast pump to stimulate their milk ducts between feedings. But cluster feeding is nature’s way of helping your body keep up. As Franke puts it, “Baby is the best pump,” not to mention baby at the breast is often preferred to the mechanics of a pump, if only because it’s much more pleasant to bond with baby than operate a machine.
What’s more, if you know a baby is cluster feeding, you’re armed with information. Use it. Now is the time to tell others in your household that you really need them to pick up the slack or to call in those favors from friends and family members who offered to lend a hand at your baby shower. They made the offer; don’t leave it hanging.
Coleman says it’s also a good excuse for a mom to take to her bed where she can rest and do nothing but feed herself and baby.
“The milk supply will respond to the demand, resulting in decreased feeding frequency,” Coleman says.
If your nipples are chapped or you’re feeling pain in your arms or back from all that nursing, check with your insurance company to see if a lactation consultant can help you check your latch and find a more comfortable position.
“Some moms need to go back to Latch 101 during a cluster period, as this will help with nipple comfort,” O’Connor says. In other words, go back to the basics of latching baby on your breast, or ask for help making that latch.
“It is easy to get relaxed about positioning baby at breast, but as babies grow they can become acrobats and pull on the nipples,” she notes. “Grounding the baby and making sure the baby is super close should remedy discomfort.”
If your nipples are sore, a balm like coconut oil or other nipple cream designed for breastfeeding moms can help. As for back, arms, and neck pain, changing up your positions might help. For example, a side-lying pose can allow you to rest while baby has access to your breasts.

When to Call Your Pediatrician

Although cluster feeding is a normal part of baby’s development, that doesn’t mean it isn’t alarming or confusing, especially for first-time breastfeeding moms who haven’t been through it before.
Struggling to know if you’re breastfeeding “correctly” or should even keep doing it? Know that you’re not alone. According to the UC Davis and Cincinnati Children’s Hospital researchers, 52 percent of moms worry that their baby is not feeding well at the breast, leading researchers to conclude that moms need more support in their breastfeeding journeys.
If a baby is “nursing constantly for a few hours, they will get both fore and hind milk, therefore they should be getting all the nutrients” they need during cluster feeding, Coleman says. But if a mom truly does not have enough milk, then baby may need to be supplemented with formula to allow for adequate caloric intake. “This would be based on the baby’s weight and urine and stool output, and should be decided with the pediatrician,” Coleman says.
That doesn’t necessarily mean a mom who wants to continue nursing has to give up, she says. Supplementation with one or two bottles of formula a day for a few days can help baby improve weight gain and give mom a little rest, and baby can be weaned back off formula once things calm down.
It’s important to always trust your mom gut, and it never hurts to ask a medical expert for some help. If your baby is struggling to maintain their latch, if they’re falling asleep quickly at the breast, or if they’re gaining weight slowly, it’s especially important to make that call to the pediatrician.
“Sometimes a baby will frequently feed because the baby is not feeding well or transferring milk well from the breasts,” Coleman explains. “If a mother is not sure about how the baby is feeding, it is a good idea to have the baby’s weight checked and speak to a lactation consultant or your baby’s healthcare provider about the baby’s feeding pattern to make sure breastfeeding is going well.”
A baby may also be fussing and using a mother’s breast for soothing rather than sustenance, so it’s important to keep tabs on other markers of health to determine if baby is hungry or just not feeling well.
“If a breastfed baby is at least a week old, and not urinating at least six to eight times in 24 hours or stooling at least three to four times in 24 hours, the pediatrician should be called,” Coleman says, adding that “if a baby is very fussy for a prolonged period of time, parents should take the baby’s temperature, and the pediatrician should be called.”

When it’s over, it’s over.

Although true cluster feeding can last for several days, and it can come back, once you hit the three-month mark, things tend to improve. Not only is your milk production in full swing, but in a few months, baby can generally start to eat other things in addition to breast milk, taking some of the pressure off your body and allowing you the fun of sharing your favorite eats with your little one.
It’s important to remind yourself that not only is cluster feeding normal, but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
As Coleman (who isn’t just a pediatrician, but a mom too) says, “It is hard, but if you focus just on the nursing for a couple days, usually things improve.”
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Health x Body Wellbeing

Everything You Need To Know About How To Choose A Doctor

Post author By Joni Sweet
Post date May 5, 2018

The pain in my jaw was back, and it wasn’t going away this time. I went to the dentist to get it checked out and one of my deepest fears came to life: I’d need to get my wisdom teeth removed. Even worse: It wouldn’t be your standard dental office procedure—there were complications and I’d need to see a specialist. I asked him about how to find a doctor to help me, and he referred me to an oral surgeon. That’s when the real trouble began.
“You should have had this procedure done years ago,” scolded the oral surgeon during our consultation a few days later. “Why didn’t you have this done yet?”
I cowered in the chair, my jaw throbbing with pain, unsure of how to respond. He met with me for all of five minutes, during which he explained that the oral surgery would cost about $7,000 (a sum that I, a recent college grad, did not have) and told me I should speak with another staff member about taking out a loan. He left in a huff.
How could I trust this doctor, who chastised me and hardly explained the surgery, to take care of me with compassion during an invasive procedure?
I decided to shop around, but it turned out that the intricacies of healthcare in the U.S. make it extremely difficult to figure out how to find a doctor who fits your needs and your budget. Few medical offices reveal prices ahead of time, and ratings from patients are often mixed (if you can even find them).
After nearly two dozen unsuccessful calls to oral surgeons in the Bay Area drove me to tears, I ended up on the phone with the sweetest receptionist at an oral surgery office who explained that the doctor was an expert in this particular procedure and was willing to work with me on financing. I went to a consultation that lasted more than an hour, and the oral surgeon patiently explained exactly what would happen during the procedure and why it was important for my health.
This was a doctor I felt I could trust. The entire experience—from going under anesthesia and getting a bone graft to healing and eventually getting the stitches removed—went better (and cost less) than I had expected. What a relief!
A great oral surgeon is just one of many doctors we might need in our lives. No matter what type of care you’re looking for, you’ll need a solid strategy for how to choose a doctor. R. Ruth Linden, PhD, who helps people find medical experts in her role as health advocate and president of Tree of Life Health Advocates, a private health-advocacy firm in San Francisco, shares her insights on how to find a doctor you can trust.

How to Find a Doctor Who Can Help You With Your Goals

With so many factors involved in how to choose a doctor, it can be tough to know exactly where to start. Linden recommends coming up with a list of healthcare-related goals you’re hoping to achieve by working with a medical professional.
“What do you want to get out of the appointment, and the relationship? In order to get your needs met, you need to know exactly what they are. Ask yourself what your goals are,” she says.
Examples of goals might be successfully managing a chronic illness, improving your sleep habits, developing a healthier diet, or overcoming depression. These goals will not only give you (and your doctor) clarity about what you expect to achieve, but they’ll also inform the type of medical professional from whom you seek care.
Your first stop might be a primary care physician, internist, or family doctor. These types of doctors are trained in helping patients manage their general health, diagnosing diseases and illnesses, administering treatments, and dealing with everyday concerns. Most of these doctors hold MD (medical doctor) degrees, and they practice the form of medicine most Americans are familiar with, which is known as allopathic medicine.
A minority of doctors choose to get a DO (doctor of osteopathic medicine) degree. They undergo practically the same training as their MD colleagues, but they also spend another 200 hours or so learning more about the musculoskeletal system and osteopathic manipulation, a technique in which a doctor uses touch to diagnose and treat patients.
Both types of doctors undergo years of training and need to pass a licensing exam to earn their white coats. Whether you choose a DO or an MD depends on your preferences and who is available in your area.
Some health concerns require the intervention of a specialist. For example, most women choose to get birth control, screenings for sexually transmitted diseases, and Pap smears from an obstetrician-gynecologist (OB-GYN). Allergists and immunologists treat disorders of the immune system such as food allergies, asthma, and eczema. Otolaryngologists treat disorders and diseases in patients’ ears, noses, and throats. Dermatologists treat problems with the skin, nails, and hair. As for mental health, both psychologists and psychiatrists can help treat depression, anxiety, addiction, and other concerns, but only the latter can prescribe medications, like antidepressants.
The list of areas and treatment types doctors can specialize in runs long, and some people choose to see doctors who are trained in traditions outside of allopathic medicine. Naturopaths, for example, are doctors who use natural approaches, such as acupuncture and nutrition, to address health issues.
You may need to get a referral from your primary care physician to get treatment from a specialty doctor depending on your particular medical needs and insurance requirements. In most cases, they’ll recommend a handful of specialists for you to choose from. If for some reason you’re sent to a specialist you don’t want to work with going forward, you can explore options for seeing someone else with your insurer, or by asking for another referral from your PCP.

Finding a Doctor Who Takes Your Insurance

Once you come up with your list of goals and potential specialists who can address your particular concerns, the next step in how to find a doctor is thinking about your budget. If you’re insured, you’ll need to decide whether you want to work with someone in network with your health insurance.
“An in-network provider will reduce your out-of-pocket costs, but sometimes it’s challenging or even impossible to find a great doctor who takes your insurance,” says Linden.
You can usually find an up-to-date list of in-network providers on your insurance provider’s website. If nothing comes up, which is more likely to happen when you’re looking for a specialist, you’ll have to broaden your search—and consider your willingness to pay more.

How to Find a Doctor: Building a Short List

Once you’ve determined whether you’re going to use your health insurance, it’s time to come up with a list of candidates. A Google search for doctors is likely to yield an unwieldy array of options, which is why Linden recommends starting your search the old-fashioned way: by asking your friends, family, and colleagues for recommendations.
Online resources such as Yelp, ZocDoc, Healthgrades, and RateMDs can also give you an inside look at other patients’ experiences with particular doctors. But take those reviews with a grain of salt, says Linden.
“People use online review sites to comment on all kinds of irrelevant things, like parking, the elevator, the demeanor of the front desk staff. These are things you might want to be aware of, but many times, they’re not the doctor’s responsibility and don’t reflect on how they care for patients,” she says.
Qualifications play a big role in how to choose a doctor. Merely having an MD isn’t enough to prove that a doctor provides high-quality care, says Linden, who only refers her clients to board-certified professionals.
“It’s very important to see someone who’s board certified,” says Linden. “That credential assures you that the doctor has completed his or her training and passed a national exam. It’s a minimal standard, as far as I’m concerned.”
Doctors will typically share their certifications in the bio sections of their websites. You can cross-reference their board certifications with the Administrators in Medicine DocFinder, the American Board of Medical Specialties Certification Matters site, or the American Board of Family Medicine doctor finder.
Gender is another important factor in how to choose a doctor. Some patients feel indifferent about whether their physician is a man or a woman, while others may struggle to feel comfortable receiving care from someone of the opposite gender.
“I find that women tend to prefer to see women doctors, while men don’t care,” says Linden.
It takes a lot more than the right gender, a recommendation from a friend, and solid credentials to make a doctor the right fit for you, though. You also have to consider the logistics of working with any medical professional. Is their practice close driving or walking distance from where you live or work? Is the doctor accepting new patients right now? Can you get in for an appointment relatively soon? A “no” answer to any of these questions doesn’t make a doctor a poor choice for you, but you should think about whether or not it’s worth it to travel far or wait a long time to be seen at a practice.
“Long wait lists for an appointment are not a red flag. I referred a client to to the very best internist in her area, who had 4,000 five-star Yelp reviews. She couldn’t be seen for months because she’s in demand, but she’s worth waiting for if you don’t need to be seen right away,” says Linden.
All of these factors should help you narrow down your list of candidates to just a select few doctors. Then, go with your gut—if you’re naturally drawn to one of the physicians, it’s time to see if he or she is the right doctor for you. Call up the practice and schedule an appointment.

Finding The Right Match

Your relationship with your doctor will be an incredibly intimate experience. He or she will know some of the most personal details of your life, ranging from your family medical history and allergies to your sexual history and substance use. Getting the best personalized care depends on how open and honest you can be with your doctor.
“There’s a loop I like to work through with each client when introducing them to a new physician,” says Linden. “It consists of three legs: preparing for the appointment, asking questions during the appointment, and debriefing after the appointment.”
Get ready for your initial appointment by referring to your health goals and drafting a list of questions for the doctor. Think about what you hope to get from the appointment, says Linden, who offers several examples of potential inquiries for a doctor:

I take blood pressure medication but I want to make some lifestyle changes so I no longer need the prescription. Is that something you can help me with?
I’ve been feeling depressed. Can you talk to me about the pros and cons of starting an antidepressant?
I want to lose 20 pounds. Can you provide nutritional guidance to help me?

“You can’t make a decision about whether that doctor is a match for you unless you understand your own expectations,” says Linden.
Meeting with the doctor gives you the opportunity to ask those questions and evaluate the physician’s communication style and bedside manner. Linden emphasizes the importance of asserting your preferences and needs during this initial appointment.
“You have to learn to advocate for yourself. We all become passive in a medical setting because of the power differential between doctor and patient, but you have to be assertive. If you need to be handled with special care, tell the doctor so they have the opportunity to treat you extra gently,” she says.
If the doctor frequently interrupts you, fails to address your preferences, or isn’t flexible in her handling of patients, she’s probably not the right fit for you. Take some time to reflect on how things went after the appointment.
“Did you feel your questions were answered? Did the doctor meet your expectations? What happened and how did you feel about it?” asks Linden.
Hopefully the legwork you did as you decided how to choose a doctor led you to a physician with expertise in your health concerns and a style that resonates with you. And if not, keep searching—it can be frustrating to try out different physicians, but it pays off tenfold when you finally find a doctor you trust.

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Happy x Mindful Wellbeing

How To Be A Confident Woman, According To 2 Psychologists And An All-Around Girl Boss

Post author By Katie Martin
Post date May 4, 2018

When I was in first grade, I won a countywide writing award for my creative masterpiece, The Magic Rock, about—you guessed it—a magic rock. My success fueled my dreams of being a writer from an early age, and after that, I wrote all the time. By the end of first grade, I knew that I was going to become a famous writer.
Fast forward to almost-adulthood. Even though I had a bold, outgoing personality that screamed “Self-confident lady coming through!” I actually struggled with deep insecurities about my own abilities, appearance, and intelligence. I still wanted to be a writer more than anything, but at my core, I felt that I’d never be good enough to achieve my goals.
So I gave up on writing. I pursued a series of unfulfilling and unsatisfying jobs until a friend offered me a freelance writing gig with her company. I was nervous, but I submitted a writing sample anyway. And to my surprise, the editors loved what I’d written.
So I kept going. I was not going to win a Pulitzer for those blog posts, but it felt great to flex my creative muscles after so many years away from my craft. Getting my first paycheck for my writing was one of the best days of my life. Yes, it was peanuts, but it was real money I earned from writing, a dream I’d had since I was 6 years old. And it gave me the confidence to apply for more writing gigs until last year, when I officially became a full-time writer. Seriously, now I even have business cards, so you know it’s legit.
Often, though, we feel inadequate in our appearance, how we parent, and in the workplace. According to a 2002 Monitor In Psychology article, people who base their self-worth on what others think about them are more likely to have higher levels of stress, anger, and relationship issues.
“Self-confidence impacts how we perceive our health,” says Jim Seibold, PhD, a family therapist based in Arlington, Texas. “Those with higher self-confidence are more likely to view themselves as healthy. Those with higher self-confidence cope more effectively under stress and are low utilizers of physician visits.”
But confidence doesn’t come easy for most women, myself included. That’s why I sought out advice from confident women, like NY-based therapist Kimberly Hershenson, Dallas-based realtor Kathryn Sharrock, and CEO Mae Karwowski to really find out how to be a confident woman.

How to Be a Confident Woman: The Importance of Putting Social Media in Its Place

“Julia’s newest promotion popped up in my newsfeed. When will it be my turn?”
“She probably didn’t mean it, but Rachel’s comment about my weight on my new profile pic really stung. I mean, I just had a baby!”
How many times have you been scrolling through social media and been hurt by something that someone posted?
The effect social media can have on confidence has evolved along with social media itself. In a 2008 study, researchers suggested that people with low self-esteem could benefit from engaging on social media platforms like Facebook because it helped reduce loneliness. Fast forward a decade, and some experts believe that social media can actually have a negative impact on confidence. One recent study found that the more participants used Facebook specifically, the worse they felt about their overall well-being.
“Rude comments or bullying in general can make one feel hurt, sad, or angry, leading to feelings of depression, anxiety, or self-esteem issues,” says Hershenson. “When the rude comments or bullying are online, and you are looking at social media at home or at work, it can be even worse because it is happening to you in a place you should feel safe, and possibly when you are around people [who are] important to you, such as your children.”
It’s also hard to escape online comments because everything on the internet is seemingly forever, and erasing an image or disabling an account we’ve outgrown can feel like it requires an act of Congress.
So, how can you be a confident woman and interact with social media?
Try to limit the amount of time you spend on social media. Over the past year, I found myself feeling sad or upset almost every time I logged onto Facebook. I tried giving up the app by deleting it from my phone, but found myself simply scrolling though on a web browser instead. Even though it made me feel bad, I couldn’t stop looking at it. What if I missed something?
Because I couldn’t quit social media on my own, I downloaded the Freedom app, which blocks social media on your phone for a certain number of hours a day to help you take a healthy break. Instead, use the time you would have spent on social media apps to practice self-care, have a face-to-face interaction with a friend, and practice healthy habits, whether that’s reciting affirmations (more on that to come) or rolling out your yoga mat rather than continuing to scroll down your feed.

Girl Bosses Rule: How to Be a Confident Woman in the Workplace

“I work mostly with women, in a warm, open workspace, and I still feel like there’s a gender confidence gap,” says Dianna Leyton, a digital marketing strategist based in Richmond, Virginia. “I’ve noticed that women, even in a comfortable environment, feel as though they need to be an expert on every topic before speaking up in a meeting or even applying for a job. Men, on the other hand, seem to be more comfortable relying on confidence and ‘winging’ a situation.”
“Research shows that men are more self-assured than women,” Hershenson explains.
She’s right. An eight-year study with participants of both genders from all over the world found that men universally exhibit much higher self-esteem than women. The gender confidence gap, as it’s come to be known, is especially detrimental to women in the workplace.
Confident people tend to speak up more in meetings, criticize leadership with few consequences, and show higher favoritism to those who are similar to them. Since men tend to be more confident than women, this can lead to a woman being overlooked in the workplace. Combine the gender confidence gap with other issues women face in the workplace, and it is no wonder that 95 percent of the CEO positions at S&P 500 companies are held by men.
So what can you do to be a confident woman in the workplace?
”When you’re doing a great job, it’s easy to have confidence,” Karwowski, the founder of her own social influencer firm, Obviously, says. “It’s important to feel stress at work. It means that you are growing and you are getting out of your comfort zone. That growth is vital for you to improve in your career. I always remind myself that any insecurity or doubt means that I’m putting myself in a situation to grow—so I should go for it and do an awesome job!”
“I also take the time each morning to ask myself what my three priorities are for the day and for the week,” Karwowski continues. “ I then ask myself What are the things I’m worried about, and why? For example, I’m worried about this big pitch meeting we have on Thursday. Once you can clarify your concerns, it’s much easier to plan how to tackle that challenge and be ready for it.”
Girl boss Sharrock, who started her own empowering women’s group with two chapters in Texas, shares a tip she practices regularly:
“Start a gratitude journal and become grateful! Write down three things a day that you are thankful for. Your mind will start to naturally see the good in life and in yourself. Last but definitely not least, surround yourself with confident people, people who are going to encourage themselves and you to do great, believe great, and be great.”
Even though Sharrock describes herself as extremely self-confident, she says there are still moments in which she feels totally inadequate. When Sharrock starts feeling less than, though, she has a plan of action to boost her confidence right back up.
“There are so many moments when I feel gross, I feel useless, I wonder if I am living my best life, and that’s okay. When you have a bad day, write down your blessings and fall asleep; you’ll reset and wake up with a whole new mindset and fresh start to knowing [the] badass you really are!”

How to Be a Confident Parent

Women’s confidence issues aren’t just at work. It’s easy to let doubt in our own abilities creep into all aspects of our lives.
“Did I permanently scar my kid when I punished him this afternoon?”
“Misty’s kids never act out. Why is she so much better than me?”
Sound familiar? It’s important to know that you can be a mother and a loving partner while still being a confident woman.
If others (like the snarky third-grade room mom) second guess your parenting choices, the mama bear in you may come out—or you might shy away from the confrontation, and in the process, lose the ability to defend your parenting choices confidently.
“Consistency in parenting is essential for creating confidence and security in your children,” says Seibold. “They are also more likely to consistently follow household rules and expectations because they do not change.”
Proactive parenting is also a sign of confidence, says Seibold.
“Look for opportunities to teach them the values you want them to learn instead of just reacting when there is a problem. …Catch [your kids] living out the values you are teaching and let them know you notice.”
“When you do this,” Seibold says, “you will also have more credibility when you do need to be corrective.”
It’s important to be humble as a parent, and if you’re wrong about something, you should definitely acknowledge that mistake. But all too often, women over-apologize when it isn’t warranted: to their kids, partners, friends, the barista at Starbucks. Perhaps one of the most important things you can do to be a confident woman and parent is to stop apologizing for your actions when an apology isn’t necessary. We apologize because we’re taught that boldness is rude in a woman. Even confident women still tend to couch their requests and desires as “I’m sorry” statements.
What does that teach our daughters? Our sons? None of what we’re after in our search for confident womanhood.
So only apologize when it’s really necessary. And in doing so, teach your children the right kind of confidence.

How to Be a Confident Woman…in the Bedroom

It may be easier to be a confident woman when it comes to your kids, but what happens to that confidence in the bedroom?
Maybe you don’t like how you look naked. Or you’re afraid your partner thinks your sex routine is no longer satisfying. But confidence in the bedroom is critical to a fulfilling, romantic relationship with your partner.
One way to build confidence in the bedroom?
“Don’t apologize for your quirks—things you do or say that others may find different or ‘odd’ are usually what makes you you,” says Hershenson.
If you like when your partner does certain sexy things, don’t be afraid to speak up and let them know. Or, if you like something that’s a little wild, bring it up! Your partner can’t please you if they don’t know what you want. A confident woman knows what she likes and how she likes it, and shouldn’t be afraid to pipe up, even when sex is less than spectacular.
If you’re struggling with body image issues in your romantic relationship, buying yourself some sexy lingerie may help boost your confidence, because when you look good, you really do feel good. When your partner sees you in that new teddy, all they’ll see is a confident woman. And that’s sexy as heck.

Being a confident woman takes practice.

Don’t expect your behavior to change overnight if you struggle with confidence issues. After all, breaking negative habits is hard.
Still, practice really does make perfect. One thing you can start doing to be more confident right away is to stop negative self-talk. Instead, aim to use words of affirmation when talking to and about yourself.
“Start by simply telling yourself that you are great,” says Sharrock. “Words of affirmation are real. You talk to yourself more than anyone else, so make sure your words are kind, they are confident, they are positive to yourself. You may not believe it at first, but you will once it becomes habit.”
Before a big meeting, Karwowski does the same thing to pump herself up.
“Telling yourself in the elevator It’s go time. Time to crush it! actually really works! You need to project confidence in your tone, body language, and speech.”
Banishing negative self-talk will require more than just saying nice things about yourself. You have to mean them, too.
“Self-compassion is being gentle with yourself, not beating yourself up over your past decisions and accepting that you are human and make mistakes,” says Hershenson. “Negating your thoughts or feelings by saying That’s not true isn’t helpful because in your mind, you truly believe you are stupid, ugly, out of shape, et cetera.”
Hershenson’s advice?
“Acknowledge your feelings without discounting them. When you get into a negative headspace, you can simply say, Even though I feel this way, it’s okay; I’m still worth being loved.”
Another confidence tactic is to reframe these negative thoughts about yourself. If you made a mistake, don’t beat yourself up over it. Instead, ask yourself why the mistake happened. Was it really your fault? Was the situation beyond your control? How can you move forward? This way, you can turn a negative situation into a positive, confidence-boosting moment.
But, like the superheroes say, “With great power, comes great responsibility.”
“If your confidence leads you to put down others or consistently put yourself first, then your confidence needs to be re-channeled in a healthier direction,” says Hershenson.
In other words, don’t let your newfound confidence let you become a full-fledged jerk. Because it is possible to become too confident. Be respectful (but firm) and apologize for mistakes (when really warranted), and you’ll probably never have to worry about becoming an egomaniac.
It’s tough to be confident as a woman. But as Katty Kay and Claire Shipman write in the introduction to their bestselling book, The Confidence Code, “Life on confidence can be a remarkable thing.”

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Health x Body Wellbeing

Skin Cancer 101: A Guide To Protecting Yourself This Summer

Post author By Sian Ferguson
Post date May 3, 2018

About 10 years ago, lactation expert and blogger Leigh Anne O’Connor had a pearly looking, slightly raised area on her chest. Concerned, she asked a client of hers—who happened to be a dermatologist—what she thought about it.
“She thought it was suspicious and suggested I see my dermatologist,” O’Connor says. It turned out that the raised area was squamous cell carcinoma, a cancer that occurs in one of the upper layers of the epidermis, so she had it removed.
Since then, O’Connor has had other cancers removed. She’s had surgery to remove a cancer on her face, and she’s currently waiting for the results of a biopsy on her nose.
“I was glad to know that I picked up on something I knew was not right. I was not surprised, as my parents and my older brother have all had skin cancers removed,” she says.
According to the American Cancer Society, skin cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer in the United States. An estimated 5.4 million cases of non-melanoma skin cancer were diagnosed among 3.3 million people in 2012 alone. Research also indicates that most of these cases can be prevented by avoiding excessive exposure to the sun.
With summer just around the corner, it’s imperative that we all learn about detecting and preventing skin cancer so that we can keep ourselves and our loved ones safe.

What are the different types of skin cancer?

According to the National Cancer Institute, the three most common kinds of skin cancer are squamous cell carcinoma, basal cell carcinoma, and melanoma.
The epidermis is the outermost layer of skin and consists of many layers of cells. Squamous cells are closer to the skin’s surface, followed by the basal cells. In the deepest part of the epidermis are melanocytes, cells that make melanin, which is responsible for the pigments of our skin. Cancer can occur in any three of these skin cells.
The most common kinds of skin cancer are squamous cell carcinoma and basal cell carcinoma. These forms of skin cancer are also called non-melanoma cancers. Melanoma spreads faster than squamous or basal cell carcinoma. Because the melanocytes are deeper, melanoma can easily spread to other tissues and cause cancer in other parts of the body.
Another form of skin cancer is Merkel cell carcinoma, which is a rare, fast-spreading, aggressive form of skin cancer. Merkel cell carcinoma is often linked to immune suppression and to excessive exposure to ultraviolet (UV) light; it occurs more frequently in people with conditions like HIV or leukemia and people over age 50 or who have had organ transplants.

What are the early signs of skin cancer?

The most obvious sign of skin cancer is a strange-looking spot or mole on your skin. “If you find something suspicious on your skin—growing, bleeding, not healing, tender, scabbed, or crusted—see a dermatologist right away. If you have skin cancer, the best thing to do is to diagnose and treat it as early as possible,” says Caroline A. Chang, MD, FAAD, clinical assistant professor of dermatology at Alpert Medical School of Brown University.
Frequently checking your own skin for strange marks is a great way to detect skin cancer at an early stage. But how can you perform a self-check? We spoke to Keira Barr, MD, a dual board-certified dermatologist, founder of the Resilient Health Institute, and author of The Skin Whisperer.
Although you’re most likely to get skin cancer on the places that are frequently exposed to the sun, like your face, neck, arms, and trunk, you should still check absolutely everywhere—even in your private areas, says Barr.
“My best advice is to get naked!” she says. “The only way to examine your skin is to see it. All of it. Don’t be modest; have fun with it.”
She suggests checking your skin once a month from top to toe. “Look in all your nooks and crannies: mouth, armpits, belly button, nails, and between your fingers, toes and bottoms of your feet. Recruit help for places you can’t easily see like your scalp, eyelids, and oral cavity. Ask a trusted friend, hairdresser, doctor, or dentist,” she says.
Not sure what to look out for? Barr recommends using the “ABCDE” method for assessing spots, moles, and sores:

A is for asymmetry.

Harmless spots are typically symmetrical. If one half of your spot doesn’t match the other half, this could be a red flag.

B is for border.

“You are looking for spots that have a poorly defined border,” says Barr. If your spot has a jagged, blurry, or irregular border, make a note of it and show a dermatologist.

C is for color.

If the color of the spot isn’t the same all over, it should be seen by a dermatologist.

D is for diameter.

If a spot is larger than 5 mm in diameter, it might be cause for concern. Barr says this is a soft call, however. “If your spot meets any of the above criteria, ignore the size and get it checked out,” she advises.

E is for evolving.

If a spot changes over time, get it checked out. “This logic also applies for sores that aren’t healing in a time frame typical for your body and/or a sore or red, scaly spot that recurs in the same spot time and time again,” Barr adds.
Of course, if your spot fits any of the above criteria, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s skin cancer, but it’s still crucial that you see a dermatologist. If you find something strange, O’Connor encourages you to seek help as soon as possible. “Do not be afraid. A small area cut off early will likely not scar much if at all. The longer you wait the larger the cancer can grow,” she says.
Fortunately, skin cancer can be treated effectively.

What are the treatment options for skin cancer?

“There are many options for skin cancer, including surgical and non-surgical options,” says Barry Goldman, MD, a dermatologist and a clinical instructor at Cornell NY Presbyterian Hospital. “Most skin cancers are typically removed under local anesthesia in the doctor’s office,” Goldman says.
An example of this is Mohs surgery, which O’Connor had on a facial cancer. This procedure is commonly used to remove non-melanoma skin cancers, and it typically scars very little. Mohs surgery is often used for cancers on the face or for cancers that are large, rapidly growing, or recurring. Although doctors have seen promising results using Mohs surgery for some melanomas, depending on the nature (size, depth, etc.) of the melanoma, more extensive surgery is often necessary.
When it comes to small skin cancers, Goldman says that certain topical creams can be prescribed to halt the carcinoma. This could include topical chemotherapy. Other potential treatment options include photodynamic therapy, which uses lasers; cryotherapy, which uses liquid nitrogen to freeze off the cancer; and electrodessication and curettage, in which the cancer is physically removed using special equipment.
“Radiation therapy is another option, particularly for an elderly patient who may have a hard time with surgery,” Goldman adds.
The course of treatment will be decided by your dermatologist, who will take into consideration your general health, the type of cancer you have, the size of the cancer, and whether it has spread.
Most of the time, a basal or squamous cell skin cancer won’t come back after it’s been removed, but a small percentage of people with skin cancer have recurring cancers. This is why people who have had skin cancer are advised to frequently check their skin, visit their dermatologist for regular exams, and avoid excessive exposure to the sun.
Other than experiencing the physical, tangible symptoms of skin cancer, a skin cancer survivor and their loved ones might also experience psychological distress. This is totally normal, and it’s advisable to attend skin cancer support groups or speak to a therapist to help you through this stressful time. Online forums and cancer support hotlines could be another avenue for finding support.

How can skin cancer be prevented?

We know that limiting your time in the sun is imperative when it comes to skin cancer prevention, but what else can you do to keep yourselves and your loved ones from getting skin cancer?
To reduce your risk, you want to minimize your exposure to UV rays. Primarily found in sunlight, UV rays can damage your skin cells’ DNA directly. This can cause sunburn as well as skin cancer.
Research tells us that UV rays are stronger between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m., during spring and summer, and when you’re situated closer to the equator. If you’ve had skin cancer before, or if you have a family history of skin cancer, it’s even more important to protect yourself from the sun because those are risk factors.
If you have to be in the sun, wear sunscreen, try to stay in a shady spot, and wear protective clothing and sunglasses. Chang suggests reapplying sunscreen every one to two hours. Although sunscreen can’t block out all of the UV rays, it can filter it. Chang also suggests wearing sun-protective clothing, which usually has a built-in UPF (UV protection factor) of 50.
Since children tend to spend more time outdoors, especially during the summer, it’s essential that you teach the little ones in your life about protecting themselves from the sun. When they’re very young, try to limit their time in the sun. And when they are outdoors, apply sunscreen regularly—especially if they are swimming or sweating. As they grow older, remind them to apply sunscreen themselves, wear protective clothing, and reduce their sun exposure during peak hours.
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Although fair-skinned people are more likely to get skin cancer, anybody can get it. The American Cancer Society points out that the pigment melanin, which helps protect the skin from UV rays, is also involved in the tanning process. When you suntan, it’s melanin that turns your skin darker. So people with more melanin will have darker skin, and they’ll be better protected from UV rays.
But Chang says that this doesn’t mean that people with dark skin or people who tan easily are immune from getting skin cancer. It’s imperative that everyone uses caution when exposed to the sun’s UV rays.
When it comes to vitamin D, a little sun every so often is enough to give your body the vitamin D it needs, says Goldman: “20 minutes of sun on your arms is typically all a person needs to get vitamin D production going. As a dermatologist, I would rather get a little every day than compress sun exposure into multiple hours in one day. A lot of dermatologists feel that a few bad sunburns is a bigger risk factor for melanoma than mild chronic exposure,” he explains.
It can also be helpful to take topical and/or oral antioxidants such as vitamin C–enriched lotion or the oral supplement Heliocare, Chang says. “The effects of UV light have been shown to continue to damage your DNA even hours after sun exposure, so using an antioxidant lotion or taking antioxidant pills can be helpful in blocking the UV damage,” she notes.
Goldman personally does not recommend dietary changes to prevent skin cancer, although some dermatologists do. “With regards to dietary changes, the available medical studies tend to be small and conflicting,” he says.
“Since UV light causes skin cancer in part by oxidation, some dermatologists recommend a diet high in vitamins C, E, and A; zinc; selenium; beta carotene (carotenoids); omega-3 fatty acids; lycopene; and polyphenols. However, when taken in isolation, these antioxidants have not been shown to prevent skin cancer, and high doses can be toxic,” Goldman explains.
Chang says that it’s also important to avoid tanning beds. The American Cancer Society points out that tanning beds and tanning lamps give off large amounts of potentially cancer-causing UV rays.
Although skin cancer is serious, most forms are easy to treat, especially if they’re detected early. While you’re soaking up the sun this summer, be sure to protect yourself from harmful UV rays and keep an eye on your skin for potentially worrying spots.

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Healthy Relationships Wellbeing

How To Kick A Low Sex Drive Back Into High Gear

Post author By Jeanne Sager
Post date May 3, 2018

Low sex drive. It’s the sort of thing we whisper about or ponder via text with our friends late at night. “So, I just don’t want to have sex tonight, and I’ve got to be honest, I haven’t wanted to all week.”
If this sounds familiar, know this: You’re in good company. As many as 27 percent of women who are pre-menopausal feel the same on a regular basis, and the numbers nearly double for women who have hit menopause.
But every sexually active couple out there is having sex a different number of times a week (or month…or year). In one study, it’s estimated Americans in their twenties had sex an average of about 80 times per year, compared to about 20 times per year for those in their sixties.
That there is no “normal” can sound either terrifying or comforting, depending on your situation.
So what really constitutes a low sex drive? And if you’re feeling like yours is “low,” what can you do to kick things back into high gear? Let’s shed a little expert light into the bedroom, shall we?

What is low sex drive?

According to research from scientists at the University of San Diego, the amount of sex Americans are having is on the decline, especially for married or partnered Americans. Their study, published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior in 2017, shows that the average American adult had sex nine fewer times per year in the period from 2010 to 2014 than Americans in the same group did from 2000 to 2004.
The number of times you have sex each week can depend on so many things. Are you and your partner both working full time? Are you working different shifts? Did one partner have their period? How about a stomach bug?
The reasons a couple may not have sex on any particular day could go into the (hundreds of) thousands, so we won’t list them all here. Suffice it to say, scheduling sex into our busy lives can be difficult.
But “low” amounts of sex and a low sex drive are two different things. You can have a healthy sex drive and just not have the time to get down and dirty with your partner.
Sex drive comes down to desire, not whether or not we actually find time to do the deed. After all, you can want to have sex and not get to it because of your schedule, which means the number of times you experience that desire is what your doctor or healthcare provider will ask about if you seek out professional help regarding your sex drive.
The medical community breaks low sex drive in females down into three categories, all of which are based on a woman’s symptoms, according to Melissa Juliano, MD, who specializes in vulvar disorder and sexual dysfunction and is the director of women’s health at OhioHealth Mansfield Hospital.

Hypoactive Sexual Desire Dysfunction (HSDD): “This is a persistent or recurrent deficiency or absence of sexual/erotic thoughts or fantasies and desire for sexual activity,” Juliano explains.
Female Sexual Arousal Dysfunction (FSAD): Unlike HSDD, FSAD is characterized by persistent or recurrent inability to maintain or an adequate genital response, Juliano says.
Female Orgasmic Dysfunction (FOD): Juliano describes this as “A significant delay, change in frequency, or absence of orgasm or intensity of orgasmic sensation.”

For those who push for a “normal” number, Wyatt Fisher, a doctor of clinical psychology who practices in Boulder, Colorado, says low sex drive can typically be quantified by the medical community as “desiring sex only one to two times per month.” Even at those levels, it’s important to note that quantity and desire are only considered significant if they are deemed to be so by a couple. One couple may go months without sex, willingly and happily, while another may be turning to the medical community for help.
Both scenarios, the experts say, are normal.
“There are plenty of people who are just not that interested,” says Rebecca Levy-Gantt, an OB-GYN from Napa, California, “If it’s not distressing to them or to their relationship, it is not considered an issue to deal with.”
But while there are no sexual quotas to meet to qualify as “normal,” having a low sex drive can be concerning for a woman who values sex as a piece of an intimate relationship. It can likewise be frustrating for a partner who feels disconnected and unsure why the sex they once enjoyed is no longer part of their relationship.
“Sex and sex drive can be areas of serious sensitivity,” says Laurel House, a dating coach and resident sex expert for My First Blush, an adult toy and lingerie site. “It can create insecurity and draw out triggers.”
That said, having a low sex drive doesn’t have to be a relationship killer, nor is it something she recommends ignoring.
“Know that you’re not alone and just because you don’t have the same sex drive doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun, fulfilled, and satisfying sexual activities,” House says. “This is an opportunity to change it up.”
It could even be an opportunity to improve your relationship.
“[It] brings you closer as you explore areas of vulnerability and share sides of you that are scary,” she says. “As your walls drop and you explore yourself and each other, you will become closer and your relationship will deepen.”
First step? Figure out why your sex drive has taken a dive.

What can cause a low sex drive?

How frequently someone wants to have sex with their partner is, like sex itself, personal. But that doesn’t mean that outside factors can’t be inhibiting us.
Dubbed “libido” by the medical community, our sex drive can be ruled by a number of factors. Are we attracted to the person we’re considering intimacy with? Are we feeling safe with them? If we’ve chosen the person as a long-term partner, those two questions typically (although not always) get an affirmative answer. So what else could cause us to roll over when someone is nuzzling our necks and running their fingers lightly up and down our backs?

Medications

Antidepressants are a common culprit when patients say they have a low sex drive, says Michael Ingber, an OB-GYN at the Center for Specialized Women’s Health in Denville, New Jersey. It’s a bit of a catch-22: Depression itself has been linked to a decrease in desire for sex. But the medications meant to treat depression can exacerbate the problem and wind up turning us off to engaging in sexual intimacy. “If you read the warning label on common antidepressant medications you will see that many of them cause low libido,” Ingber says.
Birth control pills may also cause low libido for some women, Juliano says, because they can increase a sex hormone called binding globulin. “This globulin binds to free testosterone in the body, which would increase sex drive if it were free to bind to its receptors, but when bound to this globulin, it cannot do this,” she explains.

Pain

Dubbed female genital-pelvic pain dysfunction, Juliano says some women have a “persistent or recurrent difficulty” with vaginal penetration, vulvovaginal pain with intercourse, anxiety or fear of having this pain, and/or pelvic floor muscles that lack function or are over functional—with or without genital contact. It stands to reason that if it hurts, your desire for sexual activity will diminish, and for many sufferers, that’s true. Treating genital-pelvic pain typically needs to come before addressing sex drive itself.

Sexual History

If a doctor asks if you experienced sexual abuse or assault in your past, they’re not being judgmental. They’re just trying to ascertain what might be tied to a low sex drive. Studies have linked a history of sexual abuse to difficulty orgasming, lack of lubrication and, yes, lack of desire. For some, this ties into the issue of pain as well. “Many times, women who have had a history of abuse have pelvic floor muscle spasm, or tightening of the vaginal muscles,” Ingber explains. “This can cause pain with sexual activity and plays a role in decreased sex drive as well.”

Upbringing

It isn’t just past relationships or trauma that can cause a low sex drive, Juliano says. Sometimes it comes down to how you were raised. “What was your upbringing like?” she might ask patients. She says that myths you may have been told were true from a very young age in addition to cultural norms and expectations can all play a role in how often you want to have sex.

Lack of Sleep

If you’re feeling sleep deprived, it only stands to reason that it would be hard to get in the mood to get busy between the sheets. How much of an affect could your lack of sleep really have? Consider this: According to a study published in May 2015 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, increasing sleep by just an hour increased participants odds of having sex the next day by a whopping 14 percent!

Pregnancy or Recently Giving Birth

The months before and after birth are among the most common times for a woman’s sex drive to take a dip, Levy-Gantt says, in part because there are so many factors at play. The last trimester of pregnancy, when most women see their sex drive dip, can be uncomfortable, with a mom-to-be struggling to sleep and the weight in her uterus throwing her body off balance.
Then comes birth, and along with it a recommendation from doctors that a new mom abstain from sex for a while. For some women, that’s a relief! “Certainly a vaginal delivery is often associated with damage or pain in the vaginal area, and associating pain with sex can make anyone’s libido wane,” Levy-Gantt says.
But if you’ve gotten the all-clear from your doctor and you’re still not feeling like jumping in the sack with your partner, you’re still far from alone. In a British study of more than 10,000 people’s attitudes toward sex, both having been pregnant in the last year and having one or more young children were associated with lacking sexual interest for women. The problem? It could be lack of partner support, at least if you take the results of another study, this one out of the University of Michigan, to heart. Researchers found that feelings of intimacy and closeness to participants’ partners were most likely to drive a new mom’s sex drive, followed by their partner’s interest. Not having that intimacy, on the other hand? It was a mood (and sex-drive) killer.

Thyroid Function

It may be a tiny gland, but the thyroid does a whole lot of work in the body. If it’s malfunctioning, you can end up with exhaustion, inability to gain or lose weight, difficulty tolerating heat or cold, and—surprise!—a low sex drive. “We check several different hormones and proteins in the blood when women (and men) complain of low libido,” Ingber explains. “One of the blood tests we check is TSH, which relates to thyroid hormones.” Getting that back in check can be key in helping combat low sex drive.

What to Do About a Low Sex Drive

Although there is no correct amount of sexual desire, sometimes a drop in sex drive can be a sign that something’s going wrong in your body.
“If a lack in sex drive is sudden (like, two weeks ago, everything was great and now there’s no interest at all) that should definitely be investigated,” Levy-Gantt warns. “There are some issues such as tumors, vascular diseases, and side effects of medications that can cause a sudden change.”
Even when there’s not an emergency, however, a visit to an OB-GYN is a good first step to finding your way back to your old libido—or forward to a sex drive that’s satisfying for where you are in your life.
For women who are experiencing painful sex that’s putting a damper on their sex drive, getting to the root cause of the pain is important, Juliano says.
“If there is vaginal dryness, [the solution] can be as easy as finding out if one needs to use a lubricant and what kind of lubricant to use,” she notes, “Or if your doctor sees that vulvar or vaginally there is dryness primarily due to lack of estrogen, topical estrogen (which is not hormone replacement therapy) is a very good option.”
For women with HSDD, medications such as flibanserin, an FDA-approved drug created specifically to treat low sex drive in women, has shown promise in increasing “satisfying sexual events per month and increased daily desire in women,” Juliano notes.
Other courses of treatment may take you out of the OB-GYN’s office and off to visit an endocrinologist to address thyroid levels or to visit with a therapist.
Whatever their diagnosis and treatment, there is one thing you can do at home, too: Focus on yourself a little. If you’ve been tempted to try mindfulness techniques, now may be the time.
Researchers at the University of California at Berkeley have found that mindfulness works for some women to improve not just their sexual desire, but their sexual satisfaction too. Even their lubrication was improved by the time they spent in mindfulness training.
House suggests opening up to change in the bedroom can also make a difference for some women.
“Add some new moves and maybe even some toys and outfits into the equation,” she suggests. “Sometimes all you need is a little spice to add excitement.”
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More Than Mom Motherhood

Postpartum Anxiety: The Postpartum Problem We Need To Talk About

Post author By Jeanne Sager
Post date May 2, 2018

Amanda Farmer thought she was ready for anything that could come after giving birth. She’d read everything she could find on postpartum anxiety (PPA) and postpartum depression (PPD). She’d coached her husband on the signs and symptoms.
“I thought I had this in the bag. If I was going to develop PPD or PPA, I was going to be on top of it, and I’d ask for help the second I started feeling the baby blues,” the mom of one and writer tells HealthyWay.
Seven months after giving birth, on the day before her 35th birthday, Farmer says she fell apart.
“I hit rock bottom. I couldn’t get out of bed. I cried—sobbed, really—told my husband that he should take [our daughter] and move home with his parents because together they would be able to provide a better family for [her] than I could,” Farmer recalls. “I didn’t eat. I’d cry until my body was so exhausted that I’d sleep. My husband would wake me up to check on me, and then I’d cry until passing out again. I was a shell of who I once was. I didn’t feel like me. I felt like an imposter—an actor trying to portray a role that she wasn’t suited for.”
That was a Saturday. That Monday, Farmer went to see her OB-GYN, who quickly helped her get an appointment with an on-site psychologist.
The diagnosis was immediate: Farmer had postpartum anxiety.
“She prescribed me meds, gave me hug, told me that I wasn’t alone. She made me feel normal,” Farmer recalls.
Farmer is far from alone. Although discussions of PPD tend to outweigh those of PPA in new mom Facebook groups and parenting books, some researchers have posited that rates of postpartum anxiety may actually be higher than those of postpartum depression. A 2016 study performed by researchers at the University of British Columbia estimated that as many as three to four times more new moms could be suffering from PPA than PPD.
To put that in perspective, it’s estimated that postpartum depression affects one in seven women. That’s a huge number in and of itself. Now multiply it by four. That’s how many women might be suffering from postpartum anxiety.

What is postpartum anxiety?

Because they’re both mental health concerns and society tends to lump depression and anxiety together, postpartum anxiety is often confused with postpartum depression.
But the two have different roots, says Mayra Mendez, PhD, a licensed psychotherapist and program coordinator for intellectual and developmental disabilities and mental health services at Providence Saint John’s Child and Family Development Center in Santa Monica, California.
“Anxiety is informed by fear and worry, while depression is informed by sadness, low mood, discontent,” Mendez explains.
So why don’t you hear about postpartum anxiety as much as you do postpartum depression?
In part it’s because postpartum anxiety is not technically a diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (commonly known as the DSM-V). That’s the “bible of diagnostic criteria for psychologists,” according to Hayley Hirschmann, PhD, a clinical psychologist in private practice with the Morris Psychological Group in Parsippany, New Jersey.
“Postpartum depression is not really a diagnosis there either, but someone can be diagnosed with major depression with a specifier of postpartum or peripartum onset,” she explains. “This means the symptoms began during pregnancy or in the four weeks after delivery.”
But just because it’s not in the DSM-V doesn’t mean postpartum anxiety isn’t real or that it’s all in a mom’s head.
“You can be a postpartum parent who is suffering from a specific anxiety disorder, e.g. panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, [et cetera],” Hirschmann says. That there’s no official diagnosis for postpartum anxiety comes down largely to semantics, she says.
If you’re presenting in her office with anxiety symptoms, and they’re spurred by the recent birth of your baby, it’s fairly easy for a clinician to put two and two together.
What’s more difficult is to break down societal myths about anxiety and depression.
“People use the words anxious or depressed all the time,” Hirschmann points out. “We say ‘Oh, I’m so anxious about that test,’ but it’s not the same as having anxiety. Even having some anxiety about a new baby is not the same.”
So what are the signs of postpartum anxiety, and how do clinicians differentiate between postpartum anxiety and postpartum depression?

Postpartum Anxiety Symptoms

There’s a certain amount of overlap in symptoms between postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety and that can make sussing out which a mom is facing hard for those who aren’t trained clinicians. It’s also possible for a new mom to be suffering from both, Hirschmann says, which makes it all the more important to talk to your doctor.
That said, here’s a look at the symptoms most commonly associated with anxiety disorders, according to the National Institutes of Health:

Restlessness or feeling wound-up or on edge
Being easily fatigued
Difficulty concentrating or having your mind go blank
Irritability
Muscle tension
Difficulty controlling your worry
Sleep problems (difficulty falling or staying asleep or restless, unsatisfying sleep)

By contrast, postpartum depression (again from the National Institutes of Health) is typically characterized by:

Feeling sad, hopeless, empty, or overwhelmed
Crying more often than usual or for no apparent reason
Worrying or feeling overly anxious
Feeling moody, irritable, or restless
Oversleeping or being unable to sleep even when your baby is asleep
Having trouble concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
Experiencing anger or rage
Losing interest in activities that are usually enjoyable
Suffering from physical aches and pains, including frequent headaches, stomach problems, and muscle pain
Eating too little or too much
Withdrawing from or avoiding friends and family
Having trouble bonding or forming an emotional attachment with the baby
Persistently doubting your ability to care for your baby

Notice an overlap? That’s what makes postpartum anxiety particularly confusing for new moms and their partners—and the differences can make it harder for some to seek treatment.
That’s what happened to Kimberly Rae Miller. The writer and mom of a now-2-year-old son says she had read up on postpartum depression and even had a feeling it might crop up after giving birth, but when it didn’t, the feelings that swam to the surface put her off keel.
“I was so consumed by how perfect my son was when he was born that I felt that there had to be a shoe that was about to drop,” Miller recalls. “I was petrified of everything. When he was born we lived in a third-floor walk-up in Manhattan. I constantly had images of tripping down the stairs while holding him, or tripping and him falling over the side of the banister. I wouldn’t leave the house, and when I did I always carried him in a baby carrier while I walked down the stairs very slowly, even if I was going to use a stroller while we were out.”
Miller and her partner moved to the suburbs just before her son turned 1, and she recalls panicking because the car gifted to them by her parents didn’t have a LATCH system in the middle seat for his car seat. She’d read that the middle was the safest spot, and the fear kept her up at night.
“I kept having images of us being in an accident on the side of the car his seat was on,” she says. “At one point I described my anxiety and how I hardly ever left the house with a mom’s group I was in and someone recommended I talk to someone at Seleni Institute in New York about what they said sounded an awful lot like postpartum anxiety.”
Like Farmer, Miller was eventually diagnosed with postpartum anxiety, but it’s a diagnosis she didn’t expect, in part because information about PPD was available everywhere she turned, but there was little to none on postpartum anxiety.
Adding to the confusion for moms are the “baby blues,” a normal (aka just about every mom has them) period after the birth when you just don’t know which way is up: You’re tired. The baby is screaming. You have no idea how to do this.
The baby blues may last up to two weeks, and it’s pretty typical to feel out of sorts during this time, Hirschmann says. After all, your body just went through a major trauma, and your sleep schedule (we use that term loosely) is likely out of whack, with baby waking up at odd hours demanding to be fed or changed. As many as 80 percent of moms will go through this period of change with at least some issues.
It’s when the so-called baby blues last beyond that two-week period that it starts to become a concern. If you’re feeling the same or worse at three weeks postpartum, call your doctor, Hirschmann says. And if you’ve gone past that three-week point, but you’re still struggling, make the call.
During your appointment, your provider will look at “intensity” of worry and anxiety, Hirschmann says. They may also ask you to answer the questions on the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale, an assessment tool commonly used to suss out postpartum mental health issues.
“I’ll focus a lot in the clinical intake interview on the frequency, intensity, and duration of whatever symptoms they are reporting, which can vary a lot from individual to individual,” Hirschmann explains. “I’ll also try to get a good sense of how much of a change these symptoms are from prior functioning. A mom suffering from a generalized anxiety disorder is going to look very different from one suffering from a panic disorder. One is going to have excessive, ongoing, uncontrollable worry about lots of things they never worried about before.”

Who’s at risk of postpartum anxiety?

Moms don’t bring postpartum anxiety on themselves. There’s nothing that a mom does “wrong” that makes her wake up in the morning clutching at her throat and worrying that she or her baby won’t make it through the day.
But there are risk factors at play that make some moms more likely to progress from baby blues to diagnosable anxiety—risk factors that typically come down to things moms can’t control.
“The postpartum period adds a hormonal variable to the dysregulation of mood and emotions,” Mendez says. “Some women are at greater risk of experiencing postpartum anxiety and/or depression because of the hormonal changes in their bodies, but also because of life changes and demands.”
Also on the list of risk factors? Any prior history of anxiety and or depression. Even a battle with mental health issues in your teenage years that you thought you licked can come roaring back in the days or months after giving birth.
That’s not a flaw, Hirschmann says, it’s just life.

Treatment for Postpartum Anxiety

Treatment for postpartum anxiety is not one-size-fits-all, and some doctors may recommend therapy alone or medication alone, while others may recommend therapy plus medication.
“The most effective anxiety treatments focus on teaching coping skills to manage fears and worry and promote shifting of negative thinking patterns,” Mendez says.
While postpartum anxiety can last anywhere from a few months to a few years depending on a mom’s circumstances, the real key to finding your way out seems to be finding help.
“The sooner you get treatment, the sooner you start feeling better,” Hirschmann says.
For Farmer, treatment made all the difference, but even being acknowledged helped get that ball rolling. “Within 48 hours of being diagnosed with postpartum anxiety and starting medication, I felt different. I could breathe,” she recalls.
That’s a common reaction, although truly moving on toward “normal” can take awhile. Because medications can take as much as four to eight weeks to be effective, typically talk therapy is helpful in the early days or weeks after diagnosis, Hirschmann notes. Some moms may eschew medication entirely because they’re breastfeeding, although a number of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) get the nod from clinicians for being okay while nursing.
That’s information Miller wishes she’d known when she was diagnosed with postpartum anxiety, and she encourages other moms to look to the medical studies on anti-anxiety medications when they’re struggling with postpartum anxiety.
“My doctor … told me that he didn’t feel like there was enough research into breastfeeding and anti-anxiety meds and wouldn’t prescribe for me until I stopped breastfeeding,” she says. “I didn’t mind supplementing, but my son found huge comfort in breastfeeding, and I didn’t feel like it was fair for me to take that away from him, so I felt like I had to make the choice between his happiness and mine. I chose his and forwent medication. Looking back, I wish I’d gotten a second opinion.”
The fact is, Mendez says, “Symptoms of anxiety and/or depression can be managed effectively with treatment.”
If your doctor says you do have postpartum anxiety but isn’t supportive of the treatment options you want to pursue, don’t be afraid to find a second opinion.
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Health x Body Wellbeing

Am I Depressed Or Just In A Funk? Here's How To Tell The Difference

Post author By Sian Ferguson
Post date May 1, 2018

When I was in my first year of university, I couldn’t figure out if I was miserable or depressed. I cried often, I struggled with my sleeping patterns, my immune system was weak, and I felt irritable and unmotivated all the time. Am I depressed? I wondered. Or am I just moody?
While I felt sad, it eventually became clear that it wasn’t a bad mood or a response to one specific life change—I had depression. And while help was available, I needed to acknowledge that I was depressed before anything could get better.

We often associate depression with sadness, and we often use the word depressing or depressed to mean very sad. Some people even use it to talk about relatively normal life events: “I’m so depressed he canceled our date!” or “This history class is so damn depressing.” For this reason, it can be difficult to tell whether you’re truly depressed or simply upset. Like me, you might be asking yourself, Am I depressed, or am I feeling sad, hopeless, or unmotivated?
While someone can experience sadness and depression at the same time, there is a big difference between being sad and being depressed. Sadness is a feeling, while depression is a medical condition. Depression is treatable, but before you begin treatment, it’s important to know what you’re dealing with.
Here’s what you need to know about the difference between depression and general sadness.

Am I depressed or am I sad?

Depression is a mental illness—a mood disorder, to be specific—while sadness is a mood or feeling. This distinction might seem simple, but if you’re struggling with a low mood, it can be hard to tell the difference.
That said, there are a few notable differences between depression and sadness or lack of motivation.
“In sadness, there are mostly feelings of emptiness and loss. In depression, there is a persistent depressed mood and inability to anticipate happiness or pleasure,” says Danielle Forshee, PsyD, LCSW, a practicing psychologist.
“Feelings associated with sadness are likely to decrease in intensity over the course of a few days or weeks and occur in waves,” Forshee adds. “These waves tend to be associated with thoughts or reminders of what it is that is making you sad. The depressed mood of depression is more persistent and not tied to specific thoughts. Usually thoughts in depression are associated with self-criticism or pessimism.”

In other words, when you’re sad, your sadness is associated with a specific issue. When you’re depressed, on the other hand, it’s chronic: It’s a lens that obscures the joy around you. Depression makes you struggle to find happiness or joy in your surroundings.
Something else to note, Forshee says, is that your self-esteem is usually relatively intact when you’re sad. With depression, on the other hand, it’s common to feel worthless or self-loathing.
If you’re asking yourself Am I depressed? consider which of those scenarios applies to you.
Finally, while you can overcome sadness with time, positivity, and the support of friends, depression is a real illness that needs to be treated proactively with the help of professionals.

What causes depression?

Another key difference between sadness and depression is its cause. Sadness is usually caused by a certain event or issue, and while depression can be triggered by a specific situation, the true cause of depression is extremely complex.
You may have heard that depression is caused by a “chemical imbalance” in the brain. Many experts have pointed out that while this explanation isn’t exactly wrong, it’s a little oversimplified. “Depression isn’t likely caused by just one thing, but rather a complex interplay of many things such as genetic predisposition to having low moods, trauma and negative experiences, levels of concentrations of certain neurotransmitters, nerve cell connection function, and nerve circuit functioning,” explains neuropsychologist Amy Serin, PhD, founder of the Serin Center.

“There is a difference between sadness, which is often a temporary acute reaction to a difficult life situation,” says Serin, “and depression, which is a longer-lasting state in which a person can experience a loss of pleasure in life, fatigue, sleep changes, physical symptoms, feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness, and even suicidality.”
[pullquote align=”center”]Depression is chronic: It’s a lens that obscures the joy around you.[/pullquote]
There can also be significant physiological differences between people who feel sad but are not struggling with depression and those who are depressed, including hormonal differences. “Stress plays a role in modulating depression,” Serin explains. “Individuals with emotional or physical stress produce more corticotropin releasing hormone (CRH), a hormone that is often elevated in depressed individuals. When CRH returns to normal levels, mood states improve and depression lessens,” she says.
It’s important to remember that there are a number of physiological factors that come along with depression. An effective treatment program will address multiple facets of your experience to make depression more manageable, and professionals who are qualified to help treat depression know it isn’t as simple as changing your attitude, which is important for you to keep in mind too.

I think I’m depressed, but I don’t feel sad all the time.

A common misconception about depression is that depressed people only experience sadness, all of the time. In reality, depression can include a range of negative emotions and even physical feelings including anger, numbness, lethargy, or irritability.
“Depression is a complex condition which may present differently across a range of people,” explains Lekeisha A. Sumner, PhD, a board-certified clinical psychologist. “Sadness may not be the most prominent symptom. For example, for some people it may present with more physical complaints or irritability than low mood.”
So, while depression is often accompanied by sadness, it’s certainly possible to feel other negative moods—annoyance, apathy, or demotivation, for example—more than sadness.

Instead of crying constantly, you might find yourself struggling to function and complete day-to-day tasks, or you might be easily annoyed or upset, or you might struggle to find the joy in the things that previously brought you pleasure.
Depression isn’t just about how you feel—it’s also linked to a number of physical symptoms. “Many people with depression show up in their doctor’s offices with vague pain that can include chronic joint pain, limb pain, back pain, gastrointestinal problems, fatigue, sleep disturbances, and appetite changes,” Serin notes.
Serin explains that while most people believe there’s a strong division between mind and body, mental illnesses like depression—and even moods, like sadness—can affect the body profoundly. “We know that invoking even a small amount of sadness will increase someone’s level of perceived pain, so it makes sense that individuals with depression literally feel more physical symptoms than non-depressed people, even in the absence of other medical causes,” she says.

This might feel very overwhelming, especially since depression is linked to such a wide array of physical, mental, and emotional effects. But it’s important to remember that there’s a lot of hope for those who are depressed, and effective treatment will address your physical and emotional symptoms.

How is depression diagnosed?

If you find yourself asking Am I depressed?, the best person to help you work your way toward an answer is a trained expert.
Sumner strongly recommends being evaluated by a professional if you think you may be depressed.
“A professional can determine the subtleties among symptoms of major depression, dysthymia, grief, and normal sadness,” Sumner explains. “If you have been experiencing persistent sadness for at least two weeks, you would likely benefit from a professional evaluation,” she says.
According to Forshee, to meet criteria for major depressive disorder, [linkbuilder id=”6503″ text=”symptoms of depression”] must have been present every single day for at least two weeks. The symptoms are:

Depressed mood most of the day (feeling sad, empty, hopeless)
Little or no pleasure in almost all activities that previously you derived pleasure from
Significant weight loss/decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day
Sleeping way too much or not sleeping at all
Feeling physically slowed down
Feeling very fatigued or having a loss of energy nearly every day
Feelings of worthlessness or excessive and inappropriate guilt nearly every day
Limited ability to think/concentrate or indecisiveness nearly every day
Recurring thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts without a plan, or a suicide attempt, or having a plan for committing suicide

Other types of depression include:

Even if you don’t consistently experience all the symptoms associated with major depression or don’t think you’ll be diagnosed with another type of depression, you should still talk to a professional if you’re struggling with your mental health. You don’t need a diagnosis in order to receive help; therapy can benefit people whether they have a diagnosed mental illness or not.

If I am depressed, how can my depression be treated?

Many people think they can simply cure depression on their own if they just have a positive attitude. While staying positive is a great start, depression is a medical condition and it should be approached as such. We all need a little help sometimes, and there’s no shame in seeking help if you think you may be depressed. Just as you wouldn’t (or shouldn’t) attempt to cure appendicitis on your own, it’s important to look for professional help if you have depression.

If you think you may be depressed, your first port-of-call should be a therapist of some kind. If you have health insurance, you should be able to search in-network providers online through your insurer’s provider directory. (Note that they may be listed as behavioral health professionals.) If you’re unsure which therapist to visit, look for reviews online, ask for a recommendation from your general physician or friends, or try an online therapy portal like BetterHelp or Talkspace. Psychotherapy—that is, talk therapy—is a great way to improve and maintain your emotional health, whether you have a mental illness or not.
[pullquote align=”center”]“If you have been experiencing persistent sadness for at least two weeks, you would likely benefit from a professional evaluation.”
—Lekeisha A. Sumner, PhD[/pullquote]
Sumner says that one of the most effective treatments for depression is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). “CBT is based on the premise that maladaptive cognitions, such as beliefs or paradigms about one’s world, surroundings, themselves, and the future, contribute to automatic thoughts that lead to distress,” she explains.
With CBT, a therapist can help you recognize these problematic beliefs, thought patterns, and behaviors so that you can change them. Changing your thought patterns and behaviors might help relieve your depression. Serin points out that CBT has been shown to literally alter the hippocampus in the brain, which provides further evidence that CBT is an effective treatment for those who are depressed.

Another possible facet of your treatment plan could be trying antidepressant medication, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). Serin says that serotonin, which regulates sleep, appetite, mood, and pain perception, is one of the many chemicals associated with depression. “SSRI antidepressants seem to work by changing serotonin transmission in the brain and possibly by increasing neurogenesis (the formation of new neurons) in areas such as the hippocampus—which is an important brain structure that is often smaller in individuals who are depressed,” Serin says. While antidepressants are often stigmatized, they can be life-saving.

So I’m depressed. What else can I do?

“It is important to note that neurochemicals associated with depression can be altered with treatments that are not medication,” Serin says. In other words, while medication can be necessary and life-saving for many people with depression, there are other treatment options that you can explore.
“Meditation, improved sleep, exercise, and other healthy behaviors have also been shown to reduce depression in many studies,” she says. Serin also recommends getting enough sleep, maintaining a healthy diet, and creating social connections with supportive people to maintain your mental health.

Of course, maintaining a healthy diet can be tough when you’re struggling with depression. Depression can affect your appetite, causing you to eat too much or too little. And even if you have an appetite, depression often means you don’t have the energy to cook healthy, filling food, causing you to resort to eating what the internet has lightheartedly dubbed “depression meals.”
When you have the energy to do so, you might find it helpful to stock your cupboard and fridge with easy-to-make food: tea, whole-grain bread, nut butter, protein shakes, fruit, and frozen veggies can all be your allies when it comes to addressing your depression. Try to freeze leftover soup and keep it in your freezer for emergencies. Don’t feel bad if you need to call for delivery, pick up takeout, or buy ready-made food: Eating anything is better than eating nothing at all.
If you find yourself wanting to focus on your feelings, Sumner recommends trying expressive writing through journaling, which can help you express and process your emotions. Some studies suggest that gratitude journaling can be used to boost one’s self-esteem and general well-being, not to mention writing your feelings down is a great way to remember what to discuss in your next therapy session!

Sumner also recommends getting at least 20 minutes of sunlight a day. According to the Mayo Clinic, getting enough sunshine is important in regulating your serotonin levels as well as your sleep patterns.
In addition to all of these suggestions, Sumner recommends engaging with positive, supportive people. She also suggests you increase the pleasurable activities you engage in throughout the day. Take time to do the things that make you feel relaxed, happy, or excited. This could include taking a walk, reading, or watching a funny show. It can be hard to get yourself out of the house or even respond to texts when you’re in the throes of depression, but if you’re feeling up to it, these small things can help lift your mood.
While depression sometimes seems impossible to deal with, it can be treated effectively. Many people who have depression still manage to have happy, full, exciting lives—they just need to take extra good care of their mental health.
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Lifestyle Well-Traveled

The Packing List You Need To Explore The World With Just A Carry-On

Post author By Joni Sweet
Post date May 1, 2018

It was the last straw. After a long transatlantic flight back from an incredible trip to Portugal, the magic of travel was rapidly fading as I waited longer and longer for my (ridiculously overpacked) suitcase to arrive at baggage claim. I thought the annoyance of my poor packing skills ended when I carried the massive monstrosity down five flights of stairs at my last hotel in Lisbon (cursing every unnecessary dress and pair of shoes on my original packing list with each step).
Now, the frustration was back with a vengeance. And judging by the growing crowd of other weary travelers waiting for their bags, I wasn’t about to find relief anytime soon.
“Never again,” I decided at that moment, and got to work streamlining my packing list for future trips.
I set some ground rules:

Everything must fit into a carry-on (plus a big handbag).
My travel outfits should offer enough variety for city strutting and outdoor adventuring.
Squeezing in a cosmetics and skincare kit is non-negotiable.
Absolutely, positively no more than two pairs of shoes.

After some trial and error, I finally developed a packing list that worked, and I still managed to find room for a few other travel necessities (like a reusable water bottle and a sun hat) in my carry-on bag. I thought I’d long for the items I used to bring with me on my travels, but now I relish in packing light, spending my mornings abroad researching where to find the best croissant instead of picking the perfect outfit, and avoiding the hassle of checked bag fees and delays at baggage claim (or worse: lost bags!).
Planning to travel soon? Now’s the time to start paring down your packing list and picking up functional, fashionable items that will take you from Texas to Timbuktu. Here are some ideas to get you started.

Packing List Basics for Carry-On Only Travel

When you’re planning to use only a carry-on for a trip, you’ve got to have a game plan. Before you pack a single item, jot down a strategic packing list—and stick to it.
A packing list has dual purposes of limiting how much stuff you bring and reminding you to pack the core travel necessities. You probably already have a sense of the clothing, accessories, and other items you tend to bring on every trip. Write it all down and use that as the basis for your packing list. I recommend saving it digitally, so you can refer to it again on future travels.
Then, customize the packing list to meet the needs of your particular trip.
Business trip? Add the laptop and charger, and perhaps a blazer and heels!
Vegas for a girls trip? Don’t forget to pack a flashy dress!
Epic hiking trip? Break out your trail boots, travel towel, and first-aid kit.
Your basic packing list should include everything you typically bring (pants, shirts, sunscreen, etc.) when you’re on the road, but offer flexibility to accommodate what you might need on different types of trips.

Choosing the Perfect Bag for the Perfect Packing List

Your packing list is only as effective as the bag into which you’re squeezing your travel necessities. Traveling with just a carry-on demands that you be unflinchingly particular about your suitcase.
You want to make sure it’s as large as the majority of airlines allow (this handy list gives you carry-on bag dimensions for more than 170 airlines). Spinning wheels and a telescoping handle will make the bag a breeze to drag around the airport. Finally, look for a carry-on with a few pockets that will help you stay organized—you can even categorize your packing list based on what you’re putting in each section of the bag. There are thousands of carry-on bags on the market, and it’s worth taking a shopping trip to test out a few.
Need some guidance on where to start? I recommend the TravelPro Platinum Magna ($299.99). This bag’s large enough to hold everything on my packing list (and then some!), but it fits into the overhead compartment of every plane on which I take it. The carry-on features a special compartment that helps keep dresses smooth—perfect if you’re going to a destination wedding. The self-aligning wheels prevent the bag from getting stuck when navigating through tight squeezes. Finally, if any part of the bag breaks, you can take it to a TravelPro repair center, thus helping you avoid adding more to the local landfill and paying a hefty replacement fee.
Patagonia’s Headway Wheeled Duffel Bag ($329) is my runner-up pick for a carry-on bag. Its nylon material boasts incredible durability, and it has a collapsable internal frame, making it easy to store when not in use. The company ensures that the factories it works with promote fair labor, safe conditions for workers, and practices that are safe for the environment.
Finally, make use of the airline allowance for a “personal item.” I usually take a large purse for anything I might want to use on the plane, like a book, lotion, and headphones. My go-to is my Lug Mini Puddle Jumper Day Bag ($95) because it’s soft and light. The only thing that I love more than the seemingly endless number of compartments (seriously—I’ve had this bag for two years, and I keep finding new ones) is the company’s commitment to supporting children’s charities.

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Clothing to Include on Your Packing List

When building a cohesive travel wardrobe, you have to abide by a few basic principles:

Always choose function over fashion (but hopefully most of your clothes fuse the two together!).
Plan to wear most of your stuff more than once on a trip (mixing and matching will make the outfits look fresh!).
Choose wrinkle-resistant, comfy garments made from natural textiles whenever possible.

What clothing belongs on your packing list? It really depends on the weather, the type of trip, and, most importantly, what you love to wear.

Dresses

My packing list, for instance, always includes a couple of breezy dresses. Everlane has a ton of contenders for your packing list—check out the light drawstring dress ($98), short-sleeve V-neck dress ($98), or the cotton tank dress (just $28!). Reformation’s Rou dress ($98) can easily transition from day to night, and it has that retro silhouette that will stand out in your Instagram pics.

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Tops

For tops, squeeze in five or six light tanks and tees with varying sleeve lengths, so you’ll be comfortable in any weather.
A laid-back white T-shirt (like the $38 Maggie Tee from Threads 4 Thought) belongs on every packing list—it’s a classic look that can work pretty much anywhere. Amour Vert also has some fun tops, like a cheerful orange tank ($38), v-back flowy tank ($68), striped long-sleeved tee ($78), and roll tab sleeve top ($98).
Since you’re going to wear these more than once, make sure your packing list includes a few different colors and prints to stave off boredom.

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Bottoms

Bottoms can get bulky, so you have to be smart about which ones you include on your packing list.
I recommend two pairs of black leggings (I usually wear one on the plane). These organic cotton leggings ($24) from Pact would be cozy to wear when doing anything active on your trip. A fashionable packing guide should always include your favorite pair of jeans (mine are the $128 high-rise skinnies from Madewell). If the weather’s warm, toss in a pair of denim shorts, otherwise you can feel free to pack a second pair of jeans in another wash for variety.
Finally, I never travel without a crisp, white midi skirt (like this $124 organic cotton option from People Tree)—it can be dressy for a nice dinner, relaxed for the beach, or chic for city sightseeing, and it helps you avoid that frumpy backpacker look.

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Outerwear

Even if you’re going to a hot climate, it can feel chilly in the evening. Definitely include a jacket on your packing list.
Joe’s Jeans has an embroidered denim jacket ($328) that’s both snug and stylish. If you love the embroidered look but need something more budget-friendly, check out this one from Old Navy. If you’ve got cold-weather travel plans, you’ll need a packable coat. The Ultra Light Down Jacket ($69.90) from UNIQLO belongs on every winter packing list. I wore it daily on a recent trip to Iceland, and I fell in love with how warm the insulation kept me and how handy it was to roll the jacket into its accompanying pouch.

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Shoes

Shoes can be the trickiest part of a packing list. Start with a pair of versatile, comfortable sneakers. My jet-setting friends swear by Allbird’s wool runners ($95). For your second pair, you have options: If it’s cooler or you plan to do a lot of hiking, go for a rugged pair of boots—the Kodiak Surrey II boots ($170) can easily transition from town to the trail. Otherwise, opt for a pair of flat sandals, which pack much more easily. These handmade huarache sandals ($118) from Nisolo will look great with just about any travel outfit, and this pair of sandals ($248) from Cousin has been specially manufactured to withstand wear and tear from walking on urban streets.
And remember my rule about only including two pairs of shoes on your packing list? I usually cheat (shh … don’t tell anyone). I always stash a classic pair of flip-flops somewhere in my bag to protect my feet in showers, at the pool, and when I grab a quick hotel breakfast. Flip-flops don’t really count, right?

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Extras

Finally, no woman’s packing list is complete without a bathing suit, a couple of pajamas, two bras (in nude and black), a pair of socks for every day of your trip, and an abundance of underwear. I usually start with two pairs of panties for each day of travel, and then frantically toss in a few bonus pairs just in case.

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Accessories for Your Minimalist Packing List

Accessories can pull an entire look together—but beyond a couple pieces of durable, inexpensive pieces of jewelry (seriously, leave your family heirlooms safe at home!), all of the other accessories on your packing list need to be functional.
Sunglasses are a packing-list must—look for ones that won’t break and have an added edge for travel. For example, IZIPIZI travel-friendly sunglasses ($50) or Ray-Ban’s Folding Classic Wayfarer ($168) will fold down to fit into your pocket.
A lightweight crossbody bag to stash your ID, phone, and wallet will also prove useful for day trips and nights out. Matt & Nat’s ruby-red crossbody bag ($75) has just the right amount of space, along with a striking look. If red isn’t your thing, it comes in a variety of other colors, including some great neutrals.
A lost or damaged passport will ruin your trip, so it’s worth investing in a high-quality passport holder. Cuyana’s multipurpose leather passport wallet ($185) will protect your most important piece of identification and hold all of your credit cards, coins, travel documents, and cash in one place. (Pro tip: Keep some spare cash, an emergency credit card if you have one, and a photocopy of your passport somewhere other than your travel wallet; you do not want to be empty-handed if pickpockets strike.)
Finally, a hat is a must. Some women rely on their favorite baseball cap, but I opt for a packable sun hat that makes more of a statement (and protects my fair skin from burns). Don’t forget to include a few hair ties and bobby pins on your packing list if you like to rock a ponytail.

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Packing List for Personal Care

Paring down my cosmetics and body products was the hardest part of coming up with a carry-on only packing list—those TSA limitations on liquids were the main reason I used to check a bag. But there are some clever ways to abide by the rules and still bring your most trusted products.
If you’re not particular about your shampoo, conditioner, and other liquid personal-care products, scratch them off your packing list—you can pick them up at the destination, or use what’s offered at the hotel. But if you’re like me, and you rely on specific products, invest in a set of silicone travel bottles. They squeeze into a carry-on easily, and you can refill them with your favorite products over and over again.
As for your cosmetics, edit your makeup kit down to the bare essentials. This is easier said than done, and I often have to remind myself that three different tubes of lipstick aren’t necessary for a five-day trip. My travel cosmetics kit includes light foundation (or BB cream), a shimmery blush, highlighter, mascara, and hydrating lipstick. Think about what you’d put on your face if you only had 3-5 minutes to get ready—that’s the only makeup you need when you’re traveling. Throw in a bottle of sunscreen, as well. Your skin will thank you.
It’s easy to forget about moisturizing products, like lip balm and lotion, but they’re worth putting on your packing list. The circulated air in planes can dry out your skin fast, and lotion will help soothe any irritation.
There are tons of other personal care products you’ll want to add to your packing list depending on your specific routine. Here are a few of my travel essentials: nail file, deodorant, disposable razor, soap, toothbrush, toothpaste, comb, floss, medicine, vitamins, tampons, and cotton swabs. A look around your bathroom could help inspire what belongs on your packing list.

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Miscellaneous Travel Necessities for Your Packing List

With all the clothes, shoes, and personal care items on your packing list, your carry-on should look pretty full by now. But believe it or not, there’s a ton of other nooks and crannies you can fill with miscellaneous travel necessities you might want on the road.
Earplugs and noise-canceling earbuds can be a godsend in unexpectedly noisy hotels, and a book can help you get through a long flight. A packable reusable bag (like this $10 grapefruit-print bag from Bando) will be convenient when you go souvenir shopping. Having trouble finding room? Tuck these accessories into your shoes or around your clothes.
Keep up your sustainable efforts by bringing along a reusable water bottle—the aluminum bottles from S’Well are a personal favorite.
Don’t forget to add a phone charger, power bank, and power adapters to your packing list, as well.
Finally, pack your passport, credit cards, and cash. If you’re a hardcore minimalist, all you’d need is these three travel necessities, and you could explore the world with just the clothes on your back. But we’ll stick with what’s on the packing list.

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Need help fitting everything on your packing list into your carry-on?

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Healthy Relationships Wellbeing

How To Make Friends: 7 Strategies Real Women Used To Find Their BFFs

Post author By Joni Sweet
Post date April 30, 2018

Desperation drove me to do it. “Looking for someone to chill with,” I wrote on the San Francisco Craigslist personals forum.
“I recently moved here from NY to pursue a career in journalism. It’s tough meeting new friends in a new city, especially after college,” my post continued. “I’d love to get a drink and a snack with a cool guy or girl tonight. Let me know if you’re interested.”
I read it over, and felt compelled to add one last line: “Friends only, thanks.” This was Craigslist, after all.
Having relocated to the opposite coast, fresh out of college at age 22, I suddenly found myself without any local friends. I felt pathetic publishing the post, but once the responses started rolling in, I realized I wasn’t alone in feeling lonely. There were actually a lot of us.
The demands of adulthood—from pursuing a career, to growing our families, to finding love—can cause our friendships to take a back seat (and possibly evaporate altogether). Before you know it, you look around and realize you have no one to hang out with. And at this stage in life, it’s hard to even figure out how to make friends, let alone find people with whom you’re compatible.
A response popped in my inbox from another woman about my age. We decided to have a friend date at a local restaurant. While it was every bit as awkward as a typical first date, the experience also brought me a flood of relief: Finally, someone (anyone!) to connect with! We ended up hanging out regularly during my stint in the city by the bay.
Putting yourself out there feels awkward—the fear of rejection can cause even the most extroverted people to crawl into their shells. But friendships play a critical role in our health and happiness. According to a 2016 study, researchers found that people with “a higher degree of social connectedness” had better physiological function and lower risks of certain disorders.
Equally important, our friends act as foundations of support when times get tough, cheerleaders when we’re chasing our dreams, and celebrants for our achievements, large and small.
“It’s important for women to feel connected to their friends and to have that support, especially as we go through life’s ups and downs,” says Nicole Zangara, licensed clinical social worker and author of Surviving Female Friendships: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.
Making friends isn’t easy, but you don’t have to publish an awkward post on a sketchy forum to start meeting people. Real women from around the country (and the globe!) shared their top tips on finding new friends—and keeping them. Here’s how you can push through loneliness and open yourself up to friendship at any stage of life.

An Expert’s Take on How to Make Friends

When you’re feeling lonely, it’s all too easy to wallow in it and avoid trying to make friends. Why should you bother? Does friendship even matter?
Having friends absolutely matters, says Zangara. In fact, friendships fulfill more than just a social need—they also influence our health. Research shows that the presence of a “best friend” reduces the levels of the stress hormone cortisol in a person’s body. An active social life can reduce the rates of cognitive decline in old age by up to 70 percent, according to another study. Researchers say that our friends also help us adopt healthier habits, like working out and eating nutritious meals.
“If a friend is trying to get into shape, it can impact the other friends in the group to also get more active,” explains Zangara. “If someone tries to quit smoking, she might become a positive influence on her other friends to do the same. Feeling supported provides happiness and overall greater life satisfaction.”
If those aren’t enough reasons to start figuring out how to make friends, get this: A meta-analysis of 148 studies found that people with stronger social relationships had a 50 percent higher likelihood of survival. Talk about the power of friends!

Opening Yourself Up to New Friends

Making friends as children was breezy for most people. Just sharing a favorite color could be enough for two girls to become besties.
But when we grow up, things swing the opposite direction. It’s like we forget how to make friends once we graduate. What’s the deal?
“When we’re young, we have many opportunities to meet other people in our classes, at our extracurricular activities, on our sports teams, and in clubs,” says Zangara. “It gets harder as an adult because you have to intentionally create the opportunity to meet people, and some of us don’t want to put forth the effort, or even know how.”
Realizing your need for genuinely intimate relationships with friends is a step in the right direction. But before you can approach others, you need to make sure that you’re approachable yourself.
“When making new friends, especially if you’re self-conscious, try to be open minded and ask others about themselves,” Zangara suggests. “Sometimes just a smile can make you seem much more approachable and friendly. Making good eye contact also helps, and you will seem confident.”
People are drawn to each other for different reasons, whether it’s an ambitious career, a shared interest in science fiction, or a quirky sense of humor. It’s natural, and while there’s no way to force it, giving off a confident, positive vibe will increase the likelihood that someone will be charmed by you.

Strategies for How to Make Friends

When you’re longing to find the Thelma to your Louise, you might be at a loss for where to go. But you’re not the first person to navigate the world of making new friends. We asked women from around the world about the strategies that helped them find their besties. While none of them suggested Craigslist, they did share the clever ideas that worked for them.

1. Sign up for sports.

Sherri Bourdo, a physical therapist in Fort Myers, Florida, found herself lonely when she relocated from Wisconsin. So she started looking for ways to keep busy and pursue her passions—and that’s when she found some local friends.
“Volleyball is one of my passions, so I checked into all the local clubs and recreational centers for teams that may need an additional player. Just my luck, a team needed one girl and I joined them for the season. They became (and still are) some of my closest friends,” she says. “The great thing with volleyball or any sport is that most people who play are usually into health, fitness, and staying active, which can help you continue connecting with other people and building more friendships.”
If traditional team sports aren’t your thing, try other ways of being active, like a Pilates class or group hiking. There’s something about the act of moving your body makes it easier to build connections with others.

2. Give someone a compliment.

Bars are a great place to meet friends, right? That’s what Samantha Allen, a legal assistant in Boston, believed when she was looking for new pals. It generally worked—but she did something extra at a local watering hall that made a big difference.
“A few months ago, I complimented a woman at a bar on how wonderfully she matched her red lipstick to the same red shade of her leather purse, and we’ve been good girlfriends ever since. We spent the rest of the night hanging out, and today when we go to dinner or out for walks, we always laugh that so few people meet new friends the way we did,” she says.
Noticing something unique about another person and actually speaking up about it can break the ice on a new relationship. Try complimenting one new person a day to see where it leads you.

3. Try something unexpected (like karaoke).

Whether it’s indoor rock climbing, singing in a choir, or taking a pottery-making class, a new activity can help you break out of your shell and meet friends from other walks of life. For Alexandra Palombo, a communications specialist in Washington, D.C., that activity was joining a competitive karaoke league (yes, that’s a thing).
“Part of its appeal is that you could potentially meet 47 other people that you didn’t know before on any given night,” she says.
It turns out that friends who sing together, stay together. Even though Palombo has since left the league, she credits the experience as the thing that helped her make “about 80 percent” of her local friends, including both her old roommate and her boyfriend of five years.
“I highly recommend that people who are new in town search out stuff like this and give it a try,” she says. “Worst case scenario: It’s no fun. The best case, though, is that you make a ton of new connections outside of your workplace.”

4. Connect through your kids (or your dog).

“Kids are your key and entryway to meeting friends,” says Alison Bernstein, founder of real estate strategy firm Suburban Jungle and mom of four children.
Each social or recreational activity your child has during the week creates an opportunity to strike up a conversation with another mom and hopefully hit things off as friends.
“Chat with other parents at birthday party drop-offs or sporting events,” Bernstein adds. “As your kids make friends, you’ll automatically have things in common with their parents as all your children will go through their ‘firsts’ together, from starting kindergarten, to gaining independence, and ultimately graduation. That common bond goes a long way.”
Don’t have kids? A dog can have a similar effect on helping you make friends, says Bernstein.
“Dogs are always a conversation starter,” she says. “Many towns have dog parks which are great places to socialize. You can meet so many people there and set up dog play dates.”

5. Go on a retreat.

Retreats are like summer camp for grown-ups—not only are they a chance to step outside the routine of everyday life, they’re also a catalyst for friendships to form and deepen, fast. That’s what Andrea Valeria, digital nomad and vlogger at It’s a Travel O.D., recently discovered during a multi-day retreat with nine other women in Playa del Carmen, Mexico.
“I’m constantly trying new travel-related experiences so I can meet more cool people,” she says. “Most recently, I went on an all-women’s entrepreneurial retreat by Vaera Journeys. Spending a week with women who like to hustle as much as I do turned out to be a great idea. I walked away inspired and with a few new friends.”
You don’t have to go too far from home to find a retreat, though. Look for a local retreat with a theme that interests you, whether that’s yoga, spirituality, getting back to nature, or anything else, so you can make friends who are as enthusiastic about something as you are.

6. Get digital.

As isolating as social media and the internet can be, online spaces can also be useful places for making connections—if you know where to look. Estrella Sansait, a Canadian expat living in Spain, says that online groups make it easier for introverts like her to find new friends.
“Opening up to new people has always been a bit of challenge for me. When I moved abroad, I forced myself out of my social comfort zone and was able to create connections with a handful of amazing people through Facebook groups and Meetup. Some of them are still in my life,” she says.
Jacquelyn Kyle, a travel blogger based in New Jersey, also had good luck making friends through digital platforms.
“I used BumbleBFF. It felt a bit shallow to swipe ‘no’ on potential friends, but it was remarkable to me how similar the process is to dating. I went on a few BumbleBFF ‘dates’ that were just as awkward as any romantic date, but before too long I met Alexa. We connected immediately, and each ended up sharing much more about our lives than we’d planned. She’s my best friend, and I’m so happy I met her,” says Kyle.

7. Connect with people in your field.

Your profession instantly gives you something in common with potential new friends, along with tons to talk about. Emily King, owner and creative director of Whiskey & White Events, says that she leveraged her career as a “solopreneur” to spur her social life.
“Not having any coworkers can be lonely. So I’ve intentionally reached out to other creative business owners in my city and industry and a small group of us meet once a month for what I call my Encouraging Friendship Group,” she says. “We talk about our businesses and provide each other with inspiration and support to follow our dreams, both personally and professionally. It’s been incredibly rewarding.”
Wondering how to make friends in your field? Try going to local networking events, joining professional associations, or even just inviting someone with an interesting background on LinkedIn out to coffee. You never know where it might lead.

The HealthyWay Friendship Challenge

Now that you know some ways to start making friends, it’s time to go out and try them. HealthyWay’s challenging you to put yourself out there and approach three potential friends in the next week. Go head, invite a colleague out for drinks, ask the cool girl in your spin class to go to brunch, or set up a much-needed mommy date. Let us know how it goes by hitting us up on Facebook, or snap a pic with your new friend and tag us on Instagram @itsthehealthyway.

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