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What's Your Parenting Style (And How Is It Affecting Your Kids)?

Post author By Kelly Burch
Post date March 25, 2018

You recently got that treasured positive pregnancy test, and there are hundreds of questions whirling through your head: What will the baby be named? What kind of birth will you have? And importantly: What will your parenting style be?
Your mom and dad probably never gave much thought to their parenting style other than “Keep the kids alive” or “Raise good humans.” However, in recent years it’s become easier than ever to find like-minded people online, and the idea of [linkbuilder id=”6511″ text=”parenting styles”] has taken off. Terms like “helicopter parent,” “free-range mom” and “attachment parenting” have become mainstream, and new parents often feel like they need to investigate each parenting style and ascribe to one before their child is even born.
Some parents begin picking a parenting style just as early as they pick a nursery theme or a hospital to deliver at. There are many books and expert opinions on [linkbuilder id=”6516″ text=”different parenting styles”] available, and lots of parents begin researching months before their child is born—or even before they conceive! It’s not all that surprising, though. After all, this is an important decision since your parenting style can have lifelong effects on both you and your children.

Here’s everything you need to know about parenting styles, from the consequences, behaviors, and everyday parenting choices associated with the most common styles to the drawbacks of having a rigid parenting style picked out.

Where did the idea of parenting styles come from?

When you were growing up, you probably never heard much about parenting styles, and you might be wondering what all the fuss is about. That’s because the idea of defined parenting styles is relatively new.
“Our studies of parenting models or styles are not that old,” says John Mayer, PhD, a practicing clinical psychologist licensed in six states who specializes in working with children, teens, and their families.
Mayer says that in the past children were effectively considered small adults and were expected to behave as such, so no defined parenting styles were needed. That changed a bit in the 1930s when psychologists began studying child development and realized that how kids are parented could affect their personalities as they grew.

Still, throughout most of the 20th century child rearing was kept fairly simple. Most children were expected to be obedient and respectful, and parents assumed a relatively strict role.
The more modern idea of parenting styles that tap into different social and emotional belief systems is very recent, says Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio, LCSW, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of Simple Habits of Exceptional (But Not Perfect) Parents.
“It’s all about marketing,” he says. “Some parenting theorists package their recommendations into neat, catchy titles for marketing purposes the same way that dieting experts do. The mainstream media needs fresh content, so these new approaches gain visibility and, hence, adherents.”
Today, talking about parenting styles has become mainstream. But it turns out that there is quite a bit of research backing up the belief in the importance of distinct parenting styles.

The Scientifically-Described Parenting Styles

Many parenting styles are indeed new, and almost branded to the specific person who brought them to fruition. However, on a broader level, there is scientific merit to the idea that how children are parented affects the people they grow up to be.

When researchers look at parenting styles, they’re often talking about different things than most parents are considering when we talk casually about parenting styles. While pop-culture styles like free-range or attachment parenting focus on how parents behave, scientific research tends to focus on four types of parenting styles that are driven by what parents believe. These scientifically recognized styles were first identified by Diana Baumrind, a clinical and developmental psychologist.
In 1966, Baumrind published a scientific paper that defined three distinct types of parenting styles (later scientists would add a fourth: more on that in a minute!). They were:

The Authoritarian Parenting Style

Parents who have an authoritarian parenting style believe that children should not question them. They emphasize the need for obedience and opt for strict punishment if rules are broken. Authoritarian parents would have no problem using the phrase “Because I said so” to justify their actions since they believe a parent has ultimate power to give commands to their kids.

The Authoritative Parenting Style

Authoritative parents have strict expectations of their kids, but will explain why, rather than just expecting the child to obey them because they said so, Baumrind wrote. People who ascribe to this parenting style are willing to explain their decisions using logic and reason, but these parents aren’t interested in their children’s desires or opinions when it comes to making parental decisions.

For example, an authoritative parent might explain to a preschooler that she needs to wear a matching, coordinated outfit to a family event because dressing nicely is a sign of respect. If the child still didn’t want to dress how the parent wants her to, an authoritarian parent would enforce their expectation and make the child change into an appropriate outfit.

The Permissive Parenting Style

Permissive parents give a lot of weight to their children’s thoughts and opinions when making parenting decisions. People who chose this parenting style are likely to affirm their kids’ feelings and less likely to dole out punishments or have strict expectations. In the example above, a permissive parent would most likely let the child chose his or her own outfit to wear to the event, even if it was not what the parent would ideally like.

The Fourth Parenting Style

In 1983 researchers added a fourth category: the uninvolved parenting style. These parents don’t enforce strict standards, and they are not nurturing or warm toward their children.
These styles are still considered relevant by psychologists today. Gail Gross, PhD, EdD, writes that each is associated with distinct effects. Children of authoritarian parents often seek approval and associated approval with love, she says, while children with permissive parents might be unorganized, lack boundaries, or not have much self-control. Children of uninvolved parents often lose their ability to trust, which can affect their relationships later in life.

Gross writes that the authoritative parenting style is best for most kids.
“Authoritative parents regularly communicate expectations and potential consequences, thereby raising a child in an environment that provides both security and confidence, which helps build his self-esteem,” she writes.

The Pop-Culture Parenting Styles

While researchers have defined the parenting styles above and studied how they influence development, modern parenting experts have articulated additional parenting styles that have become more well-known in modern pop culture. You’re probably not sitting around with your friends debating the merits of being an authoritative versus a permissive parent, but you’ve probably thrown “helicopter parent” around a time or two.
Although modern parenting styles can be related to the scientific parenting styles outlined above, pop-culture parenting styles all have their own tenants and focuses. While the scientifically recognized parenting styles were defined through observation, modern parenting styles have been heavily influenced by our cultural moments and collective values and desires.

Here are three pop-culture parenting styles that you’ve probably heard of:

The Attachment Parenting Style

Attachment parenting is a phrase coined by William Sears, a pediatrician. The attachment parenting style focuses on the bond between mom and baby, with particular attention given to meeting a child’s physical needs as a newborn, says Sheryl Ziegler, PhD, a psychologist and author of Mommy Burnout. Attachment parents often emphasize breastfeeding, babywearing, and responding to baby’s every cry.
Advocates of the attachment parenting style claim that it builds a secure bond between parent and child that will set the child up for healthy relationships throughout their lives.
Skeptics, however say that it can have drawbacks as well. “In this parenting style [the maternal–child bond] is often over exaggerated and leads to poor parenting habits such as breastfeeding too long, sleeping with the baby, again, too long, and exclusion of co-parent and other significant others,” says Mayer.

The Free-Range Parenting Style

When journalist Lenore Skenazy wrote about letting her 9-year-old son ride the subway on his own, she sparked a firestorm that led to the creation of the free-range parenting movement. Free-range parenting isn’t based on a medical or scientific belief, but rather the idea that parents need to give their kids a bit of freedom and space, with the general assumption that kids will be safe.

“The mantra would be something like ‘Kids are not in constant danger…so stop parenting them that way,’” Ziegler tells HealthyWay.
Advocates say that this is the approach that was common throughout most of the 20th century, when kids were sent outside to play unsupervised, or to run to the store for their parents. Advocates also emphasize that the world remains relatively safe for kids and that giving them space encourages independence and self-reliability.
However, detractors says that this approach can put kids in danger. “There is a misnomer that free-range parents are too carefree, don’t care about rules and discipline, and that kids run wild,” Ziegler explains. “However, that is not really the case. Free-range parents do believe in safety but they have more of a fundamental trust in kids and community to take care of itself.”

The Helicopter Parenting Style

Unlike the first two parenting styles, helicopter parenting has a decidedly negative connotation. This parenting style describes parents who are always around and regularly do things for their children that the children could easily do themselves. For toddlers, that might mean keeping hands on them on the playground, whereas older kids with helicopter parents might have their laundry and college applications done for them.

Parents sometimes find themselves hovering too close to their child—like a helicopter—because of their own anxieties. However, detractors say that this can cause anxiety in kids and can diminish or stunt their belief in themselves.
“This leads to deficits in individual responsibility, maturity, accountability, and personal relationship formation,” Mayer says.

What To Do If Your Parenting Style Isn’t Working

Trying to follow one of these particular parenting styles can be useful for figuring out how you (and your partner, if you have one) will confront the challenges that kids bring. However, having a rigid parenting style can also be a cause of stress. If you find yourself worrying about not doing things the “right” way or making certain decisions just because they’re in line with your chosen style rather than because you genuinely believe those decisions are best for your child, it may indicate that your chosen parenting style isn’t working for you according to Dolan-Del Vecchio.
“Our interactions with our children cannot be fit into neat categories,” he says.
Ziegler says that it’s important to keep some flexibility no matter what approach you think will be best for you and your child. For example, an attachment parent may plan to babywear frequently, but have a child who prefers to be able to move independently. In cases like that, it’s perfectly fine to adjust the tenets of your chosen parenting style to fit your family’s needs.
“Instead of abandoning the style all together, I encourage new parents to take the style—as with many things in life—in moderation,” Ziegler says.

Creating Your Own Parenting Style

Ultimately, experimenting with different parenting styles can help you find the method that is the best fit for your family.
“I would remind parents that popular parenting styles come and go,” Ziegler says. “If they want to make a change they can do so in certain areas, but can maintain that style at other times. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”
Dolan-Del Vecchio recommends parents take lessons from each parenting style and meld them together to create an approach that works the best for their family members’ specific circumstances and personalities.
“The core messages within each of these styles apply well to the particulars of certain situations and not well to others,” he explains. “For example, it is healthy for parents to helicopter when teaching their young child to swim, ride a bike, and use the internet, but unhealthy when their child does his or her homework. It is healthy for a parent to apply strict rules about curfew and time limits on use of technology during their child’s early stages of development but this will hopefully change as their child moves toward adulthood.”

Letting go of the need to adhere to a specific parenting style can allow parents the freedom to make the decisions that they are most comfortable with, Dolan-Del Vecchio says. He goes on to say it’s important that kids know what to expect from their parents, but it is not important that adults be able to label their particular brand of parenting.
“I think having a defined parenting doctrine is wrongheaded. Parenting requires us to be observant of ourselves and our child, flexible in our approach to providing loving guidance, and ready to negotiate and compromise with our co-parent if we have one so that we approach our child with consistency.”
Parenting styles can provide great guidance for raising kids and give you a foundation for building your family’s belief system when it comes to matters of discipline and authority. However, if you find that your parenting style is giving you more stress than relief, it’s perfectly okay to adjust your parenting style or decide that you don’t need a defined approach at all.
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Health x Body Wellbeing

Don’t Feel The Burn: 7 Proven Home Remedies For Heartburn Relief

Post author By Kelly Burch
Post date March 24, 2018

You’ve just eaten a delicious meal and sit down to relax when you begin to feel it—the creeping burn rising through your chest. Heartburn is going to disrupt your day, and you might feel helpless when it comes to keeping it under control and eager to find a quick and effective home remedy.
“The first time I had heartburn, I honest to goodness thought that I was having a heart attack,” an aunt told me when I started experiencing the condition during pregnancy. “I really thought I had to go to the ER. Then I took some TUMS.”
She laughed as I looked on, horrified.
If you’re like many women, you’ve either experienced heartburn yourself or seen friends and family members wincing in pain after eating. About 60 million Americans experience heartburn once a month, and about a quarter of us feel the burn every day according to the American College of Gastroenterology (ACG). For most of those people, finding home remedies for heartburn is essential to easing the pain.
That’s because sometimes heartburn can be a minor inconvenience, but other times—like in my aunt’s case—it can cause debilitating discomfort. If you experience heartburn regularly, it can really detract from your quality of life, making it hard to enjoy meals and even keeping you up at night. Because heartburn and indigestion often strike unexpectedly, it’s good to know how a few effective home remedies for heartburn can keep those uncomfortable symptoms at bay.
Fortunately for millions of heartburn sufferers, there are a few useful home remedies for heartburn that alleviate discomfort without requiring a trip to the doctor (although, as always, it’s best to speak with your doctor if you are concerned about any aspect of your health).
Here is everything you need to know about heartburn—and which home remedies for heartburn work best according to the experts.

What causes heartburn?

Despite its name, heartburn actually has nothing to do with your heart, other than the fact that the feeling often originates in the chest before moving upward through the neck and throat.
Heartburn is caused when stomach acid (which helps you digest food) moves backward and upward through the esophagus, the tube that carries food from the mouth to the stomach. According to the ACG, “The prolonged contact of acidic stomach juice with the esophageal lining injures the esophagus and produces a burning discomfort.”
“The esophagus doesn’t have the same protective coating as the stomach, which is designed to withstand very acidic fluid levels, so the acid actually does burn the esophageal lining and cause a burning sensation,” says Kyrin Dunston, MD, a board certified functional medicine specialist.
Normally your esophagus is protected from stomach acid because it is separated from the stomach by a muscle valve called the lower esophageal sphincter. Heartburn occurs when this sphincter relaxes too often, allowing stomach acid flow up into the esophagus. When that happens you’re going to feel discomfort, so it’s important to know which home remedies for heartburn can help.

Heartburn, Acid Reflux, and GERD—Oh My!

Heartburn, acid reflux, and gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) are all terms that are thrown around when we talk about stomach acid and the discomfort it can cause. But there are slight differences between the terms according to Dunston.
“Heartburn is the sensation that someone with the occurrence of acid reflux will experience,” she explains. That means that heartburn is the feeling, and acid reflux is the actual occurrence of your stomach acid creeping into your esophagus.
GERD, Dunston explains, is a condition that is diagnosed when acid reflux occurs frequently.
“Gastroesophageal reflux disease is usually referred to when someone has this occurrence on a consistent basis over time and experiences chronic irritation of the lower esophagus in response to the acid,” she explains. “This may or may not be accompanied by symptoms and may or may not need to be controlled with medication.”
A diagnosis of GERD usually involves medical testing and procedures according to the ACG. While home remedies for heartburn might help you manage the symptoms of GERD, you’ll probably need to talk to your doctor about medical treatment options if you’re experiencing heartburn frequently.

Risk Factors for Heartburn: From Food to Lifestyle

Heartburn most commonly occurs when the stomach is full, which can prevent the lower esophageal sphincter from closing properly, Dunston says. This is why heartburn occurs most frequently after eating and why people who suffer from heartburn are advised to eat smaller meals, which is one of the most effective home remedies for heartburn.
There are other factors that can increase your risk for heartburn according to a scientific review hosted by PubMed Health. A hiatal hernia can cause your stomach bulge out into your chest, restricting your sphincter’s ability to close properly. If your esophagus does not move food down into your stomach quickly enough, you are also more likely to experience heartburn. This particular root cause can be exacerbated by being on hormonal birth control or certain blood pressure medications. Some people believe that being overweight can lead to increased risk of heartburn, but there is debate over this correlation in the scientific community.
Many women find that their heartburn increases during pregnancy, particularly in the third trimester when their baby is taking up an increasing amount of space in the abdominal cavity.
“During pregnancy the enlarging uterus displaces the stomach upwards, which mimics a fuller stomach and also can force the [lower esophageal sphincter] to open, allowing stomach acid to enter the esophagus,” Dunston explains.
Pregnancy hormones can also play a role in pregnancy-related heartburn according to Rebecca Lee, a registered nurse and founder of Remedies For Me. Hormones can slow digestion and relax the muscles in the esophagus that normally push food into the stomach, allowing acid to creep upward, she says.
“The placenta, which produces the hormone progesterone, relaxes the uterine muscles. It also relaxes the valve between the esophagus and stomach, which allows gastric acid to flow backwards into the throat,” Lee explains.
To ease discomfort in the third trimester, most pregnant women are eager to find home remedies for heartburn that are safe for baby as well.

How to Prevent Heartburn Before It Strikes

Now that you know more about what causes heartburn, you’re probably hoping to learn how to stop it from happening. It turns out that the most effective home remedies for heartburn have to do with prevention.
Making lifestyle changes can have a huge impact on how frequently you experience heartburn. This is especially true because the foods that comprise a typical modern American diet can increase people’s risk for heartburn according to Dunston. Chocolate, coffee, alcohol, and foods that are fatty or spicy can all cause heartburn or make the condition worse. If you’re looking for effective home remedies for heartburn, you may want to experiment with taking these foods out of your diet.
“[These foods] increase the amount of acid in the stomach that can enter the lower esophagus and thus can increase symptoms,” Dunston explains.
“Dietary changes are extremely effective and in some cases can completely eliminate symptoms over time,” she says. While chocolate, coffee, alcohol, and fatty and spicy foods are the most common dietary irritants for heartburn, you may find other trigger foods that increase your symptoms. Dunston suggests paying close attention to when your experience heartburn in order to identify which foods might be a trigger for you.
Another important lifestyle change that will increase your overall health and reduce the likelihood of heartburn? Quitting smoking. The habit makes symptoms of heartburn worse according to Dunston.
“Tobacco inhibits saliva, which is the body’s major buffer. Tobacco may also stimulate stomach acid production and relax the muscle between the esophagus and the stomach, permitting acid reflux to occur,” according to the ACG.
If you make these large changes and still find that you’re getting heartburn, it’s time to try more specific, targeted home remedies for heartburn. A good next step is to start eating smaller meals and eating dinner at least three hours before you go to sleep.
“Eating smaller portions allows the stomach to more effectively empty and decrease the pressure on the lower esophageal sphincter, lessening symptoms,” Dunston explains.
Lying down increases pressure on the lower esophageal sphincter, so it’s a good idea to avoid eating for three hours before bed because your stomach will be empty by the time you’re lying down. Without the added pressure of food in your stomach, the lower esophageal sphincter is more likely to close tightly, meaning that you can enjoy a restful night’s sleep without experiencing heartburn.
If you’re not able to change your meal times, switching up your sleeping position can also help alleviate heartburn.
“Sleeping with several pillows to elevate the upper body helps to alleviate pressure on the lower esophageal sphincter and uses gravity to keep acid in the stomach where it belongs,” Dunston explains.

How to Stop Heartburn Once It’s Started

The worst thing about heartburn is the feeling of helplessness once it’s started. Maybe you indulged in some chocolate or a spicy tomato dish that you knew you shouldn’t have, and now you’re paying the price with searing pain. Thankfully, there are home remedies for heartburn that can help ease the pain after your cheat meal.
There are over-the-counter medications that are designed to help with heartburn, like the popular TUMS. However, there are also a whole host of more natural home remedies for heartburn that are effective. Here are a few of our favorites:

Almonds or Almond Milk

You’ve probably heard of drinking milk to ease the burn of a spicy bite, but when it comes to cooling the fire of heartburn, almond milk is best according to Lee.
“Almonds soothe the stomach due to [their] high oil content. The fiber in nuts aids in digestion,” she says. If you’re experiencing heartburn, she says you could have a glass of almost milk or eat a handful of almonds, and should experience relief within about half an hour.
Kudzu and Apple Juice

Elizabeth Trattner, an acupuncture physician trained in traditional Chinese medicine, says one of her more reliable treatments for heartburn is kudzu. This vine has been used for thousands of years in Chinese medicine, and recent research has shown that one of its chemical compounds, puerarin, can help alleviate heartburn. Combining kudzu with apple juice, which contains pectin (a plant fiber), can provide on-the-spot relief. You’ll just want to make sure you order kudzu ahead of your next flare-up, since it isn’t particularly easy to find.
Check out food and nutrition educator Rebecca Katz’s recipe for mellow kudzu elixir to learn how apple juice, kuzu root powder, ginger, vanilla, and cinnamon pair to replace your heartburn-inducing coffee with a beverage that’s both soothing and delicious.
Throat Coat Tea

One of the most unpleasant aspects of heartburn can be the burning or acidic taste at the back of your throat. If you’re experiencing this, Trattner recommends sipping throat coat tea, which can give your throat an added layer of protection. “Throat coat is a tea that contains herbs like slippery elm [to] coat the throat but also line the esophagus and stomach … making it a great remedy before hitting medication.”
Traditional Medicinals’ organic Throat Coat tea is a popular option for relief on the run, and they even have a Just for Kids blend if your little is in need of a heartburn remedy.
Yellow Mustard

If you’re experiencing heartburn, the last thing you want to eat is probably a spoonful of yellow mustard, but doing so can provide much-needed relief according to Lee.
“The ingredients in mustard, like vinegar, zinc, and turmeric (which stimulates digestion), can neutralize the acid in the stomach,” Lee explains. Best of all, mustard is a remedy most people already have in their refrigerators. The next time you’re experiencing heartburn, swallow a teaspoon of mustard either on its own or atop a plain cracker. “It works well, and it works fast,” Lee says.
Calcium

Calcium is one of the main ingredients in over-the-counter antacids, Lee explains, but a regular calcium magnesium supplement (which you might already have at home) is just as effective. Taking 1,000 milligrams of calcium a day (alongside magnesium and vitamin D, which help your body absorb calcium) can prevent and treat heartburn.
Pickles

“Pickles and their juices act fast on heartburn,” Lee says. “The vinegar content helps to neutralize [acid] levels in the stomach within minutes.” She advises eating a few pickles or drinking straight pickle juice during a heartburn flare-up. You should experience relief within 10 minutes.
Apple Cider Vinegar

Like pickles, apple cider vinegar can act quickly to balance acid level in the stomach, Lee says. If you’re experiencing heartburn, try swallowing a teaspoon of apple cider vinegar. If you can withstand the strong taste, hold the vinegar in your mouth for a moment before swallowing to stimulate saliva production—which also helps fight acid.
Heartburn is downright miserable, but fortunately there are plenty of ways to prevent and treat it quickly. The next time you feel the burn give one of these home remedies for heartburn a try as soon as possible!

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Fitness Advice x Motivation Sweat

Yes, You Can: Fitness Motivation Tips For Days When You Just Can’t Even

Post author By Katie Martin
Post date March 24, 2018

I chase after my kid all day, y’all. I get my professional work done while he’s sleeping.
House and home? Ha!
My chore list just seems to get longer every time I look at it, and yet somehow, I am supposed to also find the time to workout?
Ha. Ha. Ha.
It’s hard to tap that motivational well when all I want to do is eat clearance Valentine’s candy and take a nap, but according to one study, just two weeks of inactivity is enough to reduce muscle mass, slow your metabolism, and increase risk for certain diseases like type 2 diabetes.
Yikes!
Maybe you’re a new mom. Maybe you struggle to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe you have long workdays. Maybe you’re juggling all three scenarios!
If you struggle to find daily fitness motivation because you’ve got a zillion other things going on your life, here are expert tips that’ll encourage, empower, and motivate you to exercise on those days when you just can’t even.

Rise and shine! How to Find Your Morning Fitness Motivation

My cousin gets up at 4:00 every morning and runs five miles before she heads off to her job as pediatric dentist.
I think she’s totally nuts.
Why would you willingly leave your cozy bed to go running at zero dark thirty?
It might not be my cup of tea, but studies have shown that working out in the morning does have its benefits. According to one study by Anne McTiernan at the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center, morning exercise like a brisk walk or light stretching improved overall sleep quality for participants. Those who exercised in the evening, on the other hand, reported no improvement in sleep habits.
Researchers at Northwestern University have also shown people who got most of their vitamin D from early morning sunshine had lower BMIs than those who were exposed to sunlight later in the day. Exposure to early morning sun may help keep your circadian rhythm (your body’s natural clock) on track, helping you boost your metabolism and maintain a healthy weight.
If you’re an early riser who loves to start the day with a quick yoga flow or a half-marathon training session, keep up the good work!
If, like me, you struggle to get up in the morning, Cassy Velez, a NASM Certified Personal Trainer and ACE Certified Group Fitness Instructor, says “I think the most integral thing that someone can do for themselves in order to ensure that they stay motivated over time and reach their goals is to set their goals properly from day one.”
Instead of focusing on results (like losing 10 pounds), Velez says that setting process-oriented goals can give you sustainable fitness motivation, even if you’d rather sleep in.
Process-oriented goals are more achievable, Velez explains, because “there are so many external factors that we can’t control on the way to achieving a specific goal. … What you can control is the process and the actions you’re going to take. If you focus on the process, you’ll almost always hit the goal anyway because you’re taking the necessary steps to get there.”
Want a good example of a process-oriented goal? How about committing to one fitness class or sweat sesh a week? Fit it into your established schedule and build a routine up around it. If you’re going to a 7 a.m. barre class Mondays before work, make yourself breakfast Sunday night and treat yourself to a coffee on the way into work. Want to swim for 45 minutes every Thursday before picking the kids up from school? Go early enough to blow dry your hair before leaving the gym and get a good spot in the carpool line.
Rather than focusing on your waistline or shedding pounds, stick to your schedule and enjoy the transformations that come from committing to yourself.

One is the Loneliest Number: Where to Find Fitness Motivation When Your Gym Buddy Deserts You

I am not a person who likes to exercise alone. I need a buddy to encourage me and help distract me from the fact that I’m exercising.
So, when I moved away from my BFF and CFM (Chief Fitness Motivator), I struggled to maintain my motivation to exercise.
While I did miss catching up on the latest Bachelor drama with my bestie, what I missed most was the encouraging emotional support she provided during our workouts. I tried motivational workout apps, but it just wasn’t the same.
If you’re struggling to find the inspiration to workout alone, Janis Isaman, owner of Calgary-based My Body Couture, a private, one-on-one fitness studio, speaker, movement specialist, and nutrition coach, says that signing what’s called a “commitment contract” with yourself can be incredibly helpful.
“One study found that, just like smoking cessation and retirement savings, people respond with action when they sign contractual agreements,” says Isaman. “Not only that, but they can be encouraged to choose longer durations and higher commitment.”
Commitment contracts can help you stick to a plan, especially if you’re struggling to motivate yourself to work out solo, because you’re obligated to complete the terms of the contract.
I tried Isaman’s suggestion, and used this template to create a fitness motivation contract for myself. I printed it out and stuck it on the fridge, and now every time I see it, I’m reminded that I made a promise to myself to work out. So far, I haven’t skipped one solo workout. What’s more, I’m actually starting to enjoy it.
Isaman’s last piece of advice?
“Contracts are a proven way to help meet your goal. Remember that these aren’t New Year’s resolutions, so take your time before you sign one. Learn about your own personal motivations, develop a tracking tool (there are paper and online journals available) and take the time to customize a truly usable and unique document that is as mentally as powerful as a contract you would sign for a living space, relationship, or employment situation!”

Working 9 to 5? Skip happy hour and head to the gym instead.

I know, I know.
If your only free time to exercise is after work, it’s nearly impossible to find the motivation to go to the gym, when all you want to do is snuggle with your pupper, see what Princess Margaret is up to on The Crown, and call it a night.
But research recently published in the Annals of Internal Medicine suggests that sedentary behavior (like sitting at a desk all day for work) can lead to earlier mortality.
I don’t know about you, but I have big plans to spend most of my retirement in one of those luxe cabanas on the water in Tahiti, so after reading this study, I started moving more during the day.
If your eventual retirement isn’t enough of a fitness motivator, banishing negative self-talk may help you drum up the extra willpower to hit the gym after work.
Alexandra Allred, a member of the first U.S. women’s Olympic bobsled team and an adjunct professor of kinesiology at Navarro College, says that motivating self-talk is key for success not only in the gym, but in your work life as well.
“For years, I have talked to my own everyday fitness class participants about how they talk to themselves,” says Allred.
How often do you find yourself saying things like, “If I weren’t so bad at my job, I wouldn’t have to stay late and skip the gym,” or “If I could just lose twenty pounds, I think everything would be better”?
“Most people view these as the proper motivational self-talk tools to lose weight, join a gym, push harder, et cetera,” says Allred. “In actuality, these are roadblocks. It sounds so basic, but when a person learns to talk to him or herself in more positive tones, there is a noted shift over time. Positive and proactive self-talk doesn’t happen overnight, so neither will the changes. Just as it takes time to properly lose weight, it takes time to learn how to do … what I call P and P self talk.”
Allred recommends replacing your “if” statements with “I will” statements for fitness motivation.
Start your workday by saying, “I will rock this presentation, and I will go to the gym today.” Repeat this statement as often as you need to, especially when you find yourself tempted to skip an after-work sweat session.

Fitness Motivation for When Your Mental Health is Suffering

Sometimes our lack of motivation to work out is rooted in our mental and emotional well-being. It’s no surprise that many people who struggle with anxiety or depression struggle to prioritize exercise.
While information from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America suggests that regular exercise can help elevate depressed moods and reduce anxiety, fitness motivation is the last thing on your mind when you’d rather get back in bed or feel anxious about (or even petrified of) engaging yourself physically, going outside the house, or putting yourself in social setting you’d rather not face.
Unfortunately, mental health disorders often sneak up on us. Too often, you may not even realize you’re suffering from depression or anxiety, but according to a resource hosted by the Department of Health and Human Services, if you find yourself unable to get out of bed, losing interest in things you used to love, or feeling hopeless on a regular basis, you may be suffering from undiagnosed depression.
First, know that you don’t have to suffer alone. Reach out to a professional, a friend, or a family member who you trust to support you in finding the help you need.
If you’re having suicidal thoughts, stop what you’re doing and text or call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
Claudia Luiz, a psychoanalyst and author of the forthcoming textbook, The Making of a Psychoanalyst says, “It takes a lot of courage and experimentation to know what will and won’t work for you, and then you need the self-love to give yourself the gift of beauty and health. Once you do the deeper work on yourself, finding the courage and self-love to come up with a truly and deeply enjoyable program, executing it will not be very far behind.”
Do try to incorporate exercise into your self-care plan—even if it’s really hard at first. Go for a short walk around the block, a swim at the local aquatic center, or a bike ride in the park. If you’d rather not be around others at a gym or community center, try hiking. Stanford researchers found walking in a natural area for 90 minutes “showed decreased activity in a region of the brain associated with a key factor in depression.” Not up for leaving the house? Unfurl your yoga mat and follow along with a yoga flow from the comfort of your living room.

Baby on Board: Postpartum Fitness Motivation

Even though you may desperately want to lose your baby fluff, all you’re really motivated to do is get some much needed sleep whenever baby will allow it.
But exercising isn’t just good for mom, it’s good for baby too.
“When my son was six weeks old, I was cleared to return to regular activities by my doctor,” says Julie Lohre, women’s fitness expert, IFBB fitness pro, certified personal trainer and nutrition specialist, and fitness magazine cover model and contributor. “Workout time become my own personal me time … something of a mental health break that allowed me to come back to my baby an hour later energized and re-focused.”
Lohre says to tap into your fitness motivation post-baby, you first need to acknowledge that your health and fitness are not just important to you; your level of well-being will impact how well you can care for your baby.
The first thing you need to do?
Instead of using the scale as fitness motivation, throw it out!
I’m serious. You just had a baby. Cut yourself some slack. While many people will tell you that nursing helps you drop the pounds faster, I found the opposite to be true. My body held onto every calorie because it required extra fuel to make the nutritious milk my little nugget needed. So don’t focus on your weight—focus on the fact that your body just grew and is literally creating food for another little human.
Also, there’s nothing like treating yourself to a little new exercise gear to bump up your fitness motivation. When you have the right gear, like the right jogging stroller or sports bra for your new, milk-filled breasts, it can make all the difference. You might find that you actually love working out when your boobs aren’t flopping around like two bota bags. I know I did!
Finally, to tap your fitness motivation post-baby, you first need to acknowledge that your health and fitness are a top priority.
“The difference [working out after baby] made in my attitude was incredible,” says Lohre. “So often, I see new moms that feel as if they are losing their own identity. By making fitness a priority, they can gain back a piece of themselves and be better moms for it.”

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Conscious Beauty Lifestyle

Dry Brushing: A Skincare Miracle Or Too Good To Be True?

Post author By Katie Martin
Post date March 23, 2018

If you’re like me, you barely have time to pop on a detoxifying face mask once a week, much less head to the spa for a full-body detox session.
That’s why I was so excited to hear about the practice of dry brushing, a process of brushing your skin with a natural-bristle brush that’s supposed to promote energy, reduce cellulite, and drain toxins from your skin. Best of all, dry brushing is easy to do at home: no spa required.
Naturally, I was a little skeptical that simply dry brushing my skin in a certain pattern would actually work, so I before I invested in a dry brush, I consulted the experts to find out whether dry brushing is a skincare miracle solution or simply too good to be true.

Bye, bye cellulite? Not so fast.

Dry brushing is actually a centuries-old practice dating back to the days of Hippocrates. As the name implies, the practice involves brushing your dry skin with a coarse, short-bristled brush.
So why do it?
“[Dry brushing] works by stimulating the sebaceous glands, thereby encouraging natural lubrication of your skin; removing the top layer of dead cells, leading to significant exfoliation and skin that’s polished and silky; improving circulation and increasing blood flow to the surface of the body,” says Stephanie Tourles, a licensed esthetician, herbalist, and author of Organic Body Care Recipes.
Because dry brushing increases circulation and blood flow to the skin’s surface, it’s also touted as a cure for cellulite.
I’ll be totally honest, getting rid of my lumps and bumps is one of the main reasons I personally started dry brushing.
But, like most things that sound too good to be true, Tania Elliott, MD, a leading New York allergist and Chief Medical Officer at EHE, Inc., says, “There is no evidence though, to support that dry brushing can reduce cellulite.”
However, many people still swear that dry brushing does improve their cellulite.
“I’ve noticed improved tone in the jiggle-prone parts of my body” says Tourles referring to those trouble spots so many of us face: the upper arms and inner thighs.
In reality, dry brushing does increase short-term circulation. Increased blood flow actually puffs up skin, which can reduce the appearance of cellulite—temporarily—which is why I’m guilty of sneaking in a dry brushing session if I know I’m going to be seen in my swimsuit or if my spouse and I have scheduled some grown-up time. Hey, sometimes a girl needs all the help she can get!
And even if dry brushing doesn’t banish stubborn cellulite, you’ll notice immediate results in the smoothness of your skin after just a day or two of dry brushing, thanks to its exfoliating effects. But since there’s really only anecdotal proof that this practice helps reduce the long-term appearance of cellulite, you may have to wait several weeks to see if you notice a reduction in those dimples on the back of your thighs.

Don’t you know that you’re toxic?

Well, not exactly toxic, more like your skin has toxins.
“Over the course of an average day, your skin eliminates more than a pound of waste, including perspiration,” says Tourles. “If your skin is not carrying out normal elimination due to basic neglect of hygiene, illness, dry skin buildup, medication side effects, repeated application of mineral oil-based, pore-clogging body lotions or waterproof chemical-based sunscreens, or nutritional deficiencies, then your kidneys, large intestine, liver, and lungs may be operating on a subpar level.”
Dry brushing has recently gotten major buzz as an easy way to detox your skin because it promotes lymphatic drainage, which is supposed to help remove toxins.
According to an article published in the Journal of Circulation Research, the lymphatic system “plays an integral role in the regulation of tissue fluid homeostasis, immune cell trafficking, and absorption of dietary fats” and it works in tandem with the circulatory system to regularly flush toxins from the body.
Similar to the way that dry brushing temporarily energizes circulation, it also aids the lymphatic system by stimulating lymph glands just under the skin.
Your lymphatic system carries internal waste to different “dumping sites” in your body, according to the Circuelle Foundation, a non-profit organization focused on long-term breast health. While the heart helps blood pump throughout the body, the lymphatic system doesn’t have a built-in pump. Dry brushing, like massage, essentially acts as the lymphatic system’s pump, pushing toxins out of the body and carrying beneficial white blood cells throughout the lymphatic system.
“The lymph is very delicate,” says Marie Starling, doctor of chiropractic, a chiropractic internist and functional medicine specialist at the Healing Center in Denver. “Too much pressure will restrict the flow within the lymph vessels. When the lymph is stimulated in this way, it is transported to the lymph nodes where it is filtered. The tonsils, adenoids, spleen, and thymus are all part of this system that helps the body detoxify and fight infection.”
In addition to boosting your body’s ability to fight infection on its own, Starling says that dry brushing can also help decrease water retention, which you may see on the scale as a decrease in water weight and bloating.

Really, all you have to do is brush your skin.

Dry brushing really is that simple.
You can dry brush your skin any way you like, but to get the most out of dry brushing, Starling recommends following these steps to promote lymphatic drainage and circulation:

Start with the bottom of the feet and work your way up to the knee with brisk, upward strokes. Do one side and then the other.
Then, from the knee, stroke upward in small strokes moving toward the abdomen. Do one side and then the other.
At the abdomen, brush in small, upward circles.
Then move to the arms, starting with the palms and using short strokes that move in toward the torso on both the tops and undersides of the arms, finishing at the armpit. Do one arm and then the other.
Gently brush the chest area using circular motions.
Continue with small strokes up the neck toward the face.
Use a brush with a handle to brush the back in short, upward strokes.

Starling suggests that women avoid dry brushing their breasts, whereas Circuelle suggests dry brushing benefits breast health and hosts a diagram that shows that drainage associated with a dry-brushing ritual occurs in the breasts and other parts of the body.
“The ideal cadence is no more than two to three times per week—regular use can damage the skin barrier and lead to irritation,” says Elliott. “Remember, the skin is the largest organ in the body and it is the first barrier of our immune system. Over-irritation and skin breakdown can lead to infection risk.”
If you have concerns about the safety of dry brushing for your skin or breast health, it’s best to chat with your doctor.
Dry brushing in the bathroom? Watch out for water! Elliott says that if your brush gets wet, it can become a breeding ground for viruses and bacteria, so it’s important to clean your brush regularly.
To do so, simply wash and rinse with warm soapy water once a week.
“It will take your skin a while to get used to being brushed,” says Tourles, who recommends using a medium-soft, natural-fiber brush about the size of your palm for dry brushing.
“Never scrub though,” says Tourles. “Your body is not the tub!”
Your skin should be rosy pink, but never red, irritated, or itchy after dry brushing.
“You’ll feel wonderfully invigorated when you’re finished, and your skin will glow,” says Tourles. “If you’re just beginning, your skin may be a bit red immediately afterward, but as it adjusts and becomes more acclimated to the treatment, only a pinkish tinge (depending on your pigmentation) will remain for about five minutes until circulation calms. If your skin remains red or pink for a longer period, or feels irritated, then either the brush bristles are too firm or you’re brushing way too hard.”
For people with sensitive skin, Sejal Shah, MD, a board-certified dermatologist and RealSelf contributor, says “I generally recommend starting once a week and increasing slowly (up to daily) as your skin tolerates. I do suggest starting with a washcloth and working gradually up to something stiffer once you get to the desired effect.”
Always brush clean, dry skin before hopping in the shower, so that you can rinse off all the dead skin cells you just sloughed off. After your shower, use a rich moisturizing lotion or body oil to help keep skin soft, especially if you have sensitive skin.
After I shower, my go-to moisturizer is still Johnson and Johnson’s Baby Oil, which I rub on while I’m still wet, just before I towel dry. It smells delicious and keeps my skin literally baby soft all day long.
Though most dermatologists recommend dry brushing a few times a week, if your skin tolerates brushing, you can do it daily, ideally in the morning as an energizing part of your routine, says Tourles.
“It doesn’t take me thirty minutes to wake up in the morning, like it used to! For me, dry brushing is equivalent to a shot of espresso,” says Tourles.
However, there’s nothing wrong with dry brushing before bedtime if that’s when you normally shower.
So, what’s the bottom line?
Maybe dry brushing isn’t quite the skincare miracle some fans make it out to be, but it isn’t completely bogus, either.
I like dry brushing because it’s a quick and easy way to exfoliate my skin and temporarily hide my cellulite for a day at the beach. Coupled with my ten-minute morning yoga flow, dry brushing really does give me a boost of energy.
But if you’re looking for a quick way to detox, most doctors say there is no substitute for taking better care of your whole body. To boost your immune system and stay healthy, eat a healthy diet, drink plenty of water, get regular exercise, limit alcohol, sugary treats, and saturated fats, and consider adding dry brushing to your skincare routine.
Want to see for yourself if dry brushing lives up to the hype?
Here are some of our favorite products for your dry brushing routine:

The Organic Pharmacy Skin Brush

This natural-bristle brush features a long handle for hard-to-reach places as well as a small elastic band to slip around your hand for close brushing. The bristles are firm, but can be gentle enough to use on sensitive skin.

Dry Body Brush Set

This set includes two boar-bristle brushes (one for each hand!) and a cute bag to store your dry brushes. Plus, by purchasing this set, you’re supporting a small, woman-owned business in addition to getting great skin. Win-win!

EcoTools Dry Body Brush

This synthetic brush by EcoTools is the perfect cruelty-free dry brush for vegans or anyone concerned about animal welfare. At a price point under $10, it’s also one of the most affordable dry brushes out there. While the lack of a handle will make it harder to reach your back, the circular shape makes it easy to swirl on your skin to promote lymphatic drainage.

The Skinsoother by DermaFrida

Okay, so this product is technically for babies, but it’s also the perfect alternative to a stiff brush if you have sensitive skin. The set comes with two brushes, so you can have one and baby can, too! Plus, it features a suction cup on the back, so your brush can hang out in one convenient place.

tulasāra Radiant Facial Dry Brush

This Aveda dry brush is specially made for the sensitive skin on your face. It features medium-firm nylon bristles, so your face won’t get irritated. Just as dry brushing can temporarily reduce the appearance of cellulite, it can also temporarily reduce the appearance of fine lines on the face.

Wholesome Beauty Dry Skin Body Brush

This natural-bristle dry brush scores extra points for its long detachable handle. It also comes with a convenient travel pouch and hook, so you can easily reach your dry brush during your morning routine.

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Health x Body Wellbeing

What Science Says About Red Light Therapy

Post author By HealthyWay Staff Writer
Post date March 23, 2018

If you’ve got your finger on the pulse of the skincare industry, you’ve likely heard of red light therapy as a cure for many ailments: fatigue, acne, fine lines, anxiety, run-of-the-mill injuries, and even cancer. And despite the fact that the skincare industry seems to try and discard trends every single day, light therapy—particularly red light therapy—has had notable staying power.
Just the other day, a friend posted an Instagram story in which she was sitting in a sauna built for one with red lights shining down on her as she bobbed her head to one of her Spotify playlists (because of course an aux cord was included in said sauna). Red light therapy is definitely still trendy. But people also really believe it helps their skin, their sleep, and even their busy minds in need of stress relief.
We spoke to dermatologist Rhonda Klein, MD, about the red light therapy claims and how she uses red light therapy in her practice. If you’re wondering what red light therapy it is or how it could possibly work, read on.

What is red light therapy?

Red light therapy, also known as low-level laser light therapy (LLLT) or biostimulation (BIOS), is the name given to a large range of therapies that use certain wavelengths of light to promote healing, improve skin tone, and enhance circulation. Red light therapy is said to be effective for pain management, acne treatment, and the healing of certain sports injuries, among other applications.
Those are some pretty big claims, so we decided to look into the science of red light therapy. Admittedly, we’re pretty skeptical of anything that claims to cure so many things, especially when, at first glance, it boils down to spending time under a certain lightbulb.
That said, while red light therapy isn’t necessarily a miracle treatment, it’s not entirely bogus either.

How does red light therapy work?

While “Stand under this light for a while” covers the basics, red light therapy is (fortunately) more complex. Patients typically undergo multiple treatments during which they’re exposed to low-level lights. The light waves are said to stimulate production of collagen, an important protein found throughout the body. The Los Angeles Times also reports that under the right conditions red light therapy can reduce inflammation, potentially allowing tissues to heal more quickly than they would in the absence of treatment.

So, why is red light more therapeutic than other types of light? It isn’t—at least, not as a rule.
Some light therapies also use blue lights or full-spectrum lights, but different wavelengths of light have different effects. For example, blue light is more effective than red light for managing the symptoms of seasonal affective disorder (SAD), while red light seems more effective for certain cosmetic skin treatments.
The main difference is the light’s wavelength and intensity. Red light has a longer wavelength than blue light, which allows it to penetrate deeper into tissues. Its waves also have a lower frequency, which may make them better suited to promoting pain reduction. No matter what type of light you’re being treated with, the exact wavelength is important; you can’t simply sit under a red traffic light for half an hour and expect any results (other than maybe a traffic ticket).

How do dermatologists use red light therapy?

In dermatology, red light therapy is more accurately called low-level laser light therapy (LLLT). Proponents of the technology claim that LLLT can successfully treat various conditions including acne, vitiligo, and psoriasis.
For conditions like acne, red light therapy seems to be effective, but it’s often less effective than topical treatments and medications.
“[Light therapy is] definitely nowhere near first line,” says Klein, who offers light therapy services at her clinic in Connecticut, “but it’s good for [acne] patients who don’t want to take prescription medications.”
For example, one of Klein’s patients decided to use light therapy for acne treatment prior to a wedding since other options could have caused unwelcome side effects (nobody wants an upset stomach on their big day). Klein says that phototherapy can be effective for treating acne, although it’s not necessarily the cheapest or most effective option.
“Generally, unless they’re coming every week or two, [light therapy] is not going to make a great difference, and it’s not usually covered by insurance,” Klein says. “We offer treatments for $75, and honestly, we do that for the patients … It’s not something we make money on.”

Can red light therapy tone the skin or reduce wrinkles?

Proponents of red light therapy often claim that it can rejuvenate the skin, reducing the appearance stretch marks and wrinkles.
“It’s thought to potentially incite collagen [production],” Klein says. “I don’t know that we really have any studies backing that up. It may potentially give you a glow.”

We looked into the available research, and it’s a mixed bag. A 2014 study found that red light therapy wasn’t any more effective at treating wrinkles than broadband photobiomodulation, which uses a broader range of light wavelengths. However, that study found that both light sources “demonstrated efficacy and safety for skin rejuvenation and intradermal collagen increase when compared with controls.”
Several other studies seem to indicate that light therapies could improve the appearance of skin, but the American Academy of Dermatology notes that while light treatments can be effective for that purpose, patients should only pursue those therapies with help from a physician.
That’s also true if you’re looking to regrow lost hair. Some studies do show that low-level laser therapy can promote hair growth in humans, but the wavelength and intensity of the light source are important factors, so seeking out treatment from a qualified professional is essential.

Can red light therapy be used to manage chronic pain?

Here’s where we get into slightly murky waters. There’s substantial evidence to suggest that LLLT can help relieve pain better than a placebo.
The problem? Scientists aren’t totally sure how the therapy prevents or lessens pain.
One theory is that it inhibits neural enzyme production, and there’s some evidence to suggest that LLLT can increase endorphin production while enhancing blood flow. That said, red light therapy might simply reduce inflammation by providing a modest heat source, in which case an electric blanket would serve the same function.
Researchers also disagree about the extent of red light therapy’s effect. A 2010 study found that phototherapy patients experienced no difference in chronic pain as compared to placebo groups, while another meta-analysis from the same year found that phototherapy was remarkably effective for pain management.
Some scientists believe that the issue is in the methodology, meaning physicians likely aren’t using the same techniques when treating chronic pain patients. Likewise, pain is extraordinarily difficult to study since research relies on self-reporting from patients.
“Studies differ in overall dosage and wavelength which limits the ability to accurately draw conclusions,” wrote J. Derek Kingsley, et al, in a 2014 research review. “Pain is a very complex condition that manifests itself in a variety of different forms. Perhaps there is no set standard of care that will encompass everyone’s needs. However, it is clear that LLLT may be beneficial for many individuals suffering from pain, regardless of the condition that is causing it.”

Can red light therapy kill cancer cells?

Dermatologists can use photodynamic light therapy to destroy cancer cells. As fantastic as that might sound, there are, of course, caveats, and you’re certainly not getting this benefit from a tanning bed outfitted with a few red light bulbs.

Typically, doctors treat patients’ precancerous growths with a topical aminolevulinic acid, then use a red or blue light to activate the medication. This isn’t what most people think of as “red light therapy,” though, since the medication is doing all of the heavy lifting.

It’s also why over-the-counter phototherapy treatments are ineffective for treating things like cancer. While there’s some evidence that targeted light therapies could effectively treat tumors in humans, the technology isn’t there yet.
“Half of what [dermatologists] do all day is dispute marketing claims,” Klein says. “Medical professionals can’t make claims without data, but med-spas and other professionals can. So I’d just tell people to be careful and to research claims for themselves.”
The takeaway: If you you have a skin growth that’s concerning you, give your dermatologist a call instead of trying to treat it yourself.

Can red light therapy cause cancer?

Melanomas are the deadliest form of skin cancer, and sadly, even one indoor tanning session can increase a person’s risk of developing a melanoma by 20 percent. Since some tanning salons now offer services that use red light, we wondered: Could a red light therapy lamp cause cancer?
In a word: Nope. Tanning lamps create ultraviolet light, which has a shorter wavelength than any form of visible light. Ultraviolet light is a form of ionizing radiation, which is capable of disrupting DNA and causing cancer.
Red light, on the other hand, is non-ionizing radiation. Its wavelength is too broad to cause a carcinogenic effect, and while some researchers have expressed concerns that low-level light therapy could cause existing cancers to spread, those concerns appear unfounded.
Red light therapy doesn’t have too many side effects outside of potential eye strain, so if you enjoy sitting under the red lights at your local gym or tanning salon, go for it. Of course, that assumes that the red light device is being used properly. Which reminds us…

What should you know about getting red light therapy?

Outside of a doctor’s office, the most common uses of red light therapy are workout recovery and cosmetic enhancement. Many of the businesses that offer red light therapy won’t make the specific claims referenced in this article because they don’t want to draw the ire of the Food & Drug Administration (FDA), which issued a letter in 2011 warning consumers about inaccurate red light therapy claims.
At the time, tanning salon owners were simply replacing the lamps in their tanning beds and booths with red lights, then claiming to offer the full therapeutic benefits of red light therapy and LLLT to customers. That was an issue because the wavelength and frequency of a phototherapy light matters, meaning you can’t just hang a red light bulb and call it a day.
That said, it’s certainly possible that some over-the-counter products and services could be effective for some issues that red light therapy has been claimed to fix. The problem is that there’s no way to know for sure.
While the FDA approves some types of lamps for certain therapeutic purposes, it’s important to know most of the products on the market are not FDA approved.

If you’re considering red light therapy product, you can search through the FDA’s database of cleared medical devices. Otherwise, take any pseudoscientific product claims with a big grain of salt.
Red light therapy isn’t magical, and while it’s a promising field of scientific study, it also gives less-than-reputable marketers a new way to make loads of money. If you’re interested in trying red light therapy, carefully consider the potential benefits of a device or treatment, then make sure that those claims have strong scientific support.

If you end up trying out a red light therapy sauna, that’s fine (and please take an ’80s-inspired selfie). Just make sure that the light source is actually red light, since ultraviolet light can be very dangerous.

Ultimately, red light therapy and other forms of phototherapy might be enormously beneficial, but as with all health products, the best piece of advice is simple: If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
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Healthy Relationships Wellbeing

Wondering How Polyamorous Relationships Work? Start Here

Post author By Sian Ferguson
Post date March 22, 2018

Do you think you could be in love with more than one person at the same time? Could you date more than one person at the same time? Have you dated more than one person at the same time?
I’m not talking about cheating here. I’m talking about consensual non-monogamy: when someone is romantically committed to multiple people with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
This sort of relationship might seem rare, but according to a 2016 report in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, one in five Americans have engaged in consensual non-monogamy. That’s surprisingly common—and it seems like public interest in consensual non-monogamy and polyamory are on the rise. A 2017 analysis using Google’s Trends tool showed that more and more people are looking for information about open and polyamorous relationships online.

Are polyamorous relationships the same as open relationships?

Not exactly, says Mary Fisher, CMHC, a licensed psychotherapist and sex therapist. Fisher explains that “open relationship” (sometimes known as consensual or ethical non-monogamy) is an umbrella term that can include polyamory, but also swinging, relationship anarchy, or other forms of non-monogamy.
“Polyamory is a specific kind of ethically non-monogamous relationship in which partners are free to explore sexually, emotionally, and romantically intimate relationships with other people,” Fisher explains. In other words, this generally means you could date multiple people at the same time. “Other kinds of open relationship may include sexual intimacy with others, but limit emotional and romantic connections,” meaning some open relationships allow both partners to sleep with others, but not date or develop feelings for others.
That’s the idea of polyamory in theory, but what does it look like in practice?
HealthyWay spoke to three polyamorous women about their personal experiences with polyamory. Whether you’re interested in engaging in polyamory yourself or you just want to expand your perspective on romantic relationships, read on!

Cameron Glover, 25, a writer and sex educator, feels that she’s still very new to polyamory.

“As long as it’s consensual, positive, and ethical, I don’t think there’s a wrong way to practice polyamory. You can customize it to whatever works best for you, and it’s okay if that changes over time,” she says.
Glover was introduced to the concept when she dated someone who was polyamorous a few years ago. She became interested in the academic side of polyamory and checked out books, podcasts, and blogs about polyamorous relationships and non-monogamy.
“I started to see it as a natural inclusion to my life,” Glover said. “I identify most strongly with solo polyamory—it’s the idea that I am my own primary partner and centers things that I really value, like self-autonomy, independence, having my own space.”
“Solo polyamory” is a broad term typically used to refer to polyamorous people who are committed to their own autonomy. They often prefer to stay single and have casual relationships. They might have partners, but they are committed to the mindset that their autonomy comes first. They could also have close, non-romantic relationships that they prioritize above sexual or romantic relationships, such as relationships with friends or their children.
Identifying with solo polyamory has its own set of challenges, Glover says. “Even within polyamory spaces, solo polyamory is still invalidated, invisible, or just not something that is taken seriously,” she explains. Many polyamory-friendly spaces are couple-centric, which means they focus on couples instead of single polyamorous people or solo polyamory.
[pullquote align=”center”]“As long as it’s consensual, positive, and ethical, I don’t think there’s a wrong way to practice polyamory. You can customize it to whatever works best for you, and it’s okay if that changes over time.”
—Cameron Glover, Writer & Sex Educator[/pullquote]
As a black, queer, cis woman who is also polyamorous, Glover also notes that there’s a great deal of oppression in polyamory-friendly spaces. As in many different communities, polyamorous communities can face issues of fetishization, casual racism, misogyny, and abuse. “I think there’s work being done to change that, but it’s still there and it still keeps a lot of people excluded from spaces that are rightfully theirs,” Glover says.
As with many other polyamorous people, Glover views her experience with polyamory as an interesting and dynamic journey. “I’m still learning so much about myself and what shapes my polyamory will take, but that learning excites me,” she says. “I get really passionate about the potential to push away from social constructions of what love and relationships need to look like to create something that is very much on my own terms. There’s a real power in that.”

Page Turner, 36, a relationship coach, author, and the founder of PolyLand, has been practicing polyamory for over a decade.

Turner was first introduced to polyamory by a polyamorous married friend. “Prior to this point in my life, I had always looked at monogamous as synonymous with morality and that non-monogamous people were irresponsible,” she said. “But here my friends were, consensually non-monogamous, and they were extremely responsible people.”
Soon, Turner fell in love with her friend—and so did Turner’s then-husband. Both Turner and her husband went on to date this friend in a triad: a three-way relationship where everyone is dating one another—like a couple, but with three people.
Since then, Turner has parted ways with her then-husband and they both went on to find more suitable partners. “I have no regrets, and neither does he,” Turner says.
Turner has since remarried and she has also engaged in many polyamorous relationships. “Currently, I’m seeing my husband and two girlfriends. One of my girlfriends I see separately; the other my husband also sees,” she tells HealthyWay. “My husband has someone of his own that he sees that I do not. One of my girlfriends is married. The other is married and has a boyfriend.”
[pullquote align=”center”]“I had always looked at monogamous as synonymous with morality and that non-monogamous people were irresponsible. But here my friends were, consensually non-monogamous, and they were extremely responsible people.”
—Page Turner, Founder of PolyLand[/pullquote]
When Turner first entered into polyamorous relationships, she struggled to deal with her feelings of jealousy. “A big part of my process was learning how to recognize those feelings when I was having them and figure out why. Was I feeling neglected? Overshadowed? Envious of something someone else had? Was I afraid of losing my partner?”
Now she tackles jealousy by letting the feelings wash over her, then processing why she’s jealous and how to address the cause of the jealousy.
Turner also struggled with feeling like she wasn’t giving each of her partners 100 percent of her effort and time. “I had a picture of romantic love that was rather perfectionistic, so I didn’t like the idea that by dividing my time and attention that I might be not giving any one of them my all,” she explains. This challenge provided her with the opportunity to work on her relationship skills.
“I learned how to optimize,” she explains. “I became better at time management, communication, assertiveness, and setting boundaries. Because I had to. There wasn’t any room to slack off or be bad at any of this stuff.”

Diana, 30, has been in a polyamorous relationship with her partner for the past five years.

“I have never felt comfortable in monogamy, and I always thought there was something wrong with me, that I was deviant in some way,” she says. “I would not only be attracted to, but have genuine romantic feelings for multiple people at once.” She cheated on her then-fiance, Martin, in 2012—a decision she still deeply regrets. While separated, she learned about the concept of polyamory. She identified with it immediately.
Diana and Martin got back together, attended couple’s therapy, and worked at solving the issues in their relationship. After this, their partnership became a polyamorous relationship.
They met another polyamorous couple, Elsa and Andrea, and Martin started dating Elsa. “The couple, who have two kids, invited us both to move in with them as they were buying a house,” Diana says. “We run the household as a community now, with four adults all working together to keep things going and to parent the kids.” Since moving in with Elsa and Andrea, Diana and Martin got married.
In times of crisis, Diana finds it helpful to have this small community to support her. If any of them are ill, for example, the others pitch in with cooking, cleaning, childcare, and chores.
[pullquote align=”center”]“I have never felt comfortable in monogamy, and I always thought there was something wrong with me, that I was deviant in some way.”[/pullquote]
Polyamorous relationships have posed a few challenges for Diana. She’s struggled with the stigma especially. “I am not out to my parents and many of my friends and none of my coworkers out of fear of judgement,” she says. “When my parents visit we have to pretend to be monogamous. I am constantly anxious a colleague will see me out with a partner, not my husband.”
She’s also struggled with managing her time. Having one partner can be time-consuming—having multiple partners can mean really struggling to schedule and prioritize.
Diana is currently in five relationships. “I didn’t set out to be in this many, but things often start out casual and then I catch feelings. They all require varying amounts of emotional intensity, none of them are just sexual or casual,” she says. She says she has to make time to see each of her partners and attend to their emotional needs.
“Combine that with life admin, my job, running a house, helping look after kids, and trying to have alone time, and it gets very, very difficult,” she says. Much like Turner, she’s had to learn excellent time-management skills to help her maintain her relationships.

Can polyamorous relationships be successful and healthy?

Although many people might assume polyamorous relationships can’t be successful or healthy, Fisher says this isn’t the case.
“There has been no research to suggest that polyamorous relationships are less successful,” Fisher says. “In fact, some practitioners would suggest that polyamory requires greater self-awareness, more sophisticated communication skills, and greater attachment security than monogamy. I would agree with that, based on my research.”
In addition to this, polyamorous relationships—and open relationships—are not necessarily less healthy than monogamous relationships. “It’s generally accepted that a healthy relationship includes a sense of basic emotional safety and trust,” she says.
She notes that a relationship that is healthy should also include opportunities for open communication and discussion. In any relationship, no matter the agreements and understandings it entails, we should be able to communicate our needs and listen to the needs of our partners.
Of course, toxic or abusive people may engage in polyamorous relationships, just as they engage in monogamous relationships. “I think many of the signs of relationship problems in monogamous relationships are the same for polyamorous relationships,” says Fisher. “Coercion and gaslighting are problematic in any relationship, polyamorous or otherwise.”

Interested in entering a polyamorous relationship? Here’s some advice.

There are many reasons why people consider polyamorous relationships. Like Diana, they might feel that monogamy doesn’t work for them. Alternatively, they might simply feel like they have a lot of love to give, and that they’d like to commit to multiple people. Whatever leads someone to a polyamorous relationship, it’s important to keep a few things in mind.
[pullquote align=”center”]“Some practitioners would suggest that polyamory requires greater self-awareness, more sophisticated communication skills, and greater attachment security than monogamy. I would agree with that, based on my research.”
—Mary Fisher, CMHC[/pullquote]
First thing’s first: Communication is key. It’s imperative to discuss your feelings, your expectations and desires, your needs, your time, boundaries, safe sex, and other issues. “It’s really important to have these discussions fairly early on to prevent miscommunication, mismatched expectations, and hurt,” Diana advises. “If you don’t know what you want, that’s okay, but then explain that to your partners or potential partners so they have full knowledge of what they’re getting into.”
Turner agrees. “If you’re opening up an established relationship, make sure you’re on the same page before you do it,” she suggests. “Relationship agreements are helpful not for the rules … themselves, but because by going through an explicit process of talking about those concerns when you set a relationship agreement, you create a mutual understanding of what’s important to you.”
If you’re interested in learning more, Turner speaks a lot about relationship agreements in her book A Geek’s Guide to Unicorn Ranching.
“Sometimes people who have been polyamorous for a while will be very anti-relationship agreement or anti-rule—but I think it can be really helpful when you’re starting out,” Turner says. “I have found that the longer I’m polyamorous, the more I can have those conversations and agreements informally. But that’s because I’ve set a bunch and generally know what’s important to me and can communicate that quickly.”
Diana says that developing self-awareness is critical to communicating well in a polyamorous relationship. “For polyamory to work, you need to be able to understand how you are feeling, and you need to be able to articulate this in words,” she says. “If you don’t know how you’re feeling, can’t articulate it, or why, I would say you might find it more challenging.”
The challenges of communication and self-awareness can be easier to handle when you have a community behind you—one that offers support, advice, and perspective when needed. For this reason, both Diana and Turner recommend finding polyamorous friends. Turner notes that Facebook groups, the subreddit r/polyamory, and social media can be great for meeting people online. It’s also helpful to have polyamorous in-person friends, so consider looking for local polyamorous groups on meetup.org.

Here’s what to be aware of before entering a polyamorous relationship.

Because there are so many ways to practice non-monogamy, there’s a lot of jargon used in the polyamorous community. This can be super confusing for newbies, outsiders, or even practicing polyamorous people who aren’t aware of the terminology.
Glover’s advice to newbies is to remember that it’s not all about academics. “Having the language and the lingo and fun facts down is cool if that’s your thing, but I think there’s too much emphasis in knowing the specific jargon that goes along with talking about a certain experience that is revered more than just experiencing it.”
[pullquote align=”center”]“For polyamory to work, you need to be able to understand how you are feeling, and you need to be able to articulate this in words.”[/pullquote]
Glover also warns against objectifying others while practicing polyamory. “Go into polyamory with the idea of seeing people as people first, rather than fulfillments for your own expectations,” she says.
Many couples, for example, might enter polyamory looking for a third person to fulfill their sexual fantasies. This could be done in an ethical way, but when the third person is seen as an object of desire—and not an autonomous person with their own feelings and desires—it can be unethical. “I think that we have to take responsibility individually to treat other people with the same compassion and respect that we would treat a romantic partner or loved one,” Glover says.
As with any relationship, polyamorous relationships can be hard—but they can also be rewarding, fulfilling, and successful. What it comes down to is a willingness to learn, communicate, and introspect while practicing mutual respect and compassion.

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Healthy Pregnancy Motherhood

8 Nausea Remedies For When Morning Sickness Has You Down

Post author By Kelly Burch
Post date March 21, 2018

When those two pink lines appeared on your pregnancy test you were absolutely thrilled. You imagined cuddling with your baby and even got excited about the big, round belly that was coming your way. You started shopping and dreaming up the perfect name.
Then you started throwing up. And thus the quest to find nausea remedies became an essential part of your day.
Pregnancy is a beautiful time, but there is nothing that can put a damper on the excitement of the impending new arrival as much as morning sickness. (For starters, it must have been a man who coined that term, because any woman who has been pregnant knows that pregnancy nausea can last all day or creep up suddenly when you least expect it.)
To make matters worse, nausea usually peaks in the first trimester, when you might be opting to keep your news private. Trying to work or even just function while constantly feeling sick adds another level of emotional depletion to pregnancy when emotions are already running high, so finding nausea remedies that work for you is critical to feeling better.
While morning sickness is often short lived compared to the 40 weeks of pregnancy, that still means dealing with unending nausea for weeks. Who, besides moms-to-be, would be able to endure that?
Fortunately, if you’re spending your days puking in flower pots, running to the bathroom at work, or just feeling constantly queasy, there are some nausea remedies that can alleviate and prevent morning sickness. You can take advantage of these nausea remedies until the second trimester rolls around and brings sweet relief.
Here’s everything you should know about morning sickness—and the nausea remedies that can keep it at bay.

What causes morning sickness, anyway?

If you’re like most pregnant women, you’ve probably wondered why you’re feeling your worst when your body needs to be healthier than ever to support a pregnancy.
The answer is those pesky hormones. In particularly you can blame human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG), a hormone that is produced in the placenta and helps your fetus develop. This hormone first becomes detectable in your system about 11 days after you ovulate, and some women might need nausea remedies beginning right then. The hormone peaks around weeks 8 to 11 of pregnancy, according to the American Pregnancy Association. Not coincidentally, this is also when pregnancy nausea is at its worst and women are most in need of nausea remedies.
“We think there may be a relationship between high pregnancy hormone levels like human chorionic gonadotropin, estrogen, and morning sickness,” says Patricia Lo, an OB-GYN at MemorialCare Saddleback Medical Center in Laguna Hills, California. “Women with twins or triplets have higher levels of hCG and generally have worse symptoms.”
The small silver lining to feeling sick is that it is likely a sign of a healthy pregnancy. Low hCG levels can indicate an impending miscarriage, so higher hormone levels—and the nausea that accompanies them—are generally a good sign that your body is doing what it needs to to help your baby grow.
“Women with mild nausea and vomiting during pregnancy experience fewer miscarriages and stillbirths than women without these symptoms,” says Sherry Ross, an OB-GYN and women’s health expert at Providence Saint John’s Health Center in Santa Monica, California. “So, for me, when a woman is really nauseous and has occasional vomiting, I know she is probably carrying a healthy pregnancy!”
Of course the peace of mind is great, but it does little to alleviate the physical symptoms you’re experiencing, so experimenting with different nausea remedies that work for you is still important.
If you’re prone to nausea in general or have had morning sickness with a previous pregnancy, you’re more likely to experience it again, Lo says. Some people say that women who are carrying female fetuses are more likely to experience nausea, but experts disagree about whether this is true or merely an old wives’ tale.
And if you’re feeling frustrated that your sickness lasts all day, you’re not alone.
“Unfortunately, for most women, nausea and vomiting can persist throughout the day. For these women, the term pregnancy-related nausea and vomiting may be a better term” than morning sickness, Lo says.
Lo points out that nausea isn’t the only symptom of morning sickness—some women will experience dizziness or lightheadedness or have increased saliva. Although all of that is entirely normal, it certainly isn’t pleasant! Hang in there.

Study your triggers and you might not need nausea remedies.

Since pregnancy nausea differs from woman to woman, the most effective thing you can do to keep nausea at bay is to study your own symptoms and figure out what nausea remedies work best for them. Learn what triggers your morning sickness, and stay away from those things.
“Avoid anything that makes you nauseous,” says Lo. “This can include foods with strong odors, stuffy rooms, hot places, and loud noises.”
This step requires some patience, but it is ultimately very effective.
“It may take some trial and error before you find out what your triggers are,” Lo explains.

Figuring Out Which Nausea Remedies Work

The American Pregnancy Association says that half of pregnant women experience morning sickness, and the experts we spoke to put the number closer to 80 percent. That leaves a lot of women looking for nausea remedies just so they can go on completing their everyday tasks.
Fortunately, there are lots of available nausea remedies for morning sickness, ranging from lifestyle adjustments to dietary changes. Medically, there are over-the-counter and prescription medications that are available if you need them.
“Treatment for morning sickness is often necessary and is usually in the form of dietary adjustments and medications available over the counter,” says Michael Nageotte, MD, a perinatologist and associate chief medical officer at Miller Children’s & Women’s Hospital in Long Beach, California.
Treating and preventing morning sickness can be a matter of trial and error, so the nausea remedies here are arranged from the least invasive treatments to the most medical. However, all of these nausea remedies are safe and available if you need them.

Nausea Remedies That Can Help You Get Through the Day

1. Take your vitamins.

Preventing morning sickness can start before you need any nausea remedies. In fact, it can start before you’re even pregnant.
“Women who take multivitamins when they are first trying to get pregnant generally have less morning sickness,” Lo says.
Of course, that info might be useful for the future, but it’s no help if you’re already pregnant and trying to find nausea remedies that will give you a bit of relief. Taking your prenatals is still important even if you’re feeling sick, though, yet many women feel that the vitamins make them more likely to feel nauseated. If you find that to be the case for yourself, try taking them at a different time of day, like before bed, or with a meal.
When I was expecting, even that didn’t work, so my midwife suggested taking two Flintstones chewable vitamins until I could get back to my prenatals without feeling sick. It worked well and was much more fun!
2. Eat more often.

If you’re feeling sick, snacking is the last thing you want to do, but eating is one of the most important nausea remedies during pregnancy. Having smaller, more frequent meals is one of the best ways to keep pregnancy nausea at bay, according to Lo.
“Often, women avoid eating when they start having symptoms and an empty stomach can actually make their symptoms worse,” she says. Instead of avoiding meals, Lo recommends eating small meals every hour or two to keep your stomach settled. Sipping a drink can also help quell nausea.
3. Become a picky eater.

In addition to eating more often, it’s time to seriously consider what you’re eating if you’re trying to discover nausea remedies that work. Many women love simple carbs for keeping nausea at bay, and reaching for protein is another great option. Try to take note about which foods help settle your morning sickness and which do you more harm than good.
“Ideally, eat foods high in carbohydrates and low in fat,” says Ross. “Avoid foods that are spicy, salty, or high in protein.”
The BRAT diet (bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast) is a great remedy for nausea, she says.
4. Go for ginger, one of the oldest nausea remedies in the book.

Many women turn to traditional natural nausea remedies for relief from pregnancy nausea.
“Natural remedies are often of value and it is unclear as to why they work,” says Nageotte.
Fortunately, most moms-to-be are more interested in whether nausea remedies work than they are in discovering how those remedies work. Ginger is one of the most commonly recommended natural nausea remedies. You can sip ginger tea, suck lozenges, or eat fresh ginger.
“It’s thought that ginger helps relax gastrointestinal muscles, relieving symptoms associated with morning sickness,” Ross says.
Treats like ginger ale and ginger snap cookies are less effective because they don’t contain a large amount of ginger, but if they make you feel better, incorporate those into your diet every once in a while—surely the baby will appreciate the occasional cookie!
5. Give acupuncture a try.

Many women find that acupuncture and acupressure (pressing on certain points) are effective nausea remedies.
“Acupuncture and acupressure are easy and safe alternatives to help the woes of morning sickness,” Ross says.
The P-6 pressure point has been shown to help relieve mild nausea and vomiting. To activate this point, press into the middle of your forearm three fingers lengths down from where your wrist meets your hand. Certain nausea-relief bands also activate this point.
6. Take vitamin B6.

You’re already taking prenatals (right?), but many healthcare providers tell women experiencing pregnancy nausea to take vitamin B6. Taking 25 milligrams three times a day can keep you from feeling ill.
“It’s not clear how it works, but has a great track record,” Ross says.
If that doesn’t do the trick, you might want to talk to your doctor about Diclegis, a prescription drug that combines vitamin B6 and an antihistamine to treat morning sickness.
7. Try prescription nausea remedies.

If you’ve tried everything else and are still having severe morning sickness, your doctor may recommend more serious prescription nausea remedies, such as promethazine (brand name: Phenergan) and metoclopramide (brand name: Reglan).
Women with severe pregnancy nausea may have to take ondansetron, more commonly known by the brand name Zofran. It’s important to be aware that there is a small increased risk of heart defect in the babies of mothers who take this medicine during the first trimester, Lo cautions. Because of this, it’s important to discuss the side effects of all nausea remedies—particularly prescription medications—with your doctor to weigh the risks and benefits.
8. A change in mindset can be a powerful nausea remedy. Really.

Morning sickness is absolutely miserable. There’s no denying that. But when you’re feeling overwhelmed and no nausea remedies are providing relief, try to remember that it will all be worth it in the end.
“Feeling miserable the first 12 weeks can be a soft sign to your health care provider that all systems are working normally,” Ross said. “Reassuring women who don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel is important so they understand morning sickness is common, it’s short lasting, and it suggests your pregnancy is off to a healthy start.”

Understanding more about morning sickness might also help you get through those long weeks of feeling ill.

When should I get concerned if nausea remedies aren’t working?

In most cases, pregnancy-related nausea is a normal pregnancy symptom that will peak around the ninth week of pregnancy, Lo says. Although you should certainly speak to your doctor if you are concerned, most women can keep themselves and their baby healthy by using the nausea remedies listed above.
However, for some people, morning sickness becomes much more serious. The Duchess of Cambridge (aka Kate Middleton) brought the condition hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) into the public eye when she was pregnant with her first child, Prince George, in 2012. The duchess was so ill during the beginning of her pregnancy that she had to be hospitalized and receive intravenous fluids, which isn’t an uncommon nausea remedy for women with this rare and serious form of prenatal nausea.
“Hyperemesis gravidarum is severe nausea and vomiting associated with weight loss, dehydration, and often electrolyte abnormalities,” says Nageotte. “Patients are usually unable to tolerate anything orally for several days to weeks.”
Women who have HG vomit nearly constantly and will have other signs of dehydration, including dark urine. Unfortunately, normal nausea remedies aren’t very effective at treating HG. This condition is diagnosed based on symptoms, Lo says, and doctors may run additional tests to make sure that there isn’t another cause for your illness, such as a virus.
Because dehydration can be dangerous for both mother and baby, it’s important to talk to your doctor if you are at all concerned about the extent of your pregnancy nausea or if the nausea remedies listed above aren’t giving you relief.
Although morning sickness is common in pregnancy, you don’t have to just suffer through it. Experiment with different nausea remedies to find the one that works for you, and keep in mind that it won’t last forever. You’ve got this, mama!

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Health x Body Wellbeing

Breast Pain Isn't Always A Sign Of Cancer; Here's What Could Be Causing Your Discomfort

Post author By Abigail Rasminsky
Post date March 20, 2018

We can all admit that some bodily pains are more worrisome than others. A stabbing sensation in your foot? Meh. It’ll probably go away. But breast pain? Most of us will be sent into a panic, especially if it doesn’t go away quickly. We are here to tell you that you do not need to have an anxiety attack.
There are, as you’ll see, a gazillion reasons for breast pain, and most are totally benign. The most important thing you can do for your breasts is to keep an eye on them by performing regular breast exams and scheduling your yearly trips to the gynecologist for a comprehensive checkup. A good rule of thumb is to start scheduling annual mammograms as soon as your doctor says it’s time (usually around 40). You should always schedule an appointment if you think something feels (or looks) off. You know your body better than anyone, so take charge of your own health and get it checked out—it could save your life.

How common is breast pain?

Pretty common, and it can vary wildly in intensity. Some women feel mild discomfort—swelling, a little lumpiness, or tenderness—before or during their periods, and some feel it quite acutely. Anywhere between 50 and 70 percent of women experience breast pain, usually related to the changing hormone levels associated with their menstrual cycles. If you’re concerned about pain in your breasts, begin by tracking when and where the pain occurs. If it seems to come and go with your menstrual cycle, this is generally normal.

Why do I have breast pain?

“There are 900 reasons you can have breast pain,” explains Kerry Price, MD, an OB-GYN in Laguna Hills, California. “There are so many layers of tissue in and around the breasts—skin, glands, muscle, cartilage, rib. Right behind your breasts are internal organs and tons of nerves and lymph nodes.” In other words: There’s a lot going on around there, and it is not necessarily your boob that’s hurting you. The most important thing to remember, though, is that the vast majority of breast pain is totally benign.
Some common reasons for breast pain?

PMS or Menstruation

Changes in hormone levels impact how the breasts feel. Swelling, pain, and lumpiness are the most common sensations before and during your period. These should abate when your period actually begins or very soon after it starts. Note that this type of breast pain tends to increase as you age.

Pregnancy, Especially During the First Trimester when Breasts Are Growing and Changing at a Rapid Rate

First trimester breasts are no joke—the pain is only rivaled by the pain of growing breasts during puberty.

Breastfeeding

This deserves its own category because breastfeeding pain—especially in the first few weeks—is real, often horrendous, and usually a sign that something is wrong, whether it be the baby’s latch or a sign of infection. (In other words: breastfeeding, when done properly, should not hurt.) Most breast pain from breastfeeding, however, is concentrated on the nipple, or associated with engorgement or blocked ducts. Which leads us to…

Mastitis

This is an infection that can develop during breastfeeding. It most commonly occurs in the first six to 12 weeks, but can occur later and in rare cases can happen unrelated to breastfeeding. The breast becomes red, swollen, hot, and painful. Many women report feeling like they have the flu.

Medications

Birth control pills, fertility drugs, and some SSRIs and antidepressants list breast pain among their side effects.

Too Much Caffeine

According to Michelle Brunnabend, DO, MPH, at the Mercy Clinic in Oklahoma City, some women can experience breast pain with caffeine consumption, so if you’re drinking loads of coffee, cut back and see how your boobs feel after a week or two.

Cysts

Small pockets of fluid that can be seen on an ultrasound may cause discomfort.

Breast Surgery

Occasionally, scars on your breasts can cause pain even after you’ve healed from breast surgery.

Why do I only have breast pain on one side?

“Breasts are kind of like hands and feet,” Price explains. “They are always a tiny bit different.” Unlike many parts of the body, though, breasts are composed of muscle and granular tissue and respond to how you move. So let’s say you’re a softball pitcher: You might have more pain on your dominant side. Or conversely, you might have pain on the side that’s less active. Start paying attention to your daily activities and whether you can trace any relationship between your breast pain and how you’re moving your body.

What’s the difference between concerning and non-concerning breast pain? (And when do I see a doctor?)

This is sometimes also referred to as “clinical” and “non-clinical” breast pain, but Price prefers the terms “concerning” and “non-concerning.” Non-concerning breast pain comes and goes on its own, is infrequent, and is associated with a particular activity. For example, if your breast pain crops up every time you play softball, or comes and goes with your menstrual cycles, Price would categorize it as non-concerning.
Concerning breast pain is persistent. It doesn’t get better with anything you try, and it is not associated with your menstrual cycle. It might be getting worse with time, and it is always present.
“Breast pain in the absence of a mass or skin changes is rarely of concern,” says Brunnabend. “Know your own breasts and feel them consistently at the same time during your cycles so that you will know if a change occurs.”
Symptoms that are concerning? Along with pain, you are experiencing bloody or clear discharge from your nipple; a new lump that doesn’t go away after your period; local redness, pus or a fever; dimpling, or nipple inversion.
Remember: Breast cancer is usually not painful, so even if you’re experiencing concerning symptoms accompanied by breast pain, you aren’t necessarily experiencing the symptoms of breast cancer. If you have concerning breast pain, though, it is definitely worth seeing your doctor.

Are there certain age ranges in which breast pain is more common?

Brunnabend say this is variable, but it most often occurs in women in their childbearing years.

Where does breast pain typically occur?

It most commonly occurs in the outer quadrants of the breast and armpit region.

What are fibrocystic breasts?

Fibrocystic breasts are very common. According to Price, up to 40 percent of women have them. These breasts have more glands, so the tissue is more granular and more hormonally sensitive. The little lumps women might feel in their breasts are fluid-filled cysts rather than a mass of cells. During pregnancy and the postpartum period, these cysts can feel more tender.
The good news? The fibrocystic nature of the breast does not mean women with fibrocystic breasts are more susceptible to breast cancer, it just means that breast exams can be harder to do, so these women really need to get to know their breasts, getting to know what feels normal and what’s new or unusual.
Which brings us to…

How do I conduct a breast self-exam?

Breast exams are vital, whether you have breast pain or not. They are your primary way of monitoring what’s happening with your boobs and whether any unexpected changes are occurring. And more importantly, it’s a way for you to get to know the unique feel and consistency of your breasts. This is how you will really know if something new seems to have appeared that wasn’t there before.
“There is no one correct way to do an exam,” explains Brunnabend, “but you should be consistent each time. You should be looking for lumps, bumps, skin texture, or color changes.”
Pick a system and stick with it: in the shower, lying down with a pillow under your shoulder, or in front of a mirror. If you’re examining the left breast, the left arm should be overhead. Use the pads of your right fingers to palpate around the whole breast, from the outside to the center in a circular motion. You’re looking for anything hard or unfamiliar, and you can use a fair amount of pressure to really get in there. When you’re done, squeeze the nipple to check for discharge. If you’re breastfeeding, you will eject milk, so don’t worry about that.
If you feel anything unusual, schedule an appointment with you doctor. But don’t freak out: According to the National Breast Cancer Foundation, eight out of 10 lumps are not cancerous.

How often should I perform a breast self-exam?

“You should definitely do a breast exam at least once a month,” Price says. The best time? Right after your period, because right before your period your breasts can be very tender. “Stick to the same time of your cycle, not the same day on the calendar, so you can establish a true baseline.” In other words: Do it the second or third day after your period ends, not on the second or third day of the month.

How can I relieve the pain?

The most important thing to do with breast pain that will not go away is to see your doctor ASAP. Here are some smaller changes that can possibly make a difference for non-concerning breast pain (or between now and your doctor’s appointment):

Reduce your salt intake and increase water consumption.
Wear a supportive bra, even to bed (your most comfortable option is likely a sports bra!).
Increase your intake of fruits and veggies, and try to stick to a lower fat diet.
Reduce your caffeine intake.
Exercise regularly.
Take Tylenol or ibuprofen.
Take calcium supplements.

We know that breast pain can be frightening, but it is usually nothing to be too concerned about. And remember: If something seems suspicious, call your doctor and ask them what’s going on. They’re your breasts. Take good care of them.

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Happy x Mindful Wellbeing

How Breathing Exercises Can Help You Cope With Stress, Anxiety, And Even Insomnia

Post author By Abigail Rasminsky
Post date March 20, 2018

Take a deep breath.
How many times has someone said this to you when you were feeling stressed? When you’re stuck in a traffic jam, prepping for a high-stakes presentation, or in the midst of a passionate argument with your SO, there is a lot to be said for simply…taking a breath.
Why is breathing so effective at calming us down or at least helping us come back to our bodies? And why are breathing exercises at the root of almost any meditation or relaxation practice?
“The widely advertised reason why we pay attention to breath during meditation is because it’s constantly changing,” explains Mark Miller, PsyD, master of public health, clinical psychologist, and mindfulness teacher at the University of Southern California. “We have a consistent target, so we can pay attention to something that’s changing and learn to tolerate that.”
The less commonly advertised reason, however, is much more profound.
“When we pay attention during meditation, we notice that we don’t have control over the breath—and in fact over anything!” explains Miller, “…what we think, what emotions we are feeling, what stories we are playing out in our minds…”
So we sit, breathe, and tolerate letting the breath do what it does. This, in turn, is excellent practice for tolerating all the other things in our lives that are out of our control.

Breathing exercises help us return to the now.

“The breath is happening in the here and now,” explains Jennifer Brilliant, a certified yoga teacher, therapist, and medical exercise specialist who has been teaching yoga for more than 30 years. “We have bummer feelings about the past and anxious feelings about the future, but of course none of those are happening right now.”
It’s hard to tell our minds to stop thinking, but if you engage the breath, you can get some relief.
“Even taking a couple of breaths can ground you in the present moment,” says Brilliant.
When we get stressed, most of us have a fight or flight response, which shortens our breath and prepares us for battle. This is useful in the moment, but it starts to wear on us if we stay in this state over time. According to a resource hosted by Harvard Health Publishing, stress leads to everything from lowered immune responses to anxiety and depression to high blood pressure, which is a risk factor strongly associated with heart disease.
Instead of taking a pill, we can tap into our built-in calming device: the breath.

The Nervous System in a Nutshell

The sympathetic nervous system is for emergencies, Miller explains. The parasympathetic nervous system helps us to relax and move toward equilibrium.
“When we have an adrenaline rush from a worried thought, our breathing increases and our body is mobilizing to take action related to the fantasy,” says Miller. “We are at the whim of our breath. The sympathetic nervous system gets engaged all the time—from tiny squirts of adrenaline all the way to a panic attack.”
These worried thoughts can come from anywhere. Will I get home on time? Will I get the job? Is my partner mad at me? When these thoughts occur, the parasympathetic nervous system can help us cope.
How do we the engage the parasympathetic nervous system? Miller suggests we should become “fascinated with the symptoms of our anxiety in our distress.” In other words, using a meditation or mindfulness practice, we can take an interest in the breath that will help us experience the sensations in our bodies without running away.
“During a panic attack, you can move toward the sensations in the body, not toward the scenario or thoughts,” he says. “If you can become familiar with sensation”—shortness of breath, heart racing—“the more it happens, the less afraid you’ll be. It becomes an old friend who [you] don’t want to visit often, but you can say, ‘I know this. There it is!’ Instead of resisting you can allow it to play out.”
Sitting with the breath, as it is, is a way to practice sitting through all sorts of discomfort in our lives.

A Note on Breathing Exercises

More prescriptive breath practices like pranayama should always be attempted with a teacher first. What we are sharing here are simple exercises you can do almost any place or any time to give yourself a little relief.

Simply pay attention.

How often do you pay attention to your breath—actually pay attention? Obviously, you’re already breathing, but can you put your awareness on your breath without changing anything?
“With total newbies, I usually work on breath awareness,” Brilliant says. “Where do you feel your breath in your body? Do you feel it coming into your nostrils? If you breathe in, it feels cool. When you breathe out, it feels warmer.”
Another way of tapping into the breath and your body is to notice what’s happening in the space around you—and within you. Listen to sounds in and out of the room you’re in, Brilliant suggests. Can you hear airplanes, cars, birds, dogs barking? Is your stomach growling? Are your ears ringing? Can you feel your heartbeat? The breath can help you tune in to the present moment both inside and outside of your own physical being.
This can also be extremely useful if you’re feeling anxious.
“In the midst of a panic attack, we tend to judge the panic,” explains Carly Goldstein, PhD, assistant professor at Alpert Medical School of Brown University and research scientist at the Miriam Hospital. “If you can focus on your breath, accept that it’s faster and not what you want, you can eventually calm down. I think of breathing as a way to hijack the nervous system.”
Miller notes that trying to change the breath or creating a scenario around the panic (“My heart is beating so fast that I must be having a heart attack!”) only increases the panic.
“When we control panicked breathing by trying to slow it down, it causes more intense panicked breathing,” he explains. “If you are successful in slowing it down, you end up having chest pain. When we fight that uncomfortable breathing, our throat constricts, our shoulders go up, [and] we cause more panic.”
The answer is to leave the breath open and allow yourself time and space to experience it as it is. This is an exercise in familiarizing yourself with your breath.

Try it

Lie down on flat on your back. Put your hands on your chest and breathe a few times without changing anything. Can you feel your chest move as you breathe? Move your hands down to your ribs. Do your ribs move? Your side ribs? Your belly? Don’t force it or ask it to change. You’re just observing the breath here.

Tip

When you’re lying on the floor, your body should have sufficient space to breathe. In other words, there should be air between your upper arm and torso (in your armpit), and your legs shouldn’t be touching each other.

Scan your body with breathing.

During her internship and residency, Goldstein worked in a hospital setting, often with patients who were critically ill. As anyone who has been in the hospital knows, it can be incredibly stressful. Doctors have little time, and patients sometimes have difficulty advocating for themselves.
“When the team was coming by for rounds, I’d do breathing with the patient beforehand to clear her mind and get her thoughts in order,” Goldstein says. “Then when the medical team arrived, the patient could present her interests and advocate for herself.”
The breathing exercise Goldstein would most commonly use in this setting was a body scan with breathing. This exercise can be seen as the follow-up to just paying attention.
Here you’re asked to draw your mind to one body part at a time while you breathe. Part of its benefit is the way it can focus the mind. Instead of allowing yourself to spin out of control, your task is to place your attention on a specific part of your body—such as your toes, your heels, or your ankles—and to feel the breath move through. (Obviously, you don’t have breath in your toes! But the idea is that you can relax each inch of your body to calm down.)

Try it

Depending on how much time you have, this can be done with bigger body parts (e.g., legs, belly, chest) or on an almost infinitesimal level (first knuckle of the thumb, second knuckle, and so on).
Begin by breathing normally. Scan from the top down, sending healing, warm energy to each part of the body. Take stock of what that part of the body feels like. (Is your head tight? Tingling? Pounding? Is there no sensation at all?) Then inhale and exhale through five breath cycles for each body part.
“You can use imagery,” explains Goldstein, “a light, a feeling of fuzziness, running through or on top of [your] body, regulating the breath to be even and slow. Picture warmth, comfort, relaxation.”

TIP

With each exhale, relax a little more. If you ever feel your breath getting forced, just go back to breathing totally normally.

To calm down (or even lose weight) elongate your exhale.

Breathing exercises can serve as a pause button, slowing down the chaos of our everyday lives. In her clinical practice, Goldstein works with weight-loss patients and finds that breathing techniques can help when someone is overwhelmed by a craving. These exercises short-circuit the “need-to-have-it, limited-resource” mentality, she explains.
When we can breathe deeply again (instead of, say, grabbing the bag of chips), we can reconnect to our values and what’s most important to us (in Goldstein’s patients’ cases, to lose weight). And then it will be easier to make good decisions.
Of course, this doesn’t just apply to weight loss! Deep breathing slows the chaos for all of us in moments of panic, and extending the exhale in particular is calming because “the heart rate is naturally slower on the exhalation,” Brilliant explains.

Try It

This is good to practice if you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep or if you’re stuck in traffic and need to calm down.
Begin by breathing in for three seconds and out for three seconds. Then you can start extending the exhalation slowly: three in, four out, without strain. Eventually you can work up to breathing in for five seconds and out for 10.

Tip

This should not be forced. If you feel yourself getting anxious or agitated, go back to regular breathing.

Try a three-part breath.

The three parts of this breathing exercise are low belly, ribs, and chest. Starting in the low belly, the breath fills the body one section at a time. In other words, you’re taking in more air than in some of the preceding exercises. This is an excellent technique to help you find some calm.

Try It

Sit in a chair or lie on the floor and place your hands on your low belly. Fill the low belly with air. Without exhaling, move your palms to your middle ribs and fill that area with air. Bring your hands to your upper chest and take a last sip of air. Exhale all the air out. If you’re doing this in bed, imagine you’re falling into the mattress.

Tip

If it’s too much to do the full three parts right away, you can inhale into the low belly and exhale, middle belly and exhale, etcetera, until you build up the stamina to draw in more air.

Get app support.

A teacher is always the best guide to breathing exercises, but there are plenty of apps that can help you along the way. Here are some to try:

Headspace offers both basic meditation techniques and more advanced specific guided meditations (for self-esteem, productivity, depression, and more).
Calm is specifically geared to help you…calm down.
Buddhify offers meditation on the go.
Pacifica offers guided meditation and relaxation techniques. Pacifica can also connect you to a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy.

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Life x Culture Lifestyle

A Step-By-Step Guide To Planning A Simple, Sustainable Wedding

Post author By Abigail Rasminsky
Post date March 19, 2018

You recycle and compost. You keep A/C use to a minimum and barely drive. You’re a sustainable kind of woman—but now you’re wedding planning. (Congrats, by the way!)
You imagine a celebration with zero paper goods, reclaimed wood tables, a sustainable dress, herb centerpieces plucked from your garden, locally grown flowers…maybe something out in the woods? But how do you honor your environmental ideals while wedding planning—especially if you want a big one?
“Sustainability can mean a lot of things in the real world,” says Sasha Pollock, a climate policy consultant in Portland who had an eco-friendly wedding. “You have to consider it on a financial and personal level, too. How are we being environmentally sustainable while not making ourselves crazy and not spending a ridiculous amount of money?”
Her biggest wedding planning advice? Eliminate things that don’t matter to you. “Having a bunch of lavish flowers wasn’t a big deal for me. Neither was having a huge group of people who are all wearing the same dress, but having delicious food and really good drinks was a big deal, so that’s what we focused on financially.”
Kelsey Motes-Conners, a wedding designer and the founder and owner of Field: A Wedding Design Studio in Montana, agrees. She advises couples to work with one guiding principle: Decide what is really of value to you.
If you’re committed to a sustainable, eco-friendly wedding, wonderful! This might mean choosing a location that doesn’t force every person you know to fly 1,000 miles across the country; it might mean choosing locally sourced organic food that then gets donated to a homeless shelter; it might mean zero paper.
Unless you have an unlimited budget, you’ll have to make choices about where you want to put the bulk of your energy and finances, so sitting down and having numerous heart-to-hearts with your beloved (and perhaps a wedding planner!) will really help guide your choices.

Wedding Planning Step 1: Getting Started

If you want a giant guest list and party and have the means for it, go ahead, but there’s no need to go into massive debt while wedding planning.

Set a budget.

“One of the things that’s really difficult about setting a wedding budget is that people generally haven’t planned a wedding before,” explains Motes-Conners. It is not uncommon to find that the photographer who did your fantastic family portraits for a totally affordable price charges way more for wedding photography.
Motes-Conners says there are two ways to work within a budget while wedding planning, and only one is really effective: “Some people come to me before they’ve planned anything and say, ‘My budget is $20K.’ We can work within those parameters! But some fall in love with a space or launch into plans and book a venue before projecting all vendor costs.”
What happens then? Often there isn’t enough money left for…food. This is a particularly important part of sustainable wedding planning—some things will cost more (like food), but you might be able to save a bunch on other things (like going paperless or favor-less).
Pro Tip: If you know you want to work with a wedding planner, book her first, and have a transparent conversation about your vision, your budget, and what planning services will cost. Yes, this is an additional fee, but it might come out in the wash because of all the insider knowledge and the work they will take off your plate: “Planners have the best pulse on what venues and vendors will cost in their region.”
Don’t want a wedding planning expert by your side? That’s fine, but downloading a wedding planning calculator from your favorite wedding planning website might not be of much use. “Prices vary from place to place and venue to venue, so you need to get actual costs associated with particular vendors to set your budget.”
Bonus Pro Tip: “Your sanity is part of sustainability,” Pollock says. “If you lose it, it’s all for nothing.” Throughout the odyssey that is wedding planning, keep the marriage in mind, instead of laser-focusing on every small detail.

Use an app.

Wedding planning involves a lot of moving parts, so keeping all the information in one place (especially if you don’t have a planner) is key. Motes-Conners recommends Aisle Planner. She also suggests using websites that are local to your area instead of a giant well-known website, which are straight-down-the-rabbit hole fun. Not only will the finances be more accurate, but the advertisers on the site will probably also be local.

Create a wedding website.

This is an easy-as-pie way to keep people in the loop without having to send a gazillion follow-up emails or using a smidge of paper! (More on that later.) SquareSpace has a lovely template. Zola also provides clear, functional designs. And, of course, there are always the experts at The Knot!

Don’t forget about your mental health.

Has anyone told you wedding planning is stressful? Kidding! Everyone knows this!
A lot of the stress comes from—you guessed it—finances, and it can drive you to the brink. “The question of who is going to pay for what is more fluid now than it was 50 years ago,” Motes-Conners explains, “so often it comes with a different set of expectations.” In other words, when the father of the bride once paid for the whole thing, he had a lot of say. No more.
Pro Tip: It’s important to be clear about why you’re making these kinds of wedding planning choices—with yourself, with your partner, and with those contributing financially, especially if being sustainable is your top wedding planning priority.
“I always tell my clients to ask themselves, Why? Why this wedding for you?” This helps when you feel like you have to justify certain costs and decisions to those who might be helping you foot the bill. You want to be able to go to your parents, in-laws, or grandparents and say, This is why we’re doing it this way, This is what’s meaningful to us, This is what we want our day to be about. “That can soften the blow when your mom wants you to have four-tier lemon cake and you want a raspberry tart made by your best friend,” Motes-Conners explains. “You can frame it in larger context of what’s meaningful to you.”

Wedding Planning Step 2: Picking Your Vibe and Vendors

Even your venue will affect how environmentally friendly your wedding is. From multiple vendors coming to set up in the hours or even days ahead to guests who might be traveling across town or across country, all of it has an environmental impact.

Picking the Location

“Consider the guests’ air and car travel,” Motes-Conners says. “What might that carbon footprint look like?” It’s lovely to plan a low-key wedding with recycled paper, organic food, and few guests in the Bahamas, but what kind of environmental cost will it be for everyone to fly there? Is there a more central place that would be more environmentally responsible?
Then think about what the venue will require. Heating and cooling costs might come to around the same amount—a wedding in New York City in July or in January might amount to the same fees in A/C or heating bills!—but planning an outdoor wedding at least saves you some of that environmental impact.
That said, it’s not that simple. If you have a simple backyard wedding, you may not be heating an entire hall (hooray!), but you might be throwing away hundreds of paper plates, napkins, and even more plastic utensils and cups. You’ll have to weigh the cost and ease of using disposable supplies versus glass and china and choose the option that makes the most sense to you.
Pro Tip: In contemplating a venue, you want to consider where your guests will be staying. Can they stay on site or nearby to avoid driving to and from venue? Some weddings—at, say, a resort or a summer camp—are set up in such a way that most (if not all) guests stay on the premises. This obviously cuts down a lot on travel time and on fossil fuels!

Picking the Caterer

You want the food to be good. For a lot of couples, this is a non-negotiable, and other areas can be cut back on to grow the food budget. But there are other food requirements to consider when it comes to eco-friendly wedding planning.
You can work with a caterer who sources locally and organically and who only uses produce that’s in season. A great eco-friendly caterer will help you shape a menu that’s seasonal to your chosen location. “These days, a lot of caterers are working with local farms and ranches and do a good job of focusing on more sustainable agriculture,” Motes-Conners explains. The same goes for local breweries and wineries.
“We made sure our caterer used non-disposable plates and glasses and the food was locally sourced,” Pollock says. “In some people’s minds, having a vegan wedding might be better. We had chicken and bacon, but it was sustainably grown.”
Be sure to ask the caterers what they do with the leftover food. Some will donate it to a homeless shelter or local food bank. Some will pack it up and give it to guests to have for lunch the next day. (But again: What is it being packed up in?) Some may even compost it. The bottom line: You don’t want all that extra stuff to end up in a landfill.
And if you aren’t into wedding cake? A few options: If you’re going really local, consider ordering various cakes, pies, donuts, or cupcakes from your favorite local bakeries. This way you have a variety! If you have friends who are wonderful bakers, ask if they will bake a cake or pie (or two!) as their gifts (you’ll have to ask a few baking friends). This can be an extremely meaningful contribution to the day.

Picking the Flowers

How “green” you can be when ordering wedding flowers depends entirely on where you are in the country and what time of year it is. If you’re looking at a January wedding in North Dakota, it might sadly be hard to find local flowers! “If you’re in New York, Seattle, or Los Angeles, for example, where you have access to a flower market, it will be much easier to be flexible about flowers in the way that you have to be if you want seasonal, locally grown flowers,” Motes-Conners explains.
The seasonality and availability of specific flowers naturally depends on moisture and weather in your area. If you have your heart set on something very specific as you’re wedding planning, your florist’s job is to make that happen, but that might mean flying it in from South America or the Netherlands, which will cast a large carbon footprint.
According to Motes-Conners, farmer florists are gaining momentum. In places with longer growing seasons, florists are branching out into farming so they can raise and grow flowers to design with. This is sustainable and gives back to local economy. But it comes with a different mentality—your priority is getting something local rather than the exact bouquet you want.

Wedding Planning Step 3: Choosing Your Crew

It is such an honor to be a bridesmaid—and sometimes, it is a royal pain in the you-know-what. Bridezillas. Money flying out of your bank account. Travel to various ends of the earth. Party after party—all of which you’re supposed to plan!
Generally your besties will be honored to help you with every step of wedding planning. They’ll probably look forward to celebrating you, helping you find a dress or pantsuit, and standing by you as you say your vows to your beloved. But not if you ask too much of them.
“Be really conscious of your expectations,” Motes-Conners says. “What are you asking people to do? Honoring people you love is wonderful, but there seems to be a trend of really overblown financial expectations—fly to the Bahamas for the bachelorette party, fly to Portland for the bridal shower, fly somewhere else for the wedding.” Most people in their twenties and thirties simply cannot afford this, and even if they can, they might not want to spend their hard-earned cash this way.
A few suggestions:

Go first tier only. This might sound terrible, but only ask your very, very, very closest friends, and keep the number small—like three or four. Especially if you’ve all known each other for decades, it will likely create an intimate planning atmosphere.
Forget about bridesmaids! This might seem radical, but I did it and it was wonderful. This isn’t to say that I didn’t have my sister and best friends supporting me, but I found it too difficult to choose and didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Instead I offered people honors that suited their personalities and skills: Read a poem, Hold a leg of the Chuppah, Read a blessing, Sing a song, Sign the Ketubah. Bonus: No one had to wear matching dresses.
Ask your siblings! All of them—brothers and sisters alike. In theory, they will be there anyway, and there’s no logical reason why your sibling of a different gender shouldn’t stand up there with you.
Only have a maid/man of honor. One person: your sibling or best friend. Simple.

Pro Tip: Don’t ask friends to be in your wedding party too early, especially if you’ll have a long engagement. What if you have a fight and the relationship deteriorates? You might have to ask her to “resign.” Yikes!

Wedding Planning Step 4: Getting the Gowns (and Tuxes)

This is the part many women love most during wedding planning: buying the dress. The most sustainable thing you can do is wear vintage, but there are plenty of sustainable wedding dress designers, and it’s great to put your money where your ethics lie. First and foremost, you need to choose what’s important to you. For instance, Pollock bought a new wedding dress, but her attendants wore dresses they already owned.
Everyone loves a wedding dress. Nobody likes the wedding dress prices. Let’s talk about other options:

No carbon footprint option: The most sustainable (and cheapest) option? Let your bridesmaids wear dresses they already own. You can choose a color palette (say, fall colors) and let them go hog wild. If they want to buy something new, great! But it’s their choice.
Renting: You can look into renting bridesmaid dresses from Rent the Runway or Vow to be Chic. Dresses that sell for hundreds or thousands can be rented for under $100.
Menswear: Men can rent tuxes from Nordstrom’s The Black Tux. No need to spend money and cloth on something you’ll only wear once.
Sustainable Materials: More and more dresses are being made from eco-friendly fabrics. A good place to start is Reformation, but H&M now has an eco-conscious wedding collection, too!
Go Vintage: Wear something that’s already been worn! Cut up your mom’s old wedding dress, or dive into consignment or vintage stores.

Pro Tip: Beyond renting and buying used, it’s nice to think about small design houses and local designers, ateliers, or shops. In terms of carbon footprint, that probably has a smaller impact than renting because even when you’re renting a wedding dress, it’s probably being shipped back and forth for fittings and for the return, so it’s not as eco-friendly as you might think.

Wedding Planning Step 5: Sharing The News

Invites, RSVP cards, ceremony program, seating chart, menu—how much of this crap do you really need? Especially if you’re thinking about all that paper.
As with all things related to wedding planning, focus on your priorities. If you think you don’t need paper, beautiful place cards, or menus printed, don’t do it! Paperless Post has gorgeous invites (and people don’t have to send anything back in the mail!). You can put the seating chart and/or the menu on a big chalkboard.
That said, these things can be lovely if the aesthetic is something you’re drawn to, and you can go with 100 percent recycled products. “I’m a printmaker by training,” Motes-Conners says, “so I love to feeling of paper, love printing texture. And by and large, there’s not a giant amount of paper.”
Pro Tip: For the love of all things holy, do not include seeds in the invitation (or in anything else). You don’t always know what kinds of seeds you’re getting and whether they will be safe in a different kind of soil. It could be an invasive species not meant to grow there, and actually cause environmental harm!

Wedding Planning Step 6: The Big Day

Putting Your Face On

You made it! The big day is here! After focusing so much on sustainability, don’t forget about what’s going on your face. To keep the theme going, opt for eco-friendly beauty brands that are ethically produced (no animal testing!). We recommend Tarte: Their products are never tested on animals and their expansive vegan-friendly line uses plant-based ingredients chock full of minerals, vitamins, and essential oils for a glow you can feel good about.

Giving Out Favors

The only favors that are universally appreciated? Edible ones! Remember that your guests are often traveling by plane so it’s sort of, let’s say, inconsiderate to give them creams, gels, or liquids—so as nice as it is to get locally sourced honey or maple syrup, you have to think about how they’ll get it home. Edibles (I’m talking cookies, chocolate, tea, or coffee) also don’t leave a lot of plastic behind, and probably won’t end up in the trash.
Pollock made wedding crackers—by saving toilet paper rolls for six months! One night she and her fiance had friends over, and in three hours they assembled over 100. Inside they inserted a recipe for old fashioneds—their favorite drink. It took more planning time, but was totally worth it to them.

Wedding Planning Step 7: Finding Your Focus

In the midst of all this wedding planning, it’s sometimes easy to overlook the most important thing: your marriage!
For most couples, the wedding planning and the ceremony only marks the beginning of your partnership. “If the idea of having all these people that you love get together and witness the fact that you’re actually getting married is important to you, then it’s worthwhile to invest yourself emotionally—not just financially!— in your wedding,” says Motes-Conners. “Use it as an opportunity to connect with people in your life who mean something to you and your partner, and have it be a galvanizing moment amidst the chaos of all those people in one space. You get to determine how meaningful your wedding is and what it means.”
There is something unspeakably powerful about the people you love being there to witness you moving into this next phase of your life and knowing they will be there when things get tough. The onus is on you to set the tone as you’re wedding planning. The guests are making a major investment to celebrate you and it’s vital that you honor their commitment. “Your marriage and wedding are, in most respects, two different things, but where they intersect is up to you.”

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